#we were there to 'commiserate' about dating woes or something ??

[pyrexbongcries]

one of the besties is mad at me because for once i wasn't a self-sacrificing mess who only exists to serve others lol

[daja-the-hypnokitten]

Jukebox reviews part 8! For context, see my post “A Project” under this same tag. If you want to see a full list of his EMCSA stories, they can be found here, sorted alphabetically.And if you want to see some of his drabbles, check out his blog at @jukeboxemcsa

Relax

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12/28/2008                                   mc

Another induction that appears to be designed to be read aloud, and again a very visual one. Could definitely use a content note that it's designed to give sexual pleasure and an orgasm, as there are definitely folk who might not want that, but the induction itself is well done, technically (which comes as no surprise, Jukebox being Jukebox.)

Two Tickets to Paradise

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1/4/2009                                       mc sf

This is not my thing. It's fine if you're into serial recruitment and tentacles, but not for me, thanks.

  I Can’t Wait

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1/11/2009                                     mc mf fd

This is an interesting snippet into what were considered better than average consent norms when I joined the hypnokink community; it's also really sweet, if maybe not up to more modern consent standards. And while the modern standards are safer, and better in most ways, there's a fluidity to exchanges like this that takes more work and rapport to get to these days. That all said, this is an extremely entertaining story, and I can feel the humanity in the various characters presented. And, as a sports fan, the comment about Cleveland folk  commiserating on sports woes made me laugh. It's a delightful story, and there's a part of me that wonders if some of it might not be based on things that might have happened in real life, to some extent or another. 9/10 spirals.

  TRUE

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1/24/2009                                     mc mf md

Hm. I should steal this suggestion sometime; properly negotiated, it could be really fun to use, to be able to shape a partner's reality in that way. And I have to headcanon that this was all a pre-negotiated thing, and that we just don't see it, otherwise this story would squick me out rather a lot; but since I *do* just decide that - and why not, there's nothing saying it couldn't be the case! - this is fun, and clever, and a super interesting look at how much a single suggestion can effect someone who takes to it well. It's so good to see how Julie's stated opinions and thoughts change with each new true statement, with her ending in a completely different spot than she seemed to want at the beginning of the story. 8/10 spirals

  Too Shy

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2/1/2009                                       mc mf ff fd

As someone who had to unpack all the same childhood lessons on sexuality - both having sex *and* being queer - I relate to Mei a little here. Not that I'd ever be that comfortable being that sexual, however much hypnosis was in play. It all looks quite entertaining and consensual, and I'm cheering the two gals on, but it's a bit much sex-focused for my tastes. 7/10 spirals

  Once Bitten, Twice Shy

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2/8/2009                                       mc ff

A sequel to "Love Bites" that I like, but not quite as much as it focuses more on the sex and less on Jane's commanding presence. But it's clear that the trigger is having a distinct effect, and I love how Darla just *melts* to Jane's skill. It works better for reading it shortly after Love Bites, I think, but it's still a delightful story. I hope that Darla and Jane can talk things out and find ways to make each other happy - it's the romantic in me. 8/10 spirals

  Sweetest Perfection

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2/15/2009                                     mc mf fd

If this isn't something that is based on a real story, I will be very surprised. It just *feels* like something that could have happened. I can't quite get into it, not exactly - it feels vaguely voyeuristic to me, and I can't get into the role of the hypnotee because I'd be hella awkward being in trance around that many vanilla folk. That said, I can tell that Michael and Lynn love each other, and that goes a long way to making the story better. And it's very sweet, and I like the two quite a lot. That outweighs the awkward emotions about it. 8/10 spirals

  No More Words

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2/22/2009                                     mc mf md fd

This is a sequel to "Killing Me Softly," and I really enjoy the twist ending. That said, there's not a lot of direct mind control on this one - just the follow-on effects of what's done in "Killing Me Softly," which puts this in that same "not really an EMC story" category to me. But I like the result - and retroactively like "Killing Me Softly" better for this one existing. 7/10 spirals

  Flesh for Fantasy

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3/1/2009                                       mc mf ff md

These two rather deserve each other ... and that isn't a compliment. I feel bad for Cassie, though, getting roped into this the way she does. SHE deserves better. That all said, if I set aside the utter distaste I have for both Jessica and Tom, the slow, inexorable wearing down of Jessica's will to be the slave Tom wants her to be is really well done and hits a lot of my general buttons; I just wish they weren't such horrible people! The two of them are pretty much the only reason I don't like this story. 7/10 spirals

  Wrapped Around Your Finger (Jukebox)

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3/7/2009                                       mc ff

I ... huh. I wish that instead of this display, the story actually looked at the process between Andrea and robyn that got to this point; hearing Andrea recount it just doesn't hit the way I want it to. It's a fun premise, and entertaining to see it, even if what's going on is obvious to me, but I never quite get into it because the parts I care about are done off-panel. 5/10

[sammininoofthelord]

Fifth chapter of the 5+1 "5 times Aziraphale shielded Crowley from the rain, and one time he didn't."! Only the +1 left!

Collab with @zeckarin-blaise

Time for a bus ride!

You can read it on Ao3 by Zeckarin or bellow

**

Aziraphale stepped onto the bus, held out a note to the driver, and looked around while waiting for his ticket.

No one on this floor. Crowley probably waited for him on the top of the bus, like usual.

He offered the driver a smile, sent a discreet miracle his way (the poor man seemed exhausted and could use a little blessing to brighten his week), and took the stairs to join his friend.

Here was Crowley, arms folded, looking out the window with a scowl.

Oh, dear, thought Aziraphale. He had expected this. The weather had chilled considerably in the last few days, and the cold, unrelenting rain that had been falling all week long had forced nanny Ashtoreth and her charge to stay inside.

Warlock was a very lively child, and needed to exert himself a lot, usually by yelling and running around the grounds for the better part of the day, activities he would gladly engage in inside the house if obligated.

Thaddeus and Harriet Dowling had a lot to say to that, and trying to get Warlock to engage in more quiet activities was no easy task, and ended more often than not in impressive bouts of tantrums.

Did Aziraphale feel a little guilty at having stayed inside the small cottage allowed to the gardener on the far side of the grounds for the last five days? Yes, he did. But one could hardly expect him to work outside in such terrible weather, after all*.

Plus, the gardener wasn’t supposed to wander inside the ambassador’s house, with the exception of the staff’s kitchen for meals, so he couldn’t have helped Crowley watch after the child even if had wanted to**.

*And he had a lot of catching up to do on his readings.

** If being the key word.

 

“Hello, Crowley,” he said with a smile as he took the seat right behind the demon.

Crowley only grumbled something unintelligible (which was probably for the best).

Aziraphale grimaced, but decided to bravely go on. They were meeting to update each other on their mutual progress, after all. 

“How are things with the… ah… mission ?”

Very slowly, Crowley turned his head to meet his eyes over his sunglasses. The yellow, dilated pupils were a frightful sight.

Oh dear , repeated the angel inwardly, Warlock must have surpassed himself this time.

“There’s no way,” snapped the demon, “that you can succeed in turning this little beast towards the light.”

Aziraphale tutted. “Come now, dear boy, you are exaggerating. The boy is a little, ah, lively at times, but he is a sweet child overall.”

“Lively?” hissed Crowley through gritted teeth. “Lively? He stole a bucket full of soapy water while Sybil was mopping the second floor, and he put it on top of his bedroom’s door and called out for me. I got drenched . With dirty water.”

Aziraphale let out a small gasp of dismay.

“Oh, no! Someone could have been hurt!”

His friend answered with a glare. “I beg your fucking pardon? I’ve been hurt! I just told you so!”

The angel patted his arm in apology. “So sorry, Crowley. I did not mean to disregard your suffering. What did you do?”

Crowley huffed. “What do you want me to do? Couldn’t punish him for it, could I? I’m supposed to be the bad influence here!”

“You did not congratulate him, I hope?” asked Aziraphale with a slight frown.

Crowley shrugged. “Probably should have, but I don’t like getting wet, especially when I’m wearing a bodice and petticoats. That little trick ruined them.”

“Now, now, dear, it isn’t that bad. You always miracle your clothes anyway.”

Crowley scowled, but didn’t answer. The angel, after all, had a point.

He wasn’t done complaining, though. The beginning of winter was the worst time of the year, his inner snake rebelling against the arrival of the cold, and in his view, if he was in a foul mood, then everyone else should share it, starting with the smug angel right behind him who had probably spent the best part of last week drinking cocoa in front of a fire*.

*He had.

 

“Why are we meeting here anyway?” he growled, puckering his lips at a dry piece of gum plastered to the back of the seat facing him. “We could have taken my car. Thiss…” he waved around “is dissgusssting!”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Must we have this discussion every time? We need to stay inconspicuous, Crowley, and the Bentley is way too recognizable.”

“Neither of our sides would be able to tell the difference between her and a stagecoach , angel. They know nothing about humanity! And how inconspicuous are we here? Anyone could hear us!”

Aziraphale withheld a fond smile. Crowley obviously had had a very challenging week, and the weather was not helping. The poor dear needed a warm fire and a thick rug to sprawl onto and nap in his serpentine form, as well as some good wine and a compassionate ear to listen to his woes.

Thankfully, Aziraphale knew just the place. “Come on, dear, let us walk a little, I am sure it will do us good.”

The demon stopped in the middle of his rant and squinted his eyes at him. “Walk? In this weather?”

“Yes. I am afraid I feel rather restless after spending so much time sitting down lately.”

Crowley gaped. “Gh--h--wh--you’ve got to be kidding me!” he growled, standing up to follow him down the stairs, “ I was the one running everywhere all day long and having to wrestle the kid to sleep every night, and you had a hard time sitting down ?”

“It was dreadfully boring, I’ll have you know,” said Aziraphale haughtily, stepping out of the bus and unfolding his umbrella to cover them both.

Crowley huffed. “You never get bored, angel. I once saw you stand under a tree for two days without batting an eye just because you were thinking about dates you just ate.”

“They were very good dates!” protested his friend, before looking into the distance with a wistful smile.

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “You’re thinking about it again, aren’t you?”

The angel blinked, then blushed slightly. “Of course not!” he cried in a way-too-high voice.

“I can’t believe it. Here I am, living the worst day of my existence, and instead of commiserating with me, which, I have to add, would be the angelic thing to do, you’re thinking about fruits you ate seventeen centuries ago!”

“I am certain your day is not that dire, my dear,” only said the angel, turning at a corner to head towards Soho.

Crowley only grumbled, shoving the tip of his fingers into his pockets and squaring his shoulders against the cold. “I have no idea how it could get any worse.”

“Oh! Look at this!” exclaimed Aziraphale, pointing to a shop’s window excitedly.

Crowley frowned and turned, searching for whatever had caught his friend’s eyes.

“I don’t see any--” he started, looking back to the angel, only to see him walking away.

“Oi! What the fuck are you doing, Aziraphale? I’m getting wet here!” he shouted, catching up.

Aziraphale stopped and waited for him, eyes twinkling. “See? You could be getting wet. Again.”

He snapped his fingers to dry the few drops that had dared to land on the demon.

“Not that we can have that . Not after that awful prank young Warlock pulled out on you. Come now, dearest, the bookshop is not so far, let us warm up there.”

Mollified both by the endearment and the prospect of spending his off day napping in the backroom, Crowley followed, looking to the other side of the street where a man was running after his hat. The demon wiggled his fingers, and the headgear ended in a large, dirty puddle on the pavement, right before a passing car ran over it, it’s owner shouting at it angrily.

A smirk finally found its way on Crowley’s face.

The day didn’t look so bad anymore.

[tappedoutmother]

Too Good to be True

Do you ever want something so much you ignore your gut, all of your instincts? Magically, all of your good karma bleached away your genetic self destruction and self sabotage because you willed it? You know it’s too good to be true. You know it won’t work out. But this inflated sense of hope overcomes your common sense because it sounds so goddamned sweet and you DESERVE it!

A couple months ago, I saw an old friend post that his mother had passed. I feel so horrible because my father passed just a year before. So I send him a message and offer my condolences. Well he invites me to her celebration of life, which I do NOT want to attend because of the pandemic. I had not been anywhere or around anyone in months. But I felt a sense of obligation because I had been through it. So I go. Without the kids. To the other side of Plant City to his mother’s home. I see some old friends and have a couple beers. At the end of the evening when everyone was leaving, I decide to ask for a cigarette, because fuck it, why not? I haven’t had my obligatory half a pack for Halloween. Well turns out he’s out and would like a ride to pick up more. And some beer, although I explain there’s more beer in the cooler. 

The entire event was a wild goose chase because it’s getting very late on a Sunday in Plant City and everything is closed or unable to sell due to the hour. And he pretends he doesn’t know to where he wants me to take him. I’m still not sure how wasted he was or if it was an act. But i drive around and offer support and commiserate. See my dad wasn’t a nice person and I have mixed feelings in regards to his death and absence from my life. I am patient for as long as I can be. But I have kids who I miss and want to get back to. So I tell him he’ll have better luck in the morning but I’ve really got to take him home and be on my way. He tells me his woes about his new wife and I commiserate that my marriage has been over for a very long time. I encourage him to be honest with his wife and work on the next step. 

He asks me to kiss him when I get him back to his mother’s house and I politely decline. He insists. I’m frightened. He refuses to get out of my car. I’m in front of his house where his wife is sleeping. All I have to do is hit the horn. Which may result in him hitting me, but at least I can avoid rape. He grabs me and licks the side of my face and I am more mortified than I have been in a very long time. Ironically the last person to make me feel that way was my husband. I finally get him out of the car by telling him that he’s going to make it too awkward to hang out again if he doesn’t let me leave. I sob all the way home. Harder than I’ve cried in years. I blame myself for getting into such a precarious situation even though I couldn’t have guessed. 

He messages me a few times in the next week and I politely keep it casual. Then one evening he asks if I can get a babysitter to go to Busch Gardens with him. He’ll pay half but he wants to drive. I am firm. I tell him that I am not interested in any kind of physical relationship and that he should speak to his wife if he wants to see other people because cheating is fucking bullshit. He is offended and tells me to have a nice life. But he hasn’t suggested another date, so I guess it worked. 

His wife reached out recently offering me my dream job. Paid on the job training, completely remote, lucrative field. I am over the moon!! This will finance my certificate program and possibly lead to my financial independence in pretty record time! But why do I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’ve done something wrong and this is a test? Or a punishment? I speak to her several times and she claims to admire my work ethic and my ability to handle myself and multitask. Says she needs someone she can trust to do what she needs and keep track of time. 

We hammer out the details and I get started! Whenever she sends me work I get on it. It’s a completely new industry, new systems, new lingo. A ton of training. But that’s my strong suit. I’m a good study. I take detailed notes and follow instructions well. She sends me a ton of youtube tutorials. But she’s also rather flaky. Days go without any communication. I don’t want to be a bother, but I spend a lot of time waiting for assignments. Then she lays out a lot of work right before Christmas. Half was not done the way she intended, but it was done. I get to the second half another day with her notes. I look up the tutorial and get the job done. 

Unbeknownst to me, these files were uploaded and triggered a string of emails through her system. I wouldn’t know that because I only looked up how to upload the spreadsheet, not what the consequence would be. I would expect the result would be what she desired or she wouldn’t ask me to upload it! Evidently my “mistake” cost her almost 400 leads and possibly fines or loss of license. Like major fuck up. So I call Kat who does this for a living! She says this is not my fault, which I already know, but still. I’m not sure I’ll continue this path. Maybe Kat will find someone willing to train me properly. Sixty thousand a year says I should give it a shot. 

She hasn’t even paid me for the 10.5 hours I’ve worked so far, and she claimed she was paying me three nights ago. I had a gut feeling and I ignored it. Even if this “mistake” hadn’t occurred, wasn’t this some type of conflict of interest? Wasn’t I obligated to tell her that her husband is a fucking creep who I was certain would rape me only months ago? I didn’t out of selfishness and fear. I really wanted this miracle, life changing career to unfold in my lap and save me from this nightmare. 

I know I’ll be ok. I know it will all work out. But I’m also fucking bummed. I really wanted this to work out. 

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

Responses- The Marvel of Trelsi (Part VIII)

By BoltonEvans post here. 

Believe me, I’m in the same boat as far as my OTP goes. While there is a bit more of a variety of fanfiction to explore, the majority of it is grossly out of character (self-loathing homophobic asshole Troy, and Ryan with Sharpay’s personality who refers to Troy as “Bolton” are everywhere), and resort to using extreme traumatic scenarios, such as rape, for cheap drama.

I used to be in another fandom where the homosexual ships involved exploitation of rape as a plot device, which is quite frankly disgraceful. As for Troy being “homophobic”... Is that why he decided to make friends with the most flamboyantly gay... Oh, never mind. I truly believe so many fans were watching a different film altogether. 

Even worse, I’m the only person still actively writing for my ship, these days, with the very rare exception cropping up and taking me by surprise every couple of months, or so. It’s a very sad state of affairs.

Sad, indeed. They have far more in common: 1)- A love of the Performing Arts and corresponding commitment, 2)- Strong work ethic, 3)- Kindness, generosity and thoughtfulness, 4)- Humour. The honest viewer doesn’t need to ship them to see this. Gabriella by comparison only meets ONE of the above criteria-- being a hard worker, and that only relates to her academic pursuits. When it comes to Troy or Ryan’s hard work, she’s happy to flush that down the toilet when it doesn’t suit her. (She’s also happy to play the two against each other to get emotional revenge, which is obnoxious). 

A few more notes/additions, because I’m both obnoxious, and incorrigible:

- My Tryan bias results in my perspective of Troy seeking Sharpay out and agreeing to perform with her and save her “sinking ship” of a talent show only if she also allows the Wildcats to perform, revolving around Ryan persuading him to do so. Troy was hellbent on dropping out of the show and resuming kitchen duty as a show of solidarity with his friends. It was only because of Ryan that he ultimately changed his mind. So, even though Troy absolutely does uphold his commitments (he is a textbook people pleaser, after all), I view that instance as the one exception where Troy had to be talked into keeping a promise. Thankfully, it was by someone who was actually looking out for him, for once.

That’s a good point. Thanks for pointing this out. 

- One minor correction: Gabriella transfers to East High after the new year begins. In the American school system, this would be the start of the second semester, or halfway through the school year, and it’s questionable just when, exactly, she and Troy began officially dating after the events of the first film. In all likeliness, she and Troy dated for about half of their junior year, broke up several weeks into summer vacation, got back together (after Troy was willing to throw an opportunity for a scholarship out the window because of Gabriella’s reaction to him prioritizing his future over giving her a summer worthy of remembering), managed to stay together for most of senior year, then broke up, again, when Gabriella unceremoniously and callously dumped Troy over the phone a week before the year was out.

Correction noted, thanks. 

“When Troy tries to show her a golf course in HSM II, she tells him “I don’t play golf”, which is harmless enough. But given that she should have known by then that her boyfriend was on the school’s Golf Team, it would have reflected better on their relationship had Gabriella taken an interest in his golfing, whether she liked it or not. Particularly since Gabriella was later bitter that Troy didn’t ask HER opinion on the much-derided “Italian golf shoes”. If she doesn’t play golf, why does she care?"

This is a brilliant point, even though I believe that Gabriella telling Troy that she doesn’t play golf when he was obviously setting up a date (since he’s the sole half of the relationship tasked with planning every single date they go on), was rude. I’m assuming that Gabriella, contrary to what sense and logic would dictate, doesn’t take any real interest in Troy’s golfing because it was nothing more than a plot point for the sake of the narrative in the second movie, and never comes up, again, afterward. Her general apathy toward him is also a factor, though, of course.

I also want to add that, as far as their lack of a “common thread” goes;

-Gabriella seems unable to commiserate with Troy’s financial woes, and, indeed, never expresses a single concern about how she’s going to afford her own college tuition- another disparity.  

Oh, this is a VERY good point. Thanks for noting this one. Contrary to what popular romances like to claim, financial disparities can often harm a relationship, with the lesser fortunate partner feeling inadequate (particularly if they are a man) and yet steadfastly refusing any financial assistance. In Troy’s case, he never envies Gabriella’s financial position or asks for anything from her (although she bums freebies off him ALL the time), and expects to resolve all his financial issues himself through hard work and personal responsibility. This is one of the things I really like about him. However, his flaw of worrying so much also comes to light, which is where, as you say, Gabriella comforting him at the very least would have helped somewhat. Of course, what she ACTUALLY says is that they should “focus on right now”-- in other words, herself. 

Whenever Gabriella pulls attention away from his relatable issues and back to her own First World Problems, I tend to think this would have the psychological effect of making Troy feel as though he were complaining too much, if that makes sense? Because he always invests SO much in alleviating Gabriella’s worries whilst sidelining his own. So he would be internalizing a LOT of anxiety, which is extremely unhealthy. In conjunction with the fact that Gabriella makes him feel and look like a toddler in their relationship, his financial woes would make him feel even more inadequate for her as a partner. When his truck breaks down whilst he takes her home, he looks embarrassed, even though the reason is perfectly normal: he needs a new fuel pump. But it’s almost as though he anticipates her mockery, which makes me think that she regularly mocks him when things go wrong-- even if those things went wrong due to circumstances beyond his control. And let’s not forget the fact that he feels so obliged to impress Gabriella by spending his own limited resources on her, even though she can clearly afford to not only provide for herself, but also do nice things for him. What was stopping Gabriella from buying herself a pizza and inviting Troy round for once? Why couldn’t she pay for dinner and a movie sometimes? Why couldn’t she use her mother’s car or help buy her own, since she clearly has the money? Why, as you have already said, could she not help Troy out with his truck woes? (As I’ve said, I’m almost POSITIVE that she would have gotten irritated with him on the ride back from California, because his truck is unreliable. She has no concern for anything that troubles him. I bet she didn’t help pay for petrol, either). He eventually spends/borrows money to attend Berkeley for reasons beyond my humble comprehension. 

It’s very unhealthy and Gabriella’s lack of sympathy makes it even worse. 

-Gabriella’s bedroom decor, behavior, and wardrobe choices suggest a childlike innocence to her personality, and she talks about wanting things to be "like Kindergarten”, but, as you mentioned, she pokes fun at Troy for holding onto boyhood playthings. Watch her face when Troy takes Robo-Rob from her, worrying that she’ll break the toy robot.

That doesn’t strike me as the face of a girl who finds her boyfriend’s dorkiness and sentimentality for an aspect of his childhood endearing. That’s the face you pull when a person says or does something crazy and you’re trying to wrap your head around it.

You seem to have all the right gifs! Christ. There’s rarely ever any genuine affection in her eyes when she’s around Troy, as I will discuss later. Maybe in HSM I with the rooftop scene, we saw some genuine affection as she was opening up to Troy. That vanished not long later after the webcam stunt, in which her expression was NOT hurt/disappointed, but cold and almost hostile. (Maybe she didn’t want to appear weak or hurt by his words, given that she DID shed tears earlier). And yes, the hypocrisy is staggering in the way she treats Troy’s childhood interests. 

-Troy knows his future is coming at him full steam ahead, and even though he has no idea what he wants to do, after high school, and is “being pulled in a hundred different directions”, he acknowledges, “We’re going to graduate. That’s going to happen. Nothing is going to slow down”… while Gabriella laments, right in front of him, life not grinding to a standstill, just for her, so she never has to leave East High. This suggests not just a disparity in priorities, but in maturity levels, as well; something that would have caused an eventual rift between a real life couple that nothing could have patched up.

Absolutely. 

Imagine, years down the road- if they managed to stay together- Troy fretting over steadily accumulating bills and taxes while Gabriella rolls her eyes and tells him to just push for a promotion at work. Then, imagine Gabriella finding out that the electric bill hasn’t been paid and their electricity is about to be shut off. Do you think she’d take a stressed out Troy aside and promise to find a way to get them out of this rut, or angrily confront him and demand to know why the bill hasn’t been paid and if he wants them out on the street?

Shaking with laughter! :D Please God, let it not get this far! 

Imagine how Gabriella would respond if Troy sustained an injury, in college, that ruined his shot at a career in professional basketball, or if he got laid off from his job. Do you really think she’d stay by his side and try to work things out? Or, do you think Troy would come home to find the engagement ring he put his entire salary toward, sitting on the kitchen table beside a note from Gabriella explaining that she “can’t do this, anymore”?

That dialogue... :D That is JUST what Gabriella would say. I’m laughing because of the sheer irony. We are told that this couple represent “Relationship Goals”... I just can’t! *wipes eyes*

Based on everything I’ve seen in canon, I heavily lean toward the latter.

The Wail Fest in HSM II epitomises Gabriella’s philosophy in a nutshell: “I gotta do what’s best for ME.” She really knows how to play the scorned lover in every one of her Wail Fests. What’s even more insulting in this song is when she sings, “You’ll be okay!” This is AFTER she: 1)- quit the job he secured on her behalf, 2)- mocked and derided him for his promotions, 3)- flirted with Ryan to manipulate his emotions, 4)- dumped him, 5)- and eventually rejected his necklace. She has some audacity! Every time she is about to drop kick him, she constantly makes the presumption that he will understand her behaviour: (HSM I)- “You’ve got your team, and I’ve got mine. It’s WHERE WE BELONG.”, (HSM II)- “I just don’t belong here, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND”, (HSM III)- “I can’t be a little adult right now, Troy. I’m hoping you’ll understand that.” It makes me sputter with rage. Meanwhile, when it comes to HER turn to show some understanding in the following situations: (HSM I)- When Troy is clearly being pressured to avoid the Musicals, (HSM II)- When Troy is under pressure from Sharpay’s harassment and his fast rise to fame, (HSM III)- When Troy is worried about his future--- hey, what do you know? Her “understanding” vanishes. It’s like she never heard of the word. 

*angry sigh*

I’ll discuss more of this in later posts. If you don’t mind, I’ll add some things you’ve said here. (Giving credit, obviously). 

Thanks for the responses! 

[fayecallasdatingblog]

40 and Single? Here’s 10 Tips to Finding Love After 40

Now that you’re 40 and single, things look a lot different than they did when you were in your 20s and single.

You’ve been hurt in relationships…and might even be divorced.

You might have young kids…or be an empty nester.

Whatever your specific situation, you might think that, at this age, there’s no one out there for you.

Sorry to say: you’re wrong! There absolutely is someone out there who’s right for you, who’s even better than any of your past relationships. It’s just a matter of you being open to how and where you meet him.

Tips to Finding Love When You’re 40 and Single

Don’t let being 40 and single frustrate you!

I know that whatever you’ve been through has made you a skeptic when it comes to changing your status from being 40 and single. But take it from me, the guy who has helped thousands of women — many of whom were 40 or older — find the love of their lives.

Yes, dating after 40 looks different than it used to. But consider this: you’re smarter than you were in your 20s, and you have enough experience in love and life to know what’s worth pursuing and what’s not. To help you find love at this point in your life, I have some customized tips to help you go from being 40 and single…to being 40 and in love!

1. Avoid Coming on Too Strong; It Can Scare Some Guys Away

You look at a first date like a job interview, only you’re the one doing the interviewing.

Where are you from?

Have you ever been married? Got kids?

What are you looking for?

I know you’re tired of the BS that comes with dating, and I know you don’t want to waste time on the wrong guys, but remember to make it fun! The truth is, while you want a long-term relationship, if you eliminate guys who don’t instantly say that’s what they’re looking for, you might miss out on some pretty great opportunities to get to know cool men. And you never know: you might have insane chemistry with a guy you start dating…even if there’s no long-term potential. So you might decide to keep things casual.

If you start at the outset making it clear you’re looking for your next husband, not only will you limit yourself, but you’ll also freak him out. Realize that a man is more likely to want a relationship with a woman who is confident, independent, and funny than one who’s grilling him about every aspect of his life.

2. Do Not Wall Away Your Heart

Being vulnerable is okay; it’s where the love pours in.

The more you’ve been hurt in past relationships, the harder it is not to do this, and I get it. As psychotherapist and blogger Ilene S. Cohen, Ph.D., says on Psychology Today:

 “When we lose the ability to be vulnerable and close ourselves off to love, we also lose our ability to experience the joy that comes from relationships.”

So while you might try to take the Scarlet O’Hara attitude of not letting things bother you and not letting men get too close, what you’re really doing is walling yourself away from love. And truth be told: building a fortress around your heart doesn’t provide real protection from heartache. It only gives the illusion that it does.

So be vulnerable. Know that you’ll get hurt…and that this is simply part of life and love. With every heartache, you’re one step closer to finding the man who won’t break your heart.

3. Don’t Make Him Do All the Work

I know some women who won’t get on the dating app Bumble because it requires women to make the first move. And despite us living in a pro-feminist society, studies show that fewer than 1 in 10 women actually make the first move (what is that, half a woman??).

Maybe in your 20s you didn’t have to put out any effort to attract and date men. But things are different. Some of the men you date may have been married and been accustomed to gender equality in their relationships, changing diapers and mopping the floors while their women worked.

And gender aside: who wants to be the one putting in all the effort? If the man you’re dating always initiates texts, makes plans with you, and pays for everything, sooner or later he’s going to get tired of it. Show him that you’re into him by reciprocating his effort. It’s just good karma.

4. Know Exactly What You Are Looking For In A Man

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I doubt many 20-year-olds have serious lists about what they want in a partner beyond maybe being cute and a good job. Hopefully since then, your list has become a bit more…sophisticated. You have more experience in relationships and therefore know better what you want (and what you don’t).

Knowing what you want in a partner can help you find it.

Do you care if he has kids?

Do you want him to have a white-collar job, or does it matter what he does?

What if he travels a ton for work? Is that a dealbreaker?

Do you want family to be a priority for him?

The women I’ve helped find love often start their lists with superficial features like how tall he is, what color hair he has, how fit he is. But after a while, they realize that what’s really important is the kind of person he is. Is he kind? Intelligent? Aspirational? Keep qualities like these in mind when building your list. And sure, go crazy with the physical details if you want. Just be open to what you find.

5. Don’t Limit Yourself Too Narrowly in What You Want

Speaking of being open…I know a lot of women who thought they would end up with a tall, suave CEO who has a pit bull…and they ended up with a short, balding accountant with cats. Did they settle? Not at all! Because, again, it’s not about the superficial.

This is where I think dating apps fail. They encourage a swiping culture where users barely spend time reading the profiles and instead ogle photos before deciding if they’re even remotely interested. A study by University of Michigan researchers found that both men and women tend to pursue potential partners 25% more desirable than themselves. The study didn’t reveal what portion of those turned into love matches, but we can assume that the model/actor guy you’ve been eyeing has his pick of the litter!

So the lesson here: be open. Maybe you think you want a college-educated engineer, but you find a truck driver who is crazy smart and funny. Maybe you thought you didn’t want to date a man with kids, but now you are, and his kids are worming their way into your heart, along with him.

6. Maximize Opportunities to Meet Men

I know: it’s 10 times harder to meet men when you’re 40 and single than when you were in college. That means you’ll have to work 10 times harder getting yourself out there!

But attending keggers at frat parties is no longer an option for you (seriously. Don’t even consider it!), so you need to find more age-appropriate ways to potentially meet men.

I know women who have had great luck joining Meetup groups, either for singles specifically or centering around some activity, like hiking. There are even groups for people who are 40 and single (or older), so you don’t have to worry about being surrounded by college singles!

I know it may feel like all your friends are partnered up at this age, but if you put your feelers out, you may find that even those friends have single brothers or coworkers. Don’t be shy about asking if they know anyone you’d be a good fit for. Having a friend you trust set you up could have positive results!

7. Be Confident in Yourself: Confidence is Super Attractive

You may not feel confident right now, being 40 and single. You may feel like you’ve been through the ringer and dated every loser over 40 (and even some under!). You may be asking yourself, “what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I find love??”

I get it.

But you’ve got to pick yourself up from your pity puddle, not just because men love confident women, but also because you’re damaging your own ego and perception of self-worth the longer you let your past experiences shape how you see yourself.

Instead of focusing on how you don’t have a man right now, think about what’s going great in your life. Maybe you just scored a new client at work. High five. Maybe you’ve successfully raised a productive member of society (your Mini-Me). Go you! There’s plenty in your life to feel good about, so don’t focus on having a man to feel confident.

8. Don’t Pre-Judge Someone Before You Meet Him

You can’t know if you have chemistry until you meet him.

So you’ve been chatting with a gentleman on a dating app, and he just asked you out for coffee. Suddenly you find yourself staring at his photos, thinking that you won’t be physically attracted to him. Should you say no? Ghost? You don’t want to hurt his feelings…

Let me say that it is incredibly hard to gauge chemistry when you’re messaging someone you haven’t yet met. Clearly, there was something about this man you liked when you first started chatting. Has the conversation been good? Does he make you laugh? Have interesting things to say?

If so, then go out with him. He didn’t ask you to marry him. He asked to meet. He, just like you, wants to see if there’s a spark between you. And certainly, you’re not guaranteed that there will be.  You won’t know until you’re face-to-face whether there is chemistry. And you might just be surprised: even if he’s not your physical ideal, he just might be the guy for you!

9. Be Open To Different Family Lifestyles and Setups

You have a 14-year-old son, and you’ve decided that you don’t want to date men with kids younger than yours. Just a few more years and you’re done parenting (er, sorta)! So what happens when you meet an incredible guy with a 5-year-old daughter? Do you walk away, not even bothering to see what the potential for a relationship could be?

Or do you give it a try?

At the very least, you can commiserate over co-parenting woes and custody schedules. At the best, you might discover that you get to see what being around a little girl is like (something you have no experience with, having raised a boy).

Or maybe your family lives across the country and you see them infrequently. Your new beau’s parents live locally and he sees them every Sunday. This freaks you out. Parents should live far, far away! But on the other hand, it’s nice to be so close and see his bond with them.

You’re 40 and single, and certainly, you’ve gotten used to your own family dynamics. But if you’re open to other arrangements and loosen your expectations, you might just find love.

10. Don’t Focus so Hard on Finding Love ASAP

Fill your life with love in other areas.

Maybe, 40 and single, you feel like your best years are behind you. You got divorced a few years ago and you want to get into your next big relationship before you feel like your looks are fading (trust me: the right guy will not notice those crows’ feet that you obsess over). You’re looking for love so hard that you’ve become frustrated. You’re going out with men you know aren’t right for you because you’re clinging to the small hope that you’re wrong.

If you’re going on a ton of dates, you may actually be hindering your ability to find love. There’s even a term for it: overdating.

On the other hand, you may be desperate to find love and find yourself with no date prospects.

Either way, realize that acting from a place of desperation in wanting love only makes the Universe focus on the lack of love you have…and so it continues to deliver it.

Instead, realize that your life is filled with love in so many other areas: your friendships, your family, your passions, your hobbies. Dedicate yourself to being happy in other aspects of your life and love will sneak up on you when you’re not looking for it.

Conclusion: Treat Dating Like a Marathon and Enjoy The Process

Look at it like this: you will not be 40 and single forever. Or 50 and single. Or 60. Or whatever age you are. In the movie, How to Be Single, there’s a beautiful message for single women of every age: despite the frustrations of dating, the tears, and the heartbreak, it’s never permanent. Look at being 40 and single as a unique opportunity in your life to really focus on yourself and carve out the life you’ve always wanted.

You might not meet Mr. Right tomorrow. Or even this year. But dating can be fun if you let it. Dating after 40 gives you the opportunity to meet new people, figure out exactly what you need in your life, and then be selective about who you choose to let into your heart. Your 20-year-old self would be envious.

If you need a little help finding your sexy, confident self, sign up for my 21 Days to Sexy Confidence. I’ll help you bounce back from any setbacks you’ve had in your romantic life and help you reclaim your sassy self.

The post 40 and Single? Here’s 10 Tips to Finding Love After 40 appeared first on Sexy Confidence.

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