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montammil · 10 months ago

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Forever Be Mine, part 3

Masterlist here!

CW: Yandere/creepy whumper, branding, vomiting, murder (not sawyer or rowan), degradation, failed escape, guns, drugging, noncon touching (nothing sexual but still creepy)

...

Four whole days passed by and Sawyer was miserable. Rowan hadn't untied him from the bed once during that time, except to use the restroom and shower every other day. He spent most of his time reading aloud to Sawyer, ranging from classic literature to collections of poetry, almost all about love and romance. Sometimes he'd even read him things he wrote for him, which just made it all the more disturbing.

In return, Sawyer would pretend to be interested in what he was saying.

He was careful not to give into his delusion too much out of fear of getting caught onto, or even worse, encourage him to take it further. It was already torture enough dealing with Rowan's constant cuddles and kisses.

The fifth day arrived, and Sawyer was ready for another dreadful day. He kept his neutral frown when he felt a familiar weight on the bed.

Rowan kissed his cheek. "Good morning, my love," he whispered into his ear. Sawyer's skin crawled at his words and the warm breath ghosting over him. "Sleep well?"

He nodded in response and stretched his legs out as much as they'd allow, flexing his wrists in hopes that Rowan would get the message and untie him already.

The ropes weren't getting any looser after all this time and his hands were starting to go numb. He wouldn't be surprised if he came out with nerve damage from how tight they were tied.

The taller man noticed what he was doing and frowned. "If I untie you, will you behave yourself?"

"Of course," Sawyer assured him sweetly, mustering up a small smile for emphasis.

Rowan eyed him before reaching over to untie his wrists from the bedframe above him. He rubbed his wrists with his thumbs and massaged each of Sawyer's fingers. It felt nice having the blood flowing properly through them again, but the contact made him want to recoil from his touch. He stayed still instead, letting Rowan dote on him as usual.

He remained still while Rowan untied the rest of his bindings. Once all of his limbs were free, Sawyer sat up slowly and stretched out his legs again, letting the muscles relax after being confined for so long.

Rowan watched him intently as he did so, not taking his eyes off of him for even a second.

Sawyer suppressed a shudder of disgust and smiled up at him. "Thank you," he said.

Apparently, Rowan didn't know him as well as he thought, if he fell for that act.

Sawyer slid out of bed and stood up on unsteady legs. It was the first time he'd been out of bed in a while and he felt dizzy and disoriented.

Rowan placed a hand on his waist to steady him and helped him walk out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Sawyer stumbled around a bit, but Rowan kept him upright with his grip on his hip.

He sat down at the small round table and watched Rowan make breakfast for them both. They ate together in silence, though Sawyer barely touched his food. He couldn't be hungry even if he wanted to, being so inactive these past few days.

After breakfast, Rowan cleaned up and then walked Sawyer over to the couch in the living room. He sat down and patted the space beside him, motioning for him to sit next to him. Sawyer reluctantly obeyed and plopped down beside him. He immediately pulled him close, wrapping an arm around him and nuzzling his head into his neck.

"I'm so glad we're finally together," Rowan muttered into his skin. "I've dreamed of this moment for months now."

"I'm glad too," Sawyer forced himself to say. Rowan kissed along his throat and sucked gently at his pulse point.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out the sensation of lips against his throat. The hairs on his neck stood up at the touch and goosebumps covered his arms and legs.

He thought of himself back in his apartment, curled up on the couch watching movies with a blanket wrapped tightly around himself. Or dancing alone in the dark room with the rain pouring outside. He'd never feel that kind of comfort ever again.

Not until he escaped from Rowan's clutches. It was hard to focus on escape when Rowan kept distracting him, however.

Rowan paused his movements. "Sorry, I'm moving too fast, aren't I?"

At least he had some kind of self-aware bone in his body. "A little bit," Sawyer bleated.

He sighed and pulled away from him. "I just get so excited when I think about us finally being together forever, I can't help myself." He placed a hand on Sawyer's cheek and smiled down at him. "But we have all the time in the world, so there's no need to rush. And since you've been so good for me, I don't mind being a little extra patient." He pressed their foreheads together, "I love you."

No matter what, Sawyer couldn't force himself to say those words. So he remained silent instead. Rowan didn't seem to mind thankfully, he just kissed Sawyer's forehead and pulled him into his lap.

"Let's watch a movie together," Rowan suggested. "How does Double Indemnity sound? It's one of my favorite films, I'm sure you've seen it before."

He was right. Sawyer had watched it hundreds of times, but he liked the thrill of it. From what he knew about Rowan, he probably liked it for the twisted romance.

The movie started playing and Sawyer didn't pay attention to it at all. Instead, he focused on trying to think of ways to escape from his captor. But even after five days, nothing had come to mind yet.

The rest of the day was boring. Rowan would make him more food, then they'd lie on the couch, and sometimes he'd watch him work on his laptop, pausing every once in a while to peck the top of his head.

Sawyer was feeling pretty useless. All he could do was lay around and pretend he enjoyed the attention.

Something changed the next morning. Rowan was in the living room, on a phone call to a client. Sawyer, however, was in the kitchen, looking through the drawers for anything he could use to defend himself with, having told Rowan he was simply going to make them both tea. He didn't want to use any knives because that was too risky, and Rowan had proven to be much stronger than him.

He was about to give up when he opened the medicine cabinet to see something familiar: Flunitrazepam. He remembered hearing about it once on a news article.

The very drug Rowan had slipped into his drinks in the first place, he figured. This would work better than a knife. Rowan was an idiot from what Sawyer knew, so quickly believing in his compliance meant he wouldn't expect this at all.

Rowan was still on the phone when Sawyer returned to the living room with Earl Grey tea for both of them.

"...Alright, that sounds good. I'll start working on your policy. Talk soon," he said, proceeding to hang up. He accepted the cup and took a sip. "Mm, thank you, my dear. I hope you didn't microwave it." His tone was playful, despite his humorously skeptical look.

It became easier throughout his kidnapping to fake a smile. "It literally tastes the same either way."

"No, it doesn't," Rowan complained. "The water should always be heated over a stove. But I forgive you since you're so lovely otherwise."

Sawyer sat down next to him on the couch, with his mug in hand. His palms were clammy with sweat, and he was having trouble keeping his breathing steady.

His heart thumped wildly in his chest as he raised the cup to his lips and took a sip, trying to steady himself before the inevitable. He glanced over at Rowan who was sitting beside him, enjoying his drink as if nothing was wrong.

Rowan gulped down the rest of his tea, not seeming to notice anything unusual about it. Sawyer was relieved that he hadn't suspected anything yet, but it was only a matter of time before he did.

Hoping to speed up the process, Sawyer put down his tea cup and massaged Rowan's shoulder, doing his best impression of an affectionate touch.

"Mmm," Rowan sighed, "your hands feel amazing."

He continued massaging his shoulders and arms for a few minutes until he felt Rowan start to slump against him. Sawyer stood up and helped lower him to the couch. He grabbed the phone out of his pocket, groaning when it required a passcode. He tried pressing the home button against Rowan's thumb, but it did nothing, much to his disappointment.

Sawyer searched for his keys next but found nothing on him besides his wallet. Damn it. He looked back at Rowan's sleeping figure, weighing his options carefully. He wished he could find his phone, but he had no time to waste.

Pure panic took over his mind, and he threw a chair through the window.

Shards of glass fell onto the ground beneath them as Sawyer climbed out the window. He ignored the sharp sting in his palm as he pulled himself up, feeling glass dig into his skin.

Blood dripped onto the grass below, but he paid no attention to it. His mind was on nothing but running, so that's what he did.

He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He had no idea where he was going or where he would end up, but that didn't matter right now.

The important thing was getting away from Rowan, putting as much distance between them as possible. Sawyer had no idea how long it'd be before Rowan woke up and realized that he had escaped.

Running was harder than he imagined it would be, especially since he hadn't exercised much at all while trapped in that lake house. Sawyer was already winded after about fifteen minutes of sprinting through the woods and had to slow down to catch his breath.

Sawyer wasn't the most outdoorsy person, but even he knew better than to head deeper into the woods when he had no idea where he was going. So instead, he veered off to the left and began following the lake shore, hoping it would eventually lead him somewhere populated. The sun was already starting to set and the sky was beginning to grow dark. Sawyer pulled his sweater tighter around him in an attempt to stay warm.

He couldn't stop, no matter how painfully irritating the wounds in his feet felt.

...

Rowan woke up groggily, feeling nauseous and disoriented. His head throbbed painfully and he struggled to sit up, still half asleep.

His heart nearly stopped when he noticed Sawyer was no longer beside him on the couch, and even more when he realized that the window had been smashed in.

Rowan's hand instinctively went to his pocket to check for his phone, relieved to find it still there, but that didn't change much.

He scrambled to his feet, nearly falling over from the sudden wave of vertigo that hit him.

Sawyer must've drugged him and escaped somehow. He should've known that Sawyer wouldn't have accepted their love so easily, but he was so desperately hopeful that he believed his lies. And now Sawyer was out there, potentially hurt or lost.

Rowan grabbed his keys and darted out the door.

...

Sawyer finally had to stop when he couldn't run anymore due to exhaustion. His body felt like it was on fire, burning up from exertion and fear. Sweat trickled down his forehead and his breaths came in short gasps.

He was about to take a break when he noticed something in the distance.

It was a blue truck coming across a dirt path. Sawyer waved his arms and limped as quickly as he could to it. "Hey!" he shouted hoarsely. "Please help!"

The car slowed to a stop and Sawyer collapsed while trying to rush to it. A man with blond hair and glasses stepped out and knelt beside him. "Are you okay?"

"Some guy kidnapped me and I escaped but I don't know where I am," Sawyer blurted out in a hurry. The stranger looked unsure of what to do, but Sawyer couldn't blame him for that. It was a pretty ridiculous situation and even Sawyer didn't know how he'd react if the roles were reversed. "Please, just let me borrow a phone, or take me to the nearest town--anything."

"Alright." The man helped him to his feet.

As he was being led to the car, he heard another car skid to a halt, just a couple of feet away. He turned around and his blood ran cold when he saw Rowan stepping out of his vehicle.

"Sawyer," he said, breathless.

The man stepped in front of Sawyer. "Is this the guy you were talking about?" He heard Sawyer mumble a shaky affirmative. "Sir, I think you should leave," the stranger spoke.

Rowan paid him no attention whatsoever, looking directly at Sawyer with pleading eyes. "Sawyer, come on. We can go back home now, just please come here." When Sawyer only remained silent, he dragged out a long sigh. "Sir, I know what it looks like, but my husband here has memory loss. I'm just trying to take him home. He does this all the time."

"I'm sorry, I just can't believe that. You can follow us to the hospital if you're so worried, but that's all."

For a split moment, Rowan snarled but gained his composure. "Sorry, you're... you're right. Thank you." He returned to his car, and the stranger urged Sawyer back into the truck.

"Thank you so much," Sawyer sighed in relief. The man nodded and shut the passenger door to approach the driver's side.

Just as he pulled the door open, he fell to the ground, followed by screaming from Sawyer. He was still alive, but not for long because Rowan shot him three more times in the head.

Sawyer opened the door to run away, but Rowan caught him by the back of his shirt collar and pinned him against the truck. He wailed into cold steel.

"Look what you made me do," he snarled. That was the first time Sawyer heard him use such a venomous tone. He slammed the barrel of the gun against Sawyer's skull and he fell unconscious instantly.

...

When Sawyer woke up, his surroundings were dark. There was a dim, flickering light bulb in the center of the ceiling and concrete walls around him. He was on the floor, lying on a mattress that wasn't all too comfortable. His leg was chained to the wall so he couldn't escape again. The image of Rowan murdering someone in cold blood flashed through his mind. The memories made him throw up onto the cold ground next to him.

It took him a few seconds to process what had happened earlier that day. The shock made him retch again, which turned into hyperventilating. He couldn't even focus on his hurt.

He got an innocent person killed. An innocent person trying to help him.

And it was all his fault.

Sawyer knew Rowan was crazy, but he didn't consider he'd go that far. He thought Rowan would be too cowardly to actually kill someone else. He'd been so incredibly wrong about him.

If Rowan wasn't afraid to kill someone, what else was he not afraid to do? What did Rowan have in store for him next? Would he kill him too?

It wasn't long before he heard footsteps approaching the basement. Sawyer clenched his restrained fists. Keys jangled before a lock clicked. The door swung open and Rowan made his way downstairs, taking his sweet time.

He didn't look angry, not exactly. It was more like his calm demeanor was a facade that would crack any moment.

"You killed him," Sawyer spat out first. His voice trembled. "You murdered him. He did nothing wrong."

"He was stopping you from coming home." Rowan squatted down to meet Sawyer's eye level and grabbed a handful of his hair. "He was going to take you away from me." Sawyer gasped out of pain. Rowan forced his head back and met his gaze with narrowed eyes. "And I can't let that happen. I've waited too long for this just for you to be an ungrateful brat about it."

Tears pricked at his eyes. "You kidnapped me! If you weren't expecting this, you're fucking stupid!"

Rowan's expression darkened. His hand left his hair to clutch his jaw. "You really think you can talk back to me after you pulled that shit earlier?" Sawyer spat in his face in response. "Fine, that's how you want to play, huh? Since you're so insistent on being difficult."

Next thing Sawyer knew, Rowan had left him.

Sawyer thought he could be left alone again, but unfortunately, luck was never on his side, as Rowan came back down just a few minutes later with a metal skewer.

It looked pretty non-threatening on its own, but the glint in Rowan's eyes told him it was not going to be pleasant at all.

"I was going to spare you this, but you pissed me off."

Rowan walked over and yanked him upright by the chains on his wrists. The force on them hurt like hell, but he refused to scream in front of him.

He was suspended in midair, hanging from the wall from a hook, the chain from the cuffs keeping him up. The metal dug painfully into his wrists and his shoulders ached from being stretched out.

A pocket knife came into view and it grazed along his shirt until it ripped through the fabric. A warm hand caressed his skin and moved lower to his abdomen, rubbing his thumb over his right side, just above his hip.

He pulled away and dug into his pocket, pulling out a match. He lit it and placed it over the skewer, waiting until it was red hot.

Sawyer was surprised his heart was still in its chest. "What are you doing?" He struggled further against the cuffs, but they wouldn't budge at all. "Rowan, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I've been too easy on you," Rowan said. "You're right, I was stupid for expecting this to be easy." He smiled wide at him, and never had Sawyer seen something so crazed in his life. "But I suppose this is just a lesson we both need to learn, hm?"

Before Sawyer could even fathom what that meant, Rowan had stabbed the skewer through his skin.

There was no sound from Sawyer's lips, his voice caught in his throat. The pain was unreal, searing into his flesh, tearing through skin and tissue and muscle. It burned and throbbed and felt like every nerve in his body was on fire. Every cell screamed at him to pull away, but all he could do was hang there uselessly, watching in horror as his skin sizzled around the metal rod prodding his abdomen.

After what felt like an eternity, Rowan finally pulled the skewer away and tossed it aside carelessly. Sawyer would've thrown up a second time if not for his stomach being empty. Instead, he gasped for air, choking and coughing on bile and saliva.

He didn't realize Rowan had unfastened him from the chain until he collapsed onto the floor below, landing hard on his side with a pained groan.

"Are you sorry?"

Sawyer only panted.

His hand snaked around the shorter man's neck, only lightly squeezing, but the threat was still there. "I asked you a question."

"Y-yes," Sawyer stammered. "I'm sorry."

Rowan ran his thumb over his Adam's apple. "Good," he murmured, smiling. "Can you tell me what you're sorry for?"

"For running away," he whispered shakily.

"And?"

"Drugging you, and... lying to you."

His smile widened as he nodded approvingly. "I'm glad you're starting to understand how this works, my love." He scooped him up in his arms with a soft grunt. "Let's get you a nice long bath."

#whump #rowan oc #sawyer oc #drugging whump #failed escape attempt #escape attempt #branding whump #tw vomiting #yandere whumper #intimate whumper #creepy whumper #noncon touching #male whumper #male whumpee #whump fic

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waynesmywife · 1 month ago

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So there's this movie about a guy who tries to kill himself and ends up being kidnapped and raped and like, trained by his captor.

Samifer core

#samifer #sam x lucifer #tw rap3 #tw noncon #tw sui attempt #the movie is Dangerous drugs of sex

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serickswrites · 6 months ago

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Make Me Your Villain XIX

Master list link here (includes links to chapters, summary, and character bios

Warnings: captivity, restraints, torture, electrocution, drugging, self sacrifice, rescue attempt, blood

"Is it true you really can heal from anything?" Jude asked as he watched the electrical current course through Nova.

Nova glared at Jude, clamping her jaw shut tightly so she didn't bite through her tongue. She could heal anything. Heal anyone of anything. But not while the power suppressing drug circulated in her system. And so she endured the burning fire in her veins of being shocked repeatedly for hours.

"I know you can, but I haven't seen anyone with powers quite as strong as yours. What are your limits, sweets?"

Nova spit in Jude's face once he cut the current. Nova sagged in the standing cuffs, a small smile gracing her face as she watched Jude wipe the spit off his cheek.

Jude's mud colored eyes narrowed. "That wasn't very nice, sweets."

"Because torturing someone to death is nice?" Nova didn't have the energy to come up with a witty comeback. The hours of torture left her bones buzzing and exhaustion threatening to consume her.

"I'm just trying to make small talk while we wait. It's the polite thing to do. Didn't Liam teach you about manners?" Jude stared down his nose at Nova.

"I've already told you again and again. Liam isn't coming for me." Nova didn't let her voice betray the pain in her heart. Liam would never come for her. Should never come for her. What she had said to Liam had been unforgivable. She deserved all the pain Jude inflicted.

Jude shook his head. "If there is one thing I know about Liam, it's that he will come. He cares about you very much, sweets. He won't let me keep you."

"You're wrong. He wouldn't risk compromising himself just for me. I'm," Nova's voice broke, "I'm expendable."

"You really don't know my apprentice very well then." Jude chuckled darkly. "But while we wait, I can have my fun." And he resumed shocking Nova.

Nova clamped her mouth shut. She would endure this as her atonement. She would endure anything as long as Liam remained far, far away. It was the least she deserved for wounding Liam so.

"You know if you talked to me, this might be more enjoyable for the both of us. How long will you think it take for Liam to arrive? I can do a lot of damage in a short period of time. I have many powers at my disposal." Jude let the current recede.

"I keep telling you," Nova panted, "Liam will never come for me."

"Never is an awfully long time," a voice came from the doorway. A voice that had Nova's heart falling. Nova closed her eyes tightly against the tears. She had failed Liam once again.

Nova opened her eyes as she felt a tickle on her cheek. One of Liam's shadows wiped away her tears. "Hey, gorgeous," Liam said with a smile. "Sorry to keep you waiting so long."

Jude turned and smiled. "At long last the prodigal son returns."

"Let Nova go," Liam said with a frown as he turned from Nova and faced Jude. "You have me, you have what you want. Let her go."

"I think not." Jude sent a pulse of electricity down Nova's back. Nova couldn't help but cry out as the pulse grew painful. More painful than before.

"STOP!" Liam roared, taking a step forward as his shadows swirled around him, coalescing into pointed blades for Liam to throw.

"If you are planning on killing Nova, by all means keep coming forward, Liam." Jude said above the roar of Nova's screams.

Liam froze. "Don't….don't hurt her." He raised his hands up, his shadows retreating behind him.

"Good. You're finally understanding how to behave." Jude stepped towards Liam, tossing him a needle with more power suppressing drug. "Inject yourself with this."

"No!" Nova cried out weakly as Liam caught the needle and stabbed himself in the arm with it. He didn't hesitate at all. And now he was rendered weak and powerless. His shadows remained on the ground, swirling but unable to rise. That was more than Nova could say about her own powers. Somehow, Liam had the strength to keep some of his power, but not enough to use his shadows as a weapon. Maybe he could still teleport and leave her. She just needed some time to convince him to leave her.

"Let her go, Jude. You have me powerless like you have always wanted. I won't fight you. You can do whatever you like with me."

"No!" Nova could not let Liam surrender himself over. To surrender was to die.

"I am begging you, Jude. Please," Liam's voice was thick with emotion, "please, let Nova go."

Jude disappeared from view. Appearing suddenly behind Liam. "How will I ensure you behave yourself if I let her go?" And he stabbed a meat hook through Liam's right shoulder.

Liam's scream had Nova's blood freezing in her veins. "LET HIM GO!" Nova roared, trying to reach the end of the chain that kept her standing. "LET HIM GO!"

"'s…..kkkkkkayyyyy," Liam said weakly as he blinked heavily. His legs wobbled as his knees started to buckle, but Jude kept him standing. He quickly duct taped Liam’s wrists together. “L-L-Let ‘errrr g-g-g-ooooo-o-o-o.”

Nova could see Liam was on the brink of fainting. "Why would I let her go when she can get a front seat to your end? I think it's the gift she deserves for delivering you to me. She could not have timed that fight with you better." Jude circled Liam. “Though perhaps it was a little more than her own timing.” What did Jude mean?

Liam dropped to a knee, blood flowing from his wounded shoulder as the meat hook pulled tight. "Let….let…let NNNNNNNNov-v-v-vaaaa g-g-g-oooo." Liam's pale eyes were hazy as he struggled to maintain his grip on consciousness.

With a dark laugh, Jude pulled the chain hoisting Liam to standing by the meat hook in his shoulder. “No.”

Liam gave an unearthly scream that ended abruptly as his slumped over, fainting dead away. “NO! LET HIM GO!” Nova roared as she watched Jude continue to pull on the chain, lowering and raising Liam by his shoulder. Blood flowed from Liam’s shoulder, quickly soaking his shirt.

Time. Nova needed time. She needed more time for the drug to fade away and out of her system. She needed time to heal Liam. She needed time to break herself out. And most of all, she needed time so that she could save Liam and atone for all that she had done.

“But where’s the fun in that?” Jude asked as he lifted Liam’s chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Shame he passed out so quickly. I’ll just have to find a way to wake him up so I can have my fun.”

Tags: @dutifullykrispyland@jesssmolfur@parad0xical2@st0rmm@keeper-of-all-the-random-things

@pigeonwhumps@gala1981@allylovessweets@whumpitywhumpwhump @giggly-evil-puppy

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theend1shere · 10 days ago

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About this post from my RP blog (long rant about this art under the cut, pls check the trigger warnings in the tags)—

BT 528 — THE CRASH

I'm gonna rant about these drawings because they're some of my fav pieces (you can see how many times i've gone over them lmao, the pages are all weird), second only to the one of Behemo right beside the second one (which isn't done yet).

My enjoyment of the characters of the Climb One crew is a very nice spectrum:

'I love you, you'll suffer the most painful death possible', 'I don't care about enough to think of a specific way for you to die but I'll think about how you must've felt while dying' and 'I don't care about you enough to think of your death'.

You know those people who like to torture their favs? That's me, hi. I may not want to torture them physically, but I love giving them even more trauma than they already have. All in good fun, though <3

Back to the art. My biggest inspiration for this was the concept of "Knowing everything is losing everything" often mentioned by the GMs of my friend group's campaigns (if you know Ordem Paranormal/Paranormal Order, you've probably heard it). I think it would fit nicely for Levia, a character who's whole thing is that she's insanely smart and a prodigy, to be literally crushed by knowledge (thus the bookshelf). But, as she is my favorite of all time, I obviously couldn't leave it there.

Next up was the fact that I needed her to both be aware enough to notice that Luna and Held injected her and Behemo with the 'chemical that turned them into a dragon' (since we learn of it from her POV in Muzzle of Nemesis) and also have at least one part of her body accessible to be injected with said chemical, I chose to make it so the bookshelf only crushed her lower half/legs (why the legs specifically? because I have leg problems myself from an accident four years ago now and it made me think of this part of the idea).

Still, I needed a cause of death. So, for that, I decided to lean into a certain aspect of her personality: her unwillingness to accept hard realities and truths and tendency to escape reality (eg conjuring up the illusion of the clinic & research center she'd worked at and refusing to believe that it was a lie). For this, Levia would've brought a bottle of adam and marry-go-round pills into the Climb One, kinda as a 'precaution' in case her Malice decided to act up, since the solution she'd sought — Seth's advice — obviously wouldn't have worked at all even if she went through with it. She probably wouldn't have felt the need to take too many of them throughout the trip, but then, came the day of the crash.

On the day the crash happened, she would've been freaking out, and so, in a last-ditch attempt to try to ignore the harsh reality that she was about to DIE, she took the pills. Too many of them. And, in my mind at least, they'd be like sedatives, since they're made to treat violent patients and all, and, well... they did allow her to escape reality for a bit.

Until Behemo found her, and they (mostly him, really), began to try to escape (because I'm sure a ship like the Climb One had to have AT LEAST one escape pod). But the spaceship wasn't exactly stable, since, well, it was crashing, and they got separated. Which was when Levia lost balance and got crashed by the bookshelf!

And, the icing on the cake, the syringe. It's basically what I imagine Luna/Held must've used to inject the 'chemical that turns people into dragons' into Levia and Behemo's bloodstream. Since I'm a Lunlev/Levluna shipper, for an added layer of angst, I like to think Luna was the one to do it :3

(also, the whole 'chemical that turns people into dragons' thing sounded so nonsensical to me when I first heard of it [before I actually read the MoN novel] that I remember thinking that Levia must've been high during that part, so ig that can also count as an inspiration lmao)

The Black Box I added there was a later addition because I felt like that area of the drawing was too empty, but it's fun to think that Levia could've been trying to take the Type L box out of the ship due to it having all the souls of her dead colleagues and stuff, and she didn't want to really leave those to be destroyed in the crash, for whatever reason you like.

I think this is all of it. Thanks for reading all of this, I feel like I've just written an essay lmao

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agentearthling · 2 months ago

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absolutely nobody asked for this but I really wanted to share my thoughts on Ethel Cain's new album Perverts. it hasn't been out for long but this album already means so much to me and I haven't felt this seen in such a long time. it took a while to articulate why but I've figured out how each song speaks to me. I know this album is about Hayden's thoughts on the concept of "The Ring, The Great Dark, and Proximity to God" but this is just my own personal interpretation and relation to the tracks!

01: Perverts

this started the album out really strong (and dark) with a distorted rendition of the classic hymn "Nearer, my God, to Thee" which was one of my personal favorites that I heard and sang all the time growing up. this was followed up with one of the most unsettling things I've heard in my life - the constant buzzing and droning that continuously gets more persistent as a muffled voice repeats "heaven has forsaken the masturbator" that had my religiously traumatized self sitting on the edge of my seat. This song - including the lines "no one you know is a good person" up to the end line "it's happening to everybody" captures terrified and guilty eleven-year-old little me so well that I genuinely have not been able to listen to the song in its entirety a second time. it perfectly emulates the feeling I had when I knew without a doubt that my every move was being watched and judged by a divine entity. absolutely terrifying. masterfully well done.

02: Punish

the lead single! I do know what the song is literally actually about - and I can promise you I don't relate to pedophilia - but when I hear it I can't help but relate it to my personal experience of growing up queer and religious. "I am punished by love" is such a powerful line that I thought (although probably worded less poetically) often as a teenager and even now in my early adult years. any affection I felt - whether it was purposeful or not - was wrong and I was desperate to find a way to remove it from me through any means possible. even the line "only God would believe that I was an angel, but they made me leave" representing how I felt forced to leave the church... ugh. a little too on the nose. I love this song

03: Housofpsychoticwomn:

I'm not entirely sure how to put the way this song makes me feel into words. as the song literally says, "maybe it's not meant to be explained. maybe it's not meant to be marked down in words." this one is really personal to me. I guess instead of going into detail about what I call the "empathy epidemic" or abusive "love," I'll just say that love is something that we all crave but sometimes when it comes, it turns out to be the most terrifying and harmful thing of all.

04: Vacillator

everything about this track just blows me away. the lethargic instrumentals, Ethel's beautiful voice, the lyrics...wow. because I find Housofpsychoticwomn relatable, I definitely find this song relatable as well. the indecisiveness and hesitancy to enter any kind of relationship (romantic or platonic or otherwise), being willing to give away everything you have except for what others actually want, the contradiction of "close the door, let me in," and, of course, the famous "if you love me, keep it to yourself." is there a greater fear than the fear of letting yourself be known and being rejected anyway?

05: Onanist

this song is about masturbating. without a doubt. I know I've already talked about religion when I was discussing the other songs, but I love the way this song portrays the self titled onanist as someone who desperately wants to know God and be close to Him, but ends up giving up. Too much is being asked of them and they give in to their "worldly desires." the song sounds AMAZING also.

06: Pulldrone

the first half of this fifteen minute long track are spoken word, listing the "12 Pillars of Simulacrum," which are described as the different ways that humans try to reach God. the second half is a constant buzzing, droning instrumental (Pulldrone.) Each pillar - apathy, disruption, curiosity, assimilation, aggrandization, delineation, perversion, resentment, separation, degradation, annihilation, and desolation - seem to have unpleasant consequences. it's a reminder that no matter how hard you try, you will never be good enough to reach your goal. (But that's just how I interpreted it)

07: Etienne

almost completely instrumental, this song features melancholy piano and guitar, with an ever present static in the background. near the end, there is a spoken outro taken from a sermon tape. it tells the story of a suicidal man who tried to end his life by running continuously night after night in the hopes that he would have a heart attack. despite his best attempts, he did not perish, but after a week "he felt so good that he didn't want to kill himself anymore." as someone who has had a couple near death experiences, this song and it's outro spoke to me. I often mistake myself as an invincible person who is seemingly incapable of dying, and I tend to view it as a guarantee (or a curse, depending on how things are going) it's a sad story, but it's also quite hopeful.

08: Thatorchia

forgive me if I'm mistaken, but I think this song is about death and ascendance. it's also completely instrumental (excluding some humming), similar to August Underground and Televangelism from Ethel Cain's album Preacher's Daughter. this track is INCREDIBLY haunting and although I haven't died yet, listening to this makes me feel like this is exactly what I'll be hearing when I inevitably do. and I don't think that would be too bad.

09: Amber Waves

I know this song was available for a while on SoundCloud before this album came out, but it's still got to be my current favorite song off Perverts. I love the way the lyrics and message are melancholy - using an unhealthy coping mechanism to try and distract yourself from your failure and inadequacy - but it still sounds so comforting and hopeful. this perfectly captures how it feels to find solace and familiarity in something that is ultimately harmful for you. the lyrics, the beautiful instrumental, and even the spoken closing line "I can't feel anything" really encapsulate the inability to break out of a masochistic cycle when it's all you've known and therefore familiar and comforting to you. I fucking love this song. this entire album is a masterpiece.