#u can't hurt me everything happening in my life is overwhelming enough i'm hurt enough!!!!!!!

[mooodyblue]

yall can keep sending me mean asks on anon all u want i'm done answering them 👋🏼👋🏼 yall want me soooo bad!!!!!!

[gucciprincekimtaehyung]

Ethereal Promise ♡*✧✩⚫☆✧˖°ˈ·*

(As requested by @brittbrat2017)

You were walking to the corner of the high school cafeteria. Nothing was out of the ordinary. You walked, smelling the somewhat appetizing but mostly distasteful school food aroma as you made your way quietly to your seat. As you strode to your seat and the sounds all mingled together into nothingness you were lost in thought. This weekend was a big deal. Got7 was in town. You hadn't been able to afford tickets, and you heard constantly about their arrival, how exciting the show was going to be as if it was being rubbed in your face. You loved them, their music was a safe haven from the painful reality that happened to be your life. Nothing was too out of the ordinary about it really, you had lost your dad many years ago in death and your mom not much later. You were now old enough to take care of yourself as the high school year was coming to a close. There was something about the weakness that trauma- even past trauma creates that evil was drawn to. This time it was evil in the form of the most popular girl in school. For some reason, she seemed intent on picking on you, who tried to stay quiet for the most part. Your train of thought was broken as your lunch tray was flipped up and onto your sweater. It was one from your mother that you had managed to keep clean and perfectly white all this time. The red stains of meatloaf didn't blend well.

"W-what..?" You stuttered in utter shock and growing grief as the whole cafeteria came to a stop. Chairs squeaked across the floor as students turned to see the commotion. Your ears and cheeks went red as angry tears formed in your eyes instantly for the girl who was standing in front of you, a proud smirk playing on her face, silently asking you 'What are you gonna do about it?'.

"I'm doing you a favor. That sweater is awful." She and her enterouge snickered. "Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Gracie's makeover! But it seems the show will be cut short today." She pouted as a mix of boo's and aww's echoed through the room of her teenage audience. "This one is a lost cause. Will I see you this weekend? No? Good. Wouldn't want to taint Jinyoung's pretty mind with all.... that." Laughing evilly she walked away as you shoved past her to go clean yourself up. Better yet, you were heading home. You had had enough of playing the victim and taking all of her merciless taunts, all because you felt too small to do anything. How did she even know who your bias was?

Tears streamed down your face and you struggled to wipe them as you got your bag and car keys from the locker you were assigned. Laughter still echoed through the hallway as murmurs of conversation floated in the air of the events that had transpired. 'New Girl', 'Loser' and more abusive terms met your ears as you stormed out the building and into the chilly rainy afternoon. Getting in your car, you started the engine and sped away from the hurtful remarks. The derogatory looks in the hallways. The nasty notes and words spraypainted on your locker almost every morning. Indifferent teachers. The list of things you left behind kept going before you realized you had been driving mindlessly. You saw the gas light was running out as rain pelted your windshield in a mind-numbing rhythm. As you looked up you slammed abruptly on your breaks to avoid hitting the man that was standing in the road and struggled to keep control of the wheel on the wet roads. Laying your hand flat on the horn it blared at him as your car sputtered to a stop- the gas had run out.

"what on EARTH???" You yelled at the man who couldn't hear you. He approached your car as your headlights went out and your throat ran dry. Swallowing difficulty you watched him as he rounded the car and tapped on your window, in a somewhat nonchalant manner. As if the rain wasn't sopping his clothes.... on second thought you noticed the rain wasn't on his clothes. Or on any part of him at all. A large hood covered his eyes and obscured his features and you found yourself staring at this intimidating man. He tapped again and you opened the door against your better judgment since you couldn't roll down your window thanks to your neglect of gas.

"Y-yes?" You hated the quiver in your voice but you couldn't help it. Rain dripped onto your pants and shirt that was still covered in lunch meat from earlier.

"Come out here." He said cooly, his voice getting somewhat lost in the sound of the downpour.

You scoffed slightly. "No way." You went to shut your door as your nerves buzzed with fear of this stranger as he stuck his hand in the inside of your window and shoved the door open. Grabbing you by your arms he yanked you out of the car with elegant force. He was firm but gentle. As you opened your mouth to scream, a strong gust of wind blew the hair in your face and blew the hood from his head. The scream lodged itself in your throat when you recognized the man. Your insides twisted as his touch began to tingle around your arms, even though it was separated by the fabric of your sweater. You couldn't bring yourself to say it. To say his name.

"What happened to you, my love?" His voice was velvety smooth as the rain began to recced and become quieter.

"U-um.... what?" words somehow formed in your brain but couldn't manage their way out of your mouth successfully.

"Your sweater. It's ruined. Who did this to you? Why didn't you fight back?"

Sighing and taking in this crazy situation you decided to be honest with him. To be honest with Jinyoung, seeing as your brain could do nothing else. "A girl at school who doesn't like me spilled my lunch on it. I can't fight her back. She has too many little minions, they would eat me alive if I looked at them the wrong way." You chewed your lip to keep it from shaking after you had finished

He nodded and took this all in contemplatively as his skin shone in the surprisingly bright light of the cloudy day. Strands of hair whispered over his forehead as he looked at you with deep and thoughtful eyes. He was breathtaking. This you already knew, but seeing him in real life, with your own eyes was a spectacle. Your heart was louder than the quiet pitter-patter of the rain as you tried to think of something to ask him, to figure this situation out but you came up empty. He reached forward and brushed wet strands of hair out of your eyes, your makeup running from the rain and the tears. You didn't look pretty. He must've read your mind. Cupping your face in his gentle hands he wiped the makeup stains from your cheeks. Your face tingled everywhere he made contact with it.

"You are very pretty Y/N." He coaxed softly with a warm smile on his face. Shock overwhelmed you as you looked at him with wide eyes. You could think of nothing to say at this moment as the sun finally came out briefly and shone on him and your cheeks warmed. He looked angelic, the sun shining as the fog of the rain stirred at your feet. You wondered if it was real. If you had finally lost it, gone crazy from the loneliness and the heartbreak of losing those closest to you. Smiling brighter the sun almost seemed to brighten with the flashing of his perfect row of white teeth. You almost saw his smile glitter, as his eyes sparkled in the bright light. Your heart warmed as you felt a piece of you be put back together. Your stomach buzzed with the attack of a million butterflies as your head tingled with the anxiousness of being so close to someone you had loved from afar for so long.

"Hang in there Y/N, I promise- everything is going to be okay. All I need is for you to trust me." His warm words almost brought tears to your eyes. Your heart was throbbing with residual pain of what had happened earlier, but the ache you felt was more the comfort you were receiving. It hurt in almost a good way. The sun glistened on your face and warmed your arms and neck. Things were so peaceful as the birds chirped happily around you two, the leaves on the trees rustling with soft whispers.

"I promise." He grinned charmingly again as his kind features watched you. A light began to glow from your chest and you looked down at the ball of warm illumination sprawling out over your heart. He tilted your head up and said quietly.

"I'll see you later-Y/N." How did he know your name?? Before you could think any further on the subject he was encased in the fog as it snaked up his legs wrapping itself around his waist and soon up over his shoulders and head. As the fog cleared, you saw straight through it to realize he was gone. You looked down as the light on your chest dimmed and faded away to realize the stains from today's lunch escapade were gone and there was a shining pendant hanging from a shimmering silver chain around your neck. A glimmer caught your eye and you realized there was a matching bracelet on your wrist. A sparkling jewel was encased in a little metal cage danging from the metal ring that was encased in glittering gems. The gem changed color as you turned it in the sunlight, something about it reminded you of the sparkle that you had seen in his eyes. It was gorgeous. You picked up the delicate pendant on your neck and observed it. The chain was made of sparkling crystal-like metal, and a similar jewel hung from the small enclosure that hung from the necklace. This one was slightly bigger and seemed to hover in place- with the same translucent sheen to it. The light caught some of the many facets of the majestic stone as it glinted brilliantly. Whispers floated in the wind as you smiled, they were the most incredible pieces you had ever seen in your entire life. Wondering where he had gone or why he had left you with such a wonderful gift you went back to your car. Groaning you remembered there was no gas. You climbed in as your car sputtered to life out of thin air, the gas meter sliding to the full marks as the lights flickered on. A sweet breeze fluttered through your hair as you smiled knowing who it was that must've magically fixed your car. His voice echoed in your head as your spirits were lifted. "I promise."

[kingsuckjin]

Hey moon, i just read your post on how fanfic writing can be such a pressure. You know you're one of the first writers i read fanfics of and decided to open a tumblr account. Your writing is so good moon. I hope you know it. And i actually understand where you are coming from. Maybe not with writing but with other stuff that i love to do. I think it's only human nature that we feel like doing better that we did before. Fear of failure, rejection it gets everyone i believe. So i think it's okay that u feel like that? Like okay in the sense that i happens cause we're all humans and it's part of the struggle. Pretty shitty but that's just how it is. When i get overwhelmed i usually take some time off of everything and everyone. Like get in solitude type until i feel like i fixed myself enough to face the world again. Whatever it is that's making you feel so tired or guilty (which it shouldn't be) i hope you let yourself heal from it. Life is changing all the time, so even though if you feel like you can't do this anymore right now. Sometimes later you might get the enthusiasm back to do it again. And then it wouldn't matter if anyone is liking it or following it much or not. It'll be only about your happiness. I hope you find that soon moon. But attaining you inner peace is the first thing here.

Idk if what i'm trying to say made much sense. You don't have to reply. I just wanted you to know this. I hope you feel better soon. Sending positive vibes and good wishes. Take a virtual hug and stay blessed sweetheart. Love you tons ❤💜❤💜❤💜❤

Hey there love🖤 it made perfect sense. This is going to be a long one and I'm gonna put warnings Tw: sexual harassment, bad friends, mental health, name calling, bullying and just a lot of terrible things I've been through and me explaining why I just can't be here on this blog. I know I've said dome of it before but I'm telling you, you all really have no idea.

I don't know if it's as much burnout or guilt as this blog is becoming overwhelming and I'm not sure how to maintain it. Before I started writing is casually comment on fics and leave reviews and compliments, and sometimes writers wouldn't answer them and I felt like it was something I did or said or they just didn't care, I was a whole idiot then. Even when I started writing and began to kind of gain a following I said to myself “this is easy to reply to comments and messages and requests, I don't have to accidentally hurt anyone by not replying” and then I just kept growing and learned how dumb I was. I love the interaction, and I read it all, every comment, every ask, every message and I'm unbelievably grateful for it and I'm fully aware other writers lack it and need it (and to even say all of this makes me feel terrible, I also deal with the feeling that I don't deserve all the kindness and comments) like, other writers get little to no interaction but sometimes when you aren't at your best mentally it's hard to keep up with even the slightest amount of interaction with people and often times id take a break after putting out something that did well because it was a little overwhelming and I also didn't feel like I deserved it (good old imposter syndrome). I have so many friends I've made on here that don't do as well as I do but in my opinion are MUCH better writers. On the opposite end, I've also had “friends” on here that would talk to me only to ask me to reblog their fics. Idk that's the other end of it, you just don't know who to trust on here and who actually cares and wants to really be friends. Since I've announced that I'm leaving this blog it's really shown me who actually cares about me as a person and not only whatever little measly about of influence I can give and bring to others. So I just want away from it all.

My actual plan is to shut it down here on kingsuckjin and keep writing on my other blog where I have set up boundaries for limited personal interactions. I don't care about the likes or reblogs, I just don't want the tangled web of this blog anymore. This is a hobby and it should never be this deep, but I know it was my fault for making it this deep so now I'm just going to start again and just keep it as a hobby and not let it take over so much of my time. It's not that I don't have the willpower to write, I'll always write, it's what I love, I just don't have the willpower to deal with some of the toxic stuff and people that come along with it all when you're in too deep here.

It's all just draining, and that's not even counting the terrible and scarring asks I get telling me bad things that someone is going to do to you all and myself, you wouldn't believe the stuff I've gotten and that I know others close to me have gotten in their ask boxes. Some people say they don't get anon hate and it makes me so happy to hear them say that, I long for that, I know a lot of us do. But leaving this blog is like leaving a bad relationship. I see my peers get a wave of anon hate and I say “fuck, not this again, that makes me feel so bad”, I see a wave of fics being stolen and say the same thing, I see other writers bullying smaller ones and say the same thing, I see racist people, gatekeepers, people hating on olderpeople here, people scrutinizing others hard work, people hating on genders and sexualities. You know what one of my first asks was when I started? “You need to be using more commas, it's hard to read your fics and you look illiterate” and English isn't even my first language, it's not the language first learned, I didn't learn it until I started school. I'm not a professional writer I've had never claimed to be a good writer, I didn't ask for any “constructive criticism” or anyone's two cents and honestly some people just need to keep stuff to themselves.

I've seen too much shit and while I spent a lot of time fighting all sorts of shit on here because it feels right, but it gets me nowhere and nothing but being labeled as some sort of a problematic blog and I’ve been told by other writers “yeah, I blocked you because I don't want to see that problematic shit on my dash” after I was fucking bullied along with countless others by one group of people. You can imagine after taking all of this, everything I've mentioned so far, how someone could feel too drained and scared to interact with people on here.

I know blogs that don't get into stuff or talk about things like that and I'm definitely not saying they're wrong because I now have a blog that I do that on too. Tbh, sadly, I think that's where a chunk of my followers came from, not my fics but me saying something isn't right and it feels in a way that I've gained followers off of “drama” and that makes me a little sick. While not saying anything and ignoring problems on here might not be great and also ignoring it won't make it go away, neither will me getting all fighty and upset over it, that just hurts me. I just want things to be more shallow, I just want this to be just a hobby again.

Anyway, the point I suppose is that I just need to shut the hell up and keep this place as it's needed to be for me, a place for me to share my writing and that's all because it's what best for me mentally. While interaction and stuff is great and myself and other writers do love it, there can be a darker shadow that comes with it like asks that state gross shit in detail that they would do to me or all the hateful the comments on fics id have to delete. I've been stalked, sexually harassed, plain old harassed, bullied, manipulated, made fun of, blackmailed, backstabbed, lied about, exposed, yelled at, and called horrible names more than I've ever publically and openly ever shared with any of you on this blog and more times than I can count on two hands or even four. Some people are fuckin just... well, they're not good, and it's made me just a little bit bonkers as well. it could be manageable, any one or two or even three of these things I've listed could be manageable and enough to carry on, but it's been a lot to keep carrying with all of this built up over the past few years. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this place and how it brings people together and helps make changes and do so much good, but at the same time FUCK this place and I say that from the bottom of my soul. It's time for me to stand back away from it all and start again where I limit everything. I just wanna chill and write somewhere fresh and that's what I've been doing and I love it so much and I don't think if trade any about of followers, notes, popularity, or whatever else for it, that's not what it's about for me and if it is for someone else then that's okay, that's fine, as long as they're not hurting others to get it. I'm just saying I'm having a hard time engaging normally on here with everything else that's happening and has happened, it's just a me thing and I speak for no one else and it's nothing at all that all of my kind, supportive, loving, and talkative followers and moots have done.