#we're such social creatures we just wanna be around people we love and dont exhaust us

[eccentricwearsgoggles]

about to open up about some personal stuff briefly. the purpose of doing so, is so that others who feel similarly have a positive reminder or just like, idk not feel alone about it. but I guess it's also cuz I don't always talk about it, but it's on my mind at times.

anyway. Growing up into my teens and even after, I had low self esteem and thus, didn't think I'd ever have like...any kind of steady relationship that would build up into marriage and it gave me a lot of bad and negative emotions. (Which, idk I'm pretty sure my parental issues were super evident, especially once I really figured things out later.) Thoughts like, "I'm never enough. No one's going to love me like the way I'd love them. I'm no good, I don't deserve it. What's wrong with me?"

Those are all some pretty self-deprecating thoughts. Especially when you look around and feel like everyone's got it figured out more than you do- which to say, might not always be the case as much as you think it is. Which, sometimes can be hard for me a lot of my acquaintances and friends, either younger or older are in serious relationships or married.

That's some of the difficult stuff, because you're wondering why you don't have that. I've mostly kind of come to terms with being single currently, it's not what I envisioned for my age. But like, there's probably reasons why it's this way, and not necessarily for negative reasons. I now understand there's nothing wrong with me, I choose to remain this way. Maybe we don't always feel like we choose that. But frankly I'm not settling for anyone who doesn't take me seriously or share important values/goals as I do.

There's underlying reasons as to why I wanted companionship while I was depressed. A lot. self worth and esteem issues, problems with home life, work, and perspective on life and circumstances. The main thing I was missing was the foundation I've found through my faith, as well as having the help to understand /why/ I was feeling how I did. I've needed true friendship in my life. I've started really building on that in the last couple of years and it's helped me a lot.

NGL I doubt it's going to go away entirely, cuz it's natural. I still would like to marry, but I'm a lot more accepting of the fact if it doesn't happen. But now that things are more stable in my life, and I've got a clearer head... I do want that. And that's okay. But doesn't mean there's something wrong with me if it doesn't happen. We just have expectations because of perspective and when we look at what others have or don't have. Everyone reaches goals or attain things at different paces, and when you do, hopefully you're able to look back and appreciate the growth you've made.

so like, hope you find strength and support in your family and friends that you have.