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punchmedanny · 6 years ago

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This is really stupid and a waste of your time, but I really needed to write this and get it off my chest. To set the scene, I'm going into my freshman year of high school. In 8th grade, I was part of a group of about 8 friends (half guys, half gals). For the purposes of this story, you need to know that K, C, W, and I are female, and L is male. K and L dated for a while till the end of 8th grade. K, C, W, and I created a smaller, closer group called KCWC (later renamed KCEC) and we are (1/19)

all super close. However, K and C are best friends, and W and I are best friends. I met W in 6th grade, but we didn't become friends until 7th grade, but we got super close. Shortly after we became friends, I (at least I think it was me, I don't really remember that well) said that we were Wifeys (hence her being called W). Ever since, we have called eachother Wifey almost every time we see eachother. Last year, in like November, she told me that she's bi. At the time, I didn't really(2/19)

know what that was, so I was kind of like "whatever". Anyway, I learned a lot about it because of her, and it opened my mind to the fact that I don't have to be either gay or straight. In Febuary, I realized that I had a crush on a girl at my school. I shortly discovered that I'm either bi or pan. W was the first person I told for a while. (K recently discovered that she's pan, but that's another story) I've never dated anyone, but W dated a few girls and guys during 8th grade. W is (3/19)

naturally a touchy/physical person, but I'm very reserved and don't like any unsolicited touching. W is the one person who I like to, even feel comfort when I, hold hands (fingers entwined), hug for a long time, and cuddle with her. Every day before, during, and after lunch, we had a routine that involved us waiting for eachother, having our arms around eachother, holding hands a lot, touching eachother a lot, and just a lot of being together. Also, before school, C and I had a routine (4/19)

where we would go to class, put our books down, then go meet W at her locker, and after school our whole friend group would meet and W and I would hug more. (We didn't have any classes together so I could only see her then) Every day, I got more comfortable around her, and we started calling eachother late into the night (I don't have and iPhone, so I couldn't facetime) and she is the only person I actually called. We shared secrets and promises, and we talked and laughed for hours. (5/19)

secrets, and promises, and we talked and laughed for hours. The KCWC group was all in honors chorus, so. naturally, when we went on an overnight field trip to Hershey Park for a competition, we all roomed together. K and C sat together on the coach bus and W made me promise that I would sit with her on the bus. So I did, and all 4 of us had fun (since we were sitting across from eachother) the whole trip. In the hotel room, W and I shared a bed and C and K shared a bed. We were holding (6/20)

hands in bed and K and C said they act like roommates and W and I act like an old married couple (because we were playfully bickering among other stuff) After our completion that night, we had to watch the band complete, so, ofc, W and I sat next to eachother, and since we were tired, leaned out heads on eachother the whole time (not at all unusual for us though). That night in the hotel was the best night I've ever had. We stayed up wayyy too late playing truth or truth, a game like (7/20)

apples to apples, throwing pillows at eachother (and a lamp), impersonations, and generally just having fun. Before going to sleep W told me that she had a history of cuddling/randomly draping her limbs over people when she sleeps. Also, C was warm, so she turned up the AC. I'm almost always cold, so I woke up in the middle of the night because I was cold onl to find that W and I were spooning (I was the little spoon). (Before I fell asleep, I noticed that she was facing me and I (8/20)

purposely turned away rather than in so we could ~maybe~ cuddle (clue one)) In an effort to make myself warmer, I cuddled closer to her. Early in the morning, K and C tried to wake W and me up many times, but we kept going back to sleep, still cuddling. Also, the night before, K and C bet that they'd wake up and see W and me cuddling in the morning (a lot of people either ship W and me together or think we're dating) Also, I'm pretty sure that later, W said that she kept cuddling with me (9/20)

on purpose. (Keep in mind that she's the only person that I've ever cuddled or held hands with) The next day we actually went to Hershey Park, where I got W and C to finally like roller coasters. We (KCWC) all made lots of inside jokes and that day was so fun. We group- hopped eventually, and we ended up in a larger group. We were walking around the park, so W and I were holding hands (it's a big habit), K and L were holding hands (at the time they were still dating), three girls were (10/20)

all platonically holding hands with eachother, and C was skipping alone by herself (she was fine). We walked past Ms. A, my chorus teacher, who is usually the absolute best and we all love, started lecturing us on how we can't hold hands because it's "PDA" and we're not in high school yet. She also looked directly at W and me when she said that she doesn't care if it's a guy and a girl, a guy and a guy or a girl and a girl. We were all shocked because it was so uncharacteristic of Ms. A(11/20)

but we let go and muttered an "ok" before walking away. W and I still held hands walking around after that, but I was wary. On the long bus ride back to the school from Hershey right after we left the park, W was acting high and drunk at the same time, but I know for a fact she wasn't either, so I was very worried about her, so she went to the back to get some medicine from Ms. A and didn't come back till the very end, and she still was way off her game, which made me very worried and sad(12/20)

Shortly before school ended, another girl, R (who all of KCWC now dislike), tried to force things with W, and became obsessed with shoving the fact that she was holding hands with (among other stuff) W and they were now "hubbys". W seemed to feel the same way, so I got veryyy jealous because I thought that I was the only one who was uncomfortable with R around. She started to push me out and I grew more distant because I felt isolated (I have very low self esteem, especiallyyyyy about my (13/20)

social skills) and I began to worry that they all actually hated me because they thought I was as annoying as I thought R was. (I know now that's not true, after the reassurance and actions of my friends, but it was a very possible and major thing in my mind then). I had just begun to feel comfortable and happy when R started messing things up and "stealing" W. The KCWC group finally had a sleepover a few weeks before school ended (this was the first time W and I had hung out outside of (14/20)

school besides friends' bday parties because all our plans fell through), and we stayed up late ranting, throwing empty soda bottles, watching movies, playing games, etc. but we also talked about R. I can't express how relieved I felt that W felt as uncomfortable with R as I did. After that, things slowly went back to normal, though R still tried to butt in time-to-time. My friend group likes to go hang out at a local beach since a couple of us can even walk, but I was too anxious, (15/20)

awkward, and introverted to go before this year. It's kind of a tradition that on the day after school ends, a ton of people from our school go there to hang out with friends. Unfortunately, that was the last day before W moved to Texas (I live on the east coast), and she had to leave early. I still go tp the beach with the others in the friend group, but I feel much more anxious and I'm always a third, fourth, or even fifth wheel, which I never was when W was around. We still text a lot(16/20)

saying we love and miss eachother. I can't even think of her without smiling. A few days ago I opened my yearbook (in which she wrote multiple paragraphs in), played a song that reminds me of her, and wrote down a list of what I love about her before I had to stop since I was crying too hard. We also facetime rarely, since our schedules don't match up. I miss her so much and I was really counting on being able to go to high school with her. My other best friend is in another friend group (17/20)

in which I'm not comfortable with at all. I finally felt fully happy, comfortable, and not anxious when around my friends, but then she moved and it all came crashing down. Now I'm in fear (as always) that my other friends will finally realize that I'm not good enough to be their friend or worthy of their time and they'll dump me as soon as they find someone better. K and C often hang out without me and don't even think about inviting me. I'm worried I won't have any friends in high (18/20)

school. In my friend group, I'm the fattest and the rest of KCWC are very skinny/fit. I'm extremely self-conscious about this fact and W was the one person who I felt genuinely liked me despite all my quirks and I didn't feel insecure around her. I have a history of not understanding my feelings (or not even realizing that they're there) and W is no different. Last week when we were at the beach, K privately asked if I had lied when W and I both answered no to the "have you ever liked (19/20)

eachother" question. I immediately said no, then K said that W had told her that W lied (she used to like me) but she didn't like me anymore. Since then, I've realized and come to terms with the fact that I've liked her for months, and I still really like her. (I'm not sure like is the right word, but I can't decide what it would be otherwise) I just realized that I've been very jealous of all of her boyfriends and girlfriends and I've been very protective of her. I honestly have no idea(20/21)

[END QUESTION]

Okay, to begin with, thank you anon for being patient with me as it’s taken me several days for me to be in the right headspace to answer this!

So, starting high school is such a hard time in everyone’s life. Like, literally everyone. No matter how popular or pretty or talented or whatever they are. From a biological perspective, people’s body’s don’t make as much serotonin (aka the happy chemical) at that age as they do when people are older, so that doesn’t help anyone. I’m so sorry W moved - it sounds like you two were such cute and fun pair. It’s so nice you’ve been able to keep in touch as much as you’ve been able to and, who knows, you both might really appreciate being able to have a trustworthy outside perspective for things in your life as the school year starts.

For me personally, I made entirely new friends from 8th grade to high school. People tend to change quite a bit around then just because it’s a whole new chapter of your life and hs tends to bring a whole lot of different opportunities and challenges than what comes before it. So, while it’s so, so hard having turbulence with your friend group, that’s very normal and has nothing to do with you specifically. The fact that W left definitely changed the dynamic, but there’s a good chance it would’ve changed anyway… maybe just not as soon.

It’s good to go into high school with friends, but don’t feel obligated to stay as close to them as you were just because they’re who you already know. My hs had a lot more clubs and activities than jr high/middle school, so I’m guessing yours does, too. I was in theatre and art club then later speech and debate and that’s where I made all my friends, many of which were people I’d never even talked to before.

I’m sure you’ve heard people say hs is “the best time of your life” and I seriously question the lives of the people saying that. I’m not going to lie - I personally hated everything about hs except theatre and speech & debate and the awesome friends I made there. And like, not to be boring, but like study and stuff. Seriously, working hard on something that can help future you and give you a sense of accomplishment will probably help you feel better about yourself and is one of the few things you can control when relationships are in flux.

So, (in summary) I’d say don’t feel like any of what’s happening is your fault - it’s extremely normal for the time of your life in. Maintain the friendships you have now, but also get involved in something that interests you and meet new people who like the same thing. I hope this helps a bit

And btw, not a waste of my time in the slightest

My asks are always open if you (or anyone else) wants to talk

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