#wasn't an option? Like once I wanted to wear a suit to homecoming and it was like. A full stop no. I didn't even like dances
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if I was a character I would've gotten non binary headcannoned so hard
#wordstag#back in da day. Was wondering what my problem was. Lo and behold I was trans the whole time#Thank cod for the queer community otherwise I genuinely have no clue what I would've done with my self.#Bro was so preoccupied with becoming nothing because they weren't what they wanted to be#that they didn't realize they could literally be what they wanted to be. For free. And no one could stop them.#still recovering from that bit to be honest. Crazy how childhood effects you or whatever.#it wasn't even like. Oh I wish I was the opposite gender sorta stuff. It was just full stop#Hey there's something wrong with me because I feel limited connection to my agab. I should die about it.#anyways online spaces were my jam. Was often perceived as male and I LOVED the change in pace#like gender never even really came up 99% of the time! What a beautiful world to live in...#I think my problem was that I saw male as like... the more neutral option?#women wear dresses and makeup and do their hair and men just. Don't#I THINK THE PROBLEM THAT ROOTED THAT PROBLEM WAS GROWING UP AROUND MY GRANDPARENTS#Who were always excited for me to be a beautiful young lady. Genuinely the best intentions but I wasn't vibing with it and that simply#wasn't an option? Like once I wanted to wear a suit to homecoming and it was like. A full stop no. I didn't even like dances#all that much. But skipping out on dances meant I was Wasting Highschool or whatever. Sad world.#anyways what. Long story short a lot of my childhood was spent longing to be perceived as something other than#my agab without saying that out loud because I thought saying something like that would cause the sky to fall.#YOU KNOW WHAT DIDNT HELP ALL THOSE GIRLS PROGRAMS#Like. I support women and all but being a part of them always felt vile. I didn't want to be a girl I just wanted to Be yknow.#have since gotten over that though and exploited my girl ness. Hashtag woman in stem hashtag aren't I cute? A woman pursuing#a scientific career? Adorable stuff? You should give me all of your money. Still feels vile but a different#perhaps more evil kind of vile. The exploiting the system of gender sorta vile#anyways. Cutting myself off here. Good night folks
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