#well i didn't actually WATCH the final product because i don't like horror. but yeah i was in it :)

[ketchup-monthly]

Superfam as Musicals

with help from @space-specs because both of us like musicals and have issues (also sorry but most of these musicals are ones we recognize, so your less well known favorite musicals may not be featured ): )

Clark- Fiddler on the Roof (clark is jewish and also fiddler is a classic. i watched it with my family last december and uhhhh yeah the music is so good, i think clark would really like it)(he prefers the movie version tho)

Kara- Wicked (its the homoerotic friends to enemies for her. also everything about the musical is fantastic)(specs' favorite musical)

Kon- Beetlejuice (its so kon-core. there is not one bad song in the entire soundtrack, alex brightman kills in the titular role, and im not sure if kon kins beetlejuice or lydia, but i think the answer is yes)

Jon- The Lightning Thief (i refuse to believe that Jon didn't read the percy jackson books because one of his friends had an older sibling who read them and recommended them to him. the musical does a wonderful job of adapting the story and again, there is not a single song in it that is not jam-worthy)(plus its just a really fun adventure story for a kid to put themself into)

Lois- Newsies (obvious, but accurate. also the idea of lois in an outfit like the costumes in this musical is fantastic and i think she'd look really good in it)

Ma Kent- Cats (this is one that i feel a lot of people may take issue with because people suck and refuse to admit that the stage production of cats is actually pretty good. martha, however, especially the one portrayed by k callan in lois and clark: the new adventures of superman, is an artist who loves the abstract and weird, so i think cats is right up her alley.)(the 2019 movie does not exist, but the 1998 recording of the stage production absolutely does)(i love this musical and people can fight me -ketchup)

Pa Kent- Little Shop Of Horrors (this is just a fun musical that we think he'd enjoy. this is also a musical that we think kilowog would enjoy and we think that if kilowog and pa got to interact than it would be all over for clark and hal)(also the music in this one is great and its.....about an alien plant that ends up attempting or succeeding to take over the world and i think that's a bit ironic considering the kent's alien baby that many think is going to take over the world)(plus, like our pick for ma, i think eddie jones' pa from lois and clark would really like this one)

Otho-Ra- Matilda (this is one that kinda hurts a bit. its about a group of children rising up against and fighting an oppressive evil that forced them to act militant when all they wanted was to be children and get to have fun. undoubtedly otho dreamed of something like this for years, and finally when clark rescues her, she's unsure what to do with her life. the music is fun, the staging is fun, and its cathartic for her)

Osul-Ra- The Lion King (look its the 1994 disney classic but on stage and its fantastic. its a spectacle. the music is something any child would recognize, the costumes are incredible, and all around its just a fantastic translation from film to stage. he would absolutely adore it, and then if he wanted to watch the movie again to hear the soundtrack, he could!)(you cannot tell me that clark and lois did not show their new kids the disney renaissance movies. they did. they told me so themselves)

John Henry- Hadestown (listen. this may not be an expected one here, but this musical goes hard and the thought of him singing some of the lower songs??? sign me up. i think nat probably introduced him to it, or someone else he knows, and i don't think he liked it too much at first, but upon his second and third listen, he was into it)(plus a lot of the songs have a steady beat and rhythm that i think would be soothing to tinker to)

Nat- Six (this is first off, such a pick for someone who definitely remembers having to learn about King Henry VIII in high school. also the cast is gorgeous and the music is upbeat and catchy, and i think she would get down to "Haus of Holbein")(haha get down. get it?)(also i think she'd really like cosplaying as one of them. she'd look great)

Karen (Paige)- The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals (bet you didn't think we'd include Starkid musicals on here, didja. well. we did. anyway tgwdlm is a great example of cosmic horror, and personally i think it somehow gives more to the genre than its successor, Black Friday did, even if i like it better. the story of tgwdlm can be told from a few different perspectives, whether the current in the story is what is happening to paul as the musical progresses, or, my favorite method, as if everything has already happened and inevitable (the ending song) is what happens right before the story begins with the opening song)(anyway, mini-rant aside, i also just think that she'd absolutely delight in a musical that makes fun of musicals and the musical genre while embodying it perfectly)(plus. y'know. cosmic horror)

Kenan- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum (tbh im not sure he really knows exactly what's going on in this musical but neither do i, and he definitely has fun with it. the story is silly as hell, the music is good, and there's a lot of slapstick comedy as well as the clever little jokes and wordplay)(this is one that i like a lot but don't watch too often because its just a lot to take in and process -ketchup)

Jimmy- Kinky Boots (i am pushing my he/him lesbian Jimmy agenda and i will until i cease breathing. anyway this one is gay and the music is by Cyndi Lauper???? the icon herself??? absolutely he would enjoy it)(tbh we're not too familiar with this musical but every song we've heard from it has been really good and the visuals are pretty good too)

Cat- Moulin Rouge (the Cat we think of specifically is the one from season one of lois and clark: the new adventures of superman, and i absolutely think she would dress up as a character from this show as often as she could. the opulence and aesthetics fit her pretty well, and the jukebox-ish nature of the musical suits her much better than a musical where the story and music are written by someone specifically for the show)

Perry- Rocky Horror Picture Show (i think perry and my grandmother would get along and one of my grandmothers favorite musicals is rocky horror picture show. she watches it every year on halloween)(also i think that while its no elvis, i think he would enjoy the rock influence on the music and the threatening aura looming behind the goofiness of the antics in it)(yes he can dance the time warp. no he will not admit to it)

Bibbo- Waitress (is it a little on the nose? yeah. however i think he gets genuinely emotional over this musical because he knows/knew people, people close to him, who were in similar situations that didn't end well. plus its just a really good musical. emotional as hell, but super good)

Lex- The Phantom of the Opera (do i really need to explain? i will anyway, but it feels pretty self explanatory)(its a classic, the music is operatic, and rich people like operas, right? plus i think the story would pull him in, even if he doesn't exactly enjoy the entire show. its a good show, there's a reason it was one of the longest running shows on broadway, and i think he'd vibe with the tragic toxic love between Erik and Christine, as one sided as it may be)(sorry lex. youre a very tragic toxic gay)(this is one of ketchups favorite musicals, and has been since they were young and went with their family to see a live production of it for their mom's birthday)

Mercy- Dracula das Musical (yes, the german version of Dracula the Musical, which goes much harder than the english version, which flopped spectacularly when it came out. however i think she also really enjoys the korean production, where dracula has bright red hair, and the japanese production, which was done by an all female cast, and had a lovely tragic toxic lesbian story of dracula and mina)(i think she would enjoy the vampires and just how good the music is)(god, "nosferatu", "zu ende", and "roseanne" just go so hard)(this is another of ketchups favorite musicals)(please check out the versions of the musical i mentioned, they're absolutely worth a watch, i promise -ketchup)

Hope- Sweeney Todd (did i give the hot lesbians dark musicals? yes i did. anyway. sweeney todd is really good and i think hope would enjoy it very much)(also its a sondheim so you know it slaps so hard)

The Eradicator- Stomp (its just a fun performance to listen to, but especially to just watch. i think he stumbled upon it, literally, at one point, and just stuck around to watch the rest of the show because he was confused and interested in what was going on)(its technically not a musical but technically era isn't a real boy so its okay)(it is a musical experience and a stage production though)

[twenty-words-or-less]

Top 5 Worst Films of 2022

Okay, so. Here we go. At the end of January... my personal summary of the year. This shit is surprisingly difficult. A Best list will also be done, but I thought I'd start with the negative first so as to not end the year on a sour note.

I would like to emphasise that these are my opinions, and if you disagree... fight me in the inbox. Okay. Here we go. And yeah, it's going to be long.

5. The Invitation

Despite the beautiful costumes and decent performances, this nominally January horror fell flat with its mundanity, half-arsed references to Dracula (of course), and compensation for the 15 rating. Sophie Corneliusson is having a whale of a time, though.

4. Firestarter

Not terrible, but not good, either. Some lines felt they were written by a completely different person, and a great deal of promise was shat on and binned. Left feeling nothing. No wonder it bombed.

3. Crimes of the Future

A VERY controversial choice, I know, but I was really looking forward to this one, and the final product was a letdown. The worldbuilding is really well-developed and Kristen Stewart is pretty good, but unfortunately, I couldn't get past the wanky dialogue and the apparent lack of plot (and point) until the end. Disappointing.

2. Fruits Basket: Prelude

Maybe it's because I watched it drunk but I didn't understand what the fuck was going on at any given time. Completely inaccessible for those who hadn't seen the TV show. Completely frustrating watch. Again, really pretty to look at.

Honourable Mentions

Morbius: I don't think I need to elaborate on this. Also I will glue Lego to the feet of anyone who quotes any meme from this film. And I do mean anyone.

The Next 365 Days (Kolejne 365 dni): I want to sit down with the script translator and whoever organised the soundtrack and ask them "why?". Just "why?". They can answer in Polish, I'll just Google Translate their answers like they Google Translated the script and then play an on-the-nose song as I do so.

The 355: Eh.

Luckiest Girl Alive: Terrible characters, terrible handling of themes. Hope someone hired a chiropractor for Mila Kunis - she must have been in agony after carrying this film.

And now, the worst thing I saw this year...

1. Jurassic World: Dominion

Films are meant to be one cohesive project wherein scenes are joined together to build a story. A film should be as long as the story naturally goes. If there are any legacy characters, they should be used to enhance a story, and not be a crutch for it. The existence of a sequel should be justified; a second sequel should definitely need more explanation as to its existence. In a second sequel, existing characters should be actual characters and not just stock photos of tropes. A filmmaker whose career spans twenty years should have this drilled into his head. Dominion is a two and a half hour display of this not being the case at all. Trevorrow, put the cameras down, take your money, and slip away into the night before you can embarrass yourself any further. You're done, and you've taken the franchise with you.

Thanks for reading! Best Of post coming soon.

~ Mikey

[grimark]

also i think actors who are too fwightened to watch horror but take roles in horror things anyway are SO valid

[nightcoremoon]

I like horror.

(this post has screenshots of horror media)

I don't like 3edge5u gore porn that ~looks so realistic because tom savini used a real pig~, paints the walls with blood, and makes you find entertainment in watching characters you care about die.

I hate friday the 13th

I hate nightmare on elm street

I hate dawn of the dead

I hate hellraiser

I hate halloween

I hate final destination

I hate the hills have eyes

I hate texas chainsaw massacre

I hate hereditary

I hate escape room

I hate unfriended

I HATE anderson's resident evils past the first

I hate the conjuring LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE CONJURING

I hate fucking birdbox

I hate most stephen king adaptations (except for reiner's misery)

I hate most american remakes of japanese films (except for verbinski's ring)

I hate everything by blumhouse productions (every single goddamn horror movie they made is a billion dollar steaming pile of shit and only their horror comedies are worth anything)

(saw is a guilty pleasure of mine because it's just so off the walls insane and cartoony if you go by "everyone dies except cary elwes and matthew passmore" because they're the only famous people in the series except for tobin- because well he IS saw- and chester b because he's famous for other reasons)

I hate gory jumpscarey horror. it's shit.

but with that being said:

I fucking love dead space.

It is literally my favorite FRANCHISE.

Not just video game: favorite fucking franchise.

My first tattoo is gonna be the marker (and my second will be rainbow dash's cutie mark right next to it and my third will be a tramp stamp that just says "this machine kills fascists" in block letters), the first games I cracked into when I first got an xbox 360 were dead space (up against bioshock, the orange box, fallout 3, elder scrolls: oblivion, and gta iv) because it was the coolest horror concept I'd ever seen. "shoot off the limbs and not the heads? THATS AWESOME!". I even loved dead space 3 even though it sucked and killed the series. I read the comics, watched the movies, played the multiplayer, love every game in the series yes even the puzzle game and the rail shooter (the iPhone game is legit amazing). only part I don't like is the awakened dlc because that's dumb. But dead space 1&2 are in my top 10 faves, 2 in the top 3 (behind resident evil 4 and tales of symphonia, of course).

But sheena, I hear you say,

I thought you hated gory jumpscarey horror, and that's exactly what dead space is! It's 3edge5u and has incredible graphics even for 2008 (!) and literally paints the walls with blood and guts, and you watch at least four beloved character deaths over the course of the series!

and you're right

clearly I don't mind gore in horror since there's gore in dead space, resident evil, silent hill, the evil within, cry of fear, and doom 3.

clearly I don't mind jumpscares since there's jumpscares in dead space, cry of fear, five nights at freddy's, and spooky's house of jumpscares (fuck you that's what I call it).

clearly I don't mind edginess, realistic effects, overuse of blood, and character death either.

so what gives?

and I gotta say

idk

I don't know why I love dead space even though it's just system shock 3 but resident evil 4 with scientology and 90% of the mainstream horror staples I hate. but clearly there's something that dead space does differently from horror films.

maybe

just maybe

horror as film is overly predictable and follows traditional story arcs we've all seen a zillion times and there's no influence on the outcome no matter how many times you watch, it's just the same bloody mess each time and that's why I have no desire to watch any of them again because there's no ethical way to derive entertainment from watching people die in the same way over and over again.

perhaps I like dead space and horror games as a medium a lot more because the control and the direct integration into the game as a factor of immersion plugs it deeper into my brain juices and lets me actively enjoy it as a participant (even though I love horror music so that argument holds no water)

...

*avgn voice* or maybe it's just because schlocky sensationalist horror movies suck ass, merely appealing to the lowest common denominator recycling the same shit to keep audiences happy and make billions of dollars off of loud noises and a red filter over a cgi monster.

ffs I hate highschool of the dead because it sucks but it's still better than 90% of horror movies because there's actual meaning and heart behind all the panty shots and jiggling titties and skimpy underwear on junior high school girls which is you know still weird but like... japan be japan when it comes to anime and that's just how it be; it's still entertaining though and very gory and with high stakes and lots of character death but HOTD is still eons better than the similar walking dead became, partly because hotd didn't wanna go past the source because the author died but TWD was like EH, FUCK IT, KILL EVERYONE. and anyway this isn't a criticism of japan as a culture at all, just at the men in charge of anime, because japanese FILMS are incredible. their horror is so much more compelling than american and it really shows in the side by side comparisons (except for gore verbinski's version of the ring which was... better in some ways. nakata hideo sama please don't kill me for saying this, it's just that gore's an amazing director from a punk rock background- literally he was in a band and he was like "hey bad religion and nofx can I do your music videos" and they were like hell yeah bro- and only it makes sense that he would make a better horror movie). and I can say with no amount of irony that highschool of the dead is a better zombie series than george romero is physically capable of producing (well, outside of call of duty black ops).

if you disagree...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hey it's your opinion man

[skyblue-369]

We are so many on this world, but everybody starts their path here in exact the same way, don't they?

Somehow, that was not my case because I shared my birth with only 42 other children.

On The Twelfth Hour Of The First Day Of October 1989, Forty Three Women Around The World Gave Birth. This Was Unusual Only In The Fact That None Of The Women Had Been Pregnant When The Day First Began.

One of those unfortunate ladies was my mother. I don't know much about her. Just that she happened to pass by a very calm city in Northern Italy when I burst in her life. She didn't even have the time to look at me in the eyes that she decided to leave me by the door of a catholic orphanage. I still don't understand the reason why she didn't at least try to raise me by herself, but it's better like this. I must have caused her a hard trauma, and in addition we would have both lived a sad existence knowing that she didn't want me in the first place.

Anyway, being a religious building, there were nuns to run it. They welcomed me with open arms and named me Maria, even though they saw right away what I was capable of.

They always used to tell me how everytime I cried they had to wear gloves to hold me up because I would cover their hands in musk. Or wait, wait, wait! Also that I created little flower patterns on most of the hall floors when I moved my first steps. Yeah, I can grow plants by the way, but let's move on!

I brought some troubles with me, but they couldn't see a monster through this little girl's laughter. I was just another God's gift that needed care and protection. Actually, precisely because I was special, I was the one to receive it the most.

Besides the common bedroom, I had a space all for myself to practice in. Someone would expect some private garden, maybe a backyard. Now that I think of it, mine looked kinda like a cage, a room whose floor was covered in a thick layer of soil. Only the roof was replaced with a glass one in order to give me access to sunlight. I was supervised for all of my "playtime", when I mostly grew food for our supplies. No high plants were allowed except for fruit trees. Sometimes they'd let me recreate some pictures from my botany books, nothing more. Those brick walls made me frustrated, but I was too superficial at the time to understand they wanted to prevent me from escaping.

People continued to reassure me that I was doing good and that everyone relied on me to survive. They drowned my curiosity with privileges such as eating sweets more often than the others, having a higher education or receiving better gifts at Christmas. I cannot say I was living in luxury, but the nuns did their bests to make me live happily.

On the other side, the only thing they couldn't replace was my lack of affection.

The nuns treated me too well, but the other kids didn't seem happy about it.

It's insane that we've lived under the same roof for so many years, but we felt like acquaintances to each other. Although there was tension between us, they were never mean to me. Or maybe they were just gossiping when no one was watching. As a kid, I didn't understand how true friends are supposed to behave towards you. However, I knew that in friendship there should be a sort of feeling of comfort when staying together, and well, we didn't have it.

At the beginning, I was trying too hard to gain their trust, but then I started repeating to myself "I'm way better than everybody here. I could grow a whole forest in less than a minute if I wanted to. Who needs them? I'll have crowds cheering me one day."

...weird flex but okay

Unfortunately, I hoped to escape my very first failure by finding a family. I insisted and I've had some meetings with nice couples. Even if I couldn't show my powers, I was flawless. Aaand I received total rejection.

Probably it was all just a set up. For once, I envied the other children. Who wouldn't in my position? I had so much love to give and I would have been a good daughter! What have I possibly done wrong? I remember crying on the floor of my private room a few times and getting surrounded by weeds when I got up.

Time passed by and I ended up being eleven and without a family.

I used to dream about moving to the Amazon forest to look for a new species of flower. Maybe I would have found a guy who could talk to animals, who knows?

And then, I fell on a banana peel and slid into a series of unlucky events.

One day, we were having lunch and a silly argument came in. I'm still a teenager, it should be pretty normal at my age, shouldn'it? These two kids were mocking me and they were getting really heavy on me. I wasn't used to insults. Moreover, those words looked more and more like pieces of a bigger truth to me, so much that I hurt myself by pushing my hands over my ears. However, it was a single phrase that started it all.

"How can you even think that someone would love a narcissistic freak like you?"

I remember falling on my knees and closing my eyes, hands still on my ears. I just wanted silence, just for a moment. And I had it, indeed. It's only that when I opened my eyes, I saw them. The boys were lifeless, speared by some big branches all covered in blood. Branches that I made. It was my fault. It was my fault.

I needed to be calmed by those I thought as my loved ones, but I just receieved a shocked stare by every single nun. Some were standing still, while others were taking the children away.

"I can't stay here..." my body finally responded and I started running away. I restrained myself from throwing up. I went out and while I was climbing over the gate my left leg got stuck into a tube full of screws. I took it out right away without caring about my open wounds or how much they were making me suffer. I had to go on, I didn't even know where. I was finally visiting the world I wanted to see so desperately and I didn't even realise it. Eventually, I got to the harbour and both the stress and the seagulls put me to sleep in a ship container.

When I woke up, I didn't expect to be on the other side of the world. A bunch of sailors had brought me to the hospital of a little mountain town in the States called Anise Peak. When the nurse spoke English to me I freaked out. Luckily, I had taken some English classes at the orphanage and I could get away with it. Of course I ran away. They would have called the police and have sent me back to where I was from. I was wandering again, this time in the woods that surrounds the city. I was feeling completely lost. The single thought of the horror I had just committed made me impossible to use my powers in the future, so my chances of dying were higher. Nevertheless, something made me change my mind. Maybe God wanted me to stay longer and decided to bring me to a waterfall. I was taking a cold shower when I slipped on a door of leaves and saw that there was a hidden cave behind the waterfall. Eventually, it became my shelter. I've lived in here for almost three years now. How did I make it?

Well, thanks to my abilities I don't really need money for food. But after a while, when I found out that I couldn't live only on vegetables and fruit, I had to make up something. Almost outside the city old Damien has a supermarket, who unfortunately had a big problem at getting fresh veggies in such a cold area. And here it comes a farmer who lives nearby and is always busy, so sends his daughter to offer the man his services. Every two weeks I magically give him tons of goods in exchange of a little pay and some products such as bread or soap. I know it's not legal at all, but people are simple here and Damien was making a lot of money anyway. For me, it's tiring because I feel dizzy after I grow plants for a long period and because of transport, but at least I could live decently. The problem is that I had to be subtle to people's eyes. At night I have to put out the fire, or if I have to go out aside from work hours I have to climb trees and walk very high. I learned with time, and my scars prove it. Or maybe I can't walk around the town because everyone would recognise a new face.

I cannot call this "life" or "home", but it's fine at the moment. I get lonely from time to time, but I can always spy on families that come here camping. It's not that weird and it improves my language skills.

Oh my! Are those...gunshots? From the woods? What the hell is happening? It's better if I go check...

If you want to know more, go check:

[iphyslitterator]

Movie Thoughts: The Tragedy of Macbeth

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tragedy_of_Macbeth_(2021_film)

A worthy addition to the Shakespeare film canon. I'm actually somewhat qualified to comment on this because I'm an English major and spent 2020 watching filmed Shakespeare productions until Destiel derailed my life. The other filmed Macbeths I have seen are the Patrick Stewart TV movie (a bad horror movie I did not like) and the Stratford Festival production (highly recommended, and a rare period-appropriate Shakespeare adaptation).

I've never loved this play, mostly because I struggle to connect to the Macbeths' ambition. Just...don't kill the king? It's very mean. Don't do it. Outside these complaints, my biggest critique of the film itself is insufficient variation at all levels: consistently sparse score, consistent Brutalist architecture, consistently slow pacing. It's all good stuff! but it's like playing 90% of a symphony mezzo piano. The parts that were good were SO good, though:

Kathryn Hunter is easily the best Witches I've ever seen: uncanny, horrifying, can't look away. Her introduction is a perfect cinematic choice -- the intimacy of the camera and a single performer, a mad contortionist talking to herself. The movie was at its best in its strange dream landscape. A lake appearing in the middle of the palace for Macbeth to speak to disembodied child faces? The door handle as the dagger of the mind? The integration of the wood with the throne room in the final duel? Inspired.

This is also the first adaptation with a better Banquo's Ghost scene than the time Slings & Arrows had Macbeth talk to an "empty" chair inhabited by an actual ghost. It's just so much better when he looks crazy to the audience! All the dinner guests follow him to a room where he's screaming and fighting a crow! It's genuinely never occurred to me that the Macbeths might not be lying when they say Macbeth's been afflicted with these fits since his youth -- could Macbeth be schizophrenic? What does that do?

The Nominations

Actor (Denzel Washington): Solid performance, very natural/believable in his delivery, and he was good at the yelling as well as the thoughtful parts. It didn't blow me away, but Denzel Washington is a consistently great actor.

Cinematography: Oh yeah. The black-and-white makes intuitive sense, and the light, the shadow, the shot composition were all soooo gorgeous. Even on a laptop, this was more beautiful and effective than any of the black-and-white nominees I've seen in recent years (The Artist, Belfast, Cold War, Mank, Roma). I wish I knew more about cinematography so I could praise it properly! This is Bruno Delbonnel's sixth nomination, so he's due for a win at some point.

Production Design: OH MY GOD YES. The cold enormity of those empty Brutalist buildings. The eerie barren landscapes (filmed on a soundstage to preserve a sense of unreality). A masterclass in cinematic minimalism that powered the whole thing. This film fully deserves both its craft nominations.