#we don't understand how a lot of really nasic shit works
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sitting here fingers fuckin crossed that our mom is srs abt letting us apply to a paid internship over the summer at the place she works bc that money is very sexy step closer to getting away from her. also sorry fuck ton of venting in the tags.
#a lot of her abuse is centered around control and forced dependance#so im nervous she'll realize us making money = us potentially gaining independence from her more than we already have#my main hope though is that this will allow us access to our important documents#like our birth certificate ssn that type of stuff#bc we literally haven't ever even SEEN ours#my learning how to cook and things has also been smth that set her off#this treatment just leaves us feeling so useless i wont lie#like all of our friends have gotten jobs they can drive they know how to do basic tasks#we know how to drive but getting our license is still a fight#we haven't been allowed a job before bc “oh your mother can provide for you just fine why would you want to work for it”#(spoiler she only provides if shes happy with us. she is rarely happy with us. it has lead to us starving for days before bc we literally#weren't allowed to cook)#we don't understand how a lot of really nasic shit works#*basic#and we get made fun of for it a lot#like we're 18... 19 this year in july. but we barely feel like we have the ability to care for ourself#it leads to a lot of dependence on our partners or the people around us and we feel fucking guilty abt that but like#we do not know how to do these things. learning them puts us in danger. i just want us to be able to be a proper adult.#but she has it so deep in our head that we are too stupid for that. and that independence is danger.#i just hope this is a step. i desperately need this to be a step.#vent#derek.txt
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