#turns out acts of servicing your way into someone's friendship isn't enough

[jam-every-other-day]

That moment when you realize you can't make people like you by bending over backwards to help them and some people are just not going to click with you regardless of how much you do for them

[eohpmdsteams]

Sooo what characters of yours are open for shipping? And if you're willing to tell, what are their ideal types? For science of course

Currently Bluey, Bastion, and Verde! Tombstone has a gf, Morte is engaged, and Rampart is married. But there will also be future characters on the blog who will join their teams that will also be open for shipping! the crossed-out names are their current crushed but nothing has been set in stone in terms of a relationship outside of friendship developing.

Bluey

Percy Bluey is looking for a male from the human-like egg group with many qualities similar to her father, Riddle. Those qualities are that they have to be sweet/kind to an extent and HAVE to be family-oriented/ok with kids because Bluey wants kids. She wants a partner who will be a good dad and who isn't afraid to tell his family that he loves them and wants to spend time with them. Bluey's primary love languages are words of affirmation and Quality Time. She wants someone who is ok with affection but doesn't mind if they are not a fan of PDA. Someone who will push her to be her better self and who isn't afraid to challenge her stance a bit when she's being stubborn. She also likes silly little guys and is more likely to be attracted to someone who's a little skinny and scrawny when it comes to body type. She isn't one to be automatically impressed by big rippling muscles.

Bastion

Bluey. Bastion is looking for someone, be they male or female, who is incredibly affectionate and down for PDA. Bastion is very touched-starved and wants a partner who will hold him and kiss him without making a fuss if it's in public, and he is 100% on board with the idea of them not keeping their hands off of him. Bastion's primary love language is physical touch. He'd like for them to appreciate and notice the little things he does for them or even larger favors he does for them because another of Bastion's love languages is acts of service. He wants a partner who would be considerate enough to do little things here or there without needing to be asked and who would appreciate him doing the same. The biggest hurdle a possible partner will have is getting Maggot to approve of them. Bastion will always choose what's best for Maggot regardless of his own desires.

Verde

Verde honestly isn't truly looking for anyone after the death of his wife, Copper. He loved her so much, after all, they had a child together and even a grandchild. And the way she was taken from him wasn't the way either of them wanted that bond to end. For someone to be a good partner for Verde is probably best if they are older. After all, Gramptus is in his late 60's. It would have to be someone who is patient with him and willing to take things slow and ease him into the idea that it is ok to move on. It would also be important that this person has a positive relationship with Bluey. If you treat his Blue Bug poorly he will turn you into his personal pin cushion. Verde's primary love languages are quality time and gift giving. After all, he is old and doesn't know how much longer he's got on this ball of dirt, he'd want someone who'd spend the last of his days in his company and who'd kept all the little things he'd give them to remember him by.

[postsforposting]

>how can you provide value to justify remaining in their life.

.....that's not how that works.

why doesn't anyone want to admit they like someone? make the first move? why is that scary? it shouldn't be, because all you're doing is saying you value someone else. that's a great thing to do.

the scary bit comes in with other people's nastiness. they can make fun of you or reject you, say they hate you, etc.

....why is that something you (general you) take personally, as a charge against you? that's their piss poor behavior, it's got nothing to do with you. you didn't do anything wrong. someone shits on the floor of the store, that's their problem, it has nothing to do with you. even if they claim they did it because of you. what people say and what is fact are not the same thing. you realize you are pissing on the poor here?

if they say they only like you as a friend, assuming we're talking about dating, same deal. yea, it's rejection, but why is that something crushing to you? it sucks, sure. but crushing? you did nothing wrong. it's not a judgement of you. people have reasons to say no that have nothing to do with negative judgement. just like you say no for reasons that don't mean "i fucking HATE YOU, DIE". you're different genres of movie, you're just not the kind they're looking for. it sucks, but it's not soul crushing to find out you like horror and they don't. it happens.

even if they do get nasty in their rejection of you. you dodged a bullet, so why are you pissing on the poor?

i feel like part of this comes from some idea that you could MAKE people change their answer, make them accept you, and then that would have avoided it and that would be SO MUCH BETTER. because acceptance is moral approval and rejection is moral inferiority....????? i know that's what we're taught, but that is not reality. pissing on the poor.

you see what i'm getting at here? wild fear of other people that everyone is taking personally as if it's due to personal flaws, and IF ONLY they were obsessive enough to avoid errors then their lives would be perfect. you know. like how advertisements work. not real.

you don't "provide value" to other people. you don't need to justify your existence. your value is that your presence is wanted--you're liked. that's the totality of it. friendship and romance aren't transactional, you're not providing a service like a plumber who has to leave upon completion. that's a red flag, not a healthy relationship.

i'm not trying to say that changing the way you think about this stuff is going to make other people stop being nasty. it won't. it'll just change the way you view their behavior: it's not about you, it doesn't reflect upon you. it shouldn't make you reconsider your life.

and that means it hurts less. it sucks, but it's not shattering. because their behavior is their choice, it's not about you.

that sort of gets into the suffering thing, because suffering generally means something is wrong. (i did not read the link and it sounds like something i would not agree with based on the summary) suffering doesn't go away until you fixed the wrong thing.

the wrong thing here is taking responsibility for the way other people act. thinking you "have no value". being alone sucks, but it doesn't mean you suck. you just haven't found someone in the same movie genre. you still get to enjoy your genre fully. you're still you.

if you keep setting off suffering, it gets worse. if you turn that off before you fix it, then you still get damage. silencing the alarm does not fix the cause of the alarm.

(that doesn't mean suffering is good or useful, philosophically speaking. emotions and biology don't translate to the abstract like that. we gotta have stuff that says "something is wrong", and biology hasn't got many ways to do that. i am actually saying here that feeling bad isn't necessary. we are choosing to inflict this stuff on each other by how we treat each other and how we believe reality works.)

i'm not saying you should suffer. i'm saying the suffering is unreasonable and unnecessary. it's something you can fix if you change how you think about this stuff.

so fix the problem, stop the suffering. don't bolster it by saying it's correct.

There's a post from a couple of years ago which I was reminded of and wanted to add to today, about nobody wanting to take the supplicant role in courtship, but it's unrebloggable due to some constraint the OP put on it, so I'll just quote my bit:

Being attracted to someone is distressing. I think the largest part of it is hunger to know someone (?); but when you can’t get to know them well, it ends up a stunted obsession: all that drive-to-know - enough to build a deep, detailed model of another personality - chewing over scraps of phrases and trivial actions, until you’re snappishly bored with your own mind. Your skin feels hungry and there’s nothing you can do about it: “touch starvation” is a phrase that comes to mind. The person’s absence and their presence both hurt: absence obviously, presence because once you’re there you find that there’s still distance, you still miss them. It’s rather like homesickness. Courting someone is wretched. It’s frightening and humiliating and full of agonising waiting periods and jarring mood switchbacks. It feels something like being dragged along on a fishhook, with the line attached to another person’s little finger. Liking someone more than they like you is a position of low power. The incentives are to be servile. You have nothing to bargain with: whatever they decide, you agree to with a smile. You always try to sound happy, because that’s what’s most appealing. You give up on areas of confusion instead of trying to understand, because asking questions annoys people and any annoying act pushes you closer to the cliff-edge of losing them. Any small disagreement feels like a large risk, so you distort your own opinions a bit. You can’t be spontaneous; your inner voice is always tallying accounts: how many days since the last message, too few, you mustn’t bother them yet / how many days since you came up with something interesting, too many, they may forget; don’t intrude so much, but simultaneously what have you done for them lately, how can you provide value to justify remaining in their life. It seems bad that we’re like this. I don’t imagine humans are especially badly formed or anything, it’s probably just as subjectively rotten for every animal that does courtship displays. But if anyone eventually makes robots with emotion-like motivational systems, they shouldn’t include anything like attraction. It’s so silly.

I feel like resurrecting this today to celebrate being out of it. In the last two weeks, somebody has given me the double gifts of liking me and of having the generosity to say so, and show so. All I want to do is be glad and be grateful, and try never to cause this person to experience anything described above.

But I stand by the description, it is a correct description, and we are so badly made it is infuriating. @nohoperadio's good post on the tragic stupidity of pain incidentally also works as a discourse on eros: if there'd been any intelligence involved in the design process, distress signals would come with an off-switch! (Hence my blog tagline.) But instead, evolution is a pitiless idiot, love is humiliation, nonviable attachments take years to starve to death, and there is no moral of the story. Absurd. A baboon could design a better emotional constitution.

Delightfully, this week ACX introduced David Pearce ("For centuries, philosophers have praised suffering as a necessary part of the human condition. For decades, David Pearce has told those other philosophers that they are bad and wrong"), who is doing his best to make a better emotional constitution available, and I approve of such a project so highly that it's been necessary to stack new levels of approval above my previous maximum to encompass how right he is. It's really exciting that any intelligent and active person considers progress of this sort possible and is working on it.

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

hi !! can I please get a 🍰?

i just came across of you writing and it is so cute !! (´-﹏-`；) every post made me feel all warm & fuzzy inside ~ please feel free to totally ignore this if this isn't the proper way to ask or if you already closed your request (also I'm sorry if you already closed your request I didn't noticed) . Also sorry if this has any grammatical errors or if the descriptions don't make sense, english isn't my first language.

so, uhm, to begin my name is elliot (she/her) I'm 5'4, I'm from argentina (south america) i speak spanish & english (among other languages) idk how much I'm supposed to put on here so I'm just going to describe myself as redacted as possible. (Don't know if this is necessary but I'm jewish ¿) ^_________^

I have short brown wavy hair, just a couple of centimeters below my ears, i have bangs, I'm very pale ¿ not chubby but also not skinny average if i may say so. My fashion style changes from time to time but i usually wear clothing in the range of black to white, also sometimes I like trying whatever aesthetic is going around at the time.

Personality wise I'm pretty calm at first, i'm not very good with getting to know new people so I try to be as quite as possible but once I get comfortable i tend to be very loud, i like making my friends laugh since i think that's the most sincere way of knowing they talk to me because they like me. I would say I'm like the mom friend/therapist friend since i really like helping and listening people talk. I love having deep conversations with friends/loved ones, they give me this sense of connection nothing else can give me. I am very blunt and it usually comes off as rude but i try to sugar-coat my words as much as possible.

And while I very much love everyone who is friends with me I have a very hard time showing it and/or showing my empathy for them (one of the reasons as to why I'm not good with meeting new people) but i try to become a better version of me day to day.

What i look in a person is someone who can understand me and my boundaries, since I'm germophobic PDA isn't really something that i enjoy doing but with time i can get myself around to it. Someone whom I can trust enough to be emotionally open with and vice versa. Talkative or not doesn't matter to me. My love language is acts of service. ^_________^

I hope you have a really amazing day ! ! remember to drink water and eat something yummy (*＾3＾)/～♡ don't be too harsh on yourself and keep in mind that many people love you, ba-bye ! ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯

🍰 for @vvanteffect

Romantic Matchup

Sakusa Kiyoomi

How yall met

You guys met during the All-Japan Youth Training Camp

(You were a partial manager from Nekoma during that time)

Shockingly enough he actually approached you

Granted his cousin was forcing him to socialize but that's not important

He had noticed how you tended to stay away from other people or how when you did talk to someone it was usually a very short conversation

Basically you seemed like the least contaminated person he could talk to so he just went for it

Right away he noticed how blunt you were

Like he would ask you a question adn the longest answer you would give him was about a sentence

“Hey how are you”

“Good”

“Uh so what school are you from”

“Nekoma”

You get what i'm saying

But honestly he didn't really care he just kept talking to you

And the longer he talked to you the longer your responses would get

You guys spent the rest of camp together

And when it was time to go home you exchanged numbers so you could stay in contact

Your schools weren't too far from each other so you guys would see each other in person when you were both free

And well he ended up falling for you

What they love about you

Of course he loves that your also a partial germaphobe

It makes it easier for him to be around you knowing that you try your best to stay clean

He loves how simple you are

From the clothes you wear

To how you talk to other people

He tends to over analize if people are to complicated

But with you everything is just short and sweet

He loves how good of a listener you are

Like if he's had a bad day he can just call you and rant about it

And not only do you listen

But you also help him solve his problems

This next one isn't really something he loves more like something he's proud of

He's very proud that he's gained enough of your trust for you to talk to him

Like full blown conversations

Your guys convos have come a long way from the very first conversation you had

He's just happy that you trust him enough to talk to him

What you love about them

You love that he respects your boundaries

Let's be honest here

Mans isn't really into PDA either

Like come on

LOOK who were talking about here

But that's not the only boundary he respects

He respects All of your boundaries

Like all you have to do is tell him you don't like something and he'll stop

You love how he can handle your bluntness and not get offended

Honestly when you look back on how you met him

Your shocked that he even kept talking to you

That whole training camp people would keep on trying to talk to you

But then leave after a short while because you were being blunt and they took it the wrong way

But not Sakusa

He kept on talking to you even when you were acting pretty cold

And your very appreciative about that

Favorite things to do together

Ok so even though you live semi close together

It's not like your neighbors

So his favorite thing to do with you is to just facetime you and talk about each others days

And when you guys are able to get together

He prefers that you both just stay inside for the most part

So you do just that

Usually your in person hangouts include playing board games, reading,or watching movies together

And if you guys decide to go out

He makes you wear a mask the whole time

And you guys will usually just take a walk at a park or on the beach

Somewhere where theres not a lot of people yk

Random Hc

He has bought you two matching masks

His homescreen on his phone is a picture of you that he took while facetime you

Once you guys were in public and he accidently gave you a kiss while both of your masks were on

And now thats just became a norm for you two

You guys have these matching pajamas

Friendship Matchup

Kuroo Tetsurou

How yall met

You are Nekomas manager

And since kuroo was the captain you worked very closely with him

Which eventually made a friendship bloom

Why you became friends

He kind of saw you as a compitition if that makes sense??

Like when he first met you it's almost like you didn't want to talk to him

Which couldn't be true because he's awesome!

Sure you are kuroo

Anyways kenma had made some backhand comment on how some people just dont wanna talk to him

And kuroo was like 🧐

So he made it his goal to befriend you

It started with him having basic conversation with you everyday

Then it turned into him talking to you during the school day

Which then turned into him inviting you to hand out after school

Eventually you guys just became besties

What yall love about each other

He loves how straightforward you are

Like if you don't like something youll say it

If someones ticking you off you'll tell them

Even though your bluntness is something you get insecure about sometimes

He thinks it's one of your best traits

He also loves that you are bilingual

It makes for a good time when your ranting about something because your languages will start to blend

And if your really mad you'll just switch to spanish and just start ranting

And even though he can't understand a word your saying

He just smile and nods till your done

You love how deep your conversations can get

Like he'll play along with whatever deep topic you talk about

“What's the meaning of life”

“I would say its to give life a meaning”

Yeah y'all talked about that for HOURS

You also like how helpful he is

If your ever having a hard time managing the team he'll always offer a helping hand

And if your ever struggling with schoolwork he's always there to help you

Random Hc

He was very shocked when you and Sakusa started dating

He threatened to kick his ass if he ever broke up with you

Hes tried to learn spanish but gave up after a week

But he did learn how to say all the cuss words in spanish

After he befriended you he rubbed it in kenmas face

Kenma was just like 😐 ok

But kuroo took satisfaction in his victory

You really had kuroo thinking for a whole day when you asked him

Did the color orange come before the fruit? Or is it vice versa?

Still hasn't come up with an answer to that question

[mistresseast]

can you explain in more detail why you think the PT weren't good friends for akiren? i'm not asking out of hate or to start drama, i just never interpreted things that way and i'm genuinely curious. i don't think them being brainwashed by maruki makes them "bad friends", but i don't know if that's what you meant either. i'd love to read a proper explanation on this that isn't just people arguing in the notes of that post.

Hi! Yeah, I know the ~discourse~ climate is pretty touchy and not a good place to exchange ideas, so I’ll do my best to put my thoughts on this matter into words. 

Settle in, bc this one is long.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t dislike the PT, nor do I think they’re bad people, and honestly I think they love Joker a lot! Ryuji calling Akira after his fake death and talking about how his ideas on what makes a hero have changed because of Akira genuinely makes me emotional, along with dozens of other scenes with the thieves! They’re good kids who could be really good friends to Akira but that’s not what’s shown in the game. I don’t think it’s controversial to say Akira’s relationships with all of his friends are transactional. That’s kind of the point, all of his confidants arise out of deals, give and take, and in the metanarrative of the game, that’s how it works. You as the player help these characters solve their problems, and through ranking their confidants up, you get access to more gameplay perks. So it’s pretty even!! But like,,Akira, the character, isn’t the player. There’s no in-story mechanic by which he can cash in friendship points for being-good-at-killing-things prizes. Yes, he uses those abilities to not die in the metaverse, but there is no literal, in-universe way to explain how hanging out with someone translates to [insert gameplay perk here]. So you have to look at what is physically happening in the story. Akira hangs out with the PT, stands there while they have drama with another irrelevant character, and then one way or another their problems get solved and they swear to be Akira’s blood brother or whatever. Akira is a crutch for these characters, and they say multiple times that they wouldn’t have been able to do what they did without him. So all of their shit gets handled and Akira gets?? Like actually gets?? What? Inquiries about his well-being? Offers to help him? Questions about his life, his interests? No,,,not really,, But he gets access to a super powerful persona!! Yay!!! Bc everyone knows he’s just a little shadow-killing machine, right? And even the relationships he does get something tangible (as in separate from the mechanics of the game) out of, like Kawakami’s, are built on the notion that if Akira stops providing for whatever reason, the relationship will end. So essentially, Akira is under the pressure of filling whatever role his friends need him in for however long at any time, and he’s been led to believe that if he stops or fails, he will stop receiving any reciprocal care and acceptance.

(And I know this is all gameplay stuff, I know it has to be like this to codify the complicated process of human relationships, I know all of that, I’m just trying to find a deeper layer bc that’s what I do.)

This whole thing comes into pretty clear focus for me during the third semester when you visit everyone in the false reality. Everyone is happy to see him, of course, but they’re clearly wrapped up in their own happiness. Which is understandable, again, I’m not saying the PT need to be attached to Akira to be good friends, but it all still feels off to me.

If they know Joker, then they’d know it’s weird that he just shows up and starts asking these pointed questions while they’re in the middle of something. All of their other interactions with him have been led by them. Yeah, Joker approaches them bc the player has decided to hang out with them, but the other character always chooses the activity and leads the discussion. Akira showing up out of nowhere and asking them to “remember” and “move on” and whatnot should be raising some major red flags. And it clearly does, since their memories do start to return, but they’re all too scared of losing their happiness that they nope out of the conversation as soon as possible, without stopping to consider why Joker might be trying to reach out to them like that. They’re his friends; they should know he wouldn’t just be trying to hurt them or make them unhappy. After all, their entire relationship with him up til that point has been exclusively about Joker trying to help them. This doesn’t make the PT bad people, running away is a totally natural reaction in that situation. They’re just kids, and their minds have been manipulated to a point, but it’s not like they don’t remember Joker or the way they’ve grown since meeting him. In fact many of them mention how much they’ve matured recently, but they never actually relate that back to Akira, despite him being the primary driving force behind most of their personal arcs, even though they definitely remember him. Translation vagueness or deliberate nod to the idea that the PT don’t actually credit Akira with all the hard work he did after their initial lip service? Hmmm. Anyway, their failure to recognize that Joker is struggling just demonstrates to me what was set up all throughout their confidant links, that their relationships are transactional and that they don’t necessarily consider Joker and his individual needs outside of what he provides for them. And when they no longer need him bc that hole has been filled, he simply doesn’t occupy the same place of importance in their lives. 

Makoto’s flashback in particular stood out to me, bc it was from a moment where she was specifically talking about feeling like she finally found a place to belong with the Phantom Thieves (and by extension, with Joker), but then she desperately tries to brush it off. Obviously that sense of belonging wasn’t meaningful enough to her for her to want it back. And I’m not blaming her, of course, any teenager would choose to have their father back over being in a vigilante group lmao, I just thought it was telling that the devs decided to show us a scene that was originally meant to be heartwarming as an example of the harsh reality Makoto wants to forget. All of the flashbacks are from defining moments for the thieves, but that one specifically got me like *thinking emoji*

So his friends are hesitant, despite the fact that they must know something is wrong. It’s understandable, they all stand to lose a lot if someone messes with the status quo. I genuinely don’t think I would react any differently. But there is someone who reacts differently and against his own self-interest. It’s Goro, the one who has arguably the most to lose, who doesn’t turn away from Akira. He seeks Akira out and teams up with him to uncover what’s really going on, even though he has every reason to believe that prodding too deep will literally mean the end of his life. He forces Akira and himself to face the truth because he knows anything else would just be an insult to what they’ve suffered so far. He’s the only one who never flinches, and that, more than any of his friends’ come-to-jesusing (which Akira still has to initiate) is what Akira needs in that situation. For the first time (outside of the brief instances in the tutorial levels), we see a situation where Akira is actually the dependent one, the one who needs help, who needs support. And the only one who has ever provided that, unconditionally, without demanding anything in return, is Goro. I could go into how Goro’s confidant blows all of the others out of the water in terms of building both himself AND Akira as characters, but it’s been said already and by smarter people than me. But basically, despite competition being a core theme of their relationship, Goro is the only character who is portrayed as Akira’s equal. Their contests are all in the name of improving not just Goro, but Akira too. Goro is the only character who expresses an interest in Akira’s inner life and development, and as such he knows Akira better than anyone else. So when Maruki tries to trap them all in a gilded birdcage, Goro won’t stand for it and he knows Akira won’t stand for it either. That’s why he’s so betrayed if you choose to accept the dreamworld. You’re negating the basis of your entire relationship with him and going against your own principles. Out of every character in the game, the one who knows Akira best and refuses to abandon him even when that could mean his own death is Goro Akechi.

I want to reiterate: I do not hate or even dislike the PT!! And tbh I don’t really think they “abandoned” Akira. That post, imo, is supposed to be kind of hyperbolic. Unless it’s referring to how many of them literally sprint away when he comes to talk to them lol. I look at it more like a commentary on how thoughtlessly the PT act as soon as their wishes are granted. I know it’s set up linearly for story purposes, but isn’t it kind of sad how no one checks up on Akira in the week he’s going around talking to people? Especially after he’s been acting so comparatively weird? It’s not unusual that they might be caught up in other stuff, but while you’re going around and visiting everyone, you don’t get a single text or call from ANY of the thieves, for a whole week!! Goro even comments on it directly with his pointed little “I’m sure you’re just as close as you were before” comment. God, he’s such a bitch. Ultimately, the PT do get their acts together, and it’s partially out of the realization that Akira is struggling alone against something and needs their help, which I love and appreciate. I think they are good friends who want to support Akira, but they can’t understand him past the role they’ve placed him in, and until they do, they’ll never be able to be what he needs. Akira loves his friends and knows he can rely on them in most ways, but those relationships will always be dogged by the pervasive fear that he must constantly earn the right to have the relationship at all. What he needs MOST is someone he doesn’t have to perform for, and from what we see in the game, none of the thieves fit that bill. Except Goro. 

I know this was long and rambly and probably pretty disjointed but I wanted to be as thorough as possible and all of my thoughts just sort of gushed out. Obviously ymmv about all of this depending on how you interpret the game, but this is what I arrived at thanks to my analysis so this is what I have for you! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[neochatarra]

8 Untold Signs Of Narcissist People

Sometimes the signs of narcissism aren't so obvious and narcissists fly under our radar. Not every narcissist may be a puffed-up addict or a Mean Girl like Regina George. If they were, we could see the signs from a mile away and steer clear. No, many narcissists are sensitive, thoughtful, and generous – until the charade wears off, of course.

That's why it's so important to know the subtle signs of narcissism that you simply won't notice until it's too late and they've sucked you into their region.

What's the Difference Between an Overt and Covert Narcissist?

Many people tend to consider narcissists as having extroverted personalities. They're flamboyant and demand to be the middle of attention – how are you able to miss them?

The truth is, introverts also can be narcissists. These are those who fool us into their web of manipulation.

"They're not self-absorbed – they're just sensitive!"

"They're not a nasty friend – they're just misunderstood!"

After forming a relationship with a covert narcissist, you realize that this sensitivity and isolation were, in fact, signs of narcissism. Since the signs weren't so obvious, however, you completely misjudged things.

8 Signs of Narcissism You Can't-Miss

Since the covert narcissist is best at hiding their abusive behavior, it's important to know the subtle cues that give them away.

1. They'll Never Utter the Phrase "I Don't Know"

I once knew a narcissist who was so averse to the present phrase that he would rather give someone dangerously incorrect answers than admit to not knowing something. He was confident in his woefully wrong answers, too.

Why do this?

Answering an issue with "I don't know" deprives the narcissist of important attention. The person seeking a solution will simply advance to somebody else who might help them. That's an enormous ego hit.

That's why you'll often find narcissists rambling on about topics they need no business speaking on.

2. They Are A Nasty Friend

The narcissist is usually a nasty friend but you'll typically find them playing the victim. confirm to urge all sides of the story if you're unsure.

What are some red flag signs of narcissism that indicate the suspect may be a narcissist?

• They get irritated when their friends invite help or advice.

• They don't bother to call or text their friends on birthdays or holidays.

• They don't return borrowed items. (A sign of entitlement.)

• They owe their friends money. they'll downplay this as "not an enormous deal."

• They embarrass their friends ahead of others.

• They hunt down or entertain their friends' partners or love interests.

They also treat waitstaff or service workers poorly. This is a dead giveaway. run the hills. Anyone who disrespects waitstaff or service workers views people as "beneath" them. Soon, you'll be a part of the inferiors also.

3. They Need To Insert Themselves Into Every Story

A covert narcissist might not demand everyone's attention. They will, however, still find how to form everything about them. an outsized part of this strategy involves inserting themselves into every story.

Is a coworker talking about their experience with homelessness? The narcissist, too, features a story about being poor.

Is a lover talking about his amazing trip to Vietnam? The narcissist also had a friend who visited Vietnam. And guess what? She heard it wasn't so great.

No matter the subject, the narcissist features a remarkable skill for turning the eye their way – regardless of how innocuous it'd seem.

4. They're Sensitive

At first, you'll appreciate their ability to freely express emotions. this is often an excellent tactic narcissists use to lure empathetic people into their trap.

Maybe a fast-food worker got their order wrong and therefore the narcissist hasn't shut up about it all day. Maybe their boss asked them to prevent playing on their phone such a lot and now the narcissist is crying about it over dinner.

As time goes on, you'll realize that the narcissist isn't vulnerable and sensitive: their fragile ego can't handle honest mistakes and valid criticism. To the narcissist, these are personal attacks.

5. They Form Relationships Based On What Someone Can "Do for Them"

If you're at a celebration and therefore the suspected narcissist suggests you ask someone because they will help together with your career or financial situation, don't ignore it. They aren't trying to assist you: they're letting you in on their game.

Narcissists tend to make shallow friendships that supported what people can do for them. You'll often find narcissists make friends with horribly toxic people simply because these folks have money, own bars, or offers career opportunities.

6. Their Stories Don't Match Reality

Both the overt and covert narcissist has an inflated sense of self. The thing is, they believe their lies. As a result, you'll often find they recall stories much differently than the situations played out.

If you notice that the suspect constantly reframes stories to form themselves the hero or victim, retreat fast – this is often one among the various signs of narcissism. By changing the story to suit their narrative, the narcissist is gaslighting everyone else involved.

It's not cute or funny to constantly need to correct them. Sooner or later, they'll start gaslighting you, too.

7. They Observe and Judge

"There's no way she will be a narcissist. When we're out with friends, she barely says ten words!"

I hear it all the time. By sitting back and observing everyone, however, the covert narcissist is silently taking notes and judging. I'm sure you heard all about her observations on the car ride home.

The narcissist must feel superior to everyone around them. this is often easy to try to do once you don't open your mouth to interact in conversation and instead sit back to require notes about everyone's shortcomings.

8. They Only Hear Bits and Pieces of Your Stories

Does it desire the suspected narcissist just isn't. listening? They're probably not. And if they're, they don't care.

Maybe you spent ten minutes venting to your mother about how you didn't get that promotion at work because you showed up late one solitary time with a legitimate reason. How did she respond? "Well, maybe you'll remember to point out up on time from now on."

You can't be the victim. Only the narcissist is often the victim.

You see this ton with narcissist parents or partners who listen only enough to toss stuff back in your face later.

How to Turn the Tables on a Narcissist?

Perhaps you've gone on a couple of dates with someone or a replacement coworker joined your team. you think they'll be a narcissist but you aren't entirely sure.

After all, the covert narcissist is especially cunning at hiding the more obvious signs of narcissism. Here's the way to turn the tables on a narcissist and obtain them to show themselves.

• Play along. Don't give the suspected narcissist room to regulate their manipulation tactics – play stupid and pretend you completely believe them. Use this chance to document their behavior.

• Remain indifferent. If you want to continue handling an overt or covert narcissist for reasons out of your control, act indifferent to their behavior. The narcissist wants to use your emotions against you. If you don't give them anything to figure with, they'll seek their fix elsewhere.

• Find Support: this might only include one or two people you trust. open up to someone who will validate and believe you.

At the top of the day, the sole thanks to truly turn the tables on a narcissist are to chop them off completely. If that they had any real intentions of adjusting, they might have done so already.

The narcissist won't suddenly see things your way. If they ever do, it's – a) for a fleeting moment and b) to use against you later. Don't believe the conflicting information you would possibly see from other websites or therapists – the narcissist will never change.

With a mental disease, a chemical imbalance within the brain may cause different disturbances that manifest as depression, anxiety, and lots of others. Although complex, mental illnesses tend to reply well to medication because it targets the physical root of the problem: like a chemical imbalance. Though it's been determined that a lot of mental illnesses like depression and anxiety are frequently caused by unresolved emotional trauma, often dating as far back as childhood.

Personality disorders occur due to a repetitive stimuli-reward environment. At some point in their life, the narcissist realized they might elicit specific reactions and emotions from people – and it felt good and helped them achieve their self-fulfilling agendas.

Anything but cutting them out of your life will offer you a mental and emotional breakdown.

No Contact is that the Only Way to Packing Up A Narcissist

Many narcissists have always been this manner – whilst far back as their teenage or childhood years. If you're handling a narcissist, you can't and will not expect them to vary their behavior now or ever.

Treatment for personality disorders often involves things like cognitive behavioral therapy. In many cases, a narcissist can also suffer from other mental illnesses like depression or substance use disorder. (You've probably heard extensively about these problems, too, when the narcissist needs your sympathy or someone responsible .)

ىDespite this, there's little evidence to suggest therapy works for narcissists as personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. the primary step to getting assistance is to admit a drag exists – the narcissist will never believe they need or are a drag.

No Contact is that the only option.

Trust in yourself and your network. Because once you get to the opposite side and stick with No Contact, you'll be amazed by all the amazing belongings you can accomplish.