#we don't even know what shadowhand even means...

[ophelialmx]

I feel like there’s an interesting Essek note that gets missed. It wasn’t:

Essek: I feel responsible for the death of my dear father D:

It was more like...

Essek: I guess being responsible for the death of my father would be objectively considered a ‘bad’ thing I have done? Social norms suggest his death should be significant to me, so it seems pertinent... He was not a great loss though, not a lot of life goals there.

... Which again I find way more interesting than the sweet/tragic/tortured interpretation, that he is a person haunted by responsibility and loss over the death of a loved one. Being blocked off from most pain or guilt related to the event, or legitimately having little regard for the person who died, is the road less travelled and so very interesting. Essek doesn’t even know if his father was close enough to a beacon to be reincarnated - and from the way he spoke about it, that’s not tearing him up inside. He is perhaps wary about the idea, but mostly finds the possibility academically fascinating. Wow.

Edit: And that doesn’t even open the can of worms that is the contrast to Caleb’s story, let alone anyone else’s.

[luolands]

Essek and Favors/Debts

Caleb, c2e62: This is a great.. gift? Essek: Remember it, there may be a time where I need to call a favor back in.

Caleb, c2e70: I would very much like to speak with this person again, even in your presence, if that makes it more conducive. Essek: I'll see what I can do.

Essek, c2e74: I think I figured it out. Caleb: Sometimes the simplest solutions escape us. I'm in your debt again. Essek: Mm-hmm.

c2e74: (After teleporting to the dragon den) You skipped a shit ton of possible encounters there. Earned some more in Essek's debt by doing so, but you managed to avoid a lot of possible dangers so well done.

c2e75: You called in an additional favor with Shadowhand Essek, teleported northward to Mythburrow.

Essek, c2e77: Good, so you are now in a place to call in some of the debt. Caleb: Indeed. Essek: Good. There is indeed one beacon that still remains in the grasp of the Empire. We have.. numerous ways of pushing towards that goal. However, should you have been careful in your dealings, you have a little more reach within the Empire than someone such as I would, of course. I would request, on the behalf of the Bright Queen, to see if you can discover where this beacon is being held.

Jester, c2e77: Could you put that chair back in the air? It's just really cool up there.  Essek: Your friend Caleb is able to do that now. It is uh.. not inexpensive. Jester: Oh. Okay. Essek: Do you have 25 gold to pass along? Jester: Well, I mean, yeah, but I don't know if a chair in the air is worth that.  Essek: That's.. exactly what I mean. But maybe you can convince him.

Essek, c2e78: I trust that your interests are forthright. I'll need your help soon anyway. Jester: He said he would need our help soon.

c2e79: [You made an additional deal for rapid transportation with your sponsor, Shadowhand Essek Thelyss who agreed, begrudgingly, for the very last time to do this.] Liam: The last, last time. Marisha: He keeps saying that. Travis: He can't say no. [Wow he's just racking up the debt points with you guys. He's going to make you do some fun stuff down the road.]

Essek, c2e79: Well, I do not consider this payment. A favor for a favor and I'm certain I will call these favors in at some time in the future. But for now, just go ahead and hitch them to the exterior of your home and we'll be on our way.

Beau, c2e79: We haven't forgotten that we owe you a favor and that you wanted to talk to us about needing something. So hey, you're at the top of our list as soon as this is done. Essek: A number of favors, I have not forgotten.

Jester, c2e91: We owe him some favors. Beau: Hey, yeah, let's do that first. What do you mean by that? What favors? Essek: I don't know. Perhaps some of my research at some time might require more hands than those I have myself.

Jester, c2e91: Can you just turn this body into a different body? Essek: I do not know of such magic myself, unfortunately. ... But if I hear anything, I will let you know. Nott: If we hear of something, could we ask your aid? Essek: If I can. Nott: In deciphering it? Essek: …If I can.

Nott, c2e91: He's been studying something to help me lately. Working on equations.  Caleb: I've been noodling about with something. Essek: Perhaps I can offer some aid.

Jester, c2e91: Yeah, if you ever feel like ditching out here and traveling with us, just let us know, you know? ... Essek: Well, if I can be of help in some way, perhaps with your (Nott's) predicament as you were requesting, let me know.

Caduceus, c2e91: I have been on a quest, sent by my goddess to fix my home, to bring it back to life, to replenish it. ... Essek: If there is any way I can be helpful, you know how to contact me. [He looks knowingly at Jester]

Beau, c2e91: I'll trade you a secret if it crosses off one of those favors.  Essek: It better be one heck of a secret.

Caleb, c2e91: (holding dunamis potion) Let's call this one favor.. taken care of. Essek: That. Would be a favor accepted. Jester: Ooh, he didn't accept your secret!

Caleb, c2e91: Well, we'll come back later and compare notes. Essek: I'll be here. Perhaps I can provide breakfast as a thank you.

Caleb, c2e91: We work well together. We should explore other things. Other things. Essek: I have some ideas. There are favors owed still. Anyway, let's get back to the rest of your friends.

Essek, c2e92: [As you're about to leave, Caleb, he grabs your shoulder for a minute and is like] If at all possible, because I helped author with the completion of this, would I be able to make a copy of this for my own records? Caleb: Of course. I would not have been able to do it without you. Essek: Wonderful.

Essek, c2e94: It prevents me from some of my capabilities throughout the day each time I do this, so while I'm here in my home and things are not requiring me to be elsewhere rapidly, thankfully this is a moment in time in which I am more useful here in the city. Fjord: It's greatly appreciated. Essek: I'm sure we'll find a way to balance the scales sometime.

Jester, c2e97: You're not going to betray us again, Essek. You're not going to, like, leave here and tell everyone that we know and then get us killed. Essek: Well, that depends. You show me a kindness. Jester: We've done nothing but show you kindness. Essek: You're not wrong.

Essek, c2e97: I cannot be here. Cad: We have to know what's coming, we need to know what you paid, what you've set in motion. We're going to have to take care of it.  Essek: If I tell you, will you let me go?

Essek, c2e98: I am just contemplating.. what is to come. I appreciate what sliver of trust allowed me to leave. It's not forgotten.

Jester, c2e99: Hey, when you come here tomorrow, will you bring some, like, pastries because you'll be- you'll, like- something good? Will you bring us a present? [Persuasion check] Eight but you like me, Essek, come on! Essek: Things are a bit tense for me to head to a bakery? But should all things go well, maybe another time. Nonetheless, I will take my leave for the night. Thank you for not throwing me into the water.

Essek, c2e131: All right. Have you decided? Caleb: Yes, Essek, we are going to stick with you. We feel we can trust you more than my old teacher. Essek: I'm thankful for the trust you put in me. And I hope to.. make this.. up to you. Anyway, I'm bad at such discussions.

Essek, c2e136: Well, I guess it's more important that you keep everyone alive. [He casts fly on Cad] (he's wading through the water and he's like) Don't forget to return the favor!

Essek c2e141: What have you done? This world was so much easier when it was black and white. Beau: But it's so much more beautiful in all the shades of colors. Essek: Thank you, Mighty Nein. I can never return the favor for what you've done for me.

[mooneloquence]

❛ it’s hard to sit here and be close to you and not kiss you. ❜ or ❛ maybe i’ll see you in another life if this one wasn’t enough. ❜ for sg prompts?

Okay, this one got angsty, but don't worry, it's just a conversation, and there's fluff and comfort for both of them in the end (I'm doing the second prompt because I already filled the other one here!)

I feel like there's a million different takes on lifespan angst already and they're all wonderful (even though I can't read some of them because they hurt my heart too much), but I figured this prompt was perfect to write my own. The next prompts will be quite fluffy and lighthearted to balance this one. Thanks, anon, for the prompts! Hope you enjoy 💜 I'm still taking prompts from here, send me an ask!

Maybe I'll see you in another life if this one wasn't enough. (850 words, G)

"Why?" A single syllable was all it took to break Caleb's heart.

He deserved it, he supposed, because judging the look on Essek's eyes, he had done the same with only a sentence. So I think it is time for us to go back to being just friends.

The older wizard—funny to think of it that way when it was Caleb whose face was wrinkled, whose hair was almost done silvering and thinning—looked like he had been struck across the face, eyes wide as his mind tried to make sense of what was happening.

"Why?" he repeated after not receiving an answer, and his eyes filled with tears as his voice cracked.

"Have you not been listening?" Caleb asked softly, a deep frown creasing his brow. He had been trying to explain exactly that for the past forty-six minutes and eleven seconds, saying—in many, many words—that at sixty-one, he was hardly a young man anymore. He knew he had postponed this conversation long enough, far longer than he should have, chickening out every time—at fifty, fifty-four, fifty-nine, and the previous year on his sixtieth birthday. And now, he had no buffer, there was no introducing the idea ahead of time anymore.

"Apparently not." Essek frowned as well, and in any other situation, Caleb would have been proud of how far the proud ex Shadowhand had come to allow himself to cry freely. Calloused, wrinkled hands came up to wipe the small diamonds that spilled down Essek's cheeks. No, no, no, please, don't, I don't deserve these, they are far too precious to waste on me. "I do not understand, Caleb, did I do something wrong?"

"What? No, of course not," he soothed him. "This was what I wanted to avoid, causing you pain." His throat had felt tight this whole time, but now it hurt.

Even through the tears, there was recognition and understanding in the elf's gaze. So now you see it. But it all turned into swift anger after but a moment; anger which quickly morphed again, mellowing down to something stubborn and fierce he knew all too well.

"Is this because you are not as young anymore?"

"I knew we should have had this conversation sooner, I—"

"What conversation?” the elf interrupted him. “Because as far as I know, there was no actual conversation until now."

"I am sorry, Essek." Caleb looked down. The drow's tears had stopped, but he still cradled his face in his hands. "I am an old man, and you are still... you; I don't want you to suffer when I am—" he swallowed— "gone."

Dark hands came up to encircle his wrists. Whatever marks they bore were not because of age, but because of twenty-eight years of a life on the run, constantly moving.

"I do not see any of the others doing the same. Not Fjord, not Beauregard, even though both Jester and Yasha will outlive them."

"I—"

"'For someone so smart, you can be real stupid sometimes, Essek.'"

"What?"

"That is what Jester tells me sometimes. Though it fits you at the moment." The unexpected accusation startled a chuckle out of the human. "I know you mean well, but I do not want you to mitigate my suffering. I do not need you to do that for myself, Caleb." Essek's hands glided up to cover the back of his, and they were as warm and as lovely as ever.

The tightness in Caleb’s throat became impossible to bear, and he could only whisper an I'm sorry before his face crumbled and he dissolved into sobs that had been building up for the past few years. Almost immediately, two arms came around him as Essek hugged him tightly and buried his face into his neck. And who was he not to hug back? It had been a while since Caleb had lost track of time, but by the point the tears of preemptive grief, of fear and heartache ceased, he found that he was glad it was the case.

"There is a saying in the Dynasty," murmured Essek, cheek still pressed against his shoulder. "It translates to maybe I will see you in another life if this one wasn't enough, and it is usually said quite literally. But," he paused to sigh into Caleb’s neck, "this is the only life we get before whatever is in the afterlife. Please, don't push me away. When I said I wanted to spend all the time I could with you, I meant it, Caleb Widogast."

Squeezing his eyes shut, he exhaled shakily into Essek’s shoulder. "You will grieve."

"So be it. I accepted the grief when I accepted loving the Mighty Nein, when I accepted loving you. But the happiness you have brought me far outweighs any pain that may come."

For a few minutes, there was silence as they breathed each other in, peace restored in their hearts.

Then, Caleb spoke again, "I never meant to cause you pain. Will you forgive my foolishness, schatz?"

He felt more than heard Essek chuckle as he nodded. "Always, young man."