#well thanks for the thought mr. slap. now i'm like hmmm??? AM I SURE??
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#wow. okay first off i promised myself i'd never do one of these tag rant posts BUT HERE I AM#anyway.#im like high key terrified with this whole volunteer firefighter thing actually working out#and like i'm having a hard time talking to people in RL about it because they're all super optimistic#and like 'you don't need to worry you'll be amazing!' but i'm here thinking maybe i've officially bitten off more than i can chew#and i don't need people telling me i haven't and being encouraging#i just need to be stupidly afraid for a little while and let everything register because WOW this literally feels like a slap in the face#but not nessicarly a bad one. just a random slap slapping me awake and being like yoooo this a lot!! are you SURE about this???#well thanks for the thought mr. slap. now i'm like hmmm??? AM I SURE??#and the truth is I AIN'T. i'm not sure. i'm not sure about a single fucking thing. but this IS HAPPENING so i guess i better be sure#worst case scenario is i'm not cut out for it and quit. which um is also a Thing.#i got low key vibes from the guys at the station today that they aren't really sold on me actually completely committing to this#which i mean is completely understandable because i'm a tiny 5'2" essentially still a kid who isn't even out of high school yet!#like yeah. i'd have my doubts too. ALSO i really can't blame them (if they are thinking i might not cut it) because im thinking the same#damn thing! but here lies the problem. i'm like stupidly dedicated and like just hard headed and have a Thing about proving myself to people#so even i end up thinking that it's not right for me i probably won't even quit simply because admitting something's got me beat is a big#no no for me. so there's that. but also i'm scared that i'll fall in love with it but that my wee little body won't have what it takes.#i'm also trying to figure out if i actually want this or if i just want to want it so that it's not another failed dream i over committed to#too soon.#i think that's all of my rant that no one is probably gonna read#if either of my sisters just read this please do not disclose to me that you have done so.#just keep on scrollin down your dash without a word.#thanks.
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