#wHAT THE FUCK THANK GOD IT'S CHRISTAS STARTED PLAYING??? THE LYRICS IN THAT START OF IT UFCK MY HEART

[stoneqoldcrazy]

One year with Queen

This is just gonna be a big appreciation post about Queen and the people I’ve met this past year sdlkjkdsjlf I’m gonna leave it all under the cut

I’m not too sure how to start this off because this has been one of the most worst years for me honestly but I’ll try my best ldkskjdls

I should explain something first before I get into this. I have been battling this kinda strange phobia called emetophobia (fear of vomiting) all my life and it recently (like 2016) hit me real hard and it has been real difficult for me to eat. I know that sounds strange but I have been battling with this difficulty since 2016. Another strange thing that I have been battling since 2016 is this weird “gaggy” feeling. This feeling causes me great anxiety and it still disrupts my life. 

Now on with this year sdjlkdskj so I had a bad feeling that this year was gonna be terrible and I was right. This year started off with me getting sick which, of course, is fucking TERRIFYING for me. What made this so much worse, though, was that the spring semester of college was starting up for me. These were both my first ever on-campus classes and I missed the first day for both of my classes. I only had two college classes because I was still in high school at the time sdklsdk I hope this isn’t confusing :( anyways I absolutely HATE missing school and not only did I miss school but I also missed some days at work. There were times where I went to work for a few minutes and I had to sit in the office and calm down but I was sent home. This hit me hard because I also hate missing work and my anxiety has never been this bad. I still look back at how disappointed I was in myself. This happened near late January to early February and my parents took me to the psychiatrist because holy Fuck my anxiety was bad. My psychiatrist pretty much said that I needed to get checked if this “gaggy” feeling was something physical. So throughout February, I had to go to the hospital multiple times and I am still surprised by how I got through it all. I had to get my esophagus fucking stretched like KLDSKLSDKL but that didn’t help at all. It was anxiety. Throughout like February through April I was still having trouble getting back up on my feet from me getting sick (yeah I was That disturbed) and from the hospital visits. During these months, I felt that strong gaggy feeling WHILE at work and I still experience it sometimes but back then I had to actually sit in the office at times and have people do the buffet (I work at KFC and I also suffer from intrusive thoughts so I was afraid I would think of something gross while being surrounded by the strong smelling foods). Now you might be wondering how this all relates to Queen. Well, whenever I had to be sent home from work, I felt terrible and I wanted to cry dsklfj but Queen was there to help me pretty much. One thing that I vividly remember was when I was coming back from one of my hospital visits. I was so terrified that it was gonna go wrong because it was a barium swallowing test thing but I made it. While we were leaving the hospital, I put on my Queen. I remember Delilah playing and I couldn’t help but smile because it was like Freddie was sharing his happiness with me. This is why I love the song Delilah btw sjdlkjkdls. There were SO many moments like these. One song that pulled me through all of this was Somebody to Love. I would just lay there and close my eyes listening to it and I swear it has fucking healing powers sddskldskl. As time went on, I eventually met up with my psychiatrist and I found myself a therapist and I felt so happy. As I was driving home, I noticed Teo Torriatte playing and its lyrics just made me go crazy go stupid in a good way like??? It made me smile so much it felt like Freddie was there with me :(. This was during like May I think?? May was the month I finally graduated high school. It wasn't anything special but I did decorate my graduation cap something Queen related and I even kinda rose my fist in the air when I got my diploma like?? My Younger self would not do something like that sdlk. Oh, also for my award ceremony, I fucking wore a Freddie shirt and tight checkered pants, which was something my younger self would DEFINITELY never do. It seems like Freddie gave me that confidence. Another thing that Freddie gave me was the realization that I can play piano?? I got my keyboard in like may and my first ever song I learned was Bohemian Rhapsody and I still love playing it along with Freddie. I never thought I could play piano but here I am playing fucking Bohemian Rhapsody sjdkl. 

I’ll continue on in the summer time (if ur still reading this and ur brain isnt fucking goo by now i love u DSKJLKLDS). This past summer we decided to go to Washington D.C. because I love history. Well, my anxiety gets bad whenever we go on long car rides because Oh No What If I Get An Anxiety Attack And We’re Already 3 Hours Into The Drive? What pulled me through the 8 hour car ride was Queen of course. For example, during like the first hour of the car ride I was looking up at the stars thinking “oh it’d be cool if ‘39 played” aND ‘39 STARTED PLAYING and then Keep Yourself Alive started playing?? Anyways this was our second time in D.C. and this time it honestly sucked. I didnt really get to do the things I wanted and my intrusive thoughts were getting pretty bad. My intrusive thoughts got even worse in the car ride back home. I, of course, had my Queen playing and Breakthru started playing. That pretty much saved me honestly. Like?? If I could only reach you If I could make you smile If I could only reach you That would really be a breakthrough. That hit HARD dklkd. Fast forward to fall time. I’m now in my first real semester of college. This was also the first time being in therapy. This semester was stressful because of my speech class, but I pulled through of course with a 96. I passed all my classes with As. One thing I remember was me driving to college and I had Queen playing in my car like normal. It was different this time, though, because I was going to my first speech. I was nervous but when I was about to pull into my college, my radio switched to CD mode and started playing my old Queen CD that I made back in January. This confused the hell out of me because like?? Radios arent supposed to do tHAT but We Are The Champions started playing??? That sounds fake but I swear I’m still not over it dskl. Time forward to October. That month sucked ass honestly. My intrusive thoughts were getting SUPER bad and I felt extremely lonely. What pulled me through, though, was Freddie’s solo album. I’m pretty sure it got released on spotify during this time and that was fucking PERFECT timing. 

So, Queen has pretty much made this year bearable somehow. Queen has been there for me through it ALL. I will forever appreciate Queen and all that they have done honestly. I also REALLY appreciate Freddie dsjkl I never really looked up to anyone but now I have someone to look up to when I’m having trouble. Freddie is a very relatable person as well. I never could relate to anyone as a gay person and I’m glad I found Freddie. I live in a small religious town in the south so most of the people here are homophobic dsjkldkl and my mom is real religious so yeah it’s fun dslj. When I found out about Freddie’s religious parents and how they took his Gaeyness i was like. oh fUcjk anyways Queen and Freddie are like best fucking friends to me to be honest and I hope to form more memories with them as the years go by. 

Speaking of friends and memories,, this is the best fandom I have EVER been in and I mean that. I have met so many lovely people and I am STILL surprised by all the love that my edits get??? It’s so surprising and I now have about 530 followers?? I’m so fucking mind blown sdkjl but I’m gonna tag some people who are just indescribably amazing and who have helped me through my Tough Times: @moustachefreddie @seven-seeds-of-rhye @freddie-mercurys @asupersonicwoman @queenofindecision @i-live-for-queen @39-brian @a-hysterical-queen-bih @bambirex @his-majesty-king-mercury @leatherjacketmazzello @ogrebattles @mrbadguymercury @darlingfreddie