#trying to sort hamlet into a hogwarts house but i dont think i have enough info yet ill keep y'all posted

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reading hamlet for the first time (act 3 scene 2)

masterlist

hamlet’s play!! im excited! his plan is dumb but at least it’s a bit original

again i feel like shakespeare is continually @ -ing other... play... people... with how people are talking about plays in this play

“HAMLET: o'erweigh a whole theatre of others. O, there be players that I have seen play, ... that I have thought some of nature's journeymen had made men and not made them well, they imitated humanity so abominably.” hamlet is REALLY roasting these fellows huh

“HAMLET: What ho! Horatio!” (same thing but written in all caps with several exclamation marks)

“HORATIO: Here, sweet lord...” askjdsksk

yes i wrote that out. in cursive.

...i .... i think i just witnessed hamratio become canon

‘Danish march.’ what the fuck is a danish march

“HAMLET: Excellent, i' faith; of the chameleon's dish: I eat the air, promise-crammed: you cannot feed capons so.” my friends/me when i ask them/they ask me if they’ve/i’ve eaten recently

“QUEEN GERTRUDE: Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me. HAMLET: No, good mother.” hamlet must’ve time traveled into the future, gotten surveilance gear, and used it specifically to annoy them by thwarting their plans/obfuscating with such ease

or else, hamlet realized that ther only have one plan (have someone talk to him and spy on them!!!11!!!) and won’t fall for it

plus time travel hadn’t been invented yet

actually linear time is fake especially when time travel is invented. but then hasn’t it technically been invented already?

okay okay back in track

hamlet oh my god him talking with ophelia just

hamlet oh jeez

“HAMLET: Look you, how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died within these two hours. OPHELIA: Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord.” oh dear god that took a sharp turn downhill 

damn that play was... pretty on-the-nose, no?

oh my god it was only an acted SUMMARY this is gonna get better/worse isnt it ajdkjkjk

“OPHELIA: 'Tis brief, my lord. HAMLET: As woman's love.” ouch

OOOOH the now-non-rhyme of sheen/been!!! this is so exciting for me!!! omg im gonna try and read in OP (original pronunciation)

moon and done rhyme!!! I LOVE THIS

FEAR/THERE!! that doesnt occur in my dialect!!!!

“Player Queen: Such love must needs be treason in my breast: In second husband let me be accurst! None wed the second but who kill'd the first.” dAMN

“HAMLET: [Aside] Wormwood, wormwood.” apparently this means ~‘damn, harsh’ (via NFS) and honestly same

“Player Queen: A second time I kill my husband dead, When second husband kisses me in bed.” damn these actors are NOT taking shortcuts!!

speak/break rhymes!!!! how does that work!!! well actually i have a good idea but idk how to ipa vowels yet so just imagine u know what im talking abt

god i wish i had the stress beats. or had been taught/been able to figure out how the fuck iambic pentameter works

my teacher fucking walked up and asked me if i was writing in a journal and jfc fight or flight occured. i told him im writing down my favorite quotes from something im reading. 

prove/love!!!! flies/enemies & fly/enemy!!!! enemy & derivatives must have stress on the last syllable!!!!!! i love this!!!!

god hamlet’s back at it with ophelia and honestly i dont have the words

HAMLETS PLAN IS WORKING WHAT

so i guess you can say.... king claud clawed the king?

btw totally imagining this whole scene hamlet just having this. shit-eating grin, totally enjoying the show, while everyone else is confused, concerned, wary or angry

“HAMLET: Why, let the stricken deer go weep, The hart ungalled play; For some must watch, while some must sleep: So runs the world away.” wait. does weep and sleep actually rhyme here? cool!!!!

shit that rhymes in MY ENGLISH what the fuck is wrong with me

“GUILDENSTERN: The queen, your mother, in most great affliction of spirit, hath sent me to you. HAMLET: You are welcome.” okay this might not be how it is but from how im reading it hamlet said ‘you’re welcome’ like guildenstern was thanking hamlet to give him reason to bask in hamlet’s presence and if so HAMLET JUST FUCKING MURDERED GUILDENSTERN

“ROSENCRANTZ: She desires to speak with you in her closet.”  look i know there’s a language barrier reason for ‘closet’ being used in the way it is but i cant get over it. its like conducting business in a wardrobe. i keep on laughing. its the cocks all over again

“HAMLET: We shall obey, were she ten times our mother. Have you any further trade with us?” oh my gOD he switched to plural pronouns for himself (incomprehensible scribble)

“ROSENCRANTZ: My lord, you once did love me.” oh my god rosencrantz is hamlet’s ex

this scene gets gayer and gayer w/ each subsequent line

oh my god hamlet murdered guildenstern AGAIN with a fucking INSTRUMENT METAPHOR!!!!

“HAMLET: Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel? LORD POLONIUS: By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed. HAMLET: Methinks it is like a weasel. LORD POLONIUS: It is backed like a weasel. HAMLET: Or like a whale? LORD POLONIUS: Very like a whale.” hamlet you crafty, salty-as-fuck bastard, i love you

annnnd scene! dang okay shit’s picking up, i just really hope that the One-Planned Idiots get foiled and confused once more because every time it happens its hilarious 

masterlist