#ugh i wish forever i could? bren there

[thepatricktreestump]

Saudade: Ch10

That week, Brendon had been particularly rough with you. You assumed it was because of your trip to go see Josh about a month prior, or maybe how you confessed that Josh technically never fucked you afterwards, or maybe when you accidentally called him daddy and it turned into a norm between the two of you, or perhaps the argument you had by the pool that one time. You had concluded by now it must’ve been a healthy mix of all of those variables, added in with his normal frustrations at the studio and work, as well as the obvious, which was that you enjoyed it. You loved being absolutely destroyed by Brendon. It was a thrilling sensation, something you had never experienced with anyone else, and you couldn’t get enough of it.

It was late morning, and you and Brendon had decided to sleep in. Faded hickeys on your skin, body sore from the events of last night, both of your naked bodies clinging onto each other, you fluttered open your eyes to the sound of your phone going off. “Ugh,” you groaned, squirming out of Brendon’s embrace to grab your phone off the nightstand charger, making Brendon groggily wake up.

“Mmm? What’s up babe?” he wondered sleepily.

“Josh is calling,” you whispered, rubbing the tiredness from your eyes. “Be quiet for me, yeah?”

“Sure,” he grumbled, pulling you back close to him as you rest your head on the pillow, clicking the accept button and pressing the phone up to your ear.

“Hey y/n!” Josh’s cheery voice greeted through the line. “It’s been a while since we’ve talked.”

“Yeah, it has been,” you cleared your throat. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Josh responded. You envisioned him somewhere in the corner of the tour bus, picking at his shoelaces, snapback on his head, frowning as he talked through the phone. “Still do.”

“What are you up to these days?” you inquired. You felt Brendon’s arm slide over your side and his palm press against your stomach gently, and you decided to ignore it.

“Usual touring stuff,” Josh sighed. “Lots of photoshoots lately, it’s making my anxiety skyrocket. I really wish you were here.”

“Me too baby,” you mumbled, eyeing Brendon strangely as he slid his hand lower, you mouthing for him to cut it out before turning your attention back to Josh.

“Um, right now it’s a little late where I’m at,” his voice lowered. “And I’ve been awful lonely without you.” There was a pause and Brendon took it as his opportunity to slide a finger into your core, making you instantly gasp and drop your phone.

“Fuck!” your eyes widened as Brendon pushed his finger inside you, starting to pump it back and forth. “Oh god, shit.” You closed your eyes and bit down on your lower lip before coming to your senses. “Okay, okay, you need to stop.”

“I thought you enjoyed this,” Brendon whispered into your ear, beginning to add another finger.

“Not the time,” you narrowed your eyes, pushing his hand away from between your legs and picking up the phone, gathering yourself.

“Uh, you okay?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, I just um, I dropped my phone,” you quickly replied, which technically wasn’t a lie. “I was afraid I cracked the screen, but it’s good.”

“Oh,” Josh seemed suddenly quiet. “Well um…” He seemed to have lost his train of thought. “I was thinking, maybe we could do another little Facetime session, hmm?”

You froze, knowing very well Brendon had heard what he said, and you could feel his lips curl up in a smirk against your neck. “Another little Facetime session,” Brendon repeated, softly mumbling the words against your skin. “What might that mean?”

“I-I’d love to, b-but uh, I’m sort of busy right now,” you stammered out nervously.

“With what?” Josh asked, skeptical.

“You’re not busy at all,” Brendon insisted, his voice barely even audible. “Go ahead. Take him up on his offer.”

“Hold on a second,” you quickly told Josh, irritated as you clicked the mute button. You flipped around, forcing Brendon to release his embrace around your body. “Okay, what the fuck is this all about?”

“What? I’m not doing anything,” Brendon quickly argued, playing innocent, reaching to cup your face again, only to have his hand swatted away.

“Oh sure,” you narrowed your eyes. “What’s going on? Are you jealous or something?”

“Pshhh! Jealous?” he scoffed, bursting out into laughter. “No, I would never be jealous of that ignorant lover of yours.”

“Are you jealous because I dropped everything in order to go answer the phone?” you inquired. “Or how I’m trying to give him my full attention?”

“No,” Brendon lied through his teeth, trying to hide the redness in his face. “I told you, I’m not going to get jealous of someone like Josh.”

“Then behave while I finish this phone call,” you snapped, eyes warning him you weren’t playing around, then unmuting the call and pressing it up to your ear. “Sorry about that babe, I just left the oven on and I totally forgot about it. I’m cooking, that’s why I was so out of sorts. You’ve got my full attention now.”

“It’s fine. Forget it,” Josh sighed. “Anyways, I have good news and bad news.”

“Do you now?” you raised your eyebrows, glancing back to see Brendon listening attentively.

“Which one do you want to hear first?” Josh wondered.

“Bad news,” you decided, sitting up in the bed and making Brendon frown at you. You glanced at him annoyed, then complied, putting Josh on speaker phone.

“So I got a call from the apartment complex and they were asking if you were okay,” he explained. “They said nobody had been in our room for weeks at a time and it was starting to worry them, nobody was picking up the mail, that sort of stuff. Did you go somewhere or something? While I was gone?”

“Oh yeah, shit I forgot to tell you,” you quickly lied, apologizing. “Sorry, I just uh, I got really lonely. I started staying with my sister.”

“You don’t talk to her often,” Josh pointed out.

“I know, I thought it’d be a good time to catch up on things,” you shrugged. “With you being on tour and all. I just got lonely, I don’t know. I’m sorry, I forgot about the whole apartment stuff-”

“It’s okay,” he reassured. “I just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. Be sure to tell her hello and thanks. I hope she’s doing a good job taking care of you for me.”

“Yeah she is,” you replied slowly, Brendon staring at you as if wondering how the hell he bought that fib of an explanation. “And uh, don’t worry, I’ll grab the mail this week. And I’ll check up on the place and stuff.”

“Okay, ready for good news though?” Josh asked.

“Definitely,” you laughed, Brendon sitting up beside you, eager to know what it might be as well.

“Tour ends this week!” he declared happily. “I have a flight to come home to you this weekend, I got us some reservations at your favorite restaurant, and I thought we’d end the night with a Disney film. Huh?”

You were speechless, still stuck on the tour ending part. “Oh… T-that’s amazing,” you sputtered out nervously, trying to compose yourself and sound excited. “God, I can’t wait for you to come home.” Brendon eyed you suspiciously, noticing your strange behavior and tone of voice, obvious you were faking it. “That sounds so much fun, I’d love to.”

“I knew you would,” Josh responded cheerily, probably grinning ear to ear by now. “I can’t wait to see you again too.”

“So, uh, tour is done? This week?” you clarified.

“Yup, I can’t believe it either,” he laughed. “I mean, of course we’ll have some events and festivals and shows in between, but I’ll be home. I’ll be all yours.”

“Wow,” is all you managed to reply, the words ‘all yours’ echoing through your mind. It killed you a little bit on the inside that you couldn’t bring yourself to say the same.

“A couple months on the road felt like forever without you,” he sighed. “Anyways, I better get going, I think Ty wants to talk to me about some stuff. I’ll see you. Love you.”

“Love you too,” you replied, hanging up. When the call was complete, you just stared at your phone, still in shock.

“So he’s coming home,” Brendon stated flatly. “Tour’s done.”

“Yeah,” you barely whispered, setting down your phone beside you.

“And what does that mean for us?” he wondered.

“I-I don’t know,” you buried your face in your hands.

“Hey, hey,” Brendon comforted, lowering your hands from your face and tilting your chin up to look at him. “Look, all good things come to an end. You know that as well as I do. I think we’ve run our course, yeah?”

“Bren-” you stared at him, heartbroken and devastated.

“You can’t keep doing this to Josh,” he explained. “You were right, what you were trying to tell me by the pool that day. I was just too stupid to actually listen.”

“No, I didn’t know what I was saying then-” you insisted but Brendon shook his head.

“Look, y/n, I love you. I really fucking do. But it’s wrong. You know it’s wrong too,” he sighed. “We can’t keep doing this. We need to stop, whether we like it or not. You made a promise to him, and I’m not going to be the one to ruin that promise. Understand?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the tears surfacing in your eyes. “It’s for the best.”

“Come here,” he reassured, wrapping his arms around you and letting your bodies fall onto the mattress, him rubbing your back softly, brushing hair out of your face, kissing your forehead. “One last time, my love.”

“Fuck me hard,” you whispered, clinging onto his body as he began to kiss at your neck. “Don’t hold back.”

“Oh sweetheart,” he chuckled, lifting his head and leaning down to where his lips were barely touching yours, his gaze boring into you. “You know I always fuck hard and I never hold back.”

“I know,” you mumbled, giving a small smile. “I think it’s why I’m so addicted to you.”

When he kissed you it was forceful and his hands found your wrists, holding your arms up over your head, his legs straddling your hips, grinding down on your body with his cock and slipping his tongue into your mouth, making you moan. He slid one hand down your neck towards your chest and squeezed your tits, causing you to gasp. “Morning sex is always so nice,” he gave a small laugh, taking a moment to reach into the nightstand and pull out a condom. “You don’t have to mess with the clothes.” He tore open the foil and took a moment to slide it on, staring at you.  “You just get right to the point.” He slid his erection inside you, making you close your eyes and tilt your head up.

“Oh fuck daddy,” you moaned, digging your fingernails into his back as he started to thrust in and out of you. “That feels so good.”

“You have no idea,” he sighed, pushing into you even faster. “God you’re beautiful.”

“Holy shit,” you gasped as you came, him still pounding into you.

“Fuck I am going to miss this way too much,” he groaned, biting down on his lower lip and gripping your waist, relentlessly fucking you.

When he came, you both moaned each other’s names, bodies clinging onto one another and trembling. Brendon kissed your lips, both of you closing your eyes, holding onto each other, desperate for more time, for more opportunities, for more love. “Thank you,” you mumbled, looking up at him. “For everything.” When he pulled away, he stared at you, saying nothing, just climbing off from on top of you and running a hand through his hair, then headed towards the bathroom. You caught your breath on the mattress, closing your eyes, trying to lie to yourself, to say that this isn’t the end, to reassure that there will be other times. But you knew, there wouldn’t be. It was done. It was over.

When Brendon returned, he lay down beside you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “Come on,” he insisted. “Let me drive you home. I’ll help you clean your apartment and stuff, get things back in place, make you ready for when Josh comes home.”

“Okay,” you mumbled, mind still lingering on the what ifs and maybes, still lying to yourself, refusing to believe that this would be the end.

“Hey baby,” he soothed, rubbing small circles on your back. “Come on, let’s get dressed.”

“Just stay with me,” you shook your head. “Just a little while longer.”

“Y/n-” he began to protest, but you looked up at him.

“Please,” you begged, refusing to let the tears fall down your cheeks. “Like you said, one last time.”

“Okay,” he breathed out, biting his lower lip, curling your body up close to his.

Several moments passed, just pure silence. The two of you holding onto each other, your breathing and heartbeats intertwined, the room soothing and comforting. The quietness settled in the air, blanketing over your bodies, and you closed your eyes tight, taking a deep breath. “I love you Brendon,” you whispered.

“I love you too y/n,” he replied, kissing you gently. “I always will.”