#ugh i guess it's the...... persistence of time that im now terrified of
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#fern.txt#ugh i guess it's the...... persistence of time that im now terrified of#or not terrified#it's more like. it's uncomfe. it annoys me. im angry.#i tired of growing up constantly and getting old like... can i just stay a fucking child and then die at some point#im so uncomfe with birthdays actually#its why january is usually so.. bad. for me. idk. the closer i am to my birthday in january the worse i feel?? for some reason?#like i just want to cry or smthin#and it's not like i think 20 is old obviously it's nothing and life is insufferably long but. it's also a lot#and i've been feeling like this about birthdays for as long as i can remember ffs. like i remember being fucking.... 11 or smthin#and i felt uncomfe#i didnt want to be 12#and i look at anyone who is younger than 25 and think. huh. a child. so in that way i do feel young ofc#but also#i dont know i cant put it into words this is incoherent af
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