#what's even there to acknowledge really? i hobble out of the cave ive been hiding in to staple a hastily doodled piece of fanart to a tree
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Feeling a growing resentment for Instagram and Twitter art communities in this chili's tonight
#sometimes find myself really missing deviantart lol#i'm a bad artist. should've engaged more w other creators. but like. it always felt disingenuous and transactional :(#like hey i acknowledged you can you acknowledge me and maybe boost MY art wink wink wink wink#but like... that's networking babe. i can't believe i chose a field that literally relies on being a disingenuous kiss up to get work#i know that's an awful way to look at it but christ. i'm in a hell of my own making#i have very complex feelings about being an artist that only get MORE complicated the older and more jaded i get#it's both wonderful and very horrible at the same time#like. is it the algorithms i'm mad at or just my own lack of work ethic ya know? lots to consider#i hate promoting anything i do bc a) i have nothing to promote and b) i HATE MYSELF and don't feel like i deserve the acknowledgement lmao#what's even there to acknowledge really? i hobble out of the cave ive been hiding in to staple a hastily doodled piece of fanart to a tree#and then disappear for like six months#and i'm not even consistent with my interests enough for people to see my shit and be like 'oh hey! it's (x fandom) guy!'#and then i have the audacity to be UPSET that i'm not getting the results i want ๐ when it's literally my own fault#tired. i'm so tired. i don't want to do stupid tiktok trends despite knowing it'll probably get me what i want. it feels so wrong to me#i don't want to feel like content machine :(.... but number go up release happy chemicals ya know?#oooough#wooly rambles
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