#wait is this the first (vaguely) amedot thing I've ever written???

[introvert-celeste]

Hm.. How about you write about gem characters that you don't often talk about?

“What are we going to do?” Peridot asked Pumpkin, who slumbered peacefully in her lap.

A familiar sort of anxiety gripped her, that general sense of complete hopelessness that she dealt with on a day to day basis, and it took everything in her power to keep from breaking down. She was scared, that was a given, but she was also confused, clinging to recently discarded ideologies. She was a Peridot, she was meant to work in a kindergarten, helping gems grow, aiding in the destruction of life-giving planets. Over her relatively short life, she’d taken pride in such work, and she was as good at her job as any other era two, maybe even above average, though she always exaggerated her importance in her head.

She’d always wanted to be special, to be valued. Now, all she felt was a deep sense of longing for what she used to have, even with all the bad things that came with it.

In the rare moments that she slept, her dreams consisted of daily monotony within a kindergarten that was always changing, on a random colony controlled by Yellow Diamond, more memories than constructs of the mind. She would see to the creation and maintenance of countless Quartz soldiers: Citrines, Lemon Quartzes, Chyrsoprases, Zebra Jaspers, Aventurines, and more, always working. Sometimes, she was waiting for a new soldier to emerge, put in charge of the preparations by her manager, Olivine. Other times, she would have to break up a fight between Quartzes who would then turn on her, and she would have to call for an Agate to discipline them. In a better scenario, the gems would begrudgingly listen, but one of them would come away from the fight scuffed or bearing a hairline fracture, which she would have to laser shut.

These dreams were stressful, but they were also normal. This was what she had done her entire life, but now, looking back on them, it felt oddly detached. It felt as if they weren’t her memories, but ones of a gem from another time, like she was watching the personal logs of another Peridot.

She became a different gem the moment she called Yellow Diamond out, and with it came a sense of loss of identity. All this time, she tried to fill the void with the Cluster, with the “shorty squad,” with music, with art, with Lapis…and through it all she developed an interest in gardening, adding a thread of familiarity to an otherwise uncharted existence for herself. Gardening was the only thing in her life that truly made sense to her anymore, it was the only thing she liked to do at any given moment.

Every time she tried to plan her newest project, however, she found that it didn’t stir the same excitement and wonder it used to. And she couldn’t very well ask the other Crystal Gems for help, when they had their own team shattering revelations to deal with.

Peridot sighed deeply, pulling Pumpkin closer and tapping the blackened screen of her tablet. Thirty tabs full of research came to life before her, detailing different regions, soil types, and proper planting conditions for different varieties of seeds, as well as a few unsaved documents detailing plans she probably wouldn’t follow through with. One by one, she began to close every single tab, too discouraged to think about it any longer.

A knock at the door made her pause, rousing Pumpkin from her slumber.

“Hey, Per, I’m coming in,” Amethyst announced, pushing the door open without further preamble.

Peridot sat up a little straighter, releasing the tension in her face and shoulders before Amethyst could see, but it was too late. The expression on her face said that she knew exactly what was going on, and that it concerned her. Everything she did seemed to concern Amethyst these days, though she couldn’t say why. She never worried about Peridot like this before Lapis left.

Pumpkin, now aware of Amethyst’s presence, scrambled out of the bathtub and bounded toward the small Quartz, yapping happily and racing circling around her feet.

Amethyst knelt down to pet her, grinning fondly. “Hey there, ya noisy little gourd. Been keeping Peri company?”

“More or less,” Peridot chuckled, laying her tablet to theside. “She’s been keeping my lap warm all day.”

Her smile twitched. “Yeah, you guys have definitely been in here all day,” she replied pointedly, her expression growing serious. “You know what we talked about, Per. You can stay in the bathroom and have your alone time, but you gotta come out and socialize every day. At least once.”

“I was going to!” Peridot argued, knowing full well that she wasn’t. “I was just preoccupied with the plans for my next gardening endeavor. It’s a lot more involved than it sounds, you know!”

“Yeah, I know.” Amethyst’s smile turned more genuine again, as she leaned over to wrap an arm around her narrow shoulders. “But you could at least let us help you out sometimes.”

Although she wanted to be difficult, as always, Peridot couldn’t help but lean into the embrace, taking comfort in her warmth, her closeness. She normally wasn’t the touchy feely type, preferring her personal space, but there came a time when she just…she just needed a hug. She was just too proud to request one. And in her minuscule experience with close contact, Peridot could say with certainty that Amethyst’s hugs were the best. Even Steven’s hugs paled in comparison to the way Amethyst’s made her feel, though Garnet’s crushing embrace had a certain charm to it. 

But Amethyst…her hugs stirred all the right feelings in her, feelings that were underused and mildly uncomfortable, but not unpleasant. If she weren’t so embarrassed about falling asleep around the other Crystal Gems, she could have dozed off peacefully in her arms, unplagued by dreams of the past and doubts for her future.

It lingered for a long moment, Amethyst squeezing her closer. Even Pumpkin seemed to sense the mood shift, as she hopped back into the tub and curled against Peridot’s leg. It struck her that she never felt this comfortable, this safe, around Lapis, not even close. Even during the good times, there was still that nagging idea that one wrong step would evoke her fury, or at least upset her. She could never let her guard down the way she did with Amethyst.

Was this what healing felt like?

“I think I would like that,” she finally replied, clearing her throat awkwardly. “Y-your help, I mean. I’ve spent enough time in here.”

Amethyst squeezed her again. “That’s the spirit, Dot!”

Peridot grabbed her tablet and accepted Amethyst’s outstretched hand, letting herself be guided into the house. Already, the quiet felt less oppressive and more of a companionable silence, a peaceful afternoon with her favorite gem and her favorite Pumpkin, talking about something she’d become quite passionate about.

Yes, this warm feeling in her chest must be healing at work.