#we've only met once but really liked. and the polycule has aspirations of moving to my current city so. god i hope that's soon

[freckliedan]

I never knew your lore!! What was it like dating in a triad if it's sth you're comfortable talking about. Especially with someone you obviously loved a lot. What were your feelings for the other person? How did you even manage to communicate enough to be able to do that? Was it complicated at all? Was it fun/hot? Sorry if it's a lot but I've had someone proposition this to me and I just was so confused I didn't know better and said no. Now I regret it bc I feel so attracted to these people and would honestly love that (but more in a friends with benefits kinda way)! But I'm not in love with either so that made it easier for me to consider it at least? If I were, idk how I would handle it bc I'm quite insecure/easily jealous person

it's not lore i've talked the most about! but i've been increasingly open about poly stuff on here and i love the people in my life very much so i'm happy to talk about it! under the cut tho, bc this will get long.

when i was dating in a triad w/ my ex, they were actually the newest addition to the relationship—the third person is art, my now husband! and we all have different genders now than we did at the time we all three dated.

in a lot of ways it was very cool and wonderful being in a triad!!! like. they to this day are two of my favorite people in this world. it ruled loving them and being loved by them and it still does though the forms have changed.

me & art were best friends for a couple years before we started dating in 2014, & when our relationship changed to dating it was very much a case of "we're best friends and want to be in each other's lives forever, we just also want to kiss & probably have sex someday about it & to belong to each other".

(probably someday on the sex due to. we were 18 and had both never kissed anyone before. we took it slow).

ex has been one of both of our other best friends since that same point in time, & we dated him from 2017-2018. it was a very similar start to our dating relationship w ex—we already were best friends and wanted to hang out forever, we were just adding more to the relationship we already shared.

and we all had a great dynamic when all 3 of us were spending time together, but also each had individually strong relationships? me and art hung out just the two of us, but so did me and ex & ex and art. adding a new dimension to it all was the easy part?

we spent a lot of time that summer walking dogs and camping and fooling around and laughing together and getting stoned.

& yes it was very fun and hot. i shan't elaborate. but there was a point in time where i'd EASILY had more threesomes than anyone else i knew.

it was sometimes complicated and hard but not because it was hard to have that much love in our lives? i am the opposite of a jealous person and had mostly worked thru the insecurity i felt in the first few years of me and art's relationship/did not see his relationship w our ex as something that could replace what he and i have bc we're all very different people so was not insecure abt it.

it was just. a difficult time in all three of our lives individually? none of us were in a good place with mental health, & largely due to factors outside of our control. i'm not going to get into art & ex's sprcific struggles, but i was being medically neglected, freshly had gone no contact with my mom, & was just out of a toxic/abusive living situation.

(& my ex roommates were also COWORKERS of me and art. yes they treated me like shit at work bc art was full time in classes and only in like once a week. and then ex started working with us too.

one of the ex roommates had also been friends with us since high school and was our ex's ex. i had known the other ex roommate since i was 7 or 8 and she was the assistant manager. they were homophobic to me the whole time i lived with them and started dating after i moved out)

(yes the drama went fucking crazy but i have literally always maintained the moral high ground).

ANYWAYS. i think i was in the best place mental health wise of all three of us at the time. insanely enough. with that incomplete list of hell going on in my life.

but i was the only one of the three of us who had strong social support outside of our group of three, & i was the one who realized that our individual struggles were making it hard to communicate at times & that it was hurting all of us.

so i was the one who realized that if all 3 of us wanted to stay in each other's lives, we needed to break up with ex.

which sucked! a lot! it really hurt ex, but being newer in the relationship than our established dynamic was also hurting him.

he and i both walked away from the breakup feeling like it was uniquely our fault because we wanted too much. it has been amazingly healing to have maintained our connection & been able to process our breakup like. with each other. bc we both went into future polyamory w approximately the same baggage LMAO.

we moved in with each other a little less than a year after our breakup & lived together for almost 4 years! and we'd been living out of each other's pockets for the two before that—art & ex lived w their families like a five minute walk apart and i spent most of my time living out of my subaru btween the two of their homes.

so like. i don't regret it. i will spend the rest if my life loving both my husband and our ex so much it goes beyond words, no matter what form our relationships take. we would probably still be together if our relationship had started under literally any better of surrounding circumstances.

after our breakup i spent some time as a lesbian and that overlapped with ex's gender veering into man so attraction stopped there? though who knows what the future holds.

idk! i would rather my husband adopt a dog with ex and be the cool step parent that never actually takes on a parental role for the dog. i wish we were neighbors/lived near each other rather than states apart bc in a dream world ex and i would have keys to each other's homes and would just get to hang out doing our own thing in one another's room at least 3 days a week.

there's no one size fits all for poly relationships & there's definitely Other friends i want to/do blur the lines btween romantic and platonic with at this point in time.

no other triads currently happening in my life though and idk if it will happen again?

no sorries! & i'm nor sure how helpful this ramble will have been but i appreciate the chance to talk about my experiences bc it's not something that comes up a lot but it means a lot to me and has been such a significant part of my life.

if the proposition was on the table before for you, and it's something you do know you'd be down for & that you're prepared to communicate a lot about, is it for sure off the table now? if it's something that might still be possible for you and it's something you can talk about w the people in question then have that conversation!

worst case scenario, it's an awkward conversation where yall realize you have different expectations and wants out of a triad and that that means it's not something that's going to happen.

best case scenario, you get to have some fun and sexy new experiences?

i'd say it's worth it to try! & if jealousy and insecurity are a concern for you, they might be for the other two in some way, too. i think talking about whether it might come up for you guys and how to proceed if it does as an up front thing would peobably be a smart idea?

for real though! if it's something you want amd that the other two people were down for in the past, i hope it can be an option again in the now too. good luck anon and thank you for listening to me run my mouth.