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Willie is TOOO pure I WANT TO GIVE HIM HUGS SNUGGLES AND A TEDDY BEAR
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Funky little Robert Englund collage cuz I’m obsessed with him lol
#robert englund#collage#actor collage#freddy krueger#willie the visitor#willie the friendly visitor#v willie#inkubus#jim bickerman#smiley#mayor buckman#buck#eaten alive buck#blackie#nightmare cafe blackie#benny#the fifth floor benny
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Doodle dump
My Robert Englund obsession is super obvious lmao
#fanart#digital art#digital drawing#digital artist#art#fan art#slashers#robert englund#freddy krueger#anoes#a nightmare on elm street#billy lenz#black christmas#2001 maniacs#mayor buckman#v#v the series#willie#v willie#willie the visitor
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V Episode 01 (1983) Created by Kenneth Johnson Warner Bros. Television Dir. Kenneth Johnson
Diane Civita as Harmony Moore Robert Englund as Willie
#v#the visitors#robert englund#willie#diane civita#harmony moore#1980s science fiction#1980s television
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I'm not at home but felt like drawing...
Enjoy my shitty sketch of Rob/Willie and Freddy haha
#freddy krueger#a nightmare on elm street#slashers#80s horror#horror#anoes#80s slashers#robert englund#slasher#human freddy krueger#willie#v the visitors#horror fanart#freddy fanart#art#traditional art
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The Boyz (all played by Robert Englund of course!)
#smiley draws#buck#eaten alive#willy#v#v the visitors#the adventures of ford fairlane#smiley#freddy krueger#robert englund#a nightmare on elm street#fanart#horror#digital art
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I'm doing to Mike and Martin from V what the OG Star Trek girlies did to Kirk and Spock <3
#sometimes you just see a logical alien and their chaotic human and decide they should be gay#listen my guy Martin could've gotten any human job he wanted after The Final Battle and my mans chooses to be a sound operator/camera man#so he can continue working with Mike#like he wouldve been way more qualified for being a pilot or something but nope. he needs to stay with Mike#and Mike has such chaotic bisexual energy this man is at EVERY pride parade he can get to#his mom kicked him out bc he was caught with another guy in hs and outed#which gives them some EXCELLENT angst when he outs Martin as a Fifth Columnist under the truth serum#alien/human relationships are just too good just *chefs kiss*#espescially when they have no idea they like each other#or keep unintentionally doing things considered romantic in the other culture#i like to hc that Visitors kiss by bonking their foreheads together#and Mike does it at the end of the fight in TFB as a 'we won/I'm glad you're ok!' gesture#and Martin is just. having an entire crisis over it#that's what makes him fully realize that he's in love and he spends the next week asking Willie/Julie for advice#w/ Willie its mostly stuff like 'what do humans like? what does being in love with one feel like? how could you tell yours liked you back?'#and with Julie it's more like 'what does forehead touching mean? why is Mike always touching me? what are human courting rituals?'#meanwhile Mike is just trying to figure out why Martin's acting so weird around him#Julie got Willie to agree not to tell them anything and let them figure it out on their own#practically everyone in the resistance has a bet going on how long it will take#except for Ham bc theres no way that man isnt homophobic#I also choose to ignore what happens to Martin he deserves to have his brother bully the shit out of him for his choice in men#Philip probably points it out completely casually at one point bc he assumes its obvious#or uses his Twin Privileges to confess FOR Martin and then just. leaves#Mike and Martin are both very confused the next time they run into each other#either way everyone is upset bc Philip ruined the bet but at least the idiots are happy#they just have such an interesting dynamic I love them <3#plus they fought a literal war against Space Fascism they would absolutely fight for their right to love#anyways thats my mental state rn :)#hyperfixation: v#v-posting
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The Candy Man-Part One// W.W.
Warnings: Smut, mention of masturbation, male receiving oral sex, virgin Wonka, cowgirl, missionary, some dirty talk, curse words, cream pie, female receiving oral sex, oh and cheating on spouse A/n: I have not seen Wonka yet, so there are NO spoilers here!
As a young housewife, there wasn't much for you to do. You had done the housework for the week and done all the grocery shopping, and it was only Wednesday. This would make for a long, boring week.
It would be different if you had a child to look after, but sadly, that hadn't happened yet. And it may never happen if your husband continues to show such a low interest in sex. Sometimes it felt like he forgot you even existed.
You wished he would just give you a baby, if he didn't want to give you attention. That way you'd have not only something to occupy your time, but you'd also have someone to love, and for someone to love you. You weren't even sure if your husband loved you anymore. Your relationship wasn't the same as when you were first married two years ago.
These days, all you really wanted was for him to come home, rip your clothes off, and fuck you like he hadn't seen a woman in years. You wanted to feel desired, so badly. You had recently picked up a habit of touching yourself sexually while your husband was away at work. You were so starved.
.....
Autumn had come and gone by this time of the year and it was becoming quite frigid outside. With winter well on the way, you turned on your fireplace in the living room. You didn't really care for the bear skin rug that your husband insisted on having in front of the fireplace, but it wasn't worth the fight to try to get rid of it.
With the fire going, you snuggled up into a cozy sweater and put on some mindless radio station to fill in the silence of the empty house. As you listened to the radio and did some mild tidying about the room, you wondered if you should maybe get a dog, or maybe a cat.
Then the doorbell rang, that's weird. You thought. You seldom had any visitors during the day. You walked over and opened the door.
"Hello, Miss. My name is Willy Wonka! Would you care to sample some of my chocolate on this fine day?"
"Fine day? It's freezing out there," you said as you were awestruck by this man's beauty, his bright purple coat and milk chocolate-colored top hat added a sort of zany zest to his attractiveness. "um, would you care to come in and warm up for a minute?" you said politely, nodding to his briefcase that you assumed was filled with sweets, adding, "I do love chocolate."
"Why, yes, if you're sure you don't mind." he smiled, and his green eyes were dazzling.
"No, I don't mind at all, sir."
Willy took his hat off, and his curls fell downward in a bit of a mess as he stepped into the warm home. "Thank you, I didn't get your name."
"Oh, I'm y/n. Please, sit down, the fire is going."
"It is quite toasty in here, thank you, y/n." Willy said, taking a seat on the couch closest to the fireplace. “Very interesting choice of a rug, y/n.” he chirped.
“Oh that? My husband insisted on it, it’s so dreadful. But it is rather soft.”
“Hm.” he nodded looking at the luscious, dark colored fur on the floor. He then looked at her, cheerily, “So, would you like to try some?” He picked up his briefcase.
“Of course.” you said with a smile, truly wanting to try some of him instead, but you’d give his candy a chance for now. He was so damn handsome. His hair was gorgeous, you wanted to run your fingers through it, maybe even pull it.
He opened his briefcase in his lap, letting you choose which candy you wanted.
You picked a piece of chocolate, and he told you the name of it, and its special ingredients. You listened to him, but ultimately got lost in his innocent yet sexy eyes. You bit into the treat, and it was rich and velvety sweet as it melted in your mouth. It was absolutely delicious. The best candy you ever had in your life.
“Mr. Wonka, this is perfection, it’s absolutely divine.”
Willy smiled widely, “I’m pleased to hear it. I have only ever hoped that each person that tries my chocolate will have that same reaction.”
He was so genuinely confident and excited about his creation. The passion he had was evident.
“I’ll take every one of this flavor that you have, Mr. Wonka.” you said, taking another delicious bite.
“Wonderful!” he exclaimed, “And please, call me Willy.”
“Willy.” you said, softly. You wanted to moan his name. But how to get there? You improvised. “Um, why don’t you stay for a bit longer? I can put in a pot of tea, if you’d like.”
“That sounds lovely y/n, or should I call you Mrs…”
“Oh, it’s Mrs. Hudson, but you can just call me y/n.” you insisted, hopping up and going to the kitchen heating up some tea. You had to have this man. Cheating was wrong, but your husband would never, ever know. He never wanted sex anymore, but you couldn’t go without it like he did. You were so needy, especially now, after meeting the handsome Mr. Wonka.
You had plenty of time to have Willy fuck you and send him on his way with his payment for the chocolate, all before Mr. Hudson got home. You would have to make Mr. Wonka an offer he couldn’t refuse, much like you couldn’t refuse his delectable sweets.
You carried two cups of steaming, aromatic tea, one for you and one for Willy. You hoped it would warm him up properly.
“Here you are, sir.”
“Why thank you, very kindly, my lady.” he took the teacup from you, and you felt weak in your knees when your hand was briefly brushed by his fingers. You watched as he carefully brought the rim of the cup to his lips, taking a small sip. “Mm, that’s quite good. A perfect cup of tea, y/n.”
“Thank you. I’m glad you like it.” you said, sitting down next to him and taking a sip for yourself. You didn’t know how to get this man naked; you weren’t finding any viable option that wouldn’t be too crude or forward. You felt you were running out of time. You couldn’t let him leave with the risk of never seeing him again. This delightful, beautiful man could not escape you.
“Well, this has been quite the pleasure.” he said, in a farewell tone. He took one last sip of his tea.
You haven’t had the pleasure, yet.
“But I will get out if your hair,” Willy stood up, continuing, “and go about my merry way. Thank you for your-"
“Wait! Willy-" you shot up to your feet as you spoke but couldn’t finish a sentence. You just started into his eyes.
“Yes?” he asked, frowning at you, utterly confused by your behavior.
You didn’t have the words, so you threw yourself at him, kissing him hungrily.
He took ahold of you, and pulled away from the kiss, “Y/n, are you mad?”
“Oh, god! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”
“No, it is alright. It was kind of…nice.”
“Yeah? Mr. Wonka, I had an idea of pleasing you the way you pleased me with your chocolate. If you’ll indulge me?”
He raised his eyebrows, “I have to say, I’m intrigued.”
You put your hands on his chest, making him sit back down on the couch. Your hands then went to his fly.
“Whoa! What are you doing?” he asked, panicky.
“Shh-sh. Relax, Willy. Do you like me?”
“Ye-yes.” he trembled with nerves. “I find you very pretty.”
“I really like you. Have you…ever been with a woman before?” You rested your hands on his upper thighs, dangerously close to his member. It was visible through his trousers although he wasn’t even hard yet.
Willy shook his head, “No, ma’am.”
“Awe, don’t be scared. I’ll take care of you, okay. Do you want that, Willy?” You ran your hands slowly around the outline of his cock.
He gulped, watching your hands on his pants, “Yes, I think I would really like that.”
“Good.” You beamed, unzipping his trousers, and pulling his cock out. He was much thicker and longer than your husband. You were excited about being Willy’s first. You wet his cock with your tongue, and sucked him, moaning and slurping as you did so. You wanted him so bad; you sucked his cock like your life depended on it.
A string of “oh oh oh”’s and “mmm’”s fell from Willy’s mouth as you worked over his cock. He writhed on the couch and placed a hand on your head.
He was hard as stone after a moment, and you had been wet since he sat on your couch the first time. “Oh, Willy. Do you feel good, my sweet?”
“Yes,” he panted, his eyes glazed over, “very good.”
You stood up, and dropped your underwear to the ground, kicking them elsewhere. Then, you mounted him. His hands instinctively went to your waist. You reached down, placing his member between your folds. You sank down on him, feeling the intense stretch of your vaginal walls. You moaned in a slight pain initially, because his was larger than your husband, and you had never been with anyone else.
“Are you alright, y/n?”
“Oh, yes, darling, just give me a moment.” you adjusted, and then started to bounce in his lap.
Willy watched you in wonder and awe, then he’d look down to watch your pussy envelope his cock. “Haa, this is incredible.” he moaned, gripping your hips harder.
You quickened your pace. Sinful wet sounds came from your pussy. God, you needed this. The friction alone was titillating, but the tip of his cock would hit your cervix every so often and it was bliss, the whole scenario.
"Oh, y/n!" Willy cried your name over and over again. His hands explored your clothed body, groping your curves.
Damn, it felt so nice to be touched, and his hands were surprisingly big, and he knew how to use them.
You held yourself up with your hands on his shoulders, and slowly rocked back and forth on his cock. You noticed him eyeing your chest. "Unbutton my blouse, Willy."
He bit his lip with an eager gleam in his eyes, and he opened up the front of your blouse, letting your breasts plop out in his face.
Willy's eyes widened, he took his eyes away from your tits to look up in your eyes, "May I feel them?" he asked with a soft whimper.
"Yes, absolutely." you huffed, taking his hands and clapping them onto your naked breasts.
He gently squeezed and kneaded your breasts, then rolled your nipples between his fingers.
He was so sweet, and so curious about your body. It was so hot. You wanted to get off, you hoped to cum all over his dick. You held onto his arms firmly and rode him hard. His cock pounded away at your walls wildly, and you contracted your pussy around his girth.
"Ah! Fuck this is so good! I'm gonna...I'm gonna come!"
"Oh, oh!" Willy held your waist, and you felt his cock twitch inside you.
Your tummy swirled, and your legs went limp as you came.
"What's happening?" Willy cried, "What is this?" You felt him shoot ropes of his milky cum inside of you.
You took his worried face in your hands, "You're alright, my candy man. You had an orgasm. It's a wonderful thing."
"Oh," he panted, "yes, I suppose it is. A fantastic thing! Gosh, y/n, that felt like chocolate tastes, and chocolate is the best thing in the world!" he was so excited, like he'd discovered something that no one else had experienced before.
You giggled, "Well, I'm flattered, Willy." you felt hot and sweaty, you ran your hand down the back of your neck. You felt Willy's eyes on your tits.
"Your breasts, they are absolutely beautiful." he took them in his hands, just admiring the fullness of them.
You felt your pussy throb at the sight. Your husband never paid much attention to your body, but Willy seemed to be enthralled by you. You noticed how the glow of the fire highlighted his cocoa-colored curls. It was so pretty, his hair looked like the work of a master chocolatier. You ran your fingers through it, feeling the silkiness of his glorious mane.
"Can we do it again?" he asked you, then nodded to the floor, "There? On the bear skin rug? It would be comfortable for you."
"You're so thoughtful. Fuck me again, Willy Wonka. Pound me into the floor if you must."
Willy smiled like a kid on Christmas morning and hoisted you up and then carefully placed you down on the rug.
The fur was plush and soothing on your back. You put your arms up by your head to get comfy.
Willy ran his hands down your body. He looked at you like you were a gift he had been waiting for. "You are so beautiful. Your husband does not know how lucky he is."
"That's sweet, Willy, but let's not mention my husband."
He nodded, "Right." Then, he dipped down, pressing his lips to your stomach.
"Mm." you moaned, rubbing your thighs together in anticipation. You could feel Willy's semen dripping out of you. You wanted more.
Willy left small wet kisses down passed your navel, lower and lower, and you couldn't help but push his head down where you needed him most.
"How do I do this, y/n? Is it like... licking a lollipop?" he asked, naively.
You smiled at him and said, "Yes, kind of. Like a sucker with a chewy center...but you're not in a big hurry to get to the center. You're just trying to enjoy the flavor on the outside."
He took a second to ponder over what you had said, then he nodded, "Okay, got it."
He was a quick learner. He lapped steadily on your clit; his pacing was perfect, not too fast, not too slow. He must have had lots of suckers in his life.
"You can use the tip of your tongue also, Willy." you whimpered through the pleasure.
"Oh, okay." he answered, his voice muffled as he didn't move away from your pussy as he spoke.
The vibrations from his voice sent tingles through your body. That coupled with Willy massaging your clit with his tongue and letting the tip dance between your folds, led you to your second orgasm. You cried out in ecstasy. "Willy Wonka, you are a god!"
"No, I'm just a chocolate maker." he said, nonchalantly. He then sat on his knees, his hand around his cock. He ran the tip of his cock along the joint of your wet folds, coating himself in your cum.
"Ooh." you moaned, tucking your fingers into the furry rug as firmly as you could.
Willy slid into you, then back out. "Ha, you're so wet."
"Fuck me hard, Willy." you purred.
With that, he shoved his cock into you, bucking his hips roughly. His hips smacked your skin with each thrust. He put his whole length into you. He gripped your thighs and started to get faster.
You squeezed him with your thighs, and he grew more confident in what he was doing and picked up a rhythm. You watched his handsome face scrunch up as he worked his hips, his thick brows furrowing in both pleasure and concentration.
You wondered what your husband would do if he knew that the candy man stopped by and made you come on the bear skin rug he loved so much. Oh, the risk was worth it! For Willy was perhaps better at sex than making chocolate.
@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss
@chalametbich
#timothée chalamet#timmy chalamet#timothée imagine#timothee chalamet smut#willy wonka x reader#willy wonka#timothee x reader
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Stardust Dreams
part one
Wonka: Willy Wonka x female reader
Warnings: none at all just fluff
Words: 1.3k
Willy saw you & immediately falls for you
_______________________________
Every good thing starts with a dream.
That’s what Willy’s mother always said to him when he was just a little boy with a big dream of being the best chocolatier in the world. And he made it. Everybody loves his chocolate and his vibrant work ethic. His own factory is THE highlight in town and the business is doing better and better with each passing day.
The little orange man invited some of his friends to work beside him as a taste tester and all his friends he made while staying at Scrubbits are visiting Willy from time to time. Noodle is living the life she had always imagined while reading her favorite books.
But … Willy felt like something was missing.
And that’s the thing that confused Willy. He already got everything he ever dreamed of and it still seems like there should be more. Oh how he wished he could ask his mother for advice. She always knew how to find the right path.
„Mr. Wonka, a moment please?“, the little orange man asked politely as always. Willy snapped out of his daydreaming and looked down.
He smiled. „What is it orange man?“
„We have a minor inconvenience, Sir“, he adjusted his fine suit wich had the brightest and purplest color Willy had ever seen. Next time he needed to create a chocolate piece that catches the vividly appearance of an Oompa Loompa. Mentally Willy wrote that on his To Do List.
„An inconvenience you say? Oh heavens what could that be?“
The Oompa Loompa cleared his throat. „The young girl, Noodle, is asking for your company in the great hall. She wants to introduce you to her new friend.“
Immediately Willys cloudy mood changes. „But that is not at all an inconvenience! My dear friend Noodle wants me to meet her new friends! That’s an honor I would never decline.“
With flink feet Willy makes his way down the many stairs that lead to his office on the top floor. The factory had many visitors every day, even today on a Sunday because Wonkas never close the doors for the people. But the most pleasant visit is, when one of Willys dear friends is stopping by.
„Noodle!“, he shouted excitedly as he came down the last few steps. The girl turns around with a bright smile on her face, beside her standing another girl her age. She had hair in the color of carrots and bottle green eyes.
„Hello Willy!“ They hugged and Noodle was giggling. „This is my new friend Ellie. Her sister works with my Mom in the Library and she introduced us. Ellie, that is Willy Wonka the best Chocolatier in the whole world!“
Willy got down on one knee to match the hight of Ellie and tapped his had as a greeting. „Nice to meet you, Ellie. Would you like some chocolate? This one will make you giggling like a baby lama.“ He turned his hand and in it appeared a single piece of chocolate the size of a plum. Ellie nods enthusiastically and take it.
„Girls? Where are you?“ A voice so lovely like the sound of summer rain founds it way to Willys ears and he quickly looked up to see a beautiful woman coming towards him and the girls. „Oh there you are! Ellie you forgot … oh“, she hesitated as her eyes met Willys. A soft smile laid down on her lips. „I see you are already in good hands. A pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Wonka.“
The woman held out her hand, but Willy wasn’t able to move a single muscle. Never had he seen such a stunning woman in his entire life. Something weird was happening inside him. His chest felt tightened up and his heart was pounding like he just ran a marathon. His mouth was dry and he felt the need to clear his throat.
A few moments passing by and the woman smiled even more. She crouched down to be on the same eye level as Willy, still holding out her hand in greeting. „I’m y/n.“
Finally Willy found his ability to speak. „What a lovely face … I mean name! I am Willy Wonka. You can call me Willy or whatever is fitting for you.“ He shakes her hand and tried to stay calm while the skin of his hand was tingling like little fireworks.
Noodle and Ellie were giggling in the background while watching the scene.
„Willy is perfectly fine“, she nods before getting on her feet again. Willy did the same thing without taking his eyes off of her. „Ellie you forgot your coat. It is still freezing outside and I don’t want you to catch a cold.“
Ellie rolled her eyes. „You already sound like mom.“ But she took the bright green coat out of her hand. „Can we go now? I want to see the chocolate river and the little orange people!“
„Yeah you can go“, she turned around to Willy with a little smile. „I think you are safe until I come back to pick you up again.“ Although it wasn’t a question, Willy nodded in confirmation.
As the girls walked by to explore the factory, Noodle looked at Willy with a knowing grin on her face. But Willy didn’t knew anything besides he wanted y/n to stay a little longer.
„Do you want to see the stars?“, he asked a bit too loud.
Y/n looked confused. „The stars? But it is the middle of the day. How would we be able to see the stars?“
„I mean … uhm we have a room … with stars. They are made out of chocolate“, Willy stuttered like he was unable to form a sentence at all.
„Well my shift doesn’t start for another hour so I could probably take a quick look.“
„Wonderful! This way.“
Willy lead y/n to the midnight room all the way in the back of the factory. A small door in the shape of a crescent moon marks the entry. He opened it and let her enter first. The midnight room was quiet small and pitch black. Just the stars made out of chocolate were glowing softly from all around the ceiling and the walls.
Y/n gasped. „How in the world are they glowing? That is impossible.“
„Oh I beg to differ“, Willy placing himself right next to her pointing at the bigger stars right above their heads. „One of the ingredients is stardust. I collected it once I visited the North Pole. It was so freezing cold but I climbed up the highest mountain to get some of the precious stardust right from the night sky. If you look closely you can see the dust hovering around.“
Y/n leans over to Willy to get a better look at what he is pointing at. Her floral scent made it hard for Willy to focus on anything else. She was so close to him, that his hand touched hers for a split second and he felt his heart tumbling again.
„That is beautiful, Willy. I can’t even imagine all the adventures you went on! It must have been exciting to see so many different places and get to see so wonderful things.“
Y/n looked up to him, with the reflection of the glowing stardust in her eyes, they were sparkling like their own little stars. Willy swallowed. Her face was just a few inches away from his and something inside of him wanted to move a little closer to kiss her. But even if he would've be brave enough to do that … was it allowed? He only just met her an hour ago. Willy didn’t know the answer to that question because he never really had a feeling like that for someone. All of his life he spent making chocolate and making people happy.
„I should go now. My shift at the library starts every minute now and I don’t want to upset Ms. Smith“, y/n said with a sad tone in her voice.
„Oh … yeah. No we don’t want to upset her. She is such a nice Lady. I lead you to the exit.“
Before y/n turning to leave for work, she looked back at Willy with a smile. „See you later, Willy.“
#willy wonka#wonka 2023#wonka movie#wonka x reader#willy wonka x reader#timothée chalamet#wonka timothee#wonka fluff#fluff#chocolate#falling at first sight#wonka in love#wonka fanfic#willy wonka fanfic#willy wonka timothée
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Wait what did Robert Peary do?
Oh hi! Ok so here goes (chronological; skip the Minik tangent bracketed in green if you’d prefer, but I think it’s important). If I get something wrong or miss something let me know!!!
Robert Peary consistently faked his diary entries, lied about his travel speeds in ways that could not possibly be true, claimed pictures were taken elsewhere, and denied outside testimonies so that he could say he was the first man to reach the Pole.
In 1894 on an expedition he became the first Westerner to find the Cape York Meteorite, which was absolutely essential for tools and survival resources to the Inuit who had been harvesting fragments of it. He took it for himself back to America to be displayed in a museum, leaving them without materials for hunting and building tools.
During this same expedition he tricked 6 Inughuaq people into joining him on the return trip to America, saying that he would reward them by sending them back the next year with guns and other resources that they had come to rely on from trade with Westerners. Four of the six of them died of Western illnesses either during the journey or shortly after returning to the United States. While they lived, no arrangements were made to house them fairly, so they were kept in the basement of the American Natural History Museum, where visitors could pay a fee to visit them and shake their hands.
The six individuals he chose were the shaman Atangana and her husband Nuktaq, a renowned hunter; their daughter Aviaq and her fiancé Uisaakassak; and another renowned hunter Qisuk and his son Minik. Peary did allow Uisaakassak to return home that July, but only following the death of his fiancée. This left Minik, then 8, then only surviving Inuit left in the United States of the original group(1). [Minik tangent starts here.]
Minik’s father, Qisuk, died in 1898 of tuberculosis, which all six of them contracted. Upon his death, Minik pleaded for his body to be returned to Greenland so that he could be buried with the proper rites which could only be performed by the Inuk. However, Franz Boas, ethnologist of the American Museum of Natural History, wanted to study his body instead of allowing it to leave his custody. For this reason, Peary faked a burial for Minik before giving Qisuk’s real body over to the museum. William Wallace, the museum’s curator, disassembled his body and put it on display in the museum without informing Minik or asking his permission.
Because Minik’s family was dead and he was on his own in the United States, Wallace unofficially adopted him and raised him alongside his own son Willy. He experienced a good deal of news coverage and propaganda harassment as the public wanted to see his “cultural change from a bewildered savage.” When Minik was 11, Wallace essentially went bankrupt, and still under his care Minik struggled to survive. When he was around 16, he learned that his father’s body was still on display in the museum against his wishes, and would spend the rest of his life fighting to gain custody of his remains or have them transported back to Greenland. He died long before this was managed.
Later in life after continued illness as a result of the initial tuberculosis, as well as several suicide threats and no further success in obtaining his father’s body, Peary finally allowed Minik to go back to Greenland when it was convenient for him, without much more than what he was wearing at the time. By then Minik had forgotten Inuktun, his native language, as well as relevant survival skills he had relied on when he was younger. He stayed in Greenland and became a hunter, but was ultimately unhappy and felt he didn’t belong there either, causing him to return to America in 1916. He died during the flu epidemic two years later. [Minik tangent ends here.]
Throughout the years he spent in and around Inuk camps in the North, Peary fathered several children with a 14 year-old girl named Aleqasina whom he met there, even though his wife accompanied him on some of his expeditions.
In 1899, despite significant evidence against his claim and almost none to prove it, Peary stated that he had discovered Axel Heiberg island before the other explorer Sverdrup had. It was universally found to be false but he received awards for his mapping of Greenland anyway.
During his expedition in 1906, he became separated from other navigators and reliable members of his party by a storm on Ellesmere. It is during this period of separation when Peary, having very little reliable navigational skill of his own, and whose diary was lacking any readings leading up to the claim, says that he reached his Farthest North. This would require that he travel 72 nautical miles on foot between sleeping in one period of 24 hours, taking no detours.
In May of that year he claimed to have discovered a new Farthest North called Crocker Land from the summit of Cape Colgate. The 1914 MacMillan and Green expedition proved Crocker Land did not exist, and his own diary states that the day he claims to have discovered it he saw “no land visible”(2).
During his next expedition, in 1909 Peary separated again from the majority of his party in the North, this time intentionally isolating himself and five others. Of the six of them, the only one with sufficient navigational skill and experience to be able to confirm they were at the Pole would have been his first man Henson. Peary included several contradictory, nonsensical, and irrelevant readings in his journals where he claims to have moved beneath and around the Pole quite extensively. Henson moved on ahead separately at one point and returned to Peary stating that he had been the first man to reach the Pole. Peary spent the rest of his career trying to discredit him (3).
Dr. Frederick Cook who had previously served as a surgeon under Peary has actually reached the pole the year before, but Peary claimed to have sufficient evidence to contest this. For the entirety of Cook’s career, he was ignored and talked over, and Peary was assumed to have found the pole first. In 1988, the first in depth analysis of Peary’s own journals found them “lacking in essential data” to such a degree that his claims have since been pretty much universally rejected.
During this examination of his notes many discrepancies were found between Peary’s claims and the significant lack of realistic evidence in his journals to prove them. Additionally, his history of falsifying his own notes and lying to the press, his team, and his family make it terribly unlikely he truly found Farthest North on his own; it would not be surprising to think he stole the accomplishment from Henson, who gets far less credit than he deserves for his navigational skills and exploring at the Poles.
1. Petrone, Penny (January 1992). Northern Voices: Inuit Writing in English. University of Toronto Press.
2. Herbert, Wally (1989). The Noose of Laurels. Atheneum. pp. 206–207.
3. Peary, Robert (1986). The North Pole: Its Discovery in 1906 Under the Auspices of the Peary Arctic Club.
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A Festive Kiss - SDV Elliott x Reader
hi guys! happy holidays :)
i always wanted a stardew valley winter event mod where you can pick a bachelor who will save the winter star play. based on your choice, other bachelors will also randomly have to fill in two additional roles lol
it would be so cool to see different versions of the play based on who you pick haha. in my head it sounds like a fun idea, might be a nightmare to mod idk i've never done something like that before.
anyway lol i wanted to write a festive Elliott x Reader fluff piece! enjoy <3
Summary: The Stardew Valley Winter Star Play is tomorrow and poor Gus, who normally plays Santa Claus, is sick with the flu. Your job is to find someone to reprise the role for the saloon owner. You pick Elliott, your secret crush.
Word Count: 3k
-----
Gus coughed so loud that it rang in your ears. Lewis couldn’t help but twitch every time the poor saloon owner had one of his fits, while Harvey calmly measured his temperature. You stood by the door, having entered to buy some recipes from your friend, only to find him bedridden.
“Yup, this looks like the flu. Gus, you need lots of fluids and rest. I’ll bring you some cough sirup and medicine.”
“B-But-“ Gus coughed again while he attempted to contest, sitting up slightly and holding a wet handkerchief to his mouth.
“No buts. You have a high fever,” Harvey interrupted as he pushed his patient gently back into his pillow. “I’m sorry, Gus, but you won’t be able to do anything other than sleep for a while.”
Lewis approached the bed and sighed sympathetically: “Don’t worry about the play, Gus. We’ll figure it out! You take care now and get lots of rest.”
Gus grumbled into his handkerchief. He spied you in the doorway and waved defeatedly.
You waved back and furrowed your brows sympathetically. He looked terrible, poor guy. You would brew some tea for him from Caroline’s saplings once you returned to your farm.
Lewis finally took notice of you, while Harvey packed up his bag and simultaneously gave Gus some recovery advice. The mayor walked up to you, somewhat forcing you to step out of Gus’ room a bit.
“Ah YN, good morning. Seems we’ve got a flu epidemic. Clint and Demetrius are both sick in bed as well.”
You heard Harvey call out from Gus’ room: “This is why I keep reminding you all every year to get your flu shot!”
Lewis rolled his eyes, out of Harvey’s line of sight. You grinned slightly. The seasonal Doctor Harvey post on the notice board was usually ignored and mocked by most villagers.
The mayor indicated that he wanted to speak to you a bit further away from the door way. You followed him.
“Listen YN. As you know, the Winter Star Play is tomorrow. I would hate to cancel it, the children have been so excited. Although no one can play Santa Claus as effectively as Gus, I think we need to find a replacement.”
You tilted your head slightly, looking at Lewis’ quaffed mustache: “What about yo-?”
Lewis held his hands up, protesting the idea immediately: “No, no, that’s not possible. I’m already the narrator. It’s a huge role with way too many lines. Giving it to someone else so last minute would be cruel!”
You thought about just giving the person the story book from which the play originated from, because those were most of Lewis’ lines anyway. But he seemed very set on his role. Perhaps it meant a lot to him, just like the Santa role meant a lot to Gus.
“Alright, who already has a role? Who could we ask?”, you crossed your arms and waited for Lewis to respond while he thought.
“Hm, Willy’s already the shepherd guiding the visitors to the summit. Kent and Pam already took months to convince to just play some of the visitors. Clint and Demetrius were supposed to be a shadow person and the wizard respectively, I wonder if we can also find substitutes for those roles…”
You pictured Demetrius wearing that shabby wizard’s hat, while Clint would be draped in a black bedsheet. Would Krobus or the real wizard approve of that? You took a mental note to visit your friend in the sewers today.
“I think our only options are the younger people in the village. Sam, Abigail and Sebastian are supposed to do the music, but I’m sure they’d survive without one of them. Elliott, Shane, Harvey and Alex don’t have roles.”
You thought of Linus. He also didn’t have a role. It was sad to see that Lewis didn’t even think of him.
“YN, can you decide for me? I don’t know who would really do Gus’s Santa Claus justice. You know them all better than me. Please?”
Internally, you were screaming. You had so many other things to do on your farm, your actual job. In addition to preparing everything for the play, you had been doing your farm chores until the late evening, collapsing in bed.
“I know you’re already making the mulled wine and spiced punch for the feast. And you helped Marnie prepare the animals for the play. And you helped Leah and Robin gather the wood for the set pieces and stage. And you helped Emily and Haley make the costumes with the wool from your farm…”
And you foraged for 100 pine cones and collected 50 gems from the mines for the Winter Star display.
“But think of the children! We can’t have a play without Santa Claus! Please, YN.”
You couldn’t help but let out a sigh. Gus coughed in the background and you felt sad he couldn’t play the role he loved so dearly. You remembered how much Vincent and Jas lit up during the play. Penny worked really hard all year round to prepare art for the background.
“Fine. I’ll figure something out.”
Lewis smiled from ear to ear, patting your shoulder triumphantly: “I knew I could count on you! I’ll try to find someone to reprise the dwarf and the wizard in the meantime. Thank you, YN!”
Lewis thrust the Santa Claus outfit and fake beard into your hands. You had no idea where he had been hiding it this whole time. With that, he walked down the stairs to leave the saloon.
You only had the rest of the day to convince some unknowing villager to play a jolly mythical creature with important dialogue in a play that meant the world to the children in Stardew Valley. Easy, right?
And you still had to do your chores. And hope the wine and punch were ready.
-----
You wandered up to the mountain to forage some winter herbs for the punch. The chill air kissed your nape, making you pull your hat down a bit further. The soft thuds of your boots in the snow accompanied you on your way, as your mind raced on who you dared ask to replace Gus last minute.
Bending down to snap some rosemary twigs off their stems, you mumbled a few curses at Lewis.
“Hello YN.”
You recognized Linus’s voice and looked up at the hermit, who smiled down at you. He was carrying his trusty basket full of winter berries and pine leaf twigs.
“Hey Linus!” You returned a warm smile, as he crouched down next to you to pluck some rosemary off as well. “How are you doing?”
“Can’t complain. My tent’s nice and warm. Marnie kindly gave me a little space heater. Going fishing later, feel free to join. Lingcods are going crazy up by the pond.”
You watched him put the rosemary on top of his other forages.
“I wish I had time, Linus. I have a bit of a tight schedule today. Gus is sick and Lewis asked me to find a replacement Santa.”
“Oh, for the play? Gee, that sounds like a task.” Linus remained crouched beside you, while he observed the other bushes in the vicinity for herbs.
The hermit seemed to be avoiding eye contact with you. You stared at him anyway.
“Don’t you dare ask.”
“But you’re perfect! You at least have a real beard!”
Linus chuckled and finally met your gaze: “It’s sweet of you to want to include me. But I prefer to stay in the background and observe. It’s only recent that the villagers accept me more now, thanks to you. Sorry, sport.”
He smiled warmly, while straightening up. You kind of knew he would refuse, but you wanted to ask anyway. He was your friend after all.
“I’ll see you at the play then, right?”, you rearranged your crouching position to look up at him better.
“Yup, see you there. Good luck on your Santa mission.” He waved, making his leaf poncho rattle a bit, as he walked further up the mountain.
You stood up and headed in the opposite direction, as you stuffed the herbs into your backpack. You knew asking Sebastian wouldn’t lead anywhere, you two only became friends recently. He wasn’t too keen on being the center of attention to begin with. Plus, you felt both Seb and Sam were too young.
Shane just barely tolerated you now. You didn’t want to risk that budding comradery, although… he would probably do it for Jas.
Alex would probably do it, but would he do a good job? He would probably adlib everything, refusing to learn the lines.
Harvey. Hm. You didn’t really know him too well. Maybe he’d be up for it? He did have a very sweet nature about him.
You stopped walking, as the image of a handsome writer flashed in your mind. Someone with a knack for words and a deep appreciation for the arts and theater.
Elliott.
You felt your face burn and your stomach curl up into a ball. You already had a massive crush on him. You weren’t sure if you could risk it, although a part of you felt it would be a great choice. Would he be angry if you asked him? Would he see it as beneath him?
But Elliott had told you he was in a theater group in school, so he was probably used to learning lines fast and possibly even substituting other roles.
Your legs started walking on their own. If anything, it was another reason to see him. You had a pomegranate in your bag anyway.
-----
You found yourself in front of the writer’s cabin before you knew it. The lights were on and you heard some scuffing on wood. He was definitely home. It took you a bit to muster the courage up to knock, even though you had done it countless times before.
The closer you grew to him, the more nervous you became.
Your hand moved on autopilot, before your brain had time to process.
You knocked three times.
The scuffing grew more frantic. You could hear him gather something and run across the room, while shouting “Just a minute!” at the door.
Your stomach was doing summer saults. Was this a bad time?
The door opened suddenly and you were met with a handsome and fabulous smile. His hair was tied together for once, sleeves up to his elbows. A more casual version of the put together author your heart yearned after.
“YN! I was just thinking about you!”
Your knees wavered slightly. He was thinking about you.
“Hey Elliott I-“
He opened the door a bit further, indicating that he wanted you to come inside. You halted your prepared speech that you had been crafting on your way down to the beach. Stepping over the landing, you were met with a lovely warmth and the subtle scent of sandalwood. His cabin was relatively clean today, except a few lone flower petals and individual stems sprawled haphazardly on the floor.
Elliott stepped in front of you, blocking your view of the littered area. You saw his foot sneakily scrape the plants into the cracks.
“Would you like some coffee? I was just about to make some.”
“Sure, thanks.”
He invited you to take a seat on his made bed. You obliged after gifting him the pomegranate you had been carrying, which he took with delight etched across his face.
As Elliott busied himself at the coffee maker, you two exchanged some minor pleasantries. He spoke about his newest chapter development, while you talked about your favorite chicken, Phil, who had managed to get a bucket stuck on his head this morning. You felt your nerves calm down. You were only really anxious when you were about to see him. You felt extremely comfortable in his presence and every fear faded into the distance. It was nice to have someone in the valley who genuinely took an interest in your day-to-day life, just like you took with his. He meant a great deal to you, because of that fact.
The writer handed you a mug of fresh coffee, as he sat down on his chair across from you. You both took a sip at the same time, enjoying the rich flavor together. It was delicious.
“You really know your coffee, Elliott. It’s amazing, as always.”
His face lit up even more, as he thanked you for the compliment.
“Listen Elliott. Gus has the flu...”
“Oh no! Poor Gus. That’s terrible news. I heard Clint was sick too. There must be a virus in the valley.”
“Yeah, Demetrius is out as well.”
“How tragic. Especially with Gus. He always plays Santa Claus. He really looks forward to it all year. What a shame…is Lewis restructuring the play? Oh no, don’t tell me he asked you to play the role! After everything you’ve done for the show?!”
“Well, no. Not exactly…” You took the opportunity to take the Santa costume out of your backpack.
Elliott’s brows furrowed, in confusion.
“I was hoping…well…you can say no. I don’t want to force you to do this. I can ask someone else! I just thought… with your theater background… and, uh… This is too much to ask last minute, I know! It’s just- I don’t know who else could pull it off. Look this play-”
“Of course I’ll do it.”
His immediate readiness took you by surprise. You gaped at him, while he returned a determined gaze.
“What. Just like that? I had a whole speech prepared.”
He chuckled, taking the red and white costume from you without hesitation. He stood up, letting it drape down in front of him. It was a bit large for him. He started mumbling to himself. You distinctly made out ask Marnie for some hay for the belly.
You stood up, still holding the fake beard.
“Elliott, you really don’t have to do this. I remember from last year, it’s a lot to memorize on such short notice.”
“Oh, that’s no problem. I memorized Richard the Third’s entire first soliloquy in two hours back in High School.”
Your face turned into a tomato, as Elliott started unbuttoning his shirt in front of you. He swung the coat on, leaving it half-open as he took the beard from you as well. It took you some time to form a coherent sentence as you watched him pose in front of the mirror, comically mismatched with his red hair and a fake white beard strapped to his chin. The coat remained open, his body reflecting the sunlight.
“W- what are you doing?”
“I have to get into character, YN. Playing a jovial, older and mythical fellow needs preparation time. Could you fetch the lines for me? And could you help me practice?”
Your too fast “Yes!” shot out of your mouth, as your eyes tried to stare at the reflection of his face and not his abs. You lingered a bit and you spotted Elliott grinning under the beard, watching you. You shook your heard to clear your mind.
“Thank you, Elliott! I won’t forget this! I’ll go get your lines from Gus!”
You stormed out of his cabin, wanting to return to him as fast as possible.
-----
The play was about to start in the town square on the stage that Robin had diligently crafted. You stood with Marnie behind the curtains, feeding the cow and sheep to keep them calm. Lewis had forced Alex and Harvey to play the wizard and the shadow person, who were both grumbling annoyed in their makeshift costumes.
Elliott was in his full attire and had been diligently repeating his lines in low mumbles. You tried not to stare at him and constricted your laugh, because the comically stuffed costume crunched as he walked. The hey had definitely rounded him out.
Peaking through the curtain, Vincent and Jas were both bouncing excitedly on their benches. Shane was sitting next to his Goddaughter, listening to her joyful exclamations with a warm smile on his lips. The rest of Valley had helped themselves to some food and snacks while they settled into their seats. Linus was talking with Robin. Penny, Maru, Haley and Emily sat together snugly, to keep each other warm in the wintery air. George sat with Evelyn, listening genuinely to her boast about the beautiful chrysanthemums she prepared for the stage decorations and bouquets. It warmed your heart to see everyone happy together. It truly was a shame that Gus, Clint and Demetrius had to stay home and rest. You decided you would bring all of them something after the play.
The band tuned their instruments and you waved at an obviously nervous Sebastion, who smiled sweetly while practicing a section on his keyboard. Sam waved too while Abigail looked over her notes.
Marnie and Lewis had disappeared somewhere, so it was just you alone with the animals. You knelt down to pet the sheep.
You heard a crunching mass approach you from behind. Someone tapped your shoulder gently.
You turned and saw Santa Claus with Elliott’s kind eyes. He was hiding something behind his back.
With his other hand, he pulled the fake beard down and grinned at you.
“Hey Santa”, you teased.
The writer laughed, making the hey in his belly shake a bit.
“I have something for you. I wanted to give it to dressed as myself and not… well… this, but now that we’re alone…”
He was fiddling with something behind his back.
Funny. You also wanted to give him a gift tonight. It was lying behind the animals, concealed away so they wouldn’t accidentally eat it.
“Wait! I have something too!” You shoved yourself behind Marnie’s cow, and took something out of a box. The stems were still wet.
You hid it behind your back as well. Standing across from each other, you were both unsure how to start.
It seemed he was gathering courage. With his other hand, he removed the red and white hat from his head. Now his head was fully Elliott, just everything below his neck was seasonally jolly.
He was blushing. You felt your heart run a marathon.
You couldn’t take it anymore. You had been wanting to give this to him for a while. Even if it wasn't what he wanted with you, you needed to know. Right now.
With one fluid motion, you produced the beautiful poinsettia and chrysanthemum bouquet you had bought from Pierre’s this morning. The blooms sparkled in the stage light and you saw Elliott’s eyes twinkle with surprise.
He stared at it for a moment, then laughed.
Bowing slightly, he revealed the same bouquet from behind his back.
Sweet relief flooded your senses. You joined in on the laughter.
“It seems we both had the same idea” he jested. Walking towards you slightly, the belly was in the way of a hug he wanted to give you. He awkwardly tried to maneuver his way around it, but couldn’t find the proper angle.
You couldn’t help but giggle at the sight.
“Here, let me help.”
Getting on your tiptoes, you leaned slightly over the belly. The costumed writer placed a mitted hand on your cheek. Elliott stared into your eyes for a brief moment, then pulled your face towards him and pressed his lips into yours.
It was everything you imagined it would be. Firm and intense, but gentle at the same time. Time seemed to slow as you both sunk into each other. The butterflies seemed to be dancing inside you.
The lights flickered, indicating that the play would start soon. The chatter outside quieted down and Lewis had already walked on stage.
Releasing from him at the changing environment, Elliott looked down at you, longingly.
“Not how I imagined our first kiss”, he laughed again. “But it was even better for it.”
You couldn’t stop smiling. This was the best Winter Star Gift you could’ve asked for.
"It sure was festive", you grinned.
“That's a way to describe it.” he chuckled and put the hat back on his head, with his other hand readjusting the scratchy beard onto his face, his eyes not leaving yours. "Let’s do that again after the play, hm?"
You nodded excitedly: “Count me in, Mr. Claus!”
Elliott laughed, and the stringy hairs around his mouth danced in his breath: “Showtime!”
#sdv elliott#stardew valley elliott#stardew valley#stardew valley farmer#sdv elliot x farmer#sdv elliott x reader#sdv fanfiction#stardew valley mods#sdv farmer#sdv shane#sdv sebastian#sdv sam#sdv lewis#sdv gus#sdv alex#sdv linus
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I gave Buckman, Willie, and Freddy kitty ears (^˵◕ω◕˵^)
#robert englund#mayor buckman#2001 maniacs#george buckman#v willie#willie the visitor#willie the friendly visitor#v#v the visitors#v 1983#v 1984#v the series#freddy krueger#slashers#anoes#a nightmare on elm street#neko edit#cat boy edit#catboy edit#cat ears edit
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Finally finished this drawing of Willie!!!
#fanart#digital art#digital drawing#digital artist#art#fan art#digital painting#v#v the series#v the original miniseries#v the final battle#v the visitors#v willie#willie the friendly visitor#willie v#robert englund
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SOTM: Robbie, Playoff Willy, various Scouts; pull yourself up by the jockstrap
For the prompt: A little more of Robbie's time with the Scouts - Cup party, with the Tweedles and Willy, maybe Julius & Erin. Your choice - just more of that.
(I'm not here, but the tumblr queue is! Well. Probably.)
“Now, I know I have no right to talk about maturity,” Robbie says, then promptly ducks the jock that comes flying at him, the rest of his message going undelivered.
“No throwing shit at teammates’ heads during playoffs!” Playoff Willy yells.
“It wouldn’t hit him in the head if he wasn’t so short!” Bender says. “I misjudged!”
“Misjudging is not acceptable during playoffs!” Playoff Willy says. Robbie wants to write a book of his sayings. Like Sun Tzu but for maladjusted athletes who don’t know how to lose. Which is pretty much all pro athletes, in Robbie’s experience, so it might even sell.
Robbie nudges at the limp jock with his socked foot. It looks sad. Defeated, even. “Bro, when was the last time you replaced this?”
Bender looks to Playoff Willy, like he’s waiting for Robbie to get yelled at, though Robbie’s pretty sure Playoff Willy cares a hell of a lot less about feelings than he does about potential head injuries. Or like — anything. The only feelings Playoff Willy cares about are like, motivation. And probably bloodlust.
“Pike has a point,” Playoff Willy says. “That shit is falling apart.”
“But I wore it in!” Bender says. “None of the other ones fit right.”
Robbie pokes it a little further from him. The visitor’s room floor is sketchy as fuck, but he doesn’t think he can do the thing any damage at this point.
The elastic snaps. Well, snaps is a strong word. The elastic’s too damn worn for that, so it’s less a dramatic death and more feebly giving up on the last thread of life remaining.
“Whoops,” Robbie says. Maybe he should have considered that the thing was an antique before he started poking at it.
“Willy, look what he did!” Bender says. “That was my lucky jock!”
“How lucky can it be when we just lost the game?” Playoff Willy growls.
Bender is, thankfully, smart enough to realize that’s a rhetorical question.
“Still up a game, Playoff Willy,” Money says, and Playoff Willy shoots him a glare, but doesn’t say anything.
Robbie’s still impressed that Money’s got the balls to call him Playoff Willy to his face, and even more impressed that Playoff Willy lets him. Everybody knows Money is his favorite, but as the playoffs have gone on, that seems to buy less and less leeway. Money told him from the get-go that the longer the playoff run, the worse Playoff Willy got. Robbie didn’t really believe him, or maybe didn’t want to, but he’s got to say, Playoff Willy during the Conference Finals is a whole different beast than the first round. Emphasis on beast, there. If he mauled someone Robbie wouldn’t even be surprised. Unless they were playing well, he guesses.
Thankfully, Robbie’s been doing okay for himself, shutting down the guys he needs to shut down, so he’s also currently in Playoff Willy’s good books, at least enough that he doesn’t fear mauling.
“I’ve had that for eight years,” Bender moans.
“That’s fucking gross, dude,” Robbie says. “Genuinely. I did you a favor.”
Bender throws a glove at him. Thankfully, it doesn’t appear to have been around for two presidential terms.
“If I have to leave next game because I got nut shot, that’s on you, Pike,” Bender says.
“Bro, if you go onto the ice without a jock Playoff Willy will cup check you himself,” Robbie says.
He winces, but either Playoff Willy didn’t notice the slip, or Robbie’s earned even more grace than he thought.
“He isn’t wrong,” Playoff Willy says. “Normally I wouldn’t, since it’s a chickenshit play, and an auto major, but I don’t think they really care if it’s your own teammate.”
“Refs won’t give a shit,” Scratch says. “Social media probably won’t shut up about how he slept with your wife, though.”
“I can make it look like an accident,” Playoff Willy says. Robbie does not doubt him even a little.
His brow furrows a moment later. “I don’t have a wife,” he says, sounding almost unsure.
That would be kind of suspicious, but Robbie’s learned that’s just how Playoff Willy talks about anything non-hockey related, like first he has to go consult with normal Willy, who’s being held hostage somewhere inside him.
“That could not matter less to idiots on twitter,” Scratch says.
“Last round they said I slept with your wife,” Money says.
“Why did you sleep with my wife?” Playoff Willy asks, then, after checking with kidnapped Willy again, “You’re openly gay.”
“Like I said,” Scratch says. “Could not care less about your actual relationship status. Or sexuality, apparently.”
“Scratch is still mad about it,” Joey says.
“I’m not mad about it,” Scratch says. “I just think people should do basic—“
“I fixed it!” Bender says. “I fixed it, guys! All it needed was a little super glue.”
Robbie has such a bad feeling about this. Bender’s honestly lucky his balls have survived this long: that elastic was literally holding on by a thread.
“You don’t want kids, right?” Robbie asks.
“Oh yeah,” Bender says. “Not quite yet, but Lacey and I are—“
“Oh, give me that fucking thing,” Playoff Willy says.
Super glue isn’t going do shit to save Bender’s jock after Playoff Willy and a pair of scissors get through with it.
“Have some respect for your testicles,” Playoff Willy hisses, and then marches the remains of Bender’s jock to the trash can.
That one's an instant classic. Robbie is adding it to the book of Playoff Willy for sure.
“That’s one for the book of Willy,” Harvard says. Obviously Robbie didn’t need telling, but he does appreciate that it’s becoming a collaborative effort.
“Hah,” Robbie says. “Testicles.”
“Willy,” Harvard agrees.
“What are you two giggling about?” Playoff Willy growls.
“Nothing,” they chorus, ducking their heads so they don’t accidentally meet Playoff Willy’s eyes. That’s a mistake Robbie isn’t making again.
“It was so comfortable,” Bender mumbles. “Like wearing nothing at all.”
“Yeah, buddy, we know,” Scratch says. “That was kind of the problem.”
“So comfy,” Bender whispers.
*
Robbie’s never been to a funeral for a jock before, but he guesses there’s a first time for everything.
“R.I.P.,” Money says. “Like rest in peace. Not like rip. Though that is what you did.”
“Before getting hacked to pieces by a madman,” Scratch says.
“May you find peace and serenity in—“
“What the fuck are you guys doing?” Playoff Willy says.
“Scatter!” Money says, and they all flee. Well, Robbie doesn’t. Not because he doesn’t want to, but he’s fucking exhausted. Plus, he blocked a shot last game, and anything faster than an amble makes his leg throb like a bitch.
“What the fuck were they doing?” Playoff Willy asks.
“Funeral for the jock we murdered,” Robbie says. Well, Robbie’s crime was jockslaughter at most, but that’s not important.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Playoff Willy says, then bows his head, eyes closed. He doesn’t move for a good minute, and Robbie’s shifting uncomfortably, wondering if he's finally snapped just like the jock did, and if getting Money will help or just make it worse.
He startles when Willy speaks, murmuring, “Sorry I killed you.”
Presumably — hopefully — he’s talking to the jock, rather than saying it to Robbie just before he kills him. Robbie reminds himself he’s safe. He blocks shots.
“It was for his safety, and the greater good,” Playoff Willy says. “Thank you for your years of service.”
He opens his eyes then, and Robbie accidentally meets his eye.
Shit. He wasn’t supposed to do that. He doesn’t think he was supposed to see that either.
“I won’t tell anyone about this,” Robbie says.
Playoff Willy’e eyes narrow.
“Because there’s nothing to tell,” Robbie says.
“You’re a quick learner, Lombardi,” Playoff Willy says. “I like that about you.”
“I block shots too,” Robbie says, just to make sure Playoff Willy remembers his utility.
“You block shots too,” Playoff Willy murmurs, then nods to himself.
“Integral part of the team,” Robbie says, then, aware he’s over-selling it, he awkwardly shoots Playoff Willy two thumbs up.
Playoff Willy’s brow furrows, then, after a long consult with the normal Willy tied up in the basement of his brain, he gives Robbie two thumbs up back.
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Willie must be protected at all costs. I love him.
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Willy boii
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