#watch me post this chapter tonight go to bed before i can think about it wake up tomorrow and delete it

[mayrose713]

Beautifully Cruel World-Chapter 7

Series Masterlist | Previous | Next

ABO Non-Idol Stray Kids Universe Poly OT8 x Reader 18+ MDNI

Warnings in the Series Masterlist as well as any other information needed

I'm sorry for anyone on my tag list who haven't been getting the notifications that I posted. I'm not sure what the problem is or why it's doing that. If anyone knows how to fix it please let me know.

Enjoy this chapter

Chapter 7

A storm rages outside, thunder booming, causing the house to shake each time. Y/n doesn’t have curtains in her room so every flash of lightning lights up the room causing the omega to toss and turn unable to sleep. 

With a huff she looks at the clock on the nightstand to see it’s about three in the morning when another loud clash of thunder shakes the house once again causing her to sit up, shaking a bit in fear. She wonders if anyone else is up because of the storm or if she’s the only one. 

The alphas told her if she ever needed anything at night to just go to their room and Felix said if she wants to cuddle but she feels silly going to one of them because of a storm. She’s not afraid necessarily but she just doesn’t like how the thunder shakes the house and the sound of rain that normally soothes people irritates her. 

With a sigh she gets up deciding that she’ll go downstairs and maybe watch tv in the living room or game room to keep her occupied and distracted. Walking past everyone else’s rooms as quietly as possible she makes it down stairs stopping in the kitchen first to grab a glass of water. After gulping down most of it, setting it down on the counter, thunder boomed causing her to jump and the kitchen light turned on. 

“What are you doing up?” Chan walks in having been the one to turn the light on after seeing her jump from the thunder. 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” 

The alpha shakes his head no. “I’m a light sleeper, anyone walking past my room I hear. Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Y/n leans against the counter. “Just  having trouble sleeping, I don't really like storms.” 

Thundering crashing causes her to tense up. 

“Why didn’t you come to one of us?” 

Y/n blushes feeling embarrassed. “I felt it was silly to need comfort just because of a storm”

“We get it, Felix doesn’t like storms either.” He tries to help her feel better. “Pretty sure I heard him go to Hyun’s room when the storm first started.” 

“Oh.” She now feels stupid for thinking it was silly.

“Baby girl, we’re here if you need anything, even if it’s something as small as needing to be with someone during a storm.” He moves to her and pulls her to him. “Why don’t we head to my room? You can sleep in my bed.”

“You really don’t have to do that.” Y/n protests. “I’ll be okay.”

“You’re a real stubborn omega.” Chan huffs, gently grabbing her around the waist, throwing her over his shoulder making her squeal a little and walks up stairs after turning the kitchen light back off. “You’re not getting a choice in this.” 

Y/n huffs accepting her fate letting him take her to his room, pulling the blankets back and placing her in the bed tucking her in. 

“I normally sleep without a shirt, is that okay?” He asks hovering over her. “If not I can sleep with it on tonight, I don’t mind.” 

“It’s okay.” The omega whispers. “I want you to be comfortable too.” 

He smiles down at her before taking his shirt off causing her to blush as she sees how muscular he is. She turns away as he climbs in the bed next to her getting situated. 

“Is this okay?” He checks in on her since she’s turned away. When she hums a yes he smirks before wrapping an arm around her and pulls her so her back is against his chest. “What about this?” 

“This is fine.” She mumbles, glad he can’t see her as she’s blushing so hard right now. 

“Good.” Chan hums snuggling her closer to him if that was even possible and kisses the top of her head. “Goodnight baby girl.”

“Goodnight Channie.” 

The next morning Y/n wakes up alone in Chan's bed with a headache. She heads downstairs to find anyone. 

“Where is everyone?” She asks Jisung as she walks in the kitchen.

“Chan and Changbin had to go into the office one last time this week. They normally don’t have to go in more than once a week but because of your dry heat starting tomorrow or the day after they decided to head up there to make sure everything is good since we don’t know how long it could last.” He starts to explain. “Minho had one of his advanced dance classes today as well as a one on one so he’ll be back in a little bit. Felix went with Hyunjin to teach his art class at the community center in town. Seungmin is around here somewhere and Jeongin is in the home gym.”

The omega nods but quickly regrets it as it makes her head hurt worse.

“Are you okay?” 

“Have a headache.” She whimpers, placing a hand against her temple. “Didn’t really sleep well last night because of the storm.”

“Oh, you don’t like storms either like Felix?” He hums in understanding and grabs her arm leading her to the living room. “Why don’t you lay down on the couch for a bit? I’ll get you a glass of water. I’m about to go take a walk around the property anyways so it’ll be quiet down here for a bit. I’ll tell Jeongin and Seungmin to keep it down too.” 

“Thanks Ji.” She smiles, laying down on the couch as he places a blanket over her. 

He brings her a big cup of ice water placing it on the coffee table as well as places the house phone with it. 

“If you need anything my cell is speed dial five. Jeongin’s is eight but he’s got music playing in the gym so he might not hear his phone ringing.”

She gives him a weak smile before he leaves through the back door making sure his ringer is turned up all the way in case she calls. 

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Seungmin sits in his room strumming his guitar, a little annoyed after Jisung had messaged him saying to keep it down because the stupid omega has a headache. He’s really getting irritated with her presence and doesn't understand how almost all of his other mates are accepting of her. He’s just glad he has Hyunjin on his side. 

Needing to get his anger and frustration out he decides to head out to the batting cages Chan had set up for him in the field in the back near the shed. But that all changes when he walks out of his room and smells a distressed scent and his beta starts telling him that his fated mate is in pain. 

He runs downstairs as quickly as possible, scared it might be Jeongin as he knows he’s been in the gym and remembers how Jisung once had to save Changbin when he was being crushed by weights. What he wasn’t expecting though was to find the omega in the living room, writhing in pain as she clutches her lower stomach, moaning and whimpering in pain. And he realizes it’s her his beta is telling him is in pain.

“Fuck, fuck.” Seungmin runs over realizing her dry heat has started sooner than the others had expected and now that the suppressants have worn off he can fully smell her and his beta is telling him that she is in fact his fated mate. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here.” He shushes her while rubbing her beck, trying to put out calming pheromones but she’s in too much pain for it to help. “I’m going to move you to the den, okay?” 

He picks her up and realizes just how light she is as he carries her to the den and settles her into the nest. He grabs one of the heating pads Minho bought, placing it where she’s clutching. She’s sweating and is hurting and he doesn’t know what to do. 

He brushes her hair out of her face to see if she’d look at him but it’s as if she’s not aware of anything around her. 

“Fuck.” He growls, pulling his phone out and dials Chan's number. 

“Hey Minnie, miss us already?” The alpha tries to joke. 

“It’s Y/n.” Seungmin pants knowing he can hear the fear in his voice. “She started her dry heat. I don’t know what to do. She’s whimpering in pain and clutching her abdomen. I moved her to the den and gave her the heating pad but she’s sweating and doesn’t seem to be aware of anything right now.”

“Fuck.” Chan groans then says something to someone else in the background. “Alright, Changbin and I are leaving now, we’ll be home as soon as we can. Where’s Innie and Ji?”

“Umm, Ji went out on his daily calming walk and Innies in the gym, but I’m too afraid to leave her alone.” Seungmin is frantic as he looks around. “I don’t know how to help her hyung.” He whimpers. “I know now, I know she’s our fated mate and I’ve been such a dick.”

“Listen to me, Seungmin, she’s going to need you right now.” Chan speaks slowly. “She shouldn’t be alone, it can cause separation anxiety. I’ll call Innie so he can get done and shower and will take over for you if you want or will just come and help you. As well as Ji. For the meantime just lay with her in the nest, keep the heating pad on her. Try and keep your scent calm, you might need to scent her if you’re okay with doing that. If she seems to get too feverious call me back. I’ll call Felix, Hyunjin and Minho and tell them what’s going on so you don’t have to worry about it. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”

“Okay Channie.” Seungmin takes a deep breath. “I’m really sorry for how I’ve been acting and treating her.”

“It’s okay Minnie. I know you were upset about all of this, it’s okay.” Chan reassures the beta. “Just be there for her now okay? She’ll forgive you for everything, I know she will.” 

“Thanks hyung.” He sighs. “I’ll see you guys soon.”

“See you soon baby.” 

Seungmin hangs up and tries to stay calm for the omega as he curls up behind her, wrapping an arm around her abdomen to hold the heating pad to her. His other hand plays with her hair as he tries to soothe her. He decided on singing to her hoping it’ll keep her calm. Her moans and whines of pain start to lessen as she relaxes against him a bit, her eyes stay closed though. 

“If you can hear me Y/n, tap my hand.” He whispers and she taps his hand lightly. “Good girl. I know you’re in a lot of pain right now but I’m right here. The hyungs and Innie will be here soon too. But I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” 

“How is she?” Jeongin steps into the doorway, still sweaty from working out. 

“In pain but she’s calmed down a bit now.” The beta explains.

The youngest nods in understanding, setting a glass of water down next to the nest before moving to the windows closing the curtains so the sun isn’t shining into the den. “Make sure to keep her hydrated. I’m gonna pull the curtains on the glass doors and close them, hopefully the lack of light will help with her headache as well as closing off the den will keep any loud noises from the others when they get back from disturbing her.”

“Good idea Innie.” 

“I’m gonna go shower. Jisung should be back soon.” The alpha watches them for a moment. “If you want we can take over for you when we’re back, or we can just join you guys.”

“I’ve been keeping a distance long enough.” Seungmin grunts. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Jeongin smiles at him. “Alright hyung, I’ll be back.” 

“You need to drink some water. Can you sit up for me?” Seungmin looks down at the omega who groans. “I know pup but you need to stay hydrated.”

He helps her sit up, leaning heavily against his chest, groaning and whimpering with every movement as he brings the cup to her lips helping her drink.

“Minho said she should take these. They should help with her headache and cramping. ” Jisung walks in with the two pill tablets and hands them to Seungmin to help her take them. “He’s having to go pick up Felix from the community center because Hyunjin is being an ass and won’t drive him back.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes but then reminds himself that he was acting the same way the last few days. But he tries not to think too heavily on that as he makes sure Y/n takes the tablets.

After he made sure she drank a good amount of water he settles her back down as Jisung refills the cup before crawling into the nest as well. 

“I’m here Y/nnie.”

“Ji.” She whimpers but cuddles closer to both betas and they both scent her to help ease everything.

“Move over.” Jeongin walks in. “Let me have her.”

The two betas don’t want to but know that the alpha must be going crazy internally having the need to protect her. They make room for him but stay as close as they can not willing to leave her at all. 

“Alpha.” Y/n whimpers.

“I’m here omega.” Jeongin coos petting her head. “I’m here, you're safe.”

The three of them stay like that with her for a while until Chan and Changbin get home, rushing into the den. They pause when they see the betas and alpha snuggled up to her. She’s still clutching a heating pad to her abdomen and her face scrunches up occasionally in pain but for the most part she seems okay. 

“Hi hyungs.” Jeongin whispers, giving them a small smile.

“Hi baby.” Chan smiles back. “You pups did really good taking care of your omega. I’m proud of you guys.” 

When Y/n whimpers again Chan walks over and kneels next to the nest placing a hand on her cheek.

“Hey baby girl.” He whispers, she leans into his hand and opens her eyes a little. 

“She doesn't seem to be as hazy as she was when I first found her.” Seungmin mentions seeing that she’s more aware now. 

“You guys being with her probably helped a lot.” Changbin explains watching the omega. 

“We made sure she drank water and everything but she hasn’t eaten yet.” Jisung speaks up. 

“Where is she?” Felix runs through the house and into the den, but gets stopped by Changbin real quickly.

“Calm down.” He holds the younger one in his arms. “You don’t want to overwhelm her with your emotions.” 

Felix pouts but nods as he takes a few deep breaths relaxing in the alphas arms.

“Alright, everyone out.” Minho walks in with the paper bag from the doctors as well as some of Y/n’s new comfy clothes.

“But…”

“Out.” Minho interrupts Felix’s protests. “I need to make sure she gets her medicine and I’m going to help her change, so everyone get out. You can cuddle with her after I’m done.”

Changbin picks up Felix to make the omega leave as Minho walks over and switches spots with the three in the nest to help take her weight and hold her up. 

“Where’s Hyunjin?” Chan asks, still kneeling next to the nest.

“Wouldn’t leave the community center.” Minho sighs. “I told him if he’s going to be an asshole then don't bother coming home.” 

“I’ll call him while you do this, try and talk some sense into him.” Chan rubs the bridge of his nose and stands up.

“Good luck with that, he yelled at Lix and made him cry.” 

Chan growls and pulls his phone out of his pocket.

“Where’s your head at, kitten?” Minho asks once everyone left the den. 

“It hurts, Min.” She whines as he lifts her shirt up over her head. 

“I know baby, but let me do this real quick then you can snuggle with Felix.” He starts to rub the cream on her side then moves to her arm.

He makes her take her antibiotic then slips her new shirt on her before helping her change from sweatpants to sleep shorts. He lays her down, placing the heating pad back on her abdomen.

“Alpha.” She whines and he moves closer to her.

“I’m right here kitten, I’m not going anywhere.” He scents her, keeping her close for a moment enjoying the time alone with her. “Alright, she’s good.” 

Minho knew that Changbin and Felix were standing right outside the door and would hear him and laughs a little when Felix bolts in and crawls into the nest as quickly as possible while still being gentle and snuggles up to the younger omega. 

“Channie hyungs making her a snack while he yells at Hyunjin on the phone.” Felix tells the alpha still upset at the oldest beta for refusing to take him home and yelling at him.

“Are you okay baby.” Changbin asks Felix, joining them in the nest. 

“I am now that I’m here.” He whispers curled up with Y/n. 

The two alphas smile down at their omegas as they hope Y/n’s dry heat goes by quickly.

Tag list: @pixie0627 @sinfulfic @estella-novella @mbioooo0000 @ms-flowergirl @blindspot143 @ihrtlix @arishoriasims @fic-for-readers @motheraiya55 @hwangrfrnd @lxvxchxrlxttxbxrsx22-blog @juskz @borahae-reads @dreamerwasfound @galaxy4489 @kayleefriedchicken @lostgirlinthewoodss @catkight#stray

[flemingsfreckles]

Replacement Pt.12

Read the rest of the series here!

Warnings: just some pg13 making out, nothing else.

WC: 3.3k

A/N: hi, I finally got this chapter finished, it’s been a struggle, like I’ve said I’ve been incredibly busy, I’m hoping to get some short blurbs written for yall so I can get back to consistently posting.

You didn’t hear much from Jessie the next day. A few texts here and there, but nothing like you were used to. You acknowledged each other at training, uncomfortable glances in each other's direction, followed by quick, training related conversations.

You hated it. Feeling like you had messed up, that you were to blame. You had spent the night feeling angry, at Jessie and at yourself. Her words had hurt, the way she nearly dismissed what you had seen as valuable. You loved the safety you felt when it was just the two of you in her apartment. You loved how it felt to finally feel comfortable exploring this side of your life. You loved being able to touch her, hold her hand, kiss her and not feel scared. You loved being able to open talk, no teammates or strangers potentially listening in. You figured she had felt the same, until she had called it all fake.

At the same time you were mad at her, you were mad at yourself. You knew it wasn’t fair to force Jessie into dates at home. She deserved someone who wanted to show her off, someone who was proud to be her girlfriend and showed it. You hadn’t given that to her. The longer you sat in bed thinking, the more you felt torn. You didn’t want to lose her, but you weren’t ready for everyone to know, at least not yet.

“Can I pick you up tonight? 9pm? I’ll have you home by midnight I promise.” Those were the first words you spoke to Jessie this morning that weren’t related to soccer. You had waited around in the locker room after training until all your teammates had left and just the two of you sat side by side in your cubbies.

“Kinda late don’t you think?” She questions quietly.

“Please?” You didn’t want to have to beg her, but you needed to talk, you needed this chance with her.

“Okay, sure.”

“Okay, I’ll pick you up.” You say to her as she heads out of the locker room. A little hurt that she hadn’t waited to walk out with you, but you also couldn’t blame her too much. This morning had been tense and awkward, it was fair for her to run off.

“You’re not going to kill me up here are you?” Jessie tries to break the silence in the car. You just glance at her. “Sorry, obviously a joke.”

You and Jessie had been driving for about 25 minutes before you parked the car. You had traveled out of the city of Portland, into the woods, down a gravel road, to a small clearing you found last year. Away from the hussle and bussle of the city, it became a quiet place for you to think. It probably wasn’t at all what she was expecting, but you didn’t mind surprising her.

“9pm picnic?” Jessie says, puzzled look on her face as she followed you out of the car and watched you lay out the blanket you had brought.

“No, stargazing.” You point upward to the clear sky displaying tiny bright dots of light.

“Oh.” Jessie makes her way to the blanket, toeing off her shoes before sitting down. You follow, sitting beside her. Just like the car, the two of you start off in silence, waiting for the other to break it.

“Look, Jessie.” You start, waiting for her to turn to look at you, when her eyes meet yours you continue. “I know this isn’t completely public, but I’m trying. You asked to do something outside of our houses, this is what I’m comfortable with for now. I wanted to show you, I’m in this, I want this.”

“I know, I’m really sorry, for what I said, I should have never said those dates were fake, because they weren’t. Those evenings together meant something to me and they meant something to you. They weren’t fake and I’m so sorry I said they were. I’m in this too, I want this too. I just freaked out, thinking you’d keep me a secret forever, which now that I’ve reflected was stupid and I just panicked.”

“It was never my intention to keep you a secret forever. I just need a little bit more time. I’m still figuring this out.”

“Yeah, I know. You deserve to take the time you need, I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured in any way.” Her hand on your thigh gives you a gentle squeeze, sending tiny feelings of electricity up between your legs.

You respond with silence, not quite knowing where to take the conversation, but also just falling into a comfortable silence with the girl next to you. As you both lay, you lean your head over, resting it on her shoulder. The two of you lay in silence, admiring the display in the sky above you.

“This has been really nice.” Jessie says rolling over on her side to look at you. You keep your eyes trained on the sky, looking at the stars. “Thank you for showing me this.” She puts a kiss on your cheek before shifting to lay her head on your chest, one of her arms coming to wrap around your waist.

You feel your face rush with heat at the feeling of her kiss. You couldn’t believe something simple from her, like a peck on the cheek still gave you a tingling feeling in your stomach. “You know it’s been three months technically since our first date, and one month since we agreed to be girlfriends?”

“I did.” Jessie lets out a little sigh. “I just wasn’t sure if you wanted to make it a big deal or not, people are different, we hadn’t really done anything for month one or two, so I wasn’t sure if you maybe weren’t a monthly anniversary person or not.

“I wasn’t sure if you were, that’s why I haven’t been saying anything.”

“So we’ve just been not acknowledging it.” Jessie laughs softly as she speaks.

“Yeah I guess.” You shrug.

You feel Jessie shift on the blanket, she lifts her head momentarily.“I’ve had a really nice three months with you.”

“Me too babe.” You both share a smile before Jessie leans up toward you, her lips finding yours.

As you kiss you can almost feel a shift. One you can’t quite place but the way she kissed you, felt deeper, more passionate, her tongue running against yours felt dirtier, in a way that made you want more. Before you can get too carried away you find yourself pulling back. You wanted it, but not on a blanket, on a rock, in the middle of somewhat secluded woods.

“Um, so it’s almost eleven, I promised I’d have you home by midnight.”

“Right…” Jessie says. “I mean, we do have film and recovery tomorrow. Should probably get at least some sleep.” Both of you groan as you stand up, not wanting to leave the peaceful night you had created, but you knew you had to.

After the short drive home you found yourself parking your car outside of your own place, instead of Jessie’s. “Sorry, I’ll drop you off in a second, I forgot something for you, I meant to grab it earlier.”

“Of course, no problem.”

“Unless you wanted to come upstairs?” It was an innocent enough question you posed to Jessie, but both of you knew it likely had a less than innocent underlying meaning.

You had been more physical on your date tonight than most. Your hands had constantly been finding ways to touch Jessie. Your hand in hers, your hand on her thigh, hand on her back, your fingers running through her hair, and she was returning the favor, her hands running down your side as she had rested with her head on your chest.

“Yeah, if you want me to?”

“I do.” You nodded. “Plus, tomorrow is just film and recovery, if we’re a little sleepy, it’ll be alright.” You end the sentence with a slight smirk on your face. The two of you made quick work of getting out of your car and she followed you up to your building.

You initiated it. The second the two of you made it through the door, your lips found Jessie’s, kissing her hard, not wasting any time before you let your tongue slide against her lips. Hands on her hips you urge her to move backward in the direction of your bedroom.

You poured years of self hatred and denial into the kiss, you were finally getting what you had always wanted deep down. The feelings you had suppressed for years poured out as the two of you made your way into the bedroom.

You reach the bed, finally breaking your kiss and you climb onto it as Jessie stands at the side, watching you. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Not having to think twice you reassure her with an enthusiastic nod, it felt right, tonight was the night. You had no idea what you were doing, but excitement filled your stomach.

“Okay, just tell me if you change your mind.” Jessie says as she climbs onto the bed next to you, situating herself between your thighs.

Leaning down, she covers your body with her own, her lips making their way back to yours and the two of you spend time kissing. You slowly become used to the feeling of her body on yours, it's new, but you liked it, your hands hold her sides as her own hold her above you. Every slight shift of her weight you can feel, the longer you kiss her the more restless you become. You can feel the way her hips softly rock against yours. For a moment you’re in heaven.

You can feel your head start to spin as she kisses the side of your neck. The feeling you're experiencing is one you’re unable to put into words, a mix of uncertainty and excitement fill your system. Feeling bold in your movements you let your hands pick at the edges of Jessie’s shirt, your fingers just barely touching her bare skin underneath. She sits back, breaking away her lips from your skin and you watch as she puts her arms up.

“Go ahead.” She nods with a smile down to you and you slowly pull the shirt up and over her head. You let your eyes trail down her body, pausing a little too long at her chest, still covered in a sports bra. It was a view you had seen hundreds of times in the locker room but this was different. This wasn’t seeing her change into her kit for a game, this wasn’t her changing after practice. She was undressing for you. That made it different.

You’re enjoying the attention she’s giving to your neck and lips, until her hands find their way to the hem of your shirt and you feel her begin to gently pull on it. She doesn’t quite make a move to take it off of you yet, but you know that’s what she’s teasing at, her fingers creeping further under your shirt. That’s when your stomach feels like a sinking rock, it finally sets in what the two of you were doing. She was going to be naked, you were going to be naked. She’d be seeing every inch of you. You hadn’t done anything like this before, before Jessie you’d hardly made out with anyone.

As her fingertips graze the band of your bra the feeling in your stomach grows and for a moment you’re worried you’ll be sick. “Hang on Jess.” You’re able to whisper out and you almost regret it as you feel her lips pull away from your sensitive skin.

“Are you okay?” Jessie pulls back looking at your face, her fingers still touching under your shirt.

“Uh.” You try to find your voice, the words to tell her. Feeling frozen you just look at her. When she moves her fingers slightly you jump under her touch. Jessie now looks concerned as she looks down at you. You feel like you could cry in the moment, the lump in your throat starting to feel impossible to swallow.

“We can stop.” Jessie offers sweetly.

“No Jess, it's fine.” You quickly find the words trying to convince her and yourself that you’re okay. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t think you mean that.” Jessie stays still, her hands still resting on either side of your abdomen, you hope she can’t feel how uneven your breathing is, or just how hard your heart is beating. “I can tell you’re nervous, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

You shouldn’t be embarrassed, but you were. Tucking your head down to avoid her eyes, you can feel them burning into the crown of your head. The heat rising on your cheeks makes this feel even more embarrassing. “I’ve just, I’ve never, and I don’t, I mean, I’m just not sure.” You manage to mumble out.

Jessie doesn’t say anything initially, but you feel her fingers slide out from under your shirt, resting on your thighs that were still wrapped around her waist. “Hey, it’s okay.” She begins rubbing slow strokes up and down your shorts, comforting you. Her right hand leaves your thigh and finds your own hand, gently interlacing your fingers.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice cracks slightly and you can feel the tears welling up, blinking hard a couple escape and roll down your cheek. “I thought I was ready.”

“It’s okay, look at me.” Jessie politely requests. You turn your head, giving her a quick glance before shying away again. “Please,” it’s a gentle ask and you do as she says, making eye contact with her for just a moment before your eyes fall to your lap again, “I don't care, I mean, I do obviously, I care about you. I just mean, if you’re ever not ready, not comfortable, we’re not going to do anything.”

“I want to, I promise, I want to have sex with you, just, I don’t know, it’s still all new.” You couldn’t quite put into words the feelings you were having, uneasy, anxious, and yet excited, all flooding your system making you feel unwell.

“That’s okay.” Jessie swings her legs over yours, sitting down on the bed next to you, she reaches for her own previously discarded shirt pulling it over her head quickly before returning her focus to you. “You don't need a reason, and it's also okay to just not be ready.”

You just nod. You stay staring ahead, where Jessie used to sit, now your eyes fell across the room on the empty wall. An unsettling feeling still in your stomach, you just wanted it to go away. Your brain felt like it was ready to explode and yet it was silent at the same time, having no idea how to process the emotions you went through.

You’re not sure how long it’s been when Jessie speaks again. “Do you want me to go? I can leave if you need some space, Or I can stay, it’s your choice, whatever will make you comfortable.”

You hardly had to think before you knew the answer “Stay?”

“Of course.” Jessie says, you can almost feel her relax into the bed slightly. She moves around, covering herself with the throw blanket that rested on your bed.

“You’re not mad?” Finally having the courage to speak, you ask, slightly terrified of what the answer might be.

“Why would I be mad?” She turns looking at you with a hint of sadness in her expression.

“I don’t know. I mean I started it, I made it seem like we were going to, ya know.” Your hands play with the blanket.

“I’ll never be mad at you for saying no, no one should ever get mad at you for that.” Her hand finds yours, encouraging you to stop fidgeting with the blanket. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Okay.” You turn, swinging your legs off the bed. “I’m going to get ready for bed, I have an extra toothbrush if you still want to spend the night.”

“Yeah, only if you’re sure?”

“I am, feel free to grab clothes from my dresser, if you wanted something besides what you’ve got on.” You point over where your dresser was against the wall. Jessie nods then moves toward the dresser opening a few drawers before finding your t-shirts. She looks through a few and then holds one up. M

“Cool if I take this one?” She holds it up to you. You nod before heading into the bathroom. While you’re rummaging through your closet to find the packaged toothbrush for Jessie she joins you, your shirt now across her chest and one of your favorite pairs of sweats on her legs. You can’t help but feel your stomach flutter at the sight of her in your clothes.

“Here ya go.” You hand her the toothbrush and she walks to your sink. “I’m going to go change, I’ll be right back.” Quickly throwing on sweatpants and a shirt of your own you return to the bathroom, washing your face and brushing your teeth before heading back toward your bed.

Jessie is standing at the foot of it, looking at you. “Do you have a side preference?” You shake your head before moving to the closest side of the bed, lifting the covers and beginning to climb in, you reach over setting an alarm for the morning. Jessie gets the idea and moves to the other side, putting her phone on the bedside table and climbing in as well.

You’d never slept next to anyone in a romantic way. Sure you’d shared beds with teammates before but never a teammate that you also kissed, and hugged, and lov-, really liked. You feel your face heating up at the near confession that just happened in your brain.

Despite the darkness of your room, Jessie somehow could see right through you. “Just lay how you normally would, pretend I’m not here.” Following her instructions you roll off your back and onto your side, facing away from Jessie. “There ya go.” Staring at the rest of your bedroom you can’t see, but feel the bed shift as Jessie moves around. “Is it okay if I lay behind you?”

“Yeah go ahead.” As you give her permission, Jessie moves and you suddenly feel her legs against yours before her chest is against your back.

“Can I put my arm around you?” Instead of verbally answering, you reach an arm of your own back, finding Jessie’s wrist and pulling her forward so her arm draped across your middle. “You comfortable?” She checked in with you.

“Yeah, I’m good.” That was mostly the truth, you were more comfortable than before, and Jessie’s body against yours was a welcomed warmth, but that didn’t mean it calmed your mind fully. Your mind was still thinking about how it had felt to have Jessie on top of you, your legs wrapped around her waist as she ever so slightly had rolled her hips, how it felt for her hands to be under your shirt, how her lips felt on your neck, and while you had loved all those things, you couldn’t stop thinking about how embarrassed you felt.

Here you were, an adult, still terrified of physical intimacy. You wanted it, you just couldn’t. It made it all too real. “I’m sorry.” It’s a weak apology from you that has Jessie immediately shushing in your ear.

She places a kiss to your shoulder and tightens her grip on your waist. “Go to sleep babe, nothing to be sorry for.”

[willows-writings]

‼️This post is part of a choose your own adventure series and is not meant to be read stand-alone. Click HERE to go to the masterlist and Chapter beginnings‼️

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Ask if he's ok

Chapter 2

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Your concern wins you over and you pull back from the kiss. As you pull away Josh lets out a small groan and reaches up to try and kiss you again. You laugh and gently place a hand on his mouth. “Josh, wait, are you doing ok?”

He groans “Y/n no offense but we are not a one night stand who just met each other, we don’t have to do the whole get to know you thing.” he mumbles from behind your hand.

You grin for a moment before your face goes back to serious. “No I mean, with all the guys being here, and I guess… just being here in general.” You remove your hand from his mouth.

His face falls and he moves to sit up, scooting back so his back rests against the headboard and pulling your body with him so you remain on his lap. “Look y/n, in all honesty it freaks me out a bit, I miss them but more than anything I’m happy they all came up here, happy you're here.” He trails a hand down your face and you lean into it. You know there’s more, but you also know these next few days aren’t the time to interrogate him about it. 

“Ok,” You whisper and move your face to press a kiss to his hand “Ok, anything you need I’m here” 

He smiles at you and hugs you close to him. 

Suddenly you hear a noise from outside the room. Josh groans “Someone definitely just broke something, fuck.” He moves you off his lap gently, stands and starts to walk to the door while you remain sitting on the bed.

“Hey,” he turns to your voice, “what if… we just stay here tonight? I mean tension in the group is still running high, there’s a good chance everyone else will stay split off or just go to sleep. We could make hot chocolate and popcorn? Watch a movie? I got a few of those horror films you like downloaded on my computer? It’ll be fun!” You know at this point you're rambling but you can see his face softening the more you talk. 

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” He briskly walks over to you so he can plant a dramatic kiss on your forehead. When he looks at you again there’s a huge smile plastered across his face. “I’ll check on everyone else and get the food and you can stay here, pulling up that movie, and just stay looking pretty for me which shouldn’t be too hard cause you always are.” He winks and you roll your eyes. “I’ll be no more than an hour, maybe get some rest, it’ll be a long night.” He says the last part while walking out the door in a sing-songy voice. 

You smile before remembering something from earlier. “And you know Chris told me about that snow angels comment from earlier.” He leaned back in the room, his interest peaked. “That will not be happening.”

Josh lets out a laugh as he closes the door behind him.

The door closes behind him and you lay back onto the soft pillows, he’s right, a nap would be nice right about now. You close your eyes and let sleep overtake you.

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End of Chapter 2

You got: Ending #4

Chapter 3: Beginning #4 (coming soon!)

OBaC Masterlist

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I like to think if you were actually playing the game this would be the choice that would increase your relationship with Josh the most.

For anyone confused when this takes place it’s around the time Mike and Jess are walking to the cabin, and before Josh goes with Chris and Ashley. Sam failing to turn the heater on alone was the noise.

[jasntodds]

Penance [6]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 12,153

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, a little bit of angst, fluff, mentions of death, canon violence

Summary: ❝Thesus: Stop. Give me your hand. I am your friend. Herakles: I fear to stain your clothes with blood. Thesus: Stain them. I don’t care.❞

It’s been a month and a half since Crane’s reign of terror was stopped, leaving Gotham to finally return to normal. But, what is normal? After everything Jason and you have been through, it seems normal might be some unobtainable dream state. But that’s not going to stop either of you from trying and maybe, you’ll get lucky in the end. At the end of it, the two of you have suffered enough, right?

Right?

A/N: We're getting into a little bit more fluff for a bit after this!! lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

You're on your side facing Jason as your hand laces through his white streak of hair. Jason's eyes look up, watching the strands fall back onto his forehead before he scrucnhes his nose at you and takes your hand in his. His fingers interlace with yours before he kisses the top of your hand.

He thinks of what life could have been like had he hadn't gone to Crane. It's a bit funny because Jason didn't think too much about a life after the manor. Not far into the future but it was always looked at as more of a backup plan. Bruce would inevitably get tired of him and Jason would need a plan to survive. His plans were never anything more than survival-based. But, he has his hand in yours and you're giving him this look that makes him want to melt into his sheets. And he thinks about what it could be like now if you can keep this up, talk it out eventually.

You let him think about a possible future that is not survival-based. Instead, he thinks about fixing up the place and you helping in exchange for some food -- which you would have done anyway. And you'd bring him food on your nights off and he'd bring you food. You'd be a team again. He thinks about being able to come home to you every single night and that very thought makes him feel alive again.

You smile softly at him while Jason finds a yawn fighting its way to the surface.

"Sleep." You whisper to him as your eyes look over his face. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"You sure?" Jason asks, his voice already drenched with sleep.

He doesn't want to sleep. He rarely ever wants to sleep but tonight it's because tomorrow will come and he has no clue where you will stand in the morning light. He just wants to be here but sleep is calling and it always came so easy with you beside him.

You nod your head. "You still get nightmares?" You ask softly. "Especially after what happened tonight?" Jason's eyes dodge to your hands before he nods and looks back to you. "Get some sleep then, Jay." You press a kiss to his forehead. "I promise I'll be here when you wake up. And if you have a nightmare, I'll wake you up, promise."

"Thanks." Jason says softly, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you into him.

Jason falls asleep pretty quickly so after half an hour, you slither out of his grasp and get out of bed. You kind of just left Tim so you want to check on him. But, you won't just leave Jason high and dry. You take his phone and call him on Facetime with yours. You prop his phone up to overlook his bed just so you can keep an eye on him. If you know anything about Jason's sleeping patterns, it's that he will have some sort of nightmare tonight and you'll run right back here.

You make your way back to Jason's training room where you find Tim seated at the table. Tim is facing the board where Jason has some of the equations for Shimmer's heist written. He seems to be in thought but you interrupt anyway.

"Hey." You greet with a half-smile.

"Hey." Tim greets, his smile warm.

"What're you doing?" You ask as you take a seat next to him and set your phone up to lean against a stack of books Jason has on the table so you can see your screen. Tim looks over his shoulder, watching you and you raise a brow. He knows for sure you and Jason are just weird.

"Thinking how I'm gonna get that guy." Tim lets out a sigh.

You nod softly. "You'll get him, we'll help." You offer him a bit of reassurance.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." Tim shakes his head before he turns to face the table. He points at your screen. "What's that about?"

You let out a sigh with the shake of your head, seeing Jason perfectly still on his bed. "If you tell anyone, I will kill you." You threaten and something about it almost makes Tim think you might be serious.

If it were anyone else, you would never admit to anything. If it were almost anyone else, you would have just stayed with Jason but it's Tim. And Tim is the new Robin. Being a vigilante is cool and all, real rewarding and Tim can see the physical scars. He literally died. You know he understands the weight and the consequences but he has not seen the emotional and mental side of being a vigilante. Of being Robin. Maybe he needs to know in order to be prepared so he can reach out for help.

"I won't." Tim assures you.

"I'm only telling you this because you're the new Robin and I think it's important that you know some of that shit that will come with it. I don't expect it to change your mind or anything like that. I just want you to be prepared because Dick wasn't and Jason wasn't." You explain while Tim's face contorts into worry. "He's having a bad night and he has nightmares from everything that's happened, even before he died. It's rough, ya know? So, uh, wanted to check on you but I promised him I'd be there when he woke up. If he has a nightmare, I gotta be there." You shrug a shoulder. "So, I called myself on FaceTime."

Tim lets out a soft laugh. "What are you gonna do when he notices the call?" Tim asks.

"I'm gonna delete the call log, of course." You let out a laugh. "He doesn't need to know."

Tim's smile falls and he'd have never guessed Jason was having a difficult time. Tim doesn't know him well but Jason seems okay to him. "Is it that bad?"

You shrug because honestly...you don't know. You just started talking again. You hate that you don't know. "Guess so." You finally answer. "Uh, with, uh, not talking...I-I don't know." Your brows pull together. "I mean, he died and was thrown into Red Hood and Scarecrow. It was probably terrifying. I'm sure he's processing it but it's been a while." You pull in a breath as you tug the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands.

"I'm sorry you guys haven't talked." Tim says quietly.

"Yeah..." You swallow thickly. "Look, Tim, you're gonna be a great Robin." You offer him a sad smile. "But, I'm telling you this because you're my friend and I saw Dick before he found Nightmare and I saw Jason as Robin and after. Don't let becoming Robin take over your life. You are Tim Drake first. It'll destroy you and your life if you let it consume you. It's awesome and it's cool but be careful."

"It's kind of the coolest thing though. I wanted to be Robin and I chose it." Tim explains. "I'll be fine." Tim says it with confidence and it feels like you're being stabbed.

"You will be. I'm just saying. You gotta let it go sometimes." You nod softly. "Jason let it become this...part of him and without it, he felt like he wasn't anything. Part of that is always going to be on Bruce. And part of that is just...Jason. But...it got him killed so I just...you're gonna be great but don't let it be everything because it'll destroy you." You suck in a breath before you glance to your phone.

He's not going to be Jason. He's learned from watching Dick and Jason and he won't be them. He respects them both and he looks up to them but going after the Joker alone was a horrible decision. It was reckless, thoughtless. Tim won't do that. But, his heart aches for you knowing you're only warning him because of your point of view. Now, he understands what Jason meant by you having a bad opinion of Robin. Robin to you is covered in blood.

Tim nods with understanding. "I won't." Tim promises you. "Can't believe he was really killed." Tim shakes his head softly. "He was Robin, I mean." Tim pauses for a second. "And then Dick." He shakes his head.

"Yeah, me either." You let out a sigh before you move your hair over your shoulder, still damp from the shower.

"Think he'll be okay? Honestly." Tim asks.

"Yeah." You suck in a deep breath. "He'll be okay one day but until then, I'll be here looking after him just to make sure." You regret not being here for him before.

You know Jason has had Bruce. You're still not thrilled with him but...Jason always looked up to him and it's not really your business. You know Jason has Gar and Molly and Dick to talk to. But, you regret not being one of the people he could lean on. You know it's for the best because you can't balance your own trauma and his all the time and he understands. But, you regret it anyway.

"Can I ask you something?" Tim asks bluntly.

"Sure?" You raise a brow at him.

"What's going on with you guys?" Tim questions, gaining the smallest smile that almost turns a little cheeky. You shake your head at him once before your brows tug together. "I'm just asking...you two seem..." Tim pauses, eyes looking to the ceiling and then back to you. "Normal?"

You let out a snort before it turns into a groan. "Yeah...feels kind of normal in a way. I don't know." You shrug. "Thought time would, uh, fix it, I guess. So, we're just...trying to be friends now." You can't help but feel like those words don't seem quite right.

"Oh? Just friends?" Tim mocks you as he glances to your phone.

"Yes." You groan. "It's a thing, I don't know. He's still sorting his shit out, clearly." You blink at Tim. "And so am I...and I'm...a little bit still mad at him and myself so..." You suck in a breath. "Until I can get the fuck over it, friends."

It's easier to tell Tim because he has no loyalty to Jason. Tim doesn't even really know him. Telling Molly almost feels like you're dragging her into your drama and that's not fair. Molly is both of your friends and you've both put her in the middle enough. The same goes for Gar. It feels like you'd be putting Gar in the middle and he'll say he understands but it wasn't really Jason. That doesn't make any of it better.

"What're you mad at him for?" Tim asks.

"Fucking all of it." You let out a scoff as you shrug your shoulders. "We were supposed to be a team and he didn't tell me any of it. I fucking get it, right? Because if he told me, I'd talk him out of it or I'd join him. Or it'd be him confirming to himself that he's not good enough or something. Like I fucking get why he didn't tell me. And I know he did not go out and die on purpose but I'm still so mad because..." You grind your teeth."It was fucking stupid." You huff. "I mean he's smart as hell and...then he just...did that. Like did he not learn from Deathstroke and Dr. Light how this ends?" You can feel the burning start behind your eyes while you bite it back. "It was selfish of him to go off on his own knowing what could happen." You shake your head.

"I don't think he meant for it to be selfish though." Tim offers. "He did know what he was doing." Tim tries his best to offer something in response. "It was the Joker, greater good kind of thing."

"The Joker was not greater good. He did it to prove a point to Bruce." You bite back because you'd love if that were Jason's motive but you know it wasn't. It was always about Bruce and Dick. "I know." You let out a bitter laugh. "I know he wasn't doing it to be selfish which is why I feel guilty for being mad. I know he didn't mean to be selfish or leave me behind or hurt me or die or hurt anyone. I know. But that doesn't make it hurt any less." You roll your eyes. "I'm not...like...furious just...mad sometimes because it still hurts." You confess softly while your eyes go back to your phone.

You forgive him. Every day you forgive him. It's not all that. It's just that it hurts. It hurts thinking about everything that happened. You're the one that ends up feeling selfish, as if this is not your trauma to grieve over because he's alive. It feels like it belongs to Jason and it's not your place so then you feel more guilty and it turns to anger. You have so much hurt and you have no idea where to put it.

"Do think you can forgive him then?" Tim asks. "I mean, he did try to kill like all of you and...everything." Tim clears his throat. "He seems like he's been trying to come back from that."

"I do." You answer simply. "I forgave the second it all happened because Jason Todd is never malicious unwarranted. He's kind and has a heart of gold. It just hurts. It's the realization that what we do is dangerous. We go out every night and we intentionally put ourselves in front of bullets and bombs and knives. And it fucking hurts knowing one of us will not come home one day. And I'm so fucking mad at him for dying. Even if that's not fair to him. So, I forgive him. It just hurts." You shake your head. "So, I chose space."

"What's worse then?" Tim asks. "Thinking one of you won't make it out one day and not talking or actually spending your time together and working it out?" He asks it on purpose because your reason, to him, sounds like a load of bullshit.

Your eyes narrow slightly at him. "I know." You groan. "I know."

"So, instead of telling me this shit that contradicts itself over and over, why didn't you call him? Why are you sitting here with me and not with him?" Tim shakes his head and cuts you off before you can answer. "You were all upset that day at Excellent Gotham because he wasn't answering his phone. It just sounds like a waste of time to me." Tim's voice grows a little bitter as he glances to your phone.

You know damn well part of Tim's impatience is Bernard. Tim's boyfriend is in a coma meanwhile Jason got brought back to life and the two of you chose not to talk despite it all. It does seem very unfair.

"Sorry." You say quietly. "We're, uh...we'll figure it out. There's no way I could go back to not talking to him." You nod at Tim softly. "I'm sorry about Bernard."

"I hope you guys figure it out soon. Everyone agrees, too, by the way." Tim lets out a soft chuckle earning a subtle smile from you. "Just...I wish I had even one extra day with Bernard if we can't figure it out and I don't think I need to be telling you that."

It is really stupid. You know that and you have a feeling Jason does, too. One day just turns into forty-five. Time keeps moving even when it feels like your own world has stopped completely.

"Yeah." You let out a soft sigh.

"How do you deal with this?" Tim questions. "Seeing him like this and getting hurt? I keep thinking about Bernard, worried about him all the time and not knowing what to do. It's hard seeing him like that and...I know he's freaked about me out there."

Seeing each other hurt is arguably the hardest part. There's never anything either one of you can do about it. But, that's just part of the job. You think it's easier for you because even if you think you'd undo it all if given the chance, you still put on the suit every night, too. It's a choice today and you do it anyway. The point is that you choose Jason and he chooses you. Everything in between doesn't really matter at the end of the day and that includes seeing each other hurt and being completely helpless.

"I choose him and he chooses me." You state as if the answer were obvious.

"What does that mean?"

"I mean we choose each other. I am here because I choose him and he'd have kicked me out a long time ago if he didn't choose me, too. Seeing someone you care about hurt all the time fucking sucks. It hurts and you're worried but it's something that they do. It means something to them so even though it sucks, you choose them. Choosing them means choosing the pain that tags along with it." You explain simply. "I know that's....ironic given our current state but, uh, that's the answer. I still choose him even when he is being an asshole." You say but there's a fond smile coming to your lips. "Even when he's training himself into the ground. And I know he chooses me. We choose each other and that makes it easier."

"I choose Bernard but I don't know if he's going to choose me after this." Tim confesses as you watch the defeat wash over his face. "I think it might get too hard for him."

"He knows you're a Titan and he does know what comes along with the whole vigilante thing." You offer with kindness. "I think he knows what he's getting into." You let out a soft laugh. "And it's gonna be hard." You widen your eyes at him. "You'll come home covered in blood and bruises one day and he'll clean you up but even if he brushes it off, you'll be able to tell he's worried about you."

"He didn't think I was ready."

"You weren't." You chortle. "You're lucky we found you. You'd be dead again if not." You nod your head.

"I'm not that bad." Tim groans.

"I could disarm you in less than five seconds and Jason could kill you in under one." You deadpan.

"Okay maybe I need a little help." Tim chuckles softly.

"You'll figure it out and Bernard sounds great anyway. It'll be hard for both of you but like...it's also the easiest thing I've ever done. So, you'll figure it out." You assure him.

"Yeah..." Tim lets out a sigh. "He is pretty great."

"Bring him to Gotham when you fix him. I'd love to meet him." You smile widely.

"Please, don't hurt him." Tim blinks at you.

"I won't." You cackle. "Unless he's actually like a shit person then I'll be obligated." You tease Tim.

"Thanks." Tim rolls his eyes back. "You should get back to Jason. I'm fine. Thanks for checking on me and talking." Tim nods his head a few times as he gestures towards your phone.

"Yeah." You sigh before you get to your feet, grabbing your phone. "Thanks for the talk, too, by the way." You offer him a gentle smile. "Get some sleep, Tim. Got more training and shit to do tomorrow." You scrunch your nose as you head for the door.

"Goodnight." Tim nods softly at you.

"Goodnight, Tim."

Jason wakes up early in the morning, the sun peaking through the blinds of his bedroom. His arm is wrapped around your shoulders as your head is rested on his chest. A tender smile pulls at his lips and he's shocked he didn't have a nightmare. He swears, this time, it's because you were here. Despite his hatred for being exposed, you have always made him feel more comfortable. Jason is capable of taking care of himself and he's proven that time and time again but when he's alone, when he's with others, he doesn't feel safe.

The first thing Jason does whenever encountering another person, even just walking past them on a street, is look for a weapon of some sort. Jason knows every entrance and exit of every building he's ever going into with a thought-out escape plan and a backup plan just in case. He doesn't like his back to windows or doors, hates turning his back to other people. Being killed has skyrocketed his paranoia and that seeps into his dreams and his sleep. But, with you, he doesn't feel that sense of paranoia.

You're always on guard, too. Jason's always noticed it. You sit at the far booth at Excellent Gotham because you don't like people sitting behind you. You always kept two knives in your nightstand drawer and hid a few around the room Jason is sure you don't realize he knew about. Something about you always being on guard, makes him not feel so alone in it. Different experiences but same responses. Jason can handle himself just fine but with you around, he knows you'd come between him and anything and everything that ever even looked at him funny. He hates that part but it does make him feel safer. Two against one. Unbeatable force. Just him and you.

You stir awake slowly. Whenever you're worried about him because he's having a hard night, you don't sleep as heavy. You're always on guard for him. Your eyes peek open before you look up to him. He gives you this awkward smile that makes your stomach twist.

"Morning." Jason's morning voice hits your ears and you want him to talk forever.

"Morning." You echo.

"Thanks for staying." Jasn's voice is quiet as his fingers trace lightly over your t-shirt-covered shoulder.

You hum softly, a tender smile tugging at your lips. Your eyes close as you snuggle closer to his chest. "I'll always stay if you ask."

Jason pulls you closer to him and he almost kisses the top of your head but that's not his place. The reality is that he knows last night was probably a one-time thing. You can't go from not speaking to suddenly fixing it all in one night. It just doesn't work that way and as much as he hates the whole talking thing, there's a lot you would have to talk about beforehand. He worries that talk would change your mind if you wanted this to go somewhere. So, he just holds you close to him and lives in this moment, cherishing it for all it's worth.

Your thumb runs over his side softly as you process your conversation with Tim from the night before. There's a lot you left out in the conversation. It's not as easy as just blurting out that you love him and it's the easiest thing you've ever done. Things are complicated now. Everything is tangled in hurt. There was something so special about the night before with Jason and it felt like it should. Just him and you, there for each other no matter what. You think it may have healed a part of your soul. Molly asked if you were done punishing yourself and you are not but...maybe it can be a start because for some reason, he forgives you.

"I'm sorry." You whisper.

Jason's brows pull together as he looks down to you. "For what?"

"Everything." You say, making sure to not look up to him.

"I don't..." Jason pauses. "What do you mean?" Jason questions.

"Stuff with Crane, not calling."

"It's okay." Jason says immediately, not sure what you're so sorry for when it comes to Crane. "Not really your fault."

You finally look up to him. "I wasn't all that right though." You admit. "I hurt you and I just...I'm sorry, Jay."

"It's okay." Jason assures you.

In Jason's mind, you don't have anything to apologize for. Everything you did, you did for him. You did it to protect him, to help him. If it weren't for Jason's decisions, none of it would have happened. He hopes you aren't beating yourself up too much over this. You don't deserve it.

"We'll figure it out, right?" You ask, making sure you're on the same page without having to ask anything else.

Jason nods with a smile. "Yeah, we usually do."

You give him a tender smile. "Good, cause, uh, it'd be nice to get...back to something." You pull in a breath and you watch as Jason's face relaxes.

"Would be." Jason offers you grin. "You and me?"

"You and me." You beam back at him before Jason pulls you into him once more.

Jason chuckles softly. "Well, we should probably get up then." Jason states. "Got a plan for the day."

"Which is?" You ask without making an attempt to get up.

"Let the group find me." Jason states casually.

Your eyes close for a second before you push off of his chest to sit all the way up. You blink at him a few times, waiting and hoping for the punchline to leave his mouth. Unfortunately, Jason just blinks back at you.

"That sounds fucking stupid." You scoff, almost certain he's lost his mind again.

"Thank you." Jason quips back. "We throw Tim to the wolves, watch from the shadows." Jason says it so casually as if this is something he does all the time.

"Uh-huh." You nod your head. "And hope he improved?"

"You know he has." Jason quips back. "We train a bit, get ready to patrol again, and kind of set him up to work on his own here before we leave. He's gotta learn to do it on his own before we send him back and he's gonna go back tomorrow." Jason explains his side as he sits up, resting his hands behind him.

"No, yeah, no I agree." You nod. You hate the idea, especially since Jason is already paranoid. Letting Shimmer's gang find him sets off a major red flag but you figure you'll go along with it for now. "Alright, follow your lead."

The two of you get up and get dressed before you head down to the training room where you find Tim, you starting to wonder if he ever sleeps. Though, if he doesn't, you can't say you blame him. Worrying can be a bit tiring but it has a habit of keeping people wide awake. The three of you get your breakfast going, this time just a few bowls of cereal with coffee. Once everyone is done with your food, the three of you get ready for training.

You start how you did before, Jason taking the first round which naturally led Tim to get hit in the face and knocked down more than a few times but Tim always gets right back up. You take the second turn and something similar happens but Tim is able to stay on his feet longer and he's able to block more. He's improving and quickly.

After a few rounds of sparing, Jason gets Tim connected to some weights to try and tug them while he tries to reach Jason. Tim ends up falling backwards while Jason and you laugh and then you take a turn. You work on weapon work for another hour after that, split between his staff and knife/blade throwing. Tim much prefers his staff but he does as told and his aim really isn't bad. Once you're done there, you go back to sparring for another hour, this time, the three of you against each other.

Jason attacks Tim first as you go for Jason and then once Tim fends off Jason, he goes for you. The three of you split your time trying to get the others down. Tim finds his footing a bit better this time, choosing to focus most of his attention on you at first. He only uses defence against Jason figuring you aren't a better fighter, you'll be easier to get down even with your clairvoyance. Tim's been mentally taking notes of everything Jason does in order to beat you and he applies to his fighting. It takes Tim a little while but he's able to grab your arm just as you come for him and he flips you onto the ground. He's back on his feet in seconds before Jason can make his move.

You move yourself to the side and you watch, happy with your friend. You easily could have gotten back up, you could have turned the tables on him but the point is that he got you down and now he just needs to get there with Jason. And then Jason gets Tim down and offers Tim a hand. Jason being Jason, doesn't let go of Tim's hand once Tim is on his feet. Instead, Jason twists Tim's arm behind his back and Tim lets out a yell before Tim punches Jason in the face, sending Jason's head back and loosening his grip just enough for Tim to get free. Tim twists Jason's arm behind his back and just as Jason goes to elbow him in the face, Tim blocks him and flips Jason onto his back. Before Tim can land the lasting punch, Jason throws Tim off to the side and gets to his knee. The two of them match their positions, breathing heavily while you clap softly.

"Look at you, Tim!" You cheer.

Jason looks behind Tim to you and offers you a gentle glare before he gets to his feet, Tim following immediately, unsure if they're still sparring. "Good." Jason nods at him with sincerity. "Now that you're warmed up, suit up and meet us downstairs." Jason states as he turns his back to start leaving the room.

You get to your feet to start following Jason.

"Suit up?" Tim questions as you walk past him.

"You're Robin, aren't you?" You quip as you put a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"So, suit up." You shrug your shoulders before spinning on your heels and following Jason out.

You and Jason meet back in his room, Jason already grabbing his gear by the time you get there.

"He alright?" Jason asks, not looking over his shoulder.

"Yeah." You laugh softly. "He did pretty well, I think." You grab your case with your suit against the wall.

"Guess we'll find out. They should be here soon."

"I still think this is stupid, Jay." You warn him. "What're you gonna do now that they know where you live? Does that not seem like a flaw in your plan?"

Jason looks over his shoulder and raises his brows at you. "Nope."

To Jason, it doesn't really matter. Shimmer's gang has been relocating every few days, constantly staying on the move now that they know Red Hood is after them. Jason could track them down but he's been a little busy lately and this way is easier. This way, they come right to him, thinking they've outsmarted the Red Hood. They'll come in all confident, Tim will get some training, and Jason will kill them anyway. It's a win for everyone.

"Ah," You nod your head, finally putting the pieces together. "You know, if Tim knew, he would not be happy and neither would Dick."

Jason turns around fully, his gear in hand. "What? You suddenly get a fucking moral compass or some shit?"

"No." You let out a scoff. "I'm just saying." You shrug. "You lure them here to train Tim and then you kill them after." You think that's also dumb. Dick is gonna be pissed and Tim will be mad. Maybe keeping the peace while Tim is still in town is a good idea.

"Was going to anyway." Jason shrugs his shoulders.

"Obviously." You scoff again.

Of all people, Jason didn't expect you to give him a hard time about it. You share the same moral compass. Jason knows the reason you're the vigilante you are today is because you were thrown to the wolves. Between Deathstroke and Cadmus breaking into the tower, the stuff with Jerry, you had to do it on your own. Jason had to do it on his own and so did Dick and Bruce. Sometimes, that's how it has to be done and he expects you to understand even if you don't agree with the method. If Tim knows you're going to be there to bail him out, he'll never understand the gravity of anything.

Jason doesn't want another Robin killed either.

"Look, he's not gonna know unless you tell him." Jason scoffs back. "And didn't you involve Gar? You didn't seem to give a fuck then."

"That was different." You huff with the roll of your eyes.

"Because you did it and I'm doing it. But, I'm doing it to train Tim and make sure he doesn't get himself killed." Jason grinds his teeth and he's not entirely sure why this is even annoying him but it is. Maybe the paranoia and anxiety of this situation is starting to chew at him.

You nod your head, looking to the floor, realizing why. "No." You look back to him. "Jay, he's not you." You suck in a breath.

You think about how Tim would never go after the Joker by himself and he wouldn't go to Crane. You think about how Tim does have the Titans on his side and he has since day one, unlike Jason. Unlike Jason, Tim has a whole team to back him. Tim has a lot to prove but it's different. You think his differences from Jason and Dick will save his life.

"I mean that just because it happened to you, doesn't mean it'll happen to him." Your voice is small as your eyes finally meet his.

"Our job is to make sure it doesn't." Jason nods his head once. "Look, I'll call Babs, have her to take care of 'em just until Tim's outta town."

You nod in agreement. "That's a far better plan. Not sure what you'll do about Shimmer knowing where you live."

"I'll handle it."

"Mhm." You hum, unconvinced.

"Don't worry so fucking much." Jason offers you a grin, earning him an eye roll.

"Stop making me worry." You raise your brows at him.

You turn around and head for the bathroom down the hall to change, leaving Jason to change on his own. In all fairness, he really didn't think too much about how it would affect Tim if he knew what Jason's plan was anyway. The end result would be the same regardless. Jason has enough faith in Tim for this to go in his favor. He didn't think it would matter too much but it does. He knows eventually him and Dick will butt heads again over this, hopefully, it'll blow over again. He knows him and Bruce will always be at odds with it. It's just complicated and he wishes it weren't.

You and Jason meet in the hallway, Tim already downstairs. The two of you head for the stairwell and lean against the wall to watch the show.

"Security alert." The computer calls from the speakers, gaining Tim's attention. "Permiter intrusion." The computer says while Tim walks over to the laptop on the counter.

"There's the asshole." A man states once inside the building. "Get him."

Two men and two woman charge Tim from the front just as Tim pulls out his staff but before he gets it ready, another man comes up from behind him and attacks him, shoving him to the ground.

"Shimmer sends her regards." The man behind Tim states.

Right before the man can land a kick to Tim's head, Tim spins around and gets up to his feet. Tim blocks and gets a few hits in quickly but three of them jump him and he gets down on the ground. You take a step forward before Jason grabs your arm, shaking his head at you. You widen your eyes at him but Jason keeps his grip.

Tim gets back on his feet as they keep attacking him but then, Tim lands a solid hit to one of them. And then another and another one. He picks up some of the stuff on the floor and uses them as weapons to keep his distance from them. They're still able to get him on the ground again but this time, Tim does a better job at fending them off until he's back on his feet.

He uses a chair as a weapon this time, he uses it to pin one of the men to the wall while he punches one of the women until she backs away. Tim focuses on the man against the wall and he gets him down. The last man is quick though and he grabs Tim. Tim tries to fight him off but the man grabs Tim by the neck and picks him up, pinning him against the wall while he tries to strangle him. You try to help again but Jason lightly pulls you back and shakes his head.

"He's fine." He whispers. "You can't bail him out."

"He's being strangled." You whisper through gritted teeth.

"Give him a minute." Jason urges, nodding his head towards Tim just as Tim grabs the lightbulb from above him and smashes it on the man's head, sending him to the ground.

Tim pulls himself up using the counter but before he can catch his breath, the last woman grabs Tim and pulls him back before smashing him against the counter. Tim grabs the laptop this time and uses it to finish off the last two people. He gets them both down quickly but with a lot of effort. Jason smiles at you before he lets you go.

"Told you." Jason states before he starts walking down the stairs

"Uh-huh." You nod your head before you roll your eyes as you follow him, feeling relieved Jason was right.

"Hey." Jason calls as him and you make your way to Tim. "You owe me a new laptop." Jason points at Tim, still closing the distance between them. "The dustbuster I'll forget about cause it was broken anyways."

"You were watching and didn't help?!" Tim looks at the two of you, still catching his breath and very clearly unhappy.

"Actually, I'm surprised it took Shimmer's gang this long to get here after I let them triangulate my location." Jason states as he walks past Tim, looking around at the people knocked out on the floor.

"Let them?!" Tim questions, still very annoyed and even feeling a little betrayed. He could been seriously hurt or worse!

Jason turns around. "You learn by doing." Jason states, closing the distance between them. "Not being coddled." Jason sticks out his hand, shaking Tim's. "You're welcome." Jason states before he walks past Tim. "Nicely done." Jason calls from further down the hallway.

"Thanks." Tim states before he looks to you. "Is he always like that?"

You laugh softly before you nod your head. "You get used to him." You give a soft smile. "You did well though."

"I got my ass kicked. They could have killed me."

"Oh, we were watching the entire time. Actually," You state. "I wanted to jump in but Jason stopped me. He was right, ya know? You can handle yourself." You beam at him. "You're gonna be a great Robin, Tim." You say as you start walking past him. "Come on, we got your guy to find." You call before Tim is quick behind you, feeling confident in his role as Robin.

The three of you get back a few hours later, Tim a little defeated with not finding Venta but in good spirits overall. Being able to fight off Shimmer's gang has proven to do a lot for his confidence. He was able to fight off four people all by himself which is something he could not have done a few days ago. And his interrogation skills have also gotten significantly better. Jason has actually enjoyed watching him grow.

It's different seeing someone else in the suit. Growing up, he got to see Dick be Robin and that was cool enough. A kid got to go out with Batman and kick ass. But, Dick was always...unobtainable. How he carried himself as Robin, the flips, his fighting, everything he did was always so perfect. It was different because he was the first and he set such a high standard. Jason got to fill that role and he knows he was good at it. Different than Dick, but good. Suddenly, Robin wasn't unobtainable, he was real and tangible. Now, though, with Tim, Jason is seeing everything he failed at as Robin and how he got in his own way.

If Jason were set up like this, he would have been livid. He would have put up hell and not listened. He would have gotten in his own way to not learn anything because he knew best and no one believed he was good enough. It would take a few days alone for him to be able to swallow his own pride and get over it. Tim though, he just...listens. He takes notes and he works relentlessly. He's incredibly smart, too which is going to benefit him. Over the last few days, any bit of jealousy or bitterness Jason was biting down has vanished.

Tim's going to be a better Robin.

Once the three of you get changed, Jason lets Tim know it's probably best he head out. Apparently, Dick texted him and he needs him back in Metropolis by tomorrow. So, the three of you get everything squared away and head down the hallway.

"Sorry I gotta kick you out." Jason states. "I have a rule about new Robins, five days max." Jason states as you finish your walk down the first flight of stairs, stopping on the landing to the next.

"It's all good." Tim says with a kindness in his voice. "I gotta get back anyway. Check on my boyfriend." Tim states as he stands by the stairs, Jason leaning against the railing while you stand right beside him.

"If we hear about your guy Venta, we'll hit you." Jason states. "Sorry, it was a bust."

"Yeah, sorry, it really sucks." You add in.

"I'm glad I came." Tim states, closing some of the distance between him and Jason. "I got to meet the great Red Hood." Tim says, lightly poking Jason's chest with the name.

Jason lets out a chuckle. "Was I on your fucking bucket list?"

"Kind of. Yeah." Tim chuckles sheepishly. "And I got to work with Bluejay, finally."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." You widen your eyes. "Not the first time."

"That was different." Tim chuckles.

"Well, good luck in Metropolis." Jason states. "And if shit hits the fan, just hide behind Raven and Starfire."

"Got it." Tim nods his head before he heads down them.

Jason and you start to make your way back from you came before Jason takes out a set of keys. "Enjoy the ride home." Jason states, tossing them over the railing, Tim catching them.

"Be safe and don't do anything stupid." You warn with a cheeky smile before you and Jason walk off.

The two of you get back to the training room, silence filling the air while Jason grabs a beer for himself and a blue Gatorade for you. You both stand in front of the board with the ciphers while Jason shakes his head.

Jason pulls out his phone before he presses Dick's contact. He sends Dick to speakerphone.

"How'd it go?" Dick asks without even a hello.

"Sending him back to you in one piece." Jason says.

"Didn't suspect a thing and he did great." You add in.

"Hope you didn't go too easy on him." Dick says.

"Don't worry, we didn't." Jason states. "And, Dick," Jason pauses, glacing to you and then back to the whiteboard. "He'll be a better Robin than me." Jason states before hanging up the phone and taking a drink of his beer before he walks off to the computers.

"Think he'll be a better Robin than you?" You question as you follow Jason over to the monitors before you take a seat, the Gatorade starting to sweat in your hands.

Jason sits beside you. "Don't you?"

You let out a sigh. "I don't know." You shrug. "He'll be incredible, like you just different."

Jason lets out a chuckle. "Right." Jason takes another drink as the room falls silent.

Tim is gone. He's officially going back to Metropolis which means it's up to you and Jaosn to keep talking on your own accord. You agreed to and you want to, it's just that, now it feels a little weird. You both have no obligation to hang out or talk again. You're living separate lives for the first time in a year. Neither of you like it too much, it just feels like you're fumbling over your own feet and neither of you have any idea what you're supposed to do. It was so much easier before you dated because at least you didn't know. You both had nothing to lose but now it feels like everything is on the line. All of your feelings were broadcast to each other and you saw each other for who you really are. You can't unsee it. It's weird trying to figure out where you're supposed to go from here.

You have to talk.

Jason clears his throat. "So..."

"So..." You echo, keeping your stare forward.

"Should we, uh, talk about last night?" Jason rips the bandaid off, hating the words as they leave his lips.

"Oh, uh, yeah, okay." You nod your head, sucking in a breath before you crack open the seal of the Gatorade. "W-what's, uh, what's up?"

Jason was hoping, you'd pick up the conversation even though he's the one that started it. He talked to Leslie about this and then he thought about it and regretted it all day. But, she had some advice and words of wisdom for him and he can't help but shake the thought that she's probably right. That is her job. If Jason doesn't want to be where he was two months ago, he needs to get help and he needs to actually accept it when it is given to him even if it's like swallowing glass.

"I, uh, just...we're good, right?" Jason asks.

"Yeah?" You furrow your brows at him.

Before, he was so ready to date you. It was easy. You were already basically dating and the more he thinks about the time you had, the more he realizes, you were dating before you were dating. You took your time to build a friendship and be comfortable in that before you got together. Yes, you both should have worked on all of your trauma first but it was comforting. It felt like you were both ready for something and you were, even if it didn't work out the first time. But, this time, it doesn't feel that way.

You're sitting here in silence because there's too much between you. Jason is still doing a lot of work to become someone he can live with. He's still trying to cope with everything that has happened. It's not him self-sabotaging this time. Leslie said if he's thinking this hard about it and he doesn't feel like he's ready, maybe he's not. Even if all he wants is you all the time. It wouldn't be fair to either of you if he's not ready.

Jason lets out a groan before he runs a hand through he white streak of hair. "I'm not ready for anything. I'm sorry." Jason blurts it out before he can back out.

Your heart plummets to your feet as a lump shoots up to your throat. You aren't either and you don't think you want anything now but it hurts.

"Oh, yeah." You nod quickly. "Me either." You nod in agreement. "It's just...still a lot to deal with. One time thing, last night."

"Yeah." Jason nods his head in agreement but he doesn't want you to pull away. He knows you better than anyone and he knows you want to. He sees it across your face, he could see it all week. He gets why everyone is worried about you. "You can say no." Jason starts, earning your full attention. "Do you just...wanna go back to before?" Jason asks softly. "Like fuck it, friends and still fuck with each other, ya know? Before it all went to shit and we just see where it goes again?" Jason takes a sip of his beer, trying to run the nerves from his shoulders. "Could've worked last time."

The lump in your throat starts to disappear as the weight starts to lift from your chest. "Yeah, yeah, I don't know if we could be friends any other way anyway." You smile softly. "And seeing where it goes would be nice." You feel your cheek start to warm.

"Yeah, guess we just can't help it, huh?" Jason chuckles, looking to the beer bottle in his hands.

"Reflex." You chuckle quietly. "Funny though, cause uh, this is like the third time we've agreed to be friends, Jay." You scrunch your nose at him. "In one way or another."

"Yeah." Jason gives you an awkward chuckle. "I wasn't sure what that meant to you."

"Me either." You admit with a laugh. "Just like before I guess." You roll your shoulders.

"Good cause I really don't think I could help it." Jason flashes you a quick smirk.

"That's because you're a shithead." You beam at him.

"Wouldn't have me any other way, babe." Jason quips back.

"Nope." You agree before you take a drink of the Gatorade. You pull out your phone, checking the time. "Well, I have to go, actually." You say softly as you get up.

"Molly?" Jason asks.

"No, actually." You shake your head. "Just...some stuff." You roll your shoulders.

Jason nods once, offering a raised brow. "Fucking ominous all of a sudden."

"Worried about me, Jay?" You quip with a cheeky grin.

"Maybe." Jason states but he doesn't match you with a grin or smirk this time.

"I'm fine. It's nothing. I'll text you though?" You offer with hopeful eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, alright." Jason shakes his head, deciding to bite the bullet. He doesn't want to be guessing when you'll meet up again. "You busy tomorrow?"

You feel a rush of heat spread across your cheeks. "If you count my usual run to Excellent Gotham and a movie with Molly, nope." You let out a soft laugh. "Why?"

"You're right, place is kind of a mess." Jason looks around and he's leaning his elbow back against the desk, trying his hardest to play it cool.

You see right through him. Something about Jason is despite his charisma, he can be really bad at trying to play cool. Half the time he just looks awkward and out of place. Somehow though, you find it that much more endearing.

"It is a mess." You nod in agreement.

"Wanna help me out with that?" Jason gives you a cheeky smile.

"You want me to help you clean with our renewed friendship?" You gasp, dramatically clutching your heart. "I feel so used!"

"Shut the fuck up." Jason groans, leaning forward before he lets out a laugh. "Come on, could be fun. Help me fix up the place."

"Dunno, Jay. Why would I wanna help?" You cross your arms but the corners of your mouth are tugged into a smile.

Jason knows he's won.

"Your track record says you'll be here more than you're home. Might as well help." Jason quips back.

He hopes you keep the same track record.

You laugh because you know he's probably right. You hope he's right.

"That's sounding more like an offer to come over whenever I want." You raise with the raise of your brows.

Jason shrugs softly. "Help me fix it up and you get a key and a code."

Your heart skips a beat as you look to your shoes, a smile splitting your face. "Fine." You look back at him as you roll your eyes sarcastically. "I guess you've convinced me."

Jason holds his head with pride as if it was some tough argument he won. "Text you the time then, we gotta get some supplies."

"Yeah, like a few gallons of bleach and home defense. I've seen like ten spiders and I'm not staying here anymore until they are dead." You gesture the Gatorade at him before you take another drink.

"Saw a centipede earlier." Jason lets out a chortle.

You shutter at the very thought. "I'm going the fuck home. You better find that thing and kill it so fucking help me. If I see one of those, I'm done."

Jason gives off this hearty laugh that you swear you can feel in your bloodstream. "You walk in front of fucking knives for fun, babe. A centipede?"

"First of all, knives don't have those fucking creepy legs, Jason." You say with a straight face. "If a meta shows up and they're like a centipede in any way, I will move out of the fucking city I'm so fucking serious. I would rather live in Central City or Metropolis." You nod your head quickly, your skin crawling the more you think about it.

"That's really impressive." Jason continues to laugh. "I'll find the centipedes." Jason assures you as he laughs. Your eyes dart around the room, now feeling uneasy. "You're looking for one now aren't you?"

"So fucking done. I'm going home. Text me what time." You wave your hand, nearly high-tailing it out of the room.

On the way home, you take a detour to pick up food for you and Molly. When you get home, Molly is just entering the kitchen wearing a soft smile. The two of you greet each other before you go off to wash up and Molly gets the table ready, the takeout from Batburger laid out on your respective spots.

"How'd it go?" Molly asks as soon as you enter the kitchen.

"Good. Tim can fend for himself now. Took out some of Shimmer's gang and now he's on his way back to Metropolis." You explain before you pull out your chair and take your seat.

"Really?" Molly chimes. "I knew you guys could train him."

"We did, too but thank you." You laugh softly as you unwrap your food. "Hopefully, it'll work out. I guess things are getting a bit messy? Dick didn't elaborate too much." You explain.

"What about Gar?" Molly asks.

"Didn't talk to him? Why? Did he say something to you?" You raise a brow of concern at Molly before you take your phone from your pocket to double-check you don't have a message from anyone concerning Gar.

"No." Molly shakes her head, not sure if she's supposed to tell you everything about The Red. "Just curious."

You eye Molly carefully while Molly diverts her attention to her fries. There's a lot to discuss when it comes to Tim and his training if Molly is really curious. There's a lot to discuss over everything that's happened the last few days that does not involve Gar. The more you think about it, the more you're realizing Molly has been talking to him more than you have over the last week.

You narrow your eyes at Molly as your brows furrow. "So...you're asking me if Gar elaborated on the shitshow or if Dick said anything about Gar? Because we both know those are wildly different questions." You pose.

"Both, I guess." Molly picks up a fry, trying to play it casual.

"No, Dick not mention Gar. It was a pretty quick call about Tim. And I have not talked to Gar over the last two days." You finish. "You talk to Gar more than I do though so...?" You let out a soft laugh as you eat.

"What?" Molly snaps her attention to you. "I do not." Molly's cheeks burn as she looks back to her food.

You let out a snort. "Yeah, you do." You nod as you point a fry at Molly. "You're always talking to him."

"How would you even know?" Molly snips. "Wait, did he say something?!" Molly's eyes widen as she leans in. You nod your head with a knowing grin and Molly's face deflates. "I do not."

You snicker softly. "Whatever you say." You roll your eyes with a smile. "He okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay. I was just wondering." Molly shrugs as she eats a fry, hoping you now drop it entirely.

"Right, okay." You laugh softly. "Something going on? You're acting kind of weird."

"No." Molly answers shortly. "I was just curious." Molly nods her head at you. "Anyway," Molly chooses to switch the subject herself, knowing the second she brings up Jason, you will drop it. "You and Jason?"

You glare softly at Molly before you roll your shoulders and look back to your food. "Made out last night."

Molly nods. "Of course you did."

"Okay fuck you." You scoff.

"Did you really not see that coming?" Molly questions.

"No..." You answer, paritally lying.

"Right, you told me the whole rundown of you two managed to fall into a relationship together. The only people who are going to be surprised by this turn of events is you two. Honestly," Molly states casually. "I'm surprised you didn't sleep with him."

Your jaw hangs ajar as your brows furrow. "Fucking ow." You huff even though Molly probably has some sort of point.

Molly laughs loudly. "It's true!" Molly defends. "So, let me guess." Molly starts as you wave haphazardly at her. "You two did not talk but you did agree to be friends." Molly explains earning herself a displeased nod from you. "But."

"Oh, there's a but!" You say dramatically.

"Isn't there always?" Molly quips. "But, friends for you two does not mean what it means to literally every other sane person on the planet. So, I bet this will keep happening until you manage to fall into another relationship."

You blink at her. "Well..." You try to find the right words because no part of what Molly is saying isn't true.

You all but agreed that's basically what'll end up happening. You're starting to wonder if giving Molly the full play-by-play was a good idea. Maybe you should just bring Gar up again.

"You could just have the conversation." Molly suggests.

"Fuck that." You scoff before you laugh. "We did kind of talk?" You state. "He's not ready for anything and that's fine." You ramble. "I'm not either."

Molly lets out a sigh. "Why not?" She asks because you've never given her a clear answer on why you've avoided Jason over the last month. "I know you guys went through some traumatic stuff but what's holding you, specifically, back? You seem happy hanging out with him again."

You pick at your food. If you tell Molly, Molly will tell you it's ridiculous. A part of you knows it is but it's how you feel. It's hard to even put it all into words because it always boils down to guilt and regret. Everything else just piles onto it and it gives you more reasons to run even if that's not entirely fair. But, maybe part of your problem is that you don't tell anyone.

"Ya know, uh, he was the first person that, uh, made me not feel so alone after my mom died." You confess. "I had you at first." You add on quickly. "But...you didn't really get it then. He did. He wasn't someone I could disappoint because he got it and he was willing to just...be there."

Molly sighs softly. "Yeah, Jason is a pretty understanding person when people give him the chance to be."

"Yeah..." You shrug. "So, uh, I know that I made him feel the same way but then...I did leave him alone. He had Crane and that was it but he didn't really have him, right? Because Crane was sending him into withdrawal and holding him captive. And manipulating him and everything. I left and he was alone." You pause for a few seconds. "I don't think he deserves someone who leaves." You state. "It's what I do and you know that so don't try and make me feel better about it. I get freaked so I run."

"That's not what happened though." Molly defends.

"Isn't it?" You scoff. "He was on the brink of fuck knows what and I left. I can try to convince myself all I want that it was for his own good but what if it wasn't? What if I didn't wanna find him fucking dead somewhere again?"

"That has never been your reason. You did the right thing. It was your decision to leave that snapped some sense into him."

"I don't know." You shake your head with a defeated sigh. "I just wish we could go back to being who were then, before it all. Last night, it felt like we were those people again. It was the first night in months I didn't feel like the world was crumbling under my feet." Your voice goes small as you look to your half-eaten meal.

"You can be those people. You can talk, you've done it before. What is the worst thing that's going to happen if you tell him what you just told me?"

"He says it back." You answer without hesitation.

"What?" Molly shakes her head in confusion. "Why would that be bad? Don't you want him--"

"I gotta go." You shake your head as you stand up abruptly. "We're friends and we agreed that we're just going to go back to how it was before and see where it goes. We always functioned better that way. It's fine." You toss your half-eaten meal into the bag.

"Y/n." Molly calls softly. "What is going on with you?"

"Nothing. I just...he seems good besides last night. That's all that really matters to me." You say with a soft nod. "I'll be back. I gotta do something and then patrol, so I'll call you when I need you." You grab your case and head for the door.

"Come on, don't go." Molly calls but you ignore her as you open the door. "Y/n." Molly calls more sternly this time, watching the door stutter before it finally shuts on your way out. Molly lets out a groan and you're going to hate her for it, but she pulls out her phone anyway.

Jason is seated at the table in a room he plans to make into a kitchen, cleaning his guns. There's something calming about it. He concentrates on it and it lets him clear his head in the same way some people find jigsaw puzzles calming. It's a good thing to decompress after the last few days. Tim is a little exhausting with all of his excitement, something Jason does not blame him for at all. And then everything with you has left his head a little fuzzy.

His phone vibrates against the table, Jason glancing at it to see Molly's name on the screen.

"Hey." Jason answers as he puts Molly on speaker.

"Are you busy?"

Jason looks to his guns across the table and then to his phone. "Not really. Why? What's up?"

"Can you do me a favor?" Molly asks and Jason can hear the concern and hesitance in her voice.

"Sure?" Jason questions as his heart starts to sink. "What is it?"

"Can you find her for me?" Molly asks with a weary tone.

"Why?" Jason freezes immediately, not liking the idea.

What if you were kidnapped on your way home? Everything was going well and you really didn't seem weird when you left. It's been a few hours now and Jason is certain Molly would have called sooner had she not heard from you. Jason tries his best to not immediately jump into a tailspin of panic.

"She's up to something and she will not tell me a damn thing. She goes out a few nights a week before patrol, shutting her phone and everything off so I can't track her. She just left." Molly explains, pushing her own guilt of invading your privacy away.

"Are you asking me to stalk my ex-girlfriend?" Jason asks, knowing this a bad idea but relieved you haven't been kidnapped.

Jason knows if Molly is asking, she has a reason to be worried. He's heard it from all of their friends. They're worried and he doesn't know why. But, Jason also set up a line he doesn't really want to cross just because you're being weird. You're secretive. Those two things don't seem to be things Molly should be worried about.

"No...just...okay kind of." Molly groans. "Come on, Jason. I'm worried and she won't tell me what's going on."

Jason sighs, deciding to hear Molly's side. "Why did she leave?" Jason asks. "What'd she say? She's a creature of habit."

"That she had to go. She had to do something before patrol." Molly answers. "She kind of does that. We'll be talking and then when she doesn't want to talk, she just...leaves." Molly omits the conversation topic.

"Sounds like her." Jason answers, trying not to get too worried.

"I know you're worried, too." Molly states. "You said you were that first night she stayed with you."

Jason texted Molly after you all got back, letting her know you were all fine but he was worried. He didn't know what was going on with you and he thought it was just him being worried because a roof fell on you. But, Molly wasn't real assuring in her texts.

"Fine but if she starts bitching, you gotta deal with it. I'm not taking the heat from her because she's pissed I found her. You check the zoo?" Jason finishes up with the gun he was working on before he stands up and gets moving.

"Of course, I did. She's not there or the theater. Or Harbor. I don't know where she goes."

"I'll go find her. I'll let you know when I find her." Jason says.

"Thank you. I owe you."

"Yeah." Jason says before he hangs up.

The last thing he wants to do is invade your privacy when you're finally on good terms. But, Molly doesn't worry for nothing. As much as he hates her worrying, and he says he's fine, Molly worries for good reason, especially after everything. And Jason knows there's something going on.

You have never been a very good liar when it comes to him. Truthfully, a part of him thought finding out the truth would just be too painful because for all he knows, there's someone else. That could have been a reason for your weirdness but after last night, that kind of gets thrown to the wasteside. That leaves Jason on the same page as Molly. Worried.

Once Jason is in his gear, he heads out to look for you. He checks the usual spots first and then he checks his. You aren't at either of them which Jason is now finding to be weird. Like he told Molly, you're a creature of habit, you go to the same places. If you want to be alone, you're always at these places. So, Jason calls Barbara and asks about the case you're working, to see if there's a sort of safe house they're keeping some of the women. Barbara is able to offer him an address you might be. Unfortunately, you aren't there either.

A part of Jason actually thinks about tracking you but this isn't an emergency. This is possibly them just being really paranoid. It's been a few hours and it's just getting more and more tempting. Jason decides that if he doesn't hear anything from either you or Molly by the end of patrol tonight, he'll track you. You don't normally miss patrol according to Molly which means if you miss tonight, that's reason enough for an emergency.

It gets closer and closer to the time Jason normally starts patrolling and he's yet to find you. To say he's starting to worry would be an understatement. But, then, he hears yelling coming from an alley nearby. And he swears the yelling sounds like it's coming from you. Jason jumps to the next roof to get a look into the alley only to finally find you. But, there's a man, maybe two hundred pounds, over six feet just towering over you, screaming. Jason's blood boils as he uses his grabbling hook to quietly get himself down.

"Do you have any idea who you're fucking with, kid?" The man yells.

You let out a crackle. "Do you?" You quip back, blinking up at him.

The man pulls back his fist just as he feels metal pressing the back of his head. "Touch her and I'll blow your brains out." Jason's voice is disguised through the modulator.

The man opens his fist, surrendering his hands. He lets out a laugh. "The Red Hood."

Jason pushes the gun further into his man's head, causing him to look down.

"I got it, Red." You say with the roll of your eyes.

"Looked like it." Jason quips with sarcasm. "Get the fuck out of here before I change my mind." Jason yanks the man by the collar of his shirt, tossing him backwards.

He doesn't look scared as he looks up to Jason, fully covered in the Red Hood gear. Instead, he just calmly gets up, taking a long stare at the two of you before he walks casually down the alley. Jason and you both find it a bit odd but it's Gotham so you both brush it off.

"What are you doing?" Jason asks, glad you can't hear the worry in his voice.

"What are you doing?" You ask back, avoiding the question.

"Asked you first." Jason fires back with a single nod of his head.

"Walking?" You quip back.

"With him?!"

"What?" You scoff. "Ew, no. He fucking cornered me." You roll your eyes in disgust. "Your turn."

No part of Jason believes you for a second. Jason is starting to think Molly is valid in her concern because not only do you not lie to him but you also wouldn't shut off your phone just for walking. Jason is starting to worry he might be the one having to talk you off of a ledge.

"Molly was worried." Jason confesses.

"She sent you?!" You seeth as your blood starts to boil.

Living with Molly was supposed to be convenient for the both of you. It's cheaper and safer, it's supposed to be fun. Involving Molly was supposed to be a way to keep her close and safe rather than her going off on her own. But, you're standing here feeling betrayed and you're questioning if any of it was the right decision. She sent Jason because Jason is actually good at locating people who don't want to be found and Molly knows you aren't going to chew out Jason for it. The whole thing makes you that much more annoyed.

"She was worried. I didn't track you or anything, I told her you were probably fine, alright?" Jason tries to ease your annoyance. He'd be annoyed, too if it were him.

"I can handle myself." You snip as you cross your arms.

"I know." Jason shrugs. "Look, whatever the hell you're up to, you don't have to do it alone." Jason tries to offer some sort of reason, hoping you'll give him some clue to what you've actually been doing.

You want to be mad but you don't blame Jason. If it were him, you'd be doing the same thing. "Just...I'm okay, alright? Thank you for checking and dealing with him. I'm fine though."

"You sure? She sounded pretty worried." Jason shifts his weight to his left leg.

"I think she's talking to Gar." You blurt, partially to deflect and partially because you do think that has something to do with it.

Jason shakes his head quickly, his brows furrow under the helmet. Molly and Gar? "Like....talking?"

"Yeah!" You yell.

"When the fuck did that happen?"

"I don't know." You shrug your shoulders. "But you know, he's got that whole Red thing going on with the visions and stuff. And now the Brother Blood shit, I think she's worried about him and her worry is spilling over."

Jason nods his head, not buying it. This is one of those deflective tactics you love to do when you don't want to talk. "Bullshit."

"What?"

"She has a reason to be worried but you don't want us to know." Jason states.

"No. I think that's it." You shrug your shoulders and it's not a full lie. You do actually think that's why Molly is being so paranoid, even if she should be.

"Look, just be careful, alright?" Jason asks, knowing he's not going to get any real answer from you right now. He figures he'll try again later when you're in a better mood, when you haven't been completely blindsided.

"I will." You nod your head softly.

Jason shakes his head, not feeling any bit of his worry ease. "Hey, you wanna patrol tonight?" Jason asks. "Together?"

"Really?" You ask as your eyes soften with the request, even if you don't think it's a coincidence he's asking when he's worried.

"I mean your nagging is fucking annoying but you're alright company." Jason shrugs one shoulder.

"Fuck you."

"Maybe after." Jason quips back.

You let out a laugh. "Alright, fine, you've sold me." You roll your eyes. "I've got my case hidden at the usual place."

"Course you." Jason chuckles. "Bike there, too?"

"It is." You nod your head.

"Come on." Jason jerks his head down the alley. "Mine's a block away, I'll take you."

"Thank you, Red." You beam up to him.

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[meazalykov]

redirection XII

esmee brugts x reader

last chapter - next chapter - more redirection chapters

summary: this moment brings up some insecurities

you sit in your shared hotel room with esmee in lisbon, the night before one of the biggest matches of the season. 

the champions league group stage has all led to this—the final match against benfica, where every pass, every tackle, every chance could mean the difference between staying at the top of the table or not. 

jona announced the lineup earlier after the last training session, and you were named a starter. 

it’s an honor, but the weight of it all has been pressing down on your shoulders since you heard your name called.

you’re trying to relax, but your thoughts are racing a mile a minute, and your fingers fidget constantly—tugging on the hem of your shirt, tracing the stitching on the comforter, twisting the bracelet on your wrist that esmee gave you a few weeks back. 

you’ve been in plenty of big matches before, but the nerves tonight feel different. heavier.

this is your first season at barcelona, and you don’t want to disappoint your teammates. its confirmed that jona will be going off to your old club back in the nwsl after this season, but you want the next coach to be reassured that you are a reliable player.

the door opens, and esmee walks in the shared room, holding two smoothies from the café just across the street. she’s wearing a smile, but it dims slightly when she sees you curled up on the edge of the bed, your shoulders tense, eyes staring blankly ahead.

“hey,” she says softly, crossing the room to you. “strawberry for you, mango for me.”

she hands you the smoothie, and you take it with a small smile, but you don’t sip it right away. you know esmee’s watching you closely, the way she always does when she can sense something’s up. 

you avoid meeting her eyes, knowing they’ll be full of questions, and instead stare down at the bright pink drink in your hands.

she plops down beside you, sitting so close that her knee brushes against yours, and the warmth of her presence is comforting, grounding. “okay,” she says slowly, drawing out the word. 

“what’s going on?”

you shake your head quickly, forcing a laugh that sounds more like a huff. “nothing. just... thinking about tomorrow. it’s no big deal.”

but it is a big deal. and you know esmee sees right through you. she sets her own smoothie down on the nightstand and turns her whole body to face you, one knee bent on the bed, so she’s fully in your line of sight. 

“y/n,” she says, her voice gentle but firm. “talk to me. what’s really going on? you’ve been quiet ever since the lineup got posted.”

you bite your lip, staring down at your fingers as you fiddle with the straw of your smoothie. 

“it’s... i just don’t want to mess up, okay?” you finally admit, your voice small. 

“starting in this game... it feels huge, more different than the past ones. i know i’ve started before, but this is different. everything matters now. and i don’t want to be the reason we don’t win.”

she’s silent for a moment, and then you feel her hand slide over yours, squeezing tightly. 

“you’re an amazing player, y/n. you’ve proven that time and time again, and tomorrow’s just another chance to do it. jona wouldn’t have put you in the starting lineup if he didn’t trust you.” esmee says, her voice full of conviction.

you glance up at her, your nerves softening slightly at her words. “what if i... what if i’m not enough?” you ask, the doubt in your voice barely hidden. 

“i know i’m good, but sometimes i feel like... like maybe i’m not good enough for a match like this.” you say. 

esmee’s eyes soften, and she reaches up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, her thumb brushing against your cheek. 

“you’re one of the hardest workers on this team. you’ve got heart. we have got ten other players out there with you, don’t worry.”

you close your eyes for a moment, letting her words wash over you, and then you lean into her, resting your head against her shoulder. “thanks, es,” you murmur.

“always,” she replies, pressing a kiss to your temple. “and you know, when i come on, i’m gonna be there to pick up any slack if you need it.” she pauses, and then adds with a playful grin, “but i won’t need to.”

you laugh softly, the sound coming more naturally this time, and finally take a sip of your smoothie. the sweetness of the strawberry fills your mouth, and you let out a sigh, feeling a little bit of the tension melt away. 

“okay. tomorrow, we win. no fear.”

“that’s my girl,” esmee says, wrapping her arm around your shoulders and pulling you into a warm, comforting hug as you both settle in bed together.

the next day, you can’t help but feel the nerves bubbling up again as you lace up your boots in the locker room, the chatter of your teammates surrounding you. the tension is palpable—this is the final champions league group stage match, and every single player knows what’s at stake. but you’re ready, even if your stomach feels like a knot. 

you look around at your teammates, exchanging nods, high-fives, and encouragement. aitana, caroline, alexia—they’re all calm, focused. it helps you find a sliver of calm too.

when you step out onto the pitch, the crowd’s energy is electric. you can hear the roar of the away barça fans in the stands, and it’s like a wave, crashing into you and filling you with adrenaline. 

as you take your position on the left wing, you glance back over your shoulder, catching esmee’s eye on the sideline. she gives you a small nod and a smile.

you nod back, and then the whistle blows.

the first half is a blur of intensity. both teams are battling hard for control, and every time the ball comes your way, you push yourself to be faster, sharper. you weave through defenders, play quick passes to mariona and caroline, and make runs into the box, always looking for that opening. 

you’re playing well, but it’s tight—benfica’s defense is strong, and it’s hard to find space to work in.

early in the second half, its 2-1. in the 50th minute, caroline gets the ball just outside the box, dancing around benfica’s defenders with that incredible close control she has. 

you see the space open up on the left, and you make your run, calling for the ball. she sees you, and it all happens in an instant—a perfect through pass, cutting between two defenders. you take one touch to settle it, and with a quick glance up, you spot caroline making a darting run into the box. 

you whip a low, driven cross, right into her path, and she meets it cleanly, sending the ball flying into the net.

“yes!” you shout, running over to her as the stadium erupts. 

caroline grabs you in a tight hug, and you can feel her joy radiating through her light laughter. 

the team surrounds you both, high-fives and cheers all around, and for a moment, you let yourself bask in the feeling. 

there’s still a lot of game left to play, and as you take your position again, you know you have to stay focused. you’ve got to give it everything.

five minutes later, you’re battling in midfield, trying to push barça forward on a counterattack. one of benfica’s defenders is on you, and it’s a dribbling duel—her trying to get the ball, you keeping it just out of reach. 

you shift your body left, then right, trying to shake her off, but she’s quick. and then, just as you’re about to make a break for it, another benfica players’ foot comes in hard, swiping underneath you and catching your ankle.

the pain is immediate and sharp. it shoots through your leg like fire, and you’re down before you even realize it, clutching your ankle as you grit your teeth against the sting.

you turn your head to see that kika, someone you know about, was the one who swiped your ankle. now laying outside of the midfield on benfica’s side, your clenching your teeth trying to ease the pain.

“y/n!” aitana’s voice is there first, and suddenly she’s at your side, her hands on your back as she leans over you, eyes wide with concern. 

“where does it hurt?” she asks, urgency lacing her tone.

“ankle,” you hiss out, your fingers digging into the grass as you try to breathe through the pain.

“shit,” aitana mutters, looking up quickly to wave over the medics. 

on the sideline, you can hear jona barking instructions to warm up a sub, and you know it’s esmee being told to get ready. you hate this—you hate the idea of having to come off, of leaving your team when they need you.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to,” kika says, suddenly kneeling beside you, her face pale with worry. 

“i wasn’t trying to hurt you, y/n.”

“it’s okay,” you manage to get out, though your voice shakes from the pain. “really, it’s okay.” you give her a weak wave, trying to show there are no hard feelings.

patri’s not having it. “what were you thinking?” she snaps at kika, her voice rising in anger. “that was reckless—”

“patri, chill,” aitana interrupts firmly, shooting her a look. “it’s football. let the medics do their job.”

the medics help you to your feet, and every step sends another wave of pain through your ankle. they support you as you limp off the pitch, the sound of the crowd’s applause ringing in your ears. 

you try to look back at esmee one last time before she goes on, and the look in her eyes is fierce. she’s worried about you, you can see it, but she’s determined too, more focused on the game. you’re okay with that.

in the medic room, your ankle is tightly wrapped and propped up on a chair, ice pressed against the swollen joint. outside, you can hear the roar of the crowd, the muffled sounds of the match still going on without you. 

it’s agonizing, not being out there. the medics have told you to rest, but all you can do is stare at the screen in the corner of the room, watching as your team battles on. and then you see it—the final whistle, and the scoreline flashing on the screen: 4-4.

it’s a tie, and you can’t help but feel the sting of disappointment. you start replaying everything in your head—the moment you went down, the way you couldn’t keep fighting for those final 35 minutes. 

you feel like maybe you could’ve been the difference. maybe you could’ve found that extra pass, that one moment to break through benfica’s defense and get the win.

the door creaks open, and you don’t even look up until you hear esmee’s voice. “hey,” she says softly, coming over to you, followed closely by ingrid and alexia. 

“how’re you feeling?”

“like i let everyone down,” you admit, staring down at your wrapped ankle. 

“we tied. maybe if i’d stayed on, we could’ve... i don’t know.”

“y/n, don’t,” alexia says firmly, stepping closer. “you were amazing out there. you gave us an assist. you played hard, and none of this is on you. the tie isn’t your fault.”

ingrid nods, her expression sympathetic as she stands beside esmee and in front of alexia. 

“ale is right. you did everything you could. and you’ll be back out there soon enough, stronger than ever.”

you sigh, the weight of their words sitting heavy on your chest. 

“i need to go to the doctor back in barcelona to figure out how long i’ll be out,” you say quietly, hating how small your voice sounds. “and now i need crutches to even walk until then.”

“we’ll figure it out,” esmee says, her voice gentle but steady. “and hey—whatever you need, i’m right here.”

she helps you stand up carefully, and ingrid grabs your crutches, handing them to you with a reassuring smile. the three of them hover around you like protective walls as you make your way out of the room, and alexia leans down to press a kiss to the top of your head before you step out into the hallway. 

“you did great, y/n,” she whispers. “never forget that.”

unfortunately, you forgot. 

you’ve never really talked about your underlying problem with anyone when it comes to injuries—not even esmee. the summer before this moment, the moment that took some of your confidence away. 

back then, you’d been waiting for that world cup roster announcement for weeks, hoping, praying that your name would be there. when the roster was posted, your heart sank. you weren’t on it. no explanation. no reason. just... nothing. 

it felt like the ground was pulled out from under you. all you could do was sit there, staring at the roster, wondering what you’d done wrong.

now, sitting in the hotel room in lisbon, with your ankle wrapped and elevated on the bed after the match against benfica, it feels like those old insecurities are creeping back up again.

you’re silent, lost in thought, until esmee speaks up from beside you, her voice soft but curious. 

“you’ve been quiet for a while. what’s going on?” she asks, leaning over, her elbow resting on the pillow as she looks at you with concern in her eyes.

you hesitate for a second, not sure how to even begin to explain what’s been weighing on your mind. but you know she’ll keep pressing until you tell her. she always knows when something’s wrong.

“it’s just... you ever wonder if you’re not good enough?” you finally mutter, your fingers picking at the edge of the blanket, fidgeting the way they always do when you’re anxious.

esmee raises her eyebrow slightly, her head tilting as she tries to understand where this is coming from. “not good enough? for what? barça?”

you shake your head slowly, feeling the words catch in your throat before they finally come out. 

“the world cup... last year, when i wasn’t selected. i thought i was ready, you know? i’d been cleared for months—eight months. i felt strong, i was finally back after my acl injury. but... they didn’t pick me. and i always wonder what i did wrong.”

esmee sits back, her eyes scanning your face, trying to piece together what you’re saying. 

“you think they didn’t pick you because of your injury?”

“i don’t know,” you murmur, voice barely above a whisper. “i mean, maybe? but i was cleared way before the tournament. i thought i was good enough to be back in the mix, but... clearly, they didn’t think so.”

there’s a beat of silence before esmee speaks again, her voice gentle, but there’s a sharp edge of determination in it. 

“y/n, you had just come back. maybe it wasn’t about you not being good enough. maybe it was about them thinking you needed more time, more recovery.”

you shake your head again, the insecurity still gnawing at your chest. 

“i don’t know, es. eight months should’ve been enough. i’d been playing again. it wasn’t my injury holding me back—it was just me. maybe i wasn’t good enough after i came back. i’m scared that this ankle injury is going to bring back those familiar moments” 

the words hang in the air between you, heavy and raw. you’ve never admitted that out loud, not even to yourself. but it’s always been there, lingering in the back of your mind. 

that nagging voice telling you that maybe you’re not cut out for this. maybe your acl injury– and now this ankle injury–changed you in ways you can’t fix.

esmee shifts closer, her hand reaching for yours, fingers lacing through yours with a firm, grounding grip. 

“y/n, stop. you’re more than good enough. and you’re not just good—you’re incredible. everyone on this team sees it.”

“right now it doesn’t feel like it,” you confess, your voice barely steady. “that’s why i push myself so hard. i don’t want to let anyone down. i’m scared that if i don’t push myself to my absolute limit, i won’t be good enough for barça. like... maybe they’ll see the same thing the national team did.”

“that’s not true,” esmee says firmly, her hand squeezing yours tightly. “you’re a vital part of this team. you make everyone around you better.”

you look down at your lap, feeling the familiar sting of doubt, but esmee’s voice pulls you back up.

“you know what alexia said the other day about you?” esmee asks, her tone softening as she leans in a little closer. “she said you’re one of the hardest-working players she’s ever seen. she said your work rate and your mindset—those things are what make you so valuable. not just your talent.”

you blink, surprised by that, but esmee’s not done.

“and aitana? she said you’re one of the best wingers she’s ever played with. she told jona that when you’re on the left, she feels more confident in her positioning because she trusts you to always be where you need to be.”

you swallow hard, your chest tightening as the weight of esmee’s words sinks in. 

you never knew aitana thought that. you’ve always looked up to her, admired the way she brings intelligence on the pitch, but hearing that she trusts you so deeply... it’s overwhelming.

“and ingrid,” esmee continues, her voice a little lighter now, like she’s trying to ease the tension building inside you. 

“she said that you’ve got the best vision on the team. said you see plays before they happen, like you’re always one step ahead.”

you can’t help but feel a small smile tug at your lips at that. ingrid’s always been one of the sweetest players you’ve known, so hearing her say something like that about you... it feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders, even if just a little.

“see y/n,” esmee says, her voice soft but steady. 

you close your eyes for a moment, letting her words sink in, feeling the warmth of her presence beside you. when you open them again, you meet her gaze, and for the first time in a long while, you feel a little lighter.

“thanks, es,” you whisper, your voice catching in your throat.

“anytime,” she replies, a smile tugging at her lips as she leans in, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. “and remember, you’re not doing this injury thing alone anymore. i’ve got your back. always.”

as she pulls you into a hug, you bury your face in her shoulder, letting yourself breathe for a moment. 

and maybe, just maybe, that’s enough.

next chapter: redirection XIII

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, mention of the word ‘daddy,’ kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Chapter 8 - A Busy December | ‘Ours’

You and Trent fell back into your ways quickly and happily. Anytime you had a free moment away from Teddy you were handsy to say the least. It was almost like you were kickstarting your relationship all over only when you were done messing about, you got to play with your baby girl. Things were good between you two and you planned on keeping it that way. You and Trent really had opened a can of worms starting to have sex again post fight. You were having it a lot. When you were having sex it was making you feel more like yourself than ever. You felt like you had never been more attracted to him as well every time you watched him with Teddy. Trent was fast asleep in bed with you tonight but you were practically aching for him. You just kept rolling in the sheets trying to avoid your growing need. Trent moved closer to hold you. That didn’t help. He wrapped his arms around your waist and tucked his head into the crook of your neck hoping to settle you but there was only one way that was going to happen.

“Can’t sleep, beautiful?” He muttered in a groggy voice. His eyes slowly fluttered open, a little drowsy still. His rough unintentionally sexy voice only adding to the lust you were currently feeling. You had to press your thighs together in an attempt to relieve yourself. He pulled you into his embrace. He was too sleepy to realize just what was keeping you awake. You faced him and ran your hands over his bare chest. His muscles under your skin only heightened your desperation. You stopped your hands just above the hem of his boxers. “Can I help you?” He laughed tiredly. You just hummed with big doe eyes. “C’mere, baby.” He rolled over onto his back pulling you with him to be on top. He loved when you let yourself be desperate for him and desperate you were.

“Baby” you whined, caressing your thumb over his jaw. “I need you.” Trent reached his hands out to you, one hand on your neck rubbing small circles on your skin with his thumb. His other hand held your waist massaging it. The way he held you was so intoxicating; it was sexy but secure.

“Lemme see more of you” he asked as he pulled your top over your head. He brought his face swiftly to your chest. His soft plump lips connected with your nipple sucking on it while his hand moved from your waist up to play with the other. He rolled it in between his fingers. His tender movements turned heated quick as you felt him suck harder. Your pussy was wet just from having his mouth on you. “You love when I pay attention to your tits. Huh baby?” You could only whine at his remark. You couldn’t wait any longer so you swiftly freed his hard cock from his boxers. Your hands quickly wrapping around his length, beginning to stroke it whilst rubbing your thumb over his tip. Trent loved this side of you. You bit onto his neck desperate for more of him. He just smiled wider at your desperation. You rubbed your wet pussy over his length. Rubbing your clit against him.

“T, baby, please, please I need you.” You were begging for him. He took a deep breath trying to gather himself before he gripped the fat of your ass tight helping you align yourself with him as you let out an uncontrollable moan.

“Fuck” Trent groaned as he dropped his forehead to your chest, trying to avoid cumming on the spot as you sank down on him “Squeezing me so tightly, baby. Feels so good.” You slowly began to roll your hips at a steady pace. His hands dropped to your hips helping you as he thrusted up into you. Your arms wrapped around his neck tightly. Your movements were so languid it felt like it was all happening in slow motion. You had never felt so good in your life. You couldn’t stop your eyes from trying to flutter closed. It wasn’t long until you were nearly there, and the moment Trent attached his thumb to your clit and rubbed it in quick circles, you fell apart on top of him, curse words and his name falling from your lips repeatedly.

“Cum for me baby. Fuck, baby. I need to feel you fall apart.” he grunted, nipping at your collarbone. You whined and felt your eyes roll back as you reached your high. Your pussy quivered around him. Every little shift was orgasmic. You couldn’t hold in the soft whiny cry you let out. Your lips parted, biting the skin of his neck. Your pussy was sopping wet now, the slow and relaxer movements had you gushing all over him. The sex was so tender and sweet. You held onto him, rubbing your clit on him as he moved you up and down.

“I want you to fill me up, Daddy.” you said it but not in like a daddy dom with a sub way. You said it because it was a habit to call him that in front of your daughter. Trent’s eyes widened. He moaned not caring why you said it and reached between the two of you again, his fingers rubbing your clit, desperate to push you over the edge one more time. You gripped his hair pulling hard with a little giggle about his reaction to the name. He cursed. His fingers dug into you harshly. You were pretty sure you were bruising already from them. His head fell back further into the pillow, as he pushed his hips up before he spilled into you. You gently moved your hips against his to help him ride out his high. He felt completely euphoric hearing the sound of your little laugh, your body against his, knowing you were happy. He was smug with himself. He pressed kiss against your skin. Relishing in the feeling of what just happened.

“I wanna fuck you forever baby.” He laughed with you now. You hummed in agreement. You clung to his body breathing heavily whispering how much you loved him in his ear while his hand raked up your spine after his movements stilled and you collapsed on top of him. His hair tickled your skin as he nestled his face in between your boobs. You were out of breath but incredibly relieved and satisfied. You eventually shifted off to the side of his body. He kissed your head and pulled your thigh across his body. He caressed your shiny skin slick with sweat while you dozed off in his arms.

You spent Christmas morning yesterday at Dianne’s house. It was so special to have the whole family together. You went over early in the morning with Teddy in a little gingerbread print Christmas onesie. All the boys were there and Trent’s parents. You had gone over last night to drop off all the presents you had for the family, Teddy, and Trent so today was a little easier. You sat on the floor while Marcel held Teddy, opening one of the too many presents he had got for her trying to show her it. She was distracted though because Trent was sitting with you holding you from behind and kissing on your neck. You had begun to notice that Teddy was always very conscious when you and Trent were affectionate without her. She wanted your attention and she definitely wanted Trent’s.

“Teddy girl, look at that! Isn’t that fun, baby!” You cooed with excitement pointing at the toy trying to get to look at a rattle that looked like a bear.

“Ted, I spent money on you, at least give it a look.” Marcel complained teasingly, giving her a squeeze kissing her cheek shaking the rattle for her. It grabbed her attention momentarily before Trent moved and she got distracted again trying to follow him. She squealed and wiggled trying to break from Marcel’s hold. “What? You just have to be with Daddy? That’s what you want? No presents for Christmas, just want Daddy?” He laughed.

“Of course she wants Daddy, C’mere baby bear.” Trent dramatically grunted picking up his particularly light weight baby compared to the weights he worked out with. You sat around opening gifts all morning and then had a really nice brunch Dianne made. You helped in the kitchen while the boys all tried to convince Teddy they were her favorite. It was perfection in a day. You cried a few times of course just seeing Teddy begin to experience life. It was a really emotional thing. All you wanted in life was to make her happy and seeing her learn how to smile as Trent held her around the Christmas tree made your heart just about burst.

“Hiii! I’m arriving at like 2 tomorrow. Do you want me to Uber to you guys?” Laurens voice rang through your room. You honestly didn’t mean to hit answer. You were…busy. You tried to push Trent’s head away from your core but it was hard to to stop him with his persistence and your pleasure now.

“Erm… no, no. We’ll come get you, Lauren.” You said her name to get Trent to understand you were on the phone but he just took advantage of you further finding the whole thing funny. It wasn’t like it was your mum or anything. Just then Trent pushed a third finger inside you with a particularly harsh suck to your clit and you gasped… loud.

“Y/N… oh my god! Are you???” Lauren yelled laughing at you over the phone. You were actively trying to shove Trent away from you.

“Nooo. Oh god no. I’ll pick you up.” She hung up on you before you could. “T! Oh my god! Fuck! Please.” You whined forgetting your conversation with Lauren even happened as you came. He pulled away with a smug laugh. You slapped at him as he laid down next to you.

“Baby, I can’t help it. Do you know how much I think about you? You’re so sexy all the time. How am I meant to withstrain myself when you look like this?” He pinched at you. Trent babbled away. “We’re at the dinner table and you're dragging your fingers over those lips, I’m watching you bend over in those tiny shorts doing the dishes, last night you reached over me to get your phone charger on the couch pushing your ass in my face. Baby, I do pretty well not just being on you 24/7.” He said proudly thinking he did a good job.

“The only reason you’re not is because I’m holding Ted. Otherwise you have zero control, T.” You laughed at him. It was true but even if you were holding her his hands would find their way to your ass, his lips on your neck. He was nothing but persistent.

“And you love it.” He boasted back and he wasn’t wrong.

“I do. I love you, baby and I love fucking you.” You giggled coming to lay on top of him. He groaned and you smiled down at him only aiding and abetting him.

Marcel was over just to hang out with you and see Teddy while Trent was at training. You and Marcel were in the kitchen with her. He was explaining some gossip that was going down in his friend group to you. You listened closely while he tried to break down a complicated dynamic happening while simultaneously attending to Teddy who was feeling particularly clingy to you today. When Trent finally came home he immediately went to Teddy, then you, then Marcel but hopped upstairs to shower pretty quickly after. It wasn’t long after that though when you received a cheeky text to come join him.

“Can you watch her for a second? I just need to pop upstairs” you asked Marcel with a fake calmness in your voice. He hummed coming to pick up Teddy. She wasn’t thrilled but you promised her you’d be right back.

“Say bye mummy.” Marcel cooed, waving Teddy’s hand for her not aware what you were going up for. In what felt like seconds, your back was against the cold tiles of the shower. Trent holding your legs up to your sides pounding into you. You think you came in record time and then again for a second and third time. Things had been really good lately. Everything was working as it was supposed to. You eventually made your way back downstairs to find the not so naive Marcel waiting for your arrival with Teddy.

“This” Marcel gestured at you and Trent who were flush glowing post orgasm out the shower “Is how we got here.” Holding Teddy out in front of him under her arms as she kicked and tried to giggle. “Say yuck, Ted” he said as he smushed a million kisses into her chubby cheeks

“C’mere baby” you picked her up out of his hands as she continued to squeal away. “Is ‘celly funny?” You giggled into her little tummy. She wiggled in your arms excited by all the attention. ‘Celly’ had been a name the Alexander-Arnold family used for Marcel when they were really young. Tyler and Trent fell into it as it was marginally easier to say and it stuck. It went away as they grew up but had returned with a push from Trent and Tyler for Teddy to use it in hopes it would stick this time around.

“No, Ted! It’s not funny.” Marcel said sternly before cracking into a smile seeing her chubby fingers reach out to him. “Your mummy and daddy are gross.” He proceeded to tell her as you ignored him gushing over how cute she was.

You laid in bed that night cuddled up to Trent. As amazing as things had been lately there definitely had been a lingering thought that was bothering you. It would pop up every time you had sex. You hadn’t really discussed with him this insecurity but you needed to. You didn’t want it to develop into a bigger issue. You needed to avoid the silence you lived in two months ago at all costs.

“T, can I ask you something?” You shyly asked as you moved your chin to rest on his chest looking up at him. He looked down into your eyes only making you more nervous. His big hand stroked up and down your spine under a t-shirt of his you were wearing.

“Yeah, course. Go on.” He instructed you. You were trying to build up some courage but it wasn’t coming. It probably was your largest insecurity before you had even met Trent and having a baby didn’t exactly help.

“Does it bother you?” You paused and he tilted his head confused at what you were asking him. “Does it bother you that my body is different now?” You timidly got the words out and buried your face in his neck nervously. You could feel his laugh vibrate in his chest beneath you. He pulled your face out from the nape of his neck with both his hands. He cupped your cheeks and held your face out in front of his.

“Baby, you have never looked better. I’m not just saying that either. Knowing and seeing you carry our child was the most unbelievably sexy thing. You now is just..” he blew some air out his mouth. Unable to properly describe how he felt but you understood the gesture.

“You sure? I promise I’m trying to work out more, it's just hard with her.” You unnecessarily tried to explain to him but he cut off your impending monologue with a kiss.

“Y/N, you are without a doubt the most beautiful women in the world to me. I can’t explain the things you do to me. When I see you with Ted. God, you look so good as a mum. You said it yourself, I genuinely cannot keep my hands off you. If you want to work out more for your health, to get stronger, I can help you. I can help you find workouts that work for you and I can help create more time for you to do it but baby, you look amazing. Do not ever, and I’m fucking serious, ever tell me your trying to look better for me again. You are perfect just the way you wake up everyday. You do not need to look any different. I fucking love you, I love this face.” He kissed you, interrupting his own words. “I love this body, I love what it gave us. Please. Okay?” He took a deep breath after talking so fast. You giggled embarrassed by his words.

“You’re sweet, T.” You cooed, cupping his face. “Can I ask you one more thing?” He nodded. “Does it feel different?” You were terrified of this answer but Trent started to laugh so it furthered your fear.

“Baby, you feel fucking amazing. Trust me. Everything is perfect. Hmm?” He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into him tightly squishing your body to the point where it was almost hard to breathe. “Got it?” He asked. You just giggled and he knew you understood.

December was always a really busy part of the season for Trent. Frankly, you’d never admit it to him but it stressed you out. He thrived in the chaos. Game after game. He loved the pressure of it all. Lauren was coming today and you couldn’t have been more excited for her to finally meet Teddy. Trent offered to help you get one of the guest rooms ready because you needed to feed Teddy before you went to pick up Lauren from the airport. Trent wanted to go with you because you hadn’t gotten to spend a lot of time together alone because of his schedule and because of your very needy little girl. You sat on a couch in the guest room comfortably as Trent put on fresh sheets for Lauren’s visit. Teddy latched to your chest. You were aware Trent wasn’t particularly good at sharing in the first place but the way he side eyed you and her as he made the bed had you laughing.

“T… She has to eat. I don’t know what you’re being so salty for.” You giggled caressing Teddy.

“Yeah, well you were all mine before she came around.” He feigned an annoyance towards Teddy he didn’t feel. He just was jealous of the attention. She clung to you all day and frankly, he wanted to do that. “It feels unfair to be honest. She only knows you because of me.” He walked over to you and squatted down to your level. “Can you give mummy back to me please, hmm?” He spoke to your baby. Teddy's little hand reached up to grab for him. He held her hand to stop her. She fixed her grip onto his one index finger and wouldn’t let go.

“That’s insane logic. She’s a baby, T. Very different reasons for needing me.” You looked at him laughing. You handed Teddy up to him. “Are you even listening to me?” You stood up attempting to try to fix your top. You knew he wasn’t. His jaw was slack and his eyes were glossed over staring at you.

“Honestly, no,” his eyes scanned over your body once more. He was being honest the other day, he really did find you sexy, becoming a mum did things for him he didn’t expect. He rocked Teddy back and forth but he was more focused on your tits.

“T! You need to get it together!” You laughed pulling your top up more than you needed to. “Your mum’s coming soon… relax!” you teasingly scolded him.

“Teddy girl, isn’t mummy just perfect?” He cooed, pressing a kiss to her cheek before pulling you into him by your hips. Your bodies flush together with Teddy squished in between.

“Hiii Di!” You opened the front door to let Dianne in giving her a big hug. “They’re in the living room. Thank you so much for coming over. The games have been so hectic so we thought it’d be nice to spend some time.” You had never really gotten over the embarrassment you felt trying to explain to Dianne why you and Trent wanted to be together so often. She dismissed you not caring what the reason was. She understood and she didn’t mind getting some time with her granddaughter. You had plans to pick Lauren up and grab lunch all together because it was Trent’s day off. If you didn’t do something with him today, she probably would barely see him. Lauren was staying until the end of the month and then the two of you and Teddy were flying to New York. You were petrified of flying with Teddy. You hoped she’d be okay. She was quiet and calm usually but you didn’t know how it would go so it worked that Lauren would be there to help you. Trent had a game and would be joining you a day or so later. You were excited to see your family, stock up on some US essentials but more importantly get to show you little British baby your home. It was about an half hour till you had to get Lauren so you headed off for the airport. You said bye to Teddy and she was fussy but Dianne assured you she’d be fine. Teddy just really didn’t enjoy watching you walk away from her so you snuck out to Trent’s car in the garage.

“Want me to drive?” You asked even though you knew Trent preferred to. You liked when he drove. It’s not that you didn’t like driving, you were just indifferent and Trent had such a hard stance on liking it.

“No… baby.” He squeezed your hips moving past you to walk around the car to get to the driver's side door. You hopped into the car and gripped his thigh as he reversed out of your garage. You got on the road, a route you and Trent knew all too well. As you sped down the M6 Trent flicked his eyes to you and held them there for a moment in a squint before returning them back to the road.

“Yes?” You giggled questioning his silent glance.

“When did you learn how to drive, beautiful?” When he looked at you that was what he was thinking about but he couldn’t remember the answer you had once told him.

“16… like everyone else in America, baby?” You responded confused. You thought you had told him this before.

“That’s mad, you know?” he told you, keeping his eyes fixed on the road before he tapped to change the song on the dashboard screen in the car. “You’re essentially a child then.” You looked at him a little shocked coming from the boy that had played on most of the worlds biggest stages by 18.

“It’s not” you giggled. “You got yours literally two years later. What’s so different?” You turned to look at him. He shook his head conceding that it wasn’t all that different. You listened to music for a little before you spoke again. “I like when you drive.” You cooed leaning your head onto his shoulder.

“Yeah, am I a good driver?” He asked you flattered by your admission. You thought about it for a minute.

“Erm… you’re sexy when you drive.” You giggled some more.

“Wowwwww. You can drive home then.” He joked offended you didn’t gas up how great of a driver he was.

“Wait, I just said you’re sexy!” You squealed, upset about the possibility of having to do the driving home.

“Yeah, but I already know you thought that. Didn’t say I was a good driver though did you?” He quipped with a confidence and a feigned annoyance.

“Wowww. I see.” You giggled. “You’re a very good driver, T.” Trent pulled into the arrivals area and put the car in park. “Pleassseeeeee, baby.” You pressed a bunch of wet kisses against his cheek pulling at the sleeve of his long sleeve shirt. He caved easily as expected agreeing to drive home. You watched Lauren giddily skip to your car out the doors. You got out and she screamed. You looked back at Trent and he shook his head at Lauren’s antics. You laughed and hugged her tight.

“Oh my godddd it’s mummyyyyyy” she squealed, squeezing you extra tight. “Hiii daddddy” she waved to the car to Trent. He waved back waiting patiently. You put her stuff in the boot of his car and got on your way to grab some lunch. “I cannot wait to meet your Teddy girl. I can’t believe you didn’t bring her with you!” Lauren babled away. You missed her. You missed her energy. You missed her voice honestly, her accent alone provided a lot of comfort.

“Trust me it’s for the best… Teddy isn’t the most fond of the car.” Trent laughed remembering all the times you had her in her car seat to date as she cried almost every time. You all continued to catch up on the drive. Trent and his brothers used to always make fun of the way you said Manchester. To them, you over enunciated the ‘chester’ part of the word, specifically the ‘ter.’ So he did just the same to her as she spoke. You had picked up Lauren at the Manchester Airport. It was actually closer to where your house was. Your neighborhood probably was closer to Manchester than it was to the center of Liverpool so it was easier to fly out of there. You went out to eat and sat in the back of a restaurant you loved. It was just like basic food, nothing special but solid. It wasn’t a long lunch though, you had to get back to Teddy and Dianne. You drove home and Lauren was adamant on taking over the music. Trent begrudgingly handed it over. The ride was filled with new songs she just had to show you. You got out of the car finally back at your house and Trent insisted on carrying her bags in so you two let him. Lauren squeezed your waist.

“I cannot wait to meet this little peanut!” She squealed. You walked up to the door with Trent following in tow with more bags than Lauren needed to bring for the length of her trip.

“Ready to meet my baby girl?” You laughed looking back at Lauren’s eager face and pushed your front door open. You could hear the little voice you loved babbling away in the kitchen.

“Oh my goodness, are mummy and daddy home?” You could hear Dianne speaking to Teddy as well when she heard the alarm beep as you came inside. You walked into the kitchen casually. You didn’t notice Lauren slowed almost creeping down the hallway now anxious to meet her, delaying her entrance.

“Hiiiii my Teddy bear. Are you hungry my beautiful girl?” You cooed, smushing a million kisses on her cheek as she haphazardly tried to hold a bottle Dianne was helping her with. You picked your head up and looked at Dianne. “Was she okay?” You asked with a soft smile running your hands over Teddy’s head and she nodded telling you all about their day together.

“Is there a Teddy Alexander- Arnold here?” Lauren hushly asked, walking into the kitchen.

“TAA #2 is right here” you grunted picking up Teddy from her chair. “Want to meet Auntie Lauren, baby?” Teddy adamantly clung to you excited to be back in your arms. Her mouth trying to attach anywhere on your skin, drooling on you adorably.

“Di, you remember Lauren, right?” You knew the two had met at some point but wanted to make sure everyone remembered each other's names.

“Of course, of course! How was your flight, sweetie?” Dianne cooed, coming to give Lauren a friendly hug. Lauren told her all about her eventful travels including the cute guy who sat behind her as she held Teddy for the first time. Dianne nodded along. You always thought Dianne was particularly good with girls around Trent’s age given she only had boys. You initially presumed she would be weary but she raised her sons well enough that if girls got all the way to the point of meeting her they were probably okay.

“Heard you girls are going out tonight for dinner?” Dianne asked, brushing her thumb over Teddy’s cheek as Lauren held her.

“Yeah, they’re heading out. Me and this little bear are excited to have a big night in without mummy.” Trent answered for you. He came into the room and plucked Teddy from Lauren’s arms. “Right, baby bear? Want to hang out with daddy tonight?” He cooed in a voice just for Teddy. Teddy eagerly grabbed at him with a squeak.

“I missed this.” You cooed looking in the mirror at Lauren stood behind you. You got ready in your room with her for your dinner. You felt like you were in uni again with Lauren as you gossiped. You sat on your bathroom counter as she did your hair for you.

“You just missed someone doing your hair for you.” She laughed. “I missed you too.” She concurred after her teasing. You got off the counter and inspected her work. You put on a pink sequin bralette top and a pair of jeans with a kitschy pair of black heels from Loewe. The heel looked like a birthday candle. Another lavish ridiculous pregnancy purchase. You grabbed your Chanel black flap bag per usual and did one last glance over before you and Lauren headed out.

“So you’re going to drink tonight, right?” Lauren asked excitedly. You hadn’t drank since before you found out you were pregnant. There was no time like the present and there couldn’t have been a more fun time than one with Lauren so you nodded.

“You going to be okay?” You asked Trent holding onto him into the foyer. Your arms slinked around his waist. He did the same to you but a little bolder. His hands found their place on your ass like always and you liked them there.

“Nah, you’re leaving me looking like this, how am I meant to be okay.” Trent whispered in your ear. You giggled like a flustered school girl. You kissed him before you heard a little grunt coming from Teddy. Trent scooped her up.

“Say, have fun mummy.” He cooed to her. “Doesn’t mummy look pretty, Ted?” Teddy started to realize though quite quickly that you were leaving. You could hear her breath start to shorten. She began to sniffle and work herself up before she began crying.

“Oh my poor baby, I’m sorry.” You felt horrible as she tried to reach out to you. Trent held her rocking her back and forth trying to soothe her.

“Daddy’s got you.” He told her hushly. Trent mouthed for you to go. “We’ll be alright huh, Ted?” He cooed, kissing her forehead. You felt awful, like a bad mum watching her cry as you stood there about to go out. You didn't have to leave her often, especially before bedtime.

“I’ll be right back. Okay, my Teddy bear?” You kissed her tear ridden cheeks. You actually felt like you were going to cry as you walked towards an Uber with Lauren. She picked up your hand and laced it with hers.

“She’ll be okay. She’s with T. Let’s have fun!” Lauren cooed as you slid into the car. You nodded nervously looking down at your phone background. The picture of Trent and Teddy glowing in the dark car hurt your heart. As excited as you were to be with Lauren, another part of you just wanted to be with them.

You were sitting at a small table in a Mexican restaurant about half way through your first margarita and the alcohol hit you like a truck. You were in fits of giggles with Lauren.

“Are you still talking to him?” You pressed Lauren about her very confusing relationship with Jude. You knew she was. You and Trent secretly loved hearing both sides of it. Strangely and almost impressively, they were actually really communicative and always on the same page. It was the dictionary definition of a ‘situationship’ but in your opinion you believed there were more feelings there considering how well they worked.

“I talk to a lot of people, Y/N…” Lauren shot you a glare. You laughed. Not because her comment was particularly funny but because of the unfamiliar tequila that was coursing through you by this point of your dinner.

“Yeah, but not people that are best friends with my boyfriend.” As you said the last world Lauren spoke simultaneously.

“Baby daddy” she laughed over the word ‘boyfriend’ at the same time. You laughed with her.

“Yeah that too. More to my point!” You yelped picking at another tortilla chip. “Did I tell you we finally fucked?” You bluntly stated as Lauren took a sip of her drink. She almost choked.

“You said that as if you were some sort of virgin before.” She put her glass down on the table. “just as a reminder you do have a child.” She teased you. You definitely were far from being a virgin but having sex post baby felt like a big deal.

“He’s so hot, Lauren.” You moaned out. Imagining your recent times with Trent. “Like in bed…oh my godddd. It’s honestly overwhelming how good he is” you dragged on. Lauren raised her eyebrow at your dramatics:

“Yeah, well I heard the other day.” She laughed and tapped at your arm. “I like that you act like you don’t have him in the palm of your hand.” She mocked your obliviousness to truly how much Trent loved you. You took an Uber home after dinner. To say you were drunk would’ve been an understatement. You could barely walk into your house. She needed to take your heels off otherwise you were going to fall on your face. She couldn’t risk it. Lauren was fine, maybe buzzed but she’d been drinking for the past year, you hadn’t. You crashed into your couch and wouldn’t move despite her pleas. Lauren tried and tried but ultimately she gave up. You were home safe and that was the important thing. She felt bad though so she tiptoed up the stairs. By the time you two had stumbled into the house Trent and obviously Teddy were long asleep. Lauren hesitantly knocked on the bedroom door of your room. She pushed it open a little. The light from the hallway cut in. Trent groaned and rolled over. She called out his name sheepishly.

“Laur… what are you doing?” Trent groggily moaned. He certainly didn’t anticipate seeing Lauren in his room tonight. Coming to, the abnormality of Lauren there sent a wave of nerves rushing through him. Had something happened? He sprung up. “What happened? Are they okay?” Trent hurried out of bed. Lauren laughed.

“I just can’t get her off the couch” she continued laughing as Trent almost tripped trying to get a pair of sweatpants on so fast.

“Oh…Everything is fine though?” He let out a sigh of relief. He asked coming towards her at the door.

“Yeah, she is. I think her tolerance may have lapsed a little but I just thought you'd want her to make it back to your bed and not on the couch.” She explained as they walked downstairs. “Wait… “ Lauren started to quietly laugh. She placed her hand on Trent’s chest. “Stay here, you need to hear her answers to why she won’t go upstairs.”

“Y/N, let's go to bed.” She cooed sitting down next to your frame face first laying on the couch.

“I can’t, I have a baby.” You muffled into the cushion of the couch. “She’s so beautiful you don’t understand how pretty my baby is.” You whined rolling over.

“Okay” Lauren laughed. “She’s very beautiful but she’s also upstairs. We should get you upstairs too. Come to bed.”

“I can’t go to bed with you. My husband…” you sighed and threw your head to one side rubbing your hands over your face. “Well he’s not my my husband but he iss in my head. You know?” You stuttered wasted but nevertheless in love.

“Oh yeah? Why? Do you want him to be your husband?” Lauren coaxed you on to answer in front of Trent who stood out of view but in earshot. He smiled listening to you.

“He’s so sexy. Ohh my goddd.” You groaned. “He’s sexy.” You confirmed once more. Lauren laughed, turning to look at Trent as he shrugged pretty content with your compliments.

“I just need to spend the rest of my life with him.” You whined leaning further back into the couch in a slump.

“How come?” Lauren continued to press loving when you babled away drunk.

“He’s so nice to me. No one… No one has ever made me feel” you turned your back to Lauren and grabbed one of the cushions pushing your face into it. “… happy.” You muttered out, sadly feeling defeated for letting the drunk but honest words flow out. Lauren’s lip rolled into a pout. The very humorous fun of listening to you drunk for the first time in almost a year suddenly turned into something Lauren and Trent probably hated more than anything else in the world. You were quiet until you started up again “I’m not much and I know that so I don’t expect to feel happy but he makes me feel that way. That’s why I like to be with him because he takes care of me. I really think he loves me and no one’s ever loved me. I think it’s because I’m not very pretty or something. I don’t know maybe it’s my body or… he just makes me feel more special than I am…” you babbled away. Lifelong insecurities flowed out.

“Y/N, shhhhh. You’re beautiful, kind, and smart and so many people love you.” Lauren cooed, feeling terrible. She kissed your cheek to try to lighten the mood. She turned to Trent to tell him to just come and get you now but he already moved the second he heard you start talking this way.

“Alright, alright. I’m here, baby. C’mere.” He pulled you to him, you hugged him like you hadn’t seen him in ages. “You are so beautiful. I love you so much, okay? Do you understand how loved you are… how beautiful you are?” You couldn’t tell you were far too drunk but he spoke so sternly, calmly as you clung to his strong body with your currently very frail one.

“T….” You whined ignoring his questions “you got me pregnant and we had a baby.” You grabbed his face explaining something he knew very obviously.

“Yeah, beautiful.” He tried not to laugh considering how things had turned. “Can I take you upstairs?”

“My T can take me anywhere he wants. I loveee youu, babby.” You slurred, dropping your hands to his shoulders.

“Okay, upstairs it is, drunk girl.” He scooped you up. Carrying your very limp body draped in his arms. “I love you so much.” Pressing a kiss into your hair. He held you close to his chest promising he’d take care of you. You leaned your head into him comforted by the beat of your heart. “I’ll be your husband, don't you worry.” He whispered, tucking you into your shared bed. He unzipped your top then pulled a shirt of his over your head. He sat by your side beginning to wipe your makeup off. Every feature he wiped over seemed softer than usual and more fragile. His heart broke that you felt like you didn’t deserve the love he felt for you. “You’re beautiful, baby.” He whispered before he kissed your forehead before climbing in next to you.

“Can you hold me?” You muttered out barely loud enough for Trent to hear.

“Wouldn’t let you go to sleep any other way. C’mere. Come be with me.” He shifted in your bed pulling you to him. He held you so securely. You fell asleep calmed by his slow heartbeat and breathing.

In the morning you definitely didn’t feel good. Trent let you sleep in and he handled Teddy. Trent knew you’d need rest. He cradled Teddy feeding her a bottle but she was particularly fussy. He wasn’t sure why. She wouldn’t stop crying. He tried everything.

“Please baby bear, I want mummy to get some rest.” He whispered to her. He knew he had training shortly and didn’t want to leave you with your presumed pounding head and a screaming baby. You got up when you could hear the crying. It was just maternal you woke up worried about Teddy. You walked fairly quickly to her nursery with the headache Trent assumed you had. You watched Trent from the doorway try to soothe her. She wasn’t going to stop. Teddy wanted her mum and she was going to get her mum. You wrapped your arms around Trent’s waist, surprising him. You let go though and made him hand you Teddy as you sat down onto the couch. Trent looked at you apologetically. Almost instantaneously she stopped crying. Trent gave you that sympathetic smile. You looked back at him with a face that told him it was fine. He sat next to you and gave you a cuddle. He left to go for training later in the morning after having breakfast with you and Lauren. You sat on the couch with her after holding Teddy.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Lauren cooed, placing her hand on your knee.

“What do you mean?” You asked her, confused particularly by her seriousness and gentle touch.

“Just last night made me kind of sad… I know things have been hard but I kind of thought you’d let a lot of it go” she said regrettably. You were quiet, you didn’t know what to say. You knew what she was talking about. “Your value doesn’t lie with other people. I hate that you think that way about yourself.” She spoke to you trying to fix an issue in minutes that had plagued you for years.

“I can’t Lauren. It’s the only thing that makes me who I am. It keeps me in check with reality that I’m not all that.” You minimized a massive issue with self worth.

“You are all that though. Look at your life Y/N you deserve this.” She gestured around your beautiful home. “You deserve to be happy and loved. God, Y/N does he love you. Look at what you created.” She looked at Teddy in your lap “She loves you so much. You need to as well. And Y/N if not for yourself then for her. She can’t grow up the way we did, the way you did.” Lauren was referring to the times you broke down crying together disclosing things that had happened during your childhoods. You were privileged but that wasn’t enough to cover up the scars left from emotional and physical trauma you endured. Your body image issues were deeply embedded. Lauren definitely had her fair share of hurdles to overcome as a kid, we all do in life but you really struggled with your health. You confided in Lauren and after that she became your official hype women. Committed to gassing you up for the rest of your life and today was no different.

“Teddy girl, you’re gonna believe in yourself okay? Gonna be brave and strong. Mummy too.” Lauren spoke and smiled at you both. She squeezed your thigh. You pressed a bunch of kisses all over your baby girl squeezing her tight to you.

“Got that teddy bear? We always listen to Laur.” You laughed and Teddy began to giggle. You hadn’t really heard her do a proper laugh yet. You pouted at her. “You’re so perfect. Do you know that? Oh my goodness you beautiful little girl. Listen to you giggle.” You cooed as she continued with the cutest laugh you’d ever heard. When Trent came home from training you popped up with Teddy to go greet him.

“Is daddy home?!” You cooed. Her dark brown eyes just like his lit up. Trent came in and swiftly picked her up out of your arms. He lifted her up and blew raspberries onto her tummy. She began the same giggle as she squealed and squealed. It made your heart soar every time you watched them together. Lauren was right, you had a family that loved you.

“That laugh!” Trent’s eyes widened surprised and looked at you.

“I know” you giggled. “Literally an hour ago, swear. Ted, are you happy dada’s home?” You cooed lookin at her giggling away in Trent’s hold.

“Of course, she’s happy daddy’s home. Listen to youuu, baby.” He said proudly looking at Teddy giggling in his arms snuggling her to him.

“Oh you love this too much, daddy.” Lauren teased Trent about how happy he was with Teddy and being called ‘daddy.’

“Getting nervous?” Lauren asked Trent teasingly. You went to go take a shower upstairs so whilst you did Trent and her sat in the cinema watching telly with Teddy.

“Nah… well yeah, I know she said she’d want to but I’m scared she’ll say no for some reason.” He spoke to her while focusing on Teddy. He was wrapping one of her tiny curls around his finger.

“Don’t be daft” Lauren laughed at him. She knew you’d been dreaming of the day Trent would propose since the day you started dating. His apprehension was unnecessary but she understood why he’d be nervous.

A few days later Trent was dropping you off at the airport. The same route taken again. Thank god you had Lauren. You thought you two traveled with a lot of things, traveling with a baby was that times 2.

“You sure you want to go now?” Trent asked you holding you in his arms at departures.

“Baby, it’s a little late to change plans.” You giggled tilting your head up for a kiss. He agreed but he just wanted to check. He knew you’d be fine but he was nervous sending you and Teddy to travel alone. He wanted to be there to help.

When you boarded you got to your seat in first class and Lauren helped put your carryon in the overhead. You settled in and bounced Teddy on your knee. You gave her a big kiss. She squealed with a giggle. You shut your eyes with a smile. This was going to be interesting. You didn’t realize how loud she was until you needed her to be quiet. You placed your fingers over your lips and shushed her.

“Can you be quiet for me, Teddy girl?” You couldn’t help but giggle. It was a little funny how excited she was when she got any sort of affection from anyone, specifically you or Trent. She just placed her chubby little hands on your face with a big smile. She seemed happy so as long as she stayed happy during the flight it’d be okay. You figured a baby’s laugh was much more tolerable than a cry. Lauren sat behind you and began to play peek-a-boo with Teddy as you held her. She faced towards Lauren held in your arms and was transfixed as she appeared and disappeared getting through takeoff fairly easily.

The flight was long but thankfully Teddy was in and out of sleep in your arms. When you landed you got through security with a few fits of cries but just as many giggles. You got in a car Trent had arranged to pick you up from JFK to bring Lauren to her apartment before you took it to The Plaza. It was such a full circle moment to return to the hotel you began your relationship at with your baby. You walked inside and checked in at the front desk.

“Hi, how are you?” You asked politely to the man behind the counter. “Ermm.. should be under Alexander-Arnold.” You spoke as he typed away on a computer.

“What a beautiful little girl.” The man picked his head up looking at Teddy as she sleepily hugged your neck. She was exhausted after the flight.

“Thank you.” You smiled at the man. “Can you say thank you, Teddy?” You cooed at her pinching at her pudgy tummy. You knew she couldn’t respond but you just spoke to her usually. She hid further into your neck. You laughed at her.

“Ah, yes Mrs. Alexander-Arnold, I see your room right here. We’ll have someone take your bags up for you to the penthouse.” You weren’t going to correct the man that you in fact were not Mrs. Alexander-Arnold. You understood it was easier to make the reservation under one name and hell, you were standing there holding his baby it wasn’t exactly far fetched but nevertheless it wasn’t the case. It had happened plenty of times before but it definitely caught you off guard each time. “If you could follow me, I will escort you both to your room.” You didn’t think anything of it but the fact that he booked the exact same room under Mrs. was… interesting. Maybe he was just being nice, just being Trent thinking of old times. When you opened the door there was a shockingly familiar bouquet of flowers. You knew this room, you knew these flowers. It was the second time you’d seen this big bouquet of white flowers. Lisianthus, peonies, ranunculus, roses, there were so many flowers all in white hues all perfectly placed in the most incredible arrangement you'd funnily seen before. It made you emotional remembering your first time meeting Trent and after when he had gone back to England and left the same ones for you. You tried to reel in your emotions though as a bellhop placed your luggage in the room.

“You have the sweetest daddy, huh?” You kissed Teddy. She was practically asleep on you. You FaceTimed Trent immediately. You had called him after you landed but you wanted to say thank you for this. You talked for a while before he had to go, it was getting late for you and even later for him.

“Night Mrs. Alexander- Arnold” he cooed with a wink. You just thought it was his usual cheek but Trent wasn’t joking at all. He set this all up on purpose. You just had no idea what was unfolding for you.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 9 xx

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Smoke Detector

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Notes: Love love that I still haven't posted Orange Blossoms. And it's such a good chapter too yo I think I'm going THROUGH it secretly and I just don't know it yet

You’re upset, you’re beyond upset. But you can hear Jill, your therapist

“It’s what he loves to do Y/N, he saves people” 

And she wasn’t saying it to convince you that you were crazy or something, she was saying it to remind you that he wasn’t crazy for wanting to do this.

Maybe therapy before work wasn’t the best idea but it was the only time you were free. You’d told her about how scared you were about Eddie getting hurt and you knew it was wrong to want him to stay home but all you wanted to do was ask him anyway. You just wanted him to quit being a stupid firefighter 

Okay, no you didn’t. Not really anyway! But some days were just so much harder than others to deal with, especially when he’d come home exhausted and bruised up, or shaking from something that had scared him. 

The worst nights were when he’d come home and just hold you… he’d go lay straight in bed and you knew by then that something bad had happened… someone had gotten hurt or worse they didn’t save someone. 

It was starting to eat into your mental health, no matter how many times Jill said you should really talk to him, you just couldn’t. You couldn’t make him feel bad for going to work and doing what he loved. So you kept it to yourself, you let it stay all boxed up in a nice little package 

It was convenient the fire had broken out near your job, and you were able to sneak over to where the truck was. It totally wasn’t safe and Bobby hated every time he found you leaning against the truck waiting for Eddie 

So you leaned against the ambulance this time. 

It wasn’t too bad of a fire, you watch as they put it out relatively quickly. Eddie turns around and spots you, he opens his arms as Buck starts bringing in the hose

“Heyyy pretty girl!” You run and jump into his arms and he spins you around, squeezing you tightly 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Where the 118 is, I appear” you joke as he swishes you around a bit and smirks, kissing all over your face

“I’m so glad you’re here baby” He sets you down and keeps his arms around you. He takes off his helmet and sets it on your head “Now I don’t have to wait until tonight to see my pretty girl” 

“If you guys are done being disgusting? Cap wants us to check the south side in a minute he says there’s more smoke coming from there” 

Eddie makes you stand on his toes and walks you two backward to the truck, Buck is gagging and you’re snorting when their radios crackle 

“Be advised we believe there may still be a child inside” 

“Oh god, what if there-“

Before you can even finish your sentence Eddie’s eyes narrow, they light up for a moment and he sets you down 

“I see him, Cap, I’m going in”

You freeze up and reach out for Eddie“No! No no no no-“ 

Buck grabs your waist and holds onto you tightly for a moment so they can talk this through 

“Eddie maybe I sho-“

“We don’t have time for that!” He takes his helmet from you and goes running right back into the smoking building as you scream for him. Buck holds you in his arms as you try to fight him off but he won’t let you go. You don’t stop fighting until you see Eddie dragging the child out, his mask over the little kid's face. Buck lets you go to rush over and help, Bobby takes the child and Buck drags Eddie to the ambulance as he hacks up a lung. Hen attends to him and you come running over 

“Eddie?? Eddie-“ He reaches out for you but Hen gently pushes you to the side 

“Just give me one minute with him honey, it’s okay” She hooks him up with an oxygen max and he gasps raggedly, falling forward from dizziness they catch him and set him back upright. She rubs his back soothingly and holds the mask up to his nose 

“Hey come on breathe slowly, you know better” She jokes as she tries to get him to breathe in the oxygen while Chim takes his pulse. His head lolls forward onto Chimney’s shoulder but he’s improving pretty quickly anyway. 

“See? He’s tot-“ Buck turns to reassure you but you’re gone 

“Y/N??” Buck does a little spin 

Eddie lifts his head slowly and looks around for you, but you’re nowhere in sight. He catches a glimpse of your white hair bow as you make your way through the little crowd 

“I-I have-“ He tries to get up but they hold him down 

“Eddie you need oxygen first, she’s gonna be okay” They struggle to keep him in place but he wriggles free from his jacket and rips the mask off, running after you. He keeps his eyes trained on that bow as he chases you, the closer he gets the more he can hear your sobs. He watches you turn off onto a side street and his legs pump faster afraid he’s going to lose you 

He nearly runs past you at first, but he hears that sharp intake of breath he knows all too well 

“Y/N??” 

He looks around and spots the bottom of your shoe. He scrambles over to you and finds you on the ground, your chest heaving as you curl into the grass, holding yourself tightly. Your body feels numb, you can barely even hear him talking to you, the world is slowly closing in on you the harder you breathe 

Eddie grabs you and pulls you into his arms, your eyes are glossy as you stare at him 

“I’m here baby I’m here, it’s okay” He whispers in your ear, rubbing your back 

“I’m right here Corazón, come on listen to me let’s breathe together” 

He breathes in slowly, trying to get you to copy him “Focus on my hand on your back okay? Focus on my hand” he takes his time, talking slowly and in shorter sentences to get you to focus. 

He starts telling you about some drama going on with Buck, and a super embarrassing story about Chimney getting stuck in the toilet somehow, he feels your body relax against his as your breathing slows down. He kisses the top of your head and hugs you tightly as you finally look at him 

“You okay to tell me what that was all about?” He asks quietly and you nod slowly 

“Y-your job is so dangerous Eddie… w-watching you run b-back into- into that building-“ 

He shushes you by kissing you slowly. His tongue twirls around yours, as he kisses your breath away 

“Let’s not get you worked back up again” he’s panting softly “I think I get the gist…” 

He kisses you again and you blush as you feel his hand slide down your thigh and gently stroke it. He kisses you for a bit, just soft little pecks and lingering promises. 

“I'm sorry I put you through wondering if I’ll come home to you. I didn’t- I didn’t realize what it was doing to you”

“I could have t-talked to you about it” 

“Looks like we both need to learn to communicate better” he chuckles, cupping your cheek 

“It’s gonna be okay baby… I’ll always come back to you” He kisses your nose “How else would I marry the love of my life?” He toys with the ring on your finger and you giggle a little and wipe at your eyes 

“Promise me you’ll never die?” You look at him with watery eyes and he nods, putting his forehead against yours 

“I promise you, Corazón” 

Once you both get home, he has you book a couples therapy session for the next day 

[its-time-to-write]

i hold it like a grudge - ch. 1

okayyy so I’m completely done with this fic! I’m editing my posts now, and I’m not sure if it’ll all get done tonight. Definitely tomorrow. Here’s the first chapter, hope you enjoy!

table of contents you have everything (you still want more)

To say you were blindsided would be a gross understatement. 

You were metaphorically slapped in the face so hard that you feel like you have a broken neck due to whiplash.

Your boyfriend had been away for the week with his football team, and you hadn’t been able to go with him. So you’d done what any WAG would do and watched the match on his giant telly, all decked out in pale blue.

Life with Jamie Tartt as your boyfriend was great. You’d been dating since secondary school while he was in the academy. It was strange to go from chicken shop dates to meals that cost more than your rent. He’d promised to pay for your uni fees which was a godsend because there was no way you’d be able to afford it on your own. You both had a whole future planned together.

Which is why you’re shocked to see Jamie’s name in the papers, followed by the name Keeley Jones.

And a picture of them kissing.

You aren’t even googling him when you find out. You’re out for groceries of all things, groceries for his welcome-home dinner in a day and a half. His name catches your eye so you stop to smile at him before you realize what you’re looking at.

The world goes fuzzy, your gaze locked on their lips.

In a single moment, your world has been tilted completely on its head.

You find yourself in Jamie’s too-large flat, staring at your phone, willing yourself to press the green call button.

You take a shallow breath and hold the phone up to your ear. It rings once, twice, almost to the point where it’ll go to voicemail, but then you hear Jamie say, “What?”

“What?” you reply, “what do you mean, what? I should be the one asking you that? What the fuck are you doing kissing an instagram model??”

Jamie snorts and says four words that cause your heart to drop like a stone.

“We’re broken up, babe.”

Your breath is coming in too fast and too shallow. “When were you going to tell me that we fucking broke up? And don’t call me babe!” you choke out.

Jamie says, “Thought it were implied,” in a dismissive voice. It’s foreign to you. He’s never spoke to you- to anyone like this before.

“Right, okay, yeah, makes total sense. I find out we’ve broken up after seeing you in the papers with another girl,” you retort.

“Glad it’s finally clicking,” Jamie says. It’s strange how much he can hurt you, even through the phone. 

A voice calls him in the background, a voice you presume belongs to Keeley Jones, and then there’s silence. He’s hung up. 

You stare at your phone for a long, long time. 

—

All you can think about is what you did wrong. You comb Jamie’s flat for anything that belongs to you, shove it into your car, and drive back to your own, too-small too-crowded flat. 

You wonder if you were too clingy as you carefully fold up every Man City kit. You think it’s possible you weren’t affectionate enough as you stack every polaroid photo. You wonder if maybe it has to do with your physical appearance as you hunt for scissors and some matches.

You try to make yourself not care as you burn the photos and cut up the shirts.

Your hands linger over a maroon away kit. It was always your favorite, and for a moment you consider keeping it.

Then you remember Jamie saying, glad it’s finally clicking as though you never meant anything, so you grab the scissors and cut it into shreds.

—

Uni is out of the question. There is absolutely no way you’re going to be able to afford it so you start two full-time jobs. 

Every day feels like a struggle to breathe. You get out of bed and tell yourself I can do this as you get ready for work and tighten your budget. The drowning feeling never quite goes away, but the months pass all the same. 

You’re grateful that although you don’t save a lot of money, you’re able to pay your bills on time. Your flatmates generally leave you alone when you’re home, but you’ve found ice cream in the freezer with your name on it that you know you didn’t buy. They’ll place a blanket over you every time you fall asleep on the couch, and fervently ban all Manchester City merchandise from entering the flat.

Breakthrough comes in the form of a gift.

A literal gift, and one you’re giving, not receiving.

It’s a set of earrings for a friend, hoops with her name set around them. She wears them to work exactly once, and the next thing you know, orders are pouring in. 

It’s enough that you quit one job, then the next, then hire both flatmates to help you in the evenings. Pretty soon, there’s an opportunity for you to open a small shop in a part of London. You get a larger flat (all to yourself!) and before long, Manchester blue no longer haunts you.

—

The bell above the door rings, signifying a customer. 

“Hi, you okay?” you say from behind the counter. You turn around and lock eyes with Keeley Jones, followed by Jamie Tartt.

Just breathe.

Jamie looks spooked, well, he looks spooked to you. Not sure if anyone else would know his expressions well enough to catch the shock cross his face. Keeley smiles brightly, and you can see that same adoring look you used to have. Maybe a little muted, she’s more mature than you were, so she probably understands her role in this relationship. Enjoy it while you can, get out before it hurts.

You can’t think about it now so before Jamie can ruin anything more you decide to play dumb and fucking introduce yourself as though your ex-boyfriend and the woman he shagged behind your back aren’t in your safe space that you created to escape him.

Keeley didn’t know, you remind yourself, except at this point it’s more of a prayer of faith hingeing on Jamie’s apparent selfish nature. There’s a good chance he didn’t mention you, a far cry from the boy who used to follow you grocery shopping because he liked to be with you (and so he could slip his card in the register before you had a chance to protest).

“Hi, I’m Keeley,” she says with a smile. “This one’s Jamie, but you’ll be hearing more about him I’m sure. He’s a footballer on loan to AFC Richmond, and he’s fucking brilliant on the pitch.”

You copy her smile. “How can I help you?”

“I saw your earrings on instagram, and I absolutely had to get some. Then when we moved here, I wanted to see your shop! And this one said he’d get them for me, isn’t that sweet?” 

Keeley wraps herself around Jamie’s arm, oblivious to the way he can’t figure out how to react.

He settles on a nod and a grunt, so you pull out different hoop sizes and letter fonts, and get to work.

She settles on gold, with tiny letters spelling Keeley.

“They’ll be ready for pickup in three days,” you say, ushering them out the door.

Keeley hasn’t stopped smiling this whole time and in contrast, Jamie hasn’t stopped frowning, but they’ve made their purchase and are headed down the street.

The moment they’re well and truly gone, you pull out your phone and Google, Jamie Tartt richmond. The top results are all about his loan from City to AFC Richmond, your Richmond; your escape is no longer an escape. It’s only a matter of time before his face is plastered all around town. The thought of it turns your stomach.

But there’s no way you’ll ever see him. 

So you get through your day like normal, head back home, and play too-loud music through your headphones as you cook dinner. By the time it’s ready, you’re dancing to Islands in the Stream with all worries about Jamie firmly banished from your mind.

table of contents

[yougavemeyourheartyouknow]

On thin ice (Hockey player! Miguel O’Hara x Figure skater! Fem! Reader)

Y’all… this word count… I’m was almost gonna slept it up but decided not too. Anyways hehe. Also the last chapter is gonna be posted on Halloween at the witching hour in PST, cause Halloween chapter! so I’m excited about that lol. The usual, not proofread, Miguel might be ooc.

(Y/F/N)- Your full name.

Not much Miguel and reader interaction but what is there is worth it. Me attempting to write about sports stuff I don’t know anything about even though I promise I did attempt research. Cursing (I think tbh I can’t even remember but probably), fluff (if you squint?????), I’m giving up on these tags lmao.

Word count: 2.8k

Series Masterlist

Chapter 14: Ever thought of callin’ when you’ve had a few? ‘Cause I always do.

—

It wasn’t entirely surprising how quickly you got everyone in your group to agree to go to the game later, although you were expecting Logan to be against the idea since he hates the sport, but apparently his want to see you and Miguel get together was stronger than his hate for hockey since he immediately agreed.

You were currently in your 4-way shared Airbnb getting ready for the hockey game, having already been kicked out of the dorms by the university despite there being a game tonight, which didn’t make sense in your opinion, but that’s neither here nor there. Usually you would usually travel back home during the breaks, but due to you and Logan participating in regionals this year, you had to stay in Nueva York, you had both decided to stay in one rather than a regular hotel since it would be cheaper, Kate and Xavier tagged along for emotional support.

“I’ve never actually attended a hockey game, what do you wear? Probably a crew neck or a hoodie right? It’s still an ice rink. Maybe I should wear school merch, ugh but the only school related jacket I have is our skating team varsity jackets.” Kate, Logan and Xavier just stayed silent as they watched you rambled on, their faces full of amusement (and from Logan just the slightest bit of annoyance) as they watched you freak out , glancing at you every once and a while as you kept pacing between the hallway bathroom and your room as you attempted to get ready for the game despite it not starting for another 3 and a half hours.

“You should have asked Miguel for one of his spare jerseys.” Logan teased as he wandered towards your doorframe and leaned against it as he watched you dump your suitcase over your bed. How the hell do you not have a red or blue jacket??

“Shut up Logan.”

“You’re overthinking this, you know.”

“What? No I’m not.” Oh, you totally overthinking this.

“He’s got you whipped.” Logan snickered, shaking his head as he crossed his arms over his chest. You in response threw a pillow in his direction, which he hit to dodge.

“You’re not funny Logan. Do you have a school sweatshirt I can borrow?” You said, releasing a deep exhale through your nose as you turn to look at him.

“I think I think I have a spear.” He replied as he picked up the pillow off the floor and tossed it on your bed. “I just don’t want Miguel trying to beat me up over you wearing my jacket.” He added as he walked over to where you were standing, stopping once he was right next to you.

“He wouldn’t, I promise. I won’t let him.”

—

“This is actually kinda fun to watch.” Xavier said to Kate, as she glanced over to you before back at the rink. The spiders were currently in the lead 2 to 1 and it was about to be the end of the first period, a little less than 6 minutes before the timer reaches zero.

“It’s totally scary though.” Kate said as she took a sip of her soda, you nodding in agreement.

“So glad I went into figure skating…” Logan muttered as his eyes widened, an almost horrified look spreading on his face, but he couldn’t look away. You would have giggled at his reaction if you didn’t feel the same way. Both sports are dangerous just in their own ways.

You turned your head as you saw Peter pass the punk to Miguel, who you believed was playing center, (you watched one of those 10 minute crash course videos on how hockey works before you came to the show because whether if you were aware of it or not, Logan was right about you being whipped already) as he was making his way closer to the goal, when one of the players on the opposite team came crashing into him back first. The other player’s elbow “accidentally” hit Miguel’s face, and Miguel was knocked back, landing against the wall as the player on the opposite side took the puck.

“What the fuck-.” You muttered under your breath in shock, cringing slightly as you watched Miguel’s hand going up to cover his mouth, his face wincing in pain, your hands going up to mirror his actions. As soon as Miguel’s hand made contact with his mouth, a timeout was called. The spider's couch went up to Miguel first, talked to him for a bit before walking over to where the referee was. You couldn’t hear anything from either interaction, so you just watched silently, ignoring your friends glances towards you, keeping your eyes on Miguel, worried written on your face. Miguel’s eyes shift around the arena, before finding yours, you can tell he’s trying not to cringe as much as soon as your eyes meet, as if he didn’t want you to see him in pain.

Once you two were looking at each other, you took your hand off your face and mouthed an “are you okay?” to which Miguel took his hand off his mouth and gave you a thumbs up and a smile, but his smile didn’t free you of your worries, in fact, it made it worse, before you could stop your body, you let out a gasp as your eyes widened. His mouth was bleeding, and it was bleeding a lot.

His expression seemed to falter a bit upon seeing your reaction, to what though you couldn’t really tell. Panic? Worry? You don’t know. Other then the initial pain he felt when the elbow made contact with his face, Miguel wasn’t really worried about his injury despite the metallic taste filling his mouth, he didn’t feel anything break or a tooth fall out, sure he’ll probably be sore from a few hours and will have to clean his mouth guard, maybe think about getting a cage instead (this wasn’t the first time someone has elbowed him in the face during a game) but he knows it’s a part of the sport, that’s what he signed up for when he started playing. So why was it that seeing the concern on your face made his chest tighten with guilt? Miguel didn’t have another time to dwell on his thoughts before his coach sent him to the locker room to clean up.

—

Miguel felt like he was going to go insane if he didn’t get the taste of blood out of his mouth. He’s already gone through 4 sticks of gum and had to refill his water bottle twice in an attempt to flesh out the coppery taste from his senses. He let out a frustrated huff of annoyance as he spat out another piece of gum and brought his water up to his mouth and took a big swig, gargling it a bit before spitting it out in a sink and finally started to make his way out, his bag with his gear slung over his shoulder as he exited the locker room. They had won the game luckily, but Miguel wasn’t as happy as he wanted to be about the victory, maybe it was because he was still mad about getting elbowed in the mouth, maybe it was because he had to be benched due to him getting injured so early in the game or maybe it’s because out of all the games he played this season, of course he got injured at the one you were attending.

Most of the team has gone home already, some stragglers were left, two of those being Miguel and Peter, and Miguel wouldn’t be surprised if you had left already, he probably would have if he was in your shoes. Maybe you got the ick from him now after watching him get hit in the face, and he would be back in square one all over again, the thought was more painful then the hit to his mouth. His mind was running a mile a minute as we made his way down the hall and towards the main exit to head to his car where Peter was most likely already waiting for him. As he walked, he was trying to keep his thoughts on his sore jaw and about the game, trying to to not think about how you saw him get hit, or how your face twisted in disgust at the sight of his bloody smile after you asked him if he alright, the embarrassment and angry he felt when after he came back from the locker room Coach Turner benched him, how-

Is that you talking to Peter in the parking lot???

“I should turn around and wait till she leaves…” he told himself under his breath, but his feet continued to move him closer to where both of you stood near Miguel’s car. Once he was a big closer Peter noticed him first, since your back was facing him, talking to him about something he couldn’t quite pick up on.

“Ah speak of the devil.” Peter said with a smirk, one you would haven’t thought much of, but Miguel knew that there was a smug undertone to it, as if he was right about something. “Sup Mig, we were just talking about you.” He continued as you turned to face him, your eyes widened for a split second as they scanned Miguel’s face, as if checking for more injuries, before you took a step closer to him, you hand instantly going to rest gently on his arm.

“Hey! Oh my god, are you okay? That hit looked brutal, god that jerk.” Miguel didn’t know if it was the way your tone and face went from concerned to annoyed as you spoke, or the way you hand went traveled from his arm to his chin, lightly gripping it and moving his face from side to side gently, mirroring his actions earlier in the day when he did the same to you after he bumped into you at lunch, but god did you make his heart burst with warmth.

“I’m okay ice princess, calm down.” Miguel assured you with a small smile, a chuckle escaping his swollen lips as he took your hand and brought it down away from his face, giving it a light squeeze as he did so. Neither of you have realized that Peter had slipped away into Miguel's car.

“Okay, okay good.” You sighed and nodded, glad to know he was relatively okay.

“Didn’t mean to get you all worried Princesa.”

You scoff, taking your hand away from him and lightly hit his chest.

“God, you always gonna say something stupid, huh?” You rolled your eyes, but your tone couldn’t hide the smile forming on your face.

“Of course I do, ice princess, how else am I supposed to annoy you?”

—

To say you were nervous was a complete understatement, you have never been more terrified for a skating performance in your life. It was your first time performing for regionals after all.

You had barely gotten a wink of sleep, a few hours at most, but you mostly spent the night twisting and turning, glancing at your phone to look at the time, before letting out a frustrated groan and pulling your sheets up a bit higher in an attempt to get yourself to finally sleep. But your attempts were mostly futile, finally throwing in the towel around 5:00 in the morning, deciding it would be better to spend your time Getting ready for the day you’ve been anticipating rather then attempting to get another hour of sleep you know you won’t get.

By the time the clock had struck 5:30, you'd already packed your equipment in your bag, and had loaded it in Logan’s car, not surprised when you saw his back already packed, before making your way to the kitchen to make yourself breakfast, something light but enough to keep you full till lunch.

“You couldn’t sleep either?” Logan asked when you saw him enter the kitchen, two Starbucks cups hand, passing you one as he took a sip of his, his voice low as to not wake up Kate or Xavier. You let out a hum and nodded your head as you took the one he handed you and took a sip, the caffeine making you wince as you feel it try to wake your body up a bit.

“We should hit the road soon, coach Kavinsky said we should be at the rink by 6 so we can make it in time for check in and make it for our off ice warm up.” You said as you stood up from your seat, putting your dishes in the sink.

—

“God, I didn't know our short program would take so long…” Logan huffed as you both threw your figure skating jackets over your performance outfits for the first half of the competition, as you both rushed down the arenas long hallway being careful to avoid running into some of the other pairs as you made your way back to the locker rooms to change.

“Did you see Kate and her boyfriend?”

“No. Did you see Miguel and his friend?”

“No. I didn’t get enough time to look around the seats to find them.”

“Same.”

You both dropped the conversation once you both reached your respective locker rooms. Quickly changing out of the first dress and slipped the second one on, it was a full black dress with long mesh sleeves and smoke black mesh on your sides, being sure to be careful with the gemstones that were placed around the waistline and the chest, and the black feathers that accented the back in order to look like a pair of small wings as you slip your jacket back on, before going to change your lip color and eye makeup.

You were stressing hard, hell, you were surprised you were able to apply your eyeliner with a steady hand. You didn’t need to rush, since you and Logan weren’t going back on the ice for a while since they still had a few short programs to go through before you were supposed to go back on, but you tended to rush when you were nervous. Once you finished fixing your makeup you went to touch up your hair, placing two feathered wing hair clips that pinned flat against your head to match the ones of your costume, one of each side of your head. As you were placing some more bobby pins in your hair to help keep the small wings in place you heard your phone ding next to where you had placed it next to all your supplies. Once placing the last bobby pin in your hair, you grabbed your phone to open it and look at the notification.

Hey, you did amazing, can’t wait to watch your other dance. -unknown number

Fuck how your heart skipped a beat.

You didn’t even need to ask who it was to know it was Miguel, although you never gave him your phone number, so you were a bit curious as to who he had asked for it, but for now you’d have to push that to the back of your mind and focus at the more important upcoming task at hand.

��

“Next skaters going for the free skate, (Y/F/N) and Logan Martinez.”

A pause as the two go into their starting positions before Swan Lake by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky begins to fill the arena, the two skaters cladded in black, the gemstones on their costumes, despite their small size, shimmered brightly from the lights. No sounds other than the music filling the rink and the occasional swish from the skates slashing the ice.

You might be representing the black swan but you’ve never looked more like an angel in Miguel’s eyes. Despite the tragic atmosphere that the performance was depicting, you looked absolutely heavenly to him, he shouldn’t be surprised, this is what you love to do, what you wanted to do for a living. But he’s never got the chance, no starch that, the privilege of watching you do a routine in all of your full glory. He’s caught glimpses of you and Logan doing both routines during practices, but that was different, you wouldn’t portraying the emotions like you were right now, you wouldn’t wear the performance outfit like you were now, and the energy you were putting into the routine was far more grand than when you would practice back on the uni’s arena. He could already see himself watching from home as you and Logan were representing the country in the Olympics, but then again, maybe it was just his heart talking,being overzealous. He didn’t know if it was the performance or just your presence that he couldn’t tear his gaze from, but he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to look away in the first place.

You and Logan were selected to advance to sectionals.

—

Taglist: @tayleighuh @cowboylikeevie @coralineyouareinterribledanger @jukioku @loser-alert @miguel-ohara-eater @serpentstarr @littlexscarletxwitch @darksidescorner @sukioyakio @minimari415

[tojifile]

@Dazai Osamu . . . ( ﾉ´ヮ`) ﾉ

Tags: ada!dazai, camgirl!reader, mentions of sex, suggestive, pining, cursing

A/N: Since a lot of people liked the first part I’m going to write chapter two. No, they don’t have sex. And Yes, the chapter title is a Taylor Swift reference. No, I am not a swiftie, I am a casual enjoyer. (December Mo: Hi guys, this will be my LAST post with the old style and probably the last time I’ll be doing a long, drawn-out fic. The old title was ‘Whiskey on Ice’ so that explains what I said before.)

Inspo: Mingwa’s BJ Alex. Links: Part 1 , Masterlist

Camgirl’s Crush – 💋

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to a bar with me tonight, since you did say I was such a good boy today.” Dazai whispered seductively in your ear. You felt the heat of his breath on your neck, “O- okay..” you nervously spoke. Dazai had a way of making you feel nervous at times, especially when his moves are sensual.

You’ve experienced teasing and flirting before, but when he whispers in your ear, when he pays attention to your idiosyncrasies, when he takes you out on little dates; only to disguise it as “work lunch” you feel—special.

Dazai was still holding you by the waist as you walked back to the agency to clock out. You told him that the both of you had to do it before going to the bar to which Dazai reluctantly agreed; he just wanted to make you happy. “Osamu-kun, people might make up stories if they see us together like this..”

Like he cared anyways. He chuckled at your worries, “Ah darling! You don’t need to worry about that! Pretty soon, those rumors would be true anyways, yeah?” Without thinking, you immediately respond, “yeah!”

You then realized what you just said. Your face turned red and you looked away from Dazai. “I- ‘m.. sorry.” You nervously mumbled. Dazai found your actions adorable! You were just so cute, he wanted to keep you all to himself.

Once you got to the agency, Dazai hurriedly clocked the both of you out while you waited for him downstairs. While he was upstairs, you thought of your moments with Dazai, you wanted him so bad. You’d fantasize about him during your streams and sometimes—at work. You were definitely not proud of that.

“Darling!” Dazai’s words snapped you back into reality. He ran to you then scooped you up into his arms, carrying you roughly to the bar. “Osamu!! Put me down!” You huffed.

But he didn’t, and you were happy. He almost makes you want to quit streaming. You just want to be his and you hope he wants to be yours. You just held onto him tightly, silently hoping he liked you back.

Dazai smiled softly as you held onto him tightly. He liked you like this, sweet and vulnerable. If there was one thing on his mind, it’d be if there was someone else or not, if you heard of him—IU, and if you could hear the love in him, waiting to burst.

His touchiness with you didn’t stop when you got to the bar. Not that you expected it to, but it was quite the opposite. He placed you on top of him, with your back to his chest as his bandaged arms encircled your waist.

He bought you drinks, obviously, he wanted you drunk. Dazai wanted to take advantage of his cute little coworker who may or may not be his favorite cam girl, not that he watches any other.

“Darling..” he whispered in a deep, sultry voice. “Wanna go home to my place? I’ll take care of you, I promise.” You only nodded in response. You knew you shouldn’t, you knew this couldn’t be. But you were only human, a slave to your urges. And right now, what you want is Dazai Osamu.

He gently laid you on his bed once you got to his apartment. Can you believe he carried you all the way there? It was his fault anyways, he got you so drunk!

“So cute..” he whispered underneath his breath. “‘Samu..” you called out softly. You then put your arms up, opening and closing your fists, wanting him to give you a hug. God! If you were sober this would’ve been embarrassing, acting like a fucking baby?!

“Hold me!!” You whined, to which Dazai chuckled. But he still happily complied. Taking off your shoes and sitting beside you on his bed, pulling you closer to his body. “Such a cute girl..” he whispered as he gave you a kiss on the cheek.

As the clock struck 10PM he saw that there was no new livestream, but there was an announcement. But he knew you had typed this out when you were waiting for him downstairs as he clocked the both of you out. Such a sneaky girl.

There was no going back now that Dazai knew that his adorable, seemingly innocent coworker was a cam girl.

@toxicramune @oh-my-beel @nymphsdomain @morinuu – Comment 🪩 to be on my taglist !

++ @yasu-masashige @ninin8nin (who asked for pt.2)

[dbnightingale24]

My Little Decoy

A StevexReaderxBucky Messy Triangle

~~

~~

Another story for Patreon! So, for this one, I'm a bit anxious (when am I not?), because this definitely took off in the complete opposite direction of what I initially planned. That being said, I hope you all enjoy it!

Thank you as always to @fuckingbye for the amazing moodboard, I love you to bits for literally everything you do! I was in the middle of updating three other stories when this idea came to me, so please just work with me! (I'm so sorry I'm like this.)

Anywho, here we go!

Word Count: 34,776 (I'm not even gonna apologize anymore)

Warnings: Honestly, this entire fucking story. SMUT (MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY), Threesome, Lying, Infidelity, Emotional Cheating, Swearing, Drinking, Infertility, Family Drama, Angst, Lusting, Daddy Kink, Running Away, Tie Play, Cuff Play, Crying, Fluff, Best friends to lovers...that's all I can think of? They're honestly so many.

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: Don't Look So Blue, You Should've Seen Right Thru, I'm Using You, My Little Decoy

Summary: You truly do have the best intentions when you try to move on and suppress your feelings for your best friend Steve, and try to move on with Bucky. Unfortunately, life doesn't give a damn about intentions. Neither does love.

~~

I do not give consent/permission for my stories/works to get posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

~~

You wonder how the hell it got to this point in the first place as you lay in Steve’s soft bed sheets. What feels like it should be a quiet moment of peace is juxtaposed with your current reality; Bucky pounding on the front door and you and Steve conspiring to think of some kind- any kind- of excuse.

You truly don’t understand how it got to this. 

It all feels like it started so long ago. You didn’t even know 6 years could feel so fast, much less pass so quickly. You look around at where you are now, at Steve, as you listen to the shaking of the front door against Bucky’s fist as he continues thumping away. Fuck. What if memories lie? Maybe it is that long ago.

~~

6 Years Earlier...

“Babe, you ever had a night out in the city?” Bucky asked as you took off your gear.

Training was brutal and everyone was looking for a way to relieve stress. You knew The Avengers were all planning to meet up at some club downtown, but you had other plans. 

“I have, and as much fun as it can be, I have other plans,” you laugh as you take your hair out of the tightest ponytail you’d ever had it in. 

“Oh? What are you getting into?” Natasha laughs, making her way over with Bruce holding onto her as if he’d lose her.

“My friend’s band is playing tonight. I promised her I’d go if we finished up early enough.”

“Oh, this I gotta see!” Bruce chimes in as you laugh and shake your head. “You never let us have a peak into your personal life!”

“God, I haven’t been to a show in forever,” Natasha chimes in with raised eyebrows.

He wasn’t wrong. You played everything so close to the chest; wanting to keep those you love and care for the most safe...wanting to keep yourself safe. Since none of them were relenting (not to mention they’re the damn Avengers), you finally agreed and told them to meet you outside of your room at the compound in about two hours.

“Is it too late for me to get in on this?” Steve asks just as the group was about to disperse.

“There you are!” Bucky interjects before anyone has a chance to say anything. “Y/N is giving us a peak into her personal life! We’re all meeting at her place in two hours and going from there,” he laughs patting his best friend on the back. 

Steve looked at you with a cocked eyebrow and you just laugh and nod, giving him the ‘OK’ to tag along. Unbeknownst to the others, you and Steve hung out the most. No, he’d never been privy to your personal life, but you two spent a lot of time watching movies and listening to music together on the weekends. Occasionally, Bucky would get in on the action, but it was mainly you and Steve. You and Steve had a certain level of comfort that you didn’t have with the rest of them. It was more of an unspoken, private thing and that’s how the both of you preferred it. You both understood each other, and neither of you ever made the other feel sad or out of place for things that had gone wrong in each other’s past. You both had wounds you were still healing from, and you gave each other the space needed for that to happen. 

You’d always had a thing for Steve. He kept himself at a distance, so it was difficult for you to tell if he ever felt the same. After a while, you’d stopped trying and just accepted him as a friend. He told you that he’d wanted to go back and stay with Peggy, but he was too afraid to leave Bucky on his own again, so he’d come back instead. He wasn’t even sure if Bucky would ever be okay with being alone; Steve just stayed without asking him. It seemed like the right thing to do, and he didn’t hate the current timeline too much.

Soon enough, everyone is in your small little complex, drinking and laughing as you put together the last bit of your outfit. The thought of Steve joining all of you had you more anxious than you cared to admit, so you chalked it up to the normal anxiety of inviting your work colleagues into your personal life.

Which was more than fair.

“I’m sure you look amazing, lets go! I’m too excited for this!” Natasha hollers as she makes her way into your bedroom.

“Nat!”

“Oh, they’re all in there drinking away! You’re fine,” she laughs, closing the door behind her. “Well shit!”

“I swear to God, I’ll change right now!”

“No! You look amazing!” she promised as her hands covered her mouth. “None of us have ever seen you out of work clothes, and babe...you look amazing,” she laughs in shock. 

“Should I change? I don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea-”

“If you’re comfortable, who cares. No one wants to interfere with your personal life. I think we’re all more afraid of pushing you away,” she laughs.

“You really think it’s okay?”

“I mean, I think you’re hot as fuck,” she laughed as you rolled your eyes, “but I think you look amazing.”

“You sure?”

“Get enough alcohol in them , they won’t even notice when you leave for the bathroom,” she laughed.

Even though you laughed along with her, you knew better. James Buchanan Barnes kept his attention on you almost as well as Steve, but you never thought anything of it. It always had a more platonic feeling than with Steve, almost more familial.   

When you came out, Steve was the first to look at you. His mouth slightly agape was enough to make you wanna go back, but Bucky was quick to chime in-

“Someone is ready for a night out,” he laughed.

That’s all it took. 

Soon enough, you were taking shots and laughing with everyone else. Even Pepper and Tony were excited and joined you all. Your life was something so foreign to them, and you could tell that they all felt extremely excited that you trusted them enough. 

In all honesty, you felt more comfortable because Steve was there. You knew he’d never let anything happen to you, and you’d never let anything happen to him. If you were being completely honest, you’d only wanted to invite him out. How it spiraled, you’re still not sure but it did. It The only thing that felt off was letting him see you dressed as you were. It was weird for all of them to see you dressed as you were, but Steve couldn’t take his eyes off you.

You were in red plaid crop top, with tight fighting black jeans that hugged your hips in just the right way, and black low top heels. You put your hair in loose curls, and finished it off with eyeliner and mascara. After a brutal day of training, you really didn’t wanna spend forever doing your makeup, because you knew you’d wanna come home after everything was over and go right back to sleep. Yeah, everything was hugging your body in just the right way, but you weren’t about to change. 

You were introducing them to your life.

Before you all left, Thor filled three flasks with his mead from Asgard for himself, Steve, and Bucky and you laughed pretty damn hard.

“We wanna enjoy this night too,” he winked at you as you rolled your eyes. 

The walk was easy enough, but it felt like it took forever. People kept asking for pictures with the OG Avengers, they had a million questions, and of course they were all happy to be as kind as possible. It’s not that you minded all that much, but you really missed your best friend. Work had been kicking your ass, she had been extremely busy, and was in the middle of planning her wedding. Nights off were extremely rare, but actually getting to see her and her friends perform? It had been forever.

“You made it!” she squealed once you were finally inside the club with everyone, almost knocking you over with how hard she hugged you.

“I told you I’d show! Even if I would’ve only caught the last song,” you laughed as you hugged her back just as tight. “We still on for drinks after?”

“Fuck yes! Your tits look amazing in this top, we’re definitely getting free drinks out of it,” she beamed with a wink and you burst out laughing. “Okay, I’ve seen all of you on TV, but I still wanna officially meet everyone,” she smiled at everyone. “I’m Meg.”

As everyone went around introduced themselves, you made your way to the bar, to grab your signature Jack and Coke.

“Hell yes! You made it!” Meg’s finance, Paul, beamed as he made your drink.

“Why is everyone so shocked that I’m here?!”

“You haven’t been to a show in years!”

“Blah, blah, blah,” you muttered as you reached behind the bar and grabbed his pack of cigarettes.

“You bring the Avengers with you and you dare to steal from me?” he sneered sarcastically as he handed you your drink.

You laughed as you reached across the bar and kissed his cheek, “I’m sure our friendship will survive it.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Dude, I had no idea the place would be so packed tonight.”

“I have a feeling everyone here had a long ass Friday.” “Yeah, well they better treat my baby right.” “You two!”

He rolled his eyes as he flipped you off, “enjoy the show!”

“Thank you, Paaauuullll,” you sang out as everyone joined you.

You looked up to see Steve staring at you intently, and he quickly turned towards the stage when he realized he was caught. Before you could allow yourself to think on it or feel flattered, you heard your best friend yell from the stage as she started to make her guitar scream.

“We’re ‘Flowers of Cinnamon’, and thanks for spending your Friday night with us!”

From that moment on, you were barely paying attention to your surroundings. With the exception of your drink, you didn’t focus on anything other than your best friend rocking the fuck out. It had always just been a hobby for her, but she had always been so damn good at it. You envied how effortlessly performing came to her. The band was a cross between Paramore, The Bangles, and All Time Low, and they were just as amazing as you remembered. You wouldn’t have been able to stay still even if you’d wanted to. You sang and danced along to every song, bouncing around, and screaming your head off. You had no clue that Steve had been watching you with the biggest grin on his face, Bucky had been watching your chest bounce up and down, or that Tony had been recording your reaction to your best friend’s music, smiling so hard at your happiness.

Every other song, your best friend made eye contact with you and laughed, and nothing else seemed to matter. Thinking back on it, you wished it had, because maybe things wouldn’t have gotten so fucked up, but you were just so damn happy. The more drinks got, the more you danced and sang around, finally feeling comfortable and happy, even with your new set of friends watching you.

“Okay, this is gonna be our last song for the night,” Meg smiled into the microphone and she laughed at amount of “boos” they received. “Listen, I wanna get fucked up too!” she joked, gaining laughs from the crowd. “Okay, so tonight is extremely special because my best friend on the entire planet is here and brought her friends with her! Thanks babe! So, our last song is gonna be a cover of one of her favorite songs ever,” she winked at you as you cocked an eyebrow.

As soon as you heard the first cord of ‘Decoy’ by Paramore hum out of the speakers, you screamed so loud that everyone in your group (and Paul) started laughing. 

‘Close your eyes and make believe that this is where you wanna be

Forgetting all the memories, try to forget love cause love’s forgotten me

Well hey, hey baby, it’s never too late

Pretty soon you won’t remember a thing

All I’ll be distant, the stars reminiscing

Your heart’s been wasted on me’

You sang along so effortlessly as you started to jump up and down.

‘You’ve never been so used as I’m using you, abusing you

My little decoy

Don’t look so blue, you should’ve seen right through

I’m using you, my little decoy

My little decoy’

You linked arms with Nat, who clearly didn’t know the song, but was more than happy to sing and dance along with you. You glanced around and it made you so happy to see everyone else happy and having a good time. It’s not like you were a stick in the mud at work but, you never let loose. Even when it came to holiday and birthday parties, you were pretty damn reserved. The only person who can claim that they’ve seen you fucked up is Steve, and even then it was just you being wine drunk on the sofa while you two listened to albums and discussed work.

No, this was you letting lose and everyone accepting it. Accepting you. You looked over at Steve and he a look of pure love and adoration in his eyes, and it made your heart swell. 

God, you wished you would’ve paid more attention to the way both he and Bucky looked at you that night, but you were just so damn happy and having so much fun.

If you could turn back time...

“Am I still okay at singing?” Meg asked once she finally made her way over to all of you.

“Dude, you’re still fucking amazing!” you beamed as you wrapped her in a tight hug and she laughed. “That was so good! Thank you for playing ‘Decoy’, almost making me cry!”

“Aha!” she teased before she looked at everyone else. “What about Earth’s mightiest heroes? Were you all able to tolerate it?”

“That was amazing,” Tony laughed, Pepper nodding in agreement.

“Why don’t you do this full time?” Nat asked as you waived Paul down and got another drink for both you and Meg.

“If I did this full time, I’d be so stressed all the damn time,” Meg laughed, “I’m much happier painting.”

“What do you paint? Do you have a studio?” Clint inquired and a smile came to your face.

Things were going better than you could have ever imagined. 

As everyone got acquainted, you snuck to have a smoke. A few moments later, a smile came to your face when you saw Steve come out after you.

“You said you’re quitting those,” he nodded towards the cigarette in your hand. 

“I stole Paul’s,” you laughed, standing a little further from him so as to not get the smoke in his face. 

“I can handle it,” he laughed as he placed his black leather jacket on you. “You’re pretty...exposed and I don’t want you getting cold.”

“Well, aren’t you just the sweetest man?” you teased before you inhaled your cancer stick. “Who else knows about this? I’ll call the ‘New York Times’” He snickered as he shook his head, “quiet you.”

“Are you having fun tonight?”

“I am, I like you seeing like this.”

You scoffed, “crazy?” “Happy...content. Secure.”

You felt your cheeks heat up at his words, and the look he gave you along with it, had butterflies appearing in your stomach.

“We should get back inside,” you smiled at up at him as you ashed the last of your cigarette and threw it in the nearby trash bin. 

And maybe that’s when it started.

You just missed all the signs that night, because you were convinced Steve didn’t want you.

He convinced you he didn’t want you. 

When the two of you got back inside, Paul had just finished up his shift and the guys had finished helping Meg back up her equipment which she had decided to lock up in the manager’s office for the night. 

“Dancing! We need dancing!” she whined once her eyes landed on you.

“Hell yeah we do,” you laughed as you linked arms with both her and Nat.

Once again, you didn’t notice the way Bucky ogled you or the way Steve kept a close eye on you. When you all reached the next bar, you instantly ordered more drinks and pulled Nat and Meg onto the dance floor with you, still wearing Steve’s coat. He leaned against the bar, talking with Tony and Pepper, but still kept an eye on you. As Janet Jackson’s voiced filled the giant building, you danced around with the biggest smile on your face (at some point Meg had put her sunglasses on your face), smiling and waiving at Bucky when you saw his eyes glued to you.

Well, glues to your ass.

By the time everyone was ready to call it a night, you were drunk as shit.

“You’re not coming back to the compound?” Nat asked as she stumbled out after you.

“Nah, I wanna sleep in my own space tonight. It’s closer,” you giggled as you started giving out hugs.

“I can take you,” Bucky offered with a slick grin.

“I can take her, she’s on the way to my house,” Steve countered, and Meg cocked an eyebrow at you.

You just started dancing and walking. 

“Goodnight everyone! Get home safe! I love you all!”

You were drunk, tired, and in no mood to figure out whatever that was about. You just wanted to go home and get in your bed. You honestly don’t know why you didn’t go back to the compound that night, but it just felt right to go to your own home. You already spent so little time there to begin with. A few moments later, you heard the hurried footsteps of someone behind you, but you kept looking ahead.

“You’re impatient when you’re drunk,” Steve laughed as he came up beside you.

A small smile came to your face at the fact that Steve was the one to walk you home.

You giggled as you leaned into him, “my feet hurt.”

No sooner than you said it, he scooped you up.

“Steve!”

“You weigh nothing, don’t worry about it, darlin.” “It’s a 30 minute walk!” 

“I’m very well aware of where your apartment is.” “Steve-”

“Hush.”

You pouted but did as you were told, leaned into him, and took in the scent that was all his own. Something between woodsy and fresh cut grass. In your drunken state, he felt like home.

“Why didn’t you want Bucky to take me home?” you asked after a few moments, not missing the way he stiffened a bit.

“He’s a little buzzed and he gets a little handsy and flirty at times. I didn’t want him to bother you.” You giggled as you took in more of his scent, “you’re literally carrying me, Steve.” “You said your feet hurt.” “Are you a little buzzed?”

“I definitely don’t feel sober,” he chuckled softly and you softly sighed at the comfort of rumble in his chest.

“Do you wanna sleepover?”

“I’ll order a car service once I drop you off.”

“Why not order one now?”

“It was weird...everyone hanging out tonight. I feel like we haven’t hung out alone together in a while.” “Then why not sleepover?”

“Cause I should go home. I don’t wanna accidentally wake you up or something. You worked hard today and you need rest.” “So did you.” “Y/N.” “You’re so weird sometimes, Steve,” you huffed as you laced your hand with his.

“What are you doing?”

“Holding your hand like I’ve done a million times before. What’s wrong?” “Nothing.”

You rolled your eyes and mumbled, “alright weirdo.” “I’m not being weird.”

“You’re not being normal.”

He let out a frustrated huff, “did you have fun tonight?”

“So much fun, I’m so happy you came out.”

“I’ve missed you, darlin.” “I’ve missed you too. Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Sleepover.”

“Y/N-” “See? You are being weird. You’ve slept over my place a ton before, in my bed, and it wasn’t weird. What’s so different about tonight?”

He muttered, “so many things.” “Like what?”

“It’s just been a long night.”

“Fine, whatever. Go home, see if I give a fuck.” “Hey!”

“You’re being weird and you won’t tell me why. You know I hate when you do that shit.”

“I just think I should sleep in my own bed, darlin’. I’m not trying to be weird or make you upset.”

He sounded so strained and you couldn’t read his facial expression, so you couldn’t see how torn up he was. You couldn’t tell how much he was at war with himself.

You couldn’t tell how much he wanted you.

He chuckled when you didn’t say anything, “don’t get quiet on me now.”

“Can you at least stay until I fall asleep? It won’t take long.” “Everything okay, darlin’?”

“Yeah Steve, I just miss you,” you confessed softly. 

“We’ll do a sleepover tomorrow, alright? We’ll have it at my house.” “Fine.” “Don’t be upset.” “I don’t care.” “You’re also a giant brat when you’re drunk.” “You’re saying that you miss me, but won’t spend time with me!”

God, you sounded like a brat to your own ears. That was a huge part as to why you’d never let him see you so inebriated. It’s why you never wanted anyone from The Avengers (or S.H.I.E.L.D for that matter) to see you so drunk. It became harder for you to suppress your feelings for Steve, and he’s all you wanted when you were drunk. For reasons unknown to you (at the time), Steve wanted to go home. That should’ve been enough, but your drunk wanted to hold him all night. 

You were going out of your way to start an argument. 

He let out a heavy sigh as he reached your complex, “I’ll stay-”

“Don’t do me any fucking favors-” “Will stop arguing with me? And stop with swearing, you know I hate it.” “Well maybe I hate you.”

He scoffed hard at that, “no you don’t.”

“You don’t know that-”

“Yes I do, so stop saying it. I’ll stay, okay?”

“And you’ll sleep next to me?”

“Yes darlin’, I will sleep next to you.”

You pressed a soft kiss to his neck and you felt his grip on you get tighter, “thank you, Steve!”

“Anything for you, sweetheart.”

That night, he was good to his word and slept next to you, letting use his chest as a pillow and you were asleep almost instantly. The next day, he was back to normal and you didn’t think anything of his behavior from the previous night. You had no reason to. However, from that day on, things did slowly start to change more. 

It started with Bucky coming around more, especially when Steve was with you. You couldn’t sense it, because has always been entirely too good at hiding his emotions, but he slowly became frustrated. So much that he basically stopped coming around all together. 

“Hey, are you busy?” you asked timidly as you approached his office one day.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” “Oh...okay then-”

“What’s wrong?”

“No, you’re busy and I don’t wanna take up your time...”

You could feel your eyes welling up and didn’t know why. Steve always had a way of making you so damn soft and vulnerable, and you truly hated it.

You still hate it. 

“Darlin’-” “Please stop calling me that. The guy who started calling me that doesn’t seem to exist anymore. If he does, he’s making sure to stay away from me.”

“He still exists-” “Then what’s going on? Why are you staying away from me?”

He sighed as he threw down his pen, “nothing-”

“Alright, if you’re just gonna lie to me-” “I’m not lying!”

“Steve, you saw me walking with Bucky yesterday and literally turned in the other direction and walked away.” “You guys are just hanging out a lot now and I don’t wanna third wheel-” “You wouldn’t third wheeling! We’re just friends!”

“Y/N...” “Steve, why are you just abandoning me? You’re the one I’m closest to and you know that. You’ve always known that,” you sobbed as you closed the door behind you.

“Please don’t cry-” “Then why are you abandoning me?! What did I do wrong?!”

“Nothing-”

“Then what the fuck?! You’ve been acting so strange, but you’re saying I haven’t done anything! If I didn’t do anything, what the fuck is going on with you?!”

He let out another frustrated sigh and just stared at you, clearly at war with himself.

“Fuck this and fuck you, I give up,” you sobbed as you dried your eyes. 

“Darlin’”

“Stop calling me that! I’m just Y/N and you’re just Steve. I can’t do this with you anymore!”

After you stormed out, things only got worse, because you’d never felt so low and alone in your life. Unless it had to do with a mission or training, you barely even looked his way. The farther you got away from Steve, the more Bucky swooped in. In fact, the more you look at how everything happened, you realize that things wouldn’t have gotten so bad if you’d just shut things down with the both of them. 

However, it’s not as if thinking with a broken heart ever lead to a good thing. 

You cried a lot and Bucky was just there for you. He was sweet, he listened, and let you keep your secrets. Sure, he asked what happened between you and Steve (everyone was), but he dropped it when you told him you wouldn’t be talking about it.

You can’t explain what you don’t know. 

“Hey doll, we’re goin’ out tonight. You wanna come? Invite Meg!” Bucky asked one night after you let him in your apartment on the compound.

“Nah, I’ve got a hot date with a black and white French film and a few glasses of wine,” you smiled weakly.

“You can’t stay in here forever.”

“I don’t. Sometimes I go home.” “Babe-”

“I just wanna stay in, Buck,” you sighed as someone else knocked on your door. “I guess I’m just the most popular girl in the world.”

When you opened it the second time, Steve stood there looking just as upset as you felt. Instead of even trying to attempt to hear him out, a rage flared up inside you and you had to force yourself to not shove him. As far as you were concerned, he had a lot of fucking nerve to show up at your place after all the shit that happened in his office. 

“What?”

“I wanted to know if you’re coming out tonight-”

“No.”

“Well, can I come in and we can talk? I know I owe you an explanation-”

“I don’t want an explanation anymore, Steve,” you lied harshly, “I just want you to leave me alone. I stood in your office and cried like a fucking dumbass...that was a month ago. Now you wanna talk? Just leave things as they are.”

You truly wish you hadn’t spoken out of anger because none of it was true. You cried over him whenever you were alone, you missed hanging out with him, you missed falling asleep next to him...you missed Steve. Your Steve.

You’ve always been a hot head. 

“Darlin-” “What have I told you about that?” “Y/N, just give me a few minutes-”

“No, go away. Unless it has to do with work, we don’t have anything to talk about.” “You don’t mean that,” he more pleaded than told you.

“I’ve never meant it more!”

“Y/N-”

Bucky sighed as he came up behind you, “she just needs to cool off, Pal.”

If you hadn’t been so upset and hurt you would’ve laughed at how wide Steve’s eyes got.

“We’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“I thought you were coming out. It was your idea in the first damn place,” Steve snapped.

“I don’t wanna leave Y/N while she’s this upset. She shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Steve opened his mouth to say something, but all that happened was he clenched his jaw and looked away before he stormed off, punching the wall on his way out.

You should’ve spoken to him. You should’ve gone after him. Instead you pushed past Bucky and made yourself your first glass of wine of the night.

“Babe-”

“Buck, if you’re gonna stay here tonight, please no lectures. I just wanna be upset, okay?”

He just nodded solemnly, “I get it. No lectures, just drinks and weird French movies,” he smirked and you quietly laughed. 

Here’s the thing: it’s not that you never found Bucky attractive, you just never thought about him. You were always thinking about Steve. However, at that time, thinking about Steve brought you too much pain and you didn’t want to feel anymore pain for a while. You just wanted to feel numb. You’d rather have nothing, the void, than hold onto the pain Steve’s brought on. 

You rested your legs on him when he sat next to you, not thinking anything of it. When he started stroking your leg after the third glass of wine, you still didn’t think anything of it. You only started to pick up on his actions when he squeezed your thigh a little.

“Buck?”

“Yeah doll?” “What are you doing?”

“Trying to help you relax and feel better.”

“Buck-”

“I’ve never seen you this upset, babe. I just wanna help.”

The thought and the offer were tempting. You couldn’t remember the last time you had gotten off to something other than your vibrator. Of course you’d made subtle advances towards Steve, but he’d clearly turned you down. Plus, the women around the compound did talk. While Bucky had a reputation for being a skirt chaser, he also had a reputation for wearing women out in the best way.

It’s not like you were looking for anything. You just wanted to forget for awhile. 

He tested the waters a bit more by sliding his hand further up your leg, waiting to see how you’d respond. 

You placed your wine glass on the ground and opened your legs for him a bit, “you just wanna make me feel better?”

“So fuckin’ good, doll,” he husked, as he reached between your legs and easily ripped your panties off, “just lay back and enjoy, baby.”

His movements were slow, but his kisses were desperate. It felt good, but off. Not to mention you felt more guilty with every kiss he gave you, like you were betraying Steve.

‘Fuck Steve,’ you told yourself mentally, ‘he had his chance and he clearly didn’t want it.’

You closed your eyes in a vain attempt to shut out any thoughts of Steve, but that only made his face come to mind. You let out a sound between a moan and a frustrated grunt as you pulled Bucky’s hair.

“Please!”

“Tell me how bad you want it,” he smirked, his hot breath lapped at your pussy.

“So fucking bad, please! Need it!”

“Love seeing you like this,” he cooed, before he dipped down and dove in and his lewd moans filled the room.

This was the moment Bucky became your “decoy”. You didn’t want him in the same way he wanted you, but part of you felt like he didn’t actually give a shit. Since he’d lost Nat to Bruce, Bucky wasn’t ever really looking for a relationship. He liked to play around, entertain a woman (or two) for a few months, then he’d move on. As far as you were concerned, that night was only supposed to be a one time thing. 

“F-fuck!” you moaned, doing your best to be in the moment as you lulled your head back while he fucked you with his tongue and massaged your clit with his thumb. “Feels so good, Buck!”

You weren’t lying completely. It’s not as if Bucky was bad at eating you out, he just wasn’t the one you wanted doing it. 

You felt him smirk against your folds, and started to grind your pussy against his face, forcing yourself to focus on all the pleasure you felt instead of everything else.

‘Steve doesn’t want you. Steve doesn’t want you. Stop thinking about Steve!’ you told yourself mentally.

When he switched up and started sucking on your clit, he easily pressed two fingers into your soaked folds. You felt the knot in your core tighten and snap.

“FUCK!” you cried out as you came hard and a few tears escaped your eyes.

You hated how the tears weren’t from pleasure, but you masked it well enough as he fucked you through your high.

“Take off that fuckin’ shirt, baby. Let me fuckin’ see you,” he husked as he took off his own shirt and started to undo his jeans. 

You were quick to do as he said, taking all of him as you ignored how uncomfortable you felt being so bare beneath him as his mouth glistened with your juices.

You were doing this to feel better, so why weren’t you feeling any better?

“Waited so fuckin’ long, baby,” he groaned as he dipped down and worshiped each of your breasts while his thumb made little circles on your clit.

“Bucky!”

“I know baby, I’m gonna take care of you, gonna take such good care of you,” he moaned before you felt his tongue on the side of your neck, licking up little beads of sweat. 

You took a deep breath and told yourself you wanted it as you felt him at your entrance. You wanted Bucky. You just needed to let yourself relax.

“Jesus, you’re fuckin’ tight!” he grunted as he pushed into you.

“Oh fuck!”

“I know you can take me, baby! Your wet little pussy is squeezing me so tight, baby!” “Please don’t stop,” you whimpered as you wrapped a leg around his waist, trying to hang on to him as he fucked into you hard and fast.

You wanted this. You agreed to this.

He pushed himself up with his metal arm and looked down at you adoringly, “wanted you for so long, doll. Waited for...ah fuck!”

To avoid feeling anymore guilt, you wrapped an arm around him to pull him close and kissed him passionately, moaning into his mouth when you felt him fill you to the brim. He rode out both your highs before he rested his forehead against yours.

“So good, baby. You tired?” he asked, breath still coming heavy.

You just closed your eyes and shook your head no.

“Good girl.”

Bucky kept at it for a while, not feeling any real pleasure until he brought you off (which you had to fake half the time). There was nothing wrong with him. You found him attractive, and you knew that he wanted you, but it just wasn’t what you wanted. All of it felt so hollow and emotionless on your end. You felt like you were acting and Bucky was working his ass off to please you; to make matters worse, your phone kept going off and you knew who it was.

Steve would’ve hated you if he knew what you were doing and who with, but a part of you felt like he already did. When you both were done, Bucky was a gentleman. He pulled your shirt over your head, carried you to bed, and held you close until you both fell asleep.

You didn’t cry until the next day when you woke up alone in an empty apartment. You ignored calls from both Bucky and Steve, and eventually Bucky was the only one texting you.

Something in you knew that Bucky had confirmed his suspicions, and you just knew he was furious. You and Steve both knew Bucky wasn’t a bad guy, he was just a player and Steve never wanted that for you. 

Eventually you cracked and called Meg, and cried while you told her everything. 

“Well...fuck,” she muttered once you finally got everything out. “Are you sure Steve knows?”

“His calls and texts were incessant until they weren’t. He hasn’t done either in the last 3 hours.”

“Oh yeah no, he definitely fucking knows. Bucky?”

“Bucky went from every 30 minutes to every other hour.”

“Well, what’s wrong with him?” “Nothing...”

“Except?” 

“He’s not Steve.”

“Yeah, but Steve passed up on you, and he was kind of a dick about it. He waited a month until after the office situation? You’ve been showing him your available for how many years? I know you love him, but-”

“I don’t love him.”

“Yeah, cause that’s you’re crying to me about him instead of the skirt chaser that fucked your brains out?”

“Meg.”

“I’m not being insensitive, I’m being honest. Bucky was there last night, clearly wanted you, was with you all night, and all you could think about was Steve. Today, even though Bucky is still texting you, you’re more upset that Steve isn’t because you know he knows. If I were you, I’d be more worried about the guy that’s used to fucking around breaking my heart, than the guy who isn’t,” she sighed.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Steve had his chance, I need to let him go. I’ve been in my room crying all day...I have to stop.”

“Can you?”

“I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Babe, if you could end up with Steve, I’d prefer that, but that’s not really an option. Even if he came back, he gave you the run around for a bit. Just focus on you for now and what you want. You always want to make others happy, and you need to focus on you.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.”

“Do you need me to come over?”

“No, being alone is good for me right now.”

“Alright, I love you, Y/N. It’s gonna be okay.”

You let out a heavy sigh as you sobbed, “I love you,” and hung up.

You ignored Bucky for the rest of the day, feeling guilty about it, but knowing it was for the best. You’d done enough wrong and you truly did need to focus on you and what you wanted.

However, before you fell asleep, you broke down and checked all your texts from Steve.

O Captain, My Captain: Darlin, please just talk to me. I’m so sorry.

O Captain, My Captain: I’m not going out tonight, please just answer me.

O Captain, My Captain: Don’t do anything with Bucky. He’s my best friend, but he’s not worthy of you. He won’t treat you right and you know that.

O Captain, My Captain: Please just answer me.

O Captain, My Captain: If I could take back my actions, I would. I’m so sorry. If you’d just talk to me, I’d be able to make you understand.

O Captain, My Captain: Please talk to me. I miss you so much.

O Captain, My Captain: I’m going to sleep, but give me a call whenever.

O Captain, My Captain: Seriously? All night and you’re still not talking to me?

O Captain, My Captain: Baby, please just talk to me. We’ve never gone this long without talking, and I fucking hate it.

O Captain, My Captain: Y/N...please.

O Captain, My Captain: Bucky just left. You’ve made yourself loud and clear, and fine. I got it.

O Captain, My Captain: Do whatever the fuck you want.

When you woke up the following day, you had the biggest headache from crying, and the last thing you felt like doing was facing either of them. You had a job to do though, and criminals didn’t stop being criminals just because you had a broken heart. Even though you were slower to dress than usual, you were still on time for training, and God, it was brutal.

Bucky kept looking at you, Steve wouldn’t even look your way, and you couldn’t focus. You’d never had a day so bad, and all you wanted was to crawl back into bed. During the meeting after, you just leaned against the wall, barely listening to anything Nick had to say. The one time you bothered to look up, you looked over at Steve and was glaring at you. 

God, you really fucking hated yourself. 

“Doll, wait up!” Bucky called after you once the meeting was over.

You’d practically run out of the room.

“Bucky, I really just want-”

“What did I do wrong?” he breathed once he caught up to you. “Everything seemed fine on Saturday, I thought we both enjoyed it.”

You didn’t miss the way Steve quietly scoffed as he walked past the both of you.

“Bucky, I just-”

“Did I hurt you? What...I really like you, Y/N. I have for a while and I just...was I too eager?”

You honestly hadn’t expected that.

“Wait...what?”

“I never said anything, because I thought you and Steve had a thing going, but that’s clearly not happening. You were just so upset on Saturday and I wanted to make you happy, and I’ve wanted you for so long...what did I do?”

Trash. You felt like absolute trash.

“I need to get to my room.” “Y/N-”

“Just...I’ll talk to you later, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I just have a lot going on in my head. I just need to be by myself for a while.”

“Please just-”

“I’ll talk to you later, okay? I’m sorry.”

~~

You can read the rest here.

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

How They'd Come In Late After a Race (1)

<word count - 3375>

In this chapter - CL16, MS47, DR3, MV1, GR63

Charles Leclerc

Charles hadn't had a great race in Monaco. In fact, he didn't even start it. Of course, he still wanted to hit the dazzling streets of his home town to try and drink away his problems.

You had stayed at home, not feeling like going out tonight since you could any night of the year. If you were somewhere else, maybe you'd think about it, but not tonight.

You did decided to stay up and wait for him, however, since we all knew how wild parties in Monaco can get. It was nearing on 3am, and there was still no sign of Charles.

On the other side of the door, you could hear the jangle of keys, and some silly giggles. There was no point in helping him - it would be more funny to let him struggle.

After a few grunts and groans, he stumbled in, slamming the door a bit too loudly than he probably should have.

At first, he didn't notice you at all. He just wandered past you and into the kitchen. It's not even like you were sat in the dark, you had the light on in the living room of your apartment as he walked by.

Some glasses clinked together, the tap was aggressively turned on and off, then Charles walked towards you. He still didn't notice your presence.

"What time do you call this?" You asked him, watching as he nearly dropped his glass on the floor. "Shit did I wake you up?" he whisper-shouted.

"No, you are just very late," you explained as he set his water down on the coffee table, the clear liquid sloshing over the rim and onto the table.

He plopped down next to you and leant all of his weight into your side. "Sorry for being late," he softly mumbled, before yawning.

"It's OK, my love," you told him, shifting your weight as he wrapped his arms around your waist and snuggled into you even more.

"But it's not. I let you down," he started.

"No, Charles, you didn't let me down,"

"I did," he protested, "Baby, I didn't even start the fucking race,". How you had gotten from him being late to the race, you didn't know, but drunk Charles' mind wandered like an unattended toddler.

"I think it's time for you to go to bed, OK?" you told him, tapping his shoulder to get him up. Normally, he'd be upset after a bad race - which was understandable. But when he'd had a bit to drink, it got worse, so you didn't want him to tumble into that spiral.

He stumbled over to your bedroom and collapsed onto the bed.

"You not getting changed?" you asked him. "No, just come here," he pouted, opening his arms out to you and doing the grabby hands.

There was no resisting his pouty, flushed face, the ruffled hair and the grabby hands, so you traipsed over to the bed and led down next to him.

He shuffled around for a second, pulling one of his many Ferrari hoodies over his head and handing it to you. "What's this for?" you asked, since you already had one of his hoodies on anyway.

"This one smells more like me," he babbled, his eyes fluttering open and closed. There was no arguing with him because he was right, so you replaced the one you had on with the new one.

You slumped down into the vast sea of sheets and pillows that were on your bed, and Charles shuffled over to you.

He rested his head on your chest, immediately making himself comfy and his arms clasped around your waist. Just as you were about to fall asleep, you heard a soft "I love you," from the drunken boy.

"I love you too," you whispered back, pressing a soft kiss into his hair and closing your eyes.

Mick Schumacher

Most of the time when Mick came home, you waited up for him. But, he had specifically told you not to due to his flight getting in at 4am.

As much as you had protested, he had charmingly convinced you to go to bed and he'd be right by your side when you woke up.

So, when you did head to bed, you left him one of your famous, homemade granola bars that he adored and scribbled a short note onto a post-it.

You fell asleep easily, especially since you knew that Mick would be there when you woke up. However, some hours later, you were woken up by the low rumble of a vehicle outside.

To be more specific, it was the sound of Mick's motorbike engine. Why he had taken that to the airport, you would never know, but you did love the sound of it.

You smiled to yourself, glad you wouldn't have to wait much longer to see him.

The door opened downstairs, and light footsteps pattered through the kitchen. Mick had spotted the snacks for him on the counter and couldn't stop the large grin that crept across his lips.

"Mick I'll probably be asleep when you get home, but I'm glad you're here because I've missed you. I thought you'd be hungry after your flight, so enjoy. ❤️"

He took a few minutes to himself, munching away at the granola bars and already loving the serenity of being at home.

He cleared the plate away and tucked the note into his jacket pocket so he could read it whenever.

He left everything that could jingle or make any noise as he moved downstairs since he didn't want to wake you up, and quietly skipped up the stairs, avoiding the ones that creaked out of habit.

Meanwhile, you had closed your eyes to try and go back to sleep, but the excitement of having him home was too much.

Mick came into the dark cave that was your room, and you could hear the rustling of clothes and the wardrobe opening and closing again. The bathroom light flicked on for a few minutes, before you finally felt the mattress dip beside you and the covers rustled.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you to his chest. "Thank you for the granola, I really did need it," he whispered into your hair, "I love you," he said.

You two had never said it to each other before, and he thought you were asleep at the time. You couldn't help but wonder if he had said it before when you were asleep. For a second, you were frozen, but there was nothing you wanted more than to respond.

"I love you too," you whispered back, feeling his smile against the top of your head as he planted a soft kiss on it. No more words were exchanged, Mick tucked his head into the crook of your neck.

Your heart sang in your chest, and there was no where you would rather be.

Daniel Ricciardo

You didn't know what time Daniel was going to be getting home, since you weren't actually going home. You had flown out to Australia to meet his family for the first time and he was flying over after the race.

The second leg of his flight had taken off a few hours ago, so you were waiting for the call to either pick him up from the airport or that he'd gotten a taxi and he was on his way. His first flight was supposed to set off nearly 12 hours ago, but it was cancelled last minute, so he had to get the one he was on now and he was going to be fashionably late to 'lunch'.

Meanwhile, you had headed out to the grocery store to pick up some things that you'd need for dinner. You'd picked up some basic things, like fruits and cereals you'd need for the week, as well as a some desserts that you couldn't resist.

You wandered around the store for a bit, picking up things you thought would make nice lunches while you were there. You were next to the cards, since it was Daniel's nephew's birthday and you still needed to get him one, and you heard a voice.

"Sorry, excuse me ma'am, I was looking for flowers for my girlfriend, do you think these are nice?" A familiar voice spoke behind you, and you thought you knew who it was, but it wasn't possible. Well, it wasn't supposed to be.

You turned around to see Daniel stood next to the flowers, beaming from ear to ear with a large bouquet of pink roses in his hand. "I think she'd love them," you smiled, abandoning your shopping cart in front of the cards.

You flung your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. "You're not meant to be here for another few hours," you said to him.

"I know, but the flight was much quicker than expected," he explained. You looked at him, examining the dark circles under his eyes and how bloodshot his eyes were. "I'll pay for the shopping, then we can get you some rest," you said, pulling him into you as his head flopped onto your shoulder.

He groaned in agreement, following you to the shopping cart and to the tills. He went separately to pay for the flowers, despite your protests. You met him on the other side of the tills, "A very pretty lady helped me pick these out," he smirked, handing them to you and taking the shopping cart to the car.

"Oh did she now? You're away from me for a week and you're already looking at other women," you playfully scoffed and rolled your eyes at him. "Couldn't help myself, she was just that stunning," he hit back, stumbling as you lightly shoved him.

Once you got home, you unpacked the shopping while Daniel took a well-deserved shower. You were done before he was, so you sat on the living room couch, scrolling through Instagram for a bit. The door to the bathroom opened, and Daniel walked in, his hair slightly damp and he look a bit more awake.

"You going to take a nap for a bit?" you asked as he stood between your legs.

"Yeah," he said, trying to pull you up from the couch.

"I'll wake you up before dinner," you told him, expecting him to go to your room.

"Can you come with me?"

"I'm not sleeping,"

"Can you still come with me?" he asked, tugging on your arms harder. You laughed and stood with him, following him into the room. He flopped down on the bed and patted the space next to him. There was no denying his pouty face as he turned to look at you.

You got yourself comfy on the bed next to him, and he rolled over and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his head on your chest. "I'm so tired," he mumbled, his eyes fluttered closed.

"I'm not surprised," you laughed back. It wasn't long before Daniel was softly snoring as he rested all of his weight on you. Now, you had three weeks to spend, relaxing, spending time together and probably napping.

Daniel would want to do a lot of that.

Max Verstappen

As expected, Max had just won yet another race and he now had three weeks off until his home GP in the Netherlands. You had only just arrived back at the hotel after waiting for him during interviews and the post-race debrief and whatever else they got up to. 

Flopping down on the bed, you allowed your muscles to relax after a day of tension. "We've got half an hour before we need to get to the bar," he said, flinging his jacket off onto the armchair in the corner of the room. 

A few of the drivers were getting together for drinks to celebrate the finish before the summer break, but you didn't want to go. You were flying back home tomorrow, then you had work the next day. 

"You can go, but I'm not," you told him, supporting your head on your arms as you spoke to him. 

"You're not coming?"

"No, I don't feel like flying hungover," you said.

"Please baby, it'll be fun. We don't even have to stay out late. Just a drink or two and then we can go," he pleaded, taking a seat next to you. 

"You can go, by yourself, and have as many drinks as you want and stay out as long as you want. Don't let me spoil the fun," you told him. Sure, Max was very calm and collected when it came to racing, but when he went out, he was a whole different person.

"But I won the race," he whined, gently poking you in the stomach and making you laugh. He was really like a child sometimes, but in the most adorable way. "I know you did, and I'm very proud of you, but I don't have the next three weeks off," you told him, and he sighed in defeat. 

"Fine then, I guess you'll be missing out on all the fun," he scoffed, getting of the bed and going to the bathroom for a shower. As he was at the door, ready to leave, he looked over at you, all cosied up in bed and thought it would be better to crawl in with you and watch a movie. 

But, tonight was going to be fun and you'd want to go to bed early anyway. "You sure you don't want to come?" 

"Yes, now go or else you'll be late," you told him, itching to get watching your movie. Just like that, Max was gone and you were watching your movie. 

As the time went by, you slowly drifted off to sleep during the new movie you had just put on. You were settled in your slumber, only to be woken up by the door being slammed and some sort of loud rustling.

Your eyes fluttered open as the lights flicked on, and Max was stumbling around the room. He was just idly giggling to himself as he leant against the wall, and he hadn't yet noticed that you were awake. 

"The fuck are you doing?" you grumbled, irritated that you had been woken up. Normally, Max tried his best to be quiet if he was coming in late, but not tonight. "Oh hey baby, I didn't realise you were awake," he said with a goofy, lopsided grin on his face.

"Well I wasn't until you came clattering in here," you huffed, rolling over in bed to try and avoid the light. "It's not even that late," he argued.

"Max, it's three A.M," you told him, glancing at the alarm clock on the side table. You didn't mind him coming in late, but you did when he woke you up. "And we have a flight to catch in... six hours," 

"It's fine," he scoffed as he threw his jacket onto the floor somewhere. 

"It might be for you," you grumbled back at him, screwing your eyes shut to try and fall back asleep. "I'm sorry," you heard him quietly say and you heard him shuffling around the room a bit. "Baby, I'm sorry," he said, sitting down in front of you on the floor next to the bed.

You ignored him and tried to go back to sleep. "Y/N," he whined, poking at your face and squishing your cheeks. "Max, get off me," you said, trying to swat him away as you looked at his rosy cheeks and ruffled hair. 

"I'm sorry," he repeated as he carried on prodding at you. You knew the only way to get him to stop was to tell him you forgave him and that it was alright. "It's fine," you said, closing your eyes as he finally stopped poking you.

"But you don't mean it though, you're annoyed at me," he complained like a child.

"Just get in bed, Max," you said, just wanting to sleep.

"I can't sleep if you're mad at me," 

"I'm not mad at you, I'm just tired my love," you said to him as another goofy smile spread across his lips. "OK," he said, finally standing and hopping in bed with his clothes still on. But, you couldn't be bothered to tell him to get changed.

"The lights, Max," 

"Oh yeah, sorry," he giggled, getting back up to switch the lights off. He shuffled back into bed, and he fell asleep nearly instantly. And he was snoring. You groaned to yourself, knowing you wouldn't be getting a good nights' sleep like you had wanted. 

George Russell

"I am a fucking champion!" George yelled, jumping on the bed of your hotel room in Brazil. You could only hope the neighbours were heavy sleepers and couldn't hear him.

"George, I know you are, but please be quieter," you told him, knowing you were going to have among night. "I bet Max does this and you don't yell at him,"

"George, I'm not with Max when he goes to his hotel room," you said, confused as to why he would even suggest that. But, he was drunk, so you couldn't expect complete sanity from him. "But I bet he still does this,"

"George, Max doesn't do this. Max celebrates like a proper adult by being quiet and respectful to the neighbours," you said, grabbing him by the arm and trying to drag him off the bed. He had never done this before, but he had never won a race before. 

"Fine, you're no fun," he whined, sitting down on the floor. 

"George come on, get up. It's time for bed," 

"But I don't want to," he whined, lying down and spreading his arms and legs out as if he were grounding himself. "It's late, George," you sighed, knowing you wouldn't get very far with persuading him to function like a normal human being.

"And? I'm a champion, I can stay up as late as I want. Consistency is key, after all," he drunkenly giggled to himself, "Fine, you can stay up, but I'm going to bed," you huffed, hoping that might incentivise him to go to bed with you. 

"Alright, goodnight," he said, still staying on the floor. You didn't say anything else to him, you just got changed, crawled into bed, and turned out the lamp beside you. You heard George rustling around for a second, and then you felt something in front of your face.

Opening your eyes, you could make out George's features through the darkness. You squealed in surprise when you saw him, but you calmed down when you saw it was just George being silly. "George, please, I'm trying to sleep," you sighed, rolling over to face away from him. 

"But you're pretty, I want to look at you," he said, lazily tickling his fingers up and down your back. "Thank you, but you can look at me tomorrow when I'm not trying to sleep," you smiled to yourself. Even if his words were at the wrong time, they never failed to make you blush. 

"I'll go back to the bar so I'm not annoying you," he sulked, getting up from beside you and skulking over to the door. "George, you're not going back to the bar," you said, sitting up and turning the lamp back on. 

"But you want to sleep, if I go back I can let you have some peace," he smiled. He had the right intentions, but the bar was the last place he needed to be right now. "I appreciate that, but you should stay here. As long as you're reasonably quiet, then I'll be alright," 

"OK, I'll just lay here with you for a bit," he smiled, kicking his shoes off and flopping down into bed with you. "Goodnight, George," you said, turning the light back off and trying to fall asleep again. 

It was silent for a few minutes, before you heard his whispers and quiet chants, "I'm a champion, I'm a champion,". You couldn't help but smile at how proud of himself he was, and you were proud of him too. 

You just breathed a bit heavier, and he got the message. "Sorry," he giggled, continuing his chants but just a bit quieter. You didn't want to rain on his parade, so you let him carry on while you tried to fall asleep. Again. 

A/N - I just thought I'd do these little like.. Drabbles for each of the drivers and I have a few different scenarios planned out. I have another part planned with 5 more drivers, but let me know if there's anyone you would like to see in particular! Have a great day!

|masterlist|

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Season 2 Chapter 59 Translation [Lucien’s Route (3/3)]

⚠️  SPOILER ALERT  ⚠️

This post contains a VERY HEAVY SPOILER for the chapter that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

Lucien gazes at the shallow bite mark left by my teeth on his hand, a hint of amusement mingled with helplessness in his eyes.

With his other hand, he gently pinches my cheek.

"Is this how Miss Werewolf executes me?"

Translation under the cut!

[Previous Part-> Click Here]

—[Lucien's Route - 10: First Clearing After Rainstorm]—

As dusk falls, my face grows increasingly pale as Lucien escorts me back to my room.

MC: As the game progresses, I feel like the pressure is getting bigger and bigger, and even my head hurts more.

I can't help but reach out to rub my head, but Lucien gently holds back my wrist. His fingers gently brush against my skin as if offering some kind of comfort.

Lucien: I have a better way to relieve it. Come with me.

He guides me to lie back on the bed, and I rest my head on Lucien's right leg, feeling his fingertips slowly massaging my temple.

Lucien's fingertips are purposely dipped with water, and their slight coolness gradually soothes my mind.

When I slowly open my eyes, his silhouette is tenderly outlined by twilight, with the light catching on his eyelashes and casting a focused shadow.

The continuous sound of flowing water since entering the mansion seems to fade at this moment, leaving only our breathing amplified in my ears.

MC: [softly calling out his name] Lucien.

I can't help but call his name. Lucien looks at me and blinks.

MC: I hope we can see each other again tomorrow and walk to the last day together.

Lucien: I hope we can make it through the night safely too.

Lucien bows his head, his lips brushing my forehead in a kiss as fleeting as morning dew.

Lucien: [whispers softly] MC, may you have a sweet dream tonight.

I close my eyes and fall into a brief slumber, waking up just in time for the werewolves' activity period.

I don't know when Lucien left, but I still feel his presence lingering in the air.

I shake my head, dispelling the wild thoughts from my mind. No matter what, the game isn't over yet, and tonight is undoubtedly even more critical.

✂———————–

I quickly meet up with Mousy. To avoid any misunderstandings between us, I specifically explain what happened in the morning.

MC: It has been three whole days. If I don't identify a real werewolf, they might start doubting my identity as the seer…

MC: We will achieve victory soon. Do you believe in me?

I confidently recited the lines I had rehearsed during the day. Mousy seems taken aback by my directness and nods in agreement.

However, I am fully aware that the longer the hunter survives, the less likely the werewolves are to win.

As I think about this, I don't feel any regret, but rather more and more at ease.

Perhaps in the time I can't see, Lucien is also taking steps closer to the ending which belongs only to the two of us.

Braving the deafening rain, we head to Joker's room again. As we open the door, a flash of lightning strikes a giant tree in front of the window, charring it.

I refuse Mousy's help and personally push Joker into the pool.

Watching the deep green color disappear into the water, I feel a sense of relief that I haven't felt in a long time.

That night, I had a rare good night's sleep. By the time dawn arrived, the rain had already stopped.

It was still some time before my usual wake-up hour, but instead of waiting for Lucien to come find me, I took the initiative to push open the door and go out.

Lucien's door wasn't locked; it opened with a push. He stood by the window, looking at the clear, blue sea.

Lucien: [gently] You’re here.

After being confined all night, the morning breeze flows lightly into the bedroom, ruffling his hair and revealing his smiling eyes.

Lucien: Did you have a sweet dream last night?

Thinking about the scene where I personally "dealt with" the Joker last night, I smile.

MC: [smiles happily] Mm, I had a very good and happy dream~

✂———————–

Soon, all the players are gathered in the banquet hall again. The long, once full table is now left with only a few people.

Apart from Lucien and me, there are only four people left.

Zhao Jianqiang, who was already not in a good state, is lying on the table today, tapping his head.

MC: Can you still hold on? Do we need to tell the officials?

Zhao Jianqiang waves his hand, putting on an "I can still manage" expression.

Zhao Jianqiang: ....Boss, don't worry, I can still work overtime when the game is over!

.......In this state, it's better not to work overtime. It would be troublesome if there is a work injury.

Before joining the game, he was busy editing the film "Odyssey." After this ends, I really need to give him a proper vacation.

Simply put, let's "liberate" him tonight.

As I am pondering, Zhao Jianqiang suddenly stands up.

Zhao Jianqiang: Let me speak first... I am actually the grave keeper. Yesterday, the baldhead that MC checked was indeed a werewolf.

I quietly look around, and no one questions Zhao Jianqiang's words. Without a doubt, my identity is ultimately confirmed.

MC: Then I'll also share the results of my check from last night. Luckily, I identified another werewolf.

I stand up under everyone's trusting gazes, my eyes falling on the burly man who has been very low-key these past few days and is now quietly watching me.

MC: It's you, Mr. Gentle Giant.

Another round of execution is over. In the eyes of everyone, the Seer has successfully identified the Werewolf for two consecutive days, and the game is about to end smoothly.

Or rather, no one is willing to think about the authenticity of my identity anymore.

The irreversible ending is always difficult to accept.

As I get up and walk out of the banquet hall, I'm suddenly called out to.

??: MC!

White Angel rushes over to me. It seems like she has been waiting for this opportunity for a long time, a shy blush coloring her cheeks.

Angel: The game is almost over, MC. You're in a very dangerous position right now.

Angel: I have a good idea who the next werewolf is. Don't worry, I'll protect you tonight!

...I never expected that the person who gave the wolf faction a bad start would be right before me.

MC: Are you the Guardian?

Angel: Yes! My judgment was right. With you as the Seer, we will definitely win.

Angel: You might not remember, but we've actually met in real life.

MC: Eh…?

She sees the confusion in my eyes and explains to me with a smile.

Angel: I am a nurse and volunteer for the An Kang Charity Project. I am responsible for caring for deteriorating patients.

Angel: When you came to report, I was the one who received you.

Angel: I deliberately 'subverted' my dress style in the game, so it's normal if you didn't recognize me at first.

‘Carnival Night’ has been going on for so many days, I have completely immersed myself in the identity within the game.

Suddenly hearing about real-life matters, I feel a surreal sense of suspension. I ponder for a while and finally nod in realization.

MC: Oh, it's you!

Angel nods, looks towards Lucien not far away, and whispers in my ear.

Angel: Mr. X is Professor Lucien, right?

Seeing me nod, she beams a radiant smile.

Angel: It's really you! I'm thrilled to meet a media person who tirelessly reports on deteriorating diseases and Professor Lucien who has been dedicated to researching deteriorating diseases.

Angel: Participating in the closed beta of 'Carnival Night' turned out to be the luckiest thing for me this year.

Angel: Even after leaving the game, as a regular healthcare worker, I will continue to support you all!

After Angel leaves, I stand there, my heart feeling like it's stuffed with tangled knots of thread, a strange sensation I can't quite describe.

Even though it's just a game, deceiving someone with expectations and trust in me still leaves me feeling a little guilty.

My empty right hand is enveloped by another warm hand. Lucien has walked to my side without me noticing.

MC: You heard everything?

Lucien: Mm.

Lucien and I interlocked our fingers, palms pressed tightly together, sharing each other's warmth.

Lucien: [chuckles softly] You've done very well.

—[Lucien's Route - 11: First Clearing After Rainstorm]—

I bite my lip, suppress the emotions in my heart, and smile at Lucien.

MC: Looks like my role as a producer has contributed a bit to the care of deteriorating patients~

Lucien nods, his seriousness clearly visible in his eyes.

Lucien: Not just a bit, but a lot.

Lucien: After all, scientific research isn't purely about rational study; it's intertwined with human emotions and interests.

Lucien: Just like in 'Carnival Night,' those who grasp logic and truth may not necessarily surpass those who manipulate hearts and exchange interests.

I nod slightly, feeling a bit guilty, and listen as Lucien continues speaking.

Lucien: The media can both widely disseminate the latest scientific research results and play a role in monitoring and holding scientific research accountable.

He pauses briefly, then adds softly.

Lucien: —This helps prevent issues like academic misconduct and unethical research practices during the scientific research process.

His gaze seems to drift away from "Odyssey" and look into the distance.

Such an expression makes me inevitably think of the night he took me to the abandoned research institute. I can't help but ask.

MC: Are you... thinking about Mr. Xu?

Lucien, however, shakes his head. When he looks at me again, his eyes remain calm and serene as usual.

Lucien: In the path of scientific research, there have been many such things in the past. And in the future, there will be many more.

Seeing my puzzled expression, Lucien smiles.

Lucien: For example, research on deterioration worldwide has stalled at this stage.

Lucien: Many research institutions have adjusted their research directions and terminated research projects as a result-

Lucien: -And for those projects that still exist, obtaining funding has also become more challenging.

Lucien casually picks up a glass of juice from the tray carried by a passing butler and hands it to me.

Lucien: Given this background, those who continue striving for deterioration research are making efforts to revitalize this research direction.

Lucien: For them, more than studying deterioration itself, what's crucial is making 'innovative discoveries', securing funding, and sustaining the research institute.

The deliberately emphasized tone makes me vaguely understand the implied meaning of Lucien's words.

MC: You mean... some of them have started to take desperate risks?

Lucien nods, his expression still indifferent, revealing no specific opinion or feelings toward these people.

Lucien: Among the organizations researching the deterioration disease that approached me for cooperation, quite a few are involved in such activities.

MC: [worriedly]…What about you? Is there similar pressure at Ultima Bioscience Research Institute?

Lucien: I'm fortunate that there haven't been any so far. Therefore, I can focus more on my research.

Instinctively, I tighten the grip on his hand, and I see Lucien give me a gentle and reassuring smile.

Lucien: [chuckles] It's getting late. Don't forget we're still in the "Carnival Night". Do you want to see other places?

✂———————–

That night, Mousy and I pushed Zhao Jianqiang into the pool.

Since I have already decided to stay with Lucien until the end, I no longer consider the strategy or the winning and losing of the werewolf faction.

After saying goodbye to the seemingly downcast Mousy, I return to my room with a relaxed mindset and quickly tally the votes.

Mousy and I have 2 votes together, while Lucien and the White Angel have 2.5 votes together. It seems that tomorrow will be our last day as werewolves.

I lie on the bed, turn over, and a strong sense of unreality rises in my heart.

Carnival Night has been going on for several days now, and apart from being startled by Brother Genius on the first night, it seems like everything has been thrilling but safe…

But I have actually always been very concerned about what Brother Genius said about the "game rule loophole" on the night he committed suicide.

Why was he able to go out at that time, and how did he kill himself?

Thinking about this, I remain puzzled, feeling as if a little claw is scratching at my heart, making it uncomfortable to lie down or sit.

Finally, I steel myself and stand up from the bed.

Since the werewolves are going to lose tomorrow anyway, why not take advantage of this long night and go out to investigate?

I look at the clock on the wall. Although the time for werewolf and seer activities has passed, dawn is at five o'clock, and there are still a few hours to go.

So, I get up and walk to the door. After silently giving myself three seconds to hesitate, I decisively open the door and walk out.

Sure enough, I am not punished or sent back to my room for coming out during off-activity hours.

The large mansion is already empty, with most of the room name plates having the players' names crossed out.

I walk alone through the secluded corridor surrounded by pool water, searching for anything unusual.

My body trembles when I reach the atrium, and I stand frozen in shock.

The light in Brother Genius's room, which should have been offline a few days ago, is on.

My heart tightens uncontrollably as I hold my breath and walk to the door. Before I can push it, the door opens from the inside.

Lucien: Good evening, MC.

Lucien smiles while holding the door, and the indoor light dyes a warm hue on his hair. He steps aside and invites me in.

Lucien: Please come in.

I walk in as if on a sleepwalk and sit down. After glancing around the room, my eyes fall on Lucien, and I can't help but stare at him.

MC: Why are you sleeping here... Isn't your room on the other side?

Lucien: I couldn't sleep, so I often wander around at this time. Did I scare you?

MC: Not really, it's just…

I ponder my words for a while, feeling a headache coming on and a bit of irritation growing in my heart.

Having reached this point, I no longer care about our identity as werewolf and hunter or about the mansion owner's personal tasks.

So, I look at Lucien and decide to stop hiding anything, pouring all the questions in my heart in one breath.

MC: Alright, I actually want to know, when did you start coming out at night?

Lucien: [frankly and without hesitation] Since the night of the third day.

I look at his calm expression, feeling only more puzzled.

MC: But why risk breaking the rules to do this? Is it because you discovered something?

Meeting my questioning gaze, Lucien smiles slightly.

Lucien: Because at that time, I realized the same thing you are realizing now: there is something suspicious about Brother Genius's death.

Lucien: The game is based on rules: werewolves kill humans, humans vote players out, and the only two execution methods in the game are pushing them into the water.

Lucien: Out of so many humans being killed, only Brother Genius's death was different.

With a graceful gesture, he motions for me to look towards the bedroom door.

Lucien: There are some bloodstains on the outside of the door frame that haven't been thoroughly cleaned. He walked out of the room and died at the door.

Lucien: So I infer that he was not killed by the werewolves, and the werewolves' target on the first night should have been Joker.

MC: ...How do you even know this?

Lucien: [chuckles] It's just a guess based on intuition and understanding.

Lucien's eyes curve into a smile. Though he frames it as a guess, his words carry an undeniable insight.

Lucien: I guess there is a cute classmate in the werewolf faction.

Lucien: [the glee in his tone! he doesn’t even hide his happily wagging ‘fox tail’] This classmate has a low tolerance for Joker, yet still wants to play with me, the hunter, for a while longer.

His hushed voice mingles with the secretive sounds of flowing water, cloaking his words in suspense.

Lucien: After all, for the werewolves, it's far too dangerous and unbelievable for a hunter to survive until now.

Lucien: What do you think, Miss Werewolf?

The facade I've been barely maintaining in front of everyone finally crumbles entirely at this moment.

I look at Lucien, feeling more relieved than frustrated.

This is wonderful, I can finally be completely open and honest with him.

MC: You figured it out long ago, didn't you?

MC: From the first day... no, from the moment Mr. Hunter first saw me, you knew, didn't you?

Lucien leans in close, his fingertips gliding across my face, from the wisps of hair on my forehead to the corners of my eyes and lips, which are taut from tension…

Lucien: So cute.

MC: What?

His non-sequitur leaves me flustered, and I instinctively lean in closer, trying to hear him clearly.

Lucien: Your small gestures as you lie, your feigned innocence when defending yourself, and your little wickedness in weaving traps for victory... They are all very cute.

MC: …..

I am rendered speechless, unable to argue, yet finding the sly Lucien before me utterly infuriating.

I reach out and grasp his hand as it caresses my cheek, stare at him for a moment, and then decisively bite him.

MC: Mr. Hunter's guess is correct. But it's too late. We're about to win.

—[Lucien's Route - 12: The wind is calm, and the waves are still]—

Lucien gazes at the shallow bite mark on his hand left by my teeth, a hint of amusement mingled with helplessness in his eyes. With his other hand, he gently pinches my cheek.

Lucien: [chuckles helplessly] Is this how Miss Werewolf executes me?

I spread my hands out, letting him pinch my cheeks, and I can only speak unclearly.

MC: I wish I could, but unfortunately, it's not the time for the werewolves to act yet. You've just narrowly escaped death!

Lucien releases my cheek and gazes at my impassioned demeanor, his eyes crinkling into soft crescents.

Lucien: Well then, I must thank you, Miss Werewolf.

MC: Then can I accept a thank-you gift from you?

Lucien tilts his head slightly, his eyes openly revealing a look full of indulgence.

Lucien: [with that very indulgent tone of his] Of course, you can. What do you want?

MC: We previously agreed to explore the waterway structure inside the mansion together, but various delays have prevented us from doing so.

MC: Regarding this, I want to complete it and solve this mystery before the game ends.

Gazing at Lucien with anticipation, I catch a smile on his lips.

Lucien: Alright. Tonight, I can satisfy all your wishes.

Lucien: Let's go, we have many places to go.

✂———————–

We walk hand in hand through the mansion, quickly finding what we are searching for since most of the rooms are empty.

All water pathways on the blueprint that we draw connect to form a magic formation and the center of the formation ultimately converges in the master room deep within the mansion.

Exchanging glances, Lucien and I enter the master room once more.

Under the moonlight, the originally clear water takes on a dreamlike pink hue, with soft waves rippling gently.

However, I can not forget that this vivid pink is formed by the bright red blood from those executed, gradually flowing throughout the mansion and gathering here.

A faintly visible magic circle lies deep within the water as if awaiting its final “sacrifice”.

All the clues from the game so far finally connect in my mind, forming a vague conclusion.

Perhaps this so-called island banquet was nothing but a long-planned sacrificial ceremony from the very beginning.

Even though I don't know what the final result of this magic circle will be, I no longer care.

Lucien and I lock eyes, and he gives me a sly wink.

Lucien: It turns out that the lady of this mansion before me is actually so dangerous.

Since Lucien has already guessed my identity as a werewolf, it's no surprise that my identity as the mansion owner is also revealed. I pout.

MC: Yeah, although I just found out about all these things too. But now, I no longer care about these settings.

Pulling Lucien along, I get into the dreamlike pink pool and smile at him.

MC: I just want to bring this Carnival Night to an end that belongs to us.

We hold hands tightly, wading through the water just like last time. However, this time, I am the one leading us to our destination.

The pressure in the water gradually increases, my breathing becomes rapid, and the curiosity and desire to explore in my heart compel me to speak.

MC: Lucien, can you tell me why you have been helping the werewolves?

Lucien: I'm not deliberately helping the werewolves.

Lucien's deep gaze falls on me, his low voice echoing in this seemingly infinite space.

Lucien: I'm simply doing what I want to do and witnessing the result I want to see.

MC: ‘’Result”?

The rippling water casts dappled light on Lucien's face, which holds a faint smile.

Lucien: Whenever I see you in action, I want to know what you will plan, what kind of decisions you will make, and what kind of statements you will say…

Lucien: [gently] I want to explore every side of you and witness where you'll ultimately arrive.

His gaze on me is burning and clear, as if tangible.

Lucien: And the result is... you, finally arriving before me.

[:”””” he must feels so happy that regardless of everything, out of so many possibilities, she just wants to run to his side🥺]

My heart skips a few beats, and my voice drops to a whisper.

MC: B-but I'm doing something "bad" though…

Lucien: But this isn't reality, is it?

Lucien: It's precisely because tonight is a “carnival" night that I get to see another possibility of you and cherish this possibility.

He says, tapping the tip of my nose.

Lucien: Besides, I haven't missed any of those guilty expressions you make after being "bad" each time.

We have reached the center of the pool, at the top of the magic circle, and I open my arms to hug Lucien.

MC: [smiles softly] Alright, you've seen everything about me and guessed it all. This werewolf is cornered now.

MC: But before I'm out, I have one greedy wish.

MC: Mr. Hunter, may I "choose" you tonight?

Lucien's heartbeat remains steady as he gently strokes my head, as if what I said were merely an invitation to a date.

Lucien: [with that indulgent and gentle tone again 🤧] Is this what you wish?

MC: Mm. Ever since I gained the role of a werewolf, I've often found it troublesome. There were many times when I didn't want to continue.

MC: However, just imagining moments like this, when only you and me left, makes me want to linger in this game a bit longer…

Lucien lowers his head and looks into my eyes, his gaze containing a hundred kinds of unspoken tenderness.

Lucien: From the very first second I saw you on this island—

Lucien: I had already accepted this choice.

Lucien hugs me back, letting me lead him as we sink into the water together.

The pink pool water blooms with large swaths of gorgeous crimson. At the moment he is eliminated, a chill also spreads across my waist.

Blood continues to flow from the bullet hole, and my vision quickly fades into darkness.

✂———————–

[Literal chills as I translated this part ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ. I personally like how the whole chapter echoes their relationship progression throughout the main story. Even if they're clearly on opposite sides, they always find a path where they can walk side by side—'enemies' that just want to 'play' with each other as long as possible and protect each other, with Lucien speaking out for MC during the day and MC kill everyone else but Lucien during the night🤧. Lucien's "Queen-maker" aspect is also reflected in this chapter. He guides her but doesn't dictate because he always respects her choice, no matter what it will be. In addition to that, he looks forward to every possibility she can become through her choices and cherishes them. In the end, he lets her be the one leading him to whatever end she chooses for both of them, even if it's to kill each other and die together for love༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ ]

✂———————–

Lucien and I are transported back to the assembly hall. As soon as we open our eyes, we see the eliminated players noisily gathered together.

Brother Genius: See, there's definitely a loophole in this game! The wolves can even kill two people in one night! My attempt the other night was a breakthrough!

Uncle: A temporary setback does not define a hero. Next time, I won't be eliminated so easily.

The sound of various discussions about the game fills the air. I quickly pull Lucien to a corner.

Lucien: Is your head feeling better? Do you want to rest after the summit ends?

MC: I'm okay, I'm okay. It's strange, but as soon as the 'Carnival Night' ended, I felt much better!

MC: Hehe, just now, I was eager to end this game quickly, but now I feel a bit of regret.

MC: What about you? Did you enjoy "Carnival Night"?

Lucien gently tucks away a stray strand of hair from my face, a faint smile playing on his lips.

Lucien: I really like it, our own special ending.

MC: Hmph, I also like to watch Professor Lucien fool and confuse everyone!

MC: At that time, I could only hold back from showing any expression; otherwise, I would have given myself away.

Lucien chuckles softly twice, his expression revealing a hint of contemplation.

Lucien: However… there are still some loopholes in the game's rules and punishment system. I believe the Infinite staff overseeing it in the background already know this.

MC: That's right... I was scared several times when I was the werewolf! Once by Brother Genius, and once when I saw you in his room…

I am thinking about the feedback to give to Infinite when Lucien suddenly opens a private message, seemingly communicating with someone.

MC: Is there any work that needs to be handled?

Lucien nods and closes the private message.

Lucien: It was the research team that had visited many times, pressuring Pete to meet with me no matter what.

MC: So persistent... How does Professor Lucien plan to handle it?

Lucien: This time, they have come up with some rather interesting hypotheses. I think we can give them a chance.

I can't help but pout and reluctantly hold onto Lucien's sleeve.

MC: Well, I also need to be busy with wrapping up the summit…

MC: When we're done, let's play more "Carnival Night" rounds together!

Hearing this, Lucien can't help but chuckle softly. He leans over and whispers tenderly in my ear.

Lucien: [chuckles, then whispers] Okay. Next time, it's your turn to explore my secrets.

After bidding a brief farewell to Lucien, I headed to find Zhao Jianqiang so we could proceed to the summit venue together. However, I discovered that he was already offline.

Without giving it much thought, I click on the teleport button for the venue, and the scene before my eyes gradually darkens.

✂———————–

Okay, so some context for the next part: What happens afterward is that the Loveland City Digital Technology Summit comes to a successful close. When MC wakes up, she finds Zhao Jianqiang becoming unresponsive after playing "Carnival Night." Zhao Jianqiang is taken to the hospital. The cause of Zhao Jianqiang's condition is unknown, and his vital signs are normal. But it's notable that he briefly had high brainwaves during the game.

✂———————–

—[Chapter 60-11]—

Inside the Ultima Bioscience Research Center, sunlight streams through the windows into the office, the warm light floating in the air and illuminating the entire room.

Lucien gently removes the game headset and rubs his temples, trying to relieve the fatigue caused by being immersed in "Odyssey" for a long time.

He takes a report from the tidy desk and grabs a pen, recording on it.

Sunlight spills over Lucien's shoulder, casting dappled light and shadows, gently enveloping his figure as he occasionally pauses to think.

In the report, he records every sensation he experienced during the "Carnival Night" game in detail.

This includes headaches, accelerated heartbeat, shortness of breath, and even slight tremors in his fingertips.

After finishing the recording, he pulled out a stack of white paper from the side of the table and neatly arranged it on the desk.

Without exception, these sheets of paper are filled with his sensory data at different points in time during playing "Odyssey". The densely packed handwriting appears particularly rigorous.

Lucien gazes at the detailed notes, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. After thinking for a moment, he takes out his phone and makes a call.

Lucien: Hello, Dr. Chen, this is Lucien.

Lucien: A patient named Zhao Jianqiang was admitted today, and I hope you can provide a copy of his examination report.

The tip of Lucien's pen glided across the paper, pausing at a piece of data.

Lucien: His situation is rather unique and may provide some insights for our research.

Lucien: In times of necessity, I will not rule out requisitioning him as an experimental subject.

✂———————–

[Next Chapter-> (not yet released)]

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Victor’s Cold Winter Date (Eng Translation)

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 凛冬之约, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

[Translation under the cut]

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Subbed Video】

[anika’s notes]: I do very very very highly recommend to watch the video for full immersion + absolute god-level voice acting + the gorgeous music pieces!!! ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽

—

【Prologue】

I behold  My homeland disappear in the daylight, and emerge in the night.  I behold  The everlasting power engrain within the vast blood of my people.  I behold  A snow-white rose bloom in the winter,   And I behold as it withers in the winter – each petal sailing across the ocean,  To a kingdom no one can reach. 

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 1】

As the night gradually deepens, the heavy curtains in front of the window are drawn by the attendants, veiling the silvery, meandering moonlight. 

I take a deep breath and push open the doors to the royal bedchamber engraved with a luxurious imperial coat of arms. 

Inside the bedchamber, my newly wedded husband, King Victor, is fast asleep. 

Not long ago, at the behest of my father, Duke William, I was betrothed to Victor.  

Regrettably, before the ceremony could be held, my parents died of ailing health. 

However, the wedding was not delayed due to the unexpected tragedy, and the ceremony proceeded as scheduled, with the Church as witness. 

After all, to those people, what mattered the most was not the protagonists of the wedding, but the wedding ceremony itself. 

–– That’s right, it’s not just me; even the king, Victor, is not held with significance in their eyes. 

After all, it’s known to everyone in the capital that the royal family’s influence is eroding with each passing year. And since Victor succeeded to the throne, he remains in a coma all year round and is merely a puppet in the hands of the Church and nothing more. 

The elusive fragrance of beeswax pervades the air in the room. I step on the soft woolen carpet and draw closer to the bedside. [1] 

Lately, the capital has been shrouded in a haze of doubts and suspicion regarding the disappearance cases, and it was not the appropriate time for grandeur. Therefore, after the hasty wedding, I was ushered into the imperial palace. 

And tonight marks the third night I’m spending alongside His Majesty, the King, who’s been in a state of perennial coma. 

Victor is still in a deep slumber. 

The light from a few candles illuminates one side of his profound features, while the lingering shadows dance across his face as if with fondness. 

Throughout the generations, the kings have always been in robust health. But during Victor’s reign, his health has been continuously plagued with illness. 

It seems even the gods cannot bear to be too cruel to him. His illness has only brought a touch of frailty but has not marred his looks. 

I inhale softly and sit on the edge of the bed, propping my chin up as I gaze at Victor in his slumber. 

MC: ...why are you still sleeping? 

I’ve already started to grow accustomed to this— the bedchamber echoing only my own whispered monologues. 

MC: I thought the Church was so wary of you because you had some secrets that were unknown to the outsiders.

MC: Now it seems your biggest secret is that you were born this good-looking. 

I crack a joke to myself, which also lightens my mood considerably. 

MC: When I think about it this way, being married to you is far better than being forced by the Church to marry one of those evil, rotten old men. 

In addition, within the palace, at least, there are no hypocritical relatives and those ever-watchful eyes— 

I have enough space to contemplate my plan for revenge. 

MC: Revenge... revenge...  MC: But how can I go about taking revenge on the Church... 

Clutching a corner of Victor’s blanket, I cover my face with it in anguish. 

The Church conspired to murder my parents. 

Because my father was a leader of the reformist faction, they extended their malicious hands targeting my family. 

And this marriage, which was arranged by my parents, is now being wielded as a means to threaten my life. 

As I ponder on this, the resentment in my heart swells. I heave a sigh, deciding to change my mood and say something interesting. 

I sporadically recount some happy and entertaining anecdotes from the past, treating Victor as a well-behaved “sleeping beauty doll.”

MC: ...in autumn, you know, there wasn’t much to do. Winter, in comparison, was way more fun.  MC: When I was young, what I loved doing the most was building little snowmen in the courtyard of the duke’s mansion after it snowed. Look, I could make them this big— 

Of course, Victor can’t see any of this, and there’s no hope for a response either. After mustering the spirit to prattle on for a while, all I am left with is endless emptiness. 

I tug at the corners of my lips, forcing a smile, and as if driven by some strange impulse, I reach out and poke Victor’s face, wishing to get him to have the same expression as me. 

MC: Sigh, it’s no fun. I won’t say anything more.  ??(Victor): Why won’t you say anything more? 

An icy voice suddenly sounds in my ears, carrying with it the raspiness of just being awakened. 

I turn my head and nearly let out a scream. 

MC: Y-Your Majesty... when did you...! [2] 

I’m not sure when, but Victor has regained consciousness at some point. Leaning on a soft pillow, he rubs his temple with one hand.

Victor: I’m conscious, not revived back to life. 

MC: ... I’ll sincerely obey Your Majesty’s command! 

In a low voice, I respectfully offer him a curtsy. Victor seems to find my behavior amusing, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. 

Victor: The term of address was “you” even just a moment ago. A certain someone changed her tune rather quickly. [3]    MC: I’m not “a certain someone,” I am...    Victor: I know, Duke William’s only daughter.    MC: [surprised] Eh...? 

Victor: At the age of seven, you received a scolding for building a snowman with the servants. When you were nine, you had a quarrel with a parrot and suffered a crushing defeat–– 

MC: Wait a minute, you... you heard all of that? 

Victor: You’re too noisy. It’d be hard not to hear, [breaks into a coughing fit] cough, cough... 

His words are cut off by a cough. I hastily pour a cup of water and offer it to him under his scrutinizing gaze, keeping silent. 

I can’t help but break into a cold sweat. 

Could it be that... all the past events I casually mentioned, all those self-deprecating remarks, and even... did he really listen to everything? 

But, two days ago, when I plucked up the courage to poke his face, he didn’t react at all... So, when did he actually become conscious? 

A vague, looming sense of oppression involuntarily makes me shrink my neck, and I tentatively open my mouth. 

MC: ...you know about everything regarding me? 

He tilts his jaw slightly upwards, studying my features. His eyes are submerged in the shadows cast by the candlelight, reminiscent of a predator in the dark night. 

A good while passes before he eventually accepts the cup, speaking in a tone that is neither amiable nor impassive. 

Victor: I do. 

I nod and, after a rapid mental calculation, make up my mind. I take a step forward, wearing a small smile on my face as I speak. 

MC: Including the fact that I was sent as a spy by the Church? 

Victor: [seemingly chokes on water] … 

Victor: Are you aware of what you’re saying?

MC: Yes, I’m aware. 

I wish to work together with the king to bring down the Church. 

And when working with a person like Victor, being transparent and honest is the first principle.

I crouch down at the edge of the bed, looking up at Victor from below. 

MC: Your Majesty, I don’t want to hide anything from you. 

MC: Prior to our nuptials, my parents were brutally attacked by the Church due to their advocacy for the reformation of the Church. 

MC: The Church, to exploit my worth, spared my life and assigned me to spy on you. 

Victor arches an eyebrow, clearly still assessing the credibility of my words. 

Victor: Continue. 

I press my lips together and lower my head, trying to convey my utmost sincerity. 

MC: ... I’m unsure of to what extent you know about me, but I’ve never once considered surrendering to the enemies who murdered my parents. 

MC: Now, in terms of both sentiment and reason, we are a family, and I cannot betray my husband. 

MC: So... Your Majesty, will you take me under your wings? 

I blink my eyes at him with a pitiful look, not knowing whether Victor would buy into it. 

Victor: … 

As if in need of a moment to compose himself, Victor seems to momentarily avert his eyes before he turns them back to me again. 

Victor: Family... you seem to have accepted your new identity quite readily. 

MC: Besides you, what else do I have to rely on? 

MC: On the contrary, even after hearing my confession, if you’re unwilling to help me, I don’t have anything to lose. 

I flutter my eyes at Victor. 

MC: Your Majesty, I’ve already got nothing left to lose. 

Victor holds a straight gaze on me. In his eyes, while there is finally a hint of recognition, it’s more as if he is peering into the past through me. 

Victor: ...I will help you. 

His well-defined hand sweeps my loose hair strands back for me. But before I can breathe a sigh of relief, the next second, my chin is cupped and pivoted to face him. 

Victor: The prerequisite is that you can offer sufficient value to me. 

His grip is surprisingly strong for someone who has just regained consciousness. As our eyes interlock, his penetrating gaze intently scrutinizes my innermost thoughts. 

Victor: In your eyes, your husband, whom you’d never met before, is nothing more than a puppet who remains in coma year-round, isn’t that right? 

Victor unfolds his hand to me, revealing a gem as vividly red as the human heart in his pallid palm, and then he encloses his hand— 

In the blink of an eye, the signs of illness are shed off his face, and a rosy hue colors his cheeks, and he seems to be bathed in a divine light. 

MC: This is... do you know witchcraft?! 

Victor places the gem back in its case, then casts a brief look in my direction, apparently turning a deaf ear to what I’ve said. 

Victor: This doesn’t concern you. 

He slowly curls his lips, and his pupils, akin to the deep sea in the darkness, are as profound and enigmatic. 

Victor: There’s a set of clothing on the bedside table. If you want to prove that you’re not just a noble canary— 

Victor: Tomorrow morning, change into it and accompany me out of the palace. 

────────── 

[Notes]:

[1] Beeswax is often considered a symbol of “eternal love” in Eastern cultures. 

[2+3] During her monologues in the 1st quarter of the date, MC was addressing Victor by “你” (informal ver. of ‘you’) pronoun. But the moment he butts in, i.e., gains consciousness, MC immediately switches to “您” (courteous/ respectful ver. of ‘you’) and the respectful address “Your Majesty,” which he teases her about here, haha. 

Point to be noted: MC doesn’t switch back to the informal terms of addresses until the 3rd chapter of the date, when they’re already in love and inseparable for the time being. ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ 

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 2】

While I’m still struggling with myself, Victor has already closed his eyes again. 

Victor: You can sleep anywhere you want; just don’t make any noise. 

MC: ...Yes, Your Majesty! 

The idea of having this mysterious and aloof king sleeping next to my pillow feels more chilling to me than freezing in the cold itself. 

I don’t hesitate at all. I swiftly grab a pillow from the bed and get prepared to spend the night on the sofa. 

But it turns out I actually overestimated my ability to withstand the cold. Before the clock hands have even moved a few notches, I quietly tiptoe back to the bed, hugging the pillow. 

MC: [to herself] It’s just that the weather is too cold. I just want to feel a bit nice and warm— 

With a huff, I murmur in a soft voice and gently lift the coverlet to slip inside. 

Once I’ve got my body settled comfortably, I cautiously look towards the person on the pillow next to me. 

Victor isn’t awakened by my movements. Even in the darkness of the night, his skin is luminously white, his features handsome— he is reminiscent of a sculpture crafted from snow. 

Considering this person’s track record of feigning sleep, I simply watch him quietly without making any more rash moves. 

As I continue watching like this, my mind inexplicably begins to wander. 

Although just moments ago, I kept addressing him as “my husband” repeatedly, when I look at Victor’s cold and handsome demeanor, I always find it difficult to connect him with that identity. 

In my impression, the image of a husband and wife is like that of my parents. So, in the future, will Victor and I also be joined at the hip and inseparable like that? 

Thinking about that reserved and unsmiling face, I can’t help but get chills. 

In his eyes, I seem to be nothing more than a “useful person.” But what value can I provide for him? 

The more I ponder, the more my head throbs, and it’s not until the horizon starts to turn slightly pale that I eventually drift into sleep. 

────────── 

With the break of dawn, I promptly get out of bed and change my attire. Victor has woken up as well. 

Seemingly noticing the dark circles under my eyes, he arches an eyebrow, lifts his hand, and tosses a cloak over to me. 

Victor: It seems like while your courage is not at all small, your confidence sure is lacking. 

MC: I just don’t wish to unnecessarily show off in front of you. 

I fasten the cloak tightly and purposely straighten my neck. 

MC: Your Majesty, please lead the way. 

We exit the palace through a small gate, cross through the commoner’s district, and Victor leads me straight into a small house. 

────────── 

Going from the small house into the cellar, and after navigating through a labyrinth of winding pathways, the cramped field of view suddenly opens up to a wide panorama. 

Everyone: Your Majesties. 

I never anticipated that the entire hall would actually be filled with guards, all standing in a perfectly ordered formation. 

— To pull together an assembly of so many armed personnel, Victor must have spent a substantial amount of time, hasn’t he? 

I’m hardly able to restrain my inner shock as I think back to the frequent news in recent years of nobles associated with the close-knit sects being removed from power or inexplicably meeting tragic ends. Now, it seems... 

Every single person, myself included, severely underestimated this “dying” king standing before me. 

At this moment, Victor picks something up from the long table, and it’s only now do I notice that there are all kinds of torture equipment laid out on the table. 

The appearance of these torture instruments is menacing, and at their tips, dried blood remnants are still visible. 

Practically, the moment I get a good look at them, the reeking of blood and rust assaults my nostrils. I subconsciously cover my nose and mouth, tightly gripping the cuff of my sleeve. 

Subordinate: Reporting to Your Majesty, these are the ��refining” equipment we found at the scene. 

Subordinate: But those people are as cautious as rats at dusk; we’ve only found these pieces of material evidence so far. The remains of the blood sacrifice are still being sought. 

Victor nods calmly, and once the arrangements are made, the guards depart in an orderly manner through various secret passageways. 

Victor and I are the only ones remaining in the large hall. I make a conscious effort to restrain myself from looking at those torture instruments, regulating the rhythm of my breathing. 

MC: Your Majesty, did you bring me here to witness something so horrifying to disclose some kind of truth to me? 

Victor: Face has turned pale, but still got some courage. 

A smile tinged with what appears to be praise appears on his face, as he takes out from his bosom the gem that resembles a human heart from last night. 

The crimson light radiating from the gem spreads across his cheeks, eerie yet bewitching. 

Victor: The purpose of all these blood sacrifices is to provide energy for this “Blood King Crystal.” 

My eyes widen in incredulity as I stare at the pulsating vivid red in his hand, sensing a faint inkling of what it might signify. 

MC: When you hold this Blood King Crystal, your complexion appear rosier, and you don’t cough as much... 

MC: Could it be that the Church officials want to extract energy from commoners to enhance their physical strength? 

Victor: Not the Church; it’s the Royal Family. 

Victor doesn’t shy away from nodding his head. He stares fixedly at the red gem that provides him with strength, but in his eyes, there is only icy coldness. 

Victor: The vitality and longevity of successive kings across the dynasties were all due to their possession of the “Blood King Crystals” that were assembled from the lives of countless ordinary people. 

Victor: The Church refines it, and the Royal Family uses it, thus resulting in the Royal Family being controlled by the Church from then on. 

Victor: And anyone who uncovers this secret will die. 

My thoughts go back to my parents, as well as the reformist cabinet ministers— could it be that they all had...? 

My heart immediately falls into a valley. 

I close my eyes for a moment, then fix my gaze firmly on the unwavering king before me, a king who has endured extreme hardships and made sacrifices to stand where he is now. [4] 

MC: Your Majesty, currently, there is a significant following of the Church among the populace. We must find the evidence of the blood sacrifices and bring it to light for everyone to see. 

MC: I will carry on my parents’ legacy and work alongside you to find evidence of the Church’s blood sacrifices. 

In those forever serene eyes of Victor’s, I see the glint of a smile. 

Victor: [assuredly with obvious happiness] It appears you’ve perfectly inherited the chivalry and wisdom of Duke William. 

MC: Well... it’s not entirely that. Whether in public or private matters, it’s only right that I stand by your side. 

I wink at him, half-jokingly breaking the somewhat somber atmosphere. 

MC: After all, I’m not only the daughter of Duke William. I am your wife and, more importantly, the queen of this country. 

Victor: Is that right? It doesn’t seem to me that a certain someone possesses the temperament of a queen. 

MC: Regarding that... I will work hard, so you can’t keep teasing me all the time. 

Victor laughs in spite of himself and reaches out his hand, gesturing for me to take his arm. 

Victor: [laughs helplessly] Very well. My Queen, we should return now. 

────────── 

After coming out of the subterranean passageway, we follow the same path back. We were in a hurry when we came here. It’s only now do I take notice of the surroundings. 

In the nearby roadside, peddlers are selling fresh produce, while in the distant square, a group of less fortunate are circled around a fire, warming themselves and singing songs. 

The streets in the commoner’s district are intersected, narrow, poverty-stricken yet bustling with life, in stark contrast to the overwhelming dead silence of the royal palace. 

I hardly ever left the mansion, so I find myself unable to resist taking in the surroundings repeatedly. 

Victor: Does the Duke’s daughter find these things interesting? 

MC: ...no, no, I’m just looking around in passing, that’s all! 

Victor’s hand offhandedly adjusts a corner of my cloak. He takes a long stride, veering from the route back to the palace and heading in a different direction. 

Victor: That path is too narrow. Let’s stroll this way and get some fresh air. 

We slowly stroll along, taking in the surroundings as we walk. Not far ahead, there is a dilapidated small tavern. Victor gestures for me to take a look. 

Victor: I just suddenly recalled that you mentioned being curious when you were little and licking the snow with a fork. 

Victor: During winter, the iron cups in the tavern also have an element of sweetness. You should try it some other time. 

My scattered thoughts, fluttering around like wild and untamed grass, suddenly drop to the ground, and I can’t help but choke. 

MC: ...Your Majesty, are you teasing me? 

There is a slight curve at the tip of Victor’s brow as he gently curls the corners of his lips into a smile. 

Victor: [laughs softly] Perhaps I am, or perhaps, it is a sincere recommendation. 

MC: Could it be that you’ve drawn that conclusion after experiencing it firsthand? 

Victor: You could say that. 

Seeing him take the bait, a massive smile spreads across my face. 

MC: So, speaking of, does that mean that you’ve also stuck your tongue to an iron cup in the past? 

Victor seems to choke on his words for a moment. He shoots me a wordless look and walks forward, paying no mind to me. 

MC: [teasingly continues] So, did that really happen? Did it happen or not... 

We’ve almost circled the area surrounding the palace. Victor is tall and has long legs, but from the beginning, he has maintained a matching pace with me, making it so that I can always touch his shoulder by simply turning sideways. 

The weather is very cold today; my hands and feet are freezing, yet I deeply breathe in the bitingly chilly but liberating air. 

Even though I cannot purchase any dubious items to bring back to the palace, and even though I know the end of this path leads to the imperial palace that holds me captive— 

But perhaps because I have someone walking alongside me, I feel surprisingly at ease. 

In my sight, obscured by the chilling breeze, I see Victor squatting down and petting a skinny kitten at the corner of the alley. 

The cat stretches its body and lays down lazily under Victor’s hand, meowing. Victor smiles, and both of them then look at me together. 

Victor: [extremely softly] The winters in the future won’t be as chilling anymore. 

────────── 

[Notes]:

[4] The idiom used here is “越王勾践,” which came to life from the true story of King Goujian. I’d encourage you guys to just even google and see the small wiki on him if you can. This idiom in and of itself is the essence of the date in terms of Victor’s perseverance, and how he imposes suffering on himself for the constant reminder of what it is he’s fighting for by refusing to use the “Blood King Crystal.” 

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 3】

Victor soon announces the news of him regaining consciousness to the masses, sending waves of shock to everyone across the country. 

Amidst the reigning turmoil among the Church and the nobles, he proposes visiting the prominent noble households. 

In my capacity as the queen, I rightfully visit every noble residence with him, where we find numerous correspondences implicating the collusion between the nobles and the Church. 

The nobles kept the letters for the purpose of blackmailing the Church, both sides engaging in mutual exploitation, but they never once considered that there could be one day when they’d have to face the consequences. 

Using the letters as a starting point, a series of pivotal evidence regarding the Church’s blood sacrifice is unearthed through Victor’s thunderous methods. 

I, on the other hand, use my identity as an orphan of the reformers to help him win over the newly elevated nobles. More and more people begin to rally to our side... 

When a former subordinate of my father hands me a letter, as if in tacit agreement, both Victor and I simultaneously realize that the final piece of the puzzle has fallen into place. 

It’s about time for the verdict to be pronounced. 

────────── 

Tomorrow, Victor will convene a National Convention to expose the crimes of the Church to the masses. 

I can’t fall asleep, so I rise from the bed and pace around the bed chamber in my nightgown. 

Victor: [laughs helplessly] If memory serves me right, the person set to address tomorrow is not the queen; it’s the king. 

He is lying in bed with drowsy eyes. Turning towards me, he speaks in a low, raspy voice, infused with a teasing tone. 

MC: ...I didn’t realize I’d wake you up despite the carpet being so thick. I guess I’ll just go outside and sleep elsewhere. 

As I drape on my outer garment and am about to head outside the chamber, my wrist is suddenly gripped from behind, pulling me back onto the bed. 

Victor: [in an overwhelmingly sensual tone] You’re the queen. Where do you plan on sleeping when you look like this? 

Tangled up in my thoughts, I have tousled my hair, causing it to become disheveled. Victor sighs, who then picks up a comb and sits behind me. 

Victor: [switches to an overwhelmingly tender tone] Dummy. What is there to be nervous about? 

The moderate pressure on my hair pacifies my restless heart. I rub my ears, which have heated up, trying to shift the topic of conversation to conceal my shyness. 

MC: In the past, when my father would go to visit the king, my mother would become anxious like this and often wouldn’t even be able to eat anything. 

Victor: So, what would happen next? I’m afraid the duke probably wouldn’t let his duchess remain in a constant state of worry. 

MC: Mm-hmm. Whenever this kind of situation arose, my father would always hold my mother’s hand... 

As I speak, I immediately begin to regret it a little. It feels like I’m sending a rather awkward hint. 

Without waiting for me to dwell on more embarrassing thoughts, Victor’s hand has already enveloped mine, and the warmth from his palm flows to my icy fingertips. 

His temperature is reminiscent of dandelions in a garden, floating gently, landing on my face and neck. 

We are the puppet king and queen, husband and wife in name only. Even though we reside together in the same bedchamber, we’ve never been this intimate. 

I feel a sensation as if a feather quill is caressing my throat, making it impossible for me to conceal the true feelings harbored in my heart. 

Reflexively, I tighten my grip on Victor’s hand and turn to face him. 

MC: Victor, to be honest, even though I never mentioned it before, I used to think you were quite unfeeling. 

Victor: There was no need to say it; it was written all over your face. 

Victor: Also, not addressing me as “Your Majesty” anymore? 

MC: In any case, you are not going to hold it against me now, will you? 

MC: During this period of time that I’ve spent with you, running here and there together, I’ve come to realize in every passing moment that I hardly knew anything about you before. 

MC: For instance, in the case of those Church henchmen, according to the old laws, their families should have been exterminated, but you chose to exercise your discretion and grant amnesty to those who were unaware. 

MC: And regarding the commoners who have fallen victim to the blood sacrifice, you’ve been supporting their families with long-term financial aid. 

MC: You always project an image of keeping people at a thousand-mile distance, but in reality, there is also a tender side to you. 

A flicker of astonishment crosses Victor’s eyes, but he simply tightens his grip on my hand. 

Victor: [with a very evident hesitation in his tone] It sounds like... getting to know me is something that brings you joy? 

MC: Yes, it does. I wish to know you even better— the past you, the present you, and the future you. 

I gaze deeply into his eyes. 

MC: But you’re so encumbered by everything. I can only utilize the little time you set aside for me each day to learn about you amidst the calls of the people. 

Victor: ...MC. 

Victor’s eyes tighten, and a heartfelt and regretful emotion swirls within them. 

MC: I don’t wish to rob you of your time because of my selfish desires. 

MC: So, after the National Convention concludes, and when you’re no longer so busy... 

I draw in a breath, low and slow. And like that, just like the first time I met him, I lay bare all my yearnings and affections before him. 

MC: Reserve some time for me, will you? Not in your role as the king, but as my husband. Share your stories with me. 

MC: Will you, Victor? 

All my thoughts translate into clumsy words, pouring out like the way winter grass eagerly awaits spring rain, confessing everything I have in me. 

Victor continues gazing at me like this, until that gaze of his becomes infused with almost sorrow and a reluctance to part. 

Before I can decipher those cryptic code words, he has already cast his eyes downward, veiling the emotions within. 

Is this a silent rejection? I exert myself to force a smile, intending to crack a joke to ease the situation, but then he speaks first. 

Victor: [if a person’s voice alone could shatter one’s heart, I swear this would be it] There’s no need to wait till later. Let’s do it now. 

In astonishment and jubilation, I look up, locking eyes with his sincere gaze. 

On the night before the pivotal moment in destiny, I finally witness Victor’s wordless confession. 

────────── 

The following day, the National Convention proceeds as scheduled. 

Attired in royal robes, Victor stands at the forefront. Below the platform, countless eyes, some treacherous and others devout, are all converged on him. 

Victor: In my capacity as the king, I stand here only to declare one thing. 

Victor: The mysterious disappearances in the capital over the years have all been caused by the Church. 

The earth-shattering statement stirs up a commotion among the people, and the followers of the Church appear visibly unsettled. 

Victor: The Church extracts energy for the “Blood King Crystal” through the massacre of civilians in blood sacrifice rituals. 

Victor: As for the particulars, I will leave it to the Knight Commander to elucidate. 

The attendants toss numerous sheets of paper into the crowd off the platform, each containing records of clear and unmistakable evidence. 

In a matter of moments, the crowd transitions from initial silence to restlessness, ultimately erupting into an agitated uproar. 

It turns out that the matter of the true culprit behind the disappearance cases has been an enduring emotional anchor for the people, completely overturning everyone’s cognition. 

Some hurling curses, some wailing, and some even charging to express their scorn at the Church... 

Amidst the chaos, only Victor’s voice, his calm and powerful words, continues forward with a steady resolve. 

Crowd: Overthrow the Pope, give us back our people! Overthrow the Pope, give us back our people! 

As the chants and shouts cease and amid the furious uproar of the crowd, the Pope, who is ringed, calmly casts a glance in Victor’s direction. 

The Pope: Silence. Dear Compatriots. 

The elderly Pope walks slowly to the center of the platform, an inscrutable and chilling smile playing on the layers of wrinkles on his face. 

The Pope: His Majesty speaks the truth. The Church does indeed extract energy for the “Blood King Crystal,” and the blood sacrifice of civilians has truly occurred. 

The Pope: However, all these casualties and deaths stemmed from the demands of the royal family! 

The Pope: Throughout history, every king has relied on the “Blood King Crystal” to survive, and even our righteous and dignified king, His Majesty, is using it at this very moment! 

The Pope: The very purpose of the “Blood King Crystal’s” existence is to secure the longevity of the king. Without a king, who will lead the country? How can the kingdom have a future? 

The Pope raises the scepter high, directing it towards Victor. 

The Pope: Your Majesty, the Church has been faithful and devoted to the Crown for all these years. As you pronounce judgment on the Church’s sins today, do you not feel a sense of guilt? 

The wrath of the masses below the platform has no outlet after his manipulative and distorted speech, and their eyes shift to Victor. 

Silent inquiries and judgments flood the eyes of the crowd, prepared to tear everything to shreds at any second. 

The noble king, however, has maintained his impassive demeanor from the beginning. He lapses into a moment of silence, gazing into my eyes. 

Amid the scrutiny of the spectators below, I lock my eyes with him, and in that gaze, I see the very same expression of unwillingness to part that I wasn’t able to discern last night. 

But at this moment, I seem to understand its meaning. 

Holding back the bitterness in my eyes, I take a step forward and speak in a loud voice. 

MC: What the Pope said is true. The kings of the previous dynasties colluded with the Church for their personal gains, resulting in the slaughtering of civilians. 

MC: However, the Blood King Crystal has never been a precious treasure, but rather a curse. 

MC: As each king became more reliant on it, the health of the royal descendants suffered increasing repercussions, which led to an even deeper dependence on the Church. 

MC: His Majesty has been working tirelessly to put an end to these nefarious activities, solely for the sake of the future of this country. 

MC: As for the Blood King Crystal... 

I close my eyes, my eloquent speech coming to an abrupt halt. This elicits puzzled murmurs from the crowd off the platform.  

At this time, Victor walks to the forefront of the stage. 

He retrieves the vivid red gem from his bosom, and the blinding luster falls on his chest, projecting an image as if blood were coursing through. 

Victor: Behold, the Blood King Crystal. 

Before anyone can comprehend, Victor swiftly exerts a slight force with his fingertips, and the Blood King Crystal instantly disintegrates into fine fragments in his hand. 

Pope: You...!! 

Countless crimson red powder, reminiscent of blood, streams out from between his fingers, and his complexion has already turned a shade of pallor. 

The elixir of immortality, amassed from the sacrifice of countless human lives across generations of kings, the venomous sac upon which the Church depends for survival, has been completely eradicated before the eyes of everyone. 

Victor: Those deserving of being brought to reckoning, not a single person will be spared. 

Victor: That includes the Church, as well as the Royal family. 

He unfurls the hand that holds the Blood King Crystal. His palm now only holds a thin layer of gemstone powder, and he allows it to be carried away by the northern breeze. 

Victor: Henceforth, dust will return to the earth, and blood will be bestowed upon the people. 

Victor: I shall personally redeem the filth that has accumulated for far too long. 

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 4】

In the wake of the National Convention, Victor instigates a series of reform policies to root out corruption, setting off a massive surge across the country. 

He works tirelessly day and night, paying no heed to my attempts to dissuade him. There is an urgency in him that I don’t want to understand, a rush that drives him to get everything in order. 

Throughout this time, I’ve been seeking out renowned physicians from everywhere, but all I’ve received are negative answers filled with a mix of dread and despair. 

Until one day, he slips back into a coma again, and even the duration of his coma seems to be stretching longer and longer as the days elapse. 

And all I can do, or more accurately, want to do, is simply to remain by his side. 

With his eyelashes hanging low, a gentle shadow falls upon that beautiful yet pallid face, and it seems even his breathing has become very light. 

As I gaze at Victor’s side profile in deep slumber, I can no longer find the same relaxed and carefree state of mind I had when I first stepped into the royal bedchamber. 

He is no longer someone who could have confined me, the husband I had never met before, but rather my beloved with whom I have been through thick and thin together. 

My only wish is for him to open his eyes and look at me, share some dry jokes, and then walk with me through the streets and alleys again and observe how people are living nowadays... 

Victor’s life began wither away the instant the Blood King Crystal was shattered. All he can do now is expend every ounce of the remaining warmth. 

He knew the consequences better than anyone else, yet he still orchestrated his own ending with his own two hands. 

I remain by the bedside, tightly holding onto his hand. I can’t tell whether I’m trying to comfort him or myself. 

MC: [sobbing] Victor... 

Tears well up and stream down my eyes. A hand reaches up to caress my cheek, gently wiping away those tears. 

Victor: Why are you crying? 

Victor has woken up at some point without my notice and is now frowning as he looks at me. 

Quickly, I wipe away the tears in a haphazard manner, the corners of my eyes stinging from the abrasion of my forceful fingertips. 

MC: I’m alright. Are you hungry? What would you like to eat? 

Victor doesn’t answer. Instead, his gaze passes over my shoulder and settles on the view outside the window. 

Victor: It’s snowing. 

It’s only now do I take notice that the imperial palace courtyard has already been blanketed in snow, transforming into an expanse of pristine white. 

Victor: Weren’t you most fond of building snowmen when you were a child? Why not give it a try now? 

MC: But your health... 

Victor: [in an even tender and heart-wrenchingly weaker tone] It’s just building a snowman. 

I press my lips together. The truth is, I have long grown to despise winter, and I don’t like building snowmen anymore. 

After the death of my parents, the attendants who had been my companions from childhood to adulthood were all substituted with the informants from the Church, and the duke’s mansion became eerily cold and desolate. 

The winter season I once loved became increasingly colder as time went on, and I no longer had the desire to go out. Warmer seasons began to become more likable to me. 

But none of these are worth mentioning to Victor. Because this winter— it is marked by the moment I met him. 

I nod. 

MC: Of course. 

MC: In that case, I must show you the snowmen-building skills I’ve honed since childhood! 

I force a smile and step outside with Victor after donning our outer garments. He tucks my hand into his cloak. 

Victor: A certain someone was shivering in the cold during the last outing, and she still forgot to bring her gloves this time. 

MC: I did it intentionally. Otherwise, how could I get Your Majesty to help warm my hands? 

With this said, I slip my chin into my cloak, and the smile at the corner of my mouth instantly fades away. 

Victor’s hand is much colder than mine. Taking a deep breath, I grip his hand even tighter, and together, we step into this pure white world. 

────────── 

The chilly breeze howls as Victor and I tread through the snow, neither of us uttering a word. [5] 

Reminiscent of a wanderer losing its way, the mist hangs over the frigid ground and eventually dissipates into the pale grayish expanse above. 

Victor suddenly loosens his hold on my hand. 

Victor: Didn’t you want to showcase your skills to me? Why aren’t you going yet? 

I cast a brief glance at the mounds of snow under the trees, nod in silence, and reluctantly let go of his hand despite my heart breaking. [6] 

MC: Well, Your Majesty, please wait for just a short while. 

I tighten Victor’s cloak for him, then dash to the snowdrifts and begin building a snowman. 

My hands move at a blazing pace. There is only a single thought circling in my mind right now, and that is to swiftly end this time-wasting game and return to his side as fast as possible. 

To add to my woes, the newly fallen snow proves challenging to shape, much like bleached wool. Despite my vigorous efforts to press the snow together time and again, the snowballs continue to fall apart, each and every time. 

A mix of vexation and restlessness churns in my heart. I have nearly exhausted all the strength left in my body to mold the snowballs, and both my hands are now aching from the cold. 

Victor: [with endless helplessness] Dummy, no one is competing with you for first place. There’s no need to be in such a rush. 

Subconsciously, I pause in my movements, turn my head, and find him gazing at me with a serene expression. 

The urgency and anxiety in my heart seem to find equilibrium, and my hands unconsciously settle into a steadier motion. 

Regrettably, the snowman I end up crafting doesn’t even qualify to be described as “adorable.” Even so, Victor earnestly lowers his head, observing it with the bearing of a connoisseur appreciating a gem. 

Victor: To create this shape without it falling apart is indeed a testament to skill. 

His teasing remark elicits a chuckle from me. I pick up a twig and walk over to him. 

MC: There’s still one last step, but it requires Your Majesty and me to complete it together. 

Placing the twig in his hand, I then hold onto his hand, and together, we draw eyes and a mouth on the snowman’s face. 

Victor chuckles softly, and conversely, he grasps my hand, guiding it to make strokes. 

Victor: You’re holding so tightly; its eyes are all crooked now. 

Looking at the snowman with its enlarged eyes due to our modifications, I’m just about to crack a few jokes when I notice a touch of weariness on Victor’s face. 

MC: We’ve almost completed the snowman. Would you like to rest for a while? 

Victor: I know a tavern. Come with me. 

We’ve arrived at the alley where we met that kitten before. It has undergone a complete transformation, and the newly opened tavern is bustling with patrons. 

It’s a snowy day, and the tavern is filled to capacity. I initially thought that there would be no seats available. However, the owner leads us straight into a room. 

MC: Huh? Did you reserve the room with the owner in advance? But you weren’t... 

Victor brushes away the snowflakes off my head, seeing through my puzzlement. 

Victor: I arranged it in advance, yes. 

Victor: Since I didn’t know when I would be awake, I told the owner beforehand that I would have this room reserved for as long as it snows. 

The fire in the hearth produces a crackling sound. Victor’s facial features are enveloped in the cloud of heat, his eyes gentle. 

Victor: I just thought that one day, I would take you out to see the snow. 

We sit on the terrace, sipping the warm wine. Amidst the aroma of wine wafting in the air, he speaks in a soft tone. 

Victor: I did stick my tongue to a cup in the past. It happened when I was five years old and had a taste of my father, the king’s red wine in secret. My mother, the queen, had gotten quite the shock. 

MC: Eh? What are you talking about... 

Victor: Dummy, aren’t you always clamoring about wanting to hear my stories? 

He says it as if it were the most natural thing, as if this were merely an ordinary winter day, as if we were an ordinary married couple offhandedly conversing about our everyday life while enjoying a drink and keeping ourselves warm by the fire. 

The north breeze makes my eyes sting, but I still force myself to smile as I look at him. 

MC: So, it turns out that His Majesty was a dummy, too, when he was five years old. How about when you were six? What was it like? 

Victor: When I was six... 

In the back-and-forth questions and answers, more than twenty years of Victor’s life have become etched in my mind. 

I dare not listen. I can’t help but feel as if once I’ve heard everything, he will leave me. And yet, I listen carefully to every single word. 

I listen to the way he speaks each word— the way his teeth collide, the way his two lips meet, the way the nuances of his trailing notes alter between closing and releasing. 

Victor: Next, it’s the day when I got married to a certain someone. 

MC: ...there’s no need to tell the next part of the story. After all, the stories related to me have only begun. 

Victor pauses, but doesn’t follow up my words with a playful remark.

MC: ...Victor? 

Victor: What’s wrong? 

I shake my head, and when I open my mouth again, the name that has been lingering on the edge of my lips and weighing on my heart spills out involuntarily. 

MC: Victor.  

Victor: Mm, I’m here. 

He tacitly acquiesces to my almost naïvely foolish behavior, responding to my call of his name over and over again. It feels as though, if only I can keep confirming like this, the hole in my heart would be filled. 

MC: ...Victor. 

This time, he doesn’t speak. The silence forces me to stop. 

MC: [sobbing] I just want to know... what can I do to make you stay... [7] 

Victor sighs softly and beckons to me. 

I lean over and nestle in his frigid arms. 

As if he can no longer support the weight of his long, ink-black eyelashes, he casts his gaze downward. His nearly translucent skin appears as if it’s about to blend with the sunlight. 

Victor reaches out and touches my cheek, his finger pads caressing the contours of my face with utmost gentleness, as if sketching my features. 

His fingertips carry with them the chill of death, making me shiver involuntarily. 

Slowly and stiffly, I weave my words together, but the sentences that come out of my mouth are still shakily out of tune. 

MC: [teary-eyed x1] Victor, do you find it a little chilly? Maybe your cloak is too thin? 

MC: [x2] The fire is obviously burning so strongly, and the mead is also very warm... [8] 

MC: [x3] Look, there’s a kitten on the eaves over there. Isn’t it the one we met that day? 

MC: [x4] It looks so lively today. Seems like its frame of mind is as cheerful as ours. 

When I utter the last sentence, I hear his gentle sigh. 

At the same time, the laughter of playful children chasing each other, the chatter of young people, and the sighs of emotions of the elderly can be heard amidst the wind and snow. 

Victor: Hear that, the sounds outside. 

The sunlight seeps through the terrace, haloing and enveloping the surroundings with a layer of warm and bright haze. 

Bathed in that glow, my body’s consciousness returns little by little. I tightly clutch his hand, no longer shaking. 

MC: [x5] I can hear it. It’s almost New Year, and the streets are bustling and serene. 

Victor: The snowfall this year is promising. So, the harvest will be abundant next year. 

MC: [x6] Yes, people will become more affluent and happier. 

Victor: You will be a part of it all, too, and that’s really good. 

I bury myself in his chest, silently listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat, one beat after another. 

The heartbeat in my ears, following its rapid pace, begins to grow increasingly feeble. A realization dawns on me, and I force myself to lift my head and look at him. 

He is akin to a wan rose, wilting before my desperate eyes that seek to make him stay, withering within my outstretched arms as I reach out to hold on. 

From limbs to blood, to the light in his eyes— bit by bit, the luster fades. 

My king entrusts the future of this country to me, and then he steps out of time, heading toward eternal peace. 

I gently incline my body, kissing his peacefully closed eyes. 

MC: ...good night. 

This time, I don’t receive any response from him, but the snowstorm suddenly ceases. 

The curtain of the evening has already descended, and the vermillion sun sinks below the horizon. The final ray of the splendid afterglow thaws the ice and snow of the land. 

MC: Victor, I will take you to witness the tomorrow of this kingdom. 

────────── 

[Notes]:

[5] The exact phrase here actually was “冷风呜呜作响,” which literally means “the chilly breeze is producing a mournful sound”-- the “呜呜” used here is the onomatopoetic word for “sobbing/ wailing.” wanted to include this note as an example to gush about the brilliant atmospheric descriptions LZY writers use, e.g., the picture painted here echoes that even the nature is mourning at this slow, rather unfair, transition, mirroring the heroine’s and LZY’s pain of parting. ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ 

[6] The expression used here is “依依不舍,” one of my favorite phrases and hated ones to translate LOL. You’d usually see this phrase being translated as “reluctant/unwilling,” but it doesn’t even come close to expressing the depth of its meaning. The phrase means “reluctance to part with sb you love/ being broken-hearted at having to leave,” with an underlying tone of “wanting to be with that person regardless,” -- and I tried to retain the OG meaning without being too wordy haha~ 

[7] Not sure how much of the sentiment I could make it come across in the translation—the term (留住) MC uses here literally means “ask sb to stay/ keep sb for the night/ ask them to wait.” the beauty of it lies in the fact that it expresses such a multitude of emotions— desperately wanting to keep sb in your life despite knowing it’s not up to either of you so you want to know if they can wait for you even though you know it’s not possible~ ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ   

[8] Mead (蜂蜜酒), also known as honey wine, is a type of alcoholic beverage made by fermenting honey mixed with water and other fruits. You can google it to know about it in detail if you want LOL.

────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── 

[strwbrry-skies]

what a night..

summary: john was exhausted after his latest exorcism so as he got home, he quickly went to his shared bedroom while his partners were sitting on the couch. after a while, lisa and [reader] decided to surprise him with cuddles and kisses.

pairing: gn! reader x john x lisa (polyamorous!!)

warnings/heads up: this is set months after the third chapter. nothing, really. just fluff and john being a blushing mess.

11:54 pm on a friday. john sighed as he looked up from his watch, ‘friday nights used to be movie nights..’ he thought to himself. he walked up to the doorway of john's house, which he shared with his two partners, [reader] and lisa. he reached in his pockets to grab the key and started to fumble with it before putting it in the keyhole and unlocking the door. one step in and he saw [reader] and lisa cuddled up on the couch as they watched tv with the lights off, “hey, john. how's your day?” [reader] asked, their eyes not leaving the television screen. “horrible.” john mumbled as he dragged his legs to the shared bedroom. “i'm going to take a bath..”

as the bedroom door shut behind john, [reader] looked up at lisa's face as they lay their head on her lap. “lisa, i think we need to do something with john.” “about what?” “well, he just looks tired these few days. he keeps talking about these nightmares about the failed exorcism.. i'm worried.” lisa paused as she thought about what to do, then smiled. “why don't we just cuddle, the three of us, like the old days.” [reader] smiled at the thought of them cuddling again after months, and nodded their head.

after a long, warm bath, john got dressed up in his pajamas and slipped his bunny slippers on. he walked out of the bathroom and saw lisa and [reader] all cozy on their bed, john just tilted his head at the two of them. “i thought you two wanted to finish your movie night..?” “nah, the movies were pretty boring.” lisa said with a soft smirk on her face as [reader] patted the spot on the bed in between the two of them with their hand, signaling john to sit with them. john sighed as he walked over to his lovers, snuggling in between them. “i can tell something is off, you two are awfully smiley tonight..” john smiled as he looked to his left and right to see his lovers’ smiles. “and you started to smile too, what a coincidence.” [reader] said with a sarcastic undertone making the three of them laugh.

the three lovers snuggled and cuddled each other with content smiles on their faces. after a few minutes, lisa planted a kiss on john's cheek, making his face quite flushed. [reader] gasped playfully as they put a hand over their mouth, “john, are you blushingg??” they chuckle together before [reader] kisses john's nose unexpectedly, making his blush grow more red. “you two are spoiling me..” “get ready, cus’ we just started.” lisa smiled sneakily before peppering kisses all over john's face. “hey, don't forget about me..” [reader] joined in on kissing all over john's face, his face is practically as red as a freshly picked cherry.

authors note: posting this before my finals week so i can disappear again <33/j

[ezziefox]

The Reason Why I Can't Move On in Writing + more depressing thoughts

I think I just realized why it's so hard for me to surpass three or four chapters max when I begin to write my new books, or why I always find myself taking a break and taking forever to get back to it, and when I do, the momentum that might've never been there in the first place is lost and I don't know where to pick back up in my WIP.

I recently became more and more aware of how much time I spend on social media. But that's not the big issue I'm talking about here. It's my attention span and my anxiety.

Addressing the Anxiety

There are a lot of things in my life that I get anxiety about, and it largely comes into play whenever I'm writing in my free time. As I still attend high school, I don't get much free time, but even in my free time I fret about how much time I have. Because when I write, I love to get lost in it, listening to my music and all. But, as a person who has a strong hatred for my school especially and nothing can ever fix that hatred (the pandemic ruined everything for me in that regards), every time I open Word or some other app to begin my writing, instead of thinking about getting lost in my work and getting in the moment and writing seamlessly like I did when I first discovered Wattpad back in the summer of 2020, I instead focus on how much time I have to write what I want to.

And because of this constant timer and thought in the back of my head, instead of getting lost in what I love to do, I am instead constantly fearful and anxious of my time running out before I have to go to bed to return to the very place that depresses and maddens me to my core. And I have nothing nor no one to blame but my own mental health. But I still can never find myself liking school to at least make myself feel better. I wish I could attend a different school, even in a different country. I really wish I could have a restart so that I can have an open mind and freeer mind to continue doing what I love.

And in times when I get endless time like I've never before like summer, that idea of endless time and "soon I'll be able to do what I want to do with no push or setbacks" quickly dries up and goes out the door. Especially when my trip is close to ending, all I can ever really think about is how much time I have left. I'd rather spend it procrastinating and "having fun" whilst still realizing that it will come to an end, rather than get lost in my writing and when I shut the computer and look up, it's time for all fun to end — the free paper is burned.

I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get through this part without a complete mind reset and change of environment. As it goes for the mind reset part, my mind will never change. Not without a significant change in my life. And I hate that. But my mind refuses to be unstuck from the place it is in now.

As for...

Addressing My Short Attention Span

Because of the aforementioned anxiety with time I addressed, I've begun to consume my media (entertainment & procrastination) in short form so that it feels like I've gotten in so much fun in such a short time that I feel satisfied. How to explain this in simpler terms?.... Well.... I'm constantly fearful and anxious of my free time ending that I convince myself it's been longer than it's truly been by watching short-form content such as YT shorts, Instagram reels, and when I watch actual full-length videos, instead of watching completely through the video, I simply listen to it for a short while, and to get the gist of it and thoughts on it, I read through the comments while watching as little of it as I need to before I quickly lose interest and go find a different video to watch.

Tonight, as I write this to save it as a draft to post tomorrow, I've been trying to fix my attention span by sitting through some of the old content I used to watch, that being documentary-type videos. It's been going well so far. I've sat through all the videos and seldom went to the comment section. I didn't skip through any of them or anything like that. However, I did stop in the middle of one video to come and write this right now. I knew I could've waited until tomorrow, but I feared I wouldn't have been able too convey the emotions of realization that I am feeling right now as well and explain it as well as I am feeling it.

——

I'm hoping that this truly is my issue, and that once I fix my attention span, I can at least get through writing more chapters, no matter how long it takes. I'm fully aware that especially once school starts back, so will the anxiety leeching itself onto me. But anything is better than nothing, right?

Sigh.

If you're just like me, or something like it, my advice to address and sort out your attention span. And if it's within your reach and capability, your anxiety too. It's these things that hold us back from accomplishing anything in life, and writing is something we wish to accomplish, so if you can, find a way to conquer them. Do what I currently can't.

All of this deeply saddens me. I don't know where to go next, if I even want to move, or what will find its way to me next. Needless to say, I don't have much hopes for the future, but at the same time I do.

I like to tell myself I always give up, and then I realize that I never truly do and it's always f*cking with me. Sometimes I wish I would just give up, because no matter how much I want things or desperately hope that some miracle will grant certain things in my life, I always end up f-cking myself over in the end. I am mentally f-cked and tired. No matter how many breaks I get, it never seems to be enough for me.

And I always want more. I get told I already have everything. It's just so much going on in my life from family, to friends, to my own mind that just constantly fucks me over and disregards me in every way. I don't want to drop any personal information regarding the people around me, so that's all I'm gonna say about that.

You know, today I realized that it's one thing: being a kid and never truly realizing how much something or someone in your life is mentally f-cking you over, versus growing older and you're only a teen and you realize it in real time as it's happening. Earlier I wished that I could just be the former: be a kid that doesn't realize the mental gravity and toll that's being taken on me as I have no one but my cousin in my life that truly understands me and went through the same experiences as me and it's mentally f_cked her too.