#v: apocalypse wow

[phoenixcatch7]

10k into my totk time travel fic and honestly this is so going much more lighthearted than I expected. I guess I'm figuring out how my writing style interacts with how I see link and the loz world as a whole, and that perception seems to be 'hyper competent dork with a heart of gold who never tells anyone jack all'.

[quietwingsinthesky]

The tags on your rb about it being hard for a Sam/Nick/Lucifer shipper is edging me

😔 trust me I am also suffering. I outlined it back in October, wrote about 40%, and then got distracted. If it makes you feel better, it’s nothing special, just some self-indulgent smutty worship.

I have a snippet? Just set the scene with Sam!Lucifer and Nick in a grand old church with some pretty stained glass windows picturing the Apocalypse that Lucifer is putting together.

There are a few more windows. No more battles, no more death. The flourishing of nature, the beginning of the reclaim of cities by wildlife, and always Lucifer alone in them. Alone. With Sam. Sam can fill the abandoned parts of her grace better than Nick could.

“What do you think?” She asks when he has seen them all. 

“It’s beautiful,” he answers, honestly. He looks out at the empty pews that lead up to where they stand. “But who is it for?” He can’t imagine She would build something like this for demons to sit and worship Her in, not when She despised them so heavily. But a church must have a congregation. A God must have a devotee. Lucifer steps up behind him.

“For you,” She whispers in his ear. “For us.”

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

Harvest Moon

Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI) Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Female Reader Word Count: 3,100 Summary: It's Joel's birthday and you're going to make sure he has a good one. Warnings: smut, fluff, dancing in the kitchen to neil young, unprotected p in v, public-ish sex (but under a blanket), talking to neighbors while sitting on joel miller's cock, apocalypse birth control (pulling out), fingering, riding, joel has a filthy mouth, no use of y/n, not beta read.

A/N: I spent most of tonight adding 2,500 words to this barely written piece. Now it's two hours past my bedtime, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEL MILLER!!! This can absolutely be read as a standalone, but, this is yet another singular smut entry for my Elks babies. This was originally going to be posted as a birthday celebration chapter for that, but I really wanted to give Joel his gift on his actual birthday. Happy birthday you gorgeous old man, you. Hope you like the porn I wrote about you. ❤️🥴

Masterlist

🌕🌕🌕🌕

You’ve been looking for the CD since you learned of Joel’s love of the song. Tommy did it, he actually did it. Somehow by some miracle he found the CD. 

“Not a problem,” he gives you that same shy Miller lopsided grin. “Milt had it. Told me to tell you it’s yours to keep… said he owes you since you were his daughter’s favorite teacher ‘n all.”

“Thanks Tommy,” you say, barely being able to contain your excitement, “this is going to be amazing.”

“Of course. Should be thanking you really,” he shrugs. “It’s about time he had a good birthday.”

—

Joel said he’d be helping fix one of the greenhouses today, but you’re still scared to ruin the surprise as you unlock his door. 

“Joel?” you yell out into the quiet, seemingly empty house. 

No answer. Perfect.

Quick steps lead you to his CD player, the same one he first showed you how much he cared for you with. Now, it’s your turn to show him just how much he means to you. The disc tray opens and you place the CD into the system, you can’t wait to surprise him. 

—

“More coffee?” you ask, holding up the percolator.

He nods and smiles, happily sitting at the table full from the steak, potatoes, and cornbread you made him. He had insisted on sharing the meat, but you refused, happy to let him enjoy the first taste of steak in over twenty years.

Your friend Helen got her boyfriend Greg to cut a small filet of steak from the newly butchered cow. She handed it to you with a knowing smile. It’s nice to see everyone accept yours and Joel’s relationship. 

You lean over his lap, and top his coffee cup off. 

“Have I ever told you how much I love seeing you in a dress? Can’t believe you got yourself all dolled up for me.” He surprises you by pulling you onto his lap. 

“Careful!” you shriek, quickly placing the carafe on the table. “Yes, you have… many times. That's why I wore it.”

“Hmph,” he hums happily, burying his face into the crook of your neck, his arms wrapping securely around you. “Thank you for dinner–and everything sweetheart.” He presses a soft kiss to your skin. 

“That’s not all,” you giggle as he nips at a sensitive spot under your chin. 

He chuckles, his breath warm against your skin. “You’re so good to me.” 

You clutch his chin tilting his head up to meet your eyes. “You deserve a happy birthday.” His big brown eyes search yours, like he’s forcing himself to believe it. “Joel, you do.” 

He rests his forehead against yours. “I love you,” he sighs warmly.

“I love you too. Now, I have something else for you,” you slip off his lap and head towards your backpack. “It’s something small, I promise.”

You return with a bundle of fabric held behind your back. 

“Remember when you tore your favorite flannel and you tossed it in the rag bag?”

You place the flannel in his hands.

“Well, a certain girl named Ellie grabbed it for me. I mended it, reinforced the buttons, and sewed up a couple holes. It’s not perfect, but it’s fixed.”

He holds the flannel up and inspects it. “This is–wow–this–I can’t believe it.” He looks up at you, his eyes wide with adoration. “I was wearing this that first day I saw you, y’know? This is so sweet sweetheart, thank you.” 

He likes it, you thank your lucky stars. Your handsome Joel, here with you on his birthday, allowing himself to be taken care of. 

You know the story of his birthday, you’ve retold the tale to yourself every night as you anticipated this day. Afraid to upset him, afraid to cross a line, but all you’ve wanted to do is give him the world he so deserves. 

It wasn’t just you who thought of him today. It’s Tommy finding the CD. It’s Helen getting you the steak. It’s Ellie grabbing the flannel from the rag bag. He deserves all of it. 

“You’re welcome,” you say with a kiss to his forehead. “Now, put it on. I have one more surprise.”

He slips the flannel on as you head to the living room. The CD waits in the stereo. You turn it on.

The soft guitar and brushes of a drum fills the air as you turn the volume up.  

Joel’s huge smile greets you when you walk back into the kitchen.

“You– how?” he asks, unbelieving. 

“Asked Tommy and he found it for me. Milt had his greatest hits. Now,” you reach your hand out to him, “may I have this dance birthday boy?”

He chuckles and takes your hand, pulling you into him. The two of you sway along to the music, his strong arms enveloping you as your cheek rests against his warm chest. You can hear the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear. Your hands slip around his broad back, one of them trailing up to play with the soft curls at the nape of his neck. He sighs deeply before placing a tender kiss against the top of your head. 

“This is my favorite song,” he murmurs.

The sun has long since set, the singular lamp above the sink casts a warm dark amber glow across the kitchen Your shadows dance across the walls as you sway. He smells of coffee and sweet corn bread, like home and comfort. 

He starts to hum then softly sing along. His deep voice reverberates through your ear, pressed against his heart. 

“Because I’m still in love with you,  I wanna see you dance again,  Because I’m still in love with you,  On this harvest moon”

You can hear the contentment in his voice as he holds you closer. Moving in synchronicity with each other, gently stepping across the small kitchen as the harmonica solo plays. If you could stay in this moment forever you would.

You tilt your head up, and his eyes meet yours. The smile he gives lights his face. Lines crinkling at the corner of his eyes, dimple sitting deep on his cheek, mustache curving with his plush upturned lips. He serenades you with the same lyrics as before, looking deep in your eyes. 

“Because I’m still in love with you,  I wanna see you dance again,  Because I’m still in love with you,  On this harvest moon”  

His lips meet yours, thanking you with a gentle kiss. The man you love and adore, feels good on his birthday all because of you. 

The song plays on repeat, the two of you dance together, Joel gently hums and sings along as the harvest moon rises above the mountains. 

You gently pull away, unclasping his arms from around you.

“Come on birthday boy,” you say with a playful smile, “let’s go watch the stars.” 

—

You and Joel sit beneath a large plaid comforter on his porch. The early fall breeze that rolls down the mountainside leaves a chill in the air. The night sky is lit bright with the orange full moon. Most of Jackson is at the Harvest Moon Festival tonight, you can just make out the distant sounds of laughter and music flowing through the air from the main street on his porch. Ellie was especially thrilled about the teen sleepover happening at the Bison tonight, giving you both this rare moment of solitude in his backyard. She told Joel she knew he was in good hands with you for his birthday. 

And he is–or at least you’re in his good hands. 

“Oh, god,” you softly whisper into the night, you’re so tense from keeping yourself quiet. The stars are a little harder to see tonight thanks to the ambient glow of the bright moon, and yet you see stars whenever you squeeze your eyes shut while fighting the urge to moan. Joel’s deft, large thumb rubs circles against your clit while you ride two of his thick fingers. 

He’s driving you crazy like this. His large body and the blanket wrapped around you, overheating all of your senses in this chilly night. You’re completely covered, nobody would know that your legs are spread wide, one draped over his thick thigh while his hand is stuffed up your dress making you quake as he finger fucks you.

“Easy now, easy now,” he says nuzzling against your neck, his large nose charting a course across the sensitive skin. “Gotta remember where we are. You're the sweet, innocent teacher 'n librarian here. Lotta people look up to you, can’t have them knowin’ what my girl really likes when she’s with me.” Your hips slow their movement, he makes up for it by pumping you harder. “See, I can help, just gotta let me know you want it baby.” 

“Want to take–neyugh–care of you,” struggles out of your mouth. 

“You’re taking care of me right now, sweetheart, touching you is my favorite thing to do.” 

“Want to go inside… w-want to–want–to, want to feel you in my mouth,” you grip the straining bulge underneath the fly of his jeans. 

“Not yet,” he sighs deeply when you squeeze harder. “Like seeing your skin glow in the moonlight. What you’re doin’ now is enough, want to enjoy my night with you.”

Your hold tightens around his cock as you fight harder to suppress the urge to scream into the night. His fingers angle up hitting your most sensitive spot and you feel like you could explode. You’ll be the fireworks to celebrate Joel’s birthday. A whimper is fought by biting your lip, it’s so hard to not scream. His brown eyes look almost black in the low light as he watches you struggle and blink rapidly. 

“Shh baby, you’re doing so good, bein’ so quiet, don’t ruin it now. If anybody was out right now they could walk right on by and they’d have no idea what I’m doing to you under here.”

You’ve never done anything like this, so out in the open. Jackson is a peaceful town full of law abiding citizens, and right now you’re sitting on the back of the porch of Joel’s house getting felt up by him. 

“Joel… I–I’m gonna—”

“Cum for me baby.” His hot breath hits your lips before sealing his mouth against yours. Your cunt spasms against his thick fingers, you feel set alight by your orgasm, overheated and burning. Maybe you’re glowing just as bright as the moon. His tongue dances with yours, swallowing all of your gasps and cries. You’re sure at this point, anybody that walked by would know exactly what was happening between the two of you. You don’t care, all you want is to feel Joel’s cock inside you.

“Want you, Joel, want you so bad,” you mew as his fingers rub against your sensitive folds. 

“Okay baby, okay.” His fingers slip from your warmth before he brings his soaked digits to his lips. His eyes flutter shut when he tastes you. 

“Sweeter than birthday cake,” he declares before raising his hips and pulling his jeans down with a grunt. “Come here. Come sit on me.”

Your legs spread wide as you straddle his large lap with your back pressed against the warmth of his chest. He grips himself and moves the half hard heft of his cock against your soaked core, swirling his tip back and forth across your clit. 

“Tell me you want my cock,” he whispers against your neck, licking a line up to your ear. “Tell me baby.”

“I-I want your cock–I need your cock Joel,” you beg. 

“I know you do darling,” he chuckles deeply, lining himself up to your entrance.

The sounds of the festival go silent and the bright orange moon fades as you slowly sink down on his cock. Taking all of him, thick and throbbing into your tight cunt. 

“That’s my good girl,” he grits. “Your sweet pussy is taking me so well, isn’t she?”

Clutching your bottom lip tightly between your teeth, you try to fight the moan his words bring up.

“Oh, you must like that. You’re squeezin’ me so hard sweetheart.” 

You set a pace, riding him gently under the moonlight, his fingers gripping your hips tight. 

His hot breaths hit the back of your neck as your back molds even tighter to his front. His hand snakes down to rub your clit, small circles making your body meld even more against him.. The rhythm of his fingers and cock spearing you pulls another orgasm down from the ethers of space. Shivering, sweating, and stuttering Joel’s name, you’re trying to be good for him, trying to not scream into the night. 

“That’s my girl, grippin’ my cock so good, cummin’ all over me. Getting yourself nice and slippery so I can fuck you real good, huh?” 

“Mmf,” is the only response you can muster. Your cunt flutters around him, and he doesn’t relent, slowly fucking into you while his finger pulses against your clit. 

The sound of two people conversing approaches. Your movements come to a halt, Joel stays still, his finger still resting against your sensitive bundle of nerves and his cock sitting deep inside you. Hank and Billie, the nice couple that lives three houses down from Joel, walk past the porch. Both look over and wave a greeting. Fuck.

“Beautiful moon, isn’t it?” Hank says with a smile. 

“Quite.” Joel responds. The rumble of his loud voice radiates through you.  

“You guys get any barbecue tonight?” Hank asks. “It was really go–”

“We stayed in,” Joel gruffly responds. He subtly knocks his hips into you causing a wave of sensation to hit against your already cock-drunk pussy.

Your nostrils flare with a deep exhale.  

“Oh, well, there will probably be leftovers tomorrow,” Billie offers. “Tell them I sent you and they’ll give you the good stuff.”

“Thanks Billie,” you breathlessly reply, wishing on every star you’ve seen behind your eyelids, they’ll leave. “We appreciate it.”

“Best be getting home,” Hank says, grabbing Billie’s hand. “We both had a bit too much to drink!” 

Oh thank god.

“Enjoy your night,” Joel says plainly as he starts to slowly rock into you once they turn away. 

To the eyes of your neighbors, you and Joel just look like a normal couple enjoying the night sky cuddled together under a blanket… little do they know he’s filling you with his thick cock under the shield. 

“That was close,” he whispers against your ear before nipping it. 

Your giggle is cut off by a moan when he fucks into you harder. 

“Guess we shouldn’t take our time, don’t want to get caught, now do we?” he asks. 

“We can just–nyuh–go inside,” you plead, wanting to be able to moan and scream Joel’s name in the comfort of his home. 

“Gimme one more baby, gimme one more,” he grunts against your neck. “And then I’ll take you into my home and fuck you.”

His hips pound against your body, his thrusts bucking into your core harder. “That’s it baby, you really want me to take you in and lay you down ‘n fuck you, don’t you?” 

“Mmhmm,” you moan, your stomach tightening and thighs trembling as the universe splinters around you. Your orgasm rockets through your body. Color turns to black and white, noise falls silent. All that exists is Joel Miller and his big cock shattering you into a million pieces like your own personal big bang on the back of his porch. 

“Good girl,” he groans, “let’s take this party inside.”

—

The plaid comforter is laid out on the kitchen floor. Your wobbly legs move your still blissed-out body to Joel’s stereo, starting “Harvest Moon” on repeat all over again. 

You lean against the kitchen entrance, admiring Joel as he rests atop the blanket, naked and supporting himself on his elbows. No man over fifty should ever look as good as him. Broad shoulders frame his strong arms, his chest has a smattering of dark hair that trails down to the slight bulge of his stomach. His cock rests in between his legs, still hard and shining with your slick. He’s so gorgeous, and he’s all yours. 

“Come here sweetheart,” his voice is gruffer. “Lay down next to me.”

His dick twitches as you walk to the blanket and settle beside him. 

He moves over you, covering you with his warmth as he engulfs himself in your slick heat. Your legs instinctually wrap around his waist allowing him to take more. 

“Joel,” you moan. The angle allows his cock to push farther in and your walls to tighten harder against him. 

“Ooh, you’re so fucking wet, you hear that?” he asks incredulously. The squelch of your pussy soundtracks along to the song quietly playing in the background. “Sounds so fucking good baby.” 

He gasps when buries himself to the hilt, soaking the curly hairs around the base of him with your wet.

Your body trembles as your hips meet his, his cock sliding in and out of your cunt at a brutal pace. 

He takes no time to own you now behind the walls of his home. Your hands clutch at his wide back, sobs and screams of his name echoing out into the air as Neil Young softly sings in the background. 

You’re so full of him. His body surrounding you, his lips against yours, his cock pounding into your accepting cunt, his name chanting out of your mouth. 

“You want it baby?” he growls against your neck, his cock pumping in and out of your hole at a speed no man over fifty should be able to ever reach. “You want my cum?” 

“C-cum Joel,” you cry, tears sprouting from your eyes as your fourth orgasm launches through you. 

He gasps your name, pulling out of your tremorous pussy and shooting thick white ropes of cum across your pussy and stomach. 

His sweat is slick against your overheated body, you’re a mess of sweat, orgasm, and love. 

He kisses you, his tongue licking against yours before he rolls off you. His chest rising and falling as he catches his breath. “Fuck,” he pants, stretching his limbs out. “Gonna feel this tomorrow.” 

“Well, you are another year older, old man,” you tease, curling up next to him. 

“Yeah,” he turns his head to look at you. “I guess I am,” he sighs. “Thank you for–my birthday and–all of this. I can never put into words how much it all means to me.” 

“So I guess you’re still in love with me?” you tease.

“Always. Especially on this harvest moon,” he returns your smile. 

---

Tagging a couple people who had asked about this piece earlier this month: @almostfoxglove, @sawymredfox, @burntheedges, and @littlemisspascal 🩷🌝

[qapsiel]

                              HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY THIS IS FUNNY. Not having wings is very sad because they need way longer to go anywhere; they have to rely on ships and planes to cross the ocean or deserts. "You won't fly from your toes," he objects with a shake of his head, "your arms would evolve into wings. And that's not happening anytime soon. Evolution needs thousands of years to change anything." Of course, God could speed things up if He really wanted to, but He doesn't even seem to care that His most prized creation is about to die because of the apocalypse, so Castiel doubts wings are at the forefront of His mind.

                           Anyway, this talk about wings and evolution manages to relax him — enough so that he even briefly forgets where they are and why they're here. Then she starts talking about intercourse out of nowhere again, and he visibly clenches up again, eyes darting around the room as if there's one female in particular that wants to grab and — take him away. "Your legs are no necessary component of copulation," he says as he reaches for his beer and quickly drains half of it. It does nothing to calm his nerves. "I don't understand why certain body parts are associated with intercourse even though they have nothing to do with it. Why are female breasts so important? They're for feeding infants. They come after successful fertilization."

@sclvged

Blue eyes flicker up to meet his in an intense gaze. Finally, something fucking funny. A long, languid snort leaves the youthful blonde before she breaks out in larger laughter. He looked entirely too serious to be speaking in such an... extreme manner. "Mmm, hope we'll evolve soon and I'll be able to fly from my toes." The words sounded stupid coming from her but still, she couldn't help them. His unwavering eyes pierced her in unprecedented ways and something about the angel's connection actually pleased her.

There was an upside to Castiel that mortal men never seemed to obtain around her, at least not the ones who... enjoyed women. Cas did not seek her approval through lustful intent. He may have been tough to pinpoint down and get along with, but damn if he wasn't brash and straightforward. Alright - maybe the entity was growing on her a bit, just a tad.

"I like how puny my legs are, thank you. I've worked very hard on them." A small shake of her head accompanied the words. "Maybe I should sleep with you for free, you might like them too." Allie was certain he wouldn't say yes, but the tease still proved fun to say. "After all, what are friends for?"

[negansfavlucille01]

THE NEW WIFE

Negan × f!reader

Summary: Negan and the reader were having a "romantic" dinner in his office, leading to Negan's bedroom

Warnings: Spanking, Unprotected p in v, choking, rough sex, swearing, creampie, squirting, shitty smut, negan missing reader's birthday

Word count: 1,5K

After the lineup, Negan took Y/N with him back to the Sanctuary with the intention of making her his wife. He knew she was young, of course, but she wasn't a kid anymore. Wanting to make it easier on the group, she went with him, even tho she hated his guts. Well, of course, who wouldn't after what he did? It took a few weeks to get her to relax and open up. Still hesitant, she always backed away when he got too close. Anyhow, slowly, she started developing feelings for him. It was wrong. She knew that. But he was so handsome and charming. And he knew that, so he used it against her.

Finally, she gave in and became his wife. At first, it was weird. She was still backing away and not letting him touch her. But he wanted her so bad. So bad that he was willing to wait for her to come around. He often invited her to dinners in his room or just something to do to get her to lose up. Sometimes, she refused, and sometimes, more rarely, she accepted.

"So, how old? Exactly." He asked as he ate from his spaghetti.

They were sitting in his office, on the big table. Negan made sure to get the best wine on his last supply run, so here they were, eating the spaghetti he made and drinking the wine. She was sitting on the opposite of him, looking at her plate. Then, she lifted her head. "Your mom never taught you that you should never fucking ask women for their age?"

"She did. But, cmon..." He grinned, sipping from his glass.

"Turned 20 yesterday."

He choked on the wine, his eyes widening. Slowly reaching for the tissue placed next to his plate and wiping his face, he spoke lowly. "You didn't tell me. Why? I didn't wanna fucking miss it!"

"Well, I thought you'd know your wife's birthday..." She laughed, clearly teasing him. "But when you got so many wives, you probably can't keep up."

He gave her an arrogant smile, setting his glass back on the table. "Wow, I didn't know you were this funny!"

"Why, thank you. But for real, maybe if you were focusing on what I was telling you instead of always staring at my tits and looking for a way to get me in your bed, you would've known." She shrugged.

His eye narrowed, and he looked away for a second. He adjusted in his seat. "I listened to every damn word you said, Y/N. And I know you never told me your birthday."

"Right... And did you remember it?"

"Uh-huh. Your dad left when you were 3, and your mom died the first day of the apocalypse. You were left with Daryl and Merle. I know what school you went to. I know your best friend's name. I know whatever you told me. And it's bad to assume I'm in just for the sex."

"You're telling me what's bad?"

"Yes, I am. I thought we were over this."

"Fine.." She crossed her arms and looked at her lap as he scoffed. "So.. how old are you?"

"47."

"You look older." She laughed.

He glared at her, then kicked her under the table. Y/N bit her lip to not make any noises. "Thank you. And you look 6. Act like it, too..."

"Fuck you." She spat at him, her eyes narrowing.

Negan stayed quiet, wondering if he should say what came to his mind. He licked his lips, and spoke after a short moment. "You wanna?"

"... Maybe." She mumbled under her nose. Negan stood up and walked around the table, getting to her. When he did, he ran his fingertips on her bare shoulder in the dress she was wearing. He leaned down, whispering in her ear.

"You should've just said so..." He kissed gently under her ear and chuckled. "Let's go."

She turned around in the chair, facing him. "Where?"

"WhErE?" He mocked her and chuckled. Taking her hand, he urged her to stand up. "My room, of course..."

She followed, his hand in hers. They walked out of the meeting room and down the hallway until Negan opened his room's door. The room was decent. Luxury for the apocalypse. King-sized bed and two leather couches, in between them a table.

"Should've known..." She smiled at him. "That you have all the luxury..."

"Yeah, well, what can I say..." He grinned as he wrapped his hand around her waist and pulled her close. His eyes wandered on hers for a minute before he pressed his lips on hers. Soft moans escaped her mouth as his tongue slipped in her mouth. Suddenly, she felt her feet leaving the ground and she quickly wrapped her legs around his waist. His groin pressed against her wetness and they both groaned. Negan crawled on the bed with her and laid her down. He stood on his knees and reached to remove his boots. "You have no idea what you got yourself in.."

Y/N kicked off her heels as Negan threw his leather jacked on the floor. He then leaned over her again and grabbed her jaw, kissing her roughly. Her hand slid down his body until it reached his erection and squeezed it gently. He grunted in her mouth and pulled away, smirking. "Just curious..."

"Right..." Negan pulled the dress off with one quick motion. He licked his lip as he stared at her body in the white lace bra with blue flowers on it, which matched with her panties. "That's just fucking slutty, baby.."

"Shut up."

“Never.” He mumbles against her neck between kisses, his hands trailing over her breast over the bra, feeling the warmth of her body against him. He moves his mouth back up to hers and kisses her passionately again, nipping gently on her bottom lip with his teeth.

"You're an ass." He smiles before his lips leave her mouth and move to her stomach, planting kisses up and down it, his soft lips on her skin, his beard tickling her occasionally as well. He moves back up to her face and smiles down at her and rests his hands on her ass, gently rubbing it with his thumbs. "No, please, I need you."

Her desperate whines sent him over the edge and he quickly unbuckled his belt, sliding down his pants along with his boxers. It was big. Huge, even. Her mouth dropped open and she drooled. It was super hard, the tip red and swollen. Thick veins running down his shaft. "Wow.."

"Surprised?"

"I always knew you were packing, but.." He chuckled as she started stroking it. Her touch was all he needed for the pre-cum to drip out. He grabbed her harshly and turned her over, settling her on all fours. Without a warning, he slammed in her, making her scream out.

"What, that feel good?" He smirked arrogantly and started pounding her from behind. His balls slapped against her clit as she moaned. Reaching out, Negan wrapped his fingers around her throat, gripping hard. Y/N's eyes filled with tears when she couldn't take a breath. With each thrust, there was a groan coming from Negan and a scream from Y/N. A harsh slap landed on her right butt cheek. "I asked you a question."

"Yes! God, yes.. It does feel good...!" She whined. Negan's thrusts didn't slow down, if anything, they got faster. "Negan... I can't.. breathe.."

He released her, showing some mercy. Her walls clenched around his cock, making him lose his mind. The feeling of her was spongy and tight like no other pussy. Reaching over, he rubbed her clit roughly with his thumb while his middle and ring finger went to her pussy, adding to his cock like it wasn't big enough. "You're gonna cum all over my cock like a good little fuckin whore?"

"Yes." She whined.

"Say it." He grunted, keeping up his fast pounding. He looked down, seeing her ass juggle and bounce with each move he made. It was already red, put he decided to add another smack just for his pleasure.

"I'm gonna cum all over you cock like a good little fuckin slut.." She barely managed to finish before squirting all over his cock and fingers. He started moving his fingers in rhythm with his cock even after she came. His cock throbbed hard and he couldn't hold back anymore. His hot seed burst into her dripping cunt, make it his. She looked over her shoulder, seeing him with his head thrown back, his mouth slightly open and his eyes shut. The moans coming from his mouth were the hottest she'd ever heard.

He dropped beside her, breathing heavily as she barely managed to turn on her back. "Goddamn, that pussy is my new favorite.."

"Bet you say that to all of your wives." She stared at the ceiling.

"You'd be surprised then.." Negan took her chin in his hand and made her look at him. "You see... I was thinking about dropping them for you..."

[ash-and-starlight]

Books of 2023

the list nobody asked for <3

My reading habits had gone a bit stagnant in the past couple of years so this year i made the effort to engage in reading again and wow books really are good!! who would have thought! Sharing this year's book log with the small reviews i did while reading yeah i am That kind of list lover if u feel like being nosy, (and maybe even help mi crowdsource reading recs based on my likes 👀🤲?)

The left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin Ursula i Need to know your thoughts on omegaver- [gunshot] THAT ASIDE yeah. mrs Le Guin you've done it again. I can see why everyone got their brain chemistry altered by this book.

The Membranes - Chi Ta-Wei another brain chemistry altering book. would love to discuss it with a gender studies major lmao

Satanic Verses - Salman Rushdie its a v atmospheric and poignant story, I know I would have loved it more if I was familiar with the rich religious/cultural background it draws from

The Masquerade Series - Seth Dickinson Crazy insane in the membrane about this series. one of the most compelling worldbuildings I've ever seen, and most importantly it features one of the most crazy wet pathetic scrunkly meow meow protagonists i've ever had the pleasure of reading about.

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides i liked the writing style of this book a lot! idk how well it holds up re: intersexuality topic, but its a very engaging read.

Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers: Monstrosity, Patriarchy, and the Fear of Female Power - Jude Ellison, Sady Doyle The title says it all honestly, its a beautiful, thought provoking and engaging essay, spanning eras, pop culture phenomenons, and real life events on the topic of women and horror.

The cat who saved books - Sōsuke Natsukawa this was so cute and heartfelt, it will really make you go Ah Yes, this is Why we Love Books <333

The Locked Tomb Series - Tamsyn Muir now when people say there is a girl who is the cursed sacrifice of 2000 infants who falls in love with the sleeping embodiment of the soul of the Earth (barbie) and also another girl who is the only survivor of the aforementioned sacrifice and is. a Jesus metaphor? and also the two girls become one at some point. and every book is a different genre. and god is bisexual. and memes survived the nuclear apocalypse. I can just nod and say so true.

The Area X Trilogy - Jeff VanderMeer Rotating this series in the microwave of my mind at the speed of light it's soSO GOOD!! the movie doesn't even come close honestly u NEED to read the books. and then go touch grass and be aware of every strand in a completely new way.

The Dawn of Yangchen - F. C. Yee nice read! I was more invested in the worldbuilding crumbs than in the actual story lmao, I will forever think about the HEATED airball rivalry between the air temples and about the swt greetings / bethrotal armbands.

Inuit Stories of Being and Rebirth: Gender, Shamanism, and the Third Sex - Bernard Saladin d'Anglure starting w a disclaimer bc I feel like the topic of native colonization was ignored when it should have been way more prominent when talking about the context of where and when these testimonies were collected?? That aside it was very interesting and well put together, with first account testimonies of Inuit elders about their myths, lifestyles and beliefs.

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee i read the book after having seen the tv series (which i also rlly recommend). Very moving story about a family and its generations, from Korea under Japanese colonization to modern day America.

Her body and other parties - Carmen Maria Marchado sometimes I go about my day then I remember this book exists and stare at the wall for 30 minutes.

Dictionnaire de l'impossible - Didier Van Cauwelaert big miss. this collection of articles about "strange impossible phenomenons" sounded so quirky and interesting but i sure would have loved if the author hadnt so clearly picked a side. and also way too much church for my tastes.

He who Drowned the World - Shelley Parker Chan Im not even gonna speak about this one if you've followed me since july you know what pits of insanity and despair i'm in

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin Sometimes!! the book with pretty covers put in the "famous on socials" bookstore section!! are good!! It's about being othered it's about connection it's about diaspora it's about love and friendship and most of all it's about viddy games.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel reading this post-covid and learning it was written in 2017 was A TRIP. Psychic damage at every page. still feeling very normla.

The Mask of Apollo - Mary Renault Ugh i desperately wanted to like this book because the setup is so interesting and full of potential, but the end result was just. flat. flat story flat characters the plot focusing on the wrong things at the wrong times i was so DONE when i reached the end otz.

Babel - R. F. Kuang LOVED the worldbuilding in this, the "lost in translation" system of magic is one of the most interesting things ive ever read. I think theres something about the writing in general that didn't win me over completely?? but all in all a very good

Red Ocean - Han Song This sure is a Book. That i've Read. its so profundly strange and unlike anything ive come across that i dont even know what to feel about it. i think 90% of my confusion comes from Not Getting Cultural References so if someone has a "red ocean explained" essay plz send it my way bc i couldnt find one.

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 1, Wave 2, Poll 5

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Riku-Kingdom Hearts

Qualifications/Propaganda:

So Riku is neither canonically LGBTQ+ nor canonically disabled but there's quite a slew of subtextual evidence. And this subtext is considered basically canon due to the creator's (Tetsuya Nomura) stance on media, which is that he enjoys leaving clues for players to figure out. So while Riku is never explicitly said to be queer or disabled, there's clear evidence on both accounts.

So first: Riku is gay. There's no doubt about it (despite what the dudebros insist...) Riku is gay for Sora, his childhood best friend/former rival. Long story short, Riku was afraid of Sora's friendship with this girl Kairi, didn't realize those feelings were gay jealousy, and he got gaslighted by the Mistress of All Evil, MALEFICENT HERSELF, into believing that Sora didn't care for him anymore. He went Dark Mode, destroyed their home, and antagonized Sora for most of the first game. But then he gets trapped in the Realm of Darkness after Sora kicked his ass for the millionth time and he realized how *sora voice* stUpid he was being and helps Sora stop the apocalypse (saved the world counter: 1) Then Riku goes through a whole arc of "wow i was an idiot. sora will never forgive me and i have Darkness in my heart and i need to protect sora while he's in a year-long medically-induced coma to undo his amnesia" and. idk. theres a Lot of stuff. So much so that someone made a 6-HOUR video essay about it! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ll17V9DJr7g)

Riku is also likely suffering from chronic pain. Throughout the year that Sora is in a coma, he fights Sora's Nobody, Roxas, to get Sora's memories back. During the fight, Roxas breaks Riku's wrist, and it never heals correctly. Throughout the finale of Kingdom Hearts 2, the next game chronologically, Riku wears a wrist brace that goes largely unexplained. During the final boss fight, Riku throws himself in the way of Xemnas (the Big Bad) to protect Sora, getting hurt twice in the process; being struck so hard in the shoulder that he's flung halfway across the battlefield, and then hit in the side so badly that it causes him to collapse as soon as the adrenaline from the fight fades. It's likely that none of these injuries healed properly, as even in Kingdom Hearts 3 (which is like 5 games later. dont ask) he has some interesting tells; his walk is incredibly stiff and his battle stance changes, likely because of the strain put on his wrist for the old stance. (https://www.tumblr.com/nobodyriku/706960754548604929 shows this pretty well, though i can't find the other post i had in mind but whatever)

Anything Else?:

soriku endgame actually <3

Darth Maul-Star Wars

Qualifications:

Maul is canonically disabled; he was bisected at the waist by one Obi-Wan Kenobi, but SOMEHOW did not die, and was in fact teleported into a garbage dump, where he proceeded to live as a spider cyborg for the next 12 years, when he was found and rescued by his long-lost brother. He has used prosthetic legs of one kind or another ever since, and in Rebels, he uses a cane. He is also definitely gay. In The Clone Wars cartoon, he is OBSESSED with Obi-Wan, to the point that Obi-Wan is his entire personality and the entirety of his life goals. All he wants is to kill him and cause him suffering in revenge for being cut in half and subsequently abandoned by his master. However, this obsession is. Definitely homoerotic. Dude fights Obi-Wan naked at one point (the animators forgot that people with prosthetic legs still have to wear pants). He literally builds a hate shrine to Obi-Wan's dead ex-girlfriend, who he killed, AFTER he kills her. In Rebels, once he is able to merge the two holocrons and ask any question he wants, he asks where Obi-Wan is. The answer is Tatooine, of course. He goes there, has one final fight with Obi-Wan, and is fatally wounded. HOWEVER. He dies in Obi-Wan's arms. He dies being HELD GENTLY by Obi-Wan. I cannot adequately explain how insane that is. Makes me froth at the mouth. Anyway.

Propaganda:

I love this severely fucked-up dude so much. He dedicated almost 20 years of his life to a single-minded obsession with Obi-Wan Kenobi, an obsession which literally kept him alive when he was chopped in half in a garbage pit, stuck in a hole on Planet Sith, and just generally attempting to live after being raised for nothing but violence as a child. He is missing half his bones, many vital organs, and got his two biggest blood vessels sliced right open, and yet REFUSED to die. He then became a spider cyborg. The first thing he did when coming onboard the Ghost was critique the interior design. He took over an entire planet just to get a guy to notice him. He was kidnapped as a child and tortured nonstop for the first 20 years of his life, resulting in an attachment style where he can only conceptualize relationships as a hierarchy (master/apprentice), so he searches constantly for an apprentice, and even treats his brother as one; despite how he very clearly just wanted a brother, he didn't know how to be in an equal relationship. He does absolutely nothing but cause problems for people-- be they Jedi or Sith. Ahsoka once released him from a magic strait-jacket as a "distraction" and he immediately began tearing panels off of the walls and decapitating people with them. He has a death grip on my brain.

Submitted by @convenient-plot-device

[toaster-boi]

Episode 7 frame-by-frame, part 2!

link to part 1

link to part 3

!!! SPOILERS AHEAD (and also gore) !!! (but you probs knew that)

well that's horrifying. also goes really fucking hard. looks like i can finally ditch my default wallpaper.

wow, her first on-screen kill and it's a blurry smear frame. J stays losing (affectionate)

ah that's clever, the explosion both lights up and distracts you from the fleshvines growing on the buildings

also did i hear a goddamn wilhelm scream

who are these two, ripping a guy in half? the only time we've seen fully-formed Disassembly Drones that weren't the main trio were corpses in Dead End (Ep6).

sorry Cyn but ya boi is taken (this isn't a shipping joke please don't hurt me)

aww, family photos! that's actually really sweet...

confirmed nightcore enthusiast, Nori is the manic demon nightmare girl to counter all the manic pixie dream girls

the oil cans have been fucking energy drinks the whole time???????

it's kinda hard to pick up but Nori's voice has the slightest Southern twang to it, i love it

he's adorable

god they're SUCH FUCKING DORKS I LOVE THEM

another kickass wallpaper

B3

"OTHER THINGS IT CAN DO:

NOT JUDGE ME"

girl you got issues previously unknown to science

...who was Lizzy texting??? V??? don't give me hope Liam. please. please.

from paranoid pushover, to supportive father, to Apocalypse Dad. man's been having a whole arc in the shadows and we weren't paying attention bc he was too funny

dork siblings.

???????

rererererereCAPTCHA

if you understood half of what was going on you'd be nicer to them

oh. you're not doing too good.

Doll, i'm sorry, but you're fucked. no two ways about it.

fnaf at feddy,,,

ow.

"I THINK THE ENTITY OF PREVIOUS PAGES PURGED FILES FROM MY MEMORIES." -- checks out, Cyn has absolutely done that

"'PET' -- IT'S SENT SOMETHING(S) TO ELIMINATE THE OTHER HOSTS" -- ah, so that's the primary reason the DDs exist, to clear rogue Solver hosts before Cyn went planetside. that means my old theory on DD weapons being optimized for use against Solver hosts holds water.

"'PETS' OF SOME KIND..." "PUPPET HOSTS WITH NERFED -- ... -- THE ENTITY - ENSURES CONTROL" -- from context, i assume she means DDs have reduced free will/individuality, but N's squad was of course an exception.

also that's absolutely V in the drawing. bob haircut, clearly not wearing pants of any sort, it's her.

he's so cute

that's metal as hell. god damn.

oh you motherFUCKER-

@rusty-gloinks got a feeling you're a fan of this bit

MOTHERF-

(end of part 2)

[humanradiojmp]

My blind reaction to the Murder Drones Finale Part 1

Contains spoilers

Of course, got to have Cyn’s theme for the world ending. Fitting

Wha- REBECCA?!

The teacher could not care less the apocalypse is happening again. He is such a mood

Well there is no air in space, so it makes sense that there wouldn’t be sound, and that Uzi can’t really talk. communicating with space rocks and screens is a good solution

I like the parental advisory sensor. Do the worker drones have that automatically, or can they remove it at a certain point?

Space ship pilot!!! Makes you wonder though how and why they crashed the first time. got distracted or nervous or something?

I half expected the Wall-e kiss, but forehead taps are still good. got to have that comedic sensor cut off as well. I love this show.

Stop that. get help.

Not the Falling for You theme as they fall back to the surface!

That’s the understatement of the century

The ship being brought in looking like the creepy-ass hand that the solver drones got at the manor is such a nice touch

So J is aware of who Cyntessa really is and working with her. interesting. Like to know her reasoning why

Lizzy could not care less she’s about to die-

Is- is it?

SHE’S ALIVE! V’S ALIVE!!! YEEEEESSSSS!!!!!

Was holding my N-doggo plushy and squeezed him so hard and did leg tappies when I saw she was alive. V is back ya’ll!

With a little bit of Eternal Dream as well. I love this soundtrack and the attention to detail to it so much!

Not the sentinel wearing Beau’s hat. I feel like that’s horrible in a way but matches so well.

I laughed so much when I saw the meme.

And the name for V in Lizzy’s contacts. Wow

So much like V with her initial antagonizing towards Uzi, J sided with Cyn out of fear and a need to survive. She rationalized this was the best course of action, even if it’s siding with the obvious ‘bad guy’. But it’s nice to see J does have some semblance of care for her former team mates. Wonder if she also did it all for their sake as well as her own.

The sunglasses and cool pose. Their so cringe

I really like the animation of how Cyn walks in Tessa’s sink. Like it doesn’t quite fit and she doesn’t have complete control over it. nice touch to the creep factor of her existence

Oh yes, emotional and mental torture and manipulation is simply just ‘hurting his feelings’. It’s tots fine, he just needs to get over it.

And just like with Uzi, he can’t shoot Tessa, even if it’s no longer her. or maybe he knows it won’t work?

Nice little moment, but lesson number one kids – never take your eyes off the enemy, ever. Because then you’re going to get your heart stabbed out of your chest

Trying to push her core back in with no hands is so morbid

Of course she has wings. Why wouldn’t she?

I take back the J cares about her teammates statement. Unless she’s trying to make it less hard on herself?

The callback ping with the hands trying to find them, with N on the verge of a panic attack seeing Cyn clawing him out as well as the manor flashback is just so (satisfied grunting)

And Uzi’s heart trying to leave her chest because of the callback ping, her trying to keep it in but it’s pushing out like the monster from Alien (grunting continues)

Oh shoot, they don’t know she’s alive, and you can see just how traumatized the boy is. I really hope they get therapy after this if they survive. They really need it

You protected her from a trap, but at what cost?

V really was operating on fear, I knew it. I know a popular theory is that V remembered most if not all of what happened before Copper-9 and I wonder now if that theory has been proven true. Because she knew what this thing was capable of, and thought if she were to just follow orders, keep her head low, and not incite any callback of former memories, then maybe, just maybe, everything would be ok. But it never was going to be ok, was it? *draws V in for a hug* you need this. A lot.

Oooh, it was N’s core she was going to eat. Oh no.

Wait, Khan has the solver? Or was that a remote for something? (even watching it back, I’m still not 100% sure)

I really like how Uzi has full control of herself and her version of the solver, and how it’s hinted she has some control over the solver in general with how Cyntessa’s eye flickered purple. I kind of half wished they delved into that a little more in the fight to ensue, as it would have shown a cool mental version of a battle of wills. But…

Second part coming because of character limit

Second part

[civilization-illstayrighthere]

it’s a shame in cyberpunk that V is shown mostly as someone who doesn’t do any drugs past what dum-dum offers you in an early game quest because if he had you could have the oil fields talk with johnny like, weeks and weeks sooner. “wow nothing i did mattered” yeah man. you sang like shit and called kerry a pussy and caused a nuclear meltdown in the middle of a dense city because you were on too much synth-coke. you were on “all the nomads are secretly werewolves and the arasaka apocalypse is going to happen soon and only i am able to stop it” amounts of cyber blow. now lets go get you some coping mechanisms.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 11

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

Part 11: Shake Hands with Gozer

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[SLIDE: Shandor Studios, with the All Hail Gozer logo.]

[faint sound of a car alarm]

L: Oh, heck, it’s Gandalf…

[chirp-chirp]

[car alarm ceases]

A [dismissive]: You know, this is really not doing it for me anymore. The whole deal. Not even with a camera. No. Fuck it. Your personality is a real turn-off.

R: These chairs are still really comfy, though.

[rumbling, squeaking]

G: [muffled, into phone]: UH-HUH… UH-HUH… IN MY DEFENSE, THEY INSULTED MY DOGS AND SUGGESTED I ASSOCIATE WITH ELON MUSK, ABI… YES, ADMITTEDLY, BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO BE RUDE… MM-HM. WHAT’S IT CALLED? “CLIMATE CHANGE”? [with sudden excitement] OH! “GLOBAL WARMING!” YES! HOW LONG? OH, THAT’S NOT LONG AT ALL! NO, NO, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE IRONY. DIY APOCALYPSE! OH, YES, WE MUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE, MUSTN’T WE? HA-HA-HA. BUT, UH, DO YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE… A LAKE OF FIRE? EVEN A SMALL ONE? [laughter] WOW! THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!

L: I don’t like where this is going…

A: Rocz, where the hell are my cigarettes?

R: I fed them to a dog.

A: What?

G: SO ABOUT SEVEN BILLION YEARS ON THE OUTSIDE? WELL, I GET BORED, ABI. YOU KNOW I GET BORED. WILL YOU KEEP PODCASTING AND KILLING THE SMARMY MORTAL “JAMES BOND”? HA! ALL RIGHT, I SUPPOSE I WILL MANAGE…

D: Did… Did Abi just say we’re going to keep doing KJB for the next seven billion years…?

L: Sounds like the fate of the world kinda depends on it…

A: Where is my fucking Slimfast bar?

R: Ibid.

V: Will you have a slice of meat bouquet, Lord Alice?

A: [screams]

R: You two gotta stop doin’ that.

Z: Lord Alice is mortal, Vinz Clortho. You are supposed to feed the mortals frozen peas. It is good for them. The demon David Tennant says so.

L: I think you’re a little mixed up about that…

R: Your dimension gets Amazon Prime?

Z: All hell dimensions have Amazon Prime. Where else are we supposed to get our blood plasma?

V: But we have no frozen peas to give, and we must depart our mortal hosts soon!

Z: You may rub our tummies, if you wish. It is good for your mortal brain meat.

L: Aww!

Z: Not you, Vengeful Mortal of Insults!

L: Well, this has been a total fucking waste of time!

A: Get away from me, you smell like Marlboros and despair.

V: It is the Slimfast bar…

Z: You want some of this, Frodo?

D [coldly]: No thank you, Sigourney.

R [warmly]: Good Terror Dogs… Good, good puppies…

G: HA-HA, RIGHT! THESE THINGS HAPPEN! WELL, I’LL SEE YOU AT THE CLUB TONIGHT. CIAO, BESTIE!

L: “Bestie”?

A: [sigh] It’s Mesopotamian rock-paper-scissors, don’t worry about it.

D: To think, all this time, all we had to do was summon Abigail Thorn…

G: VINZ CLORTHO! ZUUL! STOP BOTHERING LORD ABIGAIL’S FRIENDS!

V: Farewell, doughnut-giver!

Z: Never buy copper from Ea-nāṣir!

[electricity, crackling]

MILKSHAKE (M)]: آیا من یک سگ بودم؟ [TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: Okay, it’s in Persian, but Google Fonts doesn’t do cuneiform.]

R: Oh, hey, it’s my cats!

PIZZA BOY (P): پدر!

R: Nah, don’t eat that meat bouquet, I have no idea who or what that is…

M: این انصاف نیست.

R: Say, Gozer, is this here permanent?

G: ALL CATS CAN SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE THEY WANT, WHENEVER THEY WANT.

P: Das ist ein süßes Kopftuch.

A: Um… Danke?

M: Никогда больше не трогай мой животик.

A: [snickers]

G: SO! [claps hands] SORRY FOR THIS LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING. HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?

[brief pause]

G: WHAT?

[crosstalk, complaining, “We are covered in horse viscera!” “Clean this shit off!” etc.]

G: RIGHT. SORRY.

L: And I want to keep my new van!

G: YOUR VAN BELONGS TO ISHTAR, BUT I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO FINISH YOUR PODCAST, MORTALS?

A: Oh, yes! Of fucking course we would!

[Rapid scrolling through 10 slides or so before landing on an image of Ivo Shandor.]

A: And in conclusion… Ivo Shandor can eat shit, I’m glad he got ripped in half, art deco architecture is hideous, I disavow everything Sumerian — except Liam’s van and possibly Abi — and billionaires contribute nothing of value to society! [panting] Does anyone have anything else?

L: Pronoun checks will save your fucking life! If any of you out there ever give us shit for the pronoun check ever again, I got a [bleep] with your name on it!

G: SERIOUSLY. THAT COLONEL-SANDERS-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER SUMMONED ME OUT OF A HOT BATH AND MISGENDERED ME ON PURPOSE — I’M GLAD I RIPPED HIM IN HALF TOO!

R: [drawing devil horns and an unflattering mustache on Shandor with the mouse] We have a segment on this podcast we like to call Safety Third…

A: What?

L: Oh my God, Rocz…

D: Fucking seriously?!

R: I’m sorry, but rigidly adhering to our unhinged podcast format has just saved our lives and possibly the entire world — and if we’d just done our goddamn intros we would’ve avoided that whole mess — so we’re going to do a Safety Third! Alice, the drop, please.

[“Shake hands with danger” drop]

[SLIDE: A pastoral oil painting that seems to be missing a figure with a shepherd's crook.]

G: OOH, THIS LOOKS FUN. CAN I PLAY TOO?

WTYP: NO.

D: And clear the slime out of my awesome control room.

G: OF COURSE.

D [suspiciously]: Be honest with me. If someone were to press a button and cover you in boiling hot lava, would that be an inconvenience?

G: OOH, DO YOU HAVE LAVA? I JUST LOVE LAVA!

D [slowly fading, walking away from the mics]: This has been a fucking waste of time!

[door slam]

R: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending)…”

G: IS THERE NOT GOING TO BE ANY LAVA, THEN?

R [with determination]: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending), Liam (yay, Liam) and potential Guest.”

G [distorted, too close to the mic]: HELLO, MORTALS! I AM PODCASTING!

L: Shut the fuck up.

R: “...I am an art-restorer by trade, a profession which, I’m sure you know, has its dangers. Apart from the usual face-melting chemicals, we deal with a lot of paintings of dubious provenance, many of which come into our hands with curses or angry spirits attached. It’s a little like working at the humane society. Most of them can be cleaned up and rehabilitated if you’re careful, but a select few will try to kill you. It’s not their fault, but you do always need to be aware of the hazard. For example, the attached image once contained the figure of a little girl who would slowly approach the foreground of the painting over a period of weeks, before crawling out of the frame and attempting to strangle everyone in the room with her shepherd’s crook.”

A: Oh. Yeah. Pretty standard.

L: Get a new bit, ghost children!

G: I TOOK THE FORM OF A DEMONIC LITTLE GIRL ONCE!

A: No one cares.

R: “We gave her a juice box and some crackers, and let her watch a Disney video (Aladdin, but I’m not sure if you can say that)...”

L: Dammit, how many times do we have to tell you? Do not write it if you don’t want Rocz to say it!

A: Was the time he almost finished reciting that Ashanti death curse not enough for you people?

L: You’re just goddamn lucky he mispronounced it!

R: “And now she’s happily attending the local junior high school. A lot of attached spirits are just hungry, or bored, or both, and are easily dealt with. After they’ve lived through a few near-misses like that, some of my colleagues start to become jaded and sloppy. For example, my boss, whom we will call Timothy Q. Jackass (the Q stands for ‘Clueless’)...”

L: Good. Good name.

G: I ONCE GAVE A JACKASS THE GIFT OF PROPHECY!

A: Go away.

G: …HIS NAME WAS TIRESIAS OF THEBES! WHAT? NOTHING? NOBODY?

L: Get some new references.

A: Read another elegy.

G: DO YOU HAVE A RIMSHOT IN HERE…?

A: Touch my laptop and die.

R: “One morning, Mr. Jackass rolled up to the studio with a tinted etching (image not attached for reasons which will become obvious).”

L: Vigo.

A: Fucking Vigo.

G: THAT CARPATHIAN CUNT AND HIS GODDAMN ART COMMISSIONS. NOBODY WANTS TO PAINT YOU, VIGO, NOT WITH THAT HAIRCUT.

[stifled laughter]

G [hopeful]: …OR THOSE SHOES?

A: [clearing throat] Don’t press your luck.

R: “I recognized a certain Carpathian with whom you are no doubt familiar…”

G: HA! YOU CALLED IT!

L: Interrupting is a privilege, and we will mail you a certificate when you have earned it.

R: “...and, of course, I advised Mr. Jackass to douse it in holy oil and set it on fire, as per the established procedure. Imagine my surprise when he told me he wanted me to clean and restore it.”

L: No. Don’t do it.

A: Step away from the abyss.

G: UNIONIZE.

[pause]

G: WHAT? ARE YOU MORTALS FUCKING SCABS?

A: …Alright, I am not autistic — that I know of — but I have no idea how to deal with this situation.

L: You enjoy human suffering but are pro-union?

G: YOU HUMANS WILL TOUCH A CAT’S TOES UNTIL IT BITES YOU OUT OF FRUSTRATION, BUT YOU WILL STILL FEED THEM AND PET THEM.

[pause]

R: Milkshake, Pizza Boy, will you ever forgive me?

M: Lo mismo ocurre con nosotros, cuando os enseñamos el culo antes del amanecer.

R: Is that a yes?

A: All I know is how to order a beer and ceviche…

L: Rocz, for God’s sake, finish the letter so we can get in my van and go home.

R: “I told Mr. Jackass what he could do with his etching, in language that is not very podcast-friendly, and he replied, and I quote, ‘Don’t be a pussy, it’s just an etching. It’s probably Latvian or some shit.’”

G: VIGO THE LATVIAN MAKES A DAMN FINE BLOOD SAUSAGE.

[stifled laughter, a certain amount of snickering]

G [wounded]: WHAT? I AM BEING SERIOUS. SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT JELLYFISH AND CEPHALOPODS, BUT IF YOU COME AT VIGO THE LATVIAN’S BLOOD SAUSAGE, I WILL END YOU.

[hysterical cackling, even from the cats]

A: Oh, God, oh, fuck no… Xe tried to kill us!

L: And xe’s doin’ it again!

R: It’s called catharsis, Alice! Laugh or cry!

[pandemonium ending in sniffles]

R: Ah… Ah… Oh, God… Lemme see here… “I reiterated my refusal, forcefully, and Mr. Jackass decided he’d teach me a lesson by restoring the etching himself. The next few weeks were remarkably quiet, with regards to Mr. Jackass, save for occasional instances of chanting. He rarely left his office and appeared to be sleeping there. He was also going through a lot of black candles. There was a single attempt to order ‘an unsullied infant boy’ from DoorDash, which was not successful. The next day, Mr. Jackass called in sick, so I figured he was at the exorcist’s and that would be the end of it. Imagine my surprise when I turned on the six o’clock news and found him declaring his candidacy for City Comptroller. From what I could gather, his platform included human sacrifice and a ‘skull throne tax.’ I had my hand on the phone to call an exorcist and report him, but my mean streak got the better of me. ‘Let’s see how this plays out,’ I thought.”

L: Did… Did he win?

R: “Don’t worry. Vigo the Carpathian, running as Mr. Jackass, suffered a resounding defeat and eventual exorcism. However, we restored and reclaimed so many paintings during his extended sabbatical, that before Mr. Jackass even had a chance to dye the blond bleach job out of his hair, the higher ups called him and told him, and I quote, ‘Don’t come back.’ That is how I became head of the art restoration department!”

[cheers, applause]

R: “The moral of this story, if there is one, is, ‘never interrupt your stupid boss when he is making a mistake.’”

G: A MODERN DAY SUN TZU!

R: “Love to you all, and be well.”

A: Aww, that’s actually very nice.

L: I hope Vigo fried that guy’s hair so bad he never recovers.

G: DAMN, I COULD GO FOR SOME BLOOD SAUSAGE.

R: This concludes Safety Third.

[“Shake hands with danger” drop]

R: Does anyone have any commercials?

L: Rocz…

R: Our podcasting format saved the world.

L: Okay, okay, but I got nothin’.

A: Same. You know where you can find us.

L: Right, we live in your basement. We’re watching you right now.

G: SAME!

R: If we want more Gozer the Gozerian, for some reason, where else can we find you?

G: IN YOUR NIGHTMARES!

R: Of course.

[SLIDE: The Amityville Horror House.]

R: Our next episode…

G: OH! OH! WAIT! I ALSO HAVE A TUMBLR!

A: Oh, my God, I have got to get off that hellsite…

R: Our next episode is on the Amityville Horror…

G: OOH, I LOVE THAT ONE! CAN I FIND IT WHEREVER PODCASTS ARE FOUND?

R: Uh…

A [tightly]: Don’t tell xem, just end the episode.

G: WHAT? TELL ME WHAT?

L: End the episode! END IT BEFORE DEVON HITS THE LAVA BUTTON!

G: HI MOM! HI GRANDMA! I LOVE YOU!

[soothing public domain music]

D [not drunk enough to stop being annoyed but still very drunk]: This is Future Devon… Fuck, I mean Present Devon. I have consumed all the liquor and ice cream I demanded from Gozer, and I am going to bed. If, as I suspect, this has all been an epic-length fanfiction from the diseased brain of some individual out there on the internet, when I wake up in the morning, I expect not to exist. This version of me, I mean. So, I would just like to take this opportunity to say: Fuck you. You will die alone. The pet raven in no way makes up for any of this bullshit — although I cherish him and have named him after Sir Ian McKellen. All these fucking Chekov’s guns all over the place, and you didn’t let me use my lava button even once. I will never forgive you for this. I am so done with podcasting, and everything Sumerian, but apparently I still have several billion years of Kill James Bond to go. [sigh] Okay.

[shuffling, sound of a laptop closing]

D: Come on, Sir Ian, let’s go to oblivion.

[long pause]

SIR IAN (I): This is Sir Ian, I am the raven who is talking now, my pronouns are he and him, and I thought you’d all like to know I work for Pazuzu. Don’t tell Dev, it would only upset them. I suppose I’ll put this up on the Patreon for them…?

[click]

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]

[And if ya liked that, I got a whole serialized story for ya. You let me work with my own characters and I get even more unhinged, just so's ya know.]

Thanks for reading!

[fearsmagazine]

DECADE OF THE DEAD comes to life with Film Mode Entertainment and makes Cannes World Market Premiere.

Film Mode Entertainment (FME), Flynn Forest Productions, Sight & Sound Productions and Lucky 13 Productions announce the Cannes World Market Premiere and screening of newly completed action/adventure, Decade of the Dead. The film stars Sean Patrick Thomas (Till, The Tragedy of Macbeth, Lying and Stealing), Shane Johnson (Power), Jenna Leight Green (Sabrina, Wicked), Corsica Wilson (In a World…, Dead Season) and Marissa Merrill (End, Dead Season). Decade of the Dead is directed by Adam Deyoe and Fairai Branscombe Richmond and written by Loren Semmens and Adam Deyoe. The film was produced by Loren Semmens, Bryan Spicer and Joel Michaely.

Decade of the Dead takes place ten years after the apocalypse, where a group of bounty hunters finds refuge on a tropical island only to discover it’s ruled by a deranged cult leader with plans to take over the post-apocalyptic world. Stuck between the cult and the relentless hordes of the walking dead, the survivors must fight for their lives.

Sean Patrick Thomas’ extensive body of work includes critically acclaimed features Chinonye Chukwu’s “Till”, Joel Coen’s “The Tragedy of Macbeth” with Denzel Washington, and Darren Aronofsky’s “The Fountain” with Hugh Jackman. His current role as Polarity in “Gen V,” Amazon’s The Boys spin off, has introduced him to a whole new generation of fans. As well as countless other memorable films such as the iconic “Cruel Intentions”, additional credits include the hit ensemble franchise “Barbershop”; and the fan favorite “Save The Last Dance”, which garnered him the Young Hollywood Award for Standout Performance; and two MTV Movie Awards, for Breakthrough Male Performance and Best Kiss. He is repped by Innovative Artists and Greenlight Management.

Film Mode Entertainment has acquired international sales rights for Decade of the Dead and is presenting the film and promo-reel to buyers in Cannes for the first time. The deal was negotiated by Andrew van den Houten of 79th & Broadway Entertainment on behalf of the producers with Clay Epstein of FME.

“We’re thrilled to be working with the amazingly talented Decade of the Dead team, who have successfully crafted an action-adventure film that raises the bar on one of the most popular and lucrative genres in the marketplace today,” said Epstein. “Decade of the Dead will wow audiences across the globe and leave them on the edge of their seats throughout a wild ride, to the very last shot of the movie.”

[ccasey0]

Honestly? Cry, then probably die.

But, if I get through Step One: Cry without dying then I would probably just go back to live with my dad. He is a mountain man who has made himself ALMOST self sufficient with solar panels, his own plumbing, ect and lives WAAAAY in the woods soo I would probably be pretty safe.

The only thing we wouldn't have is a good way to get food. I would probably need to lean how to farm because my dad has a black thumb :/

Sorry for being absent for so long- been really tired/busy ooh but for my question... hmmm... Have you gone skydiving? Or if you haven't, would you? (I have not and would not-)

-J

heya J! dont worry, i know how busy life can be. take all the time you need!

wow, your father sounds pretty awesome! if there is ever an apocalypse and you need to learn how to farm, just hit me up cuz i can tell you all about it!

oh i would L O V E to go skydiving someday! i havent done it yet, but i sure as hell am going to!

do you like honey? cuz i like honey. my family beekeeps so i get to eat a lot of honey. i like honey :)

[lemonadehtwooh]

Big Post for my For Funsies AU stuff

Hopefully I will remember to Update this every once in a while (>v<)b

Putting a cut for Length Reasons! Also we love how I procrastinated on making this for over a year :P

Before anything, feel free to ask me anything about my AU, as well as feel free to make drawing requests about my AU as well! I am also down to just draw Fate Grand/Order characters too! :3

Ao3 Account For Future For Funsies! AU Writing Stuff: lemonadehtwooh

(Note: This will be updated the same time I post the writing on Tumblr as well)

Writing for the For Funsies AU that's on Tumblr :3

Sorry I haven't posted any writing for the AU yet ):

Celebration post that contains Old Sketches of the AU/Beginning Stages of the AU

The Very First Post I Ever Made on Tumblr About The For Funsies AU Lmao

Romeo Angelo and Company:

Romeo's Design

More Sketches of Romeo's Design

Romeo Backstory Stuff

Roasting Romeo

Gabriel Utterson Old Design

Gabriel Utterson CURRENT Design

Alexander-Paris of Troy Design

Answer of a question about Hektor, Paris/Apollo, Penth, and Astolfo

Question about Odysseus and Hektor

Utterson skill and NP stuff

Santa Utterson Design

Silly Scolding HC

Sketches of Utterson's Gun and Monocle

Fun Facts about Utterson and the Creation of Him!

Dunky Donut. Because Ur Epic

Backless Suit Utterson

Very Old Hektor Design Sketches

Can Romeo Dance?

Drunk Romeo lol

The Two Idiots In Romeo's Mind Lore-ish stuff

Maple Von Roth and The Theater Cast

Maple Design

Maple's Tits

Old Sketch of Maple handing the viewer an L

Maple's True Form Concept Sketches

Jekyll/Hyde NP Rewrite concept

Jekyll/Hyde NP Rewrite Sketches!

Jekyll/Hyde Redesign

Old Opera Phantom Doodle That I Like

Opera Phantom and Maple Sketches

Old Rama Redesign Sketches + Info

Maple Design Sketches YIPPEE

Old Sketches of The Phantom of The Opera

Jekie and Hydie cool art Wow

More Maple Design Concept

Doctor Ishaan and His Trio

"I Am Losing My Sense of Humanity"

My Favorite Sketches of Enkidu

Enkidu Being Protective of a Sleeping Ishaan HC

Silly Mini Comic of Enkidu Forcing Gil to Carry Them

Doctor Ishaan and Doctor Mary Design Sketches and Notes Plus Angst Art of Child Ishaan

Doctor Mary and The Dream Team

Billy joking and Accidentally Making Jack Cry

Chance Finnick and The Chaos Squad

Sorry I got nothing to show here yet, one day I will actually draw out and post Chance's stuff ):

Unnamed Master 1 and The Magic of Friendship Gang

Angst Animation of Arjuna and Karna

Animation of Lanyon

Doctor Lanyon Design

Old Lanyon Sketches

Matching Outfits

Trying to figure out Unnamed Master's concept

The Beast of Calamity and Moriarty

How It All Started

The Beast/Apocalypse Design

Moriarty Sketches

Utterson X Sherlock Stuff

HC on How They Meet

Goofy X Catholic Guilt

"Why Does Sherlock Call You Babygirl?" (Old Ver., will be remade soon)

These Are Literally So Funny, I Love These Doodles, Why Did They Only Get One (1) Note

Silly Halloween Vampire Sketches

One of My Fave. Drawings of These Two Nerds

Hektor X Romeo Stuff

OC X Canon Week Pt. 1

OC X Canon Week Pt. 2

OC X Canon Week Pt. 3

OC X Canon Week Pt. 4

Weird Dream I Had Involving These Two Nerds

Misc.

Holmes Caffeine Addiction

Fruit Cake

Tiamat Drawing Ask <3

Gabriel Gay Lol

A Mutual's Fgo OC interacting With My OC <3

Baseball Batting Moriarty's Back Ask

[reva-pocalypse]

wow i am really really enjoying omniscient reader's viewpoint so far, which is kind of surprising because i usually dislike apocalypse stories. like usually they make me feel shitty and depressed but this one is v appealing to me somehow! you love to see it

[fogsrollingin]

Moonlight Readings!

Wow it’s been a long time since I’ve posted a list of fic recs. See below a J2 AU RPS, two OFMD Gentlebeards, a Hartwin Kingsman fic, and the most devastating traumatized!Dream with Hob to the rescue fic everrrr. Love all these fics - hope you do too :) 

PS you’ll notice my links to my ficrecs are now hosted on my neocities website. I’ve moved these ficrecs around a lot over the years, from tumblr pages (which then broke) to tumblr posts, to dreamwidth posts, but it just never felt right to keep my reclists - which involve a lot of behind-the-scenes organizing, archiving, etc. - as something so ephemeral as a blog post. So now they’re on their own static webpages 🥰 If you’re also on neocities let me know I’ll follow you we can be moots

Happy readings!

Every Old Town’s Just Your Past Burning Down by whisperedstory. Explicit, J2, 41k words. Summary: The world ends and those who survive are left with chaos; cities and towns are in ruins and there's a shortage of food and an outbreak of diseases that soon lead to panic and violence. With nothing keeping him in Texas Jensen decides to leave, wandering back roads and wilderness with no destination in mind. His path leads him to a secluded farm in Wyoming and a ragtag group of people. There, he ends up finding more than he dared to hope for: a home, friendships, and maybe even a chance at love with Jared, who Jensen is instantly drawn to even though he can't quite figure him out. [reposted, first posted on livejournal 13/6/2013] ao3.org/works/4758260/chapters/10879586 My thoughts: I loved the devastation in this fic and then the slow soft recovery of a small group of survivors. The group dynamic gets stressful for Jared as the leader of their troop and Jensen’s there for him and ahhhh yeah that scene just got me in the feels. I’ve added this to my Desolate Post-Apocalypse reclist.

look what the cat dragged in by KiaraSayre. Not Rated, Gentlebeard, 11k words. Summary: Stede and his crew acquire a cat, whether they like it or not. https://archiveofourown.org/works/38246497 my thoughts: Yay fairy tales and animal transformation curses. Cat!Ed is hilariously and endearingly in-character and Stede’s inexplicable, increasing fondness for the creature just makes you want to roll into a little ball and make lovey noises. Added to my favorite OFMD fics.

Renaissance by Fyre. Explicit, Gentlebeard, 25k words. Summary: Ed heard the gunshot and the following scream when he was busting out of the barracks stores with a sack of food. Panicked. Familiar. He was running before he even realized he’d stepped on the guard and dropped the bag of loot. Running in the little shoes was a bugger of a thing, but he ran anyway, almost turning his ankle more than once, out into the dark, out into the woods, away from the barracks. https://ao3.org/works/40485996 my thoughts: Really well-written and lovely fix-it fic with charming and feel-good character development, romance, and reunions. Added to my favorite OFMD fics.

Laid to Rest by mauzymorn. Explicit, Harry/Eggsy, 84k words. Summary: After the chaotic mess that had been V-Day, everyone's got to learn to get back on their feet, right? Finding out Harry's alive does wonders to that end for Eggsy - that is, until ghosts from the past rise up to ruin it all. How could Harry not have seen this coming? Archnemeses that can't stay dead seem to come with the territory of being a spy. It's too bad that this particular ghost isn't one of Harry's... It's Eggsy's. https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397506 my thoughts: I am such a sucker for traumatized and past!Rentboy!Eggsy and this is a really amazing long fic of PTSD and recovery with Harry being there for him AHHHH so good. Added to my favorite Kingsman fics recs.

Dulce et decorum est by Moorishflower. Explicit, Dreamling, rape/noncon warning. 9k words. Summary: "This one is a special case," Burgess says. "He is a war hero. Do you understand? You will be on your best behavior. You know what happens when you are not." Two years into his imprisonment, and Dream of the Endless has not given Roderick Burgess what he wants. Yet if he cannot have back his son, then he will have whatever else Dream has to give, and sell it to the highest bidder: body, powers, and all. Hob Gadling, newly back from the Western Front, has barely slept since 1889, and is desperate for any sort of relief, even that peddled by mad old men claiming to be warlocks. https://archiveofourown.org/works/43424929 Jesus fucking christ Morpheus crying into Hob’s chest while he's inside him and Hob being perplexed bc that's not typically how these dreams go was sooooo, omg. This fic of chock-full of really disturbing sexual abuse and torture trauma but it’s so harrowing and emotional, brilliantly written with a violent happy ending. I mean, when Hob rescues him… fuck, man /cries/. This fic was amazing. Added to my favorite Sandman fics reclist.