#ugh apologies to everyone else. it just hasn't been a great day

[masked-disciple]

goes to check on a friend's blog

second post is about how transandrophobia (one of the major factors of my life) isn't real and saying it is is secretly transmisogyny

:/

blocks.

[fanficandgossips]

Make me yours, Cho! (Leitor Cho Beom Pal X) (KINGDOM Netflix) (SMUT)

Magistrate Cho is a coward, ugh, very coward! But still, the bravest man I met after the prince himself. He made mistakes, he tried to overcome his fears, and that makes him more of a man than half the men in the kingdom.

How can a man be incapable of taking initiative? They had gotten married a week ago, after the longest engagement he had ever known, such was his cowardice in getting married all at once, and of course he knew it. Everyone rubbed that fact in his stupid face. We got married, and something that was usually done was not being done, well, as the ladies said, it was necessary to carry out the marital ceremonies, where the man and the woman…. Well, they… Heavens! The two of us, together, understand?

Everyone thought he would marry Seo-Bi, but they became great friends, it was clear that it would be just that, and he and I became very close, we became friends, We courted, well, I practically threw myself into that idiot's arms, and he said he loved me one winter day, we got engaged, and we got married.

But why didn't he say what he felt? Was he avoiding that topic?

But it would end, and it would be today! Seo-bi and I talked earlier.

"Tell him! Didn't he really say anything to you?" She exclaimed, twisting her lips in disapproval of her friend's conduct.

"No dear friend, I didn't say anything…" I sighed.

"Different from what he is, in fact, my friend" she concluded "He was always so clumsy, reckless and desperate, he should have already said"

That made me feel even worse, what if he didn't feel anything at all?

She saw my distress, and laughed soberly, it was difficult to see her smile so calmly.

"I think I should tell you" she whispered "He talked to me a night ago.

"Really? About us?" I almost spill hot tea on my wrist as I pour it into the cup, I'm so anxious.

"He said he wanted to tell you how much he liked you, that he feels strange things when he's with you."

"Weird stuff?" I furrowed my eyebrows and became thoughtful.

"Yes, it gets hot, and something in your stomach starts to twist, and your mouth goes dry and…" She was hesitant to finish. I saw that Seo-bi seemed to be trying to be natural, but her face turned pink.

"What else?" she said anxiously, my heart ached with curiosity.

"From my studies, well, all these symptoms, in addition to being in love, mean that he wants to have sex with you" She concluded, quickly eating a cookie.

I felt my face burning, and burning, and burning.

Did he want to consummate? But… Why didn't he visit my quarters?

"He's afraid of doing something he won't like" Seo-bi said, standing up.

"He's slept with other women, hasn't he?" I get up too, it was late. I had to go back, he would soon return home.

"Well, honestly, if he did, it must have been a one-time thing. I've never seen someone so nervous about something so natural." She shrugged.

"And I, Seo-bi, what should I do when he comes looking for me?"

She looked at me, and honestly, I felt like she herself didn't know, well, she understood the anatomy, what was going to be done, but not how it should be done, nor what it was like. She just grabbed my shoulders and said:

"Just turn yourself in, that should be all."

"There are things I've been feeling, the same as him, so does that…mean I should?" I asked, shyly.

"Yes" That was all she said, it was clear that the matter had to be closed.

And that motivated me, finally!

I went home, but not before hugging my dear friend, and then walking, it wasn't far, it was late afternoon, the sun was setting, leaving a crimson trail in the sky. I felt my heart beat and accelerate, I wanted him, I wanted to be his. I didn't really understand what it would be like, but I was determined.

I got home and he was waiting for me.

God, he looked so calm, it barely seemed like he wanted to….

"Dear husband, sorry for the delay" I apologized, taking off my shoes.

"It didn't take long, were you talking to Seo-bi?" He approached "The maid said she would be there"

"Yes, I was talking" I sat at the table, distressed.

He looked so handsome, the last rays of sunlight were illuminating his face through the cracks in the window, he was wearing a different outfit than the one he wore at work, simple but still delicate and refined, his hat was still in his hands, which indicated who had just arrived, his face always slightly flushed, his big and soft body, his delicate mouth that always wore a big smile, everything about him was so good… It was happening.

I felt my heart tighten, as did my stomach, my throat slowly drying out… And suddenly, I sighed, as if that could lessen the heat that had started very slowly.

"You're looking at me, okay?" He caught my attention, worried. "Did you go look for Seo-bi because she's sick, dear?"

Always so worried and servile.

"I need to ask you something" I took courage, and started, getting back to my feet.

"Anything" He was still standing, and instinctively held my hands.

"Why don't we ever…don't we ever sleep together if we're married? Don't you like me?" I looked at him, distressed.

His first reaction was to blush, but that didn't shock him as much as he expected, instead he just let go of my hands, looking even more shy.

"Honey…" he swallowed, "You mean…"

"Marital Duties" concludes.

"You please me, yes, you please me very much! How can you think otherwise?" He seemed to be trying to comfort me, but I didn't want that.

I wanted answers.

"You want me…?"

I asked without thinking, damn it.

"I…"

He backed away, again, he looked cowardly, his face flushed more, and he ran his tongue over his dry lips.

"Answer, please! What are you afraid of, Cho?"

I never called him that, not even when I was angry, usually he was my sweetheart, my husband, and in funny moments, I called him a silly magistrate, and he laughed.

But not now, I wanted him to tell me, if he didn't want me, I would never ask him to consummate again, we would just stay married, or not, it doesn't matter. It was indecent what I was doing, but I needed to know if something was wrong with me, or with us.

He looked at me, slightly attentive.

"Try to understand… I want to, we should… But I'm afraid of.." he breathed anxiously.

"Afraid to lie down with me?"

"Afraid you won't like it…and…"

"But I want him, I want him….A lot. So please don't be a coward." I stated, approaching, he was static.

"I want to give myself up.." I intertwined our hands.

It was the end, now he would run away, reject me… Or pass out.

But no, he held me by the waist, and gave me a kiss, not on the forehead, not on the face, on the lips. And by heaven, a real kiss.

He kissed me, passionate, desperate, his mouth moved like I had never felt, his lips touched me, in a way that lit the fire in my heart.

"Husband…" I separated from him, my body warm. "Do it again"

He did so, once again, he kissed me, but now he lifted me in his arms, as if I were a feather, and carried me to my room, to our room.

I felt the tip of his tongue wanting to explore, I gave way, in an inexperienced way, and it was delicious, it was good, so good. He laid me on the bed, looked at me, with devotion.

"I'm a fool" he said, now kissing my hands "I always wanted this, but I feared it so much..."

"Cho, my beloved Cho Beom, I love you, and I know with all my heart that you would never hurt me" I say affectionately, stroking his beard, his tied up hair

He then smiled, relieved. The candle light was lit, he just turned it off. Suddenly, I heard the sound of silk running across the floor, without rushing, and when I touched him again, I felt the skin on his back. As hot as summer.

"I want to touch you all over" he confessed, in a low voice, kissing my shoulders which he moved the fabric out of the way.

"So soft... My beautiful wife" he murmured passionately, as he undid each tie on my dress.

His touch was gentle, soft, but there was also strength in it, when he squeezed my waist so I could feel him against him, a sound came out of me, warm and pliable.

"Husband...what should I do?" I whispered very quietly, he was just touching me but I didn't know if he should touch me more than he already had.

"Do what you want" he said as his mouth explored my bare chest, which caused me to make more low noises. His mouth was boiling on my skin.

I touched his strong back and his soft skin, I went down his ribs which made him sigh deeply, his belly was soft, he wasn't a strong man in the sense of a warrior, he was robust, and I admired him.

He seemed in a trance, his desire consuming him, suddenly, I felt his tongue against my breast, his mouth opened in a moan, I was afraid that this would make him back away, but no, he took it in a more intense way, he kissed my breast me again and again, he seemed hungry, hungry for me.

I felt something wet and increasingly warm forming between my legs. What was?

"love... My body is... burning" I said between low moans.

"where does it burn?" He asked patiently, kissing me again as much as he could.

I didn't know if I should show it, it was my intimacy that was burning, it was hot and hot without stopping, but I remembered what Seo-Bi ​​said, I needed to surrender. So I took his hand and led him there

I heard his breathing become rapid, and something came out of his mouth, a sensual and husky sound, he ran his fingertips over my slit, that...oh that was good.

"Here my dear?" He whispered, his voice filled with something he had never seen.

"Yes...husband" I murmured, and instinctively, I rubbed myself against his fingertips, trying to get relief from that heat "Please..."

Didn't you understand why I begged, what I begged for? I felt the urge for relief, he seemed as hot as an oven, his skin was already damp with sweat, and something pressed hard against my thigh.

It was something hot, very hot that pressed me, he slid his fingers along my intimacy, which made me whimper, which made him sigh deeper, then I felt something.

"Honey... this might hurt, we don't need to continue if you're scared" he warned, but I held him by the shoulders. I wanted this.

And he didn't back down, for the first time. I felt something trying to invade me, something hot, I felt a painful needle, but he calmed me down, holding me in his arms. But the pain quickly stopped.

I felt him whole with me, our bodies connected. He was breathing deeply, heavily, and seemed to want to move, but held back.

Until slowly, he kissed me, and then he moved, thrusting into me, it was big, it filled me all over. My moan came out needy. I really wanted him to be mine. He continued, moving slowly back and forth, holding me tight, letting me drag my nails down his back. As my moan became louder, he increased the speed.

"My...my love.. oh, my... love" I said between moans, calling him. And that drove him crazy.

"My...my wife, only mine, my sweet woman" he said, in a loving, needy, possessive tone.

He didn't stop, he was going strong now, pressing me, his head against my neck, the strands of hair now sticking to his face, and my hair spread across the bed. I felt something forming in my stomach.

I moaned, without context, I clung to him, it felt so good to be his, I felt something pulse in me several times. Which made him roar with desire. Until the knot in my stomach became very, very strong.

"Cho...I...I think something is happening" she drawled.

"Let go...whatever it is"

he said, and then kissed me deeply. And then I got lost. I let go, rolled my eyes as I felt a release come. And he, releasing something hot on me, so hot...

We become one. He hugged me, and lay down next to me. He kissed my forehead several times, his altered breathing, along with mine, was all we heard. Until he said:

"I love you, and now...you are my wife and I will take care of you until my hair turns white"

"I will stay by your side, and raise our children, until my hair turns white" I promised, holding his hand.

It didn't take long and we fell asleep. I was his. And he wasn't that cowardly. He was my husband, my lovely magistrate.

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends —Part 14

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.  

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually) 

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally. 

Series masterlist

"We haven't spoken on a while, I hurtled him, he was in love with me and I told him all that awful shit," Sofia answered Mandy when she asked if she's been talking to Chris. "Never apologized properly and basically broke up over a text. It's okay though, it's the best for him."

Mandy stayed quiet for a bit, looking at the road ahead while she drove to a doctor's appointment, there were going to get the baby's gender and she was going to keep the secret and go the whole baby reveal the gender. 

"I think he's seeing someone," Mandy told her and Sofia blinked. 

"Oh," 

"He's coming over this weekend, to the party." 

"Oh," 

"Say something more than oh?"

"I don't know what to say, alright. I can deal with it, I'm a big girl." Sofia said as her hands just started sweating out of nervousness. 

"Sure, looks like it. Big girl fucking sweating," Amanda pointed out and Sofia gives her a look. 

"Thanks for letting me know though," She said and sigh. "I'm getting so fucking drunk, I love you but I'm gonna be hammered enough for people to avoid me." 

"You can deal with whatever you want to, baby. I'm giving you a free pass," Amanda told her. "Dad still pretty stingy about me pregnant, so he's probably gonna be there drinking with you."

"He's excited, but he still sees you as your little girl, I mean, he probably it's picturing Luke cumming inside you." She laughed as Amanda hit her. 

"You're fucking disguising, ugh!" She punches her in her arm and her leg and then laughed. "It's probably true," 

They laughed together and after they leave the appointment Sofia couldn't stop crying when she saw the little peanut moving inside of her best friend. 

"Oh my fucking God, I'm so fucking emotional," She was sobbing as they climbed the car once again. 

"Don't you dare to fucking say it," Amanda threaten her as she started the car. "Don't, don't. Or yes, oh my fucking God tell me—" She turned to look at her. 

"You made me promise, I can't—you tell me this was gonna happen." Sofia laughed as she wipes her tears. "It's only two days, you'll be fine," She waves her off. 

"Two days, I can do that. Yes, sure. I can." 

~~~

She hasn't really had time to sat down and process what Mandy had told her in the car, Chris coming and he's seeing someone, that she thinks he's seeing someone. 

She was sitting cross-legged on the fluffy carpet as she eyed her cellphone, old messages between them still there and she types a 

—Hey Chris, heard you're back 

She didn't press send, it was just sitting there. Staring back at her, bold black letters getting bigger. 

"I shouldn't, God I shouldn't." She said to herself and grabbed her phone and deleted the text, reading the last text he sent. 

—I'm doing good, Sof, thanks for asking. 

God, that was cold and made her cry, I deserve it. She never went around to answer him, he never texted something else, that was two months ago. 

"What I'm doing?" She asked herself she read and still re-read the text. "He's seeing someone," 

With a sigh she let her cellphone on the carpet and get on dressing herself for the party, it was the engagement party slash gender reveal, so it was a huge thing. Everyone was coming, friends, family. 

She started drinking while getting ready, she was officially living alone for the past month because Mandy was living with her soon to be husband as she should be and she was pregnant, closer to her parents and Luke's family. Everything was going so great for everyone else and she felt like shit for the past four-month, depressed was an understatement.

Still, she made the party just in time. Carrying the cake she made with the stupid pink or blue gender reveal. Heels clicking on the floor as she made way between the people, stopping every two seconds saying hello to someone. 

It was draining, she wasn't in the mood to speak with everyone. Her hands were sweating as she played with the hem of her pretty pink bodycon dress and locked herself in the mirror, stressed, depressed, and about to see the guy you broke his heart and know she's probably in love with him. 

"Fuck my life," She mutter at herself in the mirror and grabbed the beer she was nursing, officially she was tipsy. 

More people were coming in and the place was slowly but steady was getting crowded, music was playing on the background. Sofia spotted Amanda and Luke, speaking with people kissing and hugging each other. She couldn't help but smile, they so deserve each other. 

"Holy shit," She heard a voice, and a pair of hands slide on her waist and pulled her back. "You look fucking gorgeous, never knew that pink was your color." It was Scott, placing a kiss on her cheek as she laughed. 

"Never used it, guess is a special occasion," She smiles posing at the same time. "I'm so glad you could make it," 

"I told you I'll be here," 

"Yeah, he's here isn't he?" Sofia asked and Scott changed his face for a second. 

"He is but he didn't come alone," Scott said as Sofia looked at him. "I was very vocal that he shouldn't come with her because it wasn't fair to you and it's very recent but she was supposed to go back to LA this afternoon but her flight got delayed for tomorrow morning—" 

Sofía ears were ringing as Scott keep explaining how Chris came with another woman, this is it—whatever little figment of hope that maybe Chris felt something for her still was light on fire, destroy. It was gone. 

"Okay," Sofia said looking at him. "It's fine I don't care." She shrugged, she did care, she obviously did care. "You want a drink?, I need a drink and there are these little things," Sofia made a gesture. "They're tiny but delicious."

Scott was amazed at the state of denial she had quickly reach, of course, he was going to play along. This wasn't the time to get her to talk. 

~~~

It was hard for not seeing her in the crowd, little pink dress running around always with a drink in her hand. Chris felt his stomach turn around all the time he catches sight of her. 

"Hey maaaan," He heard Luke's voice calling him and Chris smile, giving each other a hug. "Mandy is mad as hell, you prepare yourself." Luke laughed and Chris sigh. 

Oh he knew, he knew. 

"Yeah, I gather she'll be…" Chris said and looked at the girl beside him that was mingling like a pro, chatting with people.

"Chris!," Mandy said with a smile appearing from nowhere, the smile was there but the murderous look couldn't be hidden. 

"Hey Mand, looking good as ever," He embraces her and she whispered on his ear. "I'm going to fucking kill you," She laughed and grabbed his arms. 

Chris grabbed her hand and walked her to a little more private part, they needed to talk this out. 

"I didn't want to bring her, she wasn't even supposed to be here. I'm sorry," Chris said and Mandy looked at him. 

"I understand that I do. And it's okay, you don't wanna be an asshole she probably doesn't deserve that but," She took a breath." but not long ago you were crying in my fucking couch of how much you love that girl over there that's barely holding it together since all of this exploded, crying at every stupid thing and dealing with her guilt,"

"She broke out with me over text, Amanda. Basically told me that I wasn't important enough, didn't want to talk things out. She ended it," 

"She's in love with you. Sofia is in love with you and she doesn't know how to approach you to talk things out. She's awkward because she wants to do things right by you, dude." Amanda explained and Chris put both hands on his head,  "And them me being pregnant, getting married and I moved out. I know she's happy for me and it's rooting for me but there's a lot of change," Amanda said wiping her tears. "I know she feels left out and now you showed up to my engagement party with someone else while my best friend is literally trying to get it together." 

"Baby, we gotta keep going," Luke appeared, and Amanda sigh, walking away with her fiancé. 

~~~

Both are idiots, you guys agree?

Tag list:

@smediumsmeatbae

@lunaticbarnes

@firstangeldragonranch

@lovepeacefood

@thegirlwithpaperheart

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: I can't believe you're going along with this craziness Nancy: Oh my god, Rio Rio: I know it's fast Rio: but really, what difference does it make Nancy: It's not just fast, it's rushed Nancy: Not to sound like my mother but he should literally be at school Rio: I did tell him to go back Rio: He just wants to help with all the mess here Nancy: By leaving to jet off and get married? Yeah okay Rio: Well, obviously that's different Rio: but that's for me Nancy: My parents are gonna kill him, you do know that, right? Rio: I know Rio: but like I said, everyone knew Rio: it wasn't just empty words, we were always going to go through with it Nancy: Jesus Nancy: When he'd graduated, sure Nancy: Not now Nancy: He's not even started uni yet Rio: Give him chance to see the world and change his mind Rio: I know that's what your family wants, it's alright Nancy: If you're thinking there's a chance of it too, don't marry him Nancy: You're already engaged, everyone knows he's with you Nancy: You don't need to prove he's locked down before freshers week, like Rio: That's not why we're doing this Rio: Or how I am Nancy: Explain it to me then, 'cause lord knows he hasn't Rio: It is getting a little old, like Rio: Because we want to be married Rio: How else is there to say it Nancy: But why can't you just wait? Rio: Why should we though? Nancy: There's only a million reasons Nancy: Namely you aren't kids anymore and know how to be mature about things Nancy: Everyone would wanna be there, not tacked on as an afterthought, like Nancy: He should want to not spend all my parents money on this and wait until he's earning his own Nancy: You don't even live together Nancy: Do I actually have to go on? Rio: No you don't Rio: none of you want to be there Rio: and your parents don't specify what he's gotta do with the ridiculous amount of money they throw at him so Rio: if they wanna now it's a bit late, isn't it Nancy: That's not true Nancy: You're being unfair Nancy: Give me some credit if not them, I've been nothing but supportive Rio: I'm not saying you've not accepted that it's happening Rio: most have but no one's happy about it and that's fine Rio: can't force it but why wouldn't we want to do it alone without the pressure and background thought of all your lots bullshit, you know Nancy: No, you're just saying I wouldn't wanna be there Nancy: I love you both Rio: We'll have another one Rio: Later, with everyone Nancy: That's not the same Nancy: That's just a party Rio: What, you're really invested in the religious ceremony now or the legality of it all? Rio: It'll be the same Nancy: You're gonna be a bitch to me right now, really? Nancy: Okay fine Rio: I'm not trying to be a bitch but really Rio: it isn't an argument, stick to your former points if you like Rio: but that ain't valid Nancy: Oh my god, Buster spends all this time acting like I don't care, basically telling me I don't and now when I'm trying to show that I do neither of you want it Rio: Because it only comes up whenever y'all want us to not do something Nancy: Don't lump me in with my parents Nancy: That's so rude Rio: Sorry Rio: We told you because you are different Rio: and we weren't going to just do it and give you no warning Nancy: But not different enough that you actually want me there Nancy: Or that you don't think I need to be warned like this is the worse news ever or something Rio: It's hardly personal, come on Rio: We don't want anyone there Nancy: It's personal to me Nancy: I've only got one brother Rio: He isn't dying Rio: This doesn't need to be the thing it's becoming Rio: plenty of couples do the official wedding before the reception and all that, it's not that different Nancy: Other couples don't matter to me Nancy: And I don't know how you don't get what a big deal this is, not only that you're getting married, which is one thing Nancy: But also that you're basically doing it in secret again Rio: It's not a secret Rio: it's just for us Rio: I want to do one thing for myself Rio: all due respect this isn't about any of you Nancy: I'm not trying to make you feel bad Nancy: Or take anything away from you Nancy: Honestly Nancy: I'm just trying to get my head around this Rio: Yeah Rio: It's okay Rio: I know it's sudden, like I said Nancy: I know he really wants this Nancy: I could tell Nancy: I just Nancy: Is anything ever gonna calm down with this family, or? Rio: Probably not Rio: Looking unlikely Nancy: If you're happy that's all I want Nancy: Oversimplified maybe but Rio: I know it's not going to make you happy Rio: I'm just trying to say Rio: do you have to be unhappy about it, like Rio: it's not the worst thing, yeah Nancy: I'm not unhappy, I was just shocked Nancy: This is my brother you're marrying, you know Nancy: It's not exactly typical of him Rio: I know Rio: I know it's weird, like I am aware Rio: but it just is, you know Nancy: I understand Nancy: You want what you want Nancy: You can't unwant it 'cause someone else tells you to or isn't happy about it Nancy: You shouldn't have to Nancy: You literally don't have to, like Rio: Yeah Rio: Pretty much Rio: I'm sorry Nancy: Don't apologize Nancy: I couldn't just not be gay when I was getting bullied for it Nancy: I'm glad I don't like boys, believe me Nancy: Buster's the happiest he's ever been, you did that. So don't be sorry Rio: I didn't mean for any of this to happen Rio: to like him, I just did Rio: but I can't live an apology when I don't feel it anymore Nancy: I know Nancy: You love each other, you don't get to control that Nancy: And its a good thing, even when it doesn't feel like it Nancy: Who wants to be alone? To fight against what they want? Nancy: You're happy so be it Rio: Thanks, Nance Rio: You know we love you too Nancy: I know you do Nancy: Jury's still out on him Rio: Nah Rio: He does Nancy: Today maybe Nancy: 'Cause I'm not gonna tell mum and ruin his life Rio: Least wait 'til we're outta the country Rio: wouldn't put it past her to get us on the no-fly list Nancy: I'm gonna let her see all his bragging on the socials instead Nancy: More fun that way Nancy: "Your classroom looks suspiciously tropical, Buster" Nancy: While Dad just hits him with "Cool pic" Rio: 😂 Rio: Gonna laugh whilst I can Nancy: Me too Nancy: On the plus side, I think you've taken the heat off me at least until I graduate, so thanks Rio: Easy Rio: if I live to cause more turmoil you're very welcome Rio: what are the hated daughter-in-laws for after-all Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Oh honey, once you're married in you're gonna wish she hated you Nancy: She's gonna get so invested in your life Nancy: Can't have you ruining his, after all Rio: I'll take it Rio: Didn't stick around for career's advice and I could do worse, like Nancy: True Nancy: I'm just basking in the joy of knowing it literally doesn't matter who I bring home Nancy: Oh the freedom Rio: 😏 Rio: Charming Nancy: You know what I mean Nancy: I could be fucking my therapist and it'd be sidelined by this Rio: Well Rio: are you Nancy: Gross Nancy: No Rio: That's alright then Nancy: But she constantly says I need to be single for a while, so she clearly wants me for herself Rio: Deffo Nancy: Like, excuse you, Diane, I've been single for 18 years near enough Nancy: 1 girlfriend, honey, we've talked about it, get with the program Rio: Basically a nun Rio: out here calling you a dirty jezzie Nancy: Yeah, I know Nancy: Thank god you're giving me time to find a date for the other wedding Nancy: Clearly I'll need it, or a new therapist Rio: If you're moving Diane in, then yeah Rio: Unprofessional Nancy: Lord Nancy: She is so not the one Nancy: I think I hate her? Is that meant to be a thing? Rio: Probably Rio: You're stubborn and she's essentially telling you what to do Nancy: It's even worse Nancy: She makes me tell myself 🙄 Rio: Yeah Rio: Smug, init Nancy: It really is Nancy: Ugh enough about me Nancy: When are you going? What are you wearing? Rio: Brazil Rio: and Christ knows, oddly I don't have a wedding dress just hanging about Rio: I'll find one there, I guess Nancy: The question was when, he told me where but he hadn't got that far Nancy: I think he thinks you're gonna call it off unless you've made it to the actual plane Nancy: Just don't get married in a white bikini, yeah? Rio: Oh, my bad Rio: Head is truly all over the place Rio: Well, I am that tacky Nancy: 😲 take that back right now Nancy: You are not Nancy: This isn't the mindset Rio: Do you wanna like, moodboard my shotgun wedding for me? 😂 Rio: That's what I'm hearing here Nancy: UM YES Nancy: Get some Chanel and YSL involved, like Rio: Noted Rio: Whether that's the old or new depends how skint we're feeling once we're there, clearly Nancy: It's got to be classic or I'm disowning you Nancy: I'll allow you to save the real designer labels for the big day, bit of Vera or whoever but I can only budge so far, sorry Nancy: The silhouette is still everything even if he's the only one seeing it Rio: 😂 Rio: That's what I'm saying, stick with the bikini Rio: He'll be blown away Nancy: 🙄🙄 Nancy: That's so disgustingly true as well Nancy: Men Rio: Oh please Rio: Like you wouldn't wanna see your wifey like that Nancy: I'm not getting married ever but if I did, that woman better dress up for me Nancy: Whole 9 yards Nancy: Did you see my mother's wedding dress? Iconic Rio: Hmm Rio: Maybe you're right Rio: Great, now I gotta stress about that Rio: Thanks bitch 😜 Nancy: I would say sorry but I'm not Nancy: You can wear a bikini any time, you'll be going for like a week + Nancy: Besides, he's the kind of boy who actually appreciates clothes Nancy: Labels anyway Rio: I blame you entirely Nancy: Not sorry, again Rio: You can explain my sudden cold feet to him then Nancy: Gladly Nancy: Me and him haven't argued in so long Rio: 😑 Nancy: It would get something back to normal, that's all I'm saying Rio: Who wants normal? Nancy: Um Nancy: Me Rio: Nah Rio: Only 'cos you ain't had it Rio: No fun, trust Nancy: Alright, Diane 2.0 😏 Rio: Don't get ideas Rio: I know you love me but Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Are we gonna have time to do a hen before you go or are you literally flying out when you close this convo? Rio: Who? Me, you and Indie Rio: That would be interesting Nancy: Well, just me and you then Rio: I don't actually know, I'll have to check Rio: I know we were planning for asap but might've given himself a day to pack Rio: you know how it is Nancy: Tell him he can come to the spa too, he'll make time for that Rio: Yeah? Rio: Alright, prep us for the long ass flight Nancy: He loves a facial as much as I do, more probably Nancy: Not to mention a massage Rio: 😏 Rio: Know I'm meant to be mature and everything but Rio: lmao Nancy: DO NOT Nancy: So gross Rio: You said it! Rio: I can't help that Nancy: And you know exactly how I meant it 😒 Nancy: Just 'cause neither of us should be in white dresses no need to disgust me, thanks Rio: 😂 Rio: I'm not sorry Nancy: Well, please change your mind on that Nancy: 'Cause I'm too gay and too related for this, like Rio: That doesn't work getting you out of family functions, it's not gonna work now, babe Nancy: So mean Nancy: Okay fine I'm too single for this Rio: Aww Rio: I don't think we should go to that kinda spa Rio: too weird even for me Nancy: Oh god Nancy: 🙈🙉 Rio: What are hen parties for? Rio: I see why you're so keen now Nancy: I've never been to one Nancy: Thankfully Ro didn't get that far Rio: Shame Rio: I'd have loved to get her a stripper Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Librarian or something Rio: Sexy Rio: Drew probably would've done it Rio: the actual horror Nancy: I just choked on my coffee Nancy: and I'm this close to throwing up Nancy: But it's helped me think of the best stripper for her Nancy: Jesus himself Nancy: Sexily removes crown of thorns Rio: STOP Rio: Nothing hotter than blasphemy Nancy: I WISH I COULD Nancy: Help me actual Jesus Rio: He ain't gon' save you now Rio: fully looking the other way Nancy: Turning that chiseled jaw line 💔 Rio: Gutted Rio: Yeah, you gay, but you're a fellow ginge Rio: no loyalty Nancy: No way he was ginger Nancy: Or that he looked as much like a woman as he does in the art Rio: You should be living for femme Jesus Nancy: I didn't say I wasn't Nancy: Just that it's unlikely Rio: If you wanna chat theology, hit up your auntie fr Nancy: No thanks Nancy: I've done enough babysitting of them both recently Rio: Fun Rio: I just can't wait for the 2 month update when she tells us about all the things Astrid can do Rio: like, blink, cry, shit Nancy: Don't Nancy: There'll be a newsletter Nancy: Why do you think I wanna come to brazil? I'm planning to stay away until the christening is a distant memory Nancy: She's been planning it since before the baby came out, I swear Rio: Gotta get into heaven, mama Rio: the christening dress, good lord Rio: at least she's a girl, the poor baby boys Nancy: Right? Nancy: She wants to approve my outfit too Nancy: Excuse me, who am I? When have I ever made a faux pas Rio: 😂 Unlucky Rio: No showing your knees in church, bitch Nancy: 😒 Nancy: Poor Diane, it's all she's heard about 'cause I'm furious Nancy: Like, I'm not even joking I've had to send her links of what I'm going buy and she's said no to several looks Rio: The cheek Rio: you can't dress code a christening Nancy: Do you see Buster sending her pics of suits, no you do not Nancy: Golden boy could turn up topless in speedos and she wouldn't care Rio: Fresh from Ipanema Rio: She's gonna be 💔 about this wedding forreal Nancy: At least her and mum can bond over it Nancy: Break their silence Nancy: 🙄 Rio: Yeah? Rio: I knew my mum said it'd been pretty quiet Nancy: Better than them screaming at each other Nancy: Astrid doesn't need that Rio: I guess Rio: Was never going to be a joyous time was it Nancy: Not really Nancy: I don't blame you for wanting to leave Rio: Not like I'm allowed 'round that drama anyway Rio: got enough, still Nancy: Yeah Rio: Ah well Nancy: Feel free to join me in therapy Nancy: Buster won't Rio: You're good Rio: Wouldn't know where to begin, like Nancy: It's not as if I did either Nancy: I still don't Rio: Does it help? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: It doesn't, not help, if that makes sense Nancy: Like, I don't feel any worse Nancy: So maybe? Rio: It ain't hurting at least Nancy: Yeah Nancy: And I'll take that Nancy: It's weirdly nice to have someone to talk to, who's not too busy to really listen Rio: Yeah Rio: It makes sense Rio: and someone who odds on has a chance of knowing what they're chatting Nancy: It does make you feel less crazy when they don't look at you like 😲😲😲 Rio: Can't teach that poker face in Psych 101 Nancy: I thought I had a good one but she's taken it well and truly up a notch Rio: I think about the bad things too much as is though, never mind setting aside time for that shit Nancy: Me too Nancy: I could not feel more self indulgent, believe me Rio: Nah Rio: I think it's a good thing Rio: I just don't want to Nancy: I get it Nancy: Most days I don't want to, still Nancy: If she'd just let me text her I'd never go, like Rio: You just want her personal number, babe Nancy: 😂 Nancy: I told you, she's not the one Rio: Whatever you say, honey Nancy: Shush, bitch Rio: 😂 Nancy: I've text my brother about the spa, if I don't hear back I'll assume he's already got you in the air Nancy: Or, you know, he's being a prick Rio: 👍 Rio: I'll confirm either with a plane selfie Rio: or lack of, obvs Rio: Can you like Rio: just keep an eye on Indie when we are gone Rio: you don't have to do anything but she was a bit gutted so Rio: Everyone else will be too but yeah Nancy: Sure Nancy: Do you want me to text you updates spy style or do you want blissful ignorance? Rio: Put it this way Rio: Unless it's an emergency I can sort from Brazil Rio: I don't really want disturbing Rio: but you know the drill actual, keep an eye, tell the olders if she needs nagging into coming home for tea Nancy: Gross but fair Nancy: Okay Rio: Come on Rio: It's my honeymoon, what do you think gonna happen Nancy: I know what will I just don't need to think about my brother being the one doing it to you or with you Nancy: Thanks Rio: Don't be blowing up my phone then babe 😘 Nancy: You wish Rio: You know Rio: Forever holding out hope Nancy: It's fine, we don't need to make it competitive, I'm better Rio: 😂 Rio: That's the spirit Nancy: It's less of a brag more of a fact, really Nancy: Not saying you should dump him and marry me but Rio: Well if that's not what you're saying, why are you saying it at all? Nancy: I'm just saying if you did you know you wouldn't regret it, babe 😏 Rio: I would when you leave me high n dry and 💔 Nancy: Rude Nancy: I would never Rio: Sure 😏 Rio: Say that now Nancy: You're breaking my heart now! The love is real Rio: What can I say? Rio: Can't even hypothetically do him like that Nancy: So cute Rio: Yeah yeah Nancy: I better text him again to find out what he's planning to wear Nancy: Be awkward now if he didn't put the effort in, like Rio: You can bond over it Rio: you 🤓s Nancy: Like you're too cool to care, yeah? Nancy: You love to look good, too Rio: This? Rio: So effortless, naturally Nancy: You can fool him with that, but not me Rio: Rude Nancy: Now you know how the slander feels Nancy: I'm off to cry over the one that got away, obviously 😏 Nancy: Doubting my devotion Rio: Now I know why I don't go out with women Rio: fuck you knowing all my secrets, no thanks Rio: but okay then, see you getting a facial or not 😜 Nancy: Nobody knows all mine Nancy: Work on your excuses for why we can't be together before I see you next, yeah? Rio: Diane's working on it Nancy: She wishes Nancy: I'm not planning on seeing her every week for the rest of my life Rio: 💔 Nancy: That's my reputation, amongst other things so Rio: Gotta keep up appearances, babe Rio: Lord knows we're letting the side down Nancy: Anything for you, my love Rio: 💘 Nancy: You can invite Indie to the spa too, I promise not to seduce her in the sauna or anything Rio: I should hope the fuck not Rio: Not just jealousy talking Nancy: I should hope not Nancy: But I just mean, don't not invite her on my account, you know Rio: Of course Rio: I dunno what she'd make of it but I'll defs invite her Nancy: We might make a convert of her Nancy: The gay agenda Rio: Truly Rio: I just hope your brother is bringing back food she can eat Nancy: He's lived with you guys long enough Nancy: Must have a clue by now Nancy: I know he's a man but he's one with a brain Rio: And tastes that range beyond Maccas but Rio: he does his best, bless him Nancy: 😂 Nancy: I won't tell him if you don't Nancy: Big enough head, like Rio: That I can manage to keep from him, like Rio: Probably Nancy: You went from definitely to maybe so fast I didn't even get to challenge it Nancy: Disgustingly cute Rio: Progress from just plain disgusting Rio: I'll take it Nancy: I mean, you'll always be in hetero hell but Rio: 😏 Rio: I promise, it's not that bad Nancy: um okay sure Nancy: Unlikely story Rio: 😂 Rio: Not gonna make you try it, it's alright Nancy: You couldn't Nancy: We're over the age of sitting around getting dared to kiss Rio: Sure, you're saying that tonight Nancy: I'm saying that every night if you're offering me a man Rio: Suit yaself, butch Nancy: I will Nancy: Your taste is questionable, babe Nancy: Buster McKenna, of all people Rio: I've done considerably worse but that makes the bit less funny so Rio: go off Nancy: Thanks for letting me have my moment there Rio: Gotta get that best man material out somehow Nancy: Oh god Nancy: Am I gonna have to make a speech? Rio: Say what you like Rio: your brother would never hate you that much Nancy: I'll take that Rio: Though if you get pissed Rio: no stopping you Nancy: 🤐 Rio: I hope so, bitch Nancy: I'll have a date to impress/behave for, won't I? So Rio: Good luck 'cos doubt the rest will be on same orders Rio: dread to think 🙄 Nancy: Lord, don't put off the fictional lady before I've even properly thought her up Rio: My bad, my bad Rio: we're all totally sane and respectable Nancy: The numbers alone is intimidating without having to consider any of the personalities attached Nancy: Actually gonna die alone Rio: Not saying keeping it in the family is the way forward but at least I don't have to introduce him Nancy: I just loled Nancy: Won't be explaining that one to my barista Nancy: No offense Rio: Sure the town's already said it's piece on this one Nancy: Undoubtedly Nancy: School is even more fun now, like Rio: Soz Nancy: You really sound it, babe Nancy: I don't care, its not as if I have friends here anyway Nancy: Other than in the family Rio: Well, they'll find a reason to chat shit on us regardless Rio: Always have Nancy: Yeah Nancy: It's no different from my old school other than the accents they use when they slag you off Rio: Basically Rio: It's all the same shit Rio: why you think I left Nancy: I hope that wasn't the only reason Rio: Well no Rio: 'Course not Rio: There was just no reason to be there Nancy: Like Chlo Nancy: Did Buster tell you she left? Rio: Yeah Rio: I'm not secretly pregnant with a baby that's taking it's time though Rio: just FYI Nancy: Me either Nancy: I only kissed her, I swear Nancy: He must be so relieved she's gone though Rio: Yeah, seriously Nancy: I can't believe her and James haven't broken up yet Nancy: I bet he's glad he doesn't have to see as much of her too Rio: Must be a record, right? Rio: Way they all bedhop Rio: Be gladder when the baby's here and he ain't tied to it 24/7 Nancy: 100% they are both cheating Nancy: Well, if anyone will have them Rio: Probably a little hard to pull when you're clearly heavily preggo Nancy: I have no idea how far along she even is Nancy: But the morals in that friendship circle, it wouldn't surprise me if his friends were still hooking up with her Rio: I'm not totally sure myself Rio: bit over half way, I feel? Rio: It's actually gross Rio: like we've all had crossovers but never on purpose like Rio: it's like a weird badge of honour or something idk Rio: posh people love swinging, facts Nancy: But you two are the ones being incestuous, okay Nancy: Everything they do is way grosser Nancy: Buster is well out of it, so thanks Rio: If nothing else Rio: Stopped the likes of Millie Tillie being your sis in law Nancy: Yeah Nancy: He could've been the one having a baby with Chloe Nancy: Imagine Nancy: But don't, 'cause NO Rio: Easily Rio: I try not to, yeah Nancy: Making myself shudder in public Nancy: Thank god he isn't that stupid Rio: She didn't really give him a choice either way Rio: you know he was out of it Nancy: Obviously, but he would have used a condom though that's like muscle memory to him at this point the amount of girls he's been with Rio: If it were that simple no one'd be getting pregnant, babe Nancy: None of his conquests have Nancy: I'll give him that Rio: Shh Rio: Harshing my vibe, babe Nancy: Sorry Rio: S'all good Nancy: You seem happy Nancy: All things considered Rio: I am Rio: with him, like Nancy: And he is too Nancy: I know Rio: Good Rio: What more can I ask for, like Nancy: I'm sorry if I was being a judgey bitch before Nancy: I'm not trying to channel my auntie, honestly Rio: You weren't Rio: like, you were but in a valid way considering Nancy: I'm just trying to look out for you both Nancy: It's weird in the middle Nancy: I know if it was me instead of you, you would too Nancy: But I can't stand in the way, I know that Nancy: And I don't really want to if it's what you both want Nancy: Which obviously Rio: I know that, I swear Rio: You haven't done anything I wouldn't Rio: There's no way to prove this is the right thing but time so Nancy: You'd go way harder than me Nancy: But yeah Rio: Taking it as a compliment Rio: regardless of how it was intended Nancy: It was meant as one Nancy: You're a bad bitch, you know I love that about you Rio: 💘 Rio: You know how to win me 'round Nancy: I'd hope so Nancy: I've been around you long enough Rio: Yeah, no one's accusing me of being mysterious Nancy: Me either, don't worry Rio: Oh to be afforded the luxury Nancy: Let's call it overrated Rio: Seems like a suitably bad bitch thing to do Rio: I'm alright w it Nancy: Good to know Nancy: 'Cause it's a thing now Nancy: We're running with it Rio: Oh, Buster's back Nancy: Tell the prick to text me back Rio: Will do, I'll direct quote you Rio: Better go though, don't wanna let my food go cold Nancy: Thanks Nancy: Yeah sure that's the reason Nancy: I'm gay not blind Rio: You said it, sister 😍 Nancy: I'm not saying he's hot, I'm saying you think so Nancy: Before you go there Nancy: Anyway go Rio: 💋