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#waiting to start not one but TWO immunosupressants and knowing exactly what date it's going to happen is so weird
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1 month
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#waiting to start not one but TWO immunosupressants and knowing exactly what date it's going to happen is so weird
#because there's a deadline on your immune system now
#and i spend most of the time not really thinking about it and then out of nowhere I'll be like
#oh yeah
#in just under two weeks I won't have my good immune system anymore
#i wont be able to rely on it as i always have because it won't be there
#and i know Exactly when it's going to happen
#it's. in all honestly it feels bizarrely like being at the vets when sobi was put to sleep
#it was the right thing to do it was the right time to so it and i knew it was coming
#we need to do this so my immune system doesn't keep eating my intestines in its fervour
#it's the right thing to do it's the right time to do it it's needed and necessary but I'm grieving all the same
#yes okay maybe it's stupid to equate starting immunosuppressants with my pet dying
#maybe im being overdramatic about all this
#ive had people tell me it probably wont be that bad it'll probably just give me a normal system j shoudl stop stressing about all this
#i should stop feeling so sad about all this
#and that doesn't help one fucking bit
#i do feel sad about this. i feel very sad about this. i am experiencing grief about this
#dont tell me to make my emotions smaller
#the nurse said i would could as high risk. that i will need to avoid people who even just have colds
#this is not a small change. this is me losing something i have relied on for my entire life
#something i have taken a stupid pride in for my entire life
#and it feels just like being at the vets. gently stroking sobi's head as he died
#putting him to sleep. putting my immune system to sleep. telling it did well
#it'll come back one day i know (i hope) but for now it has a deadline
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