#tumblr is breaking every time i try to upload this video but i don't care. i stand by my stupid video i made.

[th1rt33n]

flashback to a few months ago where college broke me so bad i suddenly became a huge zenos fan and was also playing arr for the 3rd time for some reason so i made this instead of working

[bloody-peach]

Let's talk...

Hey guys. I wanted to talk a bit. It's nothing bad, just stuff I wanted to say to all of you.

What I want to say to all who follow me, interact with me, and enjoy my work, is thank you.

Thank you for liking my writing, giving me compliments on said work, and following me.

In my life outside of tumblr, I don't have a lot of friends and due to my situation at home, I don't have a car and I'm trying to find myself a new home where its safe for me to live (house is breaking apart, mold, leaking roof, etc). All the friends I have are either online and live far away, or live near me and I have no way to visit them.

Due to my lack of a vehicle, I spend 95% of my time in the house I'm in right now (my mom's house). I live alone due to my mom living at my grandma's to take care of her. I'm alone for most of that time, save for when my mom pops in from time to time and the house cleaner my mom hired each Friday.

The only time I have any interaction with others is when I'm shopping in a store, or when I'm at the doctor's.

There's a video on YouTube, it's a PV for Kagamine Rin's 'Kokoro -Lambda Organ-' and it's about a chemist who was isolated in her lab because of an illness and she lost her brother and wished he was there, so she created a new being to be there with her, but she died before it could wake up.

My point is, there was a part of the video where the chemist was watching a TV where people were walking down a city street sidewalk and when they zoom in on the chemist's face, the look on their face was heartbreaking. When I saw that, I legit cried.

Because I realized that I was that chemist.

On a mildly lighter note, what I do with my time to deal with the loneliness is make knit crafts, making music, playing games, collecting and watching old VHS tapes, and writing. But what I mostly do is go into my mind and let my imagination roll, like running future writing projects in my head like it's a movie.

Sometimes I write them down here or on AO3. And seeing how many of you people love my work means the world to me. It shows to me that my work means something to people and it makes so many people happy.

So, thank you. Thank you to all of you. I love each and every one of you (platonically, of course!). I plan to keep making stuff and I'm not gonna stop. I may take a while to upload, but I will not stop. So I hope you look forward to and enjoy what comes next. Bye!

Appreciation taglist: @neonvehk @omniuravity @fatgumsurpremacy-remastered @itwasnot-a-phasemom @moodyvoid

[adamnagaitisnews]

Okay, it's like i have to break my promise not to write publicly, i hate it. but this one, i really want everyone to see it. first of all, i want @carolsfeelgoodstuff to read it bc she won't leave me alone and won't contact me personally.

We'll talk the concepts of YouTube and self-sufficiency.

1)YouTube.

YouTube is the world biggest platform for videos, it allows to upload the largest and the best quality videos possible. Also, YouTube is the first place anyone would go searching. I cut my vids to pieces to be able to upload every second available without violating the copyright of the original owner. Sometimes my vids get blocked, sometimes the rightholders unblock them, it's a very complicated system, and we're not talking about it today. but i always try to make everything stay on the channel the longest time possible. Why? It's done for the fans who may come not today, not even tomorrow. A year, 5 years, 10 years, whatever. It's an archive of everything in one place available for everyone from everywhere in the world. That's it. That's why i care about quality so much. Everything is categorized by folders (for the times when he is super famous ehehe) for quick search.

So, it's YouTube.

Now your favourite part. The word 'EXCLUSIVE' (my ass ™). That's where we come to the concept of

2) Self-sufficiency.

When i first started it, i was different, let's say so. I thought im gonna do something and people will love me (i know, ridiculous, ive grown up since then). It was not about archive, it was about me wishing to be included. Long story short, it failed. (i strongly believe everyone knows this story of me attacking people out of the blue like a rabid dog. Am i proud of it? No. But what's done is done.)

I had two ways. To stop doing what i was doing or to go on alone. I chose the latter :). This channel was the first thing in my life i didn't abandon after 5 minutes. I enjoyed every second of it. Editing, making covers, avoiding blocking and deciding what im gonna do next. Adam turned out a perfect muse for me. I never get tired of his face and he always inspires me to try something new. Months later, I understood that i didn't need to be included anymore, it was so enjoyable that i knew even if everyone unfollows me today, im gonna start from scratch tomorrow just because i love it. Even when it sux.

I stopped asking people here and on twitter to subscribe (i do ask on yt but it's a common practice). I became self-sufficient.

Wow! You ve read up to this! EXCLUSIVE (my ass ™).

When i discovered Branwell's vids, i was sooo excited (my ass ™), i posted an extract on twitter immediately but no one seemed interested. I won't describe the circles of hell i went through to upload it to yt in THREE, CARL, pieces to make it available all over the world. And i still wanted everyone here and on twitter to see it. The word EXCLUSIVE (my ass ™) seemed to fit the best to draw attention, bc i was absolutely sure no one saw it before. Then @wifeofbath asked me where i got it, but i was still pissed (not proud), and never responded. As simple as that.

You gonna ask me why i said no to you. Speaking both Louvel and Hamlet, when i do something i find especially appealing, i feel an urge to make a post here and on twitter. Even if no one likes it. it's a ✔️ for me. Like mission completed or something.

Speaking Hamlet in particular, first, because i wanted to gif this one myself. Hamlet is a really big deaI for me. Second, i was dumb and it took me longer than expected to find it (on rutracker, my ass!). Third, im so so so sorry to say it aloud, and please don't take it personally and for fuck's sake dont stop giffing, but like i said, i have nothing to lose. Im a rabid dog :). i stopped visiting tumblr as often as i used to because i couldn't find other people's posts through the mass of your gifs. I got irritated and just left quietly and went into post'n'go mode. Tbh i was embarrassed when you wrote me here through the question form. Also, later i found you annoying, and im sorry for that.

So these were all cases when anyone asked me for a source of anything.

Everything i post i found in open sources, it's like a sport for me. First you find it, then you post and then there's this russian roulette moment - will it be blocked or not? Or will i have to cut the shit out of it to make it available all over the world? With those videos, Im concentrated on yt only, i dont aim to upload it anywhere else, bc see pt. 1. I don't own them, i dont care who else posts them and where. Ive learned my lessons and i wanna go on in peace.

Thanks for reading this,

Seems like im finally free now,

If there are any questions, please ask, im gonna answer.

❤️,

Al