#was trying to tell myself if the election went well maybe there'd be a chance for someone like me and it'd be worth trying again
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me trying to hype myself up to posting online again despite The Horror
#so turned out taking a break was both needed and the worst thing I could have done#having Anything to do day to day was the one thing keeping my brain from engaging nuclear meltdown lol#was trying to tell myself if the election went well maybe there'd be a chance for someone like me and it'd be worth trying again#but uhh no need to explain the flaws in that logic lmao#still stuck in the same place with no where else to go#and like#the more I learn about the scale of history the more I understand that relief won't really come until long after I've died#not at a scale needing to overcome the sheer ocean of grief and blood my country is built on and continues to feed year by year#have to live with it now somehow#its not liberating to acknowledge#but there's no such thing as miracles so I guess I'll stop hoping for better#that kind of thing has to be built by hand#really feelin that pingu rn#anyway time to stop whining I gotta start planning to post art or something#might need a second blog for my other non-nature-y artwork#trying to figure out how to make things manageable#maybe will make something silly just to break the ice#rompopolo calls
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