#very long breakthrough cut short my dad's side of the family basically doesn't acknowledge my existence anymore after he died
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nvm i think i just miss having a family that actually cared about me
#just had a really bad breakdown bc i looked through my little sister's facebook again#very long breakthrough cut short my dad's side of the family basically doesn't acknowledge my existence anymore after he died#and I've just realized how utterly fucked up the whole circumstance surrounding that is#to put it short i was 16 and my dad died suddenly 16 hrs away from me and my grandma refused an autopsy so i still don't know why he died#nor did i get to say goodbye#and after Christmas that year basically everyone but my little sister stopped contacting me directly#and then she stopped texting me too#i know it's not my fault bc i was a child and i know damn well i did not do anything actually wrong in that time frame#and now I'm just angry for lil 16yo me because how the fuck could you all do that to a kid who just lost his dad like that#almost five years later and im only just realizing that it's not my fault they abandoned me#if i was like 20 at the time then yeah i would oh I could've reached out#but i was a fucking kid. and my whole word just crumbled around me. be so fucking fr.#omg i ignored my little cousin when he would call me bc i knew he would end up talking ab it fucking shoot me#again i was a kid how tf was i supposed to talk ab that with a younger kid when i didn't even really know what happened#i feel like they turned me into a ghost of my father and cast me aside#my only real comfort is knowing that he would agree with me about how fucked up this is
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