#vi... getting stabbed in any universe... it's more likely than you think

[possibilistfanfiction]

arcane prompt "hospital"?

[jinx deserves the world, also it's nice to let cait use her girlboss disposition for good sometimes, yknow. ao3 here.]

///

you hand caitlyn a cup of black tea she probably thinks is beyond shitty; it's all they had at the cart in the courtyard, and you still have no idea how to make proper tea anyway. still, she smiles — small, and residually scared, but genuine — in thanks. she's been crying, you can tell: her eyes are red-rimmed and the sweater of vi's she'd thrown on in the middle of the night is rumpled around the sleeves, like she'd used them to wipe her tears.

'she's going to be okay, right?' you look at vi's still, bruised form in the bed. 'they didn't, like, tell you really bad news while i was gone or something.'

caitlyn steadies herself. 'no,' she assures you. 'she's going to be just fine.'

'okay,' you say, and you trust her because she loves vi and because she's a doctor, and mostly because at this point caitlyn wouldn't lie to you. you scoot your chair forward and lace your fingers together with vi's hand, the one without an iv taped into it, and squeeze gently, just a hello. the doctors had explained that she's on a lot of medicine to keep her comfortable, plus the anesthesia from her surgery, so she's not going to wake up until midday at the earliest. but just in case she can feel you, you want her to know that you're there. you remember coming out of the worst sedations, medication that was wrong for you or just way too high a dose, to vi slumped next to your bedside, her big, strong hand steadfast around yours. 'did you see her x-rays or medical history or something?'

'i didn't intend to,' she says in way of an answer.

'ah.' you fiddle with vi's fingers. 'gnarly, huh?'

she puts her tea down on the small table near the bed and runs a hand through her hair before she scrapes it up into a messy ponytail. 'i knew, in theory,' she says. 'we've talked about things, of course. i'm able to help take care of when her chronic back pain flares, and how she really should have a surgical repair on her bad shoulder. but, i just, well. i suppose i comprehend the breadth of it now, more completely at least, the details in a way i can understand.'

you don't know; you don't ever want to know, not like that. vi still has nightmares about prison, still doesn't eat enough sometimes, still refuses heating pads and advil sometimes after a hard shift. 'yeah.'

'and i suppose, too, that it's hard to know how much she's hurt, even if it's so much less bad now.' she shrugs, helpless, and looks at you. 'i just love her.'

it had been terrifying, to get a call in the middle of the night from the fire department: vi had been in a building when it collapsed, and she was hurt and it was, potentially, very bad. you're not sure who they'd called first — you or caitlyn — but she'd texted you a minute after and offered to pick you up so you could both wait at the hospital while vi was in surgery. it had taken two hours before her dad came out and explained that vi had some internal injuries that still needed more fixing in surgery, as well as a few bruises and scrapes, but she would recover fully with time.

'you should move in with each other,' you say.

caitlyn pauses for a few moments, but then she lets out a quiet laugh. 'how long have you been holding that in?'

you shrug. 'you guys have been together for two years. i know vi wants to.' you don't mention that you hack into caitlyn's person email on occasion, just because you like to be nosey; you don't mention that you'd seen her and vi send property listings back and forth the last few months. 'i know she hasn't said anything to me because she doesn't want to upset me, or make me think like she's choosing you over me, or whatever.'

caitlyn considers it calmly. 'she would never do that, you know.'

'yeah.' you do; it's the thing you know most in the world. 'i also know that she's scared that if she doesn't help me at much, i'll have another episode.'

that, caitlyn has no response to.

'i've talked about this a lot in therapy.' you squeeze vi's hand, just in case she's listening too. 'at first i couldn't manage any of it without her, for sure.'

vi had spent her first month out of prison visiting you in your tent in the scariest part of town, not pushing, just bringing you food and warm clothes, comfortable blankets; she'd sit with you for hours if you'd let her, even if most of the time you talked to voices only you could hear and saw things she never would. finally, you agreed to go to the hospital with her, and from there it was more months of getting clean, and trying different medications, and really lame group therapy, and coming to terms with your diagnosis. vi was there as often as she could be, clean-cut for once while she went through the fire academy. you don't remember many details, but when you'd finally gotten released, she'd brought you to this small, rundown one bedroom apartment that she'd made as nice as she could. the first night you were home, she fell asleep in bed next to you in less than a minute, a few tears on her cheeks, seemingly of their own accord. it's always been a measure of love you'll always be a little in awe of.

'but, like, i remember my meds on my own now. i have a system.'

caitlyn's smile is honest-to-god proud. 'that's no small feat.'

you try to act nonchalant, but she's right: most of your medications have side effects that require other medications to off-set, and it's a nightmare if you don't coordinate them properly. 'and, like, my graduate program is going well, and i have friends, and i like climbing. i feel, not good, i guess. maybe i'll never feel good. but i feel real, and most of the time the world feels real too.'

caitlyn lays her hand on top of yours, and vi's.

'anyway,' you say, clearing your throat so you don't cry. you run your free hand through your hair, grown out some now after your "interesting decision," as vi had said, last year during a meltdown. 'vi can move out, and ekko can move in to our apartment. he's —' your boyfriend? your best friend? your favorite person, other than vi?

caitlyn smiles gently. 'he is.'

'he knows what to do, if i need help.'

'and i know you want to live with vi, and i know she wants to live with you.' even though you invade their privacy by checking emails, you'd never spill the beans that they've both individually been looking at rings. 'i can manage, without her there as much. i don't think either of us ever thought that would be our reality, which is why vi hasn't brought it up. i know she's still scared, probably forever. it was scary.' you take a big breath and then let it out; when you'd first gotten your diagnosis, it seemed like you would never get to be a full, independent person, and then it would be a death sentence. 'but i want to try. i can try.'

caitlyn squeezes your hand, and vi's too. 'i believe you will do wonderfully, in both my professional and personal opinion.'

'oh. really?'

she nods. 'you haven't had a full blown episode in over a year. i see you manage your days, and your impulses. clinically, you're actually a great patient. personally, you're a pain in the ass sometimes, but not because you're unwell.'

'just because of my stunning charm and incredible sense of humor? my flair for the dramatic?'

'something like that, sure.'

you laugh. 'thank you, so so much.'

she rolls her eyes but she's still fond of you, especially in the early morning light. vi's eyes are both bruised blue, but caitlyn had told you that surgeons had finally fixed her broken nose after it broke again this time: you're pretty sure vi hasn't been able to breathe properly since she was, like, twelve. at the very least she'll snore less, so a win for all of you. 'we found a house we want to put an offer in on,' she admits.

'yeah?'

she nods. 'it's not too far from your place, and it's right on the park.'

you scoff, just for posterity. 'fancy.'

she's unfazed by this point. 'we — well, vi was going to tell you, but i know it's fine if i do. we know you and ekko want to keep your current place, and i'd actually like to sit down with both of you and see if there's any way i can assist with your rent or other budgetary items.'

you're definitely, 100% about to cry, all of a sudden.

'she is so proud of you, for even being able to consider pursuing increased independence.'

you sniffle.

'but, the brownstone we're looking at also has a fully finished basement, with a bedroom and a small living area, its own bathroom. we've planned for it to be your space, whenever you want it, for any reason, for however long you'd like to stay. a night, a year. you will always have a home with violet, which means you will always have a home with me too.'

you have to do your deep breathing: sometimes kindness, especially given freely, is what makes the world slide most off-kilter. there are always voices telling you that you don't deserve good things, that caitlyn, and vi, and ekko, and vander, and even caitlyn's parents, when you go over to their giant ass mansion for celebratory dinners or parties, are lying to you. but you put your head down against your joined hands and count to ten, whisper it aloud, and then sit back up. caitlyn is waiting patiently.

'how big is the house?'

she laughs, heartily, and pulls out her phone to show you pictures and specifications. it's beautiful — not that you'd ever expect less of caitlyn kirammen — but she also tells you the plans she has to decorate, and your chest aches with a happiness so tinged with grief when she casually explains things vi wants in each room too. it's a life you never dreamed you'd get to have, and you know vi has probably been having total menty-b's about all of this, but she deserves a home more than anyone you've ever met.

'it's fine, i guess,' you say, after caitlyn finishes showing you their plans for the patio and yard.

caitlyn laughs. 'up to your standards?'

'could use more neon.'

'keep it confined to the basement, and you've got a deal.'

'ugh.'

'the only request i have is that you not blow it up.'

you pretend to contemplate. 'that's reasonable, i guess.' you look around at all the monitors proclaiming your big sister's strong heart and lungs and brain, despite it all. 'vi's gonna be so relieved that we don't have to have a heart to heart when she wakes up.'

caitlyn looks at the still planes of vi's face adoringly. disgusting, still. 'she'll be difficult enough as it stands, i'm sure.'

'total pain in the ass.'

////

you spend the first night after vi moves out in your apartment with ekko, and you fall asleep with your head tucked into his chest, safe still, even now. that weekend, you haul a duffle bag of your stuff — clothes, toiletries, a quarter of your lab, a few cans of spray paint — to vi and caitlyn's new house. neither of them are home yet, vi stuck grumpily on desk duty for the evening and caitlyn's meeting running over.

but your key turns in the lock, and your favorite snacks are stocked in the pantry. eventually, they both get home, and they're happy to see you, and caitlyn laughs at the improvements you've already done to the walls of the basement. vi ruffles your hair and you bully both of them into ordering tacos like you want, even though they have plenty of things you could cook at home. caitlyn is polite enough to let you curl up with vi on the couch, just for tonight, and you fall asleep, safe and warm, there too.

[sleepisoverrated]

Hi, hello, not dead just buried in schoolwork now that I'm in my final year (college applications, moving to a new house, driving lessons, 2 or 5 exams every week and can't forget that I got sick)..... So yeah not dead, but certainly looking like it.

Anyway Arcane season 2, I think ep 6 finally gave me depression and the show in general made me cry more than I did at my grandmas funeral. So I decided to share some of my head cannons that I had before season 2.

Silco braids Jinx's hair in styles his mother taught him, while singing, telling lessons, stories, poems, folklore, plans, day events or just complaints(post season two comment: can't believe I got so close with the hair thing, the braids were probably taught to him by Felicia, Jinx mother, but still I think Silcos mother taught him how to do hair)

‌Zaunish or old Zaun is russian

Old Zaun was a secret code that everyone in the mines knew so they could talk in peace, without a threat of getting beat up by supervisors, it eventually spread to their families so that they can protect themselves from enforcers, eventually everyone knew

‌Noxian is german

‌Piltovian is british english (english is a universal language, but some places made it their own eg. american, australian, british(the cockney accent is how Zaunites speak it))

‌Viktors name in old Zaun is Vitya

‌ Victor scares everyone when actually angry or in a sleep deprived mania

‌ Victor was a slut during his academy years, because everyone wanted some of that exotic Undercity twinks ass, so him saying "wait this isn't my bedroom" wouldn't have surprised anyone and could have worked as an excuse if Jayce hadn't opened his mouth

‌ Sevika had a sister that died in the bridge rebellion

‌Sevika and Silco are like siblings (Silco is most definitely the little spoiled brat sibling that can fuck you over if he convinces mom, in this case he is the little spoiled brat that can stab you and also has an army at his disposal)

‌ Sevika dislikes Jinx/Powder and Violet, because they (before the explosion) reminded her of herself with her big sister, it makes her uncomfortable how Jinx turned out and Vi "died"

‌Ekko still has a crush on Jinx/Powder (post season two comment: btw I meant he had a crush on her when she was Powder that stayed until canon s1, not the alternative universe Powder) even tough she changed (The bridge scene makes me cry) (post season two comment: we won but at what cost)

‌Ekko has hallucinations when he's inventing/building of Jinx that he talks to and interacts with( they build together and bounce ideas of eachother) (post season two comment: fucking hell how did I manage to hurt myself more)

Hope you like them! Can't promise any consistent posting, but I'll try at least shorter posts!

[sneezefiction]

untouchable | vi

Atsumu x Reader

desc: in which an accidental run-in with pro volleyball player, Atsumu Miya, at a 7/11 leads to a strangers-to-lovers situation… but the catch is, you have no idea that he’s famous.

warnings: slight language, anxiety

wc: 6.6k

part 5 ⚬ part 6 ⚬ part 7 

untouchable m.list

—

Recap:

And for the first half of this year you found yourself falling in love. Falling for this second glance of a man.

So finding out that Izumi Kenji had a partner was a punch to the gut. 

Reaching for his hand that summer was a defining moment for you. The way he snatched his hand away from yours would have knocked all the air out of your lungs if you’d had any breath to spare.

—

Laughter echoes off the sides of buildings as you make your way past food stalls and restaurants. It’s warm. A gentle breeze tussles his hair, different strands catching purple and orange light from the store signs.

There are several things that are begging to hold your attention right now. 

A new café to your right is stringing a “Grand Opening” banner across its shop doors. Bike bells ring off in the distance, the wheels gently thrumming against dusty cobblestone. Groups of teenagers snicker as they pass you by, their voices carefree and teasing. Two dogs tread loyally next to their owners on the other side of the street, their claws clicking as their paws hit the pavement. 

But even among all of those distractions and details, all you can see is him. The mop of messy hair atop his head. His umber brown eyes. A curious smile.

Izumi Kenji had stolen your heart slowly and carefully; he did so without a balaclava or a disguise to lure you in. And as you meander the downtown area with him, your fondness for him only grows.

Meeting him at that after-work party may have been the best thing that happened to you this year. You were comfortable - in the middle of a bar, talking to a stranger and laughing with him. And who were you to turn down the one good thing life had sent your way.

Although, with how nonexistent your social life was, you would’ve let almost anyone into your social circle. You just deem yourself lucky that it was Kenji who happened to be in your vicinity.

He’d ended up asking for your number at the end of the night - you rattled off the digits faster than you could blink.

“...if you ever need anything, just send me a text.”

It was an outstretched hand of a sentence. A bone thrown to a starving dog. Finally, there was a person you could rely on.

You took his words to heart.

After that night, it was almost unfair how easily he broke down your barriers. 

It was Kenji who took you sightseeing through all of Osaka in the Winter months, making sure that you’d mapped out the area so that you were more comfortable when you went exploring on your own. Your snow boots and his became well acquainted.

He’d shown you his favorite eateries and shops, rambling quietly about his favorite pastries and old, dusty memories that came from his time spent in the area. 

His jacket made its way to your shoulder when you visibly shuddered from the cold as Winter shifted to Spring. And as Summer approached, you allowed yourself to let your guard down. With distant eyes, you learned about his family and his plans. You wondered if maybe there was a place for you in that future.

Any doubts about this connection you had with him had melted away. 

He was your closest friend by far… and who’s to say he couldn’t be more?

You glance to your left, a small smile working its way onto your lips. Kenji’s eyes wander the street, completely lost in thought. His expression is serene under the violet glow of street lights. 

And his hand… his hand is achingly close to your own.

Its a position you frequently found yourself in: walking side by side, almost touching, but never quite close enough to grasp at his hand. 

You’ve never really seen yourself as someone to make first moves, but this has gone on for too long. And your fingertips are begging you to do something about this distance between you two. 

You swallow hard.

Choking back your hesitation, you brush your hand against his.

He doesn’t pull away, only sending you a quick glance. Kenji’s soft smile doesn’t budge, though he does raise an eyebrow at you.

You assume that this is a good sign. He doesn’t seem uncomfortable, the moment feels natural, and this… this could actually work.

You take one more deep breath and gingerly link your fingers with his-

But before you can even blink, Kenji snaps his hand back to his side. His head whips toward you, feet stopping in their tracks.

“What… what are you doing,” he stammers, eyes widening.

You wince. That wasn’t the reaction you were hoping for. Far from it.

“I think that’s-” You glance down at your rejected hand, eyes wide, “-kind of obvious.”

He stares at you, mouth agape. You take a step back, heart dropping. Why would he pull his hand back? Did I do something wrong-

“I’m seeing someone-” He breathes, “-you knew that.”

Like a tree branch splintering after a lightning strike, you feel as though something inside of you has cracked and split. 

Your body can’t decide if your blood should turn to ice from shock or if it should succumb to the heat of humiliation rising in your chest. How did you not know this?

And why hadn’t you just asked him first? 

That’s what normal people did. If you hadn’t acted based on a silly impulse maybe you would have spoken to him about your relationship with him first… but it’s too late now. And the pressure continues to build up in your stomach until you feel like a balloon on the verge of popping.

“...you knew that… didn’t you?”

Something sharp stabs at your heart.

“I had no idea.” Your reply is flat. Distant.

It twists.

“I- I’m so sorry, I could’ve sworn I’d told you…” He responds softly.

In a tearing motion, it rips back out.

“No. You hadn’t.” You say curtly, eyes glazing over.

You let on to the bitterness welling up in your chest more than you wish you would have… but who could blame you? 

Tucking your hands deep into your pants pockets, you try to hold your composure. 

Your mouth is uncomfortably dry and your hands are suddenly very sweaty. 

What does someone do in a situation like this? 

You’d always assumed that this was the type of thing to happen to somebody else. Thinking that feelings were mutual and then being struck with the fact that your “almost-boyfriend” was actually already deep into a relationship. It sounds like something out of a teenage romance novel... but it’s clear that the shame clouding your mind is not secondhand.

Unintentionally or not, Kenji had led you on… and here you are, feeling like you’ve just been publicly gutted.

He doesn’t owe you anything. No, not at all. 

If anything, you owe him for all of the kindness he’s extended to you. 

But that doesn’t explain everything he’s done for you these past few months. 

Paying for meals even though you’d practically fought him for bills at every restaurant you’d visited together. Spending hours together on weekends when you both had work to complete. Meeting his friends, taking the train together on days when your schedules collided, exploring the city and your past with him…

You’d wondered why he hadn’t asked you out yet.

It didn’t make any sense.

Maybe he was confused too?

A thought crosses your mind that maybe he may have been using you as some sort of support system. Maybe you were just let into his life to comfort him through his own relational instability. Were you just Kenji’s escape? Is he just completely unaware?

But now you’re just jumping to conclusions. It might not be anything of the sort. Trying to piece together a story that doesn’t add up in the first place won’t help you at all - at least, not right after such a blatant rejection.

You take another step back, effectively tuning out anything he has to say. The light on his face no longer reflects something inviting; instead, all you can see is the confusion marring his previously peaceful expression.

He’s trying to talk to you, he’s taking steps toward you, he’s even reaching a hand out… but you just can’t. Not with the discomfort in your chest and a thundercloud of tension rumbling above you.

You can’t remember what shitty excuse you’d made to get out of there, but not even 10 minutes after this awkward, messy, fucked up moment, you’re on a train back home. 

And everything is numb. 

The shuffle and shake of the passenger car is enough to distract you for now.

But the moment you get home - the very second you kick off your shoes - insecurity comes knocking at the door of your mind. 

You lay face down on the couch. The room stirs in darkness, gloom sinking into the cracks of the wall and pooling at the corners of your eyes. Because how was this fair? What had you done to deserve this? Was nothing going to be easy for you?

You let yourself cry.

Questions swim through your mind. Fears too. The pain of, once again, being alone exposes itself through heavy tears and spluttering sobs.

So you attempt to bury it all deep down...

As far from the surface as it can go... 

But as most things do, these questions and insecurities will resurface. 

It’s only a matter of time.

—

You noticed it from the moment you woke up.

The stiffness in your arms and the churning in your stomach were telltale signs… but as the hours rolled on and the sun sunk lower in the sky, it became more obvious. 

Your lungs were fine yesterday, but today they shrink and tighten with every passing minute.

In an attempt to distract yourself, you’ve switched on the TV and turned to Netflix for comfort. It isn’t much, but the modulated noise of a baking show and a warm blanket draped over your lap blocks out some of the dizzying worries in your head.

First date nerves are a thing.

The clammy palms, the jitters, the loss of appetite… you have it all. 

You’re well aware that this is a universal experience, so you try to empathize with yourself. There’s no reason to be embarrassed by it. Shame would only drag you deeper into this muddy pit of nerves that you’re so desperately trying to claw your way out of.

But this technically isn’t even a date. 

And you’re not about to assume that it’s anything like one.

Just to be safe, you’ve decided that this outing would blandly be categorized as a “sporadic meet up with a stranger.” Your words, not Atsumu’s. 

But just because it isn’t technically a date doesn’t mean you can’t be jittery… 

You grip the remote in your hand tighter. It accidentally shuts the TV off, but that’s probably for the better. You haven’t gotten ready yet and it’s getting close to 5 pm. Somehow you’d managed to snuggle the day away in your apartment. Again.

Letting out an anxious yawn, you hop up from your nestled position on the couch.

You step into the hallway and make your way to the bathroom to wash your face. As you patter the length of the hall, you finally allow your mind to roam. It immediately hones in on your anxieties like a dog chasing a delightfully peeved squirrel.

Is it pathetic? To be 20 something years old and petrified by something as simple as a dinner date? 

Your brain says “no,” but a part of you is whispering out a quiet “yes” in response. Most people would be excited to see someone after being lonely for so long. 

So why are you this bothered? What’s with this piercing fragility that makes your hands shake and your skin crawl? 

When did you become so… scared? Like you would crumble just by being in the presence of another person?

And then it hits you. Your head plummets into your hands.

Ever since you’d met Atsumu, you haven’t had the mental stamina to think about Izumi Kenji. 

Or what he’d done to you. Or how he’d metaphorically pushed you when you were already toeing at the precipice of a cliff. You’d been a step away from falling and breaking under the weight of the past few years, and he’d shattered you in a single night.

So, yes, that would explain the current twisting in your chest. It’s also probably why you’re so worried about Atsumu. Or, at least, it’s one big reason as to why, you conclude.

But, even with this epiphany, you find yourself stepping into the bathroom, wrung dry and physically unsteady. Thinking about Kenji doesn’t make you feel any better.

Your fingers grip the rim of the porcelain sink, eyes fixed on the drain in the center. 

You stare at it. 

One reminder of him and you were already weary. 

The glossiness of the bowl reflects a splotchy, humanesque blob back at you. You swivel the faucet handle, letting warm water coast around the bowl and spiral down the drain. It erases that human-like reflection.

If only it could wash away your problems. Now that’d be something to write home about.

The cool of the tile beneath your feet and a splash of warm water on your face is a welcome distraction… but short-lived. The water drips off of your face. You blindly feel around for a fresh towel and, after laying your hands on one, you gently pat your face down.

Blinking your eyes open, you stand up straight.

As you do, you find yourself studying a much clearer reflection than the blurry face in the sink bowl. Sunken features bore into you from the bathroom mirror. You sigh and turn to open up a medicine cabinet to grab a few facial products, applying them one-by-one.

If you do happen to crash and burn tonight, you figure you might as well look damn good in the process. Skincare would help with that.

But before you can further sink into the idea that tonight might turn into another nightmarish scenario, a friendly face, someone sunny and charming, enters your mind. 

The picture Atsumu’s wavy hair and that smug smile of his. While the rest of his face is a little fuzzy in your mind, you vividly remember how his mouth quirk upwards and the electric buzz you felt from the sheer warmth of his eyes.

Atsumu has been on your mind a lot these days. And, as much as it’s been a distraction, it’s also been a welcome mental detour. 

Somehow, the very thought of him coaxes your own lips to relax into a smile. You sigh, tilting your head back in defeat. So this is what 3 years of loneliness can do to a person - how embarrassing.

But you can’t deny that he gives you something to look forward to - an emotion you can’t quite put your finger on. You two share a connection; there’s some common ground that hasn’t been dug up just yet. And, for whatever it’s worth, you want to keep digging until you figure it out.

As you smooth a moisturizer over your skin, you decide that you’ll wear something nice tonight. Maybe you’ll pick out an outfit you haven’t worn before and do your best to drown your shaky hands in the fabric of a long-sleeved shirt. If it goes well, maybe you’ll have found someone who actually likes you.

If it doesn’t work out, you can just drive back home and forget he ever existed. Simple as that.

But... 

You’d like to think that Atsumu could be just as sweet as he seems; assuming the worst about him would get you nowhere.

You continue to repeat that to yourself before you leave. That all you can do is hope it goes well. 

Nothing more, nothing less. 

—

You rest your foot firmly on the brake and switch the gearshift so that your car is in park. You rub your eyes and double-check the location on your phone’s GPS. Back at your apartment, it looked like you would be arriving at a café near the park… but you’re not so sure anymore.

Did… did Atsumu really send you here?

You never entertained the idea of him being a prankster… but if this was, perhaps, a practical joke? Well, you’re not above calling him and telling him to “fuck off.” There’s nothing stopping you from driving away and blocking his number right now.

Scrolling through the map application, you notice that you’re relatively close to several restaurants, so there is that. He’d promised you dinner and there’s an abundance of food within walking distance.

But you weren’t expecting to pull up to such a secluded location. You shiver in your seat and grip the steering wheel. Does he realize just how scary it is to meet someone at a random place like this?

Whipping out your phone, you tap a quick message containing something along the lines of “why the hell did you send me to a park.” Your therapist would probably give you a high-five for being so straightforward.

You hit send and sink into your chair. 

A brief glance out your car window helps to settle your frayed nerves just a hair. 

It’s not quite as empty as you thought it was. The area is just… calm. Many couples stroll along the main path, hand-in-hand. Others are sat on picnic blankets, tucking their toes into the cool grass and chattering away. 

And, most comfortingly of all, it’s still bright outside. 

You thank the sun that it still rests above the horizon, drenching the trees tops and green grass with deep-honey hues. People and daylight mean safety. You’ve had to learn that after living alone for so long.

A text notification pings on your phone only seconds after messaging him. 

You’ll give him some credit. Atsumu is a timely texter. You’ve found yourself in more real-time texting conversations with him than almost anyone else you’ve met in Osaka. And it’s been how long since you met him? A few weeks? A month?

Atsumu’s text reassures you that you’re not at the wrong place.

At least the park was intentional, you nod to yourself. You’re doing your best to trust that he wouldn’t take you somewhere that would make you uncomfortable.

Another text informs you that he’s already seated on a bench near where you parked.

Your heart skips a beat and your head jolts upward, scanning the area. A hand also shoots up to clutch at your chest, gripping the fabric of your top. 

Yep. You’re still jumpy.

But this time, the shaky hands and pounding nerves are rooted in restlessness instead of fear… and maybe a little bit of excitement?

Suddenly, the park is far less frightening.

You step out of the car, wallet and keys in one hand, and smooth out your outfit with your free hand. The wind nips at you through the fabric of your clothes, but with the sunshine painting your skin, it isn’t too bad. 

Maybe bringing a coat would’ve been wiser than relying on this sweater to keep you warm… but it’s too late to think about that now.

Your eyes dart around and you trod through the grass and onto a graveled pathway. It crunches satisfyingly underneath your feet, but you can’t enjoy it when you’re so intent on finding him. With a few short strides, you’re quick to spot the back of someone’s head. A familiar head of blonde waves shines golden thanks to the setting sun. 

You’re almost entirely sure it’s Atsumu.

And as if he had sensed your presence, the man in question tilts a glance over his shoulder.

His face is blank until he catches your eye. 

An easy grin, one brighter than the stars, bursts into existence.

For someone so conventionally attractive, he sure looks excited to see little ole you. Raising your hand, you wave and send him a shy smile back.

He’s quick to jump to his feet and as he does, you’re quickly reminded of just how tall he is. Atsumu’s head matches the height of several tree branches. It makes you think that he’s probably walked into a number of things. Door headers, branches, signs that are hung a couple of inches too low… you’re sure he’s learned to duck and dodge over the years.

You wish you could ask him about that.

You blink.

That’s right. You can ask him about that - you’ll do that later, though.

“Hey there.” He chuckles.

His voice… it’s huskier than you’d remembered.

You spoke with him over the phone just yesterday to confirm that tonight was still happening, so why was his voice giving you chills now? It’s deep and smooth and, without the static from the phone audio, it’s actually kind of sexy.

Okay, you’ve got to calm down.

“Hi,” you reply sweetly, tilting your head.

Should you hug him? Just keep standing there? Hopefully, he’s better at filling awkward silence than you are. You’re not bad at handling social situations, but it seems safer to wait for his cues.

Atsumu keeps his hands in his pockets, “Long time, no see.” 

It’s phrased as if you were both old friends reuniting after years of distance. It kind of feels that way too.

“I don’t actually think it’s been that long.” You raise an eyebrow, keeping a straight face.

“It’sa turn of phrase, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart.

That word sounds so easy on his tongue, damn it.

A few beats pass… and both of you break into grins once again.

But before you can respond, and much to your confusion, Atsumu spins on his feels to face the pathway. The pebbles under his feet shift as he takes a few steps forward.

He turns his head to catch your eye, “Well? C’mon then, let’s walk and talk,” and juts an arm out.

You stare at him for a moment, confused. 

“Are ya gonna leave me hangin’? Atsumu tilts his head back, a coy smile on his lips as though whatever he’s trying to do is ridiculously obvious.

After a few moments of deep contemplation, realization dawns over your features. He’s extending his elbow out… for you? To hold onto?

Oh.

With a slight flush, you step forth and link arms with him. He grins down at you, perfectly resembling a fox you saw in a National Geographic magazine last week. This is a lot closer than you’d anticipated on getting with him; not that you’re complaining.

Although, for someone you’ve only met twice, you feel like you’ve known him for years. 

The few phone calls and those text conversations have given you some insight into his life, but they don’t explain why you two click so well in person. He’s illogically familiar.

You decide not to question the closeness and instead choose to spark a conversation. 

That should be easy enough; after all, he’d promised you dinner, and you were given directions to a park - you’re anything but questionless.

You lean into his side slightly and break the silence, “You smell good.” 

Considering he’s crossed that line with you already, you aren’t too worried about saying it back to him. 

“Thanks, I showered.” He smiles and shrugs as if to brush off your compliment, but you swear you see a fleeting blush on his cheeks.

“Thank God.” You sigh in mock relief, relaxing your shoulders.

He squints, clicking his tongue, “Okay, no need to tease. At least get to know a guy first,” but his voice is void of offense.

“So if I tease you, you won’t take me to dinner?” A curious tone rings in your voice.

“Oh, I will even if ya do. Where do ya think we’re walkin’ to?”

You snort, “Hopefully a restaurant?”

“Bull’s eye.” He winks.

Atsumu looks down at you and you can’t help but smile up at him. Your nerves had melted away like a popsicle under a blazing summer sun; all that’s left is a sweet, melty feeling that has you feeling a little too comfortable.

Maybe you shouldn’t be so trusting. Protecting yourself has been your number one goal since Kenji let you down…

But that doesn’t mean you can’t laugh or get to know Atsumu. 

It just means you need to keep your expectations in check. This may seem like a date, but until he says something, you won’t jump to conclusions. In the meantime, you just need to keep talking. Enjoy it while it lasts and laugh a little.

You nudge his side, “By the way…”

“Hm?”

“What’s with bringing me to a park?”

You’ve been dying to hear this explanation since you arrived. Sure, the atmosphere is perfect; fall weather is notorious for pleasant walks and colorful leaves. However, you’d like to hear his reasoning.

“I thought we could get to know each other better before stuffin’ our faces.”

You make a face, “Well, doesn’t that sound lovely. You sure have a way with words.” 

Atsumu is nothing if not blunt.

He pouts, eyes narrowing, “You gonna make fun of the way I talk now? I’ll have you know, I’ve been mocked enough to last me a life time. I ain’t all that sensitive anymore.”

You laugh and subconsciously tighten your hold on his arm. 

“Alright Mr. Not Sensitive, I won’t make fun of you anymore.”

If you were paying attention to his face, you might’ve seen another flush of pink… but your eyes are squinting from the sun and Atsumu is sure to pull himself together before you can notice it.

“But I do have some important questions for you,” You begin.

Those words are sure to spark fear into anybody. This is confirmed when his arm stiffens ever so slightly and your eyes crinkle in mischief.

He swallows, “Yeah, go for it.”

“Favorite color?”

Atsumu’s eyes flick down to yours, squinting. They seem to say, “important, my ass.”

He instantly loosens, “Easy. Red.” Confidence is clear in his tone.

You nod. You don’t have to know him well to know that the answer suits him. Atsumu is fiery and he’s burned bright in your mind since you met him. If anyone should be allowed to like red, it’s him.

“Favorite food?”

“Mmm…” He furrows his brows in deliberation, “ I gotta say fatty tuna. But my brother makes some killer onigiri, though. I think that’s a close second.”

Your brows shoot up, eyes widening. He’d never mentioned anything about his family before this.

“You have a brother?” You press, leaning in to study his face while trying not to trip over your own two feet.

“Technically, a twin. But I’m the older one...” He huffs, “...and the better lookin’ one.”

Your jaw drops. “I can’t believe you hadn’t mentioned him before this!” 

As an only child, you can only imagine what it’d be like to have a sibling, much less a twin. 

“Well,” Atsumu rolls his eyes at you, “He’s alright…”

It looks like he’s about to change the subject, but one glance at your face is all it takes for him to realize that you want to hear more. Your eyes are sparkling. Full of vibrant curiosity… how could he stop now?

You’re actually interested in him.

“We’re really close actually,” Atsumu clears his throat, straightening up a little. “I mean, he isn’t like me at all. He’s real’ calm in comparison. A great cook. Some people say he’s handsome - but he got the looks from me, y’know?”

You roll your eyes, keeping in stride with him. “Yeah, yeah, keep going.”

“He’s good with the ladies, smart, athletic...” He rambles on. “If he’d just slow down a little, he would probably be married by now...”

You just listen, fully invested in his words. 

It’s nice to hear about family - you haven’t seen your’s in a long time. 

The fondness in Atsumu’s expression seeps through his abbreviated words. 

He looks almost pained as he compliments his twin and amusement flickers in your eyes as you watch it all unfold. You hadn’t asked for a dating profile description of his brother, but you’re not about to shut him up.

“I bet you’d like him. Not as much as you’d like me, of course,” he smirks and your chest tightens. 

The butterflies you’d thought you’d left back in highschool seem to have dusted themselves off and started fluttering again.

“But, yeah. He’s a good guy.”

Atsumu’s free hand then runs through his hair, pushing the waves back. You can see a sudden onset of nerves on his face. He’s quick to hide it though.

“And, uh, just so you know… he may or may not own the restaurant I’m taking you to tonight.”

That’s enough for you plant your feet in place. Atsumu stops as well. 

He’s… taking you to his brother’s restaurant.

You gaze up at him, at a loss for words.

Is his brother going to be there? I mean, it is his place. But meeting his family? Out of the blue, like this? It’s all out of order. 

You can’t help but wonder if he’s ever going to give your racing heart a chance to settle.

“Is that too much?” Atsumu is quick to cut in. His voice isn’t gentle… but even with it’s roughness, you can hear something that resembles concern.

“A- ah, no! It’s fine!” You reassure him, “I… I’m happy to go.”

His shoulders drop down again and so do yours.

There’s no point in getting worked up about it. But it’s becoming clear that Atsumu isn’t a very conventional person. Nor is he daunted by sporadic plans. Next time, you’ll ask for a point-by-point itinerary, just to be safe.

Atsumu reveals the name of the restaurant, “Onigiri Miya,” and you find yourself asking more family-related questions as you two dawdle down the pathway…

Which naturally leads to conversations about high-school.

It turns out that he and his twin were on a volleyball team together. Which makes sense. He definitely has the muscle, the height, and the spunk to be an athlete. 

You know shit about the sport, but that doesn’t mean you don’t see the gleam in his eyes when he rattles off a story about one of his old games. It’s been a long time since you last listened to someone speak about something so passionately.

But there’s even more. 

You hear mentions of many boys’ names. 

There’s his brother, Osamu; he mentions their little spats and occasional fist fights. Although he makes sure to clarify that they’re both a lot more level headed nowadays. Next is Atsumu’s upperclassman, Kita; he’s someone Atsumu respects and fears with every inch of his being. Then there’s Suna, Omimi, Aran, and… too many others to count.

Games and nationals and several terms you can’t quite grasp swim through your head as you re-live some of Atsumu’s own memories with him.

His high-school years sound exciting, bright, and funny. Of course, those experiences would create the charming mess that is Atsumu Miya.

After padding under draping treetops, you both finally make it out of the park and onto the sidewalks. 

Restaurants and small shops line the streets and pedestrians cross in groups across the narrow roads. At this point, the sun is loosing its shine, sinking beneath the trees’ branches and ever-darkening buildings. But you, with your phone in your pocket and your arm in his, feel safe. 

Atsumu’s effortlessness and his blunt way of speaking really made for easy conversation. 

But before you can ask him if he still plays volleyball, you find yourself standing in front of a small, bright storefront: “Onigiri Miya.” The words are plastered on a wooden board in white, chalk paint. It’s sleek and cute - if you’d stumbled upon the shop before this, you’d have walked in of your volition.

“I’m thinkin’ I just talked your ear off the whole way here.” Atsumu sighs apologetically.

You shrug, “I guess that just means I’m a good listener.”

In all honestly, you’re glad he rambled. It got rid of your restlessness and calmed your racing thoughts.

He unlinks your arm from his and your side is now exposed to the cold air. It only just hits you how physical that walk had been. Even without a coat, having him at your side had kept you warm and cozy.

How long has it been since you were comfortably side-by-side with someone? It’s been months since you’d been around Kenji… years since you last slept with someone you actually liked… but when was the last time you held a hand or wrapped your arm around someone else’s? 

Atsumu’s words cut into your thoughts, “You’re easy to talk to, but I wanna hear more about you when we get inside.” 

And he’s holding the door open for you, one hand clasped around the handle and the other tucked casually into his pocket. You thank him… he didn’t give you the impression of being “gentlemanly” or whatever that word meant, but you find the gesture to be sweet. 

As you step inside the small restaurant, your senses are overtaken by the smell of freshly cooked rice and an explosion of delicious seasonings. There are bar stools open at the front counter and metal chairs surrounding worn-down wooden tables. The atmosphere is homely and diner-like; as though, no matter how often you actually visited, you would be treated as a regular.

Someone calls out from the back, “C’mon in, I cleared the place out for y’all.”

The voice resembles Atsumu’s style of speech; gruff and straight to the point… but a little smoother. Then you realize what that voice had actually said. There’s nobody else here.

“Alright, we’ll make ourselves at home then. I can take your-”

He scans you for a jacket… that doesn’t exist.

“You didn’t bring a coat.” He says flatly.

You glance down at your outfit, grasping the edge of your sweater and feathering a thumb over its seam.

“I forgot one.” You admit, looking back up to him, “Why? Is that a problem?”

“Nah, I was just gonna offer to take it.”

You hadn’t noticed what he’d been wearing before this, but now that you’re under the soft lighting of the restaurant, you realize he’s dressed up a little. 

Atsumu removes a short, tan coat and places it onto the back of a chair. A black turtleneck sweater is revealed underneath. The fabric outlines his chest and arms in the most unfair way while the dark color pleasantly contrasts his lighter skin tone. 

How hadn’t you noticed how gut-wrenchingly attractive he was before this? 

With how fast things were moving and how comfortable you felt talking to him, you must’ve conveniently glossed over this fact. It’s not like you’d planned on getting to know him.

But now that you do? Well, it doesn’t hurt that he basically has the body of Chris Hemsworth. Atsumu’s definitely not some Walmart version of him though - this boy deserves his own brand of attractiveness.

You swallow hard as your eyes trail his body.

“Like whatcha see?”

You startle, shuffling backward. If you weren’t already out of your element, you sure are now. Caught red-handed (red-eyed?) staring at your not-date. 

“Awh, c’mon I’m joking - take a seat,” Atsumu pulls a chair out for you, cringing when it lets out a shrill squeak on the floor. The sound rings through the air and you find yourself laughing.

In a swift motion, you jump up and onto the chair.

He slides the chair back toward the bar counter, except this time you both expect the screeching of the chair’s legs. It’s worse than nails on a chalkboard, but it’s perfect for loosening up any tightness in the airspace. This time, it’s his turn to chuckle.

He mutters out a quick, “Sorry,” but you just shake your head, amused.

Snagging his own chair, and this time lifting it off of the ground to avoid bursting another eardrum, Atsumu slides up next to you.

You lean on the counter, a hand propping up your cheek. “That was very smooth, Atsumu.”

“Thanks,” he rolls his eyes, “I try.”

“‘Tsumu? Smooth? Yeah, right,” that same voice travels from the kitchen to the front of the store.

Footsteps are soon to follow it and you’re greeted by Chris Hemsworth 2.0. Maybe you should refer to him as Liam Hemsworth? Nope, Osamu, you quickly decide, is also his own genre of attractive.

Although Osamu is dressed in a simple, black “Onigiri Miya” t-shirt and cap, he could probably be a Calvin Klein model. For someone who owns a restaurant, his muscle tone is absolute perfection - these brothers are really something. 

And their resemblance of each other, though twins, is almost uncanny. You thank some unknown force that hair-dye exists, because if you saw them from a distance, you may not be able to tell them apart.

“Ah, shaddup. You’re just sayin’ that cuz you’re jealous,” the blonde snorts.

“Jealous of what? Your shit attempts at flirtin’?”

“That’s below the belt, ‘Samu. Don’t be such an ass.”

‘Tsumu? ‘Samu? That’s cute, you chuckle to yourself. Of course, these guys would have nicknames for each other. It was common sense.

You sit back as they bicker, wondering who must’ve raised these 6-foot chaotic giants. You’d love to meet them just to give them a medal and a bouquet of flowers for putting up with them. They must’ve dealt with so much bullshit.

“I could say the same to you. Ya haven’t properly introduced me yet.” He nods his head toward you, cool-grey eyes warming up when they meet yours.

Your lips quirk into a smile and before you know it, you’ve introduced yourself. 

He copies your smile, though it’s much softer than your own, and begins his own little introduction; although you’re sure that, with all the information Atsumu has already listed off to you, you don’t really need one.

“I’m Miya Osamu, but that’s probably obvious by now,” he adjusts his cap, “Callin’ me Miya would be confusin’ for all of us, so just Osamu’s fine.”

He’s polite and carries himself confidently, but his voice is a little softer than Atsumu’s. Or, it is when he’s speaking to you. There’s a brotherly gentleness to his tone and it relaxes you instantly.

“Please keep in mind that I’m the better twin,” Atsumu adds, shooting daggers at his brother.

Osamu shoots them right back, but you don’t fail to notice the playful fondness behind their eyes. You can almost picture them as kids, with band-aids on their knees and mud on their clothes. They make it seem like being twins meant having a built-in best friend.

Their closeness is overwhelming. 

There’s a warmth in the atmosphere, and you’re positive that it’s not just because something’s cooking in the kitchen. It feels special, just being allowed to sit and watch them banter. 

And the fact that Atsumu is sharing this with you?

Well, you’re counting yourself very lucky to be here right now.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Natural Space and Drawn-On Suns

Summary: In a world filled with soulmates, Roman had long ago accepted that ve was never going to have one. The Universe had chosen to be a bitch to vim, and ve was stuck with that. So even though it was very in-character, Roman thought it was pretty rude of the Universe to make vim fall so hopelessly in love with two soulmates, too. Content: (Not actually) unrequited love, (mutual) pining, mention/reference to various (minor) injuries, technically one very minor reference to self-harm, panic attack, some poorly timed laughing, references to not sleeping well/bad sleeping habits, happy ending; nb!roman, nb!remy, genderfluid!logan, all characters are implied to be aromantic, soulmate au Ships: QPR rolosleep, pre-established losleep Note: For the majority of this, Logan uses the atlantis pronoun set- a/lan/atla/atlan/atlantiself. I mention this because the ‘a’ pronoun confused me many a time while writing, and I don’t want it to confuse you while reading

~

Confessions. Roman loved them…

...as tropes.

In real life? Not so much.

Maybe it would’ve been better if they weren’t soulmates. Maybe it would’ve been better if ve had a soulmate of vis own. Maybe it would’ve been better if Roman’s concept of romance existed past poorly written dime novels and cheesy romcoms.

Maybe it would’ve been just as hard if all the odds were in vis favor.

But as they stood, they weren’t great.

And yet… Roman still wanted to confess.

No, scratch that.

Needed to confess.

Ve couldn’t go on like this. They were just… so in love. Almost too in love, depending on who you asked, but Roman never saw it like that. Maybe that’s because ve’s biased. Ve found ve didn’t care that much.

They were real soulmates, unlike some of them. Some matches never clicked. Some took time.

Logan and Remy took time, but they hadn’t needed it. You could see it in their every action, their every word, their every small glance at the other. They didn’t even have a good meet-cute and they still fit better together than any couple Roman had ever seen. From two strangers forced to share the last seat on the bus to soulmates who’s every move around the other was laced with something, something more than love, something that was made from the stars themselves.

And it was etched across their skin too, the stars and constellations that decorated Logan’s skin at every spot Remy had bled and the planets on Remy that marked the spot of Logan’s every bruise. Space flowed in their veins and held them together.

Roman wasn’t as lucky. For all the beauty ve had seen in soul markings, it had only ever been on others. It had never been scales on vis burns or flowers on vis scars- better put, never markings on vis skin where vis soulmate’s had been marred. Because ve didn’t have a soulmate.

And that had hurt. Hurt worse than the tiny cuts and bruises that had near constantly lined vis arms until high school, in the hopes that vis soulmate would see them and know Roman was there. Hurt worse than going through high school watching people laugh as swirls and hearts appeared on their skin, ruminating on what their other halves could be getting up to. Hurt worse than seeing the college couples roaming campus, hand in hand, matching in injuries and patterns and bright smiles filled with adoration for the other. It hurt to know the universe, or fate, or whatever had abandoned vim, had left vim to yearn for the sort of connection it was supposed to give vim but didn’t. Left to yearn for desires that would never be fulfilled.

So, of course, in response to vis anger and betrayal and annoyance, the universe (or fate, or whatever) had sent vim Logan and Remy.

Aka, it had stabbed vim in the back and asked vim if ve had anymore complaints about vis situation.

Remy was an astronomy major who was sassy, aloof, and very vocal about the fact that they couldn’t wait to be away from earth and to the stars. Logan was a marine biology major who was withdrawn, sarcastic, and eager to sink into the depths of the ocean. Complete opposites heading in the same direction, Logan had called them once, her head on Remy’s shoulder while they did their homework and muttered about how space didn’t have homework.

Roman had watched them from where ve had been working on vis own bed, wishing that direction was towards vim.

It wasn’t going to be, of course. Multiple soulmates existed. If Roman was meant to be a part of their happiness, ve would’ve been their soulmate.

But ve wasn’t.

And that should’ve been the end of it. Ve should’ve moved on, should’ve settled with the fact ve was only ever going to maybe find love with others like vim, should’ve been happy to be Logan and Remy’s friend and nothing more.

Vis heart had other plans.

It refused to give up. It refused to move on. It refused to accept the kindness Logan and Remy showed vim as acts of friendship and instead went searching for proof of something closer.

Remy bringing Roman a coffee when they got one wasn’t Remy just being nice to and considerate of their roommate, it was a gift and sign of affection. Logan helping Roman with some of vis homework wasn’t them just trying to be helpful, it was an excuse to spend more time with Roman. Them inviting Roman so many places with them wasn’t just a gesture of friendship but instead a precursor to actual dates.

Vis heart was wrong, of course. It didn’t actually mean anything that Remy had vis coffee order memorized or that Logan always leaned so close to vim when showing vim vis mistake or that ve couldn’t remember the last time the two of them had been on a just-them date (even when Roman hadn’t been able to come to the outings they had invited vim on, they always ended up cancelling anyways, normally staying in with vim instead). Vis heart was still wrong, still seeing things that weren’t there.

So why was Roman entertaining it? Why was ve going to confess to Logan and Remy, admit that ve could see the galaxies on their skin in their eyes as well, lay vimself open before them even though ve knew ve would only be met with rejection?

Partially because ve knew it was the only way to crush that hope, once and for all. The only way to get over them was to know ve could truly never have them. Even if it stung like poison and burned like magma, Roman needed them to stare vim in the eyes and tell vim they liked vim, but only as a friend.

It was mostly because Roman was a lovesick fool.

So, here ve was. Sitting on vis bed, dressed up nice in a white dress layered in red, good looking but not uncomfortable, feeling like a complete wreck.

The three of them were supposed to be going to dinner. Some place nice, nicer than Roman was really used to, especially for something as simple as friends hanging out. But Remy had said they were also celebrating Logan’s most recent test score being absolutely stunning (and Logan just being stunning in general), so Roman had accepted it. And ve was going to tell them then, after ve had snuck around them and paid the bill vimself and when the meal was at end, so when things went horribly ve’d be able to just leave right after. It was a simple plan. It was a great plan. Ve even knew the outcome, so it was a guaranteed plan too.

Yet there was a pit in vis stomach the size of the moon and it felt like there were stars in vis throat, stealing vis breath as ve tried to breathe around them. Because for as good of a plan as it was, there was still one problem: Roman.

Ve didn’t want to know that Logan and Remy didn’t want vim. Ve didn’t want them to tell vim they only liked vim as a friend. Ve didn’t want that hope to be crushed.

But ve couldn’t keep going on like this either, couldn’t keep pretending to just be their friend, couldn’t just swallow down vis affections like a bad aftertaste. No, Roman had two choices left to vim, and the fact that they were a rock and a hard place didn’t matter- ve had to pick one.

Roman’s phone dinged, and ve didn’t need to check it to know it was Remy, letting vim know that they and Logan were there, ready to go. Roman just had to reply that ve was ready, or even that ve needed another minute, and then head out and meet them, and go to dinner, and… and…

Apparently, there was a third choice: end up destroyed, right smack dab in the middle of the other two options.

Ve wasn’t sure when ve had slipped off the bed, but ve must have, since the ground beneath vim was no longer soft and no longer allowed vim to press vis fingers into it. Ve was vaguely aware that vis phone was buzzing more, more than it should have, probably, but ve couldn’t truly bring vimself to care. Ve couldn’t bring vimself to care about anything, right then, anything that wasn’t Logan and Remy and messing everything up and dreams that would never come true and the blood roaring in vis ears and now that ve was thinking about it was ve even breathing anymore, did that even matter anymore-

Warmth, heavy and real, on vis shoulder. On instinct, Roman sucked in a breath, and though it was shaky and weak, it was something. There was something- someone- someones- in front of vim, but Roman couldn’t focus on them, the single breath ve had gotten not nearly enough to last long. Soon enough, ve was choking again, choking on stars ve had never had and never would.

More warmth, this one warm but tempered, prepared, steady, took one of Roman’s hands, pulling it away from vim until it was planted against a warm surface, one that was moving up and down in a controlled manner, slight squeezes of vis hand inviting vim to try and follow the pattern. And Roman tried to, ve really did, not knowing why ve trusted the warmth or why ve wanted to follow its suggestions, but ve did, so ve tried, and tried again and again and again even when ve couldn’t keep with the pattern just right, the warmth on vis shoulder supporting vim the whole way through.

As Roman’s breathing started to even out, so did vis focus start to come back. Vis gaze seemed to be pointed solely at the floor, but Roman could see the two figures in vis peripheral- pressed slacks and polo matched with a lovely tie, and a dazzling dress that lesser fools might’ve called garish. Ah. So it was them.

Some part of Roman was nagging that this was an issue, that there was a problem here, but ve was still occupied with the much too difficult task of breathing to worry about it much. Ve slumped over more and more with every breath, fairly certain ve was leaning against Remy, but not aware enough to care. They certainly didn’t seem to mind, their arm slipping over Roman’s shoulders and pulling vim closer to them.

“It’s alright, you’re alright, you’re okay.” They soothed quietly, their voice gentle and melodic to Roman’s ears. “Let’s get you back on the bed, yeah? Comfier up there, angel.”

A warning bell popped up in the back of Roman’s mind, something about the importance of nicknames and petnames, but ve ignored it in favor of nodding and breathing. The grip on vis shoulders tightened, and a moment later ve was vertical, only to almost instantly go back to being down. Logan was grabbing Remy’s pillows off their bed, placing them along with Roman’s, so that when Remy properly laid vim down ve was still supported mostly-upright by the pillow stack.

Remy helped settle vim, coming to sit down on the inside of vis bed, partly pressed against the wall and next to Roman’s head. Logan sat in a similar spot on the edge of the bed, frowning at Roman while Remy brushed vis hair out of vis face.

For a few minutes, they stayed like that, Roman quietly breathing while Remy and Logan sat next to vim, Remy having moved on to playing with vis hair while Logan’s hand rested on Roman’s shoulder, reassuring and constant. It almost would’ve been perfect, being so close and relaxed with them, were it not for the reason they had ended up like that in the first place.

“So,” Remy said, finally, breaking the silence gently, “are we going to talk about this?”

“About what?” Roman asked, vis eyes have fallen shut at some point, though ve was still very much awake. Ve was pretty sure ve knew what Remy wanted to talk about, but a bit of playing-dumb and buying time couldn’t hurt either way.

“Oh, just the fact that you were having a panic attack a moment ago.” Remy said, tone faux conversational but unable to completely hide the undercurrent of worry in their voice.

Roman half-shrugged. “It’s nothing.” Ve answered. Because it was nothing, really. All secrets came to light eventually, so it was for the best Roman keep vis under wraps for as long as possible, and deal with the fallout whenever it occurred naturally. A simple conclusion that ve certainly hadn’t needed to panic over. And now that it was figured out, ve was okay, so it was nothing.

Remy didn’t seem to agree. “Oh, yeah, because struggling to just breathe for five minutes is clearly the result of nothing.” They snapped. Roman flinched, and they immediately drew away from vim in response, looking away, expression abashed.

Logan reached across Roman, placing a hand on Remy’s arm in support, and Roman tried to ignore the lurch in vis stomach at the loving gesture. A looked at Remy for a moment, the two of them seeming to have a silent conversation before Remy nodded, looking reassured as Logan turned atla gaze on Roman.

“Remy’s just concerned, Roman, as am I. And with good reason.” Logan said calmly, though there was a look in atla eye that Roman knew well from late nights when Remy couldn’t sleep. “While panic attacks can be brought on by small things, we’ve never seen you have one. That suggests that whatever caused it is very important- at the very least, it’s not ‘nothing.’”

“And even if it was something ‘small,’ we’d still want to know.” Remy tacked on, voice deliberately much softer. “You’re upset, love, and we want to help you as best we can.”

With breathing no longer as serious of an issue as it had been, Roman was able to make the connection between nicknames and petnames and the alarm that had been going off in vis mind- Remy used a lot of nicknames interchangeably as petnames, but there were a few that they only used for people they cared dearly for (aka Logan).

Amongst those few? ‘Angel’ and ‘love.’

Roman forced vimself to keep breathing normally, well aware hyperventilating more would only be a cause for more concern for the other two. And they were already concerned enough, with Remy calling vim by nicknames that were meant for people closer to them then Roman was and with Logan looking at vim with a fond sort of worry reserved for Remy and Remy alone. So worried over vim they were treating vim like ve was someone close to them. Like ve was someone who truly mattered.

Like ve was someone who was their soulmate.

And all of a sudden, Roman was back to the problem of confessions. Ve couldn’t go on like this, no matter how badly ve wanted to pretend ve could. Ve needed to let them know ve was fine, that the panic had been over something silly that they couldn’t fix anyways, so they could realize how much their attempts at kindness came off as cruel. It would hurt, but it would ultimately be for the best, and Roman knew that was what mattered in the end.

Ve cleared vis throat. “It was… it’s about you guys.”

Logan and Remy both stiffened at that, casting each other a quick glance that Roman couldn’t decipher but ve didn’t miss either. Ve felt bad, well-aware that vis phrasing could’ve been better, but ve needed the build-up. Ve knew if ve tried to say it all at once, ve’d just chicken out, and that would get them all nowhere.

“Roman, if Remy or I have ever done anything to greatly distress you-”

“No, it’s not that.” Roman said, cutting Logan off.

Logan frowned, once more glancing over at Remy, who offered an equally confused-but-worried expression. Logan looked back at Roman. “Then… what’s wrong?”

Roman took a deep breath, steeling vimself. “I’m in love with you. Both of you.”

Dead silence. Roman wasn’t surprised. There wasn’t really a good way to react to that, after all.

“I’m sorry.” Roman said quietly, feeling ve had to fill the silence with something, anything. Ve needed to apologize, anyways. “I know you’re soulmates and I know you don’t- I know you just see me as a friend. And that’s- that’s fine, really, I love what we have, I just- I’m sorry.”

The silence once more stretched out as Roman finished, focusing vis attention on vis feet, trying to ignore the tears stinging at the corner of vis eyes in anticipation of all the words that were to come.

And then… laughter.

Hesitant at first, but louder soon enough, startling Roman into looking over and its source. Remy was leaning against the wall next to them, laughing, trying not to look at Roman as they did so. Ve looked over at Logan in confusion, not finding any answers in lan covering atla mouth with atla hand, hiding a smile or a frown Roman wasn’t sure. Ve supposed vis hopeless love could be seen as funny, or perhaps a joke, but… well… this wasn’t one of the outcomes ve had really expected.

“I’m- I’m so sorry, baby, this is a horrible reaction.” Remy said after a moment, once more looking at Roman and smiling for some reason or another. They looked happy, really happy, more happy than a bad joke about Roman’s love could possibly make them- right?

“And likely misleading.” Logan pointed out as well, though a sounded amused. Once more, Roman glanced between them, trying to figure out the joke ve wasn’t a part of.

“I know you guys probably think this is a joke, but I’m being serious.” Roman said, frustrated. Ve just wanted them to acknowledge what ve had said, acknowledge its ramifications, acknowledge what it meant for vim and for them all. “It’s not funny.”

Remy stifled their laughs at that, though they were still smiling, a sweet, fond thing that Roman wanted to see forever even if ve knew ve didn’t deserve it for a second. “We know, Ro. It’s just… bad timing, I think.”

Logan nodded, atla face set back into a neutral expression, save for the twitch up at the corner of atla lips and the soft look in atla eyes. “Roman, do you know why we were going to dinner tonight?”

“To celebrate your recent test score…?” Roman said, slowly, fairly certain that was the right answer but unsure why it mattered right now.

“I haven’t taken a test in at least two weeks, so no, not that.” Logan responded.

Roman frowned and looked towards Remy. “You said-”

“You kinda put me on the spot, hun.” Remy excused, chuckling a bit. “It was the first thing that came to mind as to why we’d all be going out to such a fancy place- I didn’t think you’d buy it, but I certainly wasn’t going to complain when you did.”

“Oh.” Roman said, accepting the answer before frowning harder, still confused. “But if that’s not why we were going out… what was the actual reason?”

“Good word choice there- Ro, we were going to ask if you wanted to be our partner.”

It was Roman’s turn to be silent, looking between vis two friends and squishes quicker than ve had been earlier, waiting for their expressions to break, for them to laugh, for them to mock vim for falling for it. But they didn’t, they remained looking the faintest bits amused but mostly fond, fond for vim, and Roman had the vague feeling ve was going to start crying soon.

“But… you’re soulmates.” Roman said, not wanting to crush vis hope but not wanting to only offer it false chances. “You’re not fated to be with anyone else.”

“Technically, no.” Logan agreed. “Which is why we didn’t want to tell you the true purpose of this evening. I confess, we were… worried. Roman, you’re attractive-”

“Very attractive, incredibly handsome.”

“-and talented-”

“So amazingly talented.”

“-and just generally, as they say, a ‘catch.’”

“A wonderful catch.”

Logan gently hit Remy’s arm, atla expression one meant to be of annoyance for being interrupted but coming off only as in love. Remy just smirked back, and Logan rolled atla eyes, and turned back to Roman and looked at vim the exact same way a had been looking at Remy, just minus the poor attempts at faux exasperation.

“And yet, you never seemed to show any interest in having a partner.” Logan continued, frowning just the tiniest bit. “We assumed you held to old traditions- the idea that you couldn’t be with those who were marked for soulmates, only others who weren’t.”

“Which is why we were going to go to such a nice restaurant.” Remy explained. “We figured, hey, if we ask and you say no and everything’s awkward, at least we’ll be awkward in style.”

“That was your idea alone, Remy.”

“We’re soulmates, love, everything I do is your problem as well.”

“Unfortunately.” Logan muttered, rolling atla eyes even as a smiled. Remy matched atla smile before leaning over to kiss atla cheek, smile growing when Logan’s cheeks dusted pink at the action. “You are being a distraction.”

“The best.” Remy responded cheerfully. They leaned back to their side of the bed, moving forward a bit so they could hold the side of Roman’s face, their smile having taken on a slightly dopey look. “We could go through all the exacts of falling for you and worrying about falling for you- and we will, later, if you want- but I think you have enough of the gist for now, darling.”

Roman met Remy’s eyes, slightly addicted to looking into them, the dark brown so often hidden ve wouldn’t want to look away even if they weren’t filled with a happy, bright sort of affection. “So… what now, then?”

Logan laughed, softly, the sound immediately drawing Roman’s attention to lan, watching with adoring fascination as a smiled gently at vim. A looked away for only a moment to take one of Roman’s hands in atla own, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it, making Roman blush.

“Now, assuming you are amicable to the idea, the three of us get together queerplatonically.” Logan explained, simply and sweetly.

“As partners.” Remy added, shifting their position on the bed so that they were closer to Roman and pressing a kiss to vis forehead as they did so. Roman blushed harder, a development Remy looked delighted by.

“You guys are acting like we already are partners.” Roman pointed out.

“Well, you have admitted that you hold queerplatonic feelings for us, and we’ve confessed to having the same for you.” Logan pointed out, now holding Roman’s hand between both of atlan. “Apologies if we are making inaccurate assumptions, but there appears to be no reason for us not to be partners already.”

“Lo, love, you’re sounding a little impatient there.” Remy said, teasingly, smiling at Logan from where they were reclining beside Roman’s head.

Logan just rolled atla eyes. “It has been twenty-two near-insufferable weeks of you complaining about how pretty your roommate is and twenty-one messy weeks of falling for vim too because you wouldn’t stop talking about vim. We have confirmation that ve returns our affections. I wish to now show these affections. Any delays in me doing so are only further annoyances.”

Remy laughed. “Well, you heard my starshine.” They said, grinning at Roman. “Have anything to say in your defense?”

Roman bit vis lip. “We’re not soulmates.”

“Logan’s parents were soulmates and they divorced two years after they had lan.” Remy said. “Meanwhile, of my five parents, only one set of them were soulmates, and all of them have been cheesy and in love as long as I can remember.”

“So while your fears in that particular regard were valid… using it as a defense is not.” Logan told vim, squeezing vis hand, reminding both that a was there and that a was tired of waiting. “Anything else?”

Roman didn’t respond at first, taking a moment to think, but ve wasn’t sure why ve bothered. It was a little laughable, how quickly vis fears over being in love with them fell apart once the soulmates thing was out of the equation. Ve knew they were polyam, as Remy had mentioned it multiple times over the past few weeks- something Roman was now realizing may have been on purpose- and if they liked vim back then there was no need to worry over unrequited love.

Really, there wasn’t even a reason to think. They loved vim, and they didn’t care that ve wasn’t their soulmate. What more could Roman want?

“I guess not.” Ve said, finally, offering the two of them a smile that ve knew came off as awkward but ve hoped also came off as sweet, or fond, or nice, or any one of the dozens of things they were. And from the way Remy smiled back, brighter and happier than Roman thought ve had ever seen them before, ve had the feeling vis smile was just fine.

“Finally.” Logan said in direct contrast, moving from sitting on the edge of the bed to being stretched out across it, pressed into Roman’s side in mere seconds. A peppered kisses across the entirety of the side of Roman’s face, ignoring vis once-more rapidly rising flush. As quickly as a had started, Logan settled, pressing atla face into the crook of Roman’s neck, muttering to atlantiself about what sounded like the annoyances of pining over stupid pretty people.

“Wh-what just happened?” Roman asked, looking over at Remy, wishing ve could pretend the stutter was from exhaustion and not how flustered ve currently was. Not that it seemed Remy would’ve bought the ‘exhaustion’ excuse anyways, chuckling at Roman as they glanced over at Logan fondly.

“Logan’s officially claimed you as a partner.” Remy explained, tone soft and loving. “A’ll never admit it out loud, but a’s very cuddly with the people a loves. A’s been ranting about how warm you look for weeks now.”

“Oh.” Roman said, equally soft, looking at Logan’s messy dark hair, covering any part of atla face that Roman might’ve been able to see past where it was pushed against vis neck. “Is a asleep?”

Roman was answered by a huff from Logan atlantiself, tightening atla hold on Roman and shifting atla head. Remy chuckled again, reaching over to run a hand through Logan’s hair, Logan humming contentedly in response.

“A will be soon enough.” Logan’s hums turned annoyed. “Oh, hush. You sleep worse than me and you know it.” A more questioning hum. “Roman’s also tired and has nowhere to be, ve will not mind if you fall asleep wrapped around vim.”

“But dinner-”

“Has been cancelled since we saw you having a panic attack.” Remy cut vim off smoothly, still playing with Logan’s hair as they kissed Roman’s forehead. “Your only evening plans are to lay here and let Logan cuddle you and probably take a nap while you’re at it.”

“I think I can get behind those plans.” Roman replied, loath to move or disrupt  Logan in any way. “And afterwards? When a wakes back up?”

Remy shrugged. “A’ll still want to hold you, so probably watch a movie. Or take turns talking about how much we love you. Or find all your scars- I know you have a lot, sweetheart, you were a trouble child- so me and Lo can map them out properly.”

“Map them out…?”

“I was thinking suns.” Remy answered, their hand moving from Logan’s head down atla arm, tracing over one of the constellation patterns there. “Bright and energetic and beautiful.”

Roman realized what Remy meant as ve looked at Logan’s soulmarks, and at the black sketch of saturn on the back of Remy’s hand from where Logan had accidentally trapped atla hand in a door. “That would be… nice.” Ve decided quietly, looking at the planets and stars and thinking suns would look nice amongst them. “Could you also…”

“I think you’ll wear the universe very well.” Remy said by way of response, their hand slipping all the way down Logan’s arm so that they could hold atlan. They moved back, pulling their joined hands over Roman’s chest, Remy using their free hand to rest their head on. “But for now, you should probably try to get some sleep, angel.”

Though ve wanted to argue, wanted to say ve wasn’t tired and would much rather talk to Remy about just how long the whole mutual-pining thing had been going on, vis earlier exhaustion from the panic attack was creeping back in, and with Logan pressed against vis side and Remy just as close resisting its call had become nigh impossible. So instead, Roman wrapped an arm around Logan, holding lan even closer. Ve curled up a bit, getting comfortable, before glancing back at Remy. They were still resting on their hand, eyes open but half-lidded, watching Roman and Logan with a tired smile.

“Don’t you need sleep too?” Roman asked as ve settled vis head over Logan’s, reveling in how close and warm and soft a was.

“I’ll go to bed soon enough, don’t worry.” Remy assured, softly kissing the top of Roman’s head. “Sleep well, love.”

And Roman did, feeling melty from the fondness in Remy’s voice, feeling warm from Logan against vim, and feeling only pure joy at the thought of being a part of Logan and Remy’s universe.

[mamthew]

A Final Fantasy Ranking

Over the course of the quarantine, and because I had such a good time with the Final Fantasy VII Remake, I've ended up blazing through a ton of Final Fantasy games. Since April, I've played IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XII, and XIII. 6, 7, 9, and 10 I'd beaten before. 4, 12, and 13 I'd played to some capacity before. 5 and 8 were completely new experiences. I had no interest in going further back than IV, since it was the first one to really put any effort into character work, and I didn't play either MMO because MMOs don't really appeal to me (I'm planning to try XIV whenever this new update drops that makes the story mode more accessible, but it keeps getting pushed back so oh well). I also didn't replay XV because I've played XV three times and watched other people play it in its entirety twice, so I have a much better handle on it than any other game in the series.

Anyway, I didn't really have any plans for what I'd do with this, besides get a better understanding of the series as a whole, but I was kinda inspired to do my own Final Fantasy ranking. I'll probably be a bit more detailed than I should be because I tend to overanalyze my media and end up having too much to say. I’m actually not placing VII Remake in this ranking half because I regard it as a spinoff and half because it’s not yet a complete story, even though Part 1 is unquestionably a complete game. If I were to put it somewhere, it would probably be close to the top, possibly even in second place. Also worth noting that this is gonna have SPOILERS for every game I discuss here. I really just wanna use this as a place to nail down some of my thoughts on these games, so they’re pretty stream of consciousness and I didn’t bother avoiding any details from the plots.

10: Final Fantasy VIII.

I don’t think there’s another game in the series with a more obvious corporate hand in it than VIII. It’s kinda the Fant4stic of FF games; there are the bones of a substantive game in there somewhere, but every aspect of the game is such a bald attempt at checking off a 1999 list of “things gamers want” that the whole affair feels hollow and sickening. A major trend I’ve noticed throughout this series is the extent to which FFVII’s success pushed the architects of almost every subsequent game to try to recapture whatever it was that worked about VII, and VIII got the worst of it. It’s got the sullen guy with a special sword. It’s got the sci-fi. It’s got the terrorists with hearts of gold fighting against an oppressive state. It’s got the train scenes. It’s got the case(s) of amnesia that hides the true premise of the story. It’s got the ability to give any character any loadout.

Besides that, they kinda crammed in just a bunch of stuff popular with kids at the time. Jurassic Park? It’s in there. Beauty and the Beast? Here’s the ballroom scene. Hunchback of Notre Dame? Here’s that carnival. Alien? Now you’re alone on a spaceship running away from a horror monster. Saving Private Ryan? The party shares brains with war veterans and dreams of their experiences at war I guess. Half of anime? It’s all about a high school for mercenaries and the party is trying to get back in time for the school festival.  Fandom culture? Zines are a collectible item, and each one you find adds an update to Selphie's Geocities page. It also has astronauts, and transformers, and a haunted castle, and a prison break, and Rome, and Alpine Wakanda, and war crimes, and lion cubs that have attained enlightenment, and there’s almost no connective tissue from one idea to the next.

Also the junction system is convoluted and terrible, using magic makes your stats worse, all enemies level up every time you do, and I couldn’t tell you which character excelled in what stats. The characters were all very flat, and the first time I felt like I was seeing the characters interact in ways that helped me to understand them was in the cutscene that plays during the end credits.

Also the female lead’s role in the story changes entirely with no warning every five hours or so. She’s a terrorist, oh no she’s aristocracy in the country she’s terroristing against, oh no she’s jealous of the others because they grew up together and she didn’t, oh no she’s Sandra Bullock in Gravity, oh no she’s the villain and it’s too dangerous to let her out, oh no it’s actually fine and they were bad for locking her up.

It’s an absolute disaster of a game. However, the music and background art is absolutely beautiful. Maybe they never gave me a good enough reason to be in an evil time traveling haunted castle, but damn is it a gorgeous rendering of an evil time traveling haunted castle.

9: Final Fantasy XII.

I’ve known for years that FFXII had issues in development. The writers came up with a story for it, and execs got scared because there were no young characters and they’d convinced themselves that young protagonists are what makes games sell. So two more characters - Vaan and Penelo - were added, one was framed as the protagonist of the story, and the entire story was rewritten so it could feasibly be from his perspective.

While the two characters they added are egregiously tangential to the plot, XII honestly has no protagonist. The writers originally wanted Basch to be the protagonist, but his entire arc is really just following Ashe around and being sad about his evil twin. Ashe is probably the most important to the story, but doesn’t have much presence for a good chunk of the story, and makes her most character-defining choice offscreen before having it stolen from her by a side character. Balthier has the largest presence in the story, and is most closely related to most of the events of the story, but has pretty much no role in the ending.

Honestly, if I were writing FFXII and told it needed a young protagonist, I would have aged up and expanded the role of Larsa, the brother of the main villain, who shows up as a temporary party member from time to time. The entire game is about family ties, and a journey spotlighting Larsa could have involved his learning about Ashe, Basch, Balthier and Fran’s family situations and using their experiences to grapple with his own. Damn, now I’m sitting here thinking about how good that could have been.

As it is, the game feels disjointed and aimless, and the ending is so bad it’s farcical. When I reached the ending, I watched Basch and Ashe forgive Basch’s evil twin for his villainy rampage, harking back to the moment earlier in the game when Ashe turned down the chance to gain powers that would have allowed her to avenge her country because she realized that those powers could also drive her to hurt innocents in the crossfire. In this moment, I realized how Vaan fit in as the protagonist of the game. “Oh, he’s going to realize that violence begets violence, and that he must break the cycle by forgiving Vayne for the death of his brother. He’s going to let go of that hatred he’s been trying to push onto someone for so long, and it’ll finally allow him to heal.” I realized that even though the road to this point was rocky, the writers had managed to craft a satisfying ending from the seemingly disparate pieces of this uneven plot.

And then Vaan picked up a sword and screamed AAAAAAAAAAA and charged Vayne down and stabbed him, and Vayne turned into a shrapnel robot dragon and exploded all the star wars ships and I threw my controller aside and laughed uncontrollably while my characters beat him up and completed the game on their own without any further input from me.

Oh yeah, the battle system is also incredibly boring. Instead of battling, the player writes up an AI script for each character, then lets them act based on those scripts. I would straight up put the controller down and watch youtube videos whenever a group of enemies showed up. I was pretty excited about the job system, but then there didn’t really feel like much of a difference between jobs, and my characters all behaved pretty much the same as each other.

The hands-off battle system, unfocused story, lethargic voice acting, and tuneless music all left me pretty uninvested in the whole affair. The art style and locations are beautiful, though, and it did make me want to eventually check out some of the Tactics games, which take place in the same universe but are supposed to have excellent stories and gameplay.

8: Final Fantasy XIII.

I’m not sure I’ve ever had two such opposing opinions of a game’s story vs. its gameplay. This game is the only one that plays with a bunch of story elements from FFIX, which did a lot to endear it to me. It’s sort of a game in which the protagonists are Kuja, the villain of IX. Like Kuja, they are created as tools by an uncaring god for the purpose of fighting against one world on behalf of another world, and are subsequently forced to grapple with the horrors of having an artificially shortened lifespan.

The story actually has a lot of Leftist themes, too. The gods of that universe spread ideology among the populace, and the people unquestioningly believe these false stories, as the gods have provided for them for as long as there has been written history. Much of the character arcs center on the characters being forcibly removed from their places within those ideological frameworks and having to unlearn what they’d always believed to be objectively true about the world.

So the story actually is pretty good, but it’s held back by some really clumsy storytelling; it constantly uses undefined jargon, has almost no side characters with which it might flesh out the world, actively fights against players trying to glean information from environmental details, and maintains (at least for me) a weird disconnect between the characters in the gameplay and the characters in the cutscenes. I think this partly stems from Square’s original failed plan for FFXIII to be the first game in a much larger series of games sharing themes and major story details. Despite these issues, however, the characters are all likeable and (mostly) believable, and their interactions are grounded in real emotional weight even while their universe feels intangible.

This all got dragged down by the gameplay, which is total dogshit. It’s got the worst battle system I think I’ve seen in an RPG. The game only stops being doggedly, unflinchingly linear about thirty hours in, the whole game took me about fifty hours, and I spent the last fifteen hours beating my head against each individual battle, waiting until the system hiccuped long enough to accidentally slide me a win. That meant I had about a five hour window of euphoric play, convinced that I actually loved this game, thrilled with every new experience it gave me, and excited to see what would happen next. I guess those five hours are what pushed this game over XII in my ranking.

7: Final Fantasy V.

Until FFXV, this game was the last of the “Warriors of Light” games, in which the game follows a party of four set characters for its entirety. To this day, it’s the last of the “Warriors of Light” games to let the player customize which character holds which roles through the job system.

FFV’s job system is the reason to play the game. Its story is mediocre, and its characters are all fairly flat, but there’s something viscerally satisfying about building party members up in jobs that might enhance the role they ultimately will fill. For my mage character, I maxed out Black Mage, Blue Mage, Mystic Knight, Summoner, and Geomancer. Then at the end, I switched her to a Freelancer with Black Magic and Summoning, and she kept all the passive skills for those jobs and also the highest stats across those jobs.

It was super fun and kind of a shift of focus for me, since I tend to place story above anything else in games. Despite the story not being special, though, the game’s writing is actually a ton of fun. It’s definitely got the most comic relief in the series, and I came away loving Gilgamesh as much as everyone else does.

And while it’s nothing special graphically, it does have some really cool enemy designs, and the final boss design is one of the most memorable ones they’ve ever done. Which is impressive because I keep having to look up Exdeath’s name because the character himself is super forgettable.

6: Final Fantasy IV.

This wasn’t the first game in the series to feature actual characters with names and depth, but I have no interest in playing FFII, so it might as well be. I actually played the DS Remake for this game, so it definitely had some quality of life improvements, like full 3d characters and maps, voice acting, an updated script, the ability to actually see the ATB gauge, and the ability to switch to other characters whose turns are ready without using a turn.

Apparently one thing the remake didn’t do was rebalance the difficulty for more modern sensibilities. Instead, this remake is...harder? It requires more grinding than the original? Why??

Either way, though, the story is actually solid! The game opens on its protagonist, Cecil, committing a war crime on the orders of his king, who raised him as a child. The first ten hours of so of the game follows Cecil as he tries to understand why he was ordered to kill so many innocents, turns his back on his country, and works to redeem himself.

This arc is reinforced by the game mechanics, too, which is super clever. His redemption is marked by a change in job from a Dark Knight to a Paladin, which also resets his level. For a time, his life is considerably harder because he’s finding his footing as a new person, which is marked by battles which had been easy becoming much harder for the player for a time.

This game places storytelling over gameplay more than I think any other game in the series. Each character is locked into a job, which I much prefer in my RPGs to games where characters function pretty much interchangeably. I dunno if it’s because I cut my RPG teeth on Tales, but it really bugs me when I can give Tifa the exact same loadout as Barret. I want the lives of the characters to bleed into their functions as gameplay devices.

However, the developers clearly had a ton of different jobs they wanted to add to their game, but hadn’t figured out how to allow for the player to switch in and out party members in standby. To fix this, they increased the in-battle party to five characters rather than or four (or the later constantly frustrating three), rotated the roster a ton, and had a ton of characters who straight up leave permanently. One character dies and never comes back. Two characters die and only are revived after it’s too late to rejoin the party. Four characters end up too injured to continue traveling.

This let the developers make a ton of jobs, but it doesn’t let the player exploit these jobs to their fullest. Characters’ stats reflect their role in the story, as well. One character is quickly aging out of adventuring, so his magic stats increase on levels, but his attack and defense stats actually decrease, signifying his failing body. Another character has already achieved some form of enlightenment, so he gains no stats when he levels up at all. The purpose of IV is the story, over any other aspect of the game, which makes it even more mindboggling that the remake would have increased the difficulty.

Besides that, the biggest issue I had with this game was the overbearing constant drama of it. While there were a few more lighthearted parts, they were mostly relegated to NPC dialogue and sidequests. The characters in this game don’t become friends so much as they become companions who bonded over shared tragedies, and this makes for quite a few scenes of every character separately wallowing in their own immeasurable sadness. I played FFV directly after this game and the light story and jokey dialogue was a much-needed palette cleanser.

5: Final Fantasy VI.

Before the unexpected success of FFVII irreparably changed the franchise, Square constantly mixed up the story formula for the series. IV, V and VI all handled their stories really differently from each other, and what I remember of III also felt fairly different from the games that came after.

Every game from VII on had a very clear protagonist (except XII, whose botched protagonist was still clearly marketed as the protagonist). The concept of the Dissidia crossover series is built on the idea that every FF has a protagonist at the center of its story. FFVI’s Dissidia character is Terra, but Terra is not the protagonist of FFVI.

Apparently while developing FFVI, the directors decided they didn’t want the game to have a clear protagonist, so they asked the staff to staff to submit concepts for characters, and they’d use as many as they could. This game has fourteen characters, each with their own fun gameplay gimmick in battles. Three of the characters are secret, and one can permanently die halfway through if the player takes the wrong actions. Of these fourteen characters, the main story heavily revolves around 3-6 of them, while five more have substantial character arcs.

There’s kind of a schism in the fandom over whether this game or VII is the best one in the series, and I can see why; this game is absolutely fascinating. No other game in the series has done what this game did, which means it’s one of the two FF games I really want to see remade after they complete this VII remake.

The first half is very linear. It breaks the beginning party into three pieces, then sends each character to a different continent, where they meet more characters and build their own parties before everyone reunites. Once the story has taken the player everywhere in the world, the apocalypse hits. The villain’s evil plan succeeds and tears the entire world apart.

The second half of the game picks up a year later with one character finally getting a raft and escaping the island on which she’s been marooned. In this half, the player navigates the world, which has all the same locations, but in completely different parts of the map. The driving factor for much of the second half is to learn from incidental dialogue where each party member has gone in this new world, to track them down, and to try to fix some of the bad that’s been done to the world before finally stopping the villain who destroyed it.

It’s unique and clever and occasionally legitimately tugs at the heartstrings some, which is impressive for a poorly translated SNES game. The final dungeon is a masterpiece all on its own. It requires the player to make three parties of up to four characters, then send them in and switch between them as new roads open. This way, the game manages to feel like an ensemble piece up to the very end.

4: Final Fantasy VII.

As I previously mentioned, there’s kind of a schism in the fandom over whether FFVI or FFVII is the best game in the series. Neither is the best game in the series. FFVII is better than FFVI. Oops.

When I was first drafting up this list, it was before I’d reached my replays of VI or VII, and I tentatively placed them next to each other, with the strong assumption that I’d end up placing VI a bit higher than VII, since it has so many strongly differentiated characters with solid story arcs, beautiful artwork, great music, etc. etc. Then I reached FFVII and not even four hours in, I realized it would have to be higher on my list than VI.

VI has a better battle system, its characters are much more differentiated by their gameplay, its character sprites have aged much better than VII’s character models, and it has four party members in battles instead of three. But I couldn’t overlook VII’s gorgeous artwork, sharp character work, and character-driven story. In the end, I had to give it the edge.

VII is a strange beast. It simultaneously really holds up and has aged horribly. The story is excellent and I love the characters, but the actual line-to-line writing is pretty bad, making the whole experience of the game a bit like swimming upstream; you’re getting somewhere good, but the age of the game is still pushing you back the best it can. Similarly, the background artwork is fantastic and gives the game locations a sense of place incomparable to anything that had come before it, but the character models are so low-poly that the two are constantly at odds with each other.

Still, the game is more a good game than it is an old one. I think it’s managed to duck the absurd level of hype around it by actually being very different from what the most popular images of it make it out to be, if that makes sense. The super futuristic techno-dystopia city only makes up a very small portion of the larger game, and most newcomers to the game won’t have seen Junon, or Corel, or Cosmo Canyon. Heck, I didn’t know Cait Sith or Red XIII were characters before I played the game for the first time. One of the many reasons I’m excited for the rest of this remake is to see newcomers to the story learning just how much variety there is to the world, events, and characters of this game.

FFVII also began (and pulled off really well) a number of storytelling trends that continued in subsequent games in the series. Obviously, almost every game since this one has a clear protagonist with a cool sword for cosplayers to recreate, and an androgynous villain whose story is closely linked to the protagonist (or one villain who is linked to the protagonist and a second one whose purpose is to look like Sephiroth), but it’s started broader, more quality shifts, too.

FFVII is the first game in the series to try to give all its characters arcs based on a similar theme, for example, a trend that has helped give it and future games a sense of thematic unity, especially in IX, X, and XV. Heck, that trend was why I almost came around on XII before they nuked it. It was also the first game in the series to have a real ending, rather than closing out with essentially a curtain call featuring all the party members, like they did in IV through VI (and I assume earlier).

Another common feature of FF games that it didn’t start with VII but certainly was canonized with it was the mid-game plot twist tying the protagonist to both the villain and the larger story. FFIV had this as well, of course, but I feel like the orphanage twist in VIII, the Zanarkand dream twist in X, and the time skip twist in XV were all meant to recall VII’s twist of Cloud’s…very complex existence (IX’s two worlds twist actually is a clear homage to IV, but it’d be hard to argue that Zidane’s connection to Kuja - and the character of Kuja generally - weren’t more influenced by VII).

2: Final Fantasy X and Final Fantasy XV.

Sorry, this one is a two-fer. I’m not gonna spend too much time on why I placed these two together in the #2 spot (I wrote a long thing on it here, if you’re interested). In summary, the games kinda mirror each other, in story and design. Each game can be seen in the negative space of what the other game leaves out, and at the end, the characters react to similar situations in completely opposite ways. For this reason, and that they’re of comparable quality, I think they’re best viewed as companion pieces.

FFX was the first mainline Final Fantasy game I ever completed, six years late. It was the first FF game with voice acting and many fully modeled locations. It also kinda marks the beginning of the series’ constant changes to the battle system.

That’s not to say the previous games’ battle systems didn’t also differ from each other, but they all had the same setup, with levels and an ATB gauge. This was the first game since III not to have any real-time element to its battle system, nor numbered levels gained through experience points. Since X, no two FF battle systems have been remotely comparable, which is cool and innovative and keeps things fresh, but also means I’ve been starved for just a regular ATB FF game for too long.

In many ways, FFX feels like a bridge between the PS1 games and the later games. It feels much more streamlined than VII, VIII, or IX, in terms of both storytelling and design. The game is very linear, pushing the player from one area to the next and not allowing much backtracking until the very end. It also loses the aging look of the PS1 games’ menus and UI, finally updating the classic font and the blue menus with white borders to fully modernized and sleek graphics.

However, movement still feels very similar to movement in VIII and IX, the music definitely evokes the PS1 games more than the later games, and most locations are portrayed with beautifully painted backgrounds, rather than modeled in (which I actually prefer, and I was glad to see that VII Remake has gone back to that in some places).

Voice acting in this game is phenomenal for 2001, and honestly on par with many contemporary games. I can’t think of a voice actor for the main cast who didn’t do a great job. Tidus’s narration, especially, is emotional and evocative in all the right ways. Grounding the plot in a very personal story about Tidus’s difficulty coming to terms with and proving himself to his abusive father keeps the story relatable and real.

Something interesting about my experience with X is that because it was my first Final Fantasy game, I thought for a very long time that the series was about organized religion, and the ways it is used to justify evil acts. This might be the only game of the ones I’ve played that is about organized religion, or even prominently features a religious doctrine, which really sets it apart from the rest of the series.

The game’s thematic unity is on point, even if there is a scene where they state the central themes a bit too plainly. Every character, and even the entire universe of the story, is held back by the past, and every subplot and the main plot revolves around finding ways to move forward and leave the past behind.

I love FFXV. It feels like a return to form after XII and XIII. It’s also probably the furthest any game in the series has strayed from the original formula. Battles are entirely real-time, and the game is a straightforward action game. There is very little time spent with menus, and even the leveling system has been stripped down to a few skill trees. It’s immediately obvious that the game was originally created to be a spinoff, not a main title.

FFXV is also probably too much a product of the current era of microtransactions and payment plans. The full story is spread out across *deep breath* a feature film, an anime series, an anime OVA, a standalone demo, two console games, four DLC story chapters, a multiplayer side game, a VR fishing game, four phone games (though really three phone games because A New Empire straight up isn't in that universe and also is terrible), an expansion including several entirely new dungeons, and finally a novel set to release sometime this year. That’s a whole lot of story. I’ve not played the phone games or the VR fishing game, or read the novel yet, but I’ve experienced all the rest.

But I also played FFXV when it first released, before any patches, before I knew there was a film, just the game all on its own. So you can believe me when I say that without any supplementary material, the game is still great.

It goes back to the FFI, II, III, V “Warriors of Light” system, where the party has four characters who do not change at all throughout the game. While this bugged me at first, I soon came to appreciate having a story where almost all character interactions involved these four characters. It meant I came to understand them well enough to feel like they were my friends, too. Most characterization in this game is understated, presented through small shared moments, dialogue, and body language as they travel the world together. Much like X, the overarching story might be expansive and far-reaching, but the real show is in the personal journeys the friends have.

Much of the first half of the game is spent exploring an open world, driving along the road and getting out of the car for pit stops or to explore the forests nearby. This is one of the very few games where I don’t mind just exploring an area without the promise of an upgrade or a new scene, just to see what’s around the corner, or to hear whatever banter the characters might engage in next.

The entire world of this game is gorgeous, and the orchestrated music is some of the best they’ve ever done. The main plot is beautiful, too. It’s bittersweet and emotional, with a charismatic villain and a twist that blew me away the first time I reached it.

The supplementary material is also mostly really quality. I’d recommend the Royal Edition over the original edition for sure, and to watch Kingsglaive as well. The anime series is quick and fairly fun, and Comrades expands on the universe in some great ways, but neither has as much bearing on the overall plot as the DLC chapters and Kingsglaive. I’m so in love with the DLC chapters, actually, that two years ago I wrote a piece just on how much Episode Ignis affected me (here if you care).

This is definitely getting long, so I guess I’ll move on after saying I’m upset that they patched Chapter 13 to make it easier, and I’m angry at everyone who complained that Chapter 13 was too hard. It was a brilliant piece of storytelling through game mechanics, and it’s mostly been stripped of all that, now.

1: Final Fantasy IX.

It’s IX. It was always IX. I actually did come into this with an open mind, wondering if one of the new games I’d experience (IV, V, VIII, XII, XIII) might end up hitting me harder than Final Fantasy IX, but as I replayed my favorite game in the series I quickly realized that wouldn’t be happening.

There are only a handful of games that make me cry. IX is one of two without voice acting. There are several songs from IX that make me tear up just when I hear them.

The story of the black mages gaining sentience, learning that they can die, and trying to force themselves back into being puppets just to lose that knowledge really moves me. The same goes for the story of Dagger no longer recognizing her mother, setting out to find a place to belong, learning that her birth family is long dead, then watching her mother return to her old self a moment before losing her forever. And Zidane’s story, where he has nowhere to call home, finally discovers the circumstances of his birth, and realizes that had he stayed in his birthplace, he would have become a much worse person than he ultimately did.

More than any other, though, Vivi’s story will always stick with me. He was found as a soulless husk by Quan, a creature with the intention of fattening him up and eating him, but each of them awoke something in the other, and Quan ended up raising Vivi as his grandson. When Quan passed, a rudderless Vivi went to the city to find a new home, and eventually learned he was created as a weapon. Other weapons had also gained sentience, but none had the worldliness that Vivi had gained from his loving relationship with Quan. When Vivi discovers that most weapons like him die after only a few months, he grapples with the possibility that he may die at any time, and eventually decides that he can only take control of what life he has by living each moment to the fullest. He ends up becoming an example for the other weapons to follow.

FFIX is a game about belonging: both yearning to have somewhere to belong and learning that the place where you think you belong is actually toxic and harmful to you. Even the menu theme is a tune called “A Place to Call Home.”

IX ran counter to the trends of the series in a number of ways. It was a return to high fantasy after the more sci-fi VII and VIII, and was also much more lighthearted than those games, while still being heartfelt and occasionally bittersweet. Gameplay-wise, it locked each of its characters into a single job, gave them designs based on their jobs, brought back four-character parties, and introduced a skill system in which characters learn skills from equipment. It also had a much softer, less realistic art style, and mostly avoided the attempts to recapture VII that have plagued most other subsequent titles (besides Kuja’s design, I guess).

The story is also structured so well. It regularly shifts perspective for the first thirty hours, allowing the player to spend ample time with each of the party members, and shaking up character combinations for fun new interactions. It introduced a system similar to the skits from Tales games, showing the player often humorous vignettes of what’s happening to other characters at the time. Once the characters have all come together in one party, the game has earned the sense that all of them (except for the criminally underexplored Amarant) have become a family.

The supporting cast are a blast as well. Zidane’s thief troupe (who double as a theater troupe) are likeable and fun. Kuja’s villain arc allows him to be sympathetic without losing his edge. The black mages are tragic without being overdone.

The development team for this game put so much more work into this game than they had to. The background artwork was all made in such high-definition resolutions that the act of downscaling them to fit in the game removed details. Uematsu traveled to Europe to make sure he’d get the feel of the soundtrack right, and has said it’s his favorite score he’s ever done. Sakaguchi, the creator of Final Fantasy, says IX is his favorite game in the series.

FFIX is one of the two games I would like them to remake after they finish the VII Remake, but I’m terrified they’ll mess it up in some way. Honestly, the game’s only flaws (which I do desperately want them to fix) are a lack of voice acting, the underdeveloped party member Amarant (and to a lesser extent Freya), the dissonance of Beatrix never getting punished in any way for her hand in a genocide, and the fact that very few of the sidequests are story-related because so many of the smaller story details that would normally be relegated to sidequests are covered in the main plot.

Despite the danger, though, I think revisiting IX is absolutely essential moving forward. It represents so much of what made older games like IV and VI great, and its story is much more grounded in real emotion than many current Square stories tend to be. Remaking VII will be good for getting VII out of Square’s system. Remaking IX would be good for putting IX back into Square’s system.

Here’s a IX song as a reward for getting this far. I’m gonna go listen to it and tear up again.

[sirloozelite]

So... do you have any mortal enemies?

Oh... hey anon... that’s an interesting question if there ever was one. Still, I’m not gonna leave you empty handed. So, may I present:

SirLoozElite’s List of Mortal Enemies (some serious, some not... I’ll let you decide which is which)

- Anakin Skywalker

- Everyone who ever bullied me at school

- Every family member that likes to remind me that I was an “unwanted mistake”

- Richard Hammond from Top Gear

- My old secondary school

- My boss at work

- Insomnia

- @rangerslayer-97 (in regards to the Kaesoka ship)

- Archive Of Our Own writers who don’t use the ‘Major Character Death’ warning and then kill off a character (side note... I’m guilty of this out of pure spite)

- The Tenth Doctor

- People who eat Brussel Sprouts

- Wilhelmina of the Netherlands in Civilization VI

- Fanfic writers that kill off one of my two favorite characters of all time

- The Governments of most of the countries on the planet

- @rangerslayer-97 again when she decides to stab me in the back on Civ 6 and try to kill me (good thing we have a permanent alliance to stop that happening)

- The internet when it doesn’t let me and @rangerslayer-97 play Civ 6 together.

- Anyone who stands in my way of World Domination

- People who think the Master Chief is better than the Arbiter

- Dave Filoni

- People who pretend I don’t exist

- Referencing during essays at university

- My own mind

- The Tomb Raider 2 level “Opera House”

- The Tomb Raider 3 level “Luds Gate”

- The Tomb Raider 4 level “Citadel”

- Humanity

- People who bash Rebels because it’s not the Clone Wars

- XCOM 2 when it’s being mean to me

- Depression

- People who get Garrus killed in Mass Effect 2′s suicide mission

- People who get Jacob killed in Mass Effect 2′s suicide mission

- People who choose the Quarians over the Geth in Mass Effect 3

- People who bash Mass Effect Andromeda without even giving the game a chance

- Alcohol

- Marge Simpson

- and the worse mortal enemy of them all... myself!

So yeah... there are probably more mortal enemies that I have.... but here is a taste for you. Hope that answers the question for you anon. (and remember, not all of them are serious)

If anyone else had a question they’d like to ask, no matter how bizarre they are, feel free to ask. I don’t mind. XD

[ssaalexblake]

star wars spoilers

ros spoilers

move onnnn

like actual proper major spoilers and i’m making this intro long in case mobile decides to hate read mores today

... 

...

Anyway like, i am a Shallow sw viewer who isn’t actually likely to kick up a fuss abt what i didn’t like in any serious way even tho i got issues, But i wanna say what i really liked b/c?? there were moments in that movie with themes i Loved and i don’t wanna be negative nancy for this franchise because i am actually incapable of taking it seriously tbh no matter how wtf or wild it is and i just Gotta;

First of all. The entire franchise was worth Rey it for calling Leia Master. 

like, they added her in best as they could, which wasn’t fabulous but i can’t really say how they’d work their way around that tbh so i’m not gonna rag on abt the Leia plot But god they proper confirmed she was a Legit Jedi thank u V much.

Chewie!!! Got!!! his!!! medal!!!

they put porgs in the movie, it was my only request and i recieved. i am content. 

also the effects on old palps were Incredible and Creepy and!!! props to the vis effects teams

also s/o to the choreographer who planned out rey’s fighting style to look like gymnastic tumbles but with a murderous glow stick. love it.

idk what extended sw canon now says about force powers being able to heal But the old eu book shatterpoint is one of my faves and i loved the inclusion that Rey can just like. Heal. 

also lol i heard daisy ridley on the radio this morning and she was supposed to be requesting songs to air but didn’t know the names of them and i have Never related to anybody more than i did in that moment. 

look ok, that rey and kylie could literally fight each other when not in the same room was Really Cool ok

tho i would have Paid to have seen the pov of an outsider while they had lightsaber battles from miles away tbh b/c that would have been Wild

i had one Horrified moment where i thought the ‘rise of skywalker’ thing was a Pun about kylie dragging his ass up from that hole and u have No Idea how thankful i was @ the Rise sequence

also i, a massive mace windu fan, was Ecstatic his voice was present in the proceedings

which were A) tacky and B) Abdolutely my favourite thing ever. 

it’s a space opera ok i am allowed to Want to be here for the tacky heartwarming shit

‘is that the navy??!?!?!?!?@ ‘ no sir... it’s.. .People’ was one of the funniest yet heartwarming sequences in anything ever ngl

HORSE WARTHOGS

inexplicable lin manuel miranda cameo

rey’s temper explained due to the fact that she is related to... Vilanelle

and look ok, i Always hated the idea of Rey being related to the skywalkers and Any crap meta that she had to be family for it to Count properly. It was an insult to found family, any form of adoption etc etc and i am.. Actually very mollified by this familial turn of events lol. It has a certain symmetry. and sw is literally built on the idea that history repeats but... different. 

i was’t against rey being related to anybody, i just didn’t want her to be a skywalker because like... she was gonna Be a skywalker b/c legacy isn’t about blood, and uh... least i was right. i am naturally happy abt this. 

also when i watched tlj the first time i was CONVINCED at the end of the movie she’d raise luke’s x wing from the depths as yoda did for luke in esb, and was Super off put that i was wrong. I was not wrong just... my timing was off. luke rose the x wing for her. ur yoda now luke. deal with it. 

the other ex storm troopers who laid down their weapons!!! all of them!!! fin is not alone, they only have power by making you think you are alone!!! 

i Really loved that thematic thread btw

also richard e grant’s performance was actually kind of chilling

but i am glad that i can still happily say that every character in sw Is a total unmitigated idiot. All of them. Stupid. Idiot rights. Yes, this is a plus point. 

i also liked that it’s Kind of obvious hamill and ford picked up slack for what Would have been carrie’s scenes??? Like, it’s horrible she’s not there but they obviously care to do that in her stead. it’s sad but makes you smile. 

as much as i’m not a kyle fan and never will be, and as much as i am not a fan of the ship, i can’t say there there weren’t decent thematic threads around the rey and kylie plot. Her symbolically killing kylie in a fit of rage, actively actually rising to his bait, realising as luke did in the roj climax that she had let the dark side get the better of her But having the power to take that Back and heal him and Stop even after she’d done something. It’s like the originals but not. And so, kylo is dead and Solo walks again. Was this plot My thing? No. But i appreciate the symbolism of him being stabbed through the stomach like he did to Han, and i appreciate the contrast of her actions after doing that versus His after he did it. What a difference. 

i said this wasn���t a complaint post but u wanna know the worst part abt the movie??? how cheap the sith dagger looked. surely u can do better than that???

anyway, 3po’s red eyed when he translated the sith was hilarious tbh. 

also hilarious: sw’s response to hiring Another brown haired white lady was to Only show her eyes in a way that was Incredibly conspicuous and was therefore unintentionally hilarious. 

Finn is Explicitly force sensitive now and it’s over for y’all 

wedge!!!

like... the sith amphitheater???  with the ghosties of all sith past (i think??? my interpretation anyway) was Genuinely creepy??? 

this is a Bit of a side note, but Luke was Perfectly in tune with tlj luke??? Because tlj luke changed tune before the end of That movie when he gucci booted his astral ass to distract kylie, him Saying his fear was wrong was merely verbal confirmation of what was portrayed in tlj. really. That’s not them backing away from tlj, it’s afffirming it. 

i really loved that hux just got That death. I liked  that while he Was used for ridiculous comic relief, the narrative did not forget he was just straight up evil. 

L A N D O

that i all. that’s the point. just lando.

sheev palpatine’s late entry for Shittiest parent/paternal figure in the sw universe Was at the eleventh hour but by god did he give it his all to win the competition. 

things only relevant to cm fans: they killed kate callahan’s husband!!! :((((

critics are slamming them for like, hardly killing anybody but I for one am happy they didn’t go grimdark and just went. Fuck it, we’re gonna keep being bullheadedly optimistic and most everybody lives, deal with it.

s/o to that gay moment that lasted like 2 solid seconds but i’d have preferred it if she’d been like, making out w/ chewie tbh.

that hug!! the trio hug!! my ot3!!! that i am even more convinced would Properly work as an ot3, too btw. Poe spent the whole movie jealous finn is into Rey, while confused abt it b/c He’s also kinda into Rey in that han/leia Tension kinda way, but Finn is also into Poe but not in the Puppy way he is with Rey, in the ‘i am so in love w/ you i don’t realise it but i trust you with the world’ kinda thing and Rey also has the Tension thing w/ Poe and would do anything for Finn but she’s like... Busy. B/c like, unfortunate family reunions and the awkwardness of being a millennial Actually offered a decent job that your morals do not allow you to take and the crisis that leaves u with. 

anyway what i’m saying is the ot3 is Sailing in my head. look how it ended!!! Sailing. 

however, i would like it known that the lady at the end Should have heard the word skywalker and Run for the hills. missed a chance. 

But also Rey Did find that family of hers Maz told her she’d get ahead of her!!! i hate how many ppl say that was dropped or forgotten. like wtf??? what are finn and poe and chewie and bb8 and 3po and all the army of droids that love her and all the resistance that does too??? Luke and Leia??? y’all obsessed with blood when it comes to sw. She’s got her family. 

now i Could make a complaints post but i just... I’ll leave that to everybody else and their mothers for now bc they’d be better at it anyway. I liked This stuff. Except for that point about the dagger. that sucked. 

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (117/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

Previous chapters conveniently available here.

[13 March, 233 Before Age.   Hexill VI.]

The Hexillians had turned down multiple invitations to join the Federation.    Lying just beyond the Federation border, their solar system was a valued trading partner.    There was a strong pro-Federation movement in the planet's political arena, but it was hamstrung by conflicting opinions over the details.    Even the most isolationist voices in the Hexillian government could not deny that their world was growing closer and closer to the Federation each day, and had prospered for it.  

But the fact remained that Hexill VI was not a Federation member, and so when the Saiyan invader appeared on their world, and began to attack it, they had no mutual defense pact to invoke, nor any reason to expect aid.   Instead, they relied upon their own military, and while much of their arsenal had been acquired from the Federation, they were unprepared for the power that the Saiyan possessed.  

"Know that you serve an abomination!" she would say whenever she would attack one of their cities.  "Know that Trismegistus is the true answer, the reagent that will change the universe!   Rejoice, for I bring you a gift!    He has sent his prophet into your wilderness, that you may turn away from the abomination, and be cleansed!"

Then the Hexillians would launch a counterattack, and she would always withdraw.    The civilian leaders took this as a hopeful sign.   If they could just corner the Saiyan "prophet", then they could surely defeat her.   Those who opposed Federation membership used this talking point to argue that they didn't need an alliance for protection.    Those who supported Federation membership claimed that victory would be much swifter with a starfleet backing them up.   In either case, they painted a very rosy picture for their constituents.    Lives had been lost and infrastructure had been destroyed, but the invasion would be repelled, and soon they could rebuild.   That was what the politicians said.

The military leaders had a less optimistic appraisal.    They believed the Saiyan woman was merely playing for time, and that she had the power to overwhelm their defenses if she chose to do so.    Their weapons were supposed to be strong enough to repel a typical Saiyan intruder, but there was nothing normal about her.   Sensor data indicated that she was much faster than she seemed to be letting on.    Her battlefield sermons bore little resemblance to the usual low-brow banter used by most Saiyan pirates.   And her burgundy costume   made it difficult to tell that she was a Saiyan at all.   If the woman had a tail, it was hidden beneath the chlamys gown handing from her shoulders.    Her black hair was dyed with streaks of crimson, and bound with an elaborate series of red bands.  

"The fated day approaches!" she cried as she attacked a hydroponics complex less than a hundred miles from a defense base.    "Your bellies will go empty, that you might fill your spirits with the truth!"

Much of the complex was staffed by robotic workers, but the Hexillian technicians who maintained them were forced to flee.    Most Saiyans were content to fire blasts of  ki energy at their targets, but this one was different.   She would light fires wherever she could, then destroy various installations that tied in with whatever "topic" she happened to be raving about.    In this case, she burned the crops, blasted large food processing units to pieces, and then targeted the Hexillian workers who had remained behind to see that the others evacuated safely.  

"Ah, so you volunteer for the culling!" she said as she plucked a Hexillian shift manager from the ground.   "Your blood will write the history of the future!"

"Lemme go!" the man pleaded.   "I gotta family!"   Specifically, he had a wife and two sons, with an egg that was due to hatch any day now.   He didn't honestly expect the Saiyan to care, but as he struggled in her grip, he didn't know what else to say, and in his panic, his loved ones were the first thing to come to mind.

"Excellent!" she replied.   "Blood is always more valuable when taken from one who would be mourned!"   With that, she flew to a spot on the facility that she had cleared of wreckage, and dumped him into a small group of other captives.    Surrounding them was a circular pattern drawn in the ground, adorned with mystic inscriptions she had learned from worlds no Hexillian had ever known.

"The thrice-blessed is merciful," the Saiyan  announced as she drew a short spear from behind her back.   "The price of his transformative power is great, but he will ask only a small toll from your world.   Know that your lives will be taken so that your people will be permitted to witness his glorious triumph!"

In her hand, the weapon extended, growing into a long lance which she then leveled at her captives like a rifle.  The blade at the tip began to glow with a blue light, her eyes closed, and she spoke in tongues as she hovered over them, preparing to slaughter them all.  

"Nice boots."

The prophetess had sensed a powerful ki nearby, but in the moment between sensing the power and opening her eyes to search for it, the source of the ki had already closed the distance between them.  

"Who dares--?" she asked, but then she saw the interloper's black shirt and yellow pants, and she recognized her immediately.   "Ah, the abomination herself.    My master said you would come, though he did not expect you quite so early.    I should have known that you would defy his holy timetable."  

"Not big on the color," Luffa said.    "Lot of people think red's a good look for Saiyans, since we get bloodied up so much, but they never think about how it'll look when it dries.    Besides, there's other colors of blood out there.   Green, purple.   You name it."

The prophet pointed her spear at Luffa, who was floating directly above the captive Hexillians.    "You speak in riddles, heretic!" she said.   "Be warned that your idle chatter will avail you nothing here, for I have seen the truth, and the truth has enslaved me completely."

"What riddles?" Luffa said.    "I said I like your boots.    Not sure I could wear that style, though.   I'm not big on heels myself.   They make me look taller, but I feel kind of awkward when I wear them.    But on other people, I think they look pretty cool.    You look like you could stab someone with one of those.     Are they comfortable?   They don't look it, but you seem pretty used to wearing them."  

"We are both heralds, you and I," the prophet said.    "You, the abomination Luffa, and I, his humble servant, the prophetess Aonorry.    Fate has ordained this meeting, to mark the advent of his temple upon this world--!"

"I'm not wild about the cut," Luffa said as she stared at Aonorry's legs and rubbed her chin.    "Thigh-highs?   I guess the material is flexible enough, but I'm more into below-the-knee.    Just my preference though.   Oh, wait, I just noticed they match your gloves.   Okay, well that adds up then.   Now I'm trying to picture shorter boots with shorter gloves."

"Enough!" Aonorry screamed.    "This is my moment!   The culmination of my sacred training, of my life!    I will not stand at the gates of death and be mocked in this way!"    

Suddenly a blast of energy fired from the point of the lance, bathing Luffa in its destructive radiance.   Below, the Hexillians cried out in horror at the apparent destruction of their rescuer.    When the light faded from Aonorry's attack, there was no trace of Luffa.

"I'll not be fooled by your trickery!" Aonorry said.   She quickly spun around, scanning the immediate area with all of her senses to locate her enemy.     "I lack the power to defeat you so easily.   But you betray yourself by hiding from me.   If your power were true, you would have nothing to fear from me, and no cause to... run?"

It was the sound that gave it away.    Aonorry could sense flashes of ki all around her, but none of them lasted long enough for her to get a fix on Luffa's location.   Then she realized that she was hearing buzzes in the air, the sound of her enemy zipping past her so quickly that her eyes couldn't follow the movements.    Aonorry had expected power, for this was the core feature of Luffa's reputation.    What she hadn't anticipated was the depth of skill that Luffa now displayed.    Her ki control was so great that she was using it for only brief instants, flinging herself back and forth at amazing speeds, just to keep Aonorry off-balance.

And then, just when she realized that this was meant to throw her off-balance, she felt Luffa's fingers wrapping around her ankle, and in the next moment she found herself slamming into the ground.    In spite of the pain, in spite of the blood Aonorry felt tricking from her nose and mouth, she tried to get up and recover.   Before she could even roll over, she felt a tremendous weight pressing against her back.    Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Luffa standing over her, using one foot to pin Aonorry to the ground.  At some point, Luffa had transformed into her Super Saiyan form.   Aonorry couldn't see it, pinned to the ground face-down as she was, but she could certainly feel the increased power.

"On second thought," Luffa said, "your boots kind of suck.   If they were black, or knee length, or if they came in flats, any one of those, then yeah, I could overlook the other two, but no.     Three strikes."

As she spoke, Luffa raised Aonorry's lance in her hand, and began to twirl it around like a baton.   "You came here alone, as far as I can tell," she said.   The intel I received shows you're the only Saiyan involved in every battle, and I can't sense any others coming out of hiding to save you.    But you must have picked this planet because you know I'd have to show up and deal with you personally.  The Federation starfleet can't come out this far unless the Hexillian government asks, but I can come and go as I please.   So you knew I'd be coming alone, and you knew you couldn't stop me by yourself.    So this is a trap, and you're just the bait, right?"

She applied more pressure to Aonorry's back, and Aonorry's shriek surprised even herself.      She hadn't expected anything quite like this.   It was supposed to be majestic.    The abomination was supposed to recoil in terror as Aonorry revealed the true nature of her lord.   Instead, she lay face down a puddle of dirt mixed with her own blood.    

"Or is it a diversion?" Luffa asked.    "You lured me all the way out here to keep me away from something else?     Normally, I'd read your mind to find out for myself, but I know you Jindan-users have psychic booby traps inside your heads."

She pointed the tip of Aonorry's weapon at the base of Aonorry's skull.   "You sure got quiet all of a sudden," Luffa said.    "You said you were a prophet, right?    Had plenty to say a minute ago.   Well, go on and preach. I'm listening."

"He... he's not coming," Aonorry said.   "He said he would save me if I faced you alone.    But you've already beaten me, and he... he isn't here."

"Who?" Luffa asked.  

"T-Trismegistus," Aonorry said, choking back tears.    "He anointed me as one of the Orichalcum Order.   He told me that I would overcome any adversity and prepare this planet for his arrival.     But you're killing me and he isn't here!"  

"Well, I haven't actually started killing you yet," Luffa said.  "Let's give him a few more minutes.   Maybe he overslept."

"He... he used me," Aonorry gasped.   "I did everything he said, and now he's abandoned me to die here!    After all those things he said to me in his bedroom.   Was that all it was to him?"

"Men, right?" Luffa asked, thought not as mockingly as before.    "I guess this guy isn't as 'thrice-blessed' as you thought, huh?"

"That bastard," Aonorry shouted.    "I literally worshiped him, cut off my own tail for him, and he won't even lift a finger for me!    How could I have been so stupid?"

"Hey, it's not too late to turn things around," Luffa said.   "Tell me what you know, and I'll see to it that he'll regret the day he ever met you."

Aonorry hesitated at this offer.    "What will become of me?" she asked.   "You won't simply let me go."

"Hell no," Luffa said.   "You killed a lot of people here, and you'll have to answer for that.    Legally, I'm not even supposed to be here, so helping you escape would just make a bad situation worse.   But, if you help us put these Jindan clowns out of business... well, maybe we can work something out."  

She pressed the tip of the spear against Aonorry's neck, but gently enough that it didn't break the skin.  "Or you can die here and now," Luffa added.   "Your call, but for what it's worth, I know what it's like to be betrayed.   If I were you, I'd want to do anything I could to make the bastard pay."

Aonorry balled her fists and pounded them into the dirt.    "You... you actually care, don't you?" she said.   "You came here to save these people.   He told me you were the devil, evil incarnate... and here you are, actually sympathizing with me."

"I get that a lot," Luffa said.   "People tell me I'm not so scary once they get to know me.   Like it's so hard to give a crap."  

"All right, then.   I'll tell you all that I know.    Just  give me your word that you'll destroy hi--... Destroy h--... hhurk!"

Luffa was about to ask her what was wrong, when suddenly Aonorry vomited blood onto the ground.   She began to convulse wildly, and Luffa stepped away from her.  

Aonorry rose to a kneeling position, then grabbed at her throat, as if trying to strangle herself.    Her eyes, once proud and righteous, now looked to Luffa with a silent plea for help.   The blood--or whatever it actually was--continued to stream from her mouth.  

Unsure how to deal with Aonorry, Luffa aimed her hand in the opposite direction and fired a ki blast, which cleared a path through the flames that surrounded them.     "All of you!" she called to the Hexillians.   "Get out of here now!   Your soldiers are heading this way.   Find them and get them to take you as far away as you can.   Go!"

Though confused, they did as she said, leaving Luffa alone to witness whatever was happening to Aonorry.    By now, Luffa was convinced that the red fluid flowing from the other Saiyan's mouth wasn't mere blood.   The sheer volume of it defied Saiyan anatomy.   Within minutes, the former "prophetess" was kneeling in a shallow pool nearly ten feet in diameter.    Luffa's first instinct was to kill her now and put an end to this, but she doubted that killing Aonorry would actually solve anything.   Still, with no other obvious course of action, she pointed her finger at Aonorry's head, and charged her ki just in case.    

Then the ground began to shake, and Luffa knew that the problem was bigger than Aonorry.   The "blood"-soaked soil began to expand and grow all around Aonorry, and Luffa could sense a presence within it.     In seconds, a large hill had formed before Luffa's eyes.   Soon after that, it grew into a mesa, and then it began to reshape itself, like wet clay being sculpted by giant, invisible hands.     At last, the two-hundred-foot-tall formation stood revealed as a humanoid figure.    Gleaming purple eyes opened on its head, and it stared down at Luffa as it continued to refine its shape.    Gradually, the face of the creature sharpened and resolved, until at last she could see the features of someone she recognized.    

"Rehval..." Luffa muttered.  

"Welcome, Luffa," said the rock-creature who wore Rehval's likeness.    "I understand you've been looking for me.     Was there something you wanted to say?"

*******

"Vengeance Cannon," Luffa replied, and she fired a thin beam of red light through the forehead of the creature.  

However, the Rehval-thing suffered no ill effects from this, aside from the four-inch-wide hole she had bored through it.  

"As passionate as ever, I see.    You truly are a magnificent woman.   It's a shame we couldn't come to terms--"

Luffa fired a much wider blast of energy, this time blasting the rock-creatures entire head and neck into pebbles.   It stumbled forward, and just as she flew to avoid it, the creature managed to stop itself from falling over.    Instead, it stepped back, straightened its posture, then slowly regrew its head.    

"I trust that you're beginning to understand why I arranged to speak to you this way,"  he said after his mouth had been restored.   "I would have preferred a face-to-face meeting, but you're much too volatile, and I'm too important to jeopardize my safety that way."

"You're late, aren't you?" Luffa scoffed.   "Your lapdog Aonorry had given up on you.   She was all set to betray you to me, and then suddenly you showed yourself.    It's enough to make a girl think you were afraid."

"Don't flatter yourself, Luffa," Rehval said.   "The fact is that I was counting on young Aonorry to have a crisis of faith.    As part of my flock, she devoted herself to me completely, allowing me to learn her every strength and weakness.   Hers was a brittle sort of belief.   I knew that if I disappointed her, even slightly, that she would turn against me in anger.  So I had her drink a potion that would use her disillusionment as a catalyst.   Once activated, she would infuse it into the soil, and bring about the form you see before you."

He reached for his shoulder, and gently picked up the prone form of Aonorry, who had been laying motionless upon him.  

"So that's it," Luffa said.    "You've decided that being a self-righteous king wasn't good enough, so now you've become some sort of sorcerer with his own cult.     Trismegistus, that's what they all call you now."  

"The thrice-blessed one," he explained.   "It was the title of a great alchemist from many thousands of years ago.    So great, in fact, that he was eventually defied by his people.   I chose to usurp his title, since I consider myself to be just as blessed as he was.    First: King of the Saiyans.   Second: Master of the Jindan Cult.  Third: Savior of the Galaxy."

"Now it all makes sense," Luffa said.   "You went into hiding after our last encounter, then you packed up your kingdom and left before I could find you.    You knew you'd lose support among your idiot subjects, so you whipped up this scam of yours and promised to make Saiyans stronger in exchange for their loyalty.    I had heard 'Trismegistus' sent his cult to invade 'Rehval's' kingdom, but I guess that was all just a ruse to cover your tracks."

"You don't sound very impressed with that," Rehval said.  

Luffa turned her head and spat on the ground.   "You really do have no pride at all do you?   A true Saiyan wouldn't resort to potions and magic to make themselves stronger!    It wasn't enough for you to pollute your own body with that sort of filth.   Now you've tricked others into making the same mistake!"  

"Tricked them?" Rehval asked with a laugh.   "They all came to me.    Many of them despised my rule, but they sought me out anyway, all because they craved greater power. "   He held up Aonorry in his palm.    "This one, for example.    She was like you, once.   She hated the monarchy that my grandfather started.   She wanted nothing to do with King Rehval.    Ah, but once she heard about the miracle of Jindan, and how its creator, Trismegistus, led an attack on King Rehval's stronghold, she became fascinated.    She did everything she could to find it.    I didn't make the trail easy to find, Luffa.   It was a test of determination.    But my beloved Aonorry passed."

"And what does she think now?" Luffa asked.    "Now that she knows she's bound herself to the same king she opposed?"

"Let's find out," Rehval suggested.    Without warning, he dropped his prophet, allowing her to fall hundreds of feet to the ground.    

"Bastard!" Luffa snarled as she flew up to catch her.     As she did, Rehval pointed his enormous earthen hand down at them and fired a beam of energy.    

"You're so predictable, Luffa," he said.    "For all your talk of warrior pride, you can be so soft that it's pitiful.   Was it really worth dying just now so that you could save an enemy?"

When the light from his attack faded, he saw  no trace of the Saiyan women.    Then he noticed something on his mountainous shoulder, and he looked over to find Luffa standing there, holding Aonorry's unconscious form in her arms.    Before he could react, Luffa opened her mouth and a stream of golden ki energy blasted him in the face.  

"Predict this!" she shouted when she was finished.    Then she stamped her foot down onto Rehval's rocky shoulder.   The force was so great that a crack formed, and slowly expanded.    As Luffa jumped away, Rehval's right arm began to break loose from his body, and then it fell off completely.  

*******

Luffa flew until she reached a lake, then hovered just inches above it.    Satisfied that Rehval wasn't chasing her, she dunked Aonorry's head into the water.    

"Wake up, idiot!" Luffa shouted.   "Your precious master finally showed up.   Any ideas on what his plan is?"

"Whuh-what?" Aonorry sputtered as the cold water brought her around.  "Trismegistus is here?"

"Yeah, well most people know him as 'King Rehval', though I've heard that's not his real name either," Luffa said.   She tossed Aonorry onto the lakeshore and waited for her to get her bearings.   "He's been playing you for a fool this whole time.   You and everyone else in the Jindan cult."  

"He really did come for me," Aonorry said, now holding her hands over her cheeks.     "And... after I was ready to betray him.    Oh... oh my..."

"He was counting on you to betray him," Luffa said.   "The bastard's been toying with you, and he lied to you the whole time!    Loyalty means nothing to him!"

Luffa had more unkind words to say about King Rehval, but before she could speak them, the ground began to shake beneath them, and then another column of earth and rock began to rise up and shape itself into a humanoid form.  

"Luffa, Luffa, Luffa," Rehval's voice boomed.   "When will you ever learn?"

Luffa left Aonorry where she was and charged her ki before leaping headlong into Rehval's stone belly.  She made a crater on the surface, and knocked him off balance.    Without pausing, she flew around him, peppering his body with golden energy blasts as she went.   To an outside observer, it might have looked like a man being pestered by some glowing yellow hummingbird.  

She blasted his face again, and when he tried to reshape it from the remaining rock, she kept blasting it.    At the same time, she focused on his legs, damaging them enough that he had trouble staying upright.    

"You can't defeat him!" Aonorry cried out.   The unfettered joy in her voice made Luffa sick, but she pressed on in spite of it.    He's become one with the very earth itself!   You would have to destroy the entire planet, and you still wouldn't win!"  

"She's right, you know," Rehval boasted.   "I'm not actually here, as I said before.   You need the atmosphere to breathe, but I don't.    And as long as the planet is in tact--"

Luffa finally put enough cracks in his body that it crumbled into pieces.   A short distance away, she could already hear another rock-body assembling itself.  

"He rises!" Aonorry wailed.   "His glory rises, now and forever!"

"As I was saying," Rehval said as his third body sprouted its new mouth.   "As long as the planet is in tact, I can fight you like this indefinitely."

"Gosh, I'd better surrender then," Luffa grumbled.    "Is that what you want me to say?"

"Actually, no," Rehval said.    He clenched his fists, and suddenly a ball of violet light appeared in front of his rocky chest.    Before Luffa could dodge, he unleashed its power in her direction, and she had to catch the front of the energy wave in her hands.    

"Our confrontation on Pflaume was an experiment, Luffa," Rehval explained while she struggled to hold back the blast.   "I thought that if I stranded you on an ice giant, you would be neutralized completely.   No air to breathe, no surface to stand upon, no ships to rescue you.     That last one was the flaw in my plan.   I was sure your wife would abandon you, but not so."

Luffa was pushed back by the energy beam until she felt her boots press into the ground.   This gave her something to brace against for support, but it also reminded her that she had very little margin for error.   She set her jaw and screwed her eyes shut as she summoned up more power to halt the beam's advance.

"I had to evacuate Planet Saiya," Rehval went on.   "I knew that if you escaped Pflaume, the planet would never survive your counterattack.   Fortunately, I had a redoubt prepared on a planet in a secret location, just in case of emergency.   And while I was there, it occurred to me how dependent I am on planets and atmospheres.   So are you, but you can just fly from place to place in your ship, like a mercenary.    Very romantic, but a king needs a kingdom, and a kingdom needs earth to stand upon."

Luffa finally mustered the strength to deflect the attack, and with a mighty yell, she flung it up into the sky, where it exploded harmlessly in the upper atmosphere.    But this left her wide open to a punch from the rock creature that spoke with Rehval's voice.    The impact cratered the ground, and the Rehval-monster ground his fist into the center, like a child killing a beetle.  

"A foundation, Luffa," he continued.    "Without a solid rock to build upon, the builder is helpless.   That was when I realized the error in my thinking.    On Pflaume, I left you to fall into sinking sand, when what I needed to be doing was securing myself upon a solid rock.   That realization led me to realize how much we owe the ground beneath us, and how powerful it truly is.    I knew that if I made that power my own,  I could defeat anyone, even the Legendary Super Saiyan."

Nearby, Aonorry was chanting some a prayer in support of Trismegistus.     The earthen creature smiled as it sensed a victory, and then a tremendous explosion went off at his fist.   The giant figure toppled backwards, and when Rehval looked at his arm, it was simply... gone.

Luffa emerged from the smoke of the blast, already preparing her next move.   "Rehval," she said.   "You talk too much."    

What followed was a rapid-fire barrage.   Dozens of golden blobs of energy launched out of Luffa's fingertips, and embedded themselves onto Rehval's avatar.   He expected them to explode on contact, but instead, she swung her left hand upward, and he found himself being dragged upwards.     The ki she had affixed to his body was pulling him into the air.

"I don't know how you pulled this off, Rehval," Luffa said, "but I'm curious to see what your limits are with this monster body you've got.    "Can you attack me with two of them at once?   Because so far I've only seen you make a new body after the old one gets wrecked."

"Your... nnf!   Your overconfidence is your weakness," Rehval said as he struggled against the force pulling him towards the sky.

"Look who's talking," Luffa replied.    "You sprang this trap and gloated about it the whole time you were fighting, and where's it gotten you?   You probably never even considered that I was studying your power the entire time, did you?"

He managed to spin around and point his remaining arm at Luffa, but she  squeezed her hand into a fist, and the energy blobs on that arm suddenly exploded, blasting it into dust.  

"What now?" she asked.    "You've got to make a new body now, since you can't do much with that one."

"You underestimate me... Luffa!" Rehval said.   His body began to shift and reshape itself, until it finally sprouted a new pair of arms.   But unlike before, this caused the main body to become smaller than it had been before.

Luffa responded by squeezing her fist again, and blasting off his legs.   The remainder of his body began to fall, but she caught it by enveloping the bulk of his form in a sheath of golden light.    

"I think I'm getting the idea," Luffa said.   "You can't absorb more mass unless you're in direct contact with the planet.    And cutting off an arm or a leg doesn't help you, because those pieces aren't 'alive' on their own, so much as they're controlled by the main body.   Or maybe just the head. "

"Well done, Luffa," Rehval said.   "You're as magnificent as ever, and just as dangerous.    I can still use you in my plans, but I can't afford to trust you, not after you spurned my offer before."  

"Trust?   Trust?!" Luffa shouted.   "You honorless jackal!  You don't even know the meaning of the word!   Using that idiot Aonorry as your pawn!   Sending this... this proxy to fight me in your place!   When I find you--the real you-- I'll--"

Her threat was suddenly cut off by Aonorry herself, who had managed to sneak up on Luffa while she was busy restraining Rehval in midair.   The point of her short spear nearly connected with Luffa's neck, but she sensed her approach just in the nick of time, and caught her in a choke hold.    

"Your 'master' is more desperate than I thought," Luffa snarled.    Without hesitation, she broke Aonorry's neck to prevent any further distractions.   But in the moment it took her to do this, Rehval built up his power again, and this time turned it in on himself.    Before Luffa could react, before Aonorry's corpse could even fall to the surface, his rock-body exploded in midair, and only moments later, a new rock-Rehval was rising up from the ground.    

"You killed my prophetess," Rehval said, sounding only mildly annoyed.   "I'll miss her."

"This game is getting tiresome, Rehval," Luffa said.   "I've already figured out how to defeat you, so unless this next body can do something new, there's really no point in going on."

"You may be powerful, Luffa," Rehval said, "but you still think like a low-level mercenary.    Do you think one battlefield means anything to me?   I'm not even here.   I could destroy this entire planet right now, and lose nothing.    But I won't do that, because I have loftier goals in mind.    I mean to change the universe, and that won't be achieved through mere destruction.   Hexill VI has a place in my kingdom, like all worlds."

Luffa dove down and attacked one of Rehval's legs.    As he swung his arms to catch her, she dodged and attacked those as well.    But since he was touching the ground, he was able to repair this damage easily.    

"Think about it, Luffa," he continued.    "If I can send my avatar here, across hundreds of light years, then I can do the same on any number of planets.    Without warning, a graven image of me rises up from the ground, powerful enough  to defeat almost anything, powerful enough to impose my will, or destroy the planet entirely.   And by the time you arrive in your ship to stop me, I'm already gone."

Luffa formed a razor-thin disc of ki and launched it at the neck of Rehval.   It only carved a small section away, but when she followed up with a Gallick Gun, this was enough to blast the head off of the body.   She then snared it in an energy sheath and pulled it up into the sky.    Below, the headless body didn't move.    Luffa fired another ki blast to destroy it, but never stopped her flight.    

"You think you can sever my connection to the planet with distance, is that it?" Rehval asked.    "Well, so what if you can?    I only chose Hexill VI to make a point, Luffa.   I wanted you to see exactly what I can do.    What I've become."  

"Tell me where you're hiding, Rehval," Luffa said.   "I'll only ask you once."

"And why should I tell you that?" Rehval asked.    

"Because I'm going to kill you either way," she said.   "Painfully, if I can.    You're going to die, but if you tell me where to find you, I can get it over with.    Save you some sleepless nights."

"That's very kind of you," Rehval said.   "But no.   Come and find me, if you can.  I'll be waiting.   And if you can't find me, don't worry.   You'll be hearing from me sooner than you think."

Luffa suddenly raised her arms, and with a loud grunt, she swung the net of energy around the head, flinging it up into space.    She watched it shrink into the distance, then flew back down to the ground to make certain Rehval had not rebuilt his avatar.   She only found the broken remains of the last body that she had decapitated.   She incinerated it with a  ki blast.    Satisfied that her business here was concluded, she flew back to inform the planet's leaders about what had happened.  

*******

An hour later, Luffa was sitting in the cockpit of the light cruiser she had borrowed from the Federation Starfleet to get here.    She had orbited the planet a few times, just in case there was any chance of Rehval somehow returning, but at last she decided it was safe to depart.    She would have to contact the Federation and alert them of the situation, but first she removed her boot and examined the injury on her left foot.   Dr. Topsas had treated the wound days ago, but it would take some time to heal properly, and she was doing it no favors by constantly heading out into battle.   Somewhat painfully, she applied an ointment he had given her.    It was supposed to help promote healing and prevent infection, but at times she thought it hurt worse than the attack that had made the wound in the first place.    

She was weary, not so much from her wounds or physical exhaustion, but from the lack of a decisive victory.   Up to now, this had been a war of attrition, and Luffa's hope was that if she steadily chipped away at the lackeys, it would force the leaders out of hiding.    But if Rehval could strike remotely, with no risk to his own person, then... what?

Luffa leaned back the pilot's chair as far as it would go and began rubbing her temples.    There was a solution to this puzzle--there always was-- but she was too frustrated to find it.    For now, the best she could do was to report in with her allies, set the ship to autopilot, and take a nap during the flight home.   With any luck, the next cultist attack would be on the opposite side of the Federation, giving her more time to rest--

Then she saw the red light blinking on the comm system, and she realized that someone was trying to contact her.   Some small part of her wanted to ignore the light, to pretend she hadn't seen it, but she cursed that part of herself and opened the channel just to spite her own weakness.    

There was no audio or video, just a text message that had been encrypted with a code used by the Saiyan Free Company, led by Princess Seltiss.   The girl had formed the company to fill the power vacuum left behind when her father had disappeared, and she had allied herself with the Federation because she saw Trismegistus and his cult as a threat to Saiyan-kind.   As Luffa entered her password to decrypt the code, she wondered how the princess would react to the news that Rehval and Trismegistus were the same man.    

Those thoughts vanished as Luffa read the message: "ALL AVAILABLE FORCES TO FEDENDER SYSTEM.   URGENT.    SURPRISE ATTACK.   ENEMY STRENGTH UNKNOWN.   UNIDENTIFIED ALIEN COMBATANTS LED BY A LARGE CREATURE MADE OF ROCK.   EOM."

The terse statement was like a punch to Luffa's gut.    She had just rescued the Fedender System before rushing off to help Hexill, and Fedender was already under attack again?     And Rehval... he had told Luffa that she would hear from him sooner than she expected.    

"Well, that's a first, you miserable bastard," Luffa seethed as she set course for Fedender.    "You actually told the truth for once."

NEXT: Doublethink

[ajnerdess]

An Unexpected Surprise (Loki oneshot)

So, sadly, I don’t have the time to write a whole sequel to my full length fanfic, Loki’s Beloved, but since Endgame I have been mulling over ideas as to how a sequel would map out. I had this idea of Daya, my OC who is Loki’s wife finding out she’s pregnant after Loki’s death and how she would deal with that. So I wrote a little oneshot for it, angst and fluff ahead readers….

Steve waited for Bruce as he emerged from Shuri’s lab. He had caught sight of Daya practically running out of the lab. She hadn’t spoken since Loki’s death. Not a word, not to anyone, not even Thor who was also grieving over his brother’s death. Steve had done everything, brought her food, tried to comfort her, tried to make jokes. That had massively backfired, Daya had simply started crying the second the punchline left his mouth. She looked more upset than usual as she left the lab.

The captain stopped Banner.

“Bruce what is it? What’s happened?”

The scientist wiped his glasses before looking up at Steve. “It’s Daya, she’s pregnant.”

Steve widened his eyes in surprise. “You’re sure?”

Banner nodded. “Sure as anything Steve.”

The captain patted his back. “I gotta go see if she’s ok.”

Steve asked around to find out where Daya was, Wakanda was huge, she could be anywhere. Then he realised, if he were in her position, he would have gone to the quietest, most peaceful place there.

Outside, around the back of the palace was Daya, sat at the cliff’s edge, overlooking the waterfalls in the distance.

He approached her slowly, sitting down next to her without saying a word. She didn’t need his words right now, she just needed to know she wasn’t alone.

They sat there for an hour in silence, before Daya finally broke her silence.

“I have been going over and over in my head since he died to work out why I’m still alive. Asgardians are different to midgardians. In some cases, when we find our soulmates, our souls truly join, meaning when one dies, so does the other. Needless to say when Loki died and I still drew breath, I was confused, hurt, angry even. I started to wonder why, why fate was so cruel to keep me alive when my husband, the love of my life had moved on to Valhalla without me. I’ve felt guilty, for somehow thinking I don’t love him as much as I should. But now, now it makes sense.”

Steve listened to her as she spoke, before nodding in agreement. “Well, it’s a good thing then right, you’re still here for a reason. Loki gave you one last gift before he died, he’ll live on through this baby.”

Daya’s tears fell as she stared down at the ground. “Does it not seem cruel to you Steve? I was told for years that I could not bare children, Loki and I, we tried for years and nothing. And now, now he’s dead, now he can’t be here for me, now he can’t watch his own child grow, now he can’t be here to raise it with me, now I fall pregnant.”

Steve moved closer to Daya. “I know it doesn’t make sense now but maybe this is for a reason Daya. Maybe Loki knew Thanos would come, maybe he knew he would die, I’ve no doubt he did it for a good reason. Maybe he was powerless to stop his own death but this, this baby is the last gift he could give you, the reason for you to keep going on.”

Daya leaned against his shoulder as she cried and Steve wrapped an arm around her to comfort her as her tears fell.

 Six Months Later

Daya stretched out in bed as she tried to get comfortable. Since the snap and killing Thanos, Steve had been kind enough to let Daya stay with him.

As she lay in bed, trying to get to sleep, she stroked her stomach gently. The one thing she was grateful for was that the baby growing inside of her was safe, healthy and seemingly constantly kicking. Finally, after much discomfort and tossing and turning, Daya found sleep, and as she slept she dreamt…..

“And just when I thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful.”

Daya knew that voice, and yet, she refused to open her eyes.

“This is a dream.”

The voice drew closer. “Yes, perhaps, but it’s a good dream I promise.”

Daya opened her eyes and saw the most wonderful sight she had ever seen, Loki sat on the bed, smiling down at her.

Tears formed in her eyes as she looked up at him. “I don’t like dreams, I have to wake from them. And when I wake you aren’t there.”

Loki shook his head as he stroked her hair gently. “Shh darling, enjoy this dream, I’m here now.”

“Am I truly just dreaming this, or have you somehow managed to convince the guardians of Valhalla to let you return to me for a while?”

Loki smirked, tracing his hand over her collarbone softly. “It’s both a dream and a little use of my silvertongue in Valhalla to persuade the guardians to allow me a temporary crossover into this realm.”

Daya took one of his hands in her own and entwined her fingers through his. “Can’t you just crossover permanently?”

Loki shot Daya a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry my love, that’s not how it works.”

The trickster God noted her sad expression and leaned down to kiss her head softly. “Do not be sad my love, now is not the time to grieve my loss.”

His hands found Daya’s baby bump and he stroked her stomach softly, looking down adoringly at the bump.

Daya smiled as tears welled in her eyes. “He grows strong every day. He kicks, and rolls, he’s mischievous just like his father.”

Loki’s eyes filled to the brim with pride and he looked up at Daya with a grin on his face. “A boy? We’re having a boy?”

Daya nodded, meeting his grin. “Yes, I was going to wait for it to be surprised but then I wanted to be prepared, what with clothes and such.”

Loki’s own eyes filled with tears as he grinned down at Daya, running his hand over her stomach more.

“A son, we are having a son.”

Daya could have cried at his reaction alone. She had dreamt of the day she could tell Loki she was carrying his child, even after being told she couldn’t have children the scenario still played out in her mind. His response was exactly how she imagined it would be, he was excited, joyful and the most important thing of all, there for her. Loki leaned down to kiss her. The kiss felt so real, as if he were truly there with her. He was gentle and slow, as if kissing her would somehow disrupt the baby’s peace.

“Can I speak to him?” Loki asked after breaking the kiss.

You nodded.

The God of mischief leaned down to address the baby.

“Hello little one. It’s your father here, I’m sorry I can’t be there to meet you when you finally bless this world with your presence. I’ve no doubt you will be the most beautiful babe in the world with this goddess as your mother. I want you to know that I wish I was there to see you grow more than anything else in the entire universe, in any universe. I want to see you learn and laugh and love, I died to try and take Thanos’ focus off you and your mother, it was never my desire to leave your beautiful mother to raise you without me, I hope one day you come to understand that and don’t hate me for not being there.”

Daya reached out to stroke his hair at that, not wanting Loki to feel guilty about anything.

“I love you little one, I always will. When you are old enough, I want you to take good care of your mother, just as I’m sure your mother will take perfect care of you while you are young. Be safe, be strong, learn from your mistakes, learn better from your mistakes more than I did, that’s for sure. Remember that life is beautiful, and there are people around you that love you, again, another fact that often escaped me during my time alive. You are deserving of being happy and loved, accept the love and happiness that you are blessed with and when you are older, I truly hope you find someone who loves you as unconditionally as your mother loved me.”

Loki kissed Daya’s stomach and the baby kicked, causing Loki to look up at Daya excitedly.

“He heard you my love” she said as Loki kissed her stomach once more, before leaning up to kiss Daya’s lips gently.

“Loves you.”

Loki stared at his wife in confusion.

“You said loved you, I love you, it isn’t past tense” she answered.

He smiled as he kissed her forehead. “My apologies my love.”

“You said you sacrificed yourself for me and the baby? You knew I was pregnant when you died?”

Loki paused as he stroked her hair gently. “I sensed my end was close, just as Odin sensed his own demise. I didn’t want to worry you, besides, there was no way around it, we were trapped on a ship, Thanos found us.”

Daya shook her head. “You should have told me, we might have changed course, we might have escaped Thanos, you could have not antagonised him by trying to stab him.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And risked him hurting you and the baby? No, my darling, I would never allow such a thing, no matter what the cost was.”

Daya stroked his cheek gently as her tears fell. He quickly wiped her tears away, his fingertips lingering on her face.

“You are staying with the soldier?”

Daya shook her head. “Loki it isn’t like that, we are just friends.”

Loki ran a thumb over her lower lip gently. “Shh, I’m not angry my love, you deserve to be happy. The soldier has always vied for you affections, perhaps you should let him make you happy.”

“You make me happy Loki.”

“I know. I know my love, but in my absence, the soldier is a good man, let him be there for you. I have to leave soon my darling.”

Daya clung to his hand suddenly. “No please, please don’t go Loki, please don’t leave me again. I don’t want to wake up alone, I don’t want to be without you.”

Loki stroked her stomach, worried the panic would affect the baby, he gently shushed her as he comforted her.

“It’s alright my love, you’ll be alright, I promise you, you’ll be fine.”

As soon as Daya’s tears fell, Loki wiped them away. He comforted her until her tears ceased.

“Please Loki, at least stay until I fall asleep, I can’t watch you leave, I can’t say goodbye again” she whispered.

He nodded and nestled in close to her, wrapping her arms around her and the baby bump and kissing her neck gently until exhaustion took over and she fell asleep in his arms.

 Three months later

“Steve, I can’t do this!”

Steve Rogers held Daya’s hand as she cried out in pain.

“Daya it’s ok, you can do this sweetheart, you have this, come on, just one last push” he told her as the nurses stood by and encouraged Daya to finish pushing.

Daya squeezed his hand as she screamed out for one final push.

She was met with the cries of a baby, causing her head to fall back on the pillow momentarily in relief.

As the nurses cut the umbilical cord of her baby, she looked up.

“Where is he? Is he safe? Is he alright?”

The nurses turned with her baby wrapped up in blankets, they handed her the baby and Daya’s heart almost burst at the sight.

There he was, hers and Loki’s son, black hair and blue eyes just like his father. He was beautiful, and he instantly looked up at Daya and babbled happily in her presence.

“Oh, he’s so beautiful, hi, hello there little one” she breathed, smiling down at her baby boy. She looked up at Steve, who was beaming down at them both.

“Good job sweetheart, he’s adorable. Good job” the soldier smiled down at her.

One of the nurses looked over. “Do you have a name yet? It’s not a problem if not, some parents take weeks to decide.”

Daya smiled down at her happy baby.

“His name is Nari. It was Loki’s idea, from the first day we were married, that was his idea.”

She looked up at Steve to gauge his reaction to her son’s name.

The soldier smiled as Nari gripped Daya’s finger, holding it gently. “Nari, I like it.”

Daya grinned down at the baby, and she hoped somewhere, Loki was smiling down at him too.

 Nari is actually the name of Loki and Sigyn’s son in Norse Mythology, so that’s where I got the inspo from. Yes I toyed with the idea of her calling the baby Loki, but then I thought, bit weird, looking at your baby and always associating it with your dead hubby, especially when the baby was always meant to look very much like his father. Hope you guys enjoyed!

[we-are-fam-ily]

Logan Lucky

Here’s a side-story set in the Toil and Trouble universe! Here’s the link to the first chapter, in case you’d like to read that. This story can be read separately. :)

Summary:  Logan Sanders considered himself an individual of science. There was no such thing as luck or chance, only varying probabilities. There was science, and nothing else. Virgil Stewart, however, had nothing to do with science, and that, in itself, was fascinating.

Read it on AO3 here! 

Wordcount: 1,655

Trigger Warnings: None that I know of, let me know if I missed any!

Beta’d by the fantastic @ninja-kitty-more-like-no

Logan Sanders considered himself an individual of science. There was no such thing as luck or chance, only varying probabilities. There was science, and nothing else.

Or, there was, if you didn’t take into account his two best friends. One friend could turn into an impossibly small insect at will, the other held storms at his fingertips and could change the probability of improbable things with ease. And he did, often, without considering the possible consequences of his actions. It was frustrating and exhilarating and inexplicable and Logan loved it.

It was no surprise that he found his thoughts turning to this friend more and more as the years passed, from childhood to now, in their mid-teens. Virgil Stewart was the most fascinating person Logan had ever met. Even more fascinating was the bubble of- of something, deep in his gut, whenever Virgil was around. Which, if he could help it, was often.

He found himself noticing little things, the way Virgil smiled more with his eyes than his mouth, the way the sun glanced off his dark hair on summer afternoons, the feeling of his skin when they touched by accident… Everything. Every new and yet so familiar revelation about his best friend sent a thrill of discovery down Logan’s spine, and he knew he had to learn more.

Logan documented all of it, of course. What kind of scientist would he be if he didn’t?

~~

“Logan! Lo! Lolo! You with me?” Logan snapped to attention as Patton poked him in the cheek. “Hey! You’re back!”

“I did not go anywhere, Patton. Why would you think I had returned?” The faerie sighed and set his arms akimbo.

“You know I didn’t mean physically, Lo! You checked out for a second there!” A mischievous twinkle entered his molten gold eyes and he reached over to nudge Logan with his elbow. “Checked out because you were checking someone out?”

Logan flushed and looked away, an action that turned out to be in error, as Virgil was standing and conversing with a classmate in his field of vision. He didn’t look away, as the object of his affections was smiling a little at what his conversation partner had to say.

“Oh, I see.” Patton sounded extraordinarily smug. “Lydia’s a looker, sure, if you’re in to that.”

“Who is Lydia?”

“The girl talking to Vi- No!” Logan whipped his head around at his friend’s loud exclamation. “It’s not Lydia you’re looking at, it’s Vir-mpf!” Logan slapped his hands over Patton’s mouth in an uncharacteristic burst of action.

“Do not say it out loud, Patton. I do not beg often, but I find myself begging this one thing of you,” he hissed. Patton nodded slowly, and he pulled away, straightening his tie. “My apologies, Patton, there looked to be a fly near your mouth.”

“Is that what that was about?” Logan stiffened as Virgil came up behind him.

“Of course! Eating a bug wouldn’t be very fly of me, would it?”

There were twin groans from Logan and Virgil.

~~

The sky had been cloudy for a week. Logan thought the best part of living in this area was how low the light pollution tended to be near his home. He grimaced as he waited for the twins to come out of the school. If Logan believed in luck, he might think his luck was awful, no good, and horrible.

“Yo, L, what’s wrong?” Well. Maybe if luck was real, it wasn’t so bad for him after all.

“Salutations, Virgil. I just found myself dispirited at the clouded skies.” Virgil nodded, looking up at the dark clouds.

“Want me to fix that?” Logan startled and stared at him.

“That is a feat included in your capabilities?” His friend shrugged.

“It should be. We can try it out when we get home.”

Patton came up behind them and wrapped his arms around their shoulders.

“Hiya, kiddos! Sorry to leave you waiting!” Virgil laughed and bumped his head against Patton’s.

“It’s no big, Pat. Let’s go deal with this weather.”

“Huh? What about the weather?”

~~

Logan wished he had his journal with him. Virgil was standing in an open field, the rising wind whipping through his hair and making his jacket flap wildly about. Tiny bolts of light were arcing between his outstretched fingertips, illuminating his face in brief flashes. Something fizzed through Logan’s gut.

Virgil Stewart looked ethereal, and all Logan could do was watch in awe.

~~

Patton was watching too. Not his brother, of course, he’d seen Virgil perform magic many times before. No, he was watching his friend. It was so obvious to him that Logan was interested in Virgil, but how to get him to admit it? Both boys were so dense. Weeks earlier Virgil had started to act strangely around their friend, and it didn’t take long for Patton to figure out why. His brother had a crush, and didn’t realize it was mutual.

Well. Logan might not believe in luck, but he lucked out on a friend like Patton. He would get his brother and his best friend together if it was the last thing he did.

~~

“LoLo! Can you help me get this box down?” Patton’s voice trilled from upstairs, and Logan set his book down with a sigh. Virgil smirked up at him.

“Is he not capable of retrieving the box on his own? I was under the impression that he can wield faerie magic for such simple things without thinking about it.”

“The box might have iron in it, or something. Dunno what he’d want with a box of iron.” Logan stood and stretched. He hadn’t realized how long he had been sitting. His shirt rode up and Virgil made a small, strangled noise before standing and darting upstairs. “Let’s see what’s up!”

Logan followed at a more sedate pace, smiling at his friend’s retreating back. Summer break had begun, and, as the years before it, he spent most of his time with the Stewart-Ettercop household. The odd feeling in his stomach was a near constant presence, and sometimes it even spread to his chest whenever Virgil said or did something.

It was harder to journal, so he saved up the moments he felt in his head to write down later. The fizzing made him think of the lifting drinks in Patton’s favorite movie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Maybe being around the two magical boys would make him able to fly?

He shook his head to clear it of that fanciful notion. Logan was a human of science, and science had no room for fantasy. Not even fantasies about waking up next to Virgil in the morning or holding his hand or-

“Thanks for being willing to help, you two!” Patton was smiling at them from the open door of the closet. “The box is a little high, and I think it might have a charm on it to keep me from using magic.”

Logan stepped forward to view the box to which Patton was referring, just as Virgil did the same. He felt a shove on his back, and without warning, he and Virgil were shut in the closet. There was a flash of magic outside the door, and then the sound of Patton’s footsteps as he walked away, humming as he went.

“I do not think your brother truly wanted a box.” Virgil snorted at his statement.

“Probably just a prank, L. At least the closets here are big. And lit.” The boy shrugged, a tiny hint of pink showing on his cheeks. “Small mercies?”

“Might you be able to use magic to free us?” Something stabbed Logan’s gut as Virgil seemed to shrink into himself. He didn’t hesitate to continue speaking. “Not that I am in any way objecting to the current situation. I enjoy your company in any capacity.” Something flashed briefly across Virgil’s face.

“Yeah, I- I’ll try.” He held a hand up and concentrated on the door for a few moments. “Ugh. No good, Pat did something to keep me from opening it.”

“In that case, perhaps we should find some comfort in this predicament.” Logan grabbed a pillow from a shelf and dropped it on the floor before taking a seat.

“Oh. Good plan.” Virgil looked around, but there were no more pillows.

“I would not object if you wanted to sit on my lap, Virgil. It would be more comfortable than the floor,” Logan stated. He then held his breath. Maybe this was the opportunity to speak with his friend about the feeling in his gut.

Virgil flushed a bright red, but sat down when Logan nodded in encouragement. “Thanks.”

~~

They sat in silence for a time, each ruminating on their own thoughts.

“Virgil?” Logan looked down at the top of his head. When had his friend gotten so short?

“Yeah, L?” Virgil leaned back into Logan’s chest, and Logan wondered if the pounding of his heart was loud enough to hear.

“May I,” he paused, apprehensive about the answer Virgil might give. “May I kiss you?”

The boy in his arms stiffened before scrambling away and twisting around, anger coloring his cheeks in bright spots.

“Is this a joke?” His words were hissed, and his eyes were searching Logan’s face. “Did Patton put you up to this?”

Logan was confused. Anger had not been a response he had calculated. Disgust, perhaps, or maybe incredulity, but not anger.

“No? I asked of my own accord, in congruence to feelings I have had for years.” He looked down at the floor, and then back to meet Virgil’s eyes. “My apologies if I have offended you, perhaps I should have let the matter be.”

He almost yelped when Virgil surged forwards, but the feeling of soft lips on his made him melt.

Logan Sanders considered himself a man of science, but luck was real, and he was so, so lucky.

Taglist:

@sincerely-a-dork

[chestnutbrumby]

Okay you guys. This is, as best I recall it, a breakdown and some speculating and yes there's some ranting about the Scarlet Vision interactions during Infinity War.

I'm not claiming to have the world's best memory for this. I certainly didn't take any recordings or anything, this is all from my head which is probably why it's missing some details. Anyone feel free to jump in with additions, I'm cool with it as long as you're less of a dick than Tony would be about it.

There are spoilers.

SPOILERS.

FOR INFINITY WAR.

MAJOR ONES. ESSENTIALLY THE ENTIRE PLOT OF THE MOVIE gets mentioned here.

SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS. SPOILERS.

Got it? Okay. Read on with forewarning.

We're in Edinborough, near the beginning of the movie. Vision opens the curtains of a hotel window and winces, touching his forehead and instantly catching Wanda's attention. From the bed, she looks up and calls him by his nickname Vis, already concerned. It's clear this isn't the first such episode.  

Vision tells her the stone is trying to tell him something but he doesn't know what. She comes to him and places her hands on his face, and he turns his head and kisses her palm with every single bit of tenderness in the entire dimension. He asks her what she feels, and she summons a little hex as the mind stone glows beyond his human disguise.  

"All I feel is you." They kiss, noting here since I've been asked this more than once that yes, Vision is in human form.

Walking down the street, Wanda suggests a later train so they have more time together, I think it's the 10:30 to Scotland. Vision asks what happens if he misses that train and Wanda tells him then there's an 11:30. Vision asks "What if I missed all the trains" and melts my heart and Wanda reminds him he gave his word to Tony, and she has people waiting on her too. They talk about how they've been doing this for two years, trying to see if it [their relationship] would work, and Vision goes all adorable nervous and stuttering trying to get it out. "Okay I'm just going to speak my mind, I think-" Wanda finishes that sentence. "I think that it works." Vision looks relieved. "It works." He agrees, this sequence may not be right but I feel like it's then Vision asks Wanda "Stay. Stay with me." Right before he notices her expression change and asks if he's overstepped, but Wanda notices the attack on New York playing on a TV set behind them and Vision says he has to go back. Wanda says going back might not be a good idea, and yes, and Corvus stabs Vis with that effing spear and I think he hit my soul while he was at it as well.

During that fight there's little dialogue but there is this memorable line: "I'm beginning to think we should have stayed in bed” -- WOAH Vision just made a joke from the Tony synapses anyone else pick this one? In Bed. BED. YOU GUYS, THEY WERE IN BED. I don't feel like I can emphasize it enough. BEEEED. Okay we need to move on before my head explodes.

Though right at the start of the battle, Vision gasps to Wanda something about the wound not allowing him to phase. She asks "Is that possible" and Vis replies "It isn't supposed to be." It's around this stage I believe Wanda uses her powers trying to heal the gaping wound where the spear pierced him.

They start getting thrown around a lot and I'm sorry already, because my memory for action is not as good as dialogue, but near the start Wanda sends Vision flying with her powers, trying to get them both to safety, they get hit midair, and she hits the ground first and ‘catches’ him with her powers and it's so amazing and super sweet.

While Wanda is off fighting Proxima, Corvus is stupid enough to threaten Wanda while he's trying to throttle Vision. Saying something like "She'll die first?" I have this thought that isn't right BUT it's something along the 'let's threatening this guy's woman' line. Vision gets pissed and fights back with a bit more spirit and blasts Corvus with a mind stone laser which... if I recall is the only time you see this during the movie?

I also couldn't quite tell after Proxima derailed their escape attempt who grabbed onto whom as they arced down towards the rooftops. I think it may have been a little of both, each trying to protect one another. After they crash at the train station (Memory is getting a little more fogged by this stage guys) Vision, realizing the lie of the land, begs Wanda to go. She places her hand on his cheek - she is clearly like any sensible woman not entertaining this idea even for a single second - and tells him that he asked her to stay and she's staying. Aka, no arguments, Toaster, you got her for life.

All right my memory is a lot more dodgy for their arrival at the Avengers Compound. There is an amusing bit when Bruce and Nat see each other for the first time and Sam, who is supporting Vision with Wanda on Vis's other side, murmurs "Well this is awkward" and you see Vision tilting his head a little, trying to figure out why. It's a nice little moment of our boy a bit more Civil War era when he was still figuring these weirdo humans out.

So, jump to when everybody is discussing what the hell to do about the giant genocidal purple manic headed their way. Wanda points out Thanos clearly knows where to find them and I'm thinking the mind stone is essentially a homing beacon by this stage.

Vision, leaning up against a column looking outside, turns back to the group. He says he's been giving a great deal of thought to the mind stone in his head and he believes that it could be destroyed with a power similar enough to it, and he and everybody looks significantly at Wanda.

She says - there may be a touch more dialogue before this part: "That's too high a price"

This may not the exact line but Vision replies "It isn't fair you should be the one to pay it." But he's asking her to anyway and she's clearly refusing. I recall a lot of face touching as they're talking, and at one stage when she's especially upset, Wanda turns away from Vision and leaves his hands still up where he was cupping her face. It's also noteworthy to me that Steve looks very deeply affected by the obvious tenderness between Wanda and Vision during this exchange. I don't know if he's remembering Peggy, or thinking about Sharon, or just LIKE THE REST OF US marveling (yeah I did that) at the obvious, transparent love between a mutant hex-wielding witch and a red and silver infinity-stone and Mjolnir-worthy android. But it might be all three.

Bruce points out that Vision is complex, that he's a mix of him, Tony, Ultron, Jarvis and the mind stone but essentially that if you took the last of them away there is a lot of Vision left, "maybe the best parts".  

Side derailing note: THANK YOU BRUCE I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR YEARS. Not that Tony is one of the best parts of Vision, just that it is entirely possible that he can survive WITHOUT the mind stone. Bruce, I could kiss you for making this possibility canon, but I am way too scared Natasha would find me and end me.

Okay so they head to Wakanda and there's no Scarlet Vision dialogue I recall until they get there, just a shot of Vision slumped on his seat with Wanda at his side on the quinjet.

When they get to Wakanda, there's the scene we've all likely seen in the TV spot where Shuri scans Vision to start the process of getting the stone out of his head. Yes, the one where Shuri asks about... reprogramming synapses?? (Clearly I don't speak science this is why I leave that to Shuri, Bruce and Helen Cho). And Vision looks at her with his little head tilt like 'oh yeah, that does make sense, Bruce why didn't you do that?'

Annnnd before anything meaningful can happen, the attack crashlands - literally - on their doorstep and Steve orders Wanda to destroy the mind stone the instant it's out of Vision's head. I am horrified there was no more SV dialogue during the fight until it hits the forest, even though yes, it's a kind of critical point in the battle and you might not want to slow it down for romantic scenes but. BUT. Scarlet Vision.

So the trap is set and and Proxima waited to spot Wanda on the battlefield saving everybody from giant earth-ripping machines and told Corvus to go get the stone form Vision. Fuck my life, seriously. Vision winds up joining the group outside WHILE WASTING ALL THAT TIME EVERYONE WAS FIGHTING TO BUY SHURI TIME I'm not actually blaming anyone specific for this, I'm just ranting because we all know what's coming next.

Wanda joins Okoye and Natasha for a fight against Proxima and finally kill that bitch, blue blood and all. Vision saves Steve from Corvus and tells him "We don't trade lives, Captain". Vis learned form the best, the very best Steve. I hope you're proud Vis hasn't forgotten the time you spent leading and training this team.

Okay guys here it is, the part we all don't want to read. You can skip it, I won't mind. I certainly don't want to write it but I've started and I may as well commit.

Thanos arrives on earth. There's a slow-motion sequence of all our Avengers throwing themselves at him (HAVE YOU GUYS LEARNED NOTHING? A TEAM, YOU'RE A TEAM, WORK TOGETHER AND STOP TAKING TURNS) and none of them are able to stop him. Vision and Wanda both know what's happening. He begs her to do it. He says that half the universe will die when she says can't do it. Vision implores Wanda to destroy the stone. They both know there's no chance to get it out of his head by now. It needs to go bye-bye and it needs to happen now. Wanda starts to cry. "We are out of time."

Time. Yeah.

 Vis tells Wanda some very, very Big Feelz as she begins. "You could never hurt me." "All I feel is you."

He says something quieter to her while she is working on destroying the mind stone, before he utters his last line which is of course "I love you" which I think... my hearing hasn't been good enough to quite catch this either time I saw the movie - I think Vis says 'it's all right' twice.

NO VISION. IT IS NOT ALL RIGHT. NONE OF THIS IS ALL RIGHT.

Okay, I'm still with you guys.

Wanda explodes the mind stone and Vision is just vaporized with it. Nothing left. Breathe with me, guys. Thanos tries to have a tender moment with Wanda, touching her head (get that purple meathook off of her before I break it off) and saying that he understands.

She looks at him, all venom. (Okay that one wasn't actually intentional). "You could never."

And then Thanos uses the time stone, reverses the moment, grabs Vision around the neck in a hauntingly familiar pose from the movie's beginning and rips the stone along with a chunk of Vision's forehead out. He falls to the ground while Thanos has a moment with the stones -  I cannot help but feel there's some significance to the way he turns so colourless after Thanos drops him (yes, the second Vision death we've endured in a matter of as many minutes). He almost looks, dare I say this - white.

He's the short of it guys for me. Vision died. Twice. It was horrible both times. And I'm just in that mindset now of no matter WHAT happens in Infinity War part 2 - whoops I mean Avengers 4 - I don't want the MCU to exist without Vision. Or for that matter, Wanda. I don't want them to go back, and never make him, and Wanda never to meet him.

Because she'll always know. It doesn't matter if any new version of Wanda that gets saved from turning to ash (Can we all stop for a moment to observe how she didn't fight that, she let it happen. And she could have. She COULD HAVE FOUGHT IT.) has never known Vision.

Something in her powers, something in her heart and soul, will know that she's one half of a whole, that even though that half can live a life that seems normal on the surface - it isn't. She's missing something. She's missing someone. She's missing, in fact, the mot vital thing any of us are ever likely to experience, her soulmate, her true love.

And there's no fixing that. Trust me. 

I am scared Vision was killed off twice and is going to stay dead, essentially, and for all that EVERY SINGLE PERSON TALKED ABOUT VISION DYING dammit seriously, I was not, NOT emotionally ready for it and probably never could be.  

If this is what happens I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling these feels for life. Somebody fix me?

Anyway. I hope this was... well that it meant something to anyone who's read this far. Offer me any corrections and I can edit them in, let me know if you want credit for doing so.

Because we're in this together you guys. Until next May.

[the-erickson-labrynthian]

The Cobalt Prince, Act II Scenes V & VI

(The final scenes of act two! I hope you enjoy it! With how busy I tend to be, it might be a little while before I can get more parts out. Also, as a note, to decrease the workload of making one of these posts, I’ve stopped bolding the names. On the original document they were all bolded, but when I paste them over, they, for some reason, don’t carry over? So I’ve had to do them all myself again. But, it’s way too tedious for me right now, so I’d rather carry on without it. I also changed how the title looks for each scene. So, yeah, now that that is taken care of, here’s the last of act two:)

- Scene V -

[Out of the shadows steps out Pollock to the front of center stage, but no spotlight shines on him. He speaks from the darkness with only some dim stage lights to allow you to see his figure.]

Pol: The rest of the day, Matron listened well to every word Kall had to say. He had someone to look up to. It was the first time in awhile he didn’t feel alone. He was curious though, where was his prince? Ravel was off to talk to each person about the greatness of the soon to follow day. He went over helping each soldier try to look their best and feel their best for the festival. Ravel had not yet seen Matron’s face. The two however, were growing ever so close together, with only one, of course, realizing this fact. The two spent the night doing as they pleased and both awoke to a bright dawn. It was to be a grand day. Ravel was offered to walk alongside his father, who was already before beginning seated in his golden casket. Or, should I say golden throne? Matron was offered to stand right at Kall and Bilov’s side. He was on the other side of the crowd that would hold up the throne. Ever close to his prince, but not to see his face, nor his prince to see his. Either way, the two were both going to be tied by the festival's end, though neither were to see the tragedy coming.

[Pollock exits the stage. The stage lights up to King Leon in his throne. Guards surround him on all sides. Kall, Bilov and Matron stand at the ready on the left side. Ravel enters stage right.]

Ravel: They have started Father! General Octopus and his troops have begun the march. We have nay a hay hour to catch up and begin.

Leon: (Eyes closed) Are they screaming my name? Ravel?

Ravel: (Looking around) Father…  I hear nothing but cheering in your name! It is like…  church bells ringing! They await you with nothing but respect. (Aside) I think.

Leon: Then we must go at once! I must see the nation that so loves me! Perhaps if I am generous enough I will throw the copper coins for all to enjoy!

Ravel: I will be right by your side, Father. Let’s go.

Leon: I do hope your mother will be alright.

Ravel: I do hope you both will be alright.

[Matron turns to look at Kall.]

Matron: That’s Prince Ravel, right?

Kall: Hush! You have got to be quiet. I need not the king to have another reason to throw me to the wolves.

Matron: That’s him though, right?

Kall: (Hissing) Right. Why do you care? (Pauses) You fancy him? Or do you want to be him?

Matron: I want to help him. I think he’s scared.

Kall: (Pauses again) You are a good knight. And, you may be right.

[Leon raises his head into the air.]

Leon: Kall! Quit talking with the children. The day is about the king of kings! Me! The humble, righteous, strong, resilient, intelligent, and humble king. Leon! The Great Leon III!

[Kall smacks Matron over the head and moves him back into proper posture.]

Leon: Now! We must go! Soldiers! Lift me with all our might! I will be carrying me right alongside you. We will lift my throne, and I, together.

[Leon is lifted to his throne in the sky. The group march off, Ravel on the right, Matron on the left with his group. They march across stage, off stage, and carry around as men and women around the sides as the audiences cheer the name ‘King Leon’.]

Leon: I love you all! Equally! But if you have more money, I love you more! Join my army! Fight for me! I am the most important man alive! Yay me! Me! Me! Me!

[On stage an angered Julius sits on the side, holding a bow and arrow.]

Leon: May I just say, I love when the kingdom loves me! And you all love me, right? I get it. I am king. And beautiful. I love being king. Join the army! Fight against the meanies in Ragnarok! Bet King Ramses doesn’t have a crowd saying how much they love him!

[The throne carriers and group make their way back onto the stage, landing center stage as Leon lifts a glass.]

Leon: To my men who carry me here! To all who support me. To any who join the army to fight in our cause against those that are big and mean, and push us around and steal our candy. And, most of all, to me. King Leon! Say it with me!

All: King Leon!

[Julius draws an arrow and moves out in front of the crowd, aiming it right at Leon.]

Jul: King Leon! King no more!

[Julius shoots, it lands right on King Leon. Leon is shocked and falls off of his throne and lands on the ground. The crowd clears as Julius draws a blade and rushes over. Ravel and the crowd looks on with terror. Kall draws a blade and attempt to rush but he is being held back by the masses of people.]

Jul: King! Look at me, Leon! Look to the people who you failed. To the world you have ruined. I deal no more with kings. And, I deal no more with tyrants. You deserve to die slower, but I cannot stand to look at you.

[Julius stabs Leon in the chest.]

Kall: My King!

Ravel: Father!

Leon: I guess it was high time for me to fall at my peak. I hope everyone remembers that while I have been self conceited, I did my job. I did as I was supposed to.

[Kall runs up and slices at Julius, who falls to the ground. Ravel goes to his father and holds him.]

Ravel: Father!

Leon: Ravel, tell your mother I am sorry. Tell her I love her. I love you. Make me proud. Do not feel obligated to listen to the words of men, Ravel. They lie. They will always lie. You deserve all the power in the universe. Listen to your own heart. Tell me you will Ravel. Tell me.

Ravel: I will, Father.

Leon: I never want to know that while I watch from the sky, Matilia became no more. Do good, my son. Do good. And, (accentuating every word) lead this family into power, (pauses) or you are not my son. Please. Because I was really great.

Ravel: Please, Father. Don’t say anything else.

[Leon shut his eyes. Ravel drops his father. Kall goes over to Ravel.]

Kall: I will not let the kingdom see you like this. Help me. We take your father to the castle at once. You mother will grieve so. Matron! Bilov! Help me!

Matron: Yes, Sir! Bilov: Yes, Sir!

[Bilov goes to help Kall carry Leon. Matron goes to comfort Ravel.]

Matron: Prince Ravel! Let me escort you home.

Ravel: (Shaken) Who are you? I thought I had met every knight.

Matron: Two years under the name of the kingdom, day one of being under the wing of General Kall. I am happy to make your acquaintance Ravel. Please, let us hurry. Your mother needs to know.

Ravel: Thank you, good sir. Take me away, I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if these people are good… anymore. Or if goodness can ever rule in this world. Take me home.

[Matron guides Ravel stage left. Ravel takes one last look as Kall, Bilov, and a host of guards carry away Leon the other way. Ravel looks down as he is pulled off stage by Matron. Curtains close.]

- Scene VI -

[Out comes Pollock from the curtains with a woman.]

Pol: They went back to the castle. They went to see what fate had in store for Prince Ravel. No, King Ravel. For there when he arrived at the castle, he became a king. It took a moment only for Ravel to be aware of what was off, simply by looking at the expression on the face of those who serve him. He went to the bedroom of his parent to find his fear confirmed. I do not need to tell you what was lying on the bed dead, I only need you to hear the scream that Ravel uttered when he saw her.

[Woman screams, then falls to the ground.]

Pol: Ravel has lost everything. I remember having things to lose, at one point. I remember a similar scream. The feeling of loss. The feeling of death. The feeling of knowing nothing of what next to do. Ravel had no idea what he was going to do as king, and he lost his faith in good people, and in innocence. For a lack of knowing, he cried. He cried into the arms of the guard that had escorted him there, dear Matron.

[A man comes out and sits beside the woman as she cries.]

Pol: Matron had received what he wanted. He met his prince. I need not describe to you the feeling in his chest when he touched him. I need not describe the night, or the night after. Or the week later Ravel spent crying to sleep. Or the months. I instead go to a year later. Past all the tears. To the decisions. For what makes a man other than his choices?

[Exit Woman and Man. End of Act II]

[dotshiiki]

CoL, chpt 6

VI: ANNABETH

Annabeth turned the page of the book in front of her. The first sentence on the new page didn't make any sense. A few seconds later, she turned back to the previous page, realising that she hadn't really taken any of it in. If only the book was in Greek. It would have made reading so much easier. Then again, at least Latin was better than English.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been in the library already; long enough that the words were beginning to blur before her eyes.

She'd begged Reyna to get her a pass to the senate library—the greatest treasure trove of knowledge that New Rome had to offer—and since receiving it, she'd spent practically every waking hour here, waiting by the entrance at opening time and leaving only when the custodian chased her out at night. She'd cut classes and even missed an assignment deadline, but she didn't care. She could catch up on stuff she missed at school, retake the module next semester if need be.

But if she didn't find a solution to help Percy…

Everyone had a different opinion about it. Jason's advice was to give him space, that telling Percy too much would just overwhelm him. He'd told Annabeth about the confusion he'd felt when he'd awoken on the Wilderness School bus with everyone having Mist-induced false memories about him.

'Everyone was trying to push these memories on me and I knew it didn't feel right. It was especially hard with Piper expecting something from me. Even though I liked her, I just couldn't let myself get close to her.'

It was sensible advice and Annabeth was trying to follow it, trying not to push too much on Percy too soon. It wasn't easy, though, when everything she said or did was so entwined with him. She hadn't even realised how automatically she filled in his sentences, or referenced things they'd done together. Not until he winced or pulled away every time she did it.

Frank thought showing Percy places that had been important to him would make an impact, but so far none of their regular haunts in New Rome had jogged Percy's memory. Hazel felt he needed to get back into a routine and she'd gotten him back at the university, except he'd completely overhauled his course load. Piper thought they should just have faith that Percy's memories would eventually return on their own, but the thought of waiting, doing nothing, was simply untenable. Annabeth had even contacted Chiron, who had warned her that it was possible Percy would never remember the past.

'Maybe it would be better to forge a new future,' her old mentor told her gently.

But Annabeth couldn't let it be. Beyond how badly it hurt when Percy looked at her like she was a stranger, the clincher was the Iris-message conversation they'd had with his family a few days ago. The way he'd recoiled when Tyson had appeared in the rainbow, making the big guy's eye well up with tears; the brave look on Sally's face that barely masked the pain when her son didn't recognise her.

Annabeth had promised Sally she would fix it, and she was determined to do so.

After all, it had been her fault: Percy had gotten in the way of an attack on her. And it was her nepenthe recipe that had gotten him lost and captured by that damn empousa.

Annabeth fingered the bronze pendant in her pocket, a spoil of war she'd ended up with after she'd stabbed the empousa in Phoenix. She had no logical use for it, but she'd kept it for some reason. She kept carrying it with her like it might point her to an answer.

So far, it hadn't.

A shadow fell over her, blocking the light. Annabeth looked up to see Reyna standing before her, concern stamped across her face.

'Annabeth, you need a break.'

'I need to find an answer,' Annabeth insisted.

Reyna shook her head and put her hands on the book, covering the page Annabeth was trying to read. 'I bet you aren't even absorbing whatever you're reading any more.'

Annabeth wanted to protest, but Reyna was right. She'd read the paragraph on the page at least three times and she still couldn't say what it was about.

'Lay off the research for the afternoon,' Reyna said. 'Come have coffee with me.' When Annabeth didn't agree right away, Reyna raised her eyebrows. 'Don't forget who got you your library pass.'

Annabeth raised her hands in surrender and let Reyna march her out into the bright sunshine.

OoOoO

If there was one thing cafés in New Rome did well, it was coffee. But Annabeth barely tasted hers that afternoon.

'Earth to Annabeth,' Reyna said, waving a hand in front of her.

'Huh?' Annabeth sat her cup down in its saucer.

'You're still thinking about Percy, aren't you? You seriously need to get your mind off him. I know what it's like to get too focused on a problem. You'll just end up going in circles around it.'

'I can't help it,' Annabeth said. 'You don't know how awful it is. It's like, when we pass each other in the apartment, he can't even look at me. And I know he wants his memories back, but he needs it to come from himself, not from us. He doesn't even trust me any more.' Her voice cracked on the last sentence. This was it, the real reason she couldn't just let things be and start again from scratch with Percy.

He wasn't starting from a clean slate. That damn empousa had fed him a pack of lies and now the sum of his experience was being lied to and tricked. It was no wonder he was suspicious of everything anyone said to him. She would have been, in his position. But it also meant that one of his most endearing qualities, the one that annoyed her no end sometimes, but which she still loved so much about him, had been lost.

Percy was the kid who had trusted Tyson and Bob the Titan and seen the best in them. The man who was willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, a chance to prove themselves. Seeing him look at everyone now like they were his enemy unless proven otherwise—it broke her heart.

'I worry that if we don't fix this, he won't be Percy any more. He'll be…I don't know. Perseus. This bitter guy who thinks the world is out to get him.' Her breath hitched as she said it, remembering another friend whom she had lost that way.

Would Percy become like Luke—cold, bitter, and angry? She knew Percy held the same potential for darkness inside of him. She'd seen glimpses of it before. But his faith in others had always overpowered his dark side.

'He's in one of my classes, you know,' Reyna said. 'Greek mythology.'

'Seriously?'

'Yeah. It's a rubbish class—I took it thinking it'd be good to know more, what with the exchange programme and stuff, but the lecturer's crap. I was going to drop it, but now that Percy's in it, maybe I'll stick around and keep an eye on him.'

'Would you?'

'Sure. Though I don't think he trusts me any more than you. The first day he came to class, he saw me but he went straight to the other side of the room. I guess he thought I was trouble.' Reyna's mouth twisted in a wry smile. 'He still has good instincts.'

Annabeth managed a short laugh. 'Still, at least you can see how he's doing. it's hard for me to keep tabs on him while trying to give him space at the same time. I really want to know how he's coping with everything, but I'm starting to feel like a stalker every time I check up on him.'

They finished their coffee and Annabeth noticed for the first time that hers tasted off. 'There was milk in this,' she said, frowning.

Reyna laughed. 'You took my latte by accident and you didn't even realise.'

'Oh my gods, I'm sorry!'

'It's fine. Looks like you need more than just a coffee break. I was thinking of going to the sword-fighting arena for some practice. You should come. I could do with a decent sparring partner.'

Annabeth traced the rim of her coffee cup. 'I don't know. I should get back to the—'

'If you say library, I'm going to deck you. When was the last time you got some practice in?'

'Well, I didn't have any phys ed credits this term because I couldn't squeeze them in with all my electives, so Percy and I were just keeping up practice on our own. Except the last two weeks, he's been…'

Reyna nodded. 'You're definitely coming with me, then.'

OoOoO

There was a class going on that afternoon so the sword-fighting arena was crowded with students doing practice rounds with wooden swords, but there was one field free. Annabeth and Reyna claimed it and started with a warm-up round, sparring lightly with no serious attempt at attack, just getting into the rhythm of things. Annabeth's drakon-bone sword met Reyna's Imperial gold blade with a satisfying clang. Her focus narrowed to her footwork, her thrusts, and the movements of her opponent. She let her instincts take over, pushing her worries and stress out of her mind.

Reyna was right. She needed this release.

'Ready to go?' Reyna asked.

Annabeth nodded, looking forward to the match now. Sparring with Reyna was always a challenge since they were usually quite well-matched, having both been one of the best their respective camps had to offer.

Just as they took their positions, Annabeth happened to glance over at the other students. The instructor had evidently directed their attention towards Annabeth and Reyna, probably using them as a handy demonstration. Annabeth's eyes travelled over the gathered students and her gaze fell on a thin face framed with the shock of black hair that she would know anywhere.

Percy was here.

Reyna's blow almost caught her unawares. Annabeth parried at the last minute and nearly stumbled, her footwork clumsy in her distraction. She heard gasps from the watching students and gritted her teeth, angry at her own lapse in concentration. She threw herself back into the fight, but Reyna was too skilled for her to overcome such an egregious early error. She went down embarrassingly quickly.

To her credit, Reyna didn't talk down to her with a 'good one!' or any display of sympathy. 'Come on, Chase,' she said, 'that was rubbish.'

'Sorry,' Annabeth said. 'Again?'

They exchanged positions and bowed. This time, Annabeth threw herself into the match, pushing Percy out of her mind completely. She used every battle reflex she possessed, cataloguing Reyna's approach and strike style, matching every blow with her own thrusts and parries. Her footwork was quick and steady. About a minute in, she found her opening and struck at the base of Reyna's sword, using a twist that Luke had taught her a long time ago.

The Imperial gold weapon clattered out of Reyna's hand. Annabeth lunged forward and pressed the point of her sword to Reyna's chest.

'Yield!'

Reyna raised her hands in surrender. Annabeth withdrew her sword. She was breathing hard and sweating, but her head no longer felt tight and tense.

There was a smattering of applause from the watching students and their instructor. They dispersed to the other fields to practice, but Percy hung back. He had a speculative look on his face, his eyes scrunched up as they always did when he was contemplating something. She thought for a second—hoped, maybe—that he might come forward to speak to them, but then he retreated and re-joined his group.

It stung, but there was something else about it. Something in the way he looked at her jogged a distant memory—thirteen-year-old Percy scrunching up his face in concentration as he tried to learn something she was teaching him. Constellations, maybe? No, planets—she'd been teaching him a mnemonic to put them in order: My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas.

'I can definitely remember that one,' Percy had said. 'I just have to remember that there's nine of them.'

'Well, think of it this way: it's a mnemonic, and Mnemosyne gave birth to the nine Muses,' she'd told him.

One of the passages she'd read in the library earlier drifted into her mind: Asclepius and Mnemosyne were often linked in prayer, invoking the process of memory in healing.

Mnemosyne, the Titaness of memory. Wasn't there a myth about her pool in Hades? Something about drinking from two springs at the same time…

'Oh my gods,' Annabeth said.

'What?' Reyna asked.

'I know where to look. The answer was at home all along.'

'What are you talking about?'

'The nepenthe—the potion we made for Percy. There must have been a missing ingredient, but I didn't realise, because it was from a different source! Reyna—thank you. You were right, this helped. But I need to go now.'

She had to find Nico di Angelo.

OoOoO

Annabeth pulled on her jacket. It was a warm night, especially for October, but she expected the Underworld might be chilly. Maybe. It had been a long time since she'd been there.

Unless you counted Tartarus, which she didn't. Anyone who'd been there could testify that it was a whole different realm from Hades's kingdom.

Hope had been fluttering like a wild bird in her chest since Nico had agreed to take her. She'd pulled out every source she could find on the Mnemosyne—some said it was a pool; others a spring, or a river—and there was even an entire religion based upon it. Although she hadn't managed to connect it definitively to the nepenthe, that recipe had been a closely guarded secret. It made sense that Helen of Troy hadn't penned all the ingredients—maybe she'd even left out the key one to mislead others.

She wondered if she should tell Percy what she was doing. She didn't want to get his hopes up, though. Maybe after they visited Mnemosyne, if they got their answers, if it really worked…well, they'd have to get him to drink it, ultimately. Would he trust them enough to try?

But she'd worry about that later, after they succeeded.

Just as she was about to leave the apartment, Percy emerged from his room.

'Annabeth?'

She blinked in surprise. It was the last thing she'd expected. Percy hadn't initiated a conversation with her since they'd brought him back from Arizona.

'Um,' she said stupidly. 'Yeah?'

'I was, er…' His face scrunched up again, making a familiar crease in his forehead. Annabeth resisted the urge to reach out and smooth it with her thumb. 'I saw you fighting today.'

'Oh.' Annabeth wasn't sure how to respond. Should she mention that she had noticed him?

'You're really good.'

'Thanks. You're actually not bad yourself.' The words came out before she could bite them back. She winced. Once again, she'd dropped more information about him—information he'd been solidly rejecting when it came from her.

Percy ignored her slip, though. 'Um, I have a favour to ask.' He reached into his pocket and brought out a pen she knew well.

Riptide. She hadn't seen it since the fight with Hipponoe.

Percy fiddled with the cap, but didn't flick it off. Probably a good thing. Terminus had long since given up on making Percy deposit it at the city boundaries—nothing really stopped it from reforming in his pocket—but he'd come down harder than Zeus's master bolt if he caught Percy uncapping it inside the Pomerian line. 'I thought maybe you could teach me how to use a sword.'

'Oh,' Annabeth said again. Her heart, already aflutter with hope at finding a cure for Percy's memory loss, went completely insane.

'Look, you don't have to if you don't want to,' Percy said quickly. 'It's just that, I wasn't really getting much from my class today, and I thought I might as well make the most of living with a real sword-fighting pro.'

'No, I mean, yes, I can teach you.' She tried not to sound too eager. 'Tomorrow?'

'Cool,' he said. 'Um. Later, then.'

Annabeth smiled. 'See you later, Percy.'

It wasn't until she got to the barracks to meet Nico that she realised it was the first time he hadn't corrected her for calling him Percy instead of Perseus.

Warmth spread from her heart throughout her chest. It was a step.

OoOoO

'I hope this works,' said Nico, squinting at the cave system on the western edge of the Underworld. 'Percy's weird as Perseus.'

'I hope so, too.'

'I think that's the one,' he said, pointing. Annabeth couldn't see how this particular cave was different from the others, but Nico probably knew best. They approached the entrance, carved into the dark volcanic rock. The temperature dipped ten degrees when they crossed the threshold. Annabeth shivered, glad she'd thought to bring her jacket.

The pool lay in a round depression at the centre of the cave. At its edge was a series of altars, ten in total, all made of pure white marble and each bearing a flame. Their flickering light danced over the surface of the pool, creating shadows that shifted continuously in its depths. The middle altar was the highest, shaped like a jagged mountaintop. The others each bore a different carved symbol: a writing tablet, a flute, a lyre, a wreath of myrtle. At the second-last altar, represented by a bugle, a girl wearing a Greek chiton, laced boots, and an ivy wreath in her wispy hair was tending the fire.

'Mnemosyne?' Annabeth asked.

'Great Olympus, no!' said the girl, shuddering. 'Please don't mistake me for my mom. That's like, gross.'

'Sorry. You must be—'

She turned to them with an impish look on her round face. 'Thalia. Muse of comedy, at your service. Are either of you looking for a good laugh?'

'Not particularly,' Nico said. 'We're looking for your mother.'

'What do you want with her? Seriously, she's boring. And old.'

'Aren't you like three thousand years old?' Annabeth pointed out.

'Yeah, but mom's three thousand and thirty.'

'Thalia!' Mnemosyne emerged, sliding out of a crevice in the cave wall that Annabeth hadn't even noticed. 'I should snip off your disrespectful tongue.'

Thalia poked the offending appendage at her mother. Mnemosyne crossed her arms and stared at Annabeth and Nico. Unlike her plump daughter, she was tall and thin, with thick bronze hair. Her expression was the very definition of resting bitch face: grumpy pursed lips and bored-looking eyes.

'Son of Hades,' she noted, 'and a daughter of Athena. Well, what do you need to remember?'

'How did you know—'

Mnemosyne rolled her eyes. 'Everyone who comes here wants to remember something. That's all anyone prays to me for now. Time was, I'd get sacrifices for poetry and healing and clarity of vision, but noooo, now it's just "Mnemosyne, I need to remember where I put my keys," or "Mnemosyne, can you come up with a good way to memorise the periodic table?"'

'Well, you did let Calliope and Erato handle the poets,' Thalia said.

'I know that!' Mnemosyne snapped. 'I remember.'

'We're here for healing,' Annabeth said quickly. 'I know about your collaboration with Asclepius. The ancient Greeks prayed to both of you together.'

'Those were the days,' Mnemosyne agreed. 'What is it you need, then?'

'Your pool—we were hoping it would bring back lost memories.'

'Lost memories, huh?' Mnemosyne glided over to the edge of her pool. She put one finger in it and stirred the waters. The surface rippled and Annabeth saw, to her surprise, her father peering down at a baby in a golden basket. Mnemosyne stirred again and the image changed to a young Nico running hand-in-hand across a cobblestone path with an olive-skinned girl—his sister, Bianca. Nico paled and swallowed hard.

'Which one of you is searching, then?' Mnemosyne asked.

'Neither,' Annabeth said. She explained about Percy and his predicament. Mnemosyne's expression didn't change, but her eyes seemed slightly sadder.

'And you heard about the pool's power to recover memories,' Mnemosyne said. 'It's not untrue, but there's a procedure to follow.'

'Well, whatever it is, we can do it!'

Mnemosyne shook her head. 'You don't understand. This is a pool, not a river. It does not mingle with the waters of the Lethe. The only way to use my pool to retrieve memories that the Lethe has taken is to drink from it before you drink from the Lethe.'

Annabeth's heart plummeted to her knees. 'Surely there's something you can do?'

Thalia clasped her hands together. 'Come on, Mom, her story's so tragic. Let's make it happier.'

'He drank Lethe mixed with nectar,' Nico added. 'Would that change anything?'

Mnemosyne considered this for a moment. It would be better if he had drank Lethe mixed with water from the spring of memory. But perhaps…' She crossed to the centre altar and placed her hand over the burning flame. After a few seconds, a small vial materialised in it. Mnemosyne plucked it out of the fire and brought it over to Annabeth and Nico.

'This is the most purified of my pool's waters,' she said. 'Mix two parts with one part nectar and let it steep for three days. That's the most potent cure I can offer. Perhaps if your friend's memories have not yet flowed all the way to Chaos, it may work.'

Annabeth clasped the vial to her heart. 'Thank you,' she said fervently.

'Yes, well, it's nice to be asked for something more meaningful these days. One does get sick of all the prayers about rote memorisation…' She shuddered. 'Thalia, did you remember to clean your altar?'

With the abrupt change in subject, Annabeth guessed she and Nico were dismissed. As they left the cave, she heard Thalia complaining, 'Yes, mom, stop nagging.'

'Well, remember that century you neglected it?'

'Mom, that was millennia ago! And besides, Melpomene said she'd cover for me.'

'And you saw what happened—all the Greeks ever wrote from that era was tragedy.'

'I'm going to take it as a good sign that we ran into the Muse of comedy instead of the Muse of tragedy,' Nico commented.

Annabeth laughed. 'Thanks, Nico. Let's hope this works.'

OoOoO

Even without Mnemosyne's potion, things were already looking up. Percy seemed to take their agreement to practise sword-fighting as a peace offering, and their interactions at home were less stilted. He wasn't exactly opening up to Annabeth yet, but he did appear in the common areas more often, helping himself to the big pot of coffee she made in the morning and even popping into the living room for a short chat one evening when she was eating pizza and catching up on the assignments she'd neglected. They didn't speak of anything significant, just inane small talk about his day, but the fact that he'd sought her out and started the conversation…

She started to realise that the less she offered him, the more willing he was to approach her instead.

Their lessons began the day after her return from Mnemosyne's pool. Annabeth quickly realised that while Percy's memory of using Riptide was gone, his skill with the sword remained. And his natural fighting style was Greek. No wonder he hadn't felt comfortable with the Roman instructor's teaching.

By their second day of training, Annabeth was already starting to feel challenged sparring with Percy. Every move she'd shown him, he'd picked up with ease. It didn't take an afternoon for him to move past competency to proficiency.

On the third day, Mnemosyne's potion was ready.

They both had class in the afternoon, so they'd agreed to have their lesson in the morning. Percy came down to the kitchen looking a little bleary-eyed and poured himself a mug of coffee. He took a gulp and made a face.

'Out of milk today?'

'Oh, sorry,' she said. 'I did it the usual way.'

'The usual way?'

'I like my coffee black,' she explained.

'But you've been making it with milk…' His face closed off, and Annabeth realised her mistake. She'd been making him coffee the way he liked it—the way she knew he liked it.

It didn't seem to matter how many concessions she consciously made—removing her stuff from his room, letting him make the first move, even taking off her camp necklace so he wouldn't see something they shared—she'd more easily cut off her own arm than succeed at cutting Percy out of her soul.

'Perseus,' she said, hoping the use of the name he favoured now would signal a compromise. 'Before we go for training, I need to tell you something.'

His expression was guarded. 'What is it?'

Annabeth explained about her and Nico's visit to Mnemosyne and the potion they'd made from the pool.

'It might be what you need to bring your memories back. Your memories, not something we've told you or what the empousa planted in your head.'

'A drink,' he said. And then, more wistfully, 'My memories.'

'It might not work,' Annabeth warned him, although she was banking everything on its success. 'Mnemosyne said that if your memories have gone out to Chaos, they're really gone. But this was the most potent memory cure she could give us. I—I hope you'll try it.'

A deep crease appeared between Percy's eyebrows. 'You're not gonna make me drink it?'

'They're your memories, aren't they?' Annabeth said in surprise. 'It's your decision.'

Percy looked her in the eye, a long searching gaze. Finally, he said, 'Okay, what the heck. Let's try this thing.'

Annabeth's heart pounded as she passed him the flask where they'd mixed Mnemosyne's potion. After taking a deep breath, Percy downed it in one gulp.

They waited thirty seconds, a minute, two. The air hung heavy in the room, weighted with expectation. Annabeth's hope was like a balloon, rising slowly through its density. Any moment now…

Then Percy said, 'I don't feel any different.'

'Do you remember—?'

'No,' he said bitterly. 'Nothing.'

Annabeth's balloon of hope exploded into hot, stinging disappointment that coursed miserably through her veins. Tears pricked at her eyes, but she made herself hold them back. If Percy was still Perseus—and it seemed like he would be from now on—the worst thing she could do was show how much it affected her.

'I'm sorry,' she said. 'I really hoped it would help.'

In the silence, Annabeth wondered what he was thinking. If it had been her Percy, she would have guessed that he was worrying about how she felt about it. But Perseus was different—and he didn't care about her.

At last he said, 'It was worth a shot.' He gave her a tentative smile. 'Thanks for trying.'

Annabeth nodded. 'Well,' she said, casting about for a change of subject, 'I can still teach you swordplay.'

Percy seemed to throw everything he had into the lesson that day. He mastered each move nearly as quickly as she could demonstrate it. When they got to their end-of-session match, it was like fighting Reyna, except harder. With Reyna, if Annabeth could recognise the pattern and style she was using, she could anticipate her opponent's moves and counter them. Percy fought the way he always had: with a wild unpredictability that took all of Annabeth's best reflexes to meet.

It thrilled her. This was the way they had always sparred, a dance that kept her continually on her toes. It was the duel they'd repeated time and again since they were kids at Camp Half-Blood, a familiar tango that, truth be hold, was a huge turn-on for her. Percy's green eyes were alert and bright, his face so alive as he slashed and struck and countered and parried. He wasn't even fighting using her instructions any more, but with his own instincts.

It ended when she attempted a tricky move and messed it up. She fell back as he knocked her sword out of her hand. Her feet caught Percy's as she went down. He landed on top of her, pinning her to the ground in an unorthodox victory.

'I think I win,' Percy said.

His hair was completely mussed up, his bangs plastered across his sweaty forehead. His eyes sparkled with exhilaration. His face was flushed and he was breathing heavily, but his mouth quirked in a familiar sardonic smile, with that one lopsided dimple denting his right cheek.

This was her Percy. Memory or no memory, he was still in there.

Annabeth couldn't help herself. She reached up and kissed him.

Yes, a cliffy. Yes, I'm evil. But next update is coming this evening ... so maybe not that evil? :)

In the mean time, check out @preciouschildrenofolympus’s illustration of The Kiss! <3

A few more notes:

So Reyna basically walked straight into this chapter and wrote herself in. With that coffee scene (and the one with Percy later), I totally have a coffee backstory for all the demigods. I know, I'm nuts.

I'll also have you know that the bit about Mnemosyne was written before TDP came out. I only went back to make some small edits it to make it more compatible. And yes, she does have a daughter named Thalia.

Continue to chapter 7 | Back to content page

[teamkaiforever]

It Hurts Like Hell                                      - Part VI Kai Parker x Reader

word count : 2 521 warning : reader character’s death (be warned - this chapter was the hardest to write because i just couldn’t stop crying)

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 *not my gif ___________________________________ Y/N spent the next few weeks barely leaving Kai’s apartment. She couldn’t stand being around her friends right now… Every time she saw any of them , the pain of what they did crushed her heart all over again. She loved Kai still and knew that one way or another he’d be back. Either he’d find his way out of there or she’d find someone to do the spell and bring him back. Lilly Salvatore wasn’t going to give up either , she was sure of it. Y/N woke up in Kai’s bed feeling someone’s hands around her waist. I’m just imagining it. she thought. It hasn’t been the first time since Kai got trapped in 1903 that she felt as if someone was there with her. Everywhere around the apartment , she’d see his face , hear his voice…. but this time it felt different. It felt more real than before. Y/N rolled over and found Kai starring at her. “K-kai ?” she said startled. “No … no … I’m imagining it again.” tears started filling her eyelids. “Don’t cry. ” he said wiping a tear from her face.“I hate it when you cry… I am really  here. I am real.” Kai watched as his words started sinking into Y/N’s mind , her eyes widening when she realised it was really him standing there , a smile spreading across her face melting his heart.He had missed her more than he thought possible. “OH MY … KAI !” she said rolling over , standing on top of him. “You are back !!! How … when ?” a wide grin on her face. “You know , never mind that … You are here !!” she said leaning in to kiss him deeply. “Wow , calm down baby.” he said grinning too. “I can’t ! I missed you so much …” she said unable to keep her lips off of his. “I love you ! I love you!” Kai laughed , the most beautiful sound in the whole universe filling in the room. “I love and missed you too Y/N. More than you can imagine.” he said , resting his forehead against her before pushing her away  ,sitting on the bed with a serious look on his face. Y/N was confused for a moment as to what was happening. She took his hand and he turned towards her , a grim smile on his face. “What is it ?” she asked. “Nothing… ” he said , “Thats a beautiful dress you got there…” “Thanks .. It’s for Jo’s wedding….  which is today. They are making me go even tho I told them specifically I never wanted to see any of them ever again.” Y/N said sadly. “Are you going to the wedding ?” Kai asked , same grim look on his face. “I was thinking about going … All the Gemini will be here and I thought , maybe somehow I’d convince one of them to help me break you out of 1903 prison world , or at least get them to send me there.” Y/N watched as Kai’s lips turned into a smile. “You wanted to go to 1903 just to be with me ? Stuck reliving the same day over and over again for all eternity ?” he said surprised. “I couldn’t bare another moment being away from you.” she said as Kai wrapped his hands around her. “Neither could I.” Kai said , kissing her forehead. “There is something I have to tell you. I am going to make them pay for what they did… but I need you to stay here , OK. Don’t go to the wedding.” “Why not ? ” she asked confused. “Malachai Parker , what have you got planned for today ?” Y/N sat there listening to Kai’s plan , her eyes wide with shock and fear but not because of what he wanted to do. She had learned a long time ago that when you cross Kai , things get ugly. No , she was afraid because he didn’t know her friends like she did. They’d kill him for what he was planning to do.. for what he had already done. … but there was no talking him out of it. He made her promise that she wouldn’t go and she promised , knowing very well in the end she will break that promise. It was better this way - she’d have a chance to try and get him to pull back on his plan… and she didn’t want him to put a boundary spell on the apartment to keep her in there. *  *  * Y/N got dressed and drove to the wedding. As she was getting out of the car , her eyes fell on Kai who was standing on the edge of the forest. He motioned for her to follow. She looked around a few times , making sure no one could see her and walked towards him following him into the forest. They walked in silence for a while until they were far away so no one can hear them. “You shouldn’t be here.” he said. “You promised me.” There was hurt in his voice , he wasn’t angry … he was sad. “Where else would I be?” she asked , wrapping her hands around him. “Don’t do this Kai.” Y/N pleaded. “I’m sorry. I have to.” he said pressing his lips against hers. “I love you so much , Y/N.” he said and suddenly dissapeared into thin air. “Kai , please … I know you can still hear me. I can’t lose you.” she said , her voice breaking. “I love you …” But no answer came. Y/N had no idea if Kai was still there with her or not. ___________ Jo and Alaric’s wedding was a complete disaster. In the very beginning everything had been perfectly fine , she even felt someone holding her hand and there was no question who it was… then suddenly that someone was gone. Kai went through with his plan , interrupting the wedding right before Jo has finished her wedding vow. All the mayhem that followed sent Y/N across the room and onto the floor , hitting her head , pieces of glass piercing in her stomach. She was badly hurt and the pain was so strong but none of it even compared to seeing Kai stab himself in the neck with a piece of glass. Y/N tried to get to him but each move caused the glass shards to move further into her body. She cried out for help but her scream was muffled by others. A couple of times she blacked out. When she became concious again , there was someone standing over her , trying to remove the glass pieces.  Her vision was blurry but the voice she heard … she’d recognize it anywhere. In fact , she was sure his voice could bring her back from the dead , that’s how strong hold he had on her. “Don’t move.” Kai said pulling another piece of glass out of her stomach. Y/N groaned in pain. “Damn it …” he cursed under his breath. “That one has penetrated deeper , hold on.” A few moments later Kai had the piece pulled out , a loud scream tearing itself free from Y/N’s throat. He bit his wrist and gave her his blood to heal her. Y/N shot up straight wrapping her hands around him and cupping his face before kissing his soft lips. “You are OK!” she said , relief in her voice. “I saw you die … I … ” suddenly tears started falling down her face.  Kai pulled her in close and kissed her deeply. “Leave.” Kai said , suddenly serious. Y/N looked at him confused. “Leave? What ? NO ! I am not leaving you !” she protested. Kai grabbed her shoulders , locking eyes with her. “I love you , Y/N… and I want you out of harms way. You can’t be here for what comes next.” He kissed her forehead before continuing “If something happens to you … I … ” Kai’s eyes darted to her vervain bracelet and he took it off. “God , I hope this works … Listen to me Y/N - leave and forget you saw me today. I’ll find you when this is all over. I love you.” he said looking straight into her eyes. Without her vervain bracelet Y/N couldn’t fight the compulsion and did exactly as Kai compelled her to do. Kai watched as the girl he loves left through the doors not turning around and his heart broke a little at the thought he had almost lost her… but he was going to make damn sure that never happened again. *   *   *  A few hours later , Y/N’s phone rang. It was Stefan , he wanted her to go to the Salvatore house. Something had happened. Y/N got in her car and drove over. When she got there , Damon explained to her how Kai had linked Elena’s life to Bonnie and then had tried to kill Bonnie… so he had killed him. Y/N’s eyes widened , she shook her head refusing to believe what Damon had told her. “No. No, you are lying.” she said , tears filling her eyes. “Kai is not dead , he can’t be dead ! ” she kept repeating , more to herself to anyone else. Stefan poured her a drink and handed it over to her. She wrapped her hands around the glass starring into nothing , tears streaming down her face. Y/N got up and threw the glass across the room , smashing it in the fireplace. Caroline tried to hug her , but Y/N pushed her away , got up and walked into the kitchen to get some water. The prospect of living without Kai was ripping a whole straight through her chest, she couldn’t breath. None of this was supposed to happen. Kai was supposed to return to her , they were supposed to have a future together and now … everything was gone and all she saw was emptiness and pain. Y/N hadn’t even realised her hand had wrapped around one of the sharpest knifes as she made up her mind. “What are you doing ?” Stefan asked , startling her. She hadn’t even realise she had been followed. “Put that knife down.” he said slowly taking a step towards her , his arm outstretched. “Don’t do this …” “I can’t live without him , Stefan.” Y/N said , her voice dangerously cold. “I don’t want to go on living knowing he is gone. My life without him doesn’t exist.” she said and before Stefan had had the time to reach her , Y/N had slit her own throat , collapsing on the ground , the cut so deep she bleed out in seconds. The pain was about to go away forever and wherever Kai was at this moment , she was soon going to be with him. Stefan tried to heal her , but it was too late. He lifted her lifeless body and took her to the living room , tears in his eyes. Caroline rushed towards Y/N , her hand on her mouth , listening to Stefan explain what had happened and how he hadn’t been able to save her. He laid her body on the couch holding her hand and glancing at Damon who poured himself another drink and just walked out of the room. Y/N took a shallow breath. She had slit her own throat … but wherever she was , clearly her plan had failed. She grasped for air , her eyes wide with confusion. Y/N was in the Salvatore house living room alone. Where was everyone and why was her throat aching like this ? Y/N reached with her hand to rub it , her neck wet. When she looked at her hand which was now covered in blood. “What the hell?” she muttered under her breath. The doors opened , Stefan and Damon walked inside. “Stefan?” Y/N asked confused , his eyes widening. “What is happening to me ?” Stefan walked towards her confused , reaching for her face , searching for pulse. There was none. “I think … I think you died with vampire blood in your system.” he said turning to look at Damon , who just couldn’t be bothered with anything at the time. Y/N started crying. This was not what she wanted. Becoming a vampire was never on her list. All she had wanted was to die and maybe find Kai wherever he had gone after Damon killed him. “No , no… ” she shook her head tears streaming down her face. Memories slowly started flooding back , a highlight of her transition and her eyes widened. “Kai…” she said. Stefan looked at confused. “What are you talki- ?” “Kai gave me his blood , at the wedding. I was injured , he … he healed me.” she said putting a hand over her mouth. “Oh God…He compelled me to forget I ever saw him today.” she said trailing off.  "I died with his blood in my system.“ Terror flooded her , she never wanted to become a vampire and now she had to make a choice.   “I never wanted this …” she said , her voice hollow. Stefan pulled her into a hug. “Damon ?” he said , but when no response followed her raised his voice. “Damon ! ” finally catching his attention. “Go get a blood bag from downstairs.” Y/N pulled away shocked shaking her head. “Just in case …” Stefan said “It’s your choice , but whatever you decide just know I’ll be there to help you through it.” Y/N nodded as thoughts started swirling through her mind , trying to make a pro / cons list. After a few minutes she gave up. Most of her friends were vampires , she knew exactly what would happen if she made the choice to become one. Blood lust. Destruction and mayhem… Damon dropped the blood bag next to her and quietly walked upstairs to his room.  Stefan wanted to stay with her , but Y/N told him she’d be alright alone. “Just … call out if you need something.” he said starting to leave the room. “Wait…” Y/N said , making him turn around. “Where… where did you bury him ? I want to go there. Now.” Stefan and Y/N walked through the forest , not too far from the Salvatore Boarding House. It was dark and a slight chill was in the air , or maybe she felt it because technically she was dead now. A few minutes passed and finally they reached a spot where the ground had been freshly dug up. “I’ll give you some time alone.” Stefan said quietly. Y/N only nodded and sat on the ground , dropping the blood bag next to her.  She buried her fingers in the dirt and started crying. Whatever pain she had felt before , everything was getting amplified now. Kai was right there next to her , but she couldn’t touch him or see him. He was gone forever. She felt so lost without him. All memories they had shared were swirling like a tornado in her mind - the first time she had met him , their first kiss … the last time he told her he loved her.  And the last thing he had done for her - saving her life … twice.  A small smile spread across her face at the thought that his blood is currently running through her veins , a part of him was inside her. In that moment she made her decision - if becoming a vampire would mean keeping a part of him close , then that’s what she’d do.  _____________________ MASTERLIST March / April 2017 ______________________

[seriously-siri]

So Very Like Me

Got the itch to write. I’m going to take a stab at the characters I didn’t get to for the Lost Light Fest. Also the ones I had a hard time writing or didn’t like what I wrote so I never posted them. Anywho, here it goes!

Nautica

Everyone on Caminus is outgoing. There are more leaders than followers and it’s an overwhelming clash of personalities for someone like me. I don’t want to stand out. I don’t want to be the leader of a group. I want to be able to spend time with people I like, but also be able to go and do my own thing. I want to read and study and learn.

On Caminus, being a loner is frowned upon. You have to lead. You have to be loud and proud and stand out in the crowd (and that rhyme is probably the exent of anything accidentally artistic I can do). It’s not that I can’t stand out. I’m smart and can school almost anyone on science (Brainstorm and Perceptor aside, of course). I just don’t want to. That was never okay at home. It’s okay here, though.

I am okay here. Wherever here is at the moment.

Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I hadn’t jumped on the Lost Light at the last second. Only sometimes, because really I wouldn’t want it any other way. Everything became such a whirlwind when Rodimus and the rest of the group showed up inside Metroplex. There were things trying to kill us and then we were on Cybertron and who would have thought that place still existed. Then there were combiners and chaos and the war our ancestors had fled from was both still going on and ending all at the same time. It was so overwhelming and simultaneously it was so interesting and I wanted nothing more than to jump into the middle of it all and figure out the whys and hows and the whos. There was a lot to take in.

Then, when the Lost Light showed up over the skies of Cybertron, amidst complete chaos, I knew all my answers were somehow hidden within its walls. I know that sounds silly, especially for someone like me who has always been more grounded; after all, I am a scientist at the end of the day (and don’t get me wrong, the fact that there were quantum engines attached to the LL definitely peaked my interest). All I can tell you is that I saw it and I thought about the people I already met who had come from it and that was it. I had to go. I know it surprised Windblade and Chromia a lot and I know when we met up with Firestar  and the rest of the Vis Vitalis she was pretty shocked. It was so very unlike me.

I am not very brave.

At least I wasn’t. I think now I can say I am at least a little bit brave. My friends here, they showed me that it’s okay to be me and I don’t have to conform to whatever mold society has set for me. That made me brave; made me want to discover more about myself, those around me, and the universe. I was always the weird one out. Everyone is a little bit weird here.

Instead of saying the things I liked were not okay Brainstorm let me into his lab. Instead of pretending I wasn’t an outcast Rodimus let me join him on their adventures, but he asked. Instead of shunning me or pitying me Skids asked me to dance with him.

Skids…

Really all of this is about him. He showed me all those things. The others did too, but Skids took my hand and we danced. We laughed. He taught me that acceptance was the mark of a real friend. It’s not that Windblade and Chromia weren’t my friends, but I have to be honest; I was always more of a lost turbofox trailing at their heels. They probably aren’t wondering where I am now. Not the way I wonder where he is. Not the way I wonder where we should be.

I don’t regret it. Not at all. I hate that he’s gone. I hate that I will never be able to fill whatever hole is in my chest now that he won’t be here anymore. I hate that I want to cry and scream whenever I think about it, but I don’t regret it. He wouldn’t want me to. He wouldn’t want any of us to.

I just wish he hadn’t felt so alone when he went. I wish I had told him everything I’ve written here.

Really, though. Even though we ended up here and now, at the end of everything and my best friend is gone, I am so glad I got on the ship. I am so glad I met everyone. I am so glad that the adventures are going to continue. I feel so lost right now, but that’s okay. We’ll find our way. We always have in the past.

I hope i can go home one day and surprise everyone there. I hope I can sit down and tell them all things I’ve done and tell them about all the people I’ve met. I want to show them everything that’s changed.

Because joining the Lost Light was so very unlike me. I’d never taken a chance by myself. I’d never left anyone behind on my own. I’d never been alone.

I am still not alone. I never will be.

[iamsielow]

Okay, so here's what's going to happen in China by September 2020 and why.

Before September of 2020 expect the following to come to a head:  The Chinese Government will take over the Chinese Military.

"I thought they were one in the same." Don't interrupt me.  Just keep reading. China, the Chinese Communist Party consists of two parts:  The Military and the Government.  When the CCP was throwing people out of Universities and out of cities and into rice fields, the Military handled all of this while the Government side dictated the parameters of the new and growing country.  The Military quashed rebellion, enforced gun laws, and would go through the rice paddies, collecting the newly created peasants for all sorts of events: War in Viet Nam, war in Korea, war in Mongolia, war ... well, wherever bodies were needed, the Military would collected ignorant peasants, give them substandard weapons and limited bullets, and send them into the conflict ahead of the REAL military troops.  The easily replaced peasants absorbed all the first round casualties and the more experienced troops followed to inflict the real damage.

However, time moved forward, Nixon traveled to China and the CCP discovered it was easy to make money by selling products made by slave labor to countries with gold.  It was also easy to insert military objectives into some of the products going out so that while the enemies of the CCP suffered, the leadership grew wealthy.

To maintain this money growth, the peasants had to move back into the cities and learn new skills. They had to master computers, computer languages, accounting and science skills and so forth.

Sadly, the military was still run by powerful warhawks.  Warhawks believe that when you have a sword and an enemy is standing near, you need to stab them.  Over the years the warhawks did this without thinking and in turn it caused problems for the CCP Government side of things.

In addition to this, it was harder and harder for the Military to find ignorant peasants for their war events. Now everyone had cell phones, TVs and watched movies.  They knew good guns from bad ones and when you gave them crappy equipment, cell phone networks lit up with videos of rifles falling apart, bullets failing to fire and other war items failing to work as needed.  This in turn led to fewer and fewer people one wanting to the on the front lines willing give their lives for the country simply because the Military commanded it. This added up to increasing failures on the Military side of the CCP. Hong Kong is the biggest and best example. Hong Kong was supposed to be an easy "In and Out" event.  Go in, remove everyone who likes freedoms and leave behind the same ruling class the rest of China "enjoys".

Opps!  The Military failed that.  So they got desperate.  Recently they had begun experimenting with things call "vi-rus-es."  The Military leaders were told these Vi-Rus-Es could be made to incapacitate an enemy while your own inoculated troops would be immune to the effects. After coming up with a batch of the stuff, the Military ordered a live fire test of the disease.  They released it in a crowded food court and watched and waited for the results.

Unfortunately, the virus wasn't as steady as predicted.  It was 10% more powerful than expected and it looked like there were 7 mutation strains, not the 4 that were promised.

Go back and look at who rushed in and quieted people on the COVID-19 virus.  NOT the Government forces but the MILITARY ones!  This was a MILITARY operation.  It wasn't POLICY being challenged; it was a MILITARY experiment suffering issues.

This being the case, the Military screwed up!  They rushed in and silenced anyone reporting the results of this secret MILITARY project and, in some cases, people were made to disappear.

In addition to this, people identified as getting the disease were being rounded up, studied and then disposed of.  If the Military had just left everything alone, they would have gotten all the results they wanted through normal channels and the disease would have come to an early close.

But, because of the heavy-handed way the Military dealt with this Top Secret event, the disease got a HUGE head start and kept running. Think about it:  If the rumor said that reporting the disease made you disappear, what would you do when you go the disease?

Leave town! The Military event went sideways.  Hong Kong still existed.  Things are not looking good for the Military side of the CCP. Complicating things was the feeling that the only reason the Military still existed was because it was a frightening thing! It had guns and bullets and bombs and made growling noises when you approached it.  The Government side of things began to notice that the guns fell apart, the bullets didn't fire, bombs were unable to explode and while it still growled, there was the Hong Kong failure, the recent Google debacle and now the Wuhan Flu was causing the CCP all sorts of problems; problems the Leadership of the CCP was having to deal with.

The Government was starting to think the Military wasn't anything but a toothless, clawless dragon. In China, a toothless, clawless dragon is another name for a worm. So now the Military needs to act!  It needs a success!  It needs to prove it is still something to be feared! The army may have failed, but the Military still has THE NAVY!

Sadly, if you thought the Chinese Army was a joke - and many Government Leaders are beginning to think this - the Chinese Navy is even worse. ...

SO!  Before September watch for the Chinese Navy to launch a much needed attack on a prize, seeking to please the CCP Leadership.

At first, they had planned to try Korea, but this virus has caused "issues" in Korea, which takes it off the table. So now the Chinese Military will set its sites on:  Taiwan! At long last, the Chinese Military will attack or start to attack Taiwan!

If you are familiar with the term "Bay of Pigs," lower it a couple of notches and you'll understand what will happen with Taiwan. While at first, Taiwan will scream to its friends for protection from the MIGHTY CHINESE NAVY, once the process has actually stated, watch for Taiwan to cancel the requests for assistance and repel the MIGHTY CHINESE NAVY with a couple of sling shots and a big rock or two. The Taiwan Navy would normally get a chance to double its size except for the fact that the captured vessels will be too expensive to use as anything except target practice floaters and places people will pay to explore while diving.

Meanwhile, back in the CCP:

It will suddenly be apparent the Big Bad Military arm of the CCP is anything but!  A HUGE coup will occur!  The warhawks will be gathered for meetings in which no one except Government operatives leave standing up.  Military bases and units will suddenly be under Government Forces control.

BUT!!!  Do not expect the Military leadership go out without a fight.

Suddenly there will be a pictures flooding the internet of a mushroom cloud in China.

DO NOT FEAR!

NOT ALL MUSHROOM CLOUDS MEAN A NUCLEAR BOMB HAS EXPLODED!

ANY large explosion of conventional weapons will ALSO result in a mushroom cloud!

Once everything settles and the bodies are counted and sorted, it will be learned the cloud was nothing but common explosives, the CCP still exists and is still in charge, the mighty CCP Military will be no more, but the Government forces will be in control of everything. While China might go under lockdown, watch for this to last less than a couple of weeks.

On the downside, without the internal, adversarial Military to deal with, the CCP Government agencies will have FULL control over everything!

Without the Military warhawks to keep it honest, the CCP Government forces will soon realize they are all powerful. And remember, every time a Government outlaws God, the Government assumes the role left behind by the void God once filled. The Government forces of the CCP will assume they are, in fact, God.

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...

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And then the fun begins.

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I Am Sielow, These are my words.

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