#ugh i don't know! i can never post it bc it's about tragedy it's about cutting yourself from the story with a knife it's about fourth

[vraska-theunseen]

i found this post in my drafts i forgot about it. i feel like it's incomplete im wondering if the panels from the thathouse google slides comic where the creator says "by the definition of your being, you two can't rebel against me. but I want you to. i believe in free will but I can't give it to you. we're all trapped here." would fit with the "taking hold of the narrative yourself" vibe. im new to web weaving i don't want to mess it up 😔

[vole-mon-amour]

So in the ending where V leaves Johnny with Alt and V becomes the new legend of Night City, Rogue never leaves a video message to V.

So to my understanding, V dies in space, despite us not seeing that? And Kerry still tells V to get back in one piece, so he obviously doesn't know? And all those people that leave their messages don't know?

But Rogue doesn't leave the message because she knows that V simply didn't return and never will?

Currently I'm at, "Why? Why this ending at all, then?" Doesn't seem like a good ending to me (doesn't seem like a good tragedy to me, either, but that's not what I ever wanted from this game, so I'm definitely biased). I mean, I cried way harder here: leaving Johnny and entering the well is way worse than when I crossed the bridge to give him V's body. Though I also started crying again when it was time to leave Kerry. Ugh.

Yo, CDPR, a true happy ending when? Hm?

P.S.: The things I (re?)learned is that, in the end, I really don't care for anyone but Johnny, Rogue, and Kerry. The only character I like V to bake up next to in "Johnny dies" ending is Kerry (and I would love that to be female V, thanks very much), not Judy or whoever. I have tons of feelings about Rogue's reaction to V giving Johnny their body, but that's for another post.

In general, I like Judy (i have my problems with her character, but in the end she, herself, says she was heavily depressed and that leaving Night City was good for her) and Vik (now, that's a good friend.)

Misty is the real one (thinking about PL. Misty, you are so 👏)

Panam is alright, but by no means she'd be my go to (and I dislike her quests.)

I liked Evelyn, but she didn't make it even halfway through the game (I think).

Mama Welles deserves respect for all the things she did for V & for reaching out to V (the question is, whether V wants that bc I have a similar situation irl & it can be very very hard on you mentally.)

The rest characters and nova are kinda meh? Unless I forgot someone.

I didn't think going all the way to the end and through all endings would hit me this hard. It's like, "Why am I crying? I already knew that." Didn't get any easier, though. I love this game (and not so much the DLC, and I refuse to talk about the DLC right now).

(Wish I maxed out my relationship with Johnny on the first run, but oh well.)

[yuukei-yikes]

it makes me so glad u like my saeru post bc honestly i get so scared sharing my kagepro opinions in this cold world but like yeah it's makes zero sense whenever i see people try to view saeru the same way they view the other characters bc that's seriously not the point😭. saeru is like sad from an objective standpoint but in kagepro's narrative alone he's what is holding the characters back from developing and gaining happiness. like the only thing abt him is that he's a fabricated shallow version of what being human is like and even then hes only the horrible parts bc he was created from despair. he's meant to be azami's, and by extent all of the mkdn and co's trauma holding them back. if someone tries to find any understanding in his actions then it defeats the whole purpose of his character. a true saeru fan wouldnt try to find empathy in his character but that sounds a bit crazy uhm. anyway sorry for the long ask just kagepro's narrative is so special to me so it makes me a bit insane. *closes the door to my cage and locks it*

1. i totally get you. ive been into kagepro for almost 10 years, ive grown up with it but only started sharing my content when i made this blog (like 5 years ago) and while ive always been loud abt my opinions i think im only NOW like REAAAAAALLY letting loose. i know what it's like to be nervous abt sharing ur opinions lol but u should keep doing it even if u think no one is listening bc someone IS listening and even if someone isnt WHATEVER i love living in delusion talking to myself that's what i do best

2. EXACTLY EXACTLY IT IS SO SO REFRESHING TO SEE SOMEONE GET IT SO PERFECTLY AND PUT IT INTO WORDS SO PERFECTLY TOO like i barely have anything to add because u just say it so perfectly. saeru IS a tragic character in the way it is created from despair like u said but the fact is that since it cannot feel anything like love u can never truly feel bad for it when it dies... it never wanted to help kenjirou, or save hiyori, or give haruka his life back. its purpose through and through is to keep killing everyone precisely because it brings tragedy. like sure it wants to live forever etcetcetc but what it wants to do is bring misery bc that's what it is

i think ppl are generally bad with characters like these because they try to give everyone a humanity?? like with alien characters for example. like it's such a pet peeve to me that people always wanna apply human principles and feelings to characters that are not... human. and the whole point is that they don't understand it and have to learn it or they just understand it differently or like in this case are straight up incapable of it. like this is so interesting. it is so interesting to have a character u will NEVER truly understand fully precisely because of your existence as a human vs their fictional non human existence. THAT'S the kind of thing that's so fun and interesting abt fiction and writing stories and characters, i think. srry that's kind of an unrelated rant that could apply to dozens of characters but here specifically it's like... yeah. there is definitely something interesting in humanizing saeru and making it be one of these characters who learn what love is and etc but that comes at the expense of kagepro's message and the question is why do u even wanna do that so bad. saeru is not THAT lovable anyway fuck that guy fr

because in my professional kagepro experience and here i am about to get a little bitter, 90% of the time it comes from being horny over omg posessed sexy anime boy bc ive never seen ANYONE objectifying clearing when its in kenjirou's body‼️‼️‼️ personally, that's also why im so UGH EYE ROLL at ppl sympathizing saeru but that's more personal lmao. *shakes fist* like mamoru miyano was 1000% chosen as haruka's va thinking primarily of saeru, secondarily of konoha, and haruka as the oh well he's here too ig. i am so sure. i am so DAMN SURE. u got sexy anime voice guy???? are you SERIOUS??? AND THE FACT HE VOICES SAERU EVEN WHEN NOT POSESSING KONOHA AND SOUNDS...LIKE THAT... MAKES IT MORE THAN CLEAR. THEY WANTED PEOPLE TO OBJECTIFY SAERU SO BAD. AND THE WORST IS THAT IT WORKED AND I WILL ALWAYS HATE IT FOR IT.

...........anyway. yes. i love long asks ty for writing to me and reading my tags and also for writing that awesome post (bow bow bow bow)🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[terrainofheartfelt]

The Derena Breakup(s) Album, A Playlist

was going through it a couple weeks ago, apparently, so I made this playlist. It is very sad. I've no excuse. idk I think I'm most drawn to the tragedy of them? I guess? anyways: Here is the youtube link.

image sources: (X)(X)(X)

track listing & color commentary under the cut:

Little Bit of Love - Kesha We begin our journey in the last handful of episodes of season 1. Desperately Seeking Serena vibes.

Babe, I know that's it's late, I know that I'm drunk / I haven't had a night like this in months

Into Your Arms - The Maine I'm fallin' in love / But it's fallin' apart

I Need My Girl - The National Surface level it’s a love song, but it sounds so...sad.

There's some things that I should never / Laugh about in front of family / I tried to call you from the party / It's full of punks and cannonballers

Plain Sailing Weather - Frank Turner I titled this thing “derena sads” in my spotify library, and this is why. This song is just, ugh, the foyer scene in 1x17. Very few lyrics make me lose my mind as much as the bridge of this song:

Of laying down the bare facts / Like a burden I can't bear / And I can almost find the words / But I can see the way you'd /Fold your hands, speak my name like a curse upon your pretty lips / The pressured white behind your fingertips

Yesterday - The Beatles Love was such an easy game to play / Now I need a place to hide away

Songs for Teenagers - as done by The Gaslight Anthem It's a shame, all the ways we build ourselves up / Just to let each other down

Let It Go - James Bay When we're becoming something else / I think it's time to walk away

The Scientist - Coldplay Very cliche of me I know, but it’s my playlist I do what I want

Questions of science, science and progress / Do not speak as loud as my heart

The Harold Song - Kesha Apart from being an absolute banger, this is Extra in that teen first breakup kinda way

Young love murder, that is what this must be

Bruised - Jack’s Mannequin It’s just because it’s mutual doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Maybe the context isn’t directly relatable, but the emotion definitely is

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes / That I am not there / I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this / Like every inch of me is bruised

drivers license - Olivia Rodrigo Do you - do you think Dan helped Serena practice for her drivers exam (bc Lily wouldn’t) or are you normal?

I know we weren't perfect / But I've never felt this way for no one / And I just can't imagine / How you could be so okay now that I'm gone

Good in Bed - Dua Lipa Obligatory song for the Hamptons and post-Hamptons summer hookups: "You sure that's your heart you're following?"

In the long nights where we did everything but talk it through

Yeah, we don't know how to talk / But damn, we know how to fuck

Come Under the Covers - Walk the Moon The realizing that they’re not going to last past the summer. The elevator break-up.

(Summer is over) / And I can feel the cold changing us inside

The Moon She Has a Jealous Eye - J. Small “I still -” / “I know” are we having fun yet?

How are you supposed to act in these sorts of situations? / The truth is / Tears and hysterics would feel more humane

Uncharted - Sara Bareilles That uncertainty before the first day of school bc they have literally no idea of how to be exes

This is no broken heart / No familiar scars / This territory goes uncharted

Left Handed Kisses - Andrew Bird feat. Fiona Apple they are BAD at being exes

The point your song here misses / Is that if you really loved me / You'd risk more than a few 50 cent / Words in your backhanded love song

Reminder - Mumford & Sons I wasn’t sure how to describe this for a while bc it was just a vibe but oh wait, it’s 2x13

So watch the world tear us apart / A stoic mind and bleeding heart / You never see my bleeding heart

Love on the Rocks - Sara Bareilles s2b weirdness

Here's a simplification of everything we're going through / You plus me is bad news

I Don’t Want to Know - Fleetwood Mac I don't want to stand between you and love / Honey, I just want you to feel fine

Breaking Up Slowly - Lana del Rey It's hard to bе lonely, but it's the right thing to do

April Come She Will - Simon & Garfunkel This playlist came to be bc this song came over my shuffle and it sent me into a Derena Sads spiral. Whoops.

A love once new has now grown old

The Last Time (Taylor’s Version) - tswift feat. Gary Lightbody the backslide ballad. obviously Serena is Gary’s voice and Dan is Taylor’s

And you open your eyes into mine / And everything feels better … You wear your best apology / But I was there to watch you leave

champagne problems - tswift Apart from the lyrics below, the imagery of the chorus reminds me of the sudsnewsletter analysis that talks about how Serena is always elevated above Dan on the staircase, never coming down to him. Idk.

"She would've made such a lovely bride / What a shame she's fucked in the head," they said / But you'll find the real thing instead / She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

Tell Tale Signs - Frank Turner This track is the reason I’m tagging this post with a self-harm mention warning. Skip it if you need to. Big sads indeed. Y’all knew what this was

You will always be a part / Of my patched up, patchwork, taped up, tape deck heart

coney island - tswift feat. The National I have many feelings about dan humphrey singing with that Matt Berninger vocal fry…

And do you miss the rogue / Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? / Will you forgive my soul / When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

Nobody Wins - Brian Fallon I guess we’re never gonna end up the lucky ones

Old Flames - Frank Turner feat. Billy the Kid They’re really bad at being exes.

But do you remember back when we were young and unformed? / It was all so much easier to give of yourself, to fall in love

Poetry by Dead Men - Sara Bareilles Line after line, the words just left to remind / The two of us, oh, what we could have been / Poetry by dead men

This Colourless Role - Susan O’Neill it's a little bit... "you were the love of my life, Dan. I just thought I was yours." but like, Dan POV

You like what is black / I what is white / Somewhere in the middle / The gray part feels right

I’ve lost my mind / but you / still think we shine

First Love - Adele Forgive me, first love, but I'm too tired

Planets of the Universe - Fleetwood Mac I will never love again the way I loved you / You will never rule again the way you've ruled

It’s Too Late - Carole King There'll be good times again for me and you / But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it, too / Still I'm glad for what we had and how I once loved you

The Conversation - Motion City Soundtrack I had a pocket full of dreams / But I gave them all to you / Now I think I want them back

Stomach - Aly & AJ I just can't stomach being your ex-wife / All these memories, they don't feel like mine

21 Days - Brian Fallon Call it breaking a habit / Call it falling out of love

Clean - as performed by Sara Bareilles let’s just extend that metaphor from the last song shall we? With Sara, because she’s just a better vocalist.

The drought was the very worst / When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

happiness - tswift the! fitzgerald! references! Also: dappled with the flickers of light from the dress I wore at midnight - !!! literally the cotillion dress!

All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness / You haven't met the new me yet / And I think she'll give you that