#we're both vers too and both of us have that fear and reassurance thing going on

[my-turn-to-yearn]

My partner the other night opened up about dysphoria relating to their silhouette and specifically being not curvy enough and I got so turned on I almost passed out bc I started thinking about the tiddy jiggle that happens when im on top in missionary and I felt really guilty about objectifying this person I love while we're having a serious moment but it turned out my horny was reassuring and idk all this to say that queer desire is not evil or bad and actually makes things better frequently

[lovenotesuggestions]

Hi idk if this is appropriate or not (and please tell me if it is, Im sorry if so) my gf and I have been together for 2 years and we're both very much in love. We havent talked The Do but I know we're both bottoms, which everyone says is an issue and those relationships dont work. Its stressing me out really bad and my fear is that we'll break up bc of it or I'll be forced to top in the relationship, which I dont mind but I want reciprocation. Are bottom/bottom relationships impossible??

It’s okay to have these worries, and I don’t mind talking about them!

TL;DR they absolutely aren’t impossible! I’ll put my answer to this under a read-more because it discusses sexy stuff so people can skip over 

I feel like people overemphasise how important the top/bottom/vers dynamic is in a relationship. Like, you never hear straight folks talking about these worries, and I lowkey feel like the way people assume that every same-gender relationship has to have a top/bottom dynamic is kind of... heteronormative? Like, top/bottom dynamics can work very well within the context of a queer/same gender relationship, but they often don’t really extend outside of bedroom stuff  (like I always joke I’m the ‘social top’ in my relationship bc I’m more comfortable like ordering food and that kind of stuff, speaking to strangers, making phone calls etc, despite being a bottom/vers in bedroom contexts) and aren’t really the type of thing that tends to make or break a relationship.

You don’t have to have that kind of dynamic to have a positive sexual relationship. There are plenty of activities that you can do that are reciprocal, and top/bottom dynamics aren’t exclusively about the top giving pleasure and the bottom receiving it - there’s nothing inherently dominant or submissive about the different ways of giving pleasure, and things like taking turns, doing things that give both of you pleasure at the same time, etc. 

(feel free to skip this if it’s too graphic/nsfw, but examples might be: one person giving oral, then the other doing so, 69, giving each other manual sex simultaneously, scissoring assuming you’re both cis/afab, using toys that can be shared or taking turns using toys or using them simultaneously, etc.) 

There are plenty of ways to both give and receive pleasure in a more ‘dominant’ way and in a more ‘submissive’ way, so I’m sure you can both find things you’re comfortable doing in terms of giving and receiving. And equally, there are plenty of things that don’t inherently imply any kind of dynamic at all. In all types of non-straight relationship regardless of the genitals of both parties, there are loads of ways to have sex without having one exclusively ‘top’ party and one exclusively ‘bottom’ party. Even in relationships with a consistent top and bottom, not every sexual encounter will have that dynamic - others will have both people be on equal footing so to speak.  

Please don’t stress too much about this - having a sexual relationship is way more about exploring what makes both of you feel good and having fun and appreciating each other’s bodies together, and any sort of power or top/bottom dynamic doesn’t have to play into that at all if you don’t want it to. You two clearly care about each other, and I’m sure you can make things work and find something that makes both of you happy. 

I hope that’s reassuring, and that things go great for the two of you! 💕