#to clarify I’m not actually mad just vaguely perturbed

[ghosts-and-glory]

Next person who misgenders Shamura in my comments, inbox or tags gets beat to death.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S2 Ep 21: Hey, It’s a Party, Lets All Get Kidnapped!

Ah, it’s been a while since I’ve worked on these. I’m back from my cross-country travels, I’ve overcome my food poisoning because of said travels, and I did like 2 Inktobers so I’m officially allowed to quit and then never do Inktober again till the end of the month so now that’s over with, lets get back to Yugioh. Thankfully, Joey is here to recap for us what has been going on so far in the show, via a phone call to his sister where he literally started off the episode saying this line.

It is episode 21, Joey has run out of excuses, and the crew has decided that now is the time to finally find their friend who definitely is being tailed by a murderer with psychic powers.

Because no one wants to ever call the cops on this show.

I can see why Yugi and Grandpa might not, since Pharaoh may have done some criminal nonsense before he reformed at the end of S1 (I mean Season Zero isn’t not NOT canon) and I can see why Joey might not because bro mentioned that he had some sort of dealing with the mini-Yakuza or something in Season Zero (I look forward to that). Tristan already thinks he is a cop so I can see why he doesn’t either. But maybe Tea should call the police. She doesn’t work at the must-be-18-to-work-here-so-it’s-probably-a-stripper-joint-after-10-PM burger place anymore, she’d be fine. Probably.

I mean they did illegally invade a country last season and was complicit in the removal of that country’s leader’s right golden eyeball so like...yeah...

But now that Yugi has the company of three people inside of his head and Kaiba alongside him--who is always communicating with Mokuba on his jacket walkie talkie (like he went out of his way to make a jacket that has solely one function because it clearly doesn’t keep him warm without those arms--and the function is to call up his little brother and complain about the people who are two feet away and can hear him complaining about them), but this means Yugi actually has more people in his 2-person party than the other crew of 4 people. Anyway, he’s certainly not lonely.

But first we gotta throw Tea’s phone around and have some comedy hijinks.

(read more under the cut)

Tea x Cell Phone giving me more energy than Tea x Yugi but that’s actually true of every teenager and their intense relationship with their phone. Accurate. Hell, it’s true of me as an adult.

I also love how they throw this phone in our face just to remind us how neither Yugi has called Tea or how Tea could easily call Kaiba AKA the guy in charge who knows where everyone is, since he’s in their High School phone book, but wtv. We gotta first sort out who’s gonna pick up Serenity from the hospital although her bandages aren’t even off yet.

We’ve already clarified how dangerous this whole tourney is, and the fact that during these finals they might be ground zero for when the world might actually stop functioning entirely, maybe don’t throw your blind sister into the mix? Girl has enough problems right now. Maybe keep her in the hospital preemptively. Y’all are probably going to end up there anyway. She can book you a reservation.

I do appreciate the Tristan stance in this shot.

Anyway, sensing that the crew might actually do something, Bakura decides to show up and make some mad insane nonsense again. Ah, our wild card, Bakura, our Charlie Kelly.

Lol What? His big master plan is to feign an injury? (I’m assuming this is fake? But he’s also sweating a whole lot? Maybe they had a fight club behind the scenes that got edited out?) But you know, if you’re gonna try to sell a broken arm then wouldn’t you want to like...wear an sling?

Wtv, we’ve already learned from last season that literally all these people are the very worst boy scouts and would absolutely die in the woods. Apparently they would also absolutely die if they had to administer actual first aid rather than vague card magic. I was kinda thinking that Marik miiiight be a better scout from all his tomb runs, but from the looks of it he’s too busy being as incompetently evil as possible to learn how to tie a simple bandage.

Nice that Bakura waited until the moment Tristan left to start being shady again. I guess that Bakura also remembers that one time that Tristan hulk-punched him so hard - in the shadow realm where mere mortals should not be able to even move - that God-Mode-Bakura passed out for like 45 minutes.

I’m a little confused at how this at all works with Marik’s plan, since it’s really not that hard to abduct Grandpa, but o well, this was the plan they went with. They ARE teens after all, and teens kind of live by the mantra of “I dunno, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” I guess it’s less complicated than making sure he watches a haunted VCR tape.

So off Grandpa goes with Bakura, meaning Gramps is probably going to be a card or some other sort of lifeless husk in a few episodes or so. It was a good run, Gramps.

Honestly, Bakura should just heavily suggest Gramps just go back to work the counter of his Super Gonna Curse You Weasley’s Wizard Wheezly’s, you know, the shop he actually owns. That shop who’s name is canonically “Turtle Game” (good name for a card shop, really gets it across. Great business decision.) And really, it’s been 2 days since he’s stayed open past 9 AM. Does he not pay rent? He seriously might not, we do not know who’s the owner of that house/shop. For all we know it’s Yugi’s Dad who is........somewhere?......

And speaking of missing people, the two most direction-less folks in the universe decided to make this show even longer when they could have easily skipped like 8 episodes if they had just crossed the street. Instead, they’re going to backtrack back to the Shamu exhibit while somehow not overhearing Bakura screaming in his British(?) accent.

Sometimes I’m impressed by all the well placed irony in this show. Here come the two God-characters of the A-team. One has the infinite reaches of technology, the other has the infinite reaches of dark magic. They can do anything except navigate a map and find their friends who are within I assume a 10-block radius.

Now I know, I know, Namu’s an actual name people actually have. Much like Mary Jane. Or AceBluntz420. But forgive me, I am from California.

Also I just went down a rabbit hole of K-pop and the only song I could find that said “tree” enough times was “tree of Sephiroth” which was a pretty good banger but not what I was going for. Again, I’m stymied by my naive, elementary level K-pop education. One day I will be a master of K-pop but I am yet just a newbie with a couple of Black Pink and BTS on my Spotify.

One day I will know enough about Kpop to know which of the songs are about romance and which are about weed but alas, I just like looking at the pretty lights and the pretty colors and the fun dancing like a newborn babe.

But anyway, couldn’t help but notice - THAT’S the name he actually chose for himself, huh?

I mean I looked it up and Namu is also a Buddhism reference in Japanese and that’s probably what the show makers were going for, but safe to say, Marik is clearly not a Buddhist. He is literally in charge of a Pharaoh cult. Well, used to be. It seems like Marik’s just out to destroy his own God. He’d be the hero in really any other anime with motives like that. Hm.

Honestly, if it wasn’t for Marik wanting to vaguely rule the world I’d probably side with him completely, lets be real. Pharaoh is kind of a huge problem. And while I do like Pharaoh now, it took me kind of a while, and if Marik showed up S1 I’d be like “Yes, finally, please kill the already dead insufferable ghost.”

So, Marik decides to become friends with Joey and Tea.

This sure was a lot of work to become friends with Joey and Tea. Did Marik not realize that if they’re also buds with a guy who is possessed by a ghost, they might have low enough standards that he doesn’t need to jump through any hoops?

Marik could have just walked up and said “hey, remember me? From class?” and these two would have been like “yeaaaah” because it’s been so long since they’ve attended that they would have had no idea that he was never enrolled.

Anyways, Pharaoh’s arrived to scream at the top of his lungs about a bomb threat at a theme park.

Bummer that Mako Tsunami finished his act and I guess went back to his home island on the back of another whale he had parked outside the theme park.

Also it says a lot about what this town goes through that Yugi, shouting about how everyone’s going to die, doesn’t seem to perturb a single member of this audience. They’re just like “shaddup, I’m looking at the large dolphin.”

The total amount of time that Marik could handle being friends with Tea and Joey : maybe about 30 seconds.

Which makes you wonder why he even bothered with this charade, but maybe he just wanted to get rid of Bakura because that guys kind of a mess.

And then just when I thought it would never ever actually happen.

It happened.

I don’t recall any era where non flip-phones had little antennae. I think this was kind of before my time. Good. Finally something on this show that I’m too young for.

Jokes on this mook for thinking he could ever crush a Nokia with his shoe. Actually impossible. I’m sure there’s Nokias that have outlived being run over by a Jeep.

Yo my payphones never had digital minute indicators on it. You can even read the numbers on the numpad? And there’s no gum lodged in the coin slot? This is not how I remember payphones.

Yo second thought, maybe those are 33 seconds and not minutes? Eh, what do I know, I’m a millennial, I don’t really remember how those awful things worked. RIP payphones, you were always spooky and the worst. Like honestly if a ghost Pharaoh would live in anything, it would be a payphone. If you ever had to use a payphone with a phone card, then you’d understand that it’s more an unsolvable puzzle than any puzzle pyramid.

And I guess that Mokuba just felt left out, so he decided to leave his brother and just wander off by himself on a rooftop where there’d be no witnesses?

Mokuba, why are you on the roof? How does everyone in Domino have roof access? And is the internet so bad in this town that you must be on a roof to get any signal?

please admire the leg wraps on this guy’s ankles. They’re like high fantasy legwarmers.

*why ever duel with cards when you can freakin fly*

WOW, KIDS SHOW. That sure is dangling a small child off a helicopter!

And like, Mokuba just hangs there for a while--no joke, he’s just hovering in the background of every shot for kicks and I’m just like...how did this kid’s show get made????? The 00′s was a different time.

This past week I’ve been watching my older brother’s 5 kids and so I’ve been watching their TV shows and youknow The Descendants 2 would have been a very different movie with edgy, rogue helicopters in it. Though I will admit Yugioh could do with a couple more dance sequences. (and Yugioh might legit have better fashion than The Descendants 2, why the hell was Cruella DeVil’s son wearing bright red baggy capri shorts to a cotillion ball? Anyway, I’m putting Descendants on my “possibly recap this later” list.)

I get that the intern who was putting this scene together might not have known about the helicopter incident in the shot right before this when they drew in these people just on the street on their cell but mannnnnnn.

I love the implication that this happens so often to children in Domino that no one freakin cares anymore.

Reminder that Kaiba refuses to believe in magic and has no idea wtf is going on. Like he knows there’s some yummy cards he wants--that’s it. He doesn’t think this is the end of the world, he doesn’t think anyone here is magic. He just thinks Yugi is a super weird kid from Spanish class who's voice keeps cracking and that Marik is some sort of weird mafia boss. He was not expecting this tourney to become kidnapping central and I mean no one could have predicted this next part either.

...

So Marik’s plan, lets just walk through it.

These two loose to Kaiba and Yugi, then these two violently pass out, Pharaoh runs over and shakes up the fat one for a little bit, and then Kaiba and Yugi go to a theme park. These two guys intentionally lost and got beat up for no reason?

And then, he sends the same people who have Already Lost back to Yugi and Kaiba, to use a different deck than the one they used the first time?

Why not use this amazing deck they had the entire time the first time? Why are all of Marik’s plans so roundabout?

I mean I guess they had to lure these two to the roof but not really actually--once you beat Yugi in a game then boom the puzzle is yours so you don’t actually have to...whatever, they’re on a roof and and it’s edgy and it’s scenic and it’s gonna get real Jack Baur on us.

oh man this workaround to “but they never actually go splat because they die before they hit the bottom” which is infinitely worse than actually just falling down.

So seeing no other solution, they decide to endanger the lives of hundreds of people and play this exploding rooftop version of Yugioh.

I mean last season we sure did go through a lot of time trying to get Kaiba off a ledge of a tall building and now he’s just...back on that ledge. Well. OK then. These kids and ledges.

Really was a line in the show that Kaiba listed the only two things these guys have done wrong and it’s like--well they used the wrong deck the first time. That was probably actually a really big thing they did wrong. Also they could have kept Pharaoh in an infinite rock-paper-scissors loop but passed up on the opportunity. TBH these guys make a lot of mistakes but we’ve been over this before, Kaiba can only remember 2 things. Weird that this has become canon, but here we are.

I guess Kaiba suddenly remembered he had a grudge.

He forgot for a few episodes, but the grudge is back. He must have written it on the back of his hand “don’t forget you hate Yugi” and then when he went to  scratch an itch was like “OMG I can’t believe it, I forgot again!”

That bean.

Anyway, next week, on Yugioh:

Does Kaiba’s helicopters get into a helicopter fight with Marik’s helicopters and keep Mokuba dangling there the entire time? Does Joey get to throw a couple mooks over his shoulder like that time he took on 18 ruffians in a warehouse or will these ruffians be too ruffian even for Jo? Will Tea, after her hearts been consumed by darkness, and she becomes a nobody or a heartless or whatever, realize that she’s dating a dark wizard this entire time so it literally doesn’t matter?

Anyways, I mentioned K-pop so here you go, a moment of happy handsome boy Zen in this overwhelming world.

[stripesthesupervillain]

The Mad Hatter’s Guide to Happiness: Chapter 4

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Chapter 4.5

Summary: As they get closer to their destination, the two kill time to stave off boredom and Jonathan pushes his luck with what he’s able to do to his car passenger.

We regret to inform you of…

Jonathan was up and about by six, being the early riser he was. As expected, Jervis was still sleeping like a wet log in his bed, his arms wrapped around a small pillow. He wasted no time in heading down to the lobby and grabbing a cup of coffee, a cardinal sin to the Mad Hatter. He took it without sugar or cream, just needing the bitter to wake himself up from his tired state. He also decided to make some tea for Jervis, just so he wouldn’t complain about anything.  

As his roommate slept, he proceeded to start getting things ready, packing things up and taking them to the car. Jervis mumbled things in his sleep, blissfully unaware whilst under the fading effects of the drug. Jonathan, being the doctor he was, quickly noticed the sleep talking. “Somniloquy?” he muttered to himself, vaguely interested. With the state of Jervis’ mental health, parasomnia was to be expected. He took a quick listen to see what he could pick up.

“Oh no need to be sad, Mock Turtle,” Jervis unknowingly mumbled in his sleep. “I know the Duchess is horrifically ugly…” Wonderland, of course. He should have guessed. He might as well wake him up now. He gave the sleeping man a good shake, attempting to rouse him from his slumber. “Jervis, wake up,” he said firmly, but the man in question didn’t wake, just curling up more and muttering a few things to himself. “Tetch, get up,” he ordered again, shaking him once more. No results. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh Hatter,” he said. “Get up or you’ll be late for the tea party.” In an instant, Jervis was sat up in his bed, letting out a soft yawn and rubbing the bleary sleep from his eyes. “March Hare?” he murmured softly. “How long was I out? Is Alice here?”

“You’re not the Hatter, I’m not the March Hare, there is no tea party, and Alice isn’t here,” Jonathan listed off, handing him his tea. “Come on, we have to go.” Jervis gave a quick nod and came to his feet, sipping his tea and grabbing his book. They grabbed their last few things before signing out at the lobby and heading to their car. “I didn’t wake up once during that entire time,” the Englishman noted, getting into the car with him. “My, I even feel like the Dormouse I’m so bleary-eyed.”  

“Well now you’re awake. We should finish this drive by tonight, so I don’t want to make any unnecessary stops, understood?” Crane told him, starting the car. Tetch gave an affirmative nod, sipping his tea. He noticed Jonathan’s coffee in the cupholder, cringing slightly. “I’ll never understand how you stand that drink,” he sighed. “And I see you like it without any sugar or cream.” He took a small sip of his tea, looking forward. “Black, just like your soul.” He received a funny look. “Oh it was a joke, Jonathan. You would think all those times we’ve spent with the Queen of Hearts that you’d learn to take one.”

“Okay okay, here’s a good one,” Jervis read off of his phone. “The more of me there is, the less you see. What am I?”

“Hm… is it fog?” Jonathan guessed, tapping the steering wheel in tune to the song playing softly on the radio. “Oh, quite the good guess, but I’m afraid that’s not it,” Jervis told him. “Though I suppose a fog is applicable. I’ll be sure to leave it as a comment.”

“So if it’s not a fog, it must be darkness,” the doctor concluded, receiving a confirming nod. “That took no effort. It seems that Nygma needs to step up his game if he wants to defeat the Bat.”  

“He tells me this is just for his failed riddles,” the other explained. “The ones the Jaba- ahem, the ones that Batman already solved.” “Is he the only one with a social media presence?” Jonathan asked.

“No, I know Selina Kyle has one specifically for pictures of her cats, Harley has a few social media pages to flaunt this and that, and Harvey Dent used to own one, but he hasn’t used it since his accident, understandably. I believe it’s become a memorial page.”

“Do you have one?”

“Have a what?”

“A social media page?”

“We don’t have social media in Wonderland, Jonathan. What are you, mad?”

“But aren’t we all already mad?”

“Just because I’m mad doesn’t mean I have to do everything that seems mad. That’s like saying just because a bat can fly that it should start using airplanes.”

“But… bats can’t fly planes in the first place.”

“Exactly!”

Jonathan paused, his brow creased as he tried to make sense of that.

“How many times have we heard this song?” Jervis grumbled as he switched stations. “I’d estimate it at about a hundred.”

“I’d say just three times,” Jonathan replied, driving slowly through the small they were passing through. “No no, it’s at the very least fifty. It must be!” the Hatter argued, unable to find something he liked. It was soon decided the radio was better switched off. “So if you don’t want to listen to the radio, then I suppose we should go about doing something else,” Jonathan reasoned. “We’ve done riddles, chess games, and victim guessing games. What now?”

When Jervis was unable to think of anything, Jonathan decided to take his chance at getting a few answers. “So if you don’t have anything, may I ask you a few questions?” The Hatter immediately slumped in his seat, a grimace on his face. “Oh what? You don’t like my questions?” Crane asked, glancing over at him. “Do I fancy them? No. But do I hate them? Also a no,” Jervis replied honestly. “You pry quite a bit, you know. Almost like my mother.”

“Oh good, we can start there,” Jonathan offered, watching him sigh. “Alright alright, caterpillar, I’ll play your games and answer your dire questions. Ask away.”

“Now, let’s start with your home life. What was it like? Would you say it was pleasant?” the psychiatrist asked, looking over at his patient every so often as he drove down the road. “Fine for what it was,” Jervis shrugged. “A mother, a father, and a fair sister.” Jonathan gave a slow nod. “Good. Now tell me about them. About England.”  

So, with reluctance, Jervis launched into a brief synopsis of his time in England. From what he claimed, he had a fairly decent education and even finished top of his class. There were no bullies or tragic events or parents who left him; it just seemed like a normal life. He got an occupation in neurotechnology, was offered a job from Wayne Enterprises, and that was how he came to America. The rest was practically history. But there were a few things missing. With Jervis’ obsession with Alice in Wonderland, it made little to no sense for it to just come out of the blue like that. If he had never mentioned it, it was doubtful he would ever bring it up without a bit of prodding. So that lead to the next question.

“So tell me about Alice. Your friend, to be exact,” he told him, wanting to know more about Jervis’ childhood companion. Tetch frowned slightly, but nodded and complied. “Like I said, she was a friend. My best friend to be exact. She was honest and kind and didn’t mind me, even if she could be a little crude. I’ve known her up until I had grown a decent amount, and then she left. I’ve been trying to find her since.”

Jonathan felt as though he had a large chunk of the picture that he hadn’t had before. After that, he only asked a few more simple questions.  

“Do you like what you do?”

“Why of course I do.”

“Do you consider yourself to have a high interpersonal IQ?”

“Why yes, I would say that I do.”

“Who would you say are your friends?”

“Oh dear, there’s a long list I have. I’d say everyone I’ve worked with for starters.”

“That’s good enough, thank you. I suppose this will be the last question for now. Why don’t you take your pills?”

Jervis frowned at the inquiry, seemingly not understanding. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Your antipsychotics you’ve been supplied with,” Jonathan clarified. “Why don’t you take them anymore?” To that, Jervis didn’t even need to hesitate. In fact he almost never hesitated to tell how he felt. “Why should I?” he asked. “I’m happy here, aren’t I?”

“Are you saying you weren’t happy before?” Jonathan asked.

He stopped for the first time during their session, having been ready to answer but having lost all the words.

“Is that what happened to your wrists?”

That was what got him. Tetch was frozen, his mouth agape as he attempted to say something in return. Perfect. Jonathan couldn’t help but smile to himself; it was a perturbing kick he got out of these questionings and finding the weak spots of each individual.

“Is that why you decided to tear yourself up?”

Jervis’ jaw clenched shut, working it tightly. It was at this point the doctor realized he might’ve actually pushed things a little bit too far. Usually he never thought of such things, but his mind changed when he stole a glance towards his partner in crime.

Jervis looked angry. Not the kind of frustrated and huffing vexation he had displayed during the “frabjous” disagreement; Jervis looked genuinely angry, an expression he almost rarely saw in the Englishman’s visage. He almost looked seething.

“Touchy subject?” Jonathan hummed in an attempt to tone the now tense atmosphere of the car. “I’m deeply sorry if I offended you.”

Tetch simply looked away, glaring out the car window. “No. No you’re not.” He closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself down. “We’re done with the interrogations.” Well at least he was right about one thing. Jonathan was not one to feel any type of remorse for his actions, so he wasn’t going to stop prying after this little incident; wasn’t trying to make the small man angry, it was just how he was.

“Yes yes, I suppose we’re done for today,” he agreed, but Jervis shook his head in disapproval. “No, we’re done, and that will be that.” He merely nodded his head in agreement, deciding to shut his mouth before he made the situation worse than it already was. He knew his companion would bounce back as always. Attempting to hurt Jervis was like kicking a dog that loved you as hard as you could. Sure, he would be cross with you for a little bit, maybe even avoid you, but forgiveness wouldn’t be too far behind.

Jervis quietly seethed to himself, upset that he had let Jonathan get the best of him and trick him like that. He knew the bastard was cunning and knew his way around the human mind, but he had hoped he would show at least a little refrain. He needed something to calm himself down, deciding to recite one of the poems from his favorite book that was ingrained into his memory.

“Speak roughly to your little boy,

And beat him when he sneezes;

He only does it to annoy,

Because he knows it teases.”

Jonathan frowned to himself. Jervis most definitely was not in a good mood. The poem he recited were always a good way to analyze the feelings he held; darker lyrics were usually reserved for his more perturbed moments, when he felt deeply frustrated or even sadistic. It was so he could calm himself down from particularly bad moments, a method that worked surprisingly well. He tapped his acquaintance on the shoulder lightly to get him to stop the muttering, but he only had his hand smacked away.  

“I speak severely to my little boy,

I beat him when he sneezes;

For he can thoroughly enjoy

The pepper when he pleases!”

The car went silent. The two said nothing to each other before Jervis began reciting the same poem once again, evidently not satisfied with his first time. Jonathan said nothing about it, deciding to just keep driving. It wasn’t long until the mutterings stopped. Neither said a word to each other, figuring it would be best.

So they drove in absolute silence.

“Look Jonathan! There’s you!”

Crane blinked in surprise from the sudden exclamation. He didn’t think Jervis would speak to him for another hour or so, but here it was, not even ten minutes later. He furrowed his brow, looking in the direction the other was pointing out the window.  

In a tall cornfield at the side of the road, towering amongst yellowing stalks of corn was a limp figure, held up by a post with his arms spread out in a crucifix pose. It had a small brim hat on and handfuls of hay could barely be seen sprouting out from its plaid shirt from the far distance.

“Is that…”

“It’s a scarecrow!” Jervis chuckled, seemingly having sprung back from his earlier angered state. The poems were a help after all. Jonathan smirked, turning his eyes back to the road. “I’d forgotten that those things actually have a use,” he sighed. “Too bad they’ve become so… nonintimidating. You’d think they’d be scarier out alone in a cornfield than parading around Gotham.”

“Well, to be fair, Jonathan,” Jervis pointed out, “regular scarecrows don’t go around killing people and terrorizing citizens.” Alright, he would give him that one. “True,” Crane admitted, before looking at the time. “It seems that we’re getting there sooner than I’d originally estimated. I assume it’ll only be an hour from now before we get there.”

“Oh how delightful,” Tetch sighed in relief. His voice was soft, with less of that jovial attitude he had originally flaunted around. “I’ve been waiting all this time to see where the dear Hare- ahem, Dr. Crane, has grown up. And perhaps we can get something to dine on, too? We haven’t eaten since the morning of your last unbirthday.”

Jonathan thought it over for a moment. He was rather famished as well, and it would only be several hours until night fell. “Sure,” he agreed. “I think I can find a nice diner around. Though, don’t expect anything fancy. My home town isn’t exactly up to Gotham standards.”

“Gotham has standards?” Jervis asked. Okay, Jonathan almost found that one funny. “You know what I meant,” he replied. “So, we have an hour to spare. What do you want to do until then?” He received a suspicious look, but still Tetch smiled slightly as he laid back, looking around the car.

“White pawn E4.”

Jonathan thought for a moment, silent for a few seconds.

“Black knight F6.”

“Bishop C6.”

“Pawn G5.”