#very unpleasant and SCARY news and John isn't actually good at dealing with things that scare him

[skayafair]

The Tear

I'm pretty sure John was trying to convince himself more than Arthur here. For the Nth time this season.

He's so lonely for the whole s4 because he can't tell about the deal with Kayne which makes him do bad stuff sometimes because he thinks it's going to be better for them considering this deal. But Arthur can't know about any of this and there's literally NO ONE else to turn to. John has to seethe alone in his own mind, unable even to discuss it with anyone and get some perspective. And Arthur is lacking context which in turn makes him make decisions that are not the best with the deal's prospect, and he can't perceive John's actions as they are, which often makes them look worse.

For half the season I was wondering what's gotten into John to make him turn back to the manipulation and keeping information from Arthur - I mean after the pits he should really know better and I believe he does. But now I see... maybe. He can't show Arthur the whole picture. Because that was the deal's condition and he's literally not able to, or because he's too afraid Arthur won't agree and that would cost them too dearly - I believe John was sincere when he barked that "YOU!" in response to the "What do you care about?" - doesn't matter much, really. Kayne has set him up in an extremely unfavorable position, as his deals usually go, and John's caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea. Whatever he does, there's going to be damage. He just gets to choose which one and to try to make Arthur do as he says, no matter the method. The outcome is more important here than the means.

Arthur doesn't have even this. He's blind this whole season not only literally, but figuratively too. He doesn't have the full picture and doesn't even know it - only suspects.

The fact that he still chooses to trust John blindly is heart-shattering.

The fact that at times John sounds like he's already accepted that Arthur isn't going to forgive him this time but doesn't see any other way to save them is even more crushing.

Yup, I'm fuuuully prepared for the finale.

(She was, in fact, not prepared in the slightest.)