#tomorrow maybe he'll take it from the fork while I'm holding it.

[wallabywannabe]

Purrcy was very excitedly watching a robin outside the window, as cats do. Then a toddler walked by, followed by an adult and a dog, and he got so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of biodiversity in the outside world that he had to retreat under the couch where only 1 organism exists (a scaredy cat named Purrcy).

[blueeyedheizer]

sound of metal - matt

WARNING: might contain some triggering topics (talks of surgery, hearing loss)

A/N: this movie was so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time I had to write something based on it. (excuse the crappy ending) If you haven't seen sound of metal...go watch it nowww

•••

Matt had been acting strange lately. Wether it was during sound check or while you were performing in front of a crowd, he seemed off and completely out of it everytime you shot a glance his way.

Today wasn't any different and you were starting to grow seriously worried. You and your band were performing in front of your biggest crowd yet; the band was getting more and more recognition and people were quick to spread the word about your small tour. It even got to the point where people would take pictures with you and buy your merch after the show. Quite frankly, everything was going well and it was a dream come true.

But when you looked at Matt, it seemed like he wasn't handling things as well as you did. At first, you thought that it might only be stage fright. You weren't really used to such big venues, and it would've made sense that he feels some kind of discomfort in front of an important audience. Yet he never spoke to any of you about it, and you knew he would've at least told you if that was the case.

So when you looked over your shoulder in the middle of the fourth song and caught sight of him you immediately sensed that once again, something wasn't right. He looked almost terrified, you could tell his breathing was heavy and that it wasn't just because of the drums. You tried to contain your worry and focus on your singing, but you kept a mental note to talk to him after the show. You couldn't just sit there and keep pretending everything was alright when he was clearly hiding something from you.

But before you even had the time to move on from your thoughts Matt suddenly stormed out of the stage, his drumsticks falling to the floor while he pushed a few people on his way out. Your heart pounded hard against your chest as you were hit with a wave of anxiety, then with a small apology to the crowd and a worried glance at your bandmates you followed him.

Within seconds you were bursting through the back doors, running after him.

"Matt! Matthew, what the hell?" you called, running to his side. He was bent down, hands resting on his knees as he panted hard. You placed your hands on his shoulders and he eventually stood up straight before leaning against the fence. "Baby, what's wrong?" you placed your hands on his cheeks, your thumbs stroking his skin as your eyes searched for his.

"I can't hear anything." he admitted, voice cracking.

"What?"

"I can't hear anything."

-

You just picked at your food, not hungry due to how anxious you felt. You could barely register anything else than the sound of your heartbeat, the sounds of muffled talking, plates and glasses clinking from the restaurant being completely drowned out by your nagging thoughts.

"What are we gonna do?" James eventually spoke up.

"I don't know James. I really don't know." you put your fork down and buried your face in your hands, finally letting a few tears slip. You leg was bouncing repeatedly, heart beating a million miles a minute. After taking a deep breath, you grabbed the pen and paper that were in front of you and wrote something down.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" you slid the paper across the table so that Matt could read it. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I didn't want you to worry about it. It's nothing. It'll come back eventually." he said, but you were far from satisfied with his answer. You squeezed your eyes shut.

"What did the doctor say?" once again, you slid the paper across the table.

"There's a surgery. An implant. It's— it's expensive but I'll get it."

"Y/N, there's no way he'll be able to afford it." James whispered. You glanced at him and nodded, knowing damn well you'd never be able to earn so much money in such a short amount of time. You were just a small band, earning a salary worth of such surgery would take an excessive amount of work and time. Noticing the worried look on everyone's face, Matt broke the silence and grabbed your hand.

"Look— we'll play tomorrow and see how it's like. It'll come back. It's fine baby, my hearing's not completely gone. okay? I can do it." Matt said, and you shook your head.

"No."

"We have a tour booked."

"Matt, it's not safe." you tried to reason with him as more tears welled in your eyes.

"We have a tour booked, Y/N, I'll just deal with it, I can do it!"

"No, Matt. We can't." you removed your hand from his hold.

"It'll come back!"

"For God's sakes Matt, it's not safe!" you finally raised your voice, fist colliding with the table as you flopped back against your seat. Your bandmates flinched and some waitresses and customers turned to you, thinking a fight had broke out. You apologized quietly, not even loud enough for any of them to hear before grabbing the pen.

"We're not finishing the tour. You can barely hear a word we're saying. We're not finishing it." you put the pen down and got up, gathering your things before turning to James and Alex. "I'll call the manager and see what we can do."

And with that, you left the dinner without a word.

-

Fortunately, your manager was very understanding of the situation and helped you with everything you needed. He got you in contact with a friend of his who ran a small community in which Matt would be able to attend meetings and learn sign language.

You called the man immediately after finishing the call with your manager, wanting to get this done as soon as possible. You were hit with a wave of relief when he told you he would be more than willing to welcome Matt, as long as he complied with the rules that were imposed there. But getting Matt to understand that this wasn't just a small hearing loss and that he needed help was another story.

"I'm not going, Y/N. God, it— it doesn't even bother me that much! I can still play!" he said and you shook your head, lowering it afterwards. You had never seen him so agitated, and no matter how hard he tried to convince you that he was okay, you could see right through him. His hearing loss was in fact bothering him, he just wouldn't admit it. "Baby I know our songs by heart, we could just—"

"Matt, stop. Just stop." you interrupted him. Tears were beginning to form in your eyes and it was getting harder to hold them back. He scoffed, burying his hands in his hair.

"Matt. Please. Just look at me." you placed your index finger under his chin, forcing him to look at you. "The most important thing right now is to preserve the hearing you have left. Okay?" your hand slid to his cheek, wiping a tear before pecking his lips. "I love you so much, baby. And that's why I'm not leaving you the choice. We're cancelling the tour, and you're going to let these people take care of you." you told him, making sure to speak clearly.

-

-time skip-

Those 6 months spent away from him were hard. The members of the community he was in all lived in one house together with no contact to the outside world - which meant no phones allowed. It was a rule that you had agreed on committing to, but you hadn't anticipated how awfully long these months would actually be. Performing without him was something you couldn't get used to. You had found a new drummer for the time he was gone, but it was different. You were so used to Matt's energy, his way of playing, and the boy was nothing like him. He was really nice and Alex and James seemed to get along well with him, but this band wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Matt, therefore performing his songs without him felt wrong.

You had no idea what the future was going to look like, wether it was regarding the band or your relationship. You had no idea how Matt was doing. For all you knew he could be at his lowest point and you weren't there for him. Or maybe he was having an amazing time, and you couldn't shut off this nagging voice in the back of your head that kept telling you he might've met someone new.

-

You were walking home from work, looking forward to leave this long day behind you and get some well deserved rest. You greeted your dad and was about to make your way to your room, but his voice stopped you in your tracks before you could leave.

"Y'a Matt qui t'attends dans ta chambre." (Matt's waiting for you in your room.)

"Quoi?" (What?)

"Il est arrivé y'a une heure ou deux. Je lui ait dit de rester là en attendant que t'arrives." (He arrived about an hour or two ago. I told him to stay there and wait for you.)

You tried to contain your excitement in front of him, but your heart felt like it was about to burst inside your chest.

"Okay, cool. Merci."

With that, you left the kitchen and made your way upstairs hurriedly, heart beating faster with every step you took.

Finally, you opened the door to your room and your eyes immediately caught Matt's figure. He was sitting on your bed, a book in hands as he waited for you. You stayed at the door for a small instant, grinning warmly as he looked up, allowing you to finally make eye contact.

"Hi. Can you hear me?"

Matt set the book down and nodded, then you walked over to him, standing between his legs. You cupped his face and caressed his cheeks with your thumbs, taking in all of him. His hair was a bit longer than the last time you had seen him.

"I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

You leaned in and pressed your lips together for the first time in five months, your hands sliding to the back of his head as the kiss deepened. You pulled away after a little less than a minute, catching your breath.

"What are you doing here? How— how did you afford it?" you asked a bit awkwardly, referring to his surgery as you noticed the implants on his ear.

"I had to sell my stuff." he shugged. "Guitars, synth, my car. Anything I could find, really." he chuckled sadly, lowering his head. Your face dropped at his words and a small silence settled in the room before he broke it with the smallest voice. "I'm sorry."

"Hey...there's nothing to apologise for." you said, lifting his chin up to peck his lips once again. He shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with you as tears welled up in his eyes. Then he climbed further up the bed silently, his back now resting against the headboard. You followed, situating yourself next to him.

"I ruined everything. The tour, the band, us." Everything."

"You didn't ruin anything. You couldn't control what happened, Matt. You know that." you tried to comfort him, scratching the back of his head with your fingertips. He scoffed a bit at your answer, still avoiding eye-contact.

"I can't get back to drumming, Y/N. I can never go back to how my life was before."

There was a pause before he finally dared to look at you. His eyes were red from holding back tears, cheeks streaked and flushed, the sight causing your face to visibly soften. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead you looked down, fidgeting with the ring on your index finger and the room went silent. You knew things would never be the same, but you still took the news like a bullet. A couple more seconds passed and you took a small breath before climbing onto his lap gently.

A bitter, sad smile curved on your lips as you looked at him, hands cupping both sides of his head, gently rubbing your thumbs and occasionally wiping a few tears from his cheeks while you fought with great difficulty to hold yours in. First you kissed his forehead then you rested yours against it, noses brushing.

"I love you." you whispered, closing your eyes as you felt a tear escape and roll down your cheek. "I love you so much."

You pulled away just a bit and signed "I love you" to him in sign language to emphasise your words. He signed it back to you and you wrapped your arms around him, cradling his head against your chest as you mumbled comforting words, your hands rubbing his back and hair soothingly as you cried silently.