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#what I'm saying is that when a career is portrayed as the ideal focus of a father & only the mother's bond with the children is encouraged
isfjmel-phleg · 2 months
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#random personal stuff#back on my soapbox feel free to ignore#okay I'm about to get controversial sorry#but after today's sermon I'm a bit baffled by a double standard#in which women are told not to let work get in the way of prioritizing family#but men are told to work MORE in order to prioritize family#which is it?#I'm not saying that there isn't ANY truth in either of those statements#but the emphasis of this construction seems to assume that children need fathers primarily as people who make money#I'm NOT saying that there's a problem with a dad who works and a mom who stays at home (that's a good option)#I'm NOT saying that there's a problem with dads who have to take on extra work to get by (that's a self-sacrificial thing)#what I'm saying is that when a career is portrayed as the ideal focus of a father & only the mother's bond with the children is encouraged#then what you are liable to get are children who have little to no meaningful relationship with their father#supporting your family is good! but children need a present father just as much as they need a present mother#I'm speaking from experience here#I love my dad and get along fine with him - he's a good person!#but he was frequently physically and emotionally absent from my life when I was a child#and I still struggle to connect with him#it's an extremely different relationship from what I have with my mom - who WAS there my entire childhood#tl;dr I wish the kinds of churches I've observed would a) stop inadvertently promoting fathers' workaholism#and b) encourage both parents to invest in their families in the best ways that they can
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