#well except maybe donna/terry but that's universal

[damiansgrayson]

look i know I'm not using the word right but I still gotta say nothing gives me the ick more than donna/garth.

[afteriwake]

What I’ll Write/Requests

(as of 9/20/19)

Since this is currently on my commission page and I’m no longer doing fic commissions, I figured I should copy it & update it with the new fandoms I do? So here it is.

Requests are currently CLOSED until I catch up on the hundreds of prompts I have at both my blogs. The only exception is if I reblog a prompt/prompt list here.

The following is a list of fandoms I write and characters/ships I feel most comfortable writing:

Sherlock I’ll write just about any ship you can throw at me. I write F/F fic (with the exception of NC-17 fic), M/M fic (with the exceptions of NC-17 fic and anything other than Mystrade, Sheriarty and MorMor, and Johnlock for special friends), M/F fic (almost any ship, NC-17 rating only for Sherlock Holmes/Female Character pairing fics) and select OT3s (Sherlock/Mary/John, Sherlock/Molly/Irene, Lestrade/Mycroft/Anthea and Molly/Moriarty/Moran). No Mrs. Hudson pairing fics except the canon one and Wilf from DW; no Magnussen or other bad guys not already mentioned above.

Doctor Who Generally I only write Eleventh Doctor era and some of Twelfth Doctor era (I am not current with Rose, Martha, Donna, Bill and The Fam eras yet, but I have all the box sets by Doctor save Thirteen). At the moment I mostly can write Eleven, River, Amy, Rory, Martha and Mickey, and can kind of write Clara, Vastra, Jenny, Strax, Jack and a few other recurring ones…ship wise I write Rory/Amy, Eleven/River and Vastra/Jenny (though I can possibly be persuaded to write Twelve/Clara, maybe, depending on the prompt). No NC-17 fic.

Elementary I’m much better at Joan, Marcus, Gregson and Alfredo than Sherlock. My only real ship for this show that I’ve written is Marcus/Joan though I’d love to try Jamie and Sherlock/Jamie in a twisted sense or Jamie/Joan. Also, fair warning: I’m mostly familiar with season 1 and the Kitty arc in season 3, but I have access to all the season save the last one via my library..

Star Trek: Alternate Original Series I do not do a whole lot of ships for this verse aside from Spock/Uhura, Sulu/Ben and a kind of biased Kirk/Uhura (I RP that ship in one of my games) personally but I am willing to write any ship except Bones/Carol (I have issues with that one). I do write slash ships for this series; just ask and I’ll see what I can do. I do not really write Scotty or Chekov with their accents often though I will through in Chekov using Russian occasionally. I will also acknowledge aspects of the Discovery verse (ie, usually Michael Burnham on her own, but occasionally Tilly and other Discovery characters as they might be in the AOS series). No NC-17 for any ship except Kirk/Uhura, and then only in my RP verse fics.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Ship wise I’m pretty open amongst Captain America characters, as well my personal OT5 is any combination of Steve/Sam/Bucky/Nat/Clint with a dash of either Peggy or Sharon given the situation. AoS I’m pretty much either Coulson/May or Daisy/Jemma at the moment (though I will write a few other ships for both, like Jemma/Fitz, but NOT Skyward). I am familiar with Thor characters, Peter Parker, Iron Man characters, Stephen Strange, Wong, and Shuri. Anything else, please ask and I’ll see what I can do. I do have access to the entire MCU to watch, but prefer to avoid certain movies. Will write NC-17, but it depends on the characters/ships.

Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries I’m pretty much primarily a Jack/Phryne writer in this fandom. I can do a decent Dot and Hugh but I haven’t attempted anyone else. Also, shorter stories are best. Will not write NC-17 for this fandom. Am planning to add “Crypt of Tears” to the list of what I’m familiar with when it comes out.

Star Wars Movieverse I’m still refamiliarizing myself with this series (so far I’m current/mostly current on the original trilogy sequel trilogy so far and “Rogue One”) but I’m pretty fair game as to characters and ships I will write for those three sections of it. However, I will only write brother/sister Luke & Leia stories, and when it comes to Rogue One I’m iffy on just who I can write since all I’ve written so far is a Jyn POV piece. Other than that, feel free to toss an idea at me prior to requesting and I’ll give a more resolute yes or no answer. No NC-17 for this fandom

NEW FANDOM - Good Omens So I am vastly more familiar with the book than the miniseries, but I do have access to the miniseries and plan on watching it soon. I will probably end up writing Aziraphale/Crowley and Gabriel/Beelzebub because that’s what my enabler writes, but feel free to toss other ideas at me. No NC-17 for this fandom, and would actually prefer a ton of gen prompts if given prompts for this fandom.

NEW FANDOM - DCCU So I’m limited in this one, as the only one I’ve attempted is Wondertrev fic, but I’ve seen “Batman vs Superman” and “Wonder Woman” and am planning on watching the rest at some point. Would probably feel most comfortable with Wondertrev, Clois and Wonderbat. No NC-17 for now.

NEW FANDOM - Legends Of Tomorrow I am much much more familiar with this show than the rest of the DCTV shows, having seen the first season and following various developments since here on Tumblr. As I am still in Series 1, will probably focus on Captain Canary for a while until I get used to the newer characters. Potentially will write Avalance, Constagreen, Zari/Amaya and Constantine/Sara as I get more into the show. No NC-17 so far.

NEW FANDOM - DCAU Very very familiar with the random DCAU shows (minus Superman: TAS and The Zeta Project). Big Harley/Ivy fan, big Wonderbat fan, Big Question/Huntress fan, big Green Arrow/Black Canary fan, big Batcat fan, big Terry/Dana fan. Don’t know how well I can write all of the above except I know I can write Harley/Ivy, as I already have. No NC-17. For other characters in DCAU (excluding The Zeta Project, Superman: TAS and Static Shock for the moment) ask and we’ll see what I can do.

NEW FANDOM - Midsomer Murders So this one…I’ve watched pretty much every episode up to Winters at least once, if not more? I’m willing to give any character and implied/hinted at/”will they or won’t they?” ship a chance. Send me Jones prompts and I may give you a longer fic (he’s my fave). No NC-17 for now, nothing probably over 500 words for most fics until I get more comfortable in this fandom.

CROSSOVER SHIPS I do write crossover ships as well! Most of them are Sherlock oriented, but I ship McCoy/Molly (Star Trek AOS/Sherlock), Khan/Molly (Star Trek AOS/Sherlock), Sherlock/Amy (Sherlock/Doctor Who), Lestrade/Donna (Sherlock/Doctor Who), Eleven/Molly (Doctor Who/Sherlock), Rory/Molly (Doctor Who/Sherlock), Martin/Molly (Cabin Pressure/Sherlock), Bucky/Clara (MCU/Doctor Who) and McCoy/Donna (Star Trek AOS/Doctor Who). Other potential crossovers are welcome, just run the ship and a prompt by me and we’ll see if I can make it work.

Also old fandoms I could be persuaded to do again (but under very limited and probably non-shippy circumstances, and not for anything long unless it’s for a special present) would include Bleach, St. Trinians movies, CSIverse and early season Supernatural.

[tessatechaitea]

Team Titans #20

Is it sexist to point out cameltoe?

It's been about two weeks since I read a Team Titans comic book so I can't remember what was happening, which is probably a good thing. It's nice to see that my brain apparently has some kind of organic Roomba that cleans up after I've soiled my mind with terrible media choices. Revamping my old Patreon page has kept me away from re-reading terrible old comic books. If you enjoy my take on comic books perhaps you'll enjoy my take on The Bible? Or if you don't like reading astoundingly insightful and probably pretty funny commentary on The Bible if it costs you as little as one dollar per month, you can still bookmark the site because you'll get three free song reviews each week too! But if you want me to review a particular song, you'll have to give me money. I don't give my wisdom away for free! I mean, I do! But only in certain circumstances. I think what was happening in this comic book was a right-wing corporate and media conglomerate asshole (much like Rupert Murdoch) was preparing to time travel into the future where he could take the place of Lord Chaos and rule the world. It's the kind of plan only an idiotic super villain in a comic book could come up with. Any real life super villain would think, "I have so much money and power right now in a world I recognize, why should I risk everything by traveling into an unknown future where my biggest enemies await? Better to just buy a private island in the present and look at porn all day." But for some reason, comic book super villains are never satisfied. They never think, "I could retire with the amount of money it's going to cost me to create this death satellite!" The always think, "Man, having lots of money really kills your ambition. Maybe I should use it to endanger my freedom and possibly my life?" Idiots!

Based on these silhouettes, one of Lord Murdoch's henchman is just a gigantic sentient penis.

The Team Titans leader for the future narrates the big battle so maybe we'll soon find out who the mysterious leader really is! I think I've been guessing Terry Long throughout most of this re-read because who else could it be? Unless Terry's kid has one of those comic book experiences that ages him quickly, he probably won't be leading the team as a nine year old. Although I can't think why I'm ruling that out when I easily accepted Nightwing once driving a motorcycle straight up a skyscraper and Starfire falling in love with Wolfman-written Nightwing. A few pages into the battle, a bunch of Team Titans members (not from the titular and most important team!) begin to die. First killed is Gunsmoke. You might not remember Gunsmoke because Gunsmoke was a terrible name and Gunsmoke never did anything except help provide some context on the plot. We learned from Gunsmoke that the Team Titans were spread out all across history because the Team Titans leader created a truly inept time machine. Gunsmoke's last words (aside from "Arrrggghhhhh!") are "Great. Don't tell me y'all saved my butt in the Old West just so I can get it kicked in 1994." I guess in 1994, creating a character that's simply a guy dressed like a cowboy didn't cut the editor's mustard. The second character to die is Monsieur Poniard of Judge and Jury. He should thank his terrible name for cutting his comic book career short. "Mister Dagger," even in French, just isn't going to inspire the kind of terror that a super villain should inspire. And, yes, I'm aware of how many terribly mundane and crappy names exist within the DC Universe! I'm just saying, "One less is a good start." The third Team Titan to die is a nameless Titan in the background of Monsieur Poniard's death. She (or he) has orange hair and wears a purple costume so I think we can all agree why he (or she) had to die. You know, because Starfire already had claims on that terrible color combination. After Lazarium (Lord Murdoch's super villain name) takes down the main Team Titans in one blast, he jokes, "I love the smell of ozone in the morning." I know that's supposed to be a joke because he says, "Heh heh," immediately after. Earlier, Blue (unless it was Green or Purple or Yellow. Remember, the colorist of this current story arc is an idiot) quipped, "Yeah, and monkeys might fly outta my -- OOOOF!" So we have all the evidence we need that Jeff Jensen's main writing crutch is movie and television quotes. The fourth Team Titans to die is Two Gallon Hat.

I often come up with characters for my stories that I know are stupid but I insert them into it anyway simply so that other characters can call them stupid.

While all of the other Titans from throughout history are being slaughtered by Lazarium's henchmen (where did he get henchmen who put such effort into henchmanning?! I bet he pays a living wage, offers great health care choices, and provides a hefty pension), Mirage remains stuck in traffic on the streets below.

If only Mirage could easily do something to keep from being recognized!

I don't know what she did with Deathwing but I hope it involved a hedge clipper and a blender. Mirage steps out of the cab to find Cokie Walters staring at the corpse of Two Gallon Hat. Cokie apologizes for some reason which leads to Mirage threatening Cokie if she doesn't help Mirage save the Titans. Now how the hell is a bubble gum gossip reporter supposed to help with that?! "Mister Lazarium! Mister Lazarium! Is it true you pee through the gate instead of over the fence?!" Realizing that the Titans have met their match, Terra resorts to pleading her case: "Lazarium! No! Please — you can't just kill us like this!" Lazarium, who is a super villain who has really thought out his plan and understands the power of a truly great one-liner, replies smartly: "Oh, yes, I can, Terra — especially you!" I just got goosebumps reading that! Although after the Wayne's World and Apocalypse Now lines from earlier, maybe Jensen stole this retort from a movie too. Wasn't this the great line from the end of Die Hard 2: Dying Ain't My Thing when Bruce Willis sets the airplane fuel alight? Five hundred and thirty Titans got there asses handed to them by Lazarium and his goons. But not to worry because Prester Jon, Redwing, Battalion, Donna Troy, and just-out-of-a-coma Nightrider have arrived to save the day! And don't think they're going to do it silently! Battalion has a new battle cry that I can't believe didn't catch on with the youth of 1994.

How was this not one of the best selling DC posters of 1994?

Battalion goes down in one shot. Most of the characters will probably go down in one shot because Killowat will probably need to prove himself. Will saving the world from Lazarium be enough to make Mirage forget he's a racist jerk? Hopefully not! The first person to nearly put Lazarium down is called Liquid Joe. Being that he's called Liquid Joe, you know he's not going to wind up being the hero. His blast of slime doesn't even faze Lazarium. Time for Cokie and Mirage to save Killowat so Killowat can save the day! Cokie knows where Killowat has been restrained because she's a tabloid journalist. This was the era where we all believed Geraldo was going to discover the secret of the universe. Now we know Geraldo's only goal was to uplift Geraldo. That fucker will say anything for praise and a paycheck. I suppose you can say that about anybody who appears on Fox News though. After losing dozens of Titans, I have to admit that my plan would be to give Lazarium the time travel device so we could be rid of him. If he time travels into the future, he's not our problem anymore! Heck, he probably won't ever be our problem! The future no longer contains Lord Chaos so who knows what he's going to find in 2001. If in 1994 I were told that 2001 would be the beginning of some truly inspiring xenophobic bullshit masquerading as patriotism, I would have been all, "Yeah, I can buy that." Maybe that wasn't a good example. Killowat defeats all of Lazarium's henchmen with one push of a button. Then he goes after Lazarium. Lazarium believes he'll win for the same reason all bad guys (and Deathstork (who is a bad guy but sometimes people begin to think maybe he's a good guy who was never actually convicted of statutory rape so is it really rape? (Yes. The answer is yes. I'm answering on behalf of a large percentage of male Americans who would get the answer to this question wrong))) believe they'll win.

Technically it's not rape if you say, "Here! Take it!" I'm just judging by American legal standards which have an even lower bar than that to declare something isn't rape.

Killowat gives Lazarium a bunch of his power which causes Lazarium to overload and explode into a smoking scorch mark on the roof. But we can't believe Killowat has just killed somebody (even though his name depends on the idea that he kills) so he makes sure to think, "The overload couldn't have killed him. His corporeal form must be around here somewhere." Well, wherever Lazarium went, it's clear that this story is winding down, so he's technically defeated. But he would have been back if this comic book hadn't been cancelled in a few more issues! Oh wait! He's back a few pages later so Nightrider can feast on his blood. Now nobody has to worry about Lazarium anymore and nobody cares if Dagon murdered him because what's a vampire supposed to do? Not eat people?! Anyway, the time machine simply opens a black hole in the sky which consumes hundreds of the poorly named Team Titans. Preser Jon shuts it down and now the Titans have to deal with being part of 1994 forever. I mean, at least until the end of the year when they'll have to deal with being a part of 1995 forever. Or for a year, anyway. The final page of this issue reveals the leader and it's definitely not the leader anybody working on this comic book had planned it to be. Instead, it's Monarch because — guess what, motherfuckers?! — it's Zero Hour time! Team Titans #20 Rating: A-. I'm only giving it a high grade because this issue was the start of Zero Hour. Not that Zero Hour isn't a completely flawed premise that was just another gimmick to allow DC's editors to fix shit that the fangenders kept haranguing them on. But it is interesting that this terrible little Titans off-shoot comic book is where DC decided to begin the entire Zero Hour premise. My other favorite part of this is how we find out that Monarch is the Leader. My supposition is that Zero Hour was thought up long after The Leader was already a mysterious presence in this book. I'm sure the writers and editors of this book had an idea about who The Leader should be. Maybe it was Dick Grayson, or Terry Long, or Starfire, or a reintegrated Danny Chase. But it certainly wasn't Monarch which meant they changed the goal line as the story proceeded. Which is a microcosm of what happens during the Zero Hour event! It was obvious throughout much of Zero Hour that Captain Atom was going to wind up being Monarch. But since so many fans had guessed it and expected it, DC decided that instead of continuing with a plot and character arc that made sense, they would simply reveal that Monarch was Hawk. Sure, it was a surprise! But it didn't make any fucking sense. Fucking comic books!

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior December 20, 2019 – STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER, CATS, BOMSHELL, INVISIBLE LIFE

I’m doing a lot of writing about J.J. Abrams’ STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Lucasfilm/Disney) and Tom Hooper’s CATS (Universal) over at The Beat, so I don’t have too much more to add here. I have only seen the latter, and I’m under embargo, so can’t say much more about it anyway.

I mentioned last week that Jay Roach’s BOMBSHELL (Lionsgate), starring Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Margot Robbie -- all SAG Award nominees!! -- was going to expand nationwide this weekend, and I’m still hoping to review it sometime this week, but haven’t had a chance to write it just yet. Sorry!

LIMITED RELEASES

Not a lot of limited releases this weekend, thank God, but I do want to draw attention to the Brazilian Oscar entry INVISIBLE LIFE (Amazon), which will get a limited release this weekend.  Directed by Karim Aïnouz (Madame Satã), it’s the story of two sisters from Rio who are separated in 1950 as the elder one, Guida, travels to Europe to marry a sailor and is estranged by her parents when she returns alone and pregnant. The younger sister Euridice is forced into a loveless marriage, and the two of them end up living their lives unaware that the other is still living in Rio. The movie takes a little time to get going, but once it does, it’s quite an emotional experience, especially the last act where Oscar nominee Fernanda Montenegro takes over one of the roles. Invisible Life won the Un Certain Regard at Cannes earlier this year, but sadly, it did not make the shortlist in the Oscar’s International Film category, which is a shame. It will open at the Film Forum in New York Friday, as well as the Laemmle Royal in L.A.

It’s actually the only film I’ve seen this week, although the Bollywood action-comedy Dabangg 3 (Yash Raj Films) brings Salman Khan’s badass cop Chulbul Pandy back for his third movie, which should do decently over the holidays.

Xiaogang Feng’s Chinese drama Only Cloud Knows (China Lion) will also open in select cities this Friday about a Chinese man (Xuan Huang) who returns home to New Zealand after the death of his wife and learns that she has all sorts of secrets.s

Irish filmmaker Alexandra (Lotus Eaters) McGuinness’ indie drama-thriller She’s Missing (Vertical Entertainment), starring Lucy Fry and Eiza Gonzalez, playing Heidi and Jane, best friends living in a small desert town, and what happens when one of them goes missing.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Another movie I hoped to review, and I just didn’t get a chance to is this the amazing drama THE TWO POPES, starring Jonathan Pryce and Anthony Hopkins, which will hit the streaming service this Friday. It’s a wonderful film directed by Fernarno Meirelles (City of God) about the relationship between

This Friday, Netflix will also begin streaming the fantasy series THE WITCHER, based on the popular video games and starring Henry Cavil. I really don’t know much about the series, but it looks like the kind of big-scale fantasy I love.

Although the seventh episode of Disney’s series The Mandalorian will air on Weds. this week, as to not conflict with Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’s opening. Friday will see the debut of the new Disney+ movie Togo, starring Willem Dafoe and a Siberisan husky named Togo. Don’t know much about it, but Dafoe has been great in recent years, so I’m sure it’s worth watching.

REPERTORY

You’ll notice a lot of the same movies playing in the repertory theaters in New York and L.A. this weekend, maybe because Christmas is next week?

FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

The big retrospective in New York this week is FilmLinc’s comprehensive “Varda: A Retrospective,” which will run from Friday through through January 6, and it is indeed comprehensive, showing all of her films, including four shorts programs and some television work. It ties into the late French filmmaker’s excellent last film, Varda by Agnès, which has been playing there for the past couple weeks. (It’s an exceptional introspective film class that I highly recommend.) If you want a taste of Varda’s work but can’t figure out what to sees then maybe you can check out the free five-part mini-series Agnés Varda: Here to There, each episode screening on the afternoons starting Friday and running through December 24. (Even though it’s free, you still need to go to the FilmLinc site and register for tickets.) The series will include a wide range of films from her part in the early French New Wave to her more recent documentary work, and it’s a slew of riches for those who’ve already seen Varda by Agnès and want to see some of the films discussed.

On Thursday night, FilmLinc will have a special 20th anniversary screening of Steven Soderbergh’s The Limey with Soderbergh in attendance along with cinematographer Ed Lachman and some of his cast.

METROGRAPH (NYC):

“Holidays at Metrograph” continues this week with screenings of Jacques Demy’s The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964), Mitchel Leissen’s Remember the Night  (1940), The Thin Man (1934) and of course, Todd Haynes’ 2015 film Carol, Paul Thomas Anderson’s 2017 movie Phantom Thread, and Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut (1999), Metro’s holiday standbys. Welcome To Metrograph: Redux will screen Lizzie Borden’s Born in Flames  (1983) and Haile Gerima’s Bush Mama (1979) while this week’s Late Nites at Metrographis Eric Rohmer’s Claire’s Knee (1970). This weekend’s Playtime: Family Matineesis the classic It’s a Wonderful Life, in case you haven’t seen one of the 200 showings at IFC Center.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Wednesday’s “Afternoon Classic” is The Bishop’s Wife (1947), starring Cary Grant, while Friday’s “Freaky Friday” matinee is John Carpenter’sThe Thing  (1982). Wednesday night’s double feature of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and Scrooged is sold out (of course) but Thursday night, you can see It’s a Wonderful Life (of course) with Brad Pitt’s Meet John Doe. Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogsis the Friday midnight offering while the horror film Christmas Evil screens Saturday at midnight, while the weekend’s Kiddee Matinee is The Muppet Christmas Carol, which shows that even Tarantino can get in the Xmas spirit. Monday’s “Afternoon Classics” matinee is expecting that kiddee’s will be out of school, as it’s screening Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, while Tuesday night aka Christmas Eve is a double feature of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas (1954) and Holiday Affair (1949), starring Robert Mitchum. Also on Tuesday are two sold out screenings of the Xmas classic Die Hard (of course), the night screening a double feature with Silent Partner (1978).

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

The Egyptian’s “Holiday Spirit 2019” series begins with a double feature of Terry Gilliam’s Brazil and Things to Comeon Thursday, then they will screen It’s A Wonderful Lifeon Friday night. (Why not? Every other rep theater is playing it.) Saturday is Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut (ditto) and then Saturday’s “Christmas Noir” is 1950’s Backfire on 16mm! Sunday evening is a double feature of the Oscar-winning The Apartment, starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine, paired with the 2015 film Tangerine. No, I don’t get it, either.

AERO  (LA):

A lot of the same movies are playing here this week including Die Hard(as part of “Greg Proops Film Clumb 2019” on Weds, a double feature of The Thin Man (1934) and Mr. Soft Touch (1949), as part of the “Christmas Noir” series. “Holiday Spirit 2019” continues on Saturday with a double feature of White Christmas and The Holly and the Ivy (1952). Saturday’s midnight movie is The Exorcist III (1990), then Sunday is a screening of Will Ferrell’s 2003 movie Elf, and then Monday might, what else? It’s a Wonderful Life.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

On Friday, the Quad is beginning a new series called “A Face in the Crowd: Remembering Lee Remick” including a 40thanniversary restoration of James Ivory’s The Europeanswith Ivory appearing on Friday. The series will also include 1957’s A Face in the Crowd, 1959’s Anatomy of Murder, as well as one of my favorite movies of all time, 1976’s The Omen, and more.Wednesday night’s One-Shots offering is Jean Cocteau’s 1950 film Orpheus.

MOMA  (NYC):

Modern Matinees: Iris Barry’s History of Film continues this week with the 1930 film All Quiet on the Western Front Wednesday, 1921’s The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on Thursday, and the classic Battleship Potemkin (1921) on Friday. Monday is a double feature of Dream of a Rarebit Fiend from 1906 and Buster Keaton’s The Navigator  (1924). Fred Newmeyer’s The Freshman  (1925) screens on Tuesday.  The Wonders continues through the weekend with its look at the films of Italian sisters Alice and Alba Rohrwacher, including Luca Guadagigno’s I Am Love (2009) on Wednesday evening and other more recent films including Alice Rohrwacher’s 2014 eponymous film The Wonders on Monday night.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

While all the other rep theaters in New York and L.A. have been jumping on the It’s a Wonderful Life bandwagon, the IFC Center has been playing it consistently for weeks with Donna Reed’s daughter Mary Owen introducing many of the screenings. That continues through Christmas Day. Next year, you’ll be able to watch all of the Studio Ghibli movies on HBO Max, but if you can’t wait that long, the IFC Center is celebrating the holidays with “The Films of Studio Ghibli” from Friday through January 16. It’s a pretty comprehensive series including many films not directed by Miyazaki, but there’s a lot of great stuff, and you can click on the link above to see when various movies are playing or check out the full calendar here. (There are a few 35mm prints in there, labelled accordingly.)

Weekend Classics: May All Your Christmases be Noir is … also Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut. Seriously, if you live in New York and still haven’t seen this movie, then I don’t know what your damage is.  Waverly Midnights: Spy Games will screen Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity (2002) and Late Night Favorites: Autumn 2019 is Kubrick’s The Shining (1980), which you also should have seen by now.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The Film Forum will begin screening its own holiday offering, the 1962 thriller Cape Fear, starring Robert Mitchum and Gregory Peck, through Christmas Eve. The weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is a sing-along version of 1954’s White Christmas.  Lee Grant will also be at the Film Forum Thursday night to screen her 1981 documetnary debut The Willmar 8.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

The Nicholas Cage-a-thon continues Thursday with 1996’s The Rock, directed by a very young Michael Bay, as well as Leaving Las Vegas, for which Cage won an Oscar. On Saturday, you can get in the Xmas spirit with Bill Murray’s Scrooged  (1988) and Home Alone (1990).

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

This Friday’s midnight offering is Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice (1988).

Next week is Christmas, and there are two new movies in the animated Spies in Disguise (20thCentury Fox) and Greta Gerwig’s Little Women.

[tessatechaitea]

Dark Nights: Metal #5

How many teeth do people from the Dark Multiverse have?

This is so true. I wake up screaming every morning.

I don't actually wake up screaming. It takes a few moments for me to recall who I am and what my life has become before I begin. After some superhero battles meant to extend the story by making it exciting, Bat-Joker reveals a new secret. "Endings are the loudest of all!" It's so Scott Snyder to begin the comic book by saying something that seems to make sense because he gave two examples to back up his ridiculous statement ("Beginnings are loud because the Big Bang and babies! Never mind that the Big Bang wasn't loud at all because nobody was there to hear it. That's philosophy!") only to reveal that the opposite of the statement is really true! What a twist! I feel so smart having read that! He truly knows how to manipulate narratives and fangenders! The issue ends with all of the Justice League members losing their Nth metal to the Dark Knights. All hope seems lost! Except Batman and Superman have decided to take a plunge into the Forge of Worlds' magma pit because why not? And Wonder Woman takes the narrative spine of the story (you know, the thing about noise and loudness and screams and shit) and turns it on its head! She doesn't scream at all; she yells her war cry! OH MY GOD! I just busted my comic book nut. Scott Snyder is so fucking good at this! I think I have a long enough history writing these things that I don't have to point out sarcasm, right? Dark Nights: Metal #5: As comic book events go, this is a big one. You can tell it's a big one because the editors get off the Snyder's metaphorical dick and allow him to pull from whatever continuity and canon he wants, and to manipulate it to whatever ends he desires. Bring in Sandman from Vertigo? Sure, why not?! Use Plastic Man in a serious manner? Oh yeah! Big events practically call for that to happen! Age Batman thirty years in an alternate dimension and then have him back to normal by the end somehow? Pretty much standard big event fare, that. Create a timeline based completely on Batman being the center of everything and also the reason everything goes wrong due to his hubris that, being the center of everything, he can stop all the bad stuff himself? Well, come on! This is DC Comics, after all! This is the kind of shit comic book fans shove up their vaginas as fast as they can possibly lube themselves up. It's 98% marketing and 2% Scott Snyder's semen. But a lot of fangenders really seem to love that stuff. The marketing, not the semen. I mean, I'm sure some like the semen. It's James Tynion IV approved! What I'm saying is, I guess it's stupid fun. And there's almost always room for stupid fun. Unless the current president is Donald Trump and practically everybody in congress has been bought by the NRA. Then maybe we should put aside the stupid fun and do something about this shit. Not me, of course! I'm too old and Gen-Xy! The newer generations need to fix this shit. We Gen-Xers stated right out of the gate that we weren't ever getting involved. We're Walter in Get Out. We might not be much help but we know what the fuck is going on and we'll be really funny explaining it.