#told her he SOOOOOO appreciates how hard she works. he's so grateful she's showing him how the neighborhood is run.

[notbecauseofvictories]

it's so interesting talking to and around my father, because personality-wise we are extremely similar (so much so that sometimes I'll say things, then my mother will go quiet and respond...you know, you sounded just like your father) but I grew up as a woman, and he grew up as a man, and that does that make an appreciable difference.

[secretchipmunk]

PSA, absolute garbage rant

Literally this is like a 10 minute post just about bull, that I'm frustrated about and I'm tired so it doesn't even make sense but I had to put words onto my frustration.

I live in a like...8×3 ish room. So my bed goes wall to wall on the smaller side and takes up 90% of my room. It's not even a 'room'its essentially a cubby. I share a room with my grandma and they put shelving units between us for some semblance of privacy. My doors will close but hers stay open so my aunt can see when she needs help. Problem with that? I literally havent been able to have a private conversation in my room for...2 years? Had to call a gynecologist to get an IUD? Aunt overheard. (ABSOLUTE TMI) trying to have a intimate moment with Hamish. Basically just cant, I rarely even try unless everyone's asleep or away. (TMI OVER). Crying because I'm overwhelmed, stressed, something happened, people will overhear and ask me about it later. Singing? Aunt tells me to be quiet even though I'm singing quieter than my grandma's westers that she watches almost 24/7. She cant turn her light off cuz of bathroom reasons, so I havent been able to sleep in the dark for the last 2 years other than when I was with Hamish and the week i got to sleep in my parents room when they were gone. Speaking of bathrooms my grandmother uses a kamode cuz she's not really mobile. Which means so goes in our room....for the last 2 years... I frequently have to leave for bits of time or it wakes me up cuz...yeah. I moved into my aunts house being told it was temporary, a month or so at most. Then it became financially hard to move for us...then my aunt lost her job and my mom felt to bad to move cuz she'd loose her house. Then my cousin got into and accident and came go live with us. Then my grandpa passed away so my aunt became her caretaker and my mom felt tripley bad. I cant move out by myself because a 1 bedroom in this area is about 1500-2000 a month. A 2 bed room is like 1500-2500 a month. My best friend I was supposed to move in with got another great offer and she moved in with them. I have 2 other friends that I could move in with but a 3 bedroom is 2500-3000 and they have animals and one of them is frequently in and out of jobs. So it's not feasible for me to move out in this area.

Anyways, my mother won quite a bit of money and she bought a trailer. Which I'm happy for her it was a life goal for her. The problem is, that leaves an open room. I'd already talked to my aunt and she was going to take down her bed frame in there so I could put mine in, and I'd have my parents room. But before my cousin moved out years ago that was his room. And hes currently complaining that his 14×12 room is way to small for him and his stuff and he wants his room back....so my aunt gave it to him even though I already talked to her about it...which I'm still grateful I even will have a room with a closed door I'm just very frustrated...because my aunt wants to 'deep clean that room because of our nasty dogs we had'. Which that pissed me off because literally less than a month ago I had to make a call to put my last dog down because he went into extreme diabetic shock while my parents were on vacation and it was pretty traumatizing for me. And all 3 of my dogs have been put down in the last 2 years... so it was extremely insenstive( which is just my aunt in a nutshell). But that means itll be about 2 weeks till my cousin moves into my parents room and at least another 2 weeks to clean his room/ however long it takes her to decide she wants to do it cuz if it ever involves me they just kinda avoid it. When I used to be in my cousin's right now room. I had about 7×4 room because it was their storage room and they didnt actuall move anything out until they decided they wanted the shelving for their "hobby room" and then 2 weeks later or so my cousin got into an accident and moved into my grandma's room and then my grandpa died and I had to move into my grandma's room to share it with her.

It's literally like 1 am and I'm just so. Fucking. Frustrated. My uncle said I shouldn't even get a room because I'd leave it less than I leave mine already and at least they can look over the wall to see if I'm alive....I literally cant even sleep in light cloths for fear a tiddie will fall out and someone will decide at 5 or 6 am to open my door and look in or look over the wall at me...which has happened....a lot. I just. I wish I had like a go pro of my life to put some of the clips in from my life of my cousin being soooooo pissed off that toothpaste got onto the counter from my dad, or someone moved his bread to get to another bread, or I left one hair in the shower on accident, or his girlfriend broke up with him...again. cuz hes a massive fucking narcissistic prick with intense anger problems. That he literally goes around the house screaming about everything and taking it out on anyone he sees and opening doors to slam them that most days hes home. I'm literally afraid to leave my room. Or have dinner with him cuz I'm afraid to talk cuz he'll tell at me.

I really...just cant wait to move...I have to take a another fall quarter at my college which means I'll have to wait till at least january after i get married to move...assuming Hamish gets a good enough job for me to be able to. But honestly I've been thinking about just living in a car when I get my license. Buying a cheap ass car and living in it cuz...I cant...

I used to have quite a lot of anxiety attacks...like...almost every other night but they relatively went away before I moved here after dating Hamish, maybe once a month every other month I'd have one here. And now they've mostly stopped. But every. Single. One. Of my anxiety attacks I still have, are all caused by my family. Work and school stresses me out but I can handle that shit. It's literally just my family and the constant lack of privacy, thought about my feelings, jibbing me about the way I eat the way I look or the way I talk. Literally I'm pretty sure the only reason I still have body issues is because of them. I'll have an amazing week of loving myself and then my aunt will tell me I look stupid in my super cute crop top, or I look like I'm putting myself out there or I look like I gained weight. My step dad gives me anxiety sometimes too but that's for different reasons. My parents are pretty much exempt when I say "family problems" obviously we have our problems but it's never major or anything, just annoyances.

I gave one of my cousins one of my trumpets cuz he really wants to do band and his mom has 5 kids and cant afford one so I let him use it for now and he gave me a hug and everything, I didnt get a thank you, appreciation or anything. It was indifference to me even being there showing him how to take care of it and start to learn how to make noise with it. She was actually pretty annoyed when I said he'd need slide grease and oil for the keys.

Anyways, this has been my diary post of things I feel bad talking to people about cuz first world problems but they're still vivid feelings to me.

[jo-the-schmo]

Breaking... Ch.4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

A/N: Sorry I’ve been away for a bit everyone! I was in the hospital for a little bit so I couldn’t write ;-; But I’m back now and decided to make an extra long chapter to make up for it! ^-^ I hope you all reall enjoy it, it’s really plot heavy so please give me any feedback that you may have! Have a wonderful day everyone!!!

Word count: 5215

Warnings: A lot of cursing (Like most oit is not needed), allusions of sexual assault, emotions in general, being a bad bitch.

Tags!! @iamnotthrowingawaymyshit @renae-writes @deltablue202 @literally-melonkitty

Breaking Bonds

Dear, uh, journal or diary I guess?

I decided that since I can’t talk about my frustrations in real life, I’m writing them down. Alex does it so I suppose I can to? Life has been odd ever since I came here. Honestly what else would you expect when you’re just dropped off in a world you shouldn’t even be in?  It’s been a few months since I arrived at the Hamilton’s. Eliza gave birth to a little boy last week! William is his name but I’ve taken a liking to calling him Willy. The other boys are doing fine; James, John and lil Alex are a trio of tricksters. Just the other day they messed with all of Eliza’s corsets, taking the strings off and using them to play Revolution. They’re charming, just a bit too rambunctious from time to time. Angie and I have grown rather close despite our age gap, I’m about five years older than her so I suppose it isn’t too bad. Philip is, well, he’s different I suppose is the right way to put it. I’m older than him too by about three years but since we’re the closest in age we get along the best. He’s really interesting, we’ve taken up the habit of debating. I’m honestly surprised he doesn’t question my opinions on anything, you’d think that a person in these years would be more close minded about a woman’s stance on the world. He says the first thing we should do after he graduates is go rally for abolishing slavery and promoting women’s rights. I suppose it isn’t too unbelievable, he is Eliza and Alex’s son after all. He’s still the biggest flirt I’ve ever come across in all my life but that’s just his way of being friendly at this point. Ever since I told him off the first time we met he’s learned to act like that only in moderation. Rachel says that she was hoping for Philip and I to start “Courting”, why she’d hope for that I couldn’t tell you. Philip is a flirt yes, but he does not see me that way, nor should he. One day I won’t be here anymore, it would never work out, I really don’t want to bring him down when the inevitable happens. He deserves better than that, he deserves someone who can devote their life to him. That got a bit more depressing than I meant for it to, time to change topics. Alex is doing better; he was able to get a bit of revenge on Adams. I am not at liberty to say if I was not a part of that endeavor. We spent a long time trying to find just the right words to describe him accurately. Those words including fat, arrogant, anti-charismatic and many others. He stays in his study most of the time, I’m not really sure what he’s doing but he barely comes out of there. Now that he is at the house more, I’ve had the pleasure of hearing about the other members of the cabinet. Many tangents have occurred, speaking of going off into an entirely different point. Eliza has called me “Dear” ever since I arrived, it’s become a bit of a nickname and Alex is literally calling me “Titania”. Ever since he made that connection he’s decided that the name suits me, in fact I only hear my real name when he’s trying to get my attention. Eliza is a wonderful mother, she’s kind, strong, intelligent and Alex is a good match for her. They’re treating me as if I were their own child, I’m eternally grateful for their niceties. They tried to get me to change rooms at one point, saying that I might be more comfortable in one of the guest rooms. I declined the offer, they’ve already done enough for me, the least I can do is work for what they’re giving me, so I’m a maid. It actually isn’t that bad, Rachel makes the work really fun! We chat and joke around, she’s really sweet. Although she can be a bit mysterious, sometimes I catch her reading these letters. Whenever I ask her about them she hides them behind her back and pretends to not know what I’m talking about. I wonder what they say, the mystery continues to grow! Now that I’m thinking about it, I should probably go help her clean the floor, until next time journal, diary, paper thing?

P.S. Quills are hard to use.

             You put the quill down and stretched out your arms before getting up and walking out of your room. You’ve gotten used to walking through the embellished halls by yourself. It’s been almost five months since that guy shot me and I still don’t know what’s going on… I can’t be stuck here forever but what exactly am I supposed to do? The possibility of me just being dead keeps growing by the day and I’m running out of other ideas. It’s either that or I somehow got thrown out of time, how does that even happen? People get shot all the time and I don’t hear any stories about traveling back to colonial New York. What the hell is even happening? I’m not getting any answers and that’s just making me frustrated. I should stop thinking about it for a little bit, it isn’t helping me any right now. Let’s just focus on work. You turned the corner into the main room on the ground floor. This room is where you feel the second most comfortable in the whole house, since it has the large front door, which had to receive a thorough cleaning after your blood almost stained it. In the middle of the room you saw Rachel, sitting on her knees with a bucket, a wet rag in hand, scrubbing the floor. You quickly joined her, grabbing the other rag hanging off the side of the bucket. As you began to scrub the floor Rachel spoke up, her voice almost song like.

“Soooooo?” She cooed.

“So, what?” You questioned.

“You said you went to go write something down, was it for anyone special?” The grin on her face grew immensely.

“Why would it be for someone else?” You asked as your face scrunched up. Rachel sighed in frustration.

“You don’t have to hide it from me Y/N! I won’t tell Mrs. Hamilton that you and Philip are writing to each other!” She inched closer to you, almost like she was ready to hear a secret.

“Why would we write to each other? We’re in the same house.” If I want to talk to him I just have to find him, what’s the point in writing him a letter?

“What do you mean, why? It’s obvious why! It’s hard to get any privacy with everyone in the house constantly, you have to write in order to keep your conversations to yourself.” She explained.

“He’s my friend Rachel, we aren’t talking about anything that I wouldn’t mind someone else hearing.” You rolled your eyes. She really needs to stop bringing this up, I feel like I have this discussion every day.

“You can deny it all you like, but I’m not the only one who sees it!” She teased.

“Yeah, yeah.” You continued to clean the floor, an appreciated silence grew between the two of you. You had moved to clean a few feet away from the front door when you suddenly heard the familiar sound of wheels and the trot of a horse. Alex must be back; I didn’t think the trip to town would be that quick. You scooted away from the door slightly to ensure that the door wouldn’t hit you and that Alex would have enough room to walk past but you heard something odd. There were footsteps going up the steps outside, that wouldn’t be strange normally but it sounded like there was more than one person. The door suddenly swung open, revealing three sets of legs, that was all you could really see when looking straight ahead and on the floor. You lifted your gaze upward to get a better look. Three men stood in the doorway. The man in front was carrying some sort of walking stick, his suit a vibrant magenta, the color seemed a bit distracting for you and his hair was made up of tight-knit curls that caused it stick out in several directions. There was a shorter man standing off beside him, he looked calm and collected or in deep thought depending on whom you were asking, his own clothes were much more of a neutral purple and he seemed to be carrying some kind of satchel, he looked pleasant enough. Next to him was an extremely tall gentleman, he towered over both of the others and yet he felt smaller to you somehow, he was holding a handkerchief up to his mouth. You quickly stood up to introduce yourself the way Rachel showed you, swiftly dusting off your skirt before you bowed your head respectfully.

“Hello gentlemen, welcome to the Hamilton residence. Is there anything that I may assist you with?” You asked politely. Why do they all look so familiar to me? The man wearing magenta cleared his throat, after looking you up in down for a moment.

“Yes actually, there is. You could help me with learning your name, I seem to not have had the pleasure of hearing it.” He held out his hand and you gave him yours, trying to ignore his flirty introduction. Did Philip take notes from this guy or something?

“My name is Y/N, and you are?” You questioned as he pressed his lips to your knuckle. Who are there guys? I’ve never seen them visit before…

“Thomas Jefferson, and the other two with me are Aaron Burr and James Madison.” He spoke with a sly grin as he straightened his posture. Wait…Thomas Jefferson? Like THE Thomas Jefferson? Like wrote the Declaration of Independence Thomas Jefferson? And Madison! Like wrote twenty-nine of the Federalist Papers Madison! You tried to blink away the surprise of meeting two of America’s presidents at the same time. You quickly looked back at Rachel and saw her quickly rushing out of the room. What am I supposed to when two major founding fathers come in unexpected? You turned your attention back to the three men.

“I am so sorry; you must forgive my rudeness. I did not realize who you were, is there anything I can do for you?” You asked, a bit nervous as to what their visit was about. The shorter man, now identified as Aaron Burr spoke up.

“We are here to see Mr. Hamilton; we have important business to discuss with him.” Just as you were about to answer him you heard a voice coming from the large staircase at the end of the room.

“Ah, Mr. Jefferson, I have not seen you as of late. I am sorry to inform you that Father is not in right now, he went to town but he should be back fairly soon.” It was Philip, he hopped off the last step and made quick strides toward your group congregated at the front door. He soon stood beside you, but his eyes were focused on the three men ahead of you, a strained smile etched on his face. Philly, fake smiles don’t look good on you. Your natural smile fits you better. Jefferson kept his gaze fixed on you.

“Thank you Philip but I do not mind waiting, Miss Y/N has been lovely company thus far. Miss Y/N, may I ask for a place to sit until Mr. Hamilton returns?” Jefferson asked. Philip’s eye seemed to slant a bit, they were cold.

“Of course, um, please follow-“ You were interrupted by another voice, this one coming from the other side of the room.

“Thomas, Burr, Madison! How delightful for you all to visit! My husband may be out but if you would follow me to the study we may wait in there.” Eliza stepped forward, Rachel by her side. So that’s what Rachel ran out of the room for. The three men stepped past you, each of them going up to Eliza and shaking her hand. Eliza is the coolest!

“Eliza! It’s wonderful to see you as always!” Aaron said as he shook her hand. Eliza soon led them all down the hall, toward Alex’s study. Philip stayed silent for a moment before stepping in front of you, his eyes remained cold, was he angry?

“Y/N, I need you to make me a promise.” He said simply.

“What kind of promise?”

“Promise me you’ll be careful around Jefferson, he’s not exactly a man to be trusted.” He retorted. What? What is he trying to say?

“Philly, I can handle myself. I’m a grown woman, besides, what do I need to be careful of?” Anger was laced in your voice. I don’t know what he’s trying to say but I don’t think I like it. I’m not a child, I don’t need him to babysit me or something!

“Please just, ugh, you don’t know what he’s like Y/N! Just please watch yourself, I don’t want him to try anything funny.” Philip said, running his fingers through his curls with exasperation. Rachel stepped over to us.

“Um, Y/N, Lady Betsy would like some tea, will you join me in the kitchen?” She said while tugging on your arm. Thank you Rachel! I really need an out here!

“Of course, I would be happy to help. Philip, I’ll see you later.” You walked out of the room with Rachel. Does he not trust me or something? I’m not his responsibility! But was I being too harsh? The two of you left Philip behind and walked into the kitchen. Rachel immediately crossed her arms across her chest, looking extremely annoyed.

“I cannot believe you, you were not being very ladylike to Philip! Did you have to be so childish?” She lectured.

“First of all, I don’t care about being ladylike. Second of all, I was not acting childish. If anything, it was him who was treating me like a child.” You puffed out your cheeks, making you feel like the child she was insinuating you to be. She sighed and pointed at one of the tall cabinets.

“Never mind, please just get the tea box from the cupboard. I’ll make the tea myself.” She spoke with annoyance. You groaned softly to yourself but did as she asked, grabbing the small box from the cupboard and handing it off to Rachel. She prepared the tea as you gathered the tray, cups, saucers and spoons for everyone. You set everything up, Rachel poured the tea and picked up the tray. She walked away with the tray and you followed close behind, staying silent most of the time. As the two of you passed through the main room once more, Philip was nowhere to be seen. He must’ve gone to his room… Was Rachel right about how I was acting? You suddenly heard a carriage outside.

“Y/N, can you attend to that, I must take this tea to Mrs. Hamilton.” Rachel said as she continued toward the hall. You nodded and watched as she disappeared down the hall on her way to the study. It was not long before the front door was opened and a familiar long-haired man came strolling in.

“Titania! You seem troubled, is something the matter?” Alex asked with slight concern. I won’t bother him with this petty problem, he’s got other things to worry about…

“Thanks Alex but no, nothing’s wrong. Actually you have some visitors, Eliza is keeping them company in the study.” You informed him. He raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

“Oh? Is that right? Well, I’ll be on my way then, don’t want to keep my wife waiting now!” He said while walking past you, a skip in his step. I haven’t seen him this happy in a while, hopefully this continues. You followed close behind him. Eliza or Rachel may need me after the leave. The two of you approached the study door, you passed Alex so that you could knock on the door. Rachel opened the door before you could knock however, the tray now empty in her arms.

“Oh! Mr. Hamilton! Back so soon? Welcome home, Mrs. Hamilton, would you like to finish your tea in the parlor?” Man, Rachel can really move a conversation huh?

“Oh yes, we should leave the boys to their work.” Eliza exited the room and Rachel walked alongside her. You were going to follow them back, you really were, but something caught your interest. Alex finally noticed who was in the room, he walked in and closed the door behind him. Walls are paper thin though, you never considered yourself nosey but you had a bad feeling. No one else is around…

“Mr. Vice President, Mr. Madison, Senator Burr… What is this?” Alex sounded suspicious.

“We have the check stubs from separate accounts.” Jefferson stated. What are they talking about?

“Almost a thousand dollars paid in different amounts.” Madison continued. Why does this sound familiar?

“To a Mr. James Reynolds all the way back from 1791.” Burr finished. Wait a second…

“You are uniquely situated by virtue of your position.” Madison voiced.

“Though ‘virtue’ is not a word I’d apply to this situation.” Jefferson really knows how to finish thoughts doesn’t he?

“To seek financial gain, you have strayed from our sacred nation.” Madison too I guess?

“And the evidence suggests you engaged in speculation.” Speculation?

“An immigrant embezzling our government funds!” Not you too Burr… Aren’t you supposed to be his friend?

“I can almost hear the headlines; your career is done.” Madison said simply.

“I hope saved some money for your daughter and sons.”

“You best want to run back where you from.” Fuck you too Jefferson! You heard Alex chuckle.

“You don’t even know what you’re asking me to confess. You know nothing, I don’t have to tell you anything at all…unless…”

“Unless?” Jefferson questioned.

“If I can prove that I never broke the law, do you promise not to tell a soul who you saw?” Alex asked. You heard someone mumble something, you couldn’t quite make out what it was.

“Is that a yes?” Alex asked once again.

“Um, yes?” Madison seemed to say but it sounded more like a question. You didn’t realize how close you were pressed up to the door at this point. Alex, please don’t… You heard a drawer opening, the sound of feet shuffling and papers being sift through, then it was Burr’s voice, he sounded like he was reciting something.

“Dear Sir, I hope this letter finds you in good health and in a prosperous enough position to put wealth in the pockets of people like me down on their luck. You see, that was my wife you decided to-“ Shit! What are you doing Alex?! You swung open the door, the sound of the door hitting the wall sounding eerily familiar.

“Excuse me!” You called out, making the four men stop what they were doing and look over at you.

“Titania? What are you-“ Alex began to ask, an incredulous look on his face.

“Mr. Hamilton! Eliz- er, I mean Mrs. Hamilton requests for your immediate presence!” What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I saying?!

“Titania?” Jefferson asked in a confused tone.

“Mr. Hamilton? Titania, since when do-“ Alex this is not the time for questions!

“It is very urgent sir! There is no time!” You jogged into the room and up to Alex, locking your arm around his and pulling him along. As you passed Burr you grabbed the letter out of his hand.

“Forgive me, I cannot let you read Mr. Hamilton’s documents while he isn’t present! Now come along sir, Lady Betsy needs you right now!” You practically ran out of the room, dragging Alex behind you and leaving the three men to soak in their own questions. Eliza and Rachel are in the parlor, Philip and the children are upstairs in their rooms, where do I even go? You ended up leading Alex to his and Eliza’s room. It’s the closest place where I can talk to him! You pushed him to the room, ran in and slammed the door behind you and pressing your back against it to make sure no one would try to open it. Alex looked at you, utterly dumbfounded.

“Y/N, what in God’s name are you doing? First of all, it is rude to pull someone out of important meeting like that! Second of all, you had no business to be listening in on said meeting, do not even pretend as through you weren’t! And third of all, a lady should not be locking a married ma-“

“Alex none of that matters right now! What the hell were you thinking? You were just about to tell some of the most influential men in the country that you were having an affair! Don’t you even pretend like you weren’t!” You tried not to raise your voice. I really fucking wish I could quiet yell like Eliza can! Alex suddenly turned pale in the face.

“How…How do you know about that? I,I never spoke of it to anyone until now…” Alex looked at you as if he were questioning the entire world. How do I get myself out of this?

“Alex, I know you and I’m no fool. It isn’t hard to connect the dots…” That won’t be enough.

“You saw the letters, didn’t you?” Alex asked, shame filling his eyes. You were taken aback for a moment; did he really just give you an out here?

“Alex, listen to me. I am your friend, you treat me like a daughter and Eliza does the same. I care for both of you, and because of that I need to give you some crucial advice…” Ok Y/N, time to use that History degree you’re working for! Alex looked at you sullenly as you continued.

“Do not, under any circumstances, give them anymore access to those letters, it will not end well. And please Alex, you need to talk to Eliza. I know you’ve been keeping this from her but she is your wife! I know you love her; I don’t know if I’ve ever seen someone love another person more. She deserves to know the truth.” Alex looked conflicted, half of him was saying that you were right and the other was trying to drag him back into secrecy.

“Titania… I don’t know if I can. You heard what they were saying, they are slandering my name with talks of treason! I cannot allow that. And Betsy… she would never look at me the same…” He trailed off, looking even more defeated than he did before. I don’t know if there’s anything else I can do…

“Alex, I know these decisions are hard but… I’m going to have to trust that you make the right one.” You straightened your posture and stepped up to Alexander, making sure he could see the sincerity in your eyes. You placed your hand on his shoulder reassuringly, he looked like a lost puppy. I’m not used to Alex looking this sad, it wasn’t even this bad when he got fired.

“Thank you…Titania. I’ll try to make this right, but I must ask a favor of you. Do not speak of this to Eliza yet, like you said, it’s best that I tell her myself. Just not yet, I promise I’ll tell her soon, I just need to figure out how to tell her…”

“Of course Alex, just please try not to wait too long. I’m here for you if you need any help ok?” He nodded, looking a little a bit better now. You let your grip on the letter soften and gave it back to Alex. Geez, that paper looks a lot more wrinkled than it did before…oops. You both walked out of the room, trying to be as quiet as possible while making your way back to the study. You could hear people still moving around in the room. Jefferson and the others must still be in there. Alex opened the door and took a step inside.

“Forgive me gentlemen, my wife is a bit unwell as of right now. We just received a child last week so she is still quite frail. I’m going to need to ask you to leave, we can continue this conversation at a later date. Titania, would you show our guests out please?”

“Yes, of course, I’ll see to it right away, sir.” You said softly. It’s weird to call him sir. Alex walked away, going in the direction of the parlor. You looked on at the men in the room.

“If you will please follow me, sirs.” You side stepped to allow the others to exit the room, Jefferson was the last to pass by you. He looked down at you and you could see two things written on his face, questions and resolutions. You picked up the pace so that you were in front of them, leading them toward the front door. You opened it up, Aaron walked out silently. Madison bowed his head to you and thanked you for your services. Jefferson’s voice rang out.

“Give me but a moment friends, I have some questions for Miss Titania here.” You felt the door you were holding open close and your back hitting it. Your eyes were filled with the color magenta; he was very close. Magenta is turning into a really ugly color.

“Alright Y/N or Titania or whatever your real name is. I know what you’re up to.” He whispered into your ear.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You practically spat. If this asshole doesn’t take a step back, we’re going to have some issues.

“You can’t fool me; I know a scandal when I see one. Now listen up, there’s only so many explanations as to what’s going on here.” He stated, you had a very bad feeling about this.

“Oh then please Mr. Jefferson, do enlighten me. What is your explanation?” You were pissed, you were beyond pissed in fact.

“Alexander had an affair, that much is plainly obvious. With Mr. Reynolds wife no less. Eliza was telling me a bit about you, how you showed up out of the blue, how close you and Alexander are…” He trailed off.

“What are you implying?” You gritted your teeth.

“Come on now, a pretty girl like you? Those checks were made out a while ago, no way another affair hasn’t happened in that time frame. You, Miss Y/N, are the second mistress.” Excuse me?! What the fuck?! He kept talking.

“I, myself, have a bit of interest in the working girl as well, so I can’t say that I don’t understand his reasons. Now this can go when one of two ways. Either you say no to my proposition and I ruin Alex’s career with this new found information or you say yes.” He did not just fucking say that to me!

“And what exactly is this ‘proposition’?” You snarled, he heard him give a deep, sinister chuckle. He placed his hand under your chin and pulled your face closer to his.

“As I said, I am quite interested in the working girl, I’m sure it isn’t too hard to figure out. So what do you say?” He asked, a fiendish smile on his face. If this bastard thinks he’s going to manipulate me, he’s got another thing coming!

“No way in he-“ Just as you were pushing his hand away you heard a voice. Why do I keep getting interrupted today?! You heard the voice and footsteps coming from the staircase.

“Mr. Jefferson, I would suggest you step away from Miss Y/N. It would not be good for your reputation to have this get out. Are we clear?” It was Philip, standing in the middle of the room. He looked even angrier than you did. Jefferson gave another chuckle, taking a step back from you.

“Well, it was nice to make your acquaintance, Titania.” He said plainly as he straightened his posture, you stepped out of the way of the door and he was gone in an instant. The door and shut and you were immediately walking up to Philip.

“What the hell was that?” You questioned angrily

“I should be asking you the same thing! Y/N, I told you to be careful around him, that man isn’t someone to be taken lightly!” He was upset, you couldn’t tell if he was upset with you or with something else.

“I was handling it! I could’ve gotten him to leave with-“

“I know you could’ve Y/N! But I’m not sorry! I just don’t want to see you get hurt!” He seemed to shutter at his own words. Philip…

“I, I’m sorry Philly… I didn’t mean to… You were just trying to help and I-“ You were cut off by Philip wrapping his arms around you, gently hugging you.

“Don’t be sorry, just let me say something. We’re friends, you’re my friend and I’m yours. Friends are supposed to rely on each other, so don’t try and handle everything yourself. I know I’d rely on you and I wish you’d do the same for me when it’s helpful. Can you at least promise me that you’ll trust me more?” He asked, pulling away so he could see you. Some friend I’ve been, huh? He just helped you get rid of some annoying asshole and here you are getting mad at him. You heaved a sigh.

“You have a real knack for stopping people in the middle of their sentences… Ok Philly, I promise.” You gave him a small smile and his whole face seemed to light up.

“Thank you! But don’t call me Philly, Angie already does that enough!” You laughed at his comment. He’s always able to calm me down, don’t take Philip’s kindness for granted Y/N…

“Not a chance sunshine boy! I’m going to hold these names over you for the rest of my days!” You laughed, you suddenly felt light headed.

“Whoa, you ok their Y/N? You look pale all of a sudden.” Philip said with concern. What’s going on?

“Yeah, just a lot of commotion happening at once. I think I… I think I need to lay down for a bit…” Your head was throbbing, you’ve felt this pain before, the feeling of being pulled at from different directions. You began to walk off.

“Do you need some help?” Philip asked.

“I’m just going to rest for a bit, can I talk to you later Philip?” He nodded.

“Of course, I’ll be up in my room working if you need me, ok?”

“Thanks Philly…” You made your way down the halls to the living quarters and then into your room. You saw your journal entry still on the small desk and fell down on to your bed. Everything hurt, it was hard to breath, hard to move. I just keep getting more questions to answer don’t I? This was the last thought you had before you drifted off into unconsciousness.

[lonleygirld]

Race Day.

So yesterday was crazy 😂.

Started off with the bestie shaving my undercut, had to look sharp for the day right.

We then met up with cutie and us girls got our nails did. That was my first time I've ever done that and I guess it's therapeutic for some but my favourite part was the weird but really nice hand/forearm massage haha. It's hard for me to pick colours to match an outfit, thankfully the gang helped me.

We then had to go bra shopping for me another first experience for me. I got sized up, which I feel like they didn't get my cup size correct but it's okay. I ended up getting a few things and we headed off to kmart for a quick few things. Cutie went home and we met up with her there.

We had about an hr for all four of us to get ready to be at the races. Cutie was already looking gorgeous by the time we got there.

I don't know how but I have ended up with the most beautiful people in my life. I would not replace these two with anyone ever and I know they will stay in my life no matter where our separate lives take us.

My gang helped me glam up, cutie did my make up and they both helped alter the dress a little. We ran out of time to do my hair how I wanted but it was still done cute enough.

I don't know how to ever show them how grateful I am for them doing this for me and helping me try and get to the girl I want to be. Although I am still far from my goal I have taken so many steps to get to where I am now. Being in a dress made me see a lot in my body I still want to change but my friends and myself believe in me that I'll get there even though they believe I am already beautiful and could do or wear the things that I've always dreamed of. If cutie ended up coming to the after party I'm sure I would have ended the night crying with a beautiful deep and meaningful thank you and conversation. Instead she just got my drunk messages 😂😈😍.

She is so precious 😍.

So we then got to the races and well I was so anxious and out of my comfort zone. The amount of people that were around and being in a dress for the first time! Soooooo overwhelming. But bestie made sure I was okay the entire afternoon, such a great "partner".

We got into the eating and drinking and eventually socialising with so many fucking people. Okay so my company I work for has over 600 employees, the area that was hired out for our Christmas party holds 400ish people. 500ish people RSVP and they only had the allowed amount in tickets. So if you think about the amount of people that replied plus their plus ones. That's a lot of people just from my work at this other event.

So there wasn't really anyone from my team there besides my new and old boss. There was a heap from other teams there and I tried to mingle with them but like I don't really talk to them at work so that was hard. Majority of the day I was just telling my bestie about people I knew about as they walked past. Eventually my old boss came over to my table and I guess that's when things got turned up a notch.

I got introduced to his wife who is beautiful and funny and was great company. She was super excited to meet me because she said my old boss talks very highly of me. Which melted my heart, it was really great to hear that I'm talked of in a good way. Plus he told his wife he thinks I'm cool 😈😂.

I praised them both on both finding such amazing people to spend their life with. Plus they both knew my plus one wasn't really my partner so it was easy to be the true us with them haha.

Cutie left early because she had a concert to go to with her mum. She was pretty adorably tipsy when she left. We also shared our first hug ever 😍. Melt my heart, seriously.

Bestie and I had great laughs and weird moments but got pretty drunk and ended up at the after party with my ex boss and his wife. I was pretty Asian wasted by the time the bestie had to leave cause of work in the morning. But I went on drinking with so many random people. Things got a little weird in the end but funny I guess. Some people were on drugs, others were crazy wasted. Some mad respect was found for people I judged on who they had to be at work and not who they really are out side of work. Stories were shared and random flirting was made.

Pretty sure a poor lesbian chick was pushed into an uneasy situation with some people that I were with. Nothing harsh or rude or anything she couldn't walk away from, just drunk kink stuff 😂. I made out with a milf till she introduced me to her husband 😈😂👎. Not against just wasn't up for it if ya get me haha.

Upon leaving a married man sat next to just me while waiting for my Uber. Insisted that it was my fault he turned around to sit with me and not go home to his wife and 2 year old daughter. Thanked me for "having my boobs out". They were tastefully in their place behind my dress. Kept getting to leave but coming back to me and insisting I go with him, to which I kept telling him to go home to his fucking daughter. One sentence was "go the fuck home man, go and tuck your daughter in, kiss her head goodnight and go to sleep". He asked me to say it again and than said now I've done it and now he really can't go home cause some how that made him want me. Ugh anyways enough on that loser.

I got home after having a great conversation with my Uber driver about that loser and how he courted a girl for 2 years and moved to where she was just on a chance they would cross paths one day and on that day told her about how he really moved there in hopes of finding and forming a connection with her and now is engaged and due to be married next year..... My fricken heart man 😍😍.

To which I woke up at 3am on the cold timber floor of besties office room in my dress with my shoes off, missing one earing and the top of my lip stud missing 😂😂👊. I then crawling onto their couch. Woke and remembered waking up in the office and told his partner about it to which.... They both freaked out at 1am and 6am that I didn't make it home but was asleep on the floor ahaha fuck I'm messy. But such a great laugh, if my bestie found me in the morning curled up on that floor I would have died with laughter.

Caught up with cutie today and had a chat about our events of the night. I really wish she didn't have to deal with half the crap she goes through but she is a good person so 💜. Went home chucked everything on the floor to which they still lay as I did nothing but lay in AC all afternoon. Bestie came over after work to drop the rest of my shit off and told him about my night 😂. Now I am off to bed because 5 days of 5am starts await me before seeing my family for Christmas!!

Enjoy some pics that got taken from race day because I couldn't give a fuck about my phone or having it out while socialising as part of training myself to fully appreciate living in the now and not behind a device. 😜

My loves 😍.

Goodnight, I hope your weekend was joyous and filled with smiles and laughter. xx