#trying to keep the life you've built while the horrors of your past keep trying to drag you back over and over

[ennas-aesthetic]

Can we just... Talk about this moment right here?

Because - God. Imagine being Edwin in Episode Six. 

Imagine being kissed for the first time and realizing that there are these feelings you have for your best friend that you need to confront, that you've felt this for him for a long while. Imagine the burst of panic, the terror this engenders - because while it was out of the question before, the act of being kissed (and - to your horror - finding yourself wishing it was with him instead) makes you consider for the first time that maybe, just maybe, admitting this to him won't be such a disaster. Maybe you can be honest with him now; nothing would have to change, and the delicate status quo you've built together for the past few decades doesn't have to crumble to dust. Charles is your best mate - you can’t keep lying to him if nothing else. He deserves to know. 

And it's nerve-wracking, and it's petrifying, and you're a ghost but it makes you feel so sick (no, not sick - ghosts aren't supposed to feel sick.) It makes you feel like you want to vibrate out of this plane of existence. You dress nicely to summon the courage needed, to brace yourself for the heart-flaying (you see him look at you, see him take in your new outfit. If he hadn't noticed it would have been so much easier... but he does. His smile is soft and fond, and the hope that blossoms from your chest is terrifying and pathetic). 

Then you think: "Buck up. Do it now." But there's a case that needs to be solved, and now everything's going wrong and everything is awful and suddenly you're clinging to the flimsy roots of an ancient, gnarled tree trying not to be subsumed by a giant mushroom. And you think, after more than a hundred years of pain and suffering, parting with the burden of existence would be a little easier, except you're back where you once started: a frightened schoolboy held down by cruel hands, and you're afraidafraidafraidafraidafraid...

You feel a hand, firm and steady, enclose upon yours.

Your head snaps up, eyes wide, and you see him staring right back at you. He does not say anything - the gag won't allow him to - but you know Charles, could read him in death, in this world and the next. He is scared but resolute, panicked but defiant. His grip on your hand is vise-like, and you choke back an incredulous sob. Because if this shall be the end, the final end, then at least you'll be going down together. There are no cruel hands this time, harsh enough to bruise: just his, fierce and unwavering. You don't have to face oblivion alone anymore. 

And... Oh, god. You're in love with him. You love him more than life, more than death - this you're certain. And for that moment you make yourself believe that maybe...just maybe...

He may be a tiny bit in love with you, too.

[yaut-jaknowit]

Black smith fem reader x gawtin.

Reader recently started up smithing again and made a armor piece for gawtin for the first time after managing to get it her measurements without her noticing, paying attention to every detail so it’s perfect and could only fit gawtin and only her.

A Shield For Your Heart

Pairings: Gawtin (Female Yautja) x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3068

Summary: After a near life ending injury, you've finally gotten back your life. The first thing on your list was to make sure Gawtin knows you are beyond thankful for her. It may have been a year since you've last touched a hammer and fired up the forge, but you are able to settle right back in.

Author Note: This is such a cute idea! I filled this one with as much tooth rotting fluff as possible. Enjoy!

Masterlist

Ao3

Dust collected over the old tools and ironwork you once poured your heart and soul into. Your fingers skimmed over the top of an anvil and sighed at the dust that built up on your skin. It had been so long since you’ve last stepped inside of here. All those months trying to heal from a devastating injury that nearly left you paralyzed from the neck down. It’s a miracle that Gawtin was able to save you from a horrible end.

That moment will forever be melded into your mind like the metal you used to forge. A shudder run down the length of your metal infused spine. A piece of you forever changed. Hours, upon hours under a knife as they reconstructed your spine and melded metal to it to protect it. You can still remember the pain once you woke up afterwards. The fear. The horror.

At first, you couldn’t move. After time, you relearned how to twitch muscles to gain a response. From there, you were able to shakily lift your arms.

This all took a year to come back from. A whole year to learn how to be you again.

All of the skills you’ve obtained from the years of working as a blacksmith felt lost. You were thankful Gawtin hadn’t moved a thing. Everything was left in the same position like the day you lost yourself. Today though, you were ready to take back your life and breath life into metal once more.

And the first thing you were craving to make was for Gawtin. A thank you gift for her saving you. For not abandoning you in hard times. For being there, no matter what.

The front door slid open and closed. A soft sound you knew to listen for. You perked your head up towards the door of the forge for a moment before returning to work. The metal in your tongs was rare and extremely strong. It took a small fortune to retrieve but thanks for Gawtin’s extensive network of knowledge, you were able to hunt it down. All of the money you paid for came out of your own pocket. From the business you used to run as a blacksmith.

Said metal was carefully placed into the blazing fire. The door behind you opened up. Without even turning to greet her, you instantly knew it was Gawtin. Her presence always filled any room she walked into.

“Hey, love,” you greeted your mate without taking your eyes off of the piece. You hoped she wouldn’t walk in here while you were working on this specific piece. She had come home earlier than you expected. You couldn’t just stop either. Once the metal has begun to be heated, you had to keep working at it until the drawing process was done.

Gawtin stepped up behind you but kept a distance that didn’t disturb you and your work. “Little one.” You always loved when she walked you that. Yes, as a human, you are small to everyone and thing on this planet. Many would think it as derogatory but you loved it.

“I am glad to find you in here once more. You have talked about returning,” she remarks about past conversations. All about returning back to blacksmithing. Not only did you miss it, but many others enjoyed your work. Even some Yautja blacksmiths. You would share information from things you learned back on earth and vice versa.

A smile graced your lips behind the respirator covering your nose and mouth. A design of your own with a touch of Yautja to ensure your lungs stay safe. You take a moment to glance over your shoulder as the metal continued to heat. “Me too. I’ve missed it so much.” Your back still twinges every once in a while. Something that can’t be fixed. But you pushed past the pain to make yourself happy. This was your passion.

The blaze of fire reflected into those gorgeous purple orbs of hers. You could get lost in them. Forever. You snapped back into reality with a shake of your head. “Are you cooking tonight?” you asked her and hoped she would leave. The metal needed to be pulled out shortly.

“Of course,” she stated as if your question was stupid. Maybe it was. Ever since your injury, Gawtin waits on you hand and foot. Not as much as before since you had a sit down with her after you’ve healed enough to do things yourself. You appreciated every single second. Every one. But… you needed to be independent more.

“Does three hours work for you?” she questioned back and stepped closer to her. Though the heat of the fire blazed brightly behind you, her warmth overpowered it. Your instinctive reaction is to lean towards her, take in all she could give you.

“That’s perfect for me,” you told her honestly. It will take some time to draw the metal after bending it. Three hours should give you enough time to get to a point where you are able to stop for the night. This would be a multi-day project. Since you want to keep it a secret from her until it was finished. With your aches, who knows when that might be.

Carefully, the giant green alien reached out and cupped your jaw. Gawtin’s moves were soft and slow as she leaned down and nuzzled her forehead to your temple. Your eyes drifted shut as you took in the comforting feeling of her touch against you. A feeling you always craved even if she was touching. Somedays, you just want to crawl under her skin and live there. In the comfort of her presence and safety.

“Okay, I will go make dinner for us.” Gawtin gave you a mock kiss on your forehead before taking her leave. The moment the door closed, you sighed and wiped off the sweat on your forehead. That had been nerve-wracking. You knew Gawtin was suspicious of what you are up too now. From now on, you must be as secretive as possible to make this a surprise.

The question now is: how in the world were you going to do that?

Over the course of the next week, you worked tirelessly over creating the perfect piece for Gawtin. Hopefully, she didn’t know a thing. When you were done for the day, you would take a bath or shower to rid yourself of the smell that stuck to your skin. All in hopes that Gawtin couldn’t figure it out. She, of course, would question if you had worked today or were going to. Yet, you brushed it off. Just using the excuse of your back or not feeling up to it.

Not that either of those were a lie. Striking the metal into shape pulled on your spine with each hit. The pain only reminded you there was a reason you were doing this. To protect Gawtin from the dangers of her own planet. From the things that nearly took you out in the first place.

The callouses you once had on your hands had long disappeared from the lack of use. Starting up the grueling time of rebuilding the callouses through pain and lots of blood. To the point you had to wrap your hands to prevent those scabs from ripping apart and bleeding all over the metal and any tools. The wraps definitely gained Gawtin’s attention. She never verbally mentioned it, but you saw the suspicion floating around in her eyes.

From the pain of your hands to your aching back, the process had slowed down along side that Gawtin’s presence. She had been staying at home more after her latest catch will survive the two of you until the end of week. You were getting antsy, needing to finish this off before Gawtin completely figured it out. The surprise would be ruined then.

Once the front door closed behind Gawtin and Qui-oky, you swiftly rushed towards the forge. There was around four hours before she’d returned. It wasn’t long but enough to give you time to work.

Sweat dripped down your face as you slaved over getting this stupid piece of metal to soften in the heat of your forge. It had a stubborn heat temperature that made it difficult to maintain for long periods of time. That’s why its been taken so long to draw out the metal into the desired shape.

For it to fit Gawtin in the first place, it had to be a large piece. The flattened out metal was held in the pit of a fire while you took a moment to gulped down some water. You looked down at the worn down gauze that was wrapped around your palms. They had been dirtied already by the handle of your tools. You sighed then wiped off the sweat that collected on your brow. Some more water was consumed before you returned back to work.

Two hours passed before you got the desired shape finally drawn out. You pumped an exhausted, shaky arm in the air in victory. The muscles in your arms were crying out from the constant, painful usage. Another thing you lost after the near-death experience.

The piece was placed back in the fire once more. A constant thing that happened every three or so minutes. This type of metal was the worst you’ve ever used. You also had to be careful of any miniature cracks during the drawing process. Or else the whole thing would had to be redone. From the start.

You lugged it over to your anvil once more and began the grueling process of hammering. This time, you were softer with the hits and aimed more to smooth out the previous hits. Before your eyes, the metal became smooth and dent free. You grinned to yourself, proud of your abilities and skills that still resided in you after so long.

Then, the front door shut again. Your head snapped over to the door of your forge. A curse slipping past your lips. Swiftly, you rushed to hide the piece and killed the fire of the forge. With an air of calmness, you stepped into the main area of the dwelling while wiping your hands with a rag.

“Oh, hey love!” you smiled at Gawtin’s return, happy to have her back. “Did you get what you wanted?” Gawtin had gone out to the market to get some items the house needed. That’s why it took so long for her to return. The markets can be crazy. This was far away as well.

Gawtin sets down a bag on the counter then placed her child on his own two feet. Qui’oky squeaked when he saw you. On two stumbling feet, he ran over to you and latched onto your pant leg. You snorted as he buried his face into the fabric of your pants. He loved the smell of the forge but you didn’t let him in there. Plenty of things he could hurt himself on.

“Yes, I also got you those fruits you liked as well.” Your eyes brightened up at her. Those fruits she was talking about were a mix of what a dragon fruit and banana looked like. It has a slight spicy taste to it. The name for it was alien and hard to pronounce so you call it a spiky banana.

Oky was scooped up into your arms before you walked up to Gawtin. You stood up on your tippy toes, head slightly tilted back, and lips pursed for a kiss. The towering, green Yautja easily got the message and bent at the waist. You place your lips against one of her upper mandibles. “Aw, thank you so much, baby. I love those things, weirdly enough.”

She pulls away to put away the groceries she had gotten. “I will be out tomorrow for most of the day. Bziut-ty wants to go hunting. If that’s alright with you.” Blessed by Paya, you were given the golden opportunity to finish.

It took everything within you stop from grinning like a mad man. “Of course, love. Do bring me back a pretty rock or-ooo, maybe a piece of bark!” She finds it weird of what you liked to collect but goes along with it. She just marks it off as you being human.

A snort came from her before she leaned down to nuzzle her brow to yours in a soft, loving gesture. “I can do that for you, little one.”

Perfect.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow you would finally finish up your project.

Hours upon hours. Blood, sweat, tears were put into the piece of metal you were finishing up. A little more polish was added before you held it out, proud of the work you’ve finally completed. You beamed with pride before setting it down on your work bench. There was no way you could easily wrap it up. It was too awkward for that. The next best idea came to you.

The last remnants of the forge had been washed away from your skin when you felt the shift in the air. The front door could be heard closing. Gawtin’s return. Your heart began to pound in your chest. The ultimate gift after she saved you from certain death or paralyzation for the rest of your life. You washed off the soap that still clung to your body before stepping out of the shower.

A towel is wrapped around your waist once you had dried off. You are quick to redress and stepped out into the main area of the house. Instantly, your eyes scanned over Gawtin in concern. No matter how many times she assures you, you are frantic about her getting injured. Not that you don’t just her skills and abilities. You did. But… it was human nature to fret about the person you cared about most.

“Welcome back,” you greeted her with a skip in your step. Gawtin’s purple eyes scanned you up and down. Suspicion growing in them. “How was the hunt?”

“It went well. Bziut-ty was able to get what she wanted. A great skull for her collection. The scales will decorate her house well.” You couldn’t wait to see what she’s taken down. You’ll have to visit her in a few days to see it.

“I’m glad.” You stopped in front of her and looked up at her with an innocent look on your face. “Are you busy? I wanna show you something.” Your hands are clasped behind your back as you rock up and down on the balls of your feet. Gawtin’s head slightly tilted to the side.

“I am not.” A small smile broke across your features. “What is it you wish to show me?” A pout claims your smile.

“Nuh uh. You’ll find out.” You latched onto her arm and began to pull her towards the forge. Something changed in her eyes. Gawtin allows you to pull her along and follows you. You stopped just shy of the door and pointed a finger at her. “Okay, close your eyes now. Please.”

One brow is raised down at you for a moment before Gawtin listens to you. The pulling continued as you lead her into the safety of your forge. The air still warm from the dying heat of the fire. A heat you quiet enjoyed to bask in.

You stopped just shy of your workbench and took one step back. “Okay, open.” With bated breath, you watched as her eyes opened and scanned towards the table. They widened once they found the piece you worked so hard on.

A chest piece.

Nervously, your head bowed down as you looked at the floor. A foot kicking at the hardwood floors. “I… I know you said there’s no need to thank you for saving me from that, that male.” The memories were still hot and fresh in your mind. The way he tried not only to kill you but to rip you into pieces. “But, you’ve done so much for me. You’ve given me a chance to return to what I love most.”

“So… I decided to use my skills to create this for you.” You motioned towards the metal chest piece sitting on the work bench. “A shield for your heart.”

Your bottom lip was trapped between dull teeth, chewing on the soft skin. The giant alien stepped closer and laid a hand gently on the smooth metal. “This is… Moskite. How were you able to get this?” Disbelief filled her voice. She was more than appreciative of the piece but her astonishment of how in the universe you were able to get one of rarest metals.

“Oh, uh,” you trailed off and rubbed at the back of your neck. “Connections. Plus, I had saved up every credit I made since I had no reason to spend it. It was luck, I guess.”

Gawtin turned towards you and cupped your face with both of her hands. With precision after being with her for so long, she tugs you towards her mouth. All of her mandibles widened to allow you space. She shoves her tongue into your mouth and hooked her mandibles around your face.

A deep, throaty growl vibrates from her chest. One hand goes to your throat and wraps around it, easily swallowing up the limb. She pulls away enough to look you in the eye. “You are the best thing to ever walk into my life,” she whispers. “I do not deserve you, little one. You…” It almost sounded like she was about to cry.

And you’ve only seen her cry once.

You surged back up and placed a kiss on her snout, pouring your love and passion into it the best you could. Then, your hands gripped the sides of her face and pulled her even further down. “Don’t you dare say that. You deserve me. You saved me from certain death that day. This is the least I can do for you.”

It’s almost like she was watching the scene unfold right before her all over again. The way he cracked your spin over his knee and attempted to pull your head straight from your body. Your nails dug deeper into her skin.

The two of you held each other for a long, long time. Life had changed. Death had almost been certain. You had Gawtin to thank for the life you will finish.