#v much love this idea I love reading writers' most precious children

[xoxoemynn]

I was tagged by @edsbacktattoo, @summerlinenss, @spirker, @piratecaptainscaptainpirates to share the favorite things I've written! I've loved seeing everyone's responses to this and have been adding to my ever-growing MFL. 💕

First we have my "heart story," my magical realism fic The Merry Strays of Lighthouse Sanctuary, which is technically two stories because I wrote the first one in a day for Our Flag Means Party, and then that little idea exploded and I ended up writing another 115K to go along with it. The basic premise is "what if a house was built with so much love it came alive?" Took a lot of inspiration from The House in the Cerulean Sea in terms of vibes, so if you like that, you'll probably enjoy this one. Feels like being wrapped up in a big gay hug. Also recently re-read this one and made some minor edits to prepare it for a book binding and have to say, it holds up. I cried at the end.

Next I'll highlight my beloved Clock Boys, which I feel like was my Peak Writing for OFMD experience. I came up with this idea when I passed a clock repair shop and went "heh, dark and mysterious shop, what a great place for a PWP. Hey, this reminds me of a random clock fact I picked up from one of my favorite shows. Hey, let me do some googling. Wow, clocks are really horny and also have a ton of nautical ties. Cool." I posted the first PWP fully expecting it to be too niche to resonate with most people. It is shameless smut with more clock puns than I can count. But NOPE. People were INTO it. And maybe it's weird to get sappy when people tell me they love my PWP but I do get really sappy when people tell me they love the clock boys just because I never expected anybody else to do so. ANYWAY currently three stories, planning on a fourth for AUgust, probably mostly stand alone if you want. Just have to know Ed's a (w)horologist and Stede is horny for c(l)ock.

Next, I don't write a ton of canon fic just because canon is so perfect to me I don't want to touch it much, but I did really love how read me like a book came out. We have Ed going through great lengths for a Big Romantic Gesture and Stede always willing to "yes, and" him, even when he doesn't have a clue wtf is going on. It's unhinged, it's silly, it's romantic, it's got a lot of banter in line with those cut improv scenes... it makes me happy.

And finally, I'll highlight forever is our today (who waits forever anyway). I, uh, struggle keeping things short, but I managed it with this one and I think it may be one of the loveliest things I've written. Ed is a sea god who falls in love with mortal Stede and they're both punished for it. It's a lot of bittersweet, but also Buttons and the Swede are muses, so. You know. Got some silliness. And a happy ending. Prommy.

I've lost track of who's been tagged on this so apologies if you've already done this, but I'll tag @bizarrelittlemew, @ghostalservice, @petrichorca, @veeagainsttheday, @adhduck, @saltpepperbeard, and @chocolatepot. (And if you have already done it, link me to the post so I can add to my list.) 💕

[fireflyfish]

Tagged by @writegowrite

AO3 name: fireflyfish

Fandom: Star Wars, more specifically the Prequel Trilogy and the Clone Wars with bits of Post-Anakin’s-Worst-Decision-Ever-Era thrown in here and there.

Number of fics: 17 And none of them are finished. *sobbing* Why am I like this??? Okay that’s not entirely true. Some of them are one shots that are technically finished but I am terribly disappointed in myself and going to give myself a stern talking to one of these days. 

Fic you spent the most time on: Based solely on word count? Tano and Kenobi. 

Based anxiously freaking out and pestering @writegowrite if what I’ve written is coherent and vaguely readable? Tano and Kenobi. 

Based solely on the sheer amount of whining about Vaderkin’s bad life choices and how I just need him to chill and stop being an evil dick? After the End of the World. 

Fic you spent the least amount of time on: Uhmmm.... Leitmotif. That flowed pretty seamlessly from wherever it is my writing comes from. 

Longest fic: Tano and Kenobi hands down. It’s plotted to be six seasons long. *more sobbing*

Shortest fic:  Drunken Clone Limericks, helpfully written by Writegowrite because, let’s be real here. She is the superior poet and writer in this family.  

Most hits: Tano and Kenobi, natch.

Most kudos: The Further Adventures of Ahsoka Tano and Obi-Wan Kenobi with special guest star The Burning Man Who Does Not Die!

Most comment threads: Wait... Is this a thing you can count on AO3? Is this different from the general comments number? Also my second most popular fic for comments is After The End.   

Fave fic you wrote: Ehm... depends on the criteria, which was not specified so I don’t have to make a choice between my children. Let’s be real here it’s Ohnaka v Skywalker: Dawn of Nonsense. 

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: Uh... I can’t even finish the fics I currently have listed and you want me to re-write one of them??? 

If time was no object I would really like to do more work on SCARverse and Where Shall We Three Meet Again? 

I would really like to expand more on the world building of SCARverse and give an idea of how the galaxy’s changed after ten years of civil war and the kind of people Anakin, Ahsoka and the members of Torrent Company have had to become in the interim. 

And I just adore the Obi-Squad in We Three. I just love to work with them and listen to them snark at each other while taking care of Podracer like he’s this precious unicorn they’ve stumbled upon and must protect from the harsh realities of life. They will occasionally read fan fiction and it is a delight. Arulas is a surprising Codywan shipper. Podracer ships Obi/Everything, especially naps, and Little Sister is just mildly horrified at all the smooching.

Share a bit of your wip or share a story idea that you’re planning:

From T&K Season 4...

***

“Thank you,” Didia said, her relief evident in her voice as she bowed her head. “I will relay your message to the Duchess. Lady Bo-Kat, Shmi and Ani will be down shortly. I think Ani needs time to assemble his beskar’gam.” 

With a smile and a wave, Didia hurried off into the house, her short, dark hair swinging behind her as she walked. 

“I did not realize Mandalorians passed on their armor at such a young age,” Plo Koon said, looking at Ahsoka and Obi-Wan, curiosity in his voice. 

“It’s probably one of my robes that he’s stolen,” Obi-Wan grumbled in mock affront, his arms folded across his chest. “I’m going to have to cut him off as the Quarter Master has threatened to dock my stipend if I keep asking for new ones every other month.”

“Surely Anakin can’t have stolen that many robes,” Ahsoka said, giving her padawan a disbelieving look. “He’s only three.”

Obi-Wan flushed a little at Ahsoka’s observation and cleared his throat before speaking. “Ehm… yes, well, that is true. Anakin is not solely responsible for my rash of missing robes. But he is a repeat offender.”

Plo Koon laughed at that, a rumble of good humor that filled the room with warmth, helping to calm Ahsoka and Obi-Wan’s nerves about the meeting. “You should be more mindful of your robes, Obi-Wan. They are very expensive when you have to buy them yourself.”

“Master Plo!” Ahsoka gasped in shocked delight. “Are you telling us Quarter Master made you buy your own outer robe?”

“I was young and brash once,” Plo Koon said, having far too much fun. “It is surprisingly easy to lose one’s robes in the midst of a mission.”

*** 

Tagging.... @glare-gryphon and... @elfpen @laventadorn and anyone else who wants to join in the fun!

[vandorens-archive]

ten questions tag | i was tagged by: @mshelleys, @emdrabbles, @pe-ersona, @evergrcen and @septemberliterature. thank you so much, and i’m so sorry i’m getting to this so late!

everything is under the cut!

@mshelleys

i. if you could change the genre of one of your wips, what would you change it to and how would the story/characters change?

So, trahison already features a ghost and a brief stay at a manor. have i considered turning it into a full fledged horror because of that? perhaps.

ii. do you think of your characters as actors playing a part in a movie or as people in history actually doing things that effect the future?

i think of them as actors playing in one long, crazy, unpredictable play. 

iii. role swap your protagonist and antagonist but keep their personalities the same; how different would your story be?

honestly, not different at all, because when it comes to it, the subject of trahison’s antagonist (s) is pretty complex. 

iv. are any of your characters based on you, family, friends, or someone else you know?

oh, absolutely. my characters range between self inserts, to characters i wish i was more like, to characters that are essentially walking, talking, breathing love letters to the people i care about.  

v. how long have you had your main protagonist(s) of your wip(s)?

I’ve been working with marin, nate and ruby for years, long before they were even called that and were a part of a dystopian crime novel (don’t ask). antoine joined them soon after, followed a while later by beth and isadora, and miles was invented during the plotting stage. 

vi. do you prefer to write chronologically or just make a bunch of scenes and order them after they’re written?

it depends on what i’m working on and how serious i am about it, but if we’re only talking about trahison, then chronologically!

vii. imagine the problem in your wip is sorted out, how would the protagonist recount the story to their children if they asked?

with a far away look in his eyes and an uncharacteristic fondness in his voice, marin would turn to his children, and tell them how extraordinary his friends were during his university years—their zeal, their inquisitiveness, and conveniently leaving out the uncomfortable loyalty they all had towards each other, until time and life’s commands separated them. 

viii. favorite (non-spoilery) line(s) of your current wip(s)?

This small bit of description, albeit a little purple prose-y, is one that i’m very, very proud of.

“ The morning rain had made its grave in the dirt, the bittersweet smell—like exotic black tea—rising into the air. It was the night pluviophiles came to dance. If I think hard, I can still taste the ghost of the raindrops on my tongue and sense Beth’s radiating warmth beside me; its own ghost ” - trahison, chapter three

ix. if your wip was a movie, could you see it be done in the 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, or 2010s? why that decade in particular?

so, fun fact, i hadn’t decided when to set trahison (see: the big question mark in my plotting notebook) but i have recently made up my mind and decided to set it in the seventies! if it was a film, then i could see it being made in seventies france! very a la the dreamers.

x. are you able to just make up a story on the spot, or do you need help (plot generators or other outside influences)?

sometimes i’ll take the help of prompts or media, but otherwise i just come up with things on my own!

@emdrabbles

i. what do the names of your main characters mean? did you pick them for the meaning or another reason?

i picked the trahison characters’ names based on two things: how much it related to the character’s backstory or personality, and how pleasing it sounded out loud. here are the meanings of their names:

marin — of the sea

ruby — deep red; precious stone; behold a son

elizabeth — god is my oath

nathaniel — gift from god

antoine — priceless one; beyond praise

isadora — gift of Isis

ii. what book are you currently reading?

I’m currently reading the time machine by h.g wells!

iii. last sentence written?

“ When the end of the world comes — I’ll film it ” — copycat, or the one where i predict the future. 

iv. who are some of your faceclaims?

i usually don’t use faceclaims, but if i had to choose:

marin van doren (trahison) — timor simakov

eloi hill (psychophantia) — maxence danet fauvel

cass parker (penny lane) — monica tomas

v. gimme some worldbuilding facts!!

alright, here’s one: in the world of psychophantia, not only is the magic system and your powers controlled by your morals, but so is your social ranking, your education, and any future you may have—to an extent. 

vi. do you outline? if so, do you have a specific method?

i’m a plotter and only really work well with a solid outline, however, my outlines range from a series of messy, incoherent bullet points to meticulous scene-by-scene planning based around the three act structure. this post is my go to for plotting assistance! 

vii. favourite author?

Like every tumblr user ever, i love donna tartt and maggie stiefvater, but i’m also a huge fan of f.scott fitzgerald, agatha christie and vera caspary!

viii. what is your oldest wip?

trahison! It went through many, many changes — from changes in genre to changes in character names, and there’s still a possibility that it could change even further. 

ix. what is your favourite wip?

every wip i reblog under my #others. tag! You all are so damn talented!

x. where do you get your inspiration from?

everywhere around me! from conversations i have with people, from films and books i consume, from the music on the radio — i like that anything and everything can inspire me to create.

@pe-ersona

i. in one sentence, explain your current wip!

a group of secretive students attempt to become immortal, only to uncover the worst parts of themselves — and each other — as they do. 

ii. was writing your main interest or did you have other interests?

although writing is my main interest (see: my social media bio on every platform ever), i also like to journal, sew, cook and make videos! my interests usually do have to do with the intention of creation. 

iii. what’s your favorite genre to write? to read?

I love writing horror and mysteries. those are my favourite genres, but i also love reading a good contemporary romance!

iv. what is one goal you have for your wip this year? how’s that goal going?

to finish the first draft! so far, not so bad, though i do wish i could write more, but unfortunately, time constraints plus school restrict me from doing so. 

v. how old is your wip? or when did you start writing your wip?

trahison is nearly three years old, but i only started writing the current version of it a year ago. 

vii. what scene made you cry or laugh or both?

these lines made me laugh out loud the first time i wrote them:

“ Up the stairs stumbled Miles, my slovenly genius roommate. He grinned at the giggles and winked at the exasperated stares. 

The gall of him! 

I wanted to be him. 

He managed to find his balance enough to reach our dorm. I immediately stepped back to let him in, and to make sure I was in no association with his uncomposed state. Nate gave a disapproving look at his back as he staggered in. 

I took another step back, raised a pointed eyebrow, and closed the door ” — trahison, chapter three

vii. how many ocs does your wip have? who’s your favourite?

my main wip, trahison, has six main characters. out of the main six, my favourite has to be nathaniel. he is very much the epitome of pure, and sometimes i wonder how he ended up in the middle of such a dark plot. 

vii. you have a brand new idea for a wip, what do you do? 

brainstorm, brainstorm, brainstorm. scribble down whatever the hell pops up in my brain, attempt to link it together by a thin string of yarn, cross my fingers and hope for the best.

ix. you are having your first book-signing, where are you?

i’m in a small bookstore, nestled in a corner near the storage room. almost no one knows about this town, so the line is small but chatty, fans exchanging theories and analysing certain paragraphs. the sight of them makes me feel warm inside. 

x. you have the ability to live in any book, publishing or not, what would it be?

would it be too cliche to say the harry potter universe? other than that, other worlds i would love to be a part of is the world in my novel penny lane, or in midst of a detective story.

@evergrcen / @septemberliterature

i. how did you come up with your wip’s title? what does it mean in relation to the story?

okay, so i discovered the word ‘trahison’ after hearing my french teacher say it, and immediately knew i had to use it for something. ‘trahison’ means betrayal or treason in french, which is one of the main themes in the novel. 

ii. do you title your chapters? if so, what’s your favourite?

I don’t, but I would love to!!

iii. what’s a recent line you really like?

Not a very dramatic or noteworthy line, but here’s one from a poem i’m writing:

“ So the two of you get in the car, proceeding to have an argument with the radio ” — examples of easy solutions, or the one where the internet has no answers. 

iv. are there any writing-related quotes you really like?

“i think a lot of art is trying to make someone love you” — keaton henson

v. do you have an idea for a cover design for your story?

A black background with serif text, that’s it. It’s simple. It’s mysterious. It’s the type of vibe I want to exude. 

vi. what sort of au can you imagine your story being?

...dark academia au anyone?

just kidding. in all seriousness, though, i can see a royalty/political au for trahison, or a medieval fantasy au!

vii. which oc would be the most angry with you as the writer?

eloi. i really need to give that poor boy a break. 

viii. if you had to tell the story from a different pov, which character would you choose?

ruby! she’s the token enigma of trahison, so i think her point of view would be very interesting to see. 

ix. what would be your oc’s taste in music if they lived in our world?

OKAY let’s see:

marin — classic rock, so the who, queen, def leppard.etc

ruby — that one person who you’re pretty sure only listens to classical music, but is actually very attuned to modern day music. she would mostly listen to female singer-songwriters, so take lorde, marina, lana del rey, and other such artists. 

beth — take one look at her playlist, and you’ll see that ninety five percent of it is mitski, while the other five percent is bedroom pop. she would like very tender, calm, cry to in bed music. 

Antoine — same as marin, but add other modern day music artists with eclectic sounds, such as twenty one pilots, arctic monkeys, that sort of thing.

nathaniel — classical music, instrumentals, and film soundtracks make up his playlist. if it has sung words, he won’t listen to it. has little to no understanding of modern day music and is too scared to find out more about it.

isadora — 2000’s diva pop plays in the background of her life. rihanna is her go to whenever she gets to control the party. Don’t be surprised if ‘rich girl’ by gwen stefani starts playing in your head at the sight of her. 

x. what’s one personal goal you want to achieve by the end of the story?

finishing it with pride!

[misakishishido]

asks for fanfic writers (response)

So I got tagged by @jurina-holic in relation to a post on a series of questions for fanfiction writers and I have to say, I am honoured to be tagged x’D Though I kinda doubt these would be satisfactory answers, I tried :P

Also, I’ll base this mostly on the 48G fandom kay? ;) 

Credit to tumblr user ibuzoo for the list of questions found here: http://ibuzoo.tumblr.com/post/145298642692

6. how did writing change you?

Well this is one of, if not, the most personal question in the list to me but I definitely don’t mind sharing about it. Tying it in somewhat with Q.5 since how long do you write, I’ve been writing stories (well, on and off now) since I was 11/12 years old. Prior to that, all I’ve done was draw and game and... game. Definitely not the most productive of hobbies in terms of building my character. 

I mainly started writing with my best friend when we decided to make a ‘sequel’ of sorts for the Cardcaptor Sakura series one day while chatting on MSN (ho ho, I’m showing my age?) back then so those were fun times. It started off as just random role-playing, then all of a sudden, we were both so engaged in figuring out how the plot-line should be from then on.

And bam! That was pretty much the start of my writing career. I wanted to see how far my creativity could take me, especially when I was still so fresh at this and ideas just kept appearing in my head. It was an amazing feeling, and it was all thanks to just a sudden random role-play with my best friend.

Since then, I’ve decided to write my own stories (own OCs, plot yadda yadda) which were discontinued due to the lack of direction I wanted to go with it, then I moved onto the writing platform-- Fanfiction.net, posting fanfics on popular series such as Persona 3 and K-ON!. My first FF.net fanfic was a discontinued Ace Attorney (Gyakuten Saiban) fanfic for the pair Miles Edgeworth and Mia Fey though. Which also brings me smoothly to my next point: my career path.

I loved writing so much (and heck throw in English as a subject at this point) that I decided to do something related to using words as a form of art. My parents ‘recommended’ me to get into law, and so I did. Of course I won’t lie, I dread the whole course and I’ll always remember my experiences as a law student to be one of ‘hell on earth’. (Yes I am still a bar student at this time of writing this post.)

Despite loads of shortcomings throughout my writing career during this time (started to feel a huge distaste when it came to writing, hated reading, creativity disappeared, lack of time to do anything fun at all), deep down, I still love this hobby of mine. My parents were also proud of me, having such a productive hobby (of course I never let them know what I wrote exactly though *cough cough*).

Well to put it short, writing has given me a chance to develop my creativity further (other than doing art, which I’m still crappy at tbvh), keeps me productive and wanting to strive for perfection one day whenever that eureka moment comes to me haha.

14. easiest character to write

Without a doubt-- Matsui Jurina. 

Okay so... I got into the 48G writing community because of WMatsui, and I actually started writing proper because of how fun it was to write for the pair. But the thing about Jurina that breaks her away from her counterpart is that she’s very........... ‘protagonist’-y in my opinion.

Throw her in any plot and she gives off this “I can be a protagonist if I wanted to” feeling, even if she’s written as a sub-character. I dunno, I relate her thoughts and motivations to the typical shounen series main protagonist, and I have a feeling I’m not the only one who has ever said this too (someone in the 48G said this about Jurina I’m sure of it). 

So she basically has this particular ‘mold’ in my head and I’ll just make do with that sample for a majority of the stories I write with her in it. She’s basically a ‘character’ I can bend around and throw into the fire but she would still come out strong, achieving the results I want in the end x’D

Also, you can ship her with pretty much anyone and it’ll still seem natural. :v

30. hardest part of writing

Definitely the planning process. I USUALLY wing it and the end product would be satisfactory... however, that applies mainly to the one-shots I’ve written.

As such, I have serious issues with multi-chaptered fanfiction, especially in the directions department. Sure I do somewhat plan in advance what should or should not happen in each chapter but a part of me would think like I’m writing too much unnecessary details and/or I have no idea how I to word a certain scene etc. that I end up staying at the drawing board for a long long time which results in me giving up after a while.

Using an ongoing fanfiction for the 48G I kinda sorta stopped writing as an example, I wrote that one purely on a whim. It had no direction whatsoever the moment I posted it on a certain 48G fanfiction thread. However gradually all the ideas flowed and worked in my HEAD, but it could never be translated into proper words for my readers to consume. Oh and procrastination. 

Also another issue is motivation, especially if my fanfic is very ship-centric. If it’s a multi-chaptered fanfiction I’m doing, and I stop, and Ii want to get back into it but all the ships I’ve used in it are ships I’ve either lost interest in or is just very “meh” about... that really affects my attitude in writing ^^;

45. share the synopsis of a story you work on that you haven’t published yet

I don’t have an actual synopsis of it buuuut I can roughly talk about it. It’s basically a reworked fanfic which was supposed to feature Oshima Yuko, Takahashi Minami and Matsui Rena as the main trio BUUUT I changed it to Yamamoto Sayaka, Yokoyama Yui and Miyawaki Sakura (a.k.a. Hantannee) as the new main trio :v Just to fit my current tastes okay? *shot’d*

Anyways, the story’s something like this.

---

Yamamoto Sayaka, Yokoyama Yui and Miyawaki Sakura are a band of Phantom Thieves ‘terrorising’ the major cities of Japan. However, they don’t steal just for the sake of it. They steal precious artefacts under a strict contract for an organisation-- a contract that would hopefully lead to answers regarding the disappearance of Sayaka and Yui’s caretaker, their ‘father’, who took them in when they were left to die on the streets as children. 

On the other side, there is the genius Interpol agent Matsui Jurina, who has a track record of 100% so far in terms of criminal capture rate. On orders from the higher ups, she had just got posted with her fiancee, Matsui Rena, at a police branch in the region which the Phantom Thieves frequented. Jurina is more of a lone wolf agent who would rather not bother with team work, to the dismay of the police chief-- (Okada Nana/Shiroma Miru -- unconfirmed atm).

Will the Phantom Thieves be captured before they find out the truth? Find out ne--

---

NOPE *SHOT’D* I can’t do this x’D But yeah basically it’s a police flick thing that I had written parts of like, last year? Two years ago? I forgot. But I thought it would be interesting if I only knew how to frame it all together and had time to do so. 

Not sure if this will ever be published but if this hypes anyone up that’d be great x’) There’ll be ships for sure. Like JuriSaku for one.

And there you have it~ 5 little facts about me as a fanfic writer o/ 

[seriouscuttervoice]

Apotheosis

Chapter 2 | I

Fandom: Mystic Messenger/Death Note (Crossover)

Characters: Rem, V, OCs (V’s family), Jumin Han

Links: AO3 | FF | First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Notes: This chapter is long, long, long overdue, initially because of writer's block and then because of the stages of grief that came with realizing V route was going to (and did) redact a lot of my fic into firm AU territory. I've decided that instead of changing my plans for this fic to align with the information provided by V route, I'm going to continue with what I originally had planned for the fic. I'm not complaining about having additional canon information-- it's fantastic-- but I fear my motivation to finish this will dwindle into nothing if I have to go off my original course too much. I started writing this chapter before V route and finished it after, and it's probably the first time I make a major divergence from canon (other than, you know, having V be the reincarnation of a shinigami from an entirely different series) on purpose. I really hope you enjoy this and I apologize for taking so long to get it out!

It's not her first week or even her first month at school when another student, not by his actions or anything he's said but by his mere presence, strikes Rem breathless. She's seen him before, in church, in class, but she never realized until now that she isn't the only person who spends their recesses outside alone. As if pushed away by some invisible force filling the air, he stands at the edge of the school courtyard; perhaps it's the same force that compelled Rem to wander off here in the first place. The tall and empty walls that should have diminished him with their size are inferior to the look in his eyes, ice and fire all at once, passionate scrutiny, and with a start this young boy reminds Rem not of her own downfall but of Misa's, the man she loved who used love like a weapon and turned a god to ash. It's too much memory for a boy so young, and when he turns that gaze on Rem in this soft, child's body and asks, "Why do you look at me that way?," Rem has spent enough time as a human to know that he is art.

"Do you want me to stop?" she asks, uncertain if she's disturbed him. He's a little shorter than Jihyun is, but it doesn't feel that way. The boy's eyes survey her up and down, appraising her with eyebrows arched, lips twisted for a moment in thought, before he shrugs and turns his face away.

"Do as you like," he tells her, and for a moment the command stupefies her, desperately searching in her mind for what exactly it is that she'd like to do so she can comply. Her eyes find her shoes, black and freshly shined the night before by Yunseo. The other boy wears similar ones of a slightly different style, his pointed at the front where Jihyun's are square, standard footwear for the compulsory school uniform. Rem hesitates, then raises her head again to look at his face.

"What's your name?" she asks, and the question feels too personal, a few characters on a page that could be the difference between life and death, a secret to be closely guarded yet is so easily taken away.

"You don't know it?" the boy questions, an overly critical crease in his forehead for someone his age. "We've been in the same class for two months and twelve days, we attend the same church, and we've visited each other's houses before, but you don't know my name?"

He speaks like he spends his free time reading the dictionary, a pastime Rem can't deny she's participated in herself before out of boredom, selective of his words in a way that's unnatural for his stature. She stares wide-eyed at him for his harshness. Human names and even faces are difficult, slipping in and out of her mind without a trace no matter how hard she tries, and she's tempted to ask how he can remember her name before she realizes he's not given any particular indication that he does.

"I suppose I've forgotten," she mumbles, allowing her language to slip back into the stiff formalness she was accustomed to as a shinigami to match the other's speech. She's surprised to find how unforced it feels, realizing for the first time that her quietness around most humans might be due to the amount of effort it takes to vocalize as they expect Jihyun to.

The other blinks, scowling but apparently unable to look away from her, and after a moment of contemplative silence he slowly utters, "My name is Jumin Han."

Jumin Han.

It's a name she's heard before, the Han part certainly is, in her parents' dinner conversations and dripping with bitter spite from Yunseo's lips. His family doesn't live far from where Jihyun's does, a large house with black panels that's more modern than most others in the neighbourhood, though the inside is more traditional than one might expect.

She repeats the name several times in her head, Jumin Han, Jumin Han, the words more precious than the other boy could realize, and somehow she knows that this time she won't forget.

"The conventional thing to do, at this point," the other says, startling Rem out of her thoughts, "would be to introduce yourself, but there's no need as I already know who you are."

She nods, her lips feeling stuck together, and though the boy is stern she finds herself taking his word for it easily, something about him exuding honesty and trustworthiness even while he rebukes her with his words. She feels she's somehow unearthed something, trespassed into a space she wasn't meant to be and stuck gold, like the earrings she wore as a shinigami, like the pink paint she took from the human world. He doesn't seem bothered by her staring, though he doesn't meet her eyes, and for a moment Rem longs to stay like this, silently drinking in the details of this boy's world, a world that appears to be all his own, separate from the oversaturation and noise she's come to associate with the human realm. He doesn't interrupt her, completely still and with perfect posture, and she knows then that she was wrong in her initial assessment of him. This boy is better than Light Yagami, greater than Light Yagami, and if the gods fell for him it would only be natural, his effortless honesty making him worthy of it, with no need for deception or delicate maneuvering to make it happen. He emanates magnetism, seems almost composed of it, and it's a quality she thinks can't be taken from him, a fundamental of his being that makes him meant to walk this earth.

She tears her eyes away; too much, too much, and when she does he takes a step toward her and she finds herself breathless once more.

"Spend recess with me," he says, his right foot barely a few centimetres from hers, eyes full of intensity. She nods again, refusing to look away this time, and he remains for just a moment, holding her there in his world, before he moves back.

And then he smiles.

Muscles in his face relax, eyebrows lose their arch, his lips curve just barely upward, and he looks at her with a carefreeness she wouldn't have thought him capable of as the warm light of morning seems to envelop her from his face.

"Good," he says, motioning to a bench by one of the paths in the courtyard. "Should we sit? I think we'll like each other, Jihyun."

Rem knows he's right, and it's a strange feeling, unaccustomed to attention or her presence being wanted, and together they walk away from the towering wall.

Jumin becomes a fixture in her life with ease, occupying a place she didn't know existed and fitting perfectly into it. The two of them are silent more often than not, but it's a different sort of silence than that she shares with her family, a silence that's whole instead of hollow, a silence that's full like a sponge with water, and while she can't tell if she herself contributes anything to that completeness, she knows Jumin does with his overwhelming presence. They don't speak because there's no need for words, and when the words do come they are easy, unedited in their clunkiness, too big for either of them and their children's bodies. She's half-tempted to tell him her history, to ask if he was a god once too, but otherworldly as he seems Rem knows there's something irrevocably human about him, the very thing that drew the likes of herself and Gelus to this world in the first place.

Rem's searches for gods who'd become humans are mostly fruitless, references to human descent almost invariably linked to Christianity. Typing in Gelus's name does nothing either, the other apparently uninterested in making himself known to other former shinigami, if he's even here at all. It's possible that if he too became human then he's in a completely different time period than Rem is, or a different timeline altogether. And there's also a chance he didn't become a human in the first place.

It's much easier to find references to the opposite, the concept of humans that become gods, deification or apotheosis as the process is called. Humans appear to be fascinated by the idea, and Rem supposes she can understand what the allure of power and eternity could be to people who never had them within their grasp. She too might find it enthralling, were the power she had not the power of death, and were the eternity she had not dependent on it. Her parents never ask what she's searching for, so she never has to hide it, though she likely could if she wanted to because Jihyun apparently inherited her talent for going unnoticed, though not through any ability to be literally invisible. He slips in an out of places almost without a sound, and those just realizing he's entered the room remark that he surprises them with his quiet. She doesn't broach the subjects she searches for with Jumin, either, though he'd undoubtedly be interested in the concept of descent from godhood, but he's too sharp and too perceptive for Rem to fully trust he wouldn't put the entire picture together.

He starts inviting her to his house, and though Jihyun is allowed to invite over anyone he wants, he's also allowed to go any place he wishes, and Rem prefers to be at Jumin's. The other boy's house is full of invisible people; kitchen staff and housekeepers that Rem rarely sees, going about their obligations to maintain the orderliness of the place. Jumin doesn't think twice about it, and soon neither does Rem, the novelty of being seen both unnerving and difficult not to enjoy. Jumin listens to her, and Rem knows that if she ever asked him to make her a promise he wouldn't break it, possessing a degree of respect for her that's totally foreign to her life.

Jumin's father is rarely home, though his mother always is, and Jumin makes a point to correct Jihyun when he refers to her as such, firmly informing her that the woman living in his house is not his mother. Rem gives him a questioning look, less aware of human customs than she expected, and Jumin says he'll explain it another time.

Jumin's insistence that he and Jihyun be alone most of the time is no discomfort to her, used to adults taking little interest in her life. Even when their parents get together for dinner, Jumin prefers that the two of them take off on their own as soon as the meal is finished, circling the perimeter of his garden or sitting on the rug in his bedroom.

"I thought you were looking forward to having dinner together with your father," Rem comments, purposely not phrasing it as a question so the other doesn't feel obliged to respond. Jumin leans back against the footboard of his bed, so large it could probably swallow him.

"I was," he says, tracing circles on his kneecap. Even outside of school, Jumin dresses as if in uniform. Jihyun wears a t-shirt and jeans, though Rem isn't sure whether or not they're expensive. "But his girlfriend is with him, and I don't like her."

"Oh," Rem says, and suddenly everything makes sense. She wondered why the woman who appeared to be Mr. Han's wife was so young, but time spent with Kyosuke Higuchi should've told her that this was normal for businessmen. Jumin's father seems so kind, though, she wouldn't have thought to connect the two even in spite of them having the same occupation.

"Mm," Jumin acknowledges. She watches him for a moment, wondering if he wants to elaborate, but he says nothing more so she doesn't press him. Jumin's bedroom is nice, a bit oversized but so is Jihyun's. Everything from the wooden floors to the bed to the armchairs on either side of the table in the middle of the room are white, the only exception provided by a fish tank that sits on top of the table, the fish swimming inside reflecting the sunlight with vibrant colours.

It's quiet for a long time, and Rem wonders for a moment why Jumin sits on the floor when his room has armchairs and a window seat, and she's trying to decide if that's too impolite to ask when she feels a weight press against her arm, eyes widening as she realizes Jumin has shifted to lean on her, just slightly, his dark hair falling on Jihyun's shoulder. The touch is unexpected, accustomed to her only contact being Yunseo's hand firmly grasping Jihyun's when crossing the street or in a crowded place.

"Jumin?"

Jumin stiffens, and Rem regrets it for a moment as he raises his head ever so slightly, then seems to change his mind and leans on Jihyun again.

"You know," he says softly. Jihyun waits. "I've never had a friend before."

This isn't surprising. Jumin is young, has hardly had enough time in the world for it to be confusing that he hasn't made friends before, but the word puts Rem on alert.

"Friend?" she echoes, and Jumin shifts off of her shoulder to engage her in a serious look.

"That's what we are, right?" he asks, and though his voice is steely the question is sincere, searching her face with his silver eyes for answers. "Friends?"

Rem returns his eye contact and for once wonders if Jumin feels her presence as strongly as she feels his, because he averts his gaze slightly to look at her nose instead of her eyes. It's a word Rem hadn't considered for them before. Friends… the weight with which Jumin spoke the word makes sense now, though Jumin himself wouldn't be able to understand it. He's a young boy with the body of a delicate child, only a few short years into school. Rem is ancient, lived for centuries without ever having a single friend, the closest perhaps being Gelus, but even then it was she who was fascinated by him, the other shinigami sharing no similar interest in Rem or anyone other than the human girl he watched. That, of course, was natural. And Misa could hardly be called a friend, care for her as much as Rem did.

But him… Jumin Han. He seeks out Jihyun's presence, remembers things about him that Jihyun doesn't remember about himself, hangs onto his every word even when they're clumsily put together and say nothing of importance. He's unselfish, doesn't only care for Jihyun to the extent that Jihyun can be useful to him, whether as a willing sacrifice or a soundboard. Jumin is considerate of Rem, gives her special attention that even her parents don't give her. His eyes are the only place that Rem holds any significance—that Rem ever held any significance.

"Yes," she breathes, and Jumin watches her, unwavering. "I suppose we are."

Jumin slowly nods, then shifts again, replacing his head against her shoulder once more. Silence overtakes the air, the distant sound of parents' voices downstairs drifting into the room from behind the closed door.

"Let's stay this way," Jumin murmurs, and Rem can hear in his voice that this time it's not a command.

It's a plea.

"We will," she says.

She hopes he can hear in Jihyun's voice that it's a vow.

[manuelmueller]

Vol. 2

[  s p e c i a l  m e n t i o n s  ]  sorry, this is long

@legerebrise The long-time top-spot holder of any kind of friends list I make on here (even if the rest is sorted alphabetically) And believe me, you’ll always stay there – platonic soulmate, real-life BFF, I adore you so much and wouldn’t know what to do without you anymore. (I hope we have a skype session planned somewhere in the future? Damn you for disappearing to Australia, of all places.) Can’t wait to see you again, even if we still have a couple of months to go ♥♥♥♥ @bayer-mund Jay, fellow co-mum of our two ridiculous children, fellow shipper (I’m still amazed by how we ship all the same things), inspiration and co-inventor of so many great story ideas … you’ve honestly become one of my best friends on here in a matter of months, and I treasure our conversations more than most others. I know your personal live has been kinda rough these past few months, but I’m sure everything will turn out well for you too. (And I really hope that one day we’ll get around watching a Revierderby in our respective Schalke and Dortmund jerseys) ♥♥♥ @dramatsfc We haven’t known each other that long, but boy, we've already talked a lot. Hilarious stuff, mind you, crazy ideas that were tons of fun to discuss. (I’m just saying girl!AU … jeez, that was a wild ride.) I admire your confidence, and am really thankful of how good you are at telling me to go do my work (because I’m truly crap at it myself) ♥ @emanuelginobili Charmaine, most precious flower of them all. Fellow Schalke fan, probably one of the most genuinely nice people I’ve ever met. Stay the way you are, exactly like that (I can’t even blame you for your late night studying habits since I’m exactly the same), you’re so smart and I’m sure your future will be bright (also ty sm for being the only person I know who also dislikes that ship. You know the one) ♥♥ @enlightenedcat We've 'met' over the second leg of Real vs. Bayern quarterfinals, which is not as long ago as it seems to me. At that point you were my saviour – despite supporting opposite teams that day – because my laptop and the wifi in Ireland did decidedly not get along. I love how I can talk fluff to you and how you seem to enjoy it just as much as me - you're a really nice person, and being a low-key Schalke supporter only gives you bonus points ♥ @holyhowedes I think I started talking to you because of your tags - accurate, I'd say, since I always come visit your blog and read through them when I want to have something to smile about (They're the best. You're the best.) You're probably the person I spam with headcanons the most, sorry 'bout that (I hope you enjoy them) Again, I love talking story ideas with you, and you're probably the only person who's just as terribly endeared by Manu as me. ♥♥ @khalehla-blah I got to know you as what is best described the authority on English Steno fic (who also gifted me a story without even really knowing me) By now you're my beta (and I'm so grateful for that) and we've lived through what was probably my strangest moment on tumblr together (sorry for making you slightly panicky too). Um, all in all? Thank you for making my writing socially acceptable and believing that I can grow as a writer ♥♥ @lahmly I mostly want to thank you for being an inspiration - your writing is among the best I've seen in fandom so far, it's genuinely funny and quite often tugs at my heartstrings in the most simple but effective way - and you're really good at drawing on top of that. Thank you for the exchanges we've had, even if I must usually seem a bit starstruck when talking to you (it's not every day you befriend one of your favorite authors, after all.) ♥ @schnaf Same case here, I mostly started following you because of your amazing writing. Ironically you're partially the reason why I picked my OTP - even if you don't like them much, you still've written one of the best fics about them imo. It's so interesting to talk to you too, be it about writing itself, languages, football or other things. Ty for all! ♥♥ @schweinstgrs Well, what prompted our friendship was a bit, well, let's call it different - but I am really glad you're in the same boat and I have you talk about that topic. Believe me when I say I always really enjoy it. Other than that, from you I've learned not only things about football but also Scotland. I appreciate that you always let me ramble about my ship – and headcanon-ing with you is truly so so much fun. (I still hope for the Police!AU to be a thing some day.) ♥♥ @temsah You’re another friend that has be come so dear to me – and you’re only the third person from tumblr I’ve actually met! (And only the second one I am still friends with after that) Thank you, truly, for those months (!!!) you supplied me with old Hömmels fics, and all the hilarious conversations we had about so many things - be it shipping, (our hometowns’) history, you educating me about football or just talking extremely entertaining nonsense. I wouldn’t miss you for the world ♥♥♥

[  o t h e r  m u t u a l s  ]  favorites bolded; I might have missed some people whose main blog I don’t follow - sorry about that

A – G

@abcde-fc || @acercrea || @bayonsenoals || @benedikthummels || @benehoewedes || @borjitamayoral || @bundesligas || @byernx || @captainfips || @charlottecordayy || @chipsyio || @cutereus || @delesdier || @delilah229 || @dieemmice || @diegoalvesisgod || @euro2016changedme || @fourth-julay-bitchies || @fclewandowski || @fcssbakkens || @generalfuxx || @getwerd

H – M

@halfdeadfriedrice || @hellonatashald || @hereforthehoemmels || @i-put-the-star-in-bastard || @james-milner || @jujudraxler || @khanhtruc02 || @kimmearth || @kimmichoursaviour || @lifeftfangirl || @littlenightqueensworld || @littlethingsmusic || @lolhahahano || @manuwallneuer || @marblenarwhal || @marlonbookcase || @masterofren || @matsjxlianhummels || @mgoetzinho || @missdreawrites || @moreira-marinho || @muensingen38 || @mjhummels

N – Z + numbers

@neuersnutella || @neuerstolemynutella || @neullertrash || @neutella || @oficialmuller || @p-atroclos || @pkabyssinian || @robinholding || @saintneuer || @scamanderbeasts || @slipofpaper || @strangerinanemptyspace || @theloneamaryllis || @the-night-painter || @thestarsfallsilent || @thiaghoes || @thomasmulli || @welcometothisby || @youmeafterthegame || @124101711 || @34andscary || @54749014

[  o t h e r  f a v o u r i t e s  ] artists or just blogs I like a lot

@andatsea || @bm-boys || @crowloop || @domhnall-tonal || @football-s || @fuckitandmovetobritain || @littleststarfighter || @ofsparrows || @simplyirenic/@irenydraws || @star-plasma || @thomasmuellerfcbayern || @zandraart

And a collective THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone else that followed me! You guys rock!!

[underthesetrees]

A Story of the Greatest Love I’ve Ever Known

Fore Word:

I struggle to share this story simply because, in every way, it is mine. I know that many women [and families] have faced this or something similar and while I empathize and relate, I still argue that my grief is different; it is raw and it is disheartening. Maybe even if not true. 

Yes, I understand we all face something extraordinarily incapacitating through our lives, maybe more than once. I once overheard a man telling his son, “Life is not kind. It will either make you wish you were dead, or it will kill you.” From where I write, nothing seems more truthful or sincere. In that way, we are not unique -- it is all relative. This world is vast and my small blips of heart break do not measure on any significant scale. Does that mean I should be thankful it isn’t worse? Does that mean that because I’m young and have many years ahead to “try again” that I should be happy right now?

I digress. I arrived at the conclusion that if I decided to write and publish my story for others to read, I would take a simple approach: sharing this for the purpose of healing and also sharing this without regard to the thoughts and feelings of others, because while I don’t mean to sound harsh, no one reading will ever be able to place this feeling--not unless you’ve been here. I pray you never know. 

So, I’m writing this, I suppose, because it is a milestone in my life and one I now hold closest and dearest to me. I hope that whatever you decide to take from this, it’s not in the specifics of “what,” but in the idea of love and strength. 

Lastly, I pray that my words find you well and in good spirits. Know that, while it took me awhile, I’m finally out of the storm and have not cried in a couple of weeks. If anything should trigger water-works, it will be writing this. Still, many positive thoughts for you and your family. 

xo - Sonya

This is a proclamation to the love I never knew I had. It is my greatest blessing of all. 

I should start by saying I hadn’t announced his coming because it was a very personal matter for Alex and I. We discussed it in length and decided, together, that we wouldn’t post on social media but instead call/text our closest friends and family. 

As a bit of background:

Alex and I have been together roughly 6-7 years now. Even so, we’re very different when it comes to traditional relationships. We have a lot of trust in one another and I think we both value our independence and self-identity in more ways than I can say. Maybe that’s why we’ve never really felt pressured to get married or have children.

Still, in late July 2016, I ended up with a damn positive pee stick. Yes, it happened by chance against the greatest of odds (99.9% to be exact because,  yes, I had an IUD) and I shit myself that day because WHAT THE HELL?! I’m supposed to grow a human and raise it now? Naturally, I immediately thought about the alternatives. Before you start getting all judgmental, refer to my above proclamation. This story is not for you! Yes, I considered an abortion. I’m 26 years old with a great career and in committed relationship and I didn’t feel ready. Hey, I even was responsible and on birth control.... and I’m about to make this post political, so I’ll stop. 

Anyway, obviously, we had a long talk and Alex being the chipper, happy-go-lucky, positive specimen that he is made me feel a million times better about my end decision. We would follow through and accept this miracle.

As time passed I learned to fear it, accept it, appreciate it and then, cherish it. It probably took me longer than most, but I got there. I had my family’s unwavering support and love. It wasn’t easy getting used to the idea of becoming a mama, but eventually I found myself sincerely ecstatic of all to come.

After we learned about our pregnancy...

We prepared. A friend of ours gave us a few books on pregnancy that we dissected in the first day. What I mean by that is we sat around our living room gawking and laughing at the awareness of pregnancy and childbirth. I have a good question: who in the hell creates those diagrams in these books? They’re incredibly detailed for such a small cartoon. Too weird. I watch birthing videos on YouTube, because I knew I was going to need to prepare for that MONTHS in advance... y’all no amount of preparation will make you prepared for squeezing a child out of your vagina. NONE. Alex learned some birthing yoga poses, which resulted in a new game we played called, “Do you even fucking trust me?” I wish I had the time to describe that one to you. ;) 

Alex bought the entire box set of Harry Potter (mine are torn to shreds) and all of the Dr. Seuss books. We’d agreed early on to be strong advocates of reading and steer clear of technological distractions. We decided on a gender neutral room because DESTROY GENDER ROLES! Again, these were our methods and our choices. It was a journey exploring these topics together and figuring out what styles we would embody.

We went a little fucking nuts, but it was fun. Every day that passed we smiled more. We talked more to my swelling belly and about our futures together. We knew that planning didn’t mean we were going to get everything right, but we were -- by all intents and purposes -- out of our element. We were just having fun with the process. 

We found out it was a boy...

When we found it was a boy, I began writing him letters. I tend to joke around too much when speaking aloud, but when I write, it’s my soul on paper. I wanted my son to know what I was thinking in those early days. I wanted to be open about my fears and reservations, because I still had so many.

I told my son about my good friend Jack who passed away in July. I told my son about the heartaches that this world would surely present him, but that in the end, he’d be strong enough for it. I was positive of that. 

My world started to change drastically. When I felt my little boy kick inside me for the first time, I became a mom. I knew I’d be me through and through, but there was this whole other part of me that I never recognized, never known. The wandering, introvert with a penchant for disappearing, the writer, the goal-setting go-getter, the serious worker was there--but I had this passion to be less serious, more of me ... if only, unapologetically. If I was to show my son the way through, I had to know myself in all forms and smile all the while. At 26, it’s hard to say whether that’s possible.

I think through everything, we stayed true to ourselves though. We became better partners to one another, as well. Alex was there to pick me up when I was riddled with self-doubt and he always found a way to make me laugh about how badly we would, undoubtedly, fuck up. I think once I accepted that, I became more calm, more composed. Crazy how we need to be reminded not to take things so seriously. 

Afterall, you’ll never make it out of life alive. Right? 

Then it all changed. 

Our journey took a sudden and unexpected turn and from our hardest moment I share our pain. This is for my son, because he’s so special and he deserves words in this world, no matter how brief. At 12:34am on 11/22/2016, after 14 long, difficult hours, no pain meds and with Alex, my mom and my two treasured friends Anna & Justine by my side, I gave birth to the most beautiful, precious little boy in the universe. He was perfect. I’m forever seeking answers, but one I will never have is why we had to watch him leave just as quickly and unexpectedly as he came. While we feel anger and sadness in every second, I’ve also learned the true power of strength, hope and especially [if not definitely] love. It has been our guide from the beginning and through this heartache. It will be my guide in the years to come. 

My brother and dad were there at a moments notice and I was surrounded by the comfort of my family and friends. I love them and appreciate them for that more than I can ever say. I received flowers and well wishes from everyone. My cousin Kristina gave me my sunflowers, the only sunshine in my hospital room that day. I can’t tell you what it meant. But, still... it was my little boy’s presence that brought me an indescribable peace and I will treasure it forever. 

I feel so much gratitude for every minute no matter how brief. I send my love to every mother who has faced this. It is not easy to say goodbye to someone you’ve never met, but whom you love unconditionally nonetheless. I thank the doctor’s and especially the delivering nurse for their care. He made the hardest moment of my life a little easier. 

And for my son: we love you with all of our hearts and souls. You are our Angel and may your colors light our way. Always. Beautiful boy. <3

- Sonya M.G.

https://www.gofundme.com/stillbirth-awareness-for-our-baby-v