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paaaartieeeeees · 2 years ago

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“Before you knew it, you felt a hand wander over, finding its way in between your thighs, pushing through soft flesh, and curling up until Eddie’s hand splayed out just below your bellybutton. With a strong yank, you were pulled backwards, right into him, butt first. You didn’t know why he had to pull you over to his side of the bed by your vagina, but, here you were.”

THIS IS FROM THAT TIKTOK ISN’T IT?!?!?? 😱😱😱

““You smell like the bath,” Eddie whispered, inhaling the sickly-sweet artificial scent bath pearls had left on your skin.”

I’m about to age myself but OH MY GOD THE BATH PEARLS. This is historically accurate (take it from someone who was old enough to use these in the 90’s).

“Over the years your heart had shattered many times for Eddie. Looking at him then, all tall, hair longer than it’d ever been, tattoos on show, sort of... flashy looking with all his chains and rings and his shiny black pointed toe boots – he looked like the rockstar the public knew him as. But all you could see was a fragile fearful little boy who seemingly had shrunk down enough for you to fit him into your pocket, and your heart shattered once more.”

ughhh this image! 😢

““Baby, come here.” You’d reached for him, and he’d instantly fallen into you, both arms around your waist, face pressed against your chest, your hand in his hair.”

🥹🥹🥹

“Eddie was kind and nice and would call his therapist whenever he needed to, would go see her on a semi-regular basis. He'd tell you about his schedule and it was never just an announcement, but instead was always a question: does this work for us? Are we okay with this?

Eddie always chose you and made sure you really felt it because Eddie knew. Eddie understood that for fucking years you’d felt the exact opposite.”

you’re killing my over here 😭😭😭

“Then, he’d moved onto something else. Needed something different to spark all the things within him that needed sparking.”

my partner is a recovering alcoholic/drug user and when they got sober this is exactly what happened. The hyper fixations, the hobbies, the new interests. It’s been several years and it’s still like this but on a much more toned down level, thank goodness 😅

“There was obviously something going on. Steve had taken off his sunglasses and revealed puffy skin and red-rimmed eyes. The hostile tone his wife had spoken with to you hadn't left your mind yet, either.”

oh my gosh poor Steve!! I feel like Steve got neglected in the chaos that was Eddie and reader and he needs some love and attention and care and I hope he gets what he deserves ❤️

I am so so so so happy this story is continuing!! I’ve loved this story and am so glad that it’s back and I hope you continue with it!! I can’t wait to read more!

Not Enough

♥ ♥ rockstar!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: Eddie's hauled you off to LA because, turns out, when you're not throwing your life away on booze and drugs, opportunities tend to lead to more opportunities. LA's amazing, and Eddie's amazing, and suddenly life is all about sun-freckles and exciting accomplishments but... something's missing.

CW / disclaimer: 18+, language, fem!reader, angst, mentions of substance abuse and addiction, trauma

Author’s note: This story continues my Eddie story that consists of “Only Now”, “Over Now”, “Then Again” and "Never Over". I've done my best to make it so that you don't really need to read all previous parts, but, it always helps.

Wordcount: 5.2K

(find all other parts of this story here)

The mattress dipped behind you before cold air wafted underneath the covers. Movement, noise of skin against fabric, fabric against fabric, and then the noise of a heavy head meeting the pillow next to you in an exhale.

Eddie was home.

Before you knew it, you felt a hand wander over, finding its way in between your thighs, pushing through soft flesh, and curling up until Eddie’s hand splayed out just below your bellybutton. With a strong yank, you were pulled backwards, right into him, butt first. You didn’t know why he had to pull you over to his side of the bed by your vagina, but, here you were.

Arms curled around you, a knee pushed your legs apart, just to sit in between, and within just a few seconds you found yourself fully tangled up together. Heavy limbs, deep inhales, bodies wiggling until they fit together just perfectly for sleep.

“Mhm,” was all you managed as Eddie used careful fingers to move your hair aside before he buried his face into the crook of your neck. You felt the brush of his lips all the way down in your toes and relished under his protective touch.

“You smell like the bath,” Eddie whispered, inhaling the sickly-sweet artificial scent bath pearls had left on your skin.

“Mhm, you smell like studio,” you croaked back, meaning you could smell cigarettes and stale sweat the long day had left on him. It wasn’t meant to be a dig at how you thought he smelled bad – it was fine. Kind of nice, actually. It was more a dig at Eddie having spent all hours of the day, and some of the night too, cooped up inside a dark little room with a bunch of other men. You’d have liked for some of those hours to have been spent with you.

“I think we’ve done it,” Eddie’s voice slipped into a whisper mid-sentence. “Finished it.”

You hummed in reaction, just to let him know that you heard him. Eddie'd said the same thing two weeks ago, but then, the next day, there were a million things to change and redo and add and take away - this album was becoming the bane of Eddie's existence.

But he said they'd finished it now, and you hoped it was true this time.

Maybe that’s why they’d worked until the early hours of the morning. Creative work didn’t really stick to set schedules – didn’t really stick to time in general. Which... it wasn’t a problem. Not really. Not in the grand scheme of things. But time and you weren’t really getting on all that well lately. There was just so much of it.

Ever since you’d moved to California with Eddie, there’d been so much time.

Too many hours in a day. Too many minutes in every hour. Too many seconds to make you think because there wasn’t really anything to do.

Turns out that when you’re sober and learn to actually show up to things; gigs, radio interviews, award shows, TV performances, movie premiers, photoshoots, writing sessions, and even things like fundraisers, album release parties of other artists... if you show up and do the work, act and behave like the professional musician that you are, you actually... make the money.

And there was a lot more money in this game than you thought Eddie would ever be able to make.

It also really helped that he wasn’t spending all of it on substances and hotel room damages. Not that Eddie didn’t have other ways to blow through his cash, though.

But, what the steady income of insane amounts of money mostly meant was the lack of work it left for you.

Eddie had hired designers to do the interior design of the LA house. Eddie had hired a personal chef to take care of every meal the two of you could ever want. Eddie had hired gardeners, a pool guy, cleaners, and a personal assistant who got fired almost instantly because they ended up just doing your laundry.

You knew it was all coming from a good place. The best place.

It had taken a lot from Eddie to work himself up to ask you if you’d want to move to LA with him. The last thing he wanted was for you to feel forced to move halfway across the country, just because he kind of needed to for work. Correction, he didn’t really need to. It would just be easier, way more convenient. Half the band was already making plans to leave Indiana and sure, Eddie could travel. He could fly in and out and you could too, and you absolutely could’ve figured out a way to live like that.

But when Eddie carefully asked, you’d not even hesitated for a second.

It actually took some real convincing from your side, because Eddie immediately backtracked and said to forget it. He didn’t want to burden you. It was a stupid idea to begin with, he could tell his manager to work out something else, because you had a job and an apartment and a life and how could Eddie ever even think to burden you like that?

“Burden me with what? Your life?” you’d asked, looking at him like he was insane. But Eddie had shrugged his shoulders up and you’d realised that that was exactly what it was.

Over the years your heart had shattered many times for Eddie. Looking at him then, all tall, hair longer than it’d ever been, tattoos on show, sort of... flashy looking with all his chains and rings and his shiny black pointed toe boots – he looked like the rockstar the public knew him as. But all you could see was a fragile fearful little boy who seemingly had shrunk down enough for you to fit him into your pocket, and your heart shattered once more.

“Baby, come here.” You’d reached for him, and he’d instantly fallen into you, both arms around your waist, face pressed against your chest, your hand in his hair.

“We live in a shitty little apartment above a bar where I serve beers to the same seven middle aged men all day,”

“But your life is here, you love your job,”

“No, I loved the sense of independence it gave me when I moved out of Hawkins, I loved learning new skills, getting better at working with new people,” you needed him to know within his bones that what he was asking of you wasn’t a burden.

“What I love more,” you elongated the word more and felt Eddie nuzzle his nose against your collar bone, ready for you to list some shit that would make him feel better.

“Is how you sold your massive penthouse of a place for me, how you came to live with me above a bar, how you trust me with your schedule, how you always check in with me, how you value my opinion, how you don't hesitate to cancel plans because of me, how you come and pick me up from work which, I don't know how you do it, but you do do it, you do it all the time– Eddie, you keep choosing me, and–” your voice went up an octave as your throat closed up.

“Don’t cry,”

But you couldn’t help it.

Eddie had sold the penthouse because it reminded you too much of bad times. Awful times when Eddie drank mouthwash and tried to convince you he wouldn't finish the bottle but then had called you all sorts of names when you tipped it over and washed the remnants down the drain.

Eddie came to live with you, because he practically already was anyway. But your place was a small apartment, a place that smelled of beer and liquor 80 per cent of the time. And Eddie said he was fine. He'd bake bread and cake and pastries, and you'd cried when you realised it was to cover up the smell of bar you carried on you after a shift.

Eddie was kind and nice and would call his therapist whenever he needed to, would go see her on a semi-regular basis. He'd tell you about his schedule and it was never just an announcement, but instead was always a question: does this work for us? Are we okay with this?

Eddie always chose you and made sure you really felt it because Eddie knew. Eddie understood that for fucking years you’d felt the exact opposite.

Eddie would sort of choose you, just for a few days, and then he'd leave and not contact you for months.

But that was before. Eddie chose you every day now.

He wasn’t a burden to you.

He truly wasn’t.

Eddie had burdened you. For years. Not anymore, though. Everything was fine now.

Wasn’t it?

Eddie had been good. So good. He’d found ways to wade through life without the drink. Got so deeply into cooking and baking for a bit as his new obsession. Needed all the best pots and pans, until he had a whole collection of expensive kitchenware that cluttered up all kitchen storage.

Then, he’d moved onto something else. Needed something different to spark all the things within him that needed sparking.

Now that you lived in LA, in a much larger house with so much more space, the garage, one of two, was filled with Eddie’s latest hobby: pinball machines. He’d get them shipped in from all over, all special kinds, real rare ones, machines crafted by specific craftsmen, graphics designed into specific themes.

It wasn’t even about playing, Eddie just… wanted to collect the best ones and wanted them all lined up, all shiny with lights flickering and music playing.

Sometimes you'd tell him, come on Eddie, invite over the old gang, get Mike and Dustin and Lucas in here for a weekend, do a big pinball tournament. But Eddie'd just smile and tell you when he'd be expecting the next one to be delivered.

Before pinball machines it had been neon lights. And you’d been supportive. Would drive out to weird thrift stores, vintage markets and often times random people’s houses until you’d said, “Ed, I’d like the bedroom to be calm and neutral… we don’t need a big blue neon sign in here that used to hang outside of that restaurant you really like...”.

Eddie had laughed at himself then and realized the absurdity of what the house was turning into, had apologized, and then had sold all of them.

Except for the blue one.

The one that used to hang outside that restaurant he really liked. Where the owner would serve him apple juice in a wine glass and would seat Eddie in an area where he wouldn’t be able to see the bar. And then he’d play a Corroded Coffin song – just one, to show his appreciation for the visit, and then, wouldn’t let you pay the full bill, some dishes would always miraculously go missing.

Eddie kept that neon light which found a proud spot in a hallway upstairs that lead to one of the guest rooms.

Yeah.

Overall, Eddie had been good.

But some days, he’d wake up and he’d feel an inside want. Knew it meant something else was wrong, and this was just how his brain was wired to cope with it. He’d done work to rewire, but sometimes, wires crossed and all he really wanted was quick relief.

In those moments, he knew he’d have find something else to satisfy that inside want. The need for quick relief.

In those moments, he’d find you.

Eddie had you there. Always with him. Stuck to his hip, and vice versa.

So, you had quit your job for him. You had moved across the country for him. You had given up your whole life for him Eddie thought, even though you assured him time and time again that this was the exact life you wanted. All you needed was Eddie. Eddie was your home, and Eddie was your all, and you loved LA.

It was the perfect place to be for Eddie’s work. It was warm all the time, gave you permanent freckles that graced your nose. Your house was big, lovely, huge backyard with a big pool. You had ample room for people to come visit and stay for a few days. Weeks if they wanted to. Guest rooms with en suites and the one downstairs even with its own entrance, so when Wayne stayed over, he could go for early morning walks without fear of waking anyone up.

The only thing about LA you didn’t like was that there was so much time.

And it was just you.

And Eddie.

And sure, the Corroded Coffin guys. And Eddie's manager was nice. Their producer too. But they all had work, and sometimes you tagged along and it was so exciting, always so fun. Red carpets and sound checks and green rooms and festivals – it was always new and your excitement for it fueled Eddie's excitement for it.

But then there were also days– weeks like these, where all Eddie did was write, and record, and rehearse.

You remembered being 18 and hanging out with Steve a lot, sometimes Robin too, when Eddie'd be busy writing, recording, and rehearsing with his band.

But Steve wasn't in LA.

Wait.

Scratch the time being the issue – the only thing about LA you didn't like was that Steve wasn't there.

Your tripod was your tripod no more.

Steve had come to stay for a week when you'd just moved, and your week had mostly been the two of you figuring out where to buy groceries before Eddie hired someone to get them for you. After that, you'd just lazed around the pool for the rest of the week until Steve had to fly back home.

A lot had changed in the 1,5 years that followed that week.

But you missed Steve.

Steve, who had met a girl he really liked, who Robin said was lovely, but also said that she probably wouldn’t really gel with you and Eddie. Something judgmental about her. Kind, though. And very pretty.

You were glad Steve had Robin nearby still, because you knew Robin, and you loved Steve. Steve deserved the best. Deserved someone who could love him like you loved Eddie.

Robin said she did, which was good. Reassuring.

And Steve loved her.

You’d only met her a couple of times before Steve had proposed to her. Engaged to be married, just a few months in. And barely a year later, you’d been invited to a home coming big barbecue pool party at Steve’s parents’ house in Hawkins. You'd barely been able to make it, but Steve had been very adamant about it.

"I never have parties anymore, you have to come,"

"There'll be a whole non-alcoholic section of drinks, don't you even worry about it,"

"I've already talked to Eddie's manager, he said he has the time,"

"Please,"

Like you really needed convincing. Of course you'd be there, wouldn't fucking miss it for the world. Neither would anyone else, because everyone was there. The whole gang and then some. Matt was there too, and seeing an ex was never fun, but it was actually sort of okay. You didn't love the fact that you were there with Eddie, because it felt like you were shoving it into his face a little bit, but Matt was still Matt, ever the Corroded Coffin fan, and walked up with a huge smile the second he'd spotted you.

You'd learned that late afternoon that Steve had been just as pushy with everyone else about coming to this party. He'd been calling around, double and triple checking to make sure everyone really was going to be able to make it.

That's when you found Eddie narrowing his eyes at you. Pondering. Something didn't add up. Or it did, but it felt like the math problem you'd been given wasn't the correct one. You knew exactly what Eddie was thinking, and about thirty minutes later, Eddie was proven right.

The party turned out to be Steve's surprise wedding.

Eddie and you had clutched your hands tightly together throughout the whole ceremony, because what the fuck was happening? You kept making eye-contact with Robin, and she kept shrugging as if to say that she knew just as little about all of this as you did.

"Steve's married," you'd said to Eddie afterwards, stood in the Harrington's kitchen, both sort of.... defeated. Unsure of what to make of it all.

Eddie leant against the counter, arms crossed and teeth biting into his lower lip, scraping off dry skin the plane's aircon had left him with.

"I don't know why I feel offended," you'd huffed a laugh at how ridiculous that sounded.

"Offended?" Eddie asked, eyebrows quirked, clearly confused.

"Yea, I don't know... I always thought that, if any of us were to get married one day, we'd all be... more involved? Like, you'd be Steve's best man, and I'd... you know, know the bride,"

Steve didn't owe you shit, you knew that. And you'd moved away. You supposed that's what happened in life – things changed. But this all seemed very drastic. Insanely sudden. Almost out of character.

"She seems like she's good for him," Eddie offered, and you immediately agreed. Not because you thought Eddie was right, you had no idea if he was, but because that's what you wanted to be true.

A silence fell where you both stared into space for a second to let the day sink in a little.

"Steve's married... this is so weird," you'd grimaced a little at it which made Eddie reach for your arms to pull you into a hug.

It was nice how you just got to hug and kiss in the very same kitchen where before, when Steve had you over for movie nights, you'd have to sneak around a little. Not be too obvious when Eddie pretended there wasn't enough room to move around whilst preparing popcorn and you basically ended up grinding up against each other until someone would call out what was taking you so long.

"Should we get married?" Eddie asked after a beat, obviously joking, and it got you into giggles immediately.

"I don't know of a better way to make my mother both the happiest and most disturbed woman alive," you said, cheek pressed up against his chest, knowing your mother had been waiting for most of your life for you to get married. She really wanted to have that huge wedding she could get all dressed up for, to be mother of the bride for a whole day. It was just that she wasn't the biggest fan of Eddie. If anything, within your little group, she'd always really pushed for you and Steve to get together.

"She'd be so conflicted," you imagined, which meant, maybe not right now, but you added, "Let's do it!" which got Eddie right in his funny bone and pushed a barking laugh from him.

"Maybe I should start playing golf,"

"Wear pastel polo shirts,"

"Take some etiquette classes, be more like Matt,"

"Stop, she'll marry you herself if she could– don't," you saw Eddie raise his eyebrows, pretending to consider it, so you'd shut him up before he could say anything and it reduced you both into giggles.

You'd decided to be the supportive friends you both imagined Steve needed. Decided you weren't going to mention how insane and sudden all of it was. Just be happy for him. Which you were.

You just... missed him, you guessed.

"I kind of need to get out of here," Eddie sighed, looking out into the backyard where a wedding was in full swing, people getting more tipsy with every sip of bubbly they had.

You knew what he meant. Feeling anxiety creep up in a place where there were drinks up for grabs was the exact wrong environment for him to be in.

"Yea, let's go," you pecked Eddie on the lips, went to find people to say goodbye to, and then it took two hours before you had finally walked through the gates with lots of promises to come visit LA in your pockets.

Yet, Steve hadn't come out to visit you since that first time when he'd stayed over for a week.

So, yeah. The only thing you didn’t like about LA that was it was far away from Steve.

Steve who had gotten married about four months ago.

Steve whose phone calls had dropped in frequency over time, because d’uh, Steve was married now and you lived far away from each other, and you had your own lives. Were busy. Didn’t have time for dry catch-up conversations if the only updates were that Eddie had spent a lot of nights in the studio, and you kept busy managing his agenda.

Except you did have a lot of time.

It's just that people thought you didn't. All they'd see was Eddie's life. Eddie's life was on TV, on the radio, in the magazines and newspapers and people automatically assumed you'd be so busy.

You'd spent the day reorganizing your vanity as you'd heard the cleaners downstairs, and the chefs preparing food that they'd box up and leave in the fridge for you to have later. It was something you could've done within fifteen minutes, but you'd managed to stretch it to three hours. You weren't fucking busy at all. You could've easily spent hours on the phone to Hawkins.

But Steve was married, and you had cheated on Matt with Eddie which probably never sat right with Steve's new wife - not that you blamed her - and so you didn't call. Not often. Very rarely, actually.

When you woke up that next morning, Eddie still snoring into his pillow next to you, you'd gotten out and promised yourself that you'd call Steve that day.

When Eddie eventually made it down, sleep still in his eyes, hair everywhere, you apologised to the chef that was working on lunch for him being in just his boxers.

"Morning, babe," Eddie said before pressing a kiss into your hair as he ran a warm palm over your back.

"It's afternoon," you smiled over your mug of coffee.

"Well, was the morning good?"

"Morning was lovely, had a little swim," you watched Eddie as he moved to make his own coffee, and the chef behind him started making up two plates for you.

"I don't use that pool enough," Eddie said mostly to himself.

When he turned back to look at you, you inhaled sharply and gave him a polite smile. It made him frown a second. "What?"

"I'm going to call Steve today,"

You said it like it was something you could never do behind Eddie's back. Like it was a secret you'd feel bad about keeping to yourself.

"See if I can convince him to actually come over,"

Eddie nodded through his first sip of hot coffee, his face giving away that it was definitely too hot and burning his tongue.

"Tell him to bring Robin,"

You narrowed your eyes in thought.

"Do you think that'll help?"

Eddie shrugged. It might.

It shouldn't though. It was always you, Eddie and Steve. Just the three of you. And then, for a long time, it was you and Steve and only sometimes Robin.

But fine. You could always tell Steve to bring Robin if that would push him to actually take the time to come visit you.

When you called, you got Steve's wife.

"Hey, um, sorry, I was calling for Steve?"

"Yea, he's out. Can I take a message?"

"Oh, no, that's OK... I'll try again later, when do you think–"

"He's going to be out for a while."

"Oh..."

You didn't know how to react to that.

"Can I take a message?"

"No, I–"

And then she hung up. Just, hung up on you. No polite goodbye. No nothing. You looked at the receiver, then at Eddie.

"That was weird."

You didn't want to worry, so you chalked it up to bad timing. They'd probably just been in a fight. And, everyone fought, didn't they? Especially married couples who hadn't even known each other for a full year, you thought.

But of course you worried.

So you rang back a little later, but got told that if you didn't have a message for Steve, there was no use in calling because, like she'd said before, he'd be out for a while. There was something sad to her voice. Something that made you not push further, that made you not just ask, where is he, what happened?

When Eddie suggested for you to call Robin, you did, but got her answering machine. Three times.

You'd left a message that started out all up beat. Asked her how she was doing. Told her that you missed her, that she should come visit, the weather in LA was lovely and you had a guest room waiting for her to come and occupy for a little bit.

When you got all pleasantries out of the way, you mentioned Steve. The weird and very short phone calls you'd had with his wife.

And you wanted to tell her how it had never sat right with you, that Steve had met someone the second you'd moved away, and that he'd gotten engaged just a couple weeks after he'd been out to visit you in LA, and then a couple months later, he'd thrown a surprise wedding. You wanted to tell her that you thought this is how he'd gone about things, because maybe he'd been scared no one would've RSVP'd if you all had gotten wedding invitations in the mail. But you didn't say those things. Just said you missed them, her and Steve, and wanted to see them.

The more you thought about it, the more worried you got.

"What if something's wrong?" you'd asked Eddie when he was on his way out.

"Call again tomorrow, it'll be fine. People argue. Give it a little time,"

Logically you knew he was probably right, but something had taken residence within the pit of your stomach. Set up camp there, and you knew the only way to flush it out was by speaking to Steve directly. Or have Robin call you back to tell you Steve was doing just fine.

Fuck, if you could, you would've just made your way over to go and see for yourself.

But you were in LA.

And Steve was in Hawkins still.

Until he wasn’t.

"Um... babe?" Eddie called from the front step, door handle still in his hand, sunglasses somehow balanced on his forehead, just above his brows. His other hand shook his car keys into his fist when he looked back at you.

It was the next day, and Eddie had a meeting with his label. Nothing crazy, just a word on the tapes the band had dropped off the day before.

You looked, and from where you were sat, you weren't able to see much of what Eddie was looking at. Until he stepped aside a little, and someone stepped onto the threshold.

Suitcases came into vision first, one in either hand, and then, Steve was suddenly there, on your doorstep in LA, dark sunglasses hiding his emotions.

And he hadn’t known what to say, just looked at you as you'd gasped upon seeing him.

You’d rushed over immediately, arms open and you were so ready to fall into him, but you hadn't anticipated that he'd fall into you as well. Suitcases dropped and you crashed into each other. It audibly pushed the air from your lungs, and it hurt, but that didn't matter.

You heard a soft, "Careful," coming from Eddie, who held out both hands in case you were to lose balance, which you didn't.

Steve hugged, and you hugged and Eddie stood and watched, waited his turn to hug Steve. When he realised his turn wasn't going to come, because you were pushing fists into Steve and his grip didn't seem to be faltering soon either, he turned your hug into a group hug and you stood like that, on the threshold of your open front door for entirely too long.

"I called you yesterday, twice." you murmured. "Robin too,"

"I know," was all Steve said, and you wondered how he knew. Were the phone calls why he'd traveled to LA? Or had he already been on his way? Had he already booked the flight before you'd reached out?

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really,"

You felt Eddie's arms tense up, squeeze a little tighter, and you knew it was because he was about to pull back.

"I'm sorry, I've got... work, but please, come in, make yourself at home, have some food, take a shower," Eddie listed things off on his fingers as you finally broke the embrace.

"Are you telling me I stink?" Steve asked, the humorous undertone easily detectable in his voice.

"Yes," Eddie deadpanned before wanting to carry on the list, but your laugh interrupted him.

"We were never this blunt with him, were we?" Steve looked at you, and you recalled all the times Eddie had come to visit Hawkins, looking worse for wear and smelling like the men's room of a dirty dive bar. Steve immediately received a punch to the shoulder from Eddie.

"I'll be back in a couple hours,"

And so you'd said goodbye to Eddie, had invited Steve inside and had shown him to his room - the same one he stayed in last time. Not the one with its own entrance, but the one upstairs, close to your own bedroom.

Steve put his suitcases down on the ottoman by the end of the bed and sighed deeply.

"Sorry I didn't call before flying in,"

"Don't be, I literally called you yesterday to tell you to fucking come over already,"

Steve smiled as he started moving clothes from one of the suitcases onto the bed, stacking things in neat piles. You leant into the doorway, arms folded over your stomach, and you felt all sorts of feelings that all lead straight to guilt.

There was obviously something going on. Steve had taken off his sunglasses and revealed puffy skin and red-rimmed eyes. The hostile tone his wife had spoken with to you hadn't left your mind yet, either.

But, Steve was here now. Right where you wanted him to be, and you were reunited as the three-piece that you had always been. Morning, noon and evening. Sun, wind and rain. Birth, life and death. Past, present and future. It had always been the three of you, and even though you'd grown up, and lives had changed, having Steve over gave you the opportunity to drown in nostalgia for a few days.

Feel... complete for a little while.

Wait, that reminded you.

"How long are you staying?"

Steve kept busy and didn't look at you as he shrugged up both his shoulders.

"I don't know,"

You didn't respond. Just watched him unpack. Gave him the space to think his thoughts before he vocalized them which you knew he sometimes needed.

Then he turned his head to look at you, eyebrows scrunched up a little, almost as if he was apologizing.

"How does a month sound?"

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@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @thefemininemystiquee @alana4610 @emmamooney @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellyxo1 @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @bdpst-massacre @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @prozacandnicotine @munsonswhore86 @alwayslindie @breddiemunson @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s @thebellenouvelle @luvrsbian @joesquinns @choke-me-eddie @alizztor @jnnyrd @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsmunson @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @eddielives1986 @harringtonfan4 @sadbitchfangirl

(two places left on my taglist: first come, first serve)

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson angst #eddie munsons fluff #eddie x y/n

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lesbianally-brocksamson · 6 years ago

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Day 6! Jealousy. He can’t know what’s wrong if you don’t tell him, you dingus.

@brusty-week2019

#my art #brusty week #brusty week 2019 #brusty #rusty venture #brock samson #molotov cocktease #ughhh there's this really good fit about this exact thing #where molotov wonders if Brock can be satisfied with doc after everything with her #I'd love to link it...

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forever-rogue · 5 years ago

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In Name Only - Part 1

A/N: Ughhh, hi! I’m a whore for Oberyn Martell and cannot be stopped. This is gonna be a little series, only a few parts (at least for now), and I hope you enjoy. This was one of my many shower ideas that I couldn’t let go! As always, feedback and comments are welcome, and if you’d like to be tagged, let me know! xx

Pairing: Oberyn Martell x Reader

Word Count: 6.5k

Warnings: slight language

IN NAME ONLY SERIES MASTERLIST

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“I will not marry a man that does not love me,” you cursed the gods for making you a woman. You cursed your mother for being the way she was though it was not her fault that you were her only daughter among six sons. You cursed the laws of men that determined your position in life, “I will not be tied down to man who does not care about me, to a castle that will never be a home, and bear children I do not want.”

“You are an insolent, silly girl,” she hissed at you, and for a moment you feared that she might reached and strike you across the face. She had been prone to doing so when you were younger, but in her older years she had calmed down, softening with the birth of each child after you, each son, each brother you loathed for how easy their lives were, “you should have been married many moons ago.”

“I will not marry a man almost twice my age that openly keeps a lover and already has plenty of children,” a fiery rage set through your bones, one that would probably be perfectly suited in the warm, desert homeland of the husband she insisted you take. In the Reach, your attitude was abhorred, and you were considered the lone deviant of your family, “I will not give up my freedoms because you deem it fit for me to do so.”

“You will marry him and bear him an heir,” she grabbed your hair and roughly yanked it and leaned in so only you could hear, “you are lucky any man will have you. You’re much too old to be unwed and your demeanor makes you almost unbearable.”

“I will not do it,” you gritted your teeth and tried to pull out of grasp, “I will not subject myself to a life of servitude-”

“When I was your age I’d already been long married to your father and had you and two of your brothers,” she reminded, pushing you away with a heavy sigh, “do you think I wanted to get married? I was no more than a child, and you at least are a woman grown. I could have married you off years ago, as I should have. You would have been out of my sight and perhaps tamed.”

“I refuse. I will not bend and break to your whim,” turning away you started to storm off, hoping that some fresh air would calm you down. Perhaps you could ride your horse through the open pastures and fields surrounding the castle.

“And just what do you plan on doing then? Will you wander through the kingdoms on your own, travelling without anything or anyone like a heathen?”

“Perhaps I will,” you shrugged, “it would be better than doing what you ask of me. If you loved me-”

“If you do not marry him, you will be cut off from this family,” her words were enough to cause you turn around and listen to her, “you will lose your name, your worldly possessions, and you will be penniless. Is that really what you desire?”

“All of this because I do not want to take a husband?”

“It is your duty. As it has been the duty of every woman before you.”

“Fuck duty!” your voiced reverberated around the castle’s stone walls as she stared you down, “I will not marry someone I do not love. Father would never make me do so.”

“And your father is dead,” she reminded you with venom lacing her tone, “and what do you even know about love? It is a fiction created to keep little girls happy.”

“I loved him,” your heart felt like it was being ripped out of your chest as you thought of him. Your mother scoffed and dramatically rolled her eyes at you, “I loved him and you sent him away to certain death because you are a monster.”

“That horrid boy? He was a bastard,” she reminded you of the cruel little thing that kept you apart. How you rued the term of bastard; it did not mean anything, it did not determine a person’s character or heart, “he was never good enough for you. And you defiled yourself for him.”

“Because I loved him!” you insisted, “and he loved me! We would have been happy together, we could have built a life together...”

“He was a peasant, he tended stables-”

“That does not matter to me,” you reminded her, “he was kind and gentle and warm. I would have loved to have a life of tending stables if meant I was with him. Because I loved him!”

“You were lost in your girlhood fantasies of what you think love is,” she was cruel, each of her words twisting like a knife in your gut, “he was the first boy to show you attention and you fell for his little trap, and it has left you ruined for other men. You are lucky that Oberyn Martell does not know and he will not care, the one benefit of having a Dornish heathen for a husband.”

“I did love him, mother,” you tried hard to fight off the flood of tears that were pricked the back of your eyes, “and just because you can’t handle that you sent him to the Wall where he will live out his days and die. I never even got to say goodbye.”

“He was a bastard, it did not matter.”

“He was a good man,” your voice broke slightly as you tried to square your shoulders and stare her down, “his only fault in life was loving me. It’s gotten him the most cruel of fates.”

“I have had enough of you,” she steeled herself and strode past you, regal and noble in appearance as ever, “in two weeks time you will travel to Dorne and you will marry Oberyn Martell. You will either oblige and do it, as is your duty or you be expelled from this castle and can live out your days among the bastards that you love so much. It is your choice, whether you bring shame to this family or you disappear into the background as a woman should and become a dutiful wife.”

“Those are both horrible, vile options.”

“That is duty of being born a woman.”

“I wish I was born a man then,” you turned on your heel to walk away, wishing you were stronger, wishing you weren’t on the verge of tears, “maybe then I would not subjected to such a cruel fate, and I wouldn’t let any woman in my care suffer the same.”

“Aren’t you just the martyr,” she mocked you with such a ferocity that you wanted to give her a good whack across her own smug face, “you think you know so much, you know nothing.”

“I know what it means to be a good person, or at least to try,” it was days like that you longed for your father. He had been a kindhearted, generous man, one who did not believe in the stereotypes that divided men and women. He was the reason you had remained unwed for many years, far past the age of anyone of noble blood. He encouraged your wildness, your open heart and free spirit. Your mother had always been the exact opposite. You always wondered how they seemingly got along so well, but you’d come to understand that it was no more than an illusion. The only love they shared was that of their children, and sometimes you wondered how deep that truly ran.

“Enough,” her tone held the cruel finality, the singular word was as sharp as a dagger as she stood in the doorway, the soft light filtering in behind her. She was a handsome woman, and if you hadn’t known better, she appeared almost angelic. But you knew better, much better; she was no more a saint than you were a sinner. You remained steadfast in your spot, trying to channel the ferocity that your father always embodied, “in two weeks time you will travel to Sunspear and you will marry the prince.”

“I would rather die.”

“If you choose your own grave so be it,” she slammed the door to her quarters shut, letting the sound ring through the hall. You had flinched at the noise, but now it only served to anger you. Your whole life, the little joys it still afforded you would be taken away soon, all because of a name. All because you were a woman.

They often called occasions such as these little deaths, but you had a feeling that it would be a lot more than a little pain to make yourself subservient to a husband you did not want.

»»————-　♡　————-««

The journey from the lush green lands of Honeyholt and surrounding lands into the dry, red deserts of Dorne had been...miserable. While you would have relished traveling and seeing the new lands under any other circumstance, you experienced no moments of tranquility or peace. The landscapes meshed into one and the only thing signaling that you were entered the land of the Dornish was the stifling heat. The Reach was temperate, never an extreme in either direction, but Sunspear provided its first test through the scorching heat of the golden sun.

It would take some getting used to but you could understand why the symbol of the house you would soon be joining was a blazing sun. It never seemed to fade, casting its golden light across every inch of the land. The people that you spied in villages and smaller cities as you approached Sunspear looked as if they didn’t mind; perhaps only a lifetime of heat would allow you to get used to it.

Their curious glances were always trained on you, and your small retinue that would depart as soon as you arrived safely. You were an outsider from a strange land that the Dornish were reluctant to trust; it wasn’t common fro one of Northern breeding to step this far south. Not that you had much of a choice in the matter; you hadn’t thrown a fit, or cried, or screamed, not wanting to give anyone the satisfaction of seeing you so upset. Instead you had remained silent, speaking only a few words here and there as necessary, your true self hidden behind a thick veneer of steel. Maybe your true self would be hidden forever, dying a little bit day by day as you waited patiently for your death.

There would be no ceremony, no pomp, and most definitely no circumstance when you arrived to your new home and to meet the man who would shortly become your husband. You would be all but abandoned in the palace where you knew no one, trying to fend for yourself. It had been at your mother’s request and you knew exactly why she would treat you in such a manner; each of your brothers, all but the two youngest had been married off already, in a show of great festivities and celebration. You were all but kicked under the carpet, a smudge on the family name that she wished to forget.

Your mother harbored no love for the Dornish, whom she considered savages and uncultured; she must have been desperate to finally see you off if she agreed to a marriage proposal from the Martells. You wondered why they had even asked for you; there were plenty of other families in Dorne that could have produced a worthy daughter, or other Northern families that might have agreed. Perhaps they too realized that it would difficult to marry off a prince nearing middle age that housed a paramour and bragged about his bastard daughters. It did not phase you, or bother you in the slightest; you were pleased rather that they seemed to enjoy life to such a degree. But perhaps even the Martells were smart enough to know that they would need heirs, legitimate ones, to recognized by the Northern countries and carry on their name.

When you arrived at the palace in Sunspear, your jaw dropped slightly in surprise - it was a stunning beauty, a feat of architecture that you were loathe to find anywhere else in the seven kingdoms. It presented a sharp contrast to the home you had known your entire life; there was no bleak grays or beiges that met your eyes, instead colorful, brilliant shades of warm crimsons, oranges, tans, and bronzes met your eyes. it was warm and welcoming, despite the reason for your arrival. If this was to be your home for the remainder of your days, at least it was beautiful.

Your carriage came to a harsh stop and you almost slid off your seat at the sudden force. You groaned lightly as you straightened yourself, looking down at the green dress you were sporting and already wishing you had something cooler to wear. If you had been granted your way, you’d be dressed the same as the men that could spy all around the palace, sporting a pair of trousers and a loose tunic. Your father had never cared what you wore, but the day your mother found out that you had been running around like a boy, she had made you wear only the finest dresses. You’d still sneak off in trousers whenever presented with the opportunity, a small thrill running through your veins, knowing that you were directly defying your mother.

The small door was opened and you stepped out, letting your feet hit the warm the sand. You wiggled your feet about, trying to get a feel for it, bending over and picking up a handful of the small grains. It was a dark bronze color, different than the seasides of the Reach, and softer. You liked it, you immediately decided, it was much more comforting than stone and hard soil.

“Knock it off and put it back,” internally rolling your eyes at the septa you swore you were much too old to still have you, you let the sand trickle out of your hand and back onto the ground, “you’re acting like a child. You must behave and act like a proper woman.”

Sighing lightly, you remained wordless, not wanting to start an argument in the middle of your new home before you’d even made a proper entrance. The few items you’d brought from Honeyholt with you were quickly unloaded and brought into the palace. You hadn’t desired to bring much; you wanted a fresh start, a new one that you could call all your own, even if you weren’t here by choice. It felt like you could hang on to a little bit of autonomy that way.

Your most prized possession hung around your neck: a delicate golden chain that contained a small rose colored gem. It had been given to you by your father on your fourteenth nameday; he’d presented it to you with such joy and excitement, having it made just for you. He had claimed that the rose gem symbolized love and that you would always know how much he loved and adored you whenever you wore it. You hadn’t taken it off since his untimely demise; a small consolation for not having him around anymore.

You’d been so lost in your own thoughts, of your father, of your new life, that you hadn’t seen realized you’d stepped foot inside, until a pair of arms wrapped around you. Your body tensed in defense as you came back to reality and saw a young, dark haired girl grinning at you. She was beautiful, clearly of Dorne with her sunkissed skin and dark features, and animated smile. She was dressed in silks of gold and orange, much like the house she served. Appearing to be only a few years younger than yourself, she had a warm aura about her; it was the most kindness you’d experienced in some time.

“I’m Asha,” she had taken a step back when noticed your hesitation and held her hand out instead. You gave her the best smile you could as you gingerly shook her hand, still wanting to tread lightly as you gave her your name, “I’m your handmaiden. I’ll be helping you with whatever you need.”

“Handmaiden?” surely this must be a joke. Back in Honeyholt you’d had maids and servants, surely, but never one that served you in such a personal manner. Perhaps this was one of the perks of marrying a prince, even if he was one by name only, “I’m quite sure that I can handle myself...I’m sorry, forgive me, I do not mean to be rude. I’ve just never had someone...”

“It’s quite alright,” she insisted, taking your hand and pulling you further into the palace. You tried to get a good look at everything, but there was so much going on all at once that it was hard to keep track of everything, “I’ll be here for whatever you need and should you decide you do not need me at all, then I will remain as your friend, if it pleases you.”

“Friend?” that was the last thing you expected. It something you both had and hadn’t thought much about in the past few weeks. You’d had friends in Honeyholt, less and less the older you became, when they turned into mere acquaintances, tending to the families they were growing, but you’d resigned yourself to a life of solitude in Dorne. You weren’t sure what to expect here; you didn’t think the people would be so welcoming for the stranger that came to marry their favorite prince.

“Yes,” she gave you a dazzling grin, “like I said, if it pleases you. The prince wants to make sure you feel at home and that you’re comfortable.”

“He does?” you’d been there for such a short time, but already you’d experienced more twists and turns than you had expected.

“Of course,” she pulled you up a flight of marbled stairs and down a long hallway, stopping before a grand set of doors. They were beautiful, made of aged wood and intricately carved. You couldn’t stop yourself as you reached up and touched the carvings, letting your fingers glide over them, “ he’s traveled all over the seven kingdoms, the Summer Isles, Essos...so many different places. He understands better than anyone what it is like to be in a new, and often unwelcoming land. He wants you to know that this is your home too. The prince is very happy to have you here and finally meet you.”

“Huh,” you turned to her, searching her eyes for any signs of deception, but you found none. Her dark eyes were wide with excitement as she opened the door and revealed the beautiful interior of your personal quarters. It was a beautiful sight to behold, colorful furniture was strewn about, a large, soft bed with golden cloth over it, and open doors leading to a balcony that housed many plants. A soft breeze ruffled the curtains and rustled the leaves. This space, in the few moments you’d stared at it, felt more like a home than anything you had experienced.

“His quarters are on the opposite end of the hallway,” she explained and nudged her in the direction. Separate quarters, you thought to yourself, how strange, “he wanted to make sure you liked everything. If you’re unhappy with it or require anything else, just say the word and you will have it.”

“It’s beautiful,” you admitted, stepping into the space and taking a closer at everything, “Dorne is beautiful...I had not expected this much beauty in the desert lands. The way the Northern lords make it sound...it should be horrid and ugly. But it’s lovely.”

“There is so much in Dorne that they will never tell you about because they will not allow themselves to see the beauty in front of them. We know they see us as savages and heathens, we know what they say, but we are not as they claim. We are different, surely, but does not make us bad people simply because we do not share the same views and beliefs?” she asked as she started to drag in some of the small trunks containing your items. You shook your head with a small smile; no, surely it did not make them any less human. They were already a warmer people than any of the northerners you’d encountered.

Standing up and helping her, she looked at with you with a curious glance. You just carried on, not wanting to let her do all of the work; why should you?

“I can handle it, my lady,” she insisted, but you refused to back down. You repeated your name and insisted that she call you that, “even if you are to be the princess?”

“I take no joy or pride in hollow titles or unnecessary formalities,” you promised her, “you and I are not different are we? We’re both women, subject to the harsh reality of what that entails and the laws of the gods and men. I insist, please, that you call me by my given name. And I am more than capable of helping to unpack my own items. You musn’t do it all alone.

Asha gave you a big grin as she nodded, surprised by your genial approach. Those she had met from the lands north of Dorne would never dare to renounce a title so freely, or speak so candidly with her. But you did; Oberyn would like you, she thought to herself, “as you wish...I think you will like Dorne, it will suit you well. We do not believe that men hold any superior power over women, nor do we believe that women should be reduced to standing behind a man. Everyone is equal here, just as the gods willed it.”

“And yet here I am, to be married to a man I do not know and that does know me and give him an heir,” there was a slight tone of bitterness to your voice that you hadn’t quite intended. You sighed and shook your head in apology, knowing she had nothing to do with your fortune, “I’m sorry...I should not have lashed out at you.”

“It’s quite alright,” she insisted, “I know how it seems is harsh, but I assure you that not everything is as it seems. It must be shocking to come to a new home and be surrounded by only strangers, but I think you will be just fine; if nothing else you will provide a good wit to match Prince Doran.”

“Prince Doran?” you asked as she nodded, “and he is...”

“I dare they must have kept you quite in the dark about all of this,” you nodded as you allowed yourself to sit on the soft bed, testing it out and finding it just as soft as you liked, “Prince Doran is the ruler of Dorne, his oldest daughter Princess Arianne is his heir and Oberyn is his brother.”

“Oh,” you felt silly, and a bit dumb not being privy to any of this information before. It didn’t surprise you though; your mother did not care for the Martells and it was unlikely that she knew much of this information herself, “I apologize for not being as well versed in your land and people as I should be.”

“There is no need,” she laid out some of your dresses, placing them in the closet that stood against the wall, “one thing you will need to learn is that in Dorne we do not apologize. There is no reason to ever apologize for one’s true self, right? You were not to know this information, so how should you have known? You will learn in time. It is your home now and we are your people.”

“How is that I already feel so much warmer and lighter here than I have in years in my own home, the place I was birthed?” you let out a small laugh in spite of yourself and stood back up, spying some fine silks draped over the chair that was placed in front of the small writing desk, “what are these?”

“Silks,” Asha watched your face turn into a small smile as you touched the delicate fabrics and studied the colors, “they’re a gift from -”

“The prince,” you finished for her and she just nodded with a smile.

“He had a feeling that you wouldn’t be well prepared for the heat and wanted to provide you with something more suitable,” you lifted a few pieces up, holding them against your body. They were lovely, designed and crafted with care and expert stitching, “he asked about your coloring to make sure they’d suit you. And of course, some of the Martell gold and orange had to be included.”

“They are wonderful...absolutely beautiful,” a small sense of satisfaction worked its way into your bones as you realized that your mother would absolutely abhor the clothing, declaring crude and too revealing. But you loved the pieces, knowing they’d be perfect for the hot afternoons and warm evenings you’d come to expect, “this prince...he’s very kind.”

“He can...rough around the edges, but underneath the exterior he presents, he is a most kind and gentle man. His people love him and he loves them as well,” she answered, and you could easily sense the admiration she had for him. Maybe...just maybe, if this prince proved to be as fair and just as Asha made him out to be, things wouldn’t be a complete nightmare, “he wanted to be here to greet you, but unfortunately his duties have kept him away a bit longer than he intended. He will be back in time for your wedding.”

Wedding. Of course. You had somehow forgotten that little detail; this was just some sort of vacation or leisure trip. This was a whole new life you were walking into.

“Oh,” you tried to hide the nervous lilt of voice, but Asha picked up on it anyway. For someone so young, she was very attuned to your emotions. She stood next to you and slowly, as if testing the waters, put an arm around your shoulders. This time, you let her. You let her pull you into a hug and hold onto you tightly as you let your body relax into the comfort of her own. You were almost like clay, melting into her arms; it had been so long since you had experienced the touch of another. She smelled of fresh citrus and spices, a scent you already found comforting, “thank you, Asha. You have been more kind than I could have ever anticipated. It is not lost on me...I should be proud to consider you a friend.”

“And I you,” she insisted, you were quickly interrupted by a loud throat clear from the entrance to your new space. Your oldest brother, now the Lord of Honeyholt in your father’s absence, was standing there, an impatient look on his face. Asha pulled back and bowed her head in reverence, “my lord.”

“Come and make sure your goodbyes, sister,” he completely ignored Asha and turned his cold gaze to yours. Never having been close with any of your brothers, besides the youngest, you harbored no strong feelings for him. He was a fine man, a decent lord, but nothing compared to your father. The halls of Honeyholt were never the same since he sat at the head of the table, “we must leave soon to make it back before our visitors from the Crownlands come.”

“You just mean to leave me here,” it was not a question, but a cold statement of fact, “you do not intend to stay and watch me marry? It is only a short time away.”

“We do not have time,” he insisted already starting to walk away, “besides, what is there to celebrate? You’re married off far too late to...a Martell. Hardly calls for celebration.”

“Goodbye brother,” you called after him, not even bothering to follow and bid anyone else a farewell and a safe journey back, “if that is the way you feel, to leave your only sister thus, then so be it. I wish you, nor our brothers, nor mother any ill will, but I cannot say I will be amiss of any of you.”

“Watch your tongue,” he growled at you from the foot of the stairs, “you are lucky to be my sister or I would have you thrown out long ago. You taint our name and have no respect for decency. You’re just like father; weak and a fool. Always thinking without your brain.”

“So with my heart?” you spat at him, “how dare you take father’s name in vain! He’s more of a man, father, and lord than you will be ever be.”

“And look where that got him,” he reminded you of the harsh reality that your favorite person, the one that you had idolized growing up, was gone, “an early grave.”

“He was ill-”

“It does matter. I am lord now and you will obey me,” he shook his head, “you know, mother was smart to finally marry you off. At least you will be able to take the name of Martell and will stop bringing shame to ours. You are no sister of mine, you can join these...barbarians, become one of them,”

“If I see you again, it will be on your deathbed,” you insisted, feeling a tears of sheer anger roll down your cheeks, as your body trembled with frustration, “I guarantee it. You are no brother of mine.”

He glowered at you before turning around and storming off, his robes trailing behind him. You’d never shared a great appreciation or love for him, but this was a harsh blow nonetheless. Your family, the only one you’d ever know was so content to just cart you off. You wondered how long he had waited for this day - but it didn’t matter. Just like that you had no more home in Honeyholt. Sunspear, and Dorne, was your home now. Even if it was a life you did not desire, at least it would be your own.

“I’m sorry,” Asha appeared at your side, a concerned expression on her face at the heated exchanged. You choked back the few sobs that threatened to bubble up in your throat. You’d essentially just lost the little bit of family you had, “I did not expect such a response. Family means much to Dornishmen, sweet dove. You will never have to feel alone or unloved here.”

“Thank you,” you gave her a small smile, “I hope my family does not dishonor Prince Doran. I have not even meet the man who is to be my brother and already I bring chaos.”

“Prince Doran would never hold the actions of them against you,” she promised, “he shall be glad to meet you and welcome you into his family. As will we all. I can show you around the palace, if you so desire, and the water gardens. They’re most beautiful, especially during the peak of heat, such as this.”

“Will I meet Prince Doran today?” you were curious about meeting your new family, albeit the tiniest bit hopeful. It could be no worse than what you had just experienced.

“I’m afraid both princes will not return until tomorrow,” she explained, “however, they are preparing a feast in your honor for this evening. The Princess is here, and I am sure she will be delighted to meet you. She’s a brilliant combination of her father and uncle, and will surely revel in your company, she grows bored of monotony.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Dinner had been an...interesting affair. You’d gotten to meet the princess, her mother, and many other members of the household and those who worked for and were dear to the Martells - to your family. It was a shocking contrast to the normally reserved and quiet meals that were had in the dreary dining hall of your former home.

The large tables in the garden were laden with delicious foods from all of Dorne, including the famed Dornish wine and everyone sat together, it did not matter their rank, station, or title. They were happy, kind, and jovial, welcoming you with open arms to Sunspear and their family. It was a warmth you had not known before, but not unwelcome. It was a sight to see everyone so happy, joking and laughing, teasing each other until late into the night; they had no reservations, no fears, no inhibitions. And you loved that about them immediately.

Your heart had almost stopped when the princess had presented you with a beautiful golden bracelet, containing the Martell sun entwined with the little dove of your own house. She had gently clasped it around your wrist, before kissing your cheeks gently. You would think of her, her generosity and warmth whenever you wore it.

But even the excitement and relief that the evening had provided was not enough to stave off the tears that found you late in the evening as you sat on the balcony connected to your quarters. You’d been studying the starry night sky, admiring how it glittered over the red dunes of the desert, when you were hit with a wave of sadness that you couldn’t ward of. A few hot, warm, salty tears dripped down your cheeks as you slowly repeated the names of the constellations you could see, stopping only when a small knock came at your door.

You dabbed at your eyes and turned around to see who the visitor was, but Arianne slowly let herself in. You gave her a small smile and she joined you on the balcony, without a word, but a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“I am sorry that you must see me in such a state,” you apologized but she shook her head. She was about to open her mouth, but you stopped her with a small smile, already knowing what she was going to say, “do not apologize for being your true self.”

“Yes,” she agreed with a small laugh, rich and musical, “see you’re learning already - you’ll fit in perfectly.”

You remained silent for a moment and let out a long sigh.

“What plagues you so?” she asked gently, “besides the loss of your family?”

“Today has proven it is no real loss,” you admitted, “I am...I do not know if I can do this.”

“Marry my uncle?”

“Yes,” you said quietly, “I vowed to myself that I would never marry someone I did not love, and I know this sounds silly, but my father, before his death, always promised me that he would never send me off to do so unless I desired it. And now...”

“It is not easy.”

“No,” you sighed, a fresh wave of tears rolled down your cheeks, “I cannot bring myself to love someone just because I am required to, nor have a desire to be treated as a sow to be used for heirs. I do not know if I can do this, to myself or your uncle.”

“I realize this is very little consolation, but I do think I might know how you to help, if only a small bit,” she had your attention and you gave her a curious glance, “think of it as a marriage only in name.”

“Only in name?”

“Precisely,” she explained, “you will marry Oberyn, and that will the end of it. You do not owe him an heir and he would never expect one from you. He has eight daughters already, some nearing your age, and he loves them dearly. They keep him busy and if you do not desire children he would never force one on you. You do not have to love him, he knows you likely never will, but just respect him; for outside purposes you will be husband and wife, but behind closed doors, and to those here in Dorne, who not care about such things, it will not matter.”

“Oh?”

“Give it some time and you will find a lover, a man or a woman, or many lovers,” she explained, “love should not be contained so willfully, unless two people desire it. you are free to explore and take as lovers as you want. You give and take love.”

“Oberyn...has a lover,” why you suddenly felt shy, you did not know. Certainly it could not be jealousy? You did not know him nor care for him, and clearly did not love him, but something inside you panged slightly. How strange it would be to be married to a man with a different lover.

“He had a lover, a paramour by the name of Ellaria Sand,” she explained and you found yourself intrigued, “she’s a most kind, generous and lovely woman, and mother to four of his daughters. She is beautiful as she is kind and still comes around often, but she has left his bed sometime ago and has returned to her childhood home in Helholt.”

“Oh?” you wondered if it had anything to do with you, but you had your doubts. What power would you, a mere child compared to his longtime lover hold?

“It was amicable, I believe. They remain friends, and both love their daughters deeply. I think a strong bond and love remains between them, but nothing romantic,” she expanded, but it did not ease your nerves, “I’m sure you will meet her at some point, she comes around not infrequently, but you have nothing to worry about. She will love you, as we already do as well. She will understand what your position as Oberyn’s wife means.”

“Does he take other lovers still?”

“As far as I know,” she shrugged, not deeply concerned with her uncle’s affairs, “anything further than that you will have to discuss among yourselves.”

“I see,” you let out a long sigh and let your shoulders slump, finding little solace in her words. She was trying her best, but it did not chase away all your fears, “still I...”

“Remember,” she said softly, “name only. You will not have be with him, in his presence, any more than you desire. He will grant you many liberties and freedoms. The ways things work between a husband and wife are very different here in Dorne than in the North. You will not be confined to the palace or your husband, you will have your own voice here.”

“Such a strange concept,” you mused as she shrugged, “all my life I’ve been told that my only goal in life is to behave, marry a nobleman, and bear him children. Nothing more and nothing less.”

“Welcome to Dorne, sweet dove,” Arianne pressed a light kiss to the side of your head, before moving to leave your chambers, leaving you alone with your thoughts, “and welcome to House Martell.”

You watched her go without another word, envying her easy going personality and liveliness. She’s known this her whole life, and yet she was so happy; maybe there was something to this Dornish way of life. Maybe you could find some purchase here and make a happy little life for yourself. With or without your husband at your side.

You straightened up and stretched, raising your arms above your head as you looked at the moon, shining among the stars. Maybe...this did not have to be as bad as you had originally thought; maybe Dorne could be your own sanctuary. Your head was swimming with so many thoughts, and you were overwhelmed with a tiredness you had not known in ages. You walked back into your bedchamber, leaving the doors open to let in the warm evening breeze. It was quiet now, a quiet that you’d never really experience. Peaceful.

Oberyn watched you moved back inside from his spot in the courtyard of the palace. He and Doran had returned early, at his behest, but not early enough for a proper introduction. He been curious to meet his bride, the wild girl from the North that refused to be tamed. He had overheard you and Arianne, listening intently to your every word, clinging on to them to try and figure out how to best serve you. He wanted you to be happy, he hoped you would be, and if you wanted nothing to do with him, then he would respect that as well.

Whatever you desired, Oberyn Martell was going to make sure you had it.

»»————-　♡　————-««

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emmies-archives · 4 years ago

Text

The Misadventures of Secret Santa

Kirishima Eijiro X Reader (Did I mention I reallly love to write for Kirishima…)

Warnings: None

Genre: Pure Fluff, soo much cute fluff. There is literally one line of veryyyyyyyy mild Angst, that is all then straight back to fluff.

Summary: You bought Kirishima two gifts for Christmas, one genuine one for class 1a’s Secret Santa because you pulled his name. And the other a gag gift that was part of an inside joke between the two of you. You realized you brought the wrong one to the Christmas party at the exact moment you gave it to him, and it was a very embarrassing gift.

A/N: I had an increasing amount of wine while writing this, please forgive any spelling or grammatical errors.

You swept open the heavy curtain for what seemed like the millionth time. You and the girls from your class had planned to spend the day Christmas shopping. What you didn’t expect was Mina making you try on every single item of clothing that caught your eye. Even though you were going to buy yourself something new to wear for the Christmas party your class was holding, you weren’t exactly excited to spend hours trying on outfits.

“Y/n! This looks so cute on you!!” Mina squealed, excitedly jumping up and down next to you.

“It is a very beautiful dress,” Momo said.

You looked at yourself in the mirror and you couldn’t disagree. It was a mid-length black dress, that flared out slightly at your waist. The top was fitted and sleeveless with a mock neck. The dress was simple but very flattering on you. “I think you guys are right,” You said turning to them, “I’m going get this one.”

“Are you going to wear it for the party? It would look so classy I think” Momo spoke again with a finger on her chin. “I saw some simple necklaces that would pair well with it near the front of the store too.”

“Yeah, I am planning on wearing it for the party. We’ll see though because I always seem to change my mind right before.” You said moving back into the dressing room to change into your clothing.

“Did you find a gift for your secret Santa yet?” Mina asked once you pulled the curtain back again.

You shook your head and laughed, that was the whole purpose of the day and you forgot.

“Shoot, not yet. I completely forgot because someone started shoving me into every item of clothing they found.”

“I wonder who that could be.” Mina grinned and you shoved her laughing again. “Okay, I’ll help you look around.”

“Whose name did you pull?” Momo asked, “Mine is Sato, and I know exactly what I’m looking for. A nice white tea variety that pairs well with his baked goods!”

“That’s perfect Momo,” Mina said and started to dig through the basket in her hands. She looked around for a second then pulled out a light purple record player. “I got Jirou, doesn’t this fit her so well. I think I am going to get her a couple of records too. What about you, Y/n?”

Both girls’ gifts were picked so well for their Secret Santas, you didn’t know if you could top

it.

“I pulled Kirishima.” You said quietly, blushing slightly when they gasped. Just a couple of weeks ago you had spilled your secret crush on Kirishima to the girls in a game of never have I ever.

“Ooooh, Y/n this is going to be so exciting!”

Momo had offered the idea of a girl’s night one Friday after classes had ended. Of course, everyone had agreed right away, it had been a while since you all had hung out without the boys in your class. It wasn’t like the boys were annoying or not fun to spend time with, it was just sometimes it was nice to get away from all the testosterone and have a night to gossip without fear of any of the boys hearing juicy secrets.

The night started with Mina begging Ochako to let her do her makeup. It didn’t take that much convincing; Mina was good at doing other’s makeup. Everyone was crammed into

Mina’s dorm room; she had insisted it everyone stay the night in hers.

It wasn’t long before someone had thrown out the idea to play never have I ever. You guys played a different version of the game though. One person would say something they’d never done, and then the whole group would vote on one person out of everyone who had done the thing to do a dare.

“Hmmm never have I ever…… gave myself a haircut,” Tsu said. Only Ochako and Hagakure spoke out that they had given themselves a haircut.

“Wait, Hagakure how did you give yourself a haircut? You’re invisible.” You deadpanned at her, confused. She just laughed at your question.

“I can see myself, it’s just that others can’t see me.” You always forgot that part of her quirk.

“Alright, guys, who vote that Ochako should get a dare?” Tsu asked the group, getting everyone’s attention. All but Ochako raised their hands and she groaned.

“Ughhh come on, I was on a no dare streak,” Ochako whined. “Okay, what do I have to do?’

“Ooh! I got one.” Mina said clapping her hands excitedly. “I dare you to text Midoriya goodnight!”

“What?!” Ochako broke out in a bright blush. “Really?”

“It’ll be so cute, Ochako!” You said nudging her arm with your elbow, her blush didn’t waver, but she pulled her phone out of her pocket. Her hands were shaking slightly but she had a smile on her face. You couldn’t help but wonder if Midoriya would match her blush when he received the text.

“Okay, it's done.” She said and it seemed like her smile was a little bigger than before. “Now please someone else go, I need a distraction from my phone.”

“I will go.” Momo set down her teacup and squinted for a second in thought. “Never have I ever had a crush one someone in our class.”

Your heart jumped. So far, all the never have I ever were not juicy, the dares were a little bit, but you had been safe. Silence fell in the room and everyone just looked at each other. Ochako sighed again and shook her head.

“This isn’t fair.” She said and raised her hand to say she had done it. Nobody was surprised at that one.

Jirou raised her hand slowly too, “You guys already know, I don’t know why I’m so nervous still.”

Hagakure jumped up and squealed. “I don’t know if I have a crush on anyone but all the boys are just so handsome! Does that count?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Momo shook her head. “I hope you don’t count Mineta in that one.”

“No, definitely not Momo.” Hagakure said seriously and sat down.

You sighed; you had no more time to stall. Putting up your hand slowly trying to not get attention on it, but it failed. It was like all the girls had a radar on you because they all saw you at once.

“Y/N!” Mina squealed.

“Oh my goodness, I wasn’t expecting this,” Momo said with her hand to her mouth.

“You have to tell us who.” Tsu smiled at you.

“No. I can’t.” You shook your head and picked at your fingernails trying to get them to change the subject.

“Okay then, I dare you Y/n. Tell us who you like!” Ochako said abruptly.

“Hey! This is not how the game works.” You said back to her.

“Does everyone agree on this dare?” Ochako asked looking around gaining a nod from all the girls. You groaned and laid down onto your back grabbing the pillow neck to you covering your face. “C’mon Y/n! You have to.”

You mumbled into your pillow hoping they would take it as the answer.

“Nope, not gonna work. You’ve got tell us outright.” Hagakure reached over and tugged on the pillow. Tsu also poked your side to get you to sit up, you yelped and sat up shoving her hands away.

“Okay fineee. It’s Kirishima.” You mumbled grabbing onto your knees and pulling them close.

“Did you hear what she said?” Mina asked Ochako, and she shook her head.

“I didn’t either, Mina.” Momo agreed with them. They all stared at you waiting.

“Kirishima.” You said louder this time. Just like Ochako, your face erupted in a blush.

“WHAT!?” Mina was the first one to scream.

It was no doubt everyone was shocked. The two of you were really good friends, he was one of the first ones you had made in the class. He was hilarious and caring the two of you always had fun when you were together. You could say he was nearly your closest friend out of everyone in your class.

Almost every weeknight you and Kirishima did your homework together, mostly it was you answering his questions and helping him with anything he didn’t understand. You would take breaks periodically, eating dinner together when the class didn’t make a big one, playing video games if you were in his dorm.

Sometimes others would join your studying and you would take it to one of the common rooms in the building. A lot of times after both of you finished your homework, you’d watch Netflix or a movie, occasionally you’d play board games. It was some of your favorite times to spend with him.

Kirishima told you one time after finishing your homework pretty late when you were watching his favorite Anime together that he loved to cuddle. You could tell that he was getting very tired, and so were you.

“I didn’t want to say anything too soon because I didn’t know if you liked that. But I love to cuddle. Especially when I get really tired, it's my favorite thing to do.” He told you and yawned.

“What do you do when you can’t cuddle with anyone? Do you spoon your pillows?” You laughed when he shoved your shoulder slightly.

“Actually yes, I do.” You burst out laughing at his answer, he started laughing too. “Hey, don’t knock it till you try it Y/n.” He defended himself and pointed at his pillows. “It's comfortable snuggling into them.”

“Okay, I trust you.” You said after shaking your head, and you noticed him staring at you with literally almost puppy dog eyes. “Do you want to cuddle, Kiri?”

“Oh my gosh, yes. I thought you’d never ask.” He immediately wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to him, leaning back into the wall behind you. You wrapped your arms around his waist and laid your head on his shoulder. Kirishima was right, it was very comfortable. Especially he was, you had thought that he’d be kind of hard considering his quirk and his muscles, but he was incredibly good at cuddling.

“Kiri, you’re so comfy.” You said after a few minutes, and you felt his arms squeeze you closer.

“So are you. It’s so nice to have someone to cuddle with that’s not a pillow.” You laughed again and he rested his chin on your head lightly, “You think we could work this into our

homework routine?”

“Yes. Every night.”

“What if we’re studying with someone else?” He asked and you moved to look up at him.

“Hmmm, pretend we’ve never studied before so then we can just cuddle instead.” You said and cuddled back into him.

You could feel his chest vibrate when he laughed at your answer, “Okay, that works for me.”

The girls made you spill everything after your dare. They completely ditched the game and started asking you questions. You told them about the cuddling and the homework nights. About the times Kirishima had helped you train your quirk. The girls didn’t spare any questions at all.

“So when did you realize you had a crush on him?” Momo asked.

You had to think for a second. “Maybe it first happened when we started to cuddle, but I don’t think I realized it until a little bit ago. I started to get excited to study or train with him. Or spend time with him at all, but then I started feeling nervous too. I think it was butterflies, and one weekend we went shopping together, I don’t know what for but I remember in one of the stores looking at him and I could hear my heartbeat. Kirishima was so cute, he was looking at Crimson Riot merch and he was so excited about finding something new. I’d say I realized that day, that I liked him.”

“Oh my god. Y/n that is so cute I could die!” Hagakure squealed and Ochako hugged you laughing. Soon after that everyone decided to go to sleep for the night, the excitement had worn everyone down and it had gotten very late, it was past midnight.

You curled up in your sleeping bag and picked up your phone. You had put it on silent so it wouldn’t annoy any of the girls during the games you played. A few notifications were on the screen, and you saw Kirishima texted you.

The first one said, “Hey! A new season of my favorite Anime was just released!”

Almost immediately after that a second one he sent read, “Whoops I forgot you’re having a girls night. Sorry! Have fun.”

A couple of hours later he sent a final one, it was a picture of his pillows along with a text, “I miss cuddling with you, my pillows don’t laugh at my jokes :( Goodnight y/n, see you tomorrow!”

He was so cute you thought you were going to melt.

The night of the Christmas party came faster than you expected, your last present for Kirishima finally arrived that morning and you barely had any time to pick it up after classes ended. The whole day went by in a blur, and you were left with just enough time to get ready and wrap the presents. You had gotten Kirishima two because you couldn’t resist once you saw the second one.

The gift for the Secret Santa was a nice gift, and you were excited to give it to him. The other one you were going to hold off until after the party, it was a little bit out there, but you knew he’d find it hilarious.

After wrapping the gifts, you got ready. It didn’t take long until you did the finishing touches to your hair and makeup, then you put on the dress you bought with Mina and Momo. Then you thought maybe you wanted to wear something else. That caused you to change in and out of four different outfits several times, it was almost time to go down for the party.

Kirishima had texted you before you got ready if you wanted to go down to it with him since both of your dorms were luckily on the same floor. Of course, you said yes, you were excited. But because of your rushed idea to change outfits at the last second, you missed his text saying he was outside your door, and you also didn’t hear him knock on it either. You finally picked the first dress you put on and as you started to pull it up, your door opened. You froze when you locked eyes with Kirishima as he stepped into the room. After a second of staring his brain registered what he saw, and his hands flew up to cover his face.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry!” He exclaimed, turning around and you yanked the dress up, trying to zip it in the process. “I texted you and knocked, but I got no answer, so I got worried!”

“No! It’s okay! It’s my fault I missed it.” You tugged at your zipper again, but it stuck in place. You paused for a second and kicked yourself, if you hadn’t switched your dress a thousand times you wouldn’t be in this, and Kirishima wouldn’t feel guilty. “Um, Kirishima?” Your voice cracked at your nervousness.

“Yeah?” He said, still facing the other way.

“Can you help me with my zipper, I got it stuck.” You could feel your face burning as you asked him.

“Oh, um, yeah.” He stood facing the wall for a second, “Can I turn around now?”

“Mhmm.”

“Okay, let me help you.” He took his hands away from his face and turned around. You spun around once he got to you, you didn’t want him to see your face flushed. The warmth of his hands went through the thin fabric at your waist and you shivered at it. He was so gentle pulling the zipper loose from where it was stuck and pulling it up all the way, being careful to move your hair out of the way. “All done.”

You smiled and turned to face him; the blush felt less than before. Hopefully, he didn’t hear your heart racing now though. “Thank you. I’m sorry for before, I should’ve looked at my phone. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Hey,” Kirishima grabbed your tense shoulders and smiled softly, “It’s not your fault, it was mine.” He pulled into him and wrapped his arms around you. All the awkwardness drained

from your body at the hug. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

You laughed and hugged him back, “You didn’t, Kiri don’t worry.”

He squeezed your shoulders and brought his head close to your ear and whispered. “Good,

because you looked really good, Y/n. So beautiful.”

Chills went down your body and you felt your blush come back. Kirishima pulled back like it was nothing and walked to the door. He opened it and held out his hand towards you.

“Wanna go to the party now that we’re all dressed?”

You couldn’t believe what just happened, but Kirishima’s grin towards you caused you to giggle. “Okay, yeah let’s go.” Grabbing his hand, you began to leave your dorm. At the last second, you remembered the gift you were supposed to bring and you quickly grabbed it before you left.

The party went by very smoothly, the food was so good, and the decorations were fantastic. Bakugo and Sato prepared dinner along with a few other classmates. Momo, Jirou, and Sero had put up the decorations. Everyone went through a game of Candy Cane Olympics, Bakugo was the winner and he had nearly trampled Midoriya for the title. Kaminari and Jirou won the Karaoke competition. It was nearly time for everyone to pass out presents.

You were so excited to give Kirishima his gift. You had been getting butterflies the entire time, especially every time you caught him staring at you and then one time that he winked while smirking. It was a good thing you were sitting down for that one, it hit you hard. You were not expecting it, but it was a good surprise.

After a bit you sat on one of the couches by the tree with a few of your classmates, setting your gift on the table next to you. Not long after you did, Kirishima came up and plopped onto the couch next to you. Immediately he put his arm around your shoulders and squeezed you close to him.

“You’re so warm, did you swap quirks with Todoroki?” You asked quietly, nestling into his side.

“Hah, maybe I did on accident.” Kirishima laughed.

“Good, I like it warm.” You said.

“Oh, you like his quirk? Are you cuddling with someone else?” He pretended to be shocked.

“Maybe… You didn’t know?” You feigned innocence, “Dang, I thought this was a multi-person cuddle thing. My bad.”

Kirishima moved his mouth close to your ear, whispering deeply “Well, we’ll have to change that, won't we? I don’t like to share.”

Before you could say anything back to him you caught Mina staring at you grinning and nudging Jirou. That couldn’t be good.

“Okay, everyone! It’s time for Secret Santa exchange!” All your classmates started moving excitedly, and you were confused when Kirishima didn’t move.

“Don’t you have a gift for someone?” You asked him.

“Oh, yeah I had Tsu. I gave her my gift for her earlier this week. It was a couple of really cool wool sweaters I found, and it got really cold this week I figured she could use them.”

“Awe, you are such a sweetheart. Who would’ve known Kiri.” You laughed at his fake offended face.

“I am hurt that you think so little of me, Y/n.” Kirishima laughed.

“I’m just kidding, you’re the nicest person I know.” You said and his expression softened.

“Shouldn’t you give your gift out? I don’t want to be keeping you stuck here.” He started to get off the couch. You grabbed his arm, stopping him from moving.

“I got you for Secret Santa.” You grabbed the present from the table beside you and handed it to him.

“Awe really?! That’s so cool, y/n.” He smiled at you and looked down to the present in his hands, then it hit you, you grabbed the wrong gift. The one that was meant for him to open in front of everyone during the party was up in your dorm still. The present he was holding was bigger and more square than the actual gift. You had given him the gag gift, the inside joke one. Your stomach dropped to the floor. You must’ve grabbed the wrong one when you hurried out of the door.

“Wait! Kirishima, don’t open that.”

“What do you mean, of course I’m going to open it.” He didn’t waste a second and tore into the green wrapping paper. This was going to be embarrassing. It didn’t take long at all for him to open the gift at all. Your nerves were soaring when he finally turned it over to the front side.

“Oh my god, Y/n…..” Kirishima said staring at the gift. It was a pillow. You wished that was the only thing, but the pillowcase over it was the best part of the gift. It was black, and a picture of you in the middle of it. You held up peace signs and your tongue stuck out. The words ‘hug me’ under the picture of you. He was so quiet, you realized he probably hated it.

“I’m so sorry! That wasn’t the right gift… I-“

Kirishima cut you off, with a loud bark of laughter. “Holy crap this is amazing! How did you even do this?”

You looked at him in shock. “What?”

“Y/n this is so fricking cool, now I can sleep with you every night!” He said very excitedly. That gained your classmate's attention. Mina stared at you with wide eyes and your cheeks flamed. You jumped up and grabbed his hand pulling him up.

“Follow me.” You said quickly and rushed towards the elevators.

“Where are we going?” Kirishima laughed trying to keep up with you.

Once you made it to the floor of your dorms, you went straight to yours. “When we had our little incident earlier I grabbed the wrong gift. I got you that one to give to you in private.”

“Oh, you don’t want others to know about our cuddle sessions.” He said smirking.

“That’s not it at all,” You spoke coming to your door and going it. Kirishima followed you, still holding onto the pillow. You were glad that he didn’t leave it on the couch next to him.

“When I pulled your name for the Secret Santa I was a little disappointed.” His smile faltered a bit, “No! Not like that, I just was excited to get you something special for Christmas. I wanted you to open that in private because it is really special to me. The time you spend with me.”

“Y/n,” He said softly and walked closer toward you. “I know, it is really special to me too.”

Your chest warmed when he said that. You reached to grab his other gift. “This was the one I wanted you to open for the Secret Santa. I think you’ll really like it, but I didn’t want you to think I just got you something because I pulled your name, Kiri.”

He took the gift from your hands, looking at you before opening it. His hands were so gentle pulling apart the wrapping paper, very different than downstairs. The first thing he saw was the manga set of his favorite anime the two of you had watched every night together.

“Wow, thank you.” He said smiling up at you.

“There’s something else, open the little box.” You said the butterflies in your stomach had flown to your heart now. Kirishima slowly took the lid off the white box. You heard him gasp slightly when he saw what it was. Inside the box were two things, a necklace, and a small keychain. “The keychain is the first-ever merch for Red Riot.”

He looked stunned. “How did you get this?” His voice was so soft, and quiet.

“A few months ago right after your first patrol with Fatgum that went viral, I looked up to see if you had merch. There was a preorder for a small company that produces Fatgum’s and Suneater’s merch. It was this keychain, I bought it right away.”

The key chain was the R from his hero costume. It was red, there was a thin outline of black and an outline of white around the R. Inside the R was his name and hero name.

“I didn’t know if you’d be interested in it, but there are matching keychains of Fatgum and Suneater. I got them too for you if you want them.’

Kirishima ran his hand around the R, admiring the keychain. “Y/n. This is perfect. I can't even tell you how much I love it. What’s the necklace? Is it merch too?”

“Oh. No, I made that one. My mom helped me with it, she makes jewelry.” You said you could feel tears pricking the back of your eyes at his reaction. “I, um. It’s made out of ruby beads, and black chain.”

It was a necklace with a black chain, in the middle was a red RR pendant, on each side of it were three glass black beads.

“I wanted you to have something else that no one would have. Something only from me. Because both you and Red Riot are one of the most important people in my life.” You whispered; your hands were starting to shake from the butterflies fluttering wildly inside you. “I have a matching one too. It’s a bracelet though, so it’s not the exact same.”

You took the bracelet out of the bowl on your nightstand, showing him.

Kirishima was completely quiet for a moment, just staring at the necklace. You began to get worried.

“Kiri? Do you like it?” He didn’t answer your questions. “You don’t have to keep it! I can take it back if you don’t like it. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t-“

You were interrupted when his hands softly grabbed your face. Then he kissed you. It was slow at first, you were caught off guard. When you realized what was happening you kissed him back. His arms moved to wrap around your waist, and he deepened the kiss. You could feel your flush. Your arms moved on their own and wrapped around his neck, once buried in his hair, the Santa hat on his head fell to the floor.

He pulled back very slightly for a breath and went back in for a kiss again. It was breathtaking and you felt like you were floating. After a few more seconds you pulled back to breathe. Kirishima rested his head against your forehead. His red eyes staring into yours, the butterflies in your bodies felt like they were breaking free.

“Y/n. Don’t ever apologize for a gift again.” He said pulling you to sit on the edge of your bed.

“Do you like it?” You asked hopefully.

“I am not kidding when I say this is the best gift I have ever gotten in my life. I can’t even believe you got all this for me. There are so many meanings within these few things. I love them.” He cupped your face again and reached for something in his pocket. It was a small white box with your initials on the left corner of it.

You took it from him when he held it out to you. “What is this?”

“So, I don’t have the skills to make you something special, and also you don’t have any merch out yet. Sorry, this is awkward…” He laughed and rubbed his neck.

“Hey, no it’s okay.” You said, moving your free hand and placing it on his cheek. You opened the box, inside was a ring. In the middle of it was a small gemstone of your birth month, on each side was a small clear crystal. Tears pricked your eyes once again, “Kiri..” You whispered you took it out of the box and it was a perfect fit. You looked up at him once again, “I love it. Thank you!”

“Y/n, you are so welcome. You deserve so much more than I can give you right now.” You leaned in to hug him and he returned it immediately. His large arms wrapping around you, warming your whole body. When you both pulled away he grinned at you, “I also got you a year membership for your favorite café, it’s one drink or food item free a day but I think it’s worth it.” He laughed and laced his fingers through your hand. “I want to take you there for the first day though.”

You waited a second before you got the courage, “Kiri?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to go there as a date?” You could practically see the butterflies from your stomach in the room now.

“I was just about to ask that,” He said grinning again, “Are you psychic, y/n.”

“I am actually, I didn’t think you’d ever find out!” You gasped, Kirishima laughed at your response.

“I may not be book smart, but I can read you like a book.” He said, “Wait, don’t say anything that didn’t make sense.”

“I like you so much Kiri, I wanted to tell you for a bit but I didn’t know if you liked me back.” You said looking down at your hands, when he squeezed your hand you looked up again. “But I don’t know how I didn’t see it this whole time, how much you meant to me, and how you feel about me too.”

“Y/n, I have never felt so many feelings for someone before,” Kirishima said, his eyes seemed to sparkle when you met them. “I care so much about you, more than anyone.”

A huge yawn ripped from your throat breaking the trance the two of you were in. You laughed and stood up, pulling Kirishima along with you. “I’m really happy that you liked my gifts.”

“I loved them; they were all so special to me in a different way.” He said looking softly at you, “Just like you, y/n. The pillow though was so great where did you even find it?” You just grinned and shrugged at him. He shook his head leaning down to the floor, he grabbed the pillow you gave him. “Can you stay in my room tonight? I really want to cuddle with you right now, more than ever.”

“Let me change first.” You said smiling at him.

Without missing a beat, he leaned in placing a kiss on your lips again. You deepened it, grabbing his shirt pulling him closer. After a second, he grabbed your hand and pulled you to the door. “You can wear my clothes, I can’t help myself you’re too cute. He then pulled you out of your room. You left the butterflies behind in your room, no longer nervous just very excited to wake up in his arms, not having to pull yourself from his grasp at the end of the night like before.

#kirishima x reader #bnha kirishima #kirishima imagine #eijirou kirishima x reader #bnha #kirishima #ejiro kirishima x reader #eijirou kirishima imagine #kirishima oneshot #bnha kirishima x reader #my hero imagine #kirishima headcanon #bnha christmas #kirishima christmas

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halfkryptn · 3 years ago

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INTERPRETATION NOTES — so i’ve been meaning to sit down and really sort through what i’m into and what i’m not based on the recent releases [of the comics]. unfortunately, i still don’t have quite the time for it yet, so here is a very loose touch-and-go interpretations that i like and dislike, and i’m adjusting as i go along while i interact with each respective roleplaying partner.

# JON HAS BEEN AGED UP. that’s the general canon i’m going with. i’m not happy with what bendis has done definitely, but i’m also tired of being angry at things that has been done. so we’re moving on and chewing on the new materials, and so far, it's swallowable. in summary: jon went away for three weeks around the age of eleven ( because i’m taking into consideration all three of the super sons run, which is only plausible since it ranges loosely for one and a half to almost two years. ) and came back as a seventeen year old.

# HE DOES GO TO THE LEGIONS OF SUPERHEROES. which meant he does join the legions of superheroes in the future ( in the 31st century, to be exact ) but NAAAAH if i’m making him stay. i didn’t like how they treated damian ( neither did jon, he just isn’t as petty cause hes way too kind about it :// but it stays with him! ) and my interpretation of jon only stayed because he would’ve felt misplaced in the current timeline, and therefore thought the legions were his only option left. he came back around one year after, so he’s eighteen now, and we follow his adventures in superman: son of kal-el.

# KON EXISTS. so in the action jumps comic line, which is on-going and is superbly a hella good run if i’m honest, kon-el breached the multiverse and entered prime earth. everybody ends up remembering him ( espeically pa and ma kent ) but clark doesn’t. JON IMMEDIATELY EATS KON UP BECAUSE THIS BOY WANTED A SIBLING!!!!!!! so yes, i do acknowledge that kon exists, and he’s apart of young justice [unless respective rp partner deems otherwise] and while kon’s sorta this hybrid of uncle-cousin-brother, jon does treats kon more like an older brother / sibling, and he expresses it so.

# DAMIAN IS VERY IMPORTANT TO JON, BUT APART OF HIM WILL ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY FOR “LEAVING” AND “GROWING UP” FIRST. i felt there’s a lot to unpack here, but jon’s in this state where he’s actually quite dependent — or rather, he trusts damian very immensely — despite having known many heroes of his own now and has seven-years-of-outer-space-trauma-slash-experience that should’ve made him equipped as a solo independent hero, but he still comes back and asks damian for advice and just generally actively seeks damian out countless of times. it’s a heavy combination of him missing damian, wanting to maintain their friendship - but he’s also carries this guilt for having left in the first place, even though he was kidnapped and trapped, and he’s very anxious if he’s far away from damian for too long.

# FITTING IN. with that, jon actually has a lot of anxiousness about fitting in, especially as a hero in his current timeline with the other heroes around him, which is kinda funny to me because i believe it’s something he struggled with since he was ten, and he’s still struggling with it now and like, it’s never over for him, you know ? i think superman: son of kal-el explores this anxiousness well because underneath the simple fear of not being able to live up to clark’s mantle when clark leaves for an off-world mission and we won’t know if he’ll come back, jon is actually, in reality, quite alone in his journey to find out who he truly is beneath the cape.

# IDENTITY EXPOSED. i dont fucking understand — like i’m sure its significant i just didn’t catch it — on why clark revealed his identity to the world, and this is the general canon prime earth is going with but UGHHH i dont like it so i dont want it. in my interpretation, the world still doesn’t know clark is superman, neither is jon his son. jon still goes for a disguise — again, this still aligns with his insecurity to “fit in”, and “finding a place to belong in” — in superman: son of kal-el #2, but he sucks at lying, so of course it won’t work.

# ADDED RAMBLING. to be honest i kinda didnt like that theyre pushing jon, who is, to the audience, probably still new because to us, he still feels like he hasn’t aged enough, or he’s aged too abruptly, to take up superman’s mantle so quickly. i don’t understand why he can’t stay as superboy and tries to find his heroic identity as superboy. superman really didn’t need to die; there really isn’t a need for that prophecy. and like, if one were to argue that “oh kon is already a superboy” — no, hear me out: they can both be superboy. that’s allowed. that’s happened in action jumps when they both existed as superboy and it’s still good. and, if i’m honest, their struggle as half-kryptonian and half-human is so similar yet they exist parallel-y when jon is clark’s biological son, while kon is created artificially, and i feel like if they also dig into this parallel it wouldve been amazing and anyways i have Thoughts but im tired now and i shall sleep

#✩ * GENERAL : IC REF.#yes i rant a lot what about it #im just sskfhskdjhf #i LIKE the run generally - of jon's that is -#but some stuff man .... ://#like honestly fuck legions of superheroes

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nomintokki · 5 years ago

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Unreachable | Na Jaemin

PAIRINGS: Idol!Jaemin x Bestfriend!Reader

GENRE: fluff, slight angst, childhood to the successful life story of Jaemin

WORD COUNT: 1.8k

A/N: mentions the 00 line; slightly suggestive ughhh,,, smut ig??? But its not really smut kljdlkash i cant do that. thank you @mjlkau for proofreading. Anyway hope yall enjoy.

After hours of contemplating if I should go to Jaemin’s Party in celebration for his drama debut. I am now inside my car driving on the way to his condo. Jaemin has been my friend as for long as I can remember, we basically grew up together. We have been neighbors since childhood. Thus we share a lot of things together; we went to the same school, grade school onwards, and to this day, we still keep in touch. We make sure to meet at least once a month. I can proudly say that even after his debut, our friendship never changed. We would still catch up from time to time, send random memes, call each other and such.

I was contemplating on going to his party, simply because I didn’t think I’d fit in his world. I’m just a normal person after all, a nobody. I’m pretty sure his ‘small’ party won’t be that small with all the big celebrities attending it. I knew his fellow band members, several actresses and actors who would be working with him would probably be there too. See I, a mere citizen, just don’t simply fit in. But of course, how could I say no to my best friend? He was being really persistent, begging me to be there. In his exact words he says, “Please y/n go I want my best friend to see and meet my new friends! Besides, they want to meet you too.” I just couldn’t say no.

He told me his new drama will be a romantic one, as he will be partnered with a fellow actress of his. I don’t know why but when he told me that, there were tingling feelings inside my stomach. No, actually- let’s be real. I was probably jealous. I knew for a fact that I have been denying my feelings for Jaemin. I think it all started when we were in high school, but they were just part of adolescence, I guess? In high school he started to bloom into a newer and matured man, handsome as ever, no longer the same childhood neighbor I grew to know. The way he helps other people and takes care of the littlest things is maybe the thing that attracted me the most. I didn’t want to ruin the comfortable friendship we already have, so as much as possible I keep on brushing away the thought that I am attracted to him. Most especially at this time, he is way out of my league. I do not know why out of all people he, Na Jaemin, a successful idol, soon to be an actor, my best friend, is the one my heart chose to fall for. I know for a fact that he won’t be available to catch me if I fall for him, well actually I already did. Who am I for him to choose right? I meant he can be with the most beautiful actresses and idol stars out there why would he choose me right. In order to not hurt myself more as much as possible, I ignore and brush off the fact that I like him.

Finally, I arrived at his condo. That was the longest thirty minutes ride I have ever driven. 13th-floor room 1308, alright I am in front of the door and the loud music can be already heard. I ring the doorbell, as it opens it revealed Jaemin, arms open, happy to see you. “Y/n!!!!! You came! Are those tiramisu??? My fave thank you Y/N! Come inside I’ll introduce you to my members. GUYS Y/N is here!!!” Jaemin welcomed me with a hug and grabbed my gift for him. I replied to him with a smile. I don’t think my nervousness was hidden tho. I don’t know if I’m nervous to meet his colleagues or because I am once again seeing him.

“OH if it is not the famous Y/n.” A guy named Heachan one of his members said. I chuckled at his remark and shook his hand that he offered me. “You know what Y/n Jaemin always tells us about you” Renjun, another one of his members, said as he also welcomes me. “Oh really what does he usually say about me?” I replied “he was telling us how much he l-” Renjun was cut off by Jaemin’s hand. “I was telling them how we were always out playing during our childhood days and how I always defeat you when we play kart rider” Jaemin interrupts Renjun. “From what I remember you always lose when we play” I replied and everyone in the circle laughed.

It was indeed just a small party his members were there, some of his managers, and some of the cast of his upcoming drama. I actually had a good time. His members keep on asking me questions about how Jaemin was during his younger days. I told them stories where Jaemin once cried because of whisker’s away, and that he had a pet chick and rabbit once. It felt good talking and hearing stories from them. His colleagues were simple just like him I didn’t feel the gap we had when I was conversing with them. Jaemin’s partner for his upcoming drama was indeed very pretty, again my thoughts of being with him just suck, even more, I really need to move on. But don’t get me wrong she was really kind and single…

The time had been moving by quickly as the night became darker, the hours becoming more late. Some of his guests already left. I wanted to leave early since i still have duty the next day, but he asked me to stay and help him clean. Now I know why he really wanted me to go. Some of his members are still here tho specifically the ones in his same age, Haechan, Renjun, And Jeno. While Jaemin and Haecha sent off and accompanied some of the guests to the lobby Jeno, Renjun, and I started to clean around the room. “You know what y/n were happy to finally meet you,” Jeno said “yeah Jaemin really treasures you as his friend you know he won’t shut up about you” Renjun added. I chuckled at their remarks “His life was probably boring he didn’t have any stories to tell besides mentioning me hahaha”. “You and Jaemin seem to be really close huh?” Jeno asked and I responded with a nod as a wipe down the counter table. “Jaemin never dated girls during his highschool years right?” Renjun asked maybe out of his curiosity. “He was scared of girls and too lanky to get one back in the days haha” I replied “oh yeah he was really lanky when he started training I remember hahaha, but you know what y/n, you and Jaemin actually look good together,” Jeno said “actually! You both had the chemistry” Renjun added. I just smiled at their remarks not wanting to get my hopes up. Jaemin never really showed interest in me so I guess he just really saw me as his friend.

The doorbell suddenly rang. Renjun went to get the door. “Where is Haechan?” I heard Renjun ask. “He didn’t want to clean up so he will just wait for you guys at the parking,” Jaemin said as he approached the vacuum to help us clean. “That b*tch” Jeno remarked. “I guess you two can finish that we’ll be off now bye Jaemin congrats again on your drama! Also bye Y/N nice meeting you!” Renjun hurriedly said while dragging Jeno out of the door. “Hey hey hey you two promised to help me clean!!” Jaemin said but he was cut off by the door Jeno closed. “It’s okay Jaemin this won’t take long anymore they did a lot anyways” I told him as I continue to pack the food that was left.

After a few minutes, we finally cleaned up everything. Tired and exhausted we both slammed down on the couch and let a heavy sigh. “Y/n.” called me out and I responded with a hum resting my head on the couch facing the ceiling. “Thank you for coming I know you really didn’t want to” he said I turned my head to face him “of course and because of that you owe me” i kiddingly replied. It was quiet but the atmosphere was relaxing, most of the time me and Jaemin are like this, just enjoying the presence of each other. It wasn’t awkward or anything were used to being like this around each other. “Y/n I need to tell you something” Jaemin suddenly said and sat upright. He always tells me random stuff but there is seriousness in his tone which made me nervous. I faced him and gave him a ‘what’ look as my reply. He took a deep breathe and met my eyes “i like you, y/n… for the longest time i have always liked you. No, actually I think I already love you” I couldn’t believe what I am hearing from jaemin after all these years we actually like each other??? I was speechless at the moment I did not know what to respond, my brain was having a hard time processing the information I just got. “Did i shock you? I am sorry for the sudden confession. I do understand if you dont feel the same way-” I cut him off and asked “are you practicing your lines for your upcoming drama? You sound pretty convincing nice one Jaem!!!” I chuckled and laughed out my nervousness I had to make sure he wasn’t just kidding me. “y/n dumbass I actually like you. I am not practicing some lines with you omygosh you really are my best friend. But kidding aside y/n I truly like you I, I love you y/n” I can see in his eyes that he is really genuine with his words. “No were both dumbasses, I liked you ever since we were in high school Jaem” I noticed his eyes grew when he heard this “I didn’t want to tell you since I didn’t want to break the friendship we had” I added. “Me too! I guess we were both cowards huh? But I couldn’t keep these feelings anymore I had to let them out that’s why I’m telling this to you right now” he says while locking his eyes with mine. He slowly cups my cheeks with his slender hands “I never dared to try and date anyone because I knew that I only wanted you, y/n”. I could say that the tension was rising he closed the gap between us. He wasn’t my first kiss but as if its my first kiss heat grew and butterflies on my stomach became wild. I kissed him back and as if we were dancing our lips were so in sync. I reached for the back of his head and placed my fingers between his hair.

I don’t know how I got to this but today was a rollercoaster. I could not believe the thing that I was most worried about earlier this morning would be my greatest dream. I am happy to say that me and my long time crush are in love with each other.

#na jaemin #dreamwritersnet #NCT-WRITERS #jaemin fanfic #jaemin imagines #jaemin bestfriend au #jaemin au #nct jaemin #nct dream #nct 00 line #suggestive #jaemin fluff #idol jaemin #nct fanfic

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untitlednottitled · 4 years ago

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number10

Pre-Event plannings

I had a grand plan, to be lawfully wedded to my bby on our 10th anniversary, 1 year after proposing to her on our 9th, in Jeju, in front of a field of flowers with a fantastical view of the sparkling sea. I even rushed and got the engagement ring ready before our planned trip to Korea in April! But alas, covid-19 had to happen and all was foiled. After the initial plan was foiled in Apr’20, we held out hope that we would still be able to travel by the year end.. but yeah covid gave us a great big middle finger, as yet again, cases skyrocketed and we were all but grounded in sunny Singapore.

Finally, in Dec’20, I decided to propose before July’21! Since the ring and the JannPaul box has been hiding at the back of the closet for the past year, and i didnt want to put it off any longer.

i began to scout for and collate decor items bit by bit on carousell, shopee and other shopping sites. It was a painful process because my initial plan was to recreate “Venezia”, which was an ice cream cafe we went to at Sixth Avenue, back in our JC days before it bowed out of Singapore a few years ago. There was next to no mention of Venezia on google and I was also unable to find any useful logos of the establishment either! So that idea was scrapped. Next, there was the plan to create big cut-outs of either Monsta X or VIXX members who would seem ‘genuinely happy for the proposal’.. but once again, let down by google, as the images I managed to find were either too pixelated or not relevant enough. Sadly, that idea flopped too. In the end, I decided to go for a more normal but personal decor to surprise bby :)

Truthfully, there were many chances to surprise-propose bby, especially our most recent staycation at Park Royal Marina Bay, but I didn’t feel that I was ready to do it.. so I delayed it till our big dinner on July 10th. Why July 10th? SAF had the brilliant idea to schedule my ICT during our actual 10th anniversary date, so we decided that we would have our anniversary dinner earlier. Furthermore, after Gyu Bar, we decided that we could and wanted to try more fine dining. After much research and deliberation (between Whitegrass and Buona Terra), we finally went for Whitegrass, which had decidedly nicer deco and ambiance.

The weekend before the 10th, bby suddenly suggested that after our big dinner, maybe we should go for a drive. This gave me a great idea - if i drove, this meant that she would have to come stay over, and then I would definitely be able to surprise-propose to her! I very easily agreed with her suggestion and went for a slightly higher-end car, an Audi. Thankfully, this rental was not far from my place and the rental wasn’t that much higher than the Honda Fit before. So far, all was going to plan. Then, we also decided that since we would be getting a car, we could travel slightly further out, eg. the East. We decided to go to Playground Ragdolls, which would be our first interactions with our dream pet for our new house!

I ordered a huge preserved flower bouquet beforehand as well as a tiny flower-box, to be delivered on the July 9th, which was also my mum’s birthday. She requested to have chilli crabs for dinner, which my bro bought from Jumbo seafood. We had a scrumptious dinner that night, but extremely regrefully, I couldn’t invite bby to come over, because it would mean that she would see all the flowers and thus ruin the entire event.

On the day itself

On the 10th, coincidentally, I had to take up a mover role, to help my bro move some of his guo-da-li stuff to his fiancee’s place in Pasir Ris in the morning. It was a very simple job that took up the bulk of my Saturday morning. After lunch, he sent me back and I quickly completed the deco and freshened up before leaving at 4pm to collect the car.

Leaving at 4pm was an overestimation of the travelling time, but also to prevent any lateness. I reached the rental car location at about 445pm but could not find the car at all. Confused, i called the host and she was quite pekcek to inform me that I was 15 mins early.. i went ‘oops’ and apologised for my kiasu-ness. At least she wasn’t overly judgey about it. I took over the car and quickly got on my way to Lakeside. Along the way, the aircon vent handphone holder kept dropping everytime I made my way over a particularly high bump as the Audi aircon vent was different from the normal aircon vents i was used to, with horizontal panes. Other than the handphone holder dropping from time to time, the drive to Jurong was pretty smooth.

I picked bby up at about 5pm and she surprised me with another street branded shirt, endorsed by Hyungwon of Monsta X. She even gifted me with a picture of him wearing the exact same shirt! I gifted her with the small flower-box and inwardly laughed as she whined about receiving another flower.. inside i was like ‘lol, wait till you get the one at night’. We drove off from Jurong to City Hall, which was supposed to get us to Chijmes in 25 mins?

Oops, we will be so early! But in the end we spent more than 35 mins on the road, because google maps was being a bitch and not giving the correct directions and we had to circle round Chijmes twice because we couldn’t enter the place! Finally, we decided to follow the signs strictly and we managed to enter the Chijmes carpark at last. We wandered around Chijmes for awhile and took some pictures. I helped her take some pictures that she was actually satisfied with!!!! SDNJIADBNAIKFAUFAKLFDNA!!!

After inwardly celebrating alone, we entered Whitegrass. Overall, the food was nothing to brag about, though the service was very good. Like what bby has said, the best things about the meal were the breads and the specially made financier by the Japanese Chef. The Chef came out to greet us and even wished us a happy anniversary followed by a picture of us hehe.

Full af, we decided to drive to Sentosa cove to sneak a peek at the rich people but nope, not allowed to ba long long go in, so we rerouted to Palawan beach instead. well well well, no entry into the beach. hur. oh well, time to head home. Inside my mind was running in all directions, almost 1.5y in the making, it’s finally gona be time!!

We reached and parked in less than 30 mins and quickly made our way back home.. only upon reaching my doorstep that i realised i left my keys in the flower-box inside the car.. luckily my dad was still awake to open the door for us.

Once in, we discovered my room door was closed and i let her enter first. Once she sweeped her eyes around the room, i panicked a little and just grabbed the ring and knelt down. I was entirely FLUSTERED and my mind was blanked out. haha, i lost all sequence of events. i knelt at an awkward angle and i wanted to switch knees, at which point, bby looked down and saw me kneeling on both knees (facepalm ttm). but okay, eventually it got sorted out and we took some pictures, with creative advice from my fiancee (^^). i also told her the entire journey from the ring all the way to present time, honestly, without hiding anything. Tbh, i wanted to make it hella grand but I missed out on some deco and by the time i discovered, it was too late to order again. UGHHH. When we went off to bathe, it was already about 1am and we had an early morning ahead. We both went to sleep happy hehe. (i got myself a ring catto)

Ragdolls all day, err’ day

I woke up next to bby catto who suddenly wrapped me up in the blankets and took a picture of me -.-

anyways, after a quick breakfast, i wore bby’s present and went out. We went some place first, before heading to La Fez in the East. It was a Morrocan restaurant which had a very pink and cutesy exterior. The food was not bad as well, the bby ordered Shakshuka while I ordered the Lamb Shwarma. Not entirely filling but good enough for me!

Next we set off for Playground Ragdolls.. but i think i missed a turn somewhere so we just parked at a nearby carpark instead. We wanted to walk to Tigerlily Pattiserie but changed our minds to head to Birds of Paradise nearby instead, since bby has been wanting to eat it. and hohoho, dark skies ahead started to thunder and shortly after rain poured down. We didn’t bring umbrella and neither were there any umbrella in the rental car.. so we decided to brave the rain. The initial rain was pretty manageable, a slightly heavy drizzle but manageable. The moment we were halfway to the next shelter however, it poured. and poured. and poured. Needless to say, we were both drenched.. and bby was wearing her Tory Burch too... nevertheless, we persevered and reached Birds of Paradise and got our ice cream too! (along the way we passed a mama shop and bought a $6 umbrella) We got roasted sesame and sea salt hojicha. Tbh, both were good but as we were practically wolfing the ice cream down and the quantity was really alot, the ice cream became pretty jelat after awhile. For the first time in a long long while, we threw away ice cream. Yes, bby was pretty horrible for throwing away ice cream, especially when she was the one who proclaimed she loved it.

With our new umbrella, we eventually made our way back the way we came, dry this time, towards Playground Ragdolls! Since we were pretty early, we waited outside for a short while, before the host let us in. and wow, once in, we were greeted by 2 curious little Singapuras. At first glance, they looked like regular strays but on a closer look, they had a kind of refined quality that really separated them from typical strays. And then as the host continued her briefing, our eyes strayed to the ragdolls. OMGGGG all so floof and cute!! Bby and I settled down near the couch and started playing with an 8 month old female kitto. and omg she was so playful!! Immediate want! While playing, we didn’t forget to enquire more about the purchase process and also listened in on the other customers’ queries as well. 1 hour passed all too quickly, and it came time to bid farewell to the cattoes.

On the way back to the car, bby remarked that she was a little peckish, so we decided to head to a drive-thru at marine parade.. but once there, no drive-thru to be seen!!! We stopped at the passenger waiting area for awhile to research but to no avail. Eventually we gave up and I drove her back to her house.

At her block, I helped to carry all the barang barang back up and I remarked to her that I was going to call her parents ‘Mother’ and ‘Father’ to hint them that I proposed. And I did, but apparently, only her mum caught it. Her dad didn’t, sadly. Unfortunately, I needed to rush back to return the car, so i couldn’t stay to explain further (Sorry Father, i will explain the next time i’m there!)

Anyways, I drove back to return the car and swiftly parked. The owner ‘received’ back the car without much incident also. Aaaaand that concludes mine and bby’s eventful weekend, in which we both had our relationship statuses changed from boyfriend-girlfriend to fiance-fiancee ^^.

Honestly, I do regret not getting actual flowers for you back in 2011.. but lol, the virtual flowers confession did make our relationship more interesting though haha. Yet another interesting tale that we can tell our kids next time also. I feel so happy as I recount the entire experience and am so glad that it succeeded. This sat, we will be going to re-size the engagement ring so that bby will wear the ring for events soon!! can’t wait!!

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darlinvandijk · 5 years ago

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Baby you’re drunk

Concept: request where “I HAD THIS DAYDREAM THE OTHER DAY, WHERE THE GIRL IS DRUNK AND KEEPS TELLING RUEL ABOUT HER AMAZING BOYFRIEND - WHO IS RUEl”, because I found it cute as fuck and decided I had to write about it. Also they’re of legal age to drink since I don’t want to like promote underage alcohol consumption! Dm me and whatnot for requests! Hope you enjoy :)

I let out a laugh as I watch Andy gag after taking her shot, reaching for the juice she had on standby to be her chaser. The girls and I decided that today we were going to have a girls night in, to relax and catch up with one another, let’s just say there may be a bit of alcohol involved in our activities for the night. I grin as Jade grabs my hand and pulls me up with her, dancing to the beat of the song playing, feeling completely at ease with life.

“Babes lets do more shots!” Andy screeches, the rest of us cheering as she does so. We all line up at the counter with our shot glasses, clinking them together before letting the burning liquid race down our throats. I let out a light cough before taking a drink of my cranberry juice, feeling the alcohol add to my already tipsy state.

Time flys by, because next thing we know we’re all giggling drunk messes sprawled out across the couches, all holding our own solo cups filled with whatever concoction we came up with. I take a swig of my drink, laughing as Ally tells a completely unfiltered story, knowing we’re all going to regret the drinking we’re doing tomorrow morning. Let’s just say, the thought of a terrible hangover didn’t stop us.

“Lets prank call someone” Ashley slurs out, grinning at the massive smiles we all send her about her great idea. We gather up in a circle on the floor, prank calling multiple people from each other’s contacts, before we get to the call the girls are most excited for. They all drunkenly smirk at me as I give them a weary look, unsure of if it’s a good idea.

“I don’t know if we should call Ruel, like what if he gets worried” I state, not noticing the slur of my words from being completely inebriated. They all laugh and reassure me that it’ll be fine before I ultimately agree and dial the number to my beautiful boyfriend.

“Hello?” He questions as soon as he answers the phone, confused on why an unknown number was calling him. We all laugh but try to keep it quiet, unknowingly failing as we do so. On the other side Ruel rolls his eyes, knowing exactly who’s calling him, since he just so happened to fall in love with the exact laugh that was the loudest.

“Is this the Krusty Krab?” I ask, mustering the deepest voice I can. The girls collapse around me completely losing their minds, as I hold in my laugh with tears falling down my face. I wipe at my eyes as I lose my shit, feeling as though I’ve asked the funniest thing known to man.

“No, this is Patrick” Ruel replies with a roll of his eyes, knowing I’m completely wasted from the slur and sway of my speech. The girls and I immediately burst out laughing, hanging up the phone as we try to keep our identities hidden. As soon as I hang up, I almost instantly see my phone light up, with an incoming call from Ruel. We all instantly try to stop laughing, knowing that if he catches on to how unsober I am, he’ll instantly come and pick me up.

“Hey baby” He states as soon as I answer, causing me to blush as the girls all smile at me, all of them absolutely adoring the relationship we have. I take a deep breath in, hoping I’ll be able to pull off a good enough act to stay a little longer, the girls all give me encouraging looks.

“Hi bubs, what’s up?” I question, hearing him let out a chuckle, oblivious to the obvious slur in my tone. All of us give each other weary looks, unsure on how to trick him into letting me stay, all of us knowing he doesn’t like when he’s not with me when I’m intoxicated.

“Just missing you, you’ll never believe the call I just got baby. They asked for the Krusty Krab, you wouldn’t know who called me would you?” He questions, all of us instantly freezing at his question, because there’s no way he could possibly know that it was us that called him. I let out a nervous laugh before trying to answer as strongly as possible.

“Really? I have no clue who that could have been, but we’re uh watching movies so I’ll talk to you later, love you, bye!” I blurt our, rushing to hit the end call button, but him beating me to it as he cuts me off.

“Nope, I’m coming to get you. Make sure you’re ready to leave, because love I can tell how drunk you are. You’re all going to regret this in the morning, love you and see you soon” He laughs out, all of us hearing the obvious smirk in his voice. We all let out matching groans before I reply to him and tell him that I love him and will see him soon.

“Okay we have approximately 15-20 minutes till he gets here, time for shots!” Ally yells, rushing to grab the drinks as we all stumble after her in excitement. We drink a little more than we probably should, enjoying our time together as we laugh about childhood memories, but end up going silent as we hear someone knock on the door. Andy gets up to answer the door, leaning across the doorway so that Ruel is stuck outside laughing as he sees the state we are all in. We’re all staring at him wide eyed, not fully comprehending who the tall green eyed boy is, watching me with a small smile.

“Andy I know you and the girls don’t want her to leave, but it’s time for her to go home and sleep off all this alcohol” he laughs, watching the sad looks on our faces as we all groan. We know he’s right in the back of our minds, since he’s the only one that can actually handle and take care of drunk me, also the only one that can take care of hangover me, because trust me she’s not a pretty site.

I get up and stumble around as I hug the girls goodbye and walk to wear he’s still standing in the doorway, he softly smiles at me before lacing our fingers together. I watch our hands and smile, feeling the way they perfectly fit together. He chuckles and waves goodbye to the girls, lifting me up into his arms and walking us to the car. He opens the passenger door and slides me in, buckling me up as I stare at him in awe, completely floored by the beautiful boy in front of me. He lets out a soft laugh and brushes some of my hair out of my face, watching the way my face heats up as his eyes look over my face. He closes the door and walks to the drivers side, getting in and buckling up so we can leave, placing his hand on my thigh but looking at me in shock as I push it off of me.

“Sorry bud, I can’t let you do that. I have a boyfriend, who won’t be happy about this.” I huff out, giving him a small glare for trying to make moves on me. He looks over at me and rolls his eyes, realizing that I might be a little more than just tipsy from my girls night. I continue to stare at him, with a hazy glare, watching as he glances over at me every now and then while he drives. My eyes slowly start to wander over him, before I snap my attention to the windshield, feeling guilty about how attractive I found him.

“Sorry, I didn’t know. What’s your boyfriend like?” He questions me softly, causing me to breakout in a lovestruck grin. I let out a sigh, thinking about the beautiful boy I’m smitten with, not realizing that said boy is watching me with a matching love filled grin.

“He’s perfect, like he’s cuddly and loves me for me. He’s kind of an idiot, but he’s my idiot. I miss him” I start off excitedly, before getting sad and feeling my eyes start to well up with unshed tears. The smile falls off his face as he watches the whirlwind of emotions pass through me, immediately questioning me again to get me to not cry.

“I bet he misses you too, don’t worry you’ll see him soon, since he’s the one that has to take care of you when you’re a little too tipsy. Now tell me more about this oh so perfect man” he laughs out, watching the way I excitedly shake my head up and down, thrilled with the thought of getting to talk about him. I reach over and grip his arm that’s resting on the middle console, completely overwhelmed with happiness.

“I don’t know where to start, he’s tall as fuck, he has pretty green eyes, and his hair is literally just ughhh-” I groan out, wondering how such an insanely attractive guy like Ruel fell for me. I glance over at the green eyed boy for a second before noticing something, “hey you kinda look like him, do you know him?” I slur out, watching as he laughs and gives me a little smirk. He nods his head causing me to gasp, confused on why I’ve never met him before.

“Yeah, we’re actually like really close. He talks about you all the time you know-” he states, watching the curious look that fills my eyes. I shift to turn and face him, falling over a little onto the dashboard before his hand shoots out and presses me back against the seat, cutting him off from what he was about to say. He watches me with a cautious look before letting his hand move back to the console, “how about I tell you more once I get you back home.” He states, leaving no room for arguments. I nod my head, feeling more sluggish than usual, before slowly drifting off.

———

I wake up to the feeling of someone removing my pants, instantly becoming alarmed. I let out a shriek and kick my attacker away, not being able to fully control the movements of my body, only to have them grab my feet and let out a laugh. My blurry eyes finally land on the figure, seeing the same boy from earlier watching me with a small boyish grin, I smile back before I notice I have no shirt on and my pants are halfway down my legs. I drunkenly sit up and push him away, using my arms to cover my body.

“Stop it! I have a boyfriend, I told you that. I love him too much to let you do this you little fuck” I snap out, my speech still heavily slurred from my drinks that I had half an hour ago. He rolls his eyes and walks to the closet, pulling out one of my boyfriends shirts, before coming to sit on the bed next to me.

“I know you have a boyfriend, because guess what? He’s me” he groans out, wanting to get me dressed and back to sleep. I watch him with a glare, completely not believing him. Upon seeing my doubtful expression, he stands in front of me with a groan. He exasperatedly throws his hands in the air, unsure on how to convince me, since I’ve never gotten this drunk before.

“Look I promise I’m you’re boyfriend. That’s why we look the same, that’s why I knew how to get here, knew where his clothes where, and also how I had a house key considering you left yours here. Also you’re never getting this drunk again, I don’t think I could take it” He states, watching the look of awe take over my face, as if he just performed a magic trick in front of me.

“You’ve been my boyfriend this whole time? How come you didn’t tell me! Oh my god I have the hottest boyfriend alive, do you love me?” I excitedly slur out, watching the way his face softens as he sits next to me, softly taking the rest of my pants off and putting his shirt on me. He grabs my hand and places a kiss to my palm, before leaning his face against it.

“I love you more than anything, I love you so much that I’m willing to take care of you when you do shit like this, and also willing to take care of you when you’re hungover. You’re gonna be an absolute monster in the morning” he muses, watching how my love filled grin turns into a glare at his words, him instantly chuckling before reaching for the nightstand. He passes me a water bottle, watching me stare at it with a hesitant glance. He lets out a sigh before opening it and placing it against my lips, I instantly push it away.

“I think I drank too much today, I shouldn’t have anymore, you should know that Ruel.” I state, crossing my arms defiantly. He lets out an annoyed groan, running his hand down his face, looking at me with a pleading glare. I clumsily grab the bottle, lifting it to my nose, before giving him a confused look.

“Baby it’s not vodka, it’s water. You’re too drunk and need it, so drink the water before I take drastic measures” he dramatically groans, throwing himself back on to the bed. I let out a laugh at his antics, drinking from the bottle like I haven’t drank anything in years. He rips the bottle away from me, looking at me with fear in his eyes, watching me as he waits for the inevitable.

“Oh no I drank too much, I’m gonna puke” I cry out, watching his eyes widen as he puts the water on the nightstand and sprints to the bathroom with me in his arms. He drops me onto the floor, instantly using one hand to lift the lid, the other hand going straight to my hair to put it in a makeshift ponytail. I gag as feel all the liquid in my stomach slosh around, feeling Ruel rub my back lightly. Once I finish, he sets me on the counter, getting out my toothbrush and brushing my teeth for me, giving me a small smile as he sees my teary eyes.

“Baby you’re gonna be the death of me” he groans out, causing me to shrug and wrap my arms around him. He carries me to the bed, wrapping me up in his arms, knowing the next 24 hours are going to be long. I shift backwards, pushing myself into him as much as I can, having sobered up a bit from everything leaving my stomach. He lets out a chuckle and kisses the top of my head, squeezing me tighter against him.

“Ruel, it was me” I hesitantly whisper out, feeling him tense at my ominous statement. He shifts and leans over me, peering at me with cautious eyes. I look away, not able to handle his unwavering gaze. He instantly tilts my head back so that I make eye contact with him, giving me a small nod in hopes of urging me to elaborate.

“What was you Baby?” He questions slowly, watching as a guilty expression covers my face. I put my hands over my face, letting out a sigh, knowing the truth has to come out at some point. Hopefully he doesn’t break up with me over it.

“It was me. I was the Krusty Krab caller” I cry out, throwing myself on top of him. He freezes and sends me a small glare. Watching as the guilt on my face worsens, letting out a groan and running his hands across his face.

Let’s just say that after that night I never drank that much again, because my Krusty Krab call almost broke him. He’s the shell of the man he once used to be.

#ruelvincentvandijk #ruel van dijk #one ruel #ruel #ruel imagines #ruel imagine #ruel one shot #imagines #imagine #one shot #x reader #free time ep #ruel fanfic

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redrosydiaz · 4 years ago

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Tagged by: the lovely @scimitar-and-longsword 💕💕

Name(s): my name is Mack, and if this also includes like usernames too then my ao3 is macksdramaticshenanigans and obviously yall can see my tumblr url lol. i have a fandom twitter but i hate twitter so i barely go on it lmao.

Fandom(s): oh boy haha this is a loooong list. as of right now, the main fandoms i’m involved in are The Old Guard and Trust FX, but in the past i’ve written for Skam, Marvel, Good Omens, Love Simon/Simon vs., Shameless, and IT. and ofc there are some fandoms i have not written for that i casually enjoy as well.

Where you post: all my fics are posted on ao3! or are sitting in my wips folder lol. i’ve ocsasionally posted some snippets of writing here to tumblr, but none of those are like full on, proper fics, mostly just me rambling off some thoughts i had about whatever characters in whatever scenarios

Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): Imagine Being Loved By Me (918 kudos) ((so close to 1k holy shit!!!! if it got to 1k i think i’d actually die of happiness omg)) this is my Good Omens smut fic lmfao, crowley is fantasizing and aziraphale makes it a reality skgjsd. i’m actually pretty damn pleased with how this one turned out, and i never expected it to get that many kudos so that makes me ridiculously happy sfjgfg. (and also podfixx made a podfic of this fic which made me INSANELY happy like that is the coolest thing ever)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter (by kudos): I Have Hella Feelings For You (697 kudos) ahhh this one!! this one is actually my very first ever chaptered fic!! it’s a skam fic, and i have the most distinctive memory of me sititng in my dorm bed freshman year of college, furiously typing away at my laptop everyday for a week because i somehow managed to post a chapter every day until it was finished, which meant i was writing a new chapter everyday. like damn, i really peaked with that huh? lmao

Favorite story you’ve written so far: ahh okay not to like. toot my own horn kgfldg but this question is HARD bc i have a lot of favorites. i’m going to pick a favorite from each of my main fandoms i’ve written for because i’m an Indecisive Hoe okay fdjdf.

- From Marvel: Just Called To Say I Love You this one is my wrong number stucky fic and i actually adore this one so much, and also it actually ended up being WAY more popular than i expected it to? like i was lowkey shook by how many people liked it

- From Skam: If You Love Me, If You Hate Me so. about this one. it’s probably my favorite skam fic that i’ve written. but. it also is the utter bane of my existence bc this is the one and only fic i have ever written and posted that i haven’t fnished gskgjfdlfs. it’s going on soon to be a little over 2 years of sitting on my account as an unfinished wip, but i REFUSE to mark it as abandoned bc i really genuienly DO want to finish it, i just havent written for this fandom in a while and inspiration/motivation is tricky yknow? but anyways. this fic is my soccer au!! it was a gift for a secret santa exchange i believe to a dear friend of mine and i still feel awful that i never finished it but. one day!!

- From Love Simon/Simon vs.: Where I Like You Best i am actually obsessed with this one. is that weird to say about your own fic? i enjoy reading a good soulmate au, but writing them has always been SO daunting to me bc i never feel like my ideas are original enough or like things that havent been done a lot for that trope. but for this one!!! omg i found the BEST prompt for it and it fit these characters SO well and i wrote it and i ended up absolutely loving how it turned out, and i was so proud of myself for writing a pretty successful soulmate au.

- From Shameless: Wooden Floors, Walls, and Window Sills so this one was my second ever gallavich fic, and it’s probably my favorite because i think it’s the best characterization i got of them in all of my fics, and good characterization is one of the most important things to me when i write fic.

- From IT: To What We Might Do is my favorite reddie fic i’ve written! i definitely projected onto richie a teeny tiny bit in it for some parts lmfao, but yeah idk i just love how this one turned out a whole lot, and i enjoyed how i ended it too (esp since endings can be very difficult for me lol). ((BUT also a special shoutout to my fic Imagine Me and You, I Do bc that one is just pure fluff and i adore the concept of someone being just so absolutely in love with someone doing something so incredibly simple and it just rocks their world)

- From Good Omens: I Want To Know What Love Is (did i use the most cheesy title ever? absolutely. do i love it? absolutely.) anyways this fic is one where crowley the demon experiences love and promptly thinks he’s dying.

Fic you were nervous to post: ooh, i mean i’m always pretty anxious about any fic i post because i never know if it’s going to be recepted well or if people are going to like it or hate it or if anyone is even going to read it or repsond to it. especially if the fic is a gift for someone, because i just really want that person to like it yknow? but yeah idk if theres one in particular i was more nervous to post than any others... i guess maybe any smut fic? just bc i never know if the smut is even any good lol

How do you choose your titles?: eaaaaasy, i usually pick song lyrics lol, ocassionally i’ve used lines from a poem, and a few times i’ve gone with a pun, but mostly it’s song lyrics. i usually find a song with lyrics that i think will fit, or if there’s a particular song that vibes well with the fic or that i listened to repeatedly while writing the fic i’ll try to pick the best lyric from that one.

Do you outline?: yes and no lol. it honestly depends. sometimes i outline extensively, but other times i just sit in front of a doc and let whatever happens happen.

Complete: on my ao3 account i have 80 works completed (will be 81 once i finally finish that one single unfinished wip i have posted gahhh). but i know in my wips folder i have a at least one finished fic that i have not and probably will not post. there are also some other things in my wips folder that like technically could be conisdered finished too, but it’s not up to my posting standards so until i fix it so it is it’ll just sit there lol.

In-Progress: honestly there are too many to count lol. i have a shiiiiiit ton of wips (as yall will know if you saw that one ‘tell us about ALL your wips’ tag game post that was going around that i did lol).

Coming soon/not yet started: tbh see above answer bc it’s pretty much the same lol.

Prompts?: so the thing about prompts is that i would LOVE to take them, but it’s very very tricky bc i’m a super specific kind of gal and if i don’t vibe with the prompt it’s very difficult for me to write anything for it. but then there’s also the fact that inspiration/motivation are fickle bitches and they come and go as they please and so taking prompts is hard bc i never know if the stars will align and all that jazz for me to be in the ~ right mood ~ to work on a prompt. this is the exact reason why i have SO MANY sitting in my inbox right now, and i feel so bad for just letting them sit there but ughhh brain function?? how?? lol

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: sooooo i don’t necessarily have any specific works in progress right now (i’ve been so busy lately that writing has been the last thing on my mind and so i haven’t touched anything in weeks) but. i guess if i can ever get my shit together and finish the primo fic i’m close to finishing i’m pretty excited to post that! or honestly if i can actually get myself to finish any of the tog wips i have i’d be suuuper excited to post any of those bc i have not yet posted any tog fics!!

anways!! if you made it to this point thanks for sticking w me and reading through my long winded rambly answers lmao

Tagging: @peachykoya @wandering-scholar-lad @raynertodd @cluelessheroes @pinesboi @thewolvesrunwild @1derspark

#tag game #my wips #mack writes

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chickensarentcheap · 5 years ago

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Sanctuary -Chapter 42

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @thunderintheshadows, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @valkyrie-of-the-light

Despite the suffocating humidity and sweltering heat, it's a relief to get out of the hotel. She'd spent the last three days confined within the four walls of their room, trying desperately to keep her mind off of not only what happened at McMann's house, but the terrifying consequences that followed. Plagued by incessant worry about the safety and well being of the kids, waiting on pins and needless for the random and all to brief updates that Ovi would send throughout the day. And now the torturous minutes and hours before the IRA would get back to them with their decision. The fates of the McMann kids...and their own...in the hands of the very kind of people that Tyler went into battle against while on the job. It's a nauseating turn of events; having to put all of your faith and hope into individuals known world wide for the brutal acts. To trust them to save lives instead of ending them.

Tanis sticks tight to her side. It was the one and only stipulation that she'd had to agree to for a short couple hours of freedom; the other woman could not leave her side, and under no circumstances was she to wander off on her own. Not even if it was only a couple feet away. There was no telling who was a threat now; with McMann and the Buckmans working together, their reach is incredibly long and they have endless resources and people at their disposal. If she wanted to get outside and attempt to function as a 'normal' member of society, she had to have protection at all times. Tanis is pleasant enough; talkative, articulate, educated on a wide variety of subjects that helps keep conversation lively and fresh. Tall and athletically built; broad shoulders and fit, well toned muscles, her blond hair cropped short to her head in a stylish and modern pixie, dazzling green eyes that are constantly taking in the people and the action around them. She doesn't carry herself with an unabashed cockiness that most Marines do; her posture is loose instead of rigid, she smiles often, she doesn't puff out of her chest in an attempt to intimate anyone that so as much looks in their direction. To the untrained eyed, they'd appear as if they were just two friends out for a day on the town; chatting and laughing, bags of shopping on their arms. But Esme knew the truth. Which the woman is really there. And she knows that there's gun tucked into a holster on Tanis' right hip, hidden under the baggy white t-shirt she sports. This is a job. Nothing more, nothing less. Once it's over, they'll each go back to their separate lives. It's the way things have to be; you don't fraternize with the client. All ties cut the moment the job is finished and money has exchanged hands. It's easier that way. No bonds formed, no feelings hurt.

Ovi is an exception to the rule. He'd needed further protection; he wasn't safe in Mumbai, not with his father in prison, Saju dead, and Asif's associates looking for payback. And most importantly, he'd needed a chance at a real life. He'd needed to know what it was like to part of a family. To have people that respect and love him. For far too long he'd gone through life being treated like a thing instead of a person, and it had been a difficult adjustment for him. Going from having 'handlers' and paid help to having parent figures and siblings. It had been a struggle for him to adapt; their rules were incredibly lax compared to those that had been placed upon him in Mumbai, but they were still things that were expected of him. And he'd struggled to go from the rigidly strict to the rather relaxed and casual. It wasn't just a chance of scenery, but an entirely different change of pace and a way of life. No private schools, no chauffeurs taking him place to place. He had set curfew but was allowed to have friends; he could go to the mall, take in a movie, hang out a park. He no longer had people hovering over him and dictating his every move. And as much as he'd hated that life...his old life, it had still been hard to not be controlled in such fashion.

It had been good to talk to him that morning. He'd sounded tired, but he was happy. Secured in his ability to keep himself, Chloe and the kids safe. There was no evidence of fear or uncertainty in his voice. The trust that Tyler had placed him had been an enormous ego boost; he was confident, resolved, with no worries about who may be following them or may try to get to the kids. He would handle it. Those were his exact words. Whatever...whoever...came their way, he wasn't the least bit afraid. A stark change from the slightly immature and self conscious kid that they'd left behind almost two weeks ago. And it was the first time since Tyler had told her that he'd put Ovi in charge of their kids that she'd felt truly confident in his decision.

“Forgive me for asking this,” Tanis says, as they wander through the main shopping district; sipping smoothies and chatting like old friends. “And I hope I don't come off to personal or sounding rude.”

“I live with five males, I have been asked an obscene amount of personal questions and pretty much heard every possible rude comment under the sun in the past five and a half years,” Esme grins. “I have two four year old's that are obsessed with fart jokes and think the word 'ass' is the funniest thing they've ever heard. Do you know what that's like? That much 'boy' in one house? I mean, my husband has enough testosterone for half the planet, I swear. Never mind adding in his three mini me's and a teenage boy.”

Tanis laughs. “My parents had all girls. I'm the last of five. I thought that was hell to grow up in.”

“Oh don't get me wrong, I would take five girls over one boy any day. My girl has been a walk in the park compared to raising boys. I mean, she's full of attitude and piss and vinegar, but she's been so easy. She picked up everything so quick and she's been always so eager to learn new things. And she's obsessed with cleanliness and tidiness. But the boys? Oh my god. How do they get pee everywhere? Are they not paying attention? Are they waving it around like firehouse? How does it get on the floor, the baseboards and the wall but none in the actual toilet? Ughhh...” she shudders. “...that's why I won't clean the bathrooms anymore. That's a man's job. So gross.”

“Sounds like there's never a dull moment at your place,” Tanis grins.

“It's a zoo. I'm not even joking. It's mess and it's noise and it's utter chaos. But at the same time, it's awesome. It's our mess and our noise and our chaos. You get used to it. And you miss it when it's gone. This last week and a half has been hell. Not being under the same roof as them. Not being able to hug them and kiss them and tuck them in at night. I complain about the craziness, but I miss it. As weird as that sounds.”

“That doesn't sound weird to me. That sounds pretty normal, actually. This will all be over. This whole nightmare. And we'll get you back home. Where you belong.”

Esme gives a smile of appreciation. The words have a nice sentiment behind them, but there's still so much that has be done. So much risk involved. And she tries to push those thoughts out of her mind. Not wanting to think about what could go wrong, but what will go right. “What did you want to ask me?” she inquires, as she sips at the smoothie in her hand. It's about all she can stomach. If that. Nothing has been staying down despite the anti nausea (and baby safe) medication a local pharmacist had recommended her. It's always been bad; fatigue and all day sickness (never mind just the morning), but it's never been this bad.

“How the hell did you ever wind up with Mark? Because he's a bit of a...”

“Douche canoe?”

“Well I was going to say prick, but douche canoe works too. I mean, he's my boss and I have to respect while on the clock and in his presence, but what the fuck is his issue? He's a total ass wipe.”

“And this is him being friendly and diplomatic if you can believe that. This is his good and charming side. Wait until you get to meet the rest of him. It's a real treat. To say the least.”

“How did you ever end up with him? You seem so...I don't know...normal...”

Esme laughs. “Don't ever let Tyler hear you say. He can tell you that I am far from normal.”

“Mark is just so...Mark...and you're just so...you. You're just both so different from one another. He treats everyone like shit and you seem so welcoming and friendly with people. I find it hard to believe that someone like you would even get mixed up with such a complete and utter tool.”

“He talked a good game when I first met him. I hadn't been in the Corps for very long. I didn't have much life experience under my belt. And suddenly this older guy showing interest in me. He was mature, charming, he had a very authoritative way about him that was strangely appealing. He was my commanding officer, so there was that whole rush you get when you know you're going against the rules and there will be hell to pay if you get caught. I was young. Inexperienced. And stupid. So very, very stupid.”

“Is it true he let a stewardess give him a blow job in the plane bathroom on the way back from your honeymoon?”

“Sadly, yes. That's one hundred percent true. I should have just dumped his ass when that happened. Got the marriage annulled. But he swore he'd never do anything like that again and it was just a 'one off' and he got all that kind of behaviour out of his system. So I believed him. Stupid little naive girl that I was.”

“So it got worse instead of better?”

'Not right away. It got better. And it stayed that way for about eight months and then he just went off the deep end. He'd gotten back from Iraq and was having a hard time with some of the things he saw and heard over there. Which, don't get me wrong. I get. That shit fucks with your head. There's even things now that still bother me. Images and sounds and smells that come back out of nowhere. But he went right off the reservation. It's like something inside him snapped and he couldn't hold back his true self any longer. I should have left right away...the first time he ever hit me...but...” she shrugs.

“People think it's so easy. That it's as simple as just packing your things and walking out. That it's not. Nothing is ever that simple.”

“You've been through it too?”

Tanis nods. “My ex husband was the exact same. He was a narcissist. And a sociopath. A violent one. I stayed for three years. I lost everything because of him. My friends, my family. They didn't understand why I didn't just walk away. I tried explaining to them that it wasn't that easy, but they didn't get it.”

“People don't if they haven't lived through it themselves,” Esme reasons. “I used to be one of those people. Who used to judge the women for not leaving. Then I became one of those women. It woke me the hell up right quick, let me tell you. I put up with his shit for two and a half years. And in a way, I'm still putting up with that. That crap never leaves you. It stays in the back of your mind. All the horrible things they've said. All the times they've told you that weren't good enough or that no one could ever possibly love you because of how messed up you are, or that someone could never love you the way they do. You think you've gotten over it, but you haven't. It's always there.”

“And then when you do meet someone and are happy, all those come out and work against you. And you listen to them. And you believe them.”

“Exactly. It's a vicious circle. It's a horrible existence. And it takes someone really strong and really patient to help you deal with all of that.”

“You found that though,” Tanis smile. “Someone like that. You're one of the lucky ones.”

“I have put that man through hell. Or my brain has, I should say. I have snapped and said some horrible, horrible shit to him. I think about some of the things I've said to him and I want to crawl into a hole and die. Tyler has his issues, don't get me wrong. He is far from perfect. But he sure as hell doesn't deserve the things I've said to him. But he sticks around. Shockingly.”

“Because he knows that's not you saying the things you say. He knows it's what you've been through. And he loves you. Anyone can see that. It really burns Mark's ass you know,” Tanis chuckles. “Seeing the two of you together. The one the two of you look at one another. He can not handle it.”

“That's because he's such a miserable fuck, he expects everyone else to be too. Can you believe my own mother stayed friends with him? Knowing what he'd put me through? How messed up is that? She loves Mark but hates Tyler because he's the one took me away from my home and forced me stay in Australia and blah blah blah. That is her sole reasoning for not liking him. Yet Mark is a total sleaze ball who gets off on hitting women and she loves him. “

“She sounds just as messed up as Mark.”

“You think? She's a real piece of work. And now Nik is hooked with him? Of all people that I thought would be smarter than that, it's her. She is far from being a stupid woman. Or a weak one. Yet she chooses to be with him? Ughhh...” Esme shudders dramatically. “...if that isn't enough to make me puke, I don't know what is. And believe me, I don't need any extra reasons to puke. Do you have kids?”

“No. But I haven't completely ruled them out. I'm in a good place with my life right now. I've met a pretty good guy. We're taking things slow, but...”

“Zak, right?”

“How'd you...?”

“It's all in the way he looks at you. The way he watches you when you talk. That little smile he has when you walk into the room. It must be a guy thing. Maybe they're better at expressing it with their faces than they are with their words. Tyler gets so embarrassed if someone brings up 'the look'. And he tries denying its mere existence, but it's there. Whether he wants to admit it or not. He doesn't like to talk about those things. But let me just say this, he's not always a hard ass. He's got a soft side to him, and a huge heart. But whatever you do, do not tell him I told you that. He will deny, deny, deny and I'll never hear the end of it.”

“I know Mark's my boss and I should probably watch the things I say out of respect for him, but...”

“No. Speak your mind, girl. You probably don't have anything to say about him that I haven't said a million times myself.”

“...you really traded up the second time around. Like you went from here...” she holds her hand just below her waist “....to here...” she raises her hand way above her head. “...and I totally didn't mean that to represent the difference in size, but I guess it's appropriate. You went from like grade F beef to like Triple grade A.”

“The difference is night and day. In every respect. And that's what makes thing even more screwed up. Because your brain believed everything some asshole said, so you have no idea how to even let someone love you. You're so used to being treated like garbage that when a decent guy comes along, you don't know how to deal with him. You expect the worst, get the best ,and then you don't know what to do with it.”

“So you get scared and push it away,” Tanis concludes.

“Exactly. And believe me, I pushed long and hard for a while. And he refused to budge. He just tried even harder. And believe me, there were many times he could have told me to go fuck myself and taken off and he would have had every right to do it. But he never did. He's a stubborn shit, let me tell you. Which is probably why he didn't die that day on the bridge in Dhaka. Everything has be on Tyler's terms. It's your way or his way. There is no in between. He has to be in control. I guess he figured he hadn't lost all control yet so why give up?”

Tanis smiles. “Something tells me you had something to do with it to. I mean, you stuck around for a guy you barely knew.”

“Well the sex was amazing and I wasn't ready to let that go yet. I wasn't finished using him for his body yet.”

The other woman laughs at that.

“In all honesty, I did what I dd because I wanted to. Because it felt like the right thing to do. He was in that mess because of me. Well Ovi, too. But if he hadn't have kept us around, he wouldn't have gotten out of there and not ended up as fucked up as he was. Sometimes I wonder if he regrets it. That he did decide to keep us around. If he wishes he'd listened to Nik and just left us in the street. I mean, he wouldn't have all the issues that he has now if he had have ditched us.”

“I have a feeling that he never even considered the ditching you guys part.”

“He says he didn't. That it was never an option. But I couldn't really blame him if he thought about it at least once. It's all about survival right? Self preservation? Sometimes the only person you can worry and care about is yourself.”

“It must have been hard. The aftermath. Of Dhaka.”

“It was...” she fidgets with the straw in her drink, pulling it up, pushing it back down, trying to find the appropriate words to describe exactly what it had been like. Without completely losing her grip on her own emotions. She's normally a sensitive person to begin with, but now the hormones have decided to cause havoc within her body and even the smallest of dirty looks from someone have her ready to burst into tears. Just that morning she'd had a meltdown because the mint of the hotel toothpaste was 'too strong'.

“...hard...” she says. “It was hard. To see someone like that. All the tubes and all the wires and bandages and stitches and what not. He was a mess. He should not have survived that. Even the doctors told me when they took him to surgery when we first got there that they didn't think he'd even get off the table alive. And he almost didn't. He coded three times. They said if there had been fourth, they wouldn't even have bothered to bring him back. That the lack of oxygen would have led to a catastrophic brain injury.”

It's painful to relive it. Even more painful than those moments on the bridge when she'd fought to keep him alive. The agonizingly long wait in the OR family are; that bloody and torn tactical vest clutched tightly to her chest. The one that she'd nonsensically tried to scrub clean in one of the public bathrooms because he 'might need it again'. The doom and the gloom that had been in the surgeon's voice and in all the voices of the doctors and specialists that had come and gone through his room in the ICU. Not one of them believed he would make it. The blood loss was too severe. The damage too great. He'd never be the man he was before. Maybe not even a fraction of it. And the more they tried to prepare her to say goodbye, the tighter she held on.

“And I know that sounds weird because I'd just met him and there's no way I should have ever felt that strongly about him so soon...” she continues. “...but I can't explain it. I can't explain what I felt. I just know I felt it. And I wasn't ready to let him go. We had too much to look forward to. Plans we made. We were legitimately going to work at things and see where we really stood in each others lives. If there was more to it than those five days in Dhaka. But we never got the chance. It didn't go the way we wanted it to.”

“But things worked out,” Tanis reasons. “In the long run. It might have been what you had planned, but they still worked out. Look how far you guys have come. From that day until now.”

“Yeah, he's still trying to solve everyone else's problems and getting hurt doing it.”

“I don't mean in that way. As in the job. He made it out of that hospital. Even when all logic and even science said he shouldn't. He survived that and now look. You're married, you've got amazing kids, one on the way...” she gives a smile, and pats Esme on the tummy. “...it's a great life. Even if doesn't seem that way sometimes.”

“Yeah. It is actually,” she agrees, and then smiles as she lays her own hand on her stomach. It will be a while before her body starts to visibly change. She'd been nearly twenty weeks before even the slightest bit of a bump began to show with Millie. The twins had shown earlier, obviously. And Declan had just been enormous right from the start. He was easily going to be over six feet tall by the time he hit his teen years, and probably built like a linebacker.

“Last one?” Tanis asked, nodding down at Esme's stomach.

“Oh hell yeah. This is it. I thought we were done at three. At least we agreed to stop at three. After the twins, we were done. That was it. Declan was a complete and total shock. We were actually using birth control and that kid still made his appearance. So if anything was meant to be, it's him. And then we decided why not one more , and well, it happened a lot sooner than we thought it would, but it happened.”

“I like to think things like this happen for a reason,” Tanis says. “Everything says that your Declan shouldn't be here. In the same way that doctors and science and all rational logic say hat Tyler shouldn't be here. But they both are.”

“When you put it that way, maybe I should play the lottery. With those kinds of odds running in my house,” Esme muses. “I know how lucky I am. That Tyler even survived. I saw how bad he was; the amount of blood he lost. He honestly probably should have never made it off the bridge alive. And sometimes I think it take it for granted that he did. That I take him for granted. I'm just so used to him being around that I sometimes forget how close it came to him not being around.”

“I think we're all guilty of that. Taking the people in our lives with granted. Their presence for granted.”

“Makes me feel like a shitty human when I think about it. All the times where he's annoyed the shit out of me and wish he would go away and leave me alone. What if I wished those things and it happened? What if the last words I ever said to him were awful? If I actually let him walk out the door without telling him I love him. Imagine having to spend the rest of your life with that kind of guilt?”

“It's why we can't let a day go by without telling people how we feel about them,” Tanis says. “We have to live each day with someone as if it's the last we'll ever spend with them”

****

She's startled to see him when she arrives back at the hotel; there are still two hours before his meeting with McMann and he hadn't planned on returning until after it was over. So it's a nice surprise...and a huge relief...to see him there lounging in the middle of the middle. Leaning back against the headboard with those long legs stretched out in front of him, his hand clasped at the back of his neck, his eyes closed. He doesn't respond to the sound of the door opening and closing; not a single muscle twitching throughout his body or in his face. Chest slowly rising and falling with each steady breath he takes. And she ditches her shopping bags and purse in the closet by the door and kicks off her shoes, bare feet against the soft carpet as she wanders further into the room. The mattress dipping slightly as she climbs onto it, shuffling on her knees towards him and then climbing into his lap, a knee on either side of him, arms around his torso and head resting on his shoulder. She closes her own eyes; he's warm and soothing, his body hard and strong, his familiar scent still intoxicating after all these years.. And when she sighs against him he finally moves; turning his face towards hers and pressing a kiss to her forehead, both arms wrapping around her.

“Hi,” she says, voice muffled against the side of his neck.

'Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I'm staying in this room too,” he playfully reminds her.

“You weren't supposed to be back until later.”

“Well I came back early.”

“Why?”

“Because I missed you and wanted to see you.”

He can feel her smile against his throat. “That's a very good reason,” she declares, a places a kiss to the scar that mars his neck; the one that will forever serve as a reminder to just how close he'd come to ceasing to exist.

“The best reason,” he says, his palm moving in slow, smooth circles in the middle of her back. “Did you eat something?” He can't help himself; his protective nature is coming out in full force. It's bad enough when it's just her he's worrying about and trying to keep safe, but now there's a baby inside of her and he has twice as much to lose.

“A little bit. What your spawn will let me keep me down.”

“When we get home and we get you into a doctor you can go on that medicine you were on the last time. It helped, yeah? You didn't puke that much with Declan.”

“It was a life saver,” she confirms. “You smell good.”

“You wouldn't have said that a half an hour ago, trust me.”

“Even on your worst days you don't smell that bad. I kind of like how you smell. Even on your stinky days.”

“You smell good too...” he turns his face towards her, nose against her temple. “...strawberries?”

“Your favourite.”

“Yeah...” he grins. “...they are.”

She relaxes against him; the curves of her body soft and supple against firm muscle. She keeps her eyes closed; unable to look at that scar for too long. Normally it doesn't bother her; it serves as a daily reminder that he is still alive and she is lucky to have him. But today it hurts; it cuts deep and vicious and she can't bear it.

“Where were you when you called?” she asks. “Your cell reception sucked.”

“That's why I hung up and sent you a text message instead.”

“Where were you?”

“Just had a team meeting. With Yaz, Mark, and his guys. In an industrial park about ten minutes from town. We didn't want to take the chance that the wrong people saw us all together.”

“Makes sense.”

“Did Mark call you?”

She hears the tension in his voice, feels the way his muscles tighten, how that vein in the side of his throat begins to pulsate. “No. Why? Should he have called?”

“I thought maybe he would. To rat on me. We sort of got into a thing.”

“Yeah?” she runs her fingernails along his hair line at the nape of his neck. “Did you finally beat his ass?”

“Not as much as I would have liked to, no. I think I broke his nose though.”

“Well considering you could have broken his neck, a broken nose is pretty tame. What did you get into it about?”

“What do you think?”

“Awww baby....” she pushes her hand through his hair; letting the longer strands on top slip between her fingers. “...were you defending my honour? My knight in slightly tarnished armour.”

“I said some things I probably shouldn't have said. But I fucking snapped and it all just came out. He's just so fucking ignorant and smug and everyone thinks he's this great guy. Which makes me hate him even more. So I lost it. Said some shit I shouldn't have said in front of other people. About you and him.”

“I'm sure whatever you said, he had it coming. So...”

“It wasn't my place to say those things. About you. I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut. But he just pissed me so bad and...”

“Tyler...” she pulls back to look at him, holding his face in her hands. “...I don't care what you said. It's things that should have been said a long time ago, I'm sure. It's probably things he needed to hear. And if you just so happened to punch him in the face while saying those things...”

“It was an elbow, actually.”

“I'm not going to be upset at you for sticking up for me. Everything I told you about him...about all the things he did...it was all true. So I don't mind those words being out in the open now. Maybe now that someone has finally brought them up and holding him accountable for his shit, he'll straighten himself out. You know he's seeing Nik right?”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“It doesn't bother you?”

“I think she can do a hell of a lot better.”

“You don't think it's weird that my ex is doing whatever with your ex?”

“She is not my ex.”

“Well maybe not an ex girlfriend, but she's an ex something.”

“Putting it that way means I have a lot of exes out there.”

“You dirty boy,” she winks at him. “No wonder you know how to do things you do. You have lot of practice under your belt. All those different women in all those different cities. Do you have a score sheet somewhere?”

“It's not that many. But hey, a man has needs, so...” he shrugs.

“I guess you don't like studying alone that much after all,” she teases, and he gives a scowl and then wraps one arm around waist, lifts her into his chest and then dumps her onto her back in the middle of the bed. “Is this where you punish me?” she inquires, as he kneels between her thighs and leans over her, a hand on either side of her head, outstretched arms bearing his weight. “Is there where I get in trouble for being a smart ass?”

Tyler shakes his head, then places a chaste kiss to her lips before sliding down the bed; fingertips gentle as he pulls up the bottom of her t-shirt, pushes down the waistband of her shorts and then presses his lips to her stomach. Where their baby...his baby...is safe and secure. And it's a moment that is so pure and so beautiful...a moment of vulnerability from such a big, strong, brave man...that it brings tears to her eyes.

“Baby...” she reaches down to push his hair out of his eyes. “...are you okay?”

He nods.

“You don't seem...I don't know...you.”

“I'm fine,” he assures her, giving her that that half frown, half smile that reveals that he is in fact, not fine at all. And his hands are on her hips as he rests his forehead against her stomach.

“Tyler...” she tugs at his hair, forcing him to look up at her. “...what's going on? And don't say nothing. Because I can tell there's something happening inside that brain of yours.”

He attempts another smile. This one a little brighter and reassuring. “You know how I get. Right before shit's about to go down.”

“No. This isn't that. You don't act like this. You're quiet and sullen and broody when you're going into a job. This is different. You're different.”

“I love you,” he says. “So much. I need you to know that.”

“Tyler...” she frowns. “...what is going on?”

“Say it,” he pleads. “I need to hear you say it.”

“I love you too. You know I do. Tell me what's wrong. I can tell something is wrong.”

“I just wanted you to know that. That I love you. You know, just in case.”

“Don't talk like that. Please. I don't want to hear you talk like that.”

“There's something I need to do. Something I can't tell you about. It's better that you don't know. I need you to trust me. That what I'm going to do, I'm doing for you. And the baby. For our kids. I don't want you to ask me about it. Because I can't tell you. It's for your own good. And for mine.”

“Tyler...what...?”

“Just trust me, okay? I need you to trust me. That this is the way things have to be done. I wouldn't do it unless it needed to be done. Just know that it's for you and my kids.”

“You're scaring me. What's going on?”

“I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I want to tell you. But I can't. I'm so sorry, Esme.”

She see the tears that well in his eyes, hears the emotion that causes his voice to crack. “You're going to be okay, right? At least tell me you're going to be okay.”

“I'll be okay,” he promises, pressing one last kiss to her stomach before moving up the bed, once more kneeling between her thighs as he takes her face her hands and kisses her. Long and soft. Heart breakingly sweet. “I'll be okay.”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #chris hemsworth character #extraction #sanctuary

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maylovexhs · 5 years ago

Text

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

In which Y/N finds herself and Harry pays the cost.

Final Part to Two Ghosts

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

APRIL 2019

*HARRY’S POV*

“Lovers forever face to face, my city your mountains. Stay with me, stay” I sang out loud. “I need you to love me. I need you today. Give to me your leather, take from me my lace”

I looked to the side, taking a glance of Y/N. She held up a Polaroid camera to her face, pointing the vintage camera towards me. I looked away from Y/N, keeping my eyes on the road again. I smiled to myself.

My Y/N. My darling love, Y/N. God, I was in love with her. Helplessly fucking in love with her. So, fucking helpless in love I practically worshipped the floor she walked on.

I was head over heels for her, the head over heels love I saw in all those romantic comedies growing up. I was the crazy fool for her, crazy enough to want to spend every little moment with her and write them all in a book like my favorite writers did. I was hopelessly aching for her, aching like Elvis, John and Van sang for their loves. I was in love with her. I was in love with Y/N and somehow that was everything.

I heard the Polaroid camera click. I stared straight on the road ahead, continuing to drive as the sun shined down on us.

“You’re beautiful” I heard Y/N say. “You’re glowing in the sun”

I took a glance at her. She was examining the Polaroid picture. Wind was blowing through her hair. She looked from the picture to me, catching each other. I looked back to the road.

“You should take one of yourself” I told her. “For me to keep”

“So, you can add another one to your collection?” Y/N said to me. “How much do you have of me, by the way? I know you take photos of me while I sleep”

I looked back at her, seeing she moved closer to me. I set my free hand on her thigh. I looked to the empty road.

“Just about enough so I won’t be that lonely without you” I said. “You and those pictures are what keep me sane when we are miles apart”

I felt Y/N hold my hand in hers. She held my hand.

“I think you mean I drive you insane” Y/N said.

I smirked to myself.

“That too” I said.

She did drive me insane and at the same time, made me feel sane. She complemented and completed me in ways no one else could. No one especially all my past lovers. After all the heartache and disappointments I had with love, I didn’t think I would ever find someone. I did try. I tried desperately. As much as I stayed with Camille and as much I kept running back to Kendall, they never gave me what I needed. Well, I did feel something for the both of them but it wasn’t enough for me. It wasn’t until I met Y/N. Y/N, she was more than enough to me. Like I said before, she was everything.

I felt Y/N’s soft lips around my fingers. I looked to her immediately. She had two of my fingers in her mouth, sucking on them. I looked back, trying to focus on my driving instead her little pretty mouth.

“You’re gonna regret doing that when we get back to the hotel” I told her.

I felt my fingers slip from of Y/N’s lips.

“Are you sure about that?” I heard Y/N ask.

I looked back at her for one last time. I nodded at her. I stared back to the road, smiling to myself.

“Absolutely”

October 1, 2019.

I sat up on the bed, waking up in a sweat. I rubbed my eyes, trying to find my sense of reality. I looked to the clock that hanged on the bedroom wall.

1:18 AM.

I sighed, laying back down in bed. My sweaty hair fell on my forehead. I brushed it back with my fingers. My hair tie disappeared some point during the night. Again.

I sat up in bed again. I flipped over the pillow, searching for my hair tie. Nothing. I looked underneath my covers. Nothing. I peeked over the side of my bed. I bit my lip. It was on the floor. It was on the floor and I was too exhausted to pick it up. I squinted at the hair tie on the floor. It had to be done.

I bent over my bed and picked it up. I knew I was being over dramatic over something small but I couldn’t help it. I was restless for the past few weeks. Nervous. Probably nervous I was putting out my new single but it felt more than that.

I tied my hair up in a little bun. I laid back down in my bed again, covering myself with the blanket. I stared up at the ceiling.

I felt unsafe. I was safe, physically safe. I hired more bodyguards to protect me from any more stalkers or crazy fans. I made sure that I would be safe in all physical ways possible. I just felt unsafe in general. Unsafe because I felt alone. Alone in a world filled with chaos. I knew how dangerous the world could be at times. Books I read showed it. The news I watch showed it will never stop. I knew I couldn’t control what goes on in the world. I wished I could but I couldn’t. Well, I could help but through small acts only. I always believed helping each other in small acts is how to change the world. My point is I felt so powerless and alone as I watched the world go up in flames. However, I felt more safe when I had someone by my side. Not to seem morbid, but I thought having someone by your side while the world was going crazy was the most intimate thing. It’s like being in a bubble with someone else. No matter how scary outside the bubble looks like, I have a feeling everything is going to be okay because I’m not alone. I’m not alone in my bubble. I have someone who knows how I feel. I have someone who understands me in it. We both feel the same in it. That’s the thing about relationships. They make you feel safe. Safe from anything because you’re never alone. That’s the greatest feeling in the world.

I miss having that feeling.

I miss Y/N.

I looked back at the clock again. 1:20 AM.

I let out a sigh before getting up from bed. I walked out my bedroom and to the living room. I opened a cabinet and took out the box of photos. I sat on the floor, scrambling through the photos of Y/N.

It’s been months since we broke up. Three months to be exact. I’ve been meaning to give her back her photos but every time I tried to, I couldn’t. I tried calling her but I always hung up before she answered. I wanted to talk to her. I really did but at the same time I didn’t. I love Y/N with all my heart, I really do. I would do anything in a heartbeat to make her happy. I would but I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I didn’t. I didn’t give her what she needed when we were together yet she gave me what I needed.

What I felt for her was stronger than I had for anyone else but I made her feel worse about herself when I wasn’t supposed to. I wish I realized that when we were together. I wish I realized that sooner so I could have done something. But I couldn’t fix the past. Y/N gave me everything I needed in our relationship. She made me feel like I wasn’t alone. That what I needed the most. Now, I had to give her what she needed the most. Space.She said she needed space to find out who she was. She lost who she was in my world and for that I had to stay away from her. It was the most I could do for her now. I love Y/N even if it meant staying away and waiting for her to return back to me. This was for the best. I still felt hurt but this was for the best. It had to be.

I stopped flickering through the pictures, stopping to look at a picture of us. I remember taking this photo. I remember the day we took this photo. My cousin’s wedding. I was one of the best men and Y/N was wearing her best dress. Y/N met all my family that day. My mother took the photo of us. I remember because of how my mother pulled me aside right after that photo. We talked how Y/N fit in with our family. She joked wondering when our wedding would be. I brought it up to Y/N later that night when I danced with her. We asked little “what ifs” about our future that night. We were in our own world. We were in our own little bubble.

I bit my lip, becoming overwhelmed. I put the photos back in the box.

This was for the best. It had to be for the best, right?

October 20, 2019.

*Y/N’S POV*

“Ughhh” I complained, touching my head. “Brain freeze”

Luka laughed at me.

“It’s not funny” I told him. “This is torture”

“Sorry” Luka said. “You look cute when you make that face”

A smile grew on my lips. The pain got less.

“Thanks” I said. “I’m paying the price to be cute. The bottom of the cup is too cold”

Luka took my spoon and scooped some ice cream from the bottom of the cup. He ate it.

“Mhmm” Luka said. “Not that cold. We’re getting you soft ice cream next time”

“Next time?” I asked him. “When?”

“Next week” Luka said. “Actually, no, Halloween”

“Halloween?” I asked, smiling. “Halloween out of all days?”

“Yup” Luka smirked at me. “Trick or treat. We’re getting a treat”

I chuckled at his dumb joke.

“Fair enough” I said.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never coming around

My smile disappeared, hearing a familiar voice. His voice. Harry.

I looked up at the ceiling, seeing a speaker above me.

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Runnin' through my heart

Lights up and they know who you are

Know who you are

Do you know who you are?

I looked back to Luka who was looking at the ceiling too.

“What?” Luka asked me. “You don’t like the song?”

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

“Oh, I do” I said, getting up from the chair.

Shine, I'm not ever going back

I walked over to the trash bin and threw the ice cream cup out.

“Shall we go?” I asked him.

Luka stood up from the chair. We walked out of the shop with him holding the door for me. I held his hand as we walked down the sidewalk together.

Oh, Luka. He was a dream. A dream I wish I could be in forever. When I broke up with Harry, word got around I was back in New York for good. I began to get in touch with my old friends. Luka happened to be the brother of one of those friends. His sister, Zoya, and I were close in college. I would occasionally visit her house and bump into Luka sometimes. Back in those days, I thought nothing of him. He was the big brother of my friend, that’s it. However since I came back to New York, things changed.

I had to admit I did miss Harry. How could I not? I loved him. I still do. But I was better off without him. I got too lost in his world and placed his needs over mine that I lost love for myself. I didn’t know who I was with him. I had to leave to find out and Luka was helping me. I was at ease with Luka. I felt like myself, like who I was before Harry. I didn’t feel like I had to hide anything. I was happy. Again.

“You think fifteen dates is too early to bring home to meet my parents?” Luka asked me.

“What?” I asked, snapping back to reality.

“Fifteen dates.” Luka said. “Too early to meet the parents?”

“Fifteen dates?” I asked him. “You’ve been counting”

“Maybe” Luka said.

I blushed.

“No, I don’t think it’s too early” I told him. “And I already did meet them. Zoya introduced me”

“Yeah but you didn’t meet-meet them” Luka said.

I laughed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked him.

“I mean, you haven’t had dinner with them” Luka explained. “You hadn’t have them interrogate you about your future”

I rolled my eyes at him.

“Fine” I said. “I’d love to meet-meet your parents. Maybe the day after Halloween”

Luka smirked at me.

“The day after Halloweeen” He said. “Deal, softie”

I smiled at him.

Luka. Treated me better than Harry. Better for me.

HALLOWEEN.

“Here ya go, milady” Luka handed me a drink.

“Thank you, darling” I said to him.

Zoya and Aly rolled their eyes at us.

“Yup” Zoya said. “Can’t erase that from my head”

“You two get more annoying each second” Aly said.

I stuck my tongue out at them. I looked to Luka.

I say we were killing it this Halloween. We dressed up as Alice and the Mad Hatter. I, Alice and him, the Mad Hatter. Zoya and Aly didn’t dress up, claiming “we’re only going to a bar”. Still, we didn’t let them crush our childhood enthusiasm.

I drank some of my Bloody Mary.

“You didn’t have to come, Zoya” Luka told her.

“And you didn’t have to date Y/N” Zoya said. “But you did so . . .”

I stopped drinking, shaking my head. I knew dating my friend’s brother meant they would have to share me but at the same time, it got annoying. Their sibling rivalry reached a new level over me. I took it as a compliment sometimes.

“Well, she chose to date me and you chose to be her friend” Luka defended. “So, you’re really the one to blame”

I handed my drink over to Aly. I held Luka’s hand.

“Excuse us for a minute” I said to Aly and Zoya.

I walked away from them, dragging Luka along.

“She started it” Luka said to me.

I chuckled.

“You both need to calm down” I told him. “There’s enough of me to pass around”

Luka snaked his arms around my waist.

“I know that” Luka said. “She doesn’t”

“You’re sure?” I asked him. “She’s not holding me like some prize”

“Oh, you’re more than some prize” Luka told me. “You’re sweet”

Luka kissed me on the forehead. My nose scrunched at his touch.

“Amazing”

Luka kissed me on my cheek.

“Adorable”

He kissed me on my other cheek.

“Unbelievable”

Luka presses his lips against mine, leaving me with a sweet warm kiss.

“A dream come true”

I blushed. I stepped away from him, stopping him from planting more kisses on me.

“You’re just trying to get me to go somewhere else with you and leave them, aren’t you?” I asked him.

“Is it working though?” Luka said, trying to pass off an innocent smile.

“At least let me finish my drink first” I said.

“I take that as a yes” Luka said.

“It’s a yes if you don’t piss off Zoya for the rest of the night” I told him.

“I can live with that” Luka said, adjusting his hat.

I rolled my eyes at him.

I think I fell in I love with an idiot.

Later That Night.

But every touch is ooh la la la

It's true, la la la

Ooh, I should be running

Ooh, you keep me coming for you

I kissed Luka deeply as I sat on top of him in his car. His hands ran all over my back as my hands found their place in his hair.

All along I've been coming for you

And I hope it meant something to you

Call my name, I'll be coming for you

Coming for you, coming for you, coming for you

Luka brought his hand up to my hair, pushing it my front strands behind my ear. We stopped kissing. Luka looked up at me.

“You’re beautiful” Luka said to me.

“Even in the dark of the night?” I asked him.

“Even in the dark of the night” Luka said.

I leaned in to kiss him again. I wrapped my hands around his neck as his hands sat on my thighs. The more we kissed, the faster Luka’s hands found in their way up my costume of a dress.

“Can I?” Luka asked me.

I didn’t need to know what he was talking about. I already knew. I nodded. We continued to kiss. I felt Luka push one of his fingers in between my folds. I gasped, feeling some pleasure. Luka smirked at me.

“You’re okay?” Luka asked.

“Uh huh” I said.

I pressed my lips against his lips. I turned my head a little, wanting to taste more of him. I was too caught up in the heat of the moment to notice the radio played a new song. His song.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never coming around

Be so sweet if things just stayed the same

I pulled away from Luka hearing Harry’s voice. Luka removed his hands off me.

“What’s wrong?” Luka asked me.

“Nothing” I said. “Nothing is”

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Runnin' through my heart

Lights up and they know who you are

Know who you are

Do you know who you are?

Luka squinted his eyes at me.

“You miss him still” Luka said.

“What?” I asked him.

“Harry” Luka said. “You miss him. His song is on”

“I don’t miss him” I said. “Why would I? We’re not together anymore. If I did miss him, I wouldn’t be in this car with you”

“Y/N, it’s okay to say you miss him” Luka said. “He was a big part of life for a while. I’ve seen the photos of you two together”

“Photos?” I asked him, surprised. “You looked us up”

“I already knew” Luka said. “Zoya told me. It was hard to not notice”

I got off Luka and sat down in the seat next to him.

“It’s okay if you do still miss him” Luka said. “He’s your ex. We all miss our ex a little after we breakup with them”

I crossed my arms, looking to Luka. Luka nodded and he turned off the radio.

I didn’t want to admit that I missed Harry. Admitting I missed him meant I still wanted to be with him and how could I want to be with him if I sworn I’d never go back because he made me change for the worse. I refused to admit it. If I did, that would mean he still had some say in who I was.

“Y/N” Luka called my name.

“Okay” I said. “I . . . I miss him a little but I don’t want to be with him. I want to be with you”

Luka gave a hint of a smile to me.

“I had no idea who I was with him. At first, I did. At first, I was happy and so in love with him but then, I got too lost in him. His world. I became someone of myself I didn’t recognize. I didn’t want to leave him but I forced myself too”

“Do you know who you are now?” Luka asked me.

“Yes . . .” I said, unsure. “I think I do”

Luka looked down. He thought I didn’t.

“I love you” I told him. “I do love you. You make me feel so safe and at home again. I feel like I’m becoming myself with you. You became my best friend, Luka. I could never leave you. You’re better than him”

Luka held my hand in his.

“I love you too” Luka said.

I smiled at his words.

“I think you should talk to Harry again” Luka said.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’re still hurt from him” Luka said. “It doesn’t take an idiot to know that”

I looked down.

“You should talk to him” Luka said. “Go over what you need to to feel like yourself again”

I looked up to him, having a hint of a smile on my lips. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank you, Luka” I said.

Luka smirked. He started his car.

“Can I still have dinner with your parents?”

November 5, 2019.

*Harry’s POV*

I posted it. December 13. My album was coming out and I was performing at the Forum. Everyone was excited. I was too. All the news I heard so far of my single was good. My friends and the recording label heard the album and had nothing bad to say about it. I felt like I was on drugs, happy.

I clicked on my Instagram home page. My post was the first one I saw. I scrolled down, skimming over others photos. King Princess. Ariana Grande. Gemma Chan. Kacey. Georgia. Y/N. Wait, Y/N posted?

I scrolled back up to Y/N’s post. She was dressed up as Alice for Halloween. She looked cute. She stood out in blue and the bow in her hair tied it all together. She was pretending to drink a cup while looking at the camera with her eyes. Her eyes. Every time I looked into them, I felt safe and at home. She was my home. I was too focused on her to see there was a man sitting next to her. He was wearing a hat and some eyeliner. He was drinking a cup too. I assumed he was the Mad Hatter.

Late post but sorry we got lost in Wonderland @LukaJamesC, the caption on her post read. I tapped on Y/N’s profile.

Y/N never posted. She did, sometimes. But she never was active on social media. It was part of her mystery I always was drawn to. Y/N was more of taking a bunch of Polaroids than posting much online. She liked keeping her life private which I respected. The last time she posted was a little over two months ago and it was only a picture of Ali and her. I tapped on her new photo again. I squinted my eyes at the guy next to her in the picture.

Were they together? Y/N didn’t have much guy friends. She only had a close few friends who I knew but they were never guy friends. He could be one of her friends but I had a feeling it was much more than that. I tapped on his name. I was on his profile.

Luka. 24.

That was all he had in his bio. Y/N was in half of his recent photos. I clicked on the first post of her in it. It was Y/N in her Alice costume. She was standing in front of a neon sign.

Searching for a rabbit, the caption read.

I returned back to his page and tapped on the second post of Y/N. It was from two weeks ago. It was her and him playing the guitar together.

She’s better at guitar than me.

I taught her how to play guitar. I taught her. That was our thing.

I went back to his profile again and tapped on the last photo of Y/N. It was both of them in a photobooth. He was holding a rose between his teeth. Y/N was laughing at him.

My lady took me out for my birthday. I stole a rose for her.

My lady. My lady. She was mine before his. I stared at the photo of them. I knew what Y/N and I had was over for a long time but I still felt jealous. I knew it was okay to be jealous for a while after a breakup but we broke up months ago. Months. I shouldn’t be jealous but I did. I did. I still missed her. Not that much that I didn’t notice I did but whenever someone or something reminded me of us, I missed her. I knew that was normal too but compared to everyone else who I dated, I missed her more. I figured time would make me miss her less. It did a little after the first few months after our breakup but the feeling still remained. I didn’t-

BRINGGGGG. BRINGGG. BRINNG.

My phone vibrated in my hand. A photo of Y/N was on my screen. She was calling me. Y/N was calling me.

She was calling me. Why? The last thing I ever expected was her to call me. She had to hate me. After all I put her through, she had to hate me. Why would she call me if she did? Or she could be calling to ask me to return her things. She had plenty of time before to call me though. Why else would she be calling me if she hated me?

I stared at her photo, uncertain if I should answer.

ANSWER HER YOU DAMN IDIOT, my mind screamed.

I pressed hard on the accept button. I pressed my phone to my ear.

“Y/N?” I asked her.

“Yeah” She said. “Hi H”

I smiled hearing her voice again in forever.

“You called” I said. “Didn’t think you would call”

“Neither did I” Y/N said. “But here I am so . . .”

I could tell there was still hurt in her voice. A little amount but still noticeable.

“You’re finally releasing Fine Line” Y/N said, trying to work her way through the pain of our conversation. “I guess all those nights in the studio paid off”

“They did” I told her. “I wish I could see you. Play you the rest of what you didn’t hear”

“I would love that” Y/N said. “I was actually thinking something of the same sorts”

I perked up. She wanted to see me.

“You do?” I asked her.

“Yeah” She said. “I was wondering if I could talk to you. I saw you were coming to New York next week for SNL. I know how we ended wasn’t quite how we both imagined. It wasn’t for me and-“

“When are you free?” I asked her.

“Me?” Y/N asked. “I should be the one asking you that. You’re the busy one”

“I have all the time in the world for you, Y/N” I said.

Y/N didn’t answer, staying silent for a moment.

“Y/N?” I asked her.

“Uhh, yeah” Y/N said. “How about Tuesday? Lunch?”

“I could make that work” I said. “Where? You could come to my apartment and-“

“How about mine?” Y/N asked. “I got a new place in Brooklyn. It’s a studio but it would be less of chance of you being seen”

I bit my lip, knowing it was better to stay in the city for work but I couldn’t resist.

“Love to” I told her. “Where is it?”

“I’ll text it to you” Y/N said. “I have to go anyways so I can’t chat much”

“Oh, okay” I said.

“Mhmm” Y/N said. “I’ll see you soon H”

Y/N ended the call on me. I looked back down at my phone. The picture of her and Luka was still on my screen.

There was still a chance. I still had a chance.

November 12, 2019.

I tapped my foot against the ground. I looked at the flowers again in my hand. Daises. Y/N’s favorite. It was her favorite when we were together. I had no idea if that changed too. I knew we both changed a bit since we broke up but I wish she didn’t change that much. I hope she didn’t. If she did that meant I had less of a chance getting back with her. I knew she was in a new relationship and I was a dickhead for thinking that but I still had feelings for her. Feelings I never had for anyone else. She had to have them too, right?

The door of her apartment opened. Y/N stood in the doorway. I smiled at the sight of her. She smiled at me.

“Hi” I said to her.

“Hi” Y/N said, blushing. “Are those for me? Or . . .”

Y/N pointed to the flowers in my hand.

“Oh, yeah” I said. “Daises. Are they still your favorite?”

“Umm, it changed” She said. “Carnations now”

Oh.

“But I’ll still take them” Y/N said. “Any flowers really”

“I was hoping you would” I said handing her the bouquet.

Y/N let out a chuckle.

“You wanna come in?” She asked.

I nodded my head at her.

I stepped inside her apartment, closing the door behind me. I followed Y/N, taking a few steps into her place. I stood still, noticing her apartment was small. Y/N said her apartment was a studio on the phone but this was smaller than I expected. There was nothing wrong with that but it was a change. I didn’t expect that she would live in a place like this.

“I know” Y/N said. “It’s small”

I turned around to see Y/N standing in a little space of a kitchen. She was placing the flowers in a vase.

“But at least, I have a place I could call home” Y/N said.

“It suits you” I told her. “Very Y/N of you”

She smirked at my joke. She placed the vase of flowers on the table next to me. I just realized it was there.

I took more steps around her apartment. I stopped in front of her wall of polaroids. I smiled, remembering how she used to beg me if she could tape her polaroids on my house’s walls. I always told her no since I didn’t want my paint chipping. I told her she could hang them on a string but she refused to. She said having them taped made it feel more like home to her. This was her new home. I glanced over the pictures, stopping and staring at the same photo I saw last week. Y/N taped a photo of her and Luka on the wall. The photo of both of them in the photobooth. I felt a sting of jealousy again.

“I assume he’s your boyfriend” I told Y/N.

“Who?” She asked.

I pointed to him in the photo.

“Oh,” Y/N said with a hint of guilt in her voice. “Yeah. Luka”

“Luka” I repeated his name. “How long have you been-“

“Umm, ever since August” Y/N said. “A few months”

August? She broke up with me in June. She found herself fun two months? It took two months for her to get over me and be with someone else?

“I didn’t think I would get together with him” Y/N said. “He’s Zoya’s brother. He’s the last person I expected-“

“But?” I asked her. “You did she something in him for you to want to be him”

Y/N bit her lip, looking down to the ground.

“He was nice to me” Y/N said. “I hanged around Zoya after we broke up. Luka and I got to know each other and-“

“I’m happy for you” I said.

She looked up to me.

“You are?” She asked, surprised.

No. I wasn’t. I loved her so much, I ached for her. All I wanted was for her to be happy. Preferably, I was the one who made her happy. It was hard to accept that I couldn’t make her happy anymore but he could. At the end of the day, I was glad she felt happy again even at the hands of someone else.

“Yeah” I nodded. “I’m happy for you”

Y/N smiled at me with her eyes gleaming. She sighed, relieved.

“He was actually the one who wanted me to talk to you again” Y/N confessed. “He thought I still felt hurt by what happened between us”

“He did?” I asked her.

“Mhmm” Y/N nodded. “He was right”

So, she did still have some feelings left for me. I didn’t know if I should take that as good or bad news.

“I still have your things back in London” I said. “I’ve been meaning to give them to you but-“

“It’s too painful” Y/N finished my sentence.

We looked to each other.

“Yeah” Y/N said. “I wanted to call you sooner but I couldn’t. I couldn’t face it”

I smiled in relief.

“I missed you” I told her. “I missed you like crazy. These months were complete torture for me. I knew I had to let you go since it was better for you but it fucking hurt. It hurt that I had to sit alone at home surrounded by all our memories while you were busy trying to forget them. And you were busy with him”

Y/N looked down, her lips trembling.

“I-I know” Y/N said.

“It took you two months” I said. “Two months for you to get over me and be with him. How? How was it so easy for you to forget about me when I still wake up in the middle of the night missing you? Was that all I meant to you? Was that all we meant to you?”

“Of course not!” Y/N shouted with tears in her eyes. “H, I was in love with you. I was so in love with you. The last thing I wanted was to leave you”

“Why did you then?” I asked her.

“Because you ruined me!” Y/N said.

I stood back, not believing she just said those words. Y/N crossed her arms.

“You ruined me, H” Y/N said. “When I first met you, I felt like I was in high school again. I was infatuated with you, so much I didn’t mind that you returned back to me two months later. Being with you felt like I was home again. You made me feel safe. Safe that I didn’t have to worry what was going to happen next or worry what I could control and couldn’t. You showed me a new side of life but then I found out and I felt everything you said and showed me was a lie. My feelings changed. I tried so hard to fight those feelings. I fucking tried. I tried to ignore them and tried to focus on the brighter things of you. But I got tired of it. I got tired”

“You said you had to leave to find yourself” I told her. “Were you lying about that?”

“No” Y/N said. “That was true. I was too busy trying to find a reason why you left me for her. I kept comparing her to me when I found out. I kept feeling I was nothing compared to her. I knew I was more than nothing. I needed space from you to find out that I was something different compared to her. I forgot I was something when I was with you. You and everyone else in your world shined too bright that I forgot I existed sometimes”

“You thought that?” I asked her. “Y/N, you were everything to me. You are everything to me.”

“I know, H” Y/N said. “But I didn’t feel it.”

I took a step towards her.

“I know I wasn’t the best to you” I confessed. “I wasn’t when I should have. I should have treated you better. I thought I had nothing to lose until I lost you”

Y/N sighed, looking down.

“Y/N?” I asked her.

“I want to give you another chance” Y/N said. “I do but I don’t think I could face being wrong again. I can’t face dealing with the pain again”

Y/N looked up to me.

“I don’t feel that pain with him” Y/N said. “He makes me feel good enough. I don’t feel alone with him like I did with you. He’s my second chance”

I bit my lip, looking down. I felt my eyes tear up with water again.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for” I told her. “Goodbye Y/N”

I turned around. I slowly walked to the door, each step hoping she would call my name. She didn’t. I slowly opened the door and walked out. I closed the door behind me. I walked down the apartment building hall.

I had to move on. It was for the best if we both did. She did. Now, it was my turn. I deserved to, just as she deserved it. This was for the better, if there was one. There had to be one.

Author's Note: HS2 is here and I am back! Sorry for the long wait, truth is I've been trying to find myself too in the past months. Kinda been going through a transformation but I managed to whip this up during it. I have another announcement on Friday but I wanted to get this out first before I get to that. Hope you enjoyed it lovebugs. xxx M

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #hs one shot #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #hs imagines #harry styles imagines #hs imagine

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mythopoeticreality · 5 years ago

Note

AND THE SHIP ASK! ship you're curious about, ship you find cute but don't ship AND ship you find disgusting?

ughhh, I’m so sorry this took so long! Last couple of weeks have been, well…yeah. but I’m back now so, here we go!^^

ship you’re curious about

Hrmmm…I think I’m going to have to say Lascelles/Drawlight here? Like…it’s not a “good” ship, it’s not a healthy ship by any stretch of the imagination (You know with the whole Lascelles just so casually murdering Drawlight thing and all…>.>) But their relationship and the dynamic between them is such an interesting one? Like, I can definitely see this ship being more one sided than anything, especially with how clearly dependent on his connections (that connection with Lascelles, in particular) Drawlight is. I don’t know, I’m not even sure if this ship is even a particular *thing* in his fandom, and the thought of it just kind of came to me now, but it does seem like it has the potential to be fascinating, and it definitely fits into that particular flavor of “unbalanced relationships” and “terrible people being terrible to one another” that I seem to be drawn to *eyes Angbang*

Speaking of ships that involve Lascelles something I’ve been meaning to check out but just haven’t gotten around to yet is more Childermass/Lascelles stuff. This is for…pretty much the exact opposite reasons as for Drawlight/Lascelles. I mean, I love the contrast between the two characters and how they clash, and just..how well Childermass is able to stand against Lascelles and not just take his shit. There’s just so much wonderful conflict and tensions there and..yeah I definitely have to check this out more.

ship you find cute but don’t ship

Both Strange/Norrell and Emma/Arabella are pretty much this for me. I can definately see where people are coming from with these ships and their dynamics are great. Emma and Araballa are such great friends, and you can totally see how much they care for one another and how much they support one another –especially after they’re both taken by the Gentleman. But I mean even before that Arabella was one of the few people who was there for Emma during her supposed “madness,” in a time where Emma was really isolated and lonely, Arabella was there for her. They are awesome together and I could totally see them being an adorable ship .I just…happen to not ship it. -shrugs-

Same with Strange and Norrell really. They are one another’s best friends and their greatest enemies. They are the only ones who can truely understand one another. They are bound by destiny, two halves of a whole. And in those intimate moments together, those quiet, yet emotion filled scenes, like that scene after Strange publishes his book review and Norrell is trying to bring Strange back to his side, even going so far as promising to let his see his library? Or when Strange is asking for Norrell’s help to summon the Raven King? Yeah, I could really see it there! Even during that first meeting between them, when Strange magics the book behind the mirror to show Norrell that he can do magic, and Norrell is just…so pleased?

Yeah that’s really cute! But I don’t know…I guess it’s not really that I don’t ship it persay, more that their friendship just feels more important to me than any more romantic feelings that they may have. I guess, maybe on some level I relate to Norrell as this kind of isolated character with so few friends and as something of a hermit myself (>.

ship you find disgusting

Hrmmm…“disgusting” feels like such a loaded term honestly xD I mean there are defiantly ships that I find squicky and that hit my Do-Not-Wants but…I dunno. If I don’t like a ship I feel it’s more a me thing than anything -shrugs-

I can’t really think of anything for JSMN, honestly. Emma/The Gentleman and Arabella/the Gentleman, I guess if it really came down to it. Maybe John Uskglass/Childermass, just because I do so strongly headcanon The Raven King as Childermass’s father? But like I said, that’s definitely more a me thing than anything else xD

#In which I talk to people #Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell #I haven't forgotten the Drabble meme!#I'll be getting to writing those over the next couple of days :)#jordenspuls

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kind-wolf · 6 years ago

Text

My Billy Russo dream

Warnings: nsfw, kinda smutty in the beginning, cursing, fighting, blood, gore, murder, guns, (typical Punisher stuff, I would say)

Word count: ~3110

A/N: To make it a bit easier to read, I wrote it down, like most fanfics are written: In second person (I guess?) Also, some parts were really clear in my dream, but describing them on paper was kinda difficult. So, yeah…. 🙈 Hope this is at least somewhat entertaining.

Billy, Frank, Karen and you were signed-up in a tough mudder run a few hours outside of the city. You rented a two bedroom apartment in the small town the event was held in. The night before the run, you settled in and each couple retired to their bedroom. While you were still getting undressed, Billy sat on the bed in only his boxers and asked: "Why am I doing this again? You know, I was pretty happy not having to crawl through mud anymore when I quit the marines." You walked over, standing between his legs in just your underwear. Running your fingers through his hair and tilting his head back you kissed him before cooing: "Naww, it's an adventure. I'm sure you'll enjoy showing all these wannabe tough guys, how it's really done. And don't you always say, you enjoy when I get dirty? I will be as dirty as never before."

After shaking his head with an amused chuckle, he pulled you closer and pressed a teasing kiss to your stomach. "You know, I meant a different kind of dirty." "Really?" You questioned. But before he could think of a witty reply, you dropped to your knees, ran your hands up his thighs and to the waistband of his boxers. "This kind of dirty?" You asked with a grin, pulling the waistband down just a bit. Leaning forward you teasingly licked at the exposed tip of his cock. "That's the kind, yeah." He confirmed, anticipation clear in the husky tone of his voice and the fingers burying themselves in your hair. You pulled the fabric of his underwear down some more, when there was a knock on the door. You had barely enough time to release the waistband and pull your head back, before the door opened. "Hey guys, I hope you're not asleep yet, I just had the best id-... Oh shit!" Karen stopped dead in her tracks, when her eyes landed on you, on your knees between Billy's legs. "Karen!" You squeaked, not really knowing what else to say in the moment. She quickly covered her eyes. "I'm so sorry guys. I... I forgot myself in the excitement." Your were still a bit mortified, but Billy didn't seem to feel the same. He snickered. "You could've just asked if Frankie doesn't get the job done and you would like to join us instead." Karen stumbled back, trying to find her way back out the door without looking. "No...That's not... That's really not for me. Ughhh have a good night you two."

With that the door slammed shut and you dissolved into a fit of giggles, hiding your face in embarrassment.

The next day, after an awkward breakfast, with you and Karen mostly staring in your cereal, while Frank and Billy just grinned at each other in amusement, you all left the apartment. However, just then a courier ran into you, asking for William Russo. Billy accepted the large envelope with visible wariness. By the looks of it, his mind was already running a million miles per hour. And yours quickly followed. Hardly anyone knew that you were here - pretty much only Curtis and your family. And they didn't know the exact address. It was just a weekend away, you didn't bother with details. Excusing himself, Billy went back to your room. While Frank and Karen sat on the couch in the living room, you quietly followed him. Just in time to see his lips pull back in a snarl before a hissed "Shit!" escaped them. "What is it?" you asked when he threw the contents of the envelope on the bed and started pacing. Seeing that you wouldn't get an immediate answer while he was lost in his thoughts, you looked at the stuff on the bed. The pictures caught your eye first. There were more than a handful of them. Billy and you, You alone, Billy and Frank, you and Karen, Billy and you, Billy and you, Billy and you. They were taken just yesterday when you went out to dinner and In every one there was a big red X marking your head. But the letter made it even worse. It were only a few words, that made your skin crawl. "Don't play games when you have something to lose." You swallowed. "Billy, what's going on?" Your voice coming out more strained than usual, got him to reply. "Pack your shit. You and Karen leave with Frankie, he knows how to lay low for a couple of days. I'll... I'll take care of this." You stepped into his path, stopping him with a firm hand pressed to his chest. "Hold your horses cowboy! You will tell me what's going on first and then we'll decide what to do. Together." By the way his mouth immediately opened, you could tell he wanted to dismiss you and simply get you to follow his orders, but he seemed to think better of it. You weren't one to take orders, just because. Billy let out a huge sigh and dropped his forehead to yours.

You both sat down on the bed and he gave you a quick rundown on the situation. Bottom line was, he dug up some dirt on some very bad people and got them in trouble with it. He thought he hid his identity well enough but apparently they found out. And here you were, in their crosshairs.

You stood from the bed and offered him your hand. "Ok, first things first. Let's tell Frank and Karen to go to the ground for a few days. Then we can figure out what to do about your new friends."

He grabbed your shoulders, fixing you with his best no-bullshit-stare. "You have to go with them."

Only it didn't work on you. It never had. "I will not leave you to deal with this alone." You clarified, staring right back at him.

He tilted his head back, exhaling loudly through his nose before he tried again. "I got it under control. I'll call in some guys. But if something would happen to you, I couldn't… I couldn't take it, alright?"

Your hand came up to rest on his cheek, wishing to take the stress from him. "Exactly. If I were to go with them, your new friends would probably focus a lot more energy on finding us, just to screw with you. And no offense to Frank, but he would prioritize protecting Karen over me, which I wouldn't blame him for. But if something would happen to me, you would blame him. And we both know how that would end. And don't tell me you get some more Anvil guys to protect me. Again, no offense, but I trust most of them as far as I can throw them."

Billy paused, considering your words for a few moments before his lips twitched into the tiniest smile. "That's a surprisingly well thought-through argument. What other way do you suggest then?"

You playfully patted his cheek. "Yeah yeah very funny, I have my moments. Anyway, I'll go with you. We go somewhere... let them come to us so we have the advantage and then we dispose of them.”

At your words his expression changed into one of utter disbelief. “You...Shit! That’s insane… You realize what you're saying here? I know you're able to handle yourself in a bar fight. But this… Killing someone...you...you're not trained for this, you don't know what you're saying.”

“I know that I will do whatever it takes...” You picked up one of the pictures, waving it in his face. “... to make sure we survive this."

“Shit!” Billy cursed again, knowing there was nothing he could do against your stubborn streak.

There was a lot more arguing when you filled Karen and Frank in. They wanted you to come with them. It was also quite obvious that Frank would offer Billy his help, were it not for the woman by his side. But you really couldn't blame him.

In the end, your best friends had to admit that if you set your mind on something, you would do it - come hell or high water.

With a rough draft of a plan for the next couple of days worked up, you all quickly packed your bags and went separate ways.

After losing your tail and making a quick stop at a warehouse on the outskirts of New York to pick up a load of Billy's equipment including some tactical gear for you both, you kept on driving - mostly in silence, each of you lost in your own thoughts.

The cabin Billy rented under a false name was actually kinda cozy. If it weren't for the imminent threat, you would have really enjoyed spending a lazy weekend here in the middle of the woods.

As soon as you arrived, he had started to prepare everything. First outside - Cameras, lots of them. You honestly lost track after a while of watching him from the porch. Back inside, he strategically hid weapons in all rooms - just in case. You followed him around, trying to remember all places he hid them. The bedroom upstairs was last. He finally turned to you and handed you a gun. "You remember how to use it, right? Just in case."

Suppressing the need to roll your eyes, you responded with a firm "Yes."

Billy looked at you with an unreadable expression and just as he was about to speak again, there was an alarm from his phone. One of the cameras he set up on the driveway had been activated. "Shit! They were fast."

Without sparing you a glance he grabbed his rifle and positioned himself at the window, ready to hit the first thing that entered his line of sight. "Go, hide in the bathroom. Lock the door. If I can't hold them off, you can squeeze through the window, climb down the rain pipe and get to the car." He ordered, voice colder than you ever heard.

"I'm-..." you cut yourself of when you saw Billy take the first shot. After a moment you could hear voices from outside. More voices than you would've liked.

Billy pulled the trigger again. "Go. NOW." He barked, clearly getting agitated by your lack of compliance.

"I'm not hiding." You hissed back, when you came to stand beside the window he was shooting from.

Billy pulled his rifle from the window and quickly ducked to stand on the other side of it, just before the glass of the window burst inward with your attackers bullets.

You couldn't help but flinch.

Billy glared at you but quickly averted his gaze to carefully peer out the window to see if he can get another hit in. "Stop that! I'm… " You paused when you spotted movement outside the other window of the room. You ran over and carefully peered out. "I got three approaching from this side." You informed Billy, your argument momentarily forgotten.

He dashed over to you and fired two shots through the window before ducking out of sight. Bullets immediately pelted against the outside wall and through the window. "This is not the time to be stubborn. You don't have to get right in the middle of this." As quickly as it came, the firing from outside stopped.

But the quiet didn't last long. There was a crash that clearly indicated the destruction of the front door.

"They're inside." Billy unnecessarily commented in a whisper, changing to a smaller weapon. "I try to pick them off on the stairs from here." He glanced around the doorway and immediately started firing. The sound of bodies hitting the ground was quickly overridden by rapid gunfire. Billy spared a quick glance at you, standing behind him, gun ready. "When I go out there, you-... "

"I will be right behind you." you finished before he could come up with more bullshit.

Billy fired blindly around the corner to keep them at bay while he glared at you. "Up close it gets real ugly. I… I Don't want you to see this."

He reloaded his gun and fired around the corner again, so he couldn't see you throwing your hands up. But the clearly could hear your exasperated scoff. "For god's sake! I can't believe it. You're worried I will see you differently after this. You still think I can't see you for who you are. Who you are behind that handsome face, that gorgeous hair and that dazzling smile."

Billy licked his lips as he glanced back at you for a second. "Do you? Do you really?"

It took you a moment to register the look in his eyes. It was almost like a challenge.

But you didn't have time to linger on that thought as Billy suddenly leaped and grabbed a guy that was about to enter the room. He put a bullet through the man's skull, using him as a shield as another man appeared through the doorway.

Billy was about to pull the trigger when blood splattered from the man's head and he went down.

When Billy pushed the body he was holding to the side and glanced at you in surprise, your gun was still pointing to the door, ready to put a bullet into anyone that dared to enter. No hint of shock or remorse on you face.

Your voice unexpectedly didn't waver when you continued your previous argument. "I do. I see the man that when he enters a room, immediately maps out all the possible exits. I see a man that appears relaxed but is always alert because he always expects the worst."

There were now bullets ricocheting off the doorway and footsteps drawing closer. And then - a smoke grenade landed right before your feet.

Billy hurried to stand with you, pressed chest to chest beside the door with your guns ready. "I see the man that sleeps like a baby, no matter what questionable job he did that day, because he'd seen and done much worse in the past." You whispered.

Unexpectedly, your feet were pulled out from under you. You hit the ground with a yelp and your gun clattering to the floor.

Due to the smoke Billy couldn't take a shot without risking to hit you when you were pulled away. So he reached out to pull you back.

You gave a sudden yell, that made Billy's blood freeze. The growled "Motherfucker!" that followed at least assured him that you were still kicking.

And you were quite literally kicking, despite the burning of the knife sticking in the flesh of your upper thigh. When your attacker tried reaching for the knife again, your body knew what to do on its own accord, the endless hours spent grappling in jiu-jitsu lessons, finally being put to good use.

Billy could barely make out you and your attacker struggling on the ground, but he couldn't help as there was the shadow of the next one right above you and he leaped at him, with his knife at the ready.

In the background he could hear a deep grunt and then your breathless voice. "I see the man that sometimes has a hard time keeping all that anger towards the whole world inside of him."

You just shoved the guy you killed with his own knife off of you, when you spotted another one approaching the blurry mess you assumed was Billy fighting with another attacker. Without a second thought, you jumped at the guy, pulling him to the ground and stabbing blindly at him until he went still. "I see the man that builds up a distance after every little disagreement between us, because he's worried I will leave him."

You looked up at the sound of a dull thud and saw Billy wiping his knife on his pants before shoving it back in its sheath.

You pushed yourself up on shaky feet and despite the incredible ache in your body and the ever growing dark spot on your pant leg, flashed him a cheeky smile. "And most importantly I see the man that loves me with all his heart even though he's too afraid to admit it out loud."

He only stared at you.

"You hear that?" You could hear nothing. Only silence. "I think we've done it, eh?"

Billy was still staring at you when he slowly nodded. "Yeah… I… I'm just gonna have a quick look around. Stay here."

When he came back two minutes later, he found you perched on the edge of the bed, trying to muster some enough strength to tie your belt around your bleeding leg.

"Shit! I got it." He cursed, dropping to his knees before you and taking over the task. "You good?" He finally asked, stroking your cheek, without caring about the mess of blood and sweat on the both of you.

You gave him a reassuring smile, covering your hand with his. "I'm alright. He didn't hit an artery or something, so I reckon I'll be fine. What about you? Your sleeve looks soaked!"

Billy glanced at his arm. "It's fine. Just a graze."

You looked around the room, bodies strewn all over the place. But you survived. Relief finally made its way into your very bones. You survived and so did Billy.

His gaze hadn't left you for minutes.

When you at last couldn't take the stare anymore you looked back at him. "What?"

"You're so fucking hot right now." Before you could even question that statement, his lips were on yours. He tasted like blood, desperation, joy and relief - all at once.

"Marry me!" He blurted out as soon as you parted for air.

You weren't sure if you were starting to hallucinate from blood loss or something. "What?"

"You were right. I love you. More than I could ever imagine loving anyone or anything." He fumbled around in one of his many pockets before presenting you a ring box.

"Marry me." He repeated without a hint of hesitation in his voice.

Through the tears of joy that suddenly gathered on your eyes, you chuckled, gesturing around the room - pointing out the not-so-romantic setting you were currently in. "You're insane."

Billy nervously licked his lips and flashed you one of his winning smiles. "Yeah, but you knew that, didn't you? Since you know aaall about who I am behind that oh-so-handsome face."

A big smile spreading on your grimy face, you nodded, holding out your dirty hand. "Yes. Yes I do."

Billy slid the now blood-smeared ring onto your even bloodier finger. There was no time to admire it anyway, since you were immediately pulled into another kiss.

#billy russo #n*fw #wolf talks

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criminalnourished · 8 years ago

Text

Midnight Shenanigans

~ A Shayne Topp Imagine/Fluff ~

A/N: Look, I don’t write, I was going to make a short parody, but it kept getting longer and longer and I actually kinda liked how it turned out, so I thought I’d share it. It’s super long, so if you get through it, I applaud you!

Warnings: Fluff. Like, a lot of it. (also, alcohol? like, having a drink)

Words: way too many, I like my epithets.

Enjoy!

Winter Games.

The event of the season.

And it was going to be extra special this year. Why? Because you get to go!

As one of the newly established head writers and producer, you would be reffing this year’s Games, along with Sunny, Joe and Matt and you were hardly able to contain your excitement.

The venue was the same as the previous years’ one – Big Bear.

The evening before, you were starting the slow process of packing when it hit you.

You were a part of the Smosh family and have even been in the background of a few videos, though you were more of a ‘behind the scenes’ kind of person, so this was going to be a big step. This would’ve been your first on-screen appearance that included talking. Oh geez. Your stomach churned. Oh holy geez. Mostly unscripted. Unscripted. I literally work with scripts, how in God’s name am I going to pull this off?, you thought to yourself.

Thankfully, you were taken out of your trance with a noise. That familiar iPhone ringtone we all know and never change. Standing up, crossing a mountain of bags, you reached for your phone and looked at the caller ID. Shayne. You smiled briefly before picking up. That guy always knew how to make you smile.

‘Hello?’ you said, going back to the suitcase. However, being the clumsy potato that you were, you caught your leg on a plastic bag, managing to lose your balance and fall directly on your bum, with a noisy *thud*. A loud laugh escaped the phone.

‘I get that it’s part of your “brand” to just barely be capable of walking, but please try not to die, we prefer our writers alive’ Shayne joked.

‘Ha-ha’ you said sarcastically, picking yourself up from the floor. ‘Thanks, I appreciate it. Now that you’ve told me, I am sure to stop tripping and falling over’ you joked back.

‘Perfect! Don’t say that I never did anything for you!’

‘I shall remember this piece of advice till the day I die, which will inevitably be by slipping on a banana peel or tripping over my own two feet while carrying coffee.�� He laughed.

You started organizing your clothes into neat piles on your bed.

‘And your tombstone will say “Here lies our beloved (Y/N), who forgot to follow the Great Shayne’s advice.”’ You giggled, folding a shirt into your suitcase.

‘So anyways, what are you up to?’ he asked.

‘I just started packing’ you replied.

‘Oooh, right on time! It’s only…’ he stopped, presumably looking for the exact time. ’11:43pm!’

‘Hey, I only need about an hour, I have plenty of time. Have you already packed?’

‘Yup! All done, ready to go!’

You scoffed. ‘You must’ve forgotten something.’

‘I pretty sure I haven’t. Triple-checked.’

Another scoff from you.

‘And hey, if you “only need an hour”’ he mocked, ‘that’s great, you have enough time to get food with me!’

‘Oh, Shayne, it’s almost midnight, I don’t know, and-‘ you trailed off.

‘And?’

‘And… I don’t know, we need to be up in 5 to 6 hours?’

‘That’s a terrible excuse. You’re living on your own, you make your own rules and then break them, because rules are meant to be broken, dammit!’ he said, overly enthusiastic.

You kept folding clothes into your suitcase, silently. You wanted to go, really, it seemed so fun and like the epitome of ‘living’, from what you’ve seen in those typical young adult movies. Fun, you thought, not a good enough argument. All of a sudden, your stomach grumbled. Now that’s a good argument.

‘And also, I’m kinda maybe possibly in front of your building…’ Shayne added.

You dropped the dress you were neatly trying to fold.

‘You’re what?’

‘An evolved monkey’, he said, a hint of pride in his voice.

‘No, gah! Why are you-? How did you-?’ You tried to formulate a question but failed miserably. ‘Wait, let me buzz you in.’

‘No, no, I’ve got a better idea – you come with me. I’m already here and you already said that an hour is plenty of time for packing. Plus, I can help you with that later. So…. whaddaya say?’

You approached the window looking towards the building entrance, in disbelief, but sure enough, there he was, one hand in his pocket, pacing.

‘Alright’, you sighed, ‘give me three minutes to get down there.’

‘If you don’t make it, food’s on you. And your time… starts… now! Three minutes, go!’

You threw on the first shirt you saw – a baggy gray tee with the NASA logo on it, which was way too big, pairing it with boyfriend jeans.

Forty-five seconds to go.

You grabbed your little leather backpack, along with your phone, keys and wallet, stuffing them inside violently.

Twenty-seven seconds left.

You slammed the door, locking it quickly and sprinted down the stairs, skipping over multiple steps and almost dying thrice.

As you opened the big entrance gate to the building, you heard a beep. Shayne’s phone went off, signaling your three minutes had been over.

When you looked ahead, Shayne was peering back, a Cheshire cat-sized smile was plastered across his face.

‘No!’ you yelled, while bending over, resting your hands on your knees, trying to catch a breath. ‘Nonononono, I made it, I- I… I got out of the building!’

‘Nope! Doesn’t count! Looks like I’ll be enjoying some… whatever our food of choice turns out to be.’ Shayne said smugly, putting his hands behind his head.

When you finally got your air back, you stepped towards him, holding your side. You were really out of shape.

‘But I did it, the deal was to get down here in 3 minutes!’

You approached him, slouching. He threw an arm around you, as a way of greeting you and, well, because you looked like you were barely standing. This will have proven true merely moments later, when you shifted all of your weight off of your feet, forehead pressed against his clavicle.

‘Ah, yes, but you did not stop the alarm! That’s the unspoken rule of race-bets, always stop the clock!’ he said in a matter-of-fact tone, while patting the back of your head.

‘Fiiiine’, you let out a slow sigh, still in the same place. Maybe you were exhausted after a long day at work, maybe this three-minute workout from hell got to you or maybe this scenario felt pleasant, but you didn’t move. And neither did he. You just stood there, for a good while, taking it all in. You didn’t remember how long, but at some point he stopped patting your head and just rested his chin on the top, his arms around you. It was… nice. Man, male colognes are the best, you thought to yourself.

However, this suddenly made you feel extremely aware of the close proximity in which you were, making your cheeks a few dozen shades more red. You shifted a bit and Shayne, understanding the signal, let you go, scratching his head. You couldn’t help but think you’d seen a bit of red tint in his cheeks, only for a mere second, however, as it faded away quite quickly.

‘Um… so, since midnight snackage’s on you, it’s only fair that you get to pick the place.’

‘Hmmm… the closest ‘eat-now-regret-later’ place is McDonald’s. Does that work?’

‘Ughhh, fine’, he fake-complained, ‘No, yeah, sure! That’s a few streets down, though, might be a bit of a walk’ said Shayne.

‘Or we could take my car?’

‘Nooo, come on, look at this weather’ he said whinny, pointed to the sky. It was rather beautiful. The sky was completely clear, there were a few stars visible. The air was way too warm, considering it was technically winter, a light breeze was blowing. ‘It’d be a shame if we didn’t take advantage of this, doncha think? And if you get tired… I don’t know, I’ll just carry you or something, we’ll figure it out!’

‘Why don’t we go to the drive-through, get our food, drive up to the hills and eat there? We can go for a walk and have a vehicle at our disposal, if we happen to need it! Boom, compromise!’

‘Deal!’ said Shayne, giggling slightly. You stepped towards your Mini Cooper.

‘I mean, hey, I know you’re in shape, but I feel like I could collapse any moment now’ you informed him. He chuckled, already seated in the passenger seat, seat belt on.

‘Ho, boy! Food – here we come!’

About 7 minutes later, you entered a McDonald’s drive-through, ordered way too much food, and soon enough, you were on your way for the hills.

‘Yo, drive-throughs’, said Shayne, with a mouthful of fries, ‘might be the best thing we ever came up with. No human interaction, you don’t even need to leave your car!’

‘Definitely. I’d say it’s up there with fire and the computer’ you replied.

You talked the whole ride, finding yourselves in sporadic fits of laughter. After 10ish minutes of traffic-free driving, you were there. Shayne insisted he should carry all the food, you knew that any attempt at arguing would be in vain. A short walk later, a small bench graced you with its presence and you decided to occupy it, the food bags taking most of the space.

‘Woah’, you exclaimed, trying to squeeze the BigMac™ into your mouth, ‘in the two years that I’ve lived in LA, I’ve never been here at night. It’s so peaceful and beautiful.’

‘Right? And the best part?’ he said inquisitively, looking at you, ‘The view!’ He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, with a rather constipated facial expression, barely holding in the giggles. You laughed and shook your head.

You sat there for moments? Minutes? Hours? Who knows how long, talking about… nothing yet everything, really, while eating you food as slowly as possible, and almost choking a couple of times due to excessive laughter. When you finished your meal, you felt 500lbs heavier and completely incapable of moving. Shayne removed the scrunched up wrappers and scooted a bit closer. You held your stomach and let out a long grunt, reminiscent of vocal fry.

‘I think… I think I’m just gonna stay here… live my life on this bench, y’know, become an urban myth’ you said, curling up into fetal position.

‘”The girl on bench” ’ he said, in an overly dramatic tone, patting your back, ‘some say you can still hear a faint rumble of her stomach trying to digest the ton of food she consumed on that faithful night.’ You giggled.

‘Why, oh why, cruel world must it taste so good but hurt so badly?!’ he yelled to the sky, his voice shaky.

‘Shayne! It’s midnight, keep it down’ you tried to stop laughing and act serious, but failed.

‘Whyyyy?!’ he cried, falling onto his knees in front of the bench. Your stomach started aching, this time from laughter. You stood up and approached him, with the intention of helping him get up, extending your arm, however, when he grabbed it, you wobbled in the air and ended up landing on top of him.

Good job, wow, you’ve really outdone yourself this time! you thought, while hoping for the ground to swallow you.

‘Oh my gosh’, you said, completely flustered, not looking at him. You turned your head to glance at him, noticing that his face was way closer than you initially calculated. ‘I- I- I am so sorry, that was so… Oh gosh, I’m sorry, are you okay?’ you rushed to get up. Shayne just looked at you, laughing, with an amused look on his face. He was going to make a joke, but upon seeing how utterly distressed you looked, he decided against it.

‘Of course I am, I’m great, couldn’t be better’ he stood up, holding his side, ‘minus the fractured rib you might’ve caused me, but hey, I’ll live!’

‘Hey, no, don’t’ worry, really, it’s all good!’ said Shayne, putting a hand on your scapula. A short period of silence followed. ‘Hey, wanna go pack?’

‘Oh, sure, but I can do it, really, I’d hate to keep you up, but thanks for-‘

‘Nooo, you’re not keeping me up’ he exclaimed, ‘I dragged you out, so I need to redeem myself!’

You sighed.

‘Okay, fine. But my apartment ‘s a mess, don’t say I didn’t warn you!’

Your face was still a bright shade of red, the embarrassment unbearable. You hugged yourself, as if you were cold, and kept murmuring many I’m sorry-s along the way to the car.

During the ride, the constantly opened window helped you calm down and your skin tone to go back to normal.

Much to your surprise, the mess you had left at your place before was still there. :(

‘Woah, was there a nuclear explosion here?’ Shayne asked, evidently trying to push your buttons.

‘Actually, yes, that’s very insensitive of you. How dare you bring that up?’ you played along, while taking two clean glasses from the cupboard. ‘Want some gin?’

‘Woah, hey, heyhey, I don’t know if… I..’ Shayne stuttered, evidently taken aback by this suggestion. ‘I had no idea you drank.’

‘Well… I’m full of surprises’ you said, with an over exaggerated wink. The corner of Shayne’s mouth twitched. ‘And besides, I just do it occasionally.’ He nodded. ‘So, do you want some?’

‘I… uh… sure!’ he replied, still a bit confounded.

You poured the liquid into the glasses and added two ice cubes. Taking both glasses, you approached Shayne, who was looking at the clothes you already packed and handed him the glass.

‘Y’know, I’m pretty sure you don’t really need a cocktail dress… and I’d say that’s more than enough T-Shirts for a week and a half’ he stated, taking the glass from your hand.

‘Yes I do! T-Shirts are comfortable and great for layering and that’s how you combat the cold, you layer and-‘

‘But you don’t layer T-Shirts on top of T-Shits!’

‘But- yeah, you’re right, I mostly sleep in T-Shirts’, Shayne turned his head towards you, ‘What? They’re comfy so I bring extra, in case some get dirty or sweaty, y’know.’ You took a swig of your drink, almost downing it all at once, stumbling a bit.

‘Woah, easy there, you don’t want to be hung-over for the trip’, said Shayne, steadying you.

‘Nah, don’t worry about it, it’s just gin…’

‘Okay, well, you need to pack!’

‘You said you’d help!’

‘I will! You need a supervisor, to maximize efficiency.’

‘So you’ll just sit and tell me what to do?’

‘No, don’t be silly… I might stand up eventually’, replied Shayne, evidently proud of his comeback, which earned him a disapproving headshake.

‘Oh really?’ you said, grabbing your bras and underwear from a drawer.

It was Shayne’s turn to change into a tomato, clearing his throat, trying to look anywhere else, scratching the back of his neck and basically doing every other tick in the book signaling he was uncomfortable.

You grinned mischievously, realizing what you’d done and quickly put it all away into the suitcase.

‘You can look now’, you said.

‘Oh, hah, psh, no, I- I wasn’t, I-‘ he tried to come across as calm, cool and collected, but ended up looking even more awkward. You awed and kept packing, moving on to sweaters.

You kept packing and at some point, the gin started kicking in, making you extremely sleepy. Surely enough, the process took more than an hour, even with Shayne’s eventual help. You collapsed onto your bed, headfirst, and he lied next to you, on his back.

‘This was exhausting’, you exclaimed.

‘Nah, I’d say it was fun!’ he replied. You rolled over so that you were also lying on your back.

‘Thanks for helping, I would’ve probably fallen asleep had you not been here’, you said, turning your head to look at him.

‘See?’ he beamed, ‘I told you!’ he chuckled.

This was the first time you got to look at him so closely – the laugh lines and those baby blues, the slight beard he was trying to cultivate, his radiant smile… You caught yourself staring and only then did you realize how close you actually were, which in turn made you blush profusely. He kept smiling, but his gaze trailed down your face and focusing on your lips, for a split second only. You batted your eyelashes, not knowing what to do. Sh-Should I do anything? you thought. This will just make things awkward, probably. Oh goodness I messed up again, what am I supposed to do, I-

At this point you could feel his breath on your nose. He moved his hand to brush off some of your hair. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife, which made you panic even more. I gotta move, you thought, this will be way too weird in the long run, I should probably just cough or something or-

And then it happened. He moved just slightly towards you, closing the tiny gap that remained between the two of you. Your mind, while racing up until that point, was completely blank – no worry, no panic, just bliss. The kiss was shorter than you would’ve hoped for, yet still sweet, making you smile like a mad man, which in turn made his lips curve into a grin, as well.

Shayne was gently caressing your cheek. He opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by you initiating another kiss, this one deeper and more passionate than expected. He put one hand on the back of your neck and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer, while you held onto his shirt and neck. A few minutes later, you broke apart, neither of you able to stop smiling. You laid there for a few minutes, intertwined, without saying a word.

After some time, you tried to move, but Shayne’s embrace wouldn’t let you.

‘Shayne’, you called out. No response.

You looked up and saw him pretending to be asleep.

‘Shayne’, you repeated. No response. You tried wiggling out of his grip, but couldn’t. He started laughing, eyes still firmly shut.

You placed a kiss on his clavicle, which instantly made him open his eyes and look at you.

‘Wanna watch a movie?’ you asked.

‘Depends on what you got’, Shayne said, seemingly loosening his grip.

‘I’ve got whatever you want’, you beamed. ‘Well, I don’t, but the torrents do!’

‘”Space Jam” it is, woo!’ he exclaimed, throwing his arm in the air. You laughed and mimicked his ‘woo’.

‘Okay, I’ll go set it up, you refill our glasses and get the popcorn ready, there’s some in the cabinet.’

A few minutes later, everything was in order and you were huddled up on the sofa. The movie started playing and you immediately started commentating out loud, laughing. Neither of you said anything about what had happened, which was bound to backfire, but at the moment it seemed fine.

The file you had illegally downloaded was buffering quite a bit and you were really tired… I’ll close my eyes just for a few seconds, you thought.

And lo and behold, you fell asleep. As soon as he noticed, Shayne spent a few moments looking at you, wondering whether he should carry you to your bed or leave you be. He ended up choosing the latter, as your bed still contained the residue of a nuclear explosion that took place earlier. He tried to move, in search of a blanket, however, you fell asleep on him and he just didn’t have the heat to move you. Instead, he threw an arm around you and you got even comfier. Shayne lost track of time – for a certain period, he was just observing your serene expression, but he ended up falling asleep next to you.

Feedback is highly appreciated, hit up my inbox or leave a comment or sth, thanks. :3

#oh gosh what have i done #im sorry #smosh #shayne topp #shayne topp imagine #shayne topp x reader #smosh shayne #fluff #feedback #smosh squad

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starsinursa · 8 years ago

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Destiel Fic Recs

I’ve decided to put together a rec list of my favorite Destiel fics....because I have read so, SO many fics in this fandom. All those times when I should have been writing? Or working? Or cleaning my house? Yeahhh, I was reading fics instead. I also tend to be a really picky reader, so I wanted to share a few fics that really made an impression on me, in the hopes that other people will enjoy them as well and maybe find some new fics they haven’t read yet. :)

I’ll do my best not to give anything away that will ruin the story, but be warned, there might be some minor spoilers – but probably not anything worse than you would find out just by reading the tags or summaries.

I will add to this list occasionally.

Last updated: January 13, 2018

List of fics is under the cut!

❤ = absolute favorites

CANON!VERSE FICS

What Has Eight Tentacles and Isn’t Allowed to Eat Pie?, 16k words, Teen

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

This fic is adorable. It takes place in the bunker after Dean touches something he shouldn’t, and they have to find a way to turn him back. Dean’s point of view as he struggles to learn about being an octopus is hilarious, Sam is appropriately exapserated, and Cas is the biggest sweetheart on the planet as he helps take care of Dean. Bonus: there’s some wonderful Kevin inclusion in this fic, including him shrieking like a little girl.

❤ A Room of One’s Own, 94k words, Explicit

All Dean wants is a little privacy. Cas doesn't understand.

This fic is AMAAAZING. I’m sure almost everyone has read it because it’s very well-known, but listen, it’s well-known for a reason. Dean’s characterization is spot on, the fic is soulful and sometimes hilarious and sometimes a little angsty and really, really, really fucking hot. *fans self* Here is my absolute favorite quote from the fic, just as a teaser:

"Your exact words, as I recall, were 'Do not frigging come into the frigging bathroom without a frigging express invitation, you frigging pervert.'”

Cuckoo and Nest, 10k words, Explicit.

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

This was lovely. Dean and Castiel are together, but nothing comes easy and they to have to learn how to compromise and how they fit into each other’s lives. The characterization in this story was spot-on, and it features a wonderfully nit-picky, clean-freak Dean, which I adore and don’t see often enough.

❤ I Dream of Deannie series, 71k words, Explicit.

While on a hunt, Castiel gets a dose of djinn toxin, and finally gets to experience what he's really wanted all along. Set vaguely S5ish. Shameless Destiel PWP. Continued in "The First Time, Again."

The first fic in this series is basically just smut involving Cas and djinn!Dean, but the rest of the fics are where it starts getting REALLY good. After being saved from the djinn, things start developing in real life between Cas and Dean, and it’s WONDERFUL. One of the most well-written, realistic ways that I’ve ever seen their relationship develop in a canon!verse fic, it really holds true to the characterization for me. Also, most amazing love confession ever. Also, really hot sex scenes.

Hesitation, 24.5k words, Explicit

Zachariah orders Castiel to seduce Dean in order to strengthen his allegiance to heaven. Castiel thinks it will be something to endure. Dean just thinks Castiel wants him. Neither one is right.

This fic...ughhh, what to even say, it’s wonderful and also heart-breaking. It’s basically as the summary says: Zachariah orders Cas to sleep with Dean, which he does, even though he doesn’t really want to... at first. Dean has no idea about Cas’ orders... at first. You might want to avoid it if you’re squicked out by potential dub!con, but I thought this fic was handled really well and I didn’t really see it that way. The dub!con is because of Cas’ orders, but Dean is never the one who forces Cas into anything and he’s very patient and wonderful, and things get worked out in the end.

Holy!Dean series, 120k words, Explicit.

Dean Winchester has grown used to God dicking around in his life the last couple years. But this crap? This takes the CAKE ... or pie, rather. Now he's been thrown a whole new curve-ball. The kind that has ended the Civil War in Heaven ... but resulted in Raphael taking over, and hunting for Dean's ass on a silver platter. Not to mention dealing with Balthazar acting like a self-righteous prick, Sam having some big damn epiphany on his big brother's sexuality, and Cas eying him up like he's the world's juiciest cheeseburger. All that mixed with the chance to fix it all and set everything to rights ... but only if Dean is willing to sacrifice himself. Again. Seriously, if he ever meets that bastard God he's gonna- ... oh hey, Chuck! What are you doing here?

This was so good! Chuck picks Dean to be his “successor” as God, so Dean has to learn about sacrifices, love, and how to use his fancy new mojo. Castiel, Gabriel, and Balthazar are all in the story, which I love, because angel shenanigans are the best. This series is hilarious most of the time and very sweet at other times.

Brother Lover, 4k words, Teen

"However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first'."

Dean thinks that Castiel is in love with Sam. Just a short fic involving a misunderstanding and some pining, but it’s very sweet and amusing.

AU FICS

❤ ❤ ❤ Living Broken Adjacent, 135k words, Explicit.

Hunt/Capture/Celebrate/Repeat. Dean Winchester’s world in four words: simple with no fuss. He’s not had a single, life-altering moment in the 13 years since he joined his dad as a professional bounty hunter. Why fix what’s not broken?

That is, until everything around Dean comes to a screeching halt, leaving him alone in new surroundings. Suddenly, Dean’s forced to live in his own version of the Cuckoo’s Nest with the biter, the licker, and the joker. Where angels abound, and his roommate’s haunting blue eyes make him wonder about all his past choices. He’s got this no problem, right? WRONG!

Who knew laughter and love could be found within the dull, institutional walls of a psychiatric hospital, teaching Dean that no one is ever truly broken, but sometimes you simply find yourself lost and stumbling through a life where you are living

…broken adjacent.

I absolutely adore this fic. It has EVERYTHING: Dean in eyeliner, Dean with tattoos, Cas with tattoos, multiple “angels” (Gabriel, Inias, Samandriel, Gadreel), angst, fluff, humor, sex, redemption... it’s wonderful. The author does really well portraying the mental health issues realistically - sometimes there is progress, sometimes there are set-backs, but above all, the characters are MORE than their diagnoses. I also love the relationship between Dean and Cas in this fic. Even though there are angsty parts because they’re all dealing with their own issues, the actual relationship that develops between them is so, so sweet and almost innocent. And last but not least, although kind of random, there is the COOLEST baby name in this fic, A+ for wordplay and puns.

❤ Love, Take Your Toll, 8.5k words, Teen

Cas sees hundreds of faces every day, but there's only one that he really cares about.

Cas works in a toll booth and Dean drives through his lane frequently. This is sweet and has some good pining, and honestly made me a little misty-eyed, Cas is just so genuine and lonely and I just want to hug him.

I love almost every fic by this author, so I’ve recced several of their fics in this post. Seriously, they’re all wonderful - charming, sometimes friggin’ hilarious, and they always leave me smiling. The only problem? I wish all of these stories were longer, I need more!

❤ The Return Policy, 13k words, Explicit

"Most of his visitors are academics. They come from universities all over the nation, sometimes beyond. Others write books. The man in the Reading Room today is neither. He’s a tall, irritated man with a federal badge."

The federal agent's partner is usually the one who does the research. And even though Cas doesn't think this man is a real federal agent, he's happy to help where he can.

Featuring still-a-hunter!Dean and Cas, who works in the Library of Congress. Let me just say one thing: hand kink. If you have even the slightest hand kink, you will enjoy this fic. The characterization is also wonderful and so true to the characters, including Dean’s A+ comebacks, so please enjoy this brief excerpt as an example:

It is in the archives that Cas realizes he has another condition. He scowls when he sees Dean handling a scarred leather album of Beckley’s with his naked hands. He reaches into his pocket and thrusts his extra pair of gloves at Dean.

“Have some care,” he says.

“You—have some…care,” Dean mutters mutinously as soon as he turns away, but at least he puts them on.

❤ The Request, 36k words, Mature

When Sam Winchester prays for his brother, Castiel is finally sent on his very first assignment. But what should be a simple love match turns into much more and Castiel finds himself risking everything to ensure the happiness of his extremely frustrating charge.

This is the cutest fic ever. Castiel is an angel who is the black sheep of his family, and he gets assigned to help Dean find his soulmate. They get a little sidetracked because Castiel helps Dean find some closure about an issue from his past, too. The interactions between Cas and Dean are wonderful, Cas is adorable and naive but still a bamf, and Sam is the best brother ever. I really love this fic, I read it over and over.

The Parts of Our Sum, 55k words, Explicit

Castiel, a former soldier, has worked for the Company his entire life. They've been good to him, providing clothes, shelter and new body parts whenever necessary. Now the Company's gearing up for a space exploration voyage, and Castiel's volunteered for the research team. During the preparation period, he meets Dean Winchester, who makes Castiel wonder about the things he's missed out on.

This is a great sci-fi fic! In a world where humans can be augmented and “improved”, Castiel has a few of these improvements and works for the “Company” that provided them. He meets Dean, who has some strong opinions and biases against the “Company”, even though he’s working for them too, and they develop an interesting and rocky friendship. Some good pining and a happy ending!

❤ Peanut Butter-Pumpkin Wedding Cake, 30k words, Explicit

Dean is a waiter in a strip club to put his kid brother through school. Castiel is dragged to the club as a part of his sister Anna's bachelorette party. Dean and Cas hit it off, but Dean thinks Cas is the one marrying Anna.

This fic is delightful - it’s basically a romcom, I could absolutely see this fic happening on the big screen. Everything starts with a big misunderstanding, but Dean is still drawn to Cas despite his better judgement, and things get worked out in the end. Sam is a big part of this story and he’s DELIGHTFUL, I laughed so hard at some of their brotherly antics and squabbles.

Heaven and Hell Escort Service, 123k words, Explicit

Loosely based on the film 'The Wedding Date'. Castiel Novak is a high class escort, and an expensive one at that. He likes to help people, and being an escort allows him to do that... barely. Dean Winchester is a mechanic/waiter who may have accidentally told his father he has a long-term boyfriend to bring along to Sam's wedding. Desperate times call for desperate measures... an escort service might not be what he wants, but it could be exactly what he needs.

I really enjoyed this fic. Another one that reads like a good romcom, with some humor, some pining, some revelations, and some hot lovin’. The attraction, pining, and UST between Castiel and Dean will keep you on the edge of your seat, yelling at them to just get together already.

❤ Broadway Musical, 12.5k words, Mature

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Another fic that I have read several times, this one is wonderful! The angels are trying to get Dean and Jo to be together. Castiel decides to be more hands-on and steps in to help their cause, but nothing goes as planned. The fic is a delight and very funny the entire way through: Jimmy is still sharing Cas’ vessel and makes hilarious observations, the angels watch everything and bicker and squabble and make suggestions, and towards the end of the fic, there’s a cameo by Lucifer that had me DYING. Literally SCREAMING with laughter.

The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia, 89k words, Explicit

Dean doesn't expect to see his one night stand again, but then again he also doesn't expect to find out he has an STD. Sometimes life is hilarious like that.

This was a lovely feel-good story! It starts out with Dean going through a rather crappy time in his life, he finds out his girlfriend was cheating on him and they break up, and he finds a one-night stand (Cas) to get his mind off things. Turns out he has chlamydia from his ex, so of course he has to do the right thing and track down his one-night stand to let him know, and things with him and Cas go from there. It’s an interesting fic because it starts with sex first, but then the rest of the fic is Dean and Cas going more slowly and romancing each other.

Carnival Oasis series, 43k words, Explicit.

Castiel is a being that feeds on sin. Lucky for him, Dean has plenty of sin to spare.

Dean is still a hunter and he runs across Cas, a supernatural being that gets his jollies by “feeding�� off the guilt of others. I enjoyed this fic because, despite what you might think, Cas is still mostly the earnest and dedicated Cas we all know, who just wants to be accepted and loved. Is there such as thing as a love!kink? If so, Cas definitely has a love!kink in this fic. Oh, and the sex in this fic was… whew. *fans self* Smokin’ hot. Lots of good sexin’ in there.

❤ Bring It On Home, 40k words, Mature

Multi-chapter Dean/Cas AU. Dean the Sales Rep just moved into the neighborhood, and his neighbor is a definitely crazy shut-in. Now complete! Ch. 30: Dean narrowed his eyes. "I'm not lovely. Knitted tea cozies are lovely."

This was one of the first Destiel fics I ever read, and it remains one of my favorites. Dean is more similar to Dean Smith - he has a house, a good job, a fairly stable life - and Cas is more similar to Endverse!Cas - he uses recreational drugs, reads auras, and is a pretty weird guy. That being said, this fic is actually really, really sweet, and hilarious at times, and there is some wonderful prose and writing, there are a few paragraphs and sentences that are simply gorgeous and beautifully written and full of imagery.

❤ Shortskirts’ Verse, 22k words, Explicit

So, they're in high school, and then they're in college, and it's mostly not about Taylor Swift, except when it is.

Super sweet and feel-good! Dean and Cas start dating in high school, keep dating throughout college, and Dean plays baseball. Whenever I want a fluffy fic to cheer me up, this is the one I read. I really love Dean in this fic - he’s come to terms with his sexualitty and he’s loving and caring and doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks about his relationship with Cas, and it heals my shipper’s heart. There’s also a hilarious misunderstanding with his baseball team.

Home is Where, 15k words, Explicit

Casual vagrant Dean Winchester blows into Palo Alto to check on his little brother. What is meant to be a quick visit ends up drawing out when he meets and accidentally ends up clicking with Sam's strange, grad student roommate Castiel.

Cas has Asperger’s Syndrome, and he and Dean are drawn together by a mutual attraction but have to figure out how to navigate each other’s strange ways. This fic includes a little bit of hot sex, plenty of misunderstandings, some hurt feelings, a lot of heart, and a happy ending. I thought that Cas having Asperger’s Syndrome was written wonderfully and with a lot of empathy, and the fic is actually told from Cas’ point of view part of the time, so it’s an amazing look into his world and what he’s thinking.

❤ it’s a lot like life, 21k, Explicit

There were rumors of liaisons between maids and their Ladies, of short-lived passionate affairs between servants and their masters, yes, but Castiel had never heard of anything that passed the test of time. Their lives were too different, and the world saw these relationships as a threat to the very foundation of society. There had to be those that had the power and those that served them, and love had a dangerous tendency to blur those lines. Castiel’s own thoughts were the best example. Lord Winchester had started to be a human being in his mind, a person he cared for not because it was his duty, but because he felt a bond to him.

Dangerous indeed. And impossible given Castiel’s proclivities. He didn’t think his Lordship would react well to his fantasies of bending him over his desk.

This is basically a Downton Abbey AU, and it’s SO, SO good! It feels a lot longer than it actually is, because it’s wonderfully written and the time flow and character development feels so natural. The relationship between Castiel and Dean is sweet and earnest and also really sexy. Seriously, this fic has a bit of everything - a semi-forbidden relationship, Dean in panties, and a wonderful, happy ending.

The Dove’s Long Journey to Champaign, 33.5k, Explicit

After four years of solitude on a remote island, Dean’s been through hell. But he’s home, he’s healing, and he has a very special gift for a man he’s never met. (Basically this is an AU of the movie Cast Away that takes place after the island.)

This fic is really sweet and funny - not too angsty, given the premise! Castiel is absolutely adorable, Dean is trying to figure out who he is and what his life’s supposed to be like after a life-altering experience, and Sam is supportive and wonderful. There’s hilarious parts, sweet parts, and touching parts. Possible trigger warning though: the fic does feature therapy, references to psychotropics and anxiety, and even discussion of past suicide attempts - but I thought it was all handled in a wonderful, inspiring way that helps show the importance of seeking help, minimizing stigma, and healing.

Now, here are some of my favorite random categories:

ANGSTY FICS/ FICS THAT MADE ME UGLY!CRY

Smoke in the Mirror, 50k words, Mature

It begins with the flier hung in the library: art model needed for thesis project, will pay. Castiel figures it's an easy way to make some extra money, but modeling for Dean Winchester ends up complicating his life far beyond anything he could have imagined.

Dean hires a nude model for his project, which turns out to be Cas. This fic is such a good slow burn, and the development of Dean and Cas’ relationship is natural and sweet and gratifying - until Dean’s project is finished, and they don’t see each other for the next 10 years. Oh my god, the pining. The angst. This fic shredded my heart. Don’t worry though, there’s a happy ending that will leave you crying with relief!

As You Pass Through Me, 30k, Explicit.

Cas has lived in this house all his life... and since his untimely death. The last thing he wants is a new roommate, but it seems he's getting one anyway.

Cas is a ghost and Dean moves into his house. Cas starts to fall for Dean, and despite all obstacles, Dean starts to fall for Cas too. There’s some dubious consent issues, since Cas kinda creeps on Dean before Dean is aware he’s there, so watch out for that if it squicks you, but the whole fic is really well done. There’s a lot of pining, but it has a happy ending and everything gets worked out!

Out of the Deep, 488k, Explicit

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

Another really popular and well-known fic, but I really enjoyed reading it. Even though I ugly cried through about 1/3 of it. There’s some slow burn and some sex and lots of feelings, but mostly there are just so many things conspiring to keep Dean and Cas apart, including the dumbasses themselves. I swear, sometimes I just wanted to fucking scream at them. But there is a happy ending and I was really satisfied with how everything finally worked out. Cas as a mermaid fin-kin is so awesome and beautiful - he sings, he glows in the dark, and he’s got sharp, badass teeth, what more could you want? Definitely a VERY LONG fic, so be prepared to dedicate a lot of time.

He Can’t Sleep, 19k, Mature

After Lucifer's possession, Castiel stops talking.

Ughhh, the tears I cried, so many tears. This fic is beautifully written and so poignant and it just really GOT to me, that these two idiots love each other so much but can’t seem to stop hurting each other, my heart just ached. There IS a happy ending, of course, but you’ll probably still sob the whole way through.

How a Righteous Man Raises a Rose, 5.5k, PG-13

AU in which the apocalypse and angels and demons never happen, and Sam and Jess and Dean live together in a suburban lifestyle -- and then suddenly, nothing is alternate universe at all. Told from Sam's POV. Dean is compelled to tend a dead rose garden, if only Dean could remember why; and remember why it is so important.

This fic killed me. I can’t even. It’s short but it packs a seriously powerful wallop. There’s a really interesting (but rather soul-crushing) twist, and there’s...not really a traditional happy ending. Definitely worth a read if you want a good cry, so just keep some tissues ready.

FUNNY FICS

❤ Mad at your Dad?, 7.5k words, Mature

Dean wasn’t sure why he was even scrolling through Craigslist. Especially not the casual encounters section. It was four days before Thanksgiving. Not like he was gonna try and hook up with someone before that shitstorm. After, sure, but not before.

He kept scrolling, though, not clicking anything until a title caught his eye.

Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad? I am a 28 year old male felon who has no degree, but has studied enough theologies of the world, behavioral psychology, and philosophy to set your whole family’s teeth on edge—no matter which way they lean, politically, religiously or in terms of neuroses. I drive a van the same age as me that’s got a mural on the side of an angel holding an orgy. I can play between the ages of 20-30 depending on whether I shave. I live off an inheritance, and sell weed on the side. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship (monogamous or polyamorous, whichever sounds most like it would freak out su familia) with you (and/or others), to torment your family, I’m game...

I laughed so, so hard. I can’t even tell you. Cas is DELIGHTFUL in this - snarky, sarcastic, and sometimes high. I don’t even have a favorite part in this fic because the whole thing was a fuckin’ riot. I’ve re-read this one multiple times and I still laugh.

Incredibly Single and Ready to Mingle, 3.5k words, Teen

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

Short, sweet, and hilarious! Basically, Sam uploads a horrible picture of Dean to Facebook, and it ends up introducing him to Cas in a roundabout way. The description of Dean’s embarrassing picture had me cackling with laughter.

❤ The Fourth Wall series, 40k words, mostly Teen

In which Sam does another sort of research, and Dean is amused.

Basically, the boys end up reading fanfiction about themselves. This is HILARIOUS - Sam is mad there isn’t as much fanfiction about him, Dean has to explain the dynamics of ‘topping’ and ‘bottoming’ to Cas, and Cas just wants to know how the mpreg fic ends. The characterization in this fic is spot-on, and besides just the fanfiction crack, there’s a lot of other wonderful moments: Castiel is introduced to sweets, Sam gets tossed into a gross pond, etc. One warning though: this fic also features Sam/ Lucifer, if you’re not into that pairing...BUT that pairing doesn’t really occur until almost the end of the series, so I still highly recommend reading this and just skipping those parts if they’re not your cup of tea. Really, you won’t regret it. Just read the very first part and you’ll be hooked, I promise.

❤ An Exploration of Habitat, 11k words, Mature

Dean's afraid of heights, and Cas lives in a tree.

This fic is short, sweet, and a riot. There’s so many things and little details that made me giggle. There’s one part, however, that had me DYING. It took me completely by surprise and I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that hard about a fic. I still laugh when I re-read it. I don’t want to give anything away, so I’ll just say: it’s the part after Dean comes down from the tree, and Balthazar is reciting a “letter” that he wrote.

DARK FICS

Sociopaths in Love, 24k words

Dean buys Castiel as a slave and has a fun time viciously breaking him in. But what Dean doesn't know is that this is exactly what Castiel wants.

(Or, two sociopaths walk into a slave auction...)

Yeahhh, this one is pretty self-explanatory. Castiel is a sadist and enjoys it when he’s being hurt, Dean is a masochist and enjoys it when he’s hurting others, and it’s a match made in Heaven. Or Hell, more likely.

Bone trilogy, 29k words, Explicit

When Dean (raised from hell by some unknown force) and Sam stop the last seal from breaking, heaven decides to bring its own apocalypse. Late in the war, an angel with dark hair and striking blue eyes is captured, and Dean – Dean is his interrogator.

This is definitely dark, but it’s also brilliant. Humans are in a war against Angels, and Dean tortures them for information. The fic makes an amazing full circle – Dean has never been able to break an angel, but for some reason, Castiel is different, more susceptible, easier to reach, able to be broken when no other angel could be broken before. Why? The answer will break your fuckin’ heart.

Red Right Hand, 85k words, Explicit

“You’re one microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan, Designed and directed by his red right hand.”

It all starts with the mysterious note left on Dean’s chair. It all ends with Dean coming to terms not only with what he’s capable of, but how much that knowledge doesn’t bother him.

Castiel is a serial killer who is infatuated with Dean. This fic is quite the wild ride, and it hits a lot of my kinks: protective!Cas, jealous!Cas, possessive!Cas, bamf!Cas. That being said, he’s a psychopath and he murders people, so yeah. Dean finds out eventually, and as it turns out, maybe he’s okay with it.

MOSTLY SMUT FICS

Unsolicited, 56k, Explicit

In which Dean Winchester gets an unsolicited dick pic from an unknown sender which is both totally not disappointing in that it's a really nice dick pic, and incredibly disappointing in that it's clearly a downloaded picture of his favorite porn star.

There's absolutely no way it's actually this porn star sending it to him, right?

Right?

Oh my god. Confident, tattooed, sexual, pornstar Cas is my JAM. This was great - lots of amazing smut, with some BDSM elements thrown in later, and of course, a good dose of feelings.

Dean Winchester, Straight Shooter, 15.5k words, Explicit

Dean Winchester, star of StraightShooter.com, is a gay-for-pay porn star with a huge following. Cas Novak signs on to do a scene with him, even though he dislikes "straight" porn stars on principle. But Dean is more complicated than he first appears, and after inadvertently learning his secrets, Cas finds himself falling for him.

This was surprisingly sweet for a fic about pornstars. Cas is earnest and wonderful, and Dean has his obligatory gay freak-out, but it all works out in the end.

Revealed, 11k words, Explicit

When a ritual backfires and Dean ends up with wings, they reveal things that he'd much rather keep hidden. Prompt fill.

An amazing wing fic that features both Dean AND Cas with wings. Damn. This fic. There’s some great possessive!Cas, lots of good wing kink, and a fascinating look at Heaven. Also it was really, really hot.

www.hardcorewings.com, 17k words, Explicit

When Castiel loses his job, he resorts to making wing fetish videos to make cash. Dean really likes them.

This is an AU fic where angels and humans live side-by-side, and some humans have a fetish for angels and their wings, one of those humans being Dean. Cas has enormous silver wings and goes into porn, and Dean finds his videos. Dean doesn’t know that Cas also has a crush on him in real life. This fic was great, I only wish it was a little longer, because the ending seems kind of abrupt to me. That being said, great read.

Except Thou Bless Me, 10.5k words, Explicit

Castiel is wroth, and Dean is having a great time.

This is a canon!verse fic where Cas basically beats the shit out of Dean, then fucks him, and Dean is totally on board for all of the above. There’s a good exploration of Dean’s time in Hell and his self-worth issues, but mostly there’s some really hot sex.

No Teasin’, Just Pleasin’, 7.5k, Explicit

The song is nearing its end as Dean pauses in the centre of the stage, fingers teasing at the waistband of his chaps. For the first time in his routine, he allows himself to look over towards Castiel’s table.

Gabe is watching with the air of someone who’s generally more interested in the feminine figure, but Cas?

Cas looks like he wants to eat Dean alive.

This was excellent! I love stripper AUs so much, and this one definitely stands out from the crowd. Dean’s characterization is wonderful and charming, and it was a fun (and hot) read all-around! (Did I mention it also features Dean in panties?!)

TRUEFORM!CAS FICS

❤ Cruel Angels series, 107k words, Explicit, WIP.

Well. The Apocalypse was one thing. Thousand-foot-tall multi-limbed horror-angels smashing up the planet was something totally different...

Fantastic series so far. The characterization is great, the writing is wonderful, and it’s got everything you could want in a trueform fic: grace-powered orgasms, wing kink, and a description of Cas’ trueform that will amaze and horrify you (think multiple limbs, wings with eyes, and a terrifying mouth in his neck). At the heart of all that, Dean and Cas are still themselves, trying to figure out what the hell they mean to each other, and Cas is still his lovable self, even when he’s an enormous creature.

The reach of human sense, 4.5k words, Explicit.

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

This fic scratched my trueform itch soooo good. It’s always niggled at me that Cas is technically still using Jimmy’s appearance, and if Dean is attracted to him, how much is physical attraction simply to the vessel and how much is attraction to Cas? This fic addresses these issues wonderfully, and Dean is accepting and reassuring and there’s a little bit of praise!kink, and I loved it. Everyone should read this one.

A Beginner’s Guide to Communing with the Dead, 77k words, Mature

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

I had a hard time deciding where to put this fic - AUs? Cop/ detective fics? I finally decided on trueform fics because this fic has, hands down, my absolute favorite description of Cas’ trueform. The author really makes you visualize it, the absolute scale and magnitude and power and otherness of Cas’ trueform, and it’s awesome. I read that part over and over. As for the rest of the fic: Dean is trying to solve a case, he summons Cas to help him, and their dynamic is snarky and occasionally touching and delightful to read. This was such a cool AU too, with magic and creatures but still set in a modern-day setting.

DETECTIVE/ COP FICS

I am such a sucker for cop or detective fics, you don’t even KNOW.

What Once Was Sacred, 55k words, Explicit

Los Angeles detective Dean Winchester works tirelessly to atone for the sins of his father one case at a time. When his best friend Charlie drags him to visit Sam at his new job, Dean stumbles onto a bizarre string of deaths that brings him uncomfortably close to his past.

Dean can't stop thinking about Castiel, an enigmatic DJ who plays the sexiest music Dean's ever heard. A chance encounter at Castiel's house reveals that Castiel is an incubus, and Dean must face the lies and the reality of his childhood as a hunter. Dean comes to see that he and Castiel have more in common than he thought, and that guilt can be the hardest thing to cast aside.

Beautifully written and it sucks you right in. Dean is a detective and Cas is an incubus, but it’s really different than you might think - Cas doesn’t necessarily like the influence he has over people as an incubus, and he goes to great lengths to avoid hurting people. I love the whole concept, and when Dean and Cas finally get together? Hottest. scene. EVER.

Kiss You When It’s Dangerous, 57.5k words, Explicit

When his partner Uriel, betrays him, Federal Agent Castiel Novak is saved from becoming a ritual sacrifice by brothers Dean and Sam Winchester. Discovering the world of the supernatural and learning about werewolves, wendigoes, vampires and things that go bump in the night also leads to learning more about Dean and the strange life he and his brother lead. The more he learns, the more Castiel finds himself drawn into Dean’s world and toward Dean himself.

Until Uriel wants to complete the ritual he started.

I LOVE still-a-hunter!Dean and agent!Cas. This fic was wonderful because it reads almost like an actual episode - Sam and Dean hunting and doing what they do, with Cas getting roped into that world on accident. The attraction between Dean and Cas is wonderful, there are parts with Dean is adorably worried and protective, and Sam is fantastic. Great read all around.

❤ ‘never see it coming’ series, 12k words, Explicit.

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

This features still-a-hunter!Dean and detective!Cas, who gets caught in the middle and pulled along for the ride...until the second part, where HE is the one tracking down Dean. This fic hit every single kink in my repertoire, I’m not even exaggerating. Dean is resourceful and clever, Sam is exasperated, and Castiel is a fucking badass who literally stops at nothing. My only complaint? THAT IT WASN’T LONGER. I need another 100k words in this series, pronto.

#fic recs #my fic recs #destiel #fanfiction #deancas #fanfics #destiel fic recs

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