#ugh. i still dont know how to feel about zhorrid. it's not like you can fix everything every time

[eorzeashan]

I've been ruminating on what happens between Eight and Zhorrid for the past few days, trying to decide whether I was satisfied with the canon outcome... and I really can't say.

Eight has mixed feelings on her. He definitely harbors little to no affection and even less of an interest- but he doesn't deny that she is most certainly a victim of circumstance, and few, if any, would differ from her if put in her shoes. He did not appreciate her wasting personnel and even targeting Imperial Intelligence personally just to try and provoke a reaction out of him, but she promptly gave up when he feigned a stony face both times, leading him to think she must have been taught to be that way. Not that there seems to be much separation between what she was taught and her off-kilter tendencies.

But. The slow bits of background gleaned from her as Jadus' conspiracy unraveled opened his eyes to much of the why that hung in the air between them, and even though nobody would complain if she disappeared, least of all anyone he cared about, being ordered to kill her rubbed him the wrong way.

For all his loyalty to Jadus and the fascination with her father and then adding his natural ease at killing for even less than this on a regular basis, something about Zhorrid...made him want a different outcome. Perhaps it was his discomfort that Zhorrid had such a useless life, belittled by everyone around her and self-aware of her own weakness. Enough to display it openly in front of him. Like some kind of call for help, when she'd given up on everything else. Everything about her was so....useless.

In the game, he killed her after a futile attempt at telling her to flee. In my written canon, I'm debating on the choice of having him knock her unconscious and get Vector to send her to the Ascendancy, where he'll pull a favor from House Miurani and his old mentor to keep her safe in hiding. In that time, Zhorrid takes a very slow road to recovery and ridding herself of the instability from a lifetime of living in her father's shadow, with much resistance every step of the way. However. She finds an unexpected kindred soul in one Raina Temple, who is assigned to personally oversee her, and they accidentally bond over their experiences as Force users divorced from their family.

Eight's not a wasteful person, and killing someone just to open a seat isn't something he understands, absolute orders aside. Would he disobey Jadus for something that has little to no payoff? In this rare case, he might take that gamble because of his need to understand Jadus himself through his daughter, even if it poses a great danger to him.

I also want there to be more moments where Eight openly disobeys/goes against Jadus, as he sees it as a part of his loyalty and duty to Jadus to act against him when he feels it is not beneficial to either of them. "What's the difference if she's dead or alive?" He'd say, after inevitably being found out, "your seat remains. Your daughter's life never opposed that. I did what I thought was necessary. And if you want to punish me for that, go ahead. But I only ask that you make me understand why."

Jadus would definitely be angry that Eight hid such a thing from him, and there'd be a long, tense argument about how a mere underling has no need to understand the master, to which Eight would fire back about how it's not a crime to want to which is exactly what you're doing with the Emperor, and if you wanted a braindead lackey you could've had any of your servants do so but I will not be that for you, and yadda yadda such insolence know your place, and they'd both be out of breath and Jadus would probably storm out of the room after deciding he'd punish him later.

In other words, it'd result in a stalemate, because it's true that Jadus wants an actual partner in Eight. But open defiance must be punished, and Eight accepts that regardless; he'd feel he's won in some way even if he eventually comes to harm at his hand, because he's stubborn in his rebellious love for him and Jadus giving up by acquiescing even when furious would be a sign that he can get through to him. Jadus is even angrier in his seething silence because Eight genuinely harbors no ill-will towards him.

What form that punishment takes in the future is hard to say. Zhorrid wouldn't be appreciative towards him for saving her life either- but Eight would also say something like "I didn't do it to be liked by you," and their rare interactions whenever he comes by to makes sure she didn't kill his entire household and that she's getting along with the Chiss are short and charged, but she begrudgingly acknowledges him eventually. If only for Raina.

The extra headache of fighting with Jadus and then fighting with Zhorrid, and then having to look his estranged adoptive family in the eye every few weeks gives him heavy eyebags, but something in him feels lighter anyways when Keeper gives him a look and pats him on the shoulder as he passes him.