#turns out i'm a bit of a tea snob

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Making it official: ⚡🩹🔞(<- always i just can't help myself) Feel free to use this if you want to, or write anything else really. I'm sure I'll love it regardless, Lightning has already taken root in my heart.

You Light The Sky, I'll Bring The Rain - Lightning/Reader

Warnings: No use of Y/N, gender-neutral reader, semi-spoilers for the movie but nothing actually main plot related, friends with benefits, one-sided pining (or is it?), lots of heavy talk, blowjobs, smut.

Wordcount: 8060

Summary: You've never liked Lightning. He was a bit of a snob, acted like he was too good for you, and always ever called when he needed something. No, you've never ever liked Lighting. But it was the man he used to be that always made you come when he called.

Notes: Switching up my queue just once because if I don't write for this man asap I'll explode. I fell in love with him at once, DD did such an amazing job as usual, I was smitten in the theatre once again and I can't stop thinking about him so here's a filled request for those who already love him~ I do plan on writing him a longer fic, but I need to settle on that plot first since I apparently love him enough to ship with /)w(\ so I gave that original idea to Addy, but I hope you enjoy this in the meantime 💗💗💗

You didn't know why you kept coming back to him. He was different now, much different than the man you knew back in college when you were stuck next to each other in your programming class, from his contacts to his clothes to even his haircut. He still painted his nails, that never changed, and he kept the ring you gave him the night you were walking around town and randomly found it on the ground. You still remember picking it up and trying it on, it was unwanted trash you could turn into something loved again; he seemed to latch on to what you said about it, and he'd gone quiet when you’d slipped it onto his finger and it'd fit him better than you.

That was years ago, he had a high paying job now and little time for you as a result, always busy with the meetings and parties and people surrounding him, so when he called you up one Friday night you expected it to be just another simple ‘hello,’ ‘I miss the old days,’ and maybe, ‘I miss you.’

‘Everyone's busy tonight, you wanna hang out or something? I know this new age tea place just around the corner from where I work, great vibes, you'll love their blends,’ came his soft voice from the other side, much softer than it used to be when you knew him before; he was too old to be talking like this, but you guessed this was another fake thing about him now, something calm and cool and easily approachable so his true self underneath wouldn't scare anyone else away.

‘Hey, Leo,’ you said instead of answering him, your phone placed on your desk while you typed away at your current project, which was honestly taking much longer than it needed to because your boss refused to listen to some nerdy coder trying to fix his company's website.

‘That's not my name.’

‘I'm not calling you Lightning,’ you replied flatly, you'd already had this conversation a million times before ever since he started his job and changed everything about himself. ‘If you’d just go ahead and give me literally any reason why I should other than, “AIA says all the kids nowadays are doing it,” then maybe I would, but I’m not calling a grown man Lightning because his artificial intelligence wants to brand him as cool, not because it’s something you actually chose for yourself.’

‘Can you at least call me that around my friends? I don't want anyone to be confused, or start calling me that too,’ he muttered, just a hint of his old self slipping through the cracks for a moment.

‘Fine, so did you actually wanna hang out or do you just want someone to get new age tea with you tonight?’ He'd done this before, on slow nights when there was no one else to turn to, there you always were, like a lighthouse in his storm of a life; maybe he was a Lightning, after all.

He went silent at your question, but this was all part of the conversation now, the casual exchange between you two that always happened whenever he needed you, and he took no offense to your tone anymore, just as you stopped hurting when you became the last resort instead of the first. ‘I… want someone with me,’ he admitted, he was getting faster with it since you started calling him out, but there was sadness in his words, it was another bad night, something his so-called new friends wouldn't know about. ‘I visited the hospital again today.’

You saved your project and picked up your phone, already heading to the bedroom to get changed. ‘Was it bad?’ you asked as you raided your closet, needing something to match his new style so he could at least feel comfortable, you wouldn't embarrass him by dressing the same way he used to this time, not tonight.

‘The job helps, you know the paycheck pays for all of it now,’ he started, not wanting to get to the hard part, and you didn't rush him as you found your nicest, hippest shirt you'd bought for work. ‘It's still progressing, AIA said the new treatment would help but she warned me-’

‘You're following the advice of an AI, remember that,’ you murmured so softly you weren't sure if he'd even hear it, but he did anyway, and you heard him clear his throat almost uncomfortably. 

‘She did the calculations, she’s smart, so much smarter than you know, it’s so much more advanced than everything we learned in class,’ he told you yet again, but you’d believe it when you stopped seeing posts online about AIs saying human things just because that’s what they were taught to do. ‘The meds help, but… it’s gotten to the point where I can’t leave the house without it.’

‘Please, just come with me to the oncologist who helped my uncle.’

‘AIA said Dr. Krill was the best in the field.’

‘AIA isn’t real, she can look online and give you all the answers you want, but this is a human being I know who helped someone close to me, he can give you more answers than she ever could-’

‘Can you please just get some fucking tea with me?’ he snapped, stopping you in the middle of pulling on a pair of too tight jeans because that’s what the kids today loved to wear; his voice was loud, brash, emotional, this was the real him again, the one only you saw nowadays, and you sighed and walked over to where your phone sat on your bed. ‘Please, I’m sorry I just… I don’t wanna be alone tonight…’

‘You know I’ll be there soon,’ you said softly, just as quiet as him, and you heard his sigh of relief. ‘Do you want me to meet you at your place, or at the shop?’

‘Work, I’m still there finishing something up, we can walk over when you get here.’ He hung up immediately, no more time to talk, but you couldn’t get annoyed when you couldn’t imagine what he was going through. This was something that’d started right at the end of college, you’d been there since the beginning, and whenever he got an update you were the only one he could tell. After he got his job he’d paid off his family’s home, he was stuck living with his parents because of all this, and now took care of them from afar, the both of you moving to Silicon Valley at his urging because of the job opportunities.

It’d only worked out for him, you thought bitterly as you finished getting ready, your phone in your pocket and your keys in your hand as you headed for your car. He’d been picked randomly out of a group of 50 to participate in a foundling company’s new alternative to Siri and Alexa, but you hadn’t, whatever you’d presented to them they hadn’t liked once they saw him. You hated him for a while after that, but you didn’t now, not when you knew this job was the only thing keeping him alive. You’d talked about it once, what you would’ve done if your positions were reversed and you’d been the one picked, but he’d gone silent when it came to him imagining you in his place.

You thought it’d been jealousy even though he was the winner, the idea of you having everything he had so unfair after a lifetime of being overlooked, so terrifying even in its fantasy, that he never even entertained the idea for fun. ‘Never change, just be happy where you are,’ he’d told you that night as you lay on the roof of his building, the thing a giant, sprawling cage where you were only allowed to enter the stairwell, that was it. You turned your head to face him, and when he did the same back, you realized that you didn’t recognize him anymore.

You pulled up to that same building, needing to pay the meter since you had no access to the lot as a visitor after closing, and you saw him waiting by the door for you; he was talking to someone else on the phone, his back slouched against the wall and his free hand waving around as he spoke, but his voice was still soft even in his apparent distress, enough so that you couldn’t make out a word he said. You waved to get his attention when he started to pace, and he quickly said goodbye to his caller before readjusting his earpiece and walking calmly over to you.

‘Partner troubles?’ you joked only because you knew he was single, he always made sure to let you know whenever he was sleeping with someone again.

‘Doctor,’ he answered stiffly, and your laugh died in your throat with a rough cough. ‘C’mon, they’re open late but they stop serving food around 10, I haven’t eaten today.’

‘Old habits die hard, even with all the money in the world,’ you sighed as he fixed his collar and made sure he looked presentable again, but he had nothing to say to that one. ‘I see you’re wearing glasses again?’

He looked down at his detachable glasses where they hung against his chest, and he lifted them up and reattached them so they sat on the bridge of his nose. ‘Got the surgery a while back, these are fake,’ he admitted, but he at least looked a bit more like his old self with them on, as dumb as they looked.

‘Now all you need to do is fix your bangs, then you’ll be recognizable again,’ you teased, reaching up to mess with his hair, but he leaned away seriously, he wouldn't let you make him look disheveled when he was out and about. It killed the mood a bit, and his glasses were placed against his chest again as you walked, the tea shop just a few blocks away like he promised but not nearly close enough all the same. You weren’t fond of places like this, everything was always way too expensive and bragged too much about their superior blends compared to other chain businesses, but they were always the same in the end. 

He gave the barista a small wave as he approached the counter, and she did the same to him, but there was no comfortable familiarity in their actions, just them going through the motions. You didn’t hear what he ordered, there were too many words and he wanted it way too specific for someone who used to down cup after cup of black coffee like it was water, so by the time it was your turn you weren’t sure if you should ask for the same and just accept whatever it was, or attempt to come up with something yourself. He gave you a nudge when you took too long, and you just smiled and glanced at the menu again.

‘I’ll just have a water for now, I’ll decide in a bit,’ you told her, and she rolled her eyes and got started on his order all the same. He wasn't happy with that, but you weren’t going to pretend you could understand the gibberish hanging above you. You examined it more closely, you were never much of a tea drinker to begin with, but he wanted the company, so by the time your small cup of overpriced and outsourced mineral water was placed in front of you, you downed it and asked for the only kind of tea you recognized. She rolled her eyes again at your simplicity, but you were there for him, by the time you came back she’d probably be working somewhere else, none of this mattered.

You took your order and grabbed a corner booth while his sandwich was being made, he never liked to sit near windows, and he surprised you again when he walked right past you and grabbed the empty table by the door. You let out a small breath and joined him without a word, and even though he picked his seat he still looked uncomfortable as he popped open the tab and took a sip. Your tea was still too hot so you just let it sit, preferring to watch him and take in all the other things he’d changed now that he was in front of you. 

You already knew it’d be weird to get used to him just never wearing glasses anymore, he usually wore them when he was around you to save a pair of contacts, the only piece of that part of him the fake ones hanging around his neck. You reached across the table and took them while he ate, knowing he’d be unable to stop you lest he risk wrecking his sandwich, and you put them on and stared through slightly smudged plastic lenses at him. ‘Give them back,’ he said softly once he’d swallowed, but he didn't look too in a rush when he saw the way they looked on you.

‘These are the same frames from before,’ you noted, taking them off to pull them apart and put them back together a few times to test the magnets within, ‘the ones you wore when we graduated.’

‘They looked vintage, it makes for a good accessory,’ he simply said before he took another bite, a small sip of tea just barely washing it down; maybe he didn’t even like the taste, like it was something else AIA had recommended to him as part of his cleanse to keep him as healthy as possible.

‘Well, you did graduate what, two decades ago? Pretty vintage now if you ask me,’ you stated, his age making him wince even though it was a testament to how he was still here, still breathing. ‘So, how much did the surgery set you back this time?’

‘The company paid for it, actually, I just had to fill out a few forms and explain why it was beneficial for me to be able to see without assistance, and I was booked the next day,’ he said as he finished eating, a slightly larger sip this time making the wince return, he truly didn’t like it.

‘Sounds nice, you know how long it took me to even see a doctor to fix my carpal tunnel.’ You weren’t bitter about it anymore, but he glanced at you all the same.

‘You know I would’ve been able to help had you come to me,’ he reminded you, he always did when you brought it up, and again you declined it even though it was long over and done with.

‘And you know I never would’ve been able to pay you back if you’d taken me to one of those fancy doctors who charge by the minute.’ You tried your own tea but it was still a bit too hot, it burning your tongue a little, and even then you could taste that it was more water than tea, flavourless drivel.

‘I’ve never once asked you to pay me back,’ he said seriously as he sat up, his relaxed posture changing into something more stiff until the wince returned and he sat back again, his hand going to his stomach. ‘Sorry- I apologize for raising my voice, that was rude,’ he corrected himself quickly, and it was almost frustrating to see him like this, maybe this would be the last time, for real. ‘But you know I wouldn’t have asked it from you, just like you never did from me.’

‘So that’s what this is, one big payback for all the times I flipped the bill, drove you into town for every appointment when you could barely stand, sat by you until they kicked me out for the night, is that it?’ His eyes met yours, and you saw him again in them as he reached for your hand; you didn’t move away, just waited for him to touch you when he stopped, glanced towards the counter like he was afraid of anyone seeing him be an actual person again.

He made the motion to push his hair behind his left ear even though it was so short now, his earpiece blinking to signal a call that he then silenced, and he distracted himself with more bad tea until he was ready to answer you. ‘It was never about that,’ he began, but he was looking at the table instead of at you, ‘you know I never kept tabs on any of it, so neither should you.’

‘Then why do we keep doing this, Le- fuck, Lighting? You’ve got a great life now, new job, new friends, new you, why am I still the one thing you hang on to? Because you can tell me the truth? Because I know the real you, and you know that I keep coming back whenever you need someone to talk to about the bad days? I thought AIA could do all that for you now, be your new therapist you can let all that bullshit onto, so unless you tell me why, I’m outta here.’ He was silent while you talked, just listening, and when he didn’t speak you just sighed and stood until he was babbling and reaching for you.

‘Stop, alright, just wait, can we- can I go back to your place tonight? We can talk there, just… not here, not where she can hear us,’ he muttered lowly, his hand covering his face and blocking him from view of the only other person, and you let out another sigh before picking up your tea and motioning for him to get up. He did, his tea brought with him even though he didn’t like it, and you switched with him and headed for the door before he could protest. It was awful, whatever blend he was praising was certainly not this one, but you drank it all the same for him as he caught up to you.

You didn’t speak on the way back to your car, and for a moment you wondered if maybe he’d follow you home when he sat down next to you, his earpiece off and tossed among the change on your dash when your teas filled up the cupholders. This was serious, he always had that stupid thing with him in case of any emergencies, and you didn’t comment on it as you drove back to your apartment. It was nothing fancy like where he probably lived, you still hadn’t gotten to visit him, that was yet another part of his new life you weren’t allowed into, but it was still decent and had a nice view of the water if you did say so yourself. 

You parked and he didn’t bring his earpiece with him, even his phone left behind on his seat when you got up to leave. ‘Hey, don’t you need that?’ you asked him before his door could close, and he checked the time before shaking his head and setting it back down. You weren’t going to argue, if someone decided to break into your car you wouldn’t lose much aside from the vehicle compared to his phone full of precious information, but maybe AIA really was that good, maybe she - it - would be able to save it all before anything got leaked. 

You pursed your lips and grabbed it after all, just in case, at least the headset would be ignored amongst the change.

He already knew the code to get inside and wasted no time in getting to the elevator, he was in an actual hurry this time, and you felt his phone vibrate in your pocket as soon as you approached him. ‘Oh, here, don’t want you losing your job over something stupid like a data breach if this gets stolen,’ you said as you tossed it to him, no photo under the caller ID as someone called Melody tried to get a hold of him, and he stared at it before hanging up on her.

‘I don’t want to talk to anyone else tonight,’ he whispered as he shut off his phone entirely and shoved it into his pockets, and by the time you reached your floor he’d asked you to do the same. Something felt wrong as you approached your door, he was never this disconnected anymore, and you only had a second to open your mouth to ask what was wrong when he pressed you against your door and kissed you urgently as soon as you shut it. 

You were used to this, every time it got bad he came to you for something no one else could give him no matter how much time passed, but you couldn’t ignore that pit in your stomach as you groaned uncomfortably against him and pushed him gently away.

‘Not tonight,’ you told him firmly, and he whimpered before trying again anyway, mouthing along your jaw in order to convince you. ‘Leo, please, I’m tired of this…’

‘Just once more, and if you hate me that much I’ll never come back again,’ he whispered desperately against you, the old him showing again and making your chest hurt; this was a part of him you didn’t miss, this part that said this to everyone who didn’t return his feelings, guilted them into a pity trap outside of his sickness, and you ran your hand along the back of his neck before taking him by the hand and leading him to your bedroom as you always did. He made sure to leave his phone and yours by the door though, he didn’t want to be disturbed, and honestly neither did you.

You didn’t let him start up again once your door was shut, but you did start to strip away everything that wasn't him, from his glasses to the fashionable scarf he didn’t need to the necklaces he’d bought at some local craft market because the gems promoted healing, all of these things not the Leo you knew and chipped off one by one until he was just in his shirt and pants. You went for the former next but he stopped you, instead helped you do the same, and when you both had trouble getting out of your too tight pants the mood was lightened when you collapsed onto the bed with them tangled around your legs.

He kissed you again while you laughed, and this time you didn’t argue against it, needing him just as much as he needed this, you always did, which is why you had yet to say no to him before tonight. His kisses felt easier again, this wasn't love but it was still something strong between you, something that he had yet to find a way to replace. His weight was comfortable over you as it always was, your legs wrapped around each other until you were pressed together again, and your fingers ran through his short hair as you let out a dissatisfied moan.

‘I miss your long hair,’ you whispered when you took a breath, and he sighed as he always did when you brought it up. 

‘AIA likes it short, says it suits me better based on my face shape,’ he finally explained after many years and many more excuses as to why he supposedly liked it better.

‘AIA doesn't see you like I do.’ He stilled in the middle of kissing from your jaw to your earlobe, and you saw the way his eyes shifted the way they always did when he was doing calculations in his head; you were getting too honest, you hadn’t been able to keep him back then and you knew you could never keep him now, but something about tonight was making you want to try. You played with the hair at the nape of his neck when he looked at you, just waited for him to say something to make this nothing but a mutually beneficial transaction again, just like it'd been that first time years and years ago, and he looked ready to speak when he instead sat up and turned away from you. ‘I'm sorry, alright? I know this isn't anything, I didn't mean to-’

‘They've got me on a stent now,’ he said to the comforter as he played with it, and you sat up next to him and just waited. ‘That's what I saw her about this morning, they just put it in today.’ He lifted up his shirt to show you, and you followed the tube until it disappeared back under the dark fabric. ‘There's a lot I can hide from other partners, but I can't hide this, now that it's this bad I need to do injections every day…’ He gripped his shirt until he pulled it back down, his expression contorting into one of anger instead of misery. ‘I don't get it, I'm better off now, I was able to take care of everyone but myself, why can't I fix myself?’

‘Because you're not broken,’ you insisted firmly, your hands finding his even when he pulled away.

‘Termical fucking cancer sounds pretty broken to me,’ he sneered, disgusted with himself for still being sick after so much money tossed at too many doctors to name over too many years. 

‘No, stop it, alright? Just stop, you know I-’ 

‘What? You what?’

You shoved him onto his back, your hands trembling over his shoulders as you stared down at the slight lift of his shirt where the tube traveled over his skin. ‘You know I've never seen you that way,’ you confessed to him, your honesty finally building up against the dam until it began to overflow, and for once you had his undivided attention without his phone or other people around to interrupt you. ‘Not even at the beginning, before you knew, back when it was just us barely passing that class; we always said it was gunna be us against the world, that if one of us got a job we'd help the other out since it was all so new, and then you… 

‘You just had to come out here, and start working for them, and I was so happy for you even when you couldn't get me in cause I knew you were being taken care of. But then, the haircut, and the outfits, and those fucking glasses- who are you? "Lightning”? Who even is that? Because it's not you, I'm the only one who still knows you, Galileo, and I never wanted you to change out here, you never should've had to just to get these people to look at you, because I always have, I always have…’

There it was, everything was laid bare and out in the open for him now, and you shifted so you wouldn't put too much pressure on him knowing that he was hooked up. He didn't speak for the longest time, still doing those calculations before finally he sighed, looked away. You felt cold, and you sat back fully to give him room to sit up again, Leo finding your floor quite interesting as he tried to figure out how to word his thoughts. ‘Changing into this is what's kept me alive for so long,’ he said after what felt like an eternity, and your fists clenched over your knees. ‘You might not like it, and think that I'm different, but ever since AIA helped me fix everything about myself I didn't like I've been happier, healthier, more social. 

‘I don't sit around alone anymore, waiting for you to pick up your phone because you've always been miles ahead of me, and I tried, I tried really fucking hard to get them to let you come with me, but you don't want to be where I am, not now that I know what this place is.’ He went silent a moment, gave you a small glance before returning his eyes back to the floor. ‘I know you don't like me anymore, I know it because I'm not stupid, but I never needed you to like me, not as long as you kept- we kept doing…’

His voice went quiet but in a new way, one that wasn't Lightning, but Galileo again, your Leo, and underneath it all you saw that he was still there, still waiting for you just like you'd always been waiting for him. ‘Why did you never say anything?’ you asked carefully, you couldn't mess this up now, and his hand rested over his stomach as he met your eye.

‘Why didn't you?’

You could only stare, he knew why you couldn't, and you knew why he didn't. 

‘What do we do now? Can AIA solve this one?’ you tried to joke, but at the mention of her name he steeled; his hands found your wrists as he pulled you back overtop of him, this was new, and your cheeks flushed as you both adjusted until you were sat on his lap for once. 

‘She can't solve everything,’ he whispered like he knew something, this was no joke to him, and you linked your fingers with his just so he'd stop frowning like that.

‘Then what do we do? Because if you're content with this, if we do this again, and then tomorrow I'm back to just being the last one you call when the party's over, then… I don't think I can do this anymore, not after what you said.’ You held him hard so he'd know you were serious this time, you'd almost ended it so many times before but it'd never stuck, but you both knew that this time it would if he just said the word. 

‘You were never the last one I called, not even tonight,’ he told you, and you felt your heart clench in time with your hands over his.

‘You didn't make that clear enough, y'know,’ you laughed with a small sob, and he reached up to bring your mouth back down to his. This kiss felt different from the rest, it was honest, not just desperate for whatever you had before, and you cherished it deeply as you started to rut against him, ready to continue what you'd started a little less miserably now. He groaned against your mouth until you moved a little too hard, the groan turning from something pleasurable to pained as he broke away to gasp. ‘Sorry, guess we might have to be careful for a while,’ you cringed as he rubbed his stomach with a wince.

‘Just until I'm used to it, they told me that it shouldn't be too obstructive in my daily life,’ he hissed, and you watched him before shifting down until you were parting his legs and finding a comfortable place between them. He watched you back as you toyed with the drawstring of his pants, your eyes fond of what you found as he lifted his shirt with one hand and threaded his fingers through your hair with the other.

‘I've always liked your tummy, but I thought it was too personal to say,’ you confessed as you kissed him just under his belly button, the soft hair there tickling your chin as he let out a nervous chuckle.

‘I know I'm not getting abs anytime soon with this,’ he muttered, he was always so self-conscious about the way he looked back then too, and you gave him another kiss before placing your hand over the one in your hair.

‘Good, lemme keep just this, at least,’ you pleaded so gently that he had no choice but to agree, and when he nodded you took the drawstring between your teeth and pulled it until the small bow was no more. He sighed as you started to strip him in return, his clothes much more loose and relaxed than the outfit you'd chosen, and it was nothing but easy as you freed him of everything until he was bare before you. You got to see the full extent of his chemo like this, and it did hurt to see him still sick after everything he'd been doing to prevent this, but this had to be the final step, didn't it? You'd trust that AI if she was right about this, if her smart algorithmic brain really did do the calculations and found the exact path to the end of all this, because, as you pressed kiss after kiss to his thighs until he was a whimpering mess against your pillows, you didn’t want to imagine life without him.

He wasn't used to being loved, even when this started it'd been hot and heavy and fast until you were sweating in the backseat of his old car; there had been no passion there, just the two of you laying there in fear that you'd just ruined everything if the other didn't feel the same. To avoid that outcome entirely you'd just played it off, made it seem like this was just some drunken fun between two friends, and instead of an afterglow you'd slowly gotten used to him just smoking beside you while you held yourself under the covers and pretended it was his arms around you. You wouldn't let that happen again, not tonight, not tomorrow, not any other night you decided, he was always yours and you were going to make sure that Silicon Valley kept Lightning, because you were going to keep Leo.

You took him into your mouth and started to bob, careful to keep him pressed into the sheets so he wouldn't move around too much, and you enjoyed the view as you glanced up and saw the way his back slightly arched, his eyes shut tight in bliss. It was rare you got to do any kind of foreplay, he was always so busy you tended to get the call, go find him at work, or wait for him to show up so you could quickly fuck and get back to your lives. Only sometimes, when the night was late and his slight touches were getting addicting, did he let you take your time, but never like this. 

You'd jerk him off while you watched a movie, and he'd grind against you until you were panting and ready for more, but stuff like this? Where you could worship him slowly and really convey how much you wanted him through your touch, it was almost forbidden. You'd done it only once before, right after he'd gotten the job and you spent the night together to celebrate; he still drank back then, and you'd had too much as you got down on your knees and let him fuck your mouth until it almost came out, the only instance of, ‘I love you,’ that either of you had ever come that close to saying as he painted your tongue and smiling lips white. When he woke up the next morning not remembering the way he'd looked down at you with nothing but love in his eyes, you'd just rolled with it and pretended that you didn't remember either, just another fun night between friends, nothing more had hppened.

You moaned around him until he gripped your hair a little harder, his thighs tensing as he tried not to trap you between his writhing legs, and you lightly dragged your nails over goosebumped skin until his sighs grew louder. If this was really happening, if he was really going to stay instead of going back to his apartment to talk to AIA like she really knew him, then you'd make up for every second you pretended like this wasn't everything to you. You waited until he was just about to come, he was always easy to read in the way his hips would speed up and he'd hold you until you bruised, the only time he left his mark on you because everything else was too intimate, and you dragged your tongue up the underside of his twitching dick before pulling off with a pop. 

‘Wh-why’d you stop?’ he moaned as his hips jutted the air to find you again, and you smiled at him before pulling your underwear down your legs and going for the bottle of lube you kept in your bedside dresser. You didn't answer him with words, his hands kept at bay as you placed them on your hips and made him watch as you stretched yourself open, giving him a proper show so he'd really know how badly you wanted him. His eyes started to lid as he thrusted against your inner thigh, just enough to keep him hard, and you got ready to line him up when he stopped you. ‘The condom’s in my wallet, should still be in my pants,’ he let you know, and you just shook your head before sinking down on him until he was almost crying out. 

‘Tonight, you're mine, I wanna feel you,’ you whispered as you adjusted to his size, and he desperately clung to you as he felt your tight heat for the first time without the familiar barrier to keep you apart. The stent was still new, you couldn't take him apart the way you always imagined in your wildest fantasies where you'd been able to confess, and he couldn't fuck you as hard as he preferred thanks to the stress of work and pretending to be someone so soft and quiet in order to keep selling himself, but this would be perfect all the same you decided as you chose a spot on his shoulders and started to move. Your nails dug into his skin as you braced yourself on him, matching lines of red spreading out under his own hands on you, your breathing wild until you found a steady pace. 

Each time he tried to thrust up you'd slow until he stopped again, a silent warning that was just as torturous on you as it was on him, but no matter what he wouldn't stop to the point where it was making your knees burn from the effort not to move. You begged him to be careful, your voice giving out as he held you a little tighter and got you to slam down a little harder against him, but he just shook his head just like you'd done. ‘You really think… I'm gunna stop now… that I know you're mine?’ he asked directly into your ear when your head dropped down beside his, and any other time you would've shivered from his words but the feeling of the tube brushing against your own stomach was making you nervous.

‘I don't wanna hurt you,’ you whined, but one sweet kiss to your neck shut you up so fast it made your head spin.

‘You've never treated me like I'm fragile before, don't start tonight,’ he implored of you before kissing you again, and only when he sucked a mark that everyone would be able to see did you answer him. You felt him smile against your neck before one arm came up to wrap around your back, his hand sprayed over your neck and trapping you in place as he took a deep breath and started fucking you in earnest, his other hand guiding your hips when you couldn't move at all. You had to fight to keep yourself from laying flat against him, just the bare amount of space between you so you wouldn't shift anything or worse, force the tape to lift right now of all times, and you let him show you just how much he wanted you right back until his hips were speeding up and he was gripping you so hard it was making you keen.

‘Don't pull out, I want everything from you,’ you panted when you felt him slow just a little, he was thinking about it, and he let out the most delectable noise you'd ever heard him make in your life. He sounded like he wanted to argue against it, maybe AIA had filled his head with so much sex ed. that the thought of sleeping with you like this had given him pause, and you sucked in your own deep breath before grabbing on tight and using all your weight to drag him onto his side. This was more like it, you knew he couldn't resist being on top of you especially after your dual confession, and you wrapped your legs around him and forced him to face the fact that he was also starving for this just as you were. You grinned cheekily up at him before he hunched down to kiss your neck again, his stent safe and his core working hard while he finished fucking you.

His hips stuttered to a hard stop as he came inside of you, your entire body shifted up with each final jut of his hips until he was finished, the feeling of his warmth spreading through you while he held you like you were the only thing keeping him grounded enough to push you over the edge. Your fingers curled over his short hair as he shakily lowered himself onto you, your legs unhooking but not letting him go as you wrapped them around his own instead, a silent plea to not get up and start his usual ritual of pulling out his vape now that he also stopped smoking. He obliged not because of you but because he wanted to, his voice soft again as he pushed your bangs out of your eyes and whispered sweet nothings that didn't feel like Leo or Lightning as he said them, maybe there was more of him that he’d never let you see before.

‘Y'know, AIA told me never to tell you, she thought that I'd ruin things,’ he said so quietly you almost couldn’t hear even though you were so close. 

‘This is why I know you better than an AI, like how that tea you got tonight sucked ass,’ you finally told him, said tea now long cold on your counter, ‘so maybe you guys should work on making her a mouth so she knows what taste buds are.’

‘It's supposed to be great for my immune system now that I've switched meds,’ he explained, but you waved it off with a grimace. 

‘Start injecting it too then, cause I saw your face every time you took a drink,’ you grumbled on his behalf, and he actually laughed a little before he attempted to sit up. ‘No, please, not yet.’

‘It's almost 10, I'm gunna miss my dose,’ was all he had to say to get you to let go, and the feeling of his come running down your thighs was a little less appreciated than you wanted as he walked back to the kitchen. You wiped yourself off on the closet piece of clothing you could find before joining him, the two of you naked and waiting as he took out his meds from his coat pocket. You hesitated before walking over to him, and he looked self-conscious again before allowing you to see what he had to do from now on; you weren't put off in the least, you'd seen him inject himself with worse to numb the pain as his illness got worse and his self-isolation took hold, and when he was done you brushed your fingertips over the spot where skin turned to tape.

‘Don't be ashamed of this, I wanna see you get better,’ you said without looking up, and he let out a shaky sigh that sounded like he might be holding in more than shame. 

‘I'll have to get used to doing this at work, people will talk,’ he already dreaded, and you let your hands slide over his waist to his back as you pulled him even closer.

‘Then lie, say it's something new age that they'll easily believe, what's that dumbass thing people are saying now? Where they take like supplements and stuff and call it something stupid.’

‘Biohacking?’

‘Fuck that's so pretentious, just say that shit to anyone who asks and they'll buy it with that haircut, trust me,’ you promised dismissively, but instead of berating you for not only making fun of the people he knew but his hair again, or laughing because he knew it'd be true, he just remained silent. ‘Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to-’

‘You're the only one who's ever honest with me,’ he thought aloud then, and you looked up at him in surprise; for a second you swore you were staring up at the man you knew in college, one blink and he was gone again, but he wasn't gone, he was just older, and looked a little different, but he was still there.

‘It's LA, someone's gotta be a real person down here,’ you joked when you felt yourself get choked up, and you swallowed when his hand cupped your cheek and stopped you from looking away. He kissed you again, and there was no more desperation, no more lies, no more secrets apart from one, one you couldn't find the answer to on his tongue even though you could taste it, and when you heard a small ahem you jumped and covered yourself in a panic from the intruder. ‘The hell-?’

‘Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to remind you that you have an early day ahead, so staying up too late doing strenuous activities will only delay your sleep and risk you injuring yourself in a most unfortunate manner,’ a stranger's voice from nowhere told you, and you looked wildly around before he walked over to his phone, covered the camera with his finger, and motioned for you to stay back. 

‘Thank you, AIA, we were just saying goodnight,’ he told his phone, and your eyes snapped to the device in confusion, hadn't he turned it off? ‘I should be getting home, we're meeting with new potential clients tomorrow and we need to make sure she's fully charged for the trip.’

‘What, no time for a vape session with me out on the balcony?’ You tried not to let your voice waver but of course you failed, of course something would steal him away again now that he was yours.

‘Lightning has actually quit vaping, as the toxins inside do more harm than good based on-’

‘Yes, thank you, I was just gunna say that,’ he cut in before his phone could teach you all about the health hazards of something you didn't even do, and you could see the apology on his face as he kept hiding himself from the camera like she was… watching. ‘Yeah, I don't… I don't do that kinda thing anymore, just drink shitty tea if I feel like torturing myself.’

You laughed, which made him laugh, and for a moment you forgot about his phone until AIA reminded him of the time in case he had no clocks nearby. ‘Y'know, you can always just, spend the night like you used to do, and then we can get up early, maybe grab breakfast at that greasy diner that always manages to make the most perfect bacon while still burning the hell outta their toast,’ you suggested nervously, and he looked down at his phone before shutting it off again, no goodbye to AIA.

‘I haven't had actual bacon in months,’ he revealed as he walked back over to you, and you patted his stomach and started to lead him back to your bedroom.

‘Sounds like you're due, I'll set the alarm, okay? No wakeup calls from nosy AIs needed tomorrow.’ You left him just a moment to grab your own phone, and he frowned at it before nodding, letting you set the alarm so you'd have time to get that breakfast even though the drive was long and he was bound to regret it later when all that grease met the abundance of healthy foods he'd been choking down. You were already looking forward to it, and you didn't notice the way your phone switched to your contacts for just a moment when you set it down, a new name adding itself before it went back to your home screen, your focus only on him as he finally held you under the sheets just the way you'd always wanted.

[docholligay]

Your novel sounds amazing.

Oh this?

You know, I stopped working on it because I was convinced it was silly and derivative, and that I would always try to hard to turn it into a book and so it couldn't be a consumable popcorn thing, and that lesbian novels don't sell anyway, if they aren't fantasy, and a million overly negative things that are probably 50% bullshit at least but even if i'm right shouldn't take away from the joy of writing a lesbian noir novel.

ANYWAY HERE ARE THESE TWO:

“Lorraine!” A voice rang out in the dark of the bar, popping like champagne bubbles at the top of the glass, like the ones they’d poured out when the war had ended.

It had been an explosion, the final bomb, but one that had only ruined lives like Lo’s. Same as this man’s voice did for Lo’s sense of calm. 

“Buchanan.” She tried to imitate his voice, all the enunciation of a snob who’d spent his formative years at an all boys’ prep school and all the sin of a man so rich he could more than pay for his indulgences. 

But she had to smile. It was impossible not to like Bucky, same as you kept eating ice cream even if it gave you a headache. The two of them had formed a friendship since the day she’d pulled him out of mudhole two men had stuffed him in, and gave them each black eyes for the trouble. She lived in one of his family’s apartment buildings, and no one asked her to wear a dress or rouge her cheeks, and this was enough payment for nearly any trouble he gave her. 

“Oh my darling Lo,” she turned to look at him, and found him between his two favorite things--a man and a woman, but as drunk as him and the three of them swaying together like a ship in a storm, “You’re looking terribly grumpy this evening, though I know being a bit of a sourpuss is your cup of tea.” 

He removed himself from his partners and tenderly touched her face, the only man in the world who could get away with that sort of thing since her grandfather died. 

“You’re up to no good, Bucky.” She took a long drag of her cigarette and set it on the edge of the ashtray. 

“Nonsense, dear one,” he sat down on the stool beside her and gestured without looking, “Barkeep! Another round of your best whiskey for the love of my life!” He clapped her on the shoulder and turned around, pointing to a woman who wore a dress that fit like she couldn’t afford one and resorted to paint instead, “This is Irene. She’s a stenographer, you see, takes all those little notes with the symbols, so I’m told.” 

“Lo Callahan. Ma’am.” Lo extended her hand, and blushed at the softness of Irene’s, thankful for the kindness of the dark that’d protected her so many times, and even more thankful for the glass of whiskey set down in front of her. 

“And this,” he took the hand of the man who had been supporting him only moments before, “is Philip. I told him that meant ‘lover of horses,’ and that perhaps later we could try that theory. I meant to show him my stables, you wicked thing.” 

“I’m sure,” Lo laughed, shaking his hand, “Philip.” 

“Lo,” he angled his glass of port at his entourage, “is a private investigator. So take notice of what you say, it might be reported back to some nefarious character.” 

“You’re the only nefarious character I know, Bucky.” She took a swig of her bourbon, smoky as the dimly-lit bar, “And anyway, I’m not a spy, you just don’t know what discretion is.”

“Haha!” He did not laugh so much as simply pronounce the words, “A card, as ever, my darling. A bold assertion from a woman who walks around the city in a suit and a men’s trim.”

[hummingbirdsaltimolockia]

another breeze by review of 2023 in books/movies/tv and one play

Books:

the beatryce prophecy - 3/5 v beautiful read. kate dicamillo has my heart

the summer of the swans - 3/5 really liked the dialogue in this, and I like the idea of like. a book in real time

ender’s game - 4/5 a very chewy read. more unsettling than I anticipated

the seven dials mystery - 3/5 a little disappointing in the climax

frankenstein - 5/5 so much better and so different from what I'd been led to believe by popular media. I'm a frankenstein snob now

the phantom of the opera - 5/5 also very different from popular understanding, and much more interesting. I'd really love there to be a faithful mini series adaption

the turn of the screw - 2/5 v longwinded and wordy, and a bit of a let down in the fright department

maus - 5/5 harrowing

lang fairy books (green, grey, crimson) - 3/5 enjoyable but got a bit repetitive after a while. I listened to these from many different readers, so that added to the experience

marlene - 4/5 really liked how frank she was, not only with herself but others too

a dark night’s work - 2/5 too much description, not enough dialogue, and took too long to get to the Event. kinda a drag tbh

the flying girl - 5/5 completely loved this. worth it just for chapter nine

the cruel painter - 3/5 unsettling and unintentionally hilarious

the water dancer - 4/5 beautifully written and v interesting story but kind of odd pacing

the thief - 4/5 already did a whole liveblog on this series so yeah. really enjoyed the myth story telling in this

the queen of attolia - 5/5 wild from start to finish. gen is insane. "I can steal the magus" gen that's just kidnapping sit down

the king of attolia - 5/5 probably my favorite of the series. really liked seeing an outside perspective to the consequences of qoa

tea with the black dragon - 2/5 v disappointing. the guy didn't even turn into a dragon at the end

the fall of the house of usher - 3/5 v atmospheric and unsettling

the sittin’ up - 3/5 lots of fun characters

a conspiracy of kings - 4/5 the pov changes was a interesting choice

true grit - 5/5 v engaging read even though I knew the story already

thick as thieves - 4/5 a little slow, and I would've been angrier longer at the end if I were costis

the house on mango street - 5/5 unexpected gut punch

return of the thief - 5/5 such a satisfying ending,

my sister lives on the mantelpiece - 4/5 borrowed from libby on a whim, and it turned out to be incredibly sad, and I did tear up at least four times

the thanksgiving play - 3/5 only listened to the audio adaption so it wasn't the true experience but. wild

old souls - 3/5 really went to a different place than I was expected. liked the art style but kinda a chewy read too

Film/tv

the last of us (s1) - 5/5 went into this knowing almost nothing about it and really enjoyed experiencing it

the mandalorian (s3) - 3/5 been so long since I watched it I kinda don't remember what happened but at least they got mandalore back. yay

mad max fury road - 5/5 knew it was good, didn't know it was gonna be that good. easily one of my top movies now

shrek 2, 3, and 4 - 4/5 overall, the all made me laugh

kung fu panda 3 - 5/5 the most beautiful one I think?

the sixth sense - 5/5 knew the twist going in but still incredibly well made movie

the others - 4/5 really enjoyed the double twist. gave me chills

the phantom of the opera - 3/5 really weird editing

black adam - 3/5 had a very different vibe from other superhero movies

instant family - 3/5

oh my ghost - 3/5 the only time I've cared about characters having sex

exclusive fairy tale - 3/5 could've used a murder ngl

gifted - 4/5 much deeper than I expected

the quiet girl - 4/5 really got to me in the last ten seconds

high seas (s1-3) - 3/5 liked the sister relationship, esp in s1, but s2 was too dramatic, and s3 was completely unnecessary

shutter island - 3/5 also knew the twist going in but it got worse. v interesting visuals and atmosphere

tom jones - 3/5 I would've made tom wait a year

mission impossible: rouge nation - 3/5 kind of a slow burner ending

mission impossible: fallout - 3/5 they were a little Too smart in this, but really enjoyed the final act

mission impossible: dead reckoning part i - 5/5 actually really enjoyed all of it

beef - 3/5 absolutely wild show. really well acted tho

the bourne legacy - 2/5 unnecessary and kinda weird

jason bourne - 2/5 jason bourne should not be using an smartphone. also had to step away after they ****** *****

man on fire - 3/5

only murders in the building (s3) - 4/5 really enjoyed everyone in this season

once upon a time (s3-s5ish) - 3/5 everyone is so Dramatic and Serious about everything but it's actually very silly

titanic - 5/5 actually a really good movie?? who knew

fair play - 2/5 watched this to see something bad happen and you know what. it did

practical magic - 3/5 darker than I expected. gave me tonal whiplash

one royal holiday - 2/5 enjoyed watching aaron tveit doing an ?? accent

sweeny todd - 3/5 helena bonham carter. carried this tbh. also they didn't have to do johanna like that

the christmas bow - 4/5 genuinely enjoyed this?? would actually watch again

home alone - 3/5 wild.

my happy marriage - 4/5 surprisingly really enjoyed this. I liked how understated the romance was

last holiday - 3/5 a really sweet movie actually

it’s time for him to come home for christmas - 3/5 actually really sad in some parts. and there was actually chemistry between the leads so it bearable to watch

the boy and the heron - 4/5 really bizarre but in cool fantastically way that I could really get into. somehow more beautiful than other ghibli movies. will need to watch again

the little mermaid (2023) - 4/5 liked this more than I thought I would. but disney really thought that we (me) wouldn't notice that they used two different horses interchangeably in the same scene??

polite society - 4/5 amazing leading lady. super enjoyable watch, no notes

attack on titan finale - 3/5 thank GOD this is finally over. zeke's death was really unsatisfying to me tbh but at least he died. and I wish armin had gone harder on eren on his bullshit bc good lord was he stupid. it sucks that the end is the weakest part of the story but at least it's over and levi was there. amazing animation tho

across the spiderverse - 5/5 actually amazing?? does anyone know this??

[fromthebeddesk]

Have a short story :)

I'm not sure yet whether I want to expand this into a full book or leave it as is. Lmk if it's your jam!

TW for a bit of gore and a panic attack.

The Banshee

Never sail out to the Old Fortress. That’s the number one rule whenever I go stay with my Aunt Robin in England. I’ve always been able to resist the temptation before.

But not now, not after I’ve just been sent to live with her permanently, with the police officer’s words still throbbing through my head, “I don’t think your parents are coming back.”

Not now that I can’t keep my mind from making a beeline back to the last day I saw them.

Not now, when I have to keep my hands and body busy every single second, so I don’t have time to process what’s happened and I can’t have an anxiety attack.

I have to do something. I can’t just sit around in my warmly lit new bedroom. I’ll fall apart before I ever fall asleep. I growl in frustration, setting my phone down, and start to pack.

Knives, climbing gear, energy bars. A fully stocked first aid kit. A compass, a flashlight, a backup flashlight. Extra clothes in case I get soaking wet. Chemical-activated hot packs, since you can’t do much with frozen fingers. I debate whether to bring the phone, but decide against it. I don’t need it when I’m away from civilization, which is where I’d rather be half the time.

I yank on my toughest clothes: layered T-shirts, jeans with rain pants over the top, woolly socks and a matching sweater and hat. And a good coat, obviously. It’s before dawn in British winter.

Tiptoeing out into the hall with my backpack slung over one shoulder, I pause to let my eyes adjust to the darkness before heading downstairs. It’s more dim than actually dark, because the sun’s starting to rise and Aunt Robin is staunchly anti-curtains. I turn a corner into the kitchen and very quietly fix myself a big thermos of hot chai. Being British, and also the best cook I know, Aunt Robin is a tea snob. I've been spoiled by the good tea at her house for years now. I scribble a note onto a scrap of paper.

Couldn’t sleep, went sailing. I’ll be back for breakfast, don’t kill me.

She won’t be exactly happy, but she won’t ground me either. She never does. Well, she might if she knew where I’m planning to go. But what Aunt Robin doesn’t know won’t hurt her. I weight the note down to the dining table with one of the little stone statues she collects.

I’ve never noticed this particular one before, actually. It’s a slender, elegant cat, carved out of white rock. Out of habit, I try to identify the type of stone like my dad taught me, and catch myself just in time as my eyes start to sting.

“No.” I snap out loud. “Bad Jay. Don’t think about it.”

I shake thoughts of my parents out of my head, tamping them down until there’s nothing left on the surface to make me scream. Then I head to the front door and tug on my boots, stepping outside. The cold sea wind hits me like a solid thing and I gasp a little, my breath steaming in the frigid air.

Aunt Robin’s house is a good few miles from any town, right up on some cliffs that drop down to a scrappy little pebble beach. I hike along the edge of those cliffs, admiring the sunrise on my landward side and the dark, heaving Atlantic Ocean on the other. Finally, I get to what I like to call the Staircase of Doom.

Honestly, the term “staircase” is stretching it a bit. It’s more like a steeply sloped trail with the occasional stairstep, carved right out of the cliffs and zigzagging down. There are rickety driftwood railings near the top, but as you get further down, those disappear. There’s nothing to help you keep your balance, nothing to stop you from stepping off the edge into the gloom below and breaking your neck on the rocks.

In short, it’s perfect.

I head down, and I’m about halfway when I see the cat following me. It looks a lot like Aunt Robin’s cat statue. Lean, huge for a housecat, pure white and just about dripping with arrogance. It saunters around my moving feet and plops down directly in front of me. The path is narrow enough here that I can’t just walk around it. I stop, hands on hips.

“Excuse me.”

The cat cocks its head at me. Blinks a pair of startlingly blue eyes. Then settles down and starts licking its butt. A boy cat, I notice.

“You, sir, are a jerk.” I inform him. “Move or I’ll move you.”

He doesn’t even look up. Typical cat. I sigh and scoop him up, wincing as his claws dig into my shoulders.

“Chill, bud, it’s just for a minute.”

I walk until the trail widens, then put the cat down. He gives me a glare, then walks off ahead of me, tail at a jaunty angle as if to say “Just because I let you hold me, doesn’t mean I like you.”

I break into a run as the trail peters out onto the pebbled beach. The cat follows. The sun is mostly up now, and I can see the little dock where my sailboat, the Guinevere, is tied up. She’s bobbing on her moorings as the tide comes in. The rocks shift and scrape under my feet as I head over. I toss my backpack into the boat, then jump in myself. I’m about to untie her when the cat jumps into the boat.

I raise an eyebrow. “I think you’re going to regret this decision in a minute once you start getting wet.”

He heads belowdecks and curls up on the little padded bench that I store things under. I shrug. “Okay, Your Majesty. But I’m not turning around.”

I cast off the ropes and start the motor. I could probably make it to Old Fortress Island on wind power alone, but I don’t want to deal with it while I’m sleepy and distracted. I keep a steady hand on the tiller and steer us through the waves. Cold sea spray gets in my face. I stick my tongue out and catch some, immediately regretting it as the briny, fishy taste fills my mouth. I really should know better than to do that by now. But it’s me, so of course I don’t.

Soon enough, I see the island, looming up out of the mist like some fossilized giant beast. The Old Fortress isn’t visible yet, but it will be soon. I give a little involuntary shiver. Nobody who isn’t from around here knows about the place, it isn’t even on most maps. Some people say it’s from the Dark Ages, some say it’s earlier. A lot of people say it’s cursed. All we know for sure is that anyone who goes there doesn’t come back quite the same. In my opinion, that’s probably because they were high or drunk at the time. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sane, I’m sober, and I know how to handle myself.

At least, that’s what I tell myself as I toss my anchor into the water and hop out. The bitter cold seeps into my shoes as I slosh through the weedy shallows and tie the boat’s ropes to a nearby boulder. I climb back aboard, grab my backpack, and turn to the cat. “You coming?”

In one smooth motion, he jumps into my arms. I snort.

“Don’t want to get your feet wet, huh?”

I walk along the beach searching for a usable path up the cliffs. Eventually, I settle for one that looks the least like it’s going to kill me, stuff the protesting cat into my backpack and start climbing. When I reach the top, I’m greeted by a breathtaking view. I pause for a moment, taking in the pale blue-gray sky and a few soft, peachy clouds, the last remnants of the earlier sunrise. I can see for miles now that I’m higher and the fog is starting to burn off.

There’s the house on the cliffs. The lights are on now, which means Aunt Robin is up and ought to have found my note. I’d better hurry if I want to see much of this place before breakfast. Mentally composing a good excuse for later, I wrestle the cat out of my backpack and plunk him down on the scrubby wet grass and heather. He gives me a look of such betrayal that I can’t help but giggle.

“What, did you think I was gonna cart you around the whole time?”

I unwrap one of the energy bars I packed and eat as I walk, heading into a small stand of wind-gnarled trees. It’s eerily quiet up here except for the distant crash of waves. No calls of seabirds, no little skittery things rustling in the undergrowth. Just my own footsteps as I shuffle through a pile of rotten leaves and the cat’s occasional dissatisfied murp.

And that’s when I finally see it.

The Old Fortress is even more of a ruin that I expected. The stones that form the enormous outer wall are falling out of place as their mortar rots away, revealing the dirt and rubble at the walls’ center. The ones that are still standing are a few feet above my head at their highest point. They’re also covered in fungus, bird poop, and moss. I walk around the perimeter, looking for a way in. Soon enough, I find a spot where I can clamber over the lowest bit of wall. The cat follows me. Hold it. Are his eyes . . . glowing?

“Are you magic or something?” I joke.

I lean in closer, and he looks up at me, all innocent like he has no idea what I’m talking about. Yeah, his eyes are definitely glowing, and not in the normal cat-in-the-dark way. More like there’s shifting, flickering fire inside them, only it’s bright sapphire blue. Well, it’s not like he’s actually magic. That’s impossible.

I shrug. “If you’re bioluminescent, that’s your problem not mine, bud.”

I turn away and keep walking. Inside the walls, things are in even worse shape. In most places, there’s barely a single stone on top of another. I can clearly see that things were well-laid-out here, though. The walls, what’s left of them, are ruler-straight, and the cobblestones are still mostly there, even though there’s weeds climbing up between them. I pick up a piece of worn red pottery. It looks like part of a roof tile or something.

“I wonder if this place is Roman.” I mutter.

I’ve binge-watched enough Time Team with Aunt Robin to know a fair bit about British archaeology and history. The Old Fortress seems to check out with what I’ve learned about Romano-British architecture.

“What you see now is Roman.”

I scream and jump. There’s a boy standing next to me. Like, right next to me. How did he get so close without me noticing? I glare at him.

“Okay, creep, what the Hell are you doing here?”

He shrugs. “Same as you. Getting away from my regular life.”

He’s got a bit of a Scottish accent, not unusual considering how close we are to the border. He’s also the picture of handsome insolence, with dark messy hair and a smirk that could be either playful or taunting, depending on the angle. The cat, like the traitor he is, rubs up against the boy’s legs, purring like a chainsaw.

“I didn’t see another boat.”

“I came from a different direction.” He says.

“Kay. Well, feel free to go back that direction and quit stalking me.”

“I’m hurt.” The boy says overdramatically. “So hurt. I was not stalking you, merely trying to make your acquaintance!”

I snort. I can’t help it. I’m a sucker for goofy people, always have been. The boy smiles. Not a smirk, just a regular smile this time.

“See, I’m not that bad. My name’s Brendan, by the way.”

“Okay, fine.” I relent. “I’m Jay. How do you know it’s Roman?”

“Dad’s an archaeologist. I picked up a lot from him. But this site’s a lot older than just Roman. There’s activity here going back to prehistoric times. It’s always been an important place.”

“You should give tours.” I joke.

He shakes his head. “It’s not safe for most people to come here.” Brendan pauses. “Come to think of it, why are you here? And why are you using Robin’s boat?”

“You know my Aunt?” I blurt out. “Don’t tell her I was here. Please? She’ll ground me.”

“Well that answers that question.” Brendan says with a chuckle. “She mentioned she had family in America. I didn’t know you were staying with her currently, though.”

“Well, I am.” I say flatly.

I really, really don’t want him asking more questions about why I’m here right now. I don’t want to be fighting that knot in my throat for the rest of the day. So in time-honored awkward-person fashion, I try to change the subject. Brendan beats me to it. “That cat, is he yours?”

“Nah. I think he’s a stray. He’s been following me since I came down to the boat.”

We chat a bit longer as we walk. I learn that Brendan has two older sisters who are away at college right now, and his Mom is a curator working at a big museum in Glasgow, where they live most of the time. He’s never been to America and is pretty curious. I’m right in the thick of explaining how Halloween works, because boy is this kid missing out, when the cat starts hissing and arching his back.

In unison, we look at the direction he’s facing. There’s nothing there but an old stone circle. Brendan sighs. “This is where you should leave.”

“No.”

He laughs nervously. “Thought you’d say that.”

“Are you gonna explain to me why the cat is freaking out? Or how you know my Aunt Robin? Or why this stone circle is supposedly dangerous?”

Brendan gives the circle a wary look. The morning shadows seem to be darker around the stones.

“In a minute, yes. For now, do you have anything we can use to make fire?”

I nod, already digging around in my backpack for the little lighter I carry. He frowns. “That’s it?”

“Sorry, I left my flamethrower at home.” I snap.

Fear of the unknown is making me tense and jittery. It always does. My anxiety disorder is stupid like that. If I’m ever in a situation where I don’t have all the info, my ridiculous brain starts filling in the blanks with everything that could conceivably go wrong. It’s happening now.

I dig my fingernails into my palms, trying to breathe deeply, trying to tell myself that I’m going to be okay. It doesn’t work. I start shaking, and my fear must show on my face. What’s worse is that Brendan doesn’t try to reassure me. He looks just as terrified as I feel. That means I might have good reason to be scared. My brain latches onto this thought with vicious claws and runs with it.

I draw my largest pocketknife and flip it open, pointing it at the stones. “Brendan. I need to know what’s happening, or I’m going to have a panic attack. Now, please.”

He blinks in shock, then nods. “Okay. The long version is too long for right now, so I’m sorry. Magic is real, monsters come to this island sometimes, and I think one is trying to break through and eat us. Having a panic attack right now is perfectly natural, although it would be more helpful if you could avoid it.”

I glare at him. “Now you tell me?!”

“I thought you already knew!”

We’re interrupted by a long, low wail. It’s coming from a ragged gray shape that’s just appeared in the middle of the stone circle. It turns, and I can see it’s an emaciated, deathly-pale woman. She’s dressed in old-fashioned clothes faded away to threadbare scraps. Her stringy white hair and the skin of her hands is flecked with what looks like dried blood. The freakiest part, though, is her face. Her wrinkled skin is stretched tight over her skull, making her look like an Egyptian mummy with a better nose. Her mouth is wide open revealing toothless gums, and it seems to be stuck that way. And the creepiest thing? She’s crying. The front of her dress is nearly soaked with tears, and her hollow chest convulses with the raspy, wailing sobs.

Brendan curses. “Banshee. Got any earplugs?”

“Earbuds, two pairs.” I toss him my spare pair. “Here. Hope you don’t mind my earwax.”

“It’s preferable to being dead, at least.” He says, putting them in.

I follow suit and scoop up the hissing cat. He flails and scratches until I put him back down.

“Ungrateful little bastard.” I mutter.

The banshee hears me and starts stumbling in our direction. I shudder just watching her. The way she moves reminds me of a zombie from some cheesy old horror movie. Only, I usually think those zombies are ridiculous. There’s nothing funny about the figure shambling towards us now.

I can’t hear her properly through the earbuds, but judging by the little scraps I can hear, that’s a good thing. Her crying is rising in pitch to something like an ambulance siren. Brendan draws a knife of his own. It’s a full-blown medieval dagger, the big kind I’m pretty sure is called a dirk.

“Are we fighting it?!” I holler.

“No choice!” Brendan yells back.

“Great.” I grumble.

And then we don’t have time to talk more, because she’s right there. Weirdly, she takes a lunge at the cat first. He jumps up on his hind legs and seems to grow, white fur glowing, until he’s the size of a panther. One claw swipe and her crying turns to a painfully high shriek as she’s thrown to one side, landing in the heather near my feet. The banshee picks herself up faster than I can get away and digs ragged nails into my arm. I yell in pain and yank away, but that withered hand is way stronger than it looks. She grabs my neck with the other one. I stab her.

By some miracle, my knife actually hits, sinking into one of her eyes. A mix of blood and weird gray goo spurts out. She screams again, and I’m pretty sure one of my eardrums just burst, but her grip loosens enough that I can pull away and stab her again. I miss this time, but she’s already hurt.

The banshee stumbles, then stumbles again, backwards into Brendan. He grabs her hair and drags his knife across her throat. Finally it’s over. We’re both covered in blood and other, less pleasant stuff, and my arm feels like it’s on fire, but we’re alive.

The cat, back to his normal size now, walks over. He’s got a little blood dripping from a scratch on one ear, stark against his white fur. After a minute, he yacks up a big, gross hairball onto the dead banshee.

“You and me both.” I say as a wave of nausea hits me.

Brendan pulls his earbuds out. I do the same.

“This is why you should have left.” He says softly.

“I’m fine.” I snap.

“No, you’re not. You’re shaking, you’re white as a sheet, and your eyes look like they’ll pop out any minute.”

He comes over and looks at my arm. “Take your coat off, we need to clean this. Cat, you too.”

Surprisingly, the cat walks right over to him. Suddenly, the full implications of everything that’s just happened hit me. I start shaking harder, heart pounding so hard it hurts, and the nausea comes back at full force as I curl up, trying to wipe what I’ve just done from my memory.

Brendan pulls me into a hug. Normally I’d punch a stranger if they hugged me without permission, but right now the contact is exactly what I need to ground me in reality. I lean on his shoulder, trying to get myself under control.

“First kill is usually the hardest.” Brendan says. “I’m really sorry that happened how it did. But we do need to tell your Aunt Robin. She’s the one in charge of protecting this area from monsters, I just work for her. A banshee’s the most powerful thing that’s shown up here in years.”

I nod. “Yeah. Being grounded is better than being dead, I guess.”

“You guess?” He teases. “You need to work out your priorities, Jay.”

I swat at him. I can hardly believe I’ve just met this boy today. It feels like we’ve known each other for much longer. I guess fighting monsters together is a good bonding experience.

I take my coat off and roll up my shirt sleeve, biting my lip to keep quiet as Brendan cleans and bandages the jagged scratches. Then we pack up and head back down to the beach, get in the boat, and set off for the mainland. Aunt Robin has some serious explaining to do. Also, I’m starving. I can almost smell the full English Breakfast.

[brandochunderdarkseas]

For those boutique people enjoying their fresh “oolonged” puerh, the whole world government idea here is that leftover summer tonnage is coming your way and the good stuff cordoned off forever from your grasp, and to accept it without complaint you will chew your Hershey’s unsweetened, brew it from the brown water tap and expect to cut it in your lamb chop too because you know it’s going in the feed supply. Get out that spoon, because cocoa is the new quinine for tea rickets.

Cwyn’s Death By Tea: ‘they are out to get us’

http://deathbytea.blogspot.com/2018/08/they-are-out-to-get-us.html

[piscesparker]

Betraying the bond

Masterlist | Taglist

Part 1

"Rise and shine, your highness!" My maid, Amber, chirped as she drew the curtains open letting the sunlight come in. I groaned and rolled to the other side, shielding my eyes from the bright light and bringing the quilt closer to my chest. I had hoped that since my classes were canceled I might have some more hours to rest but that clearly was not happening. "I hope you're excited for today." She continued. In all honesty I had no intention whatsoever to be part of welcoming the royal family for Redmont, I just wished I could stay up in my room without anyone to disturb me or tell me what lessons I have to attend every hour or so.

"Yeah, a bit." I said, removing the covers off me and slipping out of my comfortable bed.

"I really can't believe that soon the war might come to an end." Amber really was the kind of person that would talk your ears off but I, on the other hand loved listening and talking about everything that does not pertain to me running a country in the future. "And I am so excited for this new chapter in your life!" She exclaimed as I rubbed my eye, finally waking up.

"So how is he?" Her eyes glistened with hope.

"How is who?"

"Your future husband! Who else?"

My future what?

"Amber what are you talking about?" I chuckled nervously, she brought me my breakfast tray along with a newspaper sitting beside my plate of buttered toast and chamomile tea. I look at her excited face skeptically as it took the news paper and saw a collage photo of me and prince Harrison and read the headline which couldn't be missed.

The Kingdoms of Northollow and Redmont will not only be uniting in land, but also will be uniting in the form of marriage for Princess Y/n and Prince Harrison.

My eyes widened with shock. Marriage? How could dad keep this away from me? He knew how much I despised the thought of being married early and yet went on to give my hand in marriage without even asking me? Leaving my breakfast, I stormed to dad's office. At this moment I did not care that I was running around the castle bare foot and in my nightgown, I had to talk to him before he ruins my life. I was too furious to think of knocking, barging in, I slammed the paper on his desk, "Were you going to tell me you were getting me married or did I have to wait till I gave birth to your first grand child?"

He looked at me and then around the room, trying to tell me that he had visitors. "Please excuse us." He said. "Well?" I asked impatiently, hands on my hips.

"Honey I had no choice." His eyes softened, I sat down and sighed, taking in everything. "I did it for the kingdom, and I know I should have asked you but I know you would have said no."

"Of course I would!" I raised my voice and cut him off, banging my fist on the desk.

"Y/n, I know you're upset," I scoffed, upset would be an understatement, "but this is soon going to be your life, you will have to make decisions that you won't favor but it will be in the betterment of your people." He explained. It was true, the role of being a leader is always sacrificing yourself for others; I couldn't argue, as much as I wanted to I couldn't. I knew what dad was saying was right, I've been training for this. Maybe it was the suddenness that enraged me this early in the morning. Most kids get surprise gifts whereas I get surprise a marriage to someone I don't even know.

"Okay," I took a deep breath, "I will agree only on one condition." His eyes lightened up. "Since I don't know him that well, I wish to take my time to get to know him, if he is not a snob then and only then might I agree to this arrangement." Dad took some time to think about it but he agreed.

"Okay, well now I'm going to get dressed now." You gave a tight lipped smile.

"Good, because I don't want to him to see you in your night gown this early on." Dad winked.

"Dad!" I whined and went back to my room to continue my day with dread.

As I entered my room again I saw Amber cleaning up my room, she whipped her head and her eyes met my disappointed ones, "Is everything alright your highness?"

"Well yes and no." She furrowed her brows and turned her attention to me. "Apparently your king was going to get me married, without actually telling me." She let out a soft 'oh', "But don't worry, I handled it." I winked her way plopping on my bed and taking a bite of my toast. "What would you like to wear to day your highness?" Amber brought out two gowns in front of me; a silky navy blue a-line gown and a teal blue knee-length dress. "The teal blue one please."

After getting dressed, Amber helped me with my hair, putting it in a neat bun as the pins poked in my skull and light make up, nothing too heavy. Looking at the clock I saw that I had some time before the guests could arrive so I decided to take a walk with Spencer and try to clear my mind. Walking past the horses in the stable, a particular white one caught my eye and made me grin, opening the door I smile and ruffle his well-kept hair and pulling him out before putting on the reins.

Spencer wasn't only my pet he was also my friend, the only one whom I could talk my heart to and I felt like he actually heard me, it felt nice. "You know Spence, I don't think I'll ever be able to like him. What if he's a snob or worse," I paused and shuddered, "hates horses." He cried, as if he was saying that I wouldn't allow it; I smiled, "You're right, I am overthinking it."

After a refreshing walk with Spencer I entered to the hustling and bustling of servants in the castle. "Oh, there you are!" Mom called out.

"Hey mom."

"I heard what happened." She held my hand and gave a small squeeze reassuring me.  

"Did you know?" She stayed silent for longer than I expected and then nodded; I sighed.

"Did everyone beside me know that I was getting married?"

"I really am sorry, the circumstances were such, we couldn't help it." She gave an apologetic smile, and went back to her work of making sure everything was ready for the royal family's arrival. The royal family of Redmont was  very special because they were more progressed than us since it was already being ruled by their queen, her majesty Phil. I always admired her integrity and will power to actually rule a kingdom and being beloved by her people; I was more excited to meet her than her son.

My family and I stood at the doors of the castle as the fanfare blew signalling their arrival. The red and gold carriage came to a stop and her majesty made the most grand yet modest entrance, followed by her youngest, Princess Charlotte and then stepped out my nightmare. He wore a white ruffle shirt with a royal blue jacket which had a few army medals pinned to the left with ridiculously tight pants. Why was I looking at his pants? As the walked up the stairs his blonde hair bounced with every step and then his piercing ocean blue eyes met mine as he gave me a smug smile which I already despised.

"Welcome to our humble abode your majesty!" Dad greeted, giving a respected bow which she reciprocated.

"The pleasure is all ours, thank you." She smiled.

"Your majesty." A deep voice caught my attention, Harrison and put forward his hand asking me to do the same. Unwillingly I slipped my hand in his as he placed a soft kiss on my knuckles, eyes meeting once again. "Y/n, would you mind showing Princess Charlotte and Prince Harrison their rooms?" Mom asked and I nodded, "After me your highness." I flashed a small smile.

"How was your journey?" I asked Charlotte, trying to make small talk, climbing up the stairs.

"It would have been better if I wasn't accompanied by my brother dear." She rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulder to the boy following us.

"Trust me siblings are annoying." I scoffed.

"Uh, ladies?" Harrison cleared his throat, "I'm right here." We ignored him and continued to laugh. I lead Charlotte to her room first, "This is your room your highness," I said opening the doors and letting her enter, "and you will have your maid here in case you need anything at all, please do not hesitate."

"Thank you," she smiled, "but please call me Lottie, highness seems to formal, now that we are going to be in-laws soon." She teased as I sent a nervous smile her way. I turned around to show Harrison his room when I crashed into his strong chest, he placed his firm hand on my hips to save me from falling, "Falling so soon for me?" He smirked. "You wish." I cleared my throat and balanced myself. We walked in silence to his room, "Well, this is your room." I licked my lips, "Your butler will be here if you need anything at all."

"Well I did want something." He called out before I left, "Where is your room?"

Excuse me? "Its down the hall, third door," I said hesitantly, "why may I ask?"

"Well my butler can't give me everything I want, I'll see you at dinner." He winked at me and closed the door, leaving me in the hallway absolutely baffled. What did he mean by that? I knew something was wrong about him.

General Taglist: @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @peaches-parker @mischiefmanaged011 @hollanderfangirl @calltothewild @parkerpeter24 @whatthefuckimbisexual @yourstrulyamour @felicityparkers @theonly1outof-a-billion @miraclesoflove @theliterarymess @osterfieldholland01 @spideyssunshine @zspideyy @chillingonlife @yousayironisayman @keithseabrook27

Harrison Osterfield Taglist: @hollandbroz-n-haz @hjoficrecs @euphorichxlland @asshatgrace @anissalime @just-lost-inbetween-worlds

Betraying the bond taglist: @in-some-fandoms @frenchfrostpudding @sheranatic111 @kickingn-ames @tomhollander96 @minejungwoo @multific @emistrash @thisetaernallove @angelsgrxzer @hellomadambutterfly @britishvamps @falconxbarnes @bicyhot1 @romanodgers

Strike through means I couldn't tag you

[forgiven-whimsy]

So I'm not a coffee drinker, more of a tea person, but my husband has recently discovered really good coffee, and if turning into a bit of a coffee snob. To the point where for x-mas I got him a good burr grinder (as he likes grinding his own beans,) a nice French press and a coffee bean sampler from his favorite local cafe. Well he ran out of the sampler bags, so he went and got more, and this is what he got:

And just....ethically sourced, local business, whimsical names. Makes me wish I liked coffee.

[wroteonedad]

Indelicacy - Amina Cain review

it is the midst of a heatwave in england. i have blown my weekly paycheck on a collection of cds, despite not owning a cd player to play said cds on. i am sitting on my balcony on a hot, muggy evening. i am sipping iced tea and listening to my designated playlist and i decide to finish the book, a book i've had to start reading for the second time bc i put it down for so long that i forgot what even happened in the story. i restarted the book and finished reading it within the same week, a new record for me. the book itself is just over 150 pages and a new chapter starts on every page, so it is not exactly a book that is super long and requires my whole brain to think about what is happening all the time. this book is indelicacy by Amina Cain. i must have picked up this book about a year ago, i was doing that thing where i told myself if i pick up a book and buy it then it will get me back into reading and i'll be reading all the time, it didn't, i'm slow. and i'm also a little bit of a snob for buying books, if the cover doesn't look aesthetically pleasing then i simply will not buy the book. i'm also a sucker for any book where the blurb mentions a pretentious snotty woman living in the city who likes art. this book follows the narrative of said snotty rich woman in the city who used to work in a gallery, moves in with her new rich husband, got to quit her job, has a live in maid and spends all her time writing reviews and mini stories on pieces of art that she sees in a gallery. until she stumbles on a new hyperfixation and decides to write about something different.

i enjoyed the mystery of this book. not because the book itself was a mystery, but the main character of the book is the mystery. the whole book reminds me of a young woman trying to figure out who she is and where she wants to be. she tells her story through the people she befriends, the husband she hates and the house maid she hates even more.

i feel like it encompasses the events that happen and the things the main protagonist sees around her, but in real time. it is reflective of how a human doesn't remember every single thing that happens in a day, but she mentions the key events she lived through and documented how it was. and it just feels very,,, real for that. she speaks of positives, of negatives, of leaving her job, her favourite memory sharing a drink with her friend in a bar and holidays. all small joys she reflects back on. she is such a mystery that you only learn her name within the last 40 pages of the book, where the story hits its climax. as soon as the reader finds out what her name is, it is like she has finally figured out who she is and what she wants out of her life. the entire vibe, maybe vibe isn't the best way to describe it, but the vibe and the pace of the story changes. so many events unfold in such a short section of the book that it becomes impossible to put the book down. i was left turning the page anticipating for what was going to come next. i don't get that very often, and i was grateful to finally feel that connection and way with the book.

the work is a perfectly generic and also easy feminist story. there is no difficult theme to follow and you don't typically have to read between the lines to figure out what the narrative is about. the story keeps it short and sweet, while being straight to the point and punchy. if you are someone who is new to modern feminist literature, then i could not recommend this book more. it is a perfect little read for when you're a little confused with the world and you don't know what you want. a perfect little read for when you need to distract yourself from the hot sticky heatwave happening at the moment. i'm not sure about everyone else, but there is nothing better than reading a chapter of a book and the author is going into great detail about the winter weather and how cold and dark everything is, it takes my mind away from the fact that it's hot and sticky, even if just for a little while.

[guessmonsta]

Tsukishima in- "I'm the teenage heir to the throne and I'm the next in line to marry. My parents arranged me with the princess from the neighboring kingdom and GOD I hate it because I'm only interested in science and- oh wait? The princess isn't a snob? She's into science and wants me to teach her more? Ok well, maybe this isn't so bad after all..."

I reference my other royal au in here as well! Bravo if you get it!! (which I still need to finish but I’ll get around to- oops!)

June 18, 1879

Tsukishima Kei liked to start off his mornings with a warm mug of imported tea and a nice book on the balcony. It became a ritual of his that the rest of the palace knew well enough not to disrupt. The maids, the cooks, even his own parents, were wary about walking in on the prince before he had time to stabilize himself. Although, this very morning, the flow of his routine was dammed off.

Kei barely had time to poke his head out from underneath his sheets before the grand doors of his bedroom were pushed back. He wasn’t fully awake enough yet to even scowl at the intrusion, yet he buried his head back under the sheets to retaliate. Mere seconds later, they were whipped away from his head in what seemed like worry and panic. He was awake enough to scowl, now, rolling around and shooting a glare up at the maid who dare awake him.

“What.” Was all he managed to hiss, grabbing the sheets and cocooning himself again.

“Your father ushered me to retrieve you. It’s urgent, your highness.” The maid stammered out quickly, her foot tapping against the hardwood of his floor out of impatience.

“He can wait another hour. Tell him “your highness” couldn’t care less.”

He smiled sardonically up at the maid before flipping over to his other side, finding refuge in between his pillows. He heard the maid sigh and stomp over to the other side of his room, and promptly yank open his blinds.

“I’m not here to play games, your highness. Please, if your father says it's urgent, it must be urgent.”

“Have you met the buffoon?” Kei yawned, barely sparing the maid another glance. “It’s probably to discuss how the ball went last week. Or what theme his idiotic dinner party should be this Sunday. If it’s so urgent, tell him to get me himself.”

Kei heard the maid growl as she stomped out of his room, slamming the doors behind him. They really should get more polite maids in this palace, Kei thought, sitting up in his bed and ruffling his hair. He slapped around his nightstand for his glasses, fumbling around with them for a bit before raising them up to his shirt to wipe off. Before he had any time to put them over his eyes, his door slammed open again. Kei groaned, slipping on his glasses as angrily as one could slip on glasses, and turned towards the door. His father stood in the entry, with his mother close behind, not saying anything until Kei muttered an agitated, “what?” for the second time that morning.

His father cleared his throat, making his intrusion inside of Kei’s room and standing at the foot of his bed. The King was not a stern man, and never had been. The locals sometimes called him a loon, a man so completely out of his mind that he sometimes forgot that he had an army out on the battlefront. Nevertheless, he was respected, and Kei never really knew why. Perhaps it was because of his mother, The Queen, logical and prolific, who kept him in line with every decision he made. She stood in place at the doorway, she never liked to invade his privacy.

“Get dressed and meet us in the dining hall in a quarter of an hour.” For the first time in Kei’s life, he had heard his father's voice come out in a serious manner, rather than a lighthearted, teasing tone. He cocked his head and took a double take at his father's face, looking for telltale signs of eyebrows twitching or forehead scrunching to give away that his sternness was just a petty joke, but Kei couldn’t find any.

“If it's such an urgent ordeal why not tell me now?”

“It’s indecent to discuss in pyjamas.” The king finally broke the scowl on his face with a fake smile, and clapped his hands together. “If you aren’t down by the time I expect you, I have no choice but to send the knights up to retrieve you. Are we clear?”

“Yes father.”

The king turned on his heel and walked towards the door. The queen caught Kei’s eye and shot him a sympathetic smile, before tugging the door closed once the king passed through. Kei sat in place until he heard the doors knock together, and he must’ve been holding his breath, because all at once he let out a deep exhale. He flopped back down towards the pillows on his bed, just missing hitting his head against the headboard. He rolled around a bit, not wanting to get up but not quite wanting to fall back asleep either. He hated to be grouchy like this, but he wondered if he would get his cup of earl grey when he met up with his father. He lay there and thought about the situation for a couple more minutes, his mind running through every possible scenario he could run into. “Your brother was killed by his wife’s younger brother”, was a likely possibility. Yet, so were, “I was thinking about setting up my next dinner party to look like The Last Supper” and “I think my next portrait should be in violet, no?” The man was an enigma, and not in the positive way.

He finally came to the realization that being a mopey young adult wouldn’t bring him any appeasement from his father. So he lugged himself up, threw on whatever outfit was laying across his dresser, and trekked down toward the dining hall. He figured he must've looked like a wreck, because on of the maids shot him a wry smile. He was usually one to care about his image, but today, he couldn’t care less. He was doing everything out of spite.

Once in the dining hall, his father gave him the same wary, disappointed glare the maids had. If he wasn’t allowed to talk back to his father, he might as well aggravate him in other ways. Though he considered himself to be proper and mature, he wasn’t proper enough to just appease the old man.

“Do you have any idea why there's such an urgency?” His father asked. The room was dead silent, despite for the cacophony of crow calls coming from the gardens. Kei wasn't really paying attention to what his father said, nor would he, further on. He wasn't one for the whole royals scene, it was so pretentious, everybody two faced like a deck of cards. They would kill for power and marry for it too- it was all so confusing to him. Kei, though it wasn't very accepted, was more into science. Twenty years prior did Charles Darwin from England publish his book on the theory of evolution, and though he technically wasn't allowed to have it in his possession, he hid it behind all the religious texts and manuscripts in his library. Skeletons of giant lizards that roamed the earth millions of years ago were being dug up across the Atlantic and past the Mediterranean, relics of the peoples of humanity's past dug up from the deserts in Ethiopia, and, through all the things Kei didn't understand about royalty, it was why nobody else in his palace found any of it interesting. Was he insane? How could they think that something so present and real was merely just works of fiction? Kei recalled a museum up in England adopting some of the reptilian bones into their exhibit, and Kei figured that if he ever became King, he would do that one day as well. Start up science museums to compete against the arts in city center. His father best be dead by then, though.

“Did Akiteru die?” Kei responded to his father's question with another half-assed one. He was picking at his nails.

“What?”

“I asked if Akiteru died.”

“Why the hell would Akiteru be dead?” His father roared, and Kei scrunched his face up in disgust.

“I dunno. Seems like the only thing that seems plausible if you’re so serious.”

“No, I-” The king groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s about you.”

Kei remained silent, watching his father with bored eyes. All he could think about was the crows outside and his tea.

“You're coming to the age where we believe you need to have a partner.” At this, Kei’s heart absolutely plummeted, tired eyes were blown wide, every cell of his skin left tingling in complete and utter shock. His father was saying things to him but he couldn't hear them, his ears were ringing so loud that he couldn't even hear himself think, but the blood rushing through his ears was very much avid. There was no way that his father was being serious about this. His father was midway through a sentence before Kei cleared his throat and more or less yelled- “I’m only sixteen!”

“Which is exactly why we’ve found you a nice woman to marry!” His father roared back. He watched his mother flinch. “She’s from the neighboring country, she’s sixteen, just like you. Not only will this be good for you, go out and learn to talk to other people your age, but it’ll be good for the politics of this nation. When people find out that our countries are merging the economy-”

Kei zoned back out again. His father was marrying him off so he could make more money off of trade? He lived in a gold plated castle, the people of the village were wealthy, employment was high, merchants were everywhere, what more did the man need? Kei felt himself tear up, though he wouldn't admit it, and shot his mother one helpless look. The one she gave him mirrored his, this whole situation was out of his hands.

“Akiteru got to choose who he wed.” He said, sternly.

“That’s because he had a social life, he went out and found himself somebody to wed.”

“But that still isn’t fair!” Kei got up and slammed the chair into the table. It was like he was being possessed. It was very uncharacteristic for him to get angry, but Kei liked being alone, especially at a time like this, when he was still learning and developing. Though he wouldn’t consider himself to be one, he was still a child. He bit his lip and ultimately slammed the chair to the floor, one of its legs snapping.

“You can pay for that with the money you get from the economic boost!” He turned around and walked away, and shot a death glare at the maid hiding behind the crook in the wall. He went back up to is chambers and, as dramatically as one could shut French doors, he did. He grabbed a record off his bookshelf, placed it on the player, and let it play so loud that it forced its way past the incessant ringing of his ears. That was another thing Kei enjoyed that his father didn’t- music. Music and science, that was the only closure Kei needed in his life. Not some stupid girl from some stupid kingdom who would increase the rates of the old man’s gluttony. He could only imagine what she was like- his future partner. He doubted he would every love her, she was probably some ditsy little thing, hair done to the gods and her linens eye catching- which probably got his father's attention in the first place. She was probably thrilled for a wedding, her fairy tale ending, he would hate to break this stupid girls heart; but that's just what had to happen.

__

July 18, 1879

The day finally came for Kei to finally met his “bride to be.” It was exactly a month later from when Kei first received the news, and ever since then, his life has been a miserable, expectation reaching goal. He was expected to woo her parents, charm her, and be a good model for his parents teachings as well. It was all bullshit. He heard that the kingdom just south of his had broken a rule of thousands of years. The King and Queen let their daughter, the princess, be wed to some commoner, the local cryptid, as well. If they were as modern minded as to let their daughter do that, why wouldn't his parents at least let him choose which princess or duchess he would like to be with?

He sat at the garden tables with his hands folded in his lap. His parents stood behind him, and across from him, another cast iron chair sat. His parents were going to leave him alone with her whilst the monarchs went off to chat about political business, he supposed. Was his father really expecting him to fall in love with somebody, in theory, so immature? He sincerely hoped that she hated him, and cried about it, so the whole marriage would be cast off. He had went to bed rather late last night, and according to his mother, taking three shots of espresso before a meeting was not proper, so his bitter stature was dialed up.

As if one some sort of miraculous cue, the gates to the gardens opened up, revealing two monarchs and, to Kei’s surprise, no princess. He had set high hopes that there was none at all. Though, his hopes and dreams died when the king and queen separated to reveal a girl standing behind them, her arms crossed, one of her eyebrows cocked. Her father looked behind himself to gaze at her, and almost magically her arms unfolded and her smirk was replaced with what Kei could only describe as an angelic smile. Good, she clearly didn't want to be here, either. At least they had that in common. Though, when her father turned back around and went to greet his, the princess turned to her mother and hissed something in her native language, her mother merely shaking her head and replying the calmest she could. Oh, god, the girl was pissed.

Her father guided her to sit across from Kei, and she refused to look at him at first, before her mother ran a knuckle across her spine that made her shoot straight up.

“Acquaint yourselves, you two.” Kei’s father hummed, pretentious as always, as the four adults walk mock triumphantly back into the palace.

“Fist off, may I say, you don’t mind me talking this dress off, do you?” She said bluntly, placing both elbows on the table and resting her head upon her hands.

“Your dress? Are you mad, woman?”

“Not my entire dress! Just the unnecessary skirting material. It’s bullshit!” She whispered the last part but cringed a bit when Kei cocked his eyebrow up at her. “Oops, I forgot, I’m a lady.”

Regardless, she stood up to shimmy out of two petticoats and some tulle, and took a moment to release the windings of her corset. Kei almost found himself laughing. Who in the world did this girl think she was, some kind of circus? Perhaps she was making herself undesirable like he intended on doing, which wasn't quite working, in her favor. This rendezvous oughta be entertaining, the thought.

She sat down again, petticoats and all on the floor,and she smiled up at him.

“Hi, I’m __ __, the pleasure is mine.”

“Oh, is it, princess?” Kei smirked. “Kei Tsukishima.”

“Lovely.” She fake smiled. “You don't seem like much of a charmer, bless you. Most of the princes my parents set me up with are too prim, or proper, or way too uptight about morals. They would’ve called the pope if I dared touch the binds of my corset. That was the first test, and you passed, so thank you, for that.” Kei allowed himself to chuckle, at this.

“I take it you don’t want to be here either?”

“Cripes, no.” She shook her head, her curled hair bouncing with her. “My parents don’t let me do my hair for myself but expect me to get married. How foolish.”

“I agree. Though, your country is really wealthy and that's all my father tends to care about-”

“Same for mine-”

“And I don’t think he’s going to let this go.” Kei bit the inside of his cheek, then rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, Father’s been sweet talking about your’s more than he has about you. I didn't even know your name before I got here.”

“Neither did I.”

“Cripes.”

They sat in silence for a moment, __ not knowing what to say, and Kei really having nothing to say at all. The tingling feeling of his skin was coming back. He was nervous.

He was nervous because she wasn't what he had expected. He had a plan set out and everything. He was going to ignore her if she flaunted her dress, ignored her small talk conversation. Tell her he’s seen prettier in Charles Darwin's book on evolution, and he was talking about the tortoises. His plan had backfired, she drew the cards in this game. She threw half her outfit off and spread her legs and crossed her arms and, oh god, she picked at her nails too. Kei would rather die than admit that she had the upper hand at this obvious provocation game, but he wouldn’t. He didn't dare.

“You shouldn't have undone that corset- you might as well use looks to mask that ugly personality of yours.” He uttered, but he only heard her chuckling.

“It’s a surprise your parents made us gather out here- with how pale your skin is. I’m surprised you haven't melted in the sun yet. This isn't Romania, you know? Did you catch the wrong train back to Transylvania?” She shot back, refusing to make eye contact, rather plucking a rose off the bush and plucking off its thorns.

“Mm. At least I could do some damage as a vampire. The prince of Norway called, he’s missing his favorite troll. Won’t you go back to him?”

“First of all, the prince of Norway is a wang.” She laughed. “And second, make fun of my height when you don’t look like a Roman pillar.”

“Where I’m from, the taller you are, the more powerful you are. Doesn't seem to be the case where you come from.”

“Oh, please. I could prove Darwin's theory of evolution wrong right here, right now.” Kei twitched at this, refusing to say anything, and beckoning her gaze. She looked up at him and smirked. “It clearly cannot be correct, because look at you. You look like a hominid from one million b.c.e. There’s no way I came from the likes of you.”

Kei didn't expect this, and he didn't expect himself to laugh at her joke, but he did. He had to cover his face with his hands because between the heat of the sun and his embarrassment, his face was growing red. She smirked with satisfaction. He wiped at his eyes and wiped the smile off his face with it, then cleared his throat.

“I appreciate that.” he nodded. “I wasn't aware that you were interested in science.”

“Well,” She shrugged, her eyes advertising. “There's not much I know, but out of the things I do know, I hold them rather close. My father won’t allow me to purchase any scientific texts.”

“Just hide them behind the other books.”

“What?”

“Make space behind the bookshelf to hide them there. I’ve had maids smuggle in all of mine.” Kei shrugged. She finally looked up at him, straight in the eye, and he noticed that they were so full of something spectacular, it made his heart lurch.

“Are you serious?”

“How many times do I have to repeat it? Just when I thought you were actually and intellectual human being you-”

“Can you show me?” She asked, suddenly, her face turning red as well. “I mean, only if you’re okay with that, that is.”

“I would have to tell my parents that we’re going to see my novel collection, then read on my balcony- if you’re able to tolerate that utter shit.”

“I will for Darwin.” She shrugged, standing up and picking up her petticoats. She contemplated them for a moment, just staring at them, the with one leap, threw them over the rose bush.

“They won’t notice.” She walked alongside him, tightening her corset as she did. His gaze lingered on her for a moment, before he turned away and shook his head. The idea of marriage as still absolutely dreadful, but something told him that it wouldn't be as miserable as intended.

[heckaroniandcheese]

whoaaaa nelly we had a heck of day!!! great news!!! I actually decided to quit and never come back!!!!!

turns out my former boss spent his whole ass day yesterday talking shit about me!!!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!! not even like work related shit. to begin: he smelled a little bit of my perfume on me this morning (context: I wear diy perfume that lasts 10 minutes because it makes me happy. perfume is against dress code. I put on my perfume before work because it's gone before I get there) and he was like super bitchy about it. he pulled out his fake coffee snob attitude (I am literally the biggest coffee snob in that place and he does not even care) and made up some bullshit about how the aroma of my perfume will seep into all the coffee beans and distort the flavors and I was like no.

context item 1: the reason we are not allowed to wear perfume is because The Starbucks Smell is carefully crafted.

context item 2: everyone wears perfume anyway. (like, one of my coworkers keeps his perfume on the manager desk next to the computer and gives himself a spritz every time he goes back)

I take my apparently heavily scented self to work (I make everyone smell me, they're like nah you smell normal) and go about my day. my boss. chooses to spend the rest of his time. telling everyone I smell "earthy" "smoky" and "like patchouli" context, . perfume recipe: 50ish drops of sweet orange essential oil, 10~20ish drops of tea tree oil, 0~5 patchouli oil drops. mix with 4oz water. girl what.

then he waits until I'm done setting up and cleaning and rearranging the back room to tell me that actually, they need extra hands on the floor, would you mind staying and helping out? I go out to the clearly not at all busy sales floor and twiddle my thumbs for an hour while they have the meeting I was clearly just regular uninvited to.

immediately after they finish my bff and my frenemy (who I still love even though she breaks my heart) come shooting out and pull me off to the side to tell me how our boss diverted from the planned agenda (since he turned every meeting into an all out boss shits on everyone repeatedly party and got reported a lot he has to plan meeting agendas ahead and have them approved by his boss) and turned to "some concerns" he has about "certain people" and you'll never fucking guess what came NEXT!!!!! (all out boss shits on sprouty party) remember my bff. who is in this meeting. with him serving us both a huge fuck you with this one. and if she opens her mouth she's out of a job. cute!!!!

our next juicy little nail in the coffin is he talked shit about me to the "second" store manager context: they're making him train his replacement before they fire him. (no one has said this to me outright but it'd take a second post this long to explain) "second" store manager is by all accounts a super kind, nice, and gentle guy, really encouraging, exactly the type of person we've dreamed of. unfortunately, my boss's shit talking was 2nd's first impression of me. so 2nd is very. careful. around me. and. watchful. understanding the full breadth of my boss's complaints about me, I understood. but still. bruh.

ANYWHO I went into work today like wow I am so close I am at the finish line and one of my other friends (2 difficult to explain relationship) I did not see yesterday was in. and she filled me in on some details that were overlooked, as she was also in the manager meeting, and was held back by 2nd for some training things (she's taking my job even though I warned her heavily and repeatedly not to) and we did not see each other before she left. and something just like. clicked. and I was like oh. okay. yeah fuck this I'm out.

but i was like slow down think about it. can you afford it do the math. then I did the math. and I decided to finish out the day and leave my keys in the safe as is the respectful thing to do at the end of ones last day. I slacked on a couple things, but who can blame me I left a decent close and a quiet goodbye. I didn't go out screaming and swearing, though I should have, on multiple occasions. I didn't break anything, but everything will be broken in a week once they realise they barely knew the half of the maintenance I did on that place ✌️

my only regret. is that I didn't steal more. dear stinkybucks if you're reading this I don't like you. booooooooooooo u. sorry this story has so many characters we have a p big group just cause stinky boss just keeps hiring people so he can not schedule them ever and get upset when no one is begging at his lap to take any open hours on zero notice. anyway xoxoxo that's it love you guys

tomorrow is my last day before I demote to live my last two months in this state in a healthier way than the other 10 and prepare to move back home (back home meaning the vague area of my hometown, not my parents' home)

catch me at my apartment cleaning and cooking and organizing and relaxing