#we don't ever become 100% perfect and we cant expect ourselves or others to be
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iâm not good with words so i probably wonât describe it right. but the black/white mentality online sometimes of things with any flaws being âpure evil/need to be destroyedâ and expecting the alternative to be whatever arbitrary things the person decided are âperfectly healthyâ... does not do anyone good.
i mean yes, we could go into it being an extension of purity culture, of conservatism mindset etc but like. at an even more basic level, especially because online spaces have a lot of younger people:
its really bad to view YOURSELF that way. and when youâre viewing even things way outside you that way, you might be viewing yourself that way. that relationship in X novel is bad because person 1 didnât communicate right away, and even if they learn and improve through the novel youâve already decided theyâre âtoo flawedâ, or maybe the person 1 never fully improves since its a novel and âawfulâ to âmoderately decent at relationshipsâ is the arc instead of moderately decent to âperfect.âÂ
But my point is, about yourself: no one is perfect. You will NEVER be perfect. Please donât hold yourself to the expectation you MUST BE PERFECT and anything less makes you pure evil/irredeemable/awful and unworthy of being treated fairly. The best anyone can do in this life, is try their best, notice when they do happen to mess up or someone lets them know they have, and practice trying to do better next time. You can improve yourself for a lifetime, for decades go to therapy and do all the right exercises and work on yourself every time you slip up even a little AND give yourself breaks so you donât work yourself to death being overly critical of yourself nonstop... and still by your death you wonât be perfect.Â
When I see people get very intensely angry about fiction being imperfect, about wanting it âperfect,â it makes me worry maybe they canât take and accept their own imperfections. That they see themselves as pure good or evil too, and either naively think of themselves as âperfectâ which leads to ignoring when you do actually harm others or yourself (which will happen sometimes), or think of themselves already as irredeemably bad and never able to fix it (since any imperfection even if working on it is ânot good enoughâ according to such a thought process). And thatâs an awful way to live. You need to be able to care for yourself NOW, think youâre worthy of respect and fairness NOW, think others critiques of you can be put to constructive use so you can grow, think of yourself as the sum of all the years of growing and improving you ALREADY DID and how thatâs a wonderful amazing thing youâve accomplished!Â
This purity culture idea just seems like its very prone to making the people sucked into it self hate because humans just never can be fully perfect, or sucked into never improving and growing and rejecting times they maybe should for their own wellbeing because admitting they have any flaws makes them forever âawful.â Thatâs not true. Youâre not inherently bad, period. Youâre not bad for having flaws, youâre normal and human and alive. Itâs okay to have flaws, its okay to gradually work on them because humans can only improve so much at a time, its okay to realize 2 decades later that oh you still have this negative thing you do and then maybe work on it then. The reality is we will never be perfect, we will still find our share of some kinds of flaws when weâre very old and about to die, and we need to be able to accept ourselves and appreciate the progress we constantly make and recognize we are valuable and inherently okay as people even when there are still flaws or new flaws come up.Â
#rant#basically just. if you view yourself with purity culture. u can hurt yourself very badly#and when u start seeing your outside world as black white pure good pure bad? then its a slippery slope to viewing#yourself and other real people that way#in reality? a parent can be very loving and healthy and STILL fuck you up a little and still need to work on it until they're 60#in reality? you could've had divorced or absent parents and that made you play out#subconcious abandonment issues on your crushes in high school and the truth is you WERE a jerk#but you werent 'pure evil' you were simply doing all you knew how to naturally do at the time#and you simply could Not have done better until someone or yourself NOTICED you were acting out your abandonment issues#and even once you work on those issues in therapy or self help? it will be a lifetime of those traits instilled from childhood#rearing their ugly head to some degree. not enough to be a jerk anymore yay#but enough that you still might get irrationally jealous. or irrationally fearful when someone is emotionally close#we don't ever become 100% perfect and we cant expect ourselves or others to be#we are ALL flawed in a myriad of ways and need to be able to accept people have flaws and are still Good and Worth existing#because we ARE flawed people. everyone we know is#when we put some people on a pedestal as perfect we lie to ourselves and hurt ourselves and everyone else
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