#waitinginthefreezingdark

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 15 - Bookshop

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus - again.... I tend to have a “writing season” it would seem.

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 15 - Bookshop. Nesta works through her fear of the underground and tests out her gift.

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11 , 12 , 13 , 14  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC 2584

Nesta

The Market was beautiful, she couldn't deny it, they had been wandering for over an hour through the carved rooms, the fae lights inside the cavern were emitting a soft glow even on the paths people weren't using. Heat and flickering light also escaped from the various metal lanterns shining on the stalls. The silver, gold, and copper shapes lined the way: crescent moons, stars and other symbols from the night court etched into the metal. Smoky fragrances seeped from the cut-outs enticing shoppers closer to look at the trinkets, jewels and other night-court goods.

Nesta wondered if the Fae around her had other ways of capturing the attention of their shoppers, spells or tricks, there was a large group clustered around one stall but Nesta couldn’t see what was pulling them towards it - other than nosey people trying to see why there was a crowd in the first place.

After passing through the many halls of unique clothes, and jewels they had eventually reached the booksellers section. Walking into one, they talked about the exits and Cassian had made sure that the proprietor of the store kept an eye out; handing it a small bag before leaving. She was grateful that he had taken her concerns seriously and it was partly why she was feeling so safe and in control.  Cassian had left her alone, reading through a few books while he rushed off to complete what he needed to.

Nesta browsed the bookshelves, her fingers gliding over the worn covers. Broken spines and folded corners proving these books had been well read, and much loved favourites. In languages she couldn't read as well as a few in the common tongue she was used to. Finding three promising reads she left them with the large eyed creature near the front. Its claws clicked together as they moved over the covers, appraising what was chosen and softly placing them on the counter. Nesta inclined her head in thanks and decided to let her gift lead her towards her next find.

She hadn’t felt the need to test her powers in Windhaven everything seemed exactly as it should be, no glamours or shimmering people or places.

Here, in these walls, she couldn’t help herself, there were too many old things.  Too many forgotten things. Lost things, sitting here in this magical warren just waiting to be uncovered.

She could feel them calling to her.

Wanting to be found.

Letting her mind find items wasn’t as easy as people thought - At least not for her.

Nesta cleared her thoughts as well as she could, the noise behind her fading out, becoming unfocused, letting her gift take over. It was not something she liked to do - losing control, but it seemed to be the only way.

She had to let the power direct her.

Nesta started by sending out small tendrils of her gift to see what they came back with. They called to her, pulling her further into the caves like small children at their mothers skirts.

She kept checking back to see where the shop owner and the Exit was and each time she did, her power came to a standstill. Frustration overwhelmed her, yet - wandering off too far alone would not be a good idea. Turning back towards the darkness, black shapes and mist moving out of the corners of her eyes. Refocusing she looked towards the cool glow of the fae lights deep inside the cave, the gap in bookshelves began to narrow as she continued to walk forward one small step at a time.

She could feel something old, something hidden but what - she couldn't tell. The Darkness in the corners of the room was encroaching on her with each step.

Taking a deep breath, she opened her fists and placed one hand on the bookshelf beside her, fingers extended, letting her power read the space. Again she lost awareness of her surroundings as the tendrils moved along the shelves until her power stopped. Halted like a dog on a leash looking back at their owner for permission to carry on. Except when it looked back it realised something was wrong.

Nesta felt her power looking to the distance behind her.

Fear.

A cool breeze on her neck.

Her power rushed back into her. Ready to do whatever needed to be done. Anger infused her body, carried back to her by her gift. It radiated down her limbs ready to fight.

“You knew, I would find you.” it whispered.

Nesta was still emerging from her trance, she shouldn’t have done it. She should have waited for Cassian. Should have used her common sense, never have explored with her magic. This place asked her to know its secrets and she gladly took the temptation offered. Now there would be consequences.

“I’m glad you waited for me though.” it said with warmth and a hint of sarcasm.

Nesta knew that voice.

“Nesta?”

Concern.

"Nes?"

“I’m fine!” she said, inhaling a deep breath as she came back in control of her body. Reigning in her power before it did something she would regret.

“I should hope so.” Cassian looked at her, his deep brown eyes inquiring for more information, trying to put together a puzzle with missing pieces. She could see him give up as he rubbed her shoulder, the pressure feeling amazing on her tired limbs.

“I just became light headed, tired, thinking about what to look for next. No problems then?” she asked changing the subject.

“Not this time.”

He walked along behind her as she continued to browse. The narrow path between the stacks forcing his wings in tight.

“Right now I would give anything for smaller wings.”

Nesta snorted, “be careful what you wish for, that might be reflected elsewhere” she said through laughter “Are you sure that's a risk your willing to take.”

“You tell me?” he asked, the laughter clear in his voice.

Then in a philosophical tone he asked “Does it matter? When I look like this?” she turned and saw him holding up one flexed arm, eyebrow raised in her direction, looking like some virility statue. He began to move his hips in a circular motion “and move like this?”  

Nesta laughed, “I guess I’d have to find out? Maybe I should be conducting my own tests, lots of illyrians in Windhaven at the moment.”

Cassian grunted.

"Fuck!" he swore as his wing caught on another bookshelf.

She laughed.

“I guess you do need to sample smaller wingspans - to understand how rare a wingspan of mine is. Or you could trust that I'm telling the truth.” he teased.

“Maybe I should borrow Mor’s Veritas.” Nesta suggested. "Anyway aren't Azriel's bigger?"

She stopped and tried to decide if she should keep moving.

He had gone quiet and Nesta wasn’t sure if it was because she mentioned Mor or the orb of truth or he didn't want to try and boast that his wingspan was bigger than Azriel's when the orb of truth was in play as a possible solution to the years of bickering.

“What’s down here?” he asked. "And - by the way- Azriel manages to sneak around an awful lot. He wouldn't be catching his wings in here, make of that what you will!" he tried to throw his arms wide for emphasis but the bookshelves got in the way.

She bit her lip and held her tongue in regards to Azriel.

“I’m not sure what's down here exactly, I’m following my instincts.” She threw the words over her shoulder at him and then continued walking.

The shadows seemed to stay back but Nesta had the distinct feeling that she was being watched.

Cassian followed along behind her, staying quiet and watching out for trouble, looking down each aisle they passed. Maybe he felt the presence watching as well. He would have a better idea of the sorts of creatures in these mountains than her.

“Maybe we should head back to the lake.” Cassian said

They had walked through book stack after book stack, the scrolls lining the shelves turning brown with age. Mostly paper but several were made of skin and bone - hopefully animal. One had a decidedly blue tone to it however, so it was not an animal Nesta knew of. She still hadn't found what was calling to her blood earlier, just using her eyes seemed to make the whole process feel futile - she would never find it.

“I just,” she sighed and turned to face him. “I want to try something - I’m going to use my powers, can you...” she took a breath again looking around, “Can you keep an eye out - I can sense something down here.”

She could feel his eyes move over her, assessing. Appraising her posture, from her legs to the set of her shoulders like the commander he was. Judging his soldier. Checking she was prepared. He never looked at her like this - maybe with mischief, pain, fear or love but not a frank assessment of her abilities.

He stood straighter before leaning to the side lifting his muscled leg to check a blade was still tightly strapped without looking down. Next he flexed his hands, red siphons glinting as they caught the light.

“Sure thing Nes.”

----

Cassian

Cassian twitched his wings as she turned around in front of him. His warrior, his love leading the way. He watched her carefully taking note as she used her magic, her slender arm moved out in front of her.

He wanted to go first - to jump in front of her and protect her but he knew she needed to be in charge - he was there for support. Backup.

This was not how he expected their date to go. Romantic book shopping - yes, exploring the cave system looking for danger - no. He was meant to be keeping Nesta safe - What would Rhys say? What would Feyre say? Feyre was most definitely scarier than Rhys in this situation. Rhys wouldn't' mind too much if Nesta wandered off never to be seen again, but Feyre would never forgive him.

A strange feeling came over him, a sense of being surrounded by mist, damp air filled his lungs and he struggled to look into the gloom ahead. His siphons flared slightly reacting to Cassian’s own unease. This feeling was familiar but he could not place it. The mist opened and he felt the pull of magic in a clear direction ahead of them. Nesta began walking again.

She moved silently, standing just as she had been when he had snuck up on her before - was this what she was doing?

The shelves stopped and there were a few seats arranged around a small table in the final room of the book merchant’s store, a place to read if anyone came this far back. Cassian looked around. Four doors were in the square room, one they had just entered through, and one door on each of the other three sides. All pathways seemed dark to him, this was not a part of the Market they should be exploring.

Nesta moved ahead of him, her hand moving like a divining rod - back and forth across the space until she felt something.

Walking over to the back of the room she peered into the doorway. Cassian followed and saw a dark corridor that turned away and down into the earth. No fae lights, bare walls, a tunnel that could lead straight into the heart of the mountain.

“Cassian,” she put her arm behind her and he took her hand “should I keep going? I think it wants me to go further inside, but I don't know if I can.”

Cassian enveloped her in a hug from behind and whispered, “Nes, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to, and if you do i’ll go with you. Always. We go together.”

The words caught in her throat and she whispered “We go together.”

The mist in the room seemed to fade and Cassian’s senses instantly improved.

“Well. No more magic?” he asked.

“Not for now - I don’t think I should let myself be pulled too far in, i’m unaware.” she whispered and looked around. They were alone but Nesta seemed on edge. Like someone else was listening.

“What do you mean? unaware?” he asked quietly.

“Sometimes, in order to access my magic I need to go into a trance and I take a while to react - I don’t like it. That’s all.” her chin tilted up, the silver in her eyes flashed. Ready to move on.

“How often do you use it? I’ve never really been around to see it.” he asked, hoping to understand - hoping she hadn't closed down. Hoping to ease some of her burden. No one except Amren had any idea what Nesta could do and neither of them were giving it away.

“It's an evolving process.” she said

Cassian rubbed his thumb over her fingers - he could not seem to get enough of her. Ever since flying with her here, her body curled in tight to his chest, the rhythm of her breathing against him. Spending so many peaceful moments together, he just wanted to hold her hand and hug her and talk to her and maybe later sleep in the same bed. It didn't seem too much to ask. They still had so many things to discuss but just living in this moment was all he wanted. No expectations.

“We’re staying the night - I found a room, so we can always come back and explore tomorrow.” he threw out the offer. They didn’t have to follow her magic, they didn’t have to learn anything - they could just ignore it and enjoy each other. Even if it was just one night of peace before returning home.  

Nesta looked away from him and at their hands, her teeth worrying at her lip, deep in thought.

Maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned a room. Could he take it back? Perhaps taking it back and saying he got a suite would be better. Maybe he should offer to sleep on the floor. Cassian knew that wasn’t going to happen. His wings were already becoming heavy, the exhaustion from flying all day catching up to him. He had spent a lot of money on one of the nicest apartments near the top of the cave complex and he was going to sleep with his wings spread out as far as they could on that bed tonight. He just hoped that Nesta would be next to him.

“Okay, lets go get those books and head to our room.” Nesta said as she let go of his hand and led the way back out.

Cassian turned and looked toward the dark corridor one last time - a lot brighter than it had been only moments ago, and no mist to be seen. He shuddered involuntarily as a cold breeze swept up and out of it reminding him of another place he often felt like this. It was never wise to go searching in the dark places of the Night Court without a plan, but especially not at night. Tomorrow was a new day.

He followed Nesta out. Cassian felt the dread leave his body with each step and a grin grew as he watched her walk away.

“Stop it!” she chastised him without turning around.

Her pace increased, hips moving from side to side down the narrow tunnel of bookshelves.

“Stop what, I’m not doing anything?” he called back laughing.

---

[rayonfrozenwings]

For the prompt thing, Can you please do a fluffy number 1 for Nessian? Because I need more sweet Nessian in my life...

Hey Nonnie! Thank you so much for the inspo.... 

Here is a link to what I wrote - It’s a part of a bigger fic I am working on but this chapter can be read in isolation. As long as you take it as its set in the illyrian Mountains and Cassian + Nesta are still trying to get used to their feelings. There will be a part 2 (next chapter) at least if you felt like you wanted more....

Waiting in the Freezing Dark chapter 13

Also if anyone who is waiting for WITFD posts on tumblr - I will try to have a version up here soon. I just haven't formatted/done the extra work for that - maybe i’ll get to it when I finish writing chapter 14. hahaha 

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 16 - The Little Things

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: Upcoming chapters contain sexual references and explicit language. 

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 16 - The Little Things. Nesta and Cassian get comfortable. 

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11 , 12 , 13 , 14 , 15  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC 2151

Nesta

 Silver whorls and patterns decorated the imposing metal doors in front of them, dominating the corridor that had led them here. Cassian turned the keys; opening the suite he had procured earlier. Leading the way he placed their purchases and bags on a hall table nearby. 

Looking around Nesta quickly made note of where everything was, turning in a clockwise direction. She could see it had an open plan kitchen with a glittering island bench with stools underneath and next to the kitchen cabinetry was a nondescript door to another room. 

Her gaze continued to assess her surroundings - just like the house of wind a massive window was carved out of the rock and the balcony overlooked the conifers below. The lounge space was laid out in front of the windows to face the view. This place - while not large - could be used for entertaining, the sofas were big enough to seat several warrior sized illyrians and if need be - slept on. Off to the other side of the room was a single door, open and leading into a bathroom. Having full scope of the room she could tell that the simple door next to the kitchen must be the bedroom. One bedroom. 

The Room was beautiful and much more than she expected. An abrupt reminder that Rhys paid his staff well. Paid Cassian well; her shoulders bristled at the thought that his influence had reached even this isolated location. A reminder that while she lived in the Night Court and with one of his inner circle she would never be truly free to live her life.

Cassian had said the caves were made by fae, mining riches from these mountains. But this apartment was for someone of importance. No clues as to who, its walls bare from art. No trinkets adorned this room for rent. Long ago this suite was set up to be used by whoever had the money to pay for such luxury - not the miners themselves. She had seen the homes of previous inhabitants in the caves below. Some occupied and others abandoned. It reminded her a lot of the cottage she had spent so much time in.

Her hands moved across the cold polished wall, an art piece in itself, the speckles of colour from the gems providing an indoor interpretation of the night sky. It was in stark contrast to downstairs where the walls were rough and whole gems protruded. Same mountain - different outcome. 

She peaked into the bathroom, it even had indoor plumbing with a little room to relieve oneself and carved into the white rock were basins and benches - adorned with candles, towels and any other supplies they might require. Nesta didn’t want to inquire too deeply about where the water went afterwards but Cassian did tell her that the drinking water was not connected to the wastewater - which was a question she didn't realise needed answering, until he had said something. 

Silently she walked to the window, looking down, fires and lights from the many groups of gathered Fae spread across the forest floor. The Market was still alive even this late into the evening, thrumming music drifting up from the forest into the room, a primal beat moving through her bones, calling to some unknown part of her. 

Nesta watched Cassian tidy away their things, placing bags in the bedroom, pouring himself a glass of water and then heading to the bathroom to clean himself up, she supposed she should be doing the same - preparing for bed, but she hadn’t brought many extra items. 

Knowing Cassian and knowing that their relationship was tentative at best -  she planned for the worst - if she was sleeping in a tent and she would need her clothes for extra warmth. Having a heated cave apartment with more space than their house in Windhaven was not expected at all. 

In fact - this whole trip was quite unexpected, she couldn’t believe that a switch flicked and they were in a different place. Was taking that step towards him enough? Was it that easy?

She had avoided him since falling asleep on him at home. She didn't want him to know how much she missed him and how she actually liked his company. She hadn’t meant to show him such vulnerability but it was often difficult erecting walls once they started to fall. She took a deep breath, attempting to organise her thoughts.

She knew how he felt about her. 

She knew he loved her - at first, he said it to make her mad. The phrase met with her icy glares or a middle finger. She just wasn’t sure what that love meant. Was it “I'm never going to let you go ” love? or “I’m here if you need me” love? or “I want to take you right here right now and we’ll deal with the consequences later ” love?

Somehow she knew that it wasn’t just going to be one type of love. Not after what they had been through to get here. But did she even want to be here. Nesta ran her hands through her hair, twisting the ends in her fingers.

She turned to the window again, looking out into the night searching for answers. What did she want? 

She knew what she didn’t want. She didn’t want to be with Cassian because she was meant to be . 

She would decide her own fate - no one else. 

Fuck the mother or the cauldron - they weren’t hers to worship. 

She was not going to do what was expected. If she wanted to sleep with him she would, she could not deny that the big illyrian brute had muscles that flexed in all the right ways and that his hands felt like home when he held her in his arms. When he reassured her by simply touching her hand. When he looked at her with his hazel eyes from across the room like he was stalking prey. Sometimes she just wanted to melt right into him. 

And yet… Other times, he made her want to burn the world down. Rage against him - against the orders he was following. 

Hate him, destroy him or claw his clothes off and claim him. There never seemed to be an inbetween, well, not until Windhaven. Not until she felt like fate had retreated from this choice she was supposed to make and let her live. 

“I’m all done in there if you wanted it.” Cassian said.

Nesta pulled herself out of her thoughts and switched her view. Cassian flipped his dripping hair over his head to dry it, wings flexing out to offer him balance, quickly pulling back in as he stood straight. Those wings were huge. He wasn’t lying about that. His golden brown arms flexing as he roughly dried the rest of his chest. She wasn’t sure whether to be glad or not that he was wearing a second towel around his waist. Nesta could feel the blush moving up her chest and shoulders settling in her cheeks.

She swallowed, looked down at her hands, brushing them along her illyrian leathers and said, 

“I’ll just freshen up, I didn't bring extra clothes to sleep in so I guess I’m sleeping in leather tonight.” 

“Not planning to go commando?” Cassian asked, his eyes twinkling with mischief, towel moving along his illyrian tattoos and down each arm. He definitely knew what he was doing to her and that she couldn’t help her reaction to him - not when he looked like this. The brute was handsome; she’d give him that.

“Actually, I thought we were going to be sleeping outside on the floor and I didn't want to ruin my nightdress.” she threw back. 

“Couldn’t do that to you sweetheart.” he walked past her, hands ruffling his hair, pulling out the tangles and he went straight to the bedroom door. 

“By the way,” he called, “I’m taking the bed, you are most welcome to join me - but there is always the couch.” he pointed and laughed as he went inside the room. 

  Nesta looked up to the ceiling, entreating to a high power - please don’t let me kill him in his sleep. Or even worse right now - sleep with him. She wasn’t sure she wanted the consequences. She sighed and went into the bathroom.

Upon entering Nesta saw a bundle wrapped in a towel and a small note with her name on it. Unfolding the paper carefully she saw Cassian’s script beneath, 

Thought you could use something since you packed light.

Eyebrow raised, Nesta opened the present folding back the impromptu gift wrapping of the towel - the towel she needed to use because it was the only one left in the room. 

Inside she found a beautiful long silk shift, the kind that could be considered romantic. 

The kind that could be considered modest for its length yet enticing for the fragile straps that would emphasise the dip along her collarbone. 

The kind that Nesta would buy herself if she had the inclination. 

The silver shimmery fabric fell to the floor as she lifted it to feel the fabric. So wonderfully soft. 

He knew her. He knew what she liked.

Nesta quickly washed herself and changed into the comfortable night dress that was quickly becoming her favourite thing about this trip. She just hoped she wouldn’t need her leathers.

 --

 She stood in the doorway like a goddess. Standing to her full height chin raised ready for battle. Her silver rimmed blue-grey eyes bore a hole into her opponent. He smiled at her. Her golden-brown hair cascading down in soft curls - recently removed from her braided coronet. Elegant limbs were emphasised by her shimmery nightgown, hugging her hips and legs, bare arms pale in the moonlight like some river goddess emerging from the shallows. 

 “I just want you to know, I’m not coming to your bed because you bought me with gifts?”

“You’re not?” Cassian asked with all the innocence he could muster. His hazel eyes - full of mischief looking straight back into Nesta’s own.

“I’m not, there is no way I am sleeping on that couch. The nightgown just means you don’t have to sleep next to someone wearing leather.”

“Maybe wearing leather to bed is also not something I would say no to?” a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and as much as he tried to hide his dimples they gave away his thoughts. 

Nesta huffed and walked to the end of the bed - hand on hips. 

Cassian had already taken over the whole bed, wings spread behind him from one side of the bed to the other.

“What side do you prefer?” she asked, tone emotionless. 

She was determined, sharing such a large bed would not be a problem.

“The top side.”

“Cassian.” she let out his name on a sigh trying to hide the exasperated smile.

“Yes sweetheart,” he paused, “I will say - this is a massive bed and there is plenty of room.” He spread his arms out on each side of his body emphasising his point. Implying that he had no intention of moving from the centre of the bed. 

“What side?” she said through gritted teeth.

He laughed and then threw up his hands before folding them across his chest. His bare chest. His flexed arms bare above the covers. What was he wearing underneath?

“Aww come on, ya love me really.” he wiggled an eyebrow at her, clearly enjoying himself. 

“That is yet to be determined. What side?” Her eyes flashed again in irritation. 

“I really don’t mind - I haven’t had to think about a side my whole life Nesta, that’s over 500 years of a bed all to myself.”

“500 years - no wonder you’re cranky.” She threw a stare back at him and he just smiled back. Back to their bickering - a duel already occurring. 

They just couldn’t help themselves.

Her posture changed, eyes sparkling and chin tilted up - she lifted the length of her nightgown on one side, an idea coming to her.

Nesta climbed up over the end of the bed, making her way across the covers, arms and legs stradling Cassian’s body as she crawled along. She could feel the hard lines of his thigh between her own, the corded muscles felt hard through the fabric brushing up against her inner thigh. Cassian sucked in a quick breath. 

She lay down on top of him, nuzzling her face into his chest.

Cassian cleared his throat.

Waiting for her to look up at him. 

“I have to say this was not what I expected.” he whispered to her, her hair spreading across his bare chest.

“Did you not realise the other day that I like to be on top too.” she mumbled back.

Cassian laughed and wrapped his arms around her, “As long as you’re comfortable Nes.”

“Mmmm hmmm,” her breathing slowed.

“Wait, Nes, seriously?” he asked. “Seriously!”

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 13 - The Market

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus - again.... I tend to have a “writing season” it would seem. 

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 13 - The Market. After Nesta took the emotional plunge, awkwardness has returned between herself and Cassian. Cassian tries to find a way to fix the it by taking Nesta somewhere special.

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11 , 12  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC 2146

Nesta

Gloved fingers held her book open as she wandered down the gravel path, trees casting dappled shadows on her pages and the birds swooping down low to get a better look at what she was reading.

“You are worse than Cassian” she called back to the birds who continued to stalk her.

She knew they weren’t birds, but she hadn't asked anyone what sort of Fae they were or if she should be wary. It was easier to ignore her surroundings than understand the constant danger she was in, walking from one end of WindHaven to the other. She also liked to think of them as friends, just trying to see what she was up to.

… and he stretched out an arm, grasping for her as she…

A larger shadow passed overhead and Nesta looked up. Nothing caught her attention but she closed her book nonetheless. The bird-featured creatures continued to twitter in the trees and she knew that whatever cast the shadow either hadn’t spotted her or was harmless since it had not sent her feathered friends into hiding.

“Hey.” Cassian called from the trees ahead.

“Hi” Nesta replied.

In the last few days she had been avoiding him when she could. She wasn’t sure how to move on from their moment and now he was here, just waiting on the path, just saying “Hey” like it was no big deal. Like she hadn’t been sent into a whirlwind of confusion.

“So, What brings you to my neck of the woods?” she said gesturing to the trees all around them.

“Just wondering if you wanted to head to a market?” He pulled away from the tree he was leaning into and matched her pace.

Nesta continued to walk straight ahead, placing the book in her satchel as she went,

“what makes you think I don’t have plans?”

Cassian looked down at their matching well-worn boots, a dimple appearing as a smile crept across his face,

“Well this particular market has an assortment of books and clothes and jewellery and other things that you might happen to appreciate.”

His head bowed, hands in pockets and that cheeky grin had Nesta wondering what he had planned, Her eyes narrowed - Cassian was notorious for surprising her. Sometimes good, sometimes, definitely not.

“I see.” She gave him a bland smile, eyebrow slightly arching. “Alright. Where is this market?”

“Ah well, it's not in Windhaven.”

“Of Course not, that would be too easy.”

“But it isn't far.”

“Everywhere is far from Windhaven.”

“I mean, it isn't far for a quick flight.” and he turned those dimples to face her again.

Nesta let out a sigh, she knew she was going to say yes. She knew as soon as he mentioned books. He knew exactly what she liked.

“Is it today?” she didn't have much planned and it would actually be a nice distraction from her episode and avoidance of Emerie.

“Yeah, it's an evening Market, so we should be able to fly there, do some browsing, have some food - they have the best food because the vendor stalls there have been handed down from generation to generation, it's a really old Market. Oh and then do some more browsing?... Nesta?”

Nesta had become distracted as soon as Cassian had said it was a night market. She hadn’t been to a Night Market in Prythian. Velaris  - sure - but the city always felt like it was wide awake, the illyrian mountains had a totally different vibe - you did not want to be out too late after dark. Was it like Calanmai? The stories she had heard were disturbing and being dragged into a cave for some ritual wasn't her idea of fun. Was it like the market near home where anyone could come and go - swindling an innocent girl who didn’t know the customs?

“Nesta?” Cassian stepped in front of her, concern on his face. “We don’t have to go? I’m happy sitting on the couch next to you reading a book.”

Nesta looked up at him, her worries fading away as she looked into his warm brown eyes and the concern for her she saw there.

“We can go, just please tell me it's not as long as a flight to Velaris. I will bring back at least three books - no matter the weight.” Her finger raised to poke his chest on the last point.

“Fine, Three books, any extra books we can arrange to come back home later. I am not a pack horse.”

Nesta grinned then. Cassian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him as they walked. The bird-creatures overhead losing interest in them completely.

---

“Are we there yet?” Nesta called up to Cassian, she knew that the flight was more awkward for him having someone in his arms but she was becoming very aware of the chill as the sun began to set.

“Nearly, it's over the next ridgeline.”

Nesta looked in the direction they were flying, it appeared they were getting very close to the coast, the trees were thick on the mountains below, the sky turning from azure in front of her to a deep purple behind with all the colours in between in the evening light.

“It's a beautiful location,” Nesta said, hoping to get more out of him.

“We’re not there yet, and anyway - it's alleyways could be full of mud and animals - you don't know.” He said with a grin and she really hoped it wasn't the case, she had hoped there might be somewhere to stay and sleeping with the pigs was not ideal.

They caught a thermal and glided over the ridge, below Nesta could see a clearing with a lake, glistening and perfectly reflecting the sky. The cliff below them poured light forth and the trees glowed with warm light, drawing her attention to the thick forest below.

“Is this it?” she asked quietly.

Cassian began his descent towards the lake.

“They like to be approached from the lake, so we will land there and then make our way up into the Market.”

She nodded into his chest and peeked at the cliff as Cassian turned to land. The closer they got the more she realised this was like nothing she had seen before.

Cassian’s feet reached the ground and Nesta quickly swung her feet around and tried to regain control of the traitorous limbs that appeared to have fallen asleep on her.

“Do you need me to carry you to somewhere you can sit down?” Cassian asked

“I’m perfectly fine, just give me a minute.”

They walked a little way along the lake edge, logs appeared to have been placed in the earth as a type of boardwalk next to the reeds and protecting the many lesser fae from the mud.

“So who runs the Market?” Nesta asked as iridescent wings made of night court jewels flew past her face.

“Not sure if it's one person Nes," he threw her a cheeky grin, "and it's always been here.” Cassian focused on leading as the logs seemed to pull them into the trees and up a slope.

“Always? How do people survive? It can’t always be here? These mountains don’t see many tourists.” Nesta was not like her sister - things had to make sense, even faerie markets.

“Well, it's not always Here, but it has always been here.” he said, pointing to the ground first and then spreading his hands all around. “Come, I have something I want to show you.” he said.

Held out his hand.

Nesta took it.

She quite liked holding his hand, it was like the arm around her shoulder but for some reason this time it felt more like they were partners in crime rather than Cassian reassuring her. A distinction she liked to make in her mind. The faeries around her moved with purpose heading exactly where they needed to go, making Nesta wonder - were they sent a map or did they have some way of tracking the stall they needed. Cassian continued to set a fast pace beside her on the half buried logs and she stayed quiet as she tried to piece together how this Market and her Commander fit. Was he here just for her or for something else too?

“So how did you know the market was on?” Nesta asked

“Ah, well it's always on - but at this time of year it happens to be in these hills.” He looked up at the windows of light and then back to her. “You see - it moves around the Night Court during the year. All the locations have been the same since it first started, so they have made each one a destination in itself. This location is my favourite.”

Nesta absorbed that information and tried to think of what she should ask first.

After much deliberation she asked quietly,

“Why is it your favourite?” the soft glow mixed with the encroaching darkness making her take a step towards intimacy she wasn't sure she was ready for again but made anyway.

He continued walking up the steps that had emerged from the path as they made it to one of the entrances in the cliff face. Turning to look at her he pulled her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. “Many reasons but mostly because I get to be me without any expectation here, this place has its own rules and because they have things you cannot get anywhere else”.

Nesta looked deep into his eyes and nodded, words caught in her throat.

They made their way through the archway and Nesta could see the arches and domes in the ceiling cut out of the rock, precious gems breaking away from the white granite walls. The entrance felt like the earth was alive and she was inviting them into her embrace - warm, solid and trapped.

“How, wait, Wait!” Nesta stopped in the entry Hall and looked ahead to the crowds along the corridor, the market appeared to be made of many connecting rooms, each holding a different stall owner and their wares. The walls were carved from the rock and small door shapes in the wall allowed the lesser-fae to move freely along. She couldn’t see any illyrians but perhaps they didn't frequent the clothing stalls that appeared to be along the front of the Cave complex.

“Where are we going?” Nesta asked firmly, feet rooted below her.

Cassian was pulled by her hand which he continued to hold, and picked up the other one. They stood there holding hands. Fae and other creatures moved around them like waves around rocks along the shoreline.

“I have a surprise for you.” he said with earnestness.

“I don’t know if I can go in there, it's a lot of rock, last time…” she looked down at their hands and let out a deep breath, “last time… bryaxis… and…. “ Nesta avoided his eyes and looked off towards the humming wings and chatter of languages different to her own, bouncing off the cavern walls. Movement, light, not still - not like before. She whispered “I haven’t been back underground that far.” she ran her thumb over his fingers, her voice small emphasising her collapsing shoulders under the weight of feelings she didn’t want.

“I see” he replied as if he himself had blocked out the memory.

“I know that it's not rational, I just, maybe, I just need to know how to get out. What if I go now and meet up with you later?” she looked up at him then, hoping her solution wouldn’t hurt his feelings.

He continued to rub his thumb over hers, looking at their hands and avoiding her gaze,

“I love you Nes,” he whispered, “please don’t go. We can do this together.”

In a barely audible whisper she said “I can’t go in there, not yet.”

“But this might be the only time for a long time,” it was then he looked down into her eyes, The ice blue pools lined with silver, the fear in them, that otherness. Cassian pulled her into his arms and held her, kissing the hair on her head. Nesta could feel his breath on her neck and his wings wrapping around them both, removing the rest of the world from the moment. Peace and a wave of calm came over Nesta eradicating the fear that was there a moment ago.

“Cassian.” She took a deep breath, “Tell me about the Market, lets get some food first and then you will tell me about everything. Let me see if I can rationalise my way inside?” Nesta released the words on a quiet breath and Cassian hugged her tighter.

“Okay food first. We have to head back towards the lake.” he unwrapped his wings and kissed her hand.

“I love you, you know.”

“I know.”

__

Authors Note: This was inspired by a prompt from Tumblr. Ever since the release of the title A Court of Silver Flames, I have had an idea for where I want to take this story that is slightly different from the original plan I had in mind. Hopefully this leads into that. As always - motivation varies, so If I end up having another long hiatus from writing - I apologise now! But I'm already writing the next chapter.

[rayonfrozenwings]

fic update: soo, im learning i’d rather write/edit than format posts for tumblr. so atm im posting to AO3 directly. ill post to tumblr eventually for consistency but atm that's where you will find updates on waiting in the freezing dark. 

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 14 - Home Cooking

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: Apologies for quick succession. It’s writing season apparently.

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 14 - Home Cooking. Nesta and Cassian are at the Market deciding their next course of action.

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11 , 12 , 13 and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC 1913

Nesta The walk around the lake felt more peaceful than Nesta thought possible, fireflies flew through whistling reeds and up around the various fae and night court creatures. Twinkling in the night, drawing Nesta’s attention to the many delicacies laid out on blankets in the tree lined space before the clearing. Beautiful faeries of all types clustered around the blankets, or at least what looked like blankets - the one closest was made of frosted silver leaves and yellow flowers, noticeably different from the surrounding greenery and moss.

Nesta continued to assess, taking in all around her.

The majority of the groups looked like families traveling together and others looked like romantic pairings, cuddling close and sharing food. Amazing how this place can exist in such isolation from everything else she had experienced in the night court. Fires and stalls filled the clearing and behind them, under the canopy of the trees she could see caravans and tents all set up to house the people running the market.

The very busy market - fairies of all types moving about to get something to their taste. Mole like creatures with large eyes and claws, small balls of fluff with long twig like limbs, and more humanoid Fae with wings, scales and all manners of colours moved about the space. It was busier near the food than it had been inside the cavern.

Cassian had been gone for a while now and she hoped he could see her among the crowd. Nesta shouldn’t have worried, he leaped over a small child - legs kicking up to the side while still holding the food. The child continued on oblivious to his near crash, chasing a possibly older sibling through the chaos. Cassian turned his grinning face her way, clearly glad that she saw his feat of agility and gesturing to an unoccupied place to sit with his full hands.

“That was close.” he said, handing her something that instantly reminded her of Elain. The smell of bread wafted up from the parcel and Nesta was overcome with homesickness. Opening it up she took a large bite and then another one. Savouring it as much of the dish as she could, letting the flavours move over her tongue. She closed her eyes and let the happy memories of her sisters drown her, all three at peace, before pulling everything back inside as she opened her eyes again - locking the thoughts away behind the blue glass.

A deep breath.

“So, they are nomads?” Nesta said through another bite of her delicious saucy bread dish.

Cassian used his own bread to wipe some sauce from her cheek as they walked. It hadn’t quite made it inside her mouth.

She gave him a wan smile and then said “Thanks.”

“You are most welcome,” he popped the bread into his mouth, “I think your red sauce is better than my green one.” he ripped another piece of his bread and dipped it into her dish and ate it. “Oh yeah, much better, definitely getting the red one next time.”

Nesta let out a sigh, “Nomads?” she asked again.

“Yeah, kind of. Not all of them go to every market, each market location has a kind of guardian group that stays all year round to mind the place, and then the rest move around. I’ve never really thought about it, it's just always been this way. But nomads might be the best way to describe it.”

“Does everyone know about the Market?” she looked towards the mainly lesser fae, they were so different from the High Fae, so different from humans, even from the illyrians, it was easy to forget how diverse Prythian was when you were cloistered away.

“Most people in the Night Court do, it is frequented by Lesser Fae more than High Fae but that's part of the reason it's stayed this way. No High Fae to tell them what to do. Plus Velaris has its own market and I'm sure the Court of Nightmares does as well - though I can't say I have been."

"Illyrians prefer trading posts - less illyrians all in one place…you know," he made a face "- because brawls are bad for business.” he rolled his eyes like he didn't believe it and carried on, “Since the Market keeps all his subjects happy Rhys hasn’t really worried about it. He sends Mor, Azriel or I around every so often to make sure everyone is happy, no shady stuff going on, no rebellions, but it runs pretty well without interference.”

“So why are we at this particular one?” she asked.

“Ah, well I was meant to check up on it before it moved on - so yes, an element of work but I could have asked Mor if I didn't want to come. I actually wanted to get you a book, wanted to get you out of that house, spend some time with you...” his voice trailing off near the end.

“You know - I have books.” she said, avoiding the topic of spending time together, there was no need to label what they had and she was just getting used to the idea that he wasn’t always a pain in her ass.

“Yes, But I - wanted to get you a book.”

Nesta looked at Cassian as he finished off his food, using the last of the bread to mop up his green sauce.

“What sort of book?” she asked, trying to think of all the special types of books they might find. Did he actually have something in mind, was he not telling her something.

“A history book or a romance book, or a magic book, or a book about the mountains…. I wasn't really sure, I just knew that this was the best collection of books in the night court except the ones kept by Rhys.” He pulled a cloth out of his satchel and wiped his hands offering it to Nesta to do the same while they continued to watch faeries move about.

“You mentioned there were other things at the Market, different things. Different locations - different merchandise… that’s what you said, so what’s this one's speciality?”

“Did you notice the walls?” he looked up to the caverns through the trees behind them, the light filtering through.

“I did.”

Cassian turned into a storyteller.

“Well, for starters - The Night Court is known for its jewells, this used to be a mining location. You will see, the further back into the caves we get, the more jewels have been left there sticking out of the walls - some too big to remove. The caves go back a long way. The High-Lord at the time was searching for something, no one really knows what, but it led to this incredible network of caves, caves that were made into homes for the workers, who then sold the gems that the High-Lord did not want. The High Lord got bored - they basically ran the operation for years with the explicit understanding that if they found what he wanted they had to give it up. I don’t think anyone even knows what he wanted anymore. So now those caves are filled with books, antiquities, jewellery, and other things that people bring to the market to sell.”

Cassian lowered his voice to a whisper and moved closer.

“The group that stays here - the guardians, they look after the books, but deeper inside, behind the book stalls and the scrolls and their homes are rumours of some hidden caverns with rare magical goods.” Cassian looked around before continuing a little quieter again, “Some say there is a myth that the tunnels were occupied by witches at one point, and that the items in the back are being protected because they belonged to them but I happen to know that the odd item has been sold over the years, so I think the Myth just helps to drive up the prices. Someone very crafty knew how to sell their merchandise.” He let out a big laugh, “These days, you just need to know who to talk to, so you can find the right tunnel.” he shook his head and sat back up, giving Nesta some air.

“Witches?” she asked.

“Yeah, witches - but I’ve been here plenty of times and haven't seen anything too weird. I’m pretty sure they are just a myth.”

“I see.” Nesta flicked her fingernails, trying to decide what she wanted.

To go inside or not.

Confronting fears was a good thing. Maybe it would help her with the nightmares - fewer things to be scared of. Going back into a cave meant she could return to the library in Velaris one day. That she could go underground. That she could roam the House of Wind, her first home in Velaris - without fear.

The witches component was slightly more concerning. She hadn’t told Cassian that her research made it seem likely that the High Lords had been changing the past to suit their purposes. Or at least changing how the past was remembered.

Witches didn’t seem as far fetched to someone who was reborn from the magic of the cauldron into an entirely new form. What was the High lord looking for that it would be buried so deep into a mountain? After speaking to Amren, Nesta knew some myths were just forgotten truths, was this one of them.  

“Look, we don’t have to go in there, I’d like to look at books with you but I’ll understand if you don't want that.” She saw the switch as storyteller Cassian vanished and the commander came out, she did enjoy it when he planned and tried to plot the best way to reach his goal. She could see him ticking things off on his hand as he mentally prepared an argument. “I can draw a quick map. There are multiple exits and they all come out to a wooden path and then lead to the lake and connect to the loop track. So we have a meeting place if we need it. We can meet back here if you get spooked for any reason. There are a few sellers I trust and I'll point them out so if you see trouble you know who to ask for help - if I’m not with you that is. I also have a few additional knives in my bag.”

“I have some knives already.” a long finger poked into his chest.

“Okay, extra knives.” He smiled at her.

“Do you always have to get the last word!”

“Do you?”

“You did it again.”

Cassian laughed. “Look , I have to go check out a few things and make sure certain goods aren’t being sold, I can do it before or after?" he left some space for her to reply but she didn't, she just waited.

"So, do you want to go look at some books with me Nesta Archeron?”

“Very Well.” she said, losing the argument she had stopped fighting long ago, “I do see another problem coming up soon though.”

“Oh?”

“Where are we meant to sleep? I thought there might have been a camp nearby. I didn't realise we might be sleeping under the stars. I don't have fur like those little fluff balls over there.” She moved her hands to wrap around her arms in her own form of a hug protecting herself from the cold.

He stood and offered her his hand, satisfaction in his eyes.

“I always think of something.” he grinned and winked at her.

---

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 12 - Sweet Smells and Anticipation

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus, because Kingdom of Ash destroyed me and stole all my creative energy.

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 12 - Sweet Smells and Anticipation

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7  8, 9, 10, 11  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC: 985

Cassian

“Nesta?” Cassian called out as he entered the house, the front door had been left unlocked and he entered their home.

Their home.

Rubbing his jaw he looked around, the place was clean and tidy, the blood orange and cinnamon smell from her soap fresh and inviting. He missed her so much, his whole heart jumped in his chest waiting to see her. Waiting to see if they could fix it. Whatever it was.

“Cassian?” she called his name from her bedroom, her voice husky from sleep.

“Did you fall asleep with the door unlocked?” he asked through the bedroom door. Practicality stopping him from saying all the things he wanted to say and had planned to say on his flight here.

Nesta opened her door and looked at him, standing there in her slip, her elegant hands holding a grey fur around her shoulders and bare feet on the floor she looked at him. He couldn’t help but notice her body through the almost transparent fabric, the curves of her breasts and shape of her hips. His blood started heating and hs breathing became shallow. Cassian hadn’t seen her look like this in a long time, she had always made sure she was fully clothed around him.

“I thought I locked it.” she said quietly.

Three steps was all it took to hold her in his arms, he leant down and her sleep filled eyes met his.

“Are you a dream?” she whispered.

“No Nes, do you want me to be?” he let out on a raw whispered breath, heartbreak only a moment away.

“No, I want you, no more dreams” her lips giving away her biggest secret. The fur dropped to the floor, her hands slid up his arms then neck and into his hair pulling him down into the kiss she had been wanting for so long but to afraid to ask for.  

Cassian took what she offered, kissing her full lips and holding her as close as he could, savouring this moment incase it didn’t last. His hands roamed and his wings wanted to close in a cocoon of just them, but were stopped by the doorway to her room, both standing on either side of the threshold. Her own hands played with his hair, sending energy racing from her fingertips into his own body.

She pulled back for a moment and looked up into his eyes and said “I missed you,” her eyes getting misty, “you big brute.”

Her right hand delicately rested on his face, fingernails tracing his hairline, lip quivering, and holding him still so she could look into the depths of his soul through his eyes.

“I missed you too Nes.”

He picked her up and pulled her into the lounge with him, kissing her as he went, his wings finally able to wrap around their embrace, creating a cocoon of darkness and warmth.

Breathing the only sound in the darkness, panted breaths and breathless words.

“Cassian, I think we need to talk, but all I want is this right now.” he nodded and sighed.

“Will you regret this?” he asked her between kisses, he didn’t want it to end, but was unsure he could go further if she treated him like her other conquests in Velaris. A territorial part of him seemed to rise up, a bloodlust coming over him at the thought. He threw more heat into his latest kiss, commanding her to respond in kind.

“I want this Cassian, it’s always been you I want. I’m just not sure if you will want me.”

His wings flared open as he collapsed onto the couch, pulling her with him. Smiling down at her he said, “Nesta Archeron, I have wanted you since the day I first saw you, your fire and passion are intoxicating and i’m pretty sure we can face anything - together.”

She continued to look up at him, her body splayed over his leathers, she snuggled into him and sighed resting her head on his chest.

“Are you going to sleep!” He asked exasperated.

Thinking he might have warmed her blood a little with his kiss, his own body was reacting quite strongly to her almost naked form laying across him.

He shifted his hips a little trying to get more comfortable, grateful he left his other weapons by the door.

“Just 5 more minutes - you woke me up.” she said as she nestled in, Cassian laughed and held her even closer, too scared to let her go.

It had been hours and Nesta was still sleeping, when she started to snore Cassian knew he could let her be, carrying her to her bed and tucking her in. He wanted to place her on his own bed but thought if she woke up there she might panic. Words had come from her mouth that mended his aching heart and the rift that had formed between them, but would she wake up the same woman who kissed him last night? He had arrived just as the sun had set, and then held her until his arms went numb.

Peaking in her room he checked she was still where he left her and locked the doors. It was still very strange for Nesta to forget to do that, but he would ask her more tomorrow, right now he needed his own shut eye.

He opened the door to his room and could feel her in here.

The scent of her covering his bed, between his covers. He lay down, his freshly washed hair was pulled out of the leather thong and he relaxed. Breathing deep, letting thoughts of Nesta come over him. Of what she was doing in his bed, in his room, while he was gone. That she would be in his bed again soon enough and he started smiling, thinking of all the ways he was going make her scream his name.

Tagged by request:  just let me know via ask if you want to be added or removed from my tag list for this. :) Also. whoops left the tag list off the last one, my bad. @fucking-winchester-trash @rhysanoodle @velarxs @lorcanswife @my-fan-side@wolffrising @bellsqueen@aelinashgalathynius@booksaremymate@themoonunderstoodmynightmares@prxthian @nessian-girl@fuzz-dog @archeron-queens @acotar-feels@wickedfangirl99 @empress-ofbloodshed@ame233 @tswaney17 @kefeira@rhysandsdarlingfeyre@abillionlittlepieces@ofstarsanddreams@booksaremymate@ambrosemiller@saltydreamcollector @imfandomtrash-vi@aedionashryver-wolfofthenorth @pinkjem30   @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @fae-queen-of-the-east, @faeriequeenofthewest, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle-warrior-scribe @librarian-of-orynth @anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, @acoaas, @tntwme @photofeesh @theyretheirthere

[rayonfrozenwings]

Waiting in the Freezing Dark: Chapter 8 - Illyrian Blades

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus, because Kingdom of Ash destroyed me and stole all my creative energy. But I have 5 new chapters that I will post soon. :D

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court. 

Chapter 8 - Illyrian Blades 

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7 and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC: 2538

Chapter 8 - Illyrian Blades Nesta

Nesta awoke slowly, sleep clinging to the edges of her eyes and assessed her surroundings, her bedroom stared back at her, that voice inside asking her, ‘where else would she be?’ It had become a habit, never sure of what was a dream and what was reality. It was surprisingly comforting to know exactly where you were and that you were safe.

Stretching like a cat in the sun, Nesta rose, grabbed her clothing and headed for the bathroom. She would avoid a bath today, using her washcloth instead, no point in torturing herself if she didn't have to. The small stash of perfumed soap she had acquired in Velaris was lasting well, one of the perks of leading a sedentary lifestyle - she needed ways to avoid being submerged each day and the zesty smelling soap did the trick. At least for now, she had an eternity to figure out how to have a bath.

Ready for the day, Nesta walked into the main room and remembered - he was gone.

The hollowness entered her again.

He was a big dumb bat! She didn’t need to feel this way. Grabbing her bag and book she took off and walked up the winding road Emerie’s.

Nesta had been reading the illyrian history book well into the night and early morning. Surprisingly it was more interesting than she thought it would be. A lot of statements rang false to her ears, but she couldn’t explain why except to say she knew that they were wrong. They say history is written by the victors and it seemed the illyrians won more than they lost, but the ways they won didn't seem to be accurately recorded. Lies fought for freedom, jumping off the page like they had been held against their will. A convenient facet of her power, finding things that didn't want to be found; taking notice of things that didn't want you to take notice, seeing the truth behind a glamour. The history book was captivating and something she would keep looking into and something that she would listen carefully to, find out what the truth really was. Maybe it was just a fantasy novel hidden in between the pages and had no history to it at all.

Female Warriors walked down to the training ring, Nesta eyed them up and down, chin raising in disapproval as she passed - a seemingly late start for them since they were supposed to be training with the males and they started at dawn. She couldn’t help but think that they were wasting an opportunity. One of them smiled at Nesta and the second one crashed into her shoulder while passing as neither her or the illyrian had given way to the other.  Nesta watched them go, silently cursing them and hoping they received their due in the training ring.

Their illyrian leathers appeared to be of an older style; older than anything she had seen Cassian or Azriel wear, clumsy and large. Possibly even made for the males as they didn’t seem to fit their bodies quite right. How on earth were they meant to train if their armor didn’t fit correctly? Nesta could feel her anger rise, females being treated as less than the males. Temper rising with the bile in her throat at the injustice.

The world tipped and the ground came up to meet her, a hand shot out and grabbed her, the smell of leather taking over her senses, protecting her from falling flat on her face. Nesta turned and looked to her saviour. A beautiful illyrian with warm brown skin and golden eyes was holding her still, the muscles corded in her lean arm from the effort. Nesta blushed and stood quickly, brushing her skirts down.

“Thank you,” she quickly huffed out, her heart still racing from her fall. The female just looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Next time you really should look ahead - you know,” she made a pointing gesture ahead of her with her hand, “at where you are going.”

The smile she wore was brilliant, her perfect teeth gleamed and a pair of slightly elongated canines caught Nesta’s attention, like this warrior was about to devour her prey and Nesta struggled to take a breath.

“Or perhaps you rather like gawking at us all walking down the street? Are we really that damn attractive? I’ve seen a few good asses in my time, but none of these lot have what I would call a perfect one.”

Nesta’s shock flashed across her face, she hadn’t had the chance to meet many illyrian females as they were always busy with chores or training, Emerie was an exception as she didn’t train. It was the first time in a while that Nesta had no words. Her grey eyes wide and open trying to figure out the situation.

“Look, I can stand here and look stunning all day, but I actually have somewhere to be... and I’m already running late, so i’m just going to go and catch up with the others. I won’t mind if you watch me walk away.” She said with laughter in her voice and off she went down the street, with Nesta watching her go, still stunned in silence.

Emerie

Emerie had been waiting for Nesta to arrive all morning. She wasn't a gossip but needed to know how her talk with Cassian went, especially if she was going to ask him for a favour. Having Nesta and him on good terms would make it infinitely easier than if they were at war.

Mara had been in earlier, trying to persuade Emerie to join her in the training ring but it just wasn't convenient. Her friend just could not see it from Emerie’s point of view no matter how often she told her. She found it hard to see what held Emerie back, Mara had jumped at the opportunity to train, why didn’t Emerie? And although Emerie was technically in the same position, the shop and her ambitions meant she needed to bide her time. So Mara left and caught up with the others, Emerie tidied the shop and promised her that she would meet up later, which only made Mara grin as she skipped out the door.

The bell above the door rang and Emerie turned from her cleaning and thoughts, Nesta was standing in the doorway like a plank of wood. No expression and body rigid.

“It’s not that cold today Nes, it’s warming up. Stop being a drama queen.”

“I just… I’m just trying to think”

“Think?” Emerie laughed.

“I just, I don’t know what just happened.”

“What?”

Nesta blushed and shut the door, quickly coming inside and explaining what happened. Leaving out a lot of the details. In fact nesta really only told emerie two things, that she tripped and that someone stopped her from falling flat on her face.

“That’s it?” Emerie asked, with an eyebrow raised.

“It was mortifying.” Nesta calmly reiterated.

“Nesta, sometimes we trip and fall and we actually hit the ground, you should be happy someone helped you.” She shook her head at Nesta’s stubbornness, “Sometimes you don’t make any sense, so new topic, how did the talk with Cassian go?”

“I thought you were going to tell me about your blades?” Nesta replied calmly.

“Only if you tell me about your talk.”

“If I remember it correctly, you just said I needed to go home and talk to him, but he actually wasn't at home, so it was impossible for me to perform the task and therefore no longer a requirement for you to tell me about the blades.”

“So where is he?”

“I don’t know. Don’t change the subject.” Nesta snipped.

Emerie looked her friend over and saw the rawness there still. There was something more she wasn’t saying but Nesta was never one to give up secrets, especially her own.

“Fine, do you want a drink first? Or can I get you working for me while I tell you the story?”

“I’ll clean but the story better be good!”

So Nesta and Emerie cleaned the bookshelves near the fire where black soot from the flames had built up before escaping out the chimney, and Emerie told her about the blades. Blades that she had had commissioned after her wings were clipped. After she realised that a female might need more protection than that which was offered by males. Males who held no loyalty to her. The blades had not seen a war yet or even been used for protection but they had been used in training and polished to a high shine.

“I have two fighting blades, I trained with my friends Mara and Ceinwen in the forest near the north edge of town, there is a place right before the mountain ridges form. It’s quiet and no-one but us goes there,” Emerie continued.

“When did you last train? It’s just that I haven’t seen you leave the shop and I would like to think that I noticed if you stunk up the place.” Nesta’s tact needed improving, there was a reason she kept her thoughts to herself. When she shared them she was seen as blunt and unfeeling.

“Not since the war” not since her father died Emerie wanted to say.

“Do you miss it?” Nesta raised her chin and looked at Emerie with her grey blue stare, the frosty depths seeing the truth.

“Everyday”

“Why?”

“Why do I do it? Well, when I was clipped, there was a scene, I didn’t go quietly, and that is the short version.” a lump caught in Emerie’s throat, when she was usually so sure of herself, this was a story so few knew. Then she said very quietly “No one should be forced at the hands of another, and I never. Never will be again.”

Nesta’s eyes turned glossy and distant, then quietly she said,

“I meant why haven’t you been training?”

“It’s not easy now, to make time.” she gestured to the shop around them.

“I will help you.”

“How?” the word came out on a wisp of air.

“I will make sure you can train, and that you treat people the way they truly deserve to be treated.” Nesta’s eyes had milky swirls gliding over the grey-blue and her voice didn't seem to be her own. Like some god possessed her swearing an oath. Emerie would never admit it but she was actually a little in awe of Nesta in this moment. This side to her she had only heard about but never seen. A rumor that came back from the war. The warrior witch who fought Hybern.   “But how?”

Nesta looked up at her again, the silver shadows dissapaiting and Nesta’s eyes were left as they once were.

“I ask.”

Nesta

Nesta and Emerie spent the day together, cleaning some more, and discussing ways they might enable Emerie to join the training with the other females. The hurdle of “who would look after the shop” always remained. Nesta wasn’t illyrian and it was hard enough getting customers, so the shop would still be run by Emerie during the day with shorter hours of availability. After much discussion and back and forth they realised training would need to remain secret and occur in the early evenings, the sun was staying in the sky longer, laying the way for more daylight later in the day. It worked to Nesta’s advantage as well. Having had no training of her own she would learn from Emerie and prepare herself for the day when Cassian left her alone. It was great living with an illyrian warrior but she was under no illusion that it would last. Especially since their fight. Emerie thought she might also be able to rope in Mara and Ceinwen, her friends in the camp, to join their training. Giving them some extra practise, and passing on what they learned from their day practices with the males. It all started coming together. The best part of this plan was that is was all coming together without the help of a certain overgrown bat. Emerie closed up the store early and made dinner, Nesta deciding to stay because she never did make it to the market.

It was peaceful, and pleasant, and just like the easy calm she had settled into with Cassian in their own home. She missed him… or maybe she just missed the idea of him?

The ladies finished dinner and sat down with some port, the wine was too awful last night to try a repeat performance today.

“Do you know much about illyrian history?” Nesta asked.

“I know a little, why do you ask?”

“I was reading a boo- “

“Of course you were.” Emerie interrupted, rolling her eyes.

“Let me finish! I was reading a book about illyrian history and it just seems so wrong. It feels wrong.”

“Do you have it with you?”

Nesta went and got the book out of her bag and gave it to Emerie, Emerie’s eyes lit up and she opened the book with awe.

“Why are you looking at it like that?”

“This book is the High Lords book.”

“So?”

“High Lords have books that show things as they want them to be. I mean that the books are history according to them, if it feels wrong, then the history they are passing down isn’t an accurate history of what really happened.”

“I see, that would explain why it feels like lies are slithering across the pages. How do illyrians keep their history then, if not in books? This was the only one I could find on the topic in our house.”

“We tell stories. Pass them down. Talk about heroic feats and celebrate our greatness”

“That seems a little arrogant”

“Have you ever met an illyrian who wasn’t arrogant?”

Nesta looked back at her friend who had that same grin as the female earlier, lighting up her whole face.

“Maybe if you weren’t all so beautiful you wouldn’t be so arrogant!”

Emerie let out a great laugh, “Maybe” was all she said as she went back to drinking her port and picked up her own book to read. Nesta continued to flick through the illyrian history book, getting angrier at what she read. Time ticked on and Emerie was still immersed in her book when Nesta asked,

“Will you tell me?” looking up at Emerie.

“Tell you what?”

“The history?”

Emerie closed her book, “There’s quite a bit, and it’s not usually for the females to tell.” she evaded. “The storytellers get to share the exploits of great heroes, for us all to stand in awe and feel grateful that the mighty male illyrians who came before us have done such amazing things. I wouldn’t be able to share them here incase someone came in.”

“Tell me them at training, I feel like I need to know.”

Emerie looked at Nesta and smiled, tongue in cheek she said “sure, but just remember i’m only a female and I don’t know how to tell it right.”

Nesta laughed and put the history book back in her bag, and packed up ready to go, before the darkness well and truly descended.

Tagged by request: Sorry if some of the urls are wrong.. its been a while since I updated this fic, urls have changed its been so long lol,  just let me know via ask if you want to be added or removed from my tag list for this. :) @fucking-winchester-trash @rhysanoodle @velarxs @lorcanswife @my-fan-side @wolffrising @bellsqueen @aelinashgalathynius @booksaremymate@themoonunderstoodmynightmares @prxthian @nessian-girl @fuzz-dog @archeron-queens @acotar-feels @wickedfangirl99 @empress-ofbloodshed@ame233 @tswaney17 @kefeira @rhysandsdarlingfeyre @abillionlittlepieces@ofstarsanddreams @booksaremymate @ambrosemiller@saltydreamcollector @imfandomtrash-vi @aedionashryver-wolfofthenorth @pinkjem30   @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @fae-queen-of-the-easton, @faeriequeenofthewest, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle-warrior-scribe @librarian-of-orynth @anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, @acoaas, @tntwme @photofeesh @theyretheirthere

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 11 - Family Business

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus, because Kingdom of Ash destroyed me and stole all my creative energy. 

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 11 - Family Business

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7 8, 9, 10 and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC: 1189

Chapter 11 -  Family Business

Cassian

“I’m telling you, Naragona is an asshole, he won’t listen to me. Not even threats work, and I don’t have time for his nonsense. Send a contingent to keep him in line and reward them.”

Rhysand looked over at Cassian and nodded, “I think we can spare some from Devlon’s camp who want to prove themselves and are loyal to us. It’s not like you to leave before completing a task Cassian.”

Cassian nodded and looked out the window of the Manor house, silence stretching between the two brothers, tension rolling off Cassian’s shoulders. “I needed to ask Amren for some advice, but she’s not back from Summer, so I’m not sure who to talk to.” He looked to Rhys, his brown eyes hurting as he whispered, “It’s not something i’ve ever heard of before.”

Rhys stood immediately and poured himself and Cassian a strong drink. “You don’t think a High Lord might have the answer?” he asked with all the swagger he was known for, keen intelligence sitting behind his eyes.

Cassian threw himself into an low chair and rubbed the stubble lining his jaw “Rhysand if it happens again you might need to relieve me of my post, I’m a liability.”

Cassian then told Rhysand what had happened two nights ago on the cliff, how colour left the world and he was back in Hybern’s throne room. How it had felt like he had called out for Nesta across time and space. How he was a sitting duck, physically unable to stop an attack. Was it even possible for Hybern to come back from the death?

Rhysand drank from his glass and refilled it twice, listening to the details as Cassian relayed them. Asking for the feelings the emotions, the position of his body, the memories anything that would explain his paralysis. By the end of their discussion neither of them had any idea of what to do, of what this meant, of why it happened and it unnerved Cassian. It was part of the reason Cassian wanted to speak to Amren first, maybe she had seen this before, she was the oldest after all. If this was a new threat then they needed to be ready.

Cassian found out fairly quickly that Feyre was pregnant, and that Rhysand’s ‘family business’ had been to dote on Feyre and make sure she was happy and taken care of, fluffing her pillows and driving her nuts.

In Cassian's opinion - the timing wasn’t great, a civil war was on the verge of breaking out and the High Lord of the Night Court was nesting. He couldn't be more happy for his friends but the commander in him was worried. Worried about his friends and his unexplained incapacitation.

Rhys was usually an Excellent secret keeper but his doting had tipped off some of the help. Rumours were already spreading in Velaris about how Feyre hadn’t even left the manor to even teach in the last week and was very ill. How could the High Lady be ill! She was the High Lady, and so young! The streets were full of gossip. So they had decided to announce it at Nynsar and Starfall Celebrations in less than a month and put the rumors to rest. They couldn’t have the people in Velaris worried about the health of their High Lady. In a month it would be plain as day for all to see that a teeny tiny future high lord or lady was in her tummy. A gift of hope for them all.

“Do you think Nesta will come to the celebrations?” Feyre asked as she reached for another cookie. Cassian smiled at her, Azriel was also looking at Feyre, some hurt in his eyes where Cassian couldn’t pinpoint a cause.

“I don’t know, you know how she is with holidays.”

Feyre nodded and sipped her tea, worry lines pulling at her eyes. “Maybe if we tell her the news she will want to come?” she spoke the words into her cup hoping.

“You think that will matter?” Rhys replied.

“It might.” she said the words but there was no conviction in her eyes.

Cassian lifted up his own drink taking a big gulp and then after another breath he said “I can ask, and if she says no I can try to persuade her - I can be very persuasive”, eye winking as he said it. Forever trying to lighten the mood.

Feyre hit him on the shoulder, “Don’t you dare! She must come of her own free will, no carrying her over your shoulder.”

“You ruin all my fun.”

Azriel lent forward towards the group, “Should we invite the usual suspects? Or open it to a wider group? It is the first starfall since the war.” Azriel said, bringing them all back into the present time.

Rhysand looked closely at his spymaster and said “Just Family.”

Azriel nodded and returned to his silence.

Amren had sent word to Rhysand that she would be back in a few weeks and that if it was really urgent Cassian could come to the Summer Court - which she knew he couldn’t do without an inter-court incident, so he was left with no option but to continue on as if nothing had happened. 

Heading back to windhaven, wind blowing most of his frustration away, he hoped for the best, he hoped to mend bridges, to hold her in his arms and kiss her perfect lips until she kissed him back. He hoped she hadn’t being drinking with all his heart, but you never knew with Nesta.

Nesta

She hadn’t stayed the night at Emerie’s, after warming up and having a cup of tea with the two illyrians, Mara walked with her home and then continued walking to her own place. Quietly offering her company without talking except to say goodnight. The tension that night seemed to have been between Emerie and Mara more than Nesta and the two women, but she wasn’t sure what had happened once she passed out. They told her that Mara had caught her and Nesta was once again mortified. How would she train with these woman if she couldn’t even be in the same place without collapsing at the sound or swords.

Sitting in her bed, furs tucked around her and cold tea in hand, she tried to piece together what happened. She had come home and slept, a dreamless exhausted sleep that didn’t match her energy output for the last few days. It was like she had used her own life essence to survive that dream, that she had once again been pushed into the cauldron. None of her dreams had been like that before. Nesta rubbed her head and leaned back against the headboard. Maybe numbing the pain with wine wasn’t the answer, maybe it was causing other problems.

A sigh escaped her and she took another sip of her tea before placing it on the side table. Tomorrow, she would think more on it tomorrow, she was too tired right now and snuggling into her pillow seemed like the best option once again.

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 10 - Darkness and Spiced Scents

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus, because Kingdom of Ash destroyed me and stole all my creative energy. New Chapters!

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 10 - Darkness and Spiced Scents

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 7, 8, 9,  and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC: 1361

Chapter 10 - Darkness and Spiced Scents

Cassian

The camps were always damp, muddy and smelled like leather and sweat. Other bodily smells penetrated his senses, burning his eyes and making him drink water to rid himself of them but he could never name what they were exactly. Festering wounds often came to mind. Battle smells and dysentery. He was visiting a particularly nasty camp near the coast, wishing a sea breeze would blow away the stench. Hell, blow away the whole damn camp. Cassian was waking his way back to his command tent when he heard it.

Cassian you are so stupid sometimes.

He looked around, trying to find the source, it sounded like Nesta, but was also not her.

“Hello?” he called out into the darkness before his tent.

He listened closely, slowly pulling a dagger from his leathers, nothing was coming for him, he stalked over waiting for Mor to jump out at him, someone had to be playing a trick on him. Mor was the usual suspect, but as he was once again assaulted by the smell he ruled out Mor as an option. Maybe Azriel had sent Ceinwen, it was definitely a woman's voice.

No one was there.

He shook his head and decided he must have being knocked around one too many times today. Must have been a memory leaking through.

Rhysand had said he was caught up with “family business” in Velaris and needed him to straighten out Naragona and his camp. The Camp Lord was constantly getting into skirmishes with the other coastal leaders surrounding him and he was becoming a problem. Cassian had obliged, being commanded to spend time away from Nesta - meant it wasn’t his choice. It meant that she would forgive him if he asked to be forgiven. At least that’s what he hoped. He would tell her - I had to stay away, Rhys made me! He could hear it ringing false in his own ears. If he wanted to fix it he would have gotten out of this request.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted, his head was telling him one thing and his big heart another, damn the consequences. If only she would choose to let him in.

Pulling off his leathers, he sat down in front of a table and mirror, an ewer to the side with water to clean his face and arms, the smell lifted as he started scrubbing. The training rings here were mud pits, collecting blood and other unmentionable bodily fluids in their depths. Grabbing his soap he scrubbed at his face and looked at the lines starting to mark it. The laugh lines around his eyes looked strained, light scars started appearing as the filth was wiped away. How could she love someone like him.

I’m glad you like my taste.

“Nesta?” he turned and looked around. It felt like Nesta that time, it smelt like Nesta, like blood orange and midnight roses, like darkness with intoxicating spiced scents. The whole phrase felt like she was brushed up against him and whispering in his ear. He shook his head and rinsed the soap off.

“Cassian you are tired!” he told himself, pointing in the mirror to make his point. “Too much flying, you better get some sleep before you start thinking she’s in your bed.” Though he would never say no if she joined him in his. Maybe that was his answer. He would never say no to her if she really gave herself to him.

The days stretched on, he continued to play peacemaker. Traveling to the other Camps and then returning to the trouble maker’s at night. Ensuring he wasn’t sending out fresh Raiding parties. The first night Cassian had decided to stay away from the smell, the prick had sent a raiding party to a nearby camp.  

Illyrians flying in and stealing supplies while he was trying to enjoy a few drinks with one of the nicer captains. The rage had quickly enveloped him and he stabbed a few of the raiding party in places very close to causing permanent damage and preventing the sheep from adding to their flock. He held no guilt over his actions. Naragona was an asshole, a relentless prick, pushing the limits at every opportunity and pushing every single one of Cassian’s buttons. Cassian didn't even know if he would be able to leave them alone to go back to his regular duties. He was tempted to tie him up and leave him just below the high tide line, a slow punishment, or at least leave him with Devlon to watch, but Commander Cassian needed to get control of his troops even in peacetime. He would need to figure this out himself before it got out of hand.

Tonight he had sought escape. Close enough to watch the camp but far enough away that he could be alone. The sun was slowly moving across the Sky, Cassian was standing near the cliff edge, watching the creatures along the shore line emerging from their small nests and burrows, heading into the ocean to hunt for the evening. Sky changing hue behind the gathering clouds and streaking reds and oranges back towards the mountains. That Asshole didn't deserve to be near such beauty, he couldn’t appreciate the life all around him. The light that seemed to be in everything glowed, everything looked brighter today. Had it always been this beautiful in these mountains? It felt like for years they were just a shade of grey.

And then the light changed, he felt his heart skip a beat and the lighting just... changed. Something was wrong. He turned to the camp, fear was filling his body, a numbness moving from his heart out across all his limbs, he blinked but his eyes were deceiving him, the colours were all muted after being so stunningly bright only moments before. He wouldn't have believed it but the Sun set in grey tones before him. He was frozen or moving more slowly than everything around him. Even the night lacked its blue lustre and the stars weren’t lit up with colourful stardust, no pinks and purples were behind them.

His whole body felt frozen, like Nyx had brought her dark blanket and swept it across the world. He had felt this before in Hybern’s throne room. Was it just him? Had Hybern managed something they weren't ready for? He put his head in his hands, feeling like everything was in slow motion, maybe it was, was his heart even beating? Nesta?

Nesta!

It happened before. In the throne room, when he was on the floor, wings torn, paralysed, the room had gone dark, colour had bleed from the black and white room leaving only her in colour as she was pushed into the cauldron. Memories crashed over him. Wanting to reach out to her, to protect her. Her thrashing and fighting, clawing at her captors. Cassian’s own blood calling out to her. She had clawed and screamed her rage, black water splashing, and as she was pushed under one last time a curse was sent forth from her finger towards the king of Hybern. Then the silence stretched on. The water was still. There was no colour left, Cassian’s heart ached and he screamed her name.

Nesta! Are you ok?

Cassian was breathing heavily his fingers started to feel the warmth as his blood began flowing to his limbs again. Sitting on a rock near the cliff he was grateful he hadn't been too close to the edge, he could have easily toppled into the sea and rocks below. The memories had been overwhelming, he was re-living the worst day of his life. Nesta was dying in front of him again. Her mortal life extinguished.

Stretching leather clad fingers and curling them in his gloves he looked back up at the sky. Purple and pink stardust was splattered across the heavens, yellow, gold and white stars watching over him. He rubbed his eyes and stood. The colour had come back. Whatever had just happened he had never experienced it before - and it could never happen again. He needed to see Amren.

Tagged by request: Sorry if some of the urls are wrong.. its been a while since I updated this fic, urls have changed its been so long lol,  just let me know via ask if you want to be added or removed from my tag list for this. :) @fucking-winchester-trash @rhysanoodle @velarxs @lorcanswife @my-fan-side @wolffrising @bellsqueen @aelinashgalathynius@booksaremymate@themoonunderstoodmynightmares @prxthian @nessian-girl@fuzz-dog @archeron-queens @acotar-feels @wickedfangirl99 @empress-ofbloodshed@ame233 @tswaney17 @kefeira @rhysandsdarlingfeyre@abillionlittlepieces@ofstarsanddreams @booksaremymate@ambrosemiller@saltydreamcollector @imfandomtrash-vi @aedionashryver-wolfofthenorth @pinkjem30   @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @fae-queen-of-the-easton, @faeriequeenofthewest, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle-warrior-scribe @librarian-of-orynth @anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, @acoaas, @tntwme @photofeesh @theyretheirthere

[rayonfrozenwings]

WAITING IN THE FREEZING DARK: CHAPTER 9 - We All Have Battles

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So it’s been a very long hiatus, because Kingdom of Ash destroyed me and stole all my creative energy. But New Chapters!!!

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 9 - We All Have Battles

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6, 7 ,8 , and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3: Series Link  :)

WC: 2068

Chapter 9 - We All Have Battles

Nesta

It had been a week and still there was no sign of Cassian, the silence echoed on and Nesta had taken to spending her days with Emerie and her nights alone. It was currently one of those nights. Her books sat on the coffee table, next to a glass of water, and her furs over the chair. She looked at the stack and wondered which one to read. She sat there locked in a moment of indecision.

The nights were the hardest. Being alone was harder. It was why she went drinking in Velaris if she were completely honest with herself. You don’t need to be alone with your thoughts if you have people to talk to and strangers never ask the real questions. She hadn’t had to be alone with her thoughts for a while. Cassian was often at home and as soon as he left she would turn to her wine. Wine that Emerie said she still didn’t have stock of. So now she was stuck here with her thoughts and a cold glass of water. Completely unacceptable; but she had run out of options.

Nesta stood and walked around the dark room, no fire warmed it, she still preferred the cold and being bundled up in her furs to the sound of cracking bones. Emerie’s shop always had the fire burning low and slow with red coals. Peaceful warmth compared to the roaring flames she was used to. It never seemed to make the same sounds as a fire that was just starting, or one that never seemed to have enough wood. Emerie's fire was a like a loving embrace that crawled along the floorboards to meet you.

She had looked over this house so many times now, her prison without bars. But she missed him. His smell was fading from the home. It had only been a week. She had been left all alone. It had only been a week. Did his room even have his smell anymore? One week. She opened the door and was hit by his scent, a deep musk with a leather and sandalwood undertones.

Nesta breathed in deeply and walked into his room. That stupid pack was still sitting on his bed. She walked over and pulled the heavy bag towards the desk. Why did he need to take weapons to Velaris? He should have learned how to pack light by now, he was ancient! Would she ever get to tell him how stupid he was for packing blades?

Cassian you are so stupid sometimes.

Nesta looked over his desk and saw a few papers and letters of correspondence, nothing pulled her attention. Walking to the windows she pulled the drapes across, the cold glass chilling the room was quickly banished. He had some huge furs on his bed and a book on his bedside table.

Nesta picked it up and smiled. It was one of hers, she devoured books like wine and thought she had misplaced this one. Turns out Cassian liked to read about handsome men too. She smiled her secret smile, the one she hid behind books when she watched Cassian in the house of wind. She sat down on the bed, pulling her legs up beneath her and started flicking through the pages. Smiling as she read and thinking of Cassian reading the same passages.

I’m glad you like my taste.

Nesta had decided to meet Emerie at the glen north of their camp. The sun was low in the sky and the light filtered through the trees sending shadows across the mossy ground peppered with small rocks. The map she had was crude, and if she couldn’t find this place soon she was heading back home. Emerie had been training with her friends, it started a few days after they made their plan. She said it was going well and they had worked out the logistics so now Nesta could come and have a go.

Nesta started hearing the sound of laughter and slowed her pace, making sure that she was encountering who she thought she was. Female voices bounced off the rocks and then she heard Emerie.

“Shut up Mara, I’m out of practise!”

“Maybe you should practise more with me then, alone perhaps?” the tone of the second voice seemed so familiar.

“Mara, cut it out, Nesta will be here soon and I need you to be on your best behaviour!”

“Only my best for you.” Mara replied

“I’m serious.”

“So am I”

“You’re never ser- Nesta!” Emerie called out to Nesta as she peered around a rock, trying to get a better view of Mara. Slowly she walked into the clearing and was stunned to silence. An effect that Emerie’s friend seemed to have over her. Nesta quickly masked her features and smiled to Emerie,

“Sorry I’m late, the map was missing a few landmarks.”

“Are you sure you can read a map?” Mara asked

“Mara. Be. Nice”

Nesta just smiled at Mara and Emerie and then saw a third illyrian sitting off to the side watching the whole thing.

“I’m Nesta, shall we get started?”

“We already have love, but Emerie cannot keep up, so you can be her partner while I do the dance with Ceinwen.”

Ceinwen stood and grabbed her blade, her hair brushed her shoulders, although she was shorter she looked Elegant and strong, and aimed her blade directly at Mara. Mara quickly sidestepped and pulled out her twin blades from over her shoulders. It really was a Dance, Ceinwen with her smaller frame and long sword and Mara tall and lithe with her blades dancing under the arc of the blade. Not the typical fight, with the taller one doing all the dodging and thrusting while the smaller one lay on a full attack. At least not like Nesta had seen before. Nesta was mesmerised, not once did their blades touch.

“Nesta, did you want to try?” Emerie asked.

Nesta just watched, they were so fast and agile. Nesta had done nothing in regards to training, she hadn't even tried to build muscle, or wear her illyrian leathers apart from today.

“Can we watch for a little longer?”

“Of course.” Emerie replied.

So they watched them. Their movements began to get laboured and their breath shortened. It slowed down, Ceinwen’s blade met Mara’s with the ring of steel echoing around the clearing. Nesta was taken back to broken bodies, swords being raised in a last effort and her father’s death. She could feel the blood draining from her face, the light vanishing, the darkness crawling up her skin. And then she couldn’t breathe. Stars came across her vision, blackness engulfing her and then she-

Emerie

Nesta had been so enamoured with the fighting that Emerie didn’t see what was happening until Nesta fell next to her. But Mara did. She shouted out and rolled towards Nesta, catching her before she hit the ground.

“Holy Mother Emerie, What just happened!”

“I don’t know, she was fine, I don’t know.”

Emerie was still stunned, she hadn’t moved, she let Mara hold Nesta and check her over. Ceinwen had walked over afterwards a blank expression on her face, watching the situation.

“Well, she’s breathing, and I managed to stop her hitting the ground… again…this high fae has a habit of falling.”

“Again?”

“We met once in passing a week or so ago, she probably doesn’t remember, it was such a non-event.” Mara quickly threw the words out as she kept checking Nesta over.

“But you remember?” Emerie said, some hurt in her voice.

“Of course I remember, I remember everything, and I’m the hero! Why wouldn’t I remember that heroic feat to tell my fans later!” she threw an apologetic smile at Emerie, the bravado always a show.

“Yea, I suppose, is she ok?” Emerie’s voice was becoming pitched.

“What if she wasn’t?” Mara asked quietly.

“Mara, no games! Is she ok?” Emerie was getting worried, the light fading as they sat around an unconscious girl, what would happen if Cassian found them like this. They might be fighting but she would bet her life that he would want vengeance if she was ever hurt. He protected those he loved.

“She’s breathing, her pulse is weak but I think she just fainted, we just need her to wake up.” Mara said with a seriousness she usually held close to her chest covered in layers of sarcasm, bravado and laughter.  

Ceinwen passed Mara a rolled up coat to use as a pillow, and Mara placed it under Nesta’s head and stood up looking straight at Emerie.

Emerie wasn’t used to the attention, she had brushed off Mara’s advances since solstice, it seemed easier than dealing with her feelings, it was just easier being friends than something more. Mara looked at Emerie with her warm eyes like she was looking into her soul. Emerie couldn’t think of any words to say.

Mara was incredibly attractive, and they had spent time together in the past, but Mara wanted more and Emerie wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready for whatever was happening right now either. Ceinwen had walked over to the other edge of the clearing lighting up her cigarette, no point staying close to witness whatever was going to happen next.

“Do you want her?” Mara asked quietly.

“Nesta?” Emerie asked shocked.

“She’s beautiful”

“So are you” Emerie reached for Mara’s hands hanging at her sides.

“That doesn’t answer my question, do you choose her?” Mara asked again, with hurt in her eyes, looking down at Nesta sleeping next to them.

“Mara, I choose no-one, I’m not with Nesta, she is my friend.”

“You choose no-one…” she trailed off.

“I’m not ready.”

“You’re afraid.”

“Yes” Emerie replied. Their whispered words feeling like nails in a coffin, bringing their friendship to a place Emerie wasn’t ready for. She knelt down next to Nesta and watched as Mara moved back running her hands through her braids, pulling them together with her leather band and walking away from Emerie. Packing up the weapons and putting them in a bag.

“I think training is over for tonight, I’ll head home once I know your friend is ok,” Mara said.  

“We can talk more later, but right now I need her to be ok,” Emerie replied.

And they sat there in silence, Mara on a rock, Emerie by Nesta’s side and Ceinwen smoking on the edges of the clearing.

Nesta

Nesta slowly opened her eyes and could see nothing but darkness around her, the ground was cold and she could feel a mist clinging to her skin. The dreams hanging from her still, that wicked cauldron haunting her. Why was she on the ground?

Nesta! Are you ok?

“And the Princess awakens!” came a voice with bite to it.

“Nesta, are you ok?” Emerie asked

“I don’t know,” Nesta asked, her surroundings were unfamiliar and her memory was as insubstantial as the mist around them, “where am I?”.

“You fell-”

“You mean I saved her life again!” Mara shot out, kicking pebbles as she walked over to join them.

It all came rushing back to Nesta, the fighting, the slowing down of every action or every movement, taking her back to the battlefield and then somewhere she only went in her nightmares.

“I'm fine.” Nesta quickly said.

“Its ok if your no-” Emerie said as she placed a hand on Nesta's own.

“Great! Let’s go then, She’s fine Emerie! I’m tired, Ceinwen left an hour ago and it’s freezing. Emerie’s house is always warm so I say we go and make sure you are really, fine, ok! Great! Decided.” Mara interrupted, stood and started grabbing their gear, making all the decisions for them.

“It’s late I should go home” Nesta replied pulling her hand away from Emerie's own and rubbing her head as she tried to pull together her thoughts.

“Mara is right, you are freezing from being on the ground and you need to warm up, my house has the fire going, come back and have some food with us and stay the night, let us know what happened back there, we can’t have you fainting every lesson.” Emerie was concerned and exhausted, Nesta’s fainting must have scared her more than she realised. So they walked back to the warm house, Mara, Nesta and Emerie, with a weird tension between all three and no-one discussing it.

Tagged by request: Sorry if some of the urls are wrong.. its been a while since I updated this fic, urls have changed its been so long lol,  just let me know via ask if you want to be added or removed from my tag list for this. :) @fucking-winchester-trash @rhysanoodle @velarxs @lorcanswife @my-fan-side @wolffrising @bellsqueen @aelinashgalathynius@booksaremymate@themoonunderstoodmynightmares @prxthian @nessian-girl@fuzz-dog @archeron-queens @acotar-feels @wickedfangirl99 @empress-ofbloodshed@ame233 @tswaney17 @kefeira @rhysandsdarlingfeyre@abillionlittlepieces@ofstarsanddreams @booksaremymate@ambrosemiller@saltydreamcollector @imfandomtrash-vi @aedionashryver-wolfofthenorth @pinkjem30   @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @fae-queen-of-the-easton, @faeriequeenofthewest, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle-warrior-scribe @librarian-of-orynth @anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, @acoaas, @tntwme @photofeesh @theyretheirthere

[rayonfrozenwings]

i will update the waiting in the freezing dark masterlist once i’ve added the new chapters. (do it all in one go I mean).

however - on my blog their is a link on the sidebar called - waiting in the freezing dark and has the chapters in chronological order from start to finish. (not sure if it works on mobile.....)

I also store my writings on @rayonfrozenwings-fic. (because i put a “keep reading” for people’s dashes, it does still mean you need to click through and click back)

and the work is being updated on AO3 and tumblr as I go, but AO3 is better at keeping the chapters together. - entire work, first chapter

so there are options if you are having trouble finding the next chapters etc. :) 

[rayonfrozenwings]

Goodnight Cassian

Waiting in the Freezing Dark Chapter 2: Goodnight Cassian

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS and after Chapter 1: What Box sweetheart?  Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.  

Word Count: 2173

Tagging by request or interest from the first chapter: @fucking-winchester-trash, @rhysanoodle, @velarxs, @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @lady-katkat,@photofeesh, @study-read-repeat @verifiefangirl​, @queen-archeron,@bookofmirth, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle--warrior-scribe @librarian-of-velaris @anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, 

(Just let me know if you wish to be added/removed from this list - I mucked it up, so I hope I managed to get everyone who wanted to be tagged).

Also - because you are all so lovely, i’ll try to release the next chapter tomorrow. 

Nesta

Nesta closed the bedroom door behind her, threw the furs on the bed and lit the lamp readying herself for bed. The room was sparse, a few pillows on the small bed and an aged oak dresser on the opposite wall. It was a lot nicer than her slum in Velaris and more private than the cottage she shared with her family. At least she had her own room here. New illyrian leathers lay draped on her reading chair, yet to be used, given to her when she left Velaris. Walking over to them she pushed them aside and ran her long fingers over the elegant embossed fabric of the chair, feeling the intricate swirls in the pale grey and blue fabric. Eyes shuttered as she moved her hand over the dark wood carvings near the top of the chair. It was the most comfortable piece of furniture she had ever owned. She used to spend hours reading in it at the house of wind. Nesta was unsure who had orchestrated events to make this particular piece of furniture appear here; but she was grateful.

Not that the chair mattered, she hadn’t had much time for reading recently. Nesta had managed to find tasks to occupy her time in Windhaven that were independent from the high lord and lady’s dealings. They may have told her where to live but she would be damned if they would tell her how to live. Being apart from her sisters and that interfering circle of Rhysand’s had been the best thing for Nesta. The fresh air and solitude was calming to her soul. She was learning to appreciate the small happy moments that she and her sisters had managed to enjoy. Even managing to appreciate the skill her father needed to create his wooden creations. That was another reason she loved her reading chair. It had carvings all along its arms and back. Sailing ships fighting sea serpents and other faerie beasts. It reminded her of her papa. Nesta would never admit it to anyone. It was simply the most comfortable chair to spend hours reading in and matched her aesthetic - with enough room to curl up and fall asleep if she needed to.

Nesta was learning her place in the illyrian camp and had found a close friend with Emerie, a local merchant. A lot of her daily tasks were lonely and so she would often seek Emerie out to help without actually helping. 

Because Emerie refused help. 

Nesta felt that Emerie was closer to her than her sisters, so much like herself, they understood each other without speaking. She would never tell Emerie that though, better to leave it unspoken. Nesta didn’t hate her sisters, they just never really understood her or even tried to understand her. Elain seemed to scrape the surface, finding out things Nesta liked but never deeper, she never wanted to know how Nesta truly felt. Feyre was a different beast she was in her own world, always trying to save everyone, even when they didn’t want to be saved, much like her interfering high lord. At least Cassian had let her get on with her life. An inconvenience as a housemate but not an interfering busy body like the others.

Nesta’s mood was turning, all this reminiscing pulling her back into the shadows she had worked so hard to come out of. She grabbed her favourite book off the chair where she had left it. A romance novel about a handsome King who melted the heart of a coldblooded witch, it was possibly the fifth time she had read it since finding it in the house of wind. 

It was so late and she felt like she had been pulled left and right while talking with Cassian about his grief and her own. It wasn’t something she was mentally prepared for. A few chapters to immerse herself in another world would brighten her mood. It always did. Lifting the furs to the side, she sat down on her cozy bed and started removing her boots, lifting her legs up and under the covers. It was supposed to be early spring but you wouldn’t know it in these mountains. The more furs the better as far as she was concerned.

Cassian

Cassian sat outside watching her window and waiting for her lamp to go out. Hoping she really was going to sleep - avoiding mischief. But two patrols had passed now and that glow from the window still fell on the ground outside, Cassian knew she wasn’t going to sleep any time soon.

Tonight had opened up some old wounds. He hadn't really talked about his mother to many people and although everything he said was true, he wasn't sure he wanted to deal with the consequences of his words. That winter chill was still in the air and since Nesta had taken all the furs - he was left with one measly blanket.

The first patrol had made their way back, two young illyrian males grinning and shoving each other, engrossed in some story the older of the pair appeared to be telling. Cassian smiled and dropped the blanket, spread his wings and launched himself into the sky. He took in an aerial view of the camp and houses below. He’d always been protective. Two patrols in the camp should be enough, but the unrest lately had started invading everyday life. Something he needed to deal with and the main reason he had been asked to stay in Windhaven by Rhys.

Windhaven was one of the closer camps to Velaris, just incase he was called back for security. It seemed like a battle on two fronts with the unrest in the camps and Velaris opening its borders, letting Keir and his ilk in. Windhaven was close enough to both but also one of the safer camps for Nesta to be in. A perfect compromise. He knew Nesta resented being sent here at the start, but she was warming, part of her fire was back. This place was good for her even if she never admitted it to anyone.

The camp was quiet below. A few fires around the perimeter, and tents with a soft glows emanating but very few illyrians walking around or getting into trouble. The small settlement up the road held his home and a few other wooden buildings for trade. Located just far enough from the camp to be out of the way but close enough to still be protected by their patrols at night.

Cassian landed near Emerie’s shop, located at the other end of the street to his own cottage. Cassian liked to keep his distance to protect her reputation - He couldn’t have people talking about them in the same breath. Cassian told himself he was stopping just to check that everything was alright. No lights shon from her windows. The street only illuminated by the stars above. He hoped she was asleep. Emerie had been a blessing to Cassian, someone who didn’t mind that he was an illyrian born bastard, and who took his money without making a fuss. She was also someone who seemed to understand Nesta as much as he did - if not more so.

Cassian wrapped his wings around himself and started walking back to the house. It was a small wooden home with two bedrooms; a large communal room with a kitchen and lounge with dining room. Not too different from the house he grew up in with Rhysand’s mother, Rhys and Az. The house was modest, with few adornments but he didn’t need much from a house to be content. It was more than he ever imagined as a boy and he was always grateful for where he was. A comfortable bed and a room large enough so he could spread his wings if needed - it was more than enough.

Even though he was often away because of his duties Nesta had chosen to take the slightly smaller of the two rooms. She pushed her bed hard against the wall, making it appear smaller than it was. He hadn’t heard her bring anyone home while he was staying and the bed being pushed against the wall did make him smile because any illyrian male would have a hard time pleasuring her with his wings banging against the wall.

His smile grew as the vision of a naked illyrian falling off her bed came uninvited. Nesta standing furious and naked. He chuckled to himself. He was sure she hadn’t been with anyone, the only scents in their house were hers and his own.

They weren’t currently anything to each other but Cassian couldn't get her out of his mind. Tonight he had thought that she might have wanted to kiss him and instead she taunted him and walked away. 

A grin came to his face, she was returning to that girl he met at her manor - minus the knee.

That woman with fire in her veins.

Cassian could see her making her way back to the realm of the living, back to him, slowly. She had been through a lot, turning into a high fae, stealing from the cauldron, throwing her body over his on the battlefield - to save him. The death of her father by the king of Hybern. Not even including the recent months she had spent pushing away her family,  drinking and bedding every male she could find.

There were so many open wounds in her life.

The smile disappeared from his face, this was why there was distance. She had made her decisions in Velaris and Cassian needed to let her live her life and make her own mistakes. Just because they were living in the same house did not mean Nesta would give him the time of day. He neared the house and he looked to the ground ahead.

The light was still pooling on the ground outside her window, he sighed, so he would have to talk to her tonight after all.   

The wooden steps at the front of the house creaked under Cassian’s weight as he walked up them. He released a breath, it had been a few hours since their intimate moment under the stars but he really didn’t want to talk to her yet. Pushing open the door he walked into the dark lounge room. She had closed her door and the light peeked through underneath.

Maybe he wouldn’t have to talk to her after all.

Cassian creeped across the old floorboards trying desperately not to make any sound. Walking past her door he heard something usually reserved for Azriel. You would think the shadowsinger would be as quiet sleeping as he was awake but his snoring was as loud as a giant frosted bear from the winter court. The smile on Cassian’s face grew wider until he started to laugh.

Shit! Shit! He couldn’t let Nes hear him. 

Somehow the thought of Nesta snoring seemed so out of place that he couldn’t contain himself.  

Damn it!

Her light was still on.

She was asleep.

Cassian was holding his side he tried to calm down, realising he was going to have to sneak into her room and turn off the light. Three steps to her door, he turned the handle carefully and pushed it open. There Nesta lay, covered with furs in the strangest position. He was sure that having a book for a pillow was not comfortable and was most likely the cause of her horrendous snoring. In fact it was so loud Cassian wasn’t sure he would be able to sleep in the next room. He decided that making her more comfortable was worth her wrath, especially if it meant he would get a better night sleep.

Carefully he pried her arms away from the book and pulled it out of her grip, placing it on her chair.

Nesta was still snoring but at least she hadn’t woken up. Cassian leaned forward and pulled up her furs that she had kicked off, still in her simple gray dress from the day, she had obviously fallen asleep while reading. Nesta turned and snuggled into her pillow, her scent hitting Cassian in the face and making him look closer. The gods awful snoring had stopped. She looked so peaceful, serene, it was hard to imagine the fire behind her eyes could change her look so dramatically.

Nesta was beautiful, he could see that her face was delicate and lips soft. Lips so tempting even now. Her breathing even and cheeks rosy, he wanted to kiss her right now even if it meant waking her but he wasn’t sure he could take anymore rejection from her. They had been making progress, why ruin a good thing?   

So he blew out the lamp and walked to the door, turning back to her and the shadows of the night dappled on her beautiful face. He closed the door slowly as he walked over the threshold and just before it shut he heard her whisper.

“Goodnight Cassian”.    

Masterlist

[rayonfrozenwings]

Dreams Again

Waiting in the Freezing Dark Chapter 3: Dreams Again

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS and after Chapter 1: What Box sweetheart? , Chapter 2: Goodnight Cassian, the story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

This Chapter is Nesta-centric. And a shortish one before a longer one - that i’m still writing... so it will be at least a week away unless i get the writing bug...  I’ve loved hearing feedback from the previous chapters too :).

Also i’m sorry for all you sweet people because - yes, its going to get angsty. <3 love you all.  

Wc: 1734

Tagging by request: @fucking-winchester-trash @rhysanoodle @velarxs @lorcanswife @my-fan-side @wolffrising  @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @lady-katkat,@photofeesh, @study-read-repeat @verifiefangirl​, @queen-archeron,@bookofmirth, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle–warrior-scribe @librarian-of-velaris@anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, @bookofmirth, @acoaas , 

(Just let me know if you wish to be added/removed from this list - its already growing.)

Nesta

The sun poured in through her bedroom window as Nesta began dressing for the day. Cassian had woken early, eaten his breakfast and then knocked loudly on her door. Having no common decency at all and destroying any hope she had of sleeping until noon. He had left to see Devlon, his old camp lord, at the behest of his high lord. Apparently he was needed urgently but decided not to disclose why. So now Nesta had the whole house to herself.

Perfect.

Cassian had thought she had stopped her drinking but she knew he was a good soldier and followed orders. He would report back to Feyre and Rhysand all her habits and she didn’t want anyone getting in her business - not this time. Strategy was important when playing a long game, and she didn't need the arguments about her drinking. Now that she was alone she could have a few glasses of wine and read her latest acquisition. 

Perfect Bliss, no distractions.

Her dreams over the last week had been preventing her from sleeping soundly. Talking with Cassian last week stirred up grief she had kept locked away and it was invading her thoughts while she slept. Cassian had been teasing her about snoring - something Nesta knew she did not do. Her dreams were hard to pin down and describe but she often woke in a cold sweat during the night. Shadowy figures, then red - always red would flood her vision, battle raging on, high fae in meetings, snarling, illyrians falling from the sky, white hot light pouring from the cauldron. Last night’s dream was of her father and his final moments. It was becoming too much. With Cassian gone, Nesta could drink and sleep without fear of her memories.

If only she had a bottle of wine.

Cassian had emptied the house of it after the last evening of libations went south. The only thing left was that vile amber liquid he seemed to enjoy. Emerie frowned upon her drinking but did not stop her doing it. Maybe another reason why Nesta liked her company - she knew when to keep her mouth shut.

Nesta quickly buttoned up her overcoat, closing the house up behind her and she walked out the door. The day was brisk but she was becoming accustomed to the cold. Nothing layers and a quick walk couldn’t fix. Nesta’s muscles were getting stronger walking up and down the street to Emerie’s shop from her place. She still refused to train with the females like Cassian wanted but she was becoming stronger in this setting of thin air and steep hills, without too much effort on her part. Her boots crunched on the gravel path, sliding left and right as she ascended the slope on the uneven ground. Emerie’s shop was one of the larger buildings, a two story wood paneled building, it had beautiful views of the camp since it was higher on the hill.

The door was closed to keep the heat in but the shop was open. Customers still hadn’t warmed up to Emerie and her position, so it was often quiet. Perfect for Nesta, hiding from the rest of the camp in plain sight. She walked up the steps and into the store. Emerie was organising some of her new stock to the right of the counter.

“What brings you here before noon?” her deep honeyed voice called out to Nesta.

“Very funny, I decided to come see you, isn’t that enough?”

“Nes, you never come to just see me.” Emerie replied. “So what’s the real reason? You have been a little MIA this week…” a pause “Is Casian training?”

Nesta hated how Emerie could see right through her, but she knew it was her own fault, Em was just someone who Nesta could open up to without any effort, without any fear. It did not make any logical sense since Cassian introduced the two of them. But Nesta knew that Emerie held no loyalty to him or anyone else over her. Emerie was a fresh start.

“Well Cassian has gone away for a wee while so I thought I would come and spend some time with you. Unless you don’t want me to, I can go.”

“You’re not going to go Nes, you’re not telling me the full story either.” she turned to look at me with that piercing stare and then continued to tidy her summer blankets.

“I love your company and I came to offer my help” Nesta defended.

“I don’t need any help.”

“Exactly Em, so maybe you should stop asking me why im here so I won’t find something to do”, Nesta’s tone sharp, that fire burning behind her eyes boring into Emerie, she did not want to discuss her dreams or feelings or anything today - she just wanted a drink. “Any new red’s recently?”

“Ahh... I see. Have a look over by the window... there is a crate there.” Nesta turned to look and Emerie continued “The good ones have the dusty pink labels with golden writing - I managed to get a shipment from the Dawn court two weeks ago. I thought I might be able to keep it for a while this time, since about a month ago I had Cassian telling me who I could and couldn’t sell wine to.”

Nesta glared over her shoulder, Emerie still had her back to her tidying the shelves. Simple words with a pointed delivery.

“It’s none of his business what I drink!” Nesta said as she pulled out one of the bottles Emerie described.

“That’s what I told him, I also told him it was none of his business who I sold my products to.” She turned to Nesta and walked over to a cupboard above their heads, pulling out two wine glasses. “He also can’t tell me who I can drink with or when I can drink.” Both women smiled and sat down in the chairs by the window. Emerie ran the shop by herself so having a place to sit while waiting for those elusive customers was important. Plus if your best wine connoisseur wants some company how can you say no? Nesta opened the bottle and poured two glasses.

“Add it to Cassian’s tab, and I’ll take a few bottles home with me as well  - when I leave”

“Sure, what’s going on Nes?”

“Dreams again”

“I don’t mind drinking with you, but you might want to find a better way to address that.”

Head tilted Nesta calmly replied “I thought you weren’t going to tell me what I can and can’t do?”

Emerie sighed “Nesta I just want you to be safe and not remembering who you are or what you are doing or where you are going is not staying safe. You are a high fae for cauldrons sake! In an Illyrian camp. Staying with a commander who isn’t that well liked! To top it off you are friends with me. It’s not the most sensible way to stay out of trouble. Add the wine and its a recipe for disaster.”

Nesta drank more of her wine and looked at Emerie closely, her friend who had been so supportive - was telling her what to do, Em hadn’t even touched her glass, while Nestas was half gone.

“Nesta its eleven in the morning, are you sure you wouldn’t like a cup of tea?” Emerie pleaded.

“I think wine is fine, you go back to your cleaning and i’ll enjoy the sun from your window, I don’t particularly feel like going home yet.” Nesta’s tone had turned icy she felt the pull on their friendship and wondered how much longer it would last. Amren’s patience had worn thin - how much longer before Emerie gave up on her too.

“Fine Nes. You drink. I’ll clean. When your done with your glass I’ll have those four bottles packaged up for you and you can leave. I’m not having you spill vile poison in here when your drinking.” Emerie had a short temper like Nesta and it was not the best combination when the both women locked horns. Her dark brown shined like glass, hard and seeing too much. She walked away from the seating area back to the main counter to dust.

Nesta was angry but also had not drunk enough to cause damage - yet. She didn’t want to lose Emerie, so she drank the rest of her wine in silence.

No one came into the store. Emerie continued tidying with silence stretching on. She placed four bottles into a bag, including some food too, a hard cheese and bread as well as a stew she had made the previous night. With Cassian gone Emerie knew Nesta would be avoiding cooking and wanted her to have some food with her liquid diet.  

Nesta had been home several hours, reading her book and drinking her wine in the sitting room, the sun was tracking lower in the sky and Nesta started to close all the curtains around the house, being alone was peaceful but being alone felt eerily similar to rejection. She had forgotten how lonely life could be with Cassian always around invading her space. She double checked that all the doors were locked and made her way to the kitchen table. She was onto her second bottle and grateful for Emerie and the food she had placed in the bag with her wine. Cold stew wasn’t great but it was better than an empty plate which she had planned on enjoying that evening.

Living with an illyrian warrior did have its advantages.

Especially when they loved food and didn’t mind sharing.

It would be even better when they figured out how to make things hot without using fire. Nesta took her soup to the sofa and had another glass or two reading her book as she went. The wine kept her warm as she read into the wee hours of the morning, a second bottle polished off. Nesta was tempted to go find one of the illyrians on patrol to share her bed, but was sure Cassian would have threatened them when she moved here. Her Velaris coping mechanisms didn’t seem to work in Windhaven, she just hoped to get some sleep tonight.

Head foggy and book in hand her feet padded along the floor to her room. She stripped down and pulled on a night shirt before climbing into bed.

Masterlist

[rayonfrozenwings]

Announcement: Ok so i’m officially taking a break from my Nessian Fic - Waiting in the freezing dark.  I’m hoping to write more, I just can’t commit to it right now. Wondering why?

1. I keep re-reading the acotar series to get in the mood and this is preventing me from reading anything else.  2. I’m starting my re-read of throne of glass et. al. others and need to be in that world completely before Kingdom of Ash comes out. 3. I want to enjoy everything throne of glass and if I get taken by something creatively I don’t want to feel like I cant pursue it because i’m in the middle of something already. 4. The story is getting so big that i’m worried i’m loosing my “Nessian” essence that I wanted to achieve in the first place. Its better for me to go away and come back - I feel.  5. I have some OC’s in my fic that I need to flesh out a little if they are staying.  So that’s the update.  Thank you for reading them, and I will definitely come back to this fic. Throne of Glass is my first love and I need to celebrate it ending in style. 

[rayonfrozenwings]

Waiting in the Freezing Dark: Chapter 7 - What Remains?

Spoiler Alert: Contains references to ACOFAS.

Authors Note: So I've had this in my drafts for a while and cleaning them out.. so I have decided to finally post it. I haven't done any more Chapters as of Yet - the fic will still be on a semi-hiatus until after Kingdom of Ash. 

A Nessian Fan Fiction: Characters all belong to Sarah J Maas and her book series A Court of Thorns and Roses. This Story takes place after ACOFAS. The story has Multiple POV’s, taking place in the Illyrian camp, Windhaven, Nesta and Cassian are living together at the behest of the high lord and lady of the night court.

Chapter 7 - What Remains? is from Cassian’s perspective and what Occurred after his fight with Nesta. 

Previous chapters are here: 1, 2, 3, 4 , 5 , 6 and Masterlist here.

I have also put this on AO3 - rayonfrozenwings is my name there. :)

WC: 2539

Cassian

Cassian reached Velaris in record time, the brisk night chilling him quickly through and urging him back to the city of starlight. No matter how fast he flew he couldn’t outrun his thoughts. Thoughts of her.

Last night after Nesta had left their home he couldn’t relax and took to the skies to track her. She had made her way up the hill to Emerie’s- at least he knew she was safe there. So he waited. Moving around camp, watching the goings on. Everything was quiet. Even the shop he watched across the road.

He waited into the night for her to emerge, thinking she would come stumbling home in the dark. But the hours ticked on and the shop stayed quiet, a glow coming from the first story windows and no lights elsewhere. Cassian had found an old swing to sit on a little ways down the hill that still had a good view of Emerie’s home and curled his wings around himself.

A million thoughts running through his mind, about her and about their fight, but also about what he would say when he saw Feyre. A commander always thought of battle strategies when new obstacles arose and his personal life was turning into as big a mess as the the battlefields he was on a less than a year ago.

His senses picked up a change in the air and it was then he realised that she wasn’t coming home.

The lights dimmed downstairs and others went on upstairs. Everyone in the house was going to bed, and Cassian was a fool in the cold trying to look after a woman that hours ago, he had told - he was done with. He’d needed to get a check on his emotions.

If she didn’t care, why should he?

After coming to that realisation he had decided to leave Windhaven right then. His bag at home left on his bed, packed and ready to go in the morning - he didn’t care. He was furious. Furious at her. And begrudgingly at himself too - he wasn't quite sure who was at fault anymore.

Even after his flying, his emotions were raw, he still wanted to protect her from her sister and Rhys. It wouldn’t take long for them to find him, ask how she was doing. So he wore a mask of that cocky commander who was still trying to charm her. It was never a mask in the past - but now it felt so far from where he was. So far from that teasing smile. So far from wanting her that a mask was the only way to get through the day ahead. He was grateful that Rhys didn’t like to pry with those powers of his. Thank the Mother he hadn’t told Rhys when he would be back today leaving a few hours up his sleeves. Especially after his earlier than expected departure.

The sun was rising now and coming up over the tabletop mountain spreading its warm fingers over Velaris. The city of Starlight really was beautiful, and although he had called it home for many years, he was outgrowing it. It was too safe, too easy, and it didn’t hold his heart any longer. He dreaded coming back here, playing the social game. Rhys knew Cassian was getting tired of keeping the peace between their friends, but it was easier to just let things carry on than face them head on. Easier to stagnate than to force change.

Nesta would make him choose. Make him pick a side. He felt it deep in his bones and he wasn’t ready to take that step. It was easier to make her face the demons clawing at her. He wasn’t ready to face his. This mood and self pity were going to hold him back today. He needed to be the charmer, a role he usually slipped into easily. So he landed near Nesta’s old home in the Slums and found her local establishment. Still open even as the sun was rising, maybe that was the real reason she choose the Wolf’s Den. Cassian stepped inside and had a few strong drinks to dull his resentment and the unspoken feelings bubbling to the surface.

Standing in the Hallway Cassian waited. Still slightly affected from his morning libations. He told himself - ‘it just added to his charm’. Feyre walked down the hall and when she saw him her eyes lit up.

“Cassian! I’m so glad to see you!” she embraced him in as large a hug as she could manage and all he wished was that it was Nesta hugging him back home.

“Hey freckles, how’s the painting going?” he replied with that crooked smile as he ended their embrace.

“So great! We are making immense progress with a few of our students. It’s so wonderful helping people. I thought you were due tonight, you must have made good time! How is Nesta? How are the camps? Oh you probably want to talk to Rhys!” Cassian had forgotten how many things Feyre had on the go, she was always moving a mile a minute. Probably another reason why her and Rhysand were a good match. Always planning and taking on the next challenge. She really was settling into her role as High Lady well.

“I was able to leave earlier than I planned, shall we go into the study? Rhys isnt here yet and as much as I love the hall, i’m sure it’s warmer in there.” her smile was so fresh and open, Cassian had forgotten what is was like to feel warmth radiate off someone through a simple smile. He had spent too long by himself or with hostile companions. Illyrians who seemed to have trouble showing emotions. He’d been wearing the commander boots for too long and it was taking its toll. Something his friends always worried would happen but had managed to prevent.

The two walked into the study, floor to ceiling curtains dominated the room, made of luxurious green fabrics. Ornate Chairs and furniture that would have cost a small fortune spread around the room trying to create a feeling of warmth. Letters, maps and other papers covered half the desk and the other half was mostly clear, it looked like a before and after of example of “how to organise a desk”. Feyre rushed over and started tidying the correspondence.

“Sorry, I told Rhys I’d at least have these away when you arrived, give me a moment to tidy up,”

“I’m early, its fine - and Rhys didn’t know when I was coming exactly... so how could you?” he assured her.

Feyre smiled and continued to potter around the desk as Cassian looked around the room, the stuffiness had enveloped him during that meeting with Nesta months ago and it hadn’t felt cozy since. It looked like the High Lord and High Lady’s study, like control and meetings, like plans being made and acted upon. Things had changed quickly. No longer were papers all over the rest of the house, with cold coffee mugs next to them. Small signs that his friends lived here with their burden or leadership. Instead this room was here, this war room. Even though Feyre had tried so hard to make it comfortable, Cassian could only see the practicality staring back at him.

Standing here made Cassian feel as if he was moving in a different direction to his friends, like most families do. Age and circumstance pulling them down different paths. Cassian tried to shake off the thoughts. Perhaps was he just being somber because of last night. His fears were running away from him. Feyre finished tidying her papers and sat on the sofa at the side of the room near a large window.

“So how’s it all going?” She asked

Cassian turned and said “Fine, fine …. Shouldn’t we wait for Rhys first, the illyrians are probably a good topic to start on”.

Feyre tilted her head to the side looking at him in that way of hers, that way that said she didn’t believe it. She pulled her feet onto the couch under herself, a pose that Nesta also prefered especially when she read a good book. Nesta, Nesta, Nesta, always on his damn mind! Then she asked again,

“Come on, how’s living with Nesta, has she been behaving?" She looked at him so intently as she asked the next question.

"Do you think she hates us?" She paused again and then infused herself with an upbeat energy to keep going - to keep moving forward.

"I haven’t seen you in ages because Rhys comes to you! Tell me what is going on.”

Feyre’s pleading and prodding was poking at emotions too close to the surface so he decided to ‘fake it till he made it’ as Mor would say.

“Ahh, I see now- the real truth is that you have missed me!" Cocky grin on his face.

"Have you Missed my training sessions, is Az not making you work hard enough? I can talk to him if he's going easy on the High Lady.” He winked.

“Cassian…”

“She seems fine, she's not really talking to me, probably thinks i'm a spy going to bring everything back for you two to discuss, She should know I’m not Az.” he threw in a grin for good measure, to clearly express his joke, and keep that lighthearted tone. Finishing with, “So I haven't pushed her.”

His alcoholic buzz was wearing off, and with it, the mask he had so carefully put in place to fool Rhys. He had hoped to avoid Feyre. Coming in and out of Velaris as fast as he could manage.

“Ok, I just hoped she had said something to you, talked to you, it’s not like she has many people to talk to.” Cassian watched Feyre, her face showed her guilt as plain as anything, but he couldn't contain his disappointment in her lack of understanding regarding her own sister.

“She didn’t talk to anyone in Velaris either.” He said calmly, all humour gone.

“But we were here if she needed us.” Feyre voice went up a few octaves.

“Were you?” He replied.

Feyre looked at Cassian closely, silence crept into the room like a frost creeping over the grass as the light fades.

“We did the best thing for her.” The high Lady of the Night Court stated. Conviction in her words.

Cassian could see the thoughts rushing through her mind as the silence stretched on after her statement,

“You do know it’s rude to talk about someone when they’re standing right in front of you, where is the prick anyway he’s late?”

“Sorry Cassian, I got distracted, it’s something completely different,” she smiled.

Cassian didn't believe her but she was back to talking to Rhys with that mind link thing they had, so he went and sat on one of the chairs in front of the desk. His temper rising. He began to crack his knuckles one by one, taking his time.

He often spoke to Rhys in that tone - but never Feyre, maybe he was tired, or maybe his liquid courage had done more damage than good. Either way he was in an awful mood. Feyre was at the receiving end, something he never wanted.

Feyre stood and started moving towards the door, “I have to go Cassian, seriously make yourself at home, we won't be too long.” She smiled politely and walked to the door.

And she was gone - just like that.

The rest of his day had passed without incident, but weighed on his shoulders. After deciding to abandon the study in search for food, Rhys had found him and they had had their meeting. Drinking and trying to solve Prythian’s problems in the adjoining sitting room, Az stumbled across them soon after.

They didn’t get very far. How can you solve the world’s problems when you are only three against the tide?

Cassian was torn between trying to protect the female illyrians and empowering them. Torn between pushing down the rebellion with force and letting the hostilities play out a little first and then showing the illyrians why he was their commander. The Lord of Bloodshed, was trying his best to avoid any blood being spilled at all. Rhys seemed distracted too but didn’t share what had held him up earlier in the day.

Soon smells, and banging started coming from the kitchen, signaling that they had wasted the day away. The inner circle ate dinner like they usually did, Amren was absent in the summer court with Varian but otherwise it was just like old times.

Except it wasn’t.

Mor and Az had invited him to Rita’s but Cassian wasn’t in the right headspace for dancing and drinking - Mor Dancing, Az and himself drinking in the corner, being social would be the hard part.

Cassian was keeping Nesta’s secret close to his chest and it held him back from fully engaging and enjoying his family. He was still able to tell jokes and raise his eyebrows and grin at the right time, but his heart wasn’t in it. Just like when he protected Mor and Az from themselves. He was getting tired of being the protector; the keeper of secrets.

The dinner dragged on into the evening and now he was finally alone in his room. Feyre and Rhys had always kept it ready for him. Cassian collapsed into the large bed. Bless the mother, they had upgraded from the twin set in the townhouse. His wings stretched out for the first time since the flight here and he tried to relax. Processing the day; the flight, the drinking, the meeting, the drinking, and then keeping secrets and happy families. It was all so draining.

The large room didn’t hold a candle to his own place, something about his cottage in Windhaven felt more like home these days. Maybe he was just returning to his roots. He needed to sleep and the thoughts were rushing in unbidden. Too many thoughts today. Nesta would be enjoying Emerie’s company again he was sure, she didn’t need or want him anymore.

He should have seen it coming, Emerie was so similar to Nes that of course they would be kindred spirits. He should be happy for her. He should be glad she was beginning to make a life for herself. Except it was all a lie, her happiness, she had been drinking behind his back. Emerie had known, it was the only place she could get the booze.

How much of their fairytale was true? How well was she coping? How could she be one person to his face and another behind his back? like a serpent of the abyss! Cassian threw his pillow across the room, it hit the wall with a light thud and fell to the floor. Not nearly enough noise or commotion to satisfy the rage rising within him.

Staring at the ceiling, the thoughts kept coming. They had had something, he wasn’t sure what exactly. Cassian had felt like they were starting to learn the truth of each other and now he was left with the tattered remains of something that never had a name. Tagged by request: Sorry if some of the urls are wrong.. its been a while since I updated this fic, just let me know via ask if you want to be added or removed from my tag list for this. :)   @fucking-winchester-trash @rhysanoodle @velarxs @lorcanswife @my-fan-side @wolffrising @bellsqueen @aelinashgalathynius @booksaremymate @themoonunderstoodmynightmares @prxthian @nessian-girl @fuzz-dog @archeron-queens @acotar-feels @wickedfangirl99 @empress-ofbloodshed @ame233 @tswaney17 @kefeira @rhysandsdarlingfeyre @abillionlittlepieces @ofstarsanddreams @booksaremymate @ambrosemiller @saltydreamcollector @imfandomtrash-vi @aedionashryver-wolfofthenorth @pinkjem30   @urbisie, @howtotameyourillyrian, @illyrianbeauty, @lady-katkat,@photofeesh, @study-read-repeat @verifiefangirl, @queen-archeron,@bookofmirth, @aqueentorattlestars, @acoaas @nephelle-warrior-scribe @librarian-of-velaris @anoverstuffedkindle, @miladyaelin, @acoaas, @rowaelinsmut @bookofmirth @tntwme