#wanted to try posting writings about more than just the adventures of bandana and taco

[ineedahiddencorner]

3.21.20

Well. The back pain is still there.

I was writing a proper blurb about it, with all the details and everything, but it seems it's affecting my concentration even though I'm sitting upright, in a proper chair, with a pillow for support. It doesn't acutely hurt right now but it feels like its threatening to. I was describing the pain as "acidic" earlier.... It's somewhere between an ache and acute, with flare ups of acute pain here and there.

Summary of post before:

It started moderate, went back to mild, and has been back to moderate to worse the past few days. It does not respond to extra-strength acetaminophen, heating pads, massages, or a proper physical therapy appointment. (That didn't even relieve it much during the appointment - I felt the same while adjustments were being made, let alone walking out.)

The only thing that seemed to loosen it somewhat was a drink, which is definitely not a remedy option.

So. Fun times. Had by all.

A family member suggested it might be stress. (Wonder why...)

I knew I had to pray anyway, because there has been so much I've been working through on my own. So, last night, I took time surrendering everything up to God. I listed off conflicts and concerns, one by one, from the past few weeks - from Bandana and Taco to Bush (oh that last one was necessary), and from family to school to the virus. I surrendered them all and felt better, and then had dreams last night which reflected that - a woman talked to me about life before and after giving it all up to God. It's funny, I'd seen and had a deep, pure, unknown affection for her in both her iterations throughout the dream (she appeared twice in two different contexts), but it wasn't until the very end of the second one, just before I woke up, that she started talking about God. But it was reassurance I needed, and I woke up refreshed and more myself than I had been the last few days. Even the worry about the back pain was gone.

Since then, I spent the morning and early afternoon running errands with (for) Mom. Though I haven't lifted anything heavy, the pain is still ever present. Moving is kept to a minimum, though its mostly transitions that hurt most - walking is fine once I get to it, it's just the getting up part. So for now just sitting, writing, and staying very warm in one of the softest hoodies I've ever had the pleasure of borrowing. (A grey and black one that I've actually stolen and shall never return... Thank goodness the two I stole it from will never see this post.. Nope... Nuh-uh. Never. Thank heavens.)

My back may be one thing. But my mental state is much more at peace. That's at least one out of two steps in the right direction.

Now I just wish I had the energy to reply to all the messages I keep getting... I want to reply to people I care about but my energy remains minimal. We'll get there. For now just taking it all one thing at a time.

To anyone who reads this and is concerned - I'm already set for further medical attention next week. Just hanging out and doing what I can in the meantime, and trying to not overthink anything. (Which I never do.)

(About anything.)

(Not once.)

(Never.)