#weeding isn't fascism I promise

[digiacom]

Journal 4 15 2024

Good morning Lionel!

<3 I love you

who am I

there is a big joy in this space in my chest, a kindness bigger than me

a capacity to care

I am still tired My body has aches I am its steward

My room is a mess My work is all over I am its steward

But it belongs to the earth It belongs to the others I belong to so many words

Before the word I belonged to my experience that which shaped me I belonged to the past

Now I shape my experience as it shapes me and I dream of the future I belong to.

It isn't flying cars

It is a numinous nothingness and everythingness

It is the unknotted possibility of unbeing from which i came

like a baby duckling following its mother I i seek by not seeking but following my past into the future, inexorably

back to love <3

---

I sit at work. It is a pile of loose threads.

The pings roll in.

I have ideas. I have duties. I have a desire to establish the work I'm doing as a cyclical, met responsibility which I can define, document, and eventually pass on.

like a child in the clay It is different than just mud

It holds its shape, and it will not root

the looser earth wants a vessel

lest the wilderness repeats itself

my garden will be beautiful

---

Promises mean nothing if they do not push us into greater being They are unclosed loops of our own making Sketches of a future that we might not have time for

It is good to promise and make good, since the pattern of call and response with reality is made through practice

But not all promises are good some are deeply broken some are stars we wished upon when we were young and stupid or old and rigid or weak and tired

Call and response can be within the heart we are taught by life to ignore our heart's call and only respond to others' voice

even though they are only them through us our voice is their voice, repeated through the labyrinth between thoughtandactionandsoundandimpactandvibrationand We've closed the distance with enough time, we'll close all the distances until thought is deed is done and all the thinking will be over before it bothered to begin