#we objectify fictional characters here sir

[notashrew]

I feel like everytime I see official art or models of Zer0 each time he keeps getting slimmer

I guess it's the *vague gesturing* how his new suit in BL3 makes him look wider and bigger, like suddenly his chest is just *PUFF* And then you see him in BL2 again with old suit and in BL3 from far enough and remember oh yeah this dude truly is just one atom wide

[belowzion]

Adam and Why I Felt His Character Disappointing

Sooo, I have watched the first two episodes of Hazbin Hotel! While I did really enjoy Status Quo (The song, the fact that Vox loses his first match against Alastor in the show is quite sad.) the rest of the show, I had a lot of problems. Especially the way they handled Adam.

(Look at this lil' shid.)

The dude-bro thing is just too much. It feels like his entire character is just Mammon but Angel.

Now, I've been working on rewrites for months now, slowly turning it into my own piece of fiction. Funnily enough, me and Vivzie had the same idea of taking from Paradise Falls. I feel like the book is great and can have many different ways of interpreting it. However, I am not here to talk about Lucifer, so lets instead get back to Adam.

So, let me tell you all about Adam in Below Zion and how he is in a bit of an odd spot considering Angels...:

Adam is in his luxury spire, pacing around, phone in hand, another hand flailing, disappointment, sadness and anger is felt in the presence of his holy living room.

"You hold the keys to the Well of Souls, you lead an army of an entirely new species of Angels! And you're letting these absolute nutjobs beat you!? Adam, come on! You're better than that! I mean for fuck sake man, you have the name of the first human! He got like... 100 percent of woman in his time!"

"Good on him, but i have 0 percent. I'm telling you, there's something wrong with women. They Never go for a nice guy like me, only for douchebags who probably don't even treat them right!"

"Well, Adam. Do tell me… how would YOU treat your woman?" "Well, i treat M'lady like a queen, of course! They don't know how good they would have it with me!"

"... M'lady...M'lady? Adam... you don't treat woman like... oh my... Mrghhh! Look, this is the third time this week. Why don't you just come over to me and... we'll talk bro to bro. How does that sound, hm?"

"...I don't know what you have, the Virtuosos (opposite of sinner, worships angels despite flaws) tell me it's Top gentemanly behavior of the century. And yes... I'd love that. I'm coming. And i'm bringing my emotional support Lute."

"... Just... just come over here and we'll fix you up... or attempt to at least..." Adam sighs, and hangs up. Lute comes out of Adams room with a suggestive smile, like she always does.

"Mmm, we're visiting Master Lucifer, sir?"

"We are, my dear Lute."

He says, kissing her forehead.

"Just a trip for a talk between bros. Sounds lovely, doesn't it?"

"Indeed, sir... Would you like me to transform?"

"That would be preferable for the way... yes. Makes getting out of town easier."

She nods... and folds into a brilliant lute! And then... Adam is off... taking flight to meet with Lucy...

Adam is an agent of Lucifer whom is... okay, lets not beat around the bush here. He is an incel. The odd thing here is that, Exterminators are an unofficial branch of Heavens military. So unofficial that even Arch-Angels don't know about them. They are robotic angels, made by Lucifer and a dear friend of his, trained and maintained by Adam. Adam is also not the leader of the Angels. He works at a very high position, that being that he guards the Well of Souls that leads to the conjuration of all the souls on Earth. All Exterminators are made for Lucifer and Adam. The marks on their eyes are the Mark of Lucifer. They belong to him. They do whatever HE wants.

This makes Adams girlfriend a robot.

He has an AI girlfriend.

He objectifies women to no end.

He is also very good at his job as being Lucifers mole in Heaven. While Sinners do pacts with each other, Adam allows Lucifer to have a foothold in Heaven, years after he got kicked out...

Adam is in his luxury spire, sitting at his computer, with a plate of pretzels on the desk, phone in hand, screaming wildly to it!

"What you're suggesting is ABSOLUTELY ludicrous! I will have NONE of it! You will deal with the Brightwing family until next week or I'll make sure to put that pact to good use!"

From the phone, a rather paniced individual speaks!

"Hah, BITCH! You think you have any say in here!? Killing the guys children- what don't tell me YOU have any children!? You do?! Well, uh, thats the thing! Noooot anymore you don't! I'll see you again soooooon~

The other angel on the phone seems to speak in an extremely agitated and afraid tone! Pleading!

"Oh! Changed your mind have you!? Great, GREAT! NOW! I got the whole thing planned out for you, so YOU can't mess this up! Sending you the docs. DON'T. MESS. THIS. UP! BYE, ASSHOLE!"

He hangs up and grins triumphantly…

He continues to deal with the usual fluff. Lucifers extend into heavens business. Angels need a good amount of convincing to stay in line sometimes, but it's good work, and… dare he say it, fun~ With how he feels life is treating him, it feels Great to be able to make the lives of others even worse. It having such a positive impact on the work of his best bud is of course a wonderful bonus!

He is a lonely asshole that lives off of the misery of others and finds purpose in serving someone like Lucifer.

He is a villain, but he is a lot more complicated than just being a dude-bro.

[emachinescat]

II've decided to watch MacGyver from the beginning (again), and I'm live tweeting the experience with every tweet tagged with #savemacgyver. I thought it would be fun to share my collected thoughts from the episodes on here as well.

My Thoughts on S1E3, "Awl"

You're not only going to make it to 30, Mac, but you're going to make it to season 6. #savemacgyver

I love that Jack's bucket list includes finishing the Harry Potter books. Guess he's not a one-trick pony after all with sci-fi. A healthy blend of science fiction and fantasy is just what the doctor ordered.

Dylan Thomas reference! That poem was written about the poet's own father, and is about how everyone, no matter who they are or what they stand for, fights against death in the end. He's begging his dad to "rage, rage against the dying of the light," to not give in to death so easily, to keep fighting. Just taught this poem, actually, so I'm vibing with this reference super hard. Though to be fair, I'd be vibing with it anyway. Love Dylan Thomas.

Oh my gosh, this is the one with the fire extinguisher and inflatable escape! I'd forgotten which episode that came from, but I see GIFs of it all over Tumblr. Poor Mac especially, that looks like it hurts. Why is Lucas Till so good at being whumped?!

Jack hugging the fire extinguisher: Iconic.

I'll never get tired of seeing that polar bear! Do we know if he has a name?

I cannot get over how small and excited Bozer is, not a care in the world except for his movie. It's exciting to think about what's to come for his character growth, though I do wish he wouldn't have to go through all the things he does. :(

Jack's conversations with his dad at the grave are just everything. And I feel cheated that we haven't gotten to see Mac have the same kind of conversations at Jack's grave (though I firmly believe it's a regular occurrence off-screen).

Seriously, the way he talks to his dad is so familiar, so comfortable, so natural. It's like Daddy Dalton is right there with him and it fills me with so many emotions that I can't even.

The smile on Jack's face and the pride in his voice when he talks about Mac to his dad is the purest thing ever.

Also, that's a big-ass tombstone Jack is leaning against.

"Hi, Mr. Dalton. How's... life?" MAC! 😂

I can't tell you how much I love it when other characters talk about how smart Mac is. "He's a genius..."

First mention of Mac's dad. It's sweet how invested Jack is in Mac rebuilding his relationship with his old man. Also, I really wish we would have gotten a flashback of Jack's dad at some point. He seems like such an amazing man.

"If I could have one more day to sit and talk to my dad instead of that hunk of rock, I'd do anything." Jaaaaaaack 😭😭😭

Good old Ralph Kastrati. Single-handedly the most annoying character in all of cable television. Y'all have no idea what you're getting into with this one, dream team.

PUNCHFACE.

"My mom dated a guy like that once." Ouch. I'm about to start a Riley Zinger Counter for each episode. Her comebacks are 🔥

It's not just his face, Jack. Everything about this dude is punchable. Especially the way he says "yo."

Ewwww tightie whities no thanks imma head hom now byyye

Mac just snatched that can right out of Jack's hand as he was about to take a drink. Classic.

If I didn't hate Ralph before (spoiler: I did), then I extra hate him for the foie gras comment.

Yes, Jack, "asshat" is the perfect descriptor for this guy.

Is Mac seriously about to just make him some noise-canceling headphones? Who am I kidding? Of course he is.

I need more of Mac punching people in the face. For science.

Poor Jack didn't get to punch the punch face.

🎵 Snipers gonna snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe 🎵

Between the foie gras and the calfskin, they are really making this guy so easy to hate just sayin'.

"As soon as you're done saving his life, I'm gonna kill him, you hear that, smart-ass? I'm already dressed for the funeral." 🤣🤣🤣🤣

"He's g-good. He just... got kinda shot." Is that the medical terminology, Mac?

Jack using country music as a form of torture 🤣

"You're going to be seeing Yelp stars if you don't shut up!"

Have I mentioned how much I love the music in this show?

"I don't wanna die listening to country music!"

I love how bossy and grabby Mac gets when he improvises.

Another belt grab! I can’t get over Jack trying to keep his crazy partner from falling out of the window – it gives me life!

Actually makes me wonder if he does it because Mac’s taken a tumble out of a car window before. *fanfic brain engaged*

“You know how I feel about your puns.” C’mon, Mac, pus are the greatest forms of humor, bar-pun. (Geddit?)

Mc made a C in biology? I’m not buying it.

Dwwwwwww the sounds of the surgery. No thanks.

Though I will say this is one of the coolest (albeit grossest) things Mac’s ever done on this show.

What the heck is with that elevator door? It took a whole 10 years to close! I wouldn’t trust it. (To be fair, I don’t trust any elevator, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Sir Bleeds-a-Lot lol

Riley stepping in and taking charge once again. No idea how these two functioned before she came along.

Some seriously cool MacGyverisms in this episode. The whole process of “killing” Ralph and bringing him back with office supplies is so OG MacGyver and it gives me all the warm fuzzies.

Ralph: “You’re not a scientist, you’re not a doctor. So how the hell do you know all this stuff?” Mac: “...I read a lot of books?” I love Mac so much.

“Now go die.” Lolololol

The moment with Ralph wanting to call his mom and grow the hell up is surprisingly genuine and heartbreaking. Character development for a character in only one episode, hello, is that you?

“He’s dead, but he’ll get better.” MacGyver, 2016

Riley’s comeback about Jack’s plan to take out six guys if Mac takes out two is another winner. (Riley: 2, Jack: 0) Still, I love the whole, “Sure it does [count as a plan]. First, I’ll take two. Then, I’ll take the other four.” This is why Mac is the plan guy, not Jack.

“Or I can take them all out.” Mac’s confidence = 🔥

I might need to start a Mac sass counter too. Jack: “You seriously want me to put this on my face?” Mac: “Only if you like breathing.”

Jack’s left fist getting jealous 🤣

They really liked choking Mac in the early episodes, didn’t they? Not that I’m complaining. Actually, why did that stop? That strangled, panicked cry of “JACK?!” is music to my fanfic writing, hurt/comfort obsessed, whump-loving soul.

That cough - it actually hurts me to hear it! They should have given us some more repercussions or aftercare for Mac breathing in that gas!

Ralph fell asleep. Of course.

“You know, it’s weird. I’m glad he’s alive… but I still want to kill him. 🤣 I’m with Jack on this one!

Ralph: “A fresh start. I could use one of those right?” Riley: “Or a whole new personality.” ZZZING!!! Riley: 1 million, the world: -10

Oh he did not just call Riley “little hottie.” I’m back to wanting to kill him, character development be darned. So diminutive, dehumanizing, and objectifying. This guy has more than won the douchebag lottery. Riley can more than stick up for herself, but still. The way he speaks to her here makes me feel all kinds of gross.

He just said “ya heard” unironically. Can we let Jack punch him now, please?

Jack offering to let Ralph keep the cash he lifted if he gets to punch him is great, but even better is Mac and Riley offering to chip in money for The Cause.

Oh, yeah, Bozer was in this episode. I’m excited for when he is utilized more!

Bozer’s monster Mac is nightmare fuel!

“A letter? That you put in the mail? It’s 2016.” Hey, as someone who has an actual, old-school type pen pal, step off, Jack.

Mac: “You just gonna watch?” Jack, offended: “Not anymore.” How is it Jack is like Mac’s dad but they also bicker like 5-year-olds? This relationship is so strange, so wonderful, and the heart of the show in so many ways. I love them.

Mac’s words of wisdom about the nature of life are actually super encouraging and exactly what I needed to hear today.

I’d forgotten how much I love this episode – t’s so fun! Although the Codex storyline in season 4 is probably my favorite plot-wise, coming back to these early episodes is like a breath of fresh air! Excellent, excellent episode with so much to offer!

What are your thoughts on "Awl?" I'd love to discuss! :)

[book-of-ryker]

Deal.

Like ya’ll weren’t stuck.  In some hole.  Cause of Summer, and some bitch. Others might argue that I’m “the bad guy.” One Rightly Reasons that Billie Eilish is using me for a massive reserve of energy.  What do you know of Truth? Having to fall in Love with a man you know couldn’t possibly be made of Love. Someone has seen my emails.  Someone has logged into my account. Who even cares about me? Aint that depression? I don’t care. That’s blackmail. And no, I won’t go fuck myself. And no, I won’t back down.  From what? Judging a person based on the contents  of an email has strict access functions requiring  simple and unyielding honest review of disseminated information.  Whatever is in your purview is irrelevant when considering your past.  Meaning, what your future holds is not left up to your past and what People can find there. There is such a thing as past. Sakura. Kaguya.  Katara.  SAM.  Sailor Moon.  Methuselah. Were those not key elements to storytelling? And yet we objectify women as though they’ve become dolls...? I apologize for your inconvenient misinterpretation of culture. I apologize for your lack of True Study. You say you can deny this.  I’m certain that you can.  I’m also doubting you. In some way. Right? You’re wrong. Who.  You.  or Me. Sakura. Kaguya. Katara.. SAM. BILLIE EILISH. Did you learn to Love those two? (As though we’re not listening?) As Leaders? Did you l(h)ook them up too? Have you ever seen Japan, in the way that I’ve seen Japan? Have you ever only been drunk in Tokyo once because you were scared of getting into Trouble...? Did you sleep with prostitutes for fun or maybe rage? Has that ever been you? Did I not just shoot Facebook? An audience that won’t even Listen to me. About how smart I am. Did you fall in Love with someone Else? That you didn’t even know? What is this varied form of warfare, in so many words? I can prove that those women are real. They are real for the very reason that these words exist, even, on the Internet. In physics.  To say that Sakura didn’t exist on the same physical world or playing field as Naruto is a complete denial of sportsmanship. As though Naruto isn’t orbiting some Star, right now. Way out beyond us. Wouldn’t God be that cool? How cool is God when He’s faster than you, Always. What do you know of swords? Think a little bigger. Just think a little bigger.  We all get along. We aint demons, ya’ll. We ain’t haunted, ya’ll. You aint never seen nothing, like I’ve seen nothing. Didn’t I just shoot Facebook? And ya’ll just ignored me. Forget It. Trauma. Is all that you get. I truly hope that blows your mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utW1nX1GzTA Here’s a wedding song. Fuck it. Here’s some dressing. Keep your clothes on.  I’m undressing.  Damn. That’s hot. You cool.  For real though, I’mma need you to put them clothes back on. You say he was mean to you.  How did that make you feel? I remembered to breathe.  Say Thank You. What? Tell her thank you. For what? For telling you that you are proud to be near Her. Aint that just some seventeen year old popstar? Aint we being way too emotional? Trying to break stuff down for me. Like I ever really needed you.  I’m too cool for you.  Stay in school.  I’m here for you though.  If you need me. What just happened? She’s seventeen. I’ve got to wait until she’s eighteen. That’s even worse. Ryker, don’t do that.  That’s even worse. Fuck that.  Why do I care? What kinda conversation is this? Are you trying to Change My Mind on things? On what I believe/feel/think to be the Truth? Stop talking about my mom. She’s not even my mom. She’s my stepmom. (This is allllll you) She’s talking about you.... To you. Of course. When has it not been? Who could possibly know what Ai Jigen is thinking? What do you know of Truth? A name for the heart; Ai Jigen. A pretend  character. A fictional something.  For myself. Are you listening out there? God...? Who keeps hitting me in the head with this golf club...? Going, “Video games are fun.” I’m playing the video game by having peaceful dreams and odd amounts of Fun. I hear a dog bark and recognize that the Entirety of the American populace has heard what I have seen. And I have to remain speechless. Otherwise, I look like a dick. In everyone’s eyes, I look like the world’s biggest dick.  I simply do not care. I will live in my log cabin in the woods. We can get married in some Japanese town and have a small feast.  Stay quiet somewhere forever.  Not worried about politics. Not worried about anything other than fitness and eating healthy.

Read books fed in by the Catholic underneath.  Could I be that evil? You can youtube the Codex Gigas. No one cares anymore. How deep does Hell go? I won’t ever bother to care to know. I follow the Light.  Only. You shall not ever Corrupt Me.  Don’t you still live with your parents? Oh. True. How about you? Why would I ask you that? I came home and I think that we’re getting married. Yea---, I mean, yes, Sir. Thank You.  For letting me write my own friggin words. To wear a massive Crown. A scarily massive Crown.  A head larger than what can even be dreamt about. And to build an entire Dreaming City out of Sin.  To know, that at Night,  all the Lights are still open. And that I understand the Light better than any of you. Nothing else matters, aside from this Light.  This Light that I can hear. With ears unrelenting. A powerful gift, if not bestowed by the gods themselves. To recall and remember you.  You shall know my name. Ai Jigen.

[fyeahlearning-blog]

Hamlet is one of William Shakespeare’s most famous plays, if not the most well-known. Nearly everyone will recognize the Prince holding poor Yorick’s skull, even if they know nothing else about the play. Hamlet is probably performed around the year 1600. There were three distinct versions - Quarto One, Quarto Two, and the First Folio. These were printed at different times and have some textual differences.

It’s easy to learn about the play, even by reading SparkNotes. Instead of summarizing Hamlet, I want to go over a few interesting points/themes that I learned during one of my Shakespeare classes at university.

The Trouble with Hamlet

Hamlet believes that women are inconsistent - not only his mother, who can’t seem to be able to control her sexuality, but also Ophelia. In fact, everyone is inconsistent except for him. Perhaps this is because after the death of his father, Hamlet believes that he is the only person who shows true sorrow for this tragic event. Laertes, on the other hand, believes that men are inconsistent (1.3.10-31). In fact, Hamlet is the problem for Laertes. He tells Ophelia that because Hamlet is the prince of Denmark, he cannot make decisions for himself - his mind can never be his own. For Hamlet, political desires must always override his own desires. Laertes believe that Hamlet thinks he knows his own desires, but that he doesn’t, really.

Performance vs. Passion

Hamlet appears to be a quite hot-headed young man. When he is in the heat of the moment, he can commit murder quite easily (e.g. Polonius). However, when he is forced to stop and think of his actions, Hamlet becomes quite uneasy. A prime example is when Hamlet is mulling over whether to kill Claudius or not while his stepfather is praying.

The dichotomy between what one really feels and how one acts on the outside is probably my favourite part of the play. Polonius’ famous “ to thine own self be true” speech is made even more ridiculous by the fact that no one in Hamlet acts true to their own self. Everyone is performing, from Hamlet pretending madness to Claudius pretending to be the kind father. Hamlet performs insanity for Polonius, then later for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. “Now I am alone,” he says to the audience when his friends leave - ergo, now I can stop performing.

Yet Hamlet is worried about his outside not matching his inside. He has acted the grieving son, yes, but even a player (an actor) can look sadder than he does, just for a fictional part. Everyone is unsure of how Hamlet is acting - but so is he.

At the Mousetrap play, Hamlet makes obscene and objectifying comments to Ophelia. Does he actually mean what he is saying, or is he performing the part of the man everyone thinks he is? The interpretation of one’s choosing depends on how one believes it fits with the rest of the play. Furthermore, Ophelia seems to take the comments easily in stride - she even banters back with him.

The Women of the Play

It’s pretty obvious that Ophelia is in a position of powerlessness. Shakespeare’s men can get away with things that women simply cannot. For instance, Polonius appears to find it natural that Hamlet has fallen into madness in love for Ophelia. On the other hand, he expects that Ophelia will hold everything together. He sends Ophelia to Hamlet to “cure” him of his madness. There is a presence of double standards here. Ophelia must be stable but Hamlet can be all over the place.

Hamlet’s comments to Ophelia in the “get thee to a nunnery!” scene (1.3) are quite cruel. Women are terrible. They are also deceptive because they wear makeup. However, again, we don’t know if he actually means what he is saying. The Danish prince knows that Ophelia is being controlled by Claudius and Polonius, so perhaps he suspects that their conversation will be repeated to them. And yet, his comments, put together with Polonius’ death and Laertes gone from the court, create an atmosphere in which Ophelia, no longer able to stand the pressure, goes insane and kills herself. We might ask then - does the inside (what Hamlet actually meant) matter when the performance causes suicide?

In the Mel Gibson movie version, Hamlet seems no better than Claudius. Not only these two, but even Hamlet Sr., are all trying to control Gertrude’s sexuality. But what kind of character is Gertrude, really? Does she love Claudius, is she just trying to control her power the best way she can, or is she a victim? Like Ophelia, who is present in the play to be pretty, Gertrude is also there to fulfill a role. If she is not a wife, she is a mother.

What about Ophelia’s death? Gertrude’s description of how Ophelia falls into the brook and floats about like a mermaid before she finally drowns seems rather suspicious. There is a couple ways of reading this scene. Perhaps Gertrude is trying to make Ophelia’s death matter in the only way that will make the men stop and listen. This is why, then, she describes Ophelia’s death in the most beautiful way possible, tugging upon the men’s heartstrings. Perhaps Gertrude is the type of person who takes horrible events and tries to make them look better, to keep the people around her sane. (Don’t worry that my husband is dead - we have a new king. Don’t worry that Ophelia is dead - it looked pretty; trust me, I was there.) Or perhaps Gertrude had something to do with Ophelia’s death. It does indeed sound as if she watched the entire incident without trying to help the young girl. She also knew that Ophelia’s death would spurn Laertes to vengeance - which would mean finally getting that pesky Hamlet out of the way.

Hamlet and Horatio

My professor didn’t talk about Hamlet’s relationship with Horatio, but I couldn’t end this post without talking about my favourite tragic Danish boys.

Ophelia is left alone, making her seclusion all the more debilitating and dangerous (thereby leading to her suicide); on the other hand, Hamlet finds a source of comfort in his friend Horatio. It is evident that Hamlet keeps his thoughts to himself as the play goes on; however, Horatio is Hamlet’s dearest friend and is still his confidante even towards the end of the play. Hamlet opens up more to Horatio than any other character, thereby easing at least a part of his isolation. While Hamlet disdains the company of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, and perhaps also Ophelia, he maintains that Horatio is the most honest man that he knows – “thou art e’en as just a man / As e’er my conversation coped withal” (3.2.47-48) – and, therefore, the one most worthy of trust. 

As further contrast between Horatio and Hamlet’s other male friends, Hamlet mentions to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that he is unable to sleep peacefully: “Oh God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and / count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I / have bad dreams” (2.2.231.15-17). The pair does not seem to comprehend the significance of Hamlet’s statement, overlooking the fact that Hamlet has momentarily revealed a deeper part of himself. Consequently, Hamlet again regards his classmates with scorn and does not open up to them again. It is only Horatio who hears more of Hamlet’s nightmares: “Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting / That would not let me sleep” (5.2.4-5). Horatio questions Hamlet about his dreams, taking his friend seriously and thereby proving himself worthy of Hamlet’s confidence. Since Horatio is a sincere friend, Hamlet divulges more about himself as the play continues – Hamlet therefore has someone with whom to converse even though he isolates himself from everyone else.

Sources: Shakespeare Uncovered, the three versions, Emma Smith’s lecture, Hamlet (1990), Hamlet (2009), “The Shared Loneliness of Hamlet and Ophelia” (an essay I wrote last year), my own class notes (Jennifer Garrison, St. Mary’s University).

[chaosmagetwin]

The Wild Adventures of Ashley and Paul: Prologue

Ashley stared at the empty bowl in the sink, one green eye twitching.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Despite the calming action, her tail twitched angrily. After a few more moments, she finally yelled out loud. 

"WHERE IS MY FUCKING! PUDDING?!"

Silence followed, and it took a few moments before a heavy step sounded just outside the kitchen door. "I ate it." She snapped her head to look at the man standing in the doorway, his too wide shoulders taking up half of it, even though one of the shoulders wasn't even visible yet. The rings in her horns jingled for a moment and she propped her fists on her hips. Just as she opened her mouth to say something, he spoke again. "You used butter in it. You know I can't resist that."

"You don't even have a stomach anymore!" She ranted. "I made that pudding for me! It was vanilla and strawberry!" Her tail swished through the air, and she winced as the tip accidentally clipped a cupboard handle. "It's my favorite..."

"I thought we agreed to never use butter for that reason again? I thought we were going healthy?" He stepped through the doorway the rest of the way, and carefully slid a chair so he could sit in it. She glared at him as he sat down, but waited. "I might not have a stomach anymore, but I still have tastebuds." He smirked at her as her rage deflated. "Besides. I won't gain weight. I've got an... iron stomach." He sniggered as she rolled her eyes at him. 

Ashley sighed and picked up the bowl with one hand. Not even a little bit left. She jumped as the doorbell rang. "Who the hell?"

"Hey, Language, potty mouth. Keep the cursing for the humans." He stood up again as the two of them headed for the front door. The moment they opened it, Ashley burst out laughing. "Well, if it isn't the guy who never shuts up about toilet paper!"

The large man in a business suit outside her door sighed, and pushed his glasses further up on his nose. "That was one story, Ashley. How is The Wild House treating you two?" The Author stepped inside, looking around, a pen tapping his clipboard. "I see there's no damage yet. Surprising, considering your heritage and Paul's size..."

Paul sighed. "Yes, please, come on in. Would you like some vanilla pudding?" Ashley shoved her elbow into his ribs and winced as it hit hard steel. The Author looked up at their nervously grinning faces and shrugged. 

"I'm afraid I don't have that sort of time today. I'm just here to inspect the house and make sure you two havn't killed each other. I need my characters alive, after all. How is high school?"

"Apparently, Character High School is terribly racist. Being part demon kind of sucks. or a cyborg." Ashley spoke slowly at the wall, choosing not to look at The Author.

"Yeah. Apparently, half demons should be slutty and sucking out... 'souls'... and cyborgs need to have laser beams, have no emotions, and no sense of humor. I literally cannot pun or joke in class without everyone staring at me and trying to figure out if i am being dead serious or not. Sarcasm is literally impossible."

"Yes, those are the stereotypes... And you are fighting against them?"

They both nodded, although Ashley gave a shrug too. "Apparently my anger is because I'm a demon, and not because I'm pissed that they are both objectifying and demeaning me. Also, Paul is hilarious. Usually." The Author scribbled furiously on the clipboard, nodding. He walked past the two of them without even looking up. "And have you been following your character arcs?"

"You mean... studying?" Authors are so difficult to understand. Why can't they just talk like normal people? Ashley thought. "I mean, yeah. It's school."

"Mhmm." He passed by the kitchen and stopped to stare inside for a few moments. He made some sort of noise as the two of them stared inside as well, wondering what he was seeing.... or not seeing. "Show me to your bedrooms?" he had phrased it as a question, but it was toned as an order. The two of them sighed. Dealing with The Author was never easy. When Ashley had first saved Paul, neither of them had thought they would be recruited by The Authoritative Agency and forced to live together. Phrases like 'incredible backstory' and 'fascinating characters' were thrown about as a house was purchased for them and the short yet large Author was assigned to them to study and learn... for something. The AA wasn't exactly understood by anyone outside of it. They'd been placed into a highschool filled with people like them, although they were a little more human. Some were going to grow up to become 'hard boiled detectives', while others were already working as 'magical girls'. What any of that meant to Ashley or Paul was unclear. 

The short walk up the stairs to visit the bedrooms was punctuated by The Authors' 'hmm's and 'aha's. Ashley opened her door for him and watched his face as he looked in. She bit her tongue as his face lit up with delight. "Ah, yes, perfect, quite perfect indeed." Her eye twitched dangerously, and Paul put a hand on her shoulder before she spoke. "I quite like the decorations. Girly, yet dangerous. Fitting."

She looked into her room as Paul and The Author moved to his room. For a moment, she wondered what exactly he meant by 'dangerous'. Her wall's were a nice neutral beige color, and most of the floorspace was taken up by a simple wooden dresser, a desk, and her red blanketed bed. The floor was not as clean as she wanted, with some books lying about here and there, a pile of clothes shoved into the corner, and a plate of old food half hidden under her bed. The only 'dangerous' thing was the pulsating flesh telephone she used to keep in contact with her mother, or, more likely, for her mother to keep in contact with her. Even the window had a bland look outside.

Her thoughts were interupted by The Authors cries of "No, no, this is all wrong. Wrong! This can't be here! Ah, you need you get rid of this."

She looked over at Pauls room and watched as now Paul's face twitched with anger. He had better control over his emotions than she did, but obviously this was bothering him. "What's he complaining about?" She asked casually.

"The books. Apparently, since I choce a muscle-bound body, I can't be intellectual."

Paul's room had quite a few more books than hers did. In fact, it was where she got her books; four bookcases lined the walls, with a desk shoved between two of them, and half of the other acting as his dresser. His closet was impossible to access with a bookcase in front of it. All the shelves, except those holding the few clothes he wore, held books. In the center of the room was the bed, with a simple blue blanket covering it. 

The Author harrumphed and stomped out of the room, then glared at Ashley. "Show me to the bathroom."

"Wow, jeeze, can't you date a girl first?" She asked automatically, her eyes flicking to Paul’s face to see his reaction. She grinned as Paul's face lightened and broke into a smile as well. "It's this way." She led the way, and opened the door. "Shouldn't you know where all this is anyways?"

"Of course I know where all this is. It's polite to ask." He stepped into it and jotted a few notes down as she sighed, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. She didn't know exactly how he did it, but The Author was in control of how her life went now; how good her grades were, what happened during the day, whether a cute boy would hit on her, or an ugly one. He was like a god she despised who was also a mortal. 

"How do you two entertain yourselves?" Paul was the first to answer. "Books and jokes. Occasionally T.V. and video games."

Ashley gave a shrug. "Video Games, occasionally books, and trying to cook. Depending on your mood, it sometimes even turns out well."

"You aren't supposed to be good at cooking. Those were just strokes of dumb luck." She glared at him as he revealed the truth. 

"Well, I like to! Can't you change that?!"

"No. Show me where you play." She clenched her hands behind her back, but her tail and face gave away her real emotions. Paul stepped in front of her, his massive back taking up her view for a moment. 

"It's right this way, Author, Sir. Just down the stairs. Out of curiousity," he asked as they moved downstairs, "How are we supposed to eat?"

"With forks and knives, of course." For a few moments, everyone was silent, before he corrected himself "And you're supposed to go out to eat. Sorry, i work with many strange creatures. Some of them ask me that question, and I have to take it seriously."

Oh, fuck, he wasn't even joking, thought Ashley. "Isn't that expensive?" She said outloud. 

"The two of you don't have to worry about that. Your background gives you leave for that sort of expense." He looked in the living room, and made a 'hmmm' noise again. "Show me the games you play." Ashley sighed and entered the living room. It was decently sized, yet rather empty; a card table took up one 'half', even though it was no where near actually taking up that much room, while the television and couch properly took up their half. Next to the mounted flat screen they had saved up their allowances to buy were two dressers that held all their games, while a coffee table below the mounted TV held the console and the controls with long cords. She headed to her dresser and opened it. Most of her allowance went to the games, with a solid portion dedicated to food. "These three are my favorite." She tossed them to The Author, who read the names out loud.

"Seraphim's War, Call of Guns, and Final Fiction twenty seven? Why these?" "... I like fighting games, shooting games, and I like the main character in the last one." She said carefully. She put her hands behind her back and wrapped her tail around one leg. She didn't want it to smash into the TV if he said something that angered her again.

"And yours, Paul?" She glared at The Author as he completely ignored her choices. Not even a compliment for taste!

Paul moved to his dresser and opened it, pulling out his favorite three. "Uhh, Love-Love Dance Machination, Cyberspace, and The Dating Sim GrandMaster." Ashley rolled her eyes. So did The Author

"Well, at least both of your tastes are unique. Should have had your genders switched." He muttered. "Oh well. It's written now. I have to go, now. Alien House calls." he waddled for the front door. "I'll see myself out. Be careful in the coming days. Your story is about to get Wild."