#we can accept a little cringe in our life !!

[floralovebot]

OMG HELIA IN TEN’S BIRTHDAY OUTFIT? obsessed

also! i actually haven’t started the boards but once i get started i’ll link them to you <3 ive actually been working on more kpop music headcanons!! i really want to make a public playlist so it’s easier to see? but i don’t want to reveal my personal spotify 😭

i’m so curious about your thoughts about winx kpop au, like are you thinking of them as kpop idols? and i’ve heard about butterflix being inspired by kpop, i think it’s soo cute!!

ahh excited to see them!! also completely understand, i literally made a second account just for fandom shit so i could share my winx playlists without sharing my personal ajhdgljahg

and yes i have this like full blown kpop au for them it's actually so embarrassing ajdhgladhg usually i think of it as divorced from canon but i do have thoughts about the winx band in the canon universe!

[strikersin]

If my Actual Real Life Father saw this blog I wouldn't even be able to die. I would just live. LOL. At that point I guess we have different things to worry about .

But I can see his confused and perplexuated reaction . Haha. It's actually cute

[leviafin]

Exotrauma

Having exotrauma from a "cringe" or "silly" source sucks. It feels like you're taken infinitely less seriously than those who have trauma from grittier, adult-geared and/or "acceptable" sources. Which in and of itself just isolates you and makes it worse.

I'm not just a silly little thing from your silly little Roblox game that could never show signs of trauma because it's 'just a kids game'--and I'm not your blorbo either. It feels like there's 2 common options for how people treat fictionkind with exotrauma:

Oh my poor little scrunkly, my little cardboard box meow meow.... Going to hold you because I love babying you and treating you like you're not even a person because I see you only as my favourite character. (Mind you, this is distinctly SEPARATE from actual friendly support, you can tell the difference.)

You're not a fictional character, get over it lmao. Yeah I know you are them but like you didn't ACTUALLY live through that, stop claiming it, it's disrespectful. Why are you upset at my memes about your death lol. Get a life.

So like... Maybe fictionkind are people. Maybe I don't want to think about the worse parts of my source. Maybe I don't want my trauma shoved in my face as a little funny joke, even if the context is changed. Maybe, just maybe... Leave alterhumans with fictional sources alone. Even if their source is lighthearted, even if it's for kids, even if it's the most "cringe" media you can think of.

Sonic the Hedgehog might've seemed fine in-source but maybe he's fucked up from all that he's been through. That warrior cat alterhuman isn't just being edgy, maybe they're suffering from the memories of fighting to survive day in and day out. Bluey is allowed to be not okay, and their source shouldn't dictate their experiences. Do you ever think that some Pokemon or trainers don't have amazing, adventurous lives travelling around with their best friends? Mario might have nightmares and flashbacks from his source. Mickey Mouse is allowed to be hurt, and allowed to express that. That MLP alterhuman isn't always going to be just a happy colourful magic pony with no issues whatsoever.

We are PEOPLE, and our sources being "happy", "for kids", "light-hearted", "fun" or anything of the sort should NOT dictate how we are treated here, what our experiences are "allowed" to be, or how we are expected to act. Treat fictionkind--of all sorts--like PEOPLE.

[navybrat817]

What do we think of a pining Bucky who isn't good at flirting anymore?

I love that idea, nonnie.

Bucky who is trying to get his bearings after everything and seeing you brings so much comfort to his life. You're patient and accepting. Just a good person. And you're so beautiful to him. One of the most beautiful people he has ever laid eyes on.

But he has a tendency to stare a little bit too long and doesn't exactly look away when you catch him. The old him would've said something charming, but the current him just continues to stare. Sometimes gives you an awkward smile in return. It's kind of sweet though, especially when he cringes before he looks away.

Bucky who wants to spend more time with you and finds excuses to hang out or linger nearby. You're so easy to talk to and listen to and don't seem to mind his company. It's nice that you want him around, especially when so many others want your attention.

But it creates another awkward moment when he laughs at a joke you make... to someone else. Both of you turn to look at him and he can't come up with an excuse for why he's eavesdropping because he wasn't even supposed to be there. How can he blend in so easily in any other situation, except for when it comes to you? You're nice enough to give him a soft smile when he salutes you and walks away. He wants to kick his own ass for that because he. Saluted. You.

Bucky who sees you talking to another guy one day and he once again lingers nearby. Are you attracted to him? Is he funny? Does it treat you well? He blurts out, "So, are you seeing him or something?" when the guy walks away. He looks a little relieved and a bit too eager when you say not only are you not seeing the guy, but you're single. Now's the perfect opportunity to ask you out, right?

But instead of taking a chance, he says, "That's great that you're single. Really great." He can feel the cheek tic the moment the words leave his mouth. At least he doesn't salute you this time when your brows furrow, but he quickly takes his leave again and groans once he's far enough away. He's an idiot.

Bucky who is happy you're still talking to him despite him being him and tries to surprise you one by making your favorite meal. He's so careful, checking the recipe multiple times to get it just right. He even manages a relaxed smile when he sees you and proudly holds up dish. "Heard this was your favorite, so I wanted to surprise you."

But almost like he's watching in slow motion, his super soldier reflexes can't stop him from dropping the meal right at your feet. His eye twitches when he realizes the food splashed on your shoes and legs. Neither of you speak and you hardly react. "I'm so sorry," he finally says. The sadness that takes over your eyes is enough for him to deflate. "I'm fucking hopeless around you," he mutters before grabbing something to clean it up, his shoulders sagging in defeat.

Bucky who doesn't understand why he can't just have this one thing go right. All he wants to do is be with you and be good to you. If you give him a chance... But why would you since he keeps making an ass out of himself? At least Steve and Sam don't witness any of his fumbling when it comes to you.

But his hope renews when you crouch to help him clean up the mess. The hope grows when you smile at him, his heart and stomach twisting in tight knots. "It's okay, Bucky. I'm sorry I didn't get to try it, but I'm sure it was delicious," you say, your hand touching his. He longs to feel you touch him again. "Maybe we can make it together sometime? If you'd like," you offer.

Bucky who isn't sure he heard you correctly even with his excellent hearing. Who says "Yes!" a little too loudly once the words register and makes you giggle when he pinches himself. He can't help himself. He has to make sure he isn't dreaming. And he hopes when you two make that meal together he can convince you to go on a date with him.

Awkwardness and all.

Our poor awkward Bucky. I kind of love him. What other awkward shenanigans can he get up to? Love and thanks! ❤️

[moonlightsapphic]

Look, I just need you guys to understand how important queer coming-of-age forbidden romances on internationally accessible platforms like Netflix is, especially to youth in countries where homosexuality still hasn't been legally decriminalised or socially accepted.

That was a mouthful, so let me explain. You, a white American adult with a liberal family, may not relate to a fictional anxious teen Swedish prince grappling with strict familial and societal expectations versus his first love. You may not find anything special in a bunch of queer British teens discovering themselves and figuring out complex relationships that are honestly rather simplistic, in retrospect. It might be a little too trite for you. Like, just a little vanilla without any extra drama. Perhaps corny—cringe, even. Too wholesome.

But you know what that is to me, a desi queer young adult? It's representation, in an unlikely place. My country certainly isn't making movies or shows where I see my secret relationship between me and my girlfriend portrayed. I don't see that happening in the next couple of decades, either, sadly. But you know who’s telling our stories? Alice Oseman. Lisa Ambjörn, Lars Beckung and Camilla Holter. Through fictional storylines that might seem kind of boring to you, I am finally able watch my lived experiences play out on screen.

American media has done such a disservice to queer coming-of-age stories. I want to scream this from the rooftops. Y’all, I’m glad to see more out quirky queer side-characters—I can’t get enough of them—but why is it so rarely their story, in sharp focus, about how they found themselves? I want to know how they overcame internalised homophobia. When was the moment they knew? What is the cost they have to pay for being out? For not being out?

And no, I don’t want it to be dramatic. I don’t need to see violence or betrayals or victorious kisses in public, really. I’m happiest with the teenagers behaving like real teenagers. Innocent, vulnerable, nervous. I want it to be heartfelt, and excruciatingly slow, and authentic. I want to see the small wins and the subtle losses. The quiet mental toll of how much you have to give to a queer relationship—especially your first queer relationship—and how hard that can be to separate from your Identity itself.

Give me that "am I gay?" quiz and genuinely crying at 3:00 AM because you're in a rabbit hole about LGBTQ+ rights in a country where you actually don’t want to be gay and you don’t even know if you “count” anyway. Show me that moment where you're going back and forth from forbidding yourself from seeing the one person that sees and understands you and it's to protect your mental and physical well-being but it's driving you insane. Give me ALL THE YOUNG ADULT BI+ AWAKENINGS where one person strolls into your life and changes everything. No, it’s really not the same as most cis-heterosexual insta-love movies out there, even if it looks that way to you. It doesn’t even cut it close.

The happy ending, the acceptance is only what I can dream of, not what I can expect. The wholesomeness is actually radical to me.

No, we’re not past the need for basic star-crossed queer romances. For most countries in the world (including for many white American teenagers!), we need them as much as ever.

[gaymurdersalad]

[ HOWDY Y’ALL! WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A FUN BROADCAST!

If you haven’t noticed, it’s pride month! That means we’re legally allowed to be gay for an entire month before we have to disappear into our burrows once more! To celebrate the occasion, I decided to do a fun little pride post! ]

[ I’ve gathered all the little fuckers in The Void to poke and prod at them like zoo animals. In other words, I figure they all have some neat identities and wouldn’t mind being interrogated in honor of pride month. I’ll go ahead and turn it over to them, but I’ll say now, no matter how much they kick and scream, I am definitely NOT holding them at gunpoint! This workspace is… definitely OSHA approved. Don’t let them tell you otherwise. Have attem! ]

> This is fucking stupid. Stop waving that gun at me. I’m talking.

> My identity isn’t anything special. I’m just some guy who decided he was a guy way later than everyone else did. I don’t really give a damn what pronouns people use on me because usually they just end up avoiding me at all costs or scampering away like frightened animals.

> I’m bisexual, is that anything? But, like, only bisexual in a sexual way. I could not fucking fathom living a long prosperous life with anyone. How the hell are you supposed to enjoy someone for that long? Getting married seems like a scam. I bet it is. I bet it’s like the invention of Valentine’s Day for greeting card companies. You’re not actually supposed to be in love with someone for that long, it just doesn’t seem possible.

> … My marriage with Dave does not count, that wasn’t an officiated wedding. I’m fairly certain he fished those rings out of a water fountain and pawned his dress off a hooker. I do vividly recall dumpster diving for my tuxedo.

> Uhhhhhh wuh? Hmmmm, I’onno what the hell I am, Old Sport! Fuck!

> Shit, I guess I like everyone. A hole’s a hole. Why the fuck would I discriminate? I think I got a preference for men though! They’re so fuckin’ easy to romance! Unless they’re the likes of Sportsy, then it’s the hardest goddamn thing you’ll ever seduce. He gets real gay when he’s on acid, but then again, I get real gay on cocaine. Man, our wedding was immaculate. Imma tell our kids about it one day!

> Likewise, I’ll be any gender you fuckin’ want me to be. I got like, pocket gender, I can just whip it out on request. Want me to be a dude? Fuck yeah, alright. Want me to be a pretty lady? No goddamn problem at all! I can be both at the same time or one more than the other— who gives a shit? I’m just havin’ fun.

> Good fucking lord, really? That shotgun does not scare me, you orange fool—

> … I have a complicated identity. As any other living organism does.

> I have found that over the years I do not experience sexual attraction and that I experience little to no romantic attraction. I only recall feeling romantically attracted to one person in my entire life. I doubt it will happen again. > And it may seem, uhm... Embarrassing, but I do deviate from your traditional "man's man". In laymen's terms, I do not feel particularly drawn to being male. I am very certain I was born with the intention of being a man, but my mind has refused to accept it. I am not sure why. Instead of feeling like a proper bloke, I feel rather empty. If I could have it my way, I would be some... human silhouette rather than a full fledged man. I do not know. This is idiotic. > I cringe every time someone addresses me in a masculine way. I wish I could simply have no pronouns. I can deal with them because I am indeed a grown ass... person, but I just wish it were not so. Whatever. I am done complaining.

> Oh! That’s very simple, this is really easy.

> I literally don’t have anything going for me at all.

> What with the entire fabric of time being on my shoulders and all, I don’t even think about gender or romance much. I do love being a girl! It’s one of the things I miss most about being alive, actually. Pretty dresses, playing with makeup in the bathroom, trying to curl my hair without burning my scalp— I mean, it sounds horrendous sometimes, but you can’t beat it. Feeling alive and content in your own skin. Just one of those precious things that spawned from the chance of life.

> … Uhm, Uhhh… Men.

> Yeah. I Like Them. I Think… Yes, I Could Probably Date A Man Or Two. I Don’t Know, Employee, Why Did You Pull Me Out Here? You Know I Have Copious Paperwork To Do! Some @$!# $#*@ Kid Just Fell Into The Ball Pit And Got Mauled Jaws-Style And His Parents Are Really Grilling Us For It. Dumb&@#*s, It’s Not My Fault Their Kid Heeded The Call Of The Sirens. I Swear, This Job Is Going To Kill Me Or Force My Hand Into Becoming The Next Purple Guy—

> extremely in love with my wife and my gender!

> it was actually very cute how we met, employee. have i ever told you? heh heh, we met in highschool. she was on the football team and i was a cheerleader, can you believe that? oh, i was head over heels for her instantly. she was strong, she was quick thinking, she was so hecking beautiful, employee… i never got to tell her how i felt while we were in highschool, but we were good friends. very good friends. come a few years later, some old buddies of ours want to have a get together and dish it out like old times… go vandalize and drive off into the sunset in the back of a pickup truck sipping on horrendously cheap beer and laughing off our university work or our jobs. when i get to our spot, though, i see her. i’d recently wised up to my gender, y’know, had my hair cut and fresh scars on my chest, so suffice to say i looked nothing like i did when i cheered for her during football season. she’d done the same, employee— she grew out her hair to the middle of her back in such beautiful dark curls, her bangs tied back so every inch of her perfect face could glimmer underneath the neon lights of the derelict bowling alley we’d found ourselves in. she looked at me, and i sensed instant recognition. she smiled through her bright red lipgloss and rushed up to me, wrapping me up in a hug, and i swear, she hadn’t lost any of those muscles— almost broke my ribs!

> the rest of the night, we were so… comfortable together. sure, during highschool we were close, but without saying a single word about what happened to us between then and now, we understood, and employee— i think it brought us closer. it was around three in the morning while we sat around a bonfire with the rest of our buddies when she layed her head on my shoulder and i felt an unfathomable warmth. i knew i wanted her for the rest of my life.

> … i just love her so much, employee.

> oh ok

> its rlly whatever. any pronouns any gender anybody who wants me. who cares

> oh i do have a preference for girls. theyre pretty. if you disagree u are not blessed enough to be loved by gods best creation and ur pissed about it. i can tell

> what if i was actually catholic would that be fucked up or what

> …

> … I cannot… physically stress how abhorrent sexuality is to me. What… What an utterly damning notion. Someone’s greedy hands cursing you and plaguing your with their own dirty human desires. How disrespectful. How… invasive. Why on Earth would it be my responsibility to supply someone with something to love? Am I really subject to whatever the hell people think of me? Whether they “love” me or perceive me as some… some man, some object of attraction? Disgusting.

> If I could shed every trace of a sex or gender from my loathed corpse, I would. Often times I lay awake at night and consider skinning myself for the hell of it. I’ve related this to David and he said I sounded “fuckin’ insane”. Stupid bastard. I want to be a skeleton. I wanna be a fucking skeleton! Pretty and thin and not alive whatsoever! God damn this accursed body and its… rancid flesh and unidentifiable mystery goop. Ugh. Ugh!!!! God, the biggest blight on my “life” was being cursed with gender!

> I was born as a female which was just laughably wrong, then I recall amending that and trying to become a man, but none of it worked. All of it sucked. All of it was wretched. The ideal form is a ghost or ghoul or skeletal figure. You can’t romance a ghost or ghoul or skeletal figure. Can’t have sex with that. Unless you’re really, really determined. I don’t think even David could be that serious about his sexuality.

> … I… Hope. Oh dear. Oh god, I really am unsafe from the horrors of this world. God, I wish that bear had taken me out before I showed him to his grave.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - July

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 31.07.2024

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

gif-requests are currently closed🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in April with a MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. 4 Minutes 🇹🇭 (1/8)

The first episode was interesting. The second couple just stole the show for me. It was... yeah... It was intense. And because I can't watch it in HD there are no gifs from my side. But in my mind I did some. I am really interested how the story will progress. I haven't seen the trailer, I am just going in blind and this is exciting! But please give Fuaiz a happy ending! I am still not over the DFF ending...

2. Bad Guy 🇰🇷 (2/4)

Our bad guy from Blue Boys is back with his own little show. And it is good. I like it. Riu is getting married soon, but before that he gets in contact with his ex-partner and old feelings are coming back to the surface. And yes, I think he is the bad guy. But I understand him. He feels like he has no other choice and can't live a happy life being a gay guy in a relationship with another man. I am really looking forward to how this will end!

3. Century of Love 🇹🇭 (7/10)

This series is really good! I was hooked in today's episode. The tension was really good and I can't wait to get to know how this all turns out. What will happen next week? Even though I knew Vad was the bad one, I am really curious which role she is really playing. And I really felt heartbroken for Vee and San. Such a good story! Damn!

4. Hidamari ga Kikoeru 🇯🇵 (6/12)

I love them. I want to watch it again and again. It feels just so... real. So relatable. So honest. So raw. The struggle Taichi has to understand and accept his feelings for Kohei is so good to watch. He is so happy whenever he sees Kohei or speaks about him and I love his friends, who I guess, already can tell Taichi likes Kohei, but they just let him discover this on his own and are just there for him, poking him a little bit in the right direction. Oh I love this series so much!

5. His Man Season 3 🇰🇷 (12/14)

Okay, the new episodes were not as bad as the previous ones. I still don't get why everyone is crying and Jaeseung's whiny behavior because he can't get a date with Seongmin is a little bit annoying, but okay. The dates were okay. I think it is interesting that there are so many "couples", and I am curious who can stay in contact after the show and who become a real couple in the end. I don't feel it that much, but who knows how they feel.

6. I Saw You In My Dream 🇹🇭 (2/12)

I started a new series... Yay for me and my wednesdays 😭But this one really looks promising. I haven't heard of it that much and just blindly started watching. So Ai dreams and his dreams come true and he dreams he has his first time with Yu, his neighbour, who usually teases him and it is really cute. Not the first time, but the story so far.

7. My Love Mix-Up! 🇹🇭 (6/12)

I see so many posts from people not liking this one and I am sitting here enjoying most of this story. I don't compare it to anything. i just enjoy some awkward fluff and the cringe that comes with it. And I think the casting is quite good. I don't have the strongest feeling for the japanese original. I really enjoyed it and it is a great series, but I think the thai one is entertaining too and the chemistry between those two is still there. This epsiode we had a cute date and they finally progressed a little bit in their relationship-state and holding hand, which is now causing problems.

8. Takara no Vidro 🇯🇵 (5/11)

Still get some stalker-vibes from this one. But it is okay. Taishin slowly realises he likes Takara. It is kinda cute. And you can tell me what you want, but Takara is already very smitten by his little stalker friend. But it was a cute episode with them helping the little kid finding back home.

9. The Trainee 🇹🇭 (5/10)

Jane is nice to Ryan. I like it. Jane opens up to Ryan. I like it. Ryan smiles like a little sunshine because Jane is nice to him. I like it. I like this series. It is such a feel good show and OffGun are really good! And the side stories are interesting as well! Such a good sunday-watch!

10. Word of Honor 🇨🇳 (20/36)

Those two flirt a lot and are a married couple. Everyone knows that. And I love and enjoy that! Overall this is such a fun watch and the different sects and intrigues are sometimes a little bit confusing, but interesting. I love this world of martial arts and I love how protective Wen Kexing is over Zhou Zishu. I haven't felt like watching this lately. I wasn't in the right mood.

Finished in July

Series

Blue Boys Part 2 🇰🇷

Okay, we got our happy ending. I always say you can have feelings for other people when you are in a relationship. That is normal. And I am totally on Namyi's side when he asked Jaemin to trust him and to talk to him about such things. Keeping it a secret, especially when something happend, is not good. So I am happy both found their happy ending with each other and Jaemin finally allowed himself to be loved by Namyi. Over all for this second part I give a 7 out of 10.

My Stand-In 🇹🇭

Isn't it wholesome when everybody gets a happy ending in the end? Hm. Not really. Tong shouldn't have got his redemption. He should have ended up alone. Ming's dad should suffer because he finally lost his son, while the son is thriving on love. This last episode was really just a very long happy ending. And for most parts I really enjoyed it! After all the pain and the tears and the toxicity, there was finally wholesome shit on my screen! Overall it was a good show, not my favorite, but it was very much watchable. I give it 7 out of 10.

Wandee Goodday 🇹🇭

What a let down with the last episodes. This series started out so strong. The Vibe was so cool with casual sex and asexuality representation and after a few episodes... pufff... nothing. Kao has just a few scenes and when he was on camera, he was just a supporting act for Dee to get back with Yak or to think about his emotions. But his storyline was just left aside and squeezed back in the last episode, because they needed this closure... Oye never had to deal with any consequences for his actions. He just paid and now they live happily ever after... come on. Cher loves him, but this is such a big deal that I wished there was a little bit less product placement for them and some real talking about the whole stuff. And Dee and Yak. I love GreatInn together, but the script did them dirty! Yak became such a puppy, and Dee was confused and surprised all the time. And those open love expressions! I really don't like them! Especially when you have the main character telling people he can't be in a same-sex-relationship because of the media and his reputation... aha... sure... And this whole Ter gets his redemption in the end... Fuck that guy! He don't deserve anything! Just let him be miserable and alone in the end! He played with everyone! And don't get me started on the break-up-idea... Just talk about stuff and perhaps think about shit before it is almost too late! Oh, I am a little pissed... Overall I gave it 6,5 out of 10, but perhaps in the future I change it... The story was really not that strong and every little piece of problem was solved in the last episode and that just felt wrong! And it is wrong! You can't cure such a big trauma which includes halucinations just with love and some good words! No! I correct myself, I give this 5 out of 10...

The Boyfriend 🇯🇵

We've got our Happy Ending! Not just for Shun and Dai, but also for Alan and Kazuto. Now I am curious how life played for the contestants and I am looking forward to the reunion, which I won't be able to understand, because it will air in the Netflix Japan Youtube Channel without subtitles... Well, I wait for the fan-translations. I just wish all of them are happy! And my thoughts during this last moments of the show: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy. And I give this show a 10 out of 10.

We Are 🇹🇭

I am really glad I waited with this one to binge-watch it. So I dodn't have to wait that long for the next episode. It was such a fun watch. There was nothing much happening, and yet it was very entertaining. We just saw friends getting together, having a good time, developing new feelings for each other and facing every day problems. I was quite surprised how well it was written and how much I liked it in the end. I give it 9 out of 10.

Movie

Short Film

Dropped in July

This love doesn't have long beans 🇹🇭

My first drop after a while. And with such a popular show. But I really can't stand Plawan at this point. I guess I will come back from time to time, to have a look if I cringe or not, but I just know that this one isn't for me. Guess I will watch it mostly through gifs here on this heavenly hell site.

Looking forward to in July

Takara no Vidro - Trailer (July 1st)

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans - Trailer (July 5th)

The Boyfriend - Trailer (July 9th)

Century of Love - Trailer (July 10th)

Heavens x Candy (July 13th in cinemas)

4 Minutes (July 26th)

Battle of the Writers - Trailer (July 29th)

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo

[drbased]

This is probably a little too personal, so I completely understand if you don’t want to answer, but I just saw a post of yours about how you were previously in the kink scene and how that strengthens your current stance on BDSM and the like.

I was exposed to that sort of thing at a really young age, and just accepted it as normal, but more recently discovered radical feminism. Do you have any advice on coping with previous relationships/ distancing yourself from that sort of thing? It’s really messed with my perception of relationships and sex and everything.

I'm not going to be able to answer this as fully as you'd like me too, I'm afraid.

Deconstructing the unspoken ideologies of BDSM are what has helped me the most. And it's fortunate that most of them can be summed up pretty easily:

forced orgasm, cnc, bondage: ask yourself to consider why it is that the idea of being a fully conscious, present, active and desiring human being isn't more erotic for you. feminist theory really helps with this - patriarchy says that the most 'erotic' thing is an erasure of our agency, our dehumanisation. patriarchy is necrophilic; it seeks death, and will accept symbolic death - that is, destruction of all things resembling living human agency, even when real death isn't available. instead, then, changing your mindset to recognising that the most erotic thing about you is that you're alive and vibrant and make choices and interact with the physical world and you're always you even when having sex; if that seems 'cringe' then you can embrace that, because in cringe lies true authenticity.

d/s roles: embrace the humility and vulnerability of true, unscripted interactions between human beings - bdsm for people is described often as 'safe fear' akin to watching a horror film, but unlike a horror film the 'safe fear' from participating in a d/s 'scene' replaces a much more potent fear of true human eroticism. additionally, doing kink in day-to-day life is another way to numb one's self to the chaos and discomfort of living.

punishment and rules: I've described kink as a form of symbolic state before, and this is why - bdsm, especially the whole concept of 24/7 d/s, is an opiate that substitutes the complicated chaotic world of real vulnerable human interaction where you are entirely responsible for your life choices is watered down to a set of rules you can follow for the rest of your life. you never have to worry if you're doing the 'wrong' thing, because your relationship path is laid out for you. And that fear of getting things 'wrong' is where the symbolic state begins to be formed - because there is no 'wrong'; there are only actions and consequences, and what you personally value. do you value the consequences of your actions? as with all symbolic states, there's a narcissistic childishness at play; you don't want to have to value the consequences of your actions - instead you want to believe that there's some external source of judgment you can always follow. because if you valued the consequences of you actions, suddenly you'd have to stop with the loathing of them - you either embrace them as truly a part of yourself, or you stop. the simplicity of that is hard but as with all hard things, it's deeply rewarding. the 'freedom' that people find in d/s is the escape from having to actually engage with their own personhood, but as with all symbolic states that's a trap. and especially as women, we recieve all sorts of mixed messaging and are punished much more harshly by society for our transgressions, so it's easier to give up and embrace that societal messaging. but it makes you vulnerable to it, and nothing beats the impenetrability of 'I don't care about x' vs 'I do care about x, so I will do something about it'

I'm not one of those radfems that will state with full confidence that all fetishism is bad in some ontological sense - I think the ubiquity of fetishes including those that seem to having nothing to do with dominance/submission, and those that start in childhood, says to me that there's something about fetishes that makes them part of the human experience. But then, as I often say, we don't live in a world where we got to have a healthy understanding of sex first: we live in a world where the default understanding of what 'sex' is for the majority of human history has been some form of rape; a man claims a woman, and her 'consent' is the point at which she submits to him, and as this consent is not an expression of her personhood it can be replaced with something as mundane as a legal contract (marriage) or financial transaction ('sex work').

Men know that rape is a perfect tool of mass terror to destroy the psyche, so it stands to reason that we feminists are not being hyperbolic when we acknowledge the importance of consent for true realisation of the self - and bdsm's hyper-focus on 'consent' seems to me a very liberal application of this idea; a deliberate refocus of excited feminist energy into something more palatable for society that still seems libertine enough to quash any sense of real rebellion (which, from what I've learned, has been a through-line of bdsm from the start). I've noticed that bdsm-ers talk a lot about how bdsm was the first time they were able to really recognise their own agency, and all I can think is how bdsm is offered to women specifically as a compromise: if you do all the sex things I want that just so happen to mirror real-life abuse and rape, then I will dress up for you, I will give you fun, spontaneous, adventurous sex, I will focus on your orgasm, I will make you the center of my attention always, I will discuss boundaries with you.

We should take with a huge grain of salt the ethics of any sexual norm in this society, including those which seem to go against the grain (remember that said grain is man-made, and thus any rebellion against it that men seem to embrace will always be more about their own rejections of the contradictions within the structures that they have built and actively benefit from; this is why feminist critique of bdsm and 'sex work' will always be more true and well-realised than any right-wing hatred of it). Even the word sadism is from the marquis de sade - a man who raped and tortured women and wrote propaganda on how being a true libertine means accepting rape. That's not an interpretation - that's literally what he did; there's no way that the women he was torturing were consenting or able to consent. And I think it says a lot about societal misogyny that you can look at what he did and see it as some sort of expression of secret liberty - it's so transparently misogynistic and patriarchal, once again inexplicably sold to women as freeing just in the same way that being a tradwife is freeing. There's a reason that there's a 1950s housewife kink.

So even if there's a version of fetishism that exists out there outside of patriarchial necrophilia and misogynistic dominance, rape and abuse, unfortunately we don't live in a world where we can find that out. The most basic, pg-13 symbol of kink - the fuzzy handcuffs - are a symbol of a woman being trapped and unable to escape. That is, whether or not anyone wants to accept it, a symbol of rape. And as for those childhood kinks I mentioned - I wrote a whole post a while back on how we seem to see a lot more kinks in kids' shows than anything else; the role of kink as another way to sexualise and exploit women and children, perhaps as punishment for a belief in the madonna/whore complex and assuming that our desire to be taken seriously as human beings means we're weakly protesting our purity, and there's an excitement in breaking those barriers down. So the question always remains; to what extent our supposed kinks that we 'consent to' in the bedroom are even our own, or how many of them are simply agreeing to entirely fabricated constructs of the male mind? And with that in mind, how meaningful can our consent ever be in that context? Or is 'consent' in a bdsm context perhaps a lot less like freedom and a lot more about that patriarchal understanding of consent as an agreement that can replicated? People laughed at 50 shades for the 'contract' but fail to recognise that d/s roles function in essentially the exact same way.

I would wholeheartedly recommend Pornography by Andrea Dworkin and Pornograph and Silence by Susan Griffin, as well as Against Our Will: Men, Women and Rape by Susan Brownmiller for some background on the enormity of this subject and a sense of how high the stakes are.

[drdemonprince]

Hi! I remember you talking about doing shadow work (in a reply to an ask, I think); do you have any advice on how to start? Especially for someone who who has a really hard time with consistency/habits? Thanks!

For me it is not an intentional practice separate from my regular life, it is an orientation toward my own most negative thoughts/impulses/reactions. I do not believe that any thought is harmful or morally wrong to have, and so when I experience a thought that is violent, cruel, bitter, pathetic, prejudicial, short-tempered, jealous, whatever else, I accept it, and study it with curiosity rather than self-condemnation.

I notice patterns over time in what I am particularly un-evolved and unenlightened about. What hang ups do I have? What weird bullshit respectability politics or traditional gender norms do I still apply to myself or to others? Who do I fuckin hate and why?

Which of these things can I just kind of shrug at and accept as a feature of my programming and which ones do I see seriously holding back my life? That's probably the hardest part of shadow work for me. I'm very aware of a lot of my flaws and the things i'm irrationally emotionally reactive to and defensive about, but I get attached to my way of seeing things. It can be scary to become more open-minded and uncertain and less spiky. And some things just aren't easy to change even if I want them to. Part of shadow work means allowing oneself to be in an unfinished state.

Another part of it for me is accepting with a dark kind of gratitude that the world would be a pretty terrible place if everyone was like me. There is so much about humanity that I do not understand. I could never be a surgeon. I could never be a good parent. I could never be a social worker. There is so much I am so bad at. Maybe this is the Narcissism and Lack of Empathy talking, but I've had to really humble myself. I used to think I was so much more rational and less of a waster of time and resources than most people around me. Now I realize I have run on self-denial and repressed emotionality for a very long time and demanded that life have some Purpose when it doesn't. So a lot of my shadow work has been acknowledging my ultimate smallness and feebleness and just general uselessness -- i have a lot to be grateful to other people for doing, but also life has no purpose that needs to be fulfilled so i can just exist and suck for every single second that i'm alive if that's what i'm gonna do.

radical acceptance shit is definitely mixed in there, and some DBT kinda strategies. I've finally arrived at a place where I can love my dissatisfaction as a core part of me and accept that life is not meant to be happy and comfortable. we always keep moving, changing our environments to make them a little better, chasing after new passions and then getting disillusioned with them, falling in and out of love, getting lost. we're always lost. we're always making mistakes and being dumb as humans. that's like what we are. silly little freaks that make up lots of pretend games for fun but then get swept up in believing them too much. i kind of feel at peace now with the fact that i'll always be messy and impulsive and have weird beliefs and will change constantly and look back on my past with a cringe reaction every four or five years. i dont expect myself to ever arrive, because what the hell would that look like?? being satisfied and happy sure sounds a lot like being dead.

[marblemoonstones]

🩵 catharsis ~ chapter eight

main masterlist

series masterlist 

pairing: bts ot7 x reader

genre: collegestudentreader!au 

warnings: ❗️any characters in the story have nothing to do with their real life counterparts❗️f reader, reader with glasses, curse words,

word count: ~3.4k

a/n: i say this every time, but please excuse the cringe 😭

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The bus ride passes quickly and soon enough I reach the house. I brace myself as I open the garage door, knowing that the boys are going to (probably) bombard me with questions. 

Surprisingly, there’s no one around. I take my shoes off and place them where the normally huge pile is. 

“Hello? Someone?” I call out, scrunching my eyebrows as I search the main level. 

“Anyone there?” 

Silence. 

After thoroughly checking the ground floor I go upstairs, confused as to why there’s no one here even though Jungkook said he wanted to hang out.

“Jungkook? Taehyung?” I’m now frustrated, giving up on finding any human being in the house. 

I go into my room and throw my backpack on the floor. Huffing, I feel a little hurt that the boys said they wanted to hang out but aren’t here. 

Maybe I’ll take a little nap, I think, dejected. Tears well up in my eyes unwillingly, but I push them down. I can’t cry now; the boys could show up at any moment and I don’t need them to see me like that.

Instead, I shut the curtains on the balcony door (which also serves as a window), turn on the fairy lights around my bed, and grab the fluffy blanket on my bed. 

I remove my glasses after a moment of hesitation, then curl up on top of the bed with my blanket. My eyes close, but I am still alert, waiting to see if I hear any of the boys. But, after a couple minutes of silence, my body relaxes and I let a couple tears slip. 

Even though I was determined to not cry now, once I start I can’t stop. My eyes are already tired because of earlier with Haneul, but I don’t care. 

The tears started out quiet, but soon they’re full body-wracking sobs. I lay there with my hands over my face, body shaking uncontrollably. 

They never seem to stop. 

What’s wrong with you? Why do you have to care so much? You just want sympathy. Don’t think anyone actually cares. 

These thoughts run, darting around in my brain. But they’re neither whispering nor screaming; it’s a sort of constant, like I say it as a fact to myself. 

Why are you so stupid, Y/n? 

This echoes through me, unlike the others. 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

God, I just can’t take it anymore. I curl up even more, begging my brain to stop. 

It never does.

~

I open my eyes hesitantly and rub them as they feel drier than a desert. Blinking, I turn to the clock and squint. I make out a blurry 2:46am and do a double take. 

Shoving my glasses on my face, I check it again, and it’s indeed the wee hours of the morning. 

Fuck. Where did the time go? And did the boys ever show up? How did I even fall asleep? I guess I cried myself to sleep. How sad.

In the glow of my fairy lights I make out a piece of paper on my nightstand that definitely was not there before. 

I pick it up and turn on my lamp. The handwriting is hardly legible, but I can make out the words.

Y/n, 

We saw that you were sleeping and didn’t want to bother you. We are so sorry for not being here earlier, we wanted to surprise you with gifts. But I guess we were too late. Please accept our apologies and take the gifts. 

We’ll talk more in the morning. I hope you know we are all here for you. 

Love,

Bangtan Boys

It’s signed by all of them at the bottom, and judging off of that Yoongi wrote this note. How sweet, they wanted to surprise me. I feel touched and relieved because now I know they weren’t trying to avoid me earlier. 

What gifts, though? I can’t accept more. They’ve already let me stay with them, and are so kind to me with taking me to class, picking me up, and allowing me into their private lives.

I throw the blanket off of me and realize there’s another thicker blanket on top in addition to my white fluffy one. It’s a pretty green color and has a bit of weight to it. 

This must be a gift from the boys. I sigh and spread it out on my bed, grudgingly admitting that it does look good in my room. 

I turn around and gasp. There on my chair is a giant bouquet of flowers and box of chocolates. On the floor by the chair is a giant stuffed panda.

For Y/n reads the card on the flowers. I marvel at the beautiful burst of color in the bouquet that seems to brighten up my dim room. Hoisting it into my arms I inhale a sweet scent of the lilies, hydrangeas, and delicate baby’s breath.

They’re too kind. I glance at the big chocolate box, sweetly in the shape of a heart and think that I need to thank them somehow. For now though, I should put these flowers in water. 

I try not to crinkle the cellophane loudly as I tiptoe down the stairs. The blooms dwarf my view a little, but I manage to put them on the table. 

I open a cabinet that I think houses vases, and find that I’m correct. I choose a semi-big one that has roses engraved into the glass. 

“Hey, how are you doing?”

I jolt. The vase drops and shatters on the floor, shards going everywhere.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to and-oh it’s everywhere!” I start to freak out and try to pick up the pieces. “How could I be so stupid? I’m sorry, how  can I repay you? I’m sorry-“

Warm hands envelope mine. I risk looking up and see the concerned eyes of Yoongi. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Take a breath,” he says, squeezing my hands softly. 

“But I broke your vase. I’m sorry-“

“Sweetheart, I know. But I need you to breathe with me, okay? You’re almost hyperventilating.” 

I stop short at that and realize that, yes, maybe I am breathing a bit fast and heavy. I attempt to take a deep breath.

“There we go. Now, let’s get you to the table, okay?” Yoongi guides me to a chair and I sit, still slightly in shock. 

“Alright, now I’m going to get a warm cloth for your hands, okay? Please stay here so I can help you.” Yoongi looks into my eyes and I nod, afraid to use my voice.

The flowers on the table mock me as Yoongi wets a cloth, grabs some bandaids, and comes back over.

“Here, let me clean your hands up.” 

I hold them out, and then do I register the small prick of pain from my hands. There’s a couple shards of glass stuck in my palms and I wince as Yoongi gently pulls them out. 

“Sweetheart-“ Again with that nickname. “Would you please tell me what happened?” Yoongi has now moved on to putting on the bandaids, carefully smoothing them out onto my skin.

It takes me a second to muster up the words.

“Well,” I begin softly, “I was going to put the flowers you guys gave me in a vase, but then I got startled by your voice and accidentally dropped it.” I panic now. “I’m sorry! I can’t believe I broke it-“

“Y/n. I don’t care about the vase. It’s not as important as you. Are your hands okay? You can’t pick up glass with your bare hands.” Yoongi’s brows are creased with worry now.

“Okay…I’m sorry again,” I whisper, looking at my hands in his.

“It’s okay. Never apologize for something that isn’t your fault. Did you at least like the gifts we gave you?” Yoongi subtly changes the subject, something I’m grateful for.

“Oh, yes. They were all so nice, Yoongi,” I gush, “The blanket was so soft and the flowers are so gorgeous, and the panda! You guys went all out and I’m so grateful for that.” 

Yoongi smiles his gummy smile. 

“I’m glad you like them.” Another voice huskily joins in. 

I turn my head and there’s Namjoon, running his hands sleepily through his hair.

“Hey, Joon. Do you mind getting a broom and helping me clean up?” Yoongi asks, standing up from the table.

I cringe internally, thinking that of course he doesn’t want to.

“Sure. Y/n, sit tight. You don’t need to worry after the day you had.” He flashes me a dimpled smile. 

I stay put, but sigh as I watch them clean up my mess.

“I’m sorry, again,” I say, pursing my lips as they sweep the glass away.

“It’s okay, Y/n. Accidents happen.” 

They finish cleaning up and Yoongi grabs another vase and fills it with water. He plops the flowers in and throws away the cellophane.

“I know that you’ve had a long day. Do you want to go back to sleep?” Namjoon asks.

“Not really,” I admit. 

“Okay, then do you want to watch a movie? Just sit and chill?” Yoongi offers.

“Aren’t you guys tired? You should go back to sleep because you guys have work tomorrow.” It’s literally like three am right now. 

“No, we want to make sure you’re okay first,” Namjoon says firmly.

“Okay. I guess could we just sit in the living room?” I hesitantly ask.

“Of course we can.”

We move to the living room and I sit on the end of the couch, Yoongi next to me and Namjoon next to him. Blankets cover us, but it’s still a bit awkward.

I slowly sink into Yoongi’s side, testing to see how he would react. He lets me and just tucks the blanket around me more. Leaning my head on Yoongi’s shoulder, I look up and see Yoongi’s normal face, albeit with a tinge of pink.

We sit there for a little bit, calm in the warm light of the lamp. Absorbing each other’s presences and soaking up the serene morning hours.

Soft steps down the stairs cause us to look up and there we see a sleepy Jungkook and Taehyung. 

“Hey. What are you two doing up?” Namjoon asks, stifling a laugh as Jungkook almost falls down the stairs.

“Wanted to cuddle but you weren’t in room,” Jungkook huffs out, leaning onto Taehyung. 

“And he dragged me down here,” Taehyung says, looking a bit more awake than Jungkook.

“Oh, Kook. Come here,” Namjoon says, accepting Jungkook as he buries himself into Namjoon’s lap. 

“What about me?” Taehyung whines. 

“You can sit with me,” Says a new voice. There’s Jimin, hands on his hips. “Since Kookie stole you from me, the least you can do is cuddle with me.”

We all laugh at that, and Jimin drags Taehyung to the loveseat, satisfied. 

It’s like when we were all on the balcony in pairs. Everyone gets enough love to go around.

“Now we’re only missing Jin hyung and Hobi hyung,” says Namjoon. 

“Don’t worry, they’re here now,” a voice calls out. And, sure enough, there’s Jin and Hobi,

“Yah! You brats were being so loud, it woke me up,” Jin complains, pointing his finger at us. 

“Our bad. But look, we can talk to Y/n now and give her our gifts!” Jungkook counters, suddenly becoming more awake if it means he can make Jin annoyed.

“Fine fine.” Jin dramatically lowers himself into an armchair, Hobi next to him.

“Wait, more gifts?” I ask. “But you already got me flowers, chocolates, and a giant stuffed panda! Which, by the way, was so nice and totally unnecessary.”

“Did you like the panda?” Asks Taehyung, “It was my idea!” 

I laugh. “Yes, I did enjoy it Tae so thank you.” 

“We’re glad you did. And we are so sorry that we weren’t here earlier when you got home. We had wanted to surprise you, like we said in the note, but by the time we had picked everything up and came home you were passed out,” said Yoongi. 

“And, judging off of the day you had, you needed your sleep,” said Hobi quietly.

The energy immediately shifts. 

“Yeah…about the rumors. Could we talk about it now? If not, we completely understand and respect your privacy. We just wanted to check in and see how you were doing,” Namjoon says.

I avoid their waiting eyes and look at the floor. 

“I appreciate that a lot. I’m fine, and the rumors aren’t that bad,” I say, wondering if they had heard of all the rumors.

“No offense, Y/n, but they seem to be kind of harsh,” Taehyung says. 

“No no they’re not that bad!” I protest, shaking my head.

Jungkook shoots me a look, then says “Yeah. They are. You being a gold digger is bad enough, but the other one is so much worse.”

Fucking hell.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I meekly say, avoiding Jungkook’s eyes.

“Don’t lie to me Y/n.” Jungkook’s mad now and I feel guilt shoot through me.

“I’m sorry about earlier Kook,” I say quietly. 

“Wait wait I’m lost. What’s the other rumor and what happened earlier?” Hobi interrupts, looking between Jungkook and I.

“Y/n, why don’t you explain from the beginning so we can all understand?” Jin asks, coaxing the truth out of me.

I decide to come clean, but I omit some of the details about who exactly started the rumors.

“Well…I heard from some people that there were rumors going around between you guys and me.” I hesitate for a beat before going on. “The rumors are that I’m just using you guys for your money and…” I fully stop now, unsure of how to explain the other one.

“Go on, honey. You can tell us. We’re big boys, we can handle the truth.” Jin says. 

The nicknames are getting out of hand. I feel flustered.

“It’s that I’m doing…things with you guys, if you get my drift.” I dart my eyes around, seeing if they get my underlying message.

The hyungs and eyes’ widen and I know they understood. Jungkook just looks at me. Jimin and Taehyung look confused so Hobi leans over and whispers something to them. Their faces change instantly. 

“I’m really sorry, honey. People who make up those rumors and especially the people who spread them are trash,” Jin declares. The rest of the boys nod their heads in agreement.

“Yeah. Fucking garbage,” Yoongi mutters. I look up at him in shock but he just looks tenderly down at me. 

“We’re always here for you, Y/n. That will never change.” Namjoon says this with such firmness, yet there’s a warm undertone to it.

“What about what happened with Haneul earlier? Jungkook said you two got into a fight,” Jimin says. 

“Well, uh,” oh god, this is so hard to say, “We fought because I lied to Jungkook about the truth.”

Their eyes widen and I go on.

“And I’m so so sorry, Jungkook. I should’ve told you the truth about the rumors. I’m sorry. I understand if you don’t forgive me, I feel so horrible,” I apologize to Jungkook, who just sighs. 

“It’s fine, Y/n. I forgive you, and I do understand why you didn’t tell me,” he says, “But, please in the future tell me and the rest of us the truth.” 

I nod.

“I will. I promise. Speaking of that, um, there’s something else you guys should probably know too about Haneul.” 

I stutter for what feels like the millionth time today and get a lump in my throat. Damn it, I can’t cry. Not again. 

I spit it out before I can cry again.

“She thinks the rumors are true.” 

Crickets don’t even chirp in the silence that follows.

“What the fuck?” Yoongi is the first to break the silence, staring down at me as I slither out of his grasp.

“Yeah. What the fuck, Y/n?” Jungkook echoes Yoongi’s sentiment. 

“Why would she think that?” Hobi’s face is neutral, but his eyes give him away. He’s livid.

“I don’t know. But don’t get mad at her. She’s probably just confused because she doesn’t know me and because I’m living in your house.” I try to plead with them to not overreact, but I know the damage is done.

“Guys. I’m serious. Please please don’t worry too much about her and the rumors. They’ll go away eventually. I can deal with them, I’m a big girl.” I hope the rumors don’t tarnish the boys’ reputation. 

“We won’t do anything Y/n, promise,” Namjoon says, eyes hardening to look at the rest of the boys, “Right, everyone?”

“We promise,” Taehyung and Jungkook say in unison, as Namjoon’s stare was mostly directed towards them. 

The rest of the boys chorus them and then Jimin pipes up, “We have to give you the rest of your gifts!” 

This successfully breaks the tense atmosphere.

“There’s more?!” I sputter out. 

They all laugh at that.

“Yes, sweetpea, there’s more.” This time it’s Namjoon.

Again with the nicknames! A girl can only take so much, especially at three am in the morning. 

“I already have so much, there’s no need for more. I love everything you’ve given me! And you’ve given me a place to stay too. It’s too much.”

Despite my objections Jimin goes to get a bag.

“Okay, so we all decided to make little personalized plushies for you, that way you can think of us when you cuddle with them, or even take one with you if you need a little extra friend!” Jimin says excitedly, bouncing up and down in his seat.

Personalized plushies? That sounds awfully like something a boyfriend do. 

“That’s so sweet of you guys!” I praise, touched that they went through all this thought and effort for me.

“Let us introduce them one by one,” Taehyung suggests.

First is Yoongi.

“Uh, mine is called Shooky and well, as you can see, it’s a cookie,” Yoongi mumbles. 

“Aw, so cute Yoodles!” I use his nickname and am happy to see him get a little flustered. 

I hold ‘Shooky’ in my hands as Hobi goes to introduce his.

“Their name is Mang! I know they have a mask on, but it’s removable!” 

I take it off, and there’s a cute heart smile on the character. I grin at Hobi and place Mang next to Shooky in my lap.

“Mine next!” Jimin insists, “Their name is Chimmy, and aren’t they so cute?” 

I have to admit the adorable yellow hoodie clad plushie is pretty cute. 

“Yes, Jimin, they’re adorable,” I say, grinning at the excited boy.

“I want to show her mine, “ Taehyung says in his deep voice. He pulls out a-wait. What is it?

“Their name is Tata! They’re a prince,” boasts Taehyung. 

Well, the heart shaped head does have a certain charm to it. 

“Nice, Tae. Now, what did the maknae come up with?” 

Jungkook is a bit shy as he introduces his.

“Their name is Cooky, and they’re a bunny.” Jungkook meets my gaze, seeking approval from me.

“Aw, that’s cute Kook! And I wonder how you came up with that name,” I tease, rewarded with a red Jungkook.

“Don’t tease the boy too much, Y/n,” says Namjoon, even though he’s smiling too. 

“Okay, then, Namjoon, show me what you got,” I challenge playfully.

He pulls it out and adds it to the pile on my lap.

“Well, their name is Koya and they’re a koala. They really like sleeping,” said Namjoon as he scratches the back of his head sheepishly.

A sleepy koala? I could see that in Namjoon.

Jin thinks the same thing, because he says “Yah, Namjoon-ah, that seems to really fit you.” 

“They’re adorably sleepy,” I muse, then turn to Jin. “Okay, last one.”

“Prepare to be dazzled, Y/n. I wouldn’t be surprised if mine is your favorite,” Jin says dramatically.

“Just show it!” Yoongi says, impatiently rolling his eyes. 

“Fine. This here is RJ, a lovable alpaca with a fluffy coat.” Jin gives it to to me and I will say, it is really fluffy and soft.

“Thanks, Jin. And thank you all. I really can’t explain how much this means to me.” I look down at the plushies in my lap and hold them close. 

“Of course. We’re so glad you like them!” Hobi says, smiling.

“I’m so lucky to have you guys,” I say, looking around at them. 

My heart feels like it’s healing, slowly but surely. 

I end up going to bed surrounded by the boys that are healing me. 

a/n: finished another chapter! woo hoo! also, i hope it’s clear but at the end mc falls asleep cuddling the boys; nothing else. ;)

[old-skyguy]

People who engage in queer discourse seriously need to be reminded of what being queer actually *is*.

It's not fitting into heteronormative standards.

It's not fitting into amatonormative standards.

It's not fitting into gender norms and doing stuff that makes YOU happy. It's taking control of your own body and doing what feels right instead of something that you felt forced/were forced into. This INCLUDES intersex people.

Just because you don't understand someone's identity does not mean you can't be supportive and it does NOT mean you get to tell people whether they do or don't belong in the queer community. They don't owe you thing about a DAMN thing in terms of an explanation in order to justify their queerness. If they say they're queer, they're queer. If not, they're not.

And again. This INCLUDES aro/ace/aroace spec people. It INCLUDES cishet aro/ace/aroace spec people.

It INCLUDES straight trans people. Anyone gnc who identifies with being straight or cis in any way. He/him lesbians, she/her gay dudes, agender people, pangender, it/its, who actually gives a fuck??

This INCLUDES intersex people.

This INCLUDES people who use neo pronouns/identities. It INCLUDES micro labels, even the most obscure ones you haven't heard of because you know what? They use it because it makes them feel good.

It INCLUDES the "cringe" people you think are too weird to be associated with. You can't make up someone's mind about whether they belong especially when they're disabled and have already been excluded from a lot of shit for most of their life, not to mention it's really insulting. Even if they're just "weird" or some shit and not disabled at all, still!! Don't be an asshole! I can't believe I have to say this to a group of people whose entire thing is acceptance and unconditional love for differences, but if you don't accept people in your own group who are different from you, you are the problem!!

Queer just means you don't fit into society's view of what "love" or your sense of self means and I PROMISE you that all these people and all others included in the LGBTQ *Plus* know themselves better than you do. You can ask, politely, if you're curious, but no one owes you an explanation and if they feel like they belong, just leave them be and ignore them if you're really so stuck-up you can't handle queer people who are "weird" or "different" to your idea of queer. Because if YOU are deciding who does and does not get to be included - in YOUR narrow idea of queerness - YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

Flag discourse and pronoun discourse and identity discourse other whiny little assholes complaining about this and that. None. Of. It. MATTERS. Go to a gay event irl or whatever and *no one is going to give a FUCK.* And if they do, they're not worth your time. I promise ipromiseipromise people irl are open to having actual intellectual conversations about identity and shit and the rhetoric of other queer people just telling you to KYS for using some label or some shit is only because the online world of pointless arguments is bleak and sad and devoid of the connection that actual complex people with feelings and unique experiences exist behind the screen. If you're one of these ignorant people, get better, and if you've ever been on the receiving end of this mind rot, it gets better.

The only way we will ever make a change towards a problem that actually matters, we have to forget the whole "UNITE AGAINST THE CRINGE ONES" narrative and open our eyes and stand together against the real oppressors.

Ridiculing people you hate because they're different will not help and will only hurt yourself in the long run.

[darkacademicvibes]

We Think Similar Thoughts

Part three

Lonely!Fem!Reader x Lonely!Remus

"The fuck did you just ask her?"

You glance nervously at James, and James shakes his head, unsure how to help as Remus steps in front of you. Sirius continues to speak, "I swear to merlin, if you ever think about asking her out again before you pull your head out of your arse and stop using girls for your own personal amusement-" Remus places a hand on Sirius' shoulder and gently pulls him away, clearly angry. "Dont touch her, don't talk to her, or we'll find you, and we will make your life miserable" Remus threatens quietly. Peter wraps an arm around your shoulders and turns away, the other three boys following after you two.

Remus wraps his arm around your waist, tugging you subtly out from under Peters arm as James laughs, pulling Sirius into a headlock as they walk, which Sirius wrestles out of easily.

"Merlin Pads, I don't think I've ever seen you so defensive since I told you I might fancy Reg" James teases, and Sirius rolls his eyes, cringing, "that's my baby brother, Prongs, I'm still not over it" he quips.

"Thank you, Sirius, I know we aren't that close-" you begin, and Sirius waves off your words easily. "Don't be ridiculous, you were there for Remus. You also told me to get my head out of my arse, and managed to make me listen" Sirius jokes. "You're family now" he tells you, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. James, Peter, and Remus share a look, surprised by his sudden acceptance. "Besides, you remind me of Pete's little sister" he hums, and everything clicks into place.

You smile softly, "little sister?" You ask, and Peter pulls a picture out of his notebook, handing it over. It's a picture of him, clearly from this summer, with a young girl. She also has y/h/c hair and y/e/c eyes, but she still looks so unlike you. "She likes the rain as well, and we can never get her to put down her books, and she hates puzzles but never gives up once she's started" Peter informs you, clearly spotting the slight confusion on your face as you all walk.

You begin to understand, "I see, she's very cute, how old is she?" He grins, taking the photo back. "She's five tomorrow, I'm going to see her and my family at Hogsmeade" he tells you.

You talk of his family for a while more before the both of you are dragged into seperate conversations, Peter with James and Sirius, and you with Remus, mostly about your plans for the Christmas holidays coming up. You don't have any.

☕︎︎

You'd left Remus alone for two hours, an hour and forty minutes at most, and he managed to land himself, Lucius Malfoy, and Corey in the infirmary. You walk in, clearly fustrated, and make your way over to Remus.

"For merlins sake, Remus, I ask you to keep yourself out of trouble while I study for our N.E.W.Ts, and you end up in the hospital wing! What part of 'out of trouble' did you have difficulty understanding, exactly?" You scold, and Remus flashes you a guilty smile. "He was talking about you, they both were, I wasn't gonna let anyone talk about my friend like that" he admits softly, his uninjured arm reaching up to scratch under his eye lightly.

You sigh heavily, "This is the second time today we've been to the hospital wing" you state, still slightly annoyed. "Both times because of me, and I won't stand for it, I can take perfectly good care of myself, and I couldn't give less of a care about what mindless fools say about me" you tell Remus, crossing your arms as you sit beside him.

"Next time you end up here because you got into a fight before exams, I will continue studying, I hope you know that" you hum, and Remus laughs, tossing his uninjured arm around your shoulders. "I do, thanks for checking up on me, even if it was only to tell me off" he jokes. "But y'know what prongs says, 'only the great die young', right?" he teases quietly, and you roll your eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah, did you win at least?" you joke, and he nods proudly. Dork.

You help him up gently and he follows you to the library after you both thank Pomfret, who sends a distracted smile to Remus as you leave, muttering out a hurried "no more fights, Remus" warningly under her breath.

☕︎︎

Mock exams, of course it has to be the day where you're busy with practice exams that Lilly Evans bumps into you, crying her eyes out. Thankfully, you both had the Charms exam next, it was a simple timed essay, with no talking, and no cheating - obviously - but when Flitwicke saw Lilly's tear-stained cheeks, he didnt say anything about the way you reached forward to hold lilys hand as she sat at the desk in front of you.

You could feel James' eyes on you both as he sends worried glances at the girl of his dreams, trying to catch your eye to ask silently about the pretty redhead.

The moment Flitwicke dismisses everyone, James is on his way over as Lilly speaks lowly to you.

"Thank you for being so kind, I know we aren't exactly close" Lilly mumbles, wiping her her face with her long sleeves as you dig through your bag, finally finding the face wipes you have and handing them to her gently. "No, of course, you're Remus' friend" you smile softly.

She takes the wipes greatfully as James stops at her side, his hands gently tipping up her head to make her face him, "what happened Lils? Is everything okay?" He murmurs softly, his hazel eyes searching over her for any sign of injury. Lilly hiccups, "my cat died" she sniffles, and sympathy strikes at you as your hands immediately wrap around her, hugging her lightly, your hand rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"I'm sorry, Lilly, I know how awful that is" you hum, and James relaxes, gently brushing Lilly's red hair back from her face as he gently takes the wipe from her hand, cleaning her tears without smudging her eye makeup. Regulus stops by, frowning softly as he takes in Lilly, "are you alright, Evans?" He asks quietly, and Lilly nods, repeating her heartache. Regulus' eyes fill with a soft sympathy and he nods slowly.

"Oh.. I'm sorry to hear that" he murmurs, smiling sadly at James and hesitating before nodding at you and continuing onwards. You watch him for a moment, the threes dynamic slowly fitting into place in your mind. Curiosity and slight amusement fill you as you wonder about how the next stages in their relationships will work out, if they'll end up together or not.

"Are you coming, y/n?" James hums, and it yanks you back to reality. You nod, hurrying after the two, wrapping your arm around Lillys shoulders as you walk, James' hand gently rubbing up and down her back as she sniffles softly, explaining her cat and how wonderful he was.

☕︎︎

You practically sprint to the room of requirement after dinner. Things have been rushing so quickly and the days seemed so much shorter, and you felt so thrown off.

I need a place where everything is slower.

The door appears and you make your way in, immediately heading right towards the very back of the huge room, a library, tearoom, music room, and living room all combined into one. The grand piano is tucked away between two of the large bookshelves, and a few small tables littered with kettles, and sugar, and cream, and cups with saucers are hidden few and far between the shelves as well. You reach the back of the room and fall onto one of the couches, a few chairs and couches all huddle around the large fireplace, the soft, antique, red persian rug laid across the floor, warmed by the fires heat.

You sit up and look towards the small rack in the corner of the room, mostly hidden away, with changes of clothes. You make your way towards it and look through the items, deciding to change from your uniform into comfortable leggings and a large sweater, kicking off your shoes before browsing the shelve of candles. One peculiar one catches your attention.

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒎 𝑵𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔

𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆, 𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒃𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒐𝒐𝒅

You hum and gently take it from the shelf, lighting it before you slip a book from the shelf and settle into one of the armchairs, curling up by the fire as you allow the tension in your shoulders to slowly lessen, until you've practically melted into the chair.

You're halfway through the book and the candle when you hear the door open, a soft voice calling for you from the entrance. "Y/n? Are you in here?" James sounds exhausted, and a shuffle of footsteps make you lift your head, "back here, James" you call quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace as the sunset shines through the windows, the golden light highlighting the small dust specks in the air as the fire sends a darker light around the couches, warmth blooming through your bones as you stretch for the first time in hours.

Remus and James round the bookshelf and pause, "it's so weird seeing the sunset at one in the morning" James mumbles sleepily, wearing his pajamas. Remus gazes softly around the room. "It's nice" Remus murmurs, moving over to lean on the back of your armchair, gently slipping his fingers through your hair soothingly. "You're so tense" he hums and James watches Remus, clearly judging, "liar" James huffs, collapsing onto the couch and tugging a blanket over him.

"Classes are canceled, started storming, a few classrooms in the dungeons are flooded and there isn't enough room for the potions students anywhere else, not for them to study safely, said there was a ghoul in the abandoned corridor" James mutters, closing his eyes as he tosses his glasses onto the coffee table.

Remus gently combs his fingers through your hair, his thumbs gently slipping down the back of your neck. "You alright dove? You been hiding away since dinner, I was worried" he hums, and you nod, quietly admitting how things have seemed lately. Rushed, busy, and torn to bits, sometimes you felt unsure of what day it was.

By the time the sun sets in the room, Sirius and Peter have joined you, brining along Lilly who easily slips into a comfortable chair with her book, and a cup of tea.

The room is now lit by oil lamps like the ones in your grandparents home, and the letter Sirius said came for you when he dropped onto the floor by the fireplace is now beside james' glasses as he sleeps peacefully, occasionally sniffling in his sleep.

You finish your book, eyes filled with tears, and you meet Remus' eyes hesitantly. He moves smoothly, settling in beside you and allowing you to babble on about the book as you cry quietly, Lilly, the person who recommended it to you, sends you an apologetic smile as you flip her off half-heartedly.

You easily relax against Remus' chest, and something feels hauntingly familiar.

He smells like chocolate, and cranberries, and sandalwood. He smells exactly like the candle that had made you relax the most as you did what all candle lovers do; sniff them until you find one that provides you with the perfect type of calm you want.

You were sure, if the room of requirement could talk, it would be cackling at the way your stomach dropped at the realization. You're starting to feel things a friend shouldn't feel for a friend, and the thought of losing Remus makes you curl closer to him, which doesn't help your racing heart.

There's no winning, you suppose. But at least you can see the stars, and at least you aren't quite so lonely anymore.

[pepsiboyy]

starboy part 1

P1 P2

pairing: y/n x chris sturniolo

summary: y/n, born and raised in los angeles, moves across the country to boston. when she feels like she has nobody, she makes some new friends at her new job. she grows particularly close with the sturniolo triplets, where she finds a lot in common with one of them.

warnings: just cursing

lowercase intentional!!!

author's note: hii! this is my first story on here and i hope it goes okay?? idk i suppose we will see where it goes. thanks a ton for reading!! let me know what you think! sincerely, apollo <3

my head smacked against the car window, causing me to immediately lift my head and blink a few times.

"morning, y/n. sleep well?" my mom carefully stated while looking at me in the rearview mirror. i shrugged and tried to keep my eyes opened as i watched all of the unfamiliar buildings pass by.

everything was so different here.

-

a few weeks ago, my mom received a job offer here in boston. our family didn't particularly struggle with money, but if she wanted to keep her job, we had to move.

me, on the other hand? i couldn't believe what i was hearing when she sat me down at the dining room table. "what do you mean we're... leaving?" i felt my hands shake. sadness? anger? i couldn't even tell.

"well, i got a job offer-" she started, but i immediately cut her off with my hands slamming against the table.

"fuck your job offer, what about everything we have here!? my friends, my job... everything?" i shouted, my voice beginning to shake towards the end.

"language," my mom started, but let out a deep sigh, "i understand your frustration. that's why we're waiting until you graduate."

-

i let out a shaky sigh at the thought. this wasn't fair. my best friend was still in los angeles, harper. she was my best friend since childhood, and leaving her hurt more than anything i could even describe.

"we're here," my mom breathed, looking at me through the rearview mirror. i could tell she was trying to read my emotions, sadness in her eyes. i stared at her for a few moments before opening the car door and stepping out quickly.

"wow, it's gorgeous." i heard my father say, his arm wrapping around my mom's waist as he kissed the top of her head. i felt myself physically cringe as i grabbed my bags and a few pairs of shoes that didn't fit within the bags. i looked at the house in front of me.

it was pretty nice. fairly homey. very different from our house back in california. i took in a deep breath before beginning to walk towards the door.

-

my room was pretty nice, i had to admit. it was a little bigger than my room back at home- or.. what was home, i guess. i laid against my bed and stared at my ceiling before standing up.

while i was packing, i applied for a few jobs here in boston. a lot of them turned me down as i only have a little bit of work experience, but what can you do? i guess. i got accepted by a grocery store though, one i hadn't seen before. it was called star market? we didn't have those on the west coast, but they're pretty popular here. the pay was minimum wage, but it's a start. it didn't really matter to me. anything to get me out of the house and just do something. get myself out there.

i let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. with every thought racing through my head, finally i managed to let my mind rest and slowly drift into sleep.

-

"y/n, are you sure you'll be okay?" my mom mumbled, carefully touching my hair and fixing the loose strands. i chuckled softly and nodded. "i'll be fine, just a bit nervous. new place and new job." i mumbled, playing with my fingers. my mom nodded.

"i understand. you'll do great. just talk to your coworkers, maybe make friends?" she asked, smiling. i sighed.

i know she's simply trying to help, but it's hard. i had a perfectly great life in california and i feel like i'm being forced to restart completely.

"right." i replied, letting out a sigh before stepping towards the door.

-

my earbuds were playing music as i walked. i didn't have a car yet, so.. i had to walk. it's right down the street, so no biggie. in broad daylight, i didn't see it as a big deal. i hummed as i turned a corner, and sure enough, it really was right there. i crossed the street and approached the doors, blinking a few times.

so this is my new job. it looked a lot nicer in person than in the pictures. that made me feel a little better. i walked in.

"hi, umm... my name is y/n.. it's my first day?" i mumbled shyly to the older lady standing at the front. she looked me up and down. i swallowed and gripped my backpack's straps, looking around. why was she looking at me like that.

"you're y/n y/l/n?" she started to smile, and i felt a wave of relief wash over me.

"yeah," i smiled softly back.

"cool, let me call nick over." she told me before turning away and beginning to say something into her walkie.

after a few minutes of awkwardly standing with my hands in my pockets.

"hi-"

"oh fuck-" i gasped, turning around and grasping my chest. my eyes widened as i shook my head, "oh god i'm sorry- i didn't mean to say that, you just scared me," i breathed, smiling softly.

the boy laughed softly and shook his head. "oh, girl you're completely fine, i'm the same way," he chuckled.

i smiled softly. i then gasped and quickly held out my hand. "my name is y/n, it's my first day." i looked up at the boy with the nose ring and curly hair in front of me. i assumed he was nick.

"hi y/n, i like your name a lot. it's pretty! i'm nick. lose the formalities, let loose, you're good." he smiled and shook my hand softly before pulling away and beginning to walk away. i followed.

"are you from around here, or?" nick asked, turning to me and beginning to walk to the back.

"ah, yeah.. i uhh, moved here from los angeles, actually." i scoffed.

nick seemed to throw his eyebrows up as he turned to me. "los angeles? really? i've always wanted to go, i've been like once but... i still want to go, doesn't change anything." he smiled before he quickly turned to me. "sorry, it's probably like... not that special to you, but," he shrugged, "it's across the country. i mean, culture shock.... is that a real thing?"

i smiled brightly. something about the way nick spoke to me so casually was really comforting. "oh, it's definitely a real thing."

as we walked towards the back, we passed a boy with similar hair and features, and i blinked at him before i shrugged it off and kept following nick. nick seemed to notice this though, and smiled. "that's my brother, matt," he mumbled, and i smiled and nodded. "you two look really similar." i replied, before we came to a stop.

"this is where you'll clock in every day. just type in your employee number and tap clock in," he told me as he demonstrated. i nodded carefully. "it's totally normal if you don't remember your numbers, i wrote them down for you." he handed me a sticky note. i smiled and folded it, putting it into my clear phone case.

"i appreciate it, thanks." i smiled.

-

"and that's how you do it," nick stated confidently.

to be brutally honest, i was still a little lost. we kept just talking about life, random things. i found out nick and i got along really well, and we were the same age.

"i appreciate you walking me through everything," i breathed, rubbing my arm. as we walked back to customer service, i noticed a boy with longer brown hair kneeled down and putting some things on a shelf. i could hear the music playing from his earbuds from here.

nick looked at me and smiled. "oh, and that's my other brother. chris." he smiled. i blinked at him. "you guys all look the same," i started, and he stopped me. "yeah, we're triplets." he chuckled. my eyes went wide as i smiled softly. "wow, you don't see that every day." i chuckled and walked past chris.

"matt, this is y/n. she's gonna be working up here at customer service with you." nick told him, and matt turned to me with a soft smile. i smiled back at him.

"hi, i'm matt." he mumbled, holding out his hand. we shook hands quickly. this guy was so shy but he seemed cool, too. "hi, matt." i smiled at him.

-

the day went by surprisingly fast. i talked a lot with matt, and found out that we have a lot of similar tastes in music and style. "you should talk to my brother chris, he likes that a lot too," he would tell me. i felt like he said it every other sentence, actually. "wow, i really gotta meet this chris guy then, don't i?" was how i finally responded.

matt nodded with a warm smile. "yeah, you do." he smiled.

he helped me a lot with customers throughout the day, and learning the system. he was very helpful, and the way he spoke with customers was kind of admirable. i was excited to be as knowledgeable as he was to those who needed it.

"what do you drive?" he asked me after helping someone, and i blinked. "oh, i don't drive- i walked here." i smiled at him, but my smile dropped when i noticed him look at me with shock, and some worry. "you walked here?" he asked, blinking a few times. i shrugged. "yeah, my house is literally right around the corner.

"i can take you home, i wouldn't walk around at night," he stated firmly, looking at me with only seriousness. i smiled softly. these guys were really nice. "i'd umm.. i'd like that, actually." i smiled.

"matty-poo, are you clocked out yet?" a voice rang in the distance, very similar to his.

"i told you to stop calling me that, chris. have you met y/n?" he questioned, smiling at him. i looked over at chris and felt like i might stop breathing in that moment.

he was stunning. and he may have looked nearly identical to the other two, but something about his hair and the way it perfectly fell on his head, the way he was dressed so laid back and clearly himself yet still appropriately for work.

"y/n?" i heard matt say as i turned quickly to him and then back to chris. "oh, right, sorry. hi, name's y/n," i chuckled shyly and held out my hand. chris, instead of shaking my hand, dapped me up and snapped softly afterwards. i chuckled. i didn't know people did that in boston, too.

"hi, i'm chris." he smiled softly.

"i gotta finish cleaning up a few things here, if you and y/n wanna head to the car? we're giving her a ride home." matt mumbled as he was getting the trash together. i offered to help, but this guy insisted on doing closing duties for the night.

"oh okay sick, sure. come on, y/n." chris stated and began walking towards the car, pulling his hoodie over his head. i followed closely behind him. it was sort of awkward at first, but i heard his music again and smiled softly. i tapped his shoulder, indicating i wanted to tell him something.

"poppin by yeat?" i asked, and he blinked a few times, fully putting his earbuds away and into his pocket. "damn, you listen to year?" he smiled and put his hands in his pockets.

i chuckled and shrugged. "i dabble. i listen to whatever sounds cool." chris smiled. "good taste." i nodded as we approached what i assumed was their car. a kia sedona. simple, but perfect for them, i thought.

chris leaned against the side of the car, and after some thought, i leaned against the car beside him. "the stars are really nice here in boston, much easier to see than in los angeles." i chuckled. chris looked at me as he hadn't heard the rundown yet. "you're from los angeles?" he questioned, and i nodded softly. "that's sick." he stated and turned back to the sky. "me and my brothers have always wanted to go." he smiled softly to himself.

i chuckled and nodded, having heard a few times but decided to keep my mouth shut. "it's nice, but i guess because i'm used to it, it really isn't that exciting." i hummed. he seemed to understand what i was saying.

we sat in silence for a few moments before he turned to me. "why'd you move?" he asked, and i scoffed. "i um.. my mom got a new job. just like in the movies." i mumbled with a soft laugh, and chris smiled at me. "you graduate?" he asked, and i nodded. "yeah, left a week and a half afterwards." i mumbled. he frowned. "i'm sorry to hear," he replied, and i smiled at him. "don't be. i appreciate it though." he smiled softly. "yeah, no problem."

we sat in silence before he turned to me and popped open his airpods case, motioning it towards me. "airpod?" he asked, and i smiled and carefully took one, placing it in my ear. i checked them beforehand.

he put on music and we sat in silence and listened to his playlist. without a doubt, we had the same taste in music.

"y/n!!! how was your first day!!" nick shouted from the distance as he ran towards their car, making me smile brightly.

-

the car ride was peaceful, i sat beside nick in the backseat while matt drove and chris accompanied him in the passenger seat. chris and matt argued for about five minutes before we left about who would have the aux, and i smiled when chris got the aux and put on a song i was fairly familiar with.

"and then a left here," i stated, humming softly to the music. i saw matt shoot chris a glance, resulting in chris smacking matt's arm.

"aaand it's here," i smiled and sat up, waiting for matt to come to a stop before undoing my seatbelt. "i really appreciate you guys for today, thank you for helping me today and making me feel at home." i smiled gently. "i'll see you guys tomorrow?" i mumbled, and matt shook his head. "nick and i are off tomorrow, but chris will be there." he mumbled, and chris gave me a big thumbs up. i smiled softly and nodded, waving and jogging to my door.

-

considering the store closed at midnight, it was about 12:45 by the time i got in my room and sighed. my parents were asleep. i looked around and hummed to myself.

i'll unpack tomorrow morning, i thought.

i changed and laid in bed in my pajamas, staring at my ceiling. i really did have a great day, but chris and the way he just seemed to understand me really struck me. i looked at my hands and sighed softly.

no way i have lived here for two days and already find a guy cute.

i let out a deep, hefty sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. i'll see where it goes, i thought.

and with that, i slowly fell asleep, looking forward to working with chris tomorrow.

HELLO PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT U GUYS THING i feel like i rambled so bad in this??? this is my first thing i've written in a long time and it's very much like..... a pilot? it really goes through the reader meeting the triplets and going through the first day - i APROMISEDJGKSAJDFG it gets more interesting UGHHH ok happy 5am goodnight <333 sincerely, apollo <33

[juliettedunn]

Luz’s Softness in Thanks to Them

We all knew Luz was going to have an angst arc in Thanks to Them. Her angst had been building long before then, and King’s Tide was the final straw.

Angst is popular in characters like Amity and Hunter, who act cold and mean as a result of deep pain on the inside. If they cry, it’s in secret, hidden away from anyone who might see through their confident persona. The “bad but sad boy” / “I act like I don’t care but I secretly do” type, to quote Luz.

That’s not what Luz does. Luz cries multiple times in  front of others in Thanks to Them, and even has an emotional outburst in front of her teacher in classmates.

It’s the classroom scene that has a lot of people saying Luz is being “cringey,” and that they have to cover their eyes from “second-hand embarrassment.” I’ve seen post after post mocking that scene, saying Luz needs to “sit down and shut up” and that she has a “y/n complex.”

Whether a vulnerable person gets sympathy or ridicule from others is based on mysterious standards of what are acceptable and unacceptable ways to act when we are at our worst. And what is acceptable for some isn’t acceptable for others (white favoritism, especially in the fandom’s response to Hunter’s over-the-top emotional displays vs Luz). 

Luz’s outburst in the classroom was highly impulsive and not something many would do, but Luz doesn’t know how to ask for help, not when she feels too guilty to confide in her friends and family.

Luz is at best passively suicidal in TTT. It’s actually one of the first times she DOESN’T see herself as the main character, she sees herself as the selfish villain, the “evil Lucy” rather than the good witch Azura. Her self esteem is at an all time low, to where she doesn’t think she truly deserves love.

It’d be so easy to lock herself away, bottle those feelings inside and turn cold. Many thought this was the direction her character was headed in. And Luz does indeed isolate and keep her inner feelings secret.

But she remains soft and tender-hearted, constantly cheering on her friends and supporting Hunter through his hardships even when she herself is at her worst. She even lets her silliness peek through, calling a possum a “little angel.”

Despite her low self esteem, she very clearly WANTS someone to help her and intervene. She wouldn’t have had the classroom outburst if she didn’t think there was some worth in making her feelings clear, some hope that someone might respond to her and perhaps tell her something different. Which makes it even more heartbreaking when the class gives her a weirded out look and then ignores her.

If someone behaves this way in real life, it should be taken as a serious warning sign, not as a “Oh my god that’s so cringe” moment. 

You can see multiple times in the episode Luz fighting her depression, like when she goes to cuddle with Camila. When she asks Camila to let her stay in her bed, it struck me how amazing she really is for being able to do that.

Luz feels she doesn’t deserve to live, yet she still desperately wants to. She wants to hold on so much that she manages to seek comfort, despite her guilt telling her she shouldn’t be receiving it.

When I was her age and in her mental state, I didn’t have the ability to do something like that. Seeking help when you’re in that kind of state is one of the hardest things to do, and Luz does it multiple times.

For people to call her a cringey embarrassment for having an outburst is in very poor taste, and a bad sign for how we view signs of mental illness in real life.

Not everyone who angsts will be like Hunter and Amity, becoming aggressive and/or cold towards others. Not everyone can hide behind thick skin. Some become softer and more sensitive, cry more easily. The latter is in fact the healthier and often more difficult option. 

Some expected a cold, withdrawn cynic, hiding away her emotions. Instead we got a messy, tender-hearted girl desperately seeking help in impulsive outbursts.

The fandom is finally starting to focus on her angst and trauma, but let’s not forget the strength that lies in her unfaltering softness as well.

Luz is a loving, kind, strong, beautiful disaster, and she deserves better from this fandom.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Here’s some positivity for introjects with “cringey” or often fakeclaimed sources!

It seems like those who don’t believe plurality exists are quick to latch on to a few specific sources in order to fakeclaim or denounce a system. Systems with introjects whose sources are from “cringey” people or media are often hounded by fakeclaimers and led to feel horrible about themselves and their system. However, those who fakeclaim in all honesty know very little about plurality. The truth is, fictives, factives, and other introjects can come from a wide variety of sources - there’s not one accepted list of sources where introjects can come from. So here’s to all the introjects out there with stereotypically “cringey” sources!

If your source is from a popular media, we want to remind you that there is nothing wrong with being who you are! Introjects can come from any source, and it makes sense that more systems will have introjects from popular sources! This includes popular YouTubers, Minecraft servers, and pieces of popular media that tend to get called “cringey” like Homestuck or Warrior Cats!

If your system has trauma-formed introjects, please remember that your body and mind had to do what it could to survive. We applaud you and your whole system for making it this far! Please don’t resent yourself or any member of your system for having a source that’s outside of your control! We hope that your whole system can find peace and self-acceptance, even those with “cringey” sources!

If your system has created introjects, walk-ins, soulbonds, or other headmates who did not form from trauma, know that there is nothing wrong with being yourself! It’s okay for your system to choose to create introjects from sources others tend to fakeclaim. It’s okay if you just showed up in your system one day and found that your source is considered “cringey!” Remember that you are so loved and cherished just the way you are!

In our eyes, not only is cringe dead, but it’s okay and even cool to be what others may consider “cringey!” It’s actually good to have fun and live your best life, to embrace yourself and your headmates and accept each other for who you are. You don’t have to change at all to be deserving of love, respect, and kindness! Your life is so valuable and you are so important just the way you are!

If anything, we hope each introject with a “cringey” source can learn to validate themselves from within, instead of seeking outside validation and approval in order to be happy. Please don’t let what others think of you or your source control the way you view yourself or your system! Regardless of your source, you are real, you have agency and autonomy in your life, and your voice deserves to be heard and taken seriously. Believing this fully for yourself will be much more beneficial than relying on hearing it from others! Validating yourself can make it easier to stand up to fakeclaimers, and to keep their words and accusations from having any negative effects on you or your system.

Know that, no matter what, we believe in you - we see you, we care about you, and we believe you are a vital and important part of the plural community, no matter where your source comes from! We hope that you can come to accept yourself, treat yourself and your system with kindness, and embrace yourself as you are, cringe and all! Thanks so much for reading, and have a lovely day!

[natsgrave]

IN THE NEXT LIFETIME | natasha romanoff

but in those photos, i saw us instead and, somehow, i know that you and i would've found each other in another life. you still would've turned my head even if we'd met. you're always gonna be mine, we're gonna be timeless. → warnings: mention of blood and shooting. ( kinda cheating as well ) ps; some tenses may be wrong and i'm so sorry for that. again, english is not my first language so excuse my poor grammar and writing style. but i do hope you enjoy this story of mine! ( song inspired. the song is made by Ben&Ben ) i do not give permission for my work to be copied or translated on other sites. plagiarism is a crime! masterlist whispers of heartache m.list

I'm Y/N Y/L/N also known as the perfect daughter of the General in the Philippines. But let me tell you a secret, I like girls and no one knows. not even my parents because as their daughter, I need to live with their expectations. not just for them but also for the public, I need to protect our family name and reputation.

While I'm reading a book there's a knock in my door that caught my attention. I shouted a "come in" and when the door opens, it revealed my father with a wide smile.

"Someone looks happy," I pointed out and he laughs before sitting beside my bed. I fixed myself and lean my back at the headboard.

"I have something to tell you, a good news." He said, "Really?" I said with a smile and he nods.

"Well, you know the son of General Rogers in America?" Father asked and I nod, "Both of you are getting married." He finishes and I felt my world crashed.

Not only because I'm getting married to a man but also because I'm getting married to someone I don't even know.

"They'll be coming here to prepare for the wedding in a few weeks." He added snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Wait, that soon!? I don't even get a chance to know him, to bond with him then all of a sudden we're getting married?" I said seriously.

"Don't worry, daughter. We just gonna prepare for it but you still have 2 months to know each other," He said and kissed my forehead, "I'll leave you now, I have something to do." And with that he left my room without saying another word.

I closed my already forgotten book harshly. I was so shocked by the news that I stayed at my place without doing anything. What the fuck just happened?

Now, that was 2 weeks ago. And today, here we are greeting the Rogers family.

"General Rogers, it was nice to finally see you again." My father said with a smile which Mr. Rogers returned.

"It was nice to see you too again, General Y/LN. This is my son, Steve Rogers." He introduced the guy standing beside him.

He's tall, muscular, and let's say he's handsome but that doesn't change the fact that I like women and not guys.

"Well, it's nice to finally meet you, Steve. This is my daughter, Y/N." Father said and pulled me beside him. I put a fake smile and extend my hand, "Hi, it's nice to meet you." Steve gladly accepted my hand with a smile on his face, "You look gorgeous, miss Y/LN." He said and if I can just say it out loud, I'd totally tell him that it cringes me.

"Thankyou, Steve. You don't look bad yourself." I complimented back and we stayed silent just looking at each other's eyes.

"Come on in, let's talk about the wedding." Father said breaking our eye contact and I extracted my hand from him.

Few hours later, and here they are, still talking about the wedding and let me tell you, it's boring as fuck and I don't know how Steve can be so interested in this. I excuse myself and walked to the garden seeing a redhead standing alone.

"Hey," I said making my presence know, she turned around and when she saw me she bows a little before looking at me with a small smile.

"When did you get here?" I asked as I stand beside her.

"Along with the Rogers family, miss Y/LN." She respectfully said and I chuckled making her look at me confused, "Why are you laughing?" The woman asked and I shook my head. "Nothing, and please call me Y/N." I said and she smiled before walking around the garden.

"What's your name by the way? and are you Steve's sister?" I asked looking at her while following.

"I'm Natasha and no, I'm not her sister. I'm... their maid." She said whispering the last part.

"Hey, don't be ashamed. Being maid is nothing to be ashamed of, it's a decent job." I said causing her to smiled at me widely. "Thankyou."

The day continues and we're getting to know eachother, she have a sister and her name was Yelena. Her parents name was Melina and Alexei. Talking to her was comfortable and there's no awkward space between us like we've known each other for so long.

Her laugh is so good to my ears, her eyes that I can look forever along with her smile that made me feel weird things. As the day comes to an end, she excuse herself to do her job. She goes first before I followed few minutes after.

"Where have you been?" Father asked once they saw me entered the dining room.

"Just walking around the garden. I'm sorry, got lost track of time." I said and sat down noticing Natasha standing on the other side along with the other maids. I sent her a smile which she returned.

"How's your day everyone?" I asked while the maids do their job, serving us.

"It's good, but it'll be much better if you're there with us to organize the plans." Steve said with a smile which I return.

We continue the night talking about what they want and plans while I kept stealing glances at Natasha. When she caught me sometimes, I'll just send her a smile which gladly, she returns.

As the days goes by, I've been learning more and more about Natasha. we're hanging out more than we should have. more than me and Steve would probably talk.

Everyday, I tried to act enthusiastically in front of everyone until I got tired and go to my spot, where I met Natasha for the first time. It becomes our spot.

Until there's this night that I realized, I fell inlove. with her. It maybe be risky but that's what I feel and I decided to face it.

"Steve?" I called out for him.

"Yes, Y/N?" He asked and gave me his full attention.

"Can I borrow Natasha? I need to talk to her." I said and he furrowed his eyebrows. "Did she do something?" Steve asked and ready to go out and find Natasha.

This is also the thing that I've learned from him, he's nice, caring, and sweet. Steve Rogers is a very good man. A gentleman and thoughtful. He is every girl's dream boy but not me.

I stopped him, "Steve, no, she didn't do anything. I just needed to talk to her." I calmed him down, "Are you sure?" he asked and I simply nodded.

He gave me a warm smile before letting me find Natasha. I went to her room and knocked for a couple of times before hearing a foot steps followed by the door opening revealing the newly woke up girl.

"Hey, I'm sorry, did I wake you up? I can go if you want." I said and ready to leave when she stopped me. "No, it's okay. Please, come in." She said yawning before stepping aside.

"I have something to tell you." I told her seriously sitting at the edge of her bed.

"Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry, please don't tell them to fired me." Natasha begged and kneel in front of me.

"Hey, no, please listen to me first." I said and pulled her to sit beside me.

I lift her chin and wiped the tears that fell into her beautiful face. She looks at me in the eyes and I swear to every guardian, I'm falling for her even more without her doing anything.

"I like you." I suddenly blurted out. My eyes widen and she looks at me shocked.

"I- uh, what?" She asked can't comprehend what I just confessed.

Fuck! now or never?

I took a deep breath before holding her hands, "I like you. I realized that I fell for you already and I just, I can't hide it. I like you and I don't care if you like me too or not. I just like you." I confess.

She smiled at me with a blush on her face, "I-I like you too," Natasha confessed and it makes me smile widely. "Really?" She nods and I hugged her tight.

"Oh my god, this is definitely one of the happiest moment in my life." I said making her giggle. "Me too, Y/N. Me too."

After that night, we now always keep stealing glances at eachother. We keep our relationship a secret for obvious reasons. We would sneak out late at night to each other's room and come back soon before the others woke up.

Then, this night comes. The night before the wedding, everyone was here. My father and Steve's family's friends. All of them are having fun while all I want is this night to end and be on Natasha's arms.

We dance around, talk, and laugh while I felt two pair of eyes watching me. I look around and found Natasha looking at me. I gave her a smile and mouthed 'I love you' which she replied with 'I love you too'

We continued the night until this one soldier came to my father and whispered something to him changing his all happy demeanour to anger.

He left the room and I excuse myself following him behind. I saw him went to the garden and found Natasha was there also. I stayed behind waiting what he's going to do until I saw him pulled his gun out and pointed it to Natasha.

Before he can pull the trigger, I put myself between them catching and feeling the bullet goes to my back. Natasha turned around and saw me, she instantly smile but fades away when I collapsed in her.

"Oh my god, Y/N? Are you okay? What's going on?" She asked panicking and saw blood comes out to my mouth, "Y/N?" Natasha looked up and saw my father holding a gun. "Shit, Y/N? Don't close your eyes, please." She said and tears start to form on her eyes, the people started to fill in and saw the situation.

"What happened?" Steve asked and sat beside me, "Natasha? what happened?"

"I-I don't know, she just- her father," She said unable to speak straight without being interrupted by her tears.

"It supposed to be you! You're supposed to be the one who's laying down there right now!" I heard my father shout, "you- you're having an affair with my daughter!"

Steve looked at her with a mad expression while she focused her attention to me, Steve was about to say something when I beat him to it.

"Please, don't blame her on anything. I confessed first, I did this because I want this. I'm sorry Steve but I never loved you, I-I just don't want to disappoint my father that's why I said yes to this," I stopped catching my breath, "Let her live. Let her be with her family, please, for me." I said as tears start to come out.

"Please," I whispered and he nods, I look at Natasha and smiled weakly, "I love you, always and forever. Meet me in another life, my love." I felt my eyelids starting to feel heavy while they were begging to keep my eyes open, there was screaming, crying, and all.

"Please, don't leave me, I love you!" I heard Natasha until all I heard is nothing but silence.

Few months after, everyone's been moving on with their lives. It's hard for them especially your parents but it's harder for Natasha. You showed her the love she deserves, you loved her for who she is, and didn't leave her side until the end.

When she lost you, she also lost her life. Her motivation to live and not even her family can make her happy anymore. She can't find any color to her life now that you're gone. She barely eats and go out to her room, all she do is to think about you, cry and grieve for you.

Thinking, what her life would be if you're still together and building your dreams for each other. Slowly, she's starting to feel ill and don't want to drink any medicine or to be better. She wants to be with you and if this is the only way, then so fucking be it. ---

"That's the story of them, they both died in the end," The tourist guy said, "You may continue your journey now, thankyou for listening."

"Wow, that was something." The girl said and continue walking around the museum until one painting caught up her attention.

A painting of a woman holding a book. The woman of the guy's story, the woman who looked exactly like her but she's sure that they are not related.

She took a better look at the painting and saw the notebook in the painting has a page indicated to it. Page 28.

After a few strolls, she couldn't take away her mind from the painting. She went to the nearest coffee shop and start to do a research.

'Y/N Y/LN daughter of General Y/LN of the Philippines.'

They even have the same name, she looked for some more and came across an article that says about the love life of the woman in the painting. An image is attached to the article. It was a part of the notebook and it was on page 28.

"I don’t know how it is you are so familiar to me or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before– in another time, a different place– some other existence.”  - Lang Leav

She read it out loud and felt something weird in her heart. The woman started to think that she and the woman in the painting are the same person. She looks back at the article and scrolls down some more and saw a painting of a woman with red hair holding the same notebook and indicates the page 31.

“It feels bittersweet to love you, as though time has already run its ruinous path and everything good is over before it begins. It feels perilous to love you, like a dust scorn swallowing up the sky or a comet skimming the stratosphere. But it is an honour to love you. Like the snow drifts giving way to spring, I will hold you for as long as I can.”

She lean back to her chair and let all the information sinks in. She looks at her watch and didn't even realise she was late for her errands today. She quickly fixes her things and practically ran out of the coffee shop but then she bumped into someone and spill the coffee that is left.

"Holy shit, I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me, I'm really sorry," She begins to apologize, then looked up and she was shocked. It was the same woman at the picture with red hair but now she's blonde.

She shakes out her thoughts and apologize one more time, "I'm sorry, miss. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay, don't worry I have a spare in my car. What's your name pretty lady?" The woman asked making her blush.

"Y/N miss—" She stopped and look at her waiting for the name.

"I'm Scarlett." The woman extend her hand which she gladly accept and shakes it. "Nice to meet you, Scarlett."

"You too, Y/N..." She stopped, her words trailing and looked at Y/N trying to figure out something.

"Do I have dirt on my face?" Y/N asked and touched her face.

Scarlett shakes her head before speaking, "Do I know you? I feel like I met you before."

"We haven't met ever Scarlett like ever." Y/N replied with small never hand gestures making Scarlett giggle.

"What about we get to know each other? Could I ask you to join me for a coffee? Even I know you just had one." Scarlett offered.

"It's okay, I don't want to intrude your me time, Scarlett." Y/N declined.

"Come on, please. It's the least thing you can do for spilling your coffee all over me." Scarlett said with a bright smile.

"Fine." Y/N said with a sigh and playfully rolled her eyes. Fuck errands.

"Let's go!" Scarlett cheerfully said.

The lovers succeed in what they want. They promised that they will meet in another life and they did. In this lifetime, the lovers will start over again. No more secrets. No more expectations from others. Just two of them in each other's arms.

Their love was a burning fire that never extinguished. They said forever till the end and indeed they were forever until death and after it.

Even through all those hardships and obstacles, they were guided by god to each other once again.