#very very rarely will you find me dissing helen's writing

[clumsyclifford]

for ur fic i can’t be just friends, numbers 1, 5, 15?

GREAT CHOICE i just reread that fic the other night

i can't be just friends (you're messing with my head)

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way? helen's old jalex fics!! no, seriously. this one comes to mind. the way helen wrote alex in particular spoke to me back when i started the (my) fic, and full transparency, i don't really care for that iteration of alex anymore (hers OR mine). he was kind of a dick as a result of being young and scared, which i get. that's how helen's old jalex had always been written, with alex being too much of a coward to admit his feelings whilst jack is both comfortable in his sexuality and prepared to forgive alex and give him all the time he needs and basically let alex walk all over him. so i wrote mine like that, but that's a big character imbalance that i don't really like writing anymore. it felt like alex had all the big flaws and jack had none and i don't believe people are like that in real life. but anyway. that's what inspired it.

5: What part was hardest to write? the ending, reason being that i wrote it significantly later than any of the rest of it. the whole body of the fic right up until the scene where jack confronts alex and is like "you're avoiding me" - all of that was written around roughly the same time, when i was still in the mindset of "this is a jalex that i want to write." and then i left and came back to it some time later but i had come to the realization that i did not want to write this jalex in this way and i had to find a way to redeem the characters and tie up the arcs and the plot in a way that i liked and was satisfying both narratively and for me as the author. so that jack could make it clear how much alex's behavior had hurt him and alex could actually redeem himself. honestly maybe i oversimplified it, but at that point i mostly just wanted to finish the fic so i could be done writing it.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic? ill tell you honestly, i learned that i dont like writing characters this way. theyre lewd in a way that may be realistic but is not really my style, and i dont particularly enjoy writing a sexuality crisis that comes with so much denial. once again i know it's a realistic thing that happens but it's not for me. i don't like the idea that alex would be in any way disgusted by being attracted to jack. or in general that anyone would hurt someone else in that specific way. it's just not my cup of tea. there are so many more interesting ways, in my opinion, for a relationship to have problems, ways that give both characters depth and complexity. so i don't really do this one anymore.

caveat, i feel like i just dissed this fic a lot of times, but to be clear i really really love it. it was an exercise in writing something very far out of my wheelhouse. and with the way that i wrapped it up, ending it with more perspective than i began, i'm happy with the way it turned out. i'm GLAD i waited so long to write the ending so i could sort of try to remedy the shit i put these kids through in the thick of things. and i'm proud of this fic, it's got a lot of good stuff. so yeah

fic asks

[nancygduarteus]

Get Yourself a Nemesis

No one has more nemeses than the writer Roxane Gay. Since 2011, she has tweeted blind items about various foes in a stream of captivating updates. “All last night, I visualized crushing my nemesis this weekend,” she tweeted in 2013. “My nemesis is having a good year professionally and has clear skin. It’s a lot to take,” she noted last summer.

Gay’s anonymous nemeses have become so well known that, on Friday, Monica Lewinsky declared she would be dressing up as one for Halloween. “Not that i know who it is... just, ya know, generic nemesis costume,” she tweeted.

While having an opponent is nothing new, the more nebulous concept of having a secret digital adversary is a more modern condition. Broadcast-based social-media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter have allowed everyone to have real-time updates on other people's biggest accomplishments, and that can make it feel like everyone on the planet is getting married, writing a book, or winning an award. It's easy, when you see someone leading a seemingly perfect life, to want to tear them down.

I must reluctantly admit that my nemesis has been tweeting good stuff lately

— your friend Helen (@hels) July 23, 2018

As a result, the term nemesis is having a cultural moment. The The Huffington Post recently declared a “nemesis Twitter” phenomenon. There are more than 260,000 posts on Instagram including the hashtag #nemesis. And high-profile YouTubers have generated billions of views by declaring feuds then creating diss tracks against their digital competitors.

All these cases suggest that a nemesis is a special kind of foe. It’s not someone you hate with every inch of your being. That’s more of an enemy. A nemesis also isn't a bully. A rival might be a fairer description, but a rival is someone you're pitted against in a naturally adversarial environment, like a sports game. A nemesis, meanwhile, is a worthy foe in any area of life. They require a particular kind of jealousy, because you compete with them, even if they’re unaware of your existence. They can drive you mad with their achievements. But they can also push you to work harder.  

You’re only as good as your nemesis.

— Lauren Mechling (@laurenmechling) March 21, 2019

In that latter respect, having a nemesis can be extremely valuable. “It rarely matters who is on your side; what matters is who is against you,” the writer Chuck Klosterman wrote in Esquire in 2007. “You don't need a friend and you don’t need a lover. What you need is one quality nemesis.” One recent study found that long-distance runners are about 5 seconds per kilometer faster when one of their top rivals is in the race. “Something about having an opponent gets us to dig deeper, into otherwise-untapped reserves,” the writer L. Jon Wertheim and the Tufts psychologist Sam Sommers declare in their book, This Is Your Brain on Sports.

The modern nemesis trend seems to be born partly from hater culture. On social media, everyone has an audience, so it’s easy for people to criticize you. They might root against you, or question your success, or troll in your mentions. Over the past few years, many people with large online followings have started encouraging fans to lean into these haters by using them as a form of motivation. As DJ Khaled would say, “they don't want you to” succeed, so it’s up to you to prove “them” wrong. “Everybody have a Great Day,” Ice T recently tweeted. "Make your haters Sick."

Declaring a nemesis can be a way to escape becoming a hater yourself. While hating is about putting others down, a nemesis is about pushing yourself to be better than they are. You still may relish in their failings, but ultimately you value your nemesis. You’d still show up to their funeral.

the real nemesis is the friends i made along the way.

— Gene Park (@GenePark) March 22, 2019

Two weeks ago, I selected a male journalist notorious for his relentless work ethic to be my nemesis. People kept mentioning his writing to me, and I suddenly felt the overwhelming desire to outdo him. Even a member of my own family—who will remain nameless to save this person some embarrassment—wondered if I’d ever achieve as much as he has. Ever since, I’ve noticed myself working harder and putting in longer hours. Seeing my nemesis up at 7:00 a.m. on Twitter has made me more attentive in the morning. I've agreed to squeeze in more media appearances to talk about my work. Even though I may never reach his level of success, mentally competing against him has helped push me to do better.

Rachel Beckman, a multimedia artist in Baltimore, has had the same experience. “I have a nemesis who works in a similar field,” she says. “Checking in on them really ups my confidence somehow. It’s a reminder that just because someone has more recognition doesn't mean they’re better.” Alfred Wang, a writer in New York, who loves break-dancing has benefited, too. He’s had a dance nemesis since the eighth grade. “We haven't spoken in more than a decade, but I’m like, ‘oh he’s getting pretty good, what if he's coming for me?’ and I started practicing harder,” Wang says.

Declaring the proper nemesis is key. Ideally you’ll find someone just slightly more successful than you are. You don’t want to be punching down. And it’s best to keep the name of your nemesis private. Running around talking trash about someone on the internet could lead to a very awkward run-in at a party or getting reprimanded at work. Having multiple nemeses can be useful. You can have a work nemesis, a yoga nemesis, and more. They don't have to be anyone you’ve ever met offline.

To Whom It May Concern: There‘s been an influx of applications to be my nemesis. Know that I’ll be reviewing every submission thoroughly and once a decision has been made the universe will be notified, as will my therapist. Thank you for your interest!

— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) March 24, 2019

And remember to keep the competition positive. “[A nemesis] can be a healthy form of competition. It can make you step up your game,” says Bea Arthur, a licensed therapist and the founder of The Difference, a therapy service available on Amazon’s Alexa. “As long as you're not actually hating or stalking them. It can be a good way to encourage you to pursue your goals.”

Not everyone will find a nemesis useful. Those who already struggle with self-esteem issues or jealousy can find having one unproductive. Jessica Wakeman, a freelance writer, realized several years ago that a one-sided competition she’d kept up for years was ultimately holding her back. Her nemesis “always seemed a level or two ahead of me,” Wakeman wrote in a story for Glamour. “No matter what I accomplished—a book review in The New York Times, interviews on TV—I felt like a failure in comparison … One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t let my feelings go earlier.”

My nemesis? Well, it’s a little something you might have heard about: world hunger

— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) March 22, 2019

The journalist Eve Peyser recently wrote in Vice that having a nemesis was antithetical to her mission of being a kinder person on the internet. “Being an asshole online, whether it’s tagging the target of your wrath or subtly hinting at the identity of whoever you’re bashing, can make you seem unhinged and sickly,” she wrote.

There’s a possibility some people rely on the concept of nemeses as a crutch. Jane Solomon, a lexicographer at Dictionary.com, notes that women can be chastised online for being too nakedly ambitious, so she speculates that some might adopt a nemesis as a way of expressing the things they want to achieve. “It’s not always socially acceptable to publicly articulate your own ambition," she says. "It can be seen as wanting things that you shouldn't want. Assigning a nemesis is an indirect way to talk about the things you want for yourself."

Still, for many people, having that everyday opponent seems to provide a healthy outlet. I plan to keep mine, at least until I outdo him. Then, I’ll have to choose my next nemesis.

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/03/how-choose-best-nemesis/585712/?utm_source=feed

[ionecoffman]

Get Yourself a Nemesis

No one has more nemeses than the writer Roxane Gay. Since 2011, she has tweeted blind items about various foes in a stream of captivating updates. “All last night, I visualized crushing my nemesis this weekend,” she tweeted in 2013. “My nemesis is having a good year professionally and has clear skin. It’s a lot to take,” she noted last summer.

Gay’s anonymous nemeses have become so well known that, on Friday, Monica Lewinsky declared she would be dressing up as one for Halloween. “Not that i know who it is... just, ya know, generic nemesis costume,” she tweeted.

While having an opponent is nothing new, the more nebulous concept of having a secret digital adversary is a more modern condition. Broadcast-based social-media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter have allowed everyone to have real-time updates on other people's biggest accomplishments, and that can make it feel like everyone on the planet is getting married, writing a book, or winning an award. It's easy, when you see someone leading a seemingly perfect life, to want to tear them down.

I must reluctantly admit that my nemesis has been tweeting good stuff lately

— your friend Helen (@hels) July 23, 2018

As a result, the term nemesis is having a cultural moment. The The Huffington Post recently declared a “nemesis Twitter” phenomenon. There are more than 260,000 posts on Instagram including the hashtag #nemesis. And high-profile YouTubers have generated billions of views by declaring feuds then creating diss tracks against their digital competitors.

All these cases suggest that a nemesis is a special kind of foe. It’s not someone you hate with every inch of your being. That’s more of an enemy. A nemesis also isn't a bully. A rival might be a fairer description, but a rival is someone you're pitted against in a naturally adversarial environment, like a sports game. A nemesis, meanwhile, is a worthy foe in any area of life. They require a particular kind of jealousy, because you compete with them, even if they’re unaware of your existence. They can drive you mad with their achievements. But they can also push you to work harder.  

You’re only as good as your nemesis.

— Lauren Mechling (@laurenmechling) March 21, 2019

In that latter respect, having a nemesis can be extremely valuable. “It rarely matters who is on your side; what matters is who is against you,” the writer Chuck Klosterman wrote in Esquire in 2007. “You don't need a friend and you don’t need a lover. What you need is one quality nemesis.” One recent study found that long-distance runners are about 5 seconds per kilometer faster when one of their top rivals is in the race. “Something about having an opponent gets us to dig deeper, into otherwise-untapped reserves,” the writer L. Jon Wertheim and the Tufts psychologist Sam Sommers declare in their book, This Is Your Brain on Sports.

The modern nemesis trend seems to be born partly from hater culture. On social media, everyone has an audience, so it’s easy for people to criticize you. They might root against you, or question your success, or troll in your mentions. Over the past few years, many people with large online followings have started encouraging fans to lean into these haters by using them as a form of motivation. As DJ Khaled would say, “they don't want you to” succeed, so it’s up to you to prove “them” wrong. “Everybody have a Great Day,” Ice T recently tweeted. "Make your haters Sick."

Declaring a nemesis can be a way to escape becoming a hater yourself. While hating is about putting others down, a nemesis is about pushing yourself to be better than they are. You still may relish in their failings, but ultimately you value your nemesis. You’d still show up to their funeral.

the real nemesis is the friends i made along the way.

— Gene Park (@GenePark) March 22, 2019

Two weeks ago, I selected a male journalist notorious for his relentless work ethic to be my nemesis. People kept mentioning his writing to me, and I suddenly felt the overwhelming desire to outdo him. Even a member of my own family—who will remain nameless to save this person some embarrassment—wondered if I’d ever achieve as much as he has. Ever since, I’ve noticed myself working harder and putting in longer hours. Seeing my nemesis up at 7:00 a.m. on Twitter has made me more attentive in the morning. I've agreed to squeeze in more media appearances to talk about my work. Even though I may never reach his level of success, mentally competing against him has helped push me to do better.

Rachel Beckman, a multimedia artist in Baltimore, has had the same experience. “I have a nemesis who works in a similar field,” she says. “Checking in on them really ups my confidence somehow. It’s a reminder that just because someone has more recognition doesn't mean they’re better.” Alfred Wang, a writer in New York, who loves break-dancing has benefited, too. He’s had a dance nemesis since the eighth grade. “We haven't spoken in more than a decade, but I’m like, ‘oh he’s getting pretty good, what if he's coming for me?’ and I started practicing harder,” Wang says.

Declaring the proper nemesis is key. Ideally you’ll find someone just slightly more successful than you are. You don’t want to be punching down. And it’s best to keep the name of your nemesis private. Running around talking trash about someone on the internet could lead to a very awkward run-in at a party or getting reprimanded at work. Having multiple nemeses can be useful. You can have a work nemesis, a yoga nemesis, and more. They don't have to be anyone you’ve ever met offline.

To Whom It May Concern: There‘s been an influx of applications to be my nemesis. Know that I’ll be reviewing every submission thoroughly and once a decision has been made the universe will be notified, as will my therapist. Thank you for your interest!

— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) March 24, 2019

And remember to keep the competition positive. “[A nemesis] can be a healthy form of competition. It can make you step up your game,” says Bea Arthur, a licensed therapist and the founder of The Difference, a therapy service available on Amazon’s Alexa. “As long as you're not actually hating or stalking them. It can be a good way to encourage you to pursue your goals.”

Not everyone will find a nemesis useful. Those who already struggle with self-esteem issues or jealousy can find having one unproductive. Jessica Wakeman, a freelance writer, realized several years ago that a one-sided competition she’d kept up for years was ultimately holding her back. Her nemesis “always seemed a level or two ahead of me,” Wakeman wrote in a story for Glamour. “No matter what I accomplished—a book review in The New York Times, interviews on TV—I felt like a failure in comparison … One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t let my feelings go earlier.”

My nemesis? Well, it’s a little something you might have heard about: world hunger

— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) March 22, 2019

The journalist Eve Peyser recently wrote in Vice that having a nemesis was antithetical to her mission of being a kinder person on the internet. “Being an asshole online, whether it’s tagging the target of your wrath or subtly hinting at the identity of whoever you’re bashing, can make you seem unhinged and sickly,” she wrote.

There’s a possibility some people rely on the concept of nemeses as a crutch. Jane Solomon, a lexicographer at Dictionary.com, notes that women can be chastised online for being too nakedly ambitious, so she speculates that some might adopt a nemesis as a way of expressing the things they want to achieve. “It’s not always socially acceptable to publicly articulate your own ambition," she says. "It can be seen as wanting things that you shouldn't want. Assigning a nemesis is an indirect way to talk about the things you want for yourself."

Still, for many people, having that everyday opponent seems to provide a healthy outlet. I plan to keep mine, at least until I outdo him. Then, I’ll have to choose my next nemesis.

Article source here:The Atlantic