#what do you MEAN we've been driving for almost 5 hours now and we're still over 50 miles out from san fransisco.

[csevet-aisava]

California is not a real state

[fangirl-everythang]

Happy Father's Day Part 3

Summary: 3/3 Well, its the last part.

Warning: Sad, Mentions Death.

Word Count: 2269

"Harry? " I answer the phone.

"It's not Harry but glad you know your numbers." that high pitch annoying ass voice squeals. Rubbing my stomach, the baby's in go position and any day now my oven will be done baking. And of course, this bitch is answering his phone.

"Well bye-bye just thought you should know where he was at. " In the background, I hear Harry's voice going on about something so it must be true. Hanging up I sigh letting the hot tears roll down my cheeks. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I blame myself really, I let him back into my life and this doesn't surprise me. I gotta pee.

Waddling over to the bathroom door a gasp leaves my mouth feeling the surge of liquids fall between my legs. Holy shit. My water broke! Fuck gotta go. Thankful my bag was already in the car. Harry had insisted once I hit the 36-week mark claiming Styles's are either early or fashionably late.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. My knuckles turning white as I grasp the wheel. Nope, I'm not pushing anything out of my vagina. Can't do it. I refuse.

The contraction going away after a few brief moments of completely unreasonable pain. Dialing the numbers, I know by second nature, thankfully she picks up on the fourth ring.

"I don't think you should drive y/n"

" Just call 911. I'm almost there! " Gemma ecstatically shouts. She's just like her brother, "Where's Harrold? "

I put the seatbelt on and wince. It's just 28 minutes I can do this. "He's with his whore."

I can hear an audible gasp, "he wouldn't he's so excited for Athena"

"Well I just called him and she answered. " I grunt keeping my eyes on the two lanes ahead of me. Fuck I hate merging lanes people don't know how to drive.

"I'll be at the hospital as soon as possible but my phones gonna-" the line went dead. She did say she was on like 10% oh well.

I can do this just focus y/n. "Hear that baby girl we're almost there, hang on okay Hunny. " I say as a reminder to myself that soon I'll be leaving with another human with me.

6 miles to go that's what I'm talking about, another sharp pain spreads throughout my abdomen while waiting for the light to turn green. "OH COME ON. FOR FUCKS SAKE!" they're getting closer by the minute. Shit. Arriving at a four-way intersection. I'm relieved to be at a red light, the contractions are longer and much more frequent. "Almost there Athena, this is the last light and a straight shot from there."

Abruptly my car is jerked forward with a sharp impact pushing to the oncoming lights. All I see are lights from both directions colliding with my 3,000-pound piece of metal. Sounds of shattering glass and sirens are the last thing I hear before it all fades to black.

||||||||||||||||

Harry's POV

"Has anyone seen Mr. Style's phone?" The helpful aid asked around the dressing room. I could've sworn I put it down for a moment. Y/n could go into labor any minute now and how I am supposed to know. Fuck. I'm stupid.

I was supposed to be here to perform and list nominees and then go back home to y/n. I can't wait to propose to her, she's all I could ever want and she's giving me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for. Running a hand through my damp hair, the lights really build a sweat, I hear a familiar voice. "Looking for this lover? " she asks slipping my phone into my pocket.

"Good luck at home. " she smiles and winks. Before I could question it she walks away.

Looking down at the device my heart skips a beat, I have 146 missed calls. And I've been gone for 5 hours. Seeing Gemma's name on the screen again I swipe to answer.

"Hell-"

"Harry," she says sniffling.

"Gemma what's wrong? did I miss it? Oh my god I hope not"

"I think it would be best if you came now Harry." she breaks her voice cracking.

"Gem what?"

"Listen Harry, she needs you right now so please." she cries. Not needing another word, I tell Jackson the address and that I need to be there as fast as possible, 45 minutes later we're pulling into the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital.

"Congrats Harry!" Jackson says letting me out at the door. "Thank you!" I beam back at him.

Seeing Gemma, her eyes are puffy with tears still flowing. "Gem what's wro-," a sharp pain to my right cheek stings. Never has Gemma hit me like that, well not since I cut her prom dress. "How could you Harry? Cheat on her again WITH TAYLOR for Christ sakes!" She yells.

"I didn't cheat," I explain to my sister as calm as I can.

She looks at me with wild eyes pulling me into a hallway with fewer people, "Then what happened Harrold?" I clench my jaw instead of speaking, how dare she accuse me of cheating on my pregnant soon-to-be fiancé. Y/n Styles has a great catch don't you think?

"Is she here yet? Gem where are they?" I ask ready to see my new family.

She begins crying again "Harry there was an accident." Those five words make my breathing come to a halt. My heart shatters in a million pieces "Is Y/n okay? What happened?" She begins walking me to a door. "This one," she points. Looking through the glass I see y/n with bruises and cuts to her beautiful face, her stomach nearly deflated from when I last saw her this morning, a cast on a swollen leg of hers, and a sling holding a very damaged arm. Tears brim at my eyes looking at my love on that hospital bed. "She's awake." Gemma walks past me running to the outside.

I gently knock on the door, waiting for a response which I don't get. "Y/n?" I approach her almost as If I were going to help an injured puppy. "Hey love" I smile at her which she glares at me and then turns wincing in pain. "You wanted this didn't you Harry?" I look at her confused. "This is probably great for you, a way out. Well leave." She states using whatever energy she can find.

"Baby I didn't want- I want you and Athena" She breaks down in uncontrollable tears.

"You were with that her and couldn't even bother to pick up your phone!" she screams. "Y/n I wasn-" a knock at the door interrupts my sentence, "Come in" She says glaring at me as a nurse opens the door.

"Hey there Mama, we have a visitor." the nurse wheel in a tiny cart that has a bunch of equipment coming from it. She looks at me and asks Y/n, "Is this dad?" she nods and rolls her eyes. "About time you made it!" She smiles my way. Placing the beautiful baby in front of us. She's so small and fragile. "The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you." She states picking up the tiny child and putting her in Y/n's arm.

"Hi pumpkin," Y/n coos into her ear. "Guess who decided to show?" She smiles, a tear falling from the corner of her eye. She nods her head towards me as I go to hold her. She's so soft and precious. Her small eyes have a gorgeous mix of both mine and Y/n's. She has such a cute round face, I couldn't imagine her looking any different.

"Hi there angel, I'm so sorry I was late." I see a spot dampen on her blanket that surrounds her, knowing that I'm crying. Her small eyes shining like twinkling stars. So small I can feel her fragile body between my large hands.

Another knock before the door opens when several doctors walk in. "Mrs. Y/ln, unfortunately, we have some bad news,"

"Oh, hello there Mr. Styles." They state acknowledging my existence. One of the female doctors places a black and white image on the lighted board illuminating the small figure.

"Unfortunately, due to the accident, Athena has suffered from what we call a fetomaternal hemorrhage."

"What exactly are you saying?" Y/n ask looking at the child still in my arms.

The slightly shorter male doctor points to the image. "This is an abscess of blood in the brain. Unfortunately, the risk is too large to operate. I'd give her another day at most."

"You m-mean," Tears start pouring down her face" I was so scared she was hurt. I-I promise I saw the light it was red, and I-I stopped but," She began heaving losing more air with each word. I gently rub her back as I cradle Athena with one arm.

"She's still being monitored but I'm afraid she won't have much longer." The first doctor breaks the silence. "According to the police report the car that struck you from behind happened to be a drunk driver, Gage Joyce." I can feel the anger surging through me. "I remember the clashing of metal, glass breaking, the sirens but it all went b-black." She mumbles, seemingly remembering the awful experience. I grab her hand in hopes of comforting her but it doesn't seem to work.

"After striking your car at 72 mph it had ample force to push your vehicle into the opposite traffic. Your vehicle took the most impact and was hit by four other cars. On scene, EMT's said you were in and out of consciousness mumbling about a baby. Taken and brought to the L&D." he finishes.

"Fetomaternal hemorrhages are often caused by trauma and sometimes can be revered but in this case, we've done all we can do." They all frown looking at the small girl still in my arms.

"No, there's got to be more you can bloody do! We're in a hospital for Christ sakes!" I exclaim, passing my daughter to the love of my life. She gently caresses her soft skin. She's literally a perfect combination of us. I cannot lose my family.

"You can leave, thank you all for your help." y/n says quietly, they oblige by her wishes and leave us with our daughter.

"Harry," she wipes a tear from her face cautious of the IV placed on her hand, "If what they say is true, I just want to spend time with her." She sniffles. I nod understanding. She looks back at the small being in her arms, "Hi pretty girl, Mommy's so happy to meet you," she unfolds the blanket from her. I sit next to her on the small bed in the room that smells of sterilization. Placing my finger near hers' she wraps her small hand around my thumb, her grip so tight for someone so small. Y/n kisses her forehead, "Harry," she runs her finger along her small legs.

"Can you sing the song?" nodding and softly singing Isn't she Lovely by Stevie Wonder, in the small hospital bed as our new life falls asleep. All night I watch her little chest rise and fall allowing y/n to get some rest soon following my two loves.

By the early morning, nurses are rushing in because of the loud beeping from the monitor, waking y/n and I. It feels like everything is happening so fast but in slow motion right in front of me. Those three words are the ones I didn't want to hear. "No! no. I have to take her home. She's gotta go home..." Y/n screams, not being able to see her face due to the tears in my eyes falling and rebuilding themselves faster than the speed of light. "Call it." One of the nurses shouts.

"Time of Death 6:18 am March 7th, 2019"

As they cleared out the room, I see her small lifeless body curled into a blanket, almost as if she were sleeping, but no longer do breaths fall from her small heart-shaped lips.

//////////////////////////

Y/n hasn't said a word since we got in the car. It's been four days since we lost Athena. She slowly climbs into the car, still sore from the accident and birth. I go to the backseat holding back my emotions and putting the empty car-seat in the trunk of the car that should have been holding three of us.

Starting the silent journey back home she continues to look out of the window, a frown etched on her mouth, tears rolling down her cheeks as she instinctively touches her somewhat deflated stomach. What kind of sick joke is this?

"Harry why were you with her?" she asks me looking down at what used to be her baby bump.

"I wasn't love, she took my phone while I was on stage." She just nods and remains silent until we pull up to the flat. She begins walking up the stairs as best she can. "Y/n wait, let me help."

"No Harry!" She yells. Pain evident in her voice, ignoring her I open the door and help her inside. "Harry I can't do this." I stare at her confused, "What can't you do y/n?"

"Us Harry. I can't look at you and not think of her." She sobs.

"Y/n we can-" I try to reason with her.

"No Harry, please just go." She whispers.

"I'm not losing both of you," I state holding back my own sobs. I feel like everything feels like it's getting smaller around me, suffocating in grief.

"You already have."

A/N: What can I say I have a thing for dark endings. Anyways I really appreciate the support loves. I hope you enjoy these! Right now I've been working on a Loki piece, I'm so excited for it. I changed the writing style tho, so it's not 1st person per usual. I think it's going pretty well so far.

xoxo Janelle

[ma-gic-gay]

Several hours, tears, and hugs later, the assassin leaves the Metro Court for his apartment.

Planning on staying in and unpacking more of his stuff, he walks over to his car before hearing gunshots behind him. Fumbling around him for his gun, he realizes that he doesn't have it on him. Dammit. Where the hell is it? Guns, don't leave the house without them if you're a paid assassin. Then again, he probably forgot it in his haste to go today when he'd been warned that Carly was probably gonna start a fight. At the time, it seemed like the best thing to do. Probably was, considering that by the time he showed up, there was a good chance it was going in that direction of a fist fight. Or at least a few (probably deserved, though he'd never say it) good slaps.

So he's without a gun while there's someone shooting like wild. Probably intended for him by either one of Sonny or Cyrus's guys, he doesn't know which. Sonny definitely wants him dead, but he's not stupid enough to do it here and definitely not now. Cyrus on the other hand made a threat to his life just a few weeks ago, so it's not entirely unrealistic that he'd try it now.

This is pretty much his nightmare, except his family isn't in harm's way. At least there's that. Though, if he dies, there's no one to protect them. Not even his boss with the way his life's currently going.

Trying his best not to get shot, as one does on a random Thursday, he gets in the car quickly, hoping he can manage to not get shot or worse, die. He's got no time to be kept cooped up in a hospital. Or die. Dying takes too much time and effort; he can't expend any energy on it. Currently, all his energy is going towards not getting killed. So death would be counterintuitive.

Why didn't he install bulletproof glass? Dammit, that could save his ass right now. He'd thought it would look slightly suspicious if he went to a garage looking for bulletproof glass, considering everyone's perception of him that was only like 30% true.

Well, he's hoping that today won't be the day he dies.

Sighing and trying to shake these thoughts out of his head, he drives, doing his best to stay very far away from the gunshots. After all, a stray gunshot and he's, well, dead.

Why isn't there a gun in this car? Probably the kids, doesn't want them to accidentally fire it at each other or something else he can only imagine kids do. After all, he can't remember any part of his childhood.

God, he's unprepared to be caught in a situation like this. He's got to fix that and get more prepared.

Distracted, he accidentally takes a wrong turn in the parking garage towards the bullets. Fuck! He can't get shot, we've established this. Hurriedly, he attempts to make a u-turn but doesn't succeed because of a sudden bullet... Somewhere, he's in too much pain to fully figure it out.

Fuck. He's been shot. As he slowly loses consciousness, he calls 911. "911, what is your emergency?"

"I've been shot. I'm in the Metro Court parking garage, near exit G," he says, hoping the operator heard him.

"Alright. Hang on sir, we have an ambulance on the way. It should arrive in a minute. Can you tell me your name, someone we should call?"

"Jason Morgan."

"Mr. Morgan, would you like me to call Ms. McCall for you?" The operator asks, trying to keep him conscious.

"No, that wouldn't do any good for either of us," he tells her, hearing sirens in the distance faintly. "I think the shooter is probably still after me but I didn't get a good look at him."

"You just worry about staying awake, alright?"

"You ever been shot? It kinda hurts," he complains uncharacteristically. The only person who he can think of who wouldn't be surprised by that is Carly and that's because she'd be too busy yelling at him.

"My apologies sir," the operator starts as he groans in pain.

"Just call me Jason, everyone does. Sir is too formal, makes me feel like for some reason I'm a geography teacher," he says, attempting to distract himself from the pain by simply focusing on the sirens which are almost to his location.

"My apologies, Jason. The ambulance is there and should be loading you into it momentarily. Please do your best to remain conscious," she advises, hanging up the line.

When did 911 operators get to start hanging up on people? That's just weird, he thinks, focusing on everything but the pain of, you know, getting shot and the strong urge to close his eyes, even if it's just for a moment. God knows what'll happen then and he honestly isn't ready for any of that seriousness. He's barely ready to get in an ambulance, forget about dying.

Probably speaks to some form of deeper commitment issues, he thinks, trying to psychology himself. He's that desperate for something to think of. Should probably get a hobby, maybe painting. Nah, he doesn't have the patience for that. Fishing, no.

Getting a hobby is hard this far in life, okay?

Lucky for him, the paramedics locate him and get him out of the car and onto a stretcher. The world's blurring around him slightly but he refuses to close his eyes until he's told, "You can close your eyes now, you'll be okay," by a paramedic. He doesn't recognize that one, must be a new hire. Then again, it's been a while since he's been in the back of an ambulance.

And by a while, he means August. A helmet was thrown at him when Carly had visited him, in true her fashion. Sam and him were also finally allowed to be a public couple that day, only 5 months ago.

Shit hit the fan pretty damn quick after that day. Wiley got kidnapped, Dustin and Dev died, Lulu was stuck in a coma, and now... Today.

Finally closing his eyes, he can hear the heels of someone on the pavement. "Who the hell is on that stretcher?" The voice asks and he notices it's Olivia. Better than Carly but only by maybe two tenths of a percentage.

"Ma'am, I can't tell you that," the paramedic informs her.

"I own this establishment, if someone got shot I have a right to- Oh my god. Please tell me that's not Jason Morgan," Olivia says, putting her hands over her mouth.

"Regretfully, I cannot tell you that," the paramedic says, finishing loading him up and closing the door behind him. "We're going to GH, so if you're close to him, feel free to come on your own."

That's all he hears before the world goes black and he's pretty sure he passes out.

its fIne-

[uwu-boll]

Recently, the 2 year anniversary of my engagement passed. I forget the exact date; it doesn't matter to me much anymore. But it did get me thinking about how much of a bad decision it was. I predicated it on the acknowledgement of a love and passion shared between two 18 year olds who got a little too drunk at their first party together and said they wanted to marry each other. To think I was blind to that reality, but it was romance in my eyes; star crossed lovers, high school sweethearts.

The love was real, sure, and we shared many memories together, plenty of which I will never forget. But we were ultimately incompatible. I was overwhelmed by her mental illness, and her absolute dependence on me, and when I couldn't support her emotionally anymore, it destroyed her. When she couldn't handle to see me with other people - platonically - and it affected our relationship in a way that she would lash out at me and blame me, or even herself, and cause huge issues simply over me talking to other girls - platonically.

I had no friends of my own for nearly 5 years. Every time I brought it up she would blame herself but do nothing to change how she felt. She would get mad at me for not having friends and upset at herself whenever I would tell her why I didnt. It was an emotional rollercoaster.

I'm not here to lay down my dirty laundry with keala, nor am I to say she is entirely to blame for the collapse of our relationship. Going long distance definitely was not helping the situation, and my insistence to make it work was probably the wrong move. There were times where I was cruel and intentionally petty to her because of the way she treated me. Does that justify how I was treated? No, but it doesn't mean I'm blameless.

Regardless, the breakup was intense, chronic, and extremely dull. Imagine being bored all of the time. Colors are dull, and boring, and conversations are surreally uninteresting. Video games were the only stimulation that mattered to me, and I buried myself in both games and work to get my mind off of everything. I was spiraling downward, every day was worse than the last and honestly I didnt really care if I lived or not at that point. I had no drive, ambition, or any real sense of purpose. I felt like I was in a rut. I started drinking a lot more that I used to. I picked up drinking casually with Marisol because it was something to do and I didnt want to smoke, but that developed into a borderline addiction. There were weeks where I would go out with friends and get shitfaced every day. I was the friend who liked alcohol. I'm not proud of it, to be frank, but that's how it was.

My point is, losing keala was devastating, but I grew a flock of friends that loved me, genuinely, but unknowingly enabled me. But that flock grew and grew and then it grew to include the person I came to write this post about:

Katie is my best friend, and has probably been my best friend since the moment we met. She and I met through Norms, the restaurant I worked at before I quit a month ago. We met in passing a few times through work, but really clicked that Halloween, where we both got off work at 9pm and spent the next 12 hours talking to each other and driving around. At the time, she was dating this skinny kid named Harrison. He seemed like a nice enough and genuine enough kind of person at the time

Katie and I immediately became very close and became closer and closer as time went on. I had no intention of getting between Katie and Harrison, but, ironically enough, jealousy consumed Harrison as well, as he also grew dependent on alcohol and then lashed out, culminating in his assaulting of Katie, and her uncle. That's a whole story in and of itself, and I'm not gonna get into it. What you need to know out of it is that they aren't together anymore.

As of now, Katie and I are "dating". I say that in quotes because that's the official story. We're trying to downplay things a bit, because everyone "expects us" to take it slow, which is understandable. But we're both very intense and passionate people, and it's hard for that kind of love to burn dimly. But I cant get my mind off of this girl. We are beyond compatible in so many different ways: I cant help but compare her to keala, and I'm pleased to say that Katie and I are so much more compatible than keala and I ever were. Keala was too quiet and contributed nothing. She was shy and introverted and would rather sit and do nothing than be in a production relationship. We were chaotic forces, living in anarchy. We didnt support each other in any way that mattered. Our love was selfish. We had ambitious plans but no means or drive to move forward and grow to achieve them. I needed her to help me move forward, and she was too stagnant in her mental health to grow. Our lack of growth suffocated us.

Katie and I have known each other for almost a year now, but we've spent almost every day of that year together. We have worked together and know how our minds work. We have the same tastes in a lot of things - movies, music, TV shows, literature - we love writing, animals, smoking. We're both open minded and she is extroverted and gives me the boost I need to be more social. She makes me want to be a better person and she genuinely makes me happy.

She took this picture of me (left) and Mario (right) and was blown away by my smile. She had not ever seen me smile like that, and I agreed: I have never been as happy as i am since she and I have been together. I dont even remember being this happy in nearly the past 3 years.

Ultimately, the point of this point is this: I saw that my 2 year had past and thought of how I could still be in that mistake, and I'm glad that I'm not. Instead, I'm in a completely different lifestyle, with a completely different style and a completely different taste, and most importantly I have a girl at my side who has shown me what I have been missing this whole time.

[matthillica]

Pandemic - Day 7 (Weds 3/18/20)

Not even sure where to begin this, suffice to say I've had a nagging feeling over the last few days that I need to document this as we all hurtle toward the unknown.

I haven't touched this blog in almost exactly 10 years, which is crazy to think about. Crazy that something I used to spend so much time agonizing over and pouring thought into has become antiquated and obsolete... only to become the one outlet that makes sense during this crazy time.

Yesterday I set up the Kinect on my Xbox, another obsolete piece of technology. Because I'm a nerd and always have to have the newest, hottest, flamingest shit, I got one of the first Xbox Ones to come out, which came with the second generation of Kinect sensor... you know, the one Microsoft tried to shove down all our throats relentlessly. Anyway, we basically used it as a voice operated remote to browse Netflix. "Xbox, pause" "Xbox, play" "Xbox, rewind"... you know, shit Americans are known for. Anyway, Microsoft eventually gave up the ghost and phased the Kinect out. Mine's been sitting on a shelf gathering dust for at least 2 years.

Now, it's a way (if I can get the damn thing working again) for us to use an outdated Skype app so that we can talk to Grandma on a daily basis. My daughter, Caroline is almost 2 (yes! I have a daughter now and have been married to my wife since September 2015). Grandma is in Kansas, set to move to be with us in Atlanta as soon as her house sells. She was supposed to come visit us 3/27, but it's looking like that won't happen now. I told her if she was able to get in the car TODAY and make the 14 hour drive, stopping only for gas and to sleep in her car, that she's welcome to come stay with us and ride this thing out. Tearfully, she told me she needed to stay in case someone wants to come look at the house.

Honestly, it's going to be safer for her there anyway. McPherson has around 15,000 people. Meanwhile Atlanta is set to blow with this virus and cases have started to double overnight. It's hard to know how many there really are simply because there's a shortage of testing. Personally, I think by this weekend, our healthcare system is going to be in the grips of the worst crisis it's ever seen.

I should also mention that my wife has some autoimmune health issues that are pretty unique. She suffers from Schmidt's Syndrome which is a combination of Addison's Disease and Hypothyroidism. It's something that can be managed with a daily regimen of drugs, but is a serious condition that can be exacerbated by illness. The story of her diagnosis and the things we went through to get to it could fill a book at this point. I have taken more trips to the ER in the last 5 years than I care to mention and many of them have been triggered by illness, whether that's a common flu or something given to my wife by Caroline from her daycare or mastitis... even the slightest thing can send her into adrenal crisis, which immediately requires a trip to the ER.

So... as you can probably guess... I'm pretty fuckin nervous about all this. Luckily, I have been quietly prepping and watching this story develop, so we have plenty of food, water, and meds to get us through the next 60-90 days. My concern is that if my wife catches this, which she probably will, we may need a trip to the ER... and that's the last place on earth I want to be right now or for the forseeable future.

I should ALSO also mention... my wife is 13 weeks pregnant with our second child. This means that now, not only do we get to navigate our way through a pandemic AND Schmidt's... but we also have to deal with morning sickness and fatigue, all the while playing the game of "Is this symptom just pregnancy OR is it your Schmidt's OR is it Covid?"

Anyway, the last few days have been rough and we're only at the beginning of this thing. My wife can barely stand due to fatigue. She basically moves from one flat position to the next... shuffling quickly from our bed to a sofa or from the sofa to the kitchen and back as quickly as she can. It's slightly horrifying. I've been trying to cram fluids and food down as much as possible, but it's hard when someone doesn't feel well. I got her a bottle that lights up every 30 min to remind her to drink, but that's not really helped much at all. I grabbed protein shakes from the store in an effort to find something high calorie with vitamins, etc. that she can drink easily. I basically had to hold a gun to her head to make her drink it this morning. I'm equal parts husband and taskmaster. It sucks.

Last night she said she felt the fatigue was getting worse and that it wasn't due to pregnancy. I can connect with her doctors via an app that allows me to send them messages... Laura was too tired last night to do this herself, so I fired off an email to both her endocrinologist and OBGYN. No response.

In preparation for a doctor visit today, which we assumed we'd be able to schedule, we drove to Laura's folks' house so they can watch Caroline while we go to the doc. We tried calling the docs on the way over, but it seems they're already trying to stem the flow of patients. It's worrisome when you're living with someone who has a life-threatening illness to see the system strained already when the worse is yet to come.

Anyway, not long after we got to my in-laws' house, Dr. Patel (endocrinologist) called me directly. After discussing Laura's symptoms with him for about 10 minutes, he said we need to go to the ER so that she can be given fluids via IV. I said, yeah... no I don't want to go there AT ALL. But he said really, we need to go as this is the only way to deliver IV fluids. I thanked him for calling us and he said he'd call back tomorrow to check in.

So... what to do? Do we drive into what we KNOW is a situation that will expose us both to Covid so that she can be given IV fluids and told she needs to eat more, which I can almost guarantee you is what will happen since we've been through this a dozen times before? OR do we do what we can at home, try to see if we can force fluids and food to make her feel better, then reevaluate tomorrow when, in all likelihood, the situation will be even worse at the ERs? Neither is a fantastic choice.

For now, we've decided to stick it out here at her parents and see if we can force the fluids and food for today. At the very least, tomorrow when we wake up if she is still not feeling better, we'll be able to say that we know she's not dehydrated and we know she's had enough food. I know it will be worse at the ER tomorrow, but if going there is a Covid sentence either way, seems like it would be smarter to delay that option as long as possible.

So that's the situation right now. We're all "working from home" at this point. I have a desk set up at home and have grabbed my monitors, so with the exception of the folding table set up in Caroline's playroom, it's just like my normal office setting, basically. It's interesting attending meetings and trying to handle the business-as-usual functions of our jobs while the world around us starts to crack and crumble. I can't help but wonder how long this routine will go on before each one of us is just in 100% survival mode, unable to track or even care about projects that have lost their meaning in the context of this incredible, unbelievable, worldwide crisis.

It's crazy to think that everyone... EVERYONE on EARTH... is living out their own versions of this story, complete with difficult situations to navigate and impossible choices to make. My own drama is consuming all of my mental real estate right now, so my heart is with everyone who is dealing with their own all-consuming drama as well.

Be good to each other over the coming days and weeks. Stay strong and as positive as possible. Take care and stay safe.

-Matt