#what started off as a thirst drawing really grew into angst somehow

[pineapplebread]

Tattoo AU

Before Steve enlisted in the army, he was working as an illustrator (I believe this is canon, but correct me if I’m wrong), so he’s always had strong ties and appreciation for art.

After the serum changed his body, Steve felt uncomfortable in his own skin. He went from tiny and asthmatic to huge and strong within the span of minutes, and he never quite got used to the change. In his own head, he still feels small and helpless despite his new physical appearance and newfound strength. After a while, his new body doesn’t feel like his own anymore, it’s too big, it’s too perfect, it’s not his.

One night in one of the military camps on the Western Front he’s show-and-ponying at as Captain America the living dancing war bonds commercial, he comes across a soldier giving others tattoos with a heated needle and a split ballpoint. There’s talk of a coil machine someone’s making back home to make tattooing easier and better, and Steve remembers he hasn’t been stateside in months. He asks the soldier to ink something on his arm, and he gets laughed at. “Wouldn’t wanna fuck up Cap’n America’s body.”

A year later, Bucky falls to his presumed death from the rails, and Steve convinces someone to scratch a nautical star onto his arm in memorium. The ink doesn’t hold, and it fades within weeks. Steve inks it again at least twice, but it’s gone by the time he crashes the Valkyrie into the ice.

Steve wakes from the ice into a new world, one he doesn’t recognize or know. He’s more lost than ever, and never has he felt the loneliness and inadequacy stronger than when he’s facing down an army of aliens from outer space looking to destroy the city and there’s nothing he can do. He’s never felt more like “just a kid from Brooklyn,” than he ever has. What business does he have being a superhero? 

After the Battle of New York, he’s as untethered as ever, feeling even more lost when he has to spend large amounts of time in DC, and he throws himself into missions with abandon. His friendships with Natasha and Sam help, but finding out Bucky is alive is what gives him hope in the new century. For the first time in a long time, he can breathe.

Steve returns to New York to work with the Avengers, and they make a great team. Even though he and Tony hadn’t gotten off on the best foot, they make a real effort, if only for the sake of the team, and Steve finds that once he sees past Tony’s sarcastic armor, he’s someone invaluable to the team, and someone Steve greatly respects. Ultron happens, and Tony and Pepper are on a break, and things might’ve happened at Clint’s farm behind closed doors, but Steve doesn’t want to think too much on that, it’s just mutual comfort. There are no feelings there. At least, he knows Tony has no feelings there.

Then the Accords happen, and as much as it breaks Steve’s heart, he feels like he has to do what’s right, even if it means going against Tony, who’s his best friend and partner. It almost kills Steve to put his shield through Tony’s arc reactor to stop him from killing Bucky. A part of him is left with Tony on the floor of that bunker in Siberia when he tosses down the shield and leaves.

Another part of him dies when he sees on the news Tony is engaged to Pepper.

Thanos comes. They lose.

Steve doesn’t know how he’ll go on when Tony doesn’t return from space.

“No coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero, zip, nada. No trust–liar.”

Thanos comes again. This time, they win. Together, like Steve had promised almost ten years ago.

They rebuild. The Stones burned through Tony’s arm, and almost took Steve’s with it when they used the gauntlet together. The serum helps Steve recover, but it takes a long time for Tony to heal. Steve stays with him through the year of rehabilitation, never leaving his side, because he’d broken that promise once already, and he can’t, won’t do it again. He stays with him through the breakdowns, the agony, the rebuilding. Something loosens in his chest the day Tony feels well enough to wear his new arm. 

Steve only leaves Tony’s side for 5 seconds on the day he goes to return the Stones. He tries to get Natasha back, but a soul for a soul, and what is done is done.

Tony and Pepper get divorced. Sometimes, things just don’t work out, but they’re friends, for Morgan if nothing else. They’re good parents.

It takes almost two years for Steve and Tony to recover fully and feel brave enough to reach for each other. Steve remembers the pain of not having Tony, and decides he can never let that happen again. He proposes on their first night together. Tony laughs in shock and asks, “A little soon, isn’t it, Cap?” and Steve can only tell him, “It’s been almost eleven years, but I would like it to be forever.” Tony says yes.

Steve talks about his attempts at having a tattoo and how it makes him feel like he has ownership over his own body. His body still isn’t really something he’s used to even after all this time, and on his worst days, Steve aches through the dysphoria, and while he never wishes he was small again, the big body still doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like his, and he feels like it’s on loan from the government who gave it to him. Man out of time, boy out of body.

On Steve’s 41st (108th) birthday, Tony surprises him with the serum-proof ink he’d been developing with Bruce.

Steve finds an artist and starts with Bucky’s star on his arm. Bucky gives him a strange look when he and Sam come over to visit. Then he begins work on the rest of his ink, going down his arm with Sam, who’s always been there for him, the tattoo in memorium for Peggy Carter, and moves on to the other arm for his teammates.

The most important and biggest pieces are on his chest for Tony, who is misty eyed when he sees Steve get the T.S. inked over his heart. 

Steve’s tattoos inspire Tony to get his own ink. He has silly tattoos from his college days and drunken dares with Rhodey, but he starts getting more meaningful ones now. It makes him feel beautiful in his own old, scarred body, and they help him heal what’s left of the damage from the War. His favorite though, is still “Property of S.R.” on his lower back, much to Steve’s distress.