#to be clear wrt to my father the thing is I know he's not safe to be around. I don't expect him to be. I know he hasn't gotten better

[agnesandhilda]

can't tell if my newfound desire to seek reconciliation with every patriarchal authority in my life is a sign I'm healing + maturing or that I'm worse off than ever

[elcorhamletlive]

do you think tony regrets his actions in civil war (and aou with ultron)? based on my watching of endgame it doesn't seem so, although i could just be embittered by his stans being like tONy wAS rIGHT. him giving back the shield seemed kind of hollow with his whole refrain of "i told you time travel would be dANGerOUS" (sorry this is probably obnoxious to read)

I think he does. I think we are clearly shown this in both movies. In Ultron, he regrets his actions so much he leaves the team entirely, and the guilt he feels over Ultron’s destruction carries over to CW, being, imo, one of the reasons he welcomes the Accords with open arms. I know there’s no actual conversation about it, but I think this is a problem in the movie’s script, which, imo, doesn’t handle Tony’s arc very well (the conversation he has with Fury in the barn should have been had with the other Avengers, who never actually learn what motivated Tony to make Ultron in the first place). When we look at Tony’s actions, though, I see clear regret.

Then in Civil War, when he goes to Siberia to help Steve, ignoring Ross’ orders, and then ignores Ross’ phone call to let team Cap escape, that to me shows that, even if he still might think the Accords are a good idea/a necessary evil, he does regret signing them as immediately as he did. I also think he explicitly regrets not listening to Steve about Bucky’s innocence wrt the bombing and the supersoldier threat, and I think this is made clear in his conversation with Sam.

Wrt the fight in Siberia, I don’t think Tony regrets blowing up with Steve, even if that ultimately almost cost them Zemo, because I think he feels very hurt by his actions and feels justified in attacking him for it. I also think the fight in itself should be seen in the context of it being a superhero movie - i.e., both Steve and Tony fight people for a living, so a fight betweem them is not as big of a thing as it would be betweem normal human beings (I say this mainly because I’ve seen the “omg violence!!” argument used against both of them in discourse about this moment, and I always find it a dumb point to raise in an action franchise).

I also think Tony regrets trying to kill Bucky, and is ultimately a little relieved Steve stopped him from actually doing it. This is mostly headcanon, as the Tony x Bucky conflict is never truly addressed or resolved in the MCU, but I think it makes sense because the reason it’s never addressed is because the true conflict was between Tony and Steve. Even if Tony does target Bucky (and he clearly does, I don’t think there’s an argument to be made against that), I think his emotions are highly affected at the moment because of the hurt he feels over Steve. I know the Russos have said they believe Tony would have attempted to kill Bucky regardless of how he heard it, but I think even if this happened, it wouldn’t be with as much determination as it did in Siberia.

This point is getting a little long, but, basically, I think Tony did regret trying to murder Bucky, in the years between CW and IW. Tony is a good person, so I don’t see any reason to think he wouldn’t regret that.

About the time travel comment: I don’t see that as going against the symbolic action of giving back the shield. I think it’s mostly bantering - of course my Stony eyes get in my way, but even without them, I think Tony is clearly nervous in this scene, and something Tony does a lot when he’s nervous is to attempt to rile up people with unrelated comments. I think this is kind of what he tries to do to Steve at a few points in the conversation - not to piss him off or anything, but to place some distance in between them when what he’s actually doing is lowering many, many barriers betweem both of them. 

I would also point out, about this scene, that giving the shield back is really not something Tony needed to do in order to help the team with the time heist - it’s not something anyone asks of him. It’s literally just something he decides to do to reach out and make peace between him and Steve. He could just show up, go straight inside and not take the shield with him at all - based on Steve’s reluctance in accepting it, I think it’s safe to say he wouldn’t have asked for it - but he decides to give it back to Steve anyway, and to contradict his own words at the bunker (”you don’t deserve that shield, my father made that shield” vs “he made it for you”). I think the scene is the opposite of hollow, and it’s more than an olive branch - it’s a proof of trust.

Anyway, I’m SORRY for this huge response, anon, I just wanted to touch in every point you raised and explain my feelings about it. I do my best to avoid the Tony fandom precisely because the discourse that prevails in this space is so distant from my vision of Tony that, if I engage with it, I end up becoming embittered towards him too, which is not something I want. I think this subfandom has a highly distorted view of Tony and of the MCU canon as a whole, and staying away from it is the best policy - for me, at least.